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The moment Chu Tian woke up from death, he ran.
Before he could even register doing so, he was already flying through the thick evening air, wind frigid on his face as it whistled lowly in his ear, his heart pounding in his chest. Other than that, he can’t say he remembered much else of the trip there. There was only one thing he remembered thinking.
Yuhua. I have to find my little bird.
As soon as he glimpsed the familiar head of black hair, he descended upon an abandoned cave, a mix of relief yet trepidation fuelling his hurried steps, snapping twigs along the way as he didn’t bother to soften his hasty movements.
That relief he felt didn’t last for long.
His heart plummeted at the mere sight of his disciple– she was a mess.
Granted, he’d seen her in far too many times when she was worse for wear, lightly speaking, but this– curled up against the wall with red rimmed eyes, pale complexion and seemingly uncontrollable trembling– this was far worse. His lips pursed into a thin line. One had to wonder just what in the world happened for her to be in this state.
“Father?” Yuhua’s shaky voice called out as he approached– he would’ve been offended if not for the fact that she sounded seconds away from breaking– like glass, one hit away from shattering into a million tiny shards.
(Rather, she’s already shattered– and like a child trying to fix a broken vase with paper glue, she’s barely holding the pieces together.)
He takes another step forward, and it sets her off into a frenzy, like a spooked deer in the jaws of a predator. She flinches back, violently, raising her arm in front of her like a barrier to defend herself.
“No! Please, no!” Yuhua shrieks as she scrambles back, turning away and squeezing her eyes tightly shut like it terrified her to even look.
“Get away, please! I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” Her sobs and pleading apologies echo throughout the cave, no matter how Chu Tian tries to interrupt–and with each cry, he feels what he hasn’t felt for the past 500 years.
Helplessness. Dizzying, nauseating helplessness.
It should enrage him. It should– who would dare to make the almighty demon lord Chu Tian feel so powerless, so weak?
But it doesn’t– and the feeling only grows, all-consuming, suffocating. As she continues to cry, he can feel a cold sweat bead on his neck.
It takes a moment for him to will his body to move.
Chu Tian does the only thing he can think of– he wraps his arms around her and pulls her in, pulling her tightly to his body.
(He would never admit it, but it was also for his own comfort as much as it was for hers.)
“Yuhua!” Finally, she stills.
It seems it would always be a thing with this child, for him to comfort her with physical touch, and how he somehow seems to give it to her every single time.
“..Shifu?”
Relief floods his senses as he feels her hammering heartbeat slow down alongside his. His eyebrows knit together as he frowns down at her trembling figure.
“I’m here. I’m here, little one. Breathe.” He soothes, careful not to spook her. (It’s partially a reminder to himself as well.) He slows his breathing purposefully, waiting for her quick breaths to match his.
“What happened?” He asks, which gets her to look up at him, a dazed expression on her face, before it warps and she starts crying again, quieter sniffs and hiccups emerging from the girl.
He carefully sits them both down on the cold stone ground once she’s calmed down some. It takes a surprising amount of self-restraint for him to steady his arms by his side, resisting the urge to reach out to her and continue to hold her close to him once more.
Truly, what was he going to do with this girl?
“...They found me.” Her face is buried in her hands, curled up once more in a fetal position– in that moment, she truly looked every bit like the small, barely sixteen year old child that she pretended so desperately not to be.
“My father branded me a demon in front of everyone. I died.”
..Ah. He felt a rage, not unfamiliar to him, wash over him. His jaw clenched. This girl’s father, her flesh and blood, had cast her out the moment he knew what she was, rather than seeing his own daughter– and the most unfortunate part about it, Chu Tian thought, was that he saw it coming. He knew what Yuhua’s father’s reaction would be when he found out the truth– the sky is blue, roses have thorns–
–Shen Yitian would throw out his very own daughter, as if she were nothing but dirt under his shoe.
It makes him wonder, who is truly demonic here– him, or Shen Yitian?
Then, Yuhua continues. And her next words are like a stone dropped into the pit of his stomach.
“He killed me.”
His eyes snap to her crumpled frame, and he stares for a moment, uncomprehending. It’s silent in the cave for a few moments too long– his mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
He almost can’t believe it. Almost. He feels slightly dizzy with the realisation.
He didn’t expect that.
Of course, he’d known– he’d witnessed firsthand how cold, how merciless Shen Yitian could be to demons. Killing one was obviously nothing new to him.
He’d just never thought it would apply to one of his own, hated as she may be. No, he'd hoped it would be the case. He’d thought the public humiliation was the most he would do to her, but…it seems that he’d had a terrible lapse in judgement.
A shudder rolls down his spine– but it is not fear, no– and it shouldn’t be mistaken as such.
He knows what it is: pure, unadulterated rage.
(It’s been there since the day he met her, he realises– hiding, simmering, growing. With every snide comment, every odd look and mistreatment thrown Yuhua’s way– like oil to a fire, it’s grown explosive– too big for his own body to contain, enough to burn forests a hundred times over.)
And it’s all for this one girl.
This sniffling, pitiful mess of a girl. A once bright-eyed, hopeful girl who saw the best in everyone– even demons. Even him.
Even Shen Yitian.
“I guess you got quite the scare too, huh?” She starts, voice laced with hesitance, her voice thick with tears.
He’s been hearing this particular note in her voice far too often for comfort, as of late. He prompts her to continue.
“You died with me, right?” She buries her head down impossibly further into her arms, as if trying to hide herself away from any possible ire, waiting for his response.
And somehow, those words don’t register to him at first, and he struggles to catch up, like there’s been a sudden lapse in the conversation midway through– the thought of his own death hadn’t even occurred to him, not until she brought it up, and now that it had?
He finds himself feeling oddly detached about it. It all feels so faraway, so…irrelevant.
He shouldn’t feel like this. So unfeeling about his own death. Except that this girl feels anything but.
She shouldn’t.
“What? Why are you-?” He starts, thoroughly confused.
“I’m sorry.” She says quickly, glancing up at him almost guiltily with newly formed tears in her eyes, and immediately, Chu Tian lifts his hands to wipe them off with his finger.
“Stop that.” Strangely enough, he finds that he means it. It’s weird. It should be terrifying to him, the thought of his life in the hands of someone else, dying before he even has the chance to enact his revenge. But, he finds that it pales in comparison– he looks away from Yuhua– to the thought of this girl ceasing to exist.
The words leave his throat before he even registers he’s opening his mouth, “..It will take more than that to unsettle me.”
Still, here she is. Worrying over someone else rather than her own wellbeing, her own misfortune, when she was the one who was killed.
Sha haizi. Foolish girl. Foolish girl with her bleeding heart. (Silly, precious girl.)
This girl who had been trampled on by others her entire life.
This girl, who had been killed and denounced by her father.
Shen Yuhua, who was everything but malicious– who was stupidly loyal to a family that never loved her back, who was the first, most annoying disciple he’d had in all his 500 years of living, who liked sweet tea and going to festivals, who was stubbornly empathetic to a fault, to everyone but herself.
(At times, he wishes that she weren’t all this. That he’d only known her as a stubborn, prideful Shen. Maybe then he wouldn’t be feeling this way.)
Shen Yuhua, who deserves so much more than this.
His train of thought is interrupted when Yuhua speaks again, voice shaky and uncertain.
“Shifu…what should I do now?” Her expression is blank and exhausted, swollen eyes looking to the ground, unseeing. It almost pains him to look at. She takes another breath, “Shifu…” It almost sounds like she’s in pain, with the way her breath trembles at the end– “I’m really all alone now.”
Her voice echoes in the emptiness of the cave.
For a moment, Chu Tian says nothing.
Because really, what could he say? He, who has walked a lone path for most of his existence, never had a life filled with love for him to lose. So what could he use to comfort her this time, for a girl who has lost everything? His own gaze lowers to the ground.
Then, an idea strikes him.
..What if he gave that life back to her?
What if she didn’t have to be alone? Couldn’t he be the one to accompany her now, when everyone else has abandoned her?
The idea of being able to work as a full-time master and disciple…
“...Isn’t it obvious?” He starts. She looks up at him.
(“I thought you were rather impatient to be rid of this disciple, my lord.” The distant memory of his friend echoes tauntingly.)
“You’ve asked me before. Come with me. I will give you shelter.” He feels his lips twitch up into a smile– and for the first time in a while, he feels elated.
He tells her as such, proposing his idea.
Then, she responds.
Afterwards, he is left alone in the cave.
Yuhua is long gone.
Rubble caused by his explosion lay on the ground, jagged pieces of shattered stone scattered everywhere. His hand is still clenched tightly, tension taut in his jaw.
(“Our blood is bound together by a ritual, but I’m bound to my father by something deeper. We’re…we’re family. I can't leave this mess behind.”)
Pull yourself together.
(“You’re not my family. You’re not my father.”)
He’s standing at the entrance of the cave, and has been for a while now.
She’s just a girl, he tells himself– a mere child. A Shen, no less.
(Sometimes, he really wishes that she weren’t.)
He leaves the cave a little after the sun sets– He has a war to attend to, afterall.
(A thought occurs to him– whether this is karma, the lives of the thousands of faces he’s stolen coming back for him.)
There’s nothing left for him here, anyway.