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Chuuya was at the docks, listening to his subordinate report on the arrival of a Port Mafia shipment. His gaze was hard, lips tugged into a grim line, even as he monitored the bustle of activity. His men quietly went about their tasks, not wanting to provoke the gravity manipulator when he was so obviously in such a foul mood. He had been irritable the past few days, storming into his office whenever he came in, and growing increasingly ticked off as the days passed. No one knew the source of his ire, but they were all holding their breaths, waiting for the inevitable eruption.
Chuuya glanced at the report and snapped it shut, irritation simmering under his skin. He and Dazai had been having issues with each other lately, each accusing the other of one thing or another. They couldn’t even go a single minute without a fight. Chuuya eventually grew tired of the scathing remarks whenever he came home and descended into a cold war instead.
Back at present, one of his men came forward. “Sir, the shipment is ready for your inspection—"
An explosion suddenly rocked the port and said shipment burst into flames.
Startled, his subordinates sprang into action, trying to recover the goods while tensing for further enemy action.
Chuuya narrowed his eyes at the incendiary device used. He stared ahead, jaw tight in anger and disbelief as a million-dollar deal just went up in flames. “That son of a…”
A subordinate quickly came to report, “Sir, we didn’t find anyone suspicious nearby. We don’t know who would—”
Chuuya raised a hand to stop him. There was no need to investigate. He knew exactly which bastard did this.
“I’ll handle it,” he said to his subordinate, cold fury surging through his veins as he turned and strode away.
Few hours later, Chuuya was calm when he approached the building. He was calm when he climbed the flight of stairs, and he was calm when he entered the office of the ADA. In fact, he would even say that his mind was unusually clear at that time as he walked through the door.
The Black Lizard trio was somehow inside the office as well, likely there as part of the ongoing truce between the two organisations. They looked at him in surprise.
“Chuuya-san.” Hirotsu bowed at his arrival.
Chuuya breezed past him. “Don’t bother. I’m off the clock.”
“Chuuya-san?” Tachihara questioned, bewildered, as he strode past—smoothly drawing the machine pistol from Tachihara’s holster and aiming it at Dazai in one seamless motion.
His expression didn’t change when he squeezed the trigger and didn’t let go.
The gun rattled in a long continuous burst of fire, a stream of bullets ripping through the air and tearing into the desk that Dazai had ducked behind for cover. Shells clattered to the ground as each round hammered into the hiding spot. Shouts rose around him, the Agency members reacting to what seemed like a sudden betrayal by the Port Mafia, though they were held back by the Black Lizard trio who hovered unsurely, having not heard of any plans to attack prior to this.
Chuuya stood unmoving, ignoring it all, eyes locked on Dazai’s hiding place as he fired relentlessly.
He released the trigger, and the sudden silence was deafening.
He tilted his head and called out, “You dead yet, darling?”
There was a pause and a rustle of clothing.
“Unfortunately not, honey,” Dazai’s voice bit out from behind his cover. “Your aim is as shit as always.”
Chuuya didn’t let him finish before he let loose another hail of bullets. The roar of gunfire continued to fill the room as he emptied the whole magazine, riddling Dazai’s hiding spot with bullets.
A dry click echoed—the gun had finally run out of ammunition.
Chuuya dropped his arm, letting the weapon rest by his thigh. “I told you not to mess with my shipments, didn’t I?” His voice was deadly calm.
Dazai slowly stood from behind his cover and dusted himself off. His coworkers relaxed slightly when they saw that he was fine.
Chuuya disregarded the wary gazes trained on him. He crossed to the bullet-ridden table, drew the documents from his suit, and dropped the stack of papers onto the desk with some sort of finality.
“We’re done,” he said flatly. “I’m filing for a divorce.”
He pivoted and shoved the gun back at Tachihara when he stalked out, leaving stunned silence in his wake.
And that was how the ADA found out that Dazai wasn’t single, but taken, married, and soon to be divorced—all in one sitting.
As shocked as everyone was about the revelation, no one had time to question it, not when assassination attempts suddenly ran rampant.
Atsushi yelped when the parcel he picked up exploded in his face. Yosano had to use her ability on Tanizaki who borrowed Dazai’s tea. Kyouka learnt to duck down whenever she passed Dazai’s desk, sniper bullets firing through the window, the third one that morning.
Akutagawa came into the office once, singed. “I borrowed Chuuya-san’s car,” was the only explanation he gave. Several penthouse suites in Yokohama were suddenly hit by arson. The Port Mafia tower was also not spared, with random explosions occurring on that one specific floor.
“Aren’t you guys going to talk it out?” Atsushi asked when Dazai came to work, his suit looking like it had gone through the shredder.
“What’s there to talk about?” Dazai scoffed.
“Maybe let up on the attempts?” Kouyou advised when Chuuya’s hat was caught in the blast.
“Over my dead body,” Chuuya growled.
Mori had booked a flight out of Yokohama when he first heard news of their break up. “Oh dear. Come on, Elise. We’re leaving on a trip until they sort this out. I’m not going through this again.”
Fukuzawa looked like he regretted not doing the same as the days passed.
Getting tired of the constant murder attempts and destruction of property, as well as the constant calls from alarmed citizens, both organisations arranged for them to be sent on missions together, hoping it would push them toward some kind of resolution.
For their first mission since the breakup, Atsushi got the short end of the stick to accompany them and prevent them from killing each other.
Light burst forth, signalling the activation of an ability. The enemy they were facing explained, “This is my ability. It traps three people, marking two of them for death while the third has to choose who lives or dies.” He pointed at Chuuya, “You must choose which of your comrades to sacrifice if you want to get out. If no choice is made, everyone dies.”
“Him. I choose him.” Chuuya immediately pointed at Dazai before the ability user could finish.
The ability user paused, having not encountered such a situation before. “…Don’t you want to think about it first?” he asked.
Dazai scoffed. “Did your tacky hat damage your brains, Chuuya? His ability obviously has no effect on me.”
Chuuya turned to the ability user. “This is why I don’t need to think about it.”
Dazai folded his arms. “Well, I choose Chuuya to die. He’s certainly not helping by dragging the room’s IQ down.”
Atsushi's mutter of “Dazai-san, you’re not helping either,” went ignored.
Chuuya glared at the ability user and demanded, “Kill him. Being a widow would be much more preferable than living with his sorry ass.”
Dazai shot it down. “Kill the chibi instead. He’s loaded. We can split his assets after he’s dead.”
Chuuya growled at him, “I knew you it, you gold-digger.”
Dazai said angrily, “Is that how you see me? Fine.” He spun towards the ability user. “Kill me. I’m going to prove the hatrack wrong.”
Chuuya cursed, “No way! You enjoy dying way too much. He should kill me instead. That way, you can watch while I embrace your beloved death.”
Dazai argued, “Huh, who said you could do that? I’ll surely get to die first before you!”
Chuuya snapped, “No, you won’t.”
They turned simultaneously. “Hey/Oi! Kill me first!”
The ability user took a step back. “Ehm…” He glanced nervously at Atsushi, eyes pleading for help. Atsushi refused to involve himself in their marital spat. The ability user could only harden his resolve. “Actually… my ability requires a minimum of three people to function. And uh… since my ability doesn’t work on the nullifier… it can’t be activated now.”
“Tsk/Useless.” The couple both looked away.
After that, Atsushi staunchly refused to join any soukoku-related missions, no matter how much anyone tried to bribe him with chazuke bowls.
Even official meetings weren’t sacred anymore, both spouses willing to dig up every slight the other had made.
“—if you had done the dishes, then we wouldn’t have this problem!”
“Oh, so now it’s the dishes? Just because I didn’t do it your way doesn’t mean it’s not done!”
“You call leaving them in the sink done?”
“I was in a rush, okay? I would have done it when I got home.”
“And when would that be, huh?”
At the side, Higuchi stood wilted with a stack of budget reports. “I was only trying to ask who was responsible for the domestic acquisitions of weapons,” she whispered to Gin as they remained stuck in the meeting room, soukoku having blocked the path out with their heated argument at the doorway. Worst of all, they don’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.
During a lunch break, Atsushi slid in next to Kyouka at the café downstairs.
She had been staring at the bickering couple few booths ahead with a quiet, intense look.
Atsushi asked, “What are they arguing about now?”
“Child custody arrangements.”
Atsushi was surprised. “I didn’t know they had kids.”
“They don’t,” Kyouka said, not taking her eyes off the couple. “They are talking about you and Akutagwa.”
Dazai’s voice cut through the café. “If you are taking Atsushi, then I’m taking Akutagawa.”
Chuuya banged the table. “Hell no. You gave Akutagawa up years ago. He’s mine!”
Dazai didn’t back down. “I practically raised him in the mafia.”
“Raise him? You should be lucky I didn’t report you for child endangerment instead!”
Dazai argued, “You can’t keep him from me. I want weekends.”
“Then I want Atsushi on weekends,” Chuuya bargained.
“That’s not what we agreed on just now.”
Atsushi leaned over to whisper to Kyouka, “But me and Akutagawa aren’t their kids?”
Kyouka whispered back, “I don’t think they care. They are just trying to spite each other.”
One day, Kouyou handed them a gilded dinner invite. “What about a date night? Try to rekindle that spark. You must be tired of all that arguing by now.”
She muttered aside, “Because I sure am.”
She didn’t let them refuse, Golden Demon hanging threateningly above them.
As such, there they were, dressed to the nines in the opulently decorated big hall. Crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling as red tapestries draped over walls.
Dazai sat opposite Chuuya, a long dining table with ornate tableware between them. He looked at the evening’s entrée and motioned towards the shorter man. “Pass me the knife, darling.”
“I’m busy. Why don’t you get it yourself,” came the cool retort.
“Whatever could you be busy with, honey?” Dazai smiled tightly as he looked over.
“Well, the pig won’t cut itself, would it, dear Osamu?” Affectionate words were said with clear disdain. Chuuya didn’t even bother to look up.
“That pig is certainly not worth more attention than your beloved husband, hmm?” Dazai cajoled.
“My beloved soon-to-be-ex-husband can certainly take care of himself. The pig can’t.”
Dazai was irritated. “Oh, so you are prioritising the pig over your still-legal-husband now?”
“At least the pig wouldn’t ask me for something he could get himself,” Chuuya said frostily, still refusing to look up.
“Maybe I should handle the pig instead. I’m more adept at butchering than you.” He glared venomously at the pig holding Chuuya’s attention.
“Just so you can make me get the knife for you? No thanks.”
Silence reigned for a moment as Chuuya hummed over the knife selection before him, before finally picking one out.
Dazai piped up. “That knife isn’t suitable.”
“Did I ask for your commentary?”
“I wouldn’t be commenting if you were doing it right.”
“There’s no right or wrong way to cut a pig.”
“There is, if you want them presentable.”
“Well, I don’t,” Chuuya gritted out.
“That’s because there’s no accounting for taste.”
Chuuya slammed his knife onto the table, glaring up at Dazai.
“You come over and do it then.”
Dazai swung his head to the side. “Nope. I’m busy.”
“Then shut up,” Chuuya snapped.
“I would,” Dazai retorted, “If we didn’t still need the pig for tonight.”
Chuuya’s veins throbbed in anger as he gripped the knife. Whether he would use it on the pig or Dazai remained uncertain.
As for the “pig” in question, he was at least smart enough to shrink unto himself and stay silent as the duo bickered above him. After all, his comrades were either dead or unconscious around the soukoku-destroyed dining hall after having been exposed as human traffickers.
After that, things seemed peaceful for a while—until the Hunting Dogs suddenly barged into the Agency.
“We are here to make an arrest. We received a tip that you are harbouring a dangerous ability user here. Tsushima Shuuji. You are wanted for 138 counts of murder, 312 counts of extortion, and 625 counts of assorted fraud,” Tecchou announced.
The members paused in their tasks.
“Was there a mistake? We don’t have anyone by that name here?” Kunikida asked, confused.
“We’ll see about that. They should be sending over the fugitive’s picture soon.” Jouno smiled warningly, daring the ADA to keep the fugitive hidden.
A ding.
Jouno handed the tablet over while the picture loaded.
The Agency members crowded around it, watching as the image unfolded in increments, slowly revealing the face of… “Dazai?” they exclaimed in surprise.
“Look, surely there’s been a mistake,” Kunikida protested.
Jouno looked puzzled as well, turning to Tecchou who told him, “It’s indeed a picture of Dazai Osamu.”
Kunikida looked worriedly at Dazai, “Do you know anyone who would want to frame you?”
Dazai’s face was unreadable as he said, “Give me a moment," and turned to make a call.
When the other side picked up, he snapped, “You called the Hunting Dogs on me?!”
“You called the fucking cops on me first!” Nakahara Chuuya’s voice, loud and unmistakable, spilled from the phone.
“That’s because you were trespassing!” Dazai yelled.
“Where? At my own damn house?” Chuuya snarled back.
“A house bought with my money!”
“Well too bad. It’s under my name!”
A collective, weary sigh filled the office as the shouting continued in the background.
Jouno looked contemplative. “Ahh… The captain did warn us about this.”
“So, you guys aren’t arresting him?” Atsushi asked.
“We deal with terrorists, not marital squabbles,” Jouno firmly rejected.
“Even if he really did commit those crimes?” Atsushi asked curiously.
Jouno tilted his head at the bullet-ridden desk and the scorch marks around the walls. “Well, we don’t exactly want him in our containment either. We like our office damage-free.”
The Agency members all huffed in disappointment.
After being lectured about misusing public resources, Dazai and Chuuya were punished to spend their day stuck to each other. Everyone reckoned that since they had to suffer the couple’s presence, they might as well make the couple suffer with them. Thus, a special ability user had been brought in to make it happen. The Agency, picked through an (un)lucky draw, had the dubious honour of hosting the couple during work hours.
Dazai and Chuuya sat side by side in the office, their hands locked together by an ability, while the other hand went about their respective tasks. They had given each other the silent treatment, until…
“Shut up. You’re thinking too loud,” Chuuya groused.
“I didn’t complain when you’re existing too loud, did I?” Dazai rolled his eyes.
Kunikida stopped them before they could end up in another fight. “This is meant to help you work together to resolve your issues.” He gestured at their hands bound together and threatened. “Cooperate or we will extend the timing of the ability.”
The duo quieted under Kunikida’s glare.
Though the peace didn’t last long.
“Get it yourself.”
“I didn’t ask.”
“Your taste sucks.”
“You chose the colour.”
“Lazy bastard.”
“Idiot slug.”
With each petty remark, Kunikida’s fingers tightened further and further, until his pen broke. He slammed the table. “Enough! You two are adults so act like it. If I hear another insult out of your mouths, I’ll make sure you both never get free.”
The two settled down sullenly.
Some time passed, before Dazai muttered, “Rainy days.”
Chuuya shot back. “Teacup.”
“Paper clips.”
“Damn gold bracelet.”
Kunikida’s pen broke again. Even if nothing offensive was said, the way they spat out the words indicated that they were insulting each other in their own language or whatever weird ways they communicated.
As such, their timeout was extended, and Kunikida sent them out alone on a case—whether it was meant as a punishment or just so others could have a break from them was hard to say.
When Dazai and Chuuya arrived at the warehouse after tracking down the suspect, they found themselves surrounded by a whole smuggling ring instead. Considering that Chuuya couldn’t use his ability since Dazai's hand was still locked with his, he couldn’t wipe them out in seconds like usual.
“This is all your fault. If you hadn’t provoked that straight-laced colleague of yours, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”
“It takes two to tango, Chuuya. If you hadn’t burned my suicide books in the first place, none of this would have happened.”
“If you hadn’t bombed my hat collection, I wouldn’t have touched your stupid books.”
“Well, if you hadn’t destroyed—”
“Ahem. Ahem. If you guys can focus, I’m trying to explain why you guys are going to die here tonight,” said a random suit-wearing thug, who had been trying to get their attention since they arrived.
Soukoku blinked owlishly at him.
Then turned back to argue with each other.
The thug looked done. “Just kill them off.”
The surrounding men charged and one swung his bat at Dazai, who suddenly bent down, causing the bat to swing at nothing but the hat on Chuuya’s head.
Chuuya was shocked. “My hat!” He pulled Dazai up by his collar and shook him. “You did that on purpose!”
“Only an idiot will stay still to get hit!” Dazai defended hotly.
“Try dodging this then.” Chuuya clenched his fists and threw a punch at the brunet, who dodged again—just in time for the hit to land on the bat-wielding goon who was gearing up for another swing.
“Stop dodging!”
“I’m not an idiot.”
Chuuya swung another punch which missed, or hit, depending on who you’re asking, and another goon went down.
Dazai suddenly yanked Chuuya close and twirled him around—dodging a knife swing—while copping a feel. “Ooh sweetheart, did you gain weight?”
Chuuya immediately flung his arm out, the one connected to Dazai—bowling him into the incoming men—and slamming him to the ground.
“It’s called muscles, you marital letdown,” he told the man laying atop the pile of groaning bodies.
Dazai kicked his leg out in response, sweeping Chuuya’s feet from underneath him and sending him crashing to the floor—and into a thug who was getting up—and Chuuya quickly used the momentum to roll over, yanking Dazai up and into the floor in the opposite direction—and into another group of charging men.
Dazai wasn’t caught off guard this time and jerked their bound hands as he fell, pulling Chuuya into a headlock and tightening his arms around the shorter man’s neck as they went down.
With his breath cut off, Chuuya kicked his feet sky-high and wrapped his thighs around the neck of a thug who was about to swing down at them. He coiled his body, dragging the man down and using him as leverage to twist upward—hauling Dazai with him as he pivoted over the thug and body-slammed Dazai to the floor, weakening Dazai’s stranglehold enough to wrench himself out.
As he sprang up, Dazai tackled him by the waist, crashing them headlong into a row of stacked crates—and bringing the whole lot of it down on the remaining goons. On the ground, Chuuya quickly rolled them over, sitting astride Dazai to punch him.
Dazai caught his wrist and flipped their position, raising his hand to strike. He paused when he realised their bound hands were now free.
Chuuya took that chance to kick him down and—
“Dazai! Nakahara! It’s an ambush! We got the ability user to free you, so… be careful…” Kunikida trailed off when he saw the two wrestling on the ground.
Looking at the broken crates and the group of men groaning around the couple—who were still trying to tear each other apart—Kunikida flipped open his notebook with a muttered curse. “I shouldn’t have even bothered.”
---
Dazai was leaning against a crate in a warehouse when Fyodor approached. The Russian greeted him. “It’s hard to track you down these days. Are you interested in partnering up again? The Shibusawa alliance was really a memorable—"
“Can you cook?” Dazai interrupted, focusing on his notes and scribbling something down.
Fyodor was taken aback. “No.” he answered, though it sounded more like a question.
Dazai angrily marked something in his list. “Bake?”
“No.”
“Do you know how to do the laundry?”
“I guess,” Fyodor answered. It was just putting clothes in the washing machine, wasn’t it?
“What about silk shirts? Or suede and wool? Do you know how to clean them?” Dazai was furiously writing now.
“No…”
“Pay your taxes?”
“Why would I?”
“Do you at least grocery shop, then?” Dazai demanded.
“Never needed to.”
“Ugh, you’re useless. Go away.” Dazai said crossly, looking down at his sheet to ignore Fyodor.
“…Are you making a list to find a potential partner?” Fyodor asked after catching a small glimpse of the notes before Dazai quickly hid it away.
Chuuya snorted.
Fyodor paused. He hadn’t even noticed someone else was there.
The ginger was sitting behind the crate Dazai was leaning on, cross-legged and arms folded, with his back to Dazai.
(This time, Soukoku had been forced to spend time together outside of missions. Read: kicked out of the office.
“What if they kill each other?”
“I sure hope so.”)
“What? Trying to look for a new partner so soon?” Chuuya sneered out loud to Dazai. He swivelled his head and scanned Fyodor up and down derisively, obviously finding him lacking, though his eyes lingered on the white Italian suit, noting the exquisite craftsmanship.
“What?” Dazai said venomously when he saw Chuuya’s head peeking out from behind. “Saw a new partner you like?”
Chuuya turned back around to face the wall. “Unlike you, I don’t go around asking people out when I’m married.”
“It’s called a double suicide. It's not cheating.”
“Oh yeah?” Chuuya got up and stomped aggressively toward Fyodor. “Hey you! Russian rat! Let’s have a double suicide right now.”
Dazai immediately tackled him when he passed, saying viciously, “If you dare go out with another man, I’ll gut him right in front of you.”
Fyodor made himself scarce after that. He wasn’t low enough to come between a couple. He can plot to destroy Yokohama another day.
As days passed, Atsushi thought things had been looking up. The fights had lessened, and the couple seemed almost civil whenever they interacted with each other now. Maybe it was all the flowers Dazai had gifted Chuuya. He even heard from Akutagawa that Chuuya had bought a piece of land for Dazai recently. Now that tempers had cooled, he guessed they were trying to make amends in their own way.
Evident in the scene before him.
At the compulsory ADA-Port Mafia meeting, Dazai and Chuuya hadn’t so much as sniped at each other, much to the relief of others. No one wanted to sit through hours of arguments that had nothing to do with the issue at hand.
Soukoku had been separated from the start, both organisations making sure they sat as far away as possible from each other.
When lunch break came, everyone was on edge once again. Dispersed around the room as they are, they could only watch nervously as Dazai made his way to Chuuya and sat beside him. Chuuya didn’t look up from his papers and Dazai didn’t look at him either, setting a cute homemade bento box onto the table.
Under everyone’s gaze, the bento box was slid quietly to Chuuya’s side. Chuuya paused and everyone tensed up for his reaction.
The ginger raised a brow. Opening the lid of the bento box revealed a sumptuous home-cooked meal.
Chuuya’s lips were curved into a slight smile even as he closed the lid back up.
Around the room, relieved exhales could be heard.
The meeting continued smoothly after that.
After the meeting, Atsushi gasped as Chuuya took the bento box and dumped it straight into the trash. No hesitation.
“C-Chuuya-san, aren’t you going to eat that?”
“If you want to be poisoned, be my guest.”
“T-that… You must be mistaken. Dazai-san has been putting in a lot of effort to cook for you.”
Chuuya snorted. “The world must be ending if Dazai ever tried to be romantic.”
“That’s not true. He’s really been trying.” Atsushi looked at Dazai desperately. “Dazai-san, didn’t you get Chuuya-san flowers recently?”
At his nudging, Akutagwa coughed. “And Chuuya-san, didn’t you buy a piece of prime estate for Dazai-san that day?”
Chuuya looked nonchalant. “Oh, you mean those funeral flowers? I threw them out as well.”
Dazai sniffed. “That place? He just wants to have my burial plot there so he can get the land tax-free.”
Then, they both signed dreamily at their imagined futures.
“I can’t wait for the bastard to drop dead. That land would be such a bargain then.”
“Why couldn’t chibi’s funeral arrive sooner. Just think of all the wealth I’ll inherit.”
Tanizaki said weakly. “Look at the bright side. At least they aren’t arguing anymore…”
“Why would I? I’m not going to waste time arguing with a dead man walking.”
“I’m just letting chibi spend his final days on earth in peace.”
Atsushi shouldn’t have asked. Soukoku never play by the rules in the first place.
---
Another day, another big bad of the week that once again required soukoku’s presence. It was an organisation from the west, and they wanted to take over Yokohama for one reason or another—no one bothered to listen, they were just eager to get soukoku out of their hair. Since neither the Port Mafia nor ADA wanted to deal with the couple, they threw them at a target instead.
Let them be someone else’s headache for once.
“Honestly, their fights are getting worse,” Yosano sighed.
“At least they are out of the office. Still, I can’t help but worry about whatever destruction they might cause,” Kunikida said frustratedly.
Tanizaki chuckled. “At least the enemy’s HQ is in the middle of the sea this time. How bad can it be?”
Just as his words fell, the lights above flickered once and went out. The whole office was suddenly plunged into darkness.
“Oh my, was there a faulty switch?” Yosano looked at the breaker box questioningly.
Before she could get up to check, multiple cell phones started to ring.
Fukuzawa went to answer his first, an urgent call coming through.
Kenji looked out the window. “Oh! The outside is dark as well.”
Fukuzawa returned from his call, bearing news.
Good news: The enemy organisation had been dealt with—wiped out in fact.
Bad news: There was now a city-wide blackout in Yokohama.
Everyone paused, unable to compute for a moment.
Weren’t soukoku supposed to be out at sea??
How did they even cause this?
Unfortunately, the investigation didn’t reveal much. No one knows how it happened, but soukoku, in one of their many arguments, somehow disturbed a power grid and managed to unleash Yokohama’s full power supply onto the enemy organisation, thus wiping them off the face of the earth.
There weren’t even ashes left of the enemy or their HQ to begin with.
Anyone aiming to target Yokohama had immediately backed off after that, avoiding the place like it was the plague.
Statistics later showed that terrorism for the month had fallen into the negatives, a never-seen-before figure in the history of Yokohama.
Kunikida had mixed feelings about it.
---
It was a normal day, or as normal as it could be with the power outage, when the director of the Special Division for Unusual Powers, Taneda Santouka, came for a visit.
“There’s no need for formalities,” the man laughed and waved Naomi off when she went to prepare refreshments. “I’m just here to visit a friend and be a listening ear.”
He made his way to Dazai’s table. “Ah, Dazai-kun, there you are.”
He grabbed a chair and sat next to the desk. “I heard you were having troubles. Marriage troubles,” the man hinted smilingly, folding his hands over his knees.
Dazai raised a brow. “Are you meddling in marriage disputes now?”
“My job is to work for the betterment of the people. Helping you is part of my job, I would say.” Taneda smiled. “So, how long are you and Nakahara-kun going to fight? You youngsters have so much energy. It’s better to part ways civilly, don’t you think?”
“Let me guess, you visited Chuuya first?” Dazai smiled knowingly.
Taneda laughed. “He’s spirited. I didn’t even get to start before he threw me out at the mention of your name.” He looked at Dazai, gaze calculating. “I heard you've already applied for a divorce, so why all the fuss? Will you even manage to be civil once it’s final?”
Dazai lost interest at the mention of the divorce. “I don't know. Probably. It’ll take ages though, since all our assets are mixed up.”
Taneda got up. “I see. Don’t worry about it.”
The next day, their divorce application had already been approved and rushed to their respective doorsteps. What was supposed to take a minimum of 6 months was expedited to just 3 weeks. All that was left to do was sign the papers and submit them to the local office to obtain the certificate.
As Atsushi entered the office that morning, he picked up the parcel addressed to Dazai and threw it into the trash, ignoring the sudden flames erupting. He opened the window to let the air in, watering the hanging flowers as a sniper bullet whizzed past and imbedded into Dazai’s desk, missing the target who had already rolled his chair to the side, bringing his coffee cup along.
Atsushi was going to head to the pantry to get rid of the poisoned tea bags when he saw Dazai getting ready to head out.
“Dazai-san? Are you leaving already?” Work hadn’t even been an hour yet!
“I’m heading out to deal with some personal matters. I’ll be back soon.” Dazai threw down those words and left.
The whole office turned to look at Ranpo.
Munching on his snack, Ranpo replied, “They are signing the divorce papers today.”
Tanizaki hesitantly asked, “Will that actually stop the assassination attempts?”
Ranpo laughed and refused to elaborate.
Atsushi kept a look out, and so he immediately saw when Dazai had returned.
“He’s back!”
And with Chuuya.
The group immediately crowded around the window and watched as Dazai and Chuuya walked side by side, conversing calmly.
“They are not fighting…?”
The two soon disappeared out of sight as they entered the building. Waiting with anticipation, the Agency members sat by the edge of their seats as time ticked slowly, until they finally heard the sound of footsteps and muffled conversation approaching outside the door.
Dazai swung the door open.
“Did it go through?” Kunikida asked, almost desperately.
Dazai paused. “Nope.”
Despair settled around the room. Was it not over yet?
Chuuya frowned from behind Dazai. “What’s wrong with them?”
Dazai turned to him with a smile. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it, chibi.”
Chuuya snorted. “Flatterer.” He pulled Dazai in for a quick kiss. “I’ll see you at home.”
“See you.” Dazai waved, staring besottedly at the departing figure.
“So… you guys aren’t getting a divorce?” Tanizaki voiced everyone’s thoughts.
“Nope. We’re fine.”
“Didn’t he try to kill you this morning?” Atsushi asked.
Dazai shrugged, going back to his desk. “What married couple doesn’t have a few disagreements?”
That was true...but they don't bring the whole city down over it!