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Jin Zixuan falls into married life well. It is a far cry from the torture his father had made it out to be and, if anything, he finds himself more comfortable in his own home than he has been in a very long time.
It is perhaps this comfortability that draws him in, lulling Jin Zixuan into a sleepy sense of security in the quiet privacy of his chambers. He and A-Li share a warm marriage bed, and with it, they share their lives, their pasts, and their hopes and dreams of the future, spoken into the air between them like coveted, whispered secrets.
Often, during these late night confessions, his wife will reminisce about her youth and all of the things she misses from home. Jin Zixuan makes note of these things, of course, and swears to himself that once things settle a bit, they will visit, and he will make sure she has everything she has mentioned to him on these quiet nights, even if it’s as small as simply watching the sun rise from her favorite pier.
He has noticed, however, that even months after they have settled into each other, even as she tells him tale after tale of the warm days she spent in Lotus Pier, she is still cagey about her brothers. It is to be expected, he supposes, that she would feel conflicted about Wei Wuxian - or, more specifically, speaking about Wei Wuxian with him, considering his father’s well-known stance on Wei Wuxian’s defection and exile. He can see the complicated expression that passes over her features when his name is mentioned in her presence, and he does not want to put any more stress on her than necessary.
His own (totally not complicated at all, why would they be complicated, stop thinking about it) feelings about Wei Wuxian aside, he tries not to bring it up.
And yet.
It is only eight months into their marriage when everything changes.
“I think I have feelings for your brother.”
Jin Zixuan is, admittedly, a bit tipsy. Zixun had plied him with too much wine at dinner. He can feel the warm buzz of it in his veins as he lays across from his…startled looking wife.
“Jiang Cheng?” She asks, her face twisting into a horrifying frown.
He’s said something wrong, hasn’t he? He should tell her it was a joke. A mistake. He is drunk, after all, he can’t be trusted with his words.
Unfortunately, his mouth makes the decision for him before he even has the chance to come up with something else.
“No,” He continues, a soft laugh in his voice, “Wei Wuxian.”
An answer as simple as it is horrifying. He's known this about himself for a long time, of course. He'd recognized it all the way back when they were teenagers, even if he hadn't known what to call it then.
The fact that he'd been disappointed when Wei Wuxian was sent away after their altercation in the Cloud Recesses could be easily explained away - he was simply upset he hadn't gotten to pay Wei Wuxian back for the punch he'd given him, nothing more.
The (infinitely more dubious) fact that he'd thought about that fight every night afterward, twisted it around in his mind until the ending was something more, something he wouldn’t dare speak aloud to anyone, was…less explainable.
And the fact that when Jin Zixuan had first caught sight of Wei Wuxian on the war front, he had been forced to excuse himself from the war tent because he was concerned he was having a qi deviation, well. He wasn’t even trying to make excuses for himself at that point.
If these feelings had only grown in the years since, had solidified into something thrilling and forbidden, no one but him had to know.
Except someone else did know, now.
It takes a moment for the panic to hit him, fighting through the wave of heated inebriation clouding his mind.
“A-Li,” He starts, only to stop himself when he fully takes in the look on her face.
Jin Zixuan had never intended to divulge these feelings to anyone, but in his mind, when he'd imagined how it might have gone, if he had? He'd expected something much different.
A-Li’s eyes are soft, her lips curled into a small, indulgent smile. She reaches out to him and pulls him just a bit closer, until they are well and truly pressed against each other.
“I understand,” She says, and there is a glint in her eye that he cannot quite place, “A-Xian is easy to love, isn't he?”
“I… yes,” Jin Zixuan says, because he supposes it’s true. Wei Wuxian had not really done much to catch his eye, had he? It was simply impossible not to look at him. Wei Wuxian was like the sun – too bright and too fierce, drawing Jin Zixuan in despite knowing he would be burnt.
A-Li's smile widens just a fraction as she holds his gaze, her hand still resting gently on his cheek. There is a small moment where he wonders why she’s looking at him the way she is, like he’s just given her something undeniably precious, but it falls from his mind the moment her fingers tangle in his hair, rubbing soft, sleepy circles into his skin. All at once, he feels muddled and heavy. From the wine, perhaps. Or from the familiar, comforting warmth of his wife wrapped around him.
When Jin Zixuan wakes the next morning, A-Li does not mention it, and part of him is grateful for it. He isn’t sure how he would speak about it now, without the headiness of wine to loosen his tongue.
A week passes, then two. They don’t speak of it again. For the most part, nothing changes. A-Li smiles at him just the same, holds him at night just as she has since their wedding night.
The only thing that has changed, he notices, is her willingness to talk about Wei Wuxian. Any hopes of simply forgetting his confession are dashed by A-Li taking any opportunity given to ply him with stories - memories of Wei Wuxian from her youth, outlandish tales of past night hunts, little pieces of him scattered all through their shared days together - all suspiciously woven to paint Wei Wuxian in an undeniably positive light.
After a few days of this, he wants to tell her he doesn’t need convincing when it comes to her brother’s finer qualities. He’s been acutely attuned to them for some time now. But it dawns on him one night, as his wife is lost in retelling the events of a Wei Wuxian’s first night hunt, that that’s not actually what she’s doing.
“He was so nervous, he stayed up all night and forgot to take his sword with him in the morning,” She says, “A-Cheng teased him about it for months after, and A-Xian would just laugh, like it didn’t bother him at all. But, well, you know.”
Jin Zixuan hums, lulled into sleepy contentment. Without thinking, he asks, “Was he? Bothered by it, I mean.”
He can feel the warmth of her breath as she sighs, her face buried in the crook of his shoulder, “Of course he was.”
He lets the words settle between them for a moment. He knows her well enough now that he can tell when she's hesitant, when she wants to tell him something but can't quite convince herself it's safe. He, too, knows that feeling well.
With a sigh of his own, he pulls her closer and presses a kiss to her hair. Sometimes, he knows, it's best to let things lie, but this feels different - like something that needs just a bit of a push.
And so, “May I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
For a moment, he turns the question around in his head, trying to find the best way to go about asking what he thinks is the root of what she has been wanting to tell him.
In the end, he settles on the simplest answer.
“How do you feel about him?” He asks, “About Wei Wuxian?”
Her hands tighten in his nightshirt, and he shivers at the long sigh she lets out against his skin, but she says nothing.
Jin Zixuan closes his eyes and lays his cheek against hers. “I heard rumors when we were growing up, about the two of you. I'm sure you know that. And I would like to say that even when I was younger, I never believed them - but I…” A-Li shifts against him, and he feels unsteady in a way he hasn't in her presence in a long time, “I just…even if any of it was true, I wouldn't--”
A hand covers his mouth before he can continue, dread filling him as he feels his wife pull away from their embrace. For a moment, he thinks he's gone too far, pushed too much. But then he gets a good look at her face, at the soft look in her eyes.
Her hand falls away from his lips and moves to softly caress his cheek, “It is not that simple, I'm afraid.”
Jin Zixuan lays his hand over hers, trying to give her any reassurance she might need.
She gives him a small smile and threads their fingers together, leaning in to him once more, “When we were growing up, A-Xian and I…we were similar in a lot of ways. I was never the child my parents wanted, and A-Xian…there was never anything he could have done to make my mother like him, there was nothing he could do to…” She laughs, a wet, soft sound against his skin, “He was just a kid. And so was I. We leaned into each other, tended each other’s wounds, gave each other the love we needed when we couldn't find it anywhere else. And as we grew older, it became something more complicated.”
“A mother, a sister, a wife. All of those things at once, but none of them at the same time.” She says, “It is very different from the way that I love you.”
“But this isn't the answer you're looking for, is it?” He can feel her smile against his neck, “If I were to make it more simple, I suppose I would say this: shortly after our engagement was broken, my mother left for an extended night hunt in Qinghe. And that first night after she left, my father called me to his study to ask me a question. ‘The two of you are close,’ he said, ‘You love each other. Would you marry A-Xian, if I arranged it?’ I knew, at the time, that he was asking this because A-Xian would be of age soon, and he was worried he would leave - that YunmengJiang would lose him. But I also knew that he would not press if I said no. And yet, there was not a moment where I ever considered that an option.”
“I love you, A-Xuan. There is nothing in this life that will change that. But perhaps there is some life out there where the war never happened, where my parents never passed, where you and I never…” Her hands tighten in his, and he kisses her temple, “and in that life, I would have married A-Xian, gladly.”
A quiet settles between them, and the way her shoulders are pulled taut, tense in his arms, tells him she's waiting for him to do something - to assure her, to throw her out of their bed. It sends a pang of regret through him that she would feel as though she must question her place here.
Jin Zixuan rubs a hand over her back and pulls her closer, his heart settling as he feels her relax into him, “He's easy to love, isn't he?”
“Yes, he is,” she murmurs, her voice barely a whisper against the quiet of the room. “And so are you, A-Xuan.”
Ending up here was inevitable, Jin Zixuan thinks. From the moment he'd blurted out his feelings all those nights ago, the moment A-Li had given him the blessing of knowing she shared some part of those feelings with him, it became a path set by fate that they would end up here.
Or, he muses, as he and A-Li follow the sentient reanimated corpse of Wen Qionglin up the steep back hills of the Burial Mounds, perhaps it would be better said as a fate set by my wife's hand.
They had just happened to come across those specific texts Wei Wuxian always spoke about wanting, the chili oil he favored, and the nicely wrapped rolls of paper in just the right shade (“The ones A-Xian always liked to use for his talismans,” she'd sighed, so longingly that, in the end, he'd been the one to bring up the idea of buying them all and delivering them to him themselves.)
They arrive at the main camp within the Burial Mounds late in the afternoon.
Jin Zixuan had...not necessarily believed his father when he spoke at length about the army of Wen cultivators Wei Wuxian was amassing in the Burial Mounds, but he had imagined...something different from this. Maybe a few training halls, a couple dozen young men enthralled in the tutelage of demonic cultivation and wicked tricks, perhaps even a few grand unorthodox artifacts.
But this? He thinks anything else would have made more sense than this. Six crudely assembled wooden homes. A patch of bone-dry soil with scattered withering greens weakly poking out from the ground. And a cave.
Wei Wuxian, looking more panicked than Jin Zixuan has ever seen him in his life, makes a point of having A-Li speak with Wen-guniang while he ducks into the cave for a full ten minutes. Jin Zixuan imagines, for a moment, all sorts of devious things he could be hiding away in there, but when he emerges and invites them in, a quick sweep of the cave's interior reveals only dark walls, a low platform with a threadbare blanket, and a crude desk absolutely covered in half-written scraps of yellow talisman paper. Some of them flutter as they enter the main cave chamber, and Jin Zixuan takes note of a few matching scraps left behind on the floor in the corner.
Was he seriously just tidying up?? Jin Zixuan asks himself, in utter disbelief.
Jin Zixuan can practically feel the concern radiating off of his wife when Wei Wuxian shows them around the cave, pointing to the small platform when she asks where he sleeps, and trying very hard to steer them away from the ominous blood pool lapping at the walls in the back of the chamber.
Its unsurprising, then, when A-Li turns her gaze toward him, looking for reassurance that he will back her up. He nods, without question, and has to force down a smile when she turns to Wei Wuxian and asks where, exactly, they could sleep for the night - since they hadn't planned on leaving until morning.
The look that crosses Wei Wuxian’s face is priceless, Jin Zixuan thinks. A mixture of embarrassment and horror that mottles his skin in an endearing pink as he tries, very earnestly, to convince A-Li that staying in an inn in Yiling would be best for her.
Jin Zixuan, of course, knows exactly what she'll say to this before it even leaves her lips.
With a concerned pinch to her brow, she takes Wei Wuxian’s hands in hers and says, “If the cave is good enough for A-Xian, then it's good enough for me, as well. Right, Zixuan?”
Wei Wuxian catches his eye over her shoulder, a final pleading look thrown at him.
Jin Zixuan very seriously says, “A-Li is right, this is fine.”
Wei Wuxian’s face falls, "No, shijie-- that's not--"
By the time the sun sets, all three of them are alone in a single room at an inn in Yiling with only one (admittedly rather large) bed.
(The innkeep had smiled at all three of them when he'd asked for two rooms, her eyes flitting knowingly to his wife for only the barest moment before her lips curled up in a kind smile.
"My deepest apologies, gongzi. I'm afraid we only have one room left. Busy season, and all that." She'd said, and Jin Zixuan was almost certain A-Li had, in fact, planned all of this somehow.)
By the time they settle into the room itself, Jin Zixuan is feeling more off-kilter than he ever recalls being in his life, for several reasons. First, Wei Wuxian has apparently not been building a lavish, evil Wen sect in the belly of the Burial Mounds. Which is unsettling, as someone - namely, his own father - has been spreading wildly incorrect rumors all around the Jianghu about him.
Second, he’s come to the realization that he’s never actually spent time around his wife and Wei Wuxian at the same time in any sort of situation where he and Wei Wuxian were not in a physical altercation with each other. The lack of a direct conflict, as it turns out, changes the dynamics between the three of them considerably. Wei Wuxian is almost pliant under A-Li’s touch, as she guides him into their room and sits him down at the low table in the center of it. Most of his protests are weak, and any attempt at weaseling his way out of the room is promptly shut down almost immediately by a look from A-Li. It’s a sight to see, really. He’s heard tales of Wei Wuxian leveling battlefields and personally witnessed him pushing all sorts of proprietary boundaries during their time in the Cloud Recesses, and all it takes is a gentle, insistent hand from his wife to make him sit down and shut up.
In some ways, it is a bit underwhelming (every single fantasy he’s had of an all-powerful Yiling Laozu making him submit to his dark command has been sliced up into little tiny bits). But in others, well - an image passes through his mind, of Wei Wuxian spread out under him with his head cradled in A-Li's lap; lax and soft and perfect as Jin Zixuan bullies him, his eyes pricking with tears that A-Li so lovingly wipes away.
This new possibility lingers in his mind even as their dinner is served. Then, Jin Zixuan is treated to the surreal sight of his wife attempting to hand-feed peeled lotus seeds to a blushing, clearly embarrassed Wei Wuxian. Jin Zixuan can't help but watch, transfixed, as Wei Wuxian reluctantly opens his mouth to accept lotus seed after lotus seed.
There's a tenderness between them, a familiarity that almost gets under Jin Zixuan’s skin. It feels almost silly to be jealous in this situation - he's not even sure which one of them he would be jealous of, really.
But maybe it is not jealousy at all.
Wei Wuxian’s gaze finally falls on him, his eyes narrowing as he closes his lips around one last lotus seed, and Jin Zixuan can feel the pure thread of want twisting through him. It's undeniable, this pull between them, charged and tense like the moment before a storm breaks. Wei Wuxian swallows, his throat working delicately, and Jin Zixuan’s eyes are drawn to the movement. The room seems suddenly too warm, the air filled with an electric charge.
Maybe, Jin Zixuan thinks, I am simply feeling left out.
With that thought prickling at his mind, Jin Zixuan shifts slightly in his seat, pushing aside his own bowl of food which now seems entirely uninteresting compared to everything else unfolding around him. A-Li catches his movement from the corner of her eye and smiles, a knowing, coy thing that tells him she's read him like the open book she claims he is.
She reaches across the table, her fingers brushing against his before she pulls a lotus seed from the bowl and offers it to him. It is a mirrored gesture, one that sends a silent thrill through him as he leans forward, taking the seed from her fingertips with his mouth. Jin Zixuan looks up to meet his wife’s eyes, sees the flicker of delight there, and then, unable to help himself, glances over at Wei Wuxian. The expression he's met with is intense in a way he can't quite place. Jin Zixuan would give anything, right now, to know exactly what he's thinking.
With the lotus seed bowl now empty between them, A-Li shuffles closer to Wei Wuxian and stands, pulling him up with her. Jin Zixuan watches with contained amusement as his wife steers Wei Wuxian further into their guest room with a light hand on his arm.
“It has been such an eventful day, hasn't it? And now look - it's grown dark.” His wife says, her tone calm and disarming, “It's far too late for you to leave now, A-Xian, it's dangerous at night. You might get lost. You can sleep here with us, tonight. Right, Zixuan?”
Wei Wuxian, who up until this point had been leisurely allowing A-Li to guide him wherever she wanted, promptly freezes in his tracks.
Jin Zixuan coughs lightly to mask his amusement and swiftly agrees with his wife, “Yes, of course.”
"Wait, what? Shijie," Wei Wuxian says, confusion clear in his voice, “I'll be fine, I know my way back up the mountain. And plus, won't it be awkward with me here? You and the Peacock are married now, it's not proper--”
A-Li settles him down next to the bed and, without any sort of ceremony, starts unraveling the ribbons holding his hair in place.
“You are welcome here, A-Xian,” she says, and she leans to the side, tilting his head with a hand under his chin until he meets her eye, “Very welcome.”
And for a moment, Jin Zixuan feels as though he's intruding upon something he's not meant to see. He's not sure what that might be, though, as both of them remain still for what seems like hours, simply looking at each other.
After an eternity, A-Li moves until she's facing him, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, "A-Xian," She says, her smile warm, "Come now. Let me take care of you."
Wei Wuxian opens his mouth to protest, but A-Li is faster, ducking forward to press a lingering kiss to his forehead. Genuine panic flits across his face for a moment, his eyes darting to meet Jin Zixuan's as A-Li pulls him in closer.
Jin Zixuan feels an odd thrill run through him at the sight - whether it is from the surprise of catching Wei Wuxian so off guard, or the simplicity of witnessing the only two people he's ever loved pressed close together, he doesn't care to know.
"Let us take care of you." A-Li continues.
“Us?” Wei Wuxian asks, his voice high and strangled, “Us?” He asks again, only to be cut off by A-Li placing a finger gently over his lips.
“Yes, us,” she murmurs, turning her gaze briefly to include Jin Zixuan before refocusing on Wei Wuxian, “Both of us, A-Xian.”
Wei Wuxian's eyes widen, a flicker of uncertainty and something unspoken passing through them as he looks from A-Li to Jin Zixuan and back again. “Jin Zixuan would never--”
“A-Xuan was the one who suggested we come,” she smiles, and then leans in closer, her breath mingling with his. Finally, she presses a soft, tender kiss on his lips. Wei Wuxian freezes, and Jin Zixuan watches the conflict play out on his face - panic and relief mixing together until A-Li presses in closer, deepening the kiss. Jin Zixuan watches them with bated breath, the palpable tension easing off his shoulders as he sees Wei Wuxian’s resistance crumble in an instant.
When she pulls back, A-Li's eyes remain locked onto Wei Wuxian’s, her gaze soft but intense, as if she's trying to communicate every ounce of her affection and reassurance without words. And Wei Wuxian softens, visibly. The look on his face nearly steals Jin Zixuan’s breath away - so far from the mischievous confidence he'd become so familiar with over the years.
He's so focused on it - on the warmth and tentativeness in eyes, that he almost startles when A-Li reaches out to him. But he takes her hand all the same, closing the distance between them. There’s a balance in this gesture, a symmetry that just seems right, as Jin Zixuan joins them.
His wife cradles his jaw and pulls him in, her touch gentle but assured. Jin Zixuan can’t help but hold his breath as her lips meet his, a soft, lingering kiss that seems to draw the very soul from his body. It’s different from any they’ve shared before—there is something thrilling in the idea of Wei Wuxian watching them. A strangled sound escapes from Wei Wuxian's throat as Jin Zixuan pulls back from the kiss, and he glances at Wei Wuxian, looking for something, though he’s not sure what.
The moment seems suspended, a single breath held between the three of them. Wei Wuxian's eyes are wide, his lips parted slightly as if he wishes to speak but finds himself without words.
A-Li reaches out then, grasping her husband's hand and gently guiding it towards Wei Wuxian. Her movements are slow, deliberate, giving both of them enough time to back out - to walk away, if they want to. Neither of them move as she lays their hands on top of each other.
The warmth of Wei Wuxian’s hand against Jin Zixuan's surprises him; it’s solid, reassuring, and…it gives him that last push, he supposes, that last thing he needs to--
There's a tremor in Wei Wuxian’s breath, a slight hitch that Jin Zixuan feels more than hears as he leans in and finally presses his lips against Wei Wuxian’s. It's a cautious, testing touch, one that seeks permission and comfort all at once. To his relief, after a moment of hesitation, Wei Wuxian responds, the tension easing from his shoulders as he melts into the kiss.
For a while, everything else fades away. The worries, the uncertainties, and the complexities of everything around them dissolve into one single point of focus: a kiss Jin Zixuan has been dreaming about for years. It’s not exactly what he’d imagined it would be - most things, he’s found, will never live up to what he’s built them up to be in his mind - but it is real, and it feels right in a way he can’t quite explain.
When they finally break apart, the silence that follows is heavy. Wei Wuxian's cheeks are tinted a delicate pink, and for a moment, Jin Zixuan entertains the idea of pressing a kiss where the color bleeds into his skin - a thought that would have been absurd only an incense time before.
But he stops himself, glancing over at A-Li who is watching them with a soft, approving smile. Her hands are steady as she reaches out to both of them, pulling them into a gentle embrace. The air around them feels lighter, somehow. Tomorrow, they’ll have to figure out exactly what to do about this, about everything really - but tonight? Tonight, they allow themselves a brief content, wrapped in the warmth of each other’s arms.