Chapter Text
Eddie doesn’t usually let himself look too long.
He notices, sure, he’s not blind… but there’s a difference between acknowledging and indulging.
But today?
Today, he’s indulging.
The guy is ridiculously good looking. Tall, with broad shoulders that stretch the fabric of his navy blue shirt just right, like it was made for him. He’s got that easy, effortless confidence in the way he moves, loose limbed, casual, like the world bends to accommodate his presence. His sleeves are pushed up, exposing forearms dusted with light hair, veins prominent against pale skin, hands large and strong.
Eddie swallows hard, suddenly too aware of the warmth creeping up his neck.
It’s the smirky little smile that does him in.
The guy turns, grinning at something his friend says, and it’s devastating. The kind of smile that could wreck a man if he wasn’t careful. Eddie watches, helpless, as his gaze drifts downward, past the broad chest, the defined lines tapering into a slim waist, and woah, the way his jeans sit just right on his hips.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Eddie drags a hand over his face, forces himself to look away, but it’s too late. The image is seared into his brain now, lodged deep in the part of him that logic has no power over. He is fully, shamefully, helplessly thirsting over a complete stranger.
“Jesus,” he mutters under his breath, shaking his head.
And then the guy laughs.
It’s low and warm, a perfect sound, the kind that sends a shiver down Eddie’s spine and makes his stomach clench. His willpower crumbles like a sandcastle as he risks another glance.
Huge mistake.
The guy is looking right at him.
His head tilts slightly, amusement flickering across his sharp features and he grins.
He knows.
Eddie clears his throat and abruptly turns away, shoving his attention back to his coffee before he does something stupid, like hold eye contact for too long. Or worse…smile back.
“You’re pathetic,” Nora says flatly, her voice brimming with amusement.
“I know,” Eddie sighs, dropping his head onto the table.
“It’s cute, but it’s also really depressing to watch,” she adds, stirring her drink like she’s completely unbothered by his crisis. “Ask him out.”
Eddie peeks up at her and glares,“Are you insane?”
She lifts an eyebrow. “Why? Because it would be so mortifying to talk to the hot guy who smiled at you?”
Eddie wants to argue, but he can’t. He’s thirty two years old, a widower, a father, and recently, officially a gay man. Well. It’s been a year, but it still feels new. Probably because, despite coming to terms with his sexuality, he hasn’t actually done anything about it.
His friends have tried, tried to set him up, tried to get him to go out, tried to push him toward online dating, but Eddie just… can’t.
He’s scared.
Scared to put himself out there. Scared of being inexperienced, of messing up, of realising that maybe his issues with relationships aren’t about who he’s dating, but about himself.
Because the truth is, he’s always failed at them.
Shannon left, then came back, then died.
Ana, God, Ana—he’d been awful to her. He knew she wanted marriage, knew she wanted a family, and still, he’d dragged their relationship along for four years knowing damn well she wasn’t it for him.
As of right now, he has the excuse of being new to this, but what happens when he finally does start dating? What happens when he starts fucking up with men instead of women? What if the real problem isn’t who he’s with but him?
But the worst part, the most humiliating part… is that he’s so desperate.
Desperate to know what it’s like to go on a date with a man. To kiss a man. To be wanted by a man.
To feel what it’s like to have that kind of attention on him.
Men have flirted with him before, it’s happened a lot actually, even before he came out. Yet, he always shies away from it, never lets himself have it, always finds a reason to pretend it isn’t happening.
Nora is right. He’s pathetic.
“I can’t,” he tells her bluntly.
“Why?” She shrugs, unimpressed. “He smiled at you. You’re into him. What’s the problem?”
“Nora, I-” Eddie pauses, rubbing the back of his neck. “What would I even say?”
Nora grins. “Oh, I’ve got one. Is your name WiFi? Cause I’m feeling a connection.”
Eddie barks out a hideous laugh before slapping a hand over his mouth. “That’s terrible,” he wheezes.
She grins. “Fine. Just ask for his number. Say, Hey, I’m Eddie. Want to go out sometime?” She wiggles her fingers dramatically. “Boom. Done.”
Eddie groans. “And if he says no? That isn’t embarrassing to you?”
Nora snorts. “Why? You don’t know him. You’re literally attracted to him based on looks alone. He could be an asshole.”
Eddie bites his lip, frowning.
“Look,” she says, leaning forward. “The guy caught you staring at him. He knows you think he’s hot, and he smiled at you. So, if you don’t ask him out, you’re just running away again. And you deserve to meet someone.”
Eddie sighs. “You should get into motivational speaking.”
“You should grow up and let that handsome man have his way with you,” she retorts, grinning. “No offense, but you’re hot, and that guy? Absolutely would fuck you.” She takes a sip of her drink. “It’s why I stick to women. Men are gross and far too easy.”
Eddie’s face burns. He looks away, only to immediately regret it, because now the guy is sitting with his friend, a petite woman with brown hair and a stroller. A tiny hand pokes out, accepting bites of cake. The guy is positively melting at the child, eyes soft and smile warm.
And, fuck, Eddie is staring again.
Nora watches him, unimpressed. “Or, you know, die alone.”
“That’s harsh,” Eddie mutters.
She shrugs. “Fine. I’ll be harsher… go ask him out, or I’ll ask him out for you like we’re in high school.”
Eddie whips his head toward her. “No.”
“Well then,” she smirks, “put on your big boy pants and do it yourself.”
He groans and sips the dregs of his coffee, it’s gross.
“We’re leaving anyway,” she adds. “So if he says yes, you won’t be a little bitch for the rest of the day. And if he says no, I’ll buy you a cookie.”
Eddie sighs, staring down at his coffee.
He wants to.
God, he wants to.
He just has to be brave enough to do it.
“…Okay,” he says, biting his lip.
Nora’s grin softens. “Good. You’re a catch, Diaz. He’d be lucky to say yes.”
Eddie can’t help but feel gratitude for his friend, they have worked together for years and through all the tough times, she has always been there for him. Eddie likes his job, likes the work he does. He never planned to be a case manager, never imagined himself guiding other veterans through PTSD and trauma recovery.
Through it Eddie found a passion to help people, he found a purpose.
It wasn’t always the plan. When he first moved to LA, he was set on firefighting. He went through the LAFD academy, ready to throw himself into the job. But a bad drill early on sent him spiralling, and with a little coaxing from his instructor, he reached out to the VA. That’s how he met Nora, and from there, everything changed.
He made an impression, so much so that, when it came time to accept a firefighting position, he turned it down. Instead, he trained to help people like him find resources, get funding, rebuild their lives.
Now, he and Nora even run a PTSD support group twice a week, and Eddie wouldn’t trade it for anything.
He’s good at what he does. He’s worked on himself a lot and he worked his way up, and while he will admit he sometimes still craves the rush of adrenaline, he knows this path has given him something firefighting never could… stability.
A job where there’s no risk of not making it home to his son.
Sometimes, he does wonder though. What if he’d kept going? What if he’d joined a firehouse? What if he’d stayed on the same self destructive path, until it all blew up in his face?
One thing he never questions, though, is his gratitude for Nora.
“Thanks,” he says, smiling shyly.
“You’re welcome… now off you go,” she shoos him.
“Now?” He groans, already fidgeting.
“Yes, now,” she rolls her eyes. “Before you chicken out.”
Eddie bites his lip. “But-”
“Diaz, so help me God, I’ll walk over there, lay one on him, and take him for myself if you don’t go.”
He snorts. “Pretty sure your wife wouldn’t like that.”
“She’d understand. She’s sick of you, too,” Nora sighs. “Go. Now.”
Eddie smooths his t-shirt, suddenly hyper aware of every wrinkle. “Do I look okay?”
“You look good. You always look good. Could probably pull off a trash bag. Now go.”
“Fine.” He grits his teeth, stands up, then immediately sits back down. “Wait. What if the kid is his? What if that’s his girlfriend? Or wife?” His eyes widen in alarm.
Nora doesn’t even hesitate. “Then she should be worried her partner is making eyes at pretty men in coffee shops. And that’s not his partner. Trust me, they scream siblings, not married.”
Eddie exhales sharply. “Okay. But is it appropriate to ask a guy out in front of a child?”
“Oh, for God’s sake.” Nora grunts, stands, and walks straight to their table.
Eddie’s eyes go wide with horror as he scrambles after her, whispering her name through gritted teeth. “Nora. Nora.”
Oh my God.
He’s hotter up close. I’m going to die.
“Hi, are you single?” Nora asks, completely unfazed.
The man stares at her, a little stunned. “Uh-”
“Yes. Painfully,” the woman sitting with him chimes in, grinning.
Eddie wants to disappear. He wishes Nora were taller so he could hide behind her, or that the ground would just swallow him whole.
“Cute,” Nora muses. “Do you like boys?”
“As a matter of fact, he does,” the woman says, sipping her coffee like this is the most entertaining thing she’s seen all week.
“Great! Big guy, this is Eddie.” Nora yanks Eddie forward, and if there were ever a moment to spontaneously combust, this would be it.
“Hi, Eddie, I’m Buck,” the man—Buck, says amused.
Eddie glares at Nora. “I hate you.”
She grins.
He turns back to Buck, suddenly feeling like his entire body is too big, his limbs too awkward. “Hi,” he whispers.
Buck holds out a hand. Eddie stares at it like it’s a foreign object, then grabs it shaking his hand awkwardly and without thinking, blurts out, “WiFi.”
Jesus Christ, he has no game.
There’s a beat of silence.
Nora groans. “Oh, Eddie.”
Buck frowns. “WiFi? You need the WiFi?”
Eddie’s jaw hangs open.
What the hell is wrong with him?
What the hell does he say next?
How does he recover from WiFi?
The woman, who, bless her, has kind eyes and an expression full of fond amusement, looks at him like she genuinely feels a little bad for him.
Buck just looks confused.
Eddie can’t even bring himself to look at Nora, because he already knows she’s either laughing silently or preparing to mock him for the rest of eternity.
But then, a tiny hand tugs at his.
Eddie glances down and finds the beaming smile of the cutest little girl he’s ever seen. She can’t be older than three, almost out of stroller territory, but still small enough to need one when her little legs give up for the day.
And, because his brain is fried and running on autopilot, he does the only thing that makes sense.
He smiles back.
“Oh, hi,” he coos instinctively.
“Hi,” the little girl parrots back. “Hi, hi, hi.”
“This is Jee,” the woman supplies. “She loves meeting people. She said hello to a lamppost the other day.”
Eddie chuckles, relaxing slightly. “My son did the same thing once. He cried because a dog didn’t say hello back. Their curiosity is boundless.” He smiles as tiny fingers curl around his.
Fuck. Right.
Buck held out his hand and he shook it like a maniac.
Oh, God.
When he looks back at him, Buck is watching him, still amused, but there’s something softer in his expression now. Something fond.
They stare at each other a beat longer. Eddie feels steadier now, like the ice has been broken, or maybe just melted away.
He swallows. “Can I get your number?” His voice wavers, but there’s confidence underneath it. Maybe the small hand still gripping his is keeping him grounded.
“Sure,” Buck says, smiling.
Eddie could flatline at that smile.
Holy fuck, calm down.
They exchange numbers. Eddie says goodbye, only slightly awkwardly, and practically stumbles out of the coffee shop in a haze. When he collapses into Nora’s car, he’s grinning.
He doesn’t even care that she had to drag him over.
He got a guy’s phone number.
“You’re smiling like a fool,” Nora snorts.
“I don’t care,” Eddie sighs, head lolling back against the seat. “Did you see his face? His arms?”
Nora laughs. “God, you got his number. He might not even text back.”
“Why do you have to ruin it?” Eddie groans, then after a beat, “Wait. When do I text him?”
“At least let us get out of the parking lot first,” Nora rolls her eyes.
As they drive back to work, Eddie pulls out his phone and stares at his new contact: Buck🔥
“Was I supposed to put an emoji next to my name?” he asks, suddenly second guessing everything.
Nora snorts. “I don’t think it matters. Why? What did he put?”
Eddie squints. “…Fire?”
Nora bursts out laughing. “Because he’s so hot.” She mocks.
Eddie blinks. “Is that why?”
“Can’t think of any other reason.”
Silence settles between them, comfortable, full of something new. Eddie lets the feeling sink in. It’s a first step. A leap, even. He’s been chickening out for too long, burying his head in the sand.
This is good.
Even if Buck isn’t the one, this is still good.
“You know,” Nora starts, making sure she has his attention. “I actually don’t think he’ll be an asshole.”
Eddie tilts his head. “Yeah? Why?”
Nora shrugs, a knowing smile tugging at her lips. “Just a suspicion.”
Eddie glances down at his phone again, at Buck🔥, and something hopeful unfurls in his chest.
Blind hope, maybe. But hope all the same.
Turns out, Eddie didn’t need to agonise over when it would be appropriate to text Buck, because Buck texts him first.
At 5:43 PM, while Eddie is standing in the kitchen making dinner, his phone buzzes.
It’s monumental. Possibly the greatest thing to happen to him since Christopher was born.
Buck🔥:
Hi
Oh my God.
He said hi.
Eddie stares at the screen, heart hammering. He wants to screenshot it. Hell, he wants to make it his phone’s background.
What the hell does he say?
How does he respond without immediately coming across as too much?
Eddie has been in exactly two relationships in his life.
Shannon; his high school girlfriend who he accidentally knocked up and then married.
Ana; who pursued him despite being Christopher’s teacher and somehow ended up living with them before the school year even ended.
He’s never done this before.
Never awkwardly fumbled through texting someone he was interested in.
Never been on a real first date.
With Shannon, they were already best friends, kissing just sort of got added in one day.
With Ana, he went over for dinner, thought they were just hanging out, and then suddenly, he was sleeping with her.
But this? This is different.
Not just because it’s a guy, or because Eddie is desperate not to fuck it up, but because he wants to get it right.
He wants to date properly, to do this the way he never did before. Because this isn’t about having to find someone or hiding who he is anymore.
He wants this.
Eddie wants to meet a man, fall in love, and build a life together. He doesn’t want to date just for fun, he wants something real.
Maybe that’s another reasons why he’s been avoiding it for so long. Because Eddie doesn’t know how to be chill about this.
He doesn’t know how to not go all in. How to not invest himself completely without scaring someone off.
He bites his lip, leans back against the counter, and stares at Buck’s message.
He can do this.
Eddie:
Hi!
Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.
Was the exclamation mark too eager? Should he have just gone with ‘hi’ and left it at that?
Or maybe a wave emoji; no, that’s too casual.
Maybe ‘hey’ would’ve been better? That way he wasn’t copying Buck.
Maybe—
His phone buzzes.
Buck🔥:
Did you manage to find WiFi?
Eddie flushes at the memory.
Is he teasing him? Or is this… flirting?
Is this a joke, or is Buck already playing into something between them?
Eddie swallows and types.
Eddie:
I’m sorry about that, I was nervous.
Honesty is key, right?
He bites his nail, waiting, a tight knot forming in his belly. Come on, hurry up and reply.
Buck🔥:
And you went with WiFi?
Eddie groans.
God.
Eddie:
My friend told me a cheesy pick up line and it was stuck in my head
Again, I’m so sorry
Buck🔥:
Oh yeah?
What was the line?
Eddie exhales slowly, already regretting this.
But he’s in too deep now.
Eddie:
Are you WiFi? Because I can feel a connection
Buck🔥:
Oh
Eddie:
Shut up
Buck🔥:
What?
No
That was a good one
Eddie:
No, it’s embarrassing
Buck🔥:
I think it’s kinda cute
Eddie:
Oh my God
Buck🔥:
What? It’s adorable
You were nervous, and you went straight to terrible pick-up lines 🥺
Eddie:
You’re not making this better
Buck🔥:
I don’t know, I think I am
Because now I know you were nervous
Eddie:
I should not have told you that
Buck🔥:
You were nervous about little old me?
That’s cute
Eddie drops his phone on the counter and groans, rubbing a hand down his face.
What the hell is happening?
He’s being flirted with. By a hot guy.
A really, really hot guy.
And worse, it’s working.
His phone buzzes again.
Buck🔥:
So should I be flattered that I made you so nervous you forgot how to talk?
Eddie picks up his phone again, glaring at the screen like it’s personally responsible for his rapidly increasing heart rate.
Eddie:
You should feel bad for me
Buck🔥:
Oh, I don’t know
I think I like the idea of making you nervous
Eddie lets out a strangled noise and he touches his face to feel his cheeks burning hot.
What is this?
What is he supposed to do with this?
His fingers hover over the keyboard. How does he respond to this without making it worse?
His phone buzzes again.
Buck🔥:
You nervous now?
Eddie:
No
Buck🔥:
Liar
Eddie actually laughs, shaking his head.
He takes a second, inhales deeply, and decides to take a risk.
Eddie:
Maybe a little
Buck🔥:
Good
Eddie stares at the screen, cheeks burning, when another texts pops up.
Buck🔥:
Are you a loan?
What the hell does that mean?
Eddie:
What?
Buck🔥:
Because you've got my interest.
Oh my god.
They text back and forth for the rest of the evening and in that time, Eddie becomes completely obsessed.
Buck is funny, flirty, and absolutely relentless.
He doesn’t seem to have an off switch when it comes to making Eddie feel out of his depth, like he just hit the ground running with innuendos and teasing remarks that leave Eddie wanting to scream. But somehow, Buck seems to balances it perfectly, mixing the flirtation with genuine questions, not too personal, but enough to make Eddie feel seen.
He asks about what Eddie likes, what he enjoys doing, and as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, where they should go on their first date.
He keeps the conversation flowing effortlessly, the way Eddie never could if the roles were reversed. If this were someone else, someone more like Eddie, the back and forth might be stilted and hesitant.
But Buck makes it easy.
And from what Eddie can tell, Buck is also… sweet.
Very sweet.
He’d go as far as to say Buck is perfect, except he knows he’s getting ahead of himself, letting his mind spiral into dangerous territory, imagining what ifs, daydreaming about a future where they’re already married and living happily ever after.
He needs to calm down.
Except Buck doesn’t seem all that interested in slowing down either, because by the time their conversation winds down, their first date is officially set for Saturday afternoon.
The farmers market; Buck’s choice.
Eddie is excited.
Butterflies in his stomach, heart racing, nerves tangling kind of excited. The kind that makes him wonder if he’ll be able to form actual words when the moment comes, or if he’s doomed to make things hopelessly awkward.
Either way he falls asleep with a smile on his face and goodnight next from Buck.