Chapter Text
When the slope of the path ended, she saw the metal plate and slowed down slightly without meaning to. She used to come here to escape everything, the rush of life, the unhappiness, the chaos… or rather, they used to come here. Kristín never did, neither did Magnús or Anna. This had always been a place just for her and Stefán, somewhere they could clear their heads. They probably knew about it, but they didn’t come. They didn’t care enough to. Back then, that had felt normal, but now… it didn’t. Now it felt like she had been giving him hope all along.
She stopped where she was, her foot settling into the ground as if she couldn’t quite take the next step. If Stefán was inside the small cabin behind it, he had probably already noticed she was there, but he hadn’t come out. He was giving her time. And the only reason she was still standing there wasn’t just because he was inside. It was this place. For them, this had always been somewhere they left everything bad outside, somewhere they only talked about good things. But today… for the first time… something not good was waiting inside.
She hesitated again, her fingers curling slightly at her sides before loosening, her gaze dropping for a second and then lifting back to the metal plate.
You came all this way. Just talk and get it over with.
She took a deep breath and stepped forward, leaning slightly to look inside. He was there, standing with his back to her, a beanie pulled over his head. She recognized it immediately. She had made that. Another flash crossed her mind, another sign, she had been giving him hope all along. Her fingers tightened slightly at her sides, and her heart started beating faster. Why? Hadn’t she known this man for ten years? Wasn’t he, in one way or another, someone she knew? So why was she hesitating? She lingered there for a moment longer, her weight shifting slightly from one foot to the other, then despite it, she stepped inside.
Stefán turned slowly. The moment he saw her, his eyes lit up… and filled at the same time. He caught it almost instantly, his expression tightening just enough to hide it, forcing it away before it could show.
“Hello, Terry… or halló Terry. Whichever you prefer,” he said, his voice even.
"Halló, Stefán. Ég bjóst ekki við að þú kæmir aftur til bæjarins."
(Halló, Stefán,) El replied. (I didn’t expect you to come back to town.)
Stefán’s eyes flicked toward the outside for a brief second, listening, scanning, like he was checking if someone else was there.
“Mike’s not here,” El said in calm Icelandic. “But that doesn’t mean he won’t find out. Why did you call me?”
“I heard you were leaving. For good. Going to America.” Stefán shifted his weight slightly, his hands still, like he didn’t quite know what to do with them. “I wanted to talk to you. Thank you for coming.”
El nodded. “Yeah… we’re leaving in a few days.” That was all she could say. Everything else she had planned… was gone. She had to start somewhere.
“Stef-”
“Terry-”
They spoke at the same time.
They both stopped.
Stefán took a breath, his shoulders rising slightly. “Please,” he said. “You go first.”
El gave a small nod and began.
“Stef, I…” She paused, forcing her voice to stay steady. “I wanted to talk to you too.”
He was looking straight into her eyes. She wasn’t. Her gaze kept drifting, landing somewhere near his shoulder instead.
“I’m leaving, and… I’ve started saying goodbye to the people who’ve been part of my life here.” She paused again, gathering her words. Her fingers brushed lightly against each other, restless. “You’re one of those people. So I wanted to say goodbye to you too.”
She lifted her eyes to him then. His eyes were already full again. He gave a small nod. El continued.
“Because… no matter what happened, Stef… you’re the reason I was able to build a life here.” Her voice tightened just slightly. “You might have erased all those years of friendship, but I can’t be that cruel.”
That hit him. It showed. Something in his face tightened, like the words had landed exactly where they were meant to.
“In the end… I lived here. I went to school. And I found the man I lost ten years ago… and my family with him.” She swallowed. “So I couldn’t leave without thanking you.”
She paused again, her breath catching briefly.
“And… honestly…” She shook her head faintly. “Kristín didn’t want me to talk to you. Did you know that?” A small, bitter breath left her. “She said it wasn’t worth it. She’s been telling me things about you for years, but I didn’t see it. Because…” Now her voice cracked slightly. “Because my friend was a good person. He always was. Yes, he had feelings for me, but he was someone who stayed on the right path. He respected me. My thoughts, my feelings.”
Her gaze dropped for a second.
“But… you’re not the only one at fault, Stef. I am too.” Her fingers tightened together now. “I told you my problems and sent you back home. You only had us before those… people came into your life. Magnús and Anna were caught up in their own chaos, Kristín left for Canada, and I was dealing with my own mess…” She exhaled slowly. “I’m really sorry.”
Stefán was looking at her now, confused.
“Terry… you didn’t do anything—”
El ignored him and kept going. “I should’ve listened to you, Stef. I should’ve listened to what you were going through. Then you wouldn’t have ended up with those people. It wouldn’t have turned into this.”
“Terry, stop.” Stefán shook his head slightly, stepping forward without realizing it. “I wasn’t hanging out with anyone. You were everything to me. It’s not like you were a distant friend. For God’s sake, we spent all day together.”
“Then why did you become like this?” El’s voice rose, her hands moving as she spoke, unable to stay still. “Why… why did you kiss me? Why didn’t you respect my choice? I told you so many times you were my friend. My friend.” She glanced around, her breath uneven now. “This place, Stef… this stupid place… it was ours. I made that beanie you’re wearing. The Christmas dinners I cooked, the cheesecake, even that stupid pasta sauce… you taught me all of that. We never gave each other anything but good things. So why did you betray that?”
“Terry, I’m sorry!” Stefán cut in, his voice rising, words rushing out too fast now. “I’m really sorry, I just… I didn’t know what to do in that moment. You hadn’t been around for days. The last time I saw you, I dropped you off at the waterfall with Mike, and then both of you were just… gone. You weren’t answering your phone, and I panicked.” He ran a hand through his hair, pacing once before stopping again.
“Yeah, you knew him, but it had been so long, and the thought that you could be in danger scared me. And then… everything happened at once. You getting engaged so suddenly, him leaving, and you crying that morning… I thought he had hurt you.” He shook his head quickly, like he was trying to keep up with his own thoughts. “And yeah, I got jealous. I did. Because you cried for years, Terry. You built a life here despite everything, and watching you risk all of that in one moment… thinking you might not be safe… it was hard. I didn’t want you to get hurt. And.. and.. the way you kissed me that night; I kissed you back."
El didn’t hear the rest. He kept talking, fast, breathless, like he wasn’t even aware of what he was saying anymore. But her mind had already gone somewhere else.
Kristín’s voice.
You called him Mike once… and he cried. Like, really cried.
El’s hand came up quickly.
“Stop. Stef, stop. Wait.” Her voice cut through his. “What did you just say?”
Stefán was out of breath. “I said I panicked.”
El shook her head slowly, her eyes fixed on him. “Before that. What did you say before that?”
Stefán hesitated. His eyes flickered, then widened slightly.
“Terry, look… it’s nothing, okay? There’s nothing to worry about.”
El couldn’t even swallow.
There was. There was something very wrong.
She just didn’t know what.
“Stef…” Her voice dropped, slower now, more careful. “Does this have anything to do with me calling you Mike?”
And in that moment, something inside her went cold.
Stefán froze. Not just paused.
Completely froze.
That was enough. El closed her eyes for a second.
"Do… do you remember?” Stefán asked, his voice tight, a flicker of surprise breaking through.
El opened her eyes and looked at him. Remember what?
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Stefán. Just tell me what happened. Now.”
Stefán shook his head, his jaw tightening. “No. I can’t.”
Something in El snapped.
“WHAT do you mean you can’t?” Her voice rose sharply, echoing in the small space. “Tell me what happened that night.”
Stefán couldn’t look at her anymore. His gaze dropped, his shoulders pulling in slightly.
“Stefán!” she pressed.
“I don’t remember all of it,” he said quickly, almost tripping over his words. “Just parts. But… I can’t tell you. I can’t make you remember it.”
El took a step closer, her breath uneven now. “Something happened that I don’t remember. You’re going to tell me everything. What you remember, what you don’t. All of it.”
“Terry, I was drunk too, I swear, I’m not at fault here, I wouldn’t ever—” He ran a hand through his hair, his voice breaking apart. “I can’t tell you because I don’t even know if I remember it right. My head’s messed up when it comes to you, I’ve loved you for so long and—”
“STEFÁN!”
He froze for a second, then swallowed.
“What I remember… what I’m sure about…” His voice dropped. “I brought you home. You lay down, but you didn’t want to stay lying down. You sat up. I sat next to you. And you started crying. Like before. And…”
El’s fingers curled into her palms.
“And?”
He hesitated.
“You kissed me.”
Everything inside her went still.
Her eyes widened, her breath catching halfway.
“No… no. I couldn’t have.”
“Then…” Stefán’s voice shook now. “You were drunk, Terry. I pulled back, okay? I swear I did. But then you said…”
“What did I say?” Her voice came out sharper than she meant, almost cutting.
"'I can’t take this, Stef… please. Help me.'"
The words hit her like something physical.
I can’t take this, Stef… please. Help me.
They echoed in her head, again and again.
Something sparked. But nothing came back.
“Then you kissed me again,” he continued, faster now, like he just needed to get it out. “And I… I was drunk too, and I don’t remember what happened after that. I tried to remember, I really did, but everything that comes to mind… it doesn’t make it better.” He shook his head, breathing hard. “And then you said ‘I love you… Mike.’ And that’s when I snapped out of it. I got dressed and left. You were getting dressed too when I walked out. I swear I didn’t stay. I didn’t. I left.”
El’s lips parted, but no sound came out.
“Got dressed… how?” she managed finally, her voice barely holding.
Stefán flushed immediately, his face turning red. “Just… dressed. Normally.”
“Stefán…” Her voice dropped lower, almost afraid of the answer. “How far did we go?”
“I don’t know,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “I don’t remember. But I don’t think…I don’t think it went all the way. If it had, I would’ve known… you know. But I don’t know. I might be wrong. I don’t remember clearly. Maybe you do… but I can’t tell you and make things worse.”
It was already worse. El felt it hit her all at once. Her stomach dropped. Her chest tightened so suddenly she had to pull in a sharp breath.
No.
No, no...
It didn’t matter.
It didn’t matter how far it had gone. It didn’t matter what he remembered or didn’t remember. She had crossed a line.
You did it.
Her throat burned.
You cheated.
The word settled heavy in her chest, suffocating.
After everything… after all those years… after him waiting for you…
Her stomach twisted harder.
You did this.
A sharp wave of nausea rose up, her fingers curling slightly against her own arms like she was trying to hold herself together.
You ruined it.
Her breathing turned uneven.
You ruined him.
“I…” Her voice cracked. “I cheated on Mike.”
“No,” Stefán said immediately. “No, you didn’t. We were drunk. You thought I was him. That’s what happened. You didn’t cheat on him.”
El let out a shaky breath, almost a laugh, but there was nothing in it. “What are you saying? How could I mistake you for him? You don’t even look alike.”
But it didn’t matter. Nothing changed the outcome.
She had kissed him.
She had asked him for help.
And then…
Whatever had happened after that.
It didn’t matter how far it went.
The result was the same.
El turned away abruptly, her hand coming up to her forehead like she needed to hold herself together.
“Terry-” Stefán started.
“I cheated on Mike.”
“No, you didn’t—”
She turned back to him so fast it almost startled him. Her eyes were blazing now, wet but burning.
“What are you talking about, Stefán? We… we couldn’t have done that, we—” Her breath broke. “And you… you knew this, and you didn’t tell me.”
“I didn’t tell you because you’d feel exactly like this,” he said, his voice rising with desperation. “We were drunk, Terry. We were drunk.”
El shook her head, her hands trembling now. “But what you remember… I mean… this is insane… I should’ve known, right? I mean—”
She stopped herself. What she was trying to say was that the morning after she had been with Mike, she had felt that soreness… and she knew she hadn’t felt it the morning after that night with...
But that didn’t make sense.
What did that even change?
Even if it hadn’t gone all the way… would that make it any less of cheating?
No.
It wouldn’t.
“Terry…” Stefán said again, softer this time.
“Don’t say my name like you feel sorry for me!” she snapped, her voice cracking. “You don’t love Mike. If I cheated on him, that would work in your favor, wouldn’t it? I’d end up being yours, right?”
Stefán shook his head immediately. “No. Terry, listen to me. I still want that future with you… more than anything. And… from what I remember, I was happy in that moment. But I never wanted to take you away from anything. When I kissed you that day, it was… I wanted to remind you. When you kissed me, it felt real, and I wanted you to feel that I was there.” He swallowed hard. “It was wrong. I know that. But I didn’t get a chance to talk to you after. You know that. I’m sorry. I would never force you into something like that. Because I love you. And I don’t want any version of you that isn’t happy.”
El wasn’t listening anymore. Her mind had gone blank. Completely blank.
All she could hear was her own breathing, too fast, too shallow.
Her chest felt tight, like it wasn’t enough.
She had done this.
With her own hands.
She had destroyed everything.
“Stef…” Her voice shook. “Please, just tell me this is some stupid joke and that you just… I don’t know… put your sweater on and left. Please…” Her breath hitched, her chest rising too fast. “Tell me what you remember, or just—”
Her whole body started trembling.
“Tell me I didn’t kiss my best friend and take advantage of him. Tell me I didn’t have sex with him. Tell me I didn’t cheat on my fiancé. Please…”
Stefán just looked at her. Really looked at her. There was nothing but sadness in his eyes. He opened his mouth, about to speak… then hesitated.
“Terry…” His voice was quieter now. “You didn’t take advantage of me. And you didn’t cheat on Mike.” He swallowed. “I… can’t tell you everything I remember. I don’t even know if what I remember is right. I can’t put something on you that might not even have happened. I’ve never lied to you. Not once. I’ve made mistake with you, but I’ve never lied.” He shook his head slightly. “And I can’t start now. You know that.”
He exhaled, slower this time.
“I can’t tell you I just put my sweater on and left.” His voice tightened. “But I’m not sure what we did was sex either. I told you… we would’ve known, right?” He hesitated, then forced himself to go on. “Look, I’ll just say it clearly.”
He took a step toward her.
El flinched back instantly. That small reaction made him stop. He seemed to realize it, and for a second, something like guilt crossed his face. El took a step forward this time, closing the distance again, like she needed the answer more than she feared him.
“Terry… we’re adults,” he said, more carefully now. “If it had gone all the way, we would’ve known. You went to sleep right after… you would’ve felt it in the morning. And I would’ve known too. Physically.” He shook his head again. “It wasn’t like… it happened before and then again. No. And you would’ve known. It didn’t go that far. Please…” His voice softened. “Please, let that give you some peace.”
He paused, then added, quieter.
“This… stays between us. I swear I haven’t told anyone. I never will. This goes with me to the grave. I promise you.”
El stared at him. Her face didn’t change. But something inside her broke anyway.
“What does that change, Stef?” Her voice cracked. “What does that change?”
Her knees gave out before she even realized it. She dropped to the ground. The sob hit her all at once, sharp and uncontrollable. Her shoulders shook as the sound tore out of her, raw, unfiltered. She wasn’t even aware of how loud she was anymore. She felt arms wrap around her. She knew whose they were. For a split second, something inside her resisted. But her body didn’t follow. The strength just… wasn’t there.
She collapsed forward, her forehead pressing against his chest as the sobs kept coming, her hands clutching at his shirt without even realizing it.
And she cried.
“I just wanted to say goodbye…” She couldn’t finish. The words broke apart in her throat. Stefán kept one hand on her back, moving it slowly, steadying her.
“Terry… hey. It’s okay. You’re okay.” His voice was softer now, almost trembling. “Look… thank you too, alright?”
His own voice cracked near the end.
“For years… you were the only real thing in my life.” He let out a shaky breath. “I never thought I deserved you. I just… waited. Not because I believed something would happen. Just… in case you ever chose to give me a chance.” He swallowed, his hand tightening slightly against her back. “Because hoping was the only thing I had left, Terry. You’ve been my whole path. All of it.” His voice dropped lower, quieter now, like each word took effort.
“You gave me the only good years of my life. Thank you for that. You gave meaning to something that didn’t have any.”
A small, broken breath escaped him.
“I loved you. I still do.”
He paused.
Then, more quietly:
“Even if this doesn’t end the way I wanted it to… I know it will end well for you.”
His hand slowed against her back.
“I just want you to be safe.”
Another pause.
And then, almost like it slipped out:
“That’s enough for me.”
He exhaled slowly.
“…It has to be.”
He paused again.
“That’s true…” Stefán let out a shaky breath, his voice uneven now. “I don’t love Mike. I never did. Because he had… what I hoped for. That kind of love. He had it all those years.” He let out a small, bitter breath. “I was jealous.”
A beat.
“And then he just… came back. And everything between you two… fixed itself.” He swallowed. “I knew it would. Even when I told you to talk to him… I knew it would work out for you.” His voice softened, almost breaking. “The moment I walked out that door that night… I knew.”
He shook his head slightly.
“But I was jealous. I couldn’t help it.”
A pause.
“When I realized it was Mike who had me sent away… I wasn’t going to do anything with that recording. I just wanted to mess with him. It wouldn’t have done anything anyway.” He let out a quiet breath. “Then he threatened to kill me. And he meant it.”
Another pause.
“And he was right.”
His voice dropped even lower.
“But don’t worry…” His lips trembled as he spoke, tears slipping down without him trying to stop them. “I won’t be a problem again.”
El stilled.
“I’m leaving too, Terry. Far away... My father won’t hate me. Kristín won’t have to make assumptions about me. And you…” his voice caught, “…you and your family won’t have your peace disturbed.”
He looked at her properly now.
“I’m going somewhere where I won’t be a problem to anyone.” A small breath. “Somewhere no one knows me.”
A beat.
“Like you did.”
He nodded faintly to himself.
“I swear I’ll stay out of the way. No trouble. Maybe… maybe once you’re gone, I’ll finally find some kind of peace too, Terry. Because if I stay here…” He stopped.
Didn’t finish it.
El slowly lifted her head.
Stefán’s green eyes were red now, raw from crying.
For a moment, neither of them spoke.
“Stef…” Her voice was softer. “My real name isn’t Terry.”
Stefán didn’t look away.
“I know.”
El froze.
For a second, she didn’t understand what she had just heard.
“How?” The word came out almost automatically, but her mind was already racing ahead of it.
When?
Her brows pulled together slightly, her eyes searching his face like the answer might be written there.
What did I say? How much did I say?
Her heartbeat picked up again, not from fear this time, but from something sharper. Something closer to panic.
He sniffed lightly, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “You told me. Your name, why you ran, what happened when you were a kid…” His voice steadied just a little. “I know you, El. I know you, Jane Hopper. And I’m proud of you.”
El’s eyes widened. “When… when did I tell you?”
“About seven years ago,” Stefán said quietly. “You told me… when you were drunk again.”
El blinked, still trying to process it. For a second, she just stared at him, like she was waiting for him to take it back.
Then she let out a small, breathless sound, somewhere between disbelief and exhaustion.
“I should probably stop drinking,” she muttered under her breath.
Stefán let out a faint, tired laugh.
She stared at him again, more seriously this time. “You didn’t tell anyone else?”
“Never.” A faint smile appeared, small and tired. “I told you… I made mistake with you. But I never lied to you. I never betrayed you.” He let out a breath. “That’s why I was scared of you going back to America. You told me about those people. I didn’t believe Mike could protect you.”
A small pause.
“But… now I have to.”
He looked at her again.
“Because you’ve made your choice. And the only thing I can do now… is trust him.” A small hesitation. “I just want you to be safe, El.” He tilted his head slightly. “That’s right, isn’t it? You said you don’t really use Jane.”
El nodded through her tears and wrapped her arms around him.
“I want you to be happy, Stef. Truly happy. I hope you find someone who loves you the way you deserve… someone who loves you back.” Her voice broke. “And… I forgive you. I’ll talk to Mike. You don’t have to hide in your own house. And I’ll talk to Kristín—”
Stefán shook his head immediately.
“No. There’s no need.” He gave a small, firm nod. “Thank you for forgiving me. But what I did was wrong. They have every right to be angry. Please… don’t do that. If they find out we talked, they’ll only be upset with you.” His voice softened again. “Just… stay safe. Okay, grumpy?”
El let out a tearful laugh and nodded. “I will. I promise. You stay safe too.”
Stefán nodded.
“I will.”
Her phone rang. She glanced at it.
Mike.
She declined the call.
“I should go…”
Stefán nodded slowly. “Yeah…”
They both stood up. Neither of them had stopped crying.
“I’ll always miss you, grumpy. I’m really glad you were in my life.”
“I’ll miss you too, Stef. I’m really glad you were in mine. Thank you… for everything.”
They hugged.
When they pulled back, Stefán did what he always did. He wrapped an arm around her head and pulled her into his chest in that exaggerated, playful way. El reacted the same way she always did, pushing lightly against him, pretending to protest.
“Hey…” she murmured, her voice rough from crying, still trying to keep that familiar tone alive.
Stefán let out a quiet laugh through his tears.
He held her there for one second longer than usual.
Then he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
But this time, instead of all the usual good mornings, good nights, or see you laters…
He said something else.
Something final.
“Vertu sæl, pirrandi.”
(Farewell, grumpy.)
And he left right away. By the time El stepped out, there was no sign of Stefán left behind. No sound, no movement… nothing.
She walked back home. The moment she saw the house, the guilt hit her all over again.
How was she supposed to explain this? Mike hadn’t let anyone into his life for years. He had held himself back, waited, stayed loyal to something that wasn’t even there anymore.
And El…
She swallowed hard and knocked on the door.
Mike opened it immediately. The second he saw her face, his expression shifted.
“What happened, El? Are you okay?”
She nodded, but the moment she stepped inside, before she could even take off her coat, she wrapped her arms around him and broke down. Mike held her tightly, one hand on her back, the other moving slightly as he checked her, making sure she wasn’t hurt.
“El? Hey, is everything okay?”
The way he said it… the way he held her…
It only made her cry harder.
She forced a small nod, pulling away just enough to move, then walked straight to the bedroom. She changed quickly and lay down without a word. Mike followed, settling in behind her, his arm slipping around her waist.
“Tell me, love. Talk to me. What happened?”
El stayed silent.
There was only one thing in her head.
I can’t take this, Stef… please. Help me.
She didn’t even realize when she fell asleep.
When she opened her eyes again, Mike was still there.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
She smiled faintly. Sleeping had helped. At least a little.
“Morning… what time is it?”
“1 a.m.”
Her eyes widened. “Wow… I went into full hibernation. And I still feel like I could sleep more…”
Mike laughed softly, then his expression shifted again, a little more serious this time.
“Are you okay?”
“El didn’t even think before answering. “Yeah.” If she thought about it, she wouldn’t be able to get out of it. “Saying goodbye… it’s hard. I told you. You know.”
Mike seemed satisfied with that. He nodded, leaned closer, and started brushing her hair back gently, pressing soft kisses against her skin.
And that… helped.
It really did.
After the kisses, Mike’s hand stayed in her hair for a moment, fingers moving slowly, soothingly. Then it slipped lower, brushing along her neck, her shoulder… lingering there before continuing down, resting lightly at her side.
El’s eyes opened.
It was Mike.
Her Mike.
She let out a quiet breath and closed her eyes again, leaning into him. This time she kissed him back more deliberately, trying to hold onto the moment, to stay in it.
His hand moved again, sliding under the fabric of her shirt, warm against her skin now. It wasn’t rushed. It was familiar.
She let it happen.
For a few seconds, she even responded, her hand coming up to his arm, her body leaning closer.
Then his hand moved lower. Slower.
Slipping beneath her underwear.
Her breath caught. Her body tensed almost instantly.
The kiss broke.
“I feel… tired, Mike. Not tonight. Can we just sleep?”
Mike nodded immediately, no hesitation. He pulled his hand back, got up to turn off the light, then came back and wrapped his arms around her again.
He held her close.
After a while, his breathing evened out. He was asleep.
And El…
El stayed awake.
Silently, her tears soaking into the pillow.
And in her head, there was only one sentence, over and over again, as if forcing herself to remember.
I can’t take this, Stef… please. Help me.