Chapter Text
Jay used to love flying. Now he hated it. He hated being in the sky. The bounty was flying over water, waves crashing against each other aggressively. Lightning illuminated the clouds, then went dark seconds later.
It hadn’t even been a day since he erased time. They made it to the bounty and Jay went to the shared bedroom immediately to ‘take a nap.’
His head was pounding, but it’s not like he could do anything. He was stuck in his thoughts, holding onto his blankets for dear life. He felt nauseous. He never got motion sick, but the rough course of a flying ship? It made him feel sick ever after…
He clenched his teeth and opened his eyes. But the relief of it only lasted a second. He still felt the presence of people watching him. Ready to grab him, to use him. Play their silly games with him. Put their grubby, infected hands all over his freshly opened wounds. He looked down at his arm and for a short second, it was an ugly black color. His throat was dry. He couldn’t move. His arm was cold and he could smell it rotting off his body.
His mind was buzzing with every strike of lightning. Filled with thoughts, it was so overwhelming. He was seeing them, feeling them all over again. The lingering touches all around his body. He was shaking, he was in his room again, trying to think of anything but—
The door opened and Jay was ripped away from the illusions. Cole entered quietly, then gently closed the door and sat on Kai’s bed, which was across from where Jay was lying down.
“How are ya feeling, Bluebir—“
“Can you not call me that?” Jay interrupted before he could even finish. Cole looked at Jay in surprise, tilting his head. He frowned but nodded. That wasn’t like Jay.
“Sure, uh… how are you feeling Jay?” Cole asked again, this time he wasn’t interrupted.
“I’m fine.” The answer came quickly and hurriedly, as if Jay didn’t want to talk. This only concerned Cole more.
The ghost bit his lip, looking around the room for something to talk about. It wasn’t like Jay to take naps at this time. And he was also concerned about the whole incident on the hospital roof top. The hug he and Nya shared, something about it seemed more personal than Cole could comprehend with such little context. And how terrible Jay looked. Both him and Nya seemed to be shaken up. They both looked pale and unwell, Jay had been shaking ever since they got back to the bounty. No one was able to talk to Jay as he went straight to the shared room and laid down in the bed.
And Jay refused to make eye contact. His eyes were still closed as Cole sat there, as if he was trying to ignore his presence. “Are you sure? You’re not really the type to take naps.”
“I take naps all the time.”
“No you don’t. Just the other night you were talking about how stupid you think naps are.”
Jay’s one eye peeped open to look at Cole, but he closed it again not a second later. “Well, I guess I’ve changed.”
Cole looked at Jay confused, frowning as he scratched his head. “Changed just like that? Impossible. That was like two days ago!”
Jay then opened both his eyes, propping up on shoulders and looking at Cole with an unreadable expression.
Two days ago.
Not for Jay it wasn’t. He pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to think about the conversation that happened two days ago. He didn’t remember that. How would he remember something when it was multiple months ago for him?
His train of thought was cut short when Cole spoke once more. “Hey, dude? What’s with the eye?”
Jay blinked. “What?”
“Your… eye? It’s yellow.” The other answered, pulling out his phone and showing Jay his reflection in the camera.
Jay’s heart sank. He shot out of his bed and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door loudly before locking it as quickly as he could. He scrambled to the mirror, only to see his eye a pale yellow color. Beneath it was a long, pale scar that stretched all the way to his chin.
From when his eye was…
*“My patience is running thin.” His voice was quiet but powerful. It was thick like molasses, seeping its way into Jay’s head as Nadakhan pulled him by the hair so his ear was right next to his mouth. “Trying to escape again*? Are you? Didn’t you learn from the last time?”
Jay tried to wriggle his way out but his head was only forced closer to the djinn.
“Someday, my little canary… someday you will learn. Perhaps… today is the day.” He smiled wickedly, shoving Jay onto his richly decorated bed. The mattress was soft, and colorful pillows were meticulously placed against the golden headboard. The sheets were silky, shiny enough Jay could almost see his reflection. He almost wished he could sleep there, even just for a night.
His thoughts were cut off when Nadakhan appeared right next to him, caressing his face with the hook that replaced his hand.
“You have gorgeous eyes, don’t you agree?” He whispered into Jay’s ear, now sitting behind Jay, his arms holding the boy in place.
But it’s not like Jay could move anyway. He was frozen.
“I asked you a question.” Nadakhan said firmly. Jay swallowed hard before he nodded. At that, the djinn smiled before he continued, his voice back to the silky seductive tone he was using before. “They look like the sky before a storm. Or the endless ocean we fly above…” His hook was inching closer and closer to the eye that was currently covered by the eyepatch Jay wore.
“It’s a shame you’re covering it,” The hook slowly lifted the eyepatch, before discarding it somewhere on the bed. “I’d love to see your eyes more… they hold so much of you in them.”
Jay was shaking. What did Nadakhan want? What was his goal with this… punishment?
“I loved watching the light in your eyes fade… everyday… but now I can only see it in one…” Nadakhan frowned, his hook caressing down Jay’s face. A shiver went down his spine as the cold metal barley dug into his skin.
“I bet you wouldn’t mind, since it’s already covered…” slowly, the hook made its way back up to Jay’s eye. Nadakhan moved his body so he could sit in front of the other. It wasn’t until then Jay could actually see Nadakhan’s wicked smile. His sultry eyes staring right back at Jay’s scared, dimming ones.
Nadakhan’s hook was now pressed against Jay’s face. He didn’t understand what Nadakhan was doing, but all he could do was stare at the captain’s eyes in pure terror.
“You wouldn’t mind if I took it.” Finally, Jay made a gasp. His eyes widened and immediately started to water.
Took it?
Before Jay could fully comprehend what was just said, a piercing pain took over the left side of his face. He let out a scream, but his mouth was covered. He tried to close his eyes, but the hook that found its way into his eyeball wouldn’t allow his left eye to close.
Tears immediately filled his other eye as he writhed, trying to pull away from the cause of the pain.
Another arm held him by the waist to stop him from moving. Nadakhan slowly turned his hook, and Jay could feel it.
He felt the way his eye shifted in his skull, and then there was a tug. Jay choked, he needed to scream. He needed to cry. It hurt. This was worse than any game of scrap n’ tap. He couldn’t help the way his body contorted, trying to escape the uncomfortable, painful feeling of his eye being pierced and twisted.
“Fine then. If you don’t want to sit still…” The tug was stronger, Jay couldn’t see what was happening to him. He let out one sob after the other, the sensation of his eye being pulled and tugged made him sick.
And then it was out. He could feel his eye, no longer in its socket. Nadakhan held it there in the air for a second, before yanking it harshly. The nerve holding his eye to his socket snapped, and Jay screamed. A loud, guttural scream. And then loud sobs followed. He covered his now empty socket and tried to stare at the monster in front of him. He could barely see. Everything was blurred. All he could see was the silhouette of Nadakhan, and an orb on his hook. He tried to blink to clear his vision, but nothing worked. He was getting dizzy, unable to focus on Nadakhan.
“Look at me, Bluebird…” His voice echoed. He caressed his hook down Jay’s face, the eye still punctuated it. The end that was poking out left a long, open wound down to Jay’s chin. His head slowly moved up to see what he could, trying to ignore the burning pain in his head and down his cheek. He watched as the blurred mass slowly moved, his arm reaching his head. Slowly, he took the eye into his mouth. Making sure Jay watched as his eye was slowly chewed and then eventually swallowed.
Jay only stared in horror. He felt sick to his stomach. He was pushed onto the floor as he gagged and heaved, but his empty stomach had nothing to give up aside from his own stomach acid. A small puddle of yellow was now in front of him. It hurt. His now empty socket, his chest, his throat. But he couldn’t stop himself from dry heaving. The scene replayed over and over in his mind. And for some reason, his mind was able to fill the gaps of what happened. It gave him incredible detail of Nadakhan and his eye, despite not being able to see what actually happened.
He could hear Nadakhan’s voice call something out, but he wasn’t able to catch what it was. His vision blacked and in an instant, he was unconscious…
Jay’s heart pounded. His mind saved the memory in gruesome detail, detail that was put in place by his brain. He knew that when it happened, all he could see was a blurred figure. But for some evil, twisted reason, he remembered it in high detail.
He stared at his face for a moment too long. How was he supposed to explain this to the others?
He blinked, before his eyes widened. If this scar was still there then that means…
Jay quickly started to remove his gloves, prying them off as fast as he could. He unclipped his gi and untied his belt. When he finally got the garments off, he looked at his hands. He was scared to look at the mirror. What would it show? Would all the scars of his time on Misfortune’s Keep be gone, or would they all appear in perfect detail, as if they were old scars that never properly healed? His hands were shaking. His left pinky and index finger were somehow paler than the rest of his skin. The white splotches seemed to appear on the fingers that were chopped off in the grueling fights. He swallowed thickly as his eyes moved up his arms.
His wrists had scars from where he was tied up too tightly. The gashes and the bruises from being held and stabbed and punctured and burned. They all looked like wounds that were never able to heal properly. They looked like distant scars. Scars that he didn’t have before. They were bumpy and ugly and gross to look at.
Slowly, he forced himself to look into the mirror. His chest was covered with scars. Large scars and big scars. The large chunks of skin that were torn off in scrap n’ tap now appeared as pale splotches of skin. Some even appeared to be vague hand prints.
If the ninja wasn’t already pale, he got even paler. He couldn’t stand. He was dizzy. He fell over, catching himself on the sink. Suddenly his body weighed twice as much, and he sank like a sack of potatoes. He was having a hard time keeping himself up and awake. But he couldn’t pass out now, he was half naked with ugly scars and random splotches of skin littered across his body. How was he supposed to hide such a thing?
He looked back at the pile of garments that laid on the floor. He needed to get back into them, but something in his mind was telling him not to. Suddenly they looked bloodied and torn.
Jay rubbed his eyes then blinked. He needed to snap out of it. He let go of the sink and fell to the ground, crawling to his gi. Tried to put it on as best he could, first putting on the under shirt, then the over top. He clipped the gi in the front and lazily tied his belt back on. Then he put his gloves back on, though it took multiple tries to get his fingers into the right holes.
But now, if he passed out on the bathroom floor, there wouldn’t be as many questions to be asked. No questions about weird out of place scars that weren’t there before. Except for the scar on his face…
He could feel his vision dimming, but he was trying to keep himself awake. It was no use, eventually he blanked out with his back against the bathroom door.
//
Cole decided he needed to leave Jay alone, but when he heard a loud thud come from the bathroom he ran over as quickly as he could. He jostled the door handle, but it was locked. He took a deep breath and sighed.
He looked at the door frame and grabbed the small little pen cartridge they used to unlock the door. He shoved it in until it clicked and he opened the door.
His mouth moved to one side of his face as he looked down to see Jay right by his feet. He was concerned. He bent down slowly, picking up the other ninja so he could take him to the medbay.
It wasn’t too far, but the bounty’s medbay is a lot smaller than the monastery’s. When he arrived he carefully placed Jay on the one bed in there. They should really expand their medbay.
Cole blinked a few times while staring at Jay before whispering. “I’ll be right back, buddy. You wait here.” And he ran off, trying to find Zane.
He went to the kitchen first, but ended up finding the Nindroid in the living room with Kai and Lloyd. He smiled dimly at him before sighing. He didn’t want to worry the others. Lloyd was still getting over the whole possession thing, and Kai was previously talking to Nya, Cole could only assume it was about her and Jay’s shared hug.
Cole cleared his throat, getting the attention of the three ninja. He frowned, then looked at Zane. “Hey, uh, Zane? Can you come with me real quick?” He asked with a shy smile.
Zane paused what he was doing and looked at Cole, then smiled softly as he stood up. “Of course, what is it?”
Cole put his finger to his mouth then motioned to the other two. Zane made a small ‘Oh.’ Before nodding and following Cole.
Finally, the two made it to the medbay, where Jay was still passed out on the cot. Cole was relieved, but he almost wished that Jay ran off. Just so he could know he wasn’t dead.
Zane was surprised at the sight. He looked at Cole confused, before walking over to the screens. He carefully put some things on Jay and checked his blood pressure. “What happened?” Zane asked, his eyes on the screen.
“I don’t know. I was just… we were talking and he looked at me and his eye was yellow? So I said something and he shot up out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t want to follow him but then when I heard a loud thud I came as quick as I could and he was passed out on the bathroom floor!” Cole frowned as he spoke, holding Jay’s hands and making them move up and down like a puppet. Zane glared at Cole for the action and shook his head. Cole chuckled and placed the arms back on the bed.
“Well, it appears that Jay’s blood pressure is low. He also seems to be dehydrated. Do you think you can run to the kitchen and grab a Ninjade?” Zane asked kindly, and Cole smiled and nodded before running off to the kitchen.
He returned to the medbay with more than just a Ninjade. He returned with a handful of treats and snacks. He had three Ninjade’s, a packaged mini cake, Ninja Chips, an apple, and a baggy full of berries. “Just in case he wakes up and gets hungry. Or if he wants to choose his own flavor of Ninjade.” Cole grinned, placing the food down on the counter.
Zane stared at Cole, then to the food he brought for a second before nodding. “Thank you. If you’d like, you may leave. I have everything under control.” He said to Cole, now looking back at the screen that was now hooked up to Jay. Cole never liked big screens that read people’s vitals.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll wait here.” He said, moving over to the seat next to the cot. Zane glanced at him but gave him one short nod before looking back at the screen.
“He should be awake soon, it appears he passed out due to shock, exhaustion, and or dehydration if I had to guess. Do you remember the last time he ate?” Zane asked.
Cole tilted his head, thinking. “Last night, I thought?”
“Hm.” Zane looked at Jay then back at the computers. His brows were furrowed and his mouth seemed to twitch. He made the face he does when he’s confused.
“Is there something wrong?” Cole asked, his heart was now beating loudly in his chest. Hospitals and machines like that always made him nervous. Especially when the ones looking at the screens make perplexed looks.
Zane looked at Cole, then to Jay, then back to the computer. “His body looks fine, but he doesn’t have much nutrients in him. Does he look malnourished?”
Cole felt like his heart would stop beating any second now. He looked at his best friend and shook his head. “He looks completely normal except…” He stopped before frowning. “But his eye was yellow.” He inspected Jay’s face and tapped his chin. “Do you remember him having that scar?”
The Nindroid looked at Cole curiously before walking closer to the cot and inspecting Jay’s face. “I do not recall him having a scar there.” Zane stated, tapping his chin. “This is the most peculiar. A scar of that size should’ve been identifiable as a wound. It looks like it was a rather serious injury.”
This didn’t put Cole’s mind at ease. He could only frown, holding onto Jay’s hand and rubbing his thumb on the other’s knuckles.
Minutes passed by and the two sat in the room with Jay until eventually, Kai and Lloyd found their way to the medbay, too.
“What’s going on here?” Kai asked, crossing his arms slightly. He looked confused, but then concern filled his face as he saw Jay on the cot. “What’s going on with him?”
Cole looked at Kai and frowned. “We don’t know. He was in the bathroom and then he just— passed out.”
“And why didn’t you tell us?” Lloyd said, he almost sounded hurt. Cole winced at the tone.
“I didn’t want you guys to worry, that's all.” The ghost murmured.
Lloyd shook his head, now looking a little angry. “But he’s our friend, and our teammate. We should know about these things as soon as they happen.” He huffed.
Cole only sighed, looking back at Jay. “I know, I’m sorry. You’ve just… you’re still dealing with the whole…” He made a motion around his head with his hands. “Possion thing.”
“So what? I still want to know when a team member is down!”
“Guys, let’s calm down.” Kai interpreted, resting his hand on Lloyd’s shoulder. “Now is not the time to fight.” Both Cole and Lloyd sighed and nodded.
A silence filled the room, no one looked at one another. Zane was still occupied with the screens, Cole was watching Jay, Kai was looking down, and Lloyd was looking at the wall.
“So…” Kai finally spoke after too many minutes of quiet. “Uhm. Tell me when Jay wakes up, I’m going to go check on Nya.” He gave Jay one last glance before walking out of the room and heading to his sister’s.
Everyone was so confused about the sudden switch both Nya and Jay seemed to suddenly go through. Nya had gone to her room after talking to Kai, not talking to anybody else. Jay didn’t talk to anyone until Cole came to the room. He normally would’ve chatted up a storm. Something was so off and nobody could explain what it was.
After a while, Lloyd too left the room, only leaving Cole and Zane watching Jay. Cole was growing more and more concerned at the fact Zane was still laser focused on the screens.
“I do hope he wakes up soon,” Zane finally spoke after a long, uncomfortable silence. Cole perked up and stared at the computer. “I want to ask him questions.”
“What questions?” Cole inquired, tilting his head slightly to the left.
“I am curious about what caused him to faint. I can get clues, but I do not have a direct cause.”
Cole slowly nodded, still gently caressing Jay’s fingers absentmindedly with his thumb.
The blue ninja’s eyelids fluttered, then they shot open. A bolt of lightning surged through Cole.
“Ouch!” He quickly exclaimed. The arm that was caressing Jay’s hand was twisted and turned as Jay jumped out of the cot and threw Cole onto the ground. “What in the world?!”
Zane quickly grabbed Jay, pulling him back to the bed and away from Cole. “That was… unprecedented.” He said, trying not to get punched in the face by a writhing Jay. “Are you okay, Cole?”
Cole got up from the ground, cradling the arm that was shocked. “Yeah, I’m fine…” he whispered. He glanced at Jay who was still being held by Zane. He looked almost… feral. Cole got an unsettling feeling deep in his gut as he looked at Jay. “What’s wrong with him?”
“I am unsure,” Zane tried to shove Jay back into the cot, but Jay refused to sit still and was trying to run away. “It appears to be a flight or fight response, but I do not know what could have triggered it.” The Nindroid explained.
“Jay, it is okay.” Zane tried to explain calmly. Jay only glanced at him before trying to get away and out of his grasp.
“It’s just us, Jay! Cole and Zane, ninja buddies!” Cole tried to smile, his arms open for a hug. Jay leaned back into Zane at that, his face scrunched as he shook his head.
“Cole, get him one of the Ninjades.” Zane said hurriedly. “I can’t hold him for much longer.”
Cole nodded, turning to the counter he had put the snacks on and grabbed the blue Ninjade. He opened it and then turned back to Zane.
“Now hurry up and give him some.” Zane was getting impatient but was able to hide most of it from getting out. Cole moved hastily, holding Jay’s head back and forcing the liquid into his mouth.
”Drink up, Ninja.” That voice echoed in his ears from all sides. He wanted to stop, spit it out, throw it up, but he couldn’t. There was no water on a flying ship thousands of feet in the sky. The only thing he got to drink was alcohol. Rum mixed with water was the main drink they’d give him, only enough to make sure he doesn’t die from dehydration.
But sometimes they thought it was fun to give him other things like bumbo or beer. Large quantities at one time. They liked to make him drunk, then play a fun game of scrap n’ tap. They laughed and cheered as he stumbled over himself, not able to pick himself up. He clearly had never been drunk until he was on Misfortune’s Keep.
Then it was every few days. Jay wouldn’t even finish his work half the time, the pirates would give him rum and beer and force him to drink. They’d lean his head back and force it down his throat. And he couldn’t deny it. He had gotten used to the feeling. The warm feeling he got as it ran down his throat, and then the blurred numbness that followed. He never really remembered what happened those nights. It was like a free ticket out of hell. He didn’t know what injuries he sustained until the morning after. His head would pound, his side would hurt, and his shoulder would be dislocated. But he never knew if anyone had decided to use him for more than a punching bag. He almost felt comfort from it.
When it became clear he wanted to get drunk, the pirates stopped. He didn’t get anymore large quantities of alcohol. He was relieved, partially. But he needed it. The numbness it gave him was addicting. He wanted it more, he needed more. But he couldn’t get it.
And then he felt it going down his pipe again… he needed to stop. He thought they were done doing this! Why was it still happening? And why did he want the feelings that followed after?
Jay ended up gasping and choking on the drink, spitting it out onto the ground. “Eugh, what was that for?!” He yelled, glaring at Cole. But then he squinted his eyes to get a better look at the person in front of him.
Jay shook his head and looked behind him, seeing it was Zane who was holding him. He shrugged the other off and he let go.
“What am I doing here?” He said in an accusatory manner. He was slightly guided to the cot by Zane. He followed the quiet request and sat down on the bed.
“Well,” Cole began, rubbing the back of his head as he looked off to the side. “You were in the bathroom and then passed out, so I took you—“
His eye. Jay didn’t care to listen to the rest of what Cole was saying. He covered his eye.
Zane then approached him calmly. “Jay, I need to see your eye.” Jay glared with his one eye, batting Zane’s hand away.
“No you don’t.” He quickly said, dodging his head from Zane’s hands.
First Master. He shouldn’t be this scared of hands. But they were getting too close, and too much, and now Jay couldn’t even breathe. His chest was heavy as a hand was placed on his shoulder. Then another in his chest. One held his face as the last one grabbed his wrist and pried it away from cupping his eyes.
Gosh dang it. There were tears in his eyes. He tried to quickly blink them away, but by that time the hands had already disappeared. Zane and Cole looked at each other before looking back at Jay.
“We did not mean to cause you distress, Jay.” Zane spoke, his hands now far from the blue ninja. Jay could only shudder in response.
“Can I just be left alone?” He said, trying to push himself off the bed. Zane pushed him back down.
“No.” The voice was stern. One Jay knew to obey. “You need to eat.” Zane motioned his head to Cole, who had a huge smile. He was holding the assorted snacks he had brought earlier, placing them on the spot next to Jay.
Great. Jay licked his lips. He was famished. But he didn’t know if his body would even be able to keep anything down. He was about to protest but Cole and Zane were both staring down at him with animating smiles. He sighed, taking the baggie of berries into his hands and popping a few in his mouth.
For a second, it was bliss. The flavors of the small fruits danced around his tongue. He hadn’t had berries in so long it was like heaven had made itself known in his mouth.
But soon after he swallowed, he felt that familiar feeling bubble in his chest. Then the feeling of his mouth watering too much and—
He basically bent himself over as his body rejected what he just put into his mouth. Why was it still so painful? Jay cursed himself, heaving at this point.
Zane and Cole watched as Jay heaved a few more times. Cole watched in horror as Zane went back to the screens to look at the data.
There was a silence that fell over them. Jay hated that silence, he knew they were both watching him. Watching him as he pathetically threw up the first thing he put in his stomach after days of not eating. This was so embarrassing.
And what was even worse? To them, he had probably eaten yesterday, or for breakfast. But he didn’t know. He wouldn’t be able to know. He couldn’t remember that far back. Not with such horrific memories blocking his path of recollection.
So he just looked pathetic. He knew he was getting stares of pity, he refused to look at their faces. He knew how they’d look. Just like the looks Flintlocke would give him after one of Nadakhan’s “sessions”. Or how Dogshank would look carefully at his eye after it was ripped from his own socket. She had beaten it, he could have sworn that the punches alone made him go blind in the eye.
“That’s not supposed to happen.” Someone finally spoke up. It was Cole. Jay glanced at him for a quick second before immediately looking away. Cole was worried for him.
“No, it is not.” Zane responded with a frown. He tapped his chin as he got a long tube attached to a small pouch.
Jay glared at the thing in Zane’s hand. A needle. He quickly gasped when Zane’s other hand grabbed his arm. No, oh First Master not—
He writhed, pulling his arm away from Zane. His breath quickened, his heart pounded. Electricity bubbled in his arms, rushing to the spot Zane was holding before a burst of lightning released from that secluded spot. It hurt.
But then Jay looked up in fear when he realized what he had done. Zane’s arm started glitching out, moving by itself as if it were a robotic muscle spasm.
Guilt was all Jay could feel in that moment. Zane looked like he was in pain. Pain that he caused. He looked back at Cole who was staring at Zane in horror.
The earth ninja quickly moved to Zane, trying to hold his arm still. “What was that for?!” Cole exclaimed. Jay shrunk in on himself from the yelling.
“I didn’t mean to! I promise, it just…” he looked at his shaking hands. He couldn’t let anyone see the disgusting scars that lingered on his body. Or the splotches of pale skin that conveniently looked like hands. He shuddered, the thought causing him to heave once more.
Zane and Cole looked back at the other after getting the arm to stop its unrhythmic patterns. “Jay, we need to connect you to an i.v. It will make you feel better.”
“No it won’t!” Jay shouted, forcing himself out of the cot. But he moved too quickly and could feel his vision go blank for a second. Cole grabbed him. “Let go! Let go of me!” Jay started kicking, trying to move his body. It was no use, the ghost was strong…
Unless you spit on him; get him wet and he’ll—
Jay’s own mind made him gasp. His eyes widened, and in his quick moment of silence, Zane was able to find a vein and stuck into the ninja.
“Uh!” Jay groaned, trying to pull his arm away from the others so he could rip out the i.v., but Zane caught his arms before doing so.
“This is in your best interest, Jay.” The Nindroid informed, and Jay only mumbled another groan. But then he winced as he noticed the other inspecting his arms. He pulled away.
“I’ll keep the i.v. in. Just don’t look at me.” He grimaced at how his words almost broke. He saw Zane and Cole glance at each other in worry. He hated when people looked like that. About him.
“As you wish.” Zane complied with a small sigh, turning away before he could see how the comment made Jay stiffen.
He held his arm tentatively and stared sharp daggers into the back of Zane’s head. He didn’t realize this until Cole brought him out of his haze. A hand was on his shoulder.
“What’s going on with you, dude?” Cole asked, and Jay could only shake his head in response, trying to find the right words to respond.
He doesn’t remember. Jay said to himself, biting his lip. None of them do. “Nothing.” He said it too quickly, that wasn’t convincing.
“Well, by the way you and Nya are acting and the… why are you acting like this?” Cole's concern only grew, and so did a nasty feeling inside Jay’s stomach… heart? He couldn’t bring himself to care about Cole’s words.
“I’m not acting any differently than I normally do.” Why was he so mad? He never got mad. Not like this. Guilt built up in his chest, but with guilt only brought more anger. What’s wrong with him?
Everything, really.
“Don’t try to lie to me, Jay.” Cole said, crossing his arms. He didn’t notice the inner fight between Jay and his mind.
“I’m not lying.” The blue ninja said it with venom, glaring into the ghosts eyes. He had that feral look he had when he woke up earlier. Except he was looking at Cole with anger, not fear or self defence.
A shiver went down his spine at the look on Jay’s face. Almost void of emotion.
Jay saw the fear in which Cole stared at him, so he looked away. “You guys can go now.” His voice was quiet, yet somehow so poisonous.
“I need to stay so I can finish administering the i.v.” Zane reminded. “And besides, I do not think you can be trusted to be left alone while having the i.v. in your arm.”
“Yes I can!” Jay demanded, crossing his arms. He was getting so much angrier by the minute. This wasn’t fair. Why was he so angry?
Zane only shook his head as he kept his eyes on the screen, still trying to decipher why Jay couldn’t eat his food. At least he was able to keep… most of the drink down.
Jay felt like he was in there for hours and it was terrible. He needed to shower. He needed to shower so badly. Why didn’t he shower before? Despite not really happening, Jay still felt sweaty. He felt gross and sweaty and bloody. The familiar, metallic smell of blood filled his nostrils. As if he were bleeding all over again. He wasn’t.
First master, he was going insane.
He hugged his stomach, counting to himself. It was a trait he picked up while on Misfortune’s Keep. Counting to himself. He thought it made the time go by faster. It didn’t.
He didn’t notice Cole and Zane talking. He didn’t care. He just needed to get out of there. Take a shower. Then maybe go to sleep.
After some time, he noticed Zane turn towards him and say something. He didn’t hear what the other said. He slowly looked up at the other, his vision finally getting back to him. “What?”
“I told you you’re all done.” Zane repeated, a soft smile on his lips. “You can go now.”
If Jay had the energy, he would grin. But he was too tired to. And mad. So he just stood up, almost falling. He caught himself before the others could reach him and stood himself tall and straight. Or, as straight as he could.
“But, please come back. So I can inspect your eye.” The Nindroid said as Jay began to leave. He frowned.
“Sure, sure. I’ll come back.” He waved his hand dismissively. He had no plans on coming back.
Jay left the room after that, immediately making his way to the shared room to grab clothes, then to the bathroom to take his long awaited shower.
He undressed carefully, but stared at his gi for a little too long. He didn’t deserve that. Everything that happened. Everything the embroidered octopus saw. He didn’t deserve that. He covered the symbols eyes, before dropping the gi on the ground, frontside down. The sins of himself did not need to expand to the uniform. To the poor little octopus that saw everything. Everything.
Jay had to choke a sob as he turned on the shower. It was warm, just like how Jay had liked it. Had.
It wasn’t enough. It was warm, this wasn’t getting anything off. And for a second, he saw the blood. The broken legs, the scars, the bruises, the burns. He gasped. For a second, and just for a second, his arm was gone. And he could feel it. He could feel the presence of another, pressing into his back. He turned, no one was there. It was a wall.
He turned the water up, as hot as he could. It burned. Almost immediately his body turned an angry red due to the heat of the water. He didn’t care. He needed it off. All of the wounds, all of the hits. All the bruises. All the touches, the licks, the bites.
First master, he was messed up.
The scolding hot water ran down his body. But he couldn’t seem to get all of the invisible marks off.
They weren’t invisible, they were right there. He could see them.
He grabbed his loofa, putting a large amount of Nya’s fancy soap on it before he started to scrub. Vigorously. He felt disgusting. He needed it off. He needed it to be gone, he needed it gone now. He couldn’t handle the idea of all the scars he obtained still being visible. Even the bruises. Bruises didn’t scar, did they? So why did he now have splotches of skin that looked like hand prints where he had…
Jay choked back a sob as he tried to scrub harder. He was crying now. Hot tears somehow burned his face more than the water itself. He scrubbed hard, and when it wasn’t hard enough, he scrubbed harder. It hurt. But nothing could compare to how much it hurt to be on that ship. His eye, his arm, his fingers, not even his toes were safe.
How was he going to hide it? It’s not like he could cover his body head to toe everyday. He groaned with his cries as he continued to scrub.
How pathetic. He was stuck, frozen in place. Suddenly the shower wasn’t hot enough, it wasn’t hot enough to burn away the sins of his thoughts.
He punched himself mentally. He could not think about it. He couldn’t. If he did, then he’d… he’d want it.
He stopped scrubbing, letting the water run through his hair and down his face. Snot ran from his nostril to his chin, but he quickly sniffled and wiped it away.
Part of him was so glad that the others didn’t remember the reversed timeline. They didn’t have to see how disgustingly horrible he looked. But now, he couldn’t talk about it. He couldn’t even mention it.
And it’s not like he would've talked much about it anyway. But at least they would understand, even if just a little, why he was acting the way he was. But they didn’t understand. They wouldn't ever understand.
He stood in the shower, no longer scrubbing what used to be wounds. The shower looked red. As if he had tainted it with his own blood. But he didn’t, his wounds were just scars.
Just scars was an understatement. They were grotesque. No normal scar looked like that. Was his mind just playing with him, or did his body actually look like that? Is that how everyone would see him for the rest of his life?
He didn’t want to think about that. He never wanted to think again. Thinking just made him remember, and he didn’t want to remember, either.
First Master this sucked. Everything that happened to him sucked. And really, there was nothing he could do about any of it.
He stared at his feet, which shared similar splotches to the ones on his hand. He shook his head, before a realization struck him.
He slowly contorted his body to get into a position where he could see his hips and thighs. He closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to look down at what he might see.
He took a deep breath, which was much harder than it should’ve been, and looked at his lower half. He choked. He wanted to be done crying. But more hot tears filled his eyes as he stared in horror at what his body had retained.
The spots where he had bruised were still dark. No light splotches where bruises used to be. These were actual bruises. He tried not to be too loud, but he could feel the drink he had drunken earlier ready to come back up.
Jay frantically opened the shower curtain and ran to the toilet, giving up the rest of the contents he had to give. He was shaking, arms gripping onto the toilet as he let another wave of nausea pass. He stayed there for a minute or two, staring into the toilet. He wiped the tears in his eyes and flushed it, but didn’t care to get up.
He sat there, sitting on the bathroom floor with nothing. He then felt an awkward shiver and— he didn’t want to be naked on the floor.
He immediately tried to get up, but that proved a little more difficult than he would’ve hoped. He sighed, taking his time this time.
He was able to push himself up using the sink, ignoring the burning from his skin.
This can’t be real. He thought to himself, glancing at his reflection one last time in the mirror before looking away. He’ll never look at a mirror again.
Jay moved towards his towel, picking it up before drying off his body. He winced as his hand moved over his scars. Why did they hurt*? Wasn’t the hurting supposed to be over? He erased the timeline, why was he still being haunted by the pain?
The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. None of that actually* happened. Right?
Jay wasn’t so sure. He had all the scars, from every last punch and kick. But no one —except for Nya— remembered any of it. He was alone in his feelings. He could talk to Nya but… he didn’t— he couldn’t talk to her about it. She went through stuff too. He couldn’t come to her to talk about his problems. That’d show how pathetic and weak he truly is.
After he finally dried himself enough, the ninja dropped his towel on the floor so he could put on his new set of clothes. He had grabbed a shirt, a sweatshirt, and sweatpants. That should hide most of it.
He quickly put on the articles of clothing. When he finished he stared at the gi that was on the floor. He needed it gone. He could still feel the way it clung to his exposed bone.
Jay clenched his jaw and shuttered at the memory. He was definitely getting rid of that gi. Probably just stop being a ninja. That’d be easier for everyone. But he can’t just quit like that. To them, there would be no reason for him to quit. He’d have to wait it out. All he knew was he wasn’t worthy of the Airjitzu Gi. Not anymore, not after what it had to go through.
He sighed, picking up his towel and slowly walking out of the bathroom. He was relieved when he didn’t see anyone, heading back to the shared bedroom where he shoved his old gi into the very back of someone else’s dresser. He’d come up with a plan to quit, but before then he’ll just tell Master Wu he lost his gi.
He felt guilty at the thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to put on that thing anymore. Knowing he wasn’t worthy of it, and knowing what memories it had stored with it.
Jay slowly closed the drawer, sighing as he did. He needed to sleep. Actual sleep. Not passing out or pretending to sleep. The thought of a nightmare infiltrating his dreams didn’t seem to come across his mind.
He was too lazy to climb up to his bed. So, he opted to go on Cole’s bed instead. He hoped Cole wouldn’t mind, but he also really didn’t care.
He had to climb to get to his own bed, and he wasn’t willing to do that right now.
Jay yawned, stretching his arms out as he did before curling himself into Cole’s blankets and covers. Almost immediately the ninja fell asleep, letting his mind go so it could wander in the dream realm.
—
It was midnight on the ship. All the pirates were sleeping, except for one.
Clancee was still walking about the ship on his beg leg, looking over to make sure everything was clean and tidy and where it belonged. It was just something he liked doing.
Eventually the snake made his way to Jay’s cell. Jay didn’t care for what the snake was going to say to him. He was more worried about his arm that had turned completely a different color. It was an ugly black, and it smelled awful. He was scared to look at his own arm.
When the pirate finally arrived at his cell, he looked at the ninja, frowning. “D-d-d-d-does your a-a-arm always do that?” He stuttered, pointing at Jay’s arm.
He quirked his eyebrow while looking back at Clancee. “Do what?” His voice scratched, he hadn’t spoken in a few days. Refusing to speak helped him not wish.
Clancee was surprised he talked, but shook it off to answer Jay’s question. “D-d-d-d-does it always t-t-t-t-turn purple like that?”
Jay took a deep breath shaking his head. “No, it—“ then he stopped, thinking. He looked at the arm rotting off his body, then looked back at Clancee. “Yeah… yeah, this is normal.” He hoped his lie was good, and considering the other’s facial expression, it worked.
“W-w-w-well how do you get r-r-rid of it? It’s f-f-f-f-freaking me out!” He almost shouted, luckily not waking anyone up.
Jay bit his lip, rolling the thought around in his head. He knew he’d freak the snake out more, but he didn’t want to ask anyone else for help. So he sighed, moving himself so he was in a more comfortable position.
“I need… first I need you to get me clean rags. Like, tons of them.” He said it quietly, a hushed whisper.
Clancee nodded, not saying anything else before running off to get the rags Jay requested.
He sighed, trying to move his arm. It was no use, he winced as pain jolted through the unusable arm. He then groaned. This hurt. He didn’t want to go through with this plan, but he had no other choice. Not if he wanted to live.
The thought of dying to the hands of the pirates made his blood boil. He hated them, and he knew that they just wanted him dead. The only one that wanted him alive was Nadakhan. He shivered at the thought before he heard the familiar peg leg inching closer.
He watched as Clancee tossed the rags to him and onto the ground of the cell. He tried to get them into his lap as quickly as he could, to prevent any bacteria from getting into them.
After carefully placing the rags on his lap, he looked back at Clancee. “Okay, I need to ask you one last thing.”
“W-w-w-w-what do you n-n-n-need?”
Jay shifted once again, lifting himself up so he could stand on the barrels and boxes that resided in his cell. “I need you to drop the door of my cell on my arm. That will uh… get the blood rushing there again and my arm will look good as new!” He put on a fake smile. He felt bad lying, but that’s all pirates did.
Clancee looked at Jay with confused eyes, but then stood up and nodded. “W-w-w-will do!”
Jay sighed in relief, thankful he was able to pull off the lie. But then the panic struck. He was about to rip off his own arm.
He had to calm himself down, it’s not like he felt much in that arm anyway. It was just dead weight, waiting to fall off any day now.
Using his good arm, he put his other one so it laid across the ground outside of his cell. He took a deep breath, noticing the look Clancee gave as he looked at the rotten, dead arm. It was only going to get worse for the snake. And himself. He sighed, shaking his head.
“Okay on the count of three,” he breathed in, held it, then breathed out. He was preparing himself, though he knew he really wouldn’t be able to. “Three… two…” he took a pause, closing his eyes tightly. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, wanting to back out… but he knew he couldn’t. And besides, one less arm, one less limb to get more injured. “…one—“
Before he could even finish saying the last number, the cell door came crashing onto his arm, and at the same time he pulled himself back.
There was a pop, a snap, and a rip. Jay almost screamed, and at the same time Clancee did. The serpent looked down at the now dismembered arm, then to Jay, then to the arm. And he fled, even for a pirate it was too much. Or maybe that was just Clancee.
Jay was trying not to scream, he didn’t want the pirates to wake up. But first master it all hurt. He gasped for air, trying to stabilize himself. He clenched his jaw, closing his eye tightly to not let out the sounds of his gasps and held back screams.
Quickly he remembered he had to stuff his wound. He groaned, using his one arm to grab the rags and carefully shove them inside of his wound.
He gasped at the feeling, letting tears fall from his eye. But he couldn’t stop, almost immediately the rag was completely red. He didn’t care. He continued to stuff the rags into the open arm socket.
He kicked his feet in pain as he did this little operation, groaning and crying as he did. He was so close to wishing it all away but he couldn’t. He couldn’t give Nadakhan what he wanted.
After some time, there were no rags left to stuff the wound with. Jay sighed, leaning back against the wall of his cell, he closed his eyes and then everything went black.
.
.
.
It felt like a few minutes went by, and suddenly he was no longer in his cell.
Everything was blurry, it was foggy, he couldn’t see. But he certainly could smell. His body slowly started to kick start, senses opening up slowly until an unbearable feeling shot out through his body.
He gasped and went to scream, but a finger was placed over his mouth, shushing him.
“No songs tonight, my little canary.” The voice was almost calming, but then the uncomfortable feeling returned to his arm.
Nadakhan gently pulled at the rags that Jay had used to stuff the wound. The feeling hurt and so insanely uncomfortable. He wanted to scream, writhe, he wanted to wish it all away but he couldn’t. He had to prove to the crew and his team that he was worth something.
“I have to admit, I am impressed.” The djinn said, pulling out the rags as slow as he could. Jay hissed as he did so, trying to pull his body away from the larger body.
“With what? That I’d let myself look even more weak on this nightmare ‘vacation’?” Jay spat sarcastically, his voice was dry and raspy. He hated the sound of it, his words not sticking how he wanted to. He took another sharp inhale as nadakhan removed the last bloody cloth from his stump.
Nadakhan laughed as he pulled it out, placing it on the desk next to the bed that they were on. “That you were able to pull it off.”
“Pun intended?”
The other just glared at him, but it wasn’t like Jay could even notice. His vision was still too blurry to focus on anything, and the incense that filled the room didn’t help.
Soon there was a hand on his throat. “Don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.” He said harshly. “Don’t make sounds and keep quiet. I had things to plan tonight, but I’ll no longer be able to do that.”
Jay slowly turned his head to look at Nadakhan, furrowing his brows.
“You,” The captain smiled slickly, slowly moving his hand towards the empty arm socket. “Made a huge mistake.” Suddenly, fingers were pressed into the wound. Jay tried to scream, but the hand was blocking his airways from releasing even a breath.
“It was clever, I will admit.” He spoke, inspecting the wound. His finger grazed the bone and Jay’s vision went black for a second, the pain was hot and searing and he just wanted it to be over. “But it was so, so foolish...” He then studied the shoulder of the ninja, looking at the wound closely.
Jay tried to speak again, but no words could escape his mouth. He wanted to run away, he wanted to go home, he wanted to be anywhere but here. And all he could think about was the fact that Nadakhan was touching the inside of his body. The bones, the nerves… he needed to throw up. The pain was unbearable.
Noticing this, Nadakhan sighed as he moved away from his body, licking his fingers. “Whatever you do, just don’t fall asleep.”
Jay was fine with that. As much as his body was telling him to, he knew what would happen if he decided to sleep in the comfortable silky bed. And with his new wound, and what the djinn has already done? There was no way he’d even think of resting for a little bit on that bed.
The captain soon returned with a candle and some sort of metal instrument. He also had a leather belt in another one of his hands. He handed the belt to Jay. “Bite on this.” He mumbled as he shoved the piece of leather into the smaller one’s mouth.
Fear had once again accumulated in Jay’s stomach. What was Nadakhan doing? He tried to watch what the other was doing, but he had to lift his head for that, and he didn’t have the energy.
Nadakhan’s humming was the only thing Jay could focus on. He tried to focus on the smell of the incense, or the taste of the leather, but his mind only focused on the song the other sang.
His thoughts were soon cut when he felt an immense burning from the side. He bit down on the belt as hard as he could, groans of pain and silent screams escaping his mouth. Nadakhan didn’t seem to mind these sounds, stroking Jay’s hair as Jay closed his eyes tightly to try and hide from the pain. It didn’t work.
“Oh, don’t cry, canary.” He soothed, smiling with a fake warmth at the other. “The wound is closed… you don’t have to worry about infections or blood loss…” there was a sound of disappointment in his voice.
Jay couldn’t place it. Now he couldn’t focus on anything. Everything was going on, and he was so tired. His eyelids were so heavy and his mind was so foggy. No thoughts of his were coherent, and soon enough the gates of his eyes closed.
—
Jay woke up in a puddle of his own sweat, rolling himself off the bed he was laying on and into the floor. His breaths were labored, his heart was pounding, and his palms were sweaty.
He then covered his mouth, noticing the other ninja peacefully asleep in their beds. He scrambled up, trying to get out of the room as quickly as he could, but his feet dragged and he was tripping over himself.
He knew it was all over, really it didn’t happen… but it had to have happened. He had the scars to prove as much. As he walked through the hall of the bounty he glanced at the door to Nya’s room. He inhaled sharply, then slowly crept his way to the door. When he arrived he stopped, went to knock, but then his arm fell to his side.
He couldn’t go to Nya. Not now. She had her own problems to worry about. Besides, everything that they went through was his fault. She probably didn’t even want to look at him.
So, Jay turned away and began walking to the living room. The idea of being on the bed made him shiver. Besides, there was a pool sized puddle of sweat in the bed he was sleeping on, and he knew it’d be uncomfortable to go back. So he decided that the couch would be his best option. He wasn’t planning on sleeping, not if it would take him to where he didn’t want to be.
He had to find some way to get his mind back on track. Something to ease his nerves, something that would let him rest peacefully.
What calms people down? Hot showers? No, he tried that. Now his skin hurt from the excessive scrubbing. Maybe take an off day and go to the spa. But he didn’t deserve to treat himself to a spa day. Plus, he’d prefer to be fully clothed from head to toe, gloves, long sleeves, and maybe even a turtleneck to hide the scars that crept up his neck.
They weren’t even noticeable, not unless you were studying closely. But Jay noticed, and he hated it. He was scared one of the ninja would notice, then they’d ask questions. Then he’d have to tell them what happened, and then they’d pity him.
His head was spinning, he needed to find a way to get his mind off of things, something that could just disconnect him from his mind.
He sat, thinking quietly. His leg bounced as he tapped his fingers on his arms. Images of the events passed through his head while he was trying to think about nothing.
This was like torture in itself. The pictures in his head were so clear, as if they were burning into his mind.
Finally, he decided video games were the only option for him to stay up, and also get his mind off of things. So he turned on the tv and put on some fist to face.