Chapter Text
Galinda
Their very first concert. She’d pestered Elphaba for the entire week - as per usual. Why, one day Galinda would end up believing Elphaba didn’t actually want to do things with her! But no. This was Elphaba: Elphaba always wanted to be convinced.
Now her best friend was screaming the lyrics along with her: the group had opened with Message in a bottle, Elphaba’s favorite song, and Galinda couldn’t have been happier: there was nothing getting Elphaba excited like this song. Galinda didn’t even care if they forgot about her favorite song: Elphaba was so happy. Sometimes, she thought there was nothing else that mattered more, when it all came down to it. Galinda liked this expression: if everything came crashing to the ground, if everything came tumbling down, leaving only the essential, out and bright in the open.
Sometimes, she thought Elphaba was her bright essential.
Sometimes, she thought it was better not to think.
When Every Little Thing She Does is Magic came on, they sang the lyrics to each other, screaming at the top of their lungs when they managed not to laugh. They were making such a ruckus, a couple of people turned to look at them. For once, Galinda didn’t care: she felt like a kid again, when they pounced around in her room, blasting songs until they were too breathless to go on. She felt like last summer again.
It was with this song Galinda had first discovered that the formula to Elphaba’s smile, after books, were the songs she loved. Galinda had been so excited to show her the record she’d gotten for her tenth birthday. It was big and shiny, and both of them had been fascinated as she’d placed it on the track. Galinda, of course, had put the volume as high as it could go and had dragged Elphaba along with her as they’d danced.
If she let her eyes lose their focus, Galinda could see her. See little Elphaba, with her short hair and her glasses a size too big, her already crooked smile and her small frown. She took Elphaba’s hands in hers, surprised at how big they were now. Her best friend smiled at her. The one she loved the most in the world smiled at her and Galinda smiled and spun them around.
As she listened to the music, Galinda thought that she would’ve tried to impress anyone else with dance moves. This she liked about Elphaba: she didn’t feel the need to impress her. She used to, when they were still children - when she still thought she could impress Elphaba.
No, with Elphaba, she could- She could circle around her, make hand gestures, jump and laugh. Nobody cared. Nobody cared. She wrapped her arm around Elphaba’s waist as they sang the last notes. She kissed her cheek, because it felt like the right thing to do, and Elphaba beamed at her. Crooked teeth and sparkling eyes.
“I love you!” Galinda shouted above the noise, and Elphaba gave her a smile back, the one that said she loved her too.
Galinda pulled her closer and kissed her forehead as the singer screamed the last words.
<<>>
“It’s your favorite.” Elphaba whispered in her ear.
Galinda looked at her with a smile and Elphaba smiled back as if she knew. Knew what, Galinda didn’t know. Just knew.
She hummed even though she couldn’t be heard and watched as Elphaba put her hands up in the air to let them balance from left to right slowly along with the other spectators.
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace. Galinda watched. How my poor heart aches. Galinda watched. Every move you make, and every vow you break. Galinda watched. Every single day, every word you say, every game you play, every night you stay.
Galinda watched.
<<>>
“Is Every Breath You Take really your favorite?”
“Mhmh,” Galinda nodded, picking a long fry from the cone they’d just bought.
“Really?” Elphaba sounded skeptical.
“Yeah.” Galinda shrugged, picking another fry. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like it’s the most ridiculous take you’ve ever heard.”
“I’m not looking at you like that.”
Galinda gave her a pointed look.
“Yes, you are.”
Elphaba was very, very good at looking at you like you were among the dumbest people she’d ever encountered. There was no need to get offended: that was just who she was.
“It’s just- That’s like, their most famous song.”
“S’ho?” Galinda said around another bite.
“So- Hey! Don’t eat all my fries!” She tried to pull the cone away from her.
“Your fries? These are our fries, Elphaba Thropp.” Proving her point, she went to take another one.
Elphaba let her. Galinda took a handful and shoved them in her mouth, raising her eyebrows at Elphaba who laughed. Briefly, Galinda thought back of the day before - they’d gotten fries with Pfanee and Shenshen after the game, and she’d been careful to pick them one by one. See, it was an art to be cute while eating fries.
“It’s just,” Elphaba said after a while, “That’s such a… Classic.”
“So? It’s a classic for a reason, don’t you think? Besides, you like Message in a bottle. It’s probably even more famous than Every Breath you take.”
Elphaba scoffed.
“Maybe but it’s good.”
“And mine isn’t good?”
Elphaba shrugged, dismissive.
“It’s a love song.”
“So?”
“It’s less… Meaningful.”
“‘Cause it’ch about love?” She’d taken another fry.
Elphaba nodded, looking away. Galinda felt something coil around her ribs, tightening in her stomach, seeing her care so little about a song that meant so much to her. She smiled.
“It has meaning to me,” she said, shrugging in turn.
To that, her friend turned to look at her, interest piqued.
“How so?”
“It’s a beautiful song.”
“Yeah but why?”
Galinda sighed. Elphaba always wanted to go in depth into things. Galinda didn’t like to go in depth. She’d read it somewhere: stare into the abyss, it will stare right back at you.
The memory made her flinch: English class, last year. The teacher had made them read philosophy, and she’d thought she’d understood it. Turns out, Nietzsche didn’t mean at all what she thought he meant. But it had echoed in such a deep part of her that the phrase came back to her nonetheless, Nietzsche’s original meaning casted aside. It made her a little sick - she really never understood things when they got a little serious.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. Tell me.”
Galinda loved how Elphaba always wanted to know the truth. Constantly pushed for it, without fault. Wanted to get to the bottom, to the core of things. It frightened her. Because of the abyss - and because she didn’t want Elphaba to think she was stupid.
“It’s a sad love song. You know how I love sad love songs.”
“Yeah. I always wonder why, actually.”
She shrugged. She took another fry between her fingers and munched on it slowly, staring at the bright sign saying “SHIZ’S THEATER.” At night, the sign would glow, emerald green, a promise from the Emerald City.
“Why do you like sad love songs so much? It’s not like you’ve ever been disappointed in that department.”
Galinda knew that Elphaba knew it when she was toeing with the line. When she was pushing just a little too much with her questions. Galinda also knew Elphaba didn’t know that she would have answered anything coming from her, with enough insistence. How dreadful.
“I identify with them. Isn’t that why you like Message in a Bottle?”
“It is. But why do you identify with Every Breath you Take?”
“I guess I understand how you could end up watching someone from afar. Or- Well, in the song, it’s more, watching someone from up close, always being there. And yet something’s missing. So you watch. ‘Cause it’s the only thing you can do.”
She took a fry. The green light was hurting her eyes a little. She stared at it.
“Have you ever felt like that?”
She heard such a strong disbelief in Elphaba’s voice she turned to watch it on her face. Sure enough, frown in place, glasses going down just a little. She smiled.
“’Course not,” she pushed Elphaba’s glasses back up, and her best friend’s eyes reflexively squinted. “It’s just the sort of thing that makes me emotional. You know the end of the song, oh, what do you call it? The bridge? The bridge always makes me emotional. How he just repeats the same words, over and over again.”
She’d spent hours listening to it.
Elphaba looked at her for a beat, before humming and taking a fry. She ate it slowly, and after a while she spoke.
“It is a beautiful song.”
Galinda giggled, bumping her shoulder with hers.
“See? I knew you could listen to reason.”
Elphaba chuckled.
Galinda loved Elphaba. Oz, she truly did love her. But sometimes, for someone who loved truth so much, she wished Elphaba could have seen through Galinda’s lies.
Elphaba
Elphaba shared too many classes with Pfannee.
For an obscure reason, he was with her in the advanced history classes. She was having a hard time believing in his skills it when he said ass-licker under his breath when Elphaba answered questions. Not her fault nobody seemed to want to participate; not her fault when some of them did participate it was merely to say the dumbest things.
Pfannee never participated. Last year, Elphaba had wondered how on earth he’d made it in this class until Dr Dillamond had given them back their final paper of the year: he’d gotten the second-best grade of the class.
Pfannee’s comments were fine, she guessed. But when he was with Shenshen, it was downright annoying. The two of them simply loved to comment on her relationship with Fiyero, for example. Apparently, the concept of a boy and a girl being friends was too complicated for their remarkably small brain. She would walk down the hallway with him and Pfannee and Shenshen would giggle like ridiculous children. Each. And. Every. Single. Time.
Galinda seemed oblivious to it. Granted, they never did it when Galinda was around- maybe she didn’t know, and Elphaba would not tell her. It was not that big of a deal, anyway: they were just remarkably stupid. But then, Galinda was always around people Elphaba didn’t really… Like. There were those two, of course, but there was also Chuffrey. You would’ve thought they’d broken up by now! But no, there he was, still. He was just… Empty headed. Elphaba had tried, mind you, she had tried to understand what Galinda could possibly see in him. But really, she couldn’t. His two main activities seemed to be the following: talking obnoxiously loudly in the hallways; play with a ball in said hallways with equally obnoxiously loud friends. Elphaba thought he was like a little boy.
It was strange, because Galinda wasn’t like that: she was still that same girl, smart and kindhearted. Wasn’t she? Sometimes, it seemed she turned into a different person sometime between stepping out of their shared room and into Shiz’s main building. Elphaba could see she liked the popularity. She didn’t understand but she wouldn’t criticize her for it. It just that it made her look shallow, at times. You couldn’t hang out with so many stupid people, attend so many parties, be nice to absolutely everyone, without getting a little shallow.
It was in the little things. She’d sit with the popular kids during games, and they would snicker when the band would walk into the stadium. Elphaba had been to games before, and she’d see her smile along, engulfed into Chuffrey’s embrace. She’d gossip about people she didn’t necessarily know: she’d done it once in their room and Elphaba had shut her out, said it was a silly thing to do, because it was. She’d get that smile, saccharine sweet, the one that distantly resembled the one she’d give as a child, when her fake smiles where still experimental.
“What are you looking at?”
“Mmh?”
“Have you heard about it?”
“About what?” Elphaba teared her eyes away from Galinda, sitting in the other side of the cafeteria.
“The scholarship,” Fiyero said.
“What scholarship?”
“To the Independent Emerald University.”
“Oh yeah.”
Dr Dillamond had mentioned it. There were two universities in the capital. The Independent Emerald University, and the Grand Wizard University. As the Wizard was reinforcing his control over the Animals, the Independent University had been reaffirming its separation with the Wizard’s politics.
They offered a scholarship for students wishing to work on a thesis reflecting a political engagement – specifically against the wizard, but that went without saying. Thesis on Animal’s history, rights or biology were specifically favored, and the university itself was mostly opened to Animal students. But there were spots for humans as well. Dr Dillamond had insisted on it- as if he’d had someone in mind. Elphaba knew it had been her. There were few things she was entirely confident about, but her intellectual abilities were one of them.
“He was clearly saying it for you.”
“I know.”
Next to them, Boq snorted. He played in the band and was the sole reason Elphaba had started going to the games from time to time.
“Humble,” he said.
Elphaba shrugged and took another bite of her sandwich.
“You should give it a shot,” Fiyero said.
“Maybe.”
Her eyes trailed back to Galinda, just in time to see her laugh at something Chuffrey had said before kissing him on the lips. She knew that smile, and she knew that laugh: Galinda had never laughed at something Elphaba had said like this. It was loud enough to be heard, but not so loud you could tell it was out of control. It infuriated her- no- no. It annoyed her. It annoyed her, just a little bit, how Galinda acted around her friends. Elphaba didn’t like that she’d never have differentiated her from the other popular kids if she hadn’t known her.
“You definitely should-”
“I’ll think about it!” Elphaba turned to Fiyero, knocking his glass of water in the process. “Sorry,” she muttered. “I’ll think about it.”
Fiyero shrugged.
<<>>
“Can I hold you?”
Galinda never called it cuddling. She either asked Elphaba to hold her, or if she may hold Elphaba.
Sometimes Elphaba dwelled on it. Galinda rarely asked before touching someone: she held hands, grabbed arms, kissed cheeks. She never meant to make people uncomfortable: Elphaba knew that was just her way of showing appreciation. She rarely made people uncomfortable, anyway – more flustered. Galinda had that effect on people.
But she always asked Elphaba before holding her.
They were pretty much in each other’s arms already, lying together in Galinda’s bed. But she didn’t say it, and merely rolled to her side, her back to Galinda before she felt the blonde wrap her arms around her.
She liked – loved – how Galinda held her. Once one of her arms was around her waist, she would make a grabbing motion with her hand, silently asking for Elphaba to take her hand in hers. Then, she would snuggle closer, until her face was buried in Elphaba’s hair, letting out a contented, high-pitched hum as she did. She always wondered how she could breathe like that. But she liked the feeling. It was a warm, nice sensation against the back of her neck.
“M’love you.” Galinda mumbled against her neck.
Elphaba smiled and squeezed her hand, humming. Galinda was already falling asleep, she could tell. But her grip was looser than usual around her waist. She tentatively pulled on her hand, until Galinda took the hint and scooted even closer. She felt her hum against the back of her neck again. Galinda always hummed when she felt content. She smiled.
“You know I love you? Yes?”
She was more awake than Elphaba had thought.
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s good.” She took a big breath, nose in Elphaba’s hair. “You smell good. I like that new oil.”
Elphaba didn’t even know which oil she was talking about. Galinda often bought new oils for her. She didn’t mind: it made her feel… Cared for. But she usually didn’t dwell on it too much.
“When we were children, you used to say you liked my smell better. You thought my oils smelled weird.”
“Oh, Oz.” Galinda squeezed her hand, and managed to bury her face further in Elphaba’s hair. “I thought I’d only said it in my head! That’s sooo embarrasifying.”
“It’s not.” Elphaba shrugged. It filled her with warmth.
“It is!”
“Do you still think I smell better than my oils?”
Galinda giggled, squeezing Elphaba’s hand again. She tangled and detangled their fingers, playing with the tips of Elphaba’s long nails before taking her hand in hers again.
“Of course I do, Elphie,” she tilted her head, and suddenly her mouth was closer to her ear as she whispered. “I love everything.”
Coexisting together, still. Galinda’s love and Elphaba’s self-hatred. Since forever.
“Thank you my sweet,” Galinda made that sound that was a bit like a purr, a remnant from the excited, high-pitched squeals she did when they were children. It was more discreet now, something she only did when it was just the two of them.
“You smell nice, too.”
“Only ‘nice’? Elphie! Surely you can do better for a perfume so expensive!” she said petulantly.
Elphaba chuckled and before she knew it, she turned around in Galinda’s arms until they were face to face. It was always such an overwhelming thing to do, to face Galinda and lay beside her like this. It shortened her breath. Such a proximity did this, she supposed.
“I meant you. How you smell. I like it.”
“Only like it?” She said in a small voice, eyes wide as a doe’s. Elphaba smiled.
“Love it.” She said, before kissing her forehead. “You like compliments too much, Miss Galinda.”
“That’s because I know you love me, Miss Elphaba.”
Elphaba smiled. She did.
Galinda
The Philosophy Club was hidden under a door at the back of a bar which you could find at the bottom of a dark staircase.
It was surprisingly closer to Shiz than she’d expected: for once, Shenshen had been telling the truth. She assured them that the Philosophy Club was simply a must do at Shiz - she herself had never been, but everyone who was anyone knew that you had to go there at least once.
So here she was, in her best pink mini-skirt and her highest heels. The bar itself was quite similar to the one she’d already went to with her group of friends, except for the fact that people seemed older. But nobody paid them much attention as they crossed the bar to the back door that Shenshen said led to the Philosophy Club.
The Philosophy Club was entirely different from the bar. They walked through a long corridor that was almost silent, the door closing behind them muffling the music of the bar. It was dark and grey, almost foggy. At the end of the corridor, Shenshen opened another door, and suddenly the corridor filled with loud music that startled her.
Instinctively, she reached for Pfannee, who was right behind her. She turned around and for once his face - usually so imperturbable - held a hint of fear. They shared a glance, and he nodded towards the opened door. They were in this together.
Galinda had heard of the Philosophy Club. It was a nightclub, this she knew for sure, and Galinda knew nightclubs. But it was an illicit nightclub, for reasons she ignored and never would have liked to find out.
But first, the thrill.
The loud music; Animals and humans alike sharing drinks; a glimpse of people with the Vinkus’ blue tattoos; dancers, turning around a pole; a bright blue drink she took with Pfannee, bottoms up; the same fog than in the corridor but a different light, blood red; Shenshen screaming in her ear; Chuffrey and Shenshen sniffing something from the bar counter with a Meerkat; a Doe sitting with her legs crossed on a couch, looking straight at her from across the room as she blew a purple smoke; Chuffrey kissing her, the taste of that pine-smoked whisky from Neverdale on his lips, the back of her own hand to wipe it off her mouth; dancing; dancing; dancing; her head light with the alcohol, a smile on her lips. Pole dancers, was it a human or a Panther? The Doe again, looking at her still, staring at her like she would be her next meal, as that possible? The smell of the smoke, what kind of smoke was that? Chuffrey had his hand on her back, his hand on her butt – was the Doe looking at her still? Was she drunk?
After a while - when she’d think back on it, she’d never be able to tell how long - Shenshen said they should go to the backrooms. They all went, Shenshen taking her hand and dragging her along. Shenshen’s hand was slightly sweaty, and extremely warm. Galinda let herself be pulled, looking down at this hand, almost stumbling in her heels.
Shenshen’s clammy hand, for a long while, would be her most recurrent memory of that night.
The backrooms of The Philosophy Club were not exactly in the back. The bar of the Philosophy Club was a large, round hall, whose walls had several doors beside the one they’d came in from.
They went through another corridor and Galinda blinked because it seemed the fog had gotten thicker. Was it smoke? They walked in another room. She could not see much but could make out couches and coffee tables which had things she did not recognize on them. Long tubes supported by small stands, of every size and color, from which people pulled out smaller tubes they seemed to smoke from.
She leaned in close to Pfannee’s ear, who was walking next to her.
“What’s that?” she said, loud enough for him to hear but low enough for the others no to know she had no idea what those things were.
“I don’t know,” Pfannee said, shaking his head and looking as bewildered by the place than Galinda was.
She didn’t know what it was about this room that impressed her so much. As they walked and Galinda realized she could faintly the sound of their steps, she realized it was the sudden lack of loud music. Now that her ears ad gotten used to it, she could actually hear people talk again.
Shenshen wasn’t leading them anymore. Instead, it was an older guy she’d seen before: she suspected Shenshen to be dating him but wasn’t sure. He was tall and had broad shoulders Galinda was grateful for because she could distinguish through the strange smoke and not lose them.
The room smelled weird, too: for all the smoke, it didn’t smell like it. It smelled like fruit and cologne. She’d never smelled anything like this before, and she wondered if that was what was making her lightheaded. Maybe it was still the alcohol.
They passed a few couches where people and Animals smoked and talked together. She flinched when they rounded a corner to go sit in a hidden corner with a large couch that rounded one of the coffee tables. On it were a huge Rhinoceros, a man and a Tiger. Galinda had rarely been in such close proximity to Animals before: Momsie and Popsicle had made sure of that, they always said most Animals were not to associate with. Galinda didn’t know if she agreed with that: she’d seen Dulcibear, Elphaba’s nanny, and Dulcibear was the nicest person - because Animals were persons, right? - she’d ever encountered.
But when they all sat on that couch and that she ended up in close proximity to the Tiger, she couldn’t help feeling uncomfortable. She tried to hide it - it was rude - and it proved to be easy considering the low light and that pervasive smoke.
They talked for a while, drinking as if it weren't illegal for them to and even smoking from the strange tube once, which almost made Galinda throw up, so she didn’t try it again. She felt cool - that was cool. That was what high-school was about: the parties, the alcohol. She’d never felt more grown before. It was a strange feeling: freeing but a bit large for her still, as if she were floating in this new version of herself.
When the smoke from the tube made her cough, the Tiger laughed.
“You alright there princess?”
Suddenly his paw was on her back, gently rubbing. It was a strange feeling: a paw. A warm, hairy hand. She froze, but mostly out of surprise rather than out of discomfort.
“Yes, thank you,” she rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand.
The Tiger glanced at her, then at Pfannee who was doing a worse job hiding his surprise than Galinda was.
“You two are a bit young to be there,” his voice had a deep, rich tone and what seemed like genuine concern in it.
“We’re the same age as Shenshen,” Galinda said, pointing to their friend who was busy pretty much tonguing down the older guy who’d led them here.
“Ah, yes…” he sniffed disapprovingly, his large golden nose ring moving along.
She looked at Pfannee, who gestured for them not to add anything.
A minute later, the Tiger got up to fetch himself another drink. Galinda took this as an opportunity to chat freely with Pfannee who, to her relief, found this as equally invigorating and frightening as she did. Neither of them wanted to leave, but both of them felt an appropriate amount of fear considering they were perfectly conscious that their presence here was illegal.
“What are you two chatting about?”
The Rhinoceros slid in next to them, precisely next to Galinda, close enough that their thighs touched. Well, thighs - Galinda wasn’t sure if you could say thigh, for him. He was sitting like a human, but his legs were almost too short to touch the ground. Yet, his size was impressive: the top of his body easily towered above Galinda, his enormous head probably thrice the size of hers.
“Nothing,” Pfannee said when Galinda stayed silent. “Come here often?”
Galinda turned to him, mouthing a what the fuck, to which Pfannee responded by a I don’t know and luckily that was the moment Shenshen chose to remember they existed.
She wanted to smoke again, and both of them refused. Galinda was grateful that Pfannee didn’t want to do it again too: otherwise, she would’ve felt bad for not doing it again. Shenshen shrugged it off.
“You guys should go and see what the Philosophy Club really is about,” her boyfriend said, his silver chain dangling as he leaned over the coffee table to speak to them. “Over there,” he pointed to swinging doors from which people came and went regularly.
“Oh D-David, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Shenshen giggled before taking another drag of the tube.
David shrugged. Galinda looked at Pfannee and in his eyes found the same spark of curiosity she felt. Without a word, they nodded to each other and stood up to walk to the swinging doors.
“I wonder what’s behind that,” Galinda said.
“I know right,” Pfannee said.
They each pushed one of the swingdoors - Galinda on the left, Pfannee on the right - and walked in.
Afterwards, it would be the smell Galinda would remember. Something heavy, musky and damp: her nose twitched and dread instinctively pooled in her stomach for a reason she couldn’t have explained. She glanced at Pfannee, who frowned but walked forward. They went up a flight of stairs and pushed through a purple see-through curtain, only to be met with a strange sight. At the end of the large room they now stood in was a stage. Around the room stood small wooden cubicles, probably big enough for a bed, maybe two, and with walls high enough they couldn’t see what was happening inside.
I was easy to guess, though. Because the room was filled with the kind of noises Galinda had heard about in conversations but hadn’t actually ever heard. She’d pretended she’d known things about sex: she didn’t want to look like a moron in front of her friends - had even implied she had had sex before in front of Shenshen once - but in truth, she didn’t know much besides hearsay. But when she heard the moans and the wet sounds of people probably collectively having sex in roofless cubicles, she turned to Pfannee and knew that he, too, knew exactly what they were hearing.
And - because this was Pfannee, and she knew Pfannee knew little more than she did - they burst out laughing. They were sixteen-years old teenagers hearing ridiculously loud sex noises, and this was, by far, the most absurd situation they’d ever been in. Without even needing to vocalize it, they started walking back: neither of them wanted to stay here.
They were stopped by a large form which they instantly recognized as the Rhinoceros from before. Standing up, he was even more impressive: he was probably ten, maybe eleven feet tall.
“Don’t you know the rule?” he said, smiling, dark, dark eyes glinting in amusement. “You come in, you got to consume.”
“Consume?” Pfannee repeated, but Galinda knew exactly what he meant.
His large head moved in a slow nod, before he grabbed both their shoulders and turned them back to face the stage and the cubicles. Only then did Galinda realize what was happening on the stage.
There were dancers there too, just like in the first room. But they were entirely naked. Somewhere her mind registered that she’d never seen a naked man before. Nor a naked man having sex with another naked woman. Or a Tiger having sex with a naked man. The sights disgusted her, but she couldn’t take her eyes off it: the Rhinoceros had a deathly grip on her shoulder, and when she closed her eyes she could hear the noises. She didn’t find them funny anymore. She knew exactly what they corresponded to.
As they walked towards Oz knew where, she felt the hand - or was it a paw? what was it? - of the Rhinoceros drift down low until it touched - gripped - her butt. She felt him explore the area there, and Galinda felt like only her eyes were able to move. And her eyes merely taught her that no one was sparing them a second glance.
“Don’t you know what you paid for when you came in?” the Rhinoceros whispered in his ear. “You pay for this, too,” and he squeezed her buttock again. “Don’t you remember that form you signed when walking in?”
The revulsion she felt seemed to take every inch of the available space in her mind, and in this moment, she couldn’t remember a thing. She couldn’t turn her head to see if Pfannee was still there, couldn’t move because he now had a hand on her waist - when did that happen? - and she felt like throwing up.
“Nice, very nice,” another voice close to her ear. She realized Pfannee was still there, next to her - and just as frightened. She tried to reach for his hand, but her arm was trapped behind the Rhinoceros’ arm. “What are the two of you doing there, really? Friends of Shenshen’s, huh?”
The new voice belonged to the man who’d been sitting with them on the couch. Galinda hadn’t been paying much attention to him, but she knew Pfannee had - he was exactly his type. Absurdly, she thought maybe this would make whatever was going to happen easier to bear. But Pfannee was white as a sheet.
She felt a hand - the man’s hand, she knew because she felt his fingers - on her back, then lower than her back, next to the Rhinoceros’ arm. He squeezed, too, and touched her through her skirt, fingers going too far. Only Chuffrey had done this and she’d felt indifferent: but this felt horrible.
“Look at her,” the man’s breath smelled of the tube everyone smoked from - the fruity smell. “You’re…” his hand stroked her cheek, and she could only look at him, eyes straight ahead in his blue ones, “charming.”
“Isn’t she?” the Rhinoceros said, and for some reason the sound of his low, muffled voice reminded her of his arm around his waist, squeezing. “I might get her all to myself.”
“No my friend,” the man was looking at her with interest. She felt like a meal. “We share.”
“Alright, you two. Let them go.”
The Tiger. She’d recognized the voice. That was the Tiger. She let out a breath of relief but it caught in her throat when the man’s hand went lower, grazing the back of her left thigh as he huffed in annoyance.
“Don’t be a spoilsport, Zeke. They signed the form. They should’ve read it.”
“You know very well those two are not of age and got in there by mistake. Now let them go.”
The Rhinoceros groaned but let his arm go from Galinda’s waist, who immediately ran out of both of their embrace, closely followed by Pfannee. He reached for his hand and she took it, the two of them running off without further ado.
They passed the booth where Shenshen still was without talking to her, but it took them a long time before they found the exit. So long that they both started panicking, their voices growing more and more urgent by the minute, but both of them knowing better than to address this feeling before they were out of there. Every corner of the room seemed to be the same: couches; coffee tables; fruit-scented smoke; Animals in every shape, size and form - what if a large one decided to take them back here again?
When they finally found the exit, they practically ran in the red-lit bar before sprinting in the corridor they’d gotten in through.
<<>>
Shiz was quiet at this hour. The streetlights casted a yellowish glow on the pavement, and they walked in silence for a minute or two. They weren’t holding hands anymore but were close enough to brush every now and then. It comforted her.
“Do you remember signing anything?” Pfannee asked.
“What?”
“Signing anything. That Rhino- he talked about a form.”
She shook her head.
“No, I don’t.”
He nodded. A clocktick passed before he spoke again.
“I’m glad we escaped,” he said, wrapping his arms around his chest. “That guy wasn’t my type, anyway.”
“He was totally your type.”
Another clocktick. It was Pfannee who started chuckling first, and soon enough they were giggling. She felt digusting - inside, out - but laughing made it all feel lighter.
“Oz,” he said, wiping a tear at the corner of his eye. “Never again.”
“Never again,” she agreed. “Shenshen is-”
“We’re so not talking to Shenshen anymore.”
“Agreed.”
<<>>
That night, she fetched her blue elephant from her trunk. Slowly she got into bed, the small, worn-out stuffed animal close to her chest. Elphaba was sleeping, and she made sure not to wake her.
She brought her knees to her chest and the small elephant’s ears to her mouth, just like she’d done a hundred times as a child. For hours she laid awake, heart too loud to fall asleep, her hand reflexively opening and closing silently against the comforter. A dozen times, she sat up, certain that she was back in the club again; certain she couldn’t get out; certain she would pass out; certain she would have a cardiac arrest. Maybe they had signed a form; she never should’ve followed Shenshen anywhere; her skirt had been too short, that was her fault, entirely; she shouldn’t have drank anything; it was okay, it didn’t matter, she could forget; but she couldn’t; but she could; she had to sleep.