Chapter Text
Kenny and his experience with Stan-
Before the events leading up to the car, Kenny has had his own experience with Stan some months before. It was a Friday evening and it was pouring rain outside. Kenny unfortunately got caught in it when walking home from one of his 'quests'.
He wasn't anywhere close to his house but he realized he was close to Stan's place. Kenny made his way quickly to the neighborhood, running through the fast falling rain, until he finally reached Stans house. Kenny quickly approaches the house and knocks on the door.
After a minute the door opens and Kenny is greeted by Stans dad. "Whoa! Hey kid you should come inside. I'll let Stan know you're here." Stans dad quickly ushers Kenny in the house and shuts the door as he calls Stans name to come downstairs.
Shortly after Kenny enters, Stans mom comes from the kitchen with an apron on and Kenny can smell delicious food being made in there.
"Oh my goodness! Kenny you're soaked dear. Come and take that off before you get a cold." Kenny approaches and takes off his parka and Stan's mom quickly grabs it from him.
"What! I was trying to get dressed." Stan comes down and enters wearing sweatpants and a towel hanging around his neck. He's shirtless with the upper body looking a bit shiny from water and his hair looking a bit darker from water.
Kenny can feel his face heat up when he lifts his gaze from Stans bare chest and to his eyes. Feeling like he was caught as Stan quirks a brow at him. "Kenny is staying here until the rain lets up. Go to your room with him and lend him some dry clothes. I'll make sure to wash and dry them for you sweetie before you need to leave." Sharron says that last part to Kenny to which responds with a smile.
"Thank you Mrs. Marsh."
"Come on dude, I think I have something you could wear." Stan approaches and grabs Kennys hand, leading them to his room as his mom calls out something about calling them down soon for dinner.
This is so embarrassing. Kenny can't help but focus his gaze on Stans bare back as they go to his room. He's only seen Stan shirtless a handful of times in the boys locker room at school and for some reason Kenny can't help but stare in awe at his physique. The football practices have been having a good change on his body he can tell. Small back with defined muscles that kind of look similar to his own build since he plays baseball.
His pecs also look amazing and Kenny can't help but feel his face grow even more red at the sight of them. What is wrong with him right now?! Why does his whole body heat up when he makes eye contact with Stans bare upper half?? Wait..pecs? Since when did Stan turn around?!
"Hello! Earth to Kenny." Kenny jumps when he realizes they're in his room with the door closed and it seems Stan has been trying to get his attention for some time now. "My eyes are up here." Stan smirks as Kenny coughs at having been called out and before he quickly composes himself and fixes a smirk right back at him.
"What? I can't help but admire a hot bod when I see one." Kenny grins in triumph as Stan's teasing smile gets wiped away and his face is replaced with a slight red hue and wide, shocked eyes. "Aww, not only are you hot but you're cute when you're flustered Stan."
Kenny cackles when Stan splutters out a response as his face turns a brighter red. "Sh-Shut the fuck up! Just go hurry and get undressed while I get you some clothes." Stan quickly turns away as if he's making an attempt to hide his red face and makes his way to his drawers.
Kenny smiles at his flustered friend. Jeez, Kenny notices how Stan gets so riled up when complimented, which he secretly loves to see. Kenny turns away and begins to get undressed from his soaked clothes. He feels a chill go down his spine from the sudden cold he feels from the water as he drags his shirt up and off himself.
He drops it on the floor and turns to see Stan staring at him, holding what looks to be his dry clothes. Stan lifts his gaze from his chest to Kennys eyes to which he can't help but tease him for. "Dude, what the hell happened to privacy?" Kenny winks at him jokingly and Stans face blooms in bright red again before coughing and averting his gaze.
"Shut up. I wasn't looking at yo-" Stan moves his gaze back to Kenny but cuts himself off when he glances down at the corner of Kennys lower stomach. "What the hell is that?!" Stan quickly flings the clothes on his bed and moves in front of Kenny which takes him by surprise.
"S-Stan?? Are you- uh- are you good?" Kenny tries to take a step back from him to bring back some distance but Stan follows him and even begins to lower himself on his knees. "Hey! Wait a second! What the hell are you trying to do?!"
"Shut the hell up Kenny and calm your tits. You wish I'll suck you off." Kenny looks down and feels Stan press his thumb into his lower abdomen. "When was this?" Stan touches the circular brown scar on Kenny, which he kind of forgot was there. The only one that knows about it is Eric from when Ms. Cartman paid for the two of them to get swimming lessons.
The only reason Kenny even joined in on those swimming lessons when they were younger was because of how Eric didn't want to be the only kid who needed help swimming. So of course, the good friend he tries to be, joined him with plenty complaints and teases.
Kenny swats his hand away gently, suddenly feeling shy about it. Stan stands up, brows furrowing in confusion as Kenny huffs out a breath. "It's nothing. Really Stan, it's not something you need to worry about."
"Oh cut the crap Kenny! Since when did you have a scar like this and from what?" Kenny steps back to put some distance between them, realizing how close they were, but Stan follows by taking a step forward. "Me and you are friends! You know you can tell me anything right?" A pause. "Was it your mom or dad that did it?.."
Kennys eyes widen at the implication. "N-No! It wasn't them, don't even worry about that possibility." Stan still looks unconvinced and glances away with a reluctant sigh. Kenny reaches for his cheek and turns his face back to him. "Trust me. If it was them they wouldn't hurt me in a way they'd leave a scar. They may be alcholics but it's the neglectful shitty kind, not the physical shitty kind." Kenny laughs as Stan lets out a scoff but still gives a small smile in response.
"Okay well, can you at least tell me where the hell that came from?" Kenny smiles, it warms his heart to know there's somebody in his life who cares.
"Well, uh..it's very complicated. We honestly may need to sit down for this."
"Damn, I knew this was serious. Well hurry up and sit so you can spill!" Kenny starts laughing. "What's so funny?"
"It's just- I would like to wear warm and dry clothes before I explain." Stan blinks at him before looking down and seeming to remember he's standing in front of a very shirtless Kenny who is still wearing soaking pants.
"Shit! Sorry, I forgot about that." Stan turns his quickening red face away and goes to retrieve the clothes he has for him on his bed. Kenny begins to undo his pants before Stan turns back around and sees him. "K-Kenny! What the hell man don't get fully undressed while I'm still in here! Taking the shirt off is fine, but are you really okay with me being in here with you when you're- uh..pantsless?"
Kenny looks towards him and tilts his head in confusion. "Oh...I thought it's okay since you know.." Kenny doesn't know what he's about to say or why his face is starting to feel warm again.
"I know what?!" Kenny turns his head to the side to look away from Stan, suddenly feeling embarrased for some reason.
"It's you." Stan feels his brain shortcircut. "I mean- it's like-" Kenny stumbles over his words as Stan looks even more confused at what he could possibly mean.
Kenny pushes through the nerves clawing at his throat and explains. "What I mean is..since it's you I don't mind. It doesn't feel weird to undress in front of you because well..it feels okay?" Natural. Like it's common sense Stan is allowed to see him bare. Obviously he can't say that part out loud though!
Kenny doesn't know why but he feels even more hot all of a sudden. Stan looks at him, stunned, like he doesn't know how to respond to that. Kenny worries that he's said something weird and begins to try and make a joke to laugh it off but Stan say's something before he could.
"No, I um..get what you mean. Like we've been friends for so long that it makes sense for you to feel that way. Sorry, I'm just- it's- I was caught off guard." Stan looks down and shuffles his feet a bit and Kenny can tell that Stan's face has a tint of red to it. "My plan was to leave the room and dry clothes to you, and then when you're dressed, I can retrieve the wet clothes and let my mom deal with it."
"Change of plans I guess?" Kenny laughs out loud with a bright, red flush to his face. "Sorry dude, it's too cold for me to keep these clothes on for another second." Stan rolls his eyes but snaps towards where Kennys hands begin to slowly pull his pants down. Kenny feels the wetness clinging to his body as another shiver goes through him.
Stan can't help but watch with intensity at Kenny undressing himself fully. This feels too intimate for Kenny and he can hear Stans breath hitch as his pants fall to the floor, leaving him in only boxers. The boxers hug his shape too tightly from the water that must've soaked it from the pants. Kenny notices Stans gaze move from his boxers to his face and can see how red his cheeks are. Kenny realizes that he's not the only one catching on to how oddly intimate this feels.
Once Kenny steps out of the pants on the floor Stan snaps out of whatever tiny trance he was under and moves towards Kenny to hand him the dry clothes without making eye contact as Stan can feel his face would burst from this odd sensation of heat.
"H-Here, get dressed and I'll be back after I hand these to my mom." Stan flings the clothes at him and quickly brushes past Kenny and picks up his pants and shirt and dashes out the room.
What was that tension about?!?! Kenny is used to encountering sexual tension from people in the past, but it was all fun and games and the heat of the moment type of tension. Nothing that holds anything close to being romanitc or intimate. Kenny felt butterflies in his stomach when Stan watched him slide his pants off, it almost looked like Stan was admiring him. That couldn't be the case obviously!
He hasn't ever felt butterflies for someone before. Boners? Yeah of course, but butterflies?! That's something he thought was only a myth in those corny rom com shows and movies. Kenny thought butterflies is what you feel for someone you're in love with. Last time he checked, he's not in love with anyone! Especially not someone who's meant to be one of his best friends!
Kennys eyes widen when he remembers he needs to get dressed and quickly shakes away those thoughts and starts drying himself with a towel Stan left for him. Once he's dry enough he changes into the dry clothes. Right on time, Stan comes back in seeming to have fully composed himself, now wearing a shirt.
"Your clothes have been put to wash and dinner will be ready soon." Kenny nods and seats himself on Stans bed and he follows shortly after, leaving little room between them. Kenny doesn't mind the lack of space though, obviously.
"Okay, look, if I tell you what I'm about to tell you about how I got my scar, don't freak out too much." Stan scrunches his eyebrows in confusion. "Also ask little questions because I don't even fully understand how this whole thing works or how it came to be."
"Are you messing around? How serious is this?!"
"Not too serious anymore I guess. Kinda used to it now unfortunately." Kenny heaves out a quick sigh as he prepares himself to just spill and get it over with. "This scar I got came from a while ago and..it's because I was impaled with a spear." Stans eyes widen at this.
"WHAT?! What the fuck dude! Shit! How did that happen?!" Stan loudly exclaims as he quickly pushes Kennys shirt up and lowers the band of his pants a bit to see the scar again.
"Hey! Dude quit it with that! What if your parents walk in and see your hand practicaly shoved down my pants??" Stan ignores him and traces the shape with his finger, now being able to see that it fits the shape of a spear head.
"How and why did you get impaled by a fucking spear?"
"Well, it was back when we were eight. Remember that time I wasn't at school for a month and I told you it was because I was sick with explosive diarrea?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah this.." Kenny gestures to the scar that Stan is now mindlessly circling with his thumb. "Is why. I was supposed to die by the end of that day like usual, but I didn't."
"Like usual?!" Stan grows even more confused. "So what? You're telling me that you're some spirit that dies everyday but comes back??"
"I know it doesn't make sense Stan, I mean, I'm still trying to make sense of it all still. All I know is that I die in the most randomest and stupid way by the end of each day." Kenny can tell by the look on Stan's face that he's trying to make sense of it all.
"You..died yesterday?" Stan begins to vaguely remember the events involving Kennys death yesterday and his eyes widen in shock at the memory. "You did die yesterday! I think?! I feel like I remember but at the same time I don't."
Stan stops his mindless thumb circle and tugs Kenny closer to him in a comforting gesture. Kenny feels his face heat up at the sudden body flush to his side. "I'm so sorry Kenny! I don't know why my memory is being wonky. Are you okay? Who else knows?!?"
"I-It's okay, I don't expect you all to have perfect memory of all of my deaths, and yes I am doing as best as I can be in this shitty curse I'm stuck with. Fatass is the only one who knows about the scar."
"Does he know about you dying everyday?" Kenny isn't quite sure about that part. Eric has always been by his side for a lot of his deaths. There are times where Eric has shown to be aware, but it wouldn't make sense why he is the only one with clear memory of each death. So, Kenny shakes his head at the idea.
"No, not that I'm too aware of." Kenny tries to calm his beating heart because Stan is still so close to him. Feeling his arm wrapped around his waist and the other reaching again back under the waistband of his pants to trace the scar, Kenny feels himself shortcircuting. Does Stan even know what he's doing to him right now?!
The affection Kenny is recieving is different than anything sexual he's ever experienced. Those touches had no meaning behind them, but this- the touches Stan is giving him, means something to him and it shouldn't. If it did, that would mean Kenny had feelings for-
"Hey, Kenny look at me." Kenny doesn't know when he started looking at Stan's hand placement and startles a bit before quickly darting his gaze back to his eyes. "No matter the reason why this is happening, you know that you can talk to me- us, about it right?"
"Yeah I know, look I'm fine Stan. I promise."
"Kenny I'm being serious. If I find out you're trying to suffer in silence over anything in your life instead of talking to us about it I will be the reason for one of your deaths." Kenny huffs out a laugh. The fondness Kenny is feeling is terrifying..but it feels nice as well.
"I know you will." Stan smiles and releases Kenny, giving him space. Space that Kenny finds he doesn't want.
A sudden knock on the door is heard before it opens and Stans mom appears at the doorway. "Hi boys, dinner is ready, and Kenny it looks like the sky has been cleared from rain for now." Kenny nods his head in gratitude before Stan's mom leaves the doorway.
"Come on, Mom told me she made steak and fries for dinner today!" Stan quickly jumps up from the bed as he takes Kennys hand and make their way out the door. Kenny ignores his erratically beating heart and allows himself to be lead out the room.
If Kenny has romantic feelings for Stan, which he definetly does NOT, he won't ever be able to confess, in fear of it changing their friendship for the worst if he doesn't reciprocate. This is why, while eating dinner with Stan and his family, Kenny accepts that having Stan in his life as a friend is better than him not being in Kennys life at all.
Kenny and his experience with Eric-
It was an early december morning on a saturday at Kennys house. Everyone in the house was fast asleep, not a sound to be heard. As Kenny rests he suddenly feels a heavy weight on his lap, straddling him. Unconsiously, because of the familiar position, he automatically places his arms and hands limply on curvy thighs. Wait what?!
Kenny groggily opens his eyes and blinks at the figure, not expecting to have his face inches away from Erics own, mismatched eyes looking back at him. Kenny feels his breath hitch at the close proximity as he gets scared shitless at Erics sudden appearance in his room.
"What the fuck?! Cartman?!?"
"Hey Kinny, Whatcha dreaming about?" Erics casualness begins to piss him off as he feels himself become cranky. He turns his head to the nearby digital clock and sees that it's four o'clock in the morning. He turns his head back to look at Eric.
"Cartman why the hell are you in my room at four in the morning?!" Eric leans back, creating a larger distance between their faces now, and rolls his eyes while having the audacity to cross his arms, looking as if Kenny is the one who barged in his room unnanounced and woke him up.
"What do you think? Can't you poor people remember anything?" Kenny blinks at him. "Today is the day I help you win the heart of that goth chick. It's mistletoe season!"
Kenny completely forgot about that, the memory of Eric declaring, that as his job as matchmaker, he'll help Kenny romance Henrietta. He doesn't really see the appeal to try to be in love with someone before sex, but Kenny felt that after his whole ordeal with Stan, maybe he should give romance a shot. Not with him though, Kenny has long accepted the fact that him and Stan will always be friends and that it was just a fluke.
His plan is to replace the feelings he realized he does not have for Stan and is convinced the only way to do so is to fall in love with someone else. So, he chose Henrietta, because if he can hook up with her, then he'll soon forget all about his supposed, totally nonexistent feelings for Stan. The logic makes sense right?? Kenny hopes so, because if not then he's utterly fucked.
So when he lied to Eric, telling him he's trying to go on a date with Henrietta, Kenny accepted Erics enthusiatic offer to help him. Eric claims it's because he knows how to get people together and that him helping Kenny get with Henrietta will be proof of it. Kenny doesn't really beleive Eric knows how to romance someone, but he's desparate, so he accepted.
He didn't account for Erics unwelcomed presence. Speaking of presence, Kenny then realizes the position him and Eric are in right now and widens his eyes in embarrasment and surprise. Eric straddling him with his arms still crossed as Kenny's grip on his thighs seemed to have tightened and become more firm from the shock of an unnanounced arrival.
Kenny trails his gaze upwards and finally takes a good look at him and feels his breath get taken from how beautiful and hot Eric looks. The mismatched eyes seeming to twinkle as the owner gazes playfully at Kenny. Those lips being set in a wicked smile, the smile Eric does when he knows he's being an asshole, the same smile that Kenny is finding to be really sexy at the moment. Eric looks stunning on top of him like this.
Kenny feels himself lost in a trance as his hands trail more upwards, now holding deliciously curvy, plump hips. He notices how Eric isn't putting his full weight on him, and he has to fight the odd and sudden urge to pull Eric down fully.
Much to Kennys horror, now that the fear has subsided, his body seems to replace it with heat that he can feel traveling to his-
"Uh hello?? Earth to Kenny!" Erics voice snaps him out of his trance.
"Huh?? Oh uh, right! Yeah I remember." Eric rolls his eyes and grabs his hands to tug them off his waist, causing Kenny to realize he was the one keeping Eric on him. He's probably been wanting to get off of him this whole time! Kenny immediately lets go of him and just as fast Eric gets off and jumps off the bed.
Much to Kennys horror he almost- almost lets out a whine from the loss of body contact.
"Sorry- I mean- Cartman it's too early for this shit!" Eric huffs out a laugh as he proceeds towards the window. Kenny glares at him and does his best to ignore the heat swirling below him. He tugs the covers tighter over his lap as he sits up.
"Whatever, just don't forget to be at my house today by ten in the morning. Mr. Kitty has a checkup today at twelve and can't miss it. Don't be stupidly late!" Kenny grunts out a response as he turns and lays back down in bed. He hears Eric take his leave through the window and closes it.
Kenny sighs, releived he can have some time to really process what the hell is going on with him. He turns on his back and stares at the ceiling. Why the hell did he just pop a boner all because Eric was sitting on him?! The way Eric was settled almost comfortably on top of him when he opened his eyes was not what Kenny was expecting. Oddly enough, it didn't feel weird. In fact, Kenny felt so warm and fuzzy inside when he took the scene all in and he fears what that could implicate. He doesn't even know when his hands began steadying Eric, preventing him from getting off.
Shit, now he feels bad for basically holding him hostage. Kenny knows Eric is iffy about physical touch unless he intitiates it. Over the years, though, Eric has gotten better at receiving physical touches as long as it's from either Kenny, Stan, and Kyle. Still, Kenny can't help but feel shitty for possibly making him uncomfortable even though Eric didn't seem uncomfortable.
He's lucky that Eric didn't notice the hard on and got off right before it started. What the hell is up with his body?! Kenny tells himself that it was only bc he hasn't gotten laid in a bit, not because it was Eric, and that he would've gotten a boner for anyone and anything in place of him.
Yeah, that sounds more plausible.
Since Kenny doesn't have the patience or energy at the moment to deal with the problem, unlike himself, he shuts his eyes and tries to go back to sleep and hopes that it will just go away if he thinks about enough gross things. Like toenails in food or some shit similar to that, which works.
A couple more hours pass by, and Kenny can feel the morning sun shining down on him and illuminating his room in light golden hues. He opens his eyes and squints out the window, wanting to turn around and lay back down in bed. He knows Eric would actually kill him however, so he forces himself to sit up and get out of bed.
He takes some time to stretch his arms before heading to his drawers to pick some clothes to put on for today. For some reason, Kenny is in the mood to dress up today. Well, something other than his usual parka. He throws on a cream baggy T-Shirt that has some small holes in random places labeled SlipKnot with some unintelligable band symbol and a pair of baggy jeans that hang low at the waist but is held up with a simple brown torn belt. Kenny makes his way towards his closet and grabs a brown old beany with small holes in random spots.
He then hurries out his room and turns into the hallway that leads directly to the kitchen to suddenly run into his older brother, Kevin. Kenny stops in his tracks and stares in bewilderment at him. Kevin is usually sleeping in or out early getting the tractor ready for Dad. So, seeing him making breakfast, which is just three boiled eggs, is a first. His brother turns his head at the noise and matches Kennys expression.
"What da hell are ya doin up so early?" Kevin asks in pure confusion and Kenny has to wince at the loud tone.
"Quiet the hell down!" Kenny harshly whisper yells. "Also, I don't think nine constitutes as early."
"For ya it sure as hell does." Kevin turns up the stove to have the eggs boil more faster and Kenny rolls his eyes and begins moving again to the living room where he has his worn down grey sneakers kept with the rest of the families shoes. "Where you headed?"
"Cartmans' place." Quick and to the point.
"This early? Da hell are ya doing over there that gotcha waking up at a time earlier than one on a weekend?!"
"It's nothing, just some stuff he wants to help me with." His brother looks at him still confused. Kenny lets out a sigh as he finishes tying his sneakers. He stands and grabs his skateboard that's leaned up by the front door. "It's something I can't explain in detail to you right now."
"Ah I see, it's a date ain't it? I owe Karen money now dammit!" Kevin turns the stove off while shaking his head in dissapointment over losing money.
Kenny splutters. "What?! The hell it's a date! Me and Cartman aren't- we're not- you two made a bet?!" Kenny asks incrediously as his brain starts shortcircuting at the thought of his brother thinking he's going on a date with Eric fucking Cartman.
"Huh? Why are ya so flustered?! It's fine if ya gay Kenny me and Karen don't give a fuck." His brother deadpans and shrugs as if he didn't tell Kenny that Karen and him beleive that he's hooking up with one of his best friends and made a BET on it.
"I mean I get it, he is pretty. I'm more into that mom of his. Hey speaking of Ms. Cartman..do ya think you could hook me up now that you is with her son?"
Kennys face heats up even more and he sputters out a fuck you and quickly exits the house without looking back. He speed walks away from the beat up looking trailer house and makes his way out the trailer park. Once he makes it to the sidewalk he puts his skateboard on the floor, finds his footing, and skates off towards Erics house.
His face is still hot despite the slight chill from the air and he's muttering curses to himself as he replays the conversation he just had with his brother. Are they fucking serious?! Him and Cartman? Dating?? As in boyfriend and boyfrie-
Who needs a heater in this cold when the thought of the two of them being a couple is enough to warm him up. Thoughts of earlier this morning dare creep back up and he has to shake his head to snap out of that train of thought. He continues to skate and does his best to shake off that recent interaction and re-focuses on the reason he's heading to Erics' house.
He needs to learn how to act in love with Henrietta so he can get in a committed relationship with her. After all, she has a pretty face and chill personaility so it shouldn't be hard to form some sort of romantic connection with her right? Right?!
Kennys plan to fake it till he makes it can't end up being a total bust.
Ten minutes later he ends up slowing to a stop in front of Erics' house. Kenny picks up his skateboard and takes a deep breath in and out as his brothers words come creeping back up. "This is not a date Kenny so just calm the fuck down." He says to himself, as he approaches the front door.
He steels himself and knocks on the door and waits a couple of minutes before he hears the sound of movenent from the other end. The door opens and Kenny does a double take when he lays his eyes on none other then Cartman who is dressed like- "Are you seriously cosplaying as Henrietta right now dude?! How the hell do you even own these clothes?"
Eric grins as he stands proudly with hands on his hips wearing a black haired wig that match Henrietta and some purple lipstick. He's wearing a black fitted dress that reaches only his upper thighs with a too high split. He is also wearing black fishnets that hug his legs nicely paried with black heels with silver chains attached to it. Don't forget the black necklace with a bat in the middle and some white pearls with it.
Shit, Kenny's blood begins to warm. Eric looks good. After the conversation with his brother and the events of the early morning, he is quick to turn red in the face. Before Eric can respond Kenny quickly ushers him inside and closes the door behind him. The last thing he needs now is some nosy neighbors peeping at Eric.
"What? I figured it was more authentic to dress up as the person of your current desires. After all, how are you going to practice making a move if she's not even here?"
"So your idea is roleplay?"
"Precisley! Now-" Eric grabs Kenny by the shoulders and leads him to the couch to sit down. "We will start with lesson one. There will be a total of three lessons that all dudes and chicks must pass if they want their confession to be a success."
"And those lessons are..?"
"Lesson one: dress to impress!" Eric yanks Kenny up from the couch after just seating him and spins him roughly, causing Kenny to spin cartoonishly before coming to a complete and dazed stop. "Check! It seems you decided to come with more details to your poor people clothes huh Kinny?" Eric teases and pushes Kenny to sit back down. Kenny plops back on the couch still in a daze of being spun so fast but shakes it off.
"You fucki-!"
"Lesson two: Approach!" Eric yanks Kenny from the couch again and causes him to almost lose footing. That asshole is doing this on purpose. Kenny glares at Eric before switching to slight confusion as Eric then walks away from him and to the other end of the room.
"What are you doing? What is this right now dude?" Kenny gestures at the distance in between them and Eric rolls his eyes as if it's obvious.
"Well obviously we're going to be practicing how you would approach her." Eric deadpans before clapping his hands together. "Now start walking towards me as you would her and don't forget the fucking greeting. Knowing you, you would skip that part and go straight to the bed instead."
Kenny flips him off but can't bother protesting the facts. He huffs in annoyance before shaking the nerves off and gets in the zone. He begins his usual way of walking and comes to a stop once he makes it in front of Eric.
"Wrong! No slouching when walking Kinny!! You have to try to exude confidence. I know it's hard because you're poor as shit but- "Fuck you fattass!" you need to make sure that Henrietta sees you and can see big boy energy- "Don't ever say that again." coming her way."
Eric then blows a whistle he pulled from who knows where, causing Kenny to immedietly scurry back to his starting position covering his ears at the loud, shrill sound. "Now again!" Kenny begins his walk again towards Eric and not even two steps in the shrill sound escapes the whistle again.
"Dammit Cartman! Stop blowing that stupid whistle."
"Not my fault you're walking like a crippled man. If you want the girl Kinny then you need to act like you're a winning man and not a losing one. Now again!"
Kenny huffs a long sigh before retreating again and starting over. It goes like this a couple more times of Eric scolding Kennys attitude he exudes in his walk and Kenny growing more and more irritated at continuously getting it wrong.
Finally, Kenny starts his walk again, he has his chest up and back straight and has one hand in his jean pocket with his thumb peaking over it. He uses the other hand to rake his fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth it back and seem confident. Once he approaches Eric again, he drops his hand and greets him with a smile.
"Hey Henrietta, you look really nice. Do you have time to talk? I have something I need to tell you." Eric stares back at him and Kenny prays he doesn't blow the whistle. After a few seconds of staring Eric suddenly jumps up and down and screams in triumphant, causing Kenny to jump back and fall in surprise at his outburst. "Ow shit dude!"
"You did it Kenny! About fucking time you realized the proper way to approach a gal." Eric claps his hands to applaud Kennys efforts and he burst into laughter as he eyes Kenny on the ground. "BAHAHA!!" Kenny looks up at him and feels his heart beating in his chest as he stares in awe.
Eric has his eyes close as he laughs and holds his stomach while wiping a tear from his eye. Face is flushed a perfect shade of red and he looks so bright that Kenny is having such a hard time breaking his gaze from the scene. He looks perfect and so happy with rosy cheeks and such a pretty smile as his laughter dies down.
Kenny feels his face turn heated as a thought passes his head about how cute Eric looks. He shakes his head to rid those thoughts before he begins to try and stand up. Eric then reaches his hand towards him to grab and Kenny can't help but smile and feel warm from the action and takes the offered hand to stand on his feet.
"Now, for the last lesson: Cupid Me!"
"Huh?"
"Cupid me! Time to win her heart with your confession. Show me what you got so far and I'll adjust it to better the success of it. Duh!! Damn you peasants need everything spelled for you."
"Shut the fuck up about being me poor Cartman!" Kenny closes his eyes and begins to try to think about words that will make Henrietta let him take her out on a date. "What I need to tell you is..um, I like you and want to go out with you." The whistle blows and Kenny almost falls back again from the sound.
"WRONG! That is not at all how you confess to the girl of your dreams Kinny. You need to try to go into details abour your feelings and not be a fucking prick eager to get into someones panties."
"Well how the hell am I supposed to go into details about this shit?! All there is to a confession is asking her out!"
"No, there is more to a confession than that dumbass. You need to go into details about your feelings leading up to saying you like her and asking her out."
"How??"
"Obviously start by complimenting her. Say things about her that you noticed and liked. Like how she does her hair, her makeup, how great her personailty is and whatever the fuck else that will show her you pay attention to her and actually like her before saying you like her." Kenny huffs out a sigh. This is going to be harder than expected.
How the hell is he supposed to come up with things like that to say to her when he doesn't actually pay attention to her in that way. He likes her face, her body, the way she talks so down to earth but what else?! There's no good enough details to describe how he feels about her and why since he doesn't really feel anything romantic towards her at all. He can't let Eric know that though.
"Okay okay I get it."
"Good. Now again!" Kenny clears his throat.
"So, Henrietta you are one of the people in my life that I uh care about deeply and I've always found you to be really pretty. Wanna go out with me?"
"Hell no!" The whistle blows. This keeps going over and over again until Kenny has had enough.
"Look dude I can't fucking do it okay?!"
"Yes you can Kinny! Look just try to think of the things you like about her, like really try to think."
"You don't think I'm trying?" Eric gives him an exasperated look as Kenny turns to go sit down.
"No, stop and just look at me Kenny!" Eric tugs Kenny's arm to pull him hack to face him. "Seriously look at me. I'm fucking dressed up as her for a reason so just look at me and think of stupid things you like about me. In this case, I am her."
Kenny sighs before taking a good look into Eric's eyes. Now that he is taking a second to look at him, Kenny feels his body begin to heat up with warmth and he begins to feel oddly nervous. Say things he likes about her? Staring at Eric is making him realize thinking up things he likes is becoming a lot easier.
"Now let's do this again." Eric looks up at him with such a cute pout and Kenny has to fight the urge to lean in and ki-
"I like the way you carry yourself with confidence even if it's arrogant. I like that you're never afraid to speak your mind even if it hurts others. I like the way you have such an intense gaze in those pretty eyes of yours. I like how your eyes are unuiqe and full of life and sparkle when you're happy."
Eric looks surprised and his expression switches to awe at Kenny's words. "I like the way you always puff your cheeks and pout when you're upset. You look so fucking perfect and adorable when you do that. I like the way you're gentle with cats and talk in such a soft voice to them when you think no one is paying attention. I like how you are so sefless and selfish in many things you do but somehow find a balance in being both."
Kenny steps closer and Eric steps back and hits his back lightly against the wall. "I like the way you're so clingy but don't want to admit it. I like the way you smile with those pretty lips of yours." Kenny uses his hand to tilt Eric's face up to meet his and and places a thumb on his bottom lip. He allows his thumb to pass over and brush his lip slowly.
"You're so perfect and flawed in every way that feels so authentic and a breath of fresh air. Fuck I- I really- I think I like you."
Kenny holds his breath as he feels his heart stop. The anxiety he has spikes as Eric just stares at him with eyes wide and cheeks glowing a cute red. Slowly, Kenny begins to lean in, fighting the nerves telling him to stop, when suddenly Eric shrieks and screams in celebration causing him to stumble back in worry and surprise. "Ca-Cartman? I'm sorry I just-!"
"You did it Kinny!! You confessed your feelings to Henrietta!! That is how you win a girls heart. Almost had me thinking you were- HA as if! " Kenny stares in shock, eyes wide and confused at what is happening. He completely forgot he was supposed to be saying things he likes about Henrietta. Eric is jumping up and down and pumping his fist in the air and quickly makes his way to the kitchen.
"Wait no, that's not what I-!"
"Now you have successfully passed the final lesson and you have officially cupid me!" Eric comes out the kitchen with a bow and heart head arrow and aims it at him. "Now, time for your badge of honor at now being the ladies man." He lets go and shoots and it lands right on Kennys heart. Kenny is too flushed and shocked to even begin to utter anything.
"Why are you standing there so shocked? Let me guess you didn't have any faith that my lessons would help you learn how to score a chick? Well in your face!" Cartman laughs in glee as he makes his way to where Kenny is still standing with his mouth agape in bewilderment. "Come on Kinny you need to leave because Mr. Kittys appointment is coming up and I'm sure as hell not going there dressed like this."
Eric drags a shell shocked Kenny by the arm and opens the door and pushes him out. The sound of the door slamming shut behind him snaps him out of his daze. He grabs the arrow still suctioned to his shirt and pulls it off. Kenny stares down at the heart head arrow in his hand.
"Dammit."
Kenny and his experience with Kyle-
That day with Eric really had Kenny overthinking everything he's thought to have known about romance. The feelings he felt when with Stan was able to be shrugged off as a fluke, but the fact the same feelings showed up again when pretty much confessing his feelings to Eri- uh 'Henrietta', can't be a coincidence.
Kenny realized that he most definitly has feelings for Eric and denying that now after the confession wouldn't make sense. If he has feelings for Eric however, that would mean that he has feelings for Stan too and that would mean he is in love with not just one person, but two! He knows he's a manwhore so it would be on brand, but the fact that it's two of his best friends makes it all the more complicated.
This is something he can't just go and outright confess to the both of them and he's greatful Eric was clueless that time. If Kenny messes up and they reject him, the worst that could happen is them not wanting to be friends with him and kicking him to the curb. So, because of that, he's been prettty much skating away from the issue and trying his best to ignore his feelings and pretend they don't exist.
Speaking of skating around the issue, Kyle noticed that something was bugging Kenny since he's been less talkative than normal on group convos and is always quick to dismiss himself from group hangouts. He assumed it's because of something to do with Eric being an asshole and Kenny is just not saying anything or maybe something to do with his homelife.
All Kyle knows is that he wants to be there for him and try to comfort him anyway he can. That's why the two of them had just walked into a skating rink to hang out without the guys. Kyle invited Kenny to skate with him since he knows Kenny likes to skateboard, so this must be somewhat similar right? He felt that it was overdue to have just one on one time with Kenny anyway, so maybe the fun activity will cheer Kenny from whatever is making him act odd.
"Now that we're here, I feel that it's a good time to mention that I have no fucking clue on how to roller skate." Kyle chokes on the water he was sipping. They were sitting at a table after they got their skates and Kyle finished putting his on before Kenny, so he went to get water to drink and come back and wait for him. Kenny just finished strapping his skates on before dropping the new info on Kyle.
"What do you mean you don't know how?! Don't you skateboard?"
"Skateboarding is different than roller skating in mainly two obvious ways dude." Kenny laughs as Kyle rubs a hand over his face. He appreciates Kyle wanting to hang out with him and cheer him up because, albeit, he was acting odd. How can he not though?! He is just realizing that he has feelings for two people that's not built on lust and was built on romance and friendship which is a new experience for him.
"Dammit, I'm sorry dude. I noticed you were acting weird with the guys during school all week and being really avoidant and I was thinking.." Kyle bites his lips nervously and Kenny can't help but find the nervous tick of his really- "that maybe a day of roller skating could help since I knew you liked skateboarding. In a hurry brainstorming what could cheer you up I ended up bypassing that they're two different things to learn."
"Look, you're fine. I've always been wanting to learn how to skate anyways. Give me a hand?" Kyle smiles and reaches for Kennys hands to help him stand. Kenny wobbles a bit at first, but with Kyles help, finds his balance. "Okay but you are definetly not letting me go. Dying from roller skates doesn't sound like a way I'd like to go today." Kyle laughs as he now leads Kenny onto the skating rink holding his hand, now with one.
"It's okay I got you Kenny. Just don't let go of my hand unless you feel more comfortable skating." The two boys hand in hand begin their time on the rink. Slowly though, because Kenny stumbles and wobbles as Kyle helps teach Kenny how to find his balance.
"How the hell are you not falling on your face right now?!" Kenny clutches Kyles hand tightly as he stumbles again and almost falls flat on his face before Kyle grabs onto Kennys waist to steady him. Kenny feels a shiver run down from his neck to his lower back where Kyles hand is.
"I got you! Don't worry you'll get the hang of it the longer we're here." Kyle lets go and clasps his hand again and Kenny shakes the shiver away. It is kinda cold in here anyway.
An hour passes and Kenny does end up getting the hang of it with Kyles help and patience. Now they're skating at a steady pace side by side while still holding hands. What? Kenny still needs the free insurance just in case and nothing more. That's what he tries to tell himself. He tries not to pay any mind to the warm feeling he's getting in his chest again. Similar to what he felt with Stan and Eric.
"Dude so..what gives? You've been totally avoiding any hangout with the four of us and not engaging in pretty much any conversation. We've all noticed and I'm worried." Kyle gives Kenny a concerned look. Kenny sighs, he can't tell Kyle he's in love with Stan and Eric fucking Cartman of all people. Kyle would judge his taste in men for sure, but only because it's Eric.
"Nothing, I'm fine. I have been a bit tired as of lately. After spending some time at Cartmans' pla-."
"I KNEW IT! He's the reason isn't he?! What did that asshole do this time!" Kenny gets startled and stumbles again at Kyles short outburst before quickly finding his balance.
"No! It wasn't him, well it kinda was- but not like...really?" Kyle looks at him confused and Kenny huffs out a sigh. "Okay so look, I had went over to his house because I needed help with..well..trying to 'woo' Hnerietta." Kyle stifles a laugh. "Don't laugh dude I was desperate!"
"Yeah I can see that." Kenny groans as Kyle laughs. Going to Eric for advice on love is not something he's proud of and having Kyle laugh at him is taking a blow on his ego.
"Yeah yeah laugh all you want."
"I'm so sorry it's just- Cartman? Of all people?!" Kyle slows his laughing fit down and after he composes himself he's wiping a tear away. "S-Sorry again Kenny, I'm- hahaha- done, no more laughing from me."
Kenny rolls his eyes but smiles. "The point is, I discovered something..about myself."
"Like?.."
"Like my feelings." Kyle raises a brow waiting for Kenny to elaborate. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Yeah what is it?" Kenny takes a second before asking.
"How do you know that you like someone? Really like someone and it's not all in your head?" Kyle takes a second to think.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer dude..please." Kyles eyes widen slightly at the plea and begins to think of an answer. They continue skating side by side, hands interlocked as Kyle thinks up what to say. Kenny feels and notices Kyles thumb rubbing in a comforting circular motion on his hand. Kennys face turns a light shade of pink and his heart rate picks up.
"Well, from what I know.." Kyle trails off. "If you get like a warm feeling in your chest whenever you look or think of them, then that's definetly a sign." Kyle looks at Kenny and Kenny feels like he's being studied. "Or like, if you end up paying attention to small details about the person that no one else does."
Kenny takes a quick glance at Kyles lips before quickly looking back and Kyles eyes glance back up the same time. When they both realized they turned away. Both of them, red in the face. "I-I umm..just something that I had- uh- felt and did back when I had feelings for Nicole a long time ago." Kyle clears his throat before looking at Kenny again. "Why that question?"
Kenny looks back at Kyle and swallows thickly. "Oh um..look Kyle I-."
"NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE ROLLER ROCKING COUPLING! SO FIND A PARTNER AND ROLLER SKATE TO...'I SQUEEZED OUT THE BABY AND HAVE NO IDEA WHO THE FATHER IS'! THE WINNERS ARE WHO CAN STAY ROCKING ON THEIR SKATES THE LONGEST!"
Kenny was interrupted by the woman on the speakers. All of a sudden, a bunch of skaters started racing onto the rink, each of them being in a pair. Many skaters bumped into Kyle and Kenny, causing them to lose their balance and find it again. "The hell?! Since when were these skaters here? How can this place get this crowded?!" Kyle quickly tightens his hold on Kennys hand and helps lead them to safety in the corner of the rink where it was less busy.
"Seems like this is more of a competition for couples anyway. We should chill here until the competition is over." Kyle nods in agreement, but then the woman speaks again.
"WINNERS WILL GET A FREE MEAL AND BEVERAGE FOR HERE OR TO GO! START ROCKING THOSE ROLLERS!!"
Kenny and Kyle look at each other, already knowing what the other is thinking. "No Kenny."
"Oh come on! It's free food dude. I know that I'm not a strong skater but for a free meal? Hell, I'll wear single blades for something free to eat."
"Careful, you're sounding a lot like Cartman." Kenny and Kyle both laugh. The woman starts the countdown from ten. "Okay, fine screw it." Kenny cheers before Kyle silences him with a finger to his lips. "If you end up falling and getting hurt then don't blame me." Kenny quickly nods his head and Kyle removes his finger.
"Let's fucking do this." Kenny extends his hand and Kyle gladly takes it much to Kennys delight. As soon as the horn blows from the speakers the pair set off. The rink is filled with fast skating couples maintaining around a speed of twenty-five. In order for them to win they have to be at a constant speed of twenty or above. Kenny is thankful he knows how to skateboard because it made, catching up on learning how to skate, faster. Kyle is leading the way around the rink and Kenny is thankful that at least one of them has the skills in this.
Kyle increases speed while pulling Kenny along and the other skaters seem to do the same. Two laps go by and someone trips which causes their partner to fall down with them. "YOU ARE ELIMINATED! MAKE YOUR WAY OFF THE RINK!" The eliminated players walk off and it continues. After a fourth lap the announcers voice rings from the speakers. "NOW SKATERS, SPEED 40 AND ABOVE ONLY FOR TEN MINUTES!! ROCK THOSE ROLERS!"
"Oh dude, I don't think I can do this any longer." Kenny says as he feels his legs starting to burn slightly from the fast pace.
"No Kenny you got this, just for a bit longer. Look! There are already people calling quits."
As Kyle said, many people are forfeiting and skating off the rink while others are falling and getting eliminated. Now it's just 5 more pairs left and it leaves Kenny with an idea. Kyle looks at Kenny and can already see what he's thinking. "We are not going to sabotage the other skaters."
"Oh come on I'm dying here Ky!" The nickname has Kyle flushing red and he turns his face the other way. Kenny is starting to get that warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest again. He makes a note to himself to call Kyle that nickname more often. Kyle turns his head back to Kenny, holding back a smile and failing.
"You hang around Cartman too much." Kenny grins and shrugs, now the two of them are off on their mission to winning a free meal. They race ahead to the pair in front of them and as they pass them Kenny sticks his foot out and trips them, causing that couple to fall and tumble backwards, knocking out the pair behind them as well.
They continue on and make it to the next pair and do the same, but this time Kyle propels Kenny forward while still holding on to him, allowing Kenny to subtly kick behind the persons knee. The skater falls forward and drags her partner with her and those two accidentally knock the others in front of them down too. The last pair of skaters nearly dodged that mess and went to go skate pass them but Kyle yanked on the persons shirt, which caused them to fall and of course, drag their partner down too.
"CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS! A FREE MEAL TICKET AWAITS YOU AT THE BOOTH!" Kenny and Kyle both erupt into cheers and shouts of celebration at their not so sneaky win. I mean seriously, Kenny and Kyle know the only reason they weren't disqualified for cheating is because the workers don't get paid enough to care.
"YES! Free food here we come!"
"There was no reason why we got away with that." Kenny pats Kyle on the back.
"Let's count our wins, Cartman would be proud."
"Fuck my life." The two bursts out into more laughter as they make their way off the skating rink and to the booth. Once they get there they receive their meal tickets.
"Aww what a cute couple you boys are! I remember back in my day when I had young love like you two." The older woman at the booth clasps her hands together and gushes at the two. Kyle and Kenny become flustered from the attention.
"This isn't-!"
"Y-Yes, we uh, just started dating recently." Kenny looks at Kyle with wide eyes and a reddened face. There's no way Kyle just-
"That's adorable, you two have a nice meal." Kyle thanks her and takes Kennys hand and leads them to the dining area to cash in their ticket. Holding hands in this context, now it feels like they're on a date and that thought has Kenny reeling.
Once they get to a seating booth, Kenny sits across from Kyle fidgeting with his hands a bit in nerves and excited jitters. What the hell is happening? There's no way Kenny has feelings for..
"So let me explain." Kenny gets startled out of his train of thoughts. "If the lady found out we weren't actually together, the meal ticket would've been revoked." By the time Kyle is finished with that explanation, he's red from his ears to his neck. "Not because I wouldn't- I mean if- I.."
Kyle is biting his lips again and Kenny gives up trying to fight the thoughts that form of him being the one to bite them. Dammit! His heart rate is picking up again.
"Hey it's okay, I don't mind it. I consider it an honor to be your temporary boyfriend." Kenny winks and Kyle chuckles at this as he kicks Kennys leg under the table.
"Well, I don't..mind it either." Kyle reaches across the table and interlocks their hands. "Is this okay?" Kenny just stares at their conjoined hands as he realizes there's no reason for them to be holding hands right now. Kenny slowly trails his eyes up and makes eye contact with Kyle. This looks like they're on a date and much to Kenny's horror he doesn't mind it at all.
"I-I mean just to keep the facade up you know! Nothing more obviously!" Kyles face turns redder than a tomato and Kenny has to stifle a laugh.
"Yeah totally and it's not because you actually want me."
Kyle kicks him again much harder than last time and Kenny winces. "Speaking of this category, what the hell was that question you gave me on the rink?" Shit, Kenny was hoping he forgot. Luckily for him, before he can answer the waiter came and gave them their food to eat. Saved by the bell. Kyle immediately digs in and Kenny does the same.
At the end of the meal, Kenny raises his hand for a waiter. "You're not going to finish your food Kenny?"
"Nah, I'm saving the rest for my sister. I hope Kevin was able to find them both something to nibble on for today. Just in case though, I always try to save what meal I have to give to them."
Kyle nods his head and softens his gaze. "You're a good brother dude." Kenny blushes and turns his head away. And Kyle reaches to turn it back to him. "Seriously, you are one of the most selfless people I know when it comes to your siblings. Especially Karen."
Kenny's feeling the warm fuzz for the hundredth time today again. "Yeah thanks, I try."
Once the two get their stuff situated and return the skates, they make their way out of the building. "Thanks for this hang out. I really needed it without realizing I do."
"Of course, anytime! Just remember I'm always a call away. If you need someone to talk to I'll be here." Kyle takes both of Kennys hand in his and it feels like time stops. He lifts them towards his face and kisses his knuckles. "I'll uh- see you later?"
Kyle's red in the face and Kenny fears he's matching him. "Y-Yeah, I'll see you later."
Kyle turns and speed walks away, leaving Kenny to be baffled and glowing red like a christmas lightbulb. Kenny sighs and mutters to himself as he watches Kyle get farther away.
"Make that three."