Chapter Text
So, we went to the Nature Museum. I was very excited because we could catch my favourite exhibit, the one about worms, before it went out of season again.
You know, I have some pet worms! They are much more intelligent than most people realise; you see, they can feel the gravity below the earth, that's how they know their way up. They can find their way to food, water, to the surface, to each other. Without words, without complicated mating rituals. They do useful things by default, help to recycle, to make the dirt more useful....they always fascinated me. Anyway…
We were waiting in line, with our prepaid tickets. Jeddie bought them as an anniversary present, but now looked a bit lost…I don't know if it was the crowd, the museum, or me. We hadn’t really been going out much recently, and going around with someone like me can be a lot...
We were waiting in line, and he was checking his watch every minute, so I decided to catch his arm. “We won't be late from anywhere Jeddie. Don't worry,” I said, and he seemed relaxed by my words, or maybe from me breaking his anxious circles.
“The last people were let in 20 minutes ago. Why are they only letting in so few people at a time, anyway?” He seemed stressed by the wait, the line in front of us, but that's just Jeddie… He was always big on time and routines.
“They have a short film in the beginning, with a bunch of info and… And my favourite part... They gave you a little testsheet, which you have to read all the info for during the exhibit, and if you score perfect, you can choose an item in the shop!” I was excited. I already had a keychain and a patch, and I had my eyes on a pin. As I was starting to talk a bit about those he smiled. These days it's so rare to see his smile, or at least a genuine one. He enjoyed the sound of my voice, I'm sure he did....
So, we were waiting in line. I had a mobility aid at that time, with the little seat... Gosh, I miss that, I had a few stickers on it, I got those from Jeddie. So we were waiting, I was fraying the cuff of my shirt, thinking about our date, and that I didn’t want to screw it up by being me. He must have noticed, because he grabbed my hand, and smiled.
“Don’t worry Sydney, you can recite and present all the info in there for me.” He seemed sincere, excited and happy. “I just don't like the wait.... It's a waste of time to stand around and do nothing.” He leaned close and whispered as he realised the amount of people around us.
“Then let's do something! The kids always like the games. Like.... I-spy, or word association, or word train. Sooooo.... I spy with my little eye…” and we played. I spied his glasses, he spied my bracelet. Focusing on each other seemed to help him calm down a bit. Then I saw the girolle pictures, he saw the salmon on the wall. Looking around and noticing surrounding objects is a good distractor.
With a much calmer Jeddie afterwards, we were at the movie room in no time… Oh, the quiet clicking of a film rolling, which starts you thinking about things… Life, meaning, time, the future…Such melancholically joyous things! The inspiration for memorable acts, for genocides, for making ominous prophecies about the future, just to keep your name alive. If you think about it, wait and time are just as inescapable as death, and as change. I love movies, and this old-timey museum projector was my favourite instrument of the craft.
I have seen it a couple of times, but I was still very much entertained and engaged. There was a time I caught Jeddie looking at me, but he looked away as soon as he realised he was caught. He blushed, and I'm sure I did too. Our hands were linked the whole time.
When the movie ended, after “13 agonizing minutes of the most boring voice I’ve ever heard,” he noted, we went through the exhibit. It was mostly just pictures and text, but having him there, as a fresh set of eyes, as someone who didn’t know all of it, letting me present it, was the best time. There were some objects representing the structures worms can make and at the end, there was a small play area for kids. I would have loved it when I was little.
And Jeddie actually paid attention to my words, to the information in them.... Looking back, he seemed so much more like a person back then... He was... I must have been more interesting back then. He knows all my stories by now. I can say nothing new, or anything related to his work. I tried to understand, but physics never was my thing.
Ȟ̵̗ô̸̝̳ẁ̷̬̉̓ d̶̉̇ó̴̭̂̔ë̸́s̷̰̅̓ ̷͚̗̚͘th̸͋a̷̪̓̀̀t̸͊̄ ̴̻̃͂m̵̒̇a̴̞͍͎͝͠k̷̪͖̈́͊e̴̔ ̴̡̗̩̈y̶͌ọ̷̔͒̓ǘ̵̳ ̴͚͂͋̕f̴e̶̻̾̇̊e̵̙̮̋͛l?̸̥͗̏ ̴̾- Matthew asked as he ladled a portion of food to Sydney.
That he knows me well? That's nice, and secure. That he spends more time with his work than me… that felt lonely, but I understand. It must be important, and I always understood him. But now, if he doesn't let me see him, his work, his mind, how could I try to understand? And yes, I want to know how he feels and yes, I want things to go back the way they were before. But change is inevitable. And I want to know this newer him just as much as I knew the old one, back in the day. I can almost hear his voice, saying…
“~Sydney…”