Chapter Text
(Ivan’s POV)
He left me yesterday. Everything feels numb without him close. Without his energy next to me. Without his presence, everything becomes numb.
I spent the whole day laying down in my bed, thinking about Till. Drowning myself in the void while I smell his leftover scent. Ah, you tore me up more than you know. Remembering your final words… is making me insane.
My mind went to the most darkest places I've ever been. Our relationship has never been this messed up, it makes me afraid of the future. Afraid of what we'll become.
I can never understand what he thinks… When I finally think I do, Till surprises me with an unexpected action. Shall this day be forgotten.
A while later, I tried to check my phone. Is he online? I feel like a stalker doing this. Everything I do makes him only doubt and distance himself. I shouldn't have tried to be closer to him, that's why he left. Till left me. I can't believe he's gone for good…
This is all my fault, isn't it? I made Till sad.
You know what? I should apologize to him. With my phone in hand, I tried to call Till.
Calling Till…
. . .
. . .
. . .
Try again later or leave a message note.
Did I truly mess up…? I just want to apologize. I tried calling him again, and again, and again and again and…
A notification comes up on the screen, making me stop calling him.
sua_clematis: ``hey, is everything going well, ivan?`` — Now.
Why her at all times? Why is she worried about me?
ivan_8970: ``Yeah.`` — Seen.
I sighed, trying not to worry her further.
sua_clematis: ``glad to hear that. how is everything with till? you said he was in your place.`` — Now.
Fuck, why did I tell her? I don't want to have a conversation about this right now.
ivan_8970: ``Were fine.`` — Seen.
sua_clematis: ``you can talk to me, did something go wrong?`` — A minute ago.
How did she…? I couldn't even blink for a spare second.
ivan_8970: ``We discussed pretty bad and he left.`` — Seen right now.
I rolled to the wall, staring at the blank empty space. There was nothing left to do to fix this situation. I messed up with everything again, as I always did.
sua_clematis: ``you should touch some grass.`` — Now.
Sua was right… unfortunately. Maybe I was really stressing out more than I should about this. I need to calm my nerves.
I stood up from my bed, and started getting ready for a quick walk. My face looked horrible for some reason, it wasn't puffy because I didn't cry. But still, I was horrible… I tried fixing it somehow, and ended up looking better.
—
I walked towards the park, staring at the blue sky. It was beautiful, the clouds mixing together. Nature was truly something else, it always calmed me down. After arriving in the center of the park, I decided to stop by and drink or eat something. That's when I saw him.
Till was talking to someone else, he looked conflicted. Was that… Hyuna? Why was he talking to her? Why was Luka also there? I continued to stare at him, he was smiling sometimes… Is that why he wanted space? To replace me? My fists clenched unconsciously, I was letting myself get affected by this. Something wouldn't let my eyes look somewhere else, it made my blood boil.
I simply stood there, feeling like a creep while I stared at Till. He seemed lighter, somehow. But why did my heart feel heavy? Why was I feeling this? I wanted my whole existence to disappear as I watched them. They were smiling and talking normally, why did he seem so happy…?
Was I the only one who was suffering from this?
My nerves started to feel itchy, something of this wasn't right. I wasn't right in this place. Leaving my apartment was never the right choice.
I needed to clear my mind, but with this in front of me? It was too much to bear.
My feet finally started working, I was finally leaving this place. A relieved sigh escaped my lips. I couldn't help but look back, he was still talking to her. That scene made my pace quicken, leading me towards my home.
—
As I finally arrived home, I relaxed my tensed shoulders, sitting on the bed.
This was stupid. Foolish and stupid. An inner urge came into my senses, wanting to call Till one last time.
Calling Till…
. . .
. . .
No signal, try again later.
Damn it! Why does it feel impossible to talk to him? It feels like I don't remember the last time we spoke without feeling tense. No, I don't remember.
I sighed, laying in my bed. This was a hell of a day. My eyelids felt heavy, I was tired of everything. My vision started to get blurry and dark, I finally went to sleep.