Chapter Text
A week after the relapse incident, Mu Qing has mostly recovered.
The following day, He Xuan left the hospital, and Mu Qing waited alone to be called for the scan. Later in the morning, the obstetrics team came along, and did the ultrasound. It was good news; the baby was still alive, the heartbeat strong, and nothing looked severely wrong. A consultant came along later in the day, assuring him that as a one-off incident, this was unlikely to cause an issue. However, he did give Mu Qing the usual ‘don’t relapse’ speech he’d heard a million times before, though this time, the reasoning was more to do with ‘it could harm your baby’ and less so ‘it’s bad for you’.
With a prescription for strong morning sickness medication, a few leaflets, and a referral for therapy which probably wouldn’t even come through until after the baby was born, Mu Qing was allowed to leave the hospital later that day. Feng Xin picked him up, took him home, and then Mu Qing had to apologise to his sweet, sweet mother. Said conversation ended in a lot of tears, as Mu Qing admitted quite how badly he’d been feeling. After that, Feng Xin stayed the night, and slowly, he began to feel less horrible about everything.
Although he continued going to work, despite the back pain, nausea, and total lack of motivation, Mu Qing has yet to go back to college, even a week later. He’s still mortified, thinking Shi Qingxuan will have told people he’s pregnant, or that word will have gotten around about the relapse somehow. Or, worse — public knowledge of both those things has spread. He emailed his teachers and said he was sick, and that was that.
Of course, Feng Xin kept coming around, and Mu Qing had one telephone appointment with a specialist addiction counsellor, but since he hadn’t actually used since then, nothing came of that. The service was for active users, and he didn’t fall into that (yet).
Thus, exactly one week since he was paralytically high on a field, Mu Qing is curled up on the sofa, a blanket draped over his shoulders, crocheting next to his mother.
“How are you feeling now?” she asks, as she has done every ten minutes since they ate dinner.
“Fine,” Mu Qing sighs, “Just tired.”
“Not sick?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Are the new meds working better at least?” she says.
“A bit,” Mu Qing mutters, his fingers slowing slightly. He worked a long shift today, mostly to distract himself; he knows he’ll have to quit his job the moment he starts to show, and then he’ll be bored. “Makes me sleepy though.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” his mother chuckles.
Mu Qing lets out a quiet snort, not looking up from the wonky scarf he’s halfway through making. His mother taught him to crochet many years ago, but he somewhat fell out of touch with the hobby when he deteriorated mentally, and then fell into a pretty goddamn devastating ketamine addiction.
It’s silent for a while after that. Occasionally, Mu Qing checks his phone, slightly surprised Feng Xin hasn’t texted him yet. Usually, he texts him asking about his feelings or some bullshit more than his mother asks, but for the last couple of hours, he’s had nothing.
“Is that Feng Xin?” his mother asks, like a mind reader.
“No,” Mu Qing huffs, “He hasn’t texted me.”
“Maybe he’s busy.”
“Please. Feng Xin doesn’t do anything other than go to the gym, and I’d know.”
“Hm… Homework?”
“Don’t make me laugh,” Mu Qing scoffs, putting down the crochet wool for a moment as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the nicotine gum. He’s tried to use it less since last week, he really has, but that’s easier said than done. He sees his mum watching in the corner of her vision, though she doesn’t comment, as he takes a piece out and bites down on it hard.
For a moment, she looks like she’s actually about to say something. And before she can, the doorbell rings.
Mu Qing frowns, glaring at the front window. “Who the fuck?”
“Language,” she warns him teasingly. “You sound like your boyfriend.”
“Ew,” Mu Qing scrunches his face up, rolling the crochet wool around the needle and placing it down, wincing when his back throbs upon attempting to stand.
“Should I get it?” his mother offers.
“No, you… stay,” Mu Qing huffs. Between the pair of them, it’s almost comical; one is pregnant and somehow having every bad symptom ever, and the other is terminally ill and can’t walk without crutches. Still, Mu Qing knows his mother has it worse, so he forces himself to stand and slowly walk to the front door, getting ready to act like a total bitch at whatever cold-caller is there.
When he opens the door, Mu Qing sees it is no cold caller. Instead, it’s Feng Xin, looking quite dishevelled. His car is parked badly in their driveway, and slung over his shoulder, there’s a very full duffel bag.
“Hey,” Feng Xin says, sounding almost breathless.
“… Hey,” Mu Qing says slowly, eyebrow raised. “What are you doing here? Couldn’t you text at least?”
“Some shit happened,” Feng Xin replies, as he runs a hand through his hair, takes a deep breath, and asks, “Can I crash here? Like… forever?”
Mu Qing’s mouth drops open, his eyes once again shifting to the bag over Feng Xin’s shoulder. “What…”
“It’s complicated,” Feng Xin says, “Can I at least come in? It’s fucking freezing out here.”
“… Sure,” Mu Qing mutters, his heart racing. Partly because he thinks something has happened, but also because Feng Xin wants to just move in? With him and his mum?! Mu Qing is too mentally ill and scared of commitment for this. Then again, he is bearing Feng Xin’s child, so it’s not unreasonable.
Still, though, decisions like this require time and thought, not just randomly showing up at his house.
Feng Xin walks through the doorway, a little shaken, and drops his bag on the floor by the bottom step. When Mu Qing closes the door and doesn’t move, Feng Xin finally sees how uneasy he looks, and steps forward, placing a hand on his cheek.
“Sorry for the fact this is… sudden, I guess,” Feng Xin whispers, kissing him briefly. “I’ll explain everything, okay?”
“… Okay,” Mu Qing nods shakily, leaning his forehead against the other’s chest for a moment, before letting Feng Xin take his hand and walk into the living room.
As per usual, Mu Qing’s mother lights up as she sees his boyfriend.
“Feng Xin,” she smiles, “How are you?”
“Pretty fucking shit,” Feng Xin scoffs, planting on a forced smile, as he sits on the chair and takes a deep breath. “I gotta stay here for a bit, sorry.”
“Please, make yourself at home,” she says. She’s even more perceptive than Mu Qing, though, and it’s clear something happened. “Is everything alright?”
“Not really,” Feng Xin snorts, “hence I need to stay a few nights.”
“Bullshit,” Mu Qing scoffs, sitting back on the sofa. “You just told me at the door you have to crash here, like, forever.”
At that, Mu Qing’s mother turns to Feng Xin, and her eyes widen. Of course, being the absolute gem to the world that she is, she’s not shocked, but rather concerned. “What happened?”
“Uh, long story. Well, kind of short, actually,” Feng Xin says, leaning back on the chair, running his hands over his face, before forcing himself to sit up and face this with a level head. “Basically, my parents got pissed and confronted me, asked why I was spending so much time here, not at home, blah-blah. Eventually I told them.”
Mu Qing frowns, and his heart races with that same anxiety a week ago. “You told them?”
“A-Qing, hold on,” his mum says, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Feng Xin’s parents are important in this, and they’re not going to tell the whole college, remember?”
“… I guess,” Mu Qing huffs, curling up tighter in the blanket, still glaring weakly though. “What did you tell them?”
“The situation, I guess,” Feng Xin shrugs, “I got you pregnant, you’re, like… what, 13-weeks pregnant?”
“Fifteen,” Mu Qing deadpans, “Fifteen weeks.”
“Fuck, that long?” Feng Xin snorts, “Anyway, I told them. Obviously, they kind of hate you, you know that, and they were super pissed off. But then I said we were keeping it, and they flipped their shit. Lots of yelling, you know my dad is like that anyway, and they basically kicked me out.”
Blinking at him a few times, Mu Qing is left speechless. Feng Xin told his parents that his boyfriend was pregnant, and they threw him out? Anger quickly turns to guilt, as he realises this is his fault — he knew Feng Xin’s parents had never approved of their relationship, and while it was a sore spot, Feng Xin generally liked his family and got on well with them. They spoiled him, bought him a car, took him on holidays, gave him everything he ever wanted. And now, because of his sad, poor, recovering drug addict boyfriend being pregnant, Feng Xin has no family.
“Oh, Feng Xin…” his mother speaks first, “I’m really sorry they couldn’t be happy for you.”
“It’s fine,” Feng Xin sighs, though he’s still visibly shaken. “It’s— This says more about them, you know? Like if they can’t be happy for me, then I don’t know what’s the fucking point.”
“Well, of course you’re welcome to stay here. That might be for the best anyway,” Mu Qing’s mother replies, “It might be a little cramped, but I’ll do my best.”
“Thanks,” Feng Xin says, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’ll get a job after college and help pay bills, I swear. I’ll buy the food, I know I’m crashing here suddenly. But I don’t have anywhere else to go.”
For some reason, between being pregnant and emotional, tired from the medication, and still recovering from a pretty major relapse, that’s what makes Mu Qing feel the worst out of everything he’s said. He grips the blanket tighter, swallowing hard to hold back the tears, biting down on the nicotine gum and grinding his teeth like that might save him. But nothing works, and before he can stop it, there’s tears rolling down his cheeks.
Obviously, the two stupidly doting and obsessive people in the room notice immediately.
“A-Qing…”
“Qing’er…”
It’s like a chorus of endearing names suddenly, and the next thing Mu Qing knows, his mother has shifted closer, wrapped an arm around him, and Feng Xin is perched on the arm of the chair next to him.
“What’s wrong?” his mother asks.
“I…” Mu Qing starts, sniffling hard, but the tears keep coming. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t fucking apologise for my parents being shitty,” Feng Xin says, stroking his hair with one hand and cupping his cheek with the other, forcing his head up as he clumsily wipes his tears. “None of this is your fault.”
“It is!” Mu Qing snaps, fully aware he sounds hysterical right now. “I’m— This would never have happened if I didn’t— If we didn’t— I-If I didn’t want to keep it, and now you—”
“Qing’er, breathe,” Feng Xin says, kissing his forehead. “I want to keep it too, you know that, right? Fuck, I want to have your baby, even if that sounds really fucking weird. I don’t care if we’re young, we can do it.”
“Feng Xin is right,” his mother adds, leaning her head against Mu Qing’s shoulder. “You’ll always have this house, I can help. I want a grandchild.” Then, she pinches Mu Qing’s cheek and grins. “And I’ve had a baby before, remember?”
“Mhm,” Mu Qing nods shakily, taking a deep breath. Although he feels less on the verge of a breakdown already, the tears keep rolling down his cheeks for some godforsaken reason.
“It’s gonna be fine, Qing’er,” Feng Xin whispers, placing another soft kiss on his cheek. “I’m gonna be here, I’ll make money, I’ll— Fuck, I know there’s not much I can do right now, but you know I’ll do anything.”
“Told you he’s a keeper,” Mu Qing’s mother snickers under her breath, teasingly flicking Mu Qing’s forehead.
“Shut up,” Mu Qing grumbles, rolling his eyes, though the tears glassing them over makes it significantly less threatening. In theory, Feng Xin has been half living with him for a while now, having slept over more nights than not, but Mu Qing always had his own space; he’s never been good at being smothered with affection, and the thought of actually having Feng Xin move in with him is terrifying.
But if he says no, Feng Xin has nowhere to go. His parents will almost certainly cut him off financially, and then he’ll be living in his car.
Thus, Mu Qing shoves down the fear, and gives a tiny nod. “Fine. You can… stay.”
“Thank you,” Feng Xin exhales, before crouching in front of Mu Qing and pulling him into a tight hug until he stops crying.
Even if this isn’t ideal, and Feng Xin’s family cutting him off might possibly cause problems further down the line, Mu Qing finally feels somewhat at peace with the situation. He won’t be alone when he wakes up feeling awful, or throws up, or constantly has to pee all the damn time.
And with that, Mu Qing has to cling to the hope that he won’t convince himself that Feng Xin hates him for the high maintenance little bitch he actually is to live with.
When word of Mu Qing’s relapse finally got to Xie Lian, he admittedly felt awful.
Guilty didn’t even begin to describe it. Even if Mu Qing deciding to relapse wasn’t his fault, he knows the root cause was. In a moment of impulse, he’d told Hua Cheng about Mu Qing being pregnant, Hua Cheng told He Xuan, and He Xuan told Shi Qingxuan. Of course, Xie Lian couldn’t possibly have predicted that train of events, but the undeniable fact is that it started with him.
And Xie Lian is hardly the picture of perfect mental health. After his suicide attempt, Hua Cheng has spent most evenings at his house, though Xie Lian’s uncle has refused to let the other actually stay overnight yet. Just over a week after it happened, Xie Lian eventually texted Mu Qing and asked if they could meet up.
It took two days for Mu Qing to even reply. Xie Lian was worried, since he hadn’t seen Mu Qing at college in at least a week, but the few times he saw Feng Xin, he’d promised that Mu Qing was fine, just a little delicate, and that he didn’t resent Xie Lian or anything. Unfortunately, Xie Lian has known Mu Qing for a long time, and somehow doubted that was true.
But surprisingly, when Mu Qing replied, he said yes, on the condition that he’d bring Feng Xin as well. Xie Lian was relieved, then in a spur of the moment, he said he’d bring Hua Cheng as well; mostly because he loves Hua Cheng, and he cares about Mu Qing as well. Thus, having two people close to him at war is difficult, and Xie Lian is sometimes painfully positive and believes you can talk your way through anything. Mu Qing left that message on read, but he didn’t say no, so Xie Lian took that as a yes.
Saturday of that week, Xie Lian gets Hua Cheng along to a small café on the outskirts of town. Hua Cheng obviously did not want to go, but he’ll do anything Xie Lian asks, so he smiled through it anyway.
“Do you think Mu Qing will come?” Xie Lian asks, as five minutes passes since their agreed meeting time.
“I don’t think Mu Qing coming is the one you should worry about,” Hua Cheng replies, with a smoothly innocent smile.
“You mean Feng Xin? No, Feng Xin will—” Xie Lian starts, then realises what Hua Cheng meant, his face flushing slightly red as he slaps his arm lightly. “San Lang!”
“What?” Hua Cheng smirks, “It’s true. Mu Qing coming isn’t what got him into this mess.”
“… Maybe don’t say that to them,” Xie Lian sighs, as he plants a hand over his face, somewhat regretting his grand plan to bring Hua Cheng along so they can all hug and make friends again.
Nearly fifteen minutes late, Mu Qing and Feng Xin turn the corner, holding hands and whispering something to each other. When Mu Qing meets Hua Cheng’s stare, his eyes narrow and he stops. Feng Xin says something to him, then he softens get slightly, and eventually begins walking again, slower and more hesitant than before.
“Hey,” Xie Lian says, giving a soft smile. “I’m glad you could make it.”
“Hmph,” Mu Qing huffs, refusing to make eye contact. Instead, he stares at the ground, looking a little embarrassed, knowing Xie Lian will obviously have heard about the relapse from Feng Xin, and clearly, Xie Lian tells Hua Cheng everything as well.
After briefly glaring at Mu Qing, Feng Xin nods at Xie Lain and says, “Thanks for inviting us.”
“I’m sorry if it’s a little awkward, ahaha…” Xie Lian laughs nervously, then opens the door to the café. Hua Cheng walks right behind him, dropping the door shut on Feng Xin and Mu Qing. Xie Lian glances at him, narrowing his eyes slightly. “San Lang, behave.”
“Sorry, gege,” Hua Cheng gives that same innocent smile, like he did nothing, and Xie Lian has no way of refuting that.
Neither couple interacts as they order drinks, then take a seat in a small booth in the corner. Hua Cheng and Xie Lian sit on one bench next to each other, leaving Mu Qing and Feng Xin opposite them. It’s silent for a few minutes, until the barista brings over a tray, noticing the tension as well and giving a somewhat awkward smile as she tells them to enjoy.
Another couple of minutes passes in silence, before Mu Qing is the first to speak, his tone bitter and fed up already.
“Why are we here?”
“Ahem, right,” Xie Lian says, forcing himself to smile even a little, otherwise he’ll laugh or cry. “I wanted to clear the air, but first apologise.”
“Gege has nothing to apologise for,” Hua Cheng interjects. Already.
“San Lang, let me do the talking, please…” Xie Lian sighs, then faces Mu Qing again. “I’m sorry.”
Looking a bit smug, Mu Qing raises an eyebrow as he sips his drink. “I’m listening.”
“I am really sorry for telling Hua Cheng about, you know, the… thing,” Xie Lian says, keeping his voice low, making sure no one who recognises them can hear, and even then, he doesn’t want to risk saying he’s pregnant out loud. “I know it’s no excuse, but I was in a bad state, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but San Lang— Hua Cheng, I couldn’t lie to him again. He could tell something had happened that morning, and I made a mistake. And I’m sorry for that.”
“… Thank you,” Mu Qing mutters, fiddling with his sleeves in his lap. “I still wish you hadn’t.”
“I know,” Xie Lian replies, the guilt on his expression being genuine, as he turns to his boyfriend. “And Hua Cheng?”
“Yes, gege?”
Wordlessly, Xie Lian nods towards Mu Qing, giving him an expectant look. With a long sigh, very unimpressed, Hua Cheng glances at Mu Qing and says not as genuinely, “I apologise for telling He Xuan. I didn’t realise she’d run her mouth to her yappy girlfriend.”
Eyebrows still raised, Mu Qing scoffs. “Well your apology is harder to accept.”
“Qing’er,” Feng Xin hisses, “Don’t be a bitch. You expect a better apology than that from him?”
“Yes,” Mu Qing snaps, pouting his way through this one.
“I think you should take it as a win for now,” Xie Lian laughs, “But now that that’s out there, I wanted to say. I don’t want you two to hate Hua Cheng. Whatever you think of him, he’s very important to me. And really, I can’t understand why you’re at war with each other, ahaha… It doesn’t make sense to me.”
“Easy,” Mu Qing scoffs, “because you told him about what happened when we were in secondary school. He wasn’t even there, he doesn’t know what it was like at the time, and yet he’s decided to hate us because of it.”
“You were both hostile to me first,” Hua Cheng shrugs.
“Yeah, because you were weird!” Mu Qing snaps.
When Feng Xin reaches over and squeezes Mu Qing’s hand, he settles slightly, then Feng Xin takes over the talking for now. “To be fair, Qing’er is kind of right. We didn’t know what happened to Xie Lian, but this guy… I mean, giving a fake name? Lowkey stalking you? Can you blame us for being suspicious?”
“Well… No, not really,” Xie Lian says, “but I’ve told you since then, we have history. I didn’t recognise him, so it seemed one-sided at first. But things haven’t been good for me, and I have someone now. I wish you could be happy for me.”
“We are happy for you, even if it seemed a bit weird,” Feng Xin replies, then kicks Mu Qing under the table when he keeps pouting. “Right, Qing’er?”
“… Right,” Mu Qing huffs, crossing his arms over his chest.
“And really, whatever happened in the past is water under the bridge. I forgave you both a long time ago,” Xie Lian continues, “Plus, you two used to be friends when you both smoked, right?”
“Friends is a strong word,” Mu Qing grumbles under his breath.
“We weren’t friends,” Hua Cheng adds.
“You kind of were,” Feng Xin snorts, “You, He Xuan. All of you, like some weird fucking emo trio. Don’t pretend you hated each other before all this happened.”
Although Mu Qing and Hua Cheng do not seem impressed with that being pointed out, neither of them comment further.
“So… are we good?” Xie Lian asks after another pause.
“Yes, gege,” Hua Cheng says, “All friends now.”
Mu Qing glares at him a little longer, but then he sighs, rolls his eyes, and appears to soften, like he’s finally run out of fuel to be constantly mad at someone who he only actually fought with once, and he was so drunk when that happened, he doesn’t even remember it. “Yeah. All good.”
“Perfect!” Xie Lian beams, like this is some big happy ever after. “So… Mu Qing, is everything okay after last week? I know it’s a lot, but I was worried when Feng Xin told me…”
Mu Qing looks at Xie Lian first, then glances at Hua Cheng. Surprisingly, Hua Cheng isn’t smiling vindictively for once, and looks confused if anything. He stares at Hua Cheng for a moment, then looks back to Xie Lian, nodding towards the other. “He doesn’t know?”
“No,” Xie Lian says, throwing his hands up. “I learnt my lesson. I haven’t told him.”
“… Right,” Mu Qing mutters, shifting in the seat. “I’m… fine, I guess. It could be worse.”
“And baby is okay?”
Finally, Mu Qing cracks something vaguely resembling a smile, placing a hand on his stomach. “Yeah. Baby is okay.”
“That’s good.”
After another awkward pause of silence, Hua Cheng eventually asks, “What happened?”
“That’s not my place to tell you,” Xie Lian says, then looks at Mu Qing. Okay, he kind of set that up, and maybe it was a bit sneaky to prove a point like this, but he can’t be perfect all the time.
Although Hua Cheng seems like he wants to give a snarky comment, he keeps his mouth shut, staring at Mu Qing with an overly innocent, blank face.
Rolling his eyes, Mu Qing sulks harder, then says quietly, “I relapsed. Once. I went to hospital. I’m fine now. Happy?”
“Mm,” Hua Cheng nods, and adds dryly, “Sorry to hear that.”
“You could try to sound bothered,” Mu Qing huffs, “but… thanks, I guess.”
“See? All friends again!” Xie Lian says, “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Fucking painful to watch though,” Feng Xin comments.
Xie Lian really doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry sometimes. “Ah… Yeah, kind of.”
But at least the plan for today was a success, and maybe everyone doesn’t hate each other so much anymore. He’s sure they’ll still clash, although that wasn’t rare for Hua Cheng and Mu Qing before all this happened. However, with mock exams starting next week, that’s at least one source of stress gone.
Now, time for the academic stress.