Chapter Text
Kaeya Alberich had been called many things during his short life. Khaenri’ah’s Last Hope. The young Rangvindr. Rascal. Brother.
Traitor.
He knew he was young, far too young to be all of those things at once; he hadn’t the capacity. He was only nineteen, barely a man. It just meant that half of those things that he should’ve been, he failed at. Most of those things, actually, to be honest.
He sat in his new office, packed and homey and screaming the name of his brother, the name of the brother he used to have, and he thought maybe lying is the only thing i’ve ever been good at. Diluc’s chair was far too comfortable for the likes of him, and the nib of the swanfeather quill too wide for his tastes; he’d already ruined five reports with his clumsy splotches of ink. He stared a the top of his sturdy cedarwood desk, the orderly stacks of papers left behind by his predecessor, the hydro-slime shaped inkpot he got Diluc two years ago after he spent a whole evening whining about how lonely his office at the Headquarters was, at the suspiciously goblet-shaped, circular stain at the bottom left corner that may have been left behind by a cup of unwisely handled juice.
He bit down on his tongue, almost hard enough to draw blood. He was lucky he didn’t, he had a meeting to attend in half an hour, and it would’ve been deeply off putting to show up with blood on his teeth. He had shoes to fill, a mantle to take up; a lie to tell.
Liar , he added to the bottom of his long list of names, just under Cavalry Captain . It fit in nicely.
He thought about the vision hanging by his side, something he got used to far too quickly, barely noticing its presence anymore. No one asked him how he got it yet; maybe he could chalk it up to his grief. Anything but the truth.
Crepus died eight days ago. Diluc had been gone for almost a week. Half a heartbeat, an eternity.
Grandmaster Varka approached him with the offer for the position of Cavalry Captain four days ago. It felt like a joke at the time; he didn’t know if he should laugh or die quietly.
He accepted it the day before yesterday.
He forced himself to look at something else other than the desk. It was a mistake; his eyes immediately found the photograph placed on one of the many bookcases lining the office walls, of him and Diluc and their father, standing at the front of the Dawn Vinery mansion, Crepus’ arms wrapped around their shoulders, hugging them close. It was the first Weinlesefest they celebrated after Diluc became Cavalry Captain. They were all so happy, so proud . Kaeya could still recall with perfect clarity how his chest swelled with warmth whenever he thought about his brother’s achievements. How Crepus’ smiles were brighter than the sun, and warmer than the hottest summer day.
They were happy. Life was theirs to feast upon.
And Kaeya tore it all apart with his gnarled, ugly teeth.
There was a knock on his door, and it made him jump in his seat, but at least it pulled his attention away from the picture. He squared his shoulders, and picked up his quill.
“Yes?” To his ears, his voice sounded fragile and echo-y, like a cavern of ice. To the person waiting on the other side of his door it probably just sounded like stress.
“Captain Kaeya” Jean peeked in, opening the door but not entering. “The meeting is in five minutes. Would you accompany me?”
Jean. Sweet, valiant Jean, soaring high as a dandelion seed carried by the wind. One of his closest friends, and now maybe the only one. She, too, was devastated by the death of Crepus, and she was terrified for Diluc, and somehow next to all of those things she found the energy to worry for Kaeya as well. Kaeya imagined what she would do if he told her what he told Diluc. She would most likely arrest him, and bring him to Varka for judgement. As it was right to do. He wondered if her eyes would be aflame with rage, or averted in disappointment.
She’s been doing her best to help him get settled in as a Captain of the Knights of Favonius. The plethora of tips and tricks she shared was incredibly useful, and also something that Kaeya had a hard time keeping in mind, his thoughts consumed by blood and flames and his heart torn asunder. What a Captain he was.
She smiled at him, a small and quiet smile. Kaeya realized he’s not given her an answer yet.
“I’d love to. With pleasure” he said, and immediately stood. His thighs hit the edge of the desk; Jean was kind enough to pretend not to notice.
He offered her his arm, and closed the door to his office, Diluc’s office, behind them.
Kaeya leaned back in his chair, hands stretched high above his head, and tried to get his spine to pop and relieve his aching back. The afternoon sun was painting wide yellow stripes across his office and over his desk, illuminating his stacks of paperwork, half finished, half waiting to be picked up. His peacock quill rested in its holder, nice and tidy next to his inkpot, perfectly within reach but not close enough to be carelessly knocked over. He’d spent the whole day finishing up reports on hilichurl sightings and smaller encounters, and all he wanted to do now was to have a glass of wine at Angel’s Share, maybe play some cards with Rosaria and try to actually win this time, and then fall face first into his creaky bed at the Headquarters.
Unfortunately he still had reports to finish and next month’s budgeting to do, and if he wanted to supervise the Cavalry’s training tomorrow he had to get the paperwork done today. He could already hear Varka scolding him for missing out on the training, the Grand Master’s rough voice barking at him from across the courtyard, spooking the horses. The cadets would laugh until Varka would call them out on their slacking too, ordering them to continue their drills.
There was a knock on his door, and Kaeya sighed and shuffled his papers around before calling out a come in .
“Sir Kaeya? I’ve brought some tea and snacks, if you would like some.” The young girl peeking her head into his office was one of the new apprentice maids, her pale grey hair brushed back into an elegant bun, her green eyes wide and sparkling. Noelle was her name, if Kaeya recalled it correctly. The tray in her hands held several teacups and a variety of sweet biscuits, all piled around a large teapot.
“My, what a lovely gesture” he smiled, making sure his eyes crinkled with the pull of his lips. “I would indeed like some tea, thank you.”
The girl set the tray down on a small side table while Kaeya made space for a teacup amidst the piles of paperwork, and pulled a fresh report in front of him to read through. The porcelain cup barely made a sound as it was placed by his elbow, and by the time he looked up to thank Noelle once again, she was already closing the door behind herself. The sweet scent of sunsettia and valberry filled Kaeya’s nose, and suddenly the cup of tea he accepted out of courtesy started to seem appetizing.
He took a small sip, and along with it an indulgent moment to gaze across his office. The bookshelves full of tomes and binders of reports, with a single space kept for his liquor collection he cracked open on rainy days. The flower vase by the door that Jean got him three months ago during one of her rare vacations to Liyue, because the intricate peacock pattern reminded her of him, and she wanted to get him an anniversary gift anyways for his second year spent as Cavalry Captain. His eyes wandered to the set of armchairs in the corner by the windows, where Alice’s little girl used to spend her time whenever Lisa got fed up with her in the library.
He glanced back at the report in front of him, and the circular stain on the desk that was peeking out from underneath the page. He never managed to pull himself together enough to get rid of that table.
He forced himself through another batch of paperwork before a steadily building headache finally made itself known. He held his quill with a frown, and decided that the next report will be the last one before dinner. The page that found its way into his hand was not a report though, but a schedule for the month’s meetings. He glanced at it with furrowed brows, and cursed when he saw one scheduled for tomorrow. That finance plan suddenly became a lot more urgent.
He downed the rest of his cold tea wishing it was something stronger, and reached for the next stack of papers.
The Knights of Favonius’ monthly meetings were only marginally less boring than the required paperwork of a Captain. At least three hours of drawling on about reports and statistics and funding issues, the same old problems resurfacing without end. Kaeya begrudgingly accepted them as a necessity that was at the end of the day actually useful, but he counted every passing minute during them.
Other than exchanging information and making decisions, it was also how the Captains kept in regular touch. It was important to know one’s colleagues, especially in an organization like the Knights where cooperation could be a matter of life or death. The various Captains, due to their many-faceted duties, rarely saw each other, sometimes unable to make it even to the monthly meetings. Kaeya could count on one hand how many times he’s seen Eula, the young and vengeful Captain of the Reconnaissance Company during his two years at the office, and there were Captains that he only knew of from the tales of others, always away on mysterious missions and the like.
It was well before noon, the bright morning sun making Kaeya regret every single life decision he’s ever made as he walked towards Varka’s office. The late stay at his desk and the early rise for the morning Cavalry training turned the dull ache in his head into a constant throb, tiredness weighing his limbs down like lead.
He met Jean on the stairs leading down to the entrance hall. She chuckled when he just nodded as a greeting, busy forcing down a yawn and keeping the stack of last night’s papers secure in his elbow.
“Long night?” She held the door open, ushering him into Varka’s office. She looked fresh as the morning dew, hair pulled up into her newly favoured ponytail, professional and put-together as always.
“Nothing I can’t handle. Though I’m glad to see your duties let you rest well.” Jean just rolled her eyes at him, unaffected by his jab. “Good morning, Grand Master!” they called out in unison as Varka shot them a look from behind his desk, tacking a curt bow at the end after seeing his frown.
Varka cut an imposing figure even when sitting in his office. With his wide shoulders, battle-worn face and cold brown eyes he looked like a fearsome leader, ready to take on any challenge. Kaeya couldn’t help but note the thickening strands of grey in his long hair, the dark colour they still had two years ago steadily fading. He was flipping through a binder, large hands turning the pages gently, a moment of order amongst the mess of paperwork covering his desk.
“Energetic, are we?” He glanced between them, before setting his gaze on Kaeya. “Was the morning training too easy? We can’t have our knights slacking off.”
“Not at all, sir. Captain Jean’s company simply invigorates me, is all.”
Varka just scoffed, his eyes twinkling. Kaeya placed his stack of papers on his desk, and greeted the arriving Amber and Herta, and the meeting was officially underway.
It didn’t take long for the lack of sleep and the tiring morning to catch up to Kaeya, making him zone out quicker than he usually did on these occasions. He caught a few words every other minute, but mostly found himself staring out the large windows, gaze stuck in the middle distance. He fiddled idly with a coin, pressing the edge of it into the meat of his thumb when he wanted to pay attention, and making it dance between his fingers otherwise. He pulled himself together when he had to give a quick report on the Cavalry spendings and the training progress of the newest recruits, but let his mind empty out again when Varka’s expectant eye moved over to Jean.
Two hours later Varka released them, shooting a stern glare at Kaeya to remind him that his distraction did not go unnoticed. Kaeya just flashed one of his easy smiles at him, smooth and slippery like water in one’s palm, and fled.
If he were a luckier man, he would’ve had a clear path up towards his office, nothing between him and the comfortable armchairs perfect for a quick nap. But luck was never on his side when he needed it most. The very moment he left the Grand Master’s office, there was suddenly a short, blond form in his way, stopping barely an inch away from him, saving them both from an utterly humiliating tumble in the main hall.
The blond man was in the process of unwrapping a scarf from around his neck, clearly having been outside in the cold autumn day until just now, and Kaeya belatedly recognized him as Sir Albedo, Captain of the Investigation Team. He was aware of the reclusive alchemical genius, but only ever met him once in passing, and didn’t even have the time for proper introductions. He knew the man spent most of his time amongst the frigid cliffs of Dragonspine, or taking care of little Klee, and with Kaeya’s own busy schedule it wasn’t too big of a surprise that they managed to avoid each other for two years.
Albedo looked up at him with large, unblinking blue eyes. “Apologies. I got held up by a storm at the foot of the mountain. I take it the meeting is over?”
Kaeya barely even registered the words, too preoccupied by his world closing in on the large, four pointed star-shaped mark on Albedo’s neck that got uncovered as the man folded his scarf up. Suddenly all he could think about was those very same four pointed stars staring at him from his birth father’s eyes as he made Kaeya swear to one day bring glory to Khaenri’ah. It was a pattern he would’ve recognized anywhere, had recognized it before in the blinking eyes of ruin guardians and the carvings of long forgotten, dusty ruins.
They found him. It was time.
Foolishly he had hoped that with Crepus’ death, one horrible choice out of the way he would perhaps have another decade before his homeland came to claim him once more. But why would he, of all people, have deserved that? His cursed, glorious blood caught up to him, leaving him no escape route, no other place to run.
He felt his breath freeze into his lungs, blood running cold and stagnant. The mark was a pale yellow, reminiscent of an unpowered machine, waiting for a spark of life to ignite inside so that it could sow destruction.
Something tugged on his arm, sharp, and Kaeya snapped his head up, coming face to face with a frowning Jean. “Kaeya!” she hissed, tugging at him again as if to shake him back into reality. She was glaring at him, lips pressed thin and brows drawn, and then she turned towards Albedo, forcing a smile onto her face. “I’m sure the Grand Master won’t take issue, having understood the circumstances. May the rest of your day be pleasant!”
Kaeya wanted to say something, anything, follow Jean’s lead into polite conversation, but came up with nothing. Albedo looked at him as indifferently as if nothing strange had happened at all, no awkward, seconds long staring. Not a single spark of recognition in his eyes. Kaeya felt his lips pull into a slanted smile, a grin to hide behind.
“Apologies, I have some long nights behind me. I’m sure Grand Master Varka is eager to hear from you. Have a wonderful day!” He stepped to the side, freeing up the entrance into the office, and let Jean discreetly drag him away with her hand tucked into his elbow.
He waited for something, a whispered sentence in a forgotten language, or a dagger into his back as he turned away from the alchemist, but only heard the soft sound of footsteps and then the door clicking shut. His heartbeat drummed unevenly in his ears as he followed Jean up the stairs, each step a little more unsteady than the last. He stopped as they reached the hallway to the Captains’ offices, leaning against the wall before his knees could give out.
“What happened?” Jean’s voice was a lot softer now, laced with concern and confusion. “You looked like you saw a ghost. I’ve never…” She took a breath, as if the words she wanted to say were too heavy to spill forth on their own. “I’ve only seen you like this then . Are you okay?”
Then . The roaring fire of the funeral pyre that Kaeya almost puked from, the fresh burn underneath his eyepatch still searing with pain, and a freezing cold vision tucked underneath his shirt, out of sight. He was a mess that day; sometimes he wondered if he ever stopped being one. He took a deep breath, and tried on a small, easy smile, glancing up at Jean through his eyelashes.
“It’s nothing to worry about, really. Simply slept badly yesterday.” He let the smile fade some, and tacked on quietly: “I’m sure you know how it is. I’m just tired, is all.”
There was a soft oh from Jean, and she gently patted him on the shoulder, eyes crinkled with sadness. She went as far as to tuck a small piece of hair behind his ear, a soothing gesture, but it took every morsel of self restraint Kaeya had to stop himself from recoiling.
“Take the day off, I’ll make sure Varka doesn’t mind. You clearly need the rest.”
“No, I will be fine. Nothing some liquor can’t solve” he said, and winked at Jean as he pushed himself off the wall. “The Cavalry would be doomed without me, after all!”
She just rolled her eyes, and fell into step beside him. “Doomed to a proper schedule, that’s for sure.”
“Hey now, my scheduling is impeccable!”
“Sure it is.”
Jean took hold of his elbow as they reached his office, fingers gentle but firm. She held his gaze for a long moment. “I’m serious. Get some rest. Please.” Kaeya nodded, and reached for the brass handle. “And if you ever want to talk, you know I’m always here to listen, right?”
Sweet Jean. As if he would ever tell her any of this. “Of course. Thank you.”
She nodded, and squeezed his elbow one more time before going her way, no doubt to clean up whatever administrative mess Varka has left behind this time. Kaeya didn’t waste time slipping inside his office, then closed the door slowly, and measured every step he took until he reached his desk. Only there, slumped in his chair did he allow himself to drop part of his mask, burying his head in his trembling hands.
He had no doubt that the mark on Albedo’s neck was from Khaenri’ah. That Albedo was from Khaenri’ah. He just needed to figure out what exactly the man wanted from him, and if he was ready to pay the price he was asked for.