Chapter Text
Everyone knows that the only thing worse than dealing with adults, is dealing with stage parents and despite the name, stage parents weren’t just limited to the theatre kids.
Alicia saw how it could be thanks to the city of New York.
Not only did they have try outs at age 3, but they were ranked so you knew what group of toddlers were more skilled than others and how if your child was rejected from the group you expected them to be in, it was a big scene.
She didn’t get why they had to take their two year old to try outs for soccer where she would be lucky to kick the ball once while running let alone anything else.
Now Alicia was of the mind that before the age eight, most kids were level in natural talent and skill. Sure some were slightly better but it was usually because that was what the kid loved to do and did most of the time.
Alicia was taken fully by surprise when during the tot try outs, one little girl bumped into Ivy.
“HEY WHAT THE HELL? IVY YOU GET UP AND YOU SHOW THAT LITTLE BITCH WHO’S BOSS!” Leighton screamed from the sidelines causing Alicia to jump in shock. She was about to tell Leighton to relax when whom she could only guess was the other girl’s mom proceeded to yell back.
“LUCY YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO LET SOME LITTLE SHIT STOP YOU! NOTHING GETS BETWEEN YOU AND THE GOAL!”
“The goal? They barely can kick the ball.” Alicia decided to be a parent first and a psycho fan second and kept her eyes on Ivy to see how she was handling it. Currently, after getting knocked on her butt by a slight bump, she was now rocking back and forth on her stomach on the ball, not the slightest care about the drills or kids around her.
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Soon Whitney was there watching these parents push their preschool aged kids.
“This is crazy. I didn’t start playing until I was six and even then we were never like this. This has to be a white people thing.” Whitney explained. “You didn’t see this coming at all?”
“No.” Alicia sighed. “We should just try and go to a different program. One where parents are a lot less.”
“I called some of the girls from back on the team, the only programs that are chill, are poorly equipped. It’s for low income families so you’re not going to get Ivy into it. We both know you won’t take a spot from a kid.”
“You’re right. Maybe I can bribe a ref to tell Leighton to chill or they’ll ban us…”
“Or you know, get your wife under control.” Whitney teased before laughing at just the thought of it.
Suddenly the first girl tripped over Ivy (still balancing on her ball) and landed face first on the field.
“SOMEONE GET THAT BRAIN DEAD BITCH OFF THE FIELD!” The loud obnoxious mom yelled.
“What did she just say?” Alicia looked at Whitney in disbelief. “Excuse me.” Alicia went scarily calm before she ran by Whitney.
Leighton was already in the other mom’s face yelling at her when she caught sight of her wife in her peripheral vision.
“Oh fuck. ‘Licia! Don’t! Cunts like her press charges!” Leighton moved to grab Alicia and stop her before she fully attacked this woman.
“Let me go Leighton, that bitch needs someone to fuck up her terrible face lift!” Alicia was always surprised at how hard it was to get out of Leighton’s hold.
“She’ll press charges and you’ll be fucked. I’m not worried about the jail time or anything but if you can’t work with your at risk youths you’ll get depressed.” Leighton was trying to keep Alicia from making a mistake.
“Did you hear what she said?”
“I did. I was telling her that whatever gremlin clawed out of her rancid pussy, needed to get her vision check.”
Before they could really let her have it, the sound of a double whistle cut through the air and the coach yelled that they were finished and the kids were running to their parents and nannies.
“Mommy! Momma! Guess what?” Ivy yelled in her excitement carrying the ball in her hands.
“What is it baby?” Leighton and Alicia asked as they knelt down to be eye level with Ivy.
Ivy held up the ball. “Ball!”
“That is a ball. Great job!” Alicia praised her.
Ivy noticed Whitney standing by and let the ball fall as she ran to her.
“Auntie Witt!” She excitedly screamed.
“Ivy!”
Whitney picked Ivy up in her arms and gave her a big spinning hug.
“Guess what?” The two words Ivy said before most sentences.
“What?” Whitney asked.
“My ball!” Ivy pointed to the soccer ball she dropped.
“You have a soccer ball now? That’s so cool!” Whitney let Ivy back down.
“Ivy, are you hungry?”
“Tree Guys?”
“Yes, we can get Three Guys.” Leighton laughed, it was a great spot just around the corner of their place. “Auntie Whit, you joining us?”
“Do you want me to go Ivy?” Whitney looked at the little girl.
“Yes!” Ivy was so excited.
“Then I’m coming.”
…
After a late brunch they were back to Leighton and Alicia’s townhouse.
Leighton ended up having to take a work call, leaving Whitney and Alicia alone while Ivy napped.
“I don’t want Ivy around those insane parents two times a week.”
“She’s around one seven days a week.” Whitney pointed out.
“Yeah, but I can work on that now that I know it’s an issue. If we had someone who knew how kids soccer works, might know some people they could call, start a whole new league…”
“Alicia…” Whitney groaned. “Fine. Okay, fine. I’ll do it. I’ll coach Ivy’s team, but you’re dealing with the rest of it and that includes Leighton.”
“I can get Leighton to not yell for Ivy to attack a kid.” Alicia wasn’t worried, she just needed a video from a NASCAR race of some redneck doing it and Leighton would never do it again. “I’ll talk to some of the more reasonable parents. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks its insane for kids to have try outs at two years old.”
…
Alicia had gathered some of the more calm and reasonable parents from the usual play groups and other activities.
“Can we all agree that no child under five has the skills or natural talent to be a star athlete?”
“I think even after five is included too.” One of the dads added.
“Yeah, but I think we can all agree that no kid needs to hear parents yelling and screaming in the stands. Insulting other kids.” Alicia added.
“Aren’t you married to Leighton Murray?” One mom asked.
“I am.”
“She yelled for your daughter to step on my son when he was ‘in the way’.”
“Yes, I am aware that my wife is part of the problem and we talked about it and she will not be yelling anything but positive encouragement.” Alicia promised.
“Okay, so if we do agree to put our kids in this new league, who is going to be the coaches?”
“We only need two. I don’t think we’ll have enough kids for more than that. Plus at their ages, it’s mostly just to teach them basics and structure right?”
“Are you going to force us to inject poison into our kids to join?”
“For the last time Keeley vaccines are not poison and yes, you need to vaccinate your kid, if you don’t they can die. I mean you are vaccinated. You’re fine, so protect your kid already! I want to also open it up so that half the teams are from lower income communities.”
“Fine.”
…
It took a few weeks but they finally had their first practice for their new soccer league. It was for ages 2-3 and so far even with all the kids having their own uniform and ball, they were more interested in just running around just being toddlers.
One little boy knocked into Ivy, who fell on her butt again. Alicia looked over at Leighton who looked like she was physically straining to stop herself losing it.
“You’re okay Ivy, it’s okay!” Leighton called out.
“See? No need to threaten the child.” Alicia teased.
“It’s fine, I’m going to see who his parent is and key their car.”
“‘Long as you have a plan.” Alicia rolled her eyes. She was pretty sure none of the parents drove themselves over.