Chapter Text
***
I want you to teach me new words.
Ones I could never have come up with on my own,
Ones I've never heard before.
***
“Come on, slowpoke! Keep up!”
July, as it turned out, was incredibly hot. Summer was hot. Asphalt sizzled and stank, its pungent fumes burning the insides of nostrils and tarring the insides of lungs indiscriminately. Air conditioning became a necessity, and ceiling fans spun on worn bearings attempting valiantly to circulate recycled air.
Summer was hot, and Monika had never known something so wonderful.
“Sl-slowpoke? Just because you're some smarmy white photo-copy of Elaine Thompson-Herah, that doesn't make me slow!” Natsuki was panting by the time she caught up to where Monika was jogging in place, glaring at the satisfied smirk set below verdant eyes.
Monika snorted. “ Elaine Thompson-Herah is my superhero—don't even. Besides, sprinting is different than trail running. You're the one who said you wanted to get back into shape, right?”
“Well yeah, but I didn't think you were gonna try to kill me right out the gate!”
Her laugh reverberated through her chest, and hurled itself into the woods beyond them. She wiped the sweat from her brow, her cheeks tinged pink with exertion. “Tell you what, we'll take a break up here, okay?” She gestured beyond the next trail marker to a bend winding up past the massive bridge leading out of the park.
“Oh, sure. Just take me up another hill why don't you,” Natsuki groaned.
Monika rolled her eyes. “If you're gonna complain the whole time I won't bring you next time.” Then, as an after thought, “You might do better if you lose the hoodie.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
The air was considerably cooler beneath the canopy of the trees, shaded from the brunt of the sun by the dappled emerald of their leaves as they danced in the breeze. When the wind blew through the valley, their branches clattered together—a rattling of the bones of the earth—and their heavy boughs groaned and creaked in a language older than time itself. The sharp trill of some bird that Monika couldn't identify lit the air with a domino effect of song that spread through the highest branches as she stepped off the path and over to the edge beyond the railing and looked out over a sea of green. Her footfalls kicked off a cascade of loose dirt and pebbles that careened over the edge and pattered down the sharp drop to the underbrush. She breathed in the sweet altitude, the heady scent of the mud from the riverbank behind them, listened to the crash of the water as it drained down in the children of waterfalls carving their way through rock and stone until they dashed on the limestone below.
Natsuki came up behind her, spotted her precarious footing and squaled. “Ack! H-hey! Be careful over there! That's like a trillion foot drop!”
Monika allowed herself one more frame of the view that had become her favorite before turning back, hand tracing the bark of a tree as she leveraged herself back onto the path with its help. “I'm fine Nat. Relax.” Then, she checked her watch. “We should head back. Sayori's mom is expecting us around eleven.”
“We should head back,” Natsuki mimicked. “Yeah, thanks for the billion mile sprint, Moni.”
Monika laughed. “Come on, dude, it's not that far.”
“Still weird hearing you say that.” But she was smiling.
“Uh-huh, and whose fault is that? Your lexicon, dude.”
“Hm-hm-hm don't know what you're talking about.”
“Oh, shut up and lets go. If you don't keep up I'm leaving without you,” she sang. She leaned back with her hands clasped, bowing her spine and feeling her ribs expand, settling into the space between them. On a whim, she pulled out her phone, flipped the camera and snapped a picture of herself and Natsuki—who was still a puffing mess. Then after stashing her phone again, she took off, legs pumping under her as she flew over roots and muddy ruts, kicking up clay clumped with stagnant water as she went.
“M-Monika! You—” Natsuki cut herself off, grit her teeth, and then she was after her, her much shorter stride putting her at a disadvantage that announced itself in the lengthening distance between them. “I'm gonna toss you off that ledge when I catch up to you!” she crowed.
Natsuki's threat was without teeth, and it was eaten away by the rush of her blood pounding in her ears and even more so by her echoing laughter. A quick glance over her shoulder told her that Natsuki was pounding the trail after her with the intent to bowl her over, and as she slowed to allow her friend to catch up, her smile was wide and blinding. She dodged nimbly. “Thought you were worried about me just a second ago! What happened to that?”
Natsuki made one more half-hearted attempt to snag the back of Monika's shirt, her breath collapsing and inflating her lungs dramatically. “Y-you are the—whooo—the worst—hah—you know that?”
She felt a little bad taking in the sight of her friend bowed over, panting and sweating profusely, but only a little. Her laughter trailed off gradually, and Natsuki gave her a weak shove before bracing her hands on her knees once more, the mop of her pink hair plastered to her face and jawline. Monika relented. “Sorry, sorry. How about this—you make it back to the truck with me, and we'll hit that creamery you like on the way back. My treat.”
Natsuki's eyes narrowed at her suspiciously. “Double scoop?”
“Double scoop,” she affirmed.
The waffle cone was practically bigger than Natsuki's face, and Monika couldn't be entirely certain that her friend would be able to fit the whole thing inside her compact form, even in measured bites. She settled on something moderately reasonable for herself, and as she sucked the milkshake through the straw, Natsuki was trying to figure out where to begin. The melting dessert made the decision for her, and she had to quickly lick the drip before it ended up on her hands. The grin on Monika's face was restrained into something that looked like the way feet sink into the sand with the tide—sturdy for one moment before crumbling from beneath under the current. A twinge behind her eye had her grimacing—the promise of the persistent headache that seemed her constant companion of late—but it was far less notable than the pinch of anxiety in her chest.
Natsuki noticed the shift.
“'sup?” she asked between bites.
Monika's legs swung below the tailgate of her old, white pickup truck, and she leaned back, flattening a palm against the bed and weaving her fingers between the ridges of the lining. “Eh, just nervous, I guess.”
“'bout moving?”
That was it, but also it wasn't. The humidity condensed on the outside of the polystyrene foam cup, pouring between her fingers and dripping down onto the sun-kissed skin of her legs. She set it down next to her and flicked the water away. “I'm not really sure. I guess... this year has been great. I needed the break from everything.”
Natsuki was nodding, her mouth full of rocky-road and sprinkles. When she eventually managed to absorb the sugar into her digestive system, she shrugged. “I mean, yeah. I think taking a year to figure out what you want was a good move.”
Monika sighed. “Yeah, but now I just feel... behind? I dunno. You started Culinary school, Sayo's already well on her way to becoming probably, like, the best teacher ever, and Yuri... well anyway,”
***
I want you to sing your songs into my soul
until what I want becomes
indistinguishable from who you are.
***
Natsuki raised an eyebrow at the less-than subtle way she dodged discussion of their friend, but Monika ignored her, “and here I am just moving out and starting college. Ugh. I feel like such a fail—”
“Ah-ah-ah!” Natsuki interrupted, nudging Monika's calf with the toe of her shoe. “What did Cali say about that negative self-talk?”
At the mention of her therapist, Monika groaned. “I know, I know. What you water grows.”
“Mhm.”
“Okay, well fine. Not a failure. Just behind.”
The crunch of the waffle cone preceded a rough slap on the back as Natsuki hopped down from the truck bed. She cast Monika in a critical gaze. “You're overthinking it. You've got your whole life. What's one measly year? Better than rushing into something you aren't ready for just because it's what you're 'supposed' to do.”
Monika rolled her neck, looking up to the sky and watching the wispy clouds pass on an unconcerned air current. Her anxieties snarled at the words, twisted ropes of her nerves, tied knots around the milkshake settling in her stomach and squeezed the lightness from her chest. She closed her eyes. Breathed. The pressure lessened. “Yeah. You're right,” she said at last, hopping down to the gravel parking lot and dusting her rear. “When did you get so smart?”
Natsuki scoffed. “I've always been smart.”
Monika raised an eyebrow beneath her bangs. “Sayo is rubbing off on you.”
“... Sayo is rubbing off on me,” Natsuki agreed.
The drive back to her mother's house was comfortable, the windows rolled down and the radio on as the woven tunnel of tree branches overhead gave way to power lines and dotted pines. Monika found herself already missing the woods, the overlook, the river. Not for the first time, she envied the flock of birds flying overhead—starlings in murmuration, diving, dipping, soaring in a collective of purpose-driven intent.
Natsuki hummed along to a song they both knew, and Monika relished the time to gather the scattered bits of herself before they pulled into the driveway. Her mother wasn't home yet, though she knew it was only a matter of time, and as she removed the key from the ignition, the engine chuttering to a quiet hiss, she looked to Natsuki.
“You can shower upstairs if you want. I'll just use Mother's.”
Natsuki nodded, hopping out the passenger door the short drop to the concrete. “Cool.”
In the short amount of time it took for Monika to gather a fresh change of clothes from what was left in her room upstairs and make her way back down, her phone had cheerily plinged twice from its place in her pocket.
Marlow is not amused. He wishes to know what fresh hell I have wrought upon his home. The boxes were a novelty at first, but now he is displeased that I have packed away his belongings.
The second message was a picture of a fluffy grey cat which featured many moving boxes. Marlow pressed against Yuri's long legs, a supremely unhappy, judgmental look on his face.
Aweee. Poor boy.
So this is moving week for you too, huh? Twins!
She kicked the door to the bathroom shut with her heel and tossed the towel onto the long counter, her eyes glued to her phone as she pulled the ribbon from her hair. The response was almost immediate, and she couldn't help the fond smile that spread over her face.
Ah, yes! It slipped my mind that you told me you were receiving the keys this weekend! How very exciting. Give me the tour when it is convenient?
Yeah, for sure! Maybe Sunday? Nat offered to help me move everything since she doesn't work this weekend. Lucky her. :P
We went for a run this morning. The view was gorgeous. Thought you might like to see =)
She followed up the rapid-fire texts with the photo she'd taken of herself and an unwitting Natsuki at the overlook. Then, settling her phone near her ribbon, she cranked the faucet to a moderate scald before shedding the rest of her clothes and stepping under the stream with eyes closed and the backs of their lids painted lavender.
***
Just tell me you love me, and it would be enough.
I could die happy if you would breathe your life into me.
***