Chapter Text
"Mon Mothma should have stayed on Dantooine." Zeb Orrelios folded his arms across his chest and glared at the holoprojector in the heart of Chopper Base's central control room. Zeb jerked his head towards a pair of technicians, who were frantically trying to reinstall one of the computer terminals that, hours before, had been just as quickly dismantled. "Would have saved us a lot of busywork."
Ezra Bridger shook his head in annoyance. His arms and legs were still sore from all the rushed grunt work that, as of a few moments ago, had just been made irrelevant. He would have said something to back Zeb up, but one look at his friend Hera was enough to convince him to keep his mouth closed. Hera, thankfully, was too busy shooting Zeb a reproachful look to notice Ezra's disenchantment.
"You know as well as I do Zeb that Senator Mothma couldn't pass up Senator Bel Iblis's invitation to Corellia." Hera said, her posture defensive as she tried to offer her support to the Rebellion's new official leader.
Ezra frowned, but did his best to keep silent. He was glad that Mon Mothma and the other Senators were still alive after their brief imprisonment by the Empire. But he also couldn't help but feel annoyed with them. He and his friends had risked life and limb getting fuel to Senator Mon Mothma of Chandrila after she'd been smuggled off of Coruscant. They'd risked their lives further smuggling her through the Archeon Pass all the way to Dantooine when her escape ship had been damaged. Ezra couldn't help but agree with Zeb that she should have stayed hidden at Dantooine following her galaxywide call to arms. Instead, after a brief stay at Dantooine, she'd found herself heading back to the Core Worlds for a summit on Corellia. There she, Bail Organa, and Garm Bel Iblis had been captured by Darth Vader and whisked away to someplace unknown.
Matters had been made worse by the revelation that one of the Rebellion's chief organizers, Galen Marek, had turned out to be none other than Starkiller, Darth Vader's secret apprentice. Marek had materialized from nowhere, appearing in a short period of time to have done significant damage to the Empire and inspire the rebel senators to finally solidify their alliance. Ezra had never had the chance to meet him, but after the loss of Ahsoka Tano on Malachor Ezra had been eager to find other Jedi and add them to the cause.
Ezra's hopes, however, had been crushed. Events had moved passed the Lothal Rebel's ability to react.
When word had gotten out that the nascent Rebellion's leadership had been captured, there had been a massive rush to dismantle Chopper Base and evacuate Atollon for deep space. Everyone respected Mon Mothma and Bail Organa for their bravery. But no one in the Rebellion had seriously imagined they'd last long under interrogation from Imperial Intelligence. Ezra had half expected a fleet headed by Thrawn or Admiral Konstantine to drop out of hyperspace on top of their heads any second.
Chopper Base and its personnel had been halfway through the evacuation when word had gotten out that the Senators had been rescued by a seemingly repentant Starkiller. Marek had died delivering the Senators from the Emperor's clutches, and the Alliance had survived its first baptism by fire with its leadership and its secrets intact.
"It's one thing to make a broadcast calling for the rebels across the galaxy to rally to our cause." Hera argued. "It's another to work out the fine details of just how this new Alliance is going to be organized if we have a shot at taking down the Empire. The Summit on Corellia took Senator Mothma's broadcast at Dantooine and made it a functioning reality."
"I get that we need structure as much as we need rhetoric." Zeb conceded. He hitched a thumb at his own chest as he continued speaking. "I was in the Lasan Honor Guard. Trust me, I get the value of establishing a chain of command. But Mothma and Organa were reckless headed back into the Core like that. You can't argue that Hera."
"They had to show they trusted Senator Bel Iblis and were willing to work with him." Hera countered. "His support is critical right now."
"What about Saw Gerrera?" Ezra finally spoke up. "He has his own group. His own ships and resources. Sure, he's wound a little tight from what I saw of him on Geonosis. But I say we could use his support just as much we need this Bel Iblis fella. If not more so. Where's he in all this?"
"Saw's gone to ground." Kanan spoke up, causing Ezra to look over to the control room's entryway. There Kanan was leaning in the doorway, listening to his friends as they went back and forth on the details. "There was no chance of him showing up to the Dantooine meeting, let alone the Corellia summit. Saw sees conspiracies everywhere. Knowing him he's probably thinking right now that the Imperials turned Mothma and let her escape as part of a ploy to lure him out and finally catch him. He'll maintain comm silence until the Rebellion does something big enough to convince him that its newly freed leadership isn't part of an elaborate trap."
Zeb winced. "We're, uh, sure that isn't the case, right?"
"I've seen the reports and I'm convinced." Hera answered. "Rebel Command has given each of the Senators and Master Kota every single test they can come up with. There's no evidence of brainwashing or any sort of coercion. They're clean. We're safe."
"What about the facility they were held at?" Sabine interjected, speaking for the first time, her eyes breaking contact with the holoimage floating in the center of the room. "Has there been any followup there?"
Hera shrugged. "Rebel Command sent some recon fighters to the system after the Senators escaped and gave them the coordinates. All three Senators agree that they were taken to some sort of space station. A large one. But when the recon team arrived in the system to learn more the station had been moved without a trace."
"And the leadership has no idea what this station was for?" Sabine asked, her eyes drifting back to the holoimage.
"No, but I imagine Alliance Intelligence will be looking into it." Hera concluded. "With the death of Galen Marek Master Kota is reportedly eager to start hitting Imperial targets. Maybe he'll be assigned to track down this station."
"This Rahm Kota, is it true what they're saying?" Ezra asked. "Is he really a Jedi Master from before the Clone Wars?"
"Yeah, I'd heard of him at the Temple on Coruscant." Kanan admitted. Ezra's eyes narrowed. Something in Kanan's tone of voice made it clear that the older Jedi wasn't happy.
"Isn't this a good thing?" Ezra asked. "Having another Jedi on our side can only benefit this Alliance, right?"
Kanan shrugged his shoulders. "Kota's a hothead. He was always eager for a fight. And Lothal's probably too provincial for him to get involved with our side of operations. Based on his war record, he'll be hitting targets as far into the interior as the Core once Rebel Command gives him a ship."
"Well, good." Ezra said. "We could use someone who treats this war like, well, like a war."
"Ezra, he was deceived by a man Mon Mothma claims was Vader's apprentice." Kanan asserted. "Are you forgetting how easily Vader tossed us about? How easily he killed our friends in Phoenix Squadron? Anyone who could serve such a man is unworthy of trust."
Kanan shook his head. "Kota showed a real lack of judgement."
"Yeah, and this Starkiller guy turned out to be alright in the end." Ezra countered. "Maybe Master Kota saw the good in him and trusted in that."
"Ezra, the pull of the Darkside is strong." Kanan said, stepping out of the doorway and moving further into the room. "Kota got lucky. Him placing his faith in Starkiller's supposed goodness was a massive gamble. He's always been lucky, if half of what I've heard about him is true. But that sort of reckless luck rarely holds out for long. I suspect if he keeps going the way he's going that he'll be an early casualty in this new war."
"Kanan, why are you being so negative?" Ezra asked. "We've been through close run ins with the Empire before and made it through. This is just another close call."
"No it's not Ezra. The Rebellion was very nearly smothered in its cradle. Do you all not realize that?" Kanan asked.
"No point focusing on what might have happened." Zeb interjected, hoping to forestall an argument. He gestured to the holoimage that Sabine was still staring at. "It's official. The Alliance to Restore the Republic is born. We should celebrate."
"I can't believe they really went with that design." Sabine murmured softly, staring up at the holoimage.
Chopper Base had received a message from Senator Mothma, a short brief speech sent to every base affirming that she was alright, that the Rebellion lived, and that the fight against tyranny would continue. The transmission had ended with the new official logo of the Rebel Alliance.
A Phoenix, rising from the flames.
"Of course they'd use one of your designs Sabine." Ezra said. "What else would they use?"
"I didn't come up with it on my own." Sabine admitted. "I saw the design in an art history book back at the Academy. I just liked adding my own flare to it."
"You're not the only one who liked that design Sabine. I heard that the Phoenix symbol was used as the crest of Galen Marek's family." Hera said softly.
"The Phoenix is a common symbol galaxy-wide." Kanan noted sagely. "A symbol of rebirth and reneweal. Of determination. Common enough to be used by individuals for their own causes across the galaxy. Sabine and the Marek family simply took up the symbol as their own. No doubt Senators Mothma and Organa saw it's prominence in our own ranks as a favorable sign to adopt it for themselves."
"It makes me wonder what our place is in all of this." Sabine wondered. "I've heard new recruits talk about us, about the Spectres and later Phoenix Squadron, and the roll our actions played in convincing them to join the Rebellion. And yet, despite that supposed influence, we were in no position to mount a rescue when the Senators were captured. We didn't even know where they'd been taken or whether we were about to come under attack from the Empire."
"The Rebellion's blossomed into a galaxy spanning operation." Hera said. "It's grown beyond us. I like to think Mon Mothma and her allies were the ones who first dreamt of the Alliance. The crew of the Ghost inspired people, spurred them to take action. Then Galen Marek did the work of bringing the disparate pieces together into one united front. And now matters have come full circle. Mon Mothma and the others who dreamt of this Alliance have cemented it and given it final form."
"Then perhaps celebrations are in order." Zeb called out, slamming down his open palm onto the holotable, causing the Phoenix emblem floating above to flicker. "Let's all head down to the mess hall to celebrate. I heard Commander Sato obtained a case of good Spotchka from an Imperial outpost near Mykapo."
"I could certainly use a drink." Hera confessed. She turned off the holoprojector and gestured to the other technicians working in the control room. "Maintain a skeleton crew here to keep an eye on things. But send the rest down to the mess hall. We have a long war ahead. For now we should celebrate."
The Rebels filed out of the control room, in pairs of twos and threes.
All save for Kanan. As the others left for the mess hall, the blind Jedi Knight silently turned towards the barracks. Ezra watched him go, and then went to join him.
"Kanan?" Ezra asked. "What's wrong?"
"This'll be my second war." Kanan admitted.
Ezra reached out and put his hand on his Master's shoulder. "We'll be alright."
"It'll only get harder from here." Kanan said solemnly. "I have faith in you Ezra. In you and Hera. In Sabine and Zeb. I have faith. But all the faith in the universe won't spare us the horror of war."
"We've done alright so far." Ezra argued.
"The battles we've fought pale in comparison with what I saw during the Clone Wars." Kanan turned to face his apprentice.
"I got into that war late. Just as things were coming to an end. But what I saw..."
"I know you don't like talking about it." Ezra said, tugging on Kanan's sleeve. "Let's just go down to the mess. We can worry about all this tomorrow."
Kanan grimaced. "They'll be drinking pretty heavily. Alcohol and I...have a history."
Ezra's eyes narrowed in surprise. "I've seen you drink before. What's the problem?"
"You've seen me drink light stuff, like an Elba beer." Kanan countered. "And I'd usually do that to maintain cover during a mission."
Kanan sighed. "Before I met you. Before I met Hera even, I drank a lot."
Kanan leaned against a wall. Ezra stood by his side and waited for Kanan to speak again.
"I drank a lot." Kanan repeated himself. "I drank to dull my senses. To dull my connection to the Force. I'd heard of the Empire hunting Jedi. I wasn't sure how they were doing it, I hadn't heard of the Inquisitors yet, but I thought if I dulled my senses then I wouldn't be noticed. So many beings pass judgement on someone and never reevaluate their initial views. So I tried to make myself appear like a worthless drunk."
Kanan winced. "And then I turned into a worthless drunk. It took meeting Hera to shake me out of it."
Ezra squeezed Kanan's shoulder. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."
"There are times..." Kanan said softly, his voice drifting into nothing.
"What?" Asked Ezra.
Kanan grimaced, before speaking again. "There are times I can't remember the details."
"The details of what?" Ezra asked.
Kanan took a deep, tremulous breath, and then he spoke again. "There are times I can't remember the details of the day my Master was shot."
The Hallway fell into silence. Ezra knew not to push further. The story of Depa Billaba was one close to Kanan Jarrus's heart. Between a Master and an apprentice stood hallowed ground. Ezra knew he could no more intrude in the space between Kanan and Depa Billaba than he would permit someone else to trod in between the two of them.
"I know we were on Kaller." Kanan admitted. "And I remember the clones who were with us. Grey. Styles. We were fighting the Separatists under the command of General Kleeve. I remember Grey turning on Master Billaba. I remember her screaming at me to Run! I remember her spinning faster and faster, deflecting blaster bolts. I remember hearing her scream."
Kanan shook his head. "But the details, the background. The events leading up to it. Sometimes we're in the woods, sitting around the campfire, talking, laughing. Sometimes we're in the middle of a battle in an open field. One moment we're all together, as a team, and then the next..."
Kanan rubbed at his temples. "You're the second person I've ever admitted that to."
Ezra nodded. "And what did Hera say when you told her all this?"
"She said it was as much a traumatic response as a byproduct of binge drinking." Kanan explained. "She said I was conflating memories. There was a battle in an open field. There was a campfire in the woods. We fought side by side. We laughed side by side. All of those things are true. Which came first, and when, has been all tangled up in here."
Kanan pointed at his own head and sighed.
"I drank to forget. I forgot the order of events, but the thing that mattered most remained."
"And that's why you've been so reluctant to get more involved with the Rebellion." Ezra realized.
"Grey and Styles were as much my friends as Sabine and Zeb are." Kanan confessed. "I admired them. There was group of clones too, the Bad Batch, they called themselves. I was so impressed by them. I wanted them to like me."
Kanan held up his hand. "I know now about the chips. I know now it wasn't really Grey or Styles fault. But for years I thought my friends had turned on me. It took me a long time to open up to Hera and to everyone else on the Ghost. I know there's no chip in your heads that'll turn you against me."
"But after years and years of worrying and anger, it's hard to let those feelings go." Ezra concluded. "And now another war is starting, and you can't help but worry that it'll go the same way as the last war."
"It's our duty as Jedi to let go of such emotions. I work every day to do so. But the deeper an emotion is felt, the harder it is to let go." Kanan concluded. "Right now, the best I can do is acknowledge how I feel and work to ensure it doesn't impact my actions going forward."
"Then come on down to the Mess Hall." Ezra urged. "Be with your family. Maybe dark days are ahead. But we'll face them together. Together, we've always found the light in the darkest of places."
Kanan's lips quirked upwards. "Alright then Ezra. Let's make some new memories."