Chapter Text
Do you know the phrase ‘hit by a ton of bricks’? It means you discover something that completely alters everything you’ve known your entire life. It's when you find out something so profoundly shocking that it changes everything about you. It’s a harsh realization, a heavy, overwhelming impact, a sudden hard truth hitting you right where it hurts, and when Buck finds out about the ton of bricks that has been hiding behind his mother’s back for twelve years, it’s in the worst way possible.
Ever since he could remember, his father has always hated him. He doesn’t know why, he hasn’t done anything wrong, and yet, every time his father gets mad, Evan’s the one to blame, and his mom just watches. He’s seen her occasionally flinch when a slap hits across Evan’s face, his cheek vibrating from the pain, but other than that, she does nothing. After this last beating, after something Evan can’t remember what it was for this time, his mom runs into the same routine she has since his dad started swinging. When she comes into Evan’s room, though, he’s already wiping the blood from his cut lip with a washcloth. “Here, let me help you.” His mom comes over, sits on the bed, and takes the washcloth from Evan’s hand despite his glare.
“I don’t want your help.” He whispers to her, but doesn’t move away as she holds his chin gently and wipes at the cut on his cheek. He hates that this is a normal thing between them. Most families have dinners on Sundays, game nights on Saturdays, and his mom cleans up his wounds. It’s their normal, and Evan hates it.
“I know you don’t, but we need to talk.” He watches his mother get up and shut the door to Evan’s bedroom.
“I don’t want to talk. You just let him hurt me, and then you come in to clean up my cuts like it’s a normal thing. It’s not normal, Mom, he hates me, and I don’t know why.” Evan lets the tears stream down his face, but his mother quickly wipes them away with her thumb, setting the washcloth on his bed.
“I know, honey, which is why we need to talk. I’ve kept something from you for quite a while because I thought he would warm up to you, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. So, before you were born, you and your sister had a brother, and he was sick,” His mother starts crying just starting the story. “We hoped that he would be healed, but none of the treatments were working, so we had an idea to have another kid, you, because there was a chance you could help save him.” She took a deep breath, pressing a comforting hand on Evan as he processed her words. He wanted to push her hand away, but she needed the comfort, and he was too busy spiraling to do anything about it.
“But he’s dead, so it didn’t work. Is that why Dad is mad? Because I couldn’t save the son he had? He got stuck with the son he didn’t want?” Evan started to tear up, not fully understanding what his mother was telling him. Could it really be possible for his father to hate him all because he couldn’t save the son he wanted?
“It’s more than that, Evan.” How was she supposed to say this to her son after years of keeping it hidden? She just had to rip off the bandage. “Evan, Phillip isn’t your father. I had an affair with another man, hoping that his DNA could help your brother, but it didn’t work. He’s mad at you because he wasn’t completely on board with the situation, but I did it anyway. I was desperate, and it didn’t pay off. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I think you should spend some time with your father this summer. It’ll be good for you to get away from Phillip. He’ll be better when you get back, and if you want to continue visiting him after this summer, you’re more than welcome to. I won’t keep you away from him anymore.” She shouldn’t have kept him away at all, but she had hope that things could be different.
“What? What are you telling me? Is Maddie not even my sister? Are you even my mother? Did you take me away from him?” Evan’s tears streamed down his bruised face, and he couldn’t handle being in the room anymore. He started moving around his bedroom, grabbing his backpack and slipping on his shoes.
“He doesn’t know you exist, honey, but I’ll talk to him. Maddie and I are still your family, but Phillip is not.” She watched Evan put on his shoes and start walking to his window. “What are you doing, Evan? We need to talk about this?”
Evan pushes the window open, despite it being dark and cold outside. He needs to be anywhere but here right now. “No, we don’t. I need to be anywhere else right now. I’ll make sure Dad–” He chokes on the word after the sickening realization his mother dropped on him. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t see me come back in. I’ll be with Lane. I’ll be back before curfew.” He steps out onto the roof, trying to breathe through everything he’s been through in such a short time.
“Evan, wait,” She sticks her head out the window as her son steps out on the roof. “Don’t worry about going to school tomorrow, I can call you out.”
“No, I don’t want to be home tomorrow. I’d rather be at school.” He leaves without another word to his mom, panicking as he gets down and runs to his bike. He doesn’t know if he really wants to bother his friend, but he needs to talk about it before going to school tomorrow and pretending everything is fine. He gets on his bike, riding down the street with each street light, lighting his path, but he knows the town like the back of his hand. Each road and where it leads, but he only goes to a few places on his bike. He visits the skate park with his friends more often than he’s at home; he visits Lane’s house because his parents are much nicer than Evan’s; and occasionally goes to school when his mom can’t take him, but he rides to one of the only places he feels safe.
His heart is still racing with the new knowledge that knocked him off his axis. He barely gets there before he’s throwing his bike down and calling Lane. It goes to voicemail; he better not be asleep. “Lane, I really need you to answer your phone right now. I–I’m at the skate park, and I’m freaking out. I just found out something drastic, and I really need someone to talk to. Please call me.” Evan wipes at his tears and tries again. “Lane, please answer your phone. You better not be asleep. I need someone to talk to before I break down.” He hangs up his phone, shoving it in his back pocket before finding something to let out his anger.
He starts finding things like rocks, sticks, a brick, anything he can throw around without hurting himself. This news his mom dropped on him tonight has him spiraling. He tried to stop his tears from streaming down his face when he was leaving his mom in his room, but now, he’s just pissed. He found out the whole reason his ‘not father’ hates him is that he’s not even his son, and his real son died. This whole thing could’ve been avoided if his mom told him the truth from the beginning. He could be with a father who loves him rather than one who despises him and hits him. Although maybe his actual father is the same way, maybe he won’t even care that Evan exists. His mom did say he didn’t even know Evan was alive.
Evan was too busy spiraling to realize someone was there until he heard a voice he would recognize in a crowd. “Buck?” He was the only one who called Evan by that name. It was a nickname earned during football tryouts last year. “Didn’t know you were coming out here tonight.” Lane, he must not have heard Evan’s voicemails if he’s asking those questions. “Evan?” He turns around to face his best friend, knowing he doesn’t like seeing Evan hurt, and he’s the only one who knows what his dad does to him. “Evan, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying, and your face…” He reaches his hand out, trembling, but Evan pulls away and starts pacing. “Evan, what’s going on?”
“I tried calling you, and I couldn’t get ahold of you, and I swear to God if you were asleep, I was going to wake your ass up because I really need to talk to somebody about this.” Evan continues to pace between Lane and the skate ramp. “My mom told me something tonight while she was cleaning up my cuts, and I can’t process it. I can’t breathe, I can’t do anything right now, and I don’t know how to function. I started throwing shit around, and my heart is pounding in my chest, and…and…” Lane steps forward, stopping Evan in his tracks and grabbing his shoulders.
“Evan, Evan, Evan, look at me, look at me!” He shakes Evan’s shoulders, trying to pull him out of a panic attack. When Evan finally locks eyes with him, his shallow breath blows in Lane’s face. “I need you to breathe for me, please. I don’t know what’s going on, but we can talk about it after you take a few deep breaths for me. Please, Evan, I need you to do that for me.” It took a few long minutes of calming breaths before Evan could speak again. His best friend had panic attacks since the first time his dad used him as a punching bag. He’s pretty sure Evan was seven the first time it happened, and, as his best friend and the only friend who knew about his complicated relationship with his dad, he learned to calm Evan down when a panic attack came on.
After Evan and Lane sat down on the top of the ramp, taking deep breaths and looking at the stars, Evan worked up the courage to actually talk about what happened. He takes a few more deep breaths and focuses on the stars more than Lane’s reaction. “Tonight, when my mom was cleaning up my cuts, she told me something about me that I don’t want to believe, I don’t want it to be true.” He places a comforting hand on Evan’s shoulder, letting him know he’s here, but he can’t sit to tell this story; he’s too wired with anxiety.
He starts pacing the small area above the ramp as he continues with his story. He wishes it were just that, a story he told around a fire pit, not his real life unfolding before his crystal blue eyes. “So, apparently, I had a brother before I was born, and he was sick. My mom said that there was nothing they could do to help him except have me. I don’t really understand that, nor have I had the time to look that up, but apparently, I couldn’t save him somehow, but that’s not why my dad’s mad at me. I mean, he’s probably mad at me for that as well because I couldn’t save his actual son, but um, I think it’s worse because he’s not even my dad.” Even saying it out loud had him shiver in fear. “Apparently, my mom had an affair that my dad knew about, but didn’t approve of, to up the chances of my brother making it or whatever, and it didn’t work, so he blames me.” Evan’s spiral continued with Lane’s look of concern growing by the minute.
“So, yeah, I have a shitty dad who isn’t even my real dad, and my mom wants me to go spend the summer with my real dad so my shitty dad can ‘calm down’, and I don’t know what to do, Lane. I am freaking out, and I just need to get away from everything and try to distract myself, but I don’t know what to do. Biking here didn’t help. We could try to do some ramps, but I don’t really need to add injuries to my list of things falling apart in my life. I don’t know what do! How am I supposed to go somewhere with a stranger for an entire summer? What if he’s exactly like the dad I already have, and he hurts me more? What if he’s exactly what I need in my life, and he wants nothing to do with me? How am I supposed to live like that, knowing that he exists and yet he’s another person who wants nothing to do with me? I—” Evan is cut off when Lane’s lips press to his, stunning him to silence. It only lasts for a couple of seconds before Evan’s brain short-circuits and pulls away. “Did-did you just kiss me?”
He nods, only a few inches away from Evan. “Yeah, yeah, I did. I thought it would distract you.”
Evan steps back, “Why would you do that? I just told you I had a brother who died that I couldn’t save, my dad isn’t my real dad, and my real dad doesn’t even know I exist, so again, why the hell did you kiss me?”
“You needed to be distracted, and nothing else would’ve helped you, and I just don’t want you to be more hurt than you already are, Evan. It would suck that your real father doesn’t want anything to do with you, but you have to try. He could be everything you need, and he might not ever lay a hand on you. Don’t you want to know what it’s like to have people who love you? I want that for you, Evan. I know how happy you get when you see my mom and my dad. Yeah, they don’t pay me as much attention as they do my brother, but they love me. I want you to experience that, Evan. You can’t let that man hurt you anymore, and if spending a summer with someone you’ve never met before is the way to do it, then you have to.” He hated how hurt his best friend was, not just from the physical injuries he’s sustained, but the mental ones he’s seen in his longest-lasting friendship.
“I don’t know if I should. I’m scared, Lane. I can’t handle shit anymore, and if he’s not a good person, a good father, then what am I supposed to do?” It was starting to become Evan’s biggest concern for good reason. If this man wanted nothing to do with Evan after 12 years of never having that kind of responsibility, it would destroy him. He doesn’t need anyone else in his life, not loving him like he wasn’t sure he really deserved.
“It’s ok to be scared, Evan, but you never know if you don’t try,” Lane quickly changes the subject, wanting Evan to focus on anything else than the problem at hand, smiling shyly at the ground. “And if I’m being honest, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while, but I didn’t want to ruin this amazing friendship we have. My brother has a boyfriend that my mom and dad don’t know about because he’s trying to keep it a secret. It’s the only thing he can really keep private, but I’ve never seen him so happy as when he’s with his boyfriend, and I know you can feel that way about anyone, but I feel happier than I’ve been when I’m with you.” He grabs Evan’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’m not going to force a relationship on you, especially right now, but I’m still going to be here for you through all of this. We are still friends, no matter what you feel for me.”
“Lane,” he says, looking down at their joined hands. “I don’t know what I feel for you, but,” Evan shrugs, unsure what this feeling is and not having enough mental capacity to deal with it right now. “I liked it. With everything going on, though, I need to process what’s happening in my life before I add on a new relationship.” After a few minutes of silence, Evan asks, “Can I-I don’t know if I want to go home right now, and I need to go somewhere. Can I stay the night at your house?” Evan looked down at their joined hands once again, tears dripping down his cheeks.
Lane doesn’t waste a second, pulling Evan into a hug. He’s beating himself up for not doing it sooner when he saw his friend with tears, cuts, and bruises on his face. He rubs Evan’s back up and down, doing everything he can to comfort him. “It’s fine, Evan, you know my parents love you. They won’t mind if you stay with me tonight, but we’ll have to leave early in the morning if you don’t want them to see your cuts and bruises.” When he pulls away from Evan slightly, he wipes his thumb over his cuts. “I hate seeing you hurt, and I’ll do everything I can to help you, even if that includes opening my home to you.” They stay close together until Evan eventually follows Lane back to his house for the night. He immediately crashes onto his bed while Lane is getting ready in the bathroom. “Are you ok with me sleeping in the same bed as you, or do you want me to sleep on the floor?” He asks as Lane steps out.
“This is your bed, Lane. I don’t care if we sleep in the same bed. I told you I didn’t mind the kiss, I’m just not ready for it to be more right now.” He grabs Lane’s hand when he gets closer to the bed, pulling him close to Evan’s body. “Just stay with me. I don’t want to be alone.” Tonight has been a horrible turn of events, but he has someone like Lane to have his back when things get too hard to handle, and if he wraps his arms around Lane’s waist as he tries to sleep through the night, then that’s no one’s business but the two boys sharing the full-size bed.