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Xena sat with her back to the wall, legs stretched along the narrow bed, twirling the dagger in her hand. She’d enjoyed the satisfying thunk of it sinking into the wooden beam opposite; but she’d tired of the game, and decided it probably wasn’t the best form to throw blades at bits of her mother’s home. Not that it had stopped her when she last lived here; countless grooves and marks on the wall were the result of her teenage target practice. She curled her hand tight around the hilt of the dagger, lost in thought.
So much so that she jumped when the door creaked open. Her first instinct was to sheath the dagger, thinking it was her mother; but she relaxed when a blond head appeared, choppy hair above a cheeky smile. Xena tossed the dagger onto the bedside table.
“There you are!” Gabrielle shut the door behind her and crossed the room eagerly. Xena reached for her hand. “You’re missing the party,” Gabrielle added as she flopped onto the bed. Her cheeks were rosy, her eyes sparkling with happiness - and probably a little too much wine.
“Sorry. It’s so loud in there, I had to take a break.”
Gabrielle made a face. “Your mom is the loudest of them all.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Xena chuckled. She squeezed Gabrielle’s hand. “You enjoying yourself?”
“Yeah.” Gabrielle shook her head, laughing. “It’s sweet of her. Sweet of them all, throwing this party for me.”
“It was Joxer’s idea,” Xena said with a sly smile.
“So I heard! I had assumed it was Lila’s.” Gabrielle shrugged, swinging her feet playfully. “He’s annoying, but he’s got a good heart.”
Xena pursed her lips, saying nothing more. Gabrielle still seemed determined not to notice Joxer’s infatuation. It had to be deliberate - her partner was definitely more intuitive than that.
“I don’t know about this idea that Lila’s into him, though,” Gabrielle mused, frowning.
“Oh? Why not?”
Gabrielle laughed. “Because he’s completely wrong for her, of course!” She threw an incredulous look at Xena, who just raised an eyebrow in response.
“You just said he has a good heart,” she prompted. “And - well, your parents already love him…”
“Don’t,” Gabrielle scolded softly. She ran a finger over Xena’s arm. “He’s just…I don’t know. Still a bit of an idiot. He doesn’t seem interested in her. And besides, he’s way too old for her.”
Xena’s eyebrows disappeared into her fringe. She held Gabrielle with a steady gaze until she cracked an embarrassed smile.
“What - I - that’s different!”
“How so?!”
“I don’t - c’mon, it’s a bigger gap than us, isn’t it?”
“Not by much.”
“But I don’t think of you as much older than me.”
“Really,” Xena drawled. She tried not to wince as Gabrielle, made clumsy by drink, tried to climb onto her lap; she sat heavily and looped her arms around Xena’s neck.
“Really. Do you?”
Xena widened her eyes innocently. “Occasionally.”
Somehow that earned her a thump on the arm.
“Why, ‘cause you’re so much more mature?” Gabrielle asked witheringly. Her eyes started to smoulder. “Or is it because I have more stamina than you?”
Xena barked a laugh. “Oh, sure you do.”
“Uh huh.” Gabrielle’s lips were tantalisingly close. “I know exactly how to get you on your back - and keep you there,” she taunted in a whisper. Her breath was sweet with wine. Xena ducked out of her path and landed a kiss on her neck, sucking a little for good measure; Gabrielle let out a yelp before placing her hands on either side of Xena’s face and kissing her, hard and unyielding, setting Xena’s heart pounding. A pleasant heat unfurled in her belly, licking lazily around her spine.
“Speaking of,” Gabrielle murmured as she pulled back a little. She looked from side to side with dismay. “This bed is entirely too small.”
“Yup. And Mom’s room is right there.” Xena tapped the wall.
“What was Cyrene thinking?”
Xena smiled. “She was trying to keep me away from - Ravenica.” Xena said the name quietly, without disgust. They both sobered for a moment at the mention of the dead bounty hunter who had thrown a shadow over Gabrielle’s birthday celebration.
“Well,” Gabrielle said eventually, sitting back on her heels. “This won’t do. You’d better go ask your mother for a bigger room.”
“Me?” Xena cocked her head. “It’s your birthday.”
“Yeah, and she’s your mother.”
“So you keep reminding me. Why can’t you go ask?”
Gabrielle stumbled over her words for a moment, a flush creeping up her cheeks. “Well - ‘cause she’ll know why I’m asking!”
Xena grinned. “Yes, she will.”
Gabrielle’s eyes widened as she pulled out the pout that always worked on Xena. Xena sighed.
“Look. Mom is a grown woman who runs a tavern. Get her to swap us with someone who isn’t going to get lucky tonight - which is probably everyone else here - and she won’t ask any questions.”
“It’s embarrassing!” Gabrielle was rubbing her arms, ruffled.
“You’d think it would be worse for me,” Xena said under her breath. She looked askance at her partner. “Though, it can’t be as bad as that first time. Remember?”
Gabrielle’s eyes bulged as she clamped a hand to her mouth. “Oh Gods,” she giggled. “I’d blocked it out.”
Xena’s grin turned almost feral.
Dissolve to flashback....
Cyrene's tavern, some time in season 2
Cyrene was unhooking cloths from the drying rack over the fireplace. Morning sun was streaming in, highlighting the dust that somehow settled on every surface overnight; her work with the broom and the cleaning rags was never done. At least she’d have some extra hands today.
As if on cue, Xena ducked through the door from the bedrooms, smiling broadly.
“Morning, Mom.”
Cyrene gave her a long look. She was different on this visit, her wayward daughter. She wasn’t just holding her head high again, with no sign of the hunted look that had always lingered about her eyes; she was almost swaggering, bouncing on her feet. Her smile was clear and genuine, her face bright. A little too bright, perhaps. Hair a little askew. Cyrene licked her lips, drawing on her inner strength for what she knew was going to be a hard conversation.
“Good morning, my daughter,” she said in a calm voice. She folded the cloth in her hand and set it to one side. “You slept well, I hope?”
“Very well,” Xena confirmed, grinning. Cyrene held her gaze. She was drinking it in, this uncommon sight; her daughter, happy, at ease.
In love.
Her stomach clenched. With a tight smile, she gestured to the door.
“Will you walk with me a moment?”
Xena’s smile dropped a fraction, the wariness returning to her eyes as if it had never left. “Okay. Sure.”
The air outside was cool and sweet, autumn well on its way. Birds trilled around the edges of the town square. They walked in silence for a few paces, nodding at the townsfolk they passed. Cyrene smiled up at Xena before she began, willing her to listen without defence.
“You seem happy,” she said. Her heart almost broke at how Xena immediately tensed, a guilty hunch to her shoulders, a furtive glance to the far corners of the square. Cyrene couldn’t help but reach for her, taking a hand and pressing it between both of her own. “And that’s wonderful to see,” she added. She looked up into her daughter’s puzzled face. “But I have to ask. Are you…are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
Xena blinked, taking a minute step back. “What do you mean?”
Cyrene took in a deep, steadying breath. “She’s a beautiful girl. But she’s a lot younger than you, and -” she started softly. Xena instantly pulled her hand away, turning with a muttered curse. “And she’s been such a good friend to you. I’d hate to see anything -”
“Hate to see what? Me hurt her, is that it? Is it inevitable, in your eyes?”
“No. No, of course not.” Cyrene twisted her hands together. “Xena!”
Xena had already started to stalk back in the direction of the tavern. Cyrene scurried to catch up with her.
“Xena, please. Just listen. I’m not judging you.”
“Sounds that way to me.”
“I’m only concerned -” she grasped Xena’s arm and turned her back around. Her daughter’s face was a storm cloud. “I’m only concerned that this could put a great friendship at risk.”
“Why is it at risk if we make it more a friendship?”
Cyrene looked plainly at her. “Do you remember the first time you were in love?”
Xena’s eyes flickered impatiently away, but not before Cyrene saw the flash of pain across them. She couldn’t know of her daughter’s past loves, not since she’d left any teenage crushes behind in the wreckage of her life in Amphipolis all those years ago; but she knew how deeply Xena felt. She knew Gabrielle wasn’t the first.
“It can be such an exciting, intense time. And for someone as young and, well, presumably inexperienced as Gabrielle -”
“You think I’m too old and - and broken for her, is that it?”
“You’re not broken. You’re trying to change, trying to heal the past - and she is a pillar of strength for you. And if you two have deepened your relationship in ways that - that honour how important it is, then -”
Xena threw up her hands. “Why would you assume we hadn’t? What - do you think I just roughed her up one day and she liked it?”
“Xena,” Cyrene scolded, shaking her head.
“I don’t want to know what you heard last night that prompted this, but we are not just a couple of punch-drunk teenagers going at it in the hay barn,” Xena growled. “We’re adults, and yes, for your information, we talked about it. A lot. About what it meant, how it would change things, how risky it could be. And we decided it was worth it.” With that she turned again, marching back to the tavern. She turned the corner towards the back door, and Cyrene gathered her skirts and ran to catch up before she entered.
“Xena, I’m sorry. Forgive me. I only wanted to be sure you weren’t -” she sighed at the stony look she received. “That you weren’t about to get your heart broken.”
Xena stood with arms folded, taking this in. The ground crunched under her boots as she shifted from one leg to the other.
“You sounded like you thought I would be the one doing the breaking. Of her heart, not mine.”
“When you come down off this high, either of you could make mistakes. It happens. That first rush is so intense - Gabrielle might not be prepared for when it ends.”
Xena’s eyes bore into her. “Gabrielle is not nearly as fragile as you seem to think. She’s the one teaching me how not to fuck this up. How not to run away scared. How to stay. How to feel. How to be someone’s…partner.” Her voice had trailed off, sounding unsure, as if these were still foreign words to her. Cyrene’s heart melted. She lay a hand on Xena’s arm which, this time, was allowed to stay.
“Do you love her?”
Xena didn’t respond at first, fixing her eyes on a distant point above Cyrene’s head. Then she sniffed and nodded.
Not that Cyrene had really needed to ask. Xena was smitten; it was written all over her face.
“I’m so glad to hear that. And I’m so happy for you. She’s…” Cyrene smiled, her chest swelling with pride. “She’s wonderful, Xena.”
“I know.” Her daughter took in a deep breath, uncrossed her arms and rubbed the back of her neck. Her next look was sheepish. “Did, um. Did you hear something?”
Cyrene glanced up into what looked like the face of her fifteen-year-old, bashful and squirming. She leaned in with a sly smile.
“Something like a couple of teenagers going at it in the hay barn, dear,” she echoed, leaving Xena spitting curses at the ground as she pushed through the kitchen door.
*
Later that same morning
“She said what?!”
“I know,” Xena said grimly, as Gabrielle cackled. They sat on a bench behind the tavern, bathing in the warmth of the midday sun.
“I can’t believe that. It must have been excruciating.”
Xena nodded, pressing her lips together. Her mother’s cautionary words were still tumbling through her mind, louder than she wanted them to be. She thought telling the story to Gabrielle might have helped, but all it did was put her back there, simultaneously wishing the ground would swallow her while wanting to yell and scream at her mother for her lack of faith, her lack of belief that they could make this work. It hurt more than she was admitting.
“Why would she even bring it up? If I heard - I don’t know, Lila, having a …a good time, I would never tell her.”
“She wanted to offer some advice,” Xena said in a tone that dripped with bitterness. It made Gabrielle’s head snap up.
“Oh?”
Xena sighed roughly. “She thought…” she faltered, torn between loyalty and anger. “She thought you and I were in danger of breaking each other’s hearts. Guess she figured I’m not…good enough for you.” She found herself pulling at the skin of her arm, dark thoughts starting to swirl.
There was a long silence, and then a warm hand stilled hers. She let Gabrielle intertwine their fingers, waiting for her reasonable, measured response.
“Well, fuck her.”
Xena burst out laughing.
“No, seriously, fuck her! You and I are doing what we want and we don’t need anyone else’s judgment. I don’t care if she’s family.”
“Gabr -”
“This is exactly the kind of shit I would get at home, too. What, is she pissed off because you’re not settling down in Amphipolis with some man? Giving her grandchildren? Is that it?”
“It’s not that.” Xena turned to face her fuming partner, laying a hand on her thigh. “She was reminding me about how the first little while in a romance can be…y’know. A bit of a whirlwind. Like you’re in a bubble and nobody can reach you. And then the bubble bursts, and what you’re left with is…” she pursed her lips.
“Something real?” Gabrielle’s tone was terse. “I’m counting on it. Gods, she actually thinks we’re still teenagers, doesn’t she?”
Xena made a rueful face. “Probably hard for her to stop thinking of me that way. And you, by extension.”
Gabrielle rolled her eyes, muttering a few choice words under her breath. Xena took her chin in her hand.
“Hey. Don’t be too mad at her, please.”
“I am mad at her! So should you be. She had no right to make you doubt us.”
“She didn’t.” Xena smiled, brushing a thumb over her lips. “Not for a single moment.” It was a white lie, but Gabrielle seemed slightly mollified. Unable to resist, Xena leaned in and kissed her pouting lip - and she pounced, kissing hard, pushing her way up until she was in Xena’s lap, straddling her hips. Xena broke off, laughing.
“Hi.”
“I didn’t say stop.” Gabrielle lunged again, kissing with bite and passion. It was thrilling. Gabrielle pulled back to gulp for air, and the sun behind her made her hair flame, her eyes incandescent.
“Y’know, you’re beautiful when you’re angry,” Xena said with a grin, and Gabrielle pressed into her again, tongue sliding into her mouth, pinning her against the tavern wall. Xena moaned into it, one hand sliding down to the small of her back, the other along her thigh and under her skirt. Gabrielle choked, her back arching as Xena ravished her neck with hungry kisses -
- which was, of course, the moment the kitchen door flew open, and they flew apart as Xena’s mother appeared with broom in hand.
“Oh!” Cyrene froze; she turned this way and that, looking anywhere but the dishevelled pair tangled on the bench. “Don’t mind me,” she muttered, tucking the broom in the corner and vanishing, the door slamming behind her.
Back in the present
Gabrielle guffawed with laughter, dropping her face into Xena’s chest. “Oh, poor Cyrene, she was mortified!”
“So were you! I’ve never seen you move so fast,” Xena grinned. “You couldn’t look at her for the rest of the day. So much for all your bravado about how she didn’t get to tell us what to do.”
“It was easy to be cocky about it behind her back,” Gabrielle admitted. She shuffled down to Xena’s side, curling an arm around her waist and leaning her head on her shoulder. Xena ran a hand through Gabrielle’s hair, tugging a little at the short ends. She lingered at the back of her neck, fingers tenderly grazing the bare skin. It really suited her, this haircut. Made her look spunky and sharp, cute but bold.
Gabrielle was gazing up at her, eyes still alight with the memory. “We really did go at it like teenagers, didn’t we?”
Xena chuckled. “Still do, sometimes.”
“Sometimes.” Gabrielle snuggled closer, pressing a soft kiss to Xena’s skin, just below her collarbone. She yawned.
“Maybe not tonight, though?” Xena said with a questioning eyebrow. Gabrielle reached up and pushed her finger to Xena’s lips.
“Shhh. I just need a li’l nap and then I’ll be all over you -” another yawn somewhat ruined her speech, and her eyes closed, lashes fluttering against Xena’s skin. Xena cuddled her close.
“Jus’ you wait,” Gabrielle slurred, but the warmth and comfort had taken her under, helped along by the wine. Shouts of laughter still echoed from the main tavern; Gabrielle’s birthday party continuing unabated despite the absence of the guest of honour. Xena smiled, carefully sliding further down the bed and hooking a blanket over them both. She twisted her head to blow out the candle.
Tiny bed or not, this was exactly where she wanted to be.