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“When was the last time you slept?” Namgyu questioned for the 3rd time that week having found Thanos sitting in the kitchen at 3am staring into the abyss.
“Ummm…yesterday?” Namgyu knows for a fact that is a lie, if not for the unsure tone present in his boyfriend’s voice, then definitely for the fact he had to drag said person to bed in the early hours of the morning.
“Thanos, we both know that's bullshit.” Namgyu countered lowering himself onto the floor in front of him, a stern expression present on his face but the look of concern was much more evident. Thanos looked like shit, dark rings under his eyes and a distant expression clear on his face.
“What does it matter?” Thanos shrugged the hand that Namgyu tried to place on his shoulder, clearly not in the mood for any sort of comfort.
Thanos had BPD, which means he has to take medication to keep his symptoms at bay. However, due to his autism he forgets most of the time meaning his symptoms were always worse than usual. Namgyu tried to remind him and keep him in check but with him working at a club he wasn't always awake when Thanos got up for the day.
“Have you taken your medication?” Namgyu questioned, already more than aware of the answer. Thanos didn't even acknowledge him, which only confirmed Namgyu's suspicions.
As much as Thanos was forgetful, the problem ran deeper than that. His autism means he loves routines so when that gets disturbed it normally means Namgyu has a meltdown to deal with. Because of his nature to forget important things, he can never remember to create a routine that involves his medication so lately has been a rather big problem.
“What do you think!” Thanos exclaimed, growing in anger as the minutes passed by. Namgyu knows not to return the outrage after all it wasn't like he had much control over it especially when he hadn't taken his medicine in god knows how long.
“Okay. Thanos, you need to take your medication.” Namgyu expressed calmly, hoping not to upset his boyfriend anymore. He knows how short Thanos’ fuse was after a few days unmedicated.
“I disagree.” Thanos shot back defensively, kicking out nearly knocking Namgyu back as well. Luckily, it isn't his first rodeo and he's able to avoid the flailing limbs.
“Thanos.” Namgyu said sternly and Thanos curled into himself trying to hide from the harmful world. “I can help if you will let me.” Thanos nodded stiffly and spread his arms hoping for comfort from his boyfriend.
—---
“Thanos, the first step is always the hardest.” Namgyu was standing against the kitchen island watching Thanos flip the pill over in his hand.
Namgyu had booked time off work to ensure he would be around in the mornings for the first few days to get Thanos used to the routine that was being introduced. Luckily, his manager was fine with it and even asked him to pass on his support to Thanos during this difficult stage of his life, Namgyu would have to pay him back somehow.
“Nam, I-I can’t.” Thanos trembled in his seat as the anxiety coursed through his body. He had a meeting with his manager on a possible new album he had been planning but if he messed up his schedule he wouldn't be able to get out of the house and his manager would scream at him.
“It’s okay, Thanos.” Namgyu pushed off the kitchen island and made his way over towards Thanos. The poor boy was close to tears and was shaking visibly like the thought of swallowing a pill was causing him so much pain. Namgyu hated to be part of that pain but he knew Thanos would thank him when the routine had been set. “I’m here.”
With the last reassurance from Namgyu, Thanos slowly placed the pill on his tongue and swallowed, visibly wincing at the uncomfortable sensation as it slid down his throat.
If Namgyu had to carry him over his shoulder to get him to his meeting then no one needed to know.
—-
Thanos saw the world differently now he had taken his medication, the world seemed brighter, he didn't pay attention to scowls on people's lips but instead the wide smiles and cheerful laughter. Has everyone always been so happy? He didn't know but he knows he doesn't want it to ever go away.
Thanos and his manager had always been at odds, he just wanted to do his own thing but his manager always had something to say about it. He was always too outgoing, too controversial, too unbothered, too wrapped up in drama and that infuriated Thanos to no return.
Or it did. However, today when he entered his manager's office and the first thing out of his mouth was criticising Thanos’ clothing, the smile that crept on his face was more than a slight surprise.
“You feeling alright, Thanos?” His boss chuckled as Thanos took a seat leaning back immediately and lifting his legs to rest on the desk. “Normally you scream at me for those kinds of comments.”
“Oh..” Thanos sighed recognising how good this medicine was for his behaviour. “I guess you're right.”
For the first time in a while, Thanos felt like his world wasn't constantly crumbling around him causing him to explode and take it out on others. It was a nice feeling, different but nice.
—---
It was nighttime now, Namgyu had just found Thanos on the kitchen floor again. He seemed calm now instead of the uptight and dazed look he had last time.
“Thanos?” Namgyu took a seat in front of him and reached out a hand to rest on his boyfriend's knee. Surprisingly, he doesn't flinch back, that is definitely a good sign. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Thanos sighed and looked up to the ceiling. “I’m good.” Namgyu smiled at this comment, he can't remember the last time Thanos had said he was above average in ages.
“Good, I’m glad” Namgyu beamed, opening his arms to Thanos. He gratefully takes it and crawls into Namgyu's arms, resting his head onto his chest.
“I love you Nam.” Thanos mumbled, eyes closed, breath steady.
“I love you.” Namgyu knew it would be a long journey to get into a good routine and ensure Thanos would stay on track. Namgyu would be here if and when it fell apart again.
There's nowhere else he’d want to be.