Chapter Text
Jon was dead. Nobody knew why or how but the fact of the matter was that he was super super dead and lying on his back on the floor of his office with his legs curled up like a deceased bug.
Martin was the first to find him, alerting the rest of the archive staff to the calamity with a shriek and the sound of a mug shattering on the ground. Sasha and Tim came in together, taking in the scene.
“Oh. He is… so dead.” Tim's voice was hollow.
"I didn't even realize a person could look just… so clearly dead.” Sasha shook her head sadly.
Jon began to float, rising steadily until he was on the ceiling. Then he bobbed softly on the air currents. It was reminiscent of a dead fish. The other three looked up at him for a few seconds, pain written across their faces, before Tim finally said what everyone was thinking. “Time to get the lawn and garden bag."
Martin and Sasha nodded, sniffling, and Tim walked to the breakroom where he opened a cabinet and took out the box of forty-gallon lawn and garden bags. They were running low but they had one left - Tim made a mental note to tell Elias to buy more. He didn't want to know what would happen if they didn't have any bags in the future - maybe they'd have to use a few of the thirteen gallon ones and a hacksaw. Tim made another mental note to start keeping an all black outfit in his office - it was dual purpose, really. Both perfect for the mourner on the go and to minimize staining.
Tim walked into the room with the lawn and garden bag and saw Martin and Sasha were already hard at work whacking Jon with brooms in an attempt to get him to sink back down. It wasn't working - his leg might sink a couple feet but then it would rise back up when his arms sank. Tim sighed and climbed up on top of the desk, grabbing hold of Jon's arms and shoving him into the waiting bag. When he was fully inside he tied it off in a double knot. Then he saw Martin's tear-filled expression and changed it to a very lovely bow. There. Perfect.