Chapter Text

Chapter One

For the first time ever, Jesse almost had a room to himself.

The new house had four bedrooms. It was their house this time, so they could do whatever they wanted with it. They kept the bunk beds though, and as usual, Jesse got stuck with the top while Sam got the bottom.

Already, the room was covered in half-emptied boxes, clothes, various personal items of both boys and discarded fast-food wrappers.

Jesse hung over the edge of his bed so he could see the tiny screen on their TV. His younger brother, Sam, had convinced him to do two-player in Call of Duty. He’d wanted to finish unpacking his stuff, but after an awful lot of complaining on Sam’s part about how completely bullshit it was internet wouldn’t be installed for almost a week, he’d agreed.

They were wasting a perfectly good Sunday evening and had been for the last few hours. Jesse sat with a blank stare, zoned out, the controller hanging loosely from his hands, when a soft voice from the doorway snapped him to attention.

“Jesse, I wanna come up.”

Brian stood in the doorway, a pout on his little round face. He picked his way into the room and stood directly in front of the TV.

“Get out of the way!” Sam’s hands were occupied. He nudged the three-year-old with his foot.

“Stop it,” Brian whined. “Jesse!”

“You should be in bed,” Jesse sighed.

“I can’t sleep. Lissa won’t stop crying.” Brian stepped over a pile of clothes and started up the ladder.

Jesse rolled his eyes, but he dropped the controller and crawled to the edge of the bed. He lifted Brian off the first rung and dragged him to the top bunk.

“Oh, man! I got you,” Sam laughed as he blew Jesse’s character away on-screen.

“Fuck you, I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Dude, Brian, go sleep with the twins. We’re busy,” Sam said as he started a new game.

“No.”

 “Leave us alone! Go back to your room!”

But Jesse knew that wasn’t happening. Just as Brian had mentioned, he could hear baby Melissa wailing in the other room.

Monica shuffled past their door. She had PJs on, and her hair was bedraggled. The baby quieted somewhat, but that was just because she was getting attention. As soon as Monica tried to go back to bed, Lissa would start up again.

Brian watched Sam and Jesse shoot each other up. After a while, his head started nodding. The toddler slumped onto Jesse’s pillows and was soon fast asleep.

“So…are you nervous about starting school?” Sam asked abruptly.

“No.” It was the truth. What was there to be nervous about? “We’ve been to a million other schools before. This one’s no different.”

“I guess,” Sam said. “But…I don’t know. Those other schools were different—Crap!” he cried as Jesse’s character skillfully sniped his.

“Should’ve ducked,” Jesse snickered. He earned a middle finger for his efforts.

As they waited for a new game to load, Sam returned to the topic of school. “This is different,” he said again. “Like when we were living with Joey, that was temporary.”

“Mmm, another of Mom’s boyfriends,” Jesse agreed.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “But there’s no boyfriend here.”

“That’s a good thing, right?”

“I don’t know. What if we hate it? We’re stuck here,” Sam said tightly. “This is our home now.”

Jesse hadn’t thought about it like that. They’d been moving around since before he could remember. They’d stayed with friends and moved in with Monica’s many, many boyfriends. But Monica’s dad, their grandfather, had died about six months ago and he’d left them this rundown house in the middle of nowhere. Monica had considered selling it, but after a bad breakup with Joey, the last asshole boyfriend in Detroit, she’d decided to move them halfway across the country to make this hole-in-the-wall their own.

Nothing was ever set in stone, but from the way she talked about it, they’d be here for a while.

“It’ll be fine,” Jesse said.

“But what if—”

“Dude!” Jesse shot Sam in the head as he ducked out from behind a crumbling wall. “Are you going to play or what?”

It was a lame attempt at distraction, but it worked. Sam kicked the frame of the bed. The top bunk shook. “I’m gonna kill you,” he said.

Beside him, Brian stirred and moaned in his sleep.

Jesse sighed. He brushed a hand through Brian’s blond hair and lulled him back to dreamland as the next game loaded.

*****

Sam and Jesse didn’t go to sleep until two in the morning.

Unfortunately, Brian was up at the crack of dawn. He accidentally kicked Jesse in the shin as he crawled out of the bunk and lowered himself down the ladder.

Jesse clutched his leg and hissed in pain. He blinked a few times in the bright morning light. He could hear voices downstairs. He decided to abandon the idea of sleeping in. He got up and followed the toddler down to the kitchen.

“Mommy, I’m hungry,” Brian said as Jesse came in the room.

The kitchen was full of boxes. Cookware, dishes, utensils and other such items spilled out of them, half-unpacked. Monica had cleared them away from the stove and was attempting to make pancakes while she balanced Lissa on her hip. When she saw Jesse, she sighed in relief.

“Come take the baby.”

Melissa sniffled as she was handed off. She buried her curly red head against Jesse’s chest and shoved her fingers in her mouth.

“Hello, cranky.” Jesse smiled and toted the baby to the kitchen table. He pushed some boxes aside and found a seat across from Tyler and Allison.

“Morning guys.”

The twins looked up from their Nintendos. They gave Jesse identical sunny smiles.

“Hey, Jesse.”

“Hi.”

“What are you guys doing?” Jesse asked, more to keep them distracted than out of actual curiosity. The twins loved talking.

Of course, they felt completely different about Brian and when he tried to worm his way between the twins to get a look at what they were playing, Allison shoved the toddler away. When he tried again, Tyler hit him.

“Ow!” Brian’s blue eyes welled up with tears.

“Jeez guys, is that necessary?” Jesse waved Brian over. He picked him up so he could sit next to Lissa.

“You’re such a whiny little baby,” Tyler said.

“Am not,” Brian complained.

Jesse tried his best to keep the peace.

Luckily, Monica was done with breakfast and she yelled up the stairs for Sam. By the time she started serving the slightly burnt pancakes, Sam had dragged himself into the kitchen.

“Too early…” he groaned. Robotically, he took Melissa from Jesse and sat her in the high chair. She cried at the mishandling, but it was a common enough occurrence that it caused little reaction.

Brian got into his own chair between Jesse and Sam, and Monica took the last chair available at the head of the table. She ignored her own breakfast in favor of spooning mush into Melissa’s mouth.

“Jesse, I need you to watch the kids today. I’ve got to head to the school and get everyone’s classes sorted.”

Jesse sighed but he nodded. Being the oldest at eighteen sucked. He babysat all the time. He didn’t know why he’d thought it’d be any different here, but he’d hoped.

“I can take care of myself,” Sam pouted as he cut up Brian’s pancakes.

“Me too,” Allison said quickly, following whatever the older and wiser Sam had to say. Tyler would have agreed as well, but his mouth was full of syrup and practically glued shut with the sticky stuff. Jesse struggled not to laugh at the sight.

“Me too!” Brian screeched happily.

Monica, Jesse, and Sam cleaned up the younger kids after breakfast, and then the two older boys took everyone upstairs to get dressed. Monica left to take care of business soon after and they were left on their own.

The twins wanted to play outside, so Jesse ushered everyone out the back door so he could keep an eye on all his siblings at once.

Sam looked awfully unhappy, but since there wasn’t much to do by himself, he didn’t protest. He took out his soccer ball and started kicking it to Allison and Tyler. When Brian cried at being left out, they turned their impromptu game of soccer into a monkey-in-the-middle type of deal. Jesse knew he should stop them. Brian was becoming upset, but Jesse had his hands full with Lissa. He decided not to get up.

They were in the middle of nowhere out here. There was nothing but woods in one direction and fields in the other. There was a farm way off in the distance, but besides that their only other neighbor was about a mile down the road.

Jesse could see the house from the backyard. It was a brown, beat-up rambler with ugly lawn decorations amongst the hedges.

He wondered if there were any kids there his own age. Hoped was more like it. If he had a friend living just down the road, maybe being isolated all the way out here in the boonies would be a little more bearable. He was already going crazy from being stuck with his family for the last few days. Even if he hated the new school, at least it’d be an opportunity to get out of the house and away from his little brothers and sisters.

“Guys, cut it out!” Jesse yelled once the roughhousing had gotten out of hand and Brian began to cry in frustration. “Play nice!” he cried. He gave Sam a sharp look and with a guilty look on his face, the younger teen called an end to the mean games.

Sam was thirteen, perfectly capable of looking after two five-year-olds or one three-year-old, but when he had to look after all three at once, he seemed to lose a few years of maturity. Sometimes he just needed to be reminded he wasn’t a baby anymore.

Being mature was incredibly boring after all. Sadly, Jesse knew a lot about that.

*****

When Monica came home later that evening, she had good news. Well, maybe not good news to most of the children in the house, but news nonetheless.

“The school wants everyone to start immediately,” she said over dinner. It was fast food again, the quickest and easiest way to feed five hungry kids. Poor Lissa was stuck with more mush from the Gerber jar. “I also went in to check on my transfer at the hospital. I start in a few days.”

Monica was a registered nurse. She said it was her calling to help her fellow man. The fact that she picked up more men there than anywhere else proved she took her job very seriously.

“So, tomorrow, I’ll go have a look at daycare,” she continued over Brian’s cry of distress.

“No!” he complained, but no one listened to him.

“When do we start school?” Jesse asked.

“Bright and early Wednesday morning,” Monica said cheerfully.

Sam groaned with disappointment. “But that’s the day after tomorrow!”

He and Monica argued for a bit, but Jesse didn’t listen in. He was glad. Maybe he wasn’t thrilled about the homework and note-taking and all that other fun stuff, but it’d be nice to talk to someone his own age. Allison and Tyler seemed to feel the same way. They bent their heads together and started whispering excitedly.

“It’s so unfair,” Sam bitched later that night. “If Mom wouldn’t have gone to that stupid school today, I bet we could have gotten another week off.”

Jesse shuddered at the thought. “You’re making too big a deal out of it. It’ll be fine.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Sam said. His bottom lip stuck out petulantly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re always popular. No matter where we go,” Sam said. “Nobody likes me.”

“That’s not true.” Jesse knew it wasn’t true. Sam had friends! He even kept in touch with some of them online.

“I’m so ugly.”

Oh.

“Are you talking about girls?” Jesse asked. He couldn’t help himself. He started to smirk.

Sam blushed bright red. “No,” he said quickly.

Jesse snorted.

No, Jesse didn’t have a hard time with girls. He wouldn’t say he was overwhelmingly popular with them, but he wasn’t afraid to talk to them either. He dated lots of girls.

He didn’t know what to say about the “ugly” comment though, as he didn’t think he was all that good looking either. He was too short, only about five six, and he had an annoying spray of freckles across his cheeks. He was average looking, and his body was on the thin side. He had blue eyes and auburn hair. Sam looked a lot like he did, minus the blue eyes, so he was a little insulted.

“You’re not ugly, OK?” he said awkwardly.

Sam pouted.

“Seriously.” Jesse ruffled his brother’s hair. “Besides, girls don’t care about looks. They like guys who make them laugh. Or guys who aren’t total jerks.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Sam batted his hand away. “I’m not even talking about girls.”

Jesse laughed. “C’mon. We should at least try to clean this place up before school starts. I won’t be able to find anything.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

*****

The next day Monica enrolled Brian and Lissa in daycare. She assured the fussy toddler that it was very nice and full of fun toys and other kids to play with. Brian hated strange places and new people, and he wasn’t having any of it. His first few days were going to be a nightmare. Monica needed to work though, and everyone else was starting school in the morning.

That night was hectic for everyone. Allison and Tyler didn’t want to go to bed early, Brian was crying, Lissa was crying, Sam was pouting and there wasn’t much Monica or Jesse could do. Monica locked herself in the nursery with the baby, ignoring everyone else. The twins bounced off the walls in their room across the hall while Brian had a meltdown in the living room.

Jesse concentrated on Brian. He carried him up to his room and promised they’d sleep in his bed again.

Sam was depressed about school. He’d spent most of the evening sulking in bed, but he got up to handle the twins when they began shrieking with laughter. They got settled in their beds; the occasional sound of whispering and laughter gradually dying down.

Jesse gratefully fell asleep.

The chaos continued early the next morning. Getting ready for school was a familiar routine, but Jesse found himself annoyed and wishing for once he didn’t have to take care of everyone else.

After he prodded Sam and Brian awake, he got everyone downstairs for breakfast then cleaned Brian and the twins and helped them pick out some outfits. He chose a clean outfit for himself and then ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When he heard the bus idling outside, he grabbed Sam and pulled him downstairs.

At least Monica was in a good mood. She sang a cheesy country song as she packed the twins’ backpacks in the living room.

“See you boys tonight,” she called.

Jesse waved goodbye and yanked Sam out the front door.

He was a little disappointed when he got on the bus and saw it was completely empty. Well, except for the driver. He smiled at the balding older man. “Good morning,” he said pleasantly.

The bus driver nodded.

Jesse found a seat right in the middle. He was irritated when Sam sat beside him.

The bus ambled down the road a bit, and Jesse looked curiously out the window. He spotted the neighbor’s house and his spirits lifted when he saw there was another boy waiting in the driveway. He squirmed with impatience as they slowed to a halt in front of the house.

The neighbor boy briskly crossed the street. He pushed his way past the half-opened doors and onto the bus. He stormed all the way to the back. He didn’t look at Sam and Jesse.

Immediately, the bus lurched into movement once more and the boy threw his backpack violently into his seat. He slumped down after it and turned to stare out the window.

Jesse could barely contain himself. He had an odd feeling the boy wouldn’t welcome company, but he climbed over his brother anyway and hurried to the back. He sat directly in front of the other boy, turned around, and smiled brightly. “Hi!”

The boy had been gazing listlessly out the window, but as Jesse continued to smile at him, the boy turned and leveled a spectacular glare his way. “Who are you?”

Jesse’s smile faltered, but he didn’t back down. “I’m Jesse. I’m new,” he said.

The boy furrowed his thick eyebrows. He looked deeply unhappy.

“We live just down the road from you,” Jesse said uneasily. “I guess that makes us neighbors.”

“So what?” The boy grunted, looking even more hostile than before.

Jesse studied the other boy in confusion. What was with this guy? He looked to be about Jesse’s age, possibly in the same grade as well. He had frizzy brown hair and squinty black eyes. He looked…furious and his wide lips twisted into a snarl the longer Jesse stared.

He smelled strange too… Jesse tried not to wrinkle his nose. It was like cheese or something. Sweaty cheese and old stale smoke. “What’s your name?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

“I’m just trying to be nice,” Jesse said. He received a scowl for his trouble.

Jesse and the boy stared at each other. The boy’s dark eyes narrowed as he wordlessly refused to answer.

“Um…I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone now,” Jesse said. He felt stupid. He wanted to hide.

“Shaun.”

Jesse was already getting up, so he almost didn’t hear the other boy speak. He turned back when the boy introduced himself though, a quick smile alighting his face.

The boy, Shaun, looked away quickly, trying to hide his momentary flash of interest. If it could be called that.

Either way, Jesse sat back down.

“What grade are you in?”

“,” Shaun said gruffly. He looked boredly out the window.

“That’s so cool!” Jesse said. “Me too.”

Shaun grunted.

“I wonder if we have any classes together.” Jesse hadn’t received his schedule yet.

“Probably will. The classes are small.”

“Oh.” Jesse’s eyes widened. “How many juniors are there?”

Shaun shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe thirty.”

“That’s all?” There’d been thirty people in every class in Jesse’s last school. The high school had housed 2000 kids total.

The bus lurched to a stop and two girls got on. They were obviously middle-schoolers, and they headed straight for Sam. Jesse’s little brother sent him a panicked look and Jesse grinned at him with encouragement.

“Who’s that?”

“My little brother,” Jesse said automatically. He was a surprised to hear Shaun asking a question. He didn’t seem very interested in conversation. In fact, once Jesse answered, Shaun pulled a battered CD player out of his backpack and hung the earphones around his neck.

“What’re you listening to?” Jesse asked, hoping to stall the other boy. He didn’t want to sit in silence.

“Pantera,” Shaun said.

“I’ve heard some of their stuff,” Jesse said easily. “They’re pretty cool.”

Shaun seemed surprised. “Really?”

“Sure,” Jesse said, missing Shaun’s look of disbelief. “I like all kinds of music.”

Shaun frowned. “I like metal. I’m in a band. A metal band,” he said dangerously.

“Awesome! What do you play?” Jesse asked. For all he knew, he could be talking to a metal god!

“I play the guitar,” Shaun said as he fiddled with his CD player. “You wouldn’t like us though. We’re hardcore.”

“You don’t know what I like, dude,” Jesse said with a laugh, refusing to be turned off by Shaun’s rude behavior. “You should let me know when you’re playing next. I didn’t think there’d be any metal bands out here in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yeah,” Shaun said darkly. “People around here don’t appreciate good music. It’s all country shit or worse yet, that fucking rap.”

Jesse laughed again. He liked both country and rap.

The bus stopped and Jesse glanced toward the front. A few more people got on this time. Three girls and two more boys. They all seemed to be older, most likely high school at least. One of the boys, tall and athletic, smiled as soon as he saw Jesse. He headed to the back of the bus with his companions in tow.

“Speak of the devil,” he said, sitting across from Jesse. “I was just telling everybody I heard there was a new kid in town and there you are!”

Jesse didn’t know what to say, so he smiled at everyone. Two of the girls sat in front of Jesse and they smiled back at him in a friendly manner. One was blonde, and the other had long, shiny black hair. They were both pretty.

The third girl was shockingly pregnant. It wasn’t so much that she was pregnant that was shocking. He’d just never seen such a small girl with such a huge belly. It looked ridiculous on her. The other boy, the one who hadn’t spoken, sat beside the pregnant girl. He took her hand possessively.

“I’m Emily,” said the girl with long black hair. Jesse thought she had a nice smile. “And that’s my dumb brother, Kenny,” she continued, pointing to the athletic boy who’d started the conversation. “He’s nicer than he looks.”

Kenny stuck his tongue out and everybody laughed.

Jesse turned back to Shaun, wanting to share the amusement with his new friend, but he stared intensely out the window. His face was red with anger. Jesse’s eyes widened. Hadn’t they just broken the ice? He was taken aback by the hostility wafting off Shaun in tsunami-sized waves.

Nobody else seemed to notice.

“I’m Sunny,” the blonde said cheerfully, drawing Jesse’s attention back to the new arrivals.

“And that’s Lee and Rick,” Kenny introduced the pregnant girl and her boyfriend. Lee smiled, but her boyfriend eyed Jesse with suspicion.

“Howdy,” said Lee. “And this is little Ashley.” She rubbed her enormous belly. “I didn’t get that ultrasound yet, but I know it’s a girl. I’m fixin’ to name her Ashley. After my Mama.”

“Oh.” Jesse scratched the back of his neck. He was having a hard time concentrating on the conversation with Shaun’s glare burning into his back. He could see Shaun staring at him from the corner of his eye, but when he tried to catch him at it, Shaun switched to staring out the window.

Jesse wondered what he’d done wrong. “Ashley’s a pretty name,” he said distractedly.

“Thanks!” Lee said.

“So, where are you from, Jesse?” Emily asked.

“My family moves around a lot, so I wouldn’t say we’re from anywhere,” he said, pulling up a typical answer to a typical question. “But we moved from Detroit.”

“What year are you in?”

“Eleventh,” Jesse got a smile from both Kenny and Emily. It seemed they were in the same grade.

“Do you like it here?” Sunny asked.

“I’ve only been here a few days and I haven’t gotten out much,” Jesse said. “But it’s OK, so far.”

The questions continued in rapid succession. Jesse supplied information on the places he’d lived previously, his old school, his family. Emily and Sunny asked if he had a girlfriend.

“Nope,” Jesse said, unable to admit he was single without blushing just a bit.

The girls giggled, and Emily gave him a flirtatious look.

They were all nice and extremely friendly. Even Rick managed to warm up a little before the bus ride was over. He asked if Jesse played any sports.

“Sure. I’m pretty good at football and baseball.”

He’d received an approving nod from the boys.

But no matter how friendly they were, the entire conversation was spent ignoring Shaun’s presence. Jesse didn’t think he’d ever been in a more uncomfortable position in his entire life. Everyone seemed to be giving Shaun and his glowering looks the cold shoulder.

It was like he didn’t exist.

If Jesse hadn’t been able to smell Shaun’s slightly rank scent, see his frizzy hair in the corner of his eye, hear the tinny sound of Pantera coming from his earphones, he would have had to conclude Shaun was just a figment of his imagination.

When they got to the high school, Shaun got up the second the bus stopped. He purposefully shoved his bag into Kenny and then rudely pushed past Lee as the girl struggled to get out of her seat.

“Jerk,” Kenny muttered under his breath. It was the first time any of them had acknowledged Shaun’s presence.

“Is he…always like that?” Jesse asked curiously. Shaun had continued to stare death at the back of his head the entire way to school. Jesse wasn’t stupid. He got the feeling Shaun was kind of a loner, but Jesse hadn’t done anything to warrant his hatred. Yet that stare of his had been nothing but hate personified.

“Don’t worry about him,” Emily said quickly before anyone else could respond. “I mean, it’s best if you don’t try to talk to him.”

What kind of advice was that?

“I already talked to him. He wasn’t so bad,” Jesse said as he followed his new friends off the bus. He paused to hit his little brother on the back of the head. The middle school was the next building over, so he and his two new girlfriends were getting dropped off next.

Sam slapped his hand away. “Screw off, Jess,” he muttered, sending the middle-school girls into giggles.

Jesse smiled. He always felt better when he got to be a mean big brother.

“Shaun’s strange. Sometimes…most of the time…he’s OK. He’s quiet and doesn’t bother anyone,” Sunny continued once they were off the bus.

“Yeah, but if you say the wrong thing, he’ll go crazy,” Lee chimed in. “He beat up my cousin a few years back. And my cousin’s huge!”

“I remember that,” Kenny frowned. “Didn’t Shaun have a knife on him?”

“Oh my goodness, yes!” Lee cried, rubbing her stomach uncomfortably. “He was about to gut poor Georgie when the teachers came and pulled him off.”

“He’s a freak,” Rick said viciously.

Jesse was surprised by the vehemence in Rick’s declaration. He almost expected someone to refute his claim. To shake their heads and take everything back, but no one did.

“Stay away from him, if you can,” Kenny said.

“And if you can’t, then just ignore him. It’s what we do,” Emily said.

Jesse didn’t know what to think about all that.

Sure, that stare Shaun had leveled at him had been strangely malevolent, but obviously, he was used to being hated. His new friends hated Shaun. They said mean things behind his back, purposefully excluded him, told scary—obviously exaggerated—stories about him and spread rumors.

Jesse didn’t know enough to pass any sort of judgment on anyone. His new friends seemed nice in every other way, so he decided to give them the benefit of the doubt. He assumed the only reason they were being so mean was that they honestly didn’t know any better.

Jesse wasn’t going to ignore Shaun, though. He was too curious to do that.

Shaun wasn’t exactly pleasant, but that didn’t bother Jesse much. There’d been something about him that he liked, oddly enough.

So, Jesse didn’t promise anything. He simply followed his new friends into the smallest high school he’d ever had the dubious pleasure of entering. He had to get his class schedule.

Type: Lit/Genre Fiction

Genre: Contemporary

Theme: New adult, Family-drama

Sex Content: Explicit

Orientation: Gay

Identity: Cisgender

Tags: Young adult, high school characters, in the closet, musicians, children, coming-of-age,

Warnings: self-harm, thoughts of suicide, child abuse, murder, rape, drug use; homophobic slurs

Chapter Text

Shaun hit a freshman with his book bag on the way to his locker. The scrawny kid fell into his friend with an undignified squawk. It almost made Shaun feel better. Almost.

“Stupid kid…” he muttered under his breath. He tried to tell himself he was talking about the freshman and about what a goddamn brat he was for getting in the way, but it was the new kid on the bus that came to mind.

Jesse, or whatever his name was… He was an asshole. He’d started off all friendly and chatty, but the second someone else paid him a little attention, it was like Shaun didn’t exist!

It was always the fucking same. People were always doing that. Either ignoring him or making fun of him. It had used to hurt his feelings—not that he would ever admit to that—but now it just pissed him off.

Shaun reached his locker. He opened it angrily as he thought about killing himself.

That’d make them fucking sorry, he thought bitterly.

But he wouldn’t do that. Deep down, he knew suicide was exactly what his asshole classmates wanted from him. So, he’d stick around, fucking with them, and making them uncomfortable. It was the next best thing.

He gathered his books for first period and then slammed his locker shut.

“Watch it, loser!” yelled some jock a few lockers over.

“Fuck off,” Shaun called over his shoulder and stormed off down the hall. He was pleased when the jock didn’t come after him. In his opinion, that meant the dumb meathead was too afraid to do anything.

He’d fought with the jocks a lot over the years. He didn’t always win, but he always made sure his hits and kicks and bites were felt long after the fight was over. In Shaun’s book, if the asshole could still feel your punches a week after the fight was over, it was just as good as a victory.

He made it to English without further incident. First period was Shaun’s least favorite class. And that was saying something.

He despised every class he had.

His teacher, Miss Stevens, was always trying to get them to put more emotion into their writing. More feeling.

Shaun had seriously considered slitting his wrists and bleeding all over a piece of paper for the stupid bitch. “Here you go,” he’d say. “This emotional enough for you?”

Emotions were fucking stupid and gay.

New kids trying to be friendly were stupid and gay, as well.

Thinking of Jesse once more, little jerk, he took his customary seat in the back of the room and stacked his books around the edges of the desk like a makeshift barrier.

Class started soon after. They were reading poetry again. Some fucked up faggy shit from the 1800s. Somehow, even a straight guy writing about a chick came off sounding incredibly gay when it was written in poetry.

“Shaun? Would you like to read for the class?”

Miss Stevens was a gorgeous woman, young, blonde, and straight out of college. The other boys fantasized about her, Shaun heard them talking sometimes, but he hated Miss Stevens. The bitch had gotten it into her head that he needed to be more active in class and had started forcing him to participate. On his last writing assignment, Miss Stevens had written that she thought Shaun was a great writer, but she knew he could do even better.

Shaun hated her.

Apparently, humiliating him and forcing him to read poetry was her great idea to help him improve.

“No,” he said through his teeth.

The entire class turned around to stare at him. He could see that fucker Kenny, the jerk who had stolen Jesse’s attention on the bus, looking at him and smirking.

“I’d appreciate it, Shaun,” Miss Stevens said politely, but she wasn’t backing down. Her stare was unwavering. There was no way out.

Clenching his hands into fists, Shaun forced himself to begin reading. Eric, another jock he had problems with, snickered from the front, but Shaun ignored him. He forced himself through the fucked-up poem and then glared menacingly at his English teacher.

Miss Stevens smiled at him, totally immune to his death stare at this point. She moved on with the lecture about rhyme scheme and wrote something on the chalkboard.

Fuming, Shaun pulled a pen out of his pocket. He’d sharpened the plastic end to a point with his bowie knife, and now, he touched it gingerly with the tip of his finger. He looked up over the barrier of his textbooks, glaring bitterly across the room at Kenny and Eric.

Slowly, he pulled his shirt sleeve up to his elbow. The skin was pale and scarred. With a steady hand, he jammed the sharp end of his pen into his arm and dragged it across the brutalized flesh. It didn’t break the skin, but it hurt.

Sometimes, Shaun liked being in pain.

Miss Stevens stopped blabbing. She called on another student to read the next literary example.

Shaun relaxed a bit. He dropped the pen harmlessly onto the desktop. He had a long, red furrow up his arm now, amongst the other, older self-inflicted scars. He dug a nail into the red irritated skin but soon grew tired of his self-torture. He felt weary for no reason, and he put his head down on the desk.

Shaun didn’t sit up again until the bell rang. He got up quickly and started gathering his things when a hand fell on his shoulder. He whirled around. “What?” he growled.

Miss Stevens crossed her arms and said nothing. Shaun glared at her and the two of them waited tensely as the room emptied.

“If you weren’t such a great writer, Shaun, I’d give you a detention,” she said as the last kid left the room. She was smiling though and seemed more amused than anything.

“Go ahead and give me one,” It wasn’t like it mattered anyway. “I don’t care.”

“Shaun…” Miss Stevens sighed, looking like she wanted to say something important. She opened her mouth, her eyes gleaming intently, but then she deflated and shook her head. “Never mind.”

Shaun raised a bushy brow. “Yeah. Never mind.” He grabbed up the last of his things and headed towards the door.

“Don’t forget about the poem due at the end of the month,” she called after him. “It’s worth a lot of points and I’m expecting something special from you.”

Shaun turned back to see her grinning at him like a crazy person. She must really be getting a kick out of whatever it was she thought she was doing.

He sneered at her. “Whatever.” He hated teachers who tried to be nice all the time. He’d much rather they be honest and hate him like everyone else did. He stepped out into the hall and ended the uncomfortable conversation.

He made it to second period a little later than usual. He walked into the science room to see everyone was already seated.

The lab tables held two people each, but as there was an odd number of students and Shaun had sat alone in the back since the beginning of the year.

He liked it better that way. Alone. He was without distraction and stupid idiots making fun of him. He hated science, and his solo lab work sucked, but he didn’t care about school anyway. It didn’t matter if he failed.

Except, there was someone sitting at his table today…a very familiar someone.

“Hey,” Jesse smiled at him as Shaun slid into his seat against the wall. “I guess we’re lab partners now.”

Shaun was a little stunned and thus resorted to his usual form of interaction. He scowled at the new boy and slumped further into his seat.

Jesse wasn’t affected by the scowl. He continued to peer at Shaun with an intense level of interest and Shaun glared harder at him. He folded his arms tightly across his chest and snapped, “What?”

“Y-you never finished telling me about your band.”

Shaun blinked at him.

He was impressed.

Jesse was interested and still remembered their interrupted conversation.

His glare softened, and he looked Jesse over slowly, feeling a strange stirring of…something tickling in his belly.

He was embarrassed to even think it, but…Jesse was cute. Not that Shaun was gay or anything! It was nothing like that! It was just hard not to notice…

Jesse had a beautiful smile and there was something incredibly…sweet about the way he kept trying to chat Shaun up. The messy auburn hair and sun-kissed freckles were nice, as well. Though Shaun, being completely straight and all, didn’t give a shit.

“C’mon dude, don’t be so modest,” Jesse said playfully. He elbowed Shaun in the side, leaning over much farther than was necessary to whisper in his ear. “It’s so boring out here. If you don’t tell me where your band plays next, I’ll have to start stalking you.”

Shaun pulled away immediately. He stared wide-eyed at Jesse, wondering wildly if he was being serious or not. Of course, when Jesse started laughing Shaun figured he was only joking around.

Oddly, he was a tad disappointed.

Before either boy could say anything else, class started, and Mr. Barnes began the lecture on alkali metals.

Most people were taking notes.

Jesse hurried to pull out some paper and follow their example, but Shaun didn’t bother. He watched Jesse from the corner of his eye as he jotted down some notes. His face was close to the page and his freckled button-nose was wrinkled in thought.

Shaun hated him for being so endearing… He had an aching need to hurt himself again.

But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

Jesse would definitely see him, and there was no way Shaun was explaining his scars.

So, he resorted to drawing idle shapes on the inside cover of his textbook. He got so absorbed in his scribblings that when Jesse shoved a piece of paper at him, he was a little startled.

He glanced over at Jesse, scowling automatically at his cheerful expression. Jesse didn’t react one way or the other though. He just went back to writing in his notebook.

Shaun glanced at Jesse’s piece of paper.

It was a note.

Gimme your number so we can text.

Shaun huffed and jotted a reply. His writing was much messier than Jesse’s. It was an ugly, childish sort of scrawl.

I don’t have a phone.

Jesse stared at the piece of paper for a minute, squinting. But after a minute, he quickly wrote back.

That’s kind of weird.

Whatever, Shaun wrote sullenly. He’d always thought passing notes was stupid. Not that anyone had ever passed him notes before. Jesse didn’t seem to think so though. He changed the subject.

Do you understand any of this stuff? I suck at science. Underneath the message, Jesse drew a stick figure being blown up by a beaker full of chemicals.

Shaun couldn’t help himself. He smirked.

Nope, he scrawled below Jesse’s line of text. After a moment of consideration, he drew a picture next to Jesse’s. A brutal fire monster coming out of a Bunsen burner.

Jesse studied Shaun’s newest addition with a smile. Guess I’m fucked then, he wrote.

Shaun didn’t respond. He took the note back and continued to doodle death and destruction under their lines of correspondence.

Jesse leaned over Shaun’s shoulder with his pencil. He made Shaun’s fire monster throw little fizzing beakers of deadly chemicals. Shaun vindictively added some dead classmates being burned by the acid.

Shaun grinned menacingly at their drawing. This was kind of fun.

I hope we don’t end up like that, Jesse wrote. He drew an arrow to the burning stick figure wearing a Leatherman jacket.

Didn’t you hear Mr. Barnes? Chemistry is dangerous, Shaun wrote with a smirk. Jesse added a smiley face next to his words in response.

Shaun gave the happy face evil looking horns and vampire fangs and Jesse drew in a hand making the peace sign. Shaun promptly leaned over him and erased the first finger, so it was flipping them the bird.

Jesse threw a hand over his mouth as he started to laugh in earnest. He looked up from their drawing to meet Shaun’s cautious gaze, amusement shining in his blue eyes.

Shaun stared back at him in utter amazement. It was the first time he’d ever made someone laugh. But then he realized he was gawking and he shut his slack jaw.

He glared down at the lab table, affixing his gaze on the black, lusterless surface. He kept his eyes down for the remainder of the lesson.

When the bell rang, Shaun snatched up the paper with their drawings. He folded it into a tiny square and stuffed it in his bag.

Jesse didn’t notice. He slid his notebook into his bag and picked up his pencil. “What’s your next class?” he asked.

“History,” Shaun grunted. He hated history. Almost as much as he hated English and science.

“Oh! Me too,” Jesse said. “Want to show me where it is?”

Shaun felt like he didn’t have a choice. He was sure Jesse would easily follow him even if he said no. Not that he had a burning desire to refuse.

“I ah…sure.” Shaun shouldered his bag and gestured for Jesse to follow him. He did and started up a bubbly conversation about something nonsensical. Shaun was still a little shell shocked about the whole situation. He didn’t catch much of what Jesse was saying unfortunately, and he wondered if maybe Jesse would give him some kind of quiz later on, on his memory. He kept waiting for Jesse to abandon him, but it seemed he was interested in Shaun now.

Most people weren’t interested in getting past his rough exterior, to actually get to know him. Shaun wondered hesitantly if maybe that was Jesse’s intention.

Whatever his intentions, Jesse and Shaun were separated in their next class together. The history teacher had strict seating arrangements and Shaun had been stuck in the front row since the first day of class. He was irritated when Jesse was instructed to sit in the last row, right next to that goodie-two-shoes bitch, Emily Taylor.

“I’ll see you after class, OK?” Jesse asked, but he couldn’t even wait for a reply. Emily snagged him around the waist, whispering about class starting.

Shaun glared violently after the two of them, but Jesse didn’t look his way. He started chatting with Emily, just like he had with Shaun.

He felt a horrible wave of jealousy tear through him as he watched Emily and Jesse together. His whole body vibrated with anger. Watching them felt like some sort of cruel and unusual punishment.

After class, Jesse left history without speaking to Shaun at all. He ran after Emily and the two of them disappeared down the crowded hall.

There was another class before lunch and Jesse wasn’t in it. Shaun tried not to think about it. He was getting a headache and the wound on his arm itched.

Lunch was more of the same though. Shaun took his usual table near the back of the room, eating his packed lunch alone with a grimace on his face.

There was no hope in forgetting about Jesse. He was the center of everyone’s attention. Across the room, the entire eleventh grade mobbed his table. Shaun was feeling bitter, but he couldn’t help watching Jesse laugh and talk excitedly with his classmates.

Jesse looked extremely happy as he joked around with Kenny and Eric and the other shit-head jocks. They were doubtlessly talking about sports or some other shit Shaun could never relate to. Shaun them a dirty look.

The two most popular girls in school, Sara and Alicia, watched Jesse with smiles on their faces. They giggled like idiots and Emily, who sat directly to Jesse’s right, kept giving the two girls territorial looks.

Shaun ate in lunch in a terrible mood. Jesse said he was single? Well, by Shaun’s estimation, he wouldn’t be for long…

He saw Jesse only one more time that day.

After lunch, half the eleventh graders had gym, so it wasn’t a surprise when Jesse showed up in Shaun’s class.

Shaun was already in the locker room when Jesse invaded the area.

Kenny and Eric followed him in like puppies. It seemed Jesse was telling one of his football stories and the two jocks behind him listened raptly as they found spots to dress for class.

Nobody noticed Shaun changing in the corner.

Jesse threw his arms in the air as he made an impossible catch with an invisible ball. Everyone laughed at the stupid look of victory on his face directly after, and Jesse glowed with the acceptance.

Shaun jerked his hoodie over his head and hurriedly stuffed his arms through the holes. He stabbed his feet in his tennis shoes and then stormed from the room with a growl.

Today, they were playing kickball outside.

Shaun was grateful he wasn’t put on the same team as Jesse. He honestly didn’t think he could have played if he’d had to be teammates with that jerk. And Jesse was a fucking jerk…

During the first round, Shaun could feel Jesse’s eyes on him. Kenny had forced him into the outfield with a single mean look. Shaun was used to it. He didn’t argue or cause a fuss. He was still furious though and Jesse’s pretty blue eyes on him increased his anger exponentially.

Why couldn’t Jesse make up his mind already? Why was he bothering to waste his time staring at Shaun when he was oh-so-happy with his new bullshit friends? Why couldn’t he just leave well enough alone!?

Shaun didn’t move from his spot in the outfield. He ground his teeth to dust as he watched Eric and Jesse run the bases.

Jesse kept sneaking looks at Shaun. He just couldn’t seem to stop for some reason.

The teams switched positions after twenty minutes. Everyone was getting the chance to kick the ball.

Shaun was shoved to the back of the line; he was used to that too, but he waited patiently for his turn.

Jesse was on third base. Eric was the ball. Shaun hated how well they played together. This game sucked.

When it was Shaun’s turn to kick, Eric gave him a bored look. Shaun stood far behind the plate, but no one bothered to correct him.

Eric smirked meanly. He wound up his arm and threw the ball low and hard.

Shaun had been waiting for this. His eyes narrowed on the ball. He took a running leap, angled his foot, and kicked it as hard as he could back at the unsuspecting jock. Shaun had the pleasure of watching the smile slide from Eric’s face seconds before the ball struck him square in the nose.

Everyone fell silent as Eric yelled in pain. He staggered and pressed his hands to his nose as it began to spurt blood. The coach sprinted from the dugout to help. As he passed, the coach banged his shoulder into Shaun’s. The cold look he threw over his shoulder proved it had been on purpose.

Whatever. Eric deserved a broken nose. They all deserved to bleed and die.

Baring his teeth in a vicious smile, Shaun looked Jesse’s way.

Jesse was still on third base. He seemed to be frozen in place. His face had paled and, his eyes were wide with fright.

Slowly, Shaun’s smile grew wider and more terrifying. He felt he wouldn’t have to worry about Jesse trying to be friendly anymore.  

*****

Shaun couldn’t play anymore kickball that day. Like he cared.

After gym, he had math class by himself, just the way he liked it. Study hall was the last class of the day, but Shaun never stuck around. As usual, he skipped out early and walked home. It wasn’t strictly allowed, but nobody really gave a crap either.

He spent the walk home listening to his CD player and compiling the day’s many injustices. By the time he got to the house, only a few minutes before the bus would be driving past, he was angry again and decided he’d make a new cut on his arm. The last one he’d made was already scabbed over and digging at a scab wasn’t as satisfying as a bleeding wound.

Ruth, Shaun’s grandma, was in the kitchen when Shaun walked through the door radiating gloom.

“Shaun?” she called from the back, her voice shrill and irritating.

Shaun didn’t bother to answer. He trekked through the kitchen in silence. As soon as he entered the living room, Ruth poked her head out of the back room.

“What are you doing home so early?” she asked, narrowing her squinty eyes. She and Shaun looked a lot alike. They both had the same frizzy hair, though lately Ruth’s was getting more gray than brown. They had the same scowl and the same narrow unpleasant eyes. Ruth did have about fifty pounds on Shaun, though, and had a hard time moving around the tiny, cluttered house. She was wearing a faded house dress and slippers.

“I’m home on time,” Shaun sneered. He usually waited until the bus passed the house because Ruth was annoying enough to actually care if he skipped study hall.

To distract her, he stepped around the armchair and grabbed the TV remote. He turned it up as loud as it would go and pretended to watch the boring western program.

Ruth rolled her eyes and disappeared back into the other room. It took a few minutes, but he eventually saw the bus go past the front window. Ruth didn’t hear it over the sound of the TV. Thinking himself rather clever, Shaun waited another minute, watching the lame movie on TV, before he shut it off and ventured down the hall to his bedroom.

“Shaun?” Ruth called from the master suite.

“What? I’m going to start on homework.”

Ruth said nothing more and Shaun shrugged his way into his messy bedroom.

It smelled musty, a mix of sweat, dried jizz, and pot. It didn’t bother Shaun though, he barely even noticed. He threw his school shit down and picked his way over a pile of accumulated clothes, some dirty and some clean—not that he could tell them apart—and fucked around with his stereo system. He smiled grimly when Iron Maiden came on.

As the music filled the room, Shaun sat down on the edge of his bed. He opened his bedside table drawer and drew out his bowie knife.

It had been his father’s hunting knife, but Shaun had owned it since he was six years old. It wasn’t flashy or anything. It was a simple, curved blade with a dull, black grip. Shaun had sharpened the hell out of it though, and that’s all that really mattered to him.

Shaun didn’t cry or think about how horrified his stupid classmates would be if they could see him. Physically, he didn’t even feel much as the knife pressed into the crook of his arm. It hurt, but the pain was a delicious feeling. He cut deeper, forcing the tip into his scarred flesh. He followed the line his pen had taken earlier that morning and opened his skin for real.

As dark-red blood welled from the wound and slid down into the palm of his hand, all the stupid thoughts about Jesse disappeared.

Later, Shaun cleaned his arm and bandaged it tightly to stop the bleeding. He put on a long-sleeved shirt to hide the evidence. He didn’t own many short sleeved tops.

He reasoned that if he could hurt himself this much, Jesse would hurt him worse.

Shaun smoked for an hour. He always felt relaxed after he fucked himself up, but the pot made it even better. He was so calm that when Eli entered his room without knocking, he only gave the man a slightly offended look.

“Dinner’s ready,” Eli said. He snatched the joint from Shaun and took a hit.

“I’m not hungry.” Shaun patiently waited until Eli gave him his pot back, absently digging his fingers into his new cut. It had a calming effect.

“Come tell your grandma that, son,” Eli said, smiling.

Shaun sighed and took one last deep pull on the roach before he threw it into the dead bushes below his window. He wondered dreamily if all the joints he’d thrown down there had killed them.

Reluctantly, he followed Eli back to the kitchen. Ruth was just pulling a roast out of the oven.

“How was your day?” Eli asked as Shaun slid into his seat.

“Fucked up,” Shaun said easily.

“Watch your language, young man,” Ruth screeched. She hurried to set the roast on the table so she could hit Shaun upside the head. He scowled.

Ruth plopped into her seat across from Eli. The chair creaked ominously under her weight. “Who wants to say grace?” she asked loudly as she folded her pudgy fingers together.

“I will,” Shaun sneered.

Ruth narrowed her eyes. “Do it right,” she insisted. “Jesus is watching.”

“Fine,” Shaun sighed. He waited for his grandparents to bow their heads. He ducked his and began. “Bless this food, Lord, that my grandma made and that my grandpa paid for. We are helpless without your wonderful bounty. Jesus Christ, thank you. So, fucking much.

“Amen.” Eli said, sounding amused.

Ruth smacked the back of Shaun’s head again, but he was in way too good a mood to let that bother him.

Insulting Jesus always put him in a good mood.

A hidden verb (or nominalization) is a verb converted into a noun. It often needs an extra verb to make sense. For example, “Please make an application for a personal loan” is longer and less clear than “Please apply for a personal loan.”

Hidden verbs come in two forms. Some have endings such as -ment, -tion, -sion, and -ance or link with verbs such as achieve, effect, give, have, make, reach, and take.

Uncovering the hidden verb usually forces you to rephrase your sentence and cut out other poor habits such as wordy phrases. Hidden verbs often go hand in hand with passive verbs and combine to give an officious and longwinded style.

Chapter Text

When Jesse came home, the house was blissfully empty. Well, except for Sam, but he didn’t count. He was usually annoying, like he was currently, but Jesse was used to it.

Besides, Sam’s whiny complaints were pretty funny today. He was super upset because those pretty little girls on the bus had followed him around the entire day, watching him.

“You’re such a little kid,” Jesse laughed as he ruffled Sam’s hair. He remembered the days when all girls had cooties and females in general were a mysterious, otherworldly race.

“I am not!” Sam yelled, but Jesse ignored him. He sprawled out on the couch and put his feet up on one of the half-emptied boxes still stacked around the room. He turned the TV on to drown out the sound of Sam’s wailing.

Eventually, the younger teenager grew tired of being ignored and he stormed upstairs to be alone.

Jesse turned down the TV and sighed in the sudden quiet.

The lack of animosity was nice, but he still couldn’t relax.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the terrifying boy who lived down the road.

The gym teacher had called it an accident, and Shaun had been forced to sit in the dugout until the game ended. Shaun hadn’t looked very sorry though.

The look on his face as he’d sat in the dugout, fuck… The look on his face when he’d kicked the ball into Eric’s face with a scary precision had been one filled with a slimy, smug satisfaction.

It was a frightening look, and he’d gazed at Jesse for the rest of gym class with the grim smile stuck on his lips.

Jesse wasn’t paranoid, but he couldn’t help but think Shaun had meant something with that look. Maybe people really didn’t talk to him for a reason. Everyone had told him to stay away, but of course Jesse had ignored them, like an idiot.

In fact, Shaun had been acting “off” since they’d met just that morning. Gloomy, moody, glaring one minute and then being borderline friendly, or at least accommodating, the next. Jesse had been hoping Shaun would come and sit with him during lunch, but he had placed himself way across the room and had commenced yet another one-way staring match.

Jesse had tried not to stare back. He felt uncomfortable, and he involved himself with the other people around him instead to distract himself.

But Shaun hadn’t let up.

He’d been completely unapproachable during gym, too—even before the incident with the kickball.

Everyone had been giving Shaun extra space, like they’d known he was about to do something crazy. And then he’d exploded…

Jesse didn’t know what to do. He sat with Shaun in Chemistry for fuck’s sake! They rode the same bus! Though Shaun had been mysteriously missing on the ride home.

Jesse felt like maybe he should back off and leave Shaun alone like he apparently preferred, but he didn’t feel comfortable doing that either. After all, he couldn’t very well sit next to him and never talk to him! It was impracticable! Plus, it would be really boring.

Jesse thought about the dilemma off and on all night.

Monica came home with a new job. She started training the next day and had brought home a bunch of fast food to celebrate.

Nobody was impressed though.

The twins were bouncing off the walls again and talking nonstop about their days. Both Melissa and Brian were crying, trying to outdo the other by raising their voices until Jesse would rather shove pencils, sharp points first, into his ears than listen to them anymore. Sam was still moping about the middle-school girls, and he grabbed his fast food bag and took it upstairs.

Jesse wished he could escape the mayhem, but Monica needed him. They spent a good two hours coddling two five-year-olds, a toddler and a screaming baby. The two of them ran themselves ragged.

Luckily, the screaming also wore out the two youngest members of the family. Brian and Melissa were in bed by ten.

Monica and Jesse got the twins ready for bed next and got them settled in their beds. Monica put switched the night light on and Jesse found a CD with lullabies. They shut the door on them and Monica let out a sigh of relief.

They called it a night. Monica disappeared into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Jesse dragged himself to his room and up to his bed. Sam was texting someone down in the lower bunk. His screen was at max brightness. Jesse rolled over the face the wall and it didn’t bother him anymore. He fell asleep within minutes. 

A good night’s sleep did little to make up Jesse’s mind, though, and he was still divided when he got on the bus the next morning.

He sat separate from his brother, and when Sam tried to sit next to him again, Jesse shoved his backpack into the empty space and didn’t allow it. Sam sulked off toward the front of the bus, resigning himself to the middle-schoolers.

Then the bus stopped in front of Shaun’s house. Jesse’s whole body stiffened to the point of discomfort.

Shaun got on the bus, a scowl already on his face. He wore a ripped, long-sleeved flannel over the same T-shirt he’d had on yesterday. His dark hair was a rat’s nest. He smelled even worse, too. Sweaty with a musky hint of smoke.

Jesse followed Shaun with his eyes. An extreme aura of hostility rolled off Shaun and Jesse’s belly filled with lead. Shaun slumped into the seat behind him and pulled his bag into his chest. He glared at Jesse hatefully.

“Hi,” Jesse said cautiously.

Shaun was silent. He continued to glare.

Jesse felt itchy all over and highly unwelcomed. He waited tensely for Shaun to say something, anything, but after a few uneasy moments, he gave up and turned to face the front of the bus.

He couldn’t think of one thing he’d done to make Shaun look at him like that. He thought they’d been getting along reasonably well the day before.

Soon enough, Kenny, Emily and the rest of the gang got on the bus and Jesse was bombarded by their friendly chattering. At least there was no mystery with these guys.

Second period chemistry was even weirder.

Jesse didn’t even attempt to talk to Shaun. He was already seated and scowling something fierce when Jesse came into the room.

Jesse took the hint and silently took his seat.

Class started and Shaun began to glare hatefully at the teacher, the board, the backs of random kids’ heads. Jesse watched him from the corner of his eye, deeply uncomfortable.

Every so often, Shaun took a break from the glaring to grab his left arm. His grip would slowly grow tighter until he was squeezing the shirt covered flesh in what looked to be a painful grip.

While there wasn’t anything especially strange about that, it was the look on Shaun’s face when he did it that was disturbing. He got a weird, pained expression on his face and all the color drained out of his cheeks. Then he’d smile. And it was the creepiest smile Jesse had ever seen. His lips pressed together until they were bloodless and they turned upwards at the corners, just barely.

After Shaun had done this a few times, he seemed to realize Jesse was watching him. He turned that creepy smile on Jesse, then, his eyes darkening.

Jesse looked away quickly as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up straight.

After that, he kept to himself. He stared down at his notebook and tried to jot down a few important facts.

“Are you OK?” Emily asked when Jesse arrived in history.

“Yeah…fine.” Jesse’s eyes followed Shaun’s gloomy figure as he shuffled into the classroom. He tossed his bag onto his desk and then slumped into his seat. He hunched over the desk and built a shield between himself and his classmates with his stuff.

“Are you sure?” Emily leaned into Jesse’s field of vision.

Jesse blinked. “Shaun’s acting weird,” he said sheepishly.

“When isn’t he?” Emily flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked a lot less interested. “We told you to stay away from him. I don’t have anything against him. It’s just that…”

“Yeah?” Jesse wanted to know what it was about Shaun that made him seem so inherently dangerous. Maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe everyone disliked him because he smelled weird.

Emily shook her head. “This isn’t the place to talk about that.”

Jesse raised a brow, now intensely curious. He decided to  whine and bitch until Emily told him everything she knew about the dark and sullen boy when the bell rang and class started. It seemed he had to wait.

But when class ended, Emily didn’t bring up the topic again. Jesse wanted to ask, but didn’t want to mention Shaun a second time. He didn’t want her to think he was obsessed or anything.

So, he stuck with studying Shaun from afar, pretending he wasn’t somehow drawn to him despite his nastiness.

The day crawled by, but it ended in due time. Jesse and his new friends got on the bus home and found seats in the back.

For the second time, Shaun didn’t show up for the trip.

Back home wasn’t much better. The hospital had Monica on a weird schedule and promised it’d be temporary, but either way, tonight was Jesse’s first night of what he suspected would be yet another long-term commitment to babysitting.

The twins got home an hour after Jesse and Sam did, and then Monica showed up around dinnertime to drop-off Brian and Lissa. She had to use her “lunch” break to get them home. She was avoiding additional daycare costs, much to Jesse’s annoyance. She wouldn’t be home again until bedtime.

It was utter hell having to take care of five younger siblings every night on top of homework—not that he was especially worried about the homework part, to be honest.

Either way, Jesse was pulling his hair out long before Friday came around. The frustrations of constant responsibility were wearing him down.

That morning, when Jesse got on the bus, he knew better than to sit by Shaun, so he found a seat in the middle of the bus and waited for his friends to get on.

Kenny sat beside Jesse automatically. “Hey man.”

“Hi,” Emily and Sunny said at the same time as they sat in front of them.

Lee waved as she waddled to her seat. Behind her, Rick had a hand on the small of her back, leading her protectively down the aisle. He was silent most of the time, but he was a good guy.

“What are you doing tonight?” Kenny asked when the bus started moving again.

Jesse wrinkled his nose. “Babysitting until my mom gets home.”

Kenny gave him a sympathetic look. Jesse had complained once or twice about the unfairness of having so many brothers and sisters. He’d managed to make a joke out of it, making his rapt audience laugh, but he didn’t really think it was funny.

“Until when?” Sunny butted in, her eyes hopeful as she peered over the back of her seat.

“I don’t know, probably around eight.”

“That’s OK. We could pick you up around then.” Kenny shrugged.

“Yeah, parties around here don’t start until the sun goes down anyway,” Emily added.

Jesse grinned. A party was just what he needed to unwind after a long first week. He didn’t know what a party would be like out in the middle of nowhere, but it had to be better than babysitting and school.

“Sure. That’d be great!”

Thank God. Jesse’s crappy week was finally looking up.

And then he remembered he had a chemistry lab with Shaun this morning.

Shit.

Squirming, Jesse sat through his first period math class. He and Kenny’s friend, Jordan, had class together. Jesse kind of thought Jordan was an asshole, but they talked some. However, today, Jordan kept giving him dirty looks.

“Dude, stop kicking my seat,” Jordon whispered over his shoulder.

Jesse forced himself to stop shifting in his seat. He studied Jordan’s dreadlocks instead.

He was nervous though. It would be the first time he’d interacted with Shaun in days and he didn’t really know how he felt about that. Shaun had kept up the creepy act, going from completely ignoring Jesse to glaring at him bitterly. He kept doing that thing with his arm too, and once, during lunch, Jesse saw Shaun jab a pen into his hand!

Math ended and Jesse leapt up and started to gather his things.

“What are you so excited about?” Jordan drawled. He followed Jesse’s example, but at a much slower rate.

Jesse shrugged. “I have chemistry next.” He finished packing and moved to exit the room.

“Oh.” Much to Jesse’s irritation, Jordan fell into step beside him with ease. “My brother had chemistry two years ago. He told me the whole ‘exploding metals’  thing is really lame.”

“Hmm.”

“I mean, can’t these so-called, college-educated teachers think of anything more interesting than alkali metals?”

“I don’t know. It’s better than worksheets and notes.”

“You’ve got a point there. Honestly, the amount of busywork we get is unbelievable. Do you really think we need most of the math we learn in there?” Jordan pointed back the way they’d just came before answering his own question. “Math is mental masturbation and people with no lives like to scribble equations down so everyone can see what great big cocks they have.” Jordan laughed at his own joke. “I don’t mean literally of course. That whole myth about ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it’ is true and everybody knows guys who make up equations for a living don’t get any.”

“Um…” Jesse didn’t know how Jordan had gone from talking about the chemistry lab to making fun of mathematicians. “I think that’s my class over there,” he said.

“Yeah, I think it is too.” Jordan mocked him. “See you in lunch.”

“OK, bye.” Jesse attempted a smile, though he wasn’t really feeling up for it. He tried though and that’s all that really mattered. Jordan was too busy being a jerk to notice anyway.

Jesse went inside, glad when he saw that he’d arrived before Shaun. He took his customary seat but didn’t take anything out of his bag except his notebook. They’d have to take some notes on the reactions, but other than that, there wasn’t much else they’d have to do today.

The moment Shaun came in the room, Jesse could feel it. He didn’t even have to look up. He just knew he was nearby.

It was weird and Jesse was a little concerned he’d become so attuned to another boy that he could literally feel him from across a room, but he was perfectly happy explaining it away.

Shaun did have quite a presence.

“Are you ready for this?”

For a second, Jesse thought Shaun had spoken to him. But that was just wishful thinking. It was a girl’s voice anyway.

It was Sara who had spoken up.

She was a gorgeous girl with blonde streaked hair and a slim body. She was at the table next to theirs and Jesse had started talking to her before class since Shaun had continued the silent treatment at every opportunity.

“Yes, I heard it’s going to be really cool,” Jesse said.

Sara laughed. “Who told you that?” She crossed her long, bare legs, smiling flirtatiously when she caught Jesse looking. “Mr. Barnes could make the Fourth of July boring.”

Normally, Jesse wouldn’t have had a chance with Sara, but since he was new and there was a limited supply of guys to choose from, he thought he might actually have a shot with her. Unless, of course, she wasn’t already dating Eric.

Either way, Jesse was about to say something lame, like “you’re the hottest firecracker I’ve ever seen”, but luckily, class began before he could get it out. Sara smiled at him once more before she turned back to her seat and opened her notes.

Mr. Barnes started lecturing about chemical reactions—why they reacted, how they reacted, how much they reacted, before he went on to explain the safety measures and lab procedures. Class was almost over before everyone had their safety goggles on and their aprons tied.

Then it was time for Mr. Barnes to begin his demonstration. He started out with the more reactive metals, leaving the boring ones for the lab.

“Class, this is potassium,” Barnes said as he sprinkled the substance into his bowl of water. The flakes broke into tiny pieces that caught fire and exploded with soft pops and fizzles.

It was pretty neat.

Beside him, Shaun leaned forward eagerly like he was trying to get a good look.

“And this is rubidium,” Barnes continued, sprinkling a tiny amount into the bowl. It flared up the instant it hit the water, shooting out of the bowl like little neon fireworks.

“Fuck…” Shaun muttered, looking highly entertained. Jesse couldn’t help being amused by his neighbor’s reaction. He ducked his head and smiled softly.

“You’ll be working with lithium and sodium, which are much less reactive, but I want you to describe what takes place anyway. When you’re done with the reactions, complete the questions I’ve written on the board and then turn in your lab before you go.” Barnes waited for everyone to settle down before he asked for one person from each table to come up to the front of the room and take a small sample of both metals, and for the other group member to get the bowls and water.

Shaun got up and started to move toward the front of the room, but Jesse got a brilliant idea.

“Wait.” He grabbed Shaun’s shoulder.

Shaun whirled around, a fiery anger in his dark eyes.

“G-get the water, would you?” Jesse said in a rush before Shaun could bite his head off.

Shaun shrugged Jesse’s hand off his shoulder. His nostrils flared. He looked highly offended. “You fucking do it,” he said violently and started to move toward the front of the room again.

Knowing he should really give in and let Shaun do as he pleased, Jesse touched Shaun’s left forearm, right where he was always squeezing and abusing himself.

Shaun froze.

“I promise it’ll be worth it.”

People were watching them as they wove around their table to prepare their labs. If Jesse couldn’t convince Shaun to let him go up front very soon, then all this would be for nothing.

“Please?” he said, batting his eyelashes.

Shaun jerked his arm away, scowling darkly even as his cheeks flushed an ugly brick red. He didn’t say anything, but he went toward the back of the room where the bowls and faucets were. Jesse smiled after him, amazed he’d been able to convince the wild beast.

But there was no time to pat himself on the back.

He rushed to the front of the room and eased his way through the disordered group of students gathering supplies.

It was way too easy. Really, really, easy to get a sample of rubidium into his petri dish.

He almost felt bad about it as he was doing it, which was just as well as he’d need to look awfully repentant to get out of this without a suspension or worse.

“Mr. Barnes?” He asked casually, sidling up next to the middle-aged science teacher.

“Ah…yes…Mr. Welch?” Jesse always thought it was funny when a teacher called him by his last name. He felt all formal and goofy as a “Mr.” anybody.

“I just wanted to say how cool it is that we get to actually have a hands-on lab here. There were thirty kids in my last chemistry class. There was no way a single teacher could supervise an entire lab of us,” he said dramatically. “You really make this an interesting class.”

Barnes turned to Jesse, his eyebrows raised with incredulity. “Thank you, Mr. Welsh, that’s very nice of you to say. I’d like to try some new labs this year, as well. We got the levy passed a couple months ago so we’ll be improving the curriculum this year. You’ve come at a good time.”

“Really? That’s great. What sort of labs?”

It was then as Barnes blabbed on about all the boring things they’d be doing later in the year that Jesse reached out, trying to appear casual as he blindly searched for the small bottles of metals.

Nodding, he took a scoop of lithium in one dish and then reached for the rubidium when Barnes was busy scratching his head and trying to remember the exact specifics of a lab on covalent bonds.

“That sounds really cool, Mr. Barnes,” Jesse said politely. “But I’d better get back to work. I don’t want to turn in a bad first lab.”

Barnes smiled pleasantly. “No, I suppose you don’t.”

“Thanks.” Jesse hurried back to his seat and hunkered down beside Shaun.

“You done?” he sneered. “I thought you were going to suck him off.”

Jesse shuddered. “You have a sick mind.”

Shaun’s face lost all expression at the mild insult, something Jesse recognized as a defensive mechanism. Hopefully, he could convince Shaun to drop all the wariness and hostility after this.

“Go on then.” Shaun snapped as he watched Jesse fidget with indecision. He wondered if this poorly concocted plan was literally going to blow up in his face. “Do it already so we can finish.”

“You first.” Jesse nervously pushed the lithium across the table to Shaun.

The other boy snatched it up, sprinkling the powdery stuff all over the table. He held what was left over the water and scattered the small pile into the bowl. The lithium gathered into a little ball and skated across the water’s surface, fizzing, and emitting the faintest hint of gas.

Shaun snatched up his notebook. He muttered to himself as he wrote in the reaction. “Fucking boring…” he bitched as he scribbled away.

Jesse wrote his reaction in, as well, and managed to finish first. He set his pencil aside and waited patiently for Shaun to look up again.

“Well, go on,” Shaun said impatiently.

Jesse cracked a grin. “Ready?”

“For fucks sake…” Shaun’s cheeks flushed red again. It was a curious color on his normally pale face. Jesse’s smile got wider.

“Seriously. Are you ready?” he prodded, grinning from ear to ear.

“Fuck you! I’m ready,” Shaun hissed and glared daggers at Jesse. His cheeks were getting even redder and his hair seemed to be getting frizzier and more unkempt with his foul mood.

“Trust me, you’ll like this,” Jesse said confidently. He moved the petri dish over the bowl of water and with the other hand, he pushed firmly on Shaun’s chest, steering him out of harm’s way.

“What the—” Shaun’s angry words were cut off as the rubidium hit the water and exploded brilliantly.

Jesse didn’t even have to pretend when he jumped back, toppling his chair in surprise. That had been way better than Mr. Barnes’ demonstration. Much closer anyway.

The entire lab erupted in chaos. People screamed and jumped. Chairs were overturned, someone splashed a bowl of water all over the floor. Everyone’s eyes were instantly drawn to their little desk in the corner as Mr. Barnes, startled and horrified, came rushing down the aisle to assess the damage.

But it was totally worth it.

In the split second before the teacher was on them, questioning them sternly, Shaun looked at Jesse and actually smiled.

And that’s what had gotten the two of them in so much trouble.

After separate trips to the office and one grim-faced lecture from the principle, Jesse and Shaun got the most devastating punishment of all, Friday after-school detention.

“Sorry about that,” Jesse said sheepishly when they were alone. They’d been sent to their history class with late passes, but there was only five minutes left of class, so neither of them were hurrying.

“It’s cool,” Shaun said and he really did seem cool with it. It almost seemed like he was having a good time. “That was fucking badass.”

“Yeah. It was pretty sweet, huh?”

“Fuck yeah.” Shaun smirked at him and Jesse couldn’t help but stare. He looked so normal when he smiled like that. In a flash, Jesse realized that part of what made Shaun so unattractive was his constant scowling and glaring. Well, he still had bad skin and hair and questionable hygiene, but he looked like a normal person when he smiled and not like such a unapproachable one.

“Well, I am sorry about the detention.”

“Whatever. I get detention a lot.” Shaun shrugged. “I’ll walk home afterward.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to walk, too. My mom’s at work.”

Jesse suddenly didn’t mind that he’d have to stay after school. He’d have Shaun all to himself on the walk home, and they’d get an uninterrupted amount of time to talk.

Shaun stopped at a random locker and paused to enter the combination. Jesse hadn’t realized they were walking anywhere specific until just then and he watched Shaun sort through his things with curiosity. It looked normal enough. Books and notebooks were haphazardly crammed together amongst a pile of crumpled paper.

“What are those?”

Shaun slowly turned around, glaring at Jesse. He snatched several books from his locker and slammed it shut. “Nothing,” he growled, then he stormed off.

What the fuck!

Jesse hurried after Shaun, wondering what he’d done now.

“Wait up,” he called. He had to resist the urge to grab Shaun’s shoulder again. He didn’t think it’d go over well.

Shaun slowed to a reasonable pace. Jesse caught up on his shorter legs and searched desperately for a new topic of conversation. Somehow, he managed to make it worse. “What are you doing this weekend?” he blurted.

“I can tell you want I’m not doing,” Shaun snapped. “Going to that fucking party.”

“Why not?” Jesse felt like a complete ass for even asking. “OK, dumb question,” he said quickly, receiving a snort of amusement from Shaun. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask what it was exactly that made the other kids hate Shaun so much, but he stopped himself just in time.

“Yeah, fucking stupid question,” Shaun said bitterly.

“Listen…I’m sorry. I just—” Jesse cut himself off, not exactly sure what he was going to say. “I just want to be your friend, OK?”

Shaun’s eyes flashed. “Why?” he asked, sounding curious despite the unpleasant edge to his tone.

“Why?” Jesse repeated. “Well, why not? I think you’re interesting. I like you—”

“Oh, you like me? What, do I make you happy? Do I entertain you?” Shaun whirled around, his voice wavering dangerously. “Are you fucking amused?!”

“No,” Jesse said quickly. He lowered his eyes. “There’s just something about you that…” he had no idea how to describe the strange pull Shaun had on him and he didn’t really want to either. He was afraid he’d only sound gay if he did. “Fuck, Shaun! What’s so terrible about wanting to get to know you?” He blushed as he said it, embarrassed that he had to spell out something as simple as friendship.

“You want to get to know me? All right,” Shaun said angrily. “I’ll save you some fucking time.” His voice rose sharply until he was shouting and Jesse automatically shrank back. “I’m a white trash, son of a bitch who genuinely hates every last fucker in this damn town!” Shaun ranted. “I’m an ugly fucking asshole, a disgusting bastard, a mother fucking psychopath,” he continued, his eyes blazing dangerously again. “I’m going to hell and you know what, I don’t fucking care!” He finished with a roar and glared at Jesse hatefully, breathing hard, his face red, before he turned on his heel and stalked off.

Stunned, Jesse stared after Shaun. It took him all of five seconds before he decided to go after him, but the moment he made a move to go after Shaun’s retreating figure, the bell rang, and the halls began to flood with kids going to their next class.

“Hey.” Emily emerged from the crowd. “I heard you blew up the science room.” She stood in front of Jesse, trying to get him to look at her. Jesse was still staring after Shaun however, lost in thought. “What?” she asked, following Jesse’s gaze down the hall.

“Nothing,” Jesse said after a moment. He turned blindly and started walking toward English, the next class on the schedule.

Luckily, Emily didn’t pry. She did offer to pick Jesse up after his detention, though.

“It’s my brother’s truck, but I could come pick you up if you wanted. He’ll probably offer actually,” she said. The thought of Kenny picking Jesse up instead of her made a sour look flash across her face. Jesse wasn’t paying attention, though. He missed the expression.

“No, I can walk,” he said vaguely, thinking that Shaun would have to talk to him then. He’d have nowhere else to go.

“Why would you rather walk?” Emily asked in exasperation.

Jesse shrugged. He didn’t want to tell Emily the real reason. She’d only try to dissuade him. “More time away from my brothers and sisters,” he said coolly. He hadn’t thought of it that way, but now that he did, it was a good idea. Maybe he should walk home every day.

“Well, I mean, I don’t have to take you home right away,” Emily said suggestively, but once again Jesse was oblivious.

“That’s OK. I’ll walk,” he repeated, glad when they got to English and could drop the conversation.

Emily went sulkily to her seat, but he didn’t really notice.

Jesse was practically famous by lunch time. Everyone had heard about chemistry and the huge explosion. He was sure it got bigger every single time someone asked him about it.

“It hit Shaun in the face, right?” Eric asked between massive bites of cafeteria sloppy joe.

“Yeah, I heard it blew a hole in the ceiling,” Alicia said.

“No, someone told me it set half the room on fire,” Kenny said as surely as if he’d been there himself.

But then again…

“Oh my god, you guys! I was there, and it was totally the size of the freaking atomic bomb! It was like mushrooming and everything!” Sara cried as she elbowed her way in front of Kenny.

Jesse laughed at the commotion. He didn’t know what to say.

He got several offers for rides, but he awkwardly turned them all down. Nobody could understand why he would rather walk and maybe he ought to give up his little mission to go home with Shaun. He seemed to be missing. Jesse had figured out that the reason Shaun was never on the bus after school was because he was skipping and walking home early. He wasn’t at his lunch table, so it was a reasonable leap of logic to assume he’d gone home after their fight…if it could be called a fight.

People congratulated him on his stunt in chemistry all day long. Jesse smiled each time, but by his last class of the day he was getting tired of it. He still hadn’t caught sight of Shaun and now he was really starting to regret turning down all those ride offers.

He stuck with it though.

When class ended for the day, he went straight to the study hall room, where after-school detention was held. He gave the tired looking woman in charge his name and sat down in the back of the room a few chairs away from a freshman boy he’d met briefly the other day in lunch and two girls who were surreptitiously texting each other under their desks.

The old gray-haired woman waited, watching the clock intently. Another two more boys came in, one after the other, and one more girl. They found seats and dutifully pulled out things to do. There was no sign of Shaun.

The woman waited for a few more minutes until it was 3:00 exactly. Then she strode over to the door and started to close it when a booted foot slotted through and blocked the jam.

“You’re late,” she said grumpily.

“Right on time,” Shaun said as he shoved his way inside the room. He made his way to the back row and sat beside Jesse. He looked over at Jesse, taking in his pleased smile. He glared halfheartedly in response, took out his English book and a pad of paper and started to write.

“Let’s get busy people. You’ve got an hour,” the detention monitor barked from the front of the room. “No talking, no texting,” she shot the two girls a look, and they sheepishly put their phones away. “No eating, sleeping or staring at the walls.”

Unable to keep from smiling completely, Jesse got out some of his math homework and got started. It was much easier to do when there weren’t little kids running around all over the place, it was almost like Jordan had said, math was mental masturbation. Whenever he struggled with a problem and got it right, the warm happy feeling he got in the pit of his stomach was similar to rubbing one out onto his sheets. Not as good, mind, but almost as satisfying.

By the time the hour was up, Jesse had finished his homework and was doodling in the margins, trying to think of the best way to approach Shaun.

He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with him, so it wasn’t like he could justify himself to Shaun or give him a concrete answer as to why he wanted to be friends with him. Jesse hadn’t been kidding or bullshitting around though when he’d said Shaun was interesting. In all the many places Jesse had lived, he’d never met anyone quite like him.

Plus, that quicksilver smile he’d shot Jesse right before they’d been hauled off to the principal’s office had been strangely amazing. He wanted to see it again.

“All right, times up.” The gray-haired woman announced, standing up from her desk. “Have a good weekend folks. And stay out of trouble.” Her gaze narrowed on Shaun specifically, though he didn’t seem to notice or care. He forced his things into his bag, slung it over his shoulder and stormed out of the room.

Jesse gathered his things up randomly. He tripped over himself as he ran to catch up with Shaun.

He was still shoving his things in his bag when he ran headfirst into Shaun’s back.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Shaun hissed, grabbing Jesse’s shoulder to steady him. “What the fuck’s your problem?”

“I’m trying to find you before you disappear again.” Jesse accused with a glare. His glare wasn’t as effective as Shaun’s was, but he didn’t care.

Shaun raised one of his bushy eyebrows. “I’m fucking waiting for you.”

Jesse frowned, pouted more like, up at Shaun, unwilling to trust him on his word. “Sure, you were.”

“Well, are you coming or not!” Shaun obviously wasn’t about to convince him, so Jesse finished shoving his things into his bag and nodded curtly. He followed Shaun outside.

“I’m surprised your legion of friends didn’t offer to pick you up.” Shaun grunted. He looked critically around the empty parking lot before he started off toward the road.

Knowing Shaun reacted badly whenever the other kids were brought up, Jesse shrugged.

Shaun scoffed as if Jesse had just finished a speech on their innumerable good qualities, stalking down the road as he sought to put a considerable amount of distance between them. Jesse had to jog to keep up.

He didn’t know where to go with this. All his plans had centered around him having to convince Shaun to even let him near enough to speak. But now that Shaun was here, and somewhat open to listening, he wasn’t sure what he should say.

He decided to wing it. The first words out of his mouth were, “Do you really believe you’re going to hell?”

“Of course, I do.” Shaun said flatly. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

Jesse bit his lip. “I just thought you were exaggerating or something.” He’d never met anyone who truly believed they were damned for hell. He’d met people who didn’t believe in it, but never anyone who sounded like they expected it.

“My stupid grandma tells me enough.” Shaun shrugged.

Well, they were further than they had been this afternoon, Jesse thought to himself. At least Shaun was talking.

“You live with your grandparents?”

“Yes.” Jesse started to ask where Shaun’s parents were, but Shaun cut him off with a severe look. “Don’t ask,” he said dangerously.

Jesse shut his mouth, embarrassed, though slightly grateful that Shaun was giving him some sort of clue as to what he couldn’t talk about. There seemed to be a lot they couldn’t talk about, but they were conversing, so Jesse refused to be discouraged.

 “So, everyone thought our little science experiment was really cool.”

Shaun grunted, sticking his hands into his pockets.

“I wish I had more of that stuff. Like a whole brick of it. I’d throw it in a lake or something.” Jesse chattered. “Could you imagine? It’d be like…whoa!” He tried to convey the size of his imaginary explosion with his hands, bouncing in the air in his nervous excitement.

Jesse was relieved when Shaun smirked at him. “Yeah,” he said.

They walked in silence for a few moments, Shaun smiling faintly and Jesse trying to think of something else to talk about. The weathered country road they walked along reflected a lot of heat and made the slight curve in the road about a half mile ahead appear like a wavy mirage. The wind through the corn fields was nice though. Almost musical. Certainly better than a household of kids.

“It’s nice out here.” Jesse said.

“I thought you were from the city,” Shaun said.

“I’ve lived a lot of places.”

“Oh yeah?” Shaun asked, obviously skeptical.

“Yeah. I’ve lived in California, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin,” Jesse counted off on his fingers. “New York, for a few months, Florida, Georgia…”

“No one likes it here,” Shaun said as if denying Jesse’s claim of being worldly. “I can’t wait to get out of this place.”

Jesse studied Shaun. Judging from the way other people acted around here, Jesse could see just how out of place Shaun was here. He was a pariah.

“Where would you go if you could go anywhere?” Jesse asked before Shaun could catch him staring.

“I dunno.” Shaun rubbed the back of his neck, upsetting his wild curls. “California, I guess.”

“Why there?”

Shaun sent him an impatient look. “So I can get in a real band and get signed,” he said exasperatedly.

“You don’t want to go there for that,” Jesse said carefully. “I didn’t like it there much. Too many fake people. Everyone’s plastic.”

Shaun grunted.

“Florida is more your thing,” Jesse continued. “Tampa’s the heavy metal capitol, ya know?”

“Anywhere’s  better than here,” Shaun replied darkly.

Jesse shrugged.

He figured they were about ten minutes away from Shaun’s house and another five from his. Jesse wished he could get Shaun to say something substantial, maybe actually involve him in a conversation. It was like trying to pull teeth with tweezers. Fortunately, Jesse liked a challenge, and something told him it’d be worth it.

“Well…” Jesse paused, fishing for a new topic of conversation. “Besides being in an awesome band—”

“Who said we were ‘awesome’?” Shaun sneered the word, his upper lip twisting unpleasantly.

“Nobody.” Jesse wanted to joke around but figured he’d better not. “I just assumed…you know…secret underground metal band? Too brutal for the likes of me? It must be pretty awesome.” He grinned.

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Go on,” he said, amusement in his voice.

Jesse laughed, hopping a little in place while Shaun watched him warily. “So, you’re in this awesome band, right? What does a badass guitarist like you do for fun?” Jesse bounced closer to Shaun, waving a hand in his face. “I mean besides hanging out and being ultra-brutal and shit.”

Shaun smirked. “I like shooting things.”

“You have a gun?” Jesse’s blue eyes widened despite his best effort to appear casual. “I’ve never seen one in real life.”

“Sure,” Shaun said, seemingly pleased with Jesse’s reaction. “I’m pretty good at throwing knives too.”

“Dude! Seriously?” Jesse could picture Shaun throwing knives in such a way that they would sever someone’s jugular vein, like in a movie.

“I collect weapons. I’m pretty decent with them.”

“Oh man, you’ve gotta show me some time.”

“Hmm.”

“And you play guitar,” Jesse gushed, realizing that flattering the other boy seemed to be working in his favor. “I always wanted to take guitar lessons, but I never had the time because I’m always babysitting.” Unconsciously, Jesse made eyes at Shaun. “Have you ever taught anyone?” he asked sweetly.

“Ah…no.” Shaun blushed as their gazes met. He looked resolutely away, off toward the dusty fields. “I think I’d be a shitty teacher.”

They walked along in silence for a few moments, though for once it wasn’t awkward. It was quite nice actually. Shaun wasn’t as talkative as the other kids at school, but Jesse didn’t mind. When he wasn’t glaring daggers, Shaun had a calming presence, go figure.

Jesse could see Shaun’s house coming up on the horizon. Time was almost up. He felt a curious tendril of disappointment blossom in his belly.

“You’re not going to be weird again on Monday, are you?” he asked out of the blue.

“How do you mean?” Shaun asked cautiously, as if he were waiting to get pissed off.

“Like all hostile and stuff,” Jesse said lamely. “You’ll talk to me in class, right?”

Shaun was quiet for much longer than Jesse felt comfortable with, but he eventually nodded. Slowly.

“If you want, I guess.”

“I do. I think you’re cool.”

“Fuck you,” Shaun muttered, sounding slightly amused again.

“And you can sit by me at lunch you know. And we can talk during gym. You don’t have to be so shy.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you’re fucking friends,” Shaun said angrily. “I hate them all.”

Jesse bit his tongue. “OK, fine. But we’re still friends, right?”

“I guess.” Shaun kicked a rock off the side of the road, clumsily avoiding Jesse’s gaze.

“Good.” And weirdly enough, it was. Shaun went home, muttering a half-hearted good-bye and Jesse smiled sweetly after him, walking to his house with a vague feeling of success.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late. I got—”

“Detention. I know.” Sam finished for his older brother. “Your girlfriend Emily told me,” he taunted in that way only a preteen could.

Sam sat on the couch between the twins. They were watching TV, some violent cartoon. Allison doodled on her jeans with a magic marker while she watched. Tyler kicked a box full of Monica’s framed pictures and picked his nose.

Sighing, Jesse took the marker away from Allison before she started drawing on the couch. Then he eased Monica’s pictures out of harm’s way. “Give me that,” he demanded, snatching the remote out of Sam’s lap. He switched the TV to the Disney channel.

“Go back!” Tyler yelled, making a grab for the remote. Jesse held it out of reach.

“Stop yelling or you’re going into time out,” Jesse said calmly.

Tyler didn’t want to hear that. He immediately began throwing a tantrum.

“You’re not the boss of me!” Tyler screamed at the top of his lungs. “I hate you!”

Jesse rubbed a hand over his face. He was suddenly drained. Just seconds ago, he’d been happy  about how the day had gone. Now he couldn’t wait to lay down.

“Watch them. I’m going upstairs,” he said, already tired of his family.

“I was!” Sam yelled after him. “And I was doing a good job too until you had to come home.”

Jesse ignored him and trekked upstairs to his room, climbing onto the top bunk and falling asleep within minutes.

He had a weird dream. Shaun was trying to teach him how to play the guitar. He had his arms around him from behind, his larger body curling perfectly around Jesse’s smaller one.

“There…just like that…”  Dream Shaun whispered in his ear as he manipulated Jesse’s fingers on the fret board. He didn’t stop until Jesse had his fingers curled perfectly around the fingerboard . “Now play,” he ordered, his voice sounding distant and it felt as if it came from deep within Jesse’s head.

Jesse’s fingers moved effortlessly as he started to play. It was a song, though Jesse couldn’t make out which one.

“Good,” Shaun said, his voice getting softer, farther away. The warmth of his body disappeared.

“Shaun?” Jesse called. He stopped playing.

“You’re so fucking good,” Shaun hissed. In a flash he was right behind him again, his mouth hot at Jesse’s ear. His tongue snaked out and wet Jesse’s ear lobe.

Jesse gasped in surprise. He arched his back and moaned.

“So good,” Shaun whispered into his ear and goosebumps erupted along Jesse’s soft skin. Shaun wrapped an arm around his midsection and held him tight. The air was forced from Jesse’s lungs. “Jesse…” Shaun pressed a long, thin blade to his throat and Jesse began to panic. “So fucking—”

“Hey!”

Jesse jumped, the dream forgotten as he was yanked out of sleep by the sound of his brother’s voice. He jerked into an upright position and nearly toppled out of bed. There was a strangled yelp beside him and when he looked down, he realized Brian was napping in his bunk again. The little blond woke with a muffled cry.

“What the hell?” Jesse peered down from the top bunk, rubbing a hand through his hair. Sam was looking up at him through narrowed eyes.

“Your stupid friends are here.”

“Oh.” That’s right, he was supposed to go to a party tonight. “Shit!”

“Nobody invites me to parties,” Sam said sourly.

“That’s because you’re thirteen. What sort of parties do thirteen-year-olds have?” Jesse scooped Brian up and carried him down the ladder. He handed him off to Sam after giving the sleepy toddler a kiss on the forehead. Sam sighed, but moved Brian to a comfortable position on his hip.

“I want to come with you.”

“No,” Jesse said.

“Why not?!” Sam whined. “I’m tired of being cooped up here all week!”

“Go hang out with those girls you’re always chatting up on the bus,” Jesse suggested. He stripped out of his clothes and then rifled through his side of the dresser, picking something clean to wear.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Sam cried. He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Jesse concentrated on getting dressed. He could hear Sam complaining to Monica downstairs, but he wasn’t concerned.

He spent a minute checking himself over in the mirror. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and checked his teeth.

“Jesse!” Monica yelled from downstairs.

“Coming!” Jesse yelled back. He gave his reflection an impish smile and then turned to go downstairs.

Kenny and Emily waited in the living room. Monica chatted amicably with Kenny. She had one arm around Sam while Lissa sat on her hip. The baby looked around.

Allison and Tyler had Emily’s attention. She cooed over them. They milked it for everything they could.

“You shouldn’t be friends with my brother. He’s a butthead,” Tyler was saying.

“Yeah, you should be our friend,” Allison added. “Jesse’s boring lately.”

“Oh, Jesse isn’t so bad,” Emily laughed. She glanced up then, shyly meeting Jesse’s eyes.

The twins started to protest again, but Jesse moved to intervene. Kenny noticed Jesse standing in the threshold.

“Hey man!” He called out. He threw an arm over Jesse’s shoulders. “Have a good nap?” He laughed.

“Shut up.” Jesse playfully punched Kenny in the arm. Kenny punched him back.

“Well, you ready to go?”

“Yep.” Jesse glanced at Monica, hoping she wouldn’t make a big deal out of him going out. She gave him a stern look but said nothing.

“This is so unfair,” Sam bitched from Monica’s other side. He put Brian down. “I never get to go anywhere.”

“You have nowhere to go,” Monica pointed out. She stroked Sam’s hair in a motherly fashion.

“I wanna come, Jesse,” Brian said. He hurried to Jesse’s side and clutched his jeans.

“No, not this time Brian.” Jesse cupped the toddler’s cheek. The little boy’s lower lip started to tremble in preparation for one of his epic pouts. “We’ll do something fun tomorrow, all right?”

“OK.” Brian looked like he was going to cry, but he let go of Jesse’s pants.

Emily watched the exchange with wide, glittering eyes, obviously just barely containing herself. When they all went out to Kenny’s truck however, she exploded.

“You’re really sweet with him,” she cooed as she got in the front seat. She patted the place beside her and Jesse climbed in. Once they were settled, she turned her starry-eyed look back at Jesse. “You’re a good big brother.”

“Jesus, Emily.” Kenny snorted as he started the truck. Loud country music blasted from the radio, but he didn’t turn it down. “Let’s get outta here! Party’s already started!” he yelled over the music.

Emily smiled at Jesse but was silent afterward.

They peeled out of the driveway and started down the road. Jesse was a little surprised when they passed Kenny’s house a couple minutes later. He’d assumed Kenny was hosting the party, as he was the one who had invited him. But then again, maybe it was at someone else’s house. Maybe at Jordan’s or Eric’s place.

After a while, they pulled off the road and onto a dirt trail leading through the corn fields.

“Where are we going?” Jesse yelled to be heard over the music and now the sound of the truck as it bumped roughly along the uneven path.

“You’ll see,” Kenny said.

Jesse gave him a bemused look but waited patiently for the surprise.

It was completely dark. The stalks of corn were lit a cool-blue and silver by the moon. They swayed gently in the breeze. It was pretty.

It took another two minutes before Kenny slowed down. The path dead ended alongside the crops and the woods formed a natural border. In a small clearing between the corn and the trees, there were six vehicles parked in a rough circle. Some of the stalks had been flattened to make room. Kenny drove over the flattened stalks and parked in an empty space. There was a bonfire erected between the cars and Jesse spotted people from school standing around it.

“Whoa.” He was impressed, especially when he saw the keg in the back of someone’s truck.

“Let’s party,” Kenny said with a grin. He killed the engine and hopped out to join the others. Emily and Jesse were eager to follow.

It was a normal party, as far as Jesse was concerned. A bunch of friends hanging out, shooting the shit and getting spectacularly drunk.

Eric and Jordan greeted them warmly. They had cups of beer and Kenny and Jesse went to get some for themselves. Emily split off to be with Sunny and a couple of the other girls by the fire.

Sara, the cute blonde from science, had her car radio playing through the window. Both she and Alicia danced together in front of the fire. Their slender bodies cast alluring shadows across the grass. They had their arms around each other and their bodies moved in perfect sync. They were entertaining to watch. Eric whistled in appreciation.

Sunny and Emily watched them too. They glanced critically from the dancing girls back to Jesse.

And Jesse wasn’t stupid. He knew Emily had a thing for him. He liked Emily too. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to watch Sara and Alicia grind against each other. At least he wasn’t catcalling them like Eric was.

Jesse put the jealous girls from his mind and followed Kenny’s, Eric’s and Jordan’s example. They climbed into the back of Kenny’s truck, beer in hand, and began chatting rather candidly about the qualities of the females.

“Dude, you’re so lucky you’re with Sara,” Jesse told Eric after a few beers. “She’s the best-looking girl here.”

“Fuck you, man,” Eric said, trying to be angry, but fighting a grin. “Oww,” he touched the splint over his nose. It looked brutal. There was still some swelling under his eyes.  “That’s…that’s my girlfriend,” he said.

“Were just admiring her,” Kenny said, watching Alicia spin Sara in a circle. Sara laughed and tossed her head back. Her blonde hair spilled over her shoulders. “It’s a compliment.”

“Alicia isn’t bad either,” Jesse said. She wasn’t quite as pretty, but she did have a nice rack. It was one of the reasons she was so popular. She was wearing skimpy shorts, cowboy boots and a matching hat. Jesse would definitely do her.

“I’ve done em’ both,” Jordan said with a lecherous grin. Eric flicked him off aggressively while Kenny howled with laugher.

“Seriously? Which was better?” Jesse asked totally missing the glare Eric shot in his direction. He was curious.

“Eh.” Jordan shrugged. “I don’t live in the past, man. I look forward.”

“Screw you,” Jesse said with an eye roll. Jordan was always so damned lofty. It was fucking irritating.

“The only girl I’d fuck right now is Emily.”

Jesse wasn’t so smashed yet that he didn’t pause at Jordan’s bold announcement. After all, Emily’s twin brother sat right beside him. He expected some sort of blowout, but there was almost no reaction from Kenny. He rolled his eyes, in fact.

“I thank God every day my sister isn’t dumb enough to date you.” He said in amusement.

“It isn’t right for a girl as pretty as Emily to be single.” Jordan complained.

“Yeah, she is pretty,” Eric agreed. They all glanced at the dark-haired girl talking quietly with Sunny.

“I think she likes me,” Jesse confided in the other three boys. He looked cautiously at Kenny.

“Yeah, she told me she did.” Startled, Jesse smiled, but Kenny cut him off. “Don’t even think about it though.”

“Aw, shit. Don’t be that way,” Jesse whined, pausing to finish his fourth beer before he bothered to continue with his argument. “You don’t have to be all protective. I’m not like Jordan. Girls like me for a reason; I’m a nice guy.”

“Girls don’t like nice guys,” Jordan said bitterly, but nobody acknowledged that he’d spoken.

“We’ll see,” Kenny said.

The seriousness did not fit Jesse’s mood at all. He quickly changed the subject. He brought up a mostly fabricated story about his ex-girlfriend in Detroit. At least it got everyone laughing again.

As his friends laughed at his story, Jesse noticed a faint red light between two trees at the edge of the forest. It was shadowy, and the trees had to be ten or so yards away, so Jesse couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw a figure.

It wasn’t especially weird. It wasn’t like they were alone or anything. It might be one of the partygoers fucking around. Anyway, the red light looked like a cigarette or a joint.

“Oh man…that reminds me of this one time…” Eric said, starting in on a story of his own. Jesse tried to listen, but he couldn’t help but keep an eye on the figure. He could almost make it out now as it stood there in the dark. He hoped it wasn’t a cop or someone who was going to get them in trouble.

The other guys laughed, and Jesse grinned automatically even though he’d missed the punchline. He tried to ignore the mysterious person. If they wanted to be acknowledged, all they had to do was come closer to the fire or step out into open so the moonlight would illuminate their features.

“Hey!”

Startled from his thoughts, Jesse jumped.

Kenny laughed at Jesse, nudging him playfully. “What’re ya thinking so hard about over there Jess? My sister?”

“Ah…” Jesse scrambled to find a suitable answer, but he was interrupted.

“So, you’re Jesse?” A stranger climbed into the back of Kenny’s truck. Another boy. The other guys shifted to make room so Jesse figured he was cool.

“Yeah?”

“I heard about that explosion in Mr. Barnes’ room today. Nice job!” the boy complimented, smiling cheerfully.

“Oh, thanks.” Jesse smiled back.

“I’m Kyle.” He held out a hand and Jesse awkwardly shook it. He didn’t get introduced to people with handshakes very often, but this boy seemed kind of…different. He was pretty well-dressed for the occasion. Jesse, Eric, Kenny and Jordan had all dressed similarly, jeans, T-shirts and both Jordan and Jesse had tennis shoes on, though the other two had boots. Kyle on the other hand had on very neat khaki pants and a sweater. His dark hair was styled impeccably, and his hand was incredibly soft.  As Jesse looked at him curiously, Kyle stared straight back at him, smiling coyly.

“Well? Did you bring the stuff?” Jordan prodded in that arrogant way he had that so irritated Jesse.

“Of course, I did,” Kyle said. He shared one last, oddly intense look with Jesse before he pulled a heavy-duty Ziploc bag out of his back pocket. It was full of weed.

There was a practiced exchange of money. Jordan slid four twenties into Kyle’s palm before he handed over the pot. Jordan started to roll a joint.

“Fuck,” Jesse said after a minute of watching Jordan doing his thing. The others seemed similarly involved. “If I would have known you guys were buying stuff, I would have brought my money.”

“I’m paying tonight,” Jordan said absently. He twisted the ends of a fat joint and then handed it off to Eric. He started on a second.

“Awesome!” Jesse grinned. He was already enjoying a buzz. Soon, it would get even stronger.

He was so distracted; he completely forgot the weird figure in the trees. 

Chapter Text

When Shaun got home, Ruth was up in arms.

“Detention?” She yelled at the top of her considerable lungs. “Exploding things in science class?! You little delinquent!”

He didn’t feel the need to defend himself. Even though, technically, he’d had no part in the mishap in chemistry, not once had it crossed Shaun’s mind to rat Jesse out. He just wasn’t the sort to fucking tattle.

“It was an accident,” Shaun said. He forced his way around Ruth and made his way toward his room in the back of the house.

Ruth followed him down the hall.

“I know damn well nothings ever an accident with you,” she hissed. “You’re just like your father.”

That was fucking low.

Shaun paused on the threshold to his bedroom, his back to Ruth as he shook with the force of his restrained anger.

Normally, he would have swung his fists first and waited to regret it later, but this was his Grandma. He couldn’t very well kill his own Grandma, no matter how tempting it was. People were expecting it after all, and Shaun didn’t live up to anyone’s expectations.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Shaun said quietly, his voice wavering. He didn’t turn around, but he could feel Ruth’s dark gaze drilling into the back of his head.

“You’re worthless,” Ruth sneered, before she backed off, leaving Shaun alone in the hall. He wanted to do something childish, like punch a hole in the wall or at least slam his bedroom door behind him loud enough for Ruth to hear it and know how angry he was, but he didn’t.

He went into his room and turned his music on loud. He thought about cutting himself again, a nice new line beside the one from Monday, but he didn’t feel like it.

Sure, Ruth was a mean bitch, but she’d always been and always would be. She didn’t bother him all that much.

And besides, he still felt strange from that unexpected walk home with Jesse.

“We’re still friends, right?” Jesse had asked, all too innocently. Shaun kept thinking Jesse was going to start laughing at him, call him a “pathetic loser”, or maybe a “goddamn freak” before he left to go and laugh with his friends.

Nobody had ever wanted to be his friend. Ever! And it was ridiculous to think Jesse, a completely normal, reasonably popular boy, wanted to be his.

There had to be some fucking catch, because if someone really wanted to be a part of Shaun’s life, it could never be for real.

Instead of sitting in his room and cutting his arms up, Shaun climbed out his bedroom window and went around the house to the garage.

His gun was hanging up in the back, next to two of Eli’s. He borrowed an old coat he found draped over the workbench, pleased to find two worn cigarettes and a lighter with the American flag on it in the pocket.

As he’d already told Jesse, he liked to shoot things.

The woods behind his house were full of things to kill. Little stupid animals, squirrels and rabbits, sometimes even a stray cat or a deer or two, but he wasn’t looking for anything that big today.

He just needed to relieve some fucking stress.

Shaun walked for a while. He stopped in one of his favorite places about a mile from home and hunkered down to wait.

Generally, Shaun was pretty patient. He could wait for long periods of time, especially if it was something worth waiting for. And usually waiting for a kill was worth it. But today he was distracted.

All he could think about was Jesse and that kind of pissed him off.

Jesse had gotten in trouble in Mr. Barnes’ class, just for him. And he hadn’t whined or complained once about it, he’d even smiled when Shaun had shown up in detention. Jesse was impressed by Shaun, interested in him. It also seemed as if Jesse were becoming somewhat resilient to Shaun’s bad moods. Or at least he was trying.

Shaun didn’t exactly know what to do about it either.

But just then, Shaun saw a squirrel scrambling down from a nearby tree. Shaun took careful aim, following the tiny gray animal in his sight, waiting for it to pause. There was a split second when it seemed to hesitate and Shaun squeezed the trigger.

The squirrel’s head exploded in a messy and somewhat disgusting display. It wasn’t very sporting of Shaun to be hunting tiny animals with his rifle, but he didn’t feel like being fair at the moment.

And what did it matter anyway? He would have killed it either way.

This way, the stupid little thing was sent to hell just a little sooner.

Shaun spent the rest of the afternoon in a similar manner. Usually, he would have taken his best kills home with him so Ruth could cook them up, but he didn’t feel like going back home.

As the sun began to set and Shaun grew hungrier and more tired, he realized with resentment that he was heading in a very familiar direction, almost without thought. Though it couldn’t have been without at least some subconscious decision, because Shaun was heading toward an area he knew very well didn’t have a lot of game and the very reason there wasn’t was because it was so often populated with humans.

The clearing behind Mr. Jay’s farm was the local teenage hangout. There were always parties going on there, as long as the weather permitted, and sometimes even when it didn’t.

Shaun had never been invited to one of the parties there, but he watched them sometimes, just to see what all the fuss was about.

It was pretty run of the mill stuff, drinking, smoking, girls socializing, boys fighting, couples making out.

By the time Shaun arrived it was getting late. He was starting to shiver from the cold, exhaustion, and hunger, but he’d already spotted Jesse and there was no way he was leaving without getting a good look.

Lighting a cigarette in an attempt to warm up, Shaun watched Jesse talk with his friends.

Shaun had spent the last few hours trying not to think about him, but he had been anyway.

He’d sort of pictured Jesse sitting, bored and glum faced at the stupid party. He’d imagined Jesse wishing Shaun was there with him, the two of them having some stupid inane conversation.

But of course, this was real life and Jesse didn’t look bored. On the contrary, he looked like he was having a great time. Shaun couldn’t hear what was being said, but he felt stupidly self-conscious. Jesse looked like he was telling everyone a story or something and when they started laughing, Shaun got the distinct feeling Jesse had been talking about him.

He glared at Jesse, trying to imagine what stupid and embarrassing things he could be telling his little friends about him.

And then Jesse looked at him…right at him. Shaun stood his ground. He raised his chin and determinedly stared him down, but Jesse only stared blankly back.

Maybe Jesse couldn’t see him after all. Shaun considered moving into the light, so he could, but he didn’t want everyone’s attention on him. Just Jesse’s, he thought bitterly.

After a few moments of Shaun staring at Jesse and Jesse focusing on apparently nothing, Kyle, a fag who just so happened to be the little brother of the town’s only drug dealer, appeared, startling Jesse and drawing his attention away. Shaun stayed just long enough to watch Jesse start smoking before he turned and headed home.

Shaun woke up the next morning, sprawled across his bed. He’d opened a fresh new cut on his thigh the night before and was displeased to find he’d bled through the rag he’d tied around it.

Already in a horrible mood, Shaun tore the sheet off his bed, crumpled it up and threw it in his closet. He’d try to wash the blood out later. Hopefully tomorrow, when Ruth and Eli went to church. If he was home by tomorrow morning.

Shaun got dressed, taking a few minutes to crudely wrap some gauze around his leg. It was already three, and Shaun had stuff to do today.

He got some cereal from the kitchen and ate it in the living room, enjoying the relative silence of the house. He turned on the TV, watching some old black and white with disinterest.

“Morning, son.” Eli appeared. He sat on the couch beside Shaun.

Shaun grunted an unfriendly greeting.

“You were out pretty late last night.” Shaun’s grandfather said, watching him eat with half-lidded eyes.

“So?”

“Your grandmother was upset.”

“I can’t help that,” Shaun said, shrugging off any blame or guilt.

“She said the school called her. Told her about that stunt you pulled in Chemistry.”

“For fucks sake…” Shaun muttered, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. He considered getting up and leaving the room, but he tended to at least listen to what Eli had to say. He was one of the only people who seemed to care about him, even though Ruth must have as well. Most people didn’t bitch at you unless they gave a shit.

“I won’t lecture you,” Eli said, which was practically music to Shaun’s ears, but then he had to go and ruin it by doing just that. “But you’ve got to clean up your act, Shaun. It tears Ruthie up every time she hears about you getting into trouble. You know what it reminds her of.”

“That’s not my fault!” Shaun cried. He almost threw his cereal at the damned TV. “Tell her to fucking forget about him if it bothers her so much. I fucking have.”

“Shaun…”

“Fuck you. I don’t have to listen to this.” Shaun stood up and stomped to the kitchen. He dumped his breakfast into the sink. “I’m going out!” he yelled before he escaped out the front door.

His guitar was in the garage. It was the only place Ruth allowed him to play. Shaun grabbed the case and amp and dragged the whole lot of it to Eli’s beat up Ford. He shoved everything in the back and climbed in. As always, the keys were in the ignition. Shaun started the shitty car, backed out onto the road, slammed the car into drive, and gunned it to 60.

It was quite a drive to Will’s house, almost forty-five minutes away in the next town. Will was the lead singer of Execute Invasion, Shaun’s band. They normally practiced every Saturday, unless they had a gig, then they’d find other days of the week to practice. Technically, practice didn’t start until sometime after six since Will tended to get drunk Friday nights. Danny had a kid to take care of and Ben had a girlfriend to please. Shaun hated his bandmates with varying degrees of intensity but would have rather been there practicing with them than at school or at home with his grandparents.

He loved music. More than anything. It was the one thing that never disappointed or let him down. It was brutal and awesome, and he felt untouchable when he was playing.

That effect was multiplied when he had someone decent to play with. The band, for example, were all pretty good. He was the best skill wise, or at least he liked to think so. The others were all getting up there in age. They had day jobs.

Will, the second youngest at twenty-nine, was the only one who’d had some sort of success. He’d been a lead singer in another band about five years ago. They’d gotten signed to a small, but respectable label and they’d toured around the country for a few years. Eventually, the constant touring got to the young band. Will overdosed on a cocktail of drugs and had spent half a year in rehab. As they grew more and more out of control, they started to lose money, gigs, fans, left and right. Before long, the label dropped them and the whole thing just fell apart.

When he was really drunk, Will sometimes talked about how good the old days were. It was pretty sad, and Shaun had definitely had his doubts about hooking up with the washed-up singer, but like Shaun had told Jesse, there really weren’t a lot of death metal bands around. And most of them weren’t hiring anyway.

So, he stuck with the washed-up has-beens, because getting paid to play guitar was a pretty sweet deal and he liked playing either way, so why not.

Will’s front door was open, so Shaun went right in.

He’d cooled down on the ride over, but he thought a beer or maybe something a little stronger would mellow him out a bit more.

“Hey,” Shaun said as he passed Will on his way into the kitchen. Will had a shitty house, a little one-bedroom deal with an attached heated garage that they used as a practice space. He was slumped on the couch, half awake, watching porn.

“What are you doing here?” Will asked groggily. He was half naked, only a stained pair of briefs covering him. He scratched his hairy stomach. “Practice isn’t for like…two hours.”

“I had to get out of there,” Shaun grunted in reply. He returned to the living room with a can of beer he’d swiped from the refrigerator.

Will huffed. He knew just enough about Shaun’s home life to know it was better not to ask questions. He reluctantly moved over, making room for Shaun to sit on the sagging couch.

There were two girls on the TV, both blondes, getting fucked up the ass by an enormous black cock.

“I fucked a groupie like that once,” Will said after several minutes of silence, interrupted only by the sounds of sex. “Not the one with the little tits…that one.” The older man pointed to the blonde with slightly larger breasts and smiled, slow and sleazy like. “Yeah…her.”

“Oh yeah?” Shaun wasn’t all that interested. He’d heard numerous stories of Will’s past lays and had never been all that interested to begin with.

“Yeah. Just wait until we’re big enough to have groupies… Maybe we can get you laid.” Will sniggered at his own joke while Shaun continued to glare at the TV. He drained his beer in a single gulp and got up for another.

“Tsk, don’t drink it all, kid. Unless you wanna pay for some for once.”

“Whatever.” Shaun huffed. He got another drink.

Hanging out with Will wasn’t exactly a fun experience. He either insisted on talking about himself or making lame jokes at Shaun’s expense.

At first it pissed Shaun off royally and he was itching to hit the smug asshole in the face, but after a couple beers, he didn’t care anymore.

Luckily, before too long, Will disappeared into the back to take a shower and get dressed. Shaun took the opportunity to raid Will’s pantry for food.

Eventually, the other guys showed up.

“What’s up, man,” Ben greeted as he came in. He glanced around the dim living room then took a seat next to Shaun on the couch. He thumped him on the back in a friendly way.

“Same old shit,” Shaun said back, smiling slightly. Ben was his favorite band member and the only person he could really call a friend. They didn’t have much in common besides the band and similar tastes in music, and the only time they ever hung out was during practice and when the band went out together, but he was a nice guy.

“Tell me about it. At least you don’t have a girlfriend nagging your ear off,” Ben said before launching into another horror story involving his girlfriend, her parents, and the approaching wedding. That’s right. Shaun kept forgetting he was engaged now.

“Don’t get married,” Will said, as he reappeared from the other room. “Women are nothing but trouble.”

“They fuck with the music,” Shaun added.

“Damn right they do,” Will said enthusiastically. “That’s why I let young Shaun here play instead of that other fuck head, Hank. Shaun won’t be getting a girl anytime soon.” He laughed, once again making fun of Shaun and his limited prowess with the ladies.

“Dude, lay off, OK,” Ben said, sending Shaun an apologetic look.

“Fuck you,” Shaun said absently. He fucked girls. Maybe not as many as Will had, the man had been in a headlining band, for fucks sake! And maybe not as much as Ben…or Danny…but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been with any girls. He’d had sex before, he reassured himself.

“Hiya douchebags.” Danny strolled in, late as usual. “We gonna practice or what?”

As they set up in the garage Will told them about their gig next Saturday. They were playing another crappy bar and were being paid very little, but apparently Will had a deal with the owner, and they could have as many drinks as they liked afterward. The owner must not know how much they could put away. Will alone could outdrink the rest of the band, and they were no slouches when it came to alcohol.

“We’ll practice on Friday then,” Will said decisively. He’d put a shirt on and ran his fingers through his longish-brown hair. He was attractive when he tried, which always got them a few pleased looks from the girls in the audience. But usually when they started playing it was a different story. Will didn’t have the best voice for death metal, it was definitely loud, but it was a little too screechy to do anything but clash disharmoniously with the music.

“Shit, man. I’m supposed to have Connor Friday night,” Danny said from behind his drum kit. “Can we practice earlier?”

“Fuck you and your fucking kid,” Will groused, receiving a raised eyebrow from Danny. Will sighed. “How early?”

“I don’t know. Before he gets out of school.”

“I’ve got school,” Shaun reminded them, pissed they never seemed to remember he was still in high school.

“Give it up dude, your never gonna get out of that place.” Danny poked his drumstick in Shaun’s direction. “You should drop out already. I could get you a job at Wal-Mart.”

Ben rolled his eyes at the old conversation but didn’t butt in. His long fingers plucked restlessly at the strings of his bass.

“I can be here early,” Shaun grunted just to get Danny to shut up.

“Fine. Now let’s get to it” Will glared at the other band members and all talk stopped. They began to play.

The band went through the entire set list three times. It felt good to be playing again. They all sounded reasonably good for a band playing in a garage, but the normal level of calm didn’t come to him today. For some reason when Shaun threw his head back, eyes closed, nimble fingers dancing along the fretboard, his mind wasn’t as blissfully clear as it usually was when he was immersed in his music.

Jesse’s round, freckled face appeared in his mind’s eye. Full pink lips curving around a smile, that ridiculous red hair of his mussed and sticking up in the back, his blue eyes warm.

For once, Shaun was glad when practice was over, and when Will offered to take everyone out to the bar a few blocks away, he eagerly agreed.

They all got a booth in the back of the perpetually dark bar. The seats were made of cheap plastic and the table was sticky with old beer. Will ordered several rounds in quick succession and Shaun allowed himself to get completely wasted within the hour.

Something was wrong with him. Why couldn’t he get Jesse out of his head. Maybe he needed to bleed some more to force him out. It had worked last night. His sleep had been deep and without the pesky interruption of dreams.

At least he was a quiet drunk, and he was able to keep his troubles to himself. Most of them.

“You OK?” Ben asked once Will and Danny had gone to the bar. They were chatting up some slutty looking girls. “You’re acting…different.” Ben said.

“What?” He was acting different? How was he acting different? Shaun looked around as if there would be a precise list somewhere. Besides the whole, constantly thinking and obsessing over a random red-haired boy, he didn’t think he was acting any differently.

Ben didn’t seem to know what it was about Shaun that was different either, because he only shrugged. “You’re not letting Will get to you again, are you?” Shaun sneered at the mention of the lead singer even though he’d been sitting amicably next to him for the past two hours. “Don’t fuck him up again, dude, I really need the money from this next gig. It’s not much, but weddings are expensive.”

“I’m not gonna beat ‘im up,” Shaun growled.

Surprisingly, that didn’t seem to make Ben feel any better. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink so much,” he pointed out.

“Fuck…you.”

Ben sighed. “Just trying to help.” This wasn’t the first time Shaun had insisted on being stubborn. They’d all learned early on not to push the sullen teenager’s buttons when he didn’t want to be bothered. It never ended well for anyone. So, Shaun watched bleary eyed as Ben gave up on him and leaned back in the booth with his arms crossed.

Unfortunately for Danny and Will, they were both too drunk to be picking up girls and after multiple rejections they were thrown out of the bar. The four of them stumbled back to Will’s house for lack of anything better to do.

The rest of the night was a blur. Shaun remembered watching more porn with the guys before Angela, Ben’s girlfriend, showed up and dragged the bassist out of the house. She was yelling up a storm and threatened to call off the wedding.

He remembered Will telling the story about the time he got busted for sneaking cocaine over the border. He and Danny laughed and laughed.

Danny whipped out a joint after that.  He promised it was “just” weed, but it made Shaun’s head spin. He ended up puking all over the floor twenty minutes after smoking.

The last thing he remembered was Will and Danny arguing drunkenly over who was going to clean it up. He passed out on the couch before they could decide.

There was still puke on the floor when Shaun woke up the next day. He narrowly avoided stepping in it on his way to the bathroom.

About 50 percent of the time he ended up crashing at Will’s place Saturday night. The only time he didn’t stay was when Will and Danny found girls for the night. It was always awkward sitting around and waiting for them to finish fucking some random chick.

Once, Will had convinced a random pickup to fuck him and knowing he’d be teased mercilessly if he didn’t, Shaun had agreed. Having two other guys watch him lose his virginity with a girl so drunk she had passed out right in the middle had been humiliating. It hadn’t even felt good. He tried to avoid a repeat performance ever since it had happened.

Shaun threw up in the toilet. His head ached and his mouth was dry and scratchy. He felt miserably sick inside. He needed beer. Hair of the dog and all that. So, after he grabbed a few towels to throw over the mess he’d made on the floor, he went into the kitchen to get more alcohol. It was the only way he knew of to get rid of hangovers.

Danny was gone and Will was asleep in his bedroom. Shaun hung out for a while, watching TV and drinking. Eventually Will stumbled out of his room. He looked surprised to see Shaun sprawled out in his living room.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be, man?” Will prodded.

Shaun shrugged.

“Well, if you’re going to hang around, at least clean this shit up.” Will nodded toward the towel-covered vomit on the floor. Then he slipped into the bathroom. Realizing now was probably the best time to leave, Shaun mustered up the energy to drive the forty-five minutes back to his house.

By the time he got home it was dinnertime. Eli and Ruth sat at the table, in the midst of another roast. Shaun had grabbed something to eat at the drive-through on the way back, so he wasn’t hungry. He stalked past his grandparents.

“So nice of you to drop-in,” Ruth bitched.

Shaun totally ignored her. He stomped to his room and slammed the door behind him. He turned on his music and cranked it up loud. He had sulking down to an art. Brooding, slamming doors, and playing obnoxiously loud music was his forte.

Doubly irritated, he noticed signs Ruth had been poking around in his room again. That awful flowery smell she liked to spray around the house permeated the air. The bed was freshly made, and the piles of clothes on the floor had been washed and put away. The bloody sheet was gone.

Shaun sat on the edge of his bed. He suddenly felt exhausted. He’d been lying around all day, but he’d never felt more tired.

There was a knock on his door.

“Shaun?” Eli’s voice drifted from the hall. “Aren’t you hungry?”

He didn’t answer. He stared blankly at the wall.

Now that he was back home, he realized how stupid he was being. He’d spent the entire weekend trying to forget about Jesse, to drown his sunny face from his thoughts with alcohol and various illegal substances. Even worse, Shaun knew Jesse hadn’t thought about him once the entire weekend. He knew with a bone deep certainty Jesse had spent time with his new friends and had enjoyed it immensely.

“Shaun, can I come in?” Eli asked. He jiggled the door handle.

“Leave me alone,” Shaun snapped. He wasn’t in the mood for company. His thoughts hovered around him in a dark and dismal cloud. The alcohol he’d previously consumed was making everything worse. Nausea overtook him. He felt like throwing up again.

“You know I can’t do that Shaun. We…we all need to sit down and have a talk,” Eli said through the door. “I’m coming in—”

Feeling a spike of white-hot anger erupt from deep inside him, Shaun leapt to his feet. He crossed the room in two steps and jerked the door open.

Eli stood in the hall. His arm outstretched.

Shaun got in his face. “If you don’t leave me the fuck alone, I swear to god I’ll murder you!” He yelled, a bit of spittle landing on his bottom lip.

Eli shrunk back. “Son—”

“I’m not your fucking son!” Shaun screamed. His nostrils flared, his eyes burned with fury. He kicked the door shut in Eli’s face, stormed over to the stereo and turned the music all the way up.

The music tore through Shaun’s body like a knife through tissue paper. For once, he wasn’t enjoying the riffs of the guitar and the pounding beat of the drum. He wasn’t about to turn it down though. He shuffled to the bed and fell across the mattress, limp, totally zapped of energy. He curled up on the bed and let himself wallow in his misery.

He was pathetic. A disgusting freak who had no business being alive. He hated himself. He wished for the umpteenth time that he was dead.

That’d show all those stuck up pussies at school.

Instead of slitting his wrists and letting himself bleed to death like he so often thought about, he pulled out his stash of weed and smoked the last it. He made a mental note to talk to Kyle tomorrow.

Eventually, he fell asleep.

“It’s time for school.”

Shaun was roused from a deep sleep by the sound of Ruth’s voice. He was face down in bed, drooling slightly, one leg hanging off the mattress. He rolled to his side and peered up at his grandma. She stood at the foot of the bed. Her arms folded sternly.

“I know what you’ve been up to,” she hissed. “You need to pray for forgiveness.”

Shaun grunted and rubbed his face against the bedsheet. It was too early for this shit.

“I won’t let you turn out like your father,” Ruth continued in her doom and gloom voice. “You’re going to school today. And you’re coming to church with me Wednesday. You won’t turn into a delinquent…at least not while I’m around.”

“Grandma—”

“Take a shower, put some clean clothes on and comb your hair, Shaun. I have breakfast ready for you.” Ruth threw her grandson a heated look then she left the room.

Rolling his eyes, Shaun got up and went to the bathroom to piss. He had another hangover, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been the day before. He sniffed under his arms as he stood in front of the toilet. He didn’t smell too bad, so he skipped the shower. He scratched his fingers through his tangled, frizzy hair but that only made it worse. He didn’t bother changing his clothes. They were basically clean.

Ruth didn’t comment when he came into the kitchen looking exactly the same. She set a glass of orange juice on the table next to a plate of scrambled eggs and toast.

“Not hungry,” he said simply, though he did grab the juice. It tasted better than morning breath anyway.

Looking displeased, Ruth handed Shaun his lunch and his bag. “I’d better not get another call from the school,” she said.

Shaun grit his teeth. He snatched his bag from Ruth and stuffed the lunch inside. He finished the juice, got up and stormed out of the house.

“Fucking bullshit,” he cursed under his breath. Outside, he paced the length of the driveway, anxious to get the day started. He didn’t look toward Jesse’s house. The thought of what he might see sent his nerves into overdrive.

He had to wait about five minutes, but finally, the bus arrived.

His stomach clenched into a knot. His heart hammered in his chest. He crossed the street and shouldered his way onto the bus.

At the top of the stairs, he looked down the aisle.

Jesse waited for him. He smiled and waved enthusiastically.

There was an instant lessening of tension in his gut, but Shaun couldn’t stop his heart from beating like a drum. He edged down the aisle as the bus took off. He was fighting a smile. He bit down on his tongue as hard as he could to stop it.

“Hey!” Jesse chirped, way too fucking excited for a Monday. “Oh…you OK? Your eyes are red.”

Shaun sat in his customary seat at the back of the bus. He shrugged. “Hangover,” he muttered.

“Wow.” Jesse looked impressed. He leapt up, abandoning his bag. Shaun watched him warily as he slid into the seat beside him. “You were drinking on a school night?” Jesse asked.

Shaun blinked. “You’re in my seat.”

“C’mon, let me see,” Jesse said and grudgingly, Shaun turned to face him fully. Jesse touched Shaun’s cheek with the tips of his fingers. He looked deeply into his eyes. Slowly, his lips curved into a devastating smile. “Jeez…how much did you drink last night?”

Shaun knocked Jesse’s hand away, fighting a blush. What was wrong with Jesse anyway? Why did he always insist on looking at him and touching him?

“It was a long weekend,” he said casually, but his heart was all aflutter. He grabbed his thigh over the deep cut and squeezed as hard as he could.

“Really? Mine was boring,” Jesse pouted.

“Liar. You went to a party,” Shaun said.

“Yeah, I did.” Jesse’s hand fell away. He shifted so his shoulder rested against Shaun’s.

Shaun’s instincts told him to shove Jesse away and send him back to his own seat, but Jesse didn’t even notice the small contact. It was like this was a normal occurrence with him. And it really wasn’t such a big deal, Shaun admitted grudgingly. Nobody could see them. Still, he concentrated a little more than was healthy on the feel of Jesse’s arm pressed against his.

“I had to babysit all day Saturday though,” Jesse said glumly. “My mom was pissed I stayed out so late Friday. I think she was punishing me. I mean, there was no reason for her to be out all day long,” he said with an eye roll.  “Then I went to church with Emily and Kenny on Sunday. It was boring, but I guess Kenny’s an asshole when it comes to Emily dating. I wanted to get some face time with him, so he’ll see what a totally nice guy I am.”

“What?” Jesse went to church? And he was already planning to ask Emily out? How much worse could things get?!

“You don’t think I should go out with Emily?” Jesse asked. “I think she’s cute.”

“She’s a fucking bitch,” Shaun growled.

Unexpectedly, Jesse laughed. “She’s not so bad.”

Shaun turned to the window with a huff. Stupid Jesse, ignoring Shaun’s sagely advice. Emily was a preppy whore. Jesse could do better.

“So, are you going to tell me about your weekend now that you’ve gotten to critique mine?” Jesse asked in amusement. He poked Shaun in the ribs to get his attention. It tickled.

Shaun did push him away this time. His nostrils flared with rage. “Why are you so obsessed with what I’m doing all the time?” he asked sharply. He purposefully didn’t think about the weekend he’d spent obsessing over Jesse.

“I already told you. We’re friends.” Jesse poked Shaun again. He grinned when Shaun flinched and tried to stifle a smile. “Does that tickle?”

Shaun slapped his hand away, highly offended. “Quit it,” he hissed. “And we never agreed to be friends.”

“Yes, we did. We said…well you said you ‘guessed’ we could be friends.” Jesse reminded him. “That’s practically an iron clad agreement.”

Shaun sneered. Friends? What a load of shit. He wanted to say it out loud, but when he caught sight of Jesse’s warm blue eyes, his eager smile, he caved.

“If it’s so important to you, I went hunting on Friday, practiced with my band Saturday and spent Sunday drinking and smoking so I wouldn’t have to deal with the hangover from the night before.”

Jesse perked up. “Band practice? That’s awesome. I bet you guys are really good.”

“What the fuck…how do you figure that?” Shaun was flattered, but he had an irrational fear Jesse was only pulling his leg.

“I don’t know. I can’t imagine you sucking at anything you do.”

“Fuck you.” Again, with the flattery. Jesse was treating him like a girl, someone who constantly needed to be fawned over. As revenge, Shaun poked Jesse back. He did it meanly and as roughly as possible, right in the middle of his stomach.

Jesse laughed. “I’m ticklish!” He giggled and flailed around as Shaun poked him several times in rapid succession. Shaun was quickly on the verge of laughter as well. Jesse giggled like a madman and his face was red with exertion. When Jesse threw himself in Shaun’s lap, doubling over with laughter, Shaun withdrew his hand. He glanced around to see if anyone else had noticed their strange behavior, but they were still alone; minus Jesse’s little brother.

The middle-schooler watched them over his shoulder with an eyebrow raised.

Shaun shoved Jesse back to his side of the seat.

“You’re so mean,” Jesse whined, but he seemed to be joking. In fact, when he got his breathing under control, he flashed a brilliant grin in Shaun’s direction. His eyes sparkled with mirth.

“Jesus Christ,” Shaun muttered. He turned toward the window to hide his reddening cheeks.

Jesse leaned his head on Shaun’s shoulder. His fucking shoulder! Like some girl cuddling up to her boyfriend!

“Let’s do something after school, OK?” Jesse said with a dreamy sigh. “If you don’t mind kids, maybe you can come help me babysit.”

“I’m not fucking gay, all right?” Shaun sputtered. Fuck, Jesse was coming onto him, wasn’t he!

“Ah… OK. Who said you were?”

Shaun glared at him. “You’re all fucking over me!” He was embarrassed he had to point it out.

“Oh.” Jesse blinked. He sat up slowly until they were no longer touching.

Shaun scowled and looked away. He could feel his cheeks getting hot again. He regretted saying anything, and he didn’t know why. He wasn’t gay. He was straight! He didn’t need some redheaded boy laying all over him.

“Sorry,” Jesse muttered. “I’m used to hanging out with my little brother. He’s always climbing in your lap and shit.”

A little weirded out by that comment, Shaun glanced up toward the front of the bus where Jesse’s little brother was talking with two little middle school girls, Natasha and Maggie. The kid didn’t look young enough to be climbing in anyone’s lap. As he was surveying Jesse’s little brother, who’s name he’d forgotten, he noticed Kenny and Emily and their little gang sitting in their usual seats near the front. Sometime during Shaun’s and Jesse’s rousing conversation, they’d gotten on the bus.

Kenny and Rick glared daggers at Shaun. Emily watched her precious little Jesse with an unhealthy longing. None of them looked happy.

Shaun leered at them. For once, he’d beaten those stuck up brats, and he hadn’t even been trying.

“So…do you want to come over tonight?”

“What?” Shaun was pulled back to the conversation with a jolt.

“Do you wanna hang out after school?” Jesse asked.

“I ah…” Shaun stalled. He didn’t know what to say. Jesse was still acting like a fag and Shaun definitely wasn’t into that, but he also wanted very much to hang out with him, if he was being completely honest with himself. Nobody bothered to try to get close to him. Even his bandmates only did it out of familiarity and necessity. Jesse had no such obligations, but he still wanted to be Shaun’s friend. Shaun was still aware it wasn’t healthy to be sneaking around, spying on Jesse and then spending an entire weekend, drunk, trying to keep his thoughts from running over him again and again. But something clicked into place. For once, Shaun would take a chance.

“I mean,” Jesse hedged. “I can’t imagine watching me babysit sounds fun—”

“I’ll come over, I guess.”

Jesse grinned. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said with a shrug.

“Great! We could…we could play X-box or watch TV or—”

“Or whatever.” Shaun was a little disturbed by Jesse’s eagerness, but he was pleased as well. He couldn’t remember a time when someone had been excited to be with him.

“Yeah or whatever.” Jesse bounced with excitement. He grinned and Shaun couldn’t help it, he cracked a smile, too.

The anguish Shaun had put himself through over the weekend melted away. All that was left was an unbearable longing for the day to hurry up and be over with. He wanted to hang out with his stupid, stubbornly attached new friend.

Shaun’s first class were largely uneventful. He sat through English, pleased with the hateful looks he got from Kenny. The jock seemed to be under the impression that Jesse had abandoned him in favor of Shaun.

Shaun wished that was the case, but Jesse had mentioned the party he’d gone to with Kenny and Emily when he and Shaun stopped at their lockers before first period. He’d also brought up Kyle and his dank weed, which reminded Shaun about his dwindled pot supplies. He decided he’d need to talk to Kyle before he went to Jesse’s house that night.

Miss Stevens was harping on about poetry again and Shaun, bored by her speech, carved the word bitch onto his desktop for lack of anything better to do.

Science class brought a marked improvement. Jesse’s eyes lit up when he walked in and spotted Shaun at their usual table. Shaun didn’t let it show, but he was pleased to see him, too. He almost did something stupid, like smile.

“Hey there.” Jesse sat beside him.

Shaun grunted a greeting.

When class started, Mr. Barnes began his lecture without preamble. Jesse immediately passed Shaun a note.

It wasn’t anything significant, just some silly ramblings about math class and how Jesse didn’t like that snob Jordan. Shaun read the note, pleased with himself. Jesse had spent their hour apart storing up things to tell him. He took out a pencil and added a couple lines about his English class.

Mr. Barnes looked their way a few times, but he never caught them passing notes.

When class ended, Jesse put his book away in slow motion. “So… Are you sure you don’t want to sit at my table during lunch?” He seemed to be stalling for time. He closed his notebook and held it to his chest, watching Shaun intently.

“Fuck no.” Shaun spat. He couldn’t believe Jesse would even ask.

“I just…” Jesse said. He put his notebook away and zipped his bag up. “Never mind.” He shook his head and Shaun scowled at him.

Great. Jesse was already tired of choosing between Shaun and his other friends.

How long would it take before Jesse got it through his head Shaun and the other kids just didn’t mix? How long before he gave up and Shaun was alone again?

Shaun swung his bag over his shoulder and stormed out of the room. He was pissed off and irritated. He was always alone. He didn’t have friends. He should have known Jesse would get tired of him. He elbowed his way through the crowded hallway, eager to start the inevitable demise of his only friendship.

A hand wrapped around his forearm.

“Hey, wait up,” Jesse called.

Shaun stopped in the middle of the hall. Jesse stood behind him, his eyes brimming with concern. Shaun sneered and tore his arm out of Jesse’s grip. “What?”

Jesse pressed his hand to his chest as if he’d been wounded. “I’ll see you later, right?” he asked softly.

Shaun huffed. He was overreacting and people were watching them. “I said I’d come over, didn’t I?” he snapped. He gestured for Jesse to follow him.

“Well… I’m just making sure,” Jesse said in exasperation. “I mean, I won’t get to talk to you for the rest of the day, right?”

“Fuck off,” Shaun said halfheartedly.

Jesse had been right, of course. Shaun kept his distance once Jesse rejoined his friends. When history ended, Jesse left with Emily. He met Shaun’s eyes from across the room, but he didn’t try to approach him.

But Shaun wasn’t upset.

When lunch rolled around, he watched Jesse and his admirers with a numb acceptance. He ignored Kenny’s triumphant look. He obviously had no idea Jesse had invited Shaun to his house after school. Shaun was invited…not Kenny, and that utterly nullified the jock’s smug self-assurance.

Gym was more of the same. Shaun could tell Jesse wanted to talk to him, but he was easily distracted by Eric and Kenny and another round of kickball, which Shaun wasn’t allowed to participate in

When Shaun finished his classes for the day, he stopped by Kyle’s locker.

He was alone, rummaging through some papers.

“Hey.”

Kyle turned. His lips curved into lusty smile. “Hey sugar. Is there something I can do for you?”

He always asked that. And he always smiled in that sly and disgusting way Shaun had long ago realized was supposed to be flirty. If Shaun didn’t like Kyle’s weed so much, he would have castrated the sick fuck years ago.

“You know what I want.” Shaun crossed his arms.

“Well, you know I don’t have it here,” Kyle said with amusement. “I’ll bring you some after school, OK, big boy?”

Shaun grunted.

Kyle was an interesting breed. Not only was he a closet gay and a drug dealer, he was also a conniving snake.

Their mutual history started in middle school when Shaun had first bought some green. After a few successful transactions, Kyle had struck up a cautious friendship between them.

Shaun had been naïve. He’d been glad to meet someone who didn’t regard him with fear and disgust. He’d welcomed Kyle’s friendship with…well…a little less hostility than he had Jesse’s. Honestly, he may have been naïve, but he’d never been trusting.

While they were friends, they didn’t talk much outside school.

They met on the bleachers after school once, maybe twice a week to talk and smoke. It wasn’t a big deal. Before too long, however, Kyle confined some heavy secrets about his home life. And all at once, the meetups after school weren’t so casual.

Kyle told Shaun he and his stepdad had sex whenever his mom wasn’t home. He told Shaun how he liked to get high and have several of his stepdad’s such-inclined friends gang bang him. Kyle told him he loved cock and that he was a raving homosexual.

Shaun had totally disgusted by the things Kyle told him, who wouldn’t have been? But Shaun hadn’t had the best childhood himself, so he tried not to judge.

Like a good friend, Shaun had kept Kyle’s secret.

They continued to meet after school, though Kyle was busy at home most the time, doing things Shaun was happy not to know about.

Shaun kept waiting for Kyle to ask him about his secrets, the ones all the kids, even the adults, whispered about behind his back, but he never did.

And soon Shaun realized that it was because Kyle wasn’t interested in what Shaun had to say. In fact, it was what Shaun wasn’t interested in saying that had caught Kyle’s attention.

One day, Kyle had asked Shaun to fuck him.

Shaun had been embarrassed and frankly disgusted by his so-called friend’s casual offer of sex. Especially after all the things Kyle had told him, Shaun would never put his dick anywhere near the other boy.

Shaun had vehemently refused, thinking that’d be the end of it, but Kyle had become enraged.

“Nobody likes you,” Kyle had told him outright. “You should be grateful I’d even want to touch you.”

He’d threatened to tell everybody Shaun was a faggot and that he’d tried to rape him, which was ironic as that was basically what Kyle was trying to do to Shaun.

Kyle had friends. He was popular—well, more popular than Shaun—and his dealer brother protected him .

People liked Kyle.

And he was right. Nobody liked Shaun. No one was going to believe him if he told the truth.

Finding out that the only reason anyone had ever wanted him, in any capacity, was because he couldn’t tell was humbling. Shaun didn’t want to be known as a faggot, but he’d still refused. He chose to be known as the town faggot rather than be Kyle’s secret sex toy. But Kyle had never followed through with his threat.

Shaun was hurt. He’d become embittered by the whole thing. He’d tried to stay far away from Kyle, but after a few months of not speaking, Shaun had crawled back to him, looking to buy.

Thus, the mocking flirtation and the silly name calling had started. It grated on Shaun’s nerves, but he put up with it. It was that or live a sober life.

The memory pissed Shaun off. He was almost glad for the long walk home. Shaun listened to his music and distracted himself by wondering what Jesse had planned for the night.

Whatever they did, at least he knew Jesse would appreciate the pot.

Shaun got home before the bus went past. He’d walked faster than usual, eager to get home so he could go to Jesse’s house. He had to wait in the garage until it was safe.

“Shaun?”

Ruth’s voice came from the back of the house.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Shaun tracked his grandma to the master bedroom. She sat on the bed, patching a hole on a pair of Eli’s work pants.

“How was your day?”

Shaun shrugged. “Wonderful.”

“No trouble?”

“None.”

“Good.” Ruth peered at him. “You’re to stay inside today. I don’t want you out there doing God knows what.”

“I’m going to my friend’s house today,” Shaun said, his eyes narrowing to slits.

Ruth responded in kind. “Is that so?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t make me ground you, young man,” Ruth said. The two of them glared at each other.

“Fuck off,” Shaun sneered. He turned on his heel and darted across the hall to his room.

“You come back here, you little shit!” Ruth yelled after him, but they both knew he wouldn’t. She didn’t even come after him.

Shaun dumped his bag in the corner and went to crouch next to his bed. He felt around underneath it, looking for his box.

Feeling the hard edge of the metal, Shaun yanked it out and flipped the lid.

Every cent he owned resided in the box. Money from playing gigs and from doing some odds and ends around the house. There was even a little left over from his parents. A meager inheritance his grandparents had been kind enough to hand his way.

He pulled out sixty.

“Shaun?” Ruth knocked sharply on the door. “I don’t want you going out!”

But Shaun ignored her. He shoved the box back under his bed then rushed to the window. He twisted the latch and pushed it open.

“Shaun!”

“Leave me alone!” Shaun yelled after his grandmother. He vaulted out the window and down into the bushes below.

Ruth didn’t follow him despite her determination to keep him inside. Shaun snuck around the house to wait by the road. He sat in the grass beside the dusty road. 

It took a while for Kyle to show up. He got to watch the elementary school bus go past. But eventually Kyle’s old Cadillac came rumbling down the road, pulling partway into Shaun’s driveway.

“What are you doing out here?” Kyle got out of his car. He peered at Shaun over the hood.

“Waiting.” Shaun stood and up and dusted his jeans off. “Give me the usual.”

“Well, right to business then,” Kyle said with a smirk. He leaned across the seat to access the glove box. When he returned, he had a baggie of merchandise.

“Do you have some papers too?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow, but pulled some rolling papers off the dash. Once Kyle had everything on the hood of the car, Shaun snatched it up and left the money behind.

“Always nice doing business with you, sweetie.” Kyle batted his eyes. He smoothly pocketed the cash.

“Yeah,” Shaun grunted. He rolled the baggie up and shoved it in his back pocket. He nodded wordlessly then started the trek to Jesse’s.

“Where are you going?” Kyle called after him. “Need a ride?”

“No,” Shaun said easily, continuing down the road. He thought he was off the hook when he heard Kyle get back into his car and back up, but when the Cadillac pulled up beside him and Kyle rolled down the window, grinning across the empty passenger seat at him, Shaun scowled.

“I know where you’re going,” Kyle said, sounding smug. “You’re going to the new kid’s house. Aren’t you?”

“So, what if I am?”

Kyle smiled. “Get in, honey.”

“For fuck’s sake…” Shaun got in the car. He slammed the door as hard as he possibly could. “Happy now?!” He crossed his arms tightly across his chest.

“Very.” Kyle grinned. His eyes were half lidded and full of something that made Shaun distinctly uncomfortable.

It was a short ride to Jesse’s house. It was barely a mile away. But Kyle drove under the speed limit, irritating Shaun with how obviously he was stretching out their shared time together. He kept quiet, though he wanted to reach across the seat and strangle the conniving little faggot. He sat stiffly in his seat. His hands wedged under his arms.

“So, you’ve got a new friend?” Kyle asked at last. They were almost there. Shaun could see Jesse’s house several yards ahead. He could have gotten out of the car and walked, ran maybe, but now he had to answer Kyle. He didn’t want him thinking he was afraid.

“What’s it to you?” Shaun snarled.

Kyle shrugged. “Nothing. You’re a likeable guy,” he said sweetly. “I mean, I like you.”

“Whatever,” Shaun sneered.

“I’m just wondering why it’s OK for him to like you but it’s not OK if I do.”

Shaun laughed harshly. “Well, you’re a gay whore and Jesse isn’t—”

“That’s not fair. You don’t know anything about Jesse. He could be trying to lure you in before he makes his move.”

Shaun felt this was highly unlikely. Nobody liked him. Not even Kyle liked him. He was just desperate for someone to treat him like a whore.

“Fuck you. He’s into Emily.” It made him sick to bring it up, but it was true. The very thought of Jesse and Emily becoming one of those nauseating couples he saw kissing in the halls infuriated him.

“I didn’t think you were so gullible,” Kyle drawled. “You believed that?”

Shaun lunged across the seat and grabbed a fistful of Kyle’s shirt. The car jerked sharply to the right and tore through a patch of gravel and grass. Kyle eyes bugged out of his stupid face. He slammed on the brakes before they went into the ditch.

“Stay out of my business,” Shaun spat in his face. “The only reason I haven’t slit your throat is because you have good weed. Don’t make me change my fucking mind.”

Kyle swallowed. He jerked his head up and down mechanically. Shaun let him go, gave him one last piercing look, then got out of the car. Kyle didn’t waste any time. He backed up in the middle of the road and drove off.

As Shaun crept up Jesse’s front walk, he started to have second thoughts. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he should go home, make up an excuse and apologize. But no.

He remembered how good it had felt that morning to have all of Jesse’s attention on him. He hated himself but he wanted to feel that again. He just hoped he’d be able to handle all the undivided attention.

Still feeling uncertain, Shaun knocked on the door.

After a long minute of waiting, Shaun raised his fist to knock again. He was already having second, second thoughts and was wondering how long he should wait for a reply when the door opened.

A little red-haired boy stood in the doorway. Shaun blinked in surprise. He looked so much like Jesse, he thought for one crazy moment Jesse must have magically shrunk himself.

“Who are you?” The boy asked, looking up at Shaun with open curiosity. Well, that solved that then. The little boy wasn’t Jesse after all.

“Shaun.” He said curtly.

He was deeply uncomfortable. He’d never been around a little kid before. He had no idea how to act. He hadn’t realized Jesse had any other siblings besides the one he saw everyday on the bus. Though he supposed it made sense Jesse had another little brother. The one on the bus had to be at least twelve years old, surely old enough to look out for himself for a few hours after school.

“Oh hey!” Jesse swept into the living room, grinning from ear to ear. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you knocking.” He nudged the little boy out of the way and ushered Shaun inside.

“It’s OK,” Shaun said. He made a furtive attempt to scan the room. Jesse’s house was nicer than his, though most of the general furnishings were only of moderate quality. It kind of bothered him that Jesse’s family had more money than his.

“Who’s he?” Another voice spoke up. Shaun whirled around and spotted another little red-headed kid hopping down the stairs. The girl was the same age as the boy. In fact, they might have been twins. Jesus! How many kids did Jesse’s parents have?

Jesse drummed his fingertips together, looking somewhat lost. When he caught the questioning look on Shaun’s face, he relaxed and launched into introductions.

“These are the twins, Allison and Tyler.” Both already looked bored with the proceedings. Allison waved half-heartedly. Tyler rounded the couch and took threw himself into the cushions. “And that’s Sam.” Jesse pointed at the other end of the couch. The very top of a red head could be seen peeking over the back. “Say ‘hi’ you guys!” he ordered.

There was a chorus of ‘hello’s. Shaun fidgeted with his shirt sleeves. He didn’t want anyone to look at him.

Jesse chewed lip. He had a moment of indecision, but then his face brightened considerably.

“We should play Guitar Hero.”

“Not again,” Sam cried from the couch. He didn’t bother to look away from the violent cartoon on the TV.

“I want to play!” Allison rushed to the entertainment center. She changed the TV into video mode, much to Sam’s annoyance, and got the Xbox up and running.

Jesse smiled at his little sister. He collected guitar controllers from a moving box.

“Here.” He gave one to Shaun and took the other, sliding the strap over his shoulder and standing in front of the TV as the game’s screen came up.

“I’ve never played this before,” Shaun said sourly as he followed Jesse’s example.

“Well, you should be awesome at it, right? It’s a guitar.”

Shaun shrugged. If that’s all it was, he shouldn’t have any problems. But then again, there weren’t any strings on the plastic guitar. There were colored buttons and a flip switch.

“What the fuck—” Shaun muttered, wrenching an obnoxious laugh from Tyler.

“Fuck!” he giggled.

“Shut up, little baby.” Sam snapped at the younger boy.

Jesse hit Shaun in the arm with his controller. “You gotta watch what you say in front of the kids,” he hissed, like Shaun should have already known that.

“Sorry,” Shaun grunted. He wished the kids would go away already.

“Wanna pick a song?” Jesse asked. He scrolled through a list of lame songs.

Shaun made a face.

“Play Ed Sheeran,” Allison cried from her place on the couch.

“I hate that song,” Tyler whined. “Do Rage Against the Machine.”

“Naw, we’re going to play Pantera.”

“They suck,” Sam said, but Jesse picked it anyway. Shaun was surprised Jesse had remembered he listened to Pantera, but the surprise vanished as soon as the song came on and “notes” started flying past.

Shaun tried. He did! It wasn’t like he’d never played a video game before, but he preferred real life, as shitty as it was, to some fantasy made up crap. And this was fucking crap.

“You have to press the buttons and the strummer at the same time to play a note,” Jesse said over the sound of Shaun fucking up the song.

Shaun scowled. “Fuck you.” He looked down at his hands, playing with the buttons. By this point, he’d completely forgot about the kids copying his crude language with gusto. “This isn’t like guitar at all.”

“Dude!” Jesse nudged him with his hip. “Watch your mouth.” But the warning fell flat. Jesse was laughing too hard to do much admonishing.

“Go fuck yourself,” Shaun muttered darkly. This game was stupid, and Jesse’s little siblings were laughing at him. He didn’t know why they had to play a stupid game. Why couldn’t they get high?

When the song finished Shaun wanted to quit, but Jesse convinced him to try again. He turned the game on easy and spent a few minutes teaching Shaun how to play, much to everyone’s amusement.

After three songs, Shaun could at least play on easy, but he’d had enough.

He took the guitar controller off, resisting the urge to throw it on the ground. The little girl snatched it from him.

“You suck,” she said, setting off her twin again.

“He stinks too,” Tyler loudly agreed.

Shaun glared hatefully at the little brats. He was no match for the look Jesse gave them.

“Don’t you guys have any manners?” Jesse cried. “Why don’t you two go to your room until you can be nice.”

“No!” Allison stomped her little foot.

“Go upstairs or I’ll tell Mom you wouldn’t listen,” Jesse threatened and somehow—even though Shaun would have kicked anyone who threatened him like that in the balls—it seemed to do the trick.

“I hate you!” The twins yelled in unison. But it worked. They went upstairs, bickering back and forth the whole way.

“You too,” Jesse said, turning to Sam.

“What’d I do?!” Sam yelled.

“Nothing. But you’ve had the living room all week. I want to watch TV with my friend.”

“You’re an asshole,” Sam said. He scowled at his brother, but he was already getting up. He passed Shaun, assessing him with a loaded gaze. He followed the twin upstairs.

“Sorry about that.” Jesse said. He sighed and took off his controller.

“It’s OK,” Shaun grumbled. “I don’t like kids. I fucking hate ‘em.”

“Yeah.” Jesse sat on the couch. “You do watch TV right?” He fiddled with the remote.

“I guess.” Shaun sat beside him. He kept a respectable distance between them. “You’d better not try to watch stupid reality shit.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Jesse grinned. He wiggled over so he could elbow Shaun in the ribs and then he left his arm there, resting against Shaun’s side!

Jesse settled on a channel. “Ninja Warrior’s on.”

Shaun barely watched the stupid show. All he could concentrate on was Jesse’s arm resting against his and wondering if maybe Kyle had had a point. Was Jesse hitting on him? He remembered Jesse pulling a similar stunt earlier on the bus. When he’d leaned his head on Shaun’s shoulder and looked up at him with those striking blue eyes.

But it couldn’t be possible.

Nobody like Jesse, someone so normal and attractive, would ever be into Shaun. Even if he was a homosexual, Jesse would have chased after someone else.

And Shaun already knew Jesse was straight. At least he thought so…

“She’s cute,” Jesse smiled slowly as a muscled girl worked her way through the obstacle course. The crowd cheered.

Shaun quirked an eyebrow. “That girl?” The girl on TV was super ripped.

“She looks like one of my ex’s,” Jesse said, staring at the TV. “I mean, in the face! That chick looks like she’s on steroids.”

Shaun grunted.

“My ex was super cute, but also, a total prude. She wouldn’t let me do more than feel her up and we dated for like three months!” Jesse said.

“Wow,” Shaun said blandly. “Sucks to be you.”

Jesse laughed and elbowed him playfully. “Shut up. She gave me the worst case of blue balls. You have no idea,” he said. He rested his arm against Shaun’s again, totally unbothered by the lack of space between them.

Shaun debated whether he should move away or not. He was still thinking about it when the show ended and Jesse started clicking through channels again. He passed a show with a hipster-type smoking a vape pen. It reminded him of the weed in his back pocket.

“Hey.”

“Hmm?” Jesse glanced up from the TV. “What’s that smile for?” He grinned automatically, responding to Shaun’s devious look.

“I bought pot. Wanna smoke?”

Jesse’s face lit up. He bounced on the couch, the TV forgotten. “Fuck yes! This is awesome!”

Shaun pulled the baggie out of his pocket. He opened it so they could smell the bud.

Jesse inhaled. “Nice,” he said.

The sound of keys in the front door ruined the moment.

“Shit.” Jesse grabbed the bag out of Shaun’s hand and stuffed it between the couch cushions. The door opened and a red-haired woman in scrubs entered the living room. She had a squirming baby in her arms.

“Hello, hello,” she called in greeting. Her face was weary. She adjusted the baby on her shoulder in a practiced maneuver. She spotted Jesse and Shaun on the couch and turned in their direction. “Jesse, come take the baby.”

Sighing, Jesse stood and took the crying infant from the woman. The lady in scrubs must have been his mother. And that must mean the baby girl, judging from the pink color of her onesie, was yet another sibling!

And then, another kid, a toddler this time, darted into the room through the woman’s legs. He ran for the TV.

The toddler was different from the other kids, so much so that Shaun wondered if he was maybe someone else’s kid. He saw Shaun on the couch and blinked shyly at him with big blue eyes.

“Hi,” the toddler said cautiously.

“This is Shaun,” Jesse said for his silent friend. “And this is my other sister, Lissa, and my other brother Brian.”

Shaun’s mouth fell agape. Five siblings.

Jesse bounced his little sister sheepishly. “I know. Right?” he muttered. “Nice to meet you Shaun,” Jesse’s mom unloaded the baby bags and breezed into the other room. Shaun heard her rummaging around in what he assumed was the kitchen.

“Jesus,” Shaun hissed when Jesse sat beside him again. “Is your mom a professional whore?”

Jesse snorted. “Don’t be mean.” He gave the baby in his lap a big, goofy smile.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, OK? They don’t need me for long.” Jesse’s mom reappeared from the kitchen. She munched on a granola bar. “I’ll be back tonight.” She waved at the kids and hurried out the front door.

“She’s got work,” Jesse explained.

“Yeah, OK.” Shaun took his weed out of the couch, confident that an infant and a toddler wouldn’t know what it was. He caught Jesse eyeing it longingly, but he put it back in his pocket. He wasn’t doing drugs in front of little kids. Jesse didn’t disagree. At least not verbally.

“I’m Brian,” the little boy said, reintroducing himself. Shaun hadn’t caught his name the first time, and he certainly didn’t get it this time either.

“Yeah.” Shaun attempted a smile but wasn’t surprised when a grimace came out instead. Luckily, the kid didn’t seem to notice.

“Today was art day in my class and we got to draw anything we wanted Wanna see what I made?”

“Ah…”

“Lemme go get it!” The toddler scampered off to get his book bag.

Jesse snorted. “Looks like you made a new friend.”

“Fuck off,” Shaun scowled.

Jesse laughed. He was clearly enjoying Shaun’s palpable discomfort. He stood up, holding the baby on his hip. “I’m going to check on the kiddos upstairs. Can you watch Brian for a minute?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, it’ll just be for a minute,” Jesse promised. “I’ll be right back.”

Well, if he was going to be right back.

“Fine,” he huffed. Jesse grinned at him then when up the stairs, the gurgling baby in tow.

“Look!” The toddler was back, holding a brightly colored picture. He heaved himself up beside Shaun then handed him the drawing.

“Uh, nice job, kid,” Shaun said diplomatically. Kids always drew the shittiest stuff, but Shaun wasn’t an artist either. He was almost at the same art level as Brian.

“This is my Mommy,” he said, pointing out the tallest circular thing with stick arms and legs. You could tell it was a girl from the squiggly lines coming out of the circle’s head region. He’d colored them a flaming red. “And these are the twins,” Brian said and he instantly gained a few points in Shaun’s book for easily making them the stupidest looking people on the page. They had matching buck teeth and swirlies for eyes instead of the black dots everyone else got. “I don’t like them very much,” Brian leaned in to whisper, his blue eyes huge.

“Me neither,” Shaun agreed.

Brian perked up. “And Sammy is here.” He poked a bloated looking circle and laughed.

“Why’d you draw him so fat?” Shaun asked, a little surprised to find he was actually curious.

“‘Cause he’s a fat butt and he ate the last of my Halloween candy this morning!”

Shaun laughed.

“Oh, and I drew Jesse too. He’s the best big brother ever. Don’t you think?”

Shaun shrugged. “Sure.” He didn’t know what kind of brother he was, though he thought Jesse must be a fucking saint to put up with these kids all the damn time. “Where’s your dad?” He asked, hoping to divert attention away from Jesse and discussing how great he was.

“I don’t have a dad,” Brian said sadly. He stroked the picture of his brother.

Shaun felt for the kid. “Sorry,” he said. “I don’t have one either.”

Brian smiled and even though Shaun didn’t like to even think about his dad, he was glad he had if only to cheer the little blond up.

“OK. Sorry.” Jesse swept down the stairs, the baby on his shoulder. “Somebody messed her diaper. Yes, she did!” Jesse baby talked to the little girl. He kissed her wetly on the forehead and the baby smiled and kicked her feet. “Hey Brian? Do you mind if we have mac and cheese for dinner? The twins are hungry.”

Brian seemed pleased with the announcement and bounced around in a very familiar fashion. “Yeah!” He said.

Jesse pulled a red and blue bouncy seat—which Shaun hadn’t noticed until just then—out of an alcove and strapped Lissa in. He flipped the TV to a brainless kids show. “Watch Lissa for me, OK Brian?”

“OK.”

“Can I get a hand?” Jesse asked, turning to Shaun. Cooking was the last thing Shaun wanted to do, but he nodded, his jaw clenched tight, and followed Jesse into the kitchen.

“I have to make three boxes.” Jesse said, grabbing a pan from one of the cabinets and filling it with water. “Everyone’s hungry,” he said.

“How can your Mom expect you to take care of five kids every day?” Shaun blurted as he watched Jesse bustle around the kitchen. He’d never so much as boiled water.

“Now that Sam’s older, he can help out a lot more.” Jesse shrugged, seemingly unbothered by his burden. “It’s not fair of her, but what are you going to do? I love my annoying family. It’s not like I want anyone else to take care of them.”

Shaun sneered. “If my Grandparents made me look after kids, I’d end up murdering them or some shit.”

“You did OK with Brian,” Jesse pointed out.

“I was sitting with him for like five minutes tops.”

“Brian’s sweet. He’s special,” Jesse said with a smile. He took a pack of hotdogs out of the fridge.

“Like retarded special?” Shaun joked.

“No, you asshole. Not retarded.” Jesse playfully punched Shaun as he passed. He got out another pan and filled it with water. “He’s just my favorite little brother, I guess. Even though he’s always annoying me. I love him the most.”

Shaun wasn’t comfortable talking about love and was glad when he spotted Jesse adding the hotdogs to the water.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Hotdogs and mac and cheese,” Jesse said as if Shaun were the stupid one. “Haven’t you ever had it?”

Shaun wrinkled his nose dramatically. “No,” he said. “Sounds disgusting.” And this was from the boy who ate squirrel.

“It’s not bad. You’ll like it.” Jesse laughed. “Now, do you still want to get high?”

“Seriously?” Shaun perked up.

“Sure. I mean, I can’t get completely messed up, but I can get a buzz going, ya know. Mom’ll be home eventually and we can hang out on our own. Go to your house or something.”

“No.” Shaun snapped. “We’ll stay here.”

Jesse shrugged. He poked the waterlogged hotdogs with a fork. “Whatever. But hurry up. I don’t want to do it in front of the kids.”

“Yeah, all right.” Shaun pulled out the weed and broke up one of the buds. He picked out the seeds and sprinkled the green on his rolling paper. Quickly, though very deliberately, he rolled the joint on the kitchen counter.

Jesse looked over his shoulder as he finished. “You got that from Kyle?”

“Yeah. His brother gets the stuff, Kyle just sells it.” Shaun licked the edge and sealed the joint. “He’s a freak.”

Jesse’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “Why do you say that?”

“Because…” Shaun glanced at Jesse, wondering again if he was a fag like Kyle had suggested. He wanted to rant about Kyle, the dirty nasty whore, but now he was thinking it’d be in bad taste.

It wasn’t that he had anything against fags. Not really . It just wasn’t OK for people to think he was gay. They already hated him!

“Yeah? Because why?” Jesse prompted.

Shaun shook his head. “Never mind. Let’s smoke.” He took out his lighter and started to toke up.

“Woah.” Jesse snatched the lighter from his fingers. “Outside,” he said.

They slipped out the sliding glass doors and stood next to the house. Since Jesse still had the flame, Shaun handed him the joint.

Jesse blazed up. He inhaled deeply.

Shaun waited impatiently. He shifted from foot to foot as he watched Jesse enjoy his bud.

“Nice,” Jesse sighed as he released a billow of smoke. He didn’t cough. He seemed to know what he was doing.

“Give me some,” Shaun said. He reached for it.

Jesse ignored his hand. He leaned in close, flipped the joint and carefully pressed it to Shaun’s lips.

Shaun cheeks heated up as Jesse’s fingers brushed his chin. He held the joint between his lips and took a hit.

Jesse took it back when Shaun had a nice lungful. He blazed a second time.

“I thought you weren’t getting wasted,” Shaun said.

“Can’t help it,” Jesse coughed this time. He pounded his chest for good measure. “Fuck, I’d better get back to cooking.”

Shaun snorted. He took the weed from Jesse and let him go back inside. He took a couple puffs on his own, preparing to go back to the chaos with Jesse and the children.

He could feel the weed taking over his mind; it had a calming effect, like water pouring over a raging fire. He snuffed the burning roach with a wet finger and put it carefully in his Ziploc. He hoped it wouldn’t stink too bad.

Back in the kitchen, Jesse added the boxes of macaroni to the boiling water.

“I feel soooo much better,” Jesse said. He giggled as he stirred the pasta.

“You’re high,” Shaun said. “Try to be responsible.” He was joking, but Jesse snapped to attention and gave him a salute.

“Yes, sir!” he cried. “I am 100% capable, sir!”

Shaun snorted. He came a bit closer and peered into the saucepan. The noodles were boiling merrily.

Jesse sighed contentedly. “I’m glad you came over.”

“You’re glad I brought weed.”

“Yeah, but it wouldn’t have been as much fun without you,” Jesse said. He smiled and leaned his head back against Shaun’s shoulder.

Shaun hadn’t realized he was standing so close. He tensed up and held perfectly still. He didn’t know what to do. But for once, he felt very relaxed. Jesse had a shock of red hair over his eyes and Shaun wanted to brush it away. His eyes were so pretty.

Jesse straightened up and went back to cooking. He didn’t mention the intimate moment they’d just shared. He swept it under the rug like it was nothing.

Shaun kept an eye on Jesse as he finished preparing dinner. They were lucky; Jesse’s siblings didn’t notice anything was different. He laughed at everything though and he kept touching Shaun a whole lot.

Shaun was concerned about the “gay” touching, but he was in a good mood. He didn’t let it bother him.

After the kids ate and Jesse fed the baby, they moved into the living room to watch some TV. The twins played with their Nintendo’s on the floor while Brian watched over their shoulders. The baby was on a blanket doing something Jesse called “tummy-time”. Jesse, Shaun and Sam watched another stupid competition show, America’s Got Talent.

 Shaun was uncomfortable in the small enclosed space, but he’d calmed down considerably since the joint. He watched the idiotic talent show with a calm sense of resignation. Jesse was beside him; their thighs pressed warmly together.

It was 8:00 when Jesse’s mom came home.

Jesse jumped up eagerly as the younger kids swarmed to greet her. He grabbed Shaun’s hand and urged him to his feet. “Mom, we’re going to my room,” he called over his shoulder and then tugged Shaun towards the stairs.

Shaun’s hand was clammy in Jesse’s. Red flags went up in his mind as Jesse led him to his room. What were they going to do in there? Alone. He let Jesse take the lead anyway. He was glad to be away from the teeming household. If Jesse tried anything, he’d kick him in the balls, he decided.

“I’ve got top.” Jesse said when they entered his room, gesturing to the bunk beds. “Come on up.” He hauled himself up the ladder and got situated in the nest like bed.

“Uh…” It was weird being invited into another guy’s bed, but it wasn’t like there was anywhere else to sit. Shaun assumed the lower bunk belonged to one of the kids downstairs. So reluctantly, he climbed to the top bunk and sat cross legged next to Jesse.

Jesse smiled at him.

“Sorry this is so weird.”

“I figured it would be,” Shaun said.

Jesse laid back on his pillow. “I have a pretty crazy family, don’t I?”

“I guess.”

“What’s yours like? I know I can’t ask about your parents, but…” Jesse trailed off, staring at the ceiling.

“Why do you even care?” Shaun asked cynically.

“I told you, didn’t I? I think you’re interesting.” Jesse looked down the line of his body and straight into Shaun’s dark eyes. “I think it’s because you’re so mysterious all the time.”

“I’m mysterious?” Shaun choked. That was fucking hilarious.

“Yeah. I mean, everyone hates you, but nobody will say why. Kenny and Emily were laying into me at lunch today I keep talking to you.”

“Fuck them,” Shaun said through his teeth. Those fucking little bastards.

“I don’t give a shit what they say. I mean, for the most part, they’re nice and I want to screw Emily at some point, but you’re my best friend.”

Shaun scowled. “I’m not your best friend. You don’t know anything about me.” Shaun didn’t like the way his stomach flipped at Jesse’s admission. He’d never been someone’s best friend before. But more than that, he was surprised Jesse didn’t know his secrets yet. He didn’t understand why the others were being so hush-hush about everything. Ratting Shaun out was something petty Kenny would have enjoyed doing, but then again, maybe he was too afraid to even mention it. Maybe Shaun’s fists held more sway than he’d ever imagined.

“Well…tell me then!” Jesse cried in frustration. “How else am I supposed to know you if you never talk?!”

“I talk,” Shaun grumbled.

Jesse laughed. “Tell me about your grandparents, then. Or your band. You pick.”

Fuck this. Shaun sneered. This was fucking stupid. It wasn’t like Jesse sat around explaining every part of his life. He hadn’t even bothered to mention his five younger siblings when he’d invited Shaun over. But if Jesse were going to complain about it, then he might as well get it over with.

“Fine. I live with my grandparents. It sucks because my grandma is a complete bitch,” Shaun said.

“Why?”

Shaun huffed. He forced himself to elaborate. “She doesn’t like the way I am. She thinks I should be normal. You know, someone who goes to church and doesn’t drink or smoke dope.”

Jesse snorted. “Normal?”

“Yeah, well…” Shaun trailed off. “She didn’t want me coming over tonight; she tried to ground me. Grandma knows what I get up to with the band. She thinks I’m with them now. She’ll be pissed when I get home.”

“Why? What do you do with your band? Fuck groupies and get high?” Jesse smiled dreamily.

Shaun snorted. “We don’t have groupies.”

“What about you’re Grandpa?” Jesse continued, still looking curious despite Shaun’s generic answers. Shaun imagined disapproving parent figures wasn’t all that rare.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s OK.”

“Oh fuck.” Jesse whispered. His eyes widened comically.

“What?” Shaun said uneasily. 

“Did you just say someone was ‘OK’?”

Shaun punched Jesse in the arm. He didn’t hold back, but Jesse took it admirably. He rolled on his pillow and laughed heartily. His eyes were closed and there was a rosy color in his cheeks. Shaun was horrified to feel a warm rush of affection.

“Grandpa doesn’t bother me,” he explained. He felt obligated. “He lets me do whatever I want.”

“Hey, it’s OK to love your family, you know,” Jesse said with a smile.

“Whatever,” Shaun huffed. He didn’t like answering questions about his personal life. “What about you?” he snapped. “Where’s your dad?”

Jesse raised a brow at the change in topic, but answered nonetheless.

“He left after Sam was born, I guess he’d had enough of us,” he said lightly. “Mom told us he was cheating on her with a girl in her twenties for like…years and she didn’t find out until he decided to divorce her.”

“That’s shit.” Shaun scowled, a little upset that Jesse’s dad would abandon him for some bitch. “So, what about the twins, and the other two? Who’s are they?”

“You mean Allison and Tyler and Lissa and Brian?” Jesse laughed.

“Yeah, whatever.” Shaun folded his arms. He couldn’t be expected to know all their names!

“They’re from different guys. Mom’s been going through shitty boyfriends ever since dad left. I think the only reason we moved out here was because she had a bad breakup with the last one, Joey. He’d proposed to her, and I was starting to think they might actually get married and that we’d be stuck in Detroit forever. Then Mom found out he was engaged to two other girls at the same time and that he was playing them all. Just because he fucking could.” Jesse furrowed his brow. It was the first time Shaun had seen him upset. “He’s an asshole. We’re better off without him.”

Shaun chewed his lip. He was embarrassed he’d asked such a sensitive question. There were a lot of things he’d rather not talk about.

“Sorry I asked,” Shaun said awkwardly.

Jesse shook his head. “It’s not a big deal. We’re friends. We should tell each other shit.”

“Yeah. I guess.” Shaun said slowly, though he wasn’t convinced.  He still wasn’t sure this was a good idea. Getting close to people never worked out in Shaun’s book. But maybe Jesse could be different.

They talked for a while longer, about school, about girls, about different places they wanted to go. Jesse did most of the talking, but Shaun didn’t mind. It was actually a relief.

It was after 10:00 when they heard the kids getting ready for bed. It involved a lot of whining and complaining. The sound of it was like nails on a chalkboard.

“I’d better go,” Shaun said.

“Aww, do you have to?” Jesse pulled a face. He looked a sad puppy.

“I can’t stay forever,” Shaun said. He was already climbing down from the bunk.

“You could stay the night if you wanted to avoid your grandma.”

Shaun was surprisingly tempted but when he imagined himself and Jesse sleeping side by side, he shivered.

“No. I’ll see you later.” Shaun made sure he had his stuff. He opened the door a crack. The coast was clear.

“I’ll walk you out,” Jesse said. He jumped down and followed Shaun into the hall.

Things had calmed down a bit downstairs. The younger kids were gone, only Sam was left in the living room playing some shooting game.

“You guys are dicks,” Sam said, his eyes never leaving the TV screen “Mom said she smelled pot. You should have let me have some.”

“It’s been in Shaun’s back pocket the whole time, doofus,” Jesse taunted. “If you don’t know what it smells like, then you don’t need to smoke it.”

“Fuck you,” Sam growled, a tower of pre-teen rage.

“I’m not your supplier.” Jesse said. “You don’t know anything about it anyway. I know you’ve never even tried it.”

Sam threw his controller down and stomped up the stairs. He hadn’t even bothered to pause his game.

Shaun watched him go with amusement.

“He’s not normally like that,” Jesse said in apology. “He likes to show off in front of my friends.”

Shaun grunted. He didn’t care. He wouldn’t have shared his stuff with that kid even if Jesse had begged him to.

Shaun headed to the front door.

“See you tomorrow?” Jesse asked.

“I guess,” Shaun said awkwardly. He wished Jesse wouldn’t have walked him out.

“Do you want a ride? I can borrow my Mom’s van.”

“No. I’m good.”

Jesse smiled wistfully. “Sit by me on the bus in the morning, OK?”

Shaun shrugged. “Sure. Whatever.”

Jesse’s light-hearted laughter followed Shaun all the way back home.

When he snuck back into the house, it was10:30. Ruth was fast asleep in her chair in front of the TV. She must have been waiting up, but luckily, she hadn’t made it.

Shaun drifted by her and down the hall. He felt like he was floating on air. He hadn’t even had that great of a time, but he felt so cheerful .

He had a strange urge to wash himself, and for once, he didn’t avoid it. He floated into the bathroom and got the water running.

While he was cleaning up, he checked his cuts.

The ones on his arm looked OK. They were covered in scabs at any rate. It was the body’s natural defense against germs and bacteria.

The one on his thigh was a different story, however. It was painful to the touch, and it was puffy and red. Infected.

Wincing in pain, Shaun scrubbed the cut with soap and water. He made a mental note to keep his knife a little cleaner.

Chapter Text

Jesse couldn’t help himself. He was glad to see Shaun on the bus the next morning.

“Hey,” he said pleasantly when Shaun stopped and stood over him in the aisle.

Shaun pressed his lips together until they were white and bloodless. He screwed up his face with intense contemplation. He seemed to be having an intense mental debate.

Jesse watched him, confused. What the hell was happening?

The bus lurched forward and the spell was broken. Shaun tossed his bag into his customary seat at the very back and then he sat beside Jesse. Right beside him.

“Whatever,” Shaun grunted, but he was fighting a smile.

Shaun smelled nice today. Like soap. His hair wasn’t as tangled as usual. He was wearing a clean outfit, too. A hunter green thermal and dark jeans. Jesse bit his tongue seconds before he mentioned it. He didn’t want to embarrass Shaun by implying he normally smelled or that his clothes were a mess. So, Jesse beamed at him.

Shaun looked away and avoided his eyes. He was clearly embarrassed, despite Jesse’s attempt to spare him from that very thing.

Jesse felt his heart melt. There was something almost charming about Shaun that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. The whole fuck-off-and-die vibe Shaun gave off wasn’t as effective as he thought it was. At least, not to Jesse.

“Want to come over again today?” Jesse asked. It had been nice to have someone babysit with him and Shaun, even when he was being a grouch, was better company than a bunch of children.

“You only want me to come over because I’ve got weed.” Shaun said with a sour look.

“I wanted you to come over yesterday and I didn’t know you had any.” Jesse pointed out. Shaun made a face, but he dropped the issue. “So, can I expect you?”

“I fucking guess,” Shaun said grudgingly.

Jesse smiled. “Good.”

Jesse was an attractive, likeable guy who loved to socialize. He’d made lots of different friends over the years. There had never been a time he’d been attracted to someone like Shaun, though. He’d never had to beg someone to hang out with him.

Something felt right about snuggling up, physically as well as metaphorically to Shaun, though, and fuck what everyone else said or thought. Kenny and Emily both had tried to explain many times why he shouldn’t talk to him, but Jesse wouldn’t listen.

He didn’t care if Shaun was “weird”, or “mean”, or if he’d been in random fights with the other kids in the past. He didn’t give a damn. When Shaun was around, Jesse felt a whole lot better about…well, everything. And that’s all that mattered to him.

Jesse saw something in Shaun that no one else in this town did. He knew there was something amazing waiting under the many layers of Shaun’s icy exterior. He had a gut feeling he’d be rewarded in the end.

He brought up a random, school related topic, talking just to talk and Shaun listened, nodding in places, giving short “yes” or “no” answers when required.

The simple conversation about nothing warmed Jesse from the inside. No matter how uninterested Shaun appeared, Jesse knew he felt the connection between them. He was trying…just as hard as Jesse was to foster their budding relationship.

Jesse didn’t want to put a name to it yet, but it was obvious they were destined to be best friends.

Once they got to school Jesse trailed Shaun to his locker and then surprisingly, Shaun urged Jesse to his own.

“C’mon. We don’t have all day.”

We? Jesse smiled, he liked that, Shaun putting them together, even if it was only in word form.

“So sorry.” Jesse flashed a brilliant smile and led the way to his locker.

Astonishment was written all over Shaun’s face. It took him a moment to catch up, but he did. He fell in step beside Jesse and then waited next to him while Jesse got his books for class.

Jesse could barely hide his amusement. It was almost cute how Shaun pretended he didn’t care when Jesse could so clearly see that he did.

When the first bell rang, they split up to go to their classes, but Jesse wasn’t bothered. They’d see each other soon enough.

The rest of the day went well. Kenny and Emily dropped the Shaun issue, and though Kenny seemed distant, Emily was normal. She spent the entirety of history, English and lunch flirting with Jesse, which he saw as a win. He got the feeling Emily was hard to please, but she’d warmed up rather quickly. She’d been impressed with Jesse for coming to church Sunday and seemed even more so that he was going on Wednesday, as well.

If only all girls were so easy to please.

So, later, once Jesse got home and Shaun showed up, his clothes rumpled and his expression harried, Jesse was a little distressed when the first words out of his mouth were: “I can come over tomorrow, right?”

“I promised Emily I’d go to church with her,” Jesse said sheepishly.

“What?” Shaun spat. He grimaced and wrinkled his nose with disgust. Jesse wondered if he’d been rejected by Emily or something. That’s the only reason he could see for such a strong reaction.

“I have to,” Jesse hissed, mindful of the kids within earshot. “If I want to get in her pants, anyway.”

Shaun looked horrified but didn’t say anything else. Jesse felt terrible. He’d been trying to get Shaun to participate in their little “friendship” and now he was turning him down the first time he asked to hang out. Feeling like he needed to make it up to him somehow, Jesse touched Shaun’s shoulder and drew him upstairs.

“Don’t bother us,” he warned his little brother.

“Fuck you.” Sam mouthed after them.

“I thought you had to babysit,” Shaun bitched as he followed Jesse to his room.

“I trust Sam with the twins.”

They climbed into Jesse’s bed and sat side by side on the blankets. Shaun pouted. He looked miserable.

“Did you bring something to smoke?” Jesse asked.

“I thought we had to do it outside,” Shaun said in a whiny voice. Jesse figured he was being mocked.

“As long as we only do it in here, Mom won’t care,” Jesse lied. There was no such rule, but he’d deal with the consequences later. And maybe spray some air freshener or something.

Shaun immediately took out his weed. He set up a rolling station in his lap. His shoulders slumped inwards as he worked and his expression remained unhappy.

“Everything alright?” Jesse asked cautiously. “You were upset before I even mentioned Emily.”

“Grandma wants me to come to church tomorrow. She says I need to pray for forgiveness or some fucked up shit,” Shaun sneered.

“Oh, you should come!” Jesse cried. “It won’t be so bad if we go together, I promise.”

“I’m not going to church,” Shaun growled. He’d finished rolling. He started to crush the joint between his fingers.

Gently, Jesse plucked it from Shaun’s fingers and stole his lighter, too.

“We need something to ash in,” Shaun said.

Jesse reached down to the windowsill and grabbed one of Sam’s empty soda cans. The kid was such a slob. Feeling mightily resourceful, he started blazing while Shaun watched him in silence.  

“I fucking hate God,” Shaun spat, and then weirdly, he laid down in Jesse’s bed and snatched the joint back. He took in a huge lungful of smoke, struggled for a couple seconds to hold it in and then coughed it out. It was a sloppy move, but Jesse heard you got higher if you coughed the shit up. Maybe Shaun was onto something.

“I hate God, too,” Jesse said, voicing one of the few thoughts he’d never shared with anyone before. He stretched out beside Shaun and got comfortable.

Shaun scowled at him. “Why? Your life is perfect,” he said. “What do you got to complain about?”

Jesse snorted. “Seriously? My dad abandoned us for another woman. Then I got dragged across the country for years, watching mom make mistakes over and over. I’m paying for those mistakes. I’m the one who cleans up her messes. I can’t wait to move out, but at the same time, I’m afraid to leave the only family I’ve ever known. I my life sucks.”

Shaun turned his head. His wild, frizzy hair tickled Jesse’s cheek. He looked deep into Jesse’s eyes with so much understanding Jesse flung his arm around Shaun’s chest and hugged him tight.

Shaun’s whole body went stiff and Jesse let go. They laid side by side, their arms touching, their hips and thighs pressed together. They didn’t look at each other for some time. They stared at the ceiling and lazily passed the joint back and forth.

Jesse smiled to himself. He felt oddly emotional. He was so glad he’d met Shaun. He decided there was no one else in the world like him.

A good hour passed before Jesse remembered the kids.

“We’d better get dinner ready,” he said.

Shaun grunted, but he was already getting up.

Jesse was at the point where everything was hilarious. The twins took turns trying to make him laugh, an easy prospect to be sure. Sam continued to glare at Jesse for not letting him get high with the big boys, his scowl perfectly matching Shaun’s. It seemed like Shaun had a hard time having fun no matter what he was on. Or maybe it was just the fact that he hated Jesse’s siblings that had put the glum look on his face.

Monica came home in the middle of Jesse’s dinner preparations. She handed Lissa to Sam, left Brian in the kitchen doorway and hurried back to work.

“Hi honey.” Jesse was still laughing from Allison’s latest knock-knock joke, but still managed to pick Brian up with some finesse. “Hey Shaun?”

“What?” Shaun sat between the twins at the kitchen table. He looked highly uncomfortable.

“Help me out?”

Shaun pulled a face. “With?”

“Either take Brian or finish the veggies.” Jesse said. He knew he was asking a lot from Shaun, but Sam had his hands full with the baby and Jesse couldn’t hold Brian and get the green beans out of the pan at the same time. He hoped it wouldn’t explode in his face.

Jesse heard Shaun get up, but concentrated on stirring the vegetables with his spoon.

“I don’t want beans,” Brian complained.

“We’re having chicken nuggets and green beans, kiddo,” Jesse said. “You’ve got to eat a couple bites at least.”

“I hate green beans,” Brian whined.

Suddenly, Shaun moved in behind them, his body mere inches from Jesse’s. Jesse shivered as he felt Shaun close in. He had a distant memory, maybe it was a dream, of them standing like this only closer… Jesse turned his head and looked questioningly into Shaun’s dark eyes.

Shaun leaned closer and lifted the toddler out of Jesse’s arms.

Jesse let out a breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. His heart did a somersault in his chest.

“I can’t cook,” Shaun said in explanation.

Jesse nodded and tried to calm his overexcited nerves. He drained the vegetables over the sink, then took the nuggets out of the oven. He got out some plates.

Shaun took Brian to the table and got him situated.

“You’re Shaun, right?” Brian asked. “Jesse’s friend.”

“Yep.”

“I remember you,” Brian smiled and instantly began a conversation about his day in pre-school.

Brian didn’t fit in with the family. Sam was mean to him and the twins followed suit without even trying. Monica had little time for the second youngest member of the family and as much love as Jesse gave the little boy, he still couldn’t be around all the time.

Somehow Shaun must have sensed all of this. He had a pinched look on his face as he listened to Brian talk, but he gave Brian his attention. He had his arm on the back of Brian’s chair and kept him close. The twins switched from telling jokes to picking fun of Brian and his stories and Shaun’s hands balled into fists.

“Let him talk,” Shaun said darkly.

Tyler stuck out his tongue, but he didn’t interrupt again.

Jesse brought the food to the table. It took a few trips but everyone was served and began to eat.

Sam put Lissa into the high chair and Jesse took over. He fed her little bites of mushy baby food as he ate nuggets and speared some green beans. The twins fought over who had the most nuggets and Sam ended up giving Allison an extra one so she’d stop complaining.

Shaun ate mechanically and Brian mirrored his example, stuffing veggies into his mouth despite his so-called hatred for them.

Brian was in the middle of a story about their trip to the fair back in Detroit. It wasn’t a very interesting story, but Shaun was all ears. He even managed to laugh when Brian mentioned the clown that had scared the shit out of Tyler.

“That’s not funny!” Tyler yelled across the table at Brian.

“Shaun thinks so,” Brian said back, surprisingly catty.

“Shaun’s a weirdo! Sam told me about him!” Tyler cried. He threw a precious chicken nugget across the table at the toddler.

Jesse glanced at Sam, but he seemed unfazed. Shaun, on the other hand, glared daggers at Tyler.

“What did Sam tell you?” He spat. He switched his gaze to Sam, his dark eyes narrowing dangerously.

Tyler saw the look on Shaun’s face. His eyes widened with fear. His lower lip trembled as he searched for words.

Sam smacked a hand over Tyler’s mouth. “I didn’t tell him anything,” he said. “He’s making stuff up.”

“Liar,” Shaun hissed.

The color drained from Sam’s face. His eyes widened to match Tyler’s.

Jesse jumped in. “Guys, enough. Quit fighting.” Lissa sniffled at the raised voices and the sudden elevation of tension. She began to cry, her baby mush forgotten.

“I didn’t say anything,” Sam whined, but his hand still covered Tyler’s mouth.

Jesse shook his head. “Take Tyler upstairs,” he said.

“But—”

“Do it!”

“Screw you, Jesse,” Sam grabbed Tyler’s arm and yanked him from his chair. Tyler ripped his arm out of Sam’s grip, but he followed to the stairs. Once they left the room, they started whispering loudly to one another. Their hushed argument faded as they went upstairs.

Shaun sat tensely, staring after Jesse’s little brothers. Everyone at the table was quiet. Allison stared at her half-empty plate and Brian watched Shaun fume in amazement. Lissa whimpered and Jesse pulled her out of her high chair and rubbed her back soothingly.

“Allie, do you know what they’re talking about?” he asked.

Allison looked up in surprise. “No,” she said quickly.

It was obvious she did and from the red staining Shaun’s cheeks, he knew it, too. Jesse refused to pull teeth to get an answer though. He didn’t see the point. It would piss Shaun off more, he thought. So, he sent her upstairs after the boys.

Allison pushed her plate away and leapt to her feet. She escaped the kitchen in a hurry.

Shaun bared his teeth. “Your brothers are assholes,” he said, and it wasn’t clear who he was talking to. Jesse wanted to refute that claim, but Brian was already stifling a laugh.

“You like that?” Shaun smiled at Brian. “Sam’s a dick,” he said.

“…dick…” Brian repeated, setting himself off again. His hands barely covered his ridiculous giggles.

“That’s right, kid.” Shaun patted Brian’s head. “And the twins are little fuck faces.”

Brian laughed again, but Jesse had had enough.

“Shaun!” He cried. “Watch your mouth,” he chastised, though there wasn’t much heart behind it.

“Why? He likes it.” Shaun ruffled Brian’s blond hair. Brian squirmed and playfully batted after his hand.

“What am I going to tell Mom when she comes home and Brian tells her all the new words he’s learned.”

“Fuck if I know.” Shaun shrugged. For the first time since he’d arrived, he was smiling. He turned to Brian and gave him another noogie. “You know you’re not allowed to say bad words, right kid?”

“I can say whatever I want,” Brian said, looking at Shaun with a bit of the hero worship he normally reserved for Jesse. “Mom’s got a fuck face.”

Jesse glared at Shaun. “See. Look what you did.”

“I told you I’m no good with kids,” Shaun grunted. He sighed and attempted to make things right. “Kid, I get to say shit like that ‘cause I’m older. Little kids like you gotta earn it.”

“Why?” Ugh…the incessant question of “why”. They could be here all day.

Shaun didn’t have the patience for a long and meandering conversation. He said directly: “Because I fucking say so.”

“But how come—”

“You be good or I won’t be allowed to come over anymore.”

Hmm, that seemed to work. Brian nodded and Shaun rewarded him with a pat on the back.

“Good,” he said, turning to Jesse with a grin. “See, that was easy.”

The remainder of the evening was spent in the living room while the two high schoolers waited for Jesse’s Mom to resurface.

Jesse was wrapped up in the baby but kept a close eye on Shaun and Brian as they watched a movie on TV. It was much too violent for a toddler, but Jesse didn’t have the heart to make them change the channel. Shaun looked content sitting next to the three-year-old, explaining the violent nonstop action to the fascinated little boy.

The four of them looked like a happy little family, only unlike any of their real families they actually worked together.

Deciding to push his luck, Jesse laid back on the couch, cushioning Lissa on his chest. He stretched out and put his feet in Shaun’s lap.

Shaun gave him an odd look, his dark eyes meeting Jesse’s blue. But then somebody died a horrible death on-screen and without a single protest Shaun went back to narrating the movie for Brian. Jesse’s feet stayed where they were.

Warm and comfortably buzzed, Jesse fell asleep within minutes.

Jesse woke up when he felt Lissa being taken from his arms. The little girl fussed and Jesse groggily opened his eyes.

“Mom?”

Monica stared down at him. “The house smells like pot.”

“Oh. Right.” Jesse was on the couch by himself. Where was Brian or Shaun?

There were footsteps on the stairs. Jesse sat up as Shaun reappeared at the bottom. Monica greeted him solemnly and Shaun nodded cordially. He sidestepped so she could get by him and upstairs.

Jesse rubbed his eyes. “Where’s Brian?”

Shaun folded his arms. He looked away as his cheeks got pink.

“You fell asleep,” he said.

“Yeah, I was comfortable.” Jesse said. Why was Shaun so embarrassed? He looked silly when he blushed. Jesse bit his tongue and tried not to laugh at his friend’s predicament.

“Ah…the kid fell asleep on me too,” Shaun said awkwardly. “I er…didn’t know where he slept. I put him in your bed.”

“Oh. That’s fine.” Jesse said with a laugh. “He’s always crawling in my bed.”

“Yeah.” Shaun continued to avoid Jesse’s eyes. He was steadily looking more and more uncomfortable. “I’m going to go.”

“OK.”

Shaun passed Jesse on his way out the door. Jesse didn’t necessarily want him to go, but his bed was calling to him. It didn’t bother him Brian was already up there. He’d warm the blankets like a little furnace. 

Then, Shaun touched his hair. He smoothed the unruly locks at the back of Jesse’s head with a gentle hand.

Jesse swallowed and held perfectly still.

“See you tomorrow,” Shaun said. He drew his hand back and hurried to the door. He slammed it behind him with an air of finality.

Jesse was still thinking about that weird touch when he got to his room. He exchanged his jeans for some PJs  and climbed to the top bunk.

As Shaun had mentioned, Brian was fast asleep in the bed. He still had his clothes on, but he looked comfortable. Jesse decided to leave him be.

Jesse moved the toddler and stretched out beside him. He covered them in blankets and snuggled in. He closed his eyes.

It was one of the first times Shaun had touched him, completely on his own.

All the other times Jesse could write off as accidents or attempts at being playful. But this felt completely different.

Jesse was still trying to figure out what it had meant when he felt himself drifting off.

Of course, in the morning it had all been forgotten.

However, another question replaced it.

“What was Tyler talking about last night?” Jesse asked Sam that morning at breakfast.

Sam glared at him. Jesse couldn’t tell if he was still upset about the whole “not sharing” the weed thing or if it was something else. He couldn’t see what else Sam had to be mad about, but then again, he was dumb sometimes.

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Tyler said you told him something about Shaun.”

There was a pause while Sam took a bite of his cereal. “You wouldn’t believe me anyway,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Usually, he and Sam were pretty close. Well, as close as a big brother and his little tag-a-long sibling could be. But Sam was never this closed mouthed!

“You’ve been so bossy lately…” Sam trailed off, glaring at the last few Cheerios floating in his cereal milk. “And now you’re hanging out with that weirdo…” he said sullenly. He picked up his bowl and took it to the sink. He dumped the remains down the disposal. “Never mind.”

Jesse gaped at his brother. What the hell did he know? Sam left the room before Jesse could think up another question.

“You OK?” Shaun asked when he got on the bus later that morning. He seemed nervous again, and he didn’t sit down until Jesse gestured for him to do so.

“I don’t know. Sam’s mad at me or something.”

“Oh,” Shaun sighed. “He’s still being a little bastard then?”

Jesse snorted. “Yeah, I guess he is.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.” Shaun said easily. He pushed his frizzy hair out of his eyes. “He’s a cunt.”

“Jesus!” Jesse laughed. “You don’t have to be so harsh. He is my little brother, you know.”

Shaun shrugged.

He wouldn’t admit to it, but Jesse didn’t mind the name calling. He felt  Shaun was being rude because Sam, Tyler, and Allison knew the secret about him Jesse had been trying to find out since day one.

Jesse fought the urge to question Shaun. He knew it wouldn’t turn out in his favor.

“Are you still going to church tonight?” Shaun asked. His eyes were fixed toward the front of the bus. Jesse followed his gaze and noticed Emily, Kenny, and the others getting on. He smiled and waved at them but stayed put. He missed Shaun’s deep scowl.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. “I told you, I want Emily to like me.”

“What about the kids?” Shaun asked. “Are you going to leave them by themselves?”

“Why? Are you volunteering to babysit?” Jesse laughed, but got nothing back from Shaun. The other boy was as silent as a stone wall. “One of the women at the daycare runs a late-night service, I guess. Mom said it’s kind of expensive, but she doesn’t mind paying extra if I’m going to church.”

“Hmm.” Shaun seemed disappointed. “Did you tell her you’re doing it to get in some girls pants?”

“Yeah. Of course, I did.” Jesse said. “And after that me and Mom discussed the best sex positions. She likes missionary, but I’m more of a reverse cowgirl fan myself.”

For a second Shaun looked utterly confused.

“You dumbass. I’m joking!” Jesse elbowed Shaun as he began to laugh. Shaun frowned as he realized he’d been tricked. He elbowed Jesse back.

“Fuck you.”

“Whatever, man. You can still come with me.” But as soon as he’d said it, Jesse realized there was no way it would be possible. Kenny wouldn’t even let Shaun in his truck for all Jesse knew.

But Shaun flat out refused. He shook his head disgustedly.

“But what about your Grandma?”

“I’ll go fuck around in the woods. Maybe I’ll shoot something.”

Jesse pouted. “I want to come.”

“Then come,” Shaun said.

“You know I can’t. I already promised.”

Shaun looked away. He glared darkly out the opposite window.

Jesse sighed. As much as he’d been looking forward to today, hoping to lay some of his better moves on Emily and impress her, he now couldn’t wait until it was over. He’d never been so depressed to have a day off babysitting in his life.

Shaun was in a weird mood after they got off the bus. He was quiet in science and didn’t say a word on the way to history. Jesse felt like he should stick with Shaun and for once, he regretted making friends with Emily and Kenny and their crew. He felt somewhat obligated to spend time with them.

He debated what he should do. He tried to weigh the pros and cons of leaving Shaun on his own, but when history ended, he broke. He dutifully followed Emily to English and tried his best to seem interested in what she had to say. And to be honest, he had no idea what she was even talking about.

However, he did manage to tune into Emily’s rambling conversation when he heard Shaun’s name.

“What?” He asked, interrupting Emily’s drawl.

She smiled. “Maybe we should talk about this later.”

Jesse wanted her to repeat what she’d just said, but realized she was right. Now wasn’t the time. English was about to start and their teacher, Miss Stevens, was already writing on the board.

With a sigh, Jesse acquiesced.

When class was over, Emily gabbed about something different, though. As much as Jesse wanted to know what she’d been talking about, he couldn’t find an opening to ask. Luckily, Kenny unknowingly picked up his sister’s line of conversation a few minutes later at lunch.

“Are you still hanging out with Shaun?” he asked as soon as Jesse sat beside him.

“Ah…yeah,” Jesse said. He poked the “mystery” casserole on his lunch tray and hoped Kenny wouldn’t start grilling him.

“He hasn’t tried to kill you yet?” Jordan leaned around Kenny to ask.

Jesse snorted with amusement. “No. Does he try to kill people a lot?”

It was just a joke, but the lunch table suddenly became deadly quiet. Jesse got the shivers.

“Does he?” he asked again.

“My brother knows this kid who used to live around here. He told my brother Shaun threatened to skin him alive. Just because he accidentally hit Shaun with his book bag,” Jordan said. “That kid no longer goes to this school for that very reason.”

“A couple years ago, there was a rumor that Shaun was killing people because like every few days he’d come to school with blood on his clothes,” Sunny said dramatically. Lee and Rick nodded to verify her story.

“Once, Alicia told Shaun he smelled bad and the next day she had a note in her locker. It was a list of all these weapons he had and how he was going to use them on her,” Sara said, flipping her blonde hair over her shoulder. Alicia didn’t say anything but the disturbed look on her face said more than words could.

“And he fucking broke Eric’s nose the other day,” Kenny added, pointing to Eric who was sitting at the other end of the table. He was still rocking a splint on the bridge of his nose. “You saw his face, same as I did. That wasn’t an accident.”

“There’s a million other stories we could tell,” Emily said. She squeezed Jesse’s shoulder. “We’d be here all day if we went through all the creepy stuff he’s done.”

That was quite a laundry list, but Jesse was hardly convinced. If this was the kind of stuff Sam had been telling the twins, then Jesse didn’t care. Most of that was just Shaun’s rotten personality showing through. Shaun couldn’t help himself. Jesse had seen his mind work in real-time, without the judgement everyone laid at his feet. When Shaun felt cornered, it was a lot easier for him to be hateful and mean than it was for him to be a civilized human being. That was all. He wasn’t a serial killer like everyone else seemed to think.

So, if everyone feared rumors and a few heated words, then Jesse could continue to ignore their advice.

Kenny wasn’t finished. He went on, spouting more anti-Shaun gossip. Jesse tuned him out. He surreptitiously met his best friend’s eyes across the lunchroom.

As usual, whenever he was with the in-crowd, Shaun glared at Jesse extra hard. But this time, Jesse met his eyes head-on. He smiled at Shaun and rolled his eyes in Kenny’s direction. He wanted to get up and leave the popular table completely, but he didn’t go that far. There’d be an uproar if he did something like that.

Shaun didn’t look happy, but he did stop the whole death glare thing. If anybody else noticed them making eyes at each other across the room, Jesse didn’t know. He didn’t care either. Everyone was so busy discussing how much they hated Shaun, they were ignoring everything else.

“You’re still coming with us to church tonight?” Emily asked when the bell rang at the end of lunch.

“Yep.” Emily and her brother might be boring him to death with their rumors and gossip, but he still wanted Emily.

“That’s so great. I wish more people our age were more passionate about religion.”

Jesse’s smile was strained. In the back of his mind he could hear Shaun mocking him.

“Did you tell her you hate God?”

Jesse shook his head to remove the disembodied voice. He promised Emily he’d see her later on the bus.

When they got to gym, it was raining outside. The coach decided they’d play basketball on the inside court.

Jesse, Kenny, and Eric trooped to the locker room to change. The other two were eager to get on the court, but Jesse took his time getting into his sweats. Shaun was absent and Jesse kept wondering when he’d show up.

It wasn’t until they came out of the locker room that Jesse spotted Shaun talking with the coach. He watched them interact for a few moments, both parties growing progressively angrier. Then, Shaun turned and stormed out of the room.

“Wonder what that’s about?” Kenny said, following Jesse’s gaze.

Jesse shrugged. He was dying to know, but he fell in line next to his buddies and prepared to get picked for a team.

Shaun wasn’t on the bus after school. Jesse wasn’t totally surprised, but it was raining cats and dogs. Wind howled through the trees with ferocity and lightening streaked across the sky followed by a bone-deep rumbling of thunder.

Jesse stared out the window as the bus trundled along the roadway. He wondered if Shaun had gone through with his plan to shoot things in the woods. He didn’t know very much about guns—all right he knew nothing about them—but he didn’t think using a weapon in this kind of weather was a good idea.

He wished Shaun had agreed to come with him.

“Are you sure you’ll be all right by yourself?” Jesse asked Sam once they were home. Monica had had a similar conversation with him that morning. Sam had watched the twins on his own before. Nobody thought it was unreasonable for him to do it again.

“Yes,” Sam said. He didn’t look at Jesse, though. He was on the floor playing Call of Duty. The twins watched him from the couch, but they were already looking antsy.

“You don’t have to be on top of them the whole night,” Jesse said. “But you need to keep an eye on them.”

“Yeah.” Sam did some button mashing at cursed at his opponent onscreen.

Sam wasn’t pay attention at all. Jesse stepped in front of the TV and Sam threw himself to the side to see around Jesse’s body.

“Dude! Move!” he yelled.

“Can I get you to listen for thirty seconds?”

“I’m listening!”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Mom will be home early. By 8:00 at the latest.”

“I know!”

“She doesn’t want you to cook anything. There’re leftovers in the fridge. Nuke ‘em in the microwave and clean up your mess.”

“I know what to do, Jesse. Get out of the way!”

“And no more scary bedtime stories,” Jesse said. He crossed his arms sternly. “Last time Tyler couldn’t sleep for a week because you riled him up so bad.”

“Are you ready to leave yet?”

Jesse glared at his snarling little brother. Shaun had a point. Sam was kind of a cunt.

Outside, a couple toots from a horn sounded.

“That’s my ride,” Jesse said. “I’ve got to go.”

“Bye!” Allison called. Tyler wasn’t one for good-byes. He waved halfheartedly over his shoulder. He looked bored to death.

“Good riddance,” Sam hissed under his breath, just loud enough for Jesse, still standing over him, to hear it.

“You’re a brat.” Jesse knocked the X-Box controller out of his brother’s hands as he went by, enjoying his yell of annoyance. He might have cursed him as well, but Jesse was already out the door.

“Hi,” Emily said as Jesse jumped in the truck. It was still pouring, and he shook himself off, doing a good imitation of a dog. It was warm in the cab and the music was loud again. “Turn that down,” Emily said to her brother.

“Hey guys,” Jesse grinned at the siblings.

“I hope you’re ready for this,” Kenny said. “I think you’ll have to meet everyone today. No more hiding in the back.”.”

“What?”

“I told my parents you were coming, and they told the pastor. He loves new guests,” Emily gushed. “Mom and dad want us all to sit together up front.”

“Oh?”

“You’ll see!” Kenny said with an evil smile.

The church was a tiny, one room kind of deal. The dirt parking lot was packed. After they found a spot, the three of them rushed through the rain and the puddles and pushed past the heavy wooden doors.

The church looked larger inside than out. It was well lit. Globes of light hung from the vaulted ceiling. Beautiful stained-glass windows lined the wall behind the pulpit. The room was divided by two rows of pews, most of them full of parishioners. An older gentleman in black, the pastor, roamed the aisle. He greeted people in the pews with a sunny smile.

“Are you taking him?” Kenny asked his sister.

“Yep. Find mom and dad.” Emily took Jesse’s hand. She dragged him down the aisle.

“Pastor Noel!” Emily said as they approached the old man. The gray-haired pastor beamed. “This is my friend, Jesse. He just moved to town.”

“I think I saw you in the back on Sunday, too, how lovely,” Noel said. “You moved into the old Welch place?”

“Bertie Welch was my grandfather,” Jesse said.

The pastor squeezed his shoulder. “I didn’t know Bertie all that well, but we had a small service after he died.”

Jesse nodded. Monica had driven down to attend. To claim his house, too.

“Would you mind if I introduced you to everyone?” Noel asked. “I think that would go over nicely.”

“Uh, sure.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck. He was already feeling hot and itchy. It looked like half the town was here!

“Good, good.” Noel put his arm around Jesse and Emily seemed to melt into the crowd. Before Jesse knew it, he was standing in front of the entire church, being introduced to a room of strangers. Jesse, his face burning with embarrassment, smiled and nodded as choruses of hellos and welcomes came from the crowd.

“I think we embarrassed the poor boy enough for one night,” Noel said and the audience chuckled with agreement. “Emily? Could you help Mr. Welch back to his seat?”

Emily appeared at Jesse’s elbow and took his hand. She led him down the aisle and into a pew near the front. She sat him next to Kenny, taking his other side. An older couple was on Kenny’s other side and they leaned forward to introduce themselves as Emily and Kenny’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Taylor. Jesse gave them a stupid smile. Fuck, his head was spinning!

Service started, songs were sung, Jesse stared at the pastor and tried to follow along. Beside him, Emily praised and worshiped aloud, totally involved. She kept a tight hold on Jesse’s hand and tried to get him involved as well, but Jesse continued to feel overwhelmed, out of place, and a tad embarrassed. He couldn’t wait for this to be over.

It only lasted an hour, though the service felt much longer than sixty minutes. When Pastor Noel wrapped it up, the room erupted into casual banter. Mrs. Taylor, a beautiful blonde woman, invited Jesse to dinner.

“Let us meet your new friend,” she said.

“I appreciate the offer, ma’am, but I’ve got five brothers and sisters waiting for me. I ducked out of babysitting to be here.”

He couldn’t have picked a better excuse. Mrs. Taylor smiled brilliantly and invited him over to dinner another time. Rain check!

“Do you have to go home?” Emily asked once she, her brother, and Jesse were back in the truck.

“I’m sure my brother’s terrorizing the twins by now.”

“Those poor things,” Emily said.

“Talk about lame,” Kenny snorted.

“Shut up, Ken!” Emily said, giving her brother the evil eye. “Jesse? Did you hear Pastor Noel announce the youth dance? It sounds like so much fun.”

“I must have missed it,” Jesse said sheepishly.

The ride back was short and Jesse all but leapt from the truck when they got back to his place.

“Can you come next week?” Emily simpered.

“Let me make sure, before I promise,” Jesse said.

“See you tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

Emily smiled as Jesse shut the door. He waved and off they went.

Fuck, that was uncomfortable, Jesse thought as he headed inside. The entire time, he’d felt tense and awkward and he’d wanted to escape. He didn’t want to go back to church. Emily had annoyed him the entire time.

“Back already?” Sam muttered. He was still playing Call of Duty. The twins were gone and Sam had moved to the couch.

“What the fuck was I thinking? Church?” Jesse sat beside his brother. “I had to get out of there.”

“Yeah, that sounds pretty boring.”

“Can we double team this?” Jesse asked, gesturing to the screen.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Sam grinned. “Glad Mr. Meanie isn’t here. You’re making the strangest friends, lately.”

“He’s not mean,” Jesse said. He grabbed the second controller before his brother could elaborate. “C’mon! I want to play.”

“I’m going to murder you,” Sam said, and the two boys got to it.

*****

“I did it!” Jesse said the minute Shaun was within earshot.

“Did what?” Shaun asked. He hesitantly took a seat beside him, but Jesse barely noticed his reluctance. He was eager to share his harrowing journey into the dreaded religion.

“I did church.” Jesse elaborated with a smile. “It was brutal, but Emily loved it. I even got to meet the parents.”

“Great,” Shaun said sourly.

His rotten mood drew Jesse’s attention. Shaun was scowling, and he looked deeply unhappy. He was wearing the same clothes he’d had on yesterday, and everything had a fine splattering of mud on it now. His hair was tangled again and even messier than usual.

But what got Jesse’s attention the most was the weird bulge under his sleeve.

“What’s that?” he asked. He poked the bulge.

Shaun hissed. “Don’t do that!”

“Sorry.” Jesse held up his hands, indicating he wouldn’t be poking any further. “But what is it?”

Shaun hesitated, but finally pulled back his sleeve. Jesse gasped. A bloody mass of gauze covered Shaun’s arm from wrist to elbow.

“What happened?!” Jesse’s voice went up an octave. It looked like Shaun had suffered a serious injury in the hours they’d been apart. “Oh my God!”

“I ah…” Shaun held his mangled arm out, surveying it calmly. “I went hunting…like I said I was going to—”

“And did that?” Jesse touched Shaun’s elbow gently, drawing his arm into his lap. He couldn’t see what sort of damage had been done through the gauze, but there was so much blood!

“I fell,” Shaun said.

“On what? A knife?!”

Shaun stiffened and pulled his arm back. He yanked his sleeve down over the bandages. “It’s fine.” He all but growled.

“Can you even move your hand?” Jesse asked in a panic

“Fuck you.” Shaun lifted his arm, held his hand in Jesse’s face and then proceeded to wiggle his fingers.

“You’re wincing!” Jesse cried. “Stop! You’ll make it worse.” He cradled Shaun’s hand between his own, but Shaun wouldn’t allow it. He yanked his hand from Jesse’s.

“I’m perfectly fine,” he declared.

Unconvinced, Jesse continued to prod. “Let’s go to the nurse when we get to school. I’ll come with you,” he pleaded, deeply disturbed by the whole thing.

“Don’t need her. I already had my Grandpa look at it.”

“Did you really ?”

Shaun folded his arms and didn’t answer.

“You’re impossible! Do you know that?”

Shaun was a hard person to like. He was gruff and mean, rough around the edges if you will. Stubborn to a fault, unable to take any sort of criticism without biting your head off. He was also stupid and too proud to take well-meaning help from anybody.

“Shut up,” Shaun grumbled.

Frowning, Jesse did just that. Shaun certainly made it hard for anyone to get close to him, but Jesse was more than up for the challenge, even if Shaun annoyed the crap out of him half the time.

Jesse could be stubborn too.

“So, are you done talking to me now?” Shaun snapped at the end of Chemistry. Normally Jesse was talkative and energetic during the one class they could sit by each other but today he’d been stone silent.

“I didn’t know I was allowed to. I thought you wanted me to shut up,” Jesse said. He was angry still, but mostly he wanted Shaun to stop being such an asshole. There was no reason for Shaun to brush him off like he had. Jesse was only trying to help.

“You’re a fucking dick, you know that?” Shaun said, though he sounded more defensive than anything else. All this over some hunting accident?

“How am I being a dick?” Jesse asked in exasperation. “I’m trying to help you.”

“I—” Shaun rudely pushed past him, hitting Jesse with his backpack. “C’mon,” he growled.

Rolling his eyes, Jesse followed Shaun into the hall.

“Just drop it, all right? I’m fine,” Shaun said when they were halfway to history.

“Shaun…” Jesse whined, grabbing his good arm.

“Don’t touch me, fag,” Shaun hissed, pulling away and marching off toward the classroom. Hurt, Jesse trailed behind him.

“Are you all right?” Emily asked the second Jesse sat beside her.

“Yep. Fine,” he lied, figuring if Shaun could get away with it, then he should be allowed to as well.

Class was boring. They were studying World War II. Jesse pretended to take notes as he stared at the back of Shaun’s head. It was so unfair he had to sit all the way up front.

Once, Shaun turned and caught Jesse looking at him.  As much as Jesse had wanted his attention, he found himself looking away, avoiding the piercing eye contact that seemed to look straight into his soul.

“We were all wondering if you can hang out with us on Friday again,” Emily said when they were on their way to English. “You had fun last week, didn’t you?”

“Oh, yeah.” Jesse hadn’t thought about it. He’d assumed he and Shaun would spend time together like they had all week. They might be able to do something after Monica came home, too. Maybe they could go to Shaun’s place to get away from all the kids. He was sure Shaun would be over his little funk by then.

“Is that a yes?” Emily fluttered her eyelashes.

“I’m not sure—”

“We could pick you up at 8:00. Like last week. You don’t have to babysit all night, right?” Emily asked.

“I don’t know—”

“Think about it, OK?” Emily pushed. “It was fun having you at the party last weekend and doing church on Wednesday.” She touched Jesse’s arm. She squeezed it in an overtly friendly gesture that made him feel as though he’d been caught.

“It was fun,” he said. He felt obligated to say so. Emily was smiling at him and batting her lashes so hard, it was a wonder her eyes hadn’t popped out of her head.

“I wanted to ask you something…” she said. Her hand tightened on Jesse’s arm and they slowed almost to a stop. Someone pushed past them to get down the hall, and Jesse coaxed her along.

“What?” he asked. They were almost to English. The weight of the conversation was strangely foreboding. It was uncomfortable.

“Well, I was just wondering…”

The hesitations and pauses were too much. Jesse took a deep breath. “What were you wondering?”

“Remember the youth ministry dance the pastor mentioned?”

Jesse shrugged. “Sure.”

“Do you want to go with me? It’s on Saturday.”

“As like a date?” Jesse blurted. They were in front of their classroom. Right in the doorway.

Emily, her hand still firmly attached to Jesse’s arm, pulled him inside. She led him to his desk and waited for him to sit.

 “If you wanted to call it a date, well…” She fidgeted with the purple scrunchie around her wrist. “I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Oh.” Jesse cleared his throat. This is what he’d wanted, right? Time alone with Emily? An actual, honest to God, date? “Sure. We could go to that.”

“Great.” Emily grinned. “It’s a date then.”

“Yeah. Great,” Jesse said. He watched Emily stroll to her desk. She looked coyly over her shoulder and winked.

They sat next to each other during lunch. Emily talked excitedly about…something. Jesse found it hard to focus on her sometimes. She arbitrarily jumped from one topic to another. She talked about a movie the gang wanted to see on Friday and then began discussing the merits of high heels and flat shoes.

“I don’t know, my legs look good in heels. I like the extra height too,” she said. “But flats are so cute. My older sister got me a beautiful silver pair in New York. They’re so trendy,” she gushed.

“Hmm.” He didn’t have an opinion. He didn’t care what a girl had on her feet.

“Maybe I’ll wear them Saturday. I mean, they’re way better to dance in, right?”

“Uh huh.”

Emily smiled. She went on with the one-sided conversation with little heed for Jesse’s boredom. The dance, the dance, the dance… The more she talked about it, the less Jesse wanted to go. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, but Emily was making quite a fuss.

Kenny cornered Jesse before gym. “So, you’re taking my sister to the dance?” he asked. They entered the gym and cut across the basketball court to get to the locker room.

“Oooh!” Eric taunted. “Ken’s going to have your balls, dude!”

“Why? Emily invited me,” Jesse said. “Was I supposed to turn her down?”

“Did you want too?” Kenny said as they walked into the changing area. “You ignored her all through lunch. You looked bored.”

Jesse ruffled a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know what to say. She was talking about shoes.”

“She mentioned a lot more than that,” Kenny said. He pulled his gym stuff out of his locker. “I guess I was the only one who was listening.”

Jesse kept quiet. He pulled his change of clothes out of his locker, too, and tugged his T-shirt over his head. He was completely embarrassed. Kenny was a pretty cool guy, but he got the vibe that if he fucked up in any way with Emily, Kenny would kill him.

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re taking her to the dance,” Kenny said. Behind him, Shaun stomped into the room and went straight to his locker without sparing anyone a glance. Jesse watched him from the corner of his eye. “Emily told our parents last night she was going to ask you. They thought it was a good idea.”

“Um, that’s good,” Jesse said.

“Did she mention you’re invited to dinner before the dance?”

“Oh, no. She didn’t say,” Jesse said.

“Oh fuck!” Eric laughed. “First date and you’re already meeting the parents!”

Shaun had his back to the room. He was stuck in a half crouch over his gym bag. His body was completely still. Jesse bit the inside of his cheek. Shaun was listening.

“Uh, I already met them,” Jesse said. “Yesterday. At church.”

Eric chuckled and smacked him on the back. Jesse winced. “Don’t worry then, no pressure.”

 “Shut up, you know what they’re like,” Kenny said. “They might have stopped the whole thing if they hadn’t seen you Wednesday. They think going to church means you can be trusted.”

Eric snorted and Kenny glared at him.

Jesse rubbed his stinging shoulder. He glanced nervously in Shaun’s direction.

Shaun jerked his yellow, stained hoodie over his head and yanked the hood up. His back was tense and angry. His shoulder blades stuck out like knives.

Kenny put his arm around Jesse’s bare shoulders. Jesse jerked in surprise.

“C’mere,” Kenny said in a low, dangerous tone. He drew him in close. “I like you, Jess, but you’d better be nice to my sister,” he said, his eyes serious and unwavering. Jesse blinked. “Just because my parents are easy to win over, doesn’t mean I am.”

Jesse swallowed. He’d made a huge mistake. He should have gone after Sunny or maybe Alicia. Neither of them had brothers who would beat him up. Or at least he didn’t think they did.

“You’re good, dude. Calm down,” Kenny laughed. He cuffed Jesse on the arm. “I’m just warning you.”

Jesse grabbed his gym shirt and pulled his arms through the holes. He was tired of the roughhousing. “Yeah, OK,” he said awkwardly.

Behind them, Shaun hurled his bag into his locker. He didn’t turn around, but Jesse got the feeling he was pissed. He slammed his locker shut with a resounding bang.

“What’s wrong with him?” Eric said under his breath. Everyone stared at Shaun. They all watched as he balled his hands into fists and stormed from the room.

Jesse sighed. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, but he suspected  he knew what was up.

“He’s a loser,” Kenny said with a dismissive shake of his head.

“No, he’s not,” Jesse said. “He’s just—”

“A freak?” Eric supplied.

“No,” Jesse snapped, trying not to get angry. “He’s moody today.”

That made Eric and Kenny laugh. Jesse scowled as he finished changing. He hadn’t meant to make everyone laugh. He ignored the two jocks as best he could. Sometimes, they were dicks.

Today, it was nice out. The sun was drying up the rain from yesterday. The coach led them out to the field to play touch football. He was in charge of teams today and he divvied everyone up, putting an equal number of good players on both teams to keep it fair. Jesse kept sneaking glances at Shaun, wondering—hoping more like—that they’d get put on the same team.

The coach didn’t put Shaun on a team. Jesse was on the verge of getting pissed off. The dumbass teacher had forgotten Shaun completely. But he needn’t have worried. Once the teams had been decided, the coach pointed a finger at Shaun and glared at him expectantly. Jesse had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but Shaun did. He turned and walked off toward the edge of the field. He gradually picked up his pace until he was running. Jesse watched Shaun run a lap around the field. He was red-faced and angry. He started a second lap and wasn’t slowing down.

“OK guys, let’s play,” the coach said, ignoring Shaun and his laps. Everyone else ignored him, too. It seemed this was a semiregular occurrence.

Jesse was decent at football. He wasn’t paying much attention, but he managed not to completely embarrass himself. He found it impossible to keep his eyes off Shaun, though. He wasn’t very good at running. He didn’t know how to pace himself. He ran hard for as long as he could before he slowed considerably. When he passed close by, Jesse could see how exhausted he was. Shaun sweated buckets, and he looked like he was about to collapse, but he never went slower than a jog. The one time he tried, the coach yelled across the field for him to stop slacking. It was the only time he’d acknowledged Shaun’s struggles, and Jesse felt another spike of anger on his friend’s behalf.

Thankfully class ended soon, and the coach called everybody back inside. Shaun stopped right where he was and collapsed back in the grass.

Jesse went straight for him. Eric and Kenny tried to call him back, but Jesse waved them off. He needed to check on Shaun. Maybe it was dumb, but he didn’t care. He had a bounce in his step as he rushed to Shaun’s side.

“Why did he make you do that?” Jesse asked as he approached. He sunk into the grass at Shaun’s side.

Shaun was covered in sweat; his face was dripping wet, his hair was matted and fucking reeking. His hoodie was completely soaked with perspiration.

“I—I had to—do it—instead—instead of—detention,” Shaun wheezed.

“What?” Jesse peered into Shaun’s weary face.

Shaun held up a hand and sat for a few moments, breathing hard. Jesse sighed and waited for a better answer. He looked around.

They were completely alone in the field. There wasn’t a soul in sight. The manicured lawn of the school stretched before them. The football field and the stadium seats broke up the monotony of green. There were yellow corn fields in the distance and wide swaths of trees. The same thick and unruly jungle behind his and Shaun’s houses bordered the school property. Jesse felt vulnerable staring out at all the wide-open space. He scooted closer to Shaun and put a hand on his knee.

“Coach Vance made me run laps for skipping class. He does it to everyone, but I’m the only one that has to run the whole period like that,” Shaun said after a brief rest.

“You could get sick running like that,” Jesse said with concern. “You should at least get to stop for water or something.”

“I’m fine, Jesse,” Shaun said. He’d denied Jesse’s help, again, though he wasn’t as rude about it as he had been that morning.

“We are friends…aren’t we?” Jesse asked after another minute of silence.

“Yeah?” Shaun said slowly, almost reluctantly. He wiped his face with his sleeve and quick as lightning, his expression turned into one of determination. “I fucking told you we are.”

Jesse fought a smile. “Then is it OK if I care about you?” He asked. Shaun paused at that. He looked shyly into Jesse’s eyes. “Friends can be worried about and want the best for each other. Right?”

“I don’t know,” Shaun admitted after a significant pause. He looked away uncomfortably.

“How about you take my word for it? It’s OK if you let me worry about you. Nothing bad will happen if you let me.”

Shaun cradled his arm to his chest. “I don’t want you to see it,” he blurted.

“What’s that?” Jesse asked. He rubbed Shaun’s knee in encouragement.

Shaun looked at Jesse’s hand on his leg. He was surprisingly calm about the unwarranted touching.

“I don’t want you to see,” he said softly.

It took a moment for Jesse to parse the meaning of Shaun’s softly spoken words. But then, realized what Shaun was referring to.

“Your arm?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He let out a deep, shaky breath and buried his face in his arms. He looked fragile and helpless.

Jesse’s heart filled with sympathy. He scooted closer until he could rest his head on Shaun’s shoulder. He put his arm around his damp back and rubbed it reassuringly.

“All right,” he said gently. He didn’t like it, he wanted to help, but he knew fighting over it wouldn’t make anything better. “You don’t have to show me.”

Shaun’s fingers touched the edges of Jesse’s hair. “I don’t want you to be worried,” he said gruffly. His back rumbled against Jesse’s side. It tickled a little. Jesse hugged Shaun tighter and closed his eyes.

“That’s what good friends do, so just get used to it,” he said pleasantly. He’d fully expected Shaun to push him off, especially after the “fag” comment earlier. But Shaun’s fingers hesitantly rubbed the back of his neck and slid into the springy red hair at the nape of Jesse’s neck. He wasn’t pushing Jesse away. This felt…intimate.

“Hmm,” Shaun hummed. Jesse could feel his breath on his ear, and he shivered. It felt good. Weird but good.

“I’m so late to my last class,” Jesse said to distract them both from their weird embrace. Shaun’s fingers were still rubbing the back of his neck, ghosting through his hair. He didn’t want him to stop.

“Want to skip?”

“Yeah.”

Without a second thought for his clothes in the locker room or the fact Emily would be expecting him to sit with her on the bus home, Jesse stood and gave Shaun a hand up.

They held hands for a few seconds. It was an accident. Jesse had been trying to help Shaun stand up and Shaun, a little off balance, needed Jesse’s hand for extra support.

But it had happened and for some reason Jesse didn’t let it go like he normally would. He kept thinking about it as they walked home.

Since it was early and Jesse didn’t have to be home anytime soon, when they got to Shaun’s house, Jesse asked if he could come in.

Shaun tensed immediately.

“My grandma’s home.”

“So? You’ve met my whole family,” Jesse pointed out.

“I don’t want her to meet you,” Shaun said sourly.

“Well…” Jesse struggled to come up with something that would get him into Shaun’s house. He didn’t want to leave. “I’ll be rude, and I won’t even look at her,” he said. “Or you could sneak me in?” he suggested, on the verge of begging.

“My room’s a mess,” Shaun said. He tugged his long sleeves over his hands.

“And mine’s clean?” Jesse laughed. “C’mon,” he pleaded. “I’m so tired of being cooped up in my house. Let me come over.”

Shaun sighed loudly. He was losing his patience. “I don’t want you to come in,” he said, his teeth gritted. “I’d rather be at your house.”

Jesse pouted. He should have seen this coming. Shaun was such a private person. It would kill him if anyone found out he had a normal bedroom, filled with dirty clothes, useless junk, porn, and posters with lame bands and chicks on the walls.

“All right. Fine.” He didn’t want to argue. “But you’ll be over later, right?”

“Yeah.” Shaun sounded defensive again.

Jesse almost huffed but he managed to catch himself. “See you then,” he said. He headed home. At least he’d get a shower and a chance to change out of his smelly gym clothes. That was a definite plus.

Jesse got home in short order. He stripped in the bathroom and jumped in the shower. Sometime between washing his hair and masturbating, he remembered his date with Emily. He’d completely forgotten about it. He hadn’t even mentioned it during the walk home when Shaun had mentioned her—or the “snobby bitch” as he called her.

He dried off and walked naked to his room. There, he had to hunt for something to wear. Nothing he owned was clean. He’d have to do a load a of laundry over the weekend, he thought. He found a pair of his brother’s jeans, which were a little tight in the crotch but otherwise fit and put on a T-shirt and a hoodie.

As if on cue, the minute Jesse finished dressing the doorbell rang. He ran a hand through his damp hair and then ran downstairs to answer the door.

Shaun stood on the front step. In comparison, it didn’t look like he’d done more than change out of his gym stuff. His hair was just as tangled and frizzy as ever. Jesse wondered where he’d gotten that wild mop of hair.

“Hey,” Jesse said. He opened the door and invited Shaun inside.

“I got a little left,” Shaun said as he stepped inside. He held up his baggy of weed. He’d brought his pipe this time. “I don’t usually smoke every day. I need to get more.”

“I’ll buy this time,” Jesse said quickly. He didn’t want to become a leech. He was using more than his fair share anyway.

“No,” Shaun said firmly.

Jesse blinked in confusion. “What do you mean, no?”

“Don’t talk to him. Kyle’s a faggot,” Shaun said as he moved into the living room.

“What?” Jesse asked, now thoroughly bewildered. “He’s not gay.”

“How the fuck would you know? You only met him once.”

OK, now that was weird.

“How do you know that?”

Shaun stood with his back to Jesse. He drew his shoulders into himself. “He told me. He met you at that party,” he said.

Jesse circled around Shaun. He avoided Jesse’s eyes, but allowed Jesse to take his arm. He coaxed Shaun to the couch and urged him to sit. “I wanted to repay the favor and buy us something to smoke,” Jesse said. “What does it matter if Kyle’s gay? I’m not going to suck him off or anything.”

“You’d be surprised,” Shaun grumbled. He sat stiffly on the couch. He held the baggie and the pipe in his lap. “He might talk you into it. If he gives you a good price.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Jesse shoved Shaun into the arm of the couch with all his might. Shaun grunted but otherwise, he didn’t react. “What do you think I am? A prostitute?”

“If you turn gay, we can’t be friends anymore,” Shaun said flatly.

“Where is this coming from?!” Jesse couldn’t believe they were having this conversation.

 “You heard me.”

Jesse sucked his teeth. “So, now you’re homophobic?”

“I’m not afraid of gays!” Shaun said in a huff. He turned and looked Jesse in the eye. “I don’t want people thinking I’m gay for being around them!”

Jesse snorted. He couldn’t help it; he started to laugh. “Is that all?”

“Fuck you,” Shaun growled. He opened his baggie and packed the bowl with the remains of his weed.

“Nobody thinks you’re gay,” Jesse said. So that explained all the “fag” stuff. Why he always got nervous whenever Jesse touched him.

“Yeah right. I’m sure they told you I’m weird and that I’m a fag,” he said. He yanked a plain black lighter from his pocket and sparked up. He didn’t hand the smoke to Jesse like he usually did, but Jesse was too interested in the present conversation to care.

“They do not! Do you want to know what everyone says about you?”

“Fuck you! I know what they say about me! I’ve lived with it—!”

Jesse laid his hand over Shaun’s, stopping him mid-rant. “Nobody thinks you’re gay.”

Shaun glared down at their hands. “Are you fucking sure?”

“Yes,” Jesse said with confidence. “They think you’re dangerous. I’ve been warned multiple times to stay away from you. Everyone thinks you’ll murder me or something.”

Instead of relieving him, that only seemed to make Shaun angrier.

“Fuck them all.”

“Yeah, fuck them,” Jesse said. “I know you wouldn’t hurt anybody.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jesse snatched the pipe from Shaun. He leaned back and took a puff. Monica was going to kill him for smoking in the living room. “I try to cheer you up and you insult my intelligence.”

“You don’t get it,” Shaun snapped. “If people think I’m a fag, my life will be even worse than it is now. Around here, being gay gives people the license to do just about anything they want. That’s why Kyle’s in the closet. He knows, just as well as I do, what’ll happen to him if he’s ever outed.”

“What’ll happen to him?” Jesse asked.

Shaun shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

Jesse rolled his eyes, but Shaun continued.

“They hate me because I’m not like them. They hate me because they’re afraid,” he said bitterly. “But if they think I’m a cocksucker? It’ll be too fucking much for them.”

“You act like they’re going to behead you,” Jesse said with a little laugh. “This isn’t the old west. Gay people have rights now.”

Shaun was silent for so long Jesse was sure he was being ignored. He drew himself up, ready to defend the whole LGBTQ community, when Shaun spoke.

“I promised my grandparents I’d make it to senior year,” he said solemnly. “They were expecting me to graduate, but fuck that. I’ve only got a couple more months, then I can drop out and leave this place for good. I’ll never have to think about this hell hole, or anyone in it, ever again.”

Jesse didn’t know what to say. He thought Shaun sounded crazy.

They passed the pipe between them a few more times until they ran out of weed. It was just in time, too, as seconds later Sam came in the front door.

“Hey stoners,” he greeted sarcastically. His eyes darted to Shaun. He surveyed him with an unfriendly expression on his face. “Skipping school to smoke? Are you gonna drop out next?”

“What’s it to you?” Jesse still remembered the weird way Sam had been acting that morning. He was being bossy? Well, maybe Sam could go fuck off.

“I don’t know. I always thought it’d be cool to have a delinquent for an older brother.”

“Oh, yeah. Good one.” Jesse gave him the finger. “Fuck off.”

Sam started up the stairs. He grinned the whole way, like he’d accomplished something insurmountable.

“Jerk,” Jesse muttered.

“What’s his problem now?” Shaun asked nonchalantly, like he didn’t care and really , it was very possible he didn’t.

“I don’t know. You, probably.”

“Oh.” That drew Shaun up short.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesse said.

The rest of the night flowed into the same routine they’d had since Monday. The twins came home, hassled Shaun until he’d had enough and Jesse sent them upstairs. Monica dropped the babies off and amusingly enough she placed Brian in Shaun’s lap.

“I think you’ve got a new fan. All Brian ever talks about is his cool new friend.”

Shaun flushed. He ruffled Brian’s hair and then moved the toddler off his lap and onto the couch between him and Jesse. Brian smiled worshipfully up at the big boys.

Monica had even brought pizza for everybody, so Jesse didn’t have to cook again.

“Oh, and Jesse,” Monica said as she carried the pizza boxes into the kitchen. “I can smell that weed a mile away. Keep it away from the kids, will you?”

Jesse nodded dumbly. He was embarrassed they’d been caught; not that they’d tried to hide the evidence. Still, the lecturing note in his mother’s voice was unpleasant.

For some reason, cutting up a piece of pizza for Lissa reminded Jesse of the dinner and date plans with Emily.

“I’m going on a date with Emily on Saturday.”

“Oooh ! Jesse’s got a girlfriend!” Allison and Tyler sang at the same time. Sam shoveled a piece of pizza into his mouth. He didn’t look interested. 

Shaun went deathly silent. He set his pizza down. His face twisted into a grimace.

Jesse had been expecting this. He could have lied about the whole thing, but he didn’t want to keep secrets. “I know you hate her and all but—”

Shaun slammed his fist on the table. The plates rattled. Brian’s empty cup toppled and rolled to the floor.

“Seriously?” Jesse said.

Shaun glared at him darkly. A glare that carried a hatred and anger so deep-seated, Jesse was literally floored. He shut his mouth.

Brian looked between them with complete surprise. The twins seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for an explosion. Sam suddenly looked interested. He watched the scene unfold as he continued to munch on his slice of pepperoni.

Jesse stood up. He wasn’t doing this in front of everyone. “Sam, watch the kids,” he said. He gestured for Shaun to follow him out of the room, and Shaun leapt up immediately. His chair skidded over the linoleum and he kicked it out of the way.

They reached the privacy of Jesse’s room. He shut the door behind them, took a deep breath and turned to face Shaun.

“What’s your problem with Emily?”

At least Shaun didn’t play coy, he immediately spat, “I hate that bitch.”

“Right. So, one minute you’re afraid everyone’s going to think you’re gay, then you flip out when I get a girlfriend? Do you have any idea how contradictory you are?”

Shaun glared at him. “Emily’s a cunt,” he hissed.

“Why do you hate her so much?” Jesse asked. He was trying to remain calm. “Did she turn you down or something?”

Shaun bared his teeth and snarled. “I would never ask that dirty whore on a date.”

Jesse stepped up and shoved Shaun in the chest. Shaun stumbled over a pile of clothes but caught himself with a growl of frustration.

“If you touch me again, I’ll smash you,” Shaun growled.

Jesse dropped his arms to his sides. The anger he’d felt moments before had drained from him and left him cold. He couldn’t believe he’d pushed Shaun like that.

Shaun balled his hands into fists. His body vibrated with restrained fury. He was ready for a fight.

“Why are you doing this? Why can’t you be happy for me?” Jesse said in a little voice. He felt queasy. All this over a stupid date? “I thought we were friends.”

“I never wanted a friend,” Shaun said. He advanced on Jesse, forcing him back without even laying a hand on him. “And I don’t need you in my fucking face.”

“But—”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Shaun cried. “You will anyway. Once you start cozying up with that slut.” With a pained look, Shaun shouldered past him and left the bedroom. There were a few seconds of silence before Jesse heard the front door open and slam.

Shaun was gone.

Shaken, Jesse sat on the edge of Sam’s bed.

Shaun was jealous, Jesse thought. He was jealous of Emily.

He was afraid Emily would take Jesse away. The idea Jesse  would end up hating him like everyone else did made him physically ill.

So, in other words, Shaun cared. He didn’t want Jesse to disappear. He didn’t want to be alone, even though he constantly acted like he did.

Once again, Jesse came head to head with Shaun’s pride and his distrust in the world. It cut between them like a knife through butter.

Jesse was determined to make a difference. He wanted to be the most important person in Shaun’s life. Jesse didn’t fully understand why. It was clear Shaun had never had a friend before, and though Jesse saw a deep injustice in that fact, it wasn’t the only reason. There was something else there. It was in Shaun’s reluctant smiles, his possessiveness toward Jesse, the shy way Shaun touched him…

Jesse tried not to think about that though. Remembering Shaun’s hesitant touch made him feel dizzy and hot.

Jesse had never felt this strongly about anyone—

“Did you guys break up?” Sam poked his head into the room. He gave Jesse a big, shit-eating grin.

Jesse flushed. “No! Fuck you!”

Sam laughed and ducked back out into the hallway.

Jesse listened as his brother’s footfalls faded. He sighed. He wanted to go after Shaun. He wanted to talk to him. He wanted to make him understand that he meant more to Jesse than Emily did, but Jesse knew he had to let Shaun cool off. He knew  if he tried to make Shaun see reason, he’d react with more anger.

“Is Shaun mad?”

Jesse glanced up as Brian shuffled into the room. He looked disappointed.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. He patted the edge of Sam’s bed. Brian climbed up next to him and leaned into his side. “He’ll get over it though.”

“He said we were gonna watch Rambo today,” Brian whined.

“You can watch it later,” Jesse said. He brushed the toddler’s hair back in a soothing manner. “Shaun will be back soon.”

“Like real soon? Like maybe today?”

“Not today,” Jesse said. “Maybe tomorrow.”

They’d see Shaun tomorrow, Jesse said to himself. Jesse would see him first thing in the morning after all. But for now, Jesse had to stay here. He was reminded of his responsibilities downstairs when he heard Lissa start to cry followed by Sam’s muffled yelling. With a groan, he got up to investigate.

The next day Jesse waited eagerly for Shaun to get on the bus. He’d spent the night before, after putting Sam and the twins in timeout for antagonizing Lissa, coming up with a speech. He was rather proud of it. He considered writing it down, maybe getting it published into a self-help book called How to Take Care of Your Impossible Best Friend.

When the bus stopped in front of Shaun’s house, Jesse waited impatiently for him to get on. The driver paused, waited a moment, then shut the door and drove to the next stop. No one got on.

That was weird. Was Shaun sick or something? Jesse had only known him for…about a month. Maybe he skipped class sometimes; but that didn’t make sense either. If anything, Shaun’s mean grandma would have made him go.

Maybe he was avoiding Jesse and the bus ride. Maybe his grandparents were driving him.

That was it, Jesse decided. Shaun would be in second period chemistry, his usual dour self. Jesse wouldn’t be able to deliver his speech in class, but he could wait.

When the bus stopped next, Emily, Kenny and the others got on. Emily’s face lit up when she saw Jesse sitting by himself. She led her brother to the back of the bus and their friends followed.

No one commented on Shaun’s absence.

Everyone started talking at once. They wanted to go out tonight and Jesse was invited. Emily and Sunny mentioned a new movie everyone wanted to see in theaters. There was going to be another get-together afterwards.

Jesse didn’t want to outright say he wasn’t interested. He wasn’t though. He wanted to make-up with Shaun. He made an excuse about babysitting and said he wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to get out of it or not. Kenny gave him a weird look, but Emily told him to “wait and see”. Maybe Monica would give him the night off again. Jesse didn’t want to be too obvious. He didn’t want everyone thinking he’d rather be with Shaun babysitting than with the popular kids at a party. He did though. Whether he’d admit to it or not.

So, he put up with Emily’s excited chatter. He didn’t turn her down. When they got to the high school, he followed her and Kenny into the building. He kept his eye out for Shaun, but they didn’t run into each other.

During first period Jesse wrote and discarded several notes for Shaun. Jordan was curious. He looked over his shoulder more than once as Jesse wrote and wrote. He asked sarcastically if he was writing love notes to Emily.

It seemed everyone knew about their date. Jesse was embarrassed, too. He’d never felt so much pressure for a first date. He wasn’t even sure he was interested in going anymore.

The note was a love letter, all right. It was full of a lot of emotions and heartfelt promises. Shaun would turn bright red when he read it. The thought made Jesse smile.

When math class ended, he stuck the note in his pocket and got ready for a confrontation. He ditched Jordan as soon as he could and hurried to the chemistry room.

Shaun wasn’t there when Jesse arrived. He tried not to be discouraged. He took his seat and sat straight up with his back rigid. He waited expectantly for Shaun to amble in, scowling at everything in creation.

The late bell rang, but still Jesse waited.

And he waited through History.

And through lunch.

And gym.

But Shaun wasn’t in class. He wasn’t in the school at all.

Jesse was hurt. Shaun didn’t seem like the kind of person who would run from his problems, but he’d skipped school entirely to avoid another confrontation.

On the bus ride home Jesse sat beside Emily. He wasn’t happy about it, but he tried his best not to look bored as he listened to her talk about the hilarious movie they were seeing tonight. She wanted Jesse to come. She was adamant about it.

Jesse was unwilling to commit to a night out, but he promised he’d call if he was able to escape his babysitting duties. He told her not to count on it.

That shut her up.

When Jesse and Sam got off the bus, Jesse didn’t even bother going into the house. He turned and started for Shaun’s.

“Where are you going?” Sam called after him.

Jesse didn’t respond. It seemed obvious to him where he was going, so he kept walking. The grass grew in unruly patches between the properties and the weeds tangled in his shoelaces and brushed against his bare arms.

Jesse slowed as he neared Shaun’s lawn. He didn’t know what he should say.

He was divided. He wanted to reprimand him for skipping school. He also wanted to beg for his forgiveness. He didn’t want Shaun to avoid him anymore.

He was still deciding what to say when he crossed the gravel driveway. There were a couple jolly gnomes and a fat frog amongst the shrubbery. Jesse shoved his hands in his pockets and studied the ugly decorations. He chewed his lip and steeled himself. He didn’t want to be caught standing on Shaun’s doorstep. He climbed up the porch, lifted his fist and knocked.

The door was jerked open. Jesse stepped back to make room.

An old woman, Shaun’s grandma Jesse realized, held the door open. She was the spitting image of Shaun. They had the same frizzy hair, the same dark penetrating eyes and the same wide mouth. The only real difference was that her hair was gray, and she was heavyset. Oh, and she was a woman, of course.

“Who are you?” Shaun’s grandma asked in a shrill voice. She furrowed her thick brows and looked him over with apathy.

“I’m ah…” Jesse fidgeted under her stare. He should have been used to getting stared at considering all the time Shaun spent staring at him, but her gaze didn’t feel as…familiar as Shaun’s did. “I’m here to see Shaun. I’m a friend of his…from school.”

The old woman snorted like a pig. She crossed her pudgy arms. “Who are you?” she said again. “Shaun doesn’t have any friends.” Jesse fought not to cringe. He was already starting to see why Shaun disliked her. He’d known her for five seconds and already thought she was crude.

“I’m new in town. I live down the road.” Jesse pointed the way he’d come and the old woman looked over his shoulder skeptically. “Shaun’s been helping me babysit.”

Shaun’s grandma laughed. “Shaun? Babysitting?”

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah?”

When Jesse didn’t immediately back down and change his story, the old woman’s amusement drained away. She scratched her rounded chin. “He did say he was at a friend’s house this week,” she admitted.

“He was talking about me. I’m Jesse.” He considered being a gentleman and offering his hand for a shake, but the old woman had her ham like hands on her hips now. He decided against it. “Is Shaun home?” he asked instead.

She sneered. “Oh, don’t you know?”

Since when had this conversation become a guessing game? “No…?”

“Shaun left this morning. Said he was going to band practice.” She rolled her eyes and looked skywards. “The good Lord has his work cut out with that boy.”

“He’s…with his band?” Jesse said.

Shaun’s grandma glared at him. “Isn’t that what I just said?”

“Well, yes, but I mean…” Why didn’t he tell me? The question sounded pathetic. He bit his tongue before he could finish the thought.

 “Didn’t he tell you?” Shaun’s grandma asked, unintentionally rubbing it in.

Jesse shook his head.

“Well, he’ll be gone all weekend. He and those cretin friends of his are practicing today and playing a show tomorrow night.”

“Tomorrow?!” Jesse leapt at the old woman. “Saturday night?!”

Now Shaun’s grandma was really  looking at him funny. “Are you all right?”

“Do you know where they’re playing?” Jesse pleaded.

Shaun’s grandma pursed her lips. “I have no idea where my grandson is. Do you think he’d forget to tell you where he was going and then tell me?”

“I—”

“That brat has no consideration for anyone but himself. He’s just like his father,” she said sourly. “I’ll tell you one thing, boy, don’t expect too much from my Shaun. All he cares about is his music, his weed, and pissing me off.”

The old lady stepped back and shut the door, but Jesse wedged his foot in the doorjamb.

“Wait,” he said.

The old lady gave him a vicious glare, but there was no way Jesse was missing the chance to see Shaun play. He had to find him.

“Do you know where they practice?”

The old lady crossed her arms again. She stuffed her hands under her armpits. “Not in the slightest.”

“Do you know where they’re going to play?”

“Some bar.”

Jesse sighed. “Well, do you at least know what the band’s called?”

That that struck a chord. “Oh, it’s something silly…” Shaun’s grandma shifted from one slippered foot to the other as she thought. “Execute…something.”

“Execute Something?” That was weird.

The old lady wrinkled her nose. “Execute Invasion,” she said. The words were poison in her mouth. “He carved it into the wall one night. I had Eli plaster over the whole thing.”

“Oh.”

“Hmm. Now, if you’re done asking questions, I’ve got better things to do.”

“Sure,” Jesse said. He pulled his foot out of the jamb. “Thanks.”

The old woman grunted and then slammed the door in Jesse’s face. Jesse shrugged off the lady’s rudeness. He spun, hopped off the porch, and raced home with a new purpose.

 Sam was on the couch when he got back, playing X-box.

“Where’s your friend?” he asked nosily, but Jesse was already running upstairs to be alone. He didn’t answer.

He looked up every bar, club and restaurant within fifty miles on Google. He went down the list, making calls.

It took close to two hours, but finally, finally, Jesse found the place. Execute Invasion was headlining tomorrow night at a biker bar thirty miles away.

Jesse was so excited! He wondered if Shaun had any fan girls or if there’d be a mosh pit. Maybe there’d be an awesome after party with booze! Whatever the case, Jesse couldn’t wait to see his best friend.

Emily’s ears must have been ringing. Just then, Jesse got a text from the girl and their Saturday night plans came rushing back. Fuck…he was supposed to go on a date tomorrow night!

I know you said you couldn’t come tonight, but I was just checking, Emily texted.

Jesse stared at the message. He was drenched in guilt. He felt like Emily watched him through the screen.

I’ll find out when my mom comes home, Jesse texted back. She’ll be here soon.

Jesse had been planning on skipping out on tonight completely, but he was reconsidering that decision. Maybe he owed it to Emily, and it wasn’t like he had anything better to do tonight. He had no way of finding Shaun’s practice space with the scraps of information he’d received. He’d have to wait until tomorrow to make his move.

Cool, Emily said. We can pick you up, if she says you can come out with us.

Jesse sighed and put his phone down. Why was he doing this? He wanted Shaun’s friendship more than he wanted Emily. Hell, he wasn’t sure he needed a girlfriend at all. Hadn’t that been the main goal?

Jesse stayed in his room, contemplating his life choices. He could hear the twins downstairs, but it didn’t sound like Sam needed any help. The sound of cartoons floated from the living room.

About an hour after Emily’s text, Jesse heard the front door open followed by Monica’s voice. Feeling obligated, Jesse dragged himself down to greet her.

 “Mom?”

“Hey Jess.” Monica crouched in front of the twins, giving them hugs. She looked around Jesse curiously. “Where’s your friend?”

“Band practice,” Jesse said.

Brian totted out from the kitchen with a juice pouch. “Shaun’s not here?” he cried. His cheerful face instantly crumbled.

“He’s busy tonight,” Jesse told him.

“Noooo,” Brian whined. He tried to get around Jesse and upstairs, possibly investigating the veracity of the claim for himself. Jesse scooped him up and held him tight.

“Really ?” Monica said. “I was going to give you the night off. I made up an excuse and skipped out early tonight.”

Jesse sighed. Well, looks like he was going to the movies.

“Don’t sound too disappointed,” Monica chuckled.

“I’m not. I got invited to a movie,” he said.

“Sounds fun,” Monica said. She moved into the kitchen. “I’m going to start dinner. Sam, can you keep an eye on the baby?”

“Can you keep an eye on the baby?” Sam repeated in a whiny voice. “When do I get a night off?”

Jesse escaped to the bedroom with Brian in his arms. He flipped the little TV on for the toddler and sat down to send a text to Emily.

Emily was ecstatic. She said they’d be over to pick him up in less than an hour. The movie started at 7:00.

Jesse wanted to cancel the plans for the dance tomorrow, but he couldn’t muster the courage. He’d have to sit through an entire movie with Kenny glaring daggers at him. Fuck, why had he thought dating Emily would ever be a good idea?

“Is that Shaun?” Brian asked. He sat on the floor, watching Jesse text from the edge of Sam’s bed. “Is he coming over?”

“No honey. I told you he’s busy tonight. I’m going to see him tomorrow,” Jesse said. He put his phone away and gestured for Brian to sit in his lap.

The toddler had a long face, but he got up and climbed into Jesse’s arms. “Are you going to his house?”

“I’m going to see Shaun play with his band. At a bar.”

Brian’s face lit up. “I want to come!”

Jesse shook his head. “You can’t. Little kids aren’t allowed. It’s a place for grownups.”

Brian pouted. He pushed Jesse away and stomped out of the room in a toddler rage. Jesse heard him making a mess with Legos in the nursery.

Jesse sighed. He shouldn’t have promised him he’d get to see Shaun today. It wasn’t fair.

He picked something clean to wear and got ready to go. He changed the TV to something semi-interesting, a paranormal show, and waited for his ride.

Forty minutes later, he heard Kenny’s truck pull up in the driveway. He always had his music up way too loud.

Jesse went out to greet his friends before they came to the door. He just wanted to get this over with.

“I’m so glad you can come with us!” Emily said as Jesse got in the truck. She threw her arms around him and squeezed him tight.

“Yeah, me too,” he said. He patted her back awkwardly.

Emily kissed him on the cheek and took his hand. She didn’t look at her brother, but Jesse did.

Kenny watched them like a hawk. It was unnerving. Jesse felt his palm start to sweat, but he didn’t let go of Emily. He was afraid to.

They met up with the crew at the movie theater in town. It was a small place. They were showing four movies on two screens.

Eric and Sara were ahead of them in the ticket line. Eric paid for his girlfriend and Emily whispered in Jesse’s ear.

“They’re such a cute couple.”

Jesse had cash in his pocket. He felt obligated to pay for Emily. She squeezed his hand and rested her head on Jesse’s shoulder as he got tickets for two.

Next, they followed Rick and Lee to the concession stand. Lee wanted popcorn.

“He takes such good care of her,” Emily cooed.

That was his cue. Grudgingly, Jesse forked over another ten bucks for a bucket of popcorn and a drink for Emily. They were surrounded by couples!

 When the lot of them shuffled into the theater, Jesse got squeezed between his date and her brother, Kenny. He held the bucket of popcorn on his lap, in extreme distress. Emily insisted on holding Jesse’s hand the entire time. It was a territorial thing. She was staking her claim. Jesse felt like his skin was crawling with ants. He didn’t have a free hand to scratch though. He was miserable.

The movie started and so did Emily’s relentless chatter. She was a big talker during movies, it seemed. Everything that happened, Emily had some sort of opinion or comment. It was beyond distracting.

Beside him, Kenny laughed at the corny jokes on-screen. On the other side of him, Eric and Jordan tossed popcorn back and forth. Emily sipped loudly on her straw. She never stopped talking.

By the time the credits rolled, Jesse had a major headache. He hadn’t watched the movie. There had been so many conversations going on, food flying, Sunny kept kicking the back of his seat and Lee ran to the bathroom a hundred different times…

He was done with these people. He wanted to go home.

“Come to the party with us,” Emily mewled when they got back in the truck.

“I’ve got a terrible headache,” Jesse said. He squeezed the bridge of his nose for effect. “I wouldn’t be any fun.”

“You weren’t any fun at the movie,” Kenny said.

“Ken! Don’t be such an asshole,” Emily cried.

“He didn’t laugh a single time,” Kenny pointed out. “You sat there like a rock.”

Jesse shrugged. “I don’t feel good. Must have been something I ate at home.”

“Must have been,” Kenny gave him a side-long look and Jesse resolutely looked away.

“I hope you feel better by tomorrow,” Emily said. She drew Jesse’s clammy hand to her lips. She kissed it tenderly. “The dance is going to be so much fun. You can’t miss it.”

This seemed like the perfect opportunity to escape the unwanted event, but Jesse felt Kenny’s eyes on him. His glare was tangible. It was a lot like the death glares Shaun subjected him to. Only, Jesse was scared of what might happen if he dared to challenge it.

Jesse cleared his throat. “I’ll be alright,” he said. “I need a good night’s rest. That’s all.”

On the ride back to Jesse’s, Emily detailed the dinner Saturday night she had previously failed to mention. It was another meet and greet with the parents. How wonderful.

“Can you be at my house? Around 6:00?” she asked.

“Sure.” Jesse was already feeling the panic set in. “I can borrow my mom’s van.”

“Great! I’ll send you the address later tonight.”

They dropped Jesse off in front of his house. Emily had to climb out to give Jesse enough room to escape.

“Don’t be late tomorrow,” Kenny said as Jesse slid out the passenger door.

Jesse paused. “I won’t.”

“You’d better get lots of rest tonight,” he said, giving Jesse a pointed look. “Don’t disappoint my sister.”

Jesse swallowed. The fucking pressure! “I—I won’t.”

“Kenny. Don’t be a creep,” Emily chastised. She put her hand on Jesse’s lower back and drew him away from the truck.

“Don’t worry about him,” Emily said. “He’s not coming to the dance. He won’t bother us.”

“He’s not bothering me,” Jesse said. His lips stretched into a thin smile.

“Well, I think he’s being a pain,” Emily said. She shut her eyes, took a deep breath and then forced a smile on her face. “I’m looking forward to tomorrow.”

“Me too,” Jesse said. His throat was closing up. How was he supposed to get to the dance and the biker bar? He couldn’t miss either.

Emily leaned in and kissed Jesse softly on the lips. It was chaste. It wasn’t anything to write home about, but they had kissed. Right in front of Kenny. It seemed like a power move.

Emily smiled brilliantly when she pulled back. It wasn’t forced. Her eyes twinkled in the moonlight and Jesse felt his heart thudding in his chest, not from excitement, but from absolute terror. He had to make tomorrow night work. He had to try. Kenny would skin him alive if he messed this up.

The nervous anticipation built overnight. Jesse tossed and turned in his bed. He wished Shaun had mentioned he was playing a show Saturday night…he suspected  if he had, Jesse wouldn’t be in this stupid predicament right now.

But he hadn’t and now Jesse had to figure everything out himself.

Jesse got up around noon. He wished he could have slept in longer. The sad part was he could have; Monica had taken the kids for a shopping trip. The house was empty and silent. Jesse was too anxious to enjoy it.

By 5:00, Jesse was a nervous wreck. He was close to calling Emily and canceling.

Shaun’s band started playing around 9:00. The bar was almost an hour away. There was no way he could do the dance and still make it to the bar in time. He had to decide. He’d have to ditch Emily…or take her along.

He decided taking Emily was the route least likely to get him killed. So, Jesse got cleaned up, combed his hair, dressed in his nicest button-up and jeans ensemble and showed up at Emily’s house at 6:00 on the dot.

“Jesse!” Emily threw open the door. She wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so glad you came.”

Emily was dressed in a pink frilly dress and her silver flats. Her hair was in a fancy up-do and she wore little earrings in the shape of crosses. In other words, her outfit was completely inappropriate for a biker bar.

“I said I’d be here,” Jesse said, hugging her back weakly. He was so damned nervous!

Emily’s house was big. The layout was similar to Jesse’s, though it was much nicer both inside and out. The living room screamed class and refinement with its polished hardwood floors, pristine white furniture, artfully arranged flowers on the tables and the beautiful black and white photographs of the countryside on the walls.

Then Emily’s parents stepped into the room. He remembered seeing them briefly on Wednesday and he instantly started to sweat.

“Hello Jesse, nice to see you again.” Emily’s mom stepped forward. She was tall and dark-haired. Her delicate features resembled Emily’s. She hugged Jesse in greeting. He stiffened and bore it silently.

“You too, Mrs. Taylor.”

“Call me Sue, sweetheart,” Emily’s mom said kindly. She could probably smell his unease.

“I’m Paul.” Emily’s dad introduced himself next. He clapped Jesse on the shoulder. “Our daughter’s quite taken with you.”

“I like her, too,” Jesse said in a daze. Paul smiled toothily in reply.

The four of them stared at each other for a moment. Jesse felt sweat beading along his hairline.

Sue clapped her hands together. “Well, let’s get dinner started,” she said. “We know you two lovebirds have a fabulous night planned.” She smiled. Everyone was fucking grinning.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor swept into the other room.

“C’mon Jesse,” Emily called.

Jesse took the brief reprieve to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He expected  his plans for the night wouldn’t sit well with either parent. The thought twisted his stomach into knots. How the fuck was he supposed to eat anything?

Luckily, dinner wasn’t finished. Sue served sparkling water and cheese and crackers in the dining room while she tended to the roast in the kitchen.

Jesse was seated across the table from Emily. Paul sat at the head of the table and his wife was seated at the opposite end, at the only free space available.

Jesse had never been in a house nice enough to have a separate room for dining. The formality of it, from the fancy place settings with linen napkins, multiple forks and the crystal wine glasses, to the strict seating arrangements made Jesse more nervous than ever. The three of them—mostly Emily and her father—chatted about the dance while Sue clattered around in the other room. Jesse was uncomfortable. His mouth was dry, and he savored his bubbly, non-alcoholic drink. He was so glad no one was making him talk about himself. That relief was short lived, however.

Dinner was served. Salad, a roast with potatoes and carrots, and a basket with dinner rolls. Once everyone was seated and dishing food onto their plates, Emily’s parents began to grill Jesse.

They asked a million questions about his family and their move from Detroit. They wanted to know about Jesse’s progress in school and asked him in-depth questions about his future college and career plans. Jesse made most of it up. He had no plans; he wasn’t interested in college and had no idea what kind of career he would fall into. He was embarrassed by his single mother, her failed relationships, and being one of her many offspring. He pulled it off though. Everyone listened with extreme interest as he lied about his grades and talked about wanting to be a doctor. The hard work his mother did at the hospital had sparked his interest and his siblings were his inspiration.

When Jesse was close to finishing his roast the most important question of all came up. Sue asked about Jesse’s beliefs.

“Did he have faith?” “Was his mother a Christian?” “Was he baptized?” “Had he shared the love of Jesus Christ with his siblings?”

Jesse, for the most part, believed in God. But they certainly didn’t have a good relationship. He’d never spent so much time talking about him either. The stupid, circular conversation went on for what felt like forever when it had only been twenty minutes. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but then again, what did it matter? The worst thing that could happen was Emily being barred from the date tonight and that would solve all of Jesse’s problems anyway!

 “Mom, dad, I hate to interrupt, but it’s getting late,” Emily said after another of Jesse’s stilted answers. “We’d better get going. The dance is starting. We don’t want to miss out on the fun.”

“Goodness, I’m sorry,” Sue laughed, sounding anything but. “We’ve been interrogating you for over an hour, haven’t we?”

“That’s all right,” Paul answered for Jesse before he could even open his mouth. “It’s not often Emily brings a boy home. We’re just curious.”

“Er…yeah,” Jesse said.

“Well, can we go now?” Emily gave her father a pleading look with her hands clasped together.

Paul smiled at his daughter. He studied her in silence. After a moment his eyes moved to Jesse.

Jesse didn’t feel comfortable under his scrutinizing stare. He’d rather face Shaun’s death glare any day.

Paul cleared his throat. “You know the rules, Emily. Home by 11:00.”

“Thanks Dad!” Emily went around the table to kiss her father on the cheek. She wasted no time. She rounded the table, took Jesse’s hand and yanked him out of the room. She stopped to grab a dainty purse on the coffee table and then they were rushing out the door.

“Sorry about them,” Emily said once they were in the van. “They’ll soften up once they get to know you.”

“Oh, good.” Jesse started the engine.

“You looked so nervous! Maybe I can make it up to you tonight,” Emily said with a laugh.

Jesse didn’t know what she meant by that, but when he checked the dashboard and saw it was five minutes past 8:00, he firmed his resolve.

 “Would you mind if we skipped the dance?”

Emily’s smile dropped.

“What kind of girl do you think I am?”

“What?”

“Do you seriously think I’ll fuck you just because you picked me up and spent two hours sucking up to my parents?!”

Jesse blinked. “Uh, no. But there is somewhere else I wanted to go.”

“Like back to your room?” Emily snapped. “I can’t believe you!” She tossed her head like an angry horse. She looked strangely fierce all in pink with her hair flying around her.

“No…” Jesse didn’t want to admit where he was planning on going. He knew Emily wouldn’t approve. But she certainly wasn’t happy now.

“I don’t understand. Where would you rather take me than to the dance you promised?”

“A show.” Jesse blurted, hoping to shut her up. “I wanted to see a band.”

“A band?” Emily narrowed her eyes. “Where is this band?”

“Well…” Jesse accidentally bit the inside of his cheek. He tasted blood. “It’s far. It’s like a forty-minute drive. We have to go now, or we’ll miss the beginning.” He glanced at the time again. Another three minutes had passed. “It starts at 9:00.”

Emily stared him down. “You’d better not try to get me drunk.”

“No. Of course not.”

“And you’d better not take advantage of me.”

Jesse had no plans to “take advantage” of anyone. For the first time tonight, he was being totally honest.

“I won’t,” he said.

“All right then,” Emily said. Her expression softened.

Jesse let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He shifted his free hand through his hair, ruining its neatly combed appearance.

“It’s just that…” Emily started. “The guys around here expect you to put out after a couple dates. I went out with you because I thought you’d be different, only…” she laughed. “I thought you were trying to get in my pants before the night had even started.”

Jesse shook his head. “No.” He’d totally given up on getting laid. There was a good chance she wouldn’t come out with him again, either, once she found out whose band they were going to see.

“Guess we’d better hurry then. We’ve only got an hour,” Emily said.

“Right.” Jesse backed out of the driveway and headed toward the freeway. It was the fastest way to the bar according to the directions off Google.

It was 8:10. Jesse stepped on the gas.

Emily was quiet for most of the ride. She turned her attention to her phone. Jesse knew this had been a bad idea, but there was no turning back now.

Jesse tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He was so close to seeing Shaun… The only thing that separated them was distance, and Jesse was rapidly closing the space between them. He was almost embarrassed how intensely he longed to be in Shaun’s presence. He missed him terribly. Maybe it had only been two days, but Jesse was anxious to make sure everything was right between them.

He hoped there wasn’t a bouncer at this place. The bar’s reviews said it was a total shithole frequented by a local biker gang. It was understaffed, the lighting was bad, but the drinks were cheap. Jesse figured  if Shaun was allowed inside, he and Emily would be able to sneak in, too.

Close to the exit, Jesse made a wrong turn that costed them fifteen minutes. He cursed his bad luck and did an illegal U-turn to get back on track.

Jesse scoured the landscape until he found the place. It was right off the highway. There was no visible signage indicating the name of the place, but Jesse knew this grungy bar was it. The parking lot was filled with bikes. It looked like the whole gang had showed up. A few semi-trucks were parked in the back, as well.

“Are you sure this is it?” Emily asked. She’d looked nervously out the window. They were they only van in lot. She pulled at the edge of her dress.

“Yeah.” Jesse felt her pain. He hadn’t dressed up all that much, but he imagined  they would stick out like sore thumbs. “Ah…do you want to wear my hoodie?” He fished around in the back seat for the sweatshirt he’d spotted earlier.

And then he actually found it.

“Oh.” It was Sam’s hoodie. It had stupid anime characters all over it.

Emily glanced at it, looked back at bar, and then snatched it up. “It’s better than nothing,” she said.

Nobody tried to stop them as they walked through the door a quarter after nine. There was no staff guarding the door, no bouncers with wrist bands, nothing. They were late, but just in time as far as Jesse was concerned.

The most amazing guitar riff reverberated across the room as they stepped into the gloomy bar. There were people everywhere, bikers in their leathers, a couple cowboys at the bar, old fat men in suspenders. Jesse scanned the room, but none of that caught his eye.

Shaun looked incredible.

The normally sullen and pinched looking boy stood on a stage against the back wall. His legs were spread in a power stance, his back curved as he bent over his guitar. His head was down, and his mop of frizzy hair obscured his face. His fingers flew over the fret board as the most amazing sound came from him! Jesse couldn’t look away.

“Shaun?” Emily said. “That’s who we’re here to see?” She sucked her teeth, but with a sigh she possessively grabbed Jesse’s arm and drew him toward the stage.

Just then, Shaun threw his head back and…well not to sound gay or anything—because Jesse was definitely straight—but Shaun looked fucking hot. His eyes were shut as he swung his guitar around and nodded his head to the music. He was completely lost in the sound. Sweat beaded on his pale skin and ran down his throat. His whole body moved in rhythm.

Emily found a table and pushed Jesse toward a chair. He stumbled and looked down so he could find his chair. Once he was seated and Emily was squeezing in beside him, he looked up and met Shaun’s wide and surprised eyes.

Caught, Jesse grinned.

The corners of Shaun’s mouth twitched upward ever so slightly. He fumbled and for a few beats, he and Jesse stared at one another, caught in beautiful musical haze. Then Shaun tore into his guitar again. He went back to doing his thing. He broke the eye contact and just like that, the spell was broken, and Jesse was able to take in his surroundings.

The other band members weren’t all that great.

Well, that was a little harsh. From what Jesse could tell, the music was solid. The drummer was pretty good, though he looked bored sitting behind his drum kit. The bassist was all right. He smirked at some cute leather-clad girls near the stage. The guitar, of course, was perfect in every fucking way. No complaints there. But the singer? He sucked. He was clearly drunk. He seemed more interested in yelling and screeching into the microphone than singing in melody.

It was bringing the whole thing down.

“The singer sucks,” Jesse said into Emily’s ear.

“Uh…they’re all pretty bad,” Emily said and Jesse felt himself bristle.

“Shaun’s great,” he said, turning away. He didn’t care what Emily thought, but he’d rather she kept her mouth shut if she was going to say stupid shit like that.

“I’m going to get a drink. I’ll be back,” Emily said and promptly disappeared.

Jesse barely noticed.

The song ended, catching Jesse by surprise. There was a round of halfhearted applause from the bar. Jesse made sure he clapped as loud as he possibly could and when Shaun spared him another incredulous look, he put his fingers in his mouth and whistled.

For a second, Jesse was sure Shaun was going to laugh, but then he looked away.

“OK, guys…” The singer slurred. He gripped the mic stand like it was the only thing keeping him up. “Here’s another original for ya. It’s called ‘Swallow the World’.”

Shaun cut through the last of the singer’s intro with another insane guitar riff. Jesse squirmed in his seat, fighting the urge to scream out loud like a stupid fan girl.

He’d totally known Shaun was cool…ever since he’d met him. But now that they were friends… That awesome figure on the shitty stage, oozing musical genius, became this unattainable God or something! It was hard to believe he’d had that boy in his house, had him lying in his bed every day the past week, smoking weed with him like it was no big deal. Jesse was star struck.

“Hey, I got you one.” Emily said. She plopped a beer down in front of him and then returned to her seat. She sighed heavily and continued to be an enormous buzz kill.

Shaun’s band played two more original songs and then did a few covers.

Jesse continued to be amazed by his best friend. He never wanted this moment to end, but at the same time, he couldn’t wait for them to finish the setlist so he could go and talk to Shaun. The desire to be at his side was overwhelming.

Emily looked bored. Her mood slowly shifted to angry as Jesse continued to ignore her.

After what seemed like hours and mere minutes all at once, the singer said “goodnight” to the audience and was applauded off the stage. He went straight to the bar.

The other band members started breaking their shit down. Shaun purposefully didn’t look Jesse’s way, but he was moving unnaturally slow like he was waiting for something.

“I’ve gotta go say hi.” Jesse excused himself. “I’ll be back,” he promised before he ran to the stage.

He twisted his way through the tables. They were close together and packed with bikers, but nothing was keeping Jesse from Shaun.

“Oh my god! You were so good!” Jesse cried once he was within earshot. Shaun straightened up and pushed his wild hair back with an absent hand. He stared down at Jesse, the slight smile from earlier teasing the edges of his lips. Jesse had tried to convince himself the entire walk over not to, but he pulled himself up the side of the stage and threw his arms around Shaun. He hugged him tightly.

“Jesse!” Shaun hissed.  His hands rested heavily on Jesse’s shoulder blades. He was tense, but he didn’t push him away.

Jesse let go. He straightened up with a laugh, hoping to brush off the awkward moment. “You should have warned me you were so awesome.” He smiled hugely. “I had an idea, but…wow. You’re amazing, Shaun.”

Shaun blushed. He looked around shifty-eyed. No one but Emily, the bassist and the drummer were looking at them though. The drummer looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“C’mon.” Shaun pulled him off the stage and to the side, giving them a little privacy. At least it was dark over here.

“You were,” Jesse said once they were more or less alone. “I’ve never seen anyone play that good.”

“You’re a jackass,” Shaun said. He grinned, showing his teeth.

Jesse opened his mouth. He wanted to say all the things he’d saved up since Thursday night, but nothing would come out.

Shaun was sweaty and flushed. His dark eyes were charged with an incredible energy. He radiated confidence and power. Jesse stood in front of a total stranger. A sexy, impassioned stranger.

They stared into each other’s eyes. Jesse looked deep into the dark and swirling depths, searching for traces of the boy he knew from school. He looked so deep, he felt himself falling into those eyes. His head spun.

“Whoa,” he muttered. He looked away. He had to. He reached out and grabbed the wall to steady himself.

“You OK?” Shaun was at his side in an instant. He raised a hand to help, but he never touched Jesse. His hand hung there in the air, suspended. Jesse stared at it instead of meeting Shaun’s questioning gaze.

“Fuck you, I’m fine,” Jesse mumbled. He shook his head and tried to reorient himself.

“Fuck you too,” Shaun shot back, good-naturedly. “How’d you find me anyway?”

“I went to your house after school,” Jesse said. He chanced another look at Shaun. “Your grandma told me you’d skipped class to practice for tonight’s show.”

If Shaun minded him going behind his back to talk to his grandmother, he didn’t show it. Instead, he looked confused.

“She doesn’t know where we play.”

“Yeah, I had to call every bar in a hundred-mile radius, looking for one headlining Execute Invasion.” Jesse poked Shaun in the chest. Shaun’s mouth curled up at the edges. He looked smug. “Don’t laugh at me. I came all the way out here, just to see you,” Jesse said, his voice softening unconsciously.

Shaun was smiling at him, as much as he ever smiled anyway, and everything felt like it was back to normal. Shaun wasn’t mad, Jesse was joking around, they were talking like they’d never argued in the first place, but something felt off.

“Are you all right?” Shaun cocked his head to the side as if he could assess Jesse’s health by looking at him from a different angle. “Do you want me to take you home?” he asked softly.

“I…ah…” Jesse hesitated. Not because he didn’t want that. He did. He wanted Shaun to take him home. He wanted Shaun all to himself, but… “Emily’s with me.”

“Yeah.” Shaun’s face darkened at the reminder. “I saw her.”

“I wouldn’t have brought her but…” Jesse felt like an asshole admitting that aloud, but it was the truth.

“Don’t tell me you dragged her from that fucked up church thing and brought her here?”

Jesse shrugged. “We didn’t even make it to the dance.

Shaun smirked. He glanced toward the crowded part of the bar where Emily sat and continued to look smug. Jesse didn’t follow Shaun’s eyes. He hoped Emily wasn’t looking their way.

“She thought I was bringing her here so I could take advantage of her,” he admitted. “I thought she was going to beat me up.”

“I think she still might,” Shaun said cryptically. He was still looking over Jesse’s shoulder.

“Oh fuck…is she watching us?” Jesse bit his lip. He knew Emily was staring at them… It was like he was chatting up a cute girl while his girlfriend furiously watched. This wasn’t the situation at all, but he still felt horrible.

“Oh yeah. She looks pissed.”

“Fuck,” Jesse cursed under his breath.

“C’mon. I’ll take you home. You don’t have to go with her,” Shaun urged. He looked intently at Jesse. “We can get the fuck out of here…together,” He breathed. He sounded desperate.

Jesse bit the inside of his cheek again.

“Ow,” he muttered. He rubbed his bottom lip as he considered what to do. Shaun watched him with narrowed eyes. “I drove,” he said slowly. “I can’t leave the van…I can’t ditch her.”

Shaun looked angry. He straightened up and squared his shoulders. An invisible barrier shot up between them.

“I’m—” Jesse fought the urge to apologize. “Can I come over tomorrow?”

Shaun sneered. “Don’t you have to go to church with your little girlfriend?”

Jesse had, in fact, promised to sit with Emily and her parents Sunday morning. Why did he keep promising people shit?!

“After church,” he clarified.

Shaun looked displeased and Jesse was sure he’d refuse, but he nodded shortly. “Tomorrow. When you’re done with Emily.”

“OK.” Jesse smiled brilliantly. He leaned forward. He wanted to hug his friend again, or at least touch him, but he abandoned the idea when Shaun bristled and his whole body tensed. Jesse sighed. He gave his friend one last long look and then turned to go back to Emily.

Emily sat right where Jesse had left her. There were two dirty looking guys in leather vests sitting on either side of her now. They were trying to get her attention. Emily ignored them completely. She only had eyes for Jesse, and she glared at him angrily as he approached.

“C’mon sweetie, tell us your name.” One of the guys said as Jesse neared the table. He looked like a real badass with a bandana on his head and tattoos covering his prominently displayed arms. His friend chuckled under his breath.

“Yeah, we helped you get those beers. We can tell you’re looking for a good time.” This biker was completely bald. He had a huge beard and both ears pierced.

“A girl doesn’t come to a bar all dressed up to ignore everybody,” the first biker said.

Jesse stopped next to the table. He didn’t know what to do.

Emily glared at Jesse. She didn’t make eye contact with either biker, even as they leaned into her face to get her attention. “We need to talk,” she said, poking her finger at Jesse.

“Um…” Jesse hovered next to the table, staring into Emily’s angry face. “Want to go outside?”

The two bikers laughed.

“Yes,” Emily said. “Now.”

“Honey, why would you go anywhere with that little boy?” The bandana’ed biker asked sarcastically. “Why don’t you come sit with us?”

Emily turned and emptied the remainder of Jesse’s beer on the biker’s head.

“Screw you,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” She dropped the bottle on the floor and jumped up. She ran at Jesse and spun them toward the nearest exit. They ran.

“Shit! Why did you do that?!” Jesse yelled over the sound of the two bikers screaming after them.

“Get back here bitch!”

“We’re going to teach you a lesson!”

Jesse and Emily burst through the front door and together, they sprinted for the van.

Jesse unlocked the doors. They jumped in the vehicle and he slammed the keys into the ignition.

“Hurry up!” Emily yelled. The bikers had brought their friends along. Five of them spilled into the parking lot.

Jesse started the engine and reversed from their spot. The bikers spotted them instantly. The group swarmed the van.

“This is so fucked up,” Jesse hissed under his breath. He shifted into drive and punched the gas. They flew past the bikers and whipped onto the road. In seconds, the bikers and their bar were lost in the rearview mirror.

“Did you have to do that?!” he yelled. Emily was catching her breath. She glared at him.

“They were trying to pick me up!” Emily cried. “You didn’t even notice. You were too busy obsessing over Shaun.” She made a face, like the name passing her lips made her sick.

“Fuck…” Jesse had screwed up tonight. He should have made an excuse and canceled. He could have said he had to babysit or that he was sick or…something! Emily and Kenny would have gotten over it eventually.

“I need to tell you something important…if you’ll listen,” Emily said after a moment of silence. She’d calmed down. She even attempted to look earnest when she met Jesse’s eyes.

Jesse looked away, back at the road. It was getting late. Before, when they’d been driving up here, there had been other people on the road but now it was all but deserted. Emily had an eleven o’clock curfew, and it was just past 10:30 now.

Jesse sped up until he was going almost twenty over the limit.

“It’s about Shaun,” Emily said.

Jesse looked at her. “What?”

Emily rolled her eyes. “You’re obsessed with him.”

“I’m not,” Jesse said forcefully. “We’re friends. That’s all.”

Emily shook her head. “We’ve all told you he’s not friend material. We’ve all told you to stay away from him, too, but you’ve totally ignored us.”

Jesse furrowed his brow. How was this important?

“To you, Shaun must seem…like a…normal person,” she said slowly.

“Normal?” That wasn’t exactly how Jesse would describe Shaun. Who was normal anyway?

“Shaun’s not normal, Jesse,” Emily said firmly. “And now that we’re dating, I can’t stand by and let you be friends with someone like him.”

Jesse pulled a face. Shaun was right, Emily was a cunt sometimes. She and her friends wanted to make Shaun this terrible boogie man so he wouldn’t spend time with him anymore. What did it matter to them who he hung out with?!

“What are you going to say, Emily? Are you going to tell me about that time Shaun shoved someone and insulted them? I don’t care about that dumb shit.”

“No,” Emily said. “I’m going to tell you a story.”

Jesse snorted. “A story?”

“It’s like an urban legend around here,” Emily said tautly. “But it really  happened. I saw it happen.”

Jesse ground his teeth together. “It?”

Emily tucked her hair behind her ears and turned so her back was to the window. She looked at Jesse straight-on. “When we were kids, like seven or eight, Shaun and I were in the same classroom. I think it was first grade.”

“One day, Shaun came to school, and he was…covered in bruises and cuts.” Emily touched her face. “He had a black eye and a split lip… I mean, it was obvious he’d been beaten.”

“Was he being bullied?” Jesse asked. He felt bad, but this was hardly a story worth telling. It wasn’t particularly damning. Jesse got in fights sometimes, too. He hadn’t been seven or eight at the time, but Shaun was different.

“Yeah. They thought some older kids might have messed with him. Even back then Shaun had a mouth on him.” Jesse smiled at that. He bet Shaun had been a real hellraiser as a kid. “But Shaun denied it,” Emily said. “He said he was fine and honestly, besides the bruises, he seemed OK. They hadn’t even taken him out of the classroom at this point, because he was so calm.”

“They couldn’t get Shaun to name any names. So, they took him to the nurse to get patched up, and they called his parents to pick him up.”

“You mean his grandparents,” Jesse said.

“No, his parents,” Emily said. “He didn’t live with his grandparents back then. He had a mom and dad like everyone else. Once.”

Jesse’s eyebrows climbed into his hairline.

“Well, his parents never picked up the phone,” Emily said. She paused dramatically before dropping the bomb. “They were both dead.”

“Oh.” Jesse had guessed something bad had happened to Shaun’s parents. He hadn’t known if it was abandonment or death or just a bad fight that kept Shaun from his natural mother and father, but since Shaun had had such a bad reaction to even the word “parents” Jesse had never tried to figure it out. But they were dead? Both of them?

“They didn’t just die, Jesse,” Emily said. “His mother was murdered by his father. Then he killed himself.” The girl in the pink dress looked utterly horrified. She had her hand pressed to her chest. “I won’t go into the details, because I don’t know them all, but I guess Shaun’s father came home from work, beat Shaun until he couldn’t move and then turned on his wife. He stabbed her; I think. He killed himself next. He slit his throat and bled to death. And you know what?”

“What?” Jesse whispered.

“Shaun watched the whole thing. And he came to school the next day because he didn’t want anyone to find out his parents were dead. He’d wanted to keep it a secret.”

For some reason, that gave Jesse the chills.

“I saw him Jesse. He was completely normal, talking and acting like he always did. He wasn’t bothered by it at all. He went away for a while. He wasn’t in school for a couple of months, but when he showed up again, he was living with his grandparents. They brought him to church sometimes and in Sunday school, our teacher tried to get him to talk about his parents and you know what he said? He started talking about how he’d kept his father’s bowie knife. The one his dad had used to slit his throat. Said he liked to keep it close because it reminded him of his dad.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not!” Emily cried. “Something is deeply wrong with that kid! He hasn’t killed anyone, Jesse, but he’s threatened people…he’s hurt them…who knows when he’s going to snap.” Emily snapped her fingers for effect. “He’ll go crazy one day. Who knows what he’ll do!”

“Not…everyone with crazy parents grows up to be a mass murderer, you know,” Jesse said weakly.

“I know, but you’ve got to admit he’s pretty weird. I mean, what kind of kid watches their parents die right in front of them, and concludes they’d better not tell anyone?”

“I—I don’t know,” Jesse said. He thought about the menacing look Shaun got in his eyes, sometimes. It wasn’t…normal. It was like a vicious animal looking at helpless prey. Jesse had never seen a look like that before and maybe it was because Shaun had seen things other people had not. Things Jesse had never even imagined. With a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he remembered Shaun showing Brian that violent movie, explaining all those gory deaths in graphic detail. He shuddered. Was Shaun a psychopath?

“I didn’t want to say anything. None of us did because, frankly, it’s a sick story,” Emily said. “He’ll kill me if he finds out I told you. He gets really  upset when anyone brings it up.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Thanks for telling me.”

“You’re welcome.” Emily was completely relaxed now. She leaned back against the window. “I hope you’ll at least think about keeping your distance.”

Jesse shrugged. Even now he wasn’t ready to write Shaun off that easily.

Emily looked at the dash. “We’re going to be late,” she said.

“Oh.” Jesse had forgotten. He sped up a little more. There weren’t any cops way out here anyway.

“It’s OK. I’ll just make up something,” Emily said.

“They’ll never let me take you out again,” Jesse said with a laugh. It was funny because he wasn’t really that upset.

“You can convince them you’re a good Christian boy tomorrow. Just go along with whatever I say.”

Jesse sighed. He’d already resigned himself to church early the next morning.

“I’ll be there,” he said with an unenthusiastic smile. If she noticed the lack of feeling behind it, she didn’t mention it.

Chapter Text

Shaun watched as the bikers chased after Jesse and his idiot girlfriend. He’d noticed the two, leather-clad mongrels messing with Emily long before Jesse had. He’d hoped she’d join up with them and go have a gang bang, but apparently, she wanted Jesse more. Shaun wasn’t surprised. He understood the sentiment.

He was worried. He jumped off the stage and peered out the nearest window. He’d beat some biker ass if they were bothering Jesse.

An intervention wasn’t needed. Jesse and Emily drove out of the lot in what he recognized as Jesse’s mom’s van. The group of bikers waved their fists and spat profanity, but they didn’t continue the chase.

“Who the fuck was that?” Danny asked when he returned to the stage.

Shaun shrugged. His guitar was in its case and the cords to his amp were reeled in. There wasn’t much left to do by this point, but he put his head down and made himself look busy to avoid questioning.

He wasn’t getting away with it that easily.

“Yeah, who was that?” Ben cut in. “Was that one of your friends from school?”

 “Yep,” Shaun said.

“Why was he hugging you?” Danny asked and Shaun bristled and squared his shoulders.

This was exactly why he’d been avoiding questions! Why had Jesse had to hug him like that?! Why couldn’t he have waited until they were alone to do stupid gay shit like that?!

“I don’t know,” he grumbled.

“No, seriously, he was all over you!” Danny laughed.

“He liked the set, I guess,” Shaun said in a lame defense.

Danny snorted with amusement. “Too bad the ladies don’t react the same way, huh? You might actually get laid sometime.” There was a significant pause and Shaun held his breath as he shifted his guitar and amp around. Danny watched him for a moment and then burst into laughter. “Maybe you’re fucking that guy.”

Shaun kicked his amp out of the way and lunged at Danny. His hands went around the asshole’s throat. Danny’s laughter was cut short. His eyes popped out of his head.

“Shaun!” Ben hissed. He stepped between the guitarist and the drummer and shoved Shaun back a few paces. Shaun, wild-eyed and burning with anger, clenched his fists open and shut. He wanted to kill Danny for saying that!

“We’re not fighting on stage,” Ben said. He pushed Shaun again, back to his guitar and his amp. “Go load that up and I’ll get you a beer.”

“Fuck you, Ben,” Shaun said darkly, but he followed his directions. Danny rubbed his throat, but he still looked terribly amused. He’d stopped laughing at least.

“You’re not…fucking that guy, right?” Ben asked after the equipment had been loaded into their individual cars. Danny and Will were at the bar, getting even drunker, but he and Ben sat at a table in a dark corner. The girls Ben had been flirting with all night were a few tables over, still trying to catch his eye, but unfortunately for them, Ben only flirted for fun.

“What are you talking about?” Shaun was on his way to drunk and was feeling quite nice. He kept thinking about Jesse and how cool it was he’d ruined his first date with Emily to come and see him play. The thought made Shaun smile.

“That guy you were talking to,” Ben said. “He isn’t your—”

“He’s my best friend,” Shaun said with a smile. He completely missed Ben’s insinuation.

Ben smiled back, gently. “I didn’t know you had any friends.”

“Just him,” Shaun corrected, in case Ben started to think he was popular or something.

He was ugly, people hated and were afraid of him… It didn’t matter if he was a great guitarist, or that he was in one of the most brutal death metal bands in two hundred miles, none of that mattered to anyone at school.

And then came Jesse, out of the blue. Jesse liked him for no reason at all, really. He’d seen past all of Shaun’s bullshit and actually gave a shit about the person he was underneath.

Jesse was special.

Shaun smiled again.

“Man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so much.” Ben pointed out. “It’s kind of creepy.”

“Screw you,” Shaun said, not letting the bassist’s words affect him. He wished Jesse could have stayed and gotten drunk with them, but Ben wasn’t so bad. In fact, Ben was the closest thing to a friend Shaun had ever had before Jesse. Shaun wished he’d introduced his two friends to each other, but the moment had passed.

“Hey! You guys!” Will stumbled over with a giggling blonde on his arm. “This is my new friend…” He paused as he waited for the girl to introduce herself.

“Lily,” she said. Her shirt was so lowcut, her tits almost spilled out as she leaned over the table.

“Lily’s invited us back to her friend’s house for a party.” Will squeezed the blonde closer to him. She giggled and Will dropped his arm to grab her ass. “Wanna come with?”

Ben shook his head. “I’ve got to get back to Angela.”

“What about you?” Will glanced in Shaun’s direction.

“No… I should get back.” Shaun said. He didn’t want to go to some stranger’s house… He had to be home early tomorrow for Jesse.

“Back to your grandma and grandpa?” Will asked in a stupid baby voice. “Whatever.” He turned away, pulling the blonde along. Shaun disinterestedly watched them go.

“Are you OK to drive?” Ben asked. He’d only had one beer, which was pretty ridiculous since the owner who’d booked them had given Will a bunch of free beer tickets.

“Yeah, I guess.” Shaun finished his drink. He really didn’t want to go home. He usually liked to stay out until Sunday, but he’d put up with Ruth’s bitching and Eli’s well-meaning advice if it meant he got to see Jesse a little sooner.

After he’d stormed out of Jesse’s room the other day, he’d wanted to go back and apologize the second he got home. It wasn’t that he was sorry for insulting Emily, because he wasn’t. Realizing most of his anger was because he was jealous, though, hadn’t been pleasant. The discovery had enraged him, embarrassed him, and made him extremely worried if Jesse found out the depth of his…feelings… for him that he’d be abandoned.

Nevertheless, Shaun had spent their time apart obsessing over Jesse. He was getting used to it, too, but he was also sickened by how attached he was. It wasn’t normal to need him all the time. The desire to have Jesse all to himself was overwhelming. It wasn’t healthy…plus it seemed incredibly gay. But right now, Shaun wasn’t worried about it.

The entire ride home Shaun replayed Jesse’s rapt expressions in his head. Jesse had barely looked away from him the entire night and even though Shaun had tried not to stare at him, he’d felt Jesse’s gaze caressing him, stroking his ego with a tender hand.

The house was quiet when Shaun got home. He snuck into his room, scowling around the now clean space. Fuck Ruth. It was his room. Why couldn’t he keep it dirty?

Whatever. He was tired. He wasn’t in the mood to take a shower, or even change, so, he flopped back on his bed and kicked off his boots.

He was half-asleep when his arm started itching. Groggy, he yanked his sleeve back.

The nasty cut he’d added to his collection a few days ago stared back at him. It was healing nicely since Jesse had bugged him into cleaning it out and bandaging it properly, but it must have been pulled open while he played. It was oozing  dark blood.

“Fuck,” he muttered. He winced as he scratched the edges of the wound. The blood smeared across his scarred forearm and he wiped it on his stomach. He’d have to get a shower in the morning before Jesse came over.

He pulled his sleeve up and ignored the throbbing. He eventually fell asleep.

“You’re home early.” Shaun sat up. His eyes focused on a figure in the doorway. It was Ruth. He grumbled and rolled out of bed. He trudged to the closet and picked out something clean to wear.

“You’re bleeding,” Ruth tutted as she watched Shaun pick through his clothes. “You’re not a child anymore. This little ‘habit’ of yours has to stop.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shaun growled. He ripped a black thermal shirt off its hanger.

Ruth pursed her lips together. “Your friend was looking for you on Friday.”

“I know. He came and found me,” Shaun said, almost to himself. He smiled softly as he moved to the dresser to get a pair of pants and some underwear. He had an urge to be clean and presentable, or at least not his usual ogre-like self.

“What?”

“Nothing.” Shaun gathered a pair of hunting pants. They were patterned with leaves and bark and shit like that. He found boxers and some clean socks and then pushed past Ruth on his way to the bathroom. She squawked with indignation.

“Excuse you,” she sneered.

Shaun dumped his armload of clothes on the bathroom counter. “Jesse’s coming over today. If he knocks, let him in,” he said, then he slammed the bathroom door.

Shaun undressed in front of the mirror. He didn’t normally like to look at himself, but he was feeling particularly self-conscious today.

His body was covered in cuts. The one on his arm wasn’t too bad. There was dried blood surrounding it from last night, but it had scabbed over. The old one on his thigh had closed in a red, angry line. For a while, it had been touch and go. The wound had festered with puss for days. Shaun had poured a whole bottle of alcohol on it and wound it up tight in gauze.

He scrubbed his skin harshly under the shower. His body was an ugly mess of cuts, bruises, and scars. Lots of scars. He was embarrassed, but he rarely regretted them. They always felt so good to make.

He dried off and dressed the wound on his arm. He didn’t want Jesse to see any blood or to ask any questions. He put his clothes on and made sure everything was covered. He ran a comb through his hair, even though it was hopeless. It wouldn’t lay flat. He looked better though, and he was eager to see Jesse, no matter how queer it sounded.

Shaun was in remarkably high spirits when he returned to his bedroom. He was slightly disappointed Jesse wasn’t already here. At least he’d get to greet him personally.

The thought was a magical cue; there was a knock at the front door. It couldn’t be anybody but Jesse. Shaun got up to answer it.

“Hey,” Shaun said as he opened the door. He smiled.

“Hi.” Jesse stood with his hands twisted in front of him. Distress rolled off his form in tsunami-sized waves. He snuck a cautious look at Shaun and then glanced away. Shaun felt his stomach drop. Jesse knew.

 “I’m going to kill that bitch,” he growled. “It was Emily that told you, right?”

“Yes, but… Please don’t,” Jesse pleaded. He reached out for one of Shaun’s clenched fists, but Shaun jerked his hand out of reach. “She…thinks she’s doing what’s best,” he said in a tiny voice.

“Fuck her,” Shaun said and then after a pause, “And fuck you.”

“Shaun…”

Eli poked his head into the kitchen. His face lit up. “We have company,” he said.

Shaun bared his teeth. “Why don’t you just go,” he hissed, now thoroughly pissed off.

“No,” Jesse said. “I wanna talk.”

Eli edged into the room, eager to insert himself into the conversation, but that was completely unacceptable. Shaun growled with frustration, grabbed Jesse’s arm and yanked him outside.

“I don’t know why I fucking invited you here. There’re too many people home,” Shaun muttered as he dragged Jesse to the garage.

“You’ve been to my house, right? Five brothers and sisters and a nosey mom,” Jesse said with a nervous laugh. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere we can be alone.”

The garage was cluttered with just about everything but a car. There were gun racks mounted to the back wall. Eli’s workbench of tools and a massive jigsaw were on the wall to the right. Across from that was Shaun’s guitar and his amp. It was his practice space.

Shaun let Jesse go the moment they entered. He went straight to the swivel chair by the bench and sat down. Jesse stood in the middle of the dusty room. He kicked a loose screw on the floor.

“What do you want?” Shaun asked.

“I…” Jesse fidgeted. “I just—”

“Want to know if it’s true?” Shaun finished for him.

Jesse met Shaun’s eyes. His top teeth worried his lower lip. “Yeah.”

“Why? So you can tell everyone at school that I’m a freak?” Shaun snapped.

“I’m not going to tell anyone!” Jesse said adamantly. “Nothing between us has changed. I don’t think any less of you,” he said, and Shaun sneered. “I promise if you don’t want to talk about it…that’s fine. I won’t ever bring it up again.”

Shaun clutched the arms of the swivel chair. His fingers went white from the pressure. He didn’t want to talk about his parents. The chance Jesse would betray him was high, especially if he kept hanging out with that bitch Emily.

But Jesse was his friend. He’d been worried about Shaun when he hadn’t shown up for school. He’d gone out of his way to see Shaun play. Jesse stood in front of him now, looking fearful but determined and Shaun was vaguely impressed. What the fuck had gone through his head after Emily had told him the urban legend of Shaun’s parents? They all thought the same thing… Shaun was a psycho and one day he would snap and become a mass murderer. Why was Jesse even here?

Shaun decided to bite the bullet. “I always knew there was something wrong with my parents,” he began. He stared Jesse straight in the eye, silently daring him to look away. Jesse didn’t. “They got married young, just out of school because Mom was pregnant and that’s what you do when you’re raised Catholic.”

“That baby was stillborn.”

Jesse sucked in a breath of surprise.

“A year later they had me,” Shaun continued. “I was a surprise. An unhappy one. They hated each other, and neither of them wanted a baby, but they were too…fucked up to just get a divorce and move on with their lives. So, my entire childhood was spent watching them argue,” Shaun said bitterly. “When I was growing up, my mom started seeing other men. She brought them home sometimes when dad was at work, but more often than not, she went out to see them and she’d leave me home by myself for hours because she couldn’t be bothered. She wasn’t a good mom.”

“Dad was a drunk. I don’t think I have a single memory of him being sober. He worked odd jobs but never held anything down for long. He was too addicted to the bottle to care about stuff like showing up for work,” Shaun said. “He knew my mom was cheating on him. He’d call her a whore and smack her around. He seemed to enjoy it. It was fucked up, Jesse. Nobody but us knew what was going on in that house,” he said and Jesse looked away. His bottom lip trembled. 

“When I started school, mom spent more and more time with her boyfriends and the arguing between my parents got more violent. When I was five, dad broke mom’s arm. When I was six, he broke her ribs. When I was seven, he knocked her teeth out.”

“Oh God,” Jesse winced. “Where you around when it happened?”

“Of course,” Shaun said. “They never did anything in private.”

“Why didn’t she just leave?” Jesse asked.

“I swear she was a glutton for punishment,” Shaun said. “But she listened to her parents. They pressured her to stay in the marriage. They were assholes, but they fixed her teeth and brought us food when dad was out of work. They paid our bills when my dad couldn’t. They must have known about the abuse, but they were more concerned about the sanctity of marriage. My mom wanted to please them. So, she worked around their rules as best she could.”

“The people in there?” Jesse pointed back toward the house. He looked horrified.

“No,” Shaun said. “My mom’s parents wanted nothing to do with me after my dad…after everything happened. They moved away and washed their hands of us. Ruth and Eli are my dad’s parents.”

“Oh.”

“Just shut up and let me finish,” Shaun said impatiently. This story brought up so many bad memories and feelings, but there was no way he was going to stop now.

“A few weeks after I started first grade, I came home from school and Mom was up in her room throwing clothes in a bag. She said she was leaving. Her face was bruised up. Dad must have beat her after I left for school.” Shaun’s expression grew pinched as he remembered the last conversation he’d ever had with his mother. “She said she didn’t care what happened to me and my dad and that we could all go to hell. She said she couldn’t stand to be here anymore.”

“She said that to you?” Jesse asked softly, sounding more hurt than Shaun had ever been.

“She didn’t like me. It was obvious,” Shaun said. He wished he felt sad over the injustice, but ultimately, he felt nothing. “By then I’d lost all allusions of what a good Mom was supposed to be.”

“I’m sorry, Shaun,” Jesse said in a gentle voice.

Shaun shrugged. “Dad came home right in the middle of our conversation. He’d been out getting more beer, and he was already upset. I’ve never seen him so upset.”

“Mom got this really scared look on her face and she closed up her bag really fast, grabbed it and ran downstairs like she was going to run out. But Dad caught her first.”

“They were yelling and screaming at each other. I don’t remember what they were saying. There was a thump and Mom’s voice went quiet.”

“I stood in their room, listening to my Dad yell and yell and have nobody answer him. I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. He carried mom over his shoulder, and she was unconscious. Her eyes were closed, and her face was blank. I stood there in a panic. I was stupid. I should have hidden in the closet, but it was too late, Dad saw me standing in his room, and he dropped mom.”

“I didn’t like her very much, but I was scared,” Shaun muttered. He dug his fingers into the armrests of the chair as the most traumatic event in his life played out in his mind. “I’d never seen my mom like that. There was blood coming out of her mouth and she wasn’t moving. I thought she was dead.”

“Was she?” Jesse whispered.

“No. Not yet. I tried to touch her but Dad he…he hit me across the face and knocked me to the ground. I was only a kid then. I would have hit the bastard back, but I wasn’t strong enough. He overpowered me easily and kicked me over and over. He screamed at me. He told me I ruined his life and shit. I cried and begged him to stop, but he kept kicking me until I went silent.”

Jesse moved like he was going to come forward, his hands held out in a vaguely comforting manner. Shaun shot him a glare. He needed to get through this without Jesse’s useless pity. Jesse caught the message and stayed where he was.

“I crawled into the hallway. My body hurt all over. I could barely move,” Shaun said. “Dad gave up on me once I was out of the way. He didn’t come after me.”

“Shaun—”

“Shut up,” Shaun snapped. Jesse’s blue eyes were teary, but the story was at its climax. “He shut the door, but it bounced open again. The frame was broken from all the times he and mom had slammed it, but Dad didn’t notice. He picked mom up and tossed her on the bed. He pulled her dress up and climbed on top of her. He raped her.”

“I had a perfect view from the hallway. I was horrified, but I barely even blinked. I watched the entire thing play out.”

“Jesus,” Jesse cursed under his breath.

“Mom woke up in the middle of it and struggled to get away. Dad he…he screamed at her and held her down. He hit her in the face again and again until she was still. His fists were bloody, and I couldn’t make out her features anymore. There was nothing but blood,” Shaun said. “Then he fucked her again. This time, he finished.”

“When he got off her, he looked around the room for something. He pushed stuff off tables, tore through their drawers and then he pulled out his hunting knife. I don’t know why he had it in their room. It belonged in the closet downstairs with the hunting supplies, but he had it under some clothes in the dresser. He took it out and laid down on top of Mom. He whispered something in her ear, and I don’t know if she was alive to hear it, but he talked for so long that I started to relax. I thought it was over and that Mom would go to sleep and Dad would go back downstairs and get drunk. I thought everything would be normal again. But then he sunk his knife into her stomach. Then he stabbed her in the chest. He stabbed her until blood dripped off the edge of the bed and pooled on the floor.”

“I cried,” Shaun admitted. “I’d seen death before. Dad and Grandpa had taken me hunting. I’d watched them gut and skin all kinds of animals and I hadn’t thought much of it, but seeing my own mother bleeding out was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”

“…Jesus…” Jesse said again. His hand was over his mouth. Shaun wondered if he was going to be sick.

“And then Dad fucked her again, going real slow like he was savoring it. I kept waiting for Mom to push him off and tell him it hurt, but she didn’t move. She was dead. Very dead. When he was done using her body he laid back and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes. I was afraid to look away. I was afraid to move and get his attention, so I lay there, watching him, hoping he wasn’t going to come for me next, but then he stuck his knife in his throat and he made the most horrible choking sounds. He jerked around on the bed and writhed in agony. His feet tangled in the sheets and he pushed the blankets to the floor. The knife fell out of his hand and blood gushed out of his throat. He stopped moving.”

“What did you do?”

“I fell asleep there, waiting for them to move,” Shaun said slowly, refusing to look Jesse in the eye. “When I woke up the next morning and they were still lying in bed, I couldn’t believe it. How could they be dead?  They lived to make my life miserable. And suddenly, they were gone? Just like that?”

“I was stupid, I convinced myself, if I went about my normal day, my parents would wake up and everything would go back to normal,” Shaun said. “So, I picked myself up, got ready for school like I did every morning and before I went to the bus stop, I took dad’s knife.”

“Why?”

“I kept thinking when they woke up, Dad might try to hurt Mom again or that she would hurt him in retaliation. I wanted to remove the temptation.” Shaun looked at his pale, scarred hands. He remembered holding that bloody knife, all those years ago, his childish fingers trembling with the evil power inside it. “I washed it off and hid it under my mattress. I knew they’d never look in my room.”

“Later, when the police questioned me, I didn’t tell them about it,” Shaun said. “My grandparents took me back to the house to get a bag of clothes and anything else I wanted. That’s when I took the knife,” he said. “It was all I had of my previous life. My parents were gone, the house was taken away, and for a while, I had to go live in a home, a place for crazies…” Shaun scowled. “I still have it. That fucking knife makes me sick when I touch it, but it’s just as well. I feel sick most of the time.”

Shaun stopped talking, realizing with some amusement this was the most he’d said in a long time. He hadn’t said this much since he was eight and he’d had to tell the police what had transpired in that bloody bedroom. The irony hit Shaun hard.

His throat felt sore.

“I wish that hadn’t happened,” Jesse said. Shaun glanced up. Jesse stood before him, watching him tentatively. His eyes weren’t full of the disgust and pity he’d expected but understanding, concern, and yes fear, but Jesse knelt in front of Shaun’s chair and looked up at him sincerely. “But I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you…” Jesse trailed off. He stared into Shaun’s eyes and then, slowly, he slid his arms around his middle and rested his head in his lap. “I’m glad you’re here…with me.”

Shaun blushed about a hundred different shades of red in the span of a few moments. Jesse was hugging him again, which was embarrassing, but not so bad. Guys hugged each other sometimes. Not a lot, but sometimes. But Jesse had his face pressed to Shaun’s crotch and far from being grossed out by his best friend’s proximity, Shaun found himself fighting the urge to pop an erection.

“Jesse?” Shaun moaned. Gently, he shifted his fingers through Jesse’s soft, auburn hair.

“I’m sorry.” Jesse sat up. His eyes were wet, but he hadn’t let any tears fall. Shaun’s arousal intensified as he studied Jesse’s pained expression. He felt a stifling wave of guilt as his cock grew harder.

“C’mere,” Shaun said gruffly. He opened his arms.

Jesse crawled into Shaun’s lap. Shaun sighed and wrapped his arms around Jesse. The chair wasn’t made for two. It was a tight fit. It took some wiggling to get comfortable, but Jesse settled with his arms around Shaun’s neck, his knees digging into his hips. Their dicks were mashed together.

It was bad enough having Jesse so fucking close, but Shaun really started to regret his decision when Jesse started to cry. He pressed his tear-stained face against Shaun’s chest and held on tight.

“This is incredibly gay, you know?” Shaun said and indeed, he was half erect. Jesse sniffled and moaned and for some reason, Shaun thought it was sexy. He knew he’d have to add a cut to his collection for this sick behavior, but for now, it felt good to hold Jesse close. Horribly, disgustingly good.

Jesse laughed; his breath was hot against Shaun’s neck. “What’s gay about me sitting in your lap?”

“You’re fucking retarded if I have to explain.”

Jesse turned his head. His lips brushed against Shaun’s throat. Shaun froze.

“You scare me a little.”

Shaun frowned at the whispered confession.

“I could never have watched something like that and…function normally.”

“I’m not normal,” Shaun said bitterly. “Everyone says I’m a freak.”

“I don’t care. I don’t think you’re…that weird,” Jesse said.

“Fuck you.”

“If I was here when that happened, you wouldn’t have had to go through it alone. I wish I’d been around,” Jesse said sweetly.

Shaun didn’t wish for that at all. “You would have run away from me, just like all your other friends did,” he said. “You’d hate me like everyone else.”

“Nope,” Jesse said. He clutched Shaun tighter.

“Yes, you would,” Shaun said firmly. “Trust me.”

“Never.” Jesse laughed at Shaun’s growl of frustration and with a heave, Shaun pushed him out of his lap and onto the floor.

“Ow!” Jesse cried as he sprawled out on the concrete floor. He glared at Shaun, tears still on his face but after a moment of intense glaring between the two, Jesse snorted and stood up. “I guess spilling your heart out doesn’t make you any nicer. I’ll remember that next time.” He punched Shaun on the shoulder. “That hurt, you bastard.”

Shaun smirked, totally unrepentant. He was glad the awkward storytime and the even weirder lap-sitting and hugging were over. He could go back to pretending he didn’t feel anything besides friendship for Jesse like he had been for weeks now. Everything would be fine. As long as Shaun kept lying to himself.

“So…” Jesse looked around the room until his gaze fell on Shaun’s guitar. “Can you show me how to play?”

“Tsk , you think I could teach you?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “Guitar isn’t easy like that stupid game at your house. There’s more to it than pushing fucking buttons.”

“I know that!” Jesse cried. “I could be good at guitar.”

“Yeah OK.” Shaun plugged the guitar in. He motioned for Jesse to pick it up.

“If I could ever be as good as you, that’d be amazing.” Jesse shredded his fingers across the fretboard. Shaun plugged the amp in and the most horrible sound emerged as Jesse continued to strum. It was like a dying crow.

“Hold up!” Shaun cried.

Jesse stopped playing. He stuck out his tongue. “No good?”

Shaun shook his head. “If you’re going to do this, do it right, dumbass.” He circled around Jesse until he stood behind him. “Hold it like this.” He slipped his arms under Jesse’s and reached around to pull his hands into the right position.

“Like that?” Jesse’s smaller hands flexed under Shaun’s.

“Yeah.” Shaun breathed. He was really close to Jesse. His auburn hair smelled like apples. Shaun pressed a little closer, even though he knew he shouldn’t.

“What do I do?”

“You do your fingering here,” Shaun said, squeezing Jesse’s left hand over the fret board. “And you strum here.” He did the same to the right. His chest was pressed firmly to Jesse’s back. There was nothing between them but a couple layers of clothes.

Jesse turned his head to look over his shoulder. “Play something,” he said.

Their faces were dangerously close, but Jesse was so short their lips didn’t line up. It was a small relief, because if they had, Shaun wasn’t sure what would have happened.

But that was stupid. Nothing would have happened, Shaun thought grimly.

Jesse moved his hands under Shaun’s. He was trying to escape and Shaun dropped the guitar in his haste to release him. Jesse caught it before it fell. He held the Gibson in his hands as he waited for Shaun to take it back.

Shaun blushed. “I thought I was teaching you.” He snatched the guitar from Jesse and slid the strap over his head. He took a deep breath and then let his fingers fly. He ran through a riff from his favorite song. It was a difficult verse and Jesse watched him in awe. He clapped when Shaun finished.

“I knew you’d be good,” Jesse said with a grin.

“Whatever.” Shaun thrust the guitar back at Jesse and proceeded to teach him a few basics. He had to try…really, really hard to keep his patience. He made sure to keep his distance, too.

A future career in teaching was definitely out of the question, but with only a few harsh words, Shaun showed Jesse a few chords before both of them grew too frustrated to continue.

“Told you,” Jesse said after an hour of work. “Told you I could play.”

“You know what? You don’t get to say ‘I told you so’ until you’re as good as I am,” Shaun sneered.

Jesse laughed. “Sometimes I really hate you.” Though of course that statement was thrown right out the window when Jesse slipped his arm around Shaun’s waist and hugged him again, too quick for Shaun to push him away, but slow enough for his face to heat in embarrassment.

Fuck! Why couldn’t he stop blushing?

“What can we do now?” Jesse asked as he stepped back. “Please don’t make me go home. I got the whole day off from my horrible family.”

Shaun shrugged. He hated the majority of Jesse’s family. Especially the twins and the older one, Sam. They were all fucking shit heads, as far as Shaun was concerned. Though the baby wasn’t all that bad. He didn’t know enough about her to hate her, but she did do an awful lot of sniffling and crying when she wasn’t being held by Jesse, which was annoying. Brian was the only one Shaun actually liked. Though he’d never admit it aloud. Jesse seemed to be on the same wavelength. “Brian misses you,” he said.

Shaun didn’t know what to say. He shrugged again.

“He threw a fit when I told him I was going to see you Saturday and he couldn’t come.”

“Good thing you didn’t bring him along,” Shaun said with a frown. “Bars aren’t for little kids.”

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Jesse poked Shaun in the ribs. Shaun batted his hand away. “I wasn’t going to. I’m not an idiot.”

“Could’ve fooled me. You are dating that insufferable bitch.”

“Emily is pretty insufferable,” Jesse said. They slipped out of the garage and back around to the front of the house.

Shaun led him inside. “I warned you,” he said.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jesse rolled his eyes. “But you have to come over Monday after school or Brian’s never going to talk to me again. He thinks I’m keeping you all to myself.”

“Aren’t you?” Shaun asked. The kitchen was empty, and he steered Jesse through to the living room, which was just as deserted. He sat Jesse on the couch. TV was a normal activity. They could watch TV.

“I guess, I am.” Jesse sat down stiffly. He waited for Shaun to sit beside him and then cuddled, actually fucking cuddled, into his side. He relaxed with a sigh.

“What are you doing?” There was no question if Shaun should bring up the strange behavior. It flew out of his mouth.

“Using you as a pillow? Is that all right?” Jesse asked casually. Shaun nodded dumbly in response. “What’s on?”

“Ah…” Shaun stretched and grabbed the remote off the coffee table with the tips of his fingers. He didn’t want to disturb Jesse. He was comfortable. He flipped the TV on. Clint Eastwood was on the screen in a cowboy hat. “Westerns,” he said.

“This is pretty good. I saw it once.” Jesse rested his head on Shaun’s shoulder and settled in to watch.

A soft, tickling started in Shaun’s belly. It felt like butterflies fluttered inside of him.

Jesse knew the truth about him. The truth that had turned the entire town against him. Shaun had been waiting for this day. He’d been waiting for Jesse to shrink away in fear and disgust, but it wasn’t happening.

Jesse still smiled with him, laughed with him, watched him with eager eyes. He still touched him, much to Shaun’s distress. Jesse still wanted him.

The tiny spark of interest Shaun had felt that first day when Jesse had introduced himself, all bouncy energy, smiles and laughter, flared into a feeling that, while unfamiliar, was recognizable.

Unnamable, because he didn’t want to give it a name, embarrassing, because he didn’t want to admit it, but recognizable.

It wasn’t love. Not yet, but it was close.

Shaun had never felt like this before. He felt helpless. He let Jesse lean against him as they watched The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. He listened to Jesse’s comments, but he didn’t say much in return. He concentrated on the warmth of Jesse’s body. He couldn’t do much else.

Jesse was a drug and Shaun was totally intoxicated.

During the dramatic standoff, Eli walked into the room.

“What are you boys watching?”

Jesse straightened up and moved away from Shaun. His eyes went wide. “We’re watching a movie,” he said quickly. He sounded guilty.

“Clint Eastwood, eh?” Eli asked.

“It’s almost over,” Shaun snapped. The arm Jesse had been cuddling against was unbearably cold. Fuck, why had Eli chosen to come in now?

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Eli said, but the smirk on his lips proved anything but. 

Shaun glanced at the TV. The credits were rolling. They’d missed the end of the movie. “What do you want?” he hissed.

Eli held up his hands. “I was just wondering who you’ve got in here with you,” he said. He glanced meaningfully at Jesse. “That isn’t a crime, is it?”

“Yes,” Shaun growled.

Jesse gave him an exasperated look. “I’m Jesse,” he said.

“Pleased to meet you.” Eli held out a hand and Jesse shook it politely. “I’m Eli. Shaun’s grandpa.”

“Um…hi,” Jesse said, smiling sheepishly.

“OK. You’ve met. Now what do you want?” Shaun didn’t like this. He’d been having a nice time when it was just him and Jesse. He didn’t need Eli butting in.

Eli looked slightly affronted. “Grandma isn’t in the mood to cook tonight. I’m taking her to the diner. Do you two want to come?”

Shaun made a face. “No,” he said viciously.

Jesse elbowed him. “Don’t be so rude,” he chided.

“Don’t worry. He’s always like this,” Eli chuckled. He ruffled Shaun’s messy hair.

Shaun violently tore out of Eli’s reach. “Stop it!”

“Don’t worry. Your hair couldn’t get any worse,” Jesse joked. He reached up to ruffle Shaun’s hair, as well, but Shaun caught his hand and laced their fingers together. He pinned their entwined hands to the couch and gave Jesse a threatening look.

“Are you sure you two don’t mind being alone for dinner?” Eli asked in such a way that Shaun immediately let go of Jesse’s hand and glared death at the old man.

“We’ll be all right,” Jesse said, obviously missing the insinuation. “Won’t we, Shaun?”

“Fuck you both,” Shaun growled. He was close to getting up and storming to his room, abandoning Jesse, but he didn’t think it would have the effect he was hoping for.

Besides, Eli was done interrogating them. He smirked at Shaun and then went into the back room to call for Ruth.

“C’mon. Let’s go to my room…at least until they leave,” Shaun said. He got up and all but ran down the hall.

Jesse was right behind him. They entered Shaun’s room without running into anyone else.

“Wow,” Jesse said. He looked around. “Are you a closet OCD or something? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy’s room that was so clean.” 

Shaun made a face. “Eh, my grandma cleans when I go away. I hate the smell of air freshener.” He turned the stereo on.

There wasn’t much to do in Shaun’s room. He didn’t spend a lot of time here and when he did, he was usually getting high or sleeping.

Jesse found the stack of CD’s beside Shaun’s dresser. He sorted through the collection.

“Oh fuck! This is good,” Jesse said. He picked out a few CD’s. “Ha! I can’t believe you have this!”

Shaun snatched the latest CD out of Jesse’s hand. He put it in the stereo.

“Maybe you don’t have shitty taste,” Shaun said.

Jesse sang along and started to head bang. He looked ridiculous.

“Bye kids!” Eli called through the door. “We’re leaving.”

“Go away!” Shaun yelled back. He sat on the bed and watched Jesse head bang his way through an entire song. Shaun laughed when it ended, and Jesse stumbled to the bed and collapsed beside him.

“My head hurts,” he moaned.

“Yeah, well you’re doing it wrong,” Shaun pointed out. “You’re lucky you didn’t break your neck.”

Jesse groaned. “Ow. I think I did.”

Shaun snorted.

“Do we have any smoke left?” Jesse sat up and asked excitedly.

Fuck. “No. I forgot to get more,” Shaun muttered. Between their argument Thursday, practice Friday, the show Saturday and Jesse and all his distractions, he’d forgotten about Kyle.

“Can we get some now?” Jesse asked.

“No.” Shaun didn’t want Jesse anywhere near Kyle. It was stupid and selfish to want to keep his best friend to himself, but Shaun had it in his head that Kyle would steal Jesse away if given the chance. Shaun had told Jesse Kyle’s secret, but he’d never tell him the whole messy story between them. He just knew he had to keep Jesse away from the dealer. Kyle was a fucking snake.

“C’mon. Please! I’ll stay in the car. I won’t talk to him if that’s what you’re afraid of!” Jesse begged. He rolled onto his stomach and pressed his hands together in a classic beggar’s pose. “Please.”

“You’re turning into a pothead,” Shaun sneered. “I’ll get some tomorrow.”

“Shaun!”

“I said no!”

“C’mon, please!” Jesse begged.

Shaun felt his resolve crumbling. He wondered if Jesse knew how undone Shaun felt around him lately. Jesse batted his long pretty lashes; his shining blue eyes hopeful and bright.

Shaun flushed. “For fuck’s sake,” he muttered under his breath. “Will you shut up if I say yes?”

“Yes.” Jesse grinned broadly. “So, can we go now?”

Shaun wasn’t happy with it, but Jesse promised he wouldn’t talk to Kyle. As long as Shaun kept the visit brief, it’d be fine.

Eli and Ruth had the Ford, so they’d have to take Ruth’s old van. It was prone to breaking down and Shaun didn’t use it for that very reason. Kyle’s house wasn’t far though and plus he was kind of hoping it would break down so they wouldn’t have to go.

Shaun made Jesse wait outside his room while he rummaged around in the box under his bed for money. Jesse was having a hard time staying out.

“What’s the big deal? Do you have porn under there?” Jesse laughed from the hallway.

“Jesus, you’d think you were afraid to be alone.” Shaun hesitated and then grabbed sixty bucks. His stash was beginning to dwindle. Even with the semiregular payments from Execute Invasion.

“I’m not afraid,” Jesse said bravely. When Shaun returned though he grabbed onto his arm for an unusually long moment. They were practically holding hands.

“What are you doing? Let go.” Shaun shook Jesse’s hand off his arm. How was he supposed to forget about his stupid gay feelings if Jesse kept touching him?

“Sorry, I just…I feel weird.” Jesse drew his arm back. He looked at Shaun under his lashes. “After your story, I mean.”

“Mmm.” Shaun pocketed the money and headed to the front door. He didn’t address Jesse’s comment until they were in the van and he’d found the keys—conveniently sitting on the dashboard. “Maybe you do need something to smoke. Something to calm you down.” “Ha, yeah. That was the idea,” Jesse said. He touched Shaun’s arm again as he slid the key into the ignition. This time, Shaun let him hold on. Jesse fisted a bit of Shaun’s sleeve. It seemed to comfort him.

Kyle’s house was ten miles down the road. It was another rambler, a lot like Shaun’s. At least from the outside. Kyle’s family didn’t bother to keep the place clean, like Ruth did. And nobody insisted on putting up pictures of Jesus and little statuettes of the cross in every room.

“Wait here,” Shaun said firmly as he parked in the drive.

“I will,” Jesse said. With a sigh, he gave Shaun’s arm back.

Shaun patted his retreating hand like you would a cute dog. He got out and marched determinedly to the front door. He faltered when it opened before he reached the porch.

Kyle was in the doorway. “Hey sugar,” he said. His normal put-together appearance was mussed. His eyes were red. He looked incredibly stoned.

“Hey.” Shaun eyed him warily. “I want to buy.”

“Mmm. You finished that whole bag in less than a week?” Kyle asked. He looked over Shaun’s shoulder, toward Ruth’s van. “You were sharing, weren’t you?” He smiled slowly.

“None of your business,” Shaun muttered. He felt his face get hot.

Kyle laughed. “Come in, honey.” He stepped back and welcomed Shaun into the dirty kitchen. “Let’s go in the back.”

Now that Shaun had a good look at Kyle, he realized he was barely clothed. He was wearing cut off shorts that clung to his ass indecently, and a short tank top that barely covered his stomach.

Shaun wrinkled his nose. “What are you wearing?”

“This?” Kyle did a little twirl. “Daddy dressed me up,” he said.

Shaun tried not to gag.

“Don’t judge. Most people call before they show up. I would have changed if I knew you were coming,” he said.

The setup of Kyle’s house was similar to Shaun’s. The kitchen connected to a small living room, strewn with beer bottles and other miscellaneous trash. Down the hallway was a bathroom, the master bedroom and two other smaller rooms. Before they could get further than the living room Kyle stopped to talk to a rough looking man sitting in a chair in front of a blaring football game. He was heavyset, though not fat per say, with long black hair under a baseball hat, a scruffy beard and a wife beater. Shaun recognized the man as Kyle’s stepdad.

“I’ve got a customer, daddy,” Kyle said. He climbed into the man’s lap and kissed him on the cheek.

“You gonna take care of ‘im?” The redneck asked. His hand crept up Kyle’s bare leg and toward his ass. Shaun watched, sickened.

“Yes daddy,” Kyle kissed the man’s other cheek before he slid off his lap. As he did so, it provided the perfect opportunity for Kyle’s stepdad to grab his ass. Kyle squealed like a girl and pulled away with a laugh. “C’mon.” Kyle tried to take Shaun’s hand, but he stepped away and folded his arms. If Jesse couldn’t hold his hand, who the fuck did Kyle think he was?

Kyle didn’t seem terribly wounded. He shrugged and led the way to his room. Or at least Shaun thought it was Kyle’s room, but from the posters of half-naked girls on the walls, Shaun realized that it was his brother’s.

Kyle went to the dresser. “Oh fuck…where’d he—” He rifled through the top drawer. “Shit…here it is.”

He pulled out his brother’s stash of weed, packed neatly in a metal box. The scale and a box of heavy-duty baggies sat on a desk across the room. Kyle sat in the computer chair and leisurely apportioned some bud into a bag.

“So, is Jesse with you?”

“He’s in the van,” Shaun said shortly.

“Why’s he out there?” Kyle asked sweetly. “He should have come in. We could have smoked first.”

“I don’t want him anywhere near you,” Shaun said sharply. As soon as he said it, though, he wished he could take it back. He bit his tongue.

“Why’s that?” Kyle dropped what he was doing and turned to get a good look at Shaun. For the first time since middle school, he looked genuinely pissed.

“I don’t—” Shaun shut his mouth. He didn’t want to look too protective; it was bad enough he had to deal with his own up and down emotions when it came to Jesse, he didn’t need Kyle interfering.

“What is it, honey?” Kyle soothed. He left the half-filled bag of weed and got closer to Shaun. “You can tell me anything.”

“The fuck I can,” Shaun said through his teeth. He stood his ground, but he was extremely uncomfortable. Kyle wasn’t touching him, but he was close enough for Shaun to feel the heat coming off his scantily clad body.

“I wish we could be friends again,” Kyle whined. He tried to touch Shaun’s arm, but Shaun shook him off immediately. “I still don’t understand why we can’t talk anymore.” Kyle tried again, going for Shaun’s other arm this time.

Shaun ripped away. His blood boiled. “Because I don’t want to fuck you,” he hissed. He wished he could have avoided this stupid conversation. Besides never becoming friends with Jesse, he didn’t see a way. Kyle’s presence in his miserable life had always been a given and Kyle loved to tease Shaun.

“But why not?” Kyle asked. He cupped Shaun’s cheek and stepped closer. Incredibly close.

He was taller than Jesse and his lips lined up perfectly with Shaun’s. Shaun was gratified to feel none of the conflicting emotions he’d felt earlier with Jesse. That meant all the gayness he felt for Jesse was an isolated incident and thus easier to get rid of. Here and now, with an actual gay guy, he felt next to nothing, unless disgust, horror, and maybe a bit of amusement counted.

“Because I’m not gay.” Showing an amazing amount of restraint, Shaun smacked Kyle’s hand away. “And if I was, I wouldn’t fuck you anyway. You’re a whore. Now get my goddamn weed so I can leave.”

“Is that what you think of me?” Kyle had the gall to ask. He put his hand on his hip and pouted ineffectively.

Shaun gave him an exasperated look.

“All right, all right.” Kyle dropped his stance and moved back to the desk. He finished weighing and bagging the weed in record time. He handed over the bag and then held out his hand for the cash.

“Be careful, sugar,” Kyle warned him, slipping Shaun’s money into the waistband of his cutoffs, like a stripper.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“However you want to interpret it,” Kyle said cryptically.

Deciding to ignore the thinly veiled threat, Shaun left Kyle’s house without another word. He didn’t respond when Kyle’s stepdad called out a friendly goodbye.

“That took a long time,” Jesse whined as Shaun got back into the van. Jesse looked like he’d been squirming with impatience for quite a while. He immediately latched onto Shaun’s arm.

“Fucking Kyle…” Shaun shook his head. “He was giving me a hard time.”

“He was?” Jesse’s hand tightened around Shaun’s arm. “What’d he do?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Shaun started the van and backed down the drive. At the last second, he decided to go somewhere else. He turned in the opposite direction of home and started to drive.

Jesse was oblivious. He clutched Shaun’s arm and sang—badly—along to a country song on the radio. Shaun didn’t like country music, but he enjoyed listening to Jesse mess up the lyrics.

Ten minutes later, Shaun spotted an old gravel drive. It was overgrown and almost invisible from the road. But Shaun knew it by heart.

The house Shaun had grown up in was no longer standing.

Nobody had lived there after what had happened. It wasn’t haunted or anything, not that Shaun believed in that kind of thing. His parents had been so miserable, he was sure their spirits were long gone.

The house had sat empty for years after the murder/suicide. Nobody had been interested in buying it, not even out-of-towners who had no idea of its terrible past.

Shaun had gone to see it sometimes when he was younger, riding his bike the twenty miles or so just to look at it.

Eventually it had burned down.

They’d said it was arson. Dumb kids playing around. No harm done.

Shaun hadn’t felt all that upset about it. He’d always hated that place. Just looking at it had instilled a stomach gnawing unease. He remembered all the times he’d wanted his parents to go away, to stop fighting, to shut up and die and then they had. They’d been dead and Shaun had watched it happen.

He hadn’t been back since the day it’d burned to the ground.

There was nothing left now. Just an empty lot filled with weeds and tall grass. He barely recognized it.

There was an old For Sale sign by the road, alongside a No Trespassing sign, but there wasn’t anyone to deny him the right to park here. Just for a few hours.

Jesse was singing. He looked around curiously.

It was getting late, and the sun had already set. Shaun couldn’t tell if Jesse had noticed the signs or not.

Shaun pulled the van up to the charred foundation of the old house and cut the engine. Darkness settled around them.

“Oh fuck. It’s dark,” Jesse said. His face glowed in the green light from the console.

“Yeah,” Shaun said. “I didn’t feel like going home.”

“Me neither.” Shaun didn’t know if Jesse was talking about his home or Shaun’s, but he didn’t ask for clarification.

“C’mon.” Shaun climbed out of the driver’s seat and crawled into the back of the van. The back seats were pushed down from the time Eli hauled their new armchair from the Goodwill.  There was plenty of room to lay down. Jesse sprawled out beside him.

“Too bad you don’t have a moon roof,” he prattled. “We could see the sky.”

Shaun unlatched the van’s back hatch. As it swung upward the dark sky came into view. The stars of twilight winked into existence.

“There’s more stars here than in Detroit. Or in…well anywhere that I’ve ever lived before,” Jesse said as he stared into the night sky. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s all right,” Shaun said. He was distracted. He pulled out the pot and packed his bowl. He was glad he’d decided to bring his pipe. “Wanna go first?” he asked once everything was ready.

“Light it for me?” Jesse propped himself upright on his elbows.

Shaun brought the pipe to Jesse’s lips. He struck the lighter and Jesse obediently puffed. When Jesse leaned back, Shaun took a hit and watched Jesse hold onto his smoke.

“You gonna breathe sometime soon?” Shaun asked. Jesse was getting red in the face.

Jesse pursed his lips. He attempted to release the smoke in a cool ring, but ended up coughing and sputtering like an idiot. Shaun couldn’t help but laugh.

“I saw that going better in my head,” Jesse said as tears of exertion ran down his cheeks.

“You’re an idiot,” Shaun told him fondly.

They shared the pipe for a while, talking about nothing in particular. Shaun got tired of doing everything while Jesse laid back and enjoyed his buzz, so he laid down beside him and got comfortable.

It was quiet after that, for a while anyway. Shaun packed the bowl again and handed it to Jesse. He flopped onto his side as he smoked. They both laughed at how clumsy he was. When Jesse got himself under control again, he broke the silence.

“Where are we?” he asked.

“This is where I used to live,” Shaun said. “The house burned down, but this is where it was,” he clarified before Jesse could ask.

Jesse must have suspected because he didn’t look the slightest bit surprised. Of course, he was high. “Are you scared to be here?” he asked instead.

“No,” Shaun said quickly, then, “I don’t know. Maybe.” He thought about it for a moment more, shyly meeting Jesse’s inquisitive gaze. “It used to make me sad to be here.”

“Not now?” Jesse took Shaun’s hand. Their fingers laced together. Shaun blamed it on the weed when he clutched Jesse’s hand like a lifeline.

“You’re here,” Shaun admitted. Those two words made him feel extremely vulnerable, but for once, he wasn’t embarrassed. Jesse seemed pleased and really that was all that mattered, Shaun realized with an uneasy pang.

“Let’s be best friends forever, OK?” Jesse said with a dreamy smile. “When you leave town, I want to come with you.”

“You do?” Shaun’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “But what about—”

“Just promise you’ll take me with you,” Jesse said. “Promise me.”

Shaun didn’t want to promise anything he couldn’t 100 percent guarantee. It scared him Jesse would want him too.

But Jesse…he was special.

Maybe he wasn’t special to his mom, who had five other bratty kids, or to Kenny, who had so many friends he didn’t know what to do with them, or to Emily, who kept trying to twist Jesse into her view of the perfect boyfriend, but to Shaun Jesse was one of a kind. Shaun didn’t know if he could leave Jesse behind the way things stood now.

“I—yes,” Shaun said. “We’ll get out of here together.” As the reluctant promise was drawn from him, a weight settled across his shoulders. He didn’t feel burdened; he felt reassured.

Wordlessly, Jesse scooted closer and tossed his arm and his leg over Shaun. He gave him a full-body hug.

“Hmm,” Shaun mumbled. He put his arm around Jesse. He felt good tucked against him like that and as Shaun rubbed his back, he felt a sense of contentment so strong he found himself laughing again, for the second time in less than an hour!

Jesse pulled back. He was laughing, too.

Shaun knew the moment was over as they separated, but he wasn’t sad. On the contrary, he was happy. He knew he’d have Jesse tomorrow and the next day and next month as well. Maybe next year, too, if he was lucky. He’d never been so optimistic in his life. It felt good to look forward to something for once.

Beside him, Jesse rolled onto his back again and tried to name the constellations. Shaun smiled as Jesse get several wrong in a row. He didn’t correct him.

They were still holding hands.

*****

Shaun wasn’t surprised when Jesse was affectionate on the bus Monday morning. He was embarrassed, though, especially when Jesse tried to grab his hand. Shaun nudged him away.

“What’s wrong?” Jesse asked. They’d held hands for almost an hour the night before. What could be wrong with it now?

“Not…” As much as Shaun felt obligated to keep the gayness to a minimum, he really didn’t want to. At the very least, they had to be private about it. “Not in public,” he whispered.

Jesse looked at him. His pretty blue eyes filled with hurt. “But—”

“Don’t even try to say you hold other guys’ hands, because I know for a fact that you don’t,” Shaun snapped.

Jesse pouted, but he didn’t argue. He changed the subject to school.

When Emily got on the bus Shaun was relieved. She sat in the front with her brother and her friends. He’d feared that now she and Jesse were dating—were they dating?—she’d try to sit with them. She did wave at Jesse though.

Amusingly, Jesse wasn’t paying any attention to her, so her wave went unreturned.

Jesse was more like his usual self in Chemistry. The class did a boring review session for a test later in the week. They were playing Jeopardy with the review topics. Shaun and Jesse were on the same team, and really, Shaun felt bad for the two other people in their group because neither of them knew a single answer.

“Melting ice is an example of what kind of change?” Mr. Barnes asked Jesse.

“C’mon this is easy,” the stupid blond bitch, Sara, whispered. If she knew the answer it really must have been easy, but Jesse bit his lip and thought hard.

“Uh…what is a chemical change?”

Sara sighed as Mr. Barnes shook his head. He moved on to ask the next group. Jesse had lost them two hundred points.

“Shit! Sorry! I told you I’m bad at Chemistry,” Jesse said to the group. He smiled at Shaun. “Guess we’d better study, huh?”

“You can study if you want,” Shaun said. He’d never put much effort into school, why start now?

Jesse stuck his tongue out. “You’ll help me,” he said smugly.

Shaun tried not to smile like a loon. He felt stupidly pleased, though. He would help Jesse study, if that’s what he wanted.

They walked to history together, like always. When they got to class, Jesse didn’t immediately retreat to his seat in the back. He lingered by Shaun’s.

“I wish I knew Mr. Barnes was giving suckers to the winning team.” Jesse pouted. “I like suckers.”

“You don’t need any sugar,” Shaun said. “You’re hyper enough as it is.”

Jesse poked him in the chest. “Just because you said that, you owe me a bag of suckers.”

“I do?”

“Yes.”

The bell rang. Shaun noted the distress on Jesse’s face. He stored it away for later.

“Guess I’d better find my seat,” Jesse said reluctantly. He stretched his arm out, like he was going to touch Shaun again, but he pulled away at the last second. He scampered to his seat next to Emily.

Shaun was glad he’d aborted the attempt.

Last night after he’d took Jesse home, Shaun had made a deep cut in his hip. It hadn’t felt as good as it usually did, but it had certainly got him in the right mindset.

He didn’t need to be thinking about Jesse that way. Didn’t need to be holding his hand and getting erections around him. It was wrong.

Everything Shaun did was wrong, and in his mind, the punishment fit the crime perfectly.

He tried to ignore how old that argument was getting. He tried to forget how worn down he felt, telling himself he was dirty, that he didn’t deserve to touch Jesse, and that he shouldn’t pollute him with his sick mind.

The only person that had ever wanted him was a whore with conditions. Shaun told himself that over and over. He didn’t want to let himself forget.

Class ended and Shaun didn’t wait for Jesse. He went to his next class without looking back once.

When lunchtime rolled around Shaun was still hating on himself. He went to his usual table, the only one consistently devoid of students, and pulled out his bagged lunch. Yuck. Another PB and J.

“Hi.” Jesse set a lunch tray on the table.

Shaun jerked in surprise. He dropped his sandwich. “What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“Emily was being a bitch. I’m sitting here until she cools down.” Jesse sat right next to him, leaving very little space between them. Shaun scooted a few inches away.

“What’d she do now?”

Jesse watched him move away with sad eyes. “I don’t know, she’s mad I’m still hanging out with you. She thought telling me your story would make me hate you.” Jesse gave him a significant look which Shaun artfully ignored.

“Dump her already. There’s gotta be a better girl you can mess with.” He tried to ignore the extreme hatred that welled inside him at the thought of Jesse hooking up with another girl. Any girl.

“Yeah,” Jesse said. “I’m regretting this whole thing. I mean…she was different when I first met her. She was quiet…kinda nice. Now she’s…” Jesse trailed off. He looked across the cafeteria at the girl in question. She was talking with Sunny and ignoring him completely. “I don’t know, she’s bossy and kind of boring.”

Shaun snorted. “You just found that out? I told you not to go with her.”

“I should have listened,” Jesse said. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Now I’m afraid if I hurt her feelings, Kenny’s coming after me. I don’t think he wanted me to go out with her in the first place.”

“Kenny’s an asshole,” Shaun spat. “He’s no better than his fucking sister.”

Jesse smiled sadly. He laid a hand over Shaun’s. “What’d they do to you?”

Shaun stared at their hands. He considered saying a lot of different things, but he shook his head. He didn’t want to complain. “They’re just so high and mighty,” he said. “They think they’re better than me because they have money and they’re parent’s give a shit about them.”

Jesse squeezed Shaun’s hand. He removed it right after, but Shaun’s hand tingled. He missed Jesse’s touch already.

“They’re scared of you. People are stupid when they’re scared.”

Shaun didn’t want to let them off the hook, but he let it go. He drew his hand into his lap and shrugged noncommittally. He hated everyone, but there was no reason to turn Jesse into a cynical, hateful person because of his own personal biases.

They switched topics. They talked about music and guitars as they ate. Jesse was serious about learning how to play. Shaun was glad there was something he could share with him that Jesse couldn’t get from anyone else. They made plans to practice.

Shaun didn’t want to admit it, but he thoroughly enjoyed having someone to talk to during the most social part of the school day. He’d never longed for social contact before, but he was going to miss it now that he knew what it was like. He hoped Jesse never went back to the popular table.

After lunch, they walked to gym together. Shaun had gotten used to Jesse hanging with Kenny and Eric, but he didn’t have any interest in them today. The coach put them on different touch football teams, but Jesse stuck close to Shaun the whole time.

“Jesse! C’mon!” Kenny yelled as he ran past them on the field.

Jesse waved at him, but he didn’t speed up. He kept pace with Shaun’s lackluster trot.

They were supposed to be doing… something. Shaun didn’t know what. He knew nothing about football. It was a stupid game, and it required too much running, in Shaun’s opinion. He chose to show his masculinity in different ways, anyway, like hunting. He realized walking after his team wasn’t his purpose as a cornerback, but he didn’t care.

Jesse was a motormouth. He talked about the horrible movie he’d been forced to see Friday.

“You would have hated it. It wasn’t funny at all,” he said before he launched into detailed descriptions of the weak humor.

Shaun didn’t like comedies, but he was amused Jesse thought he knew enough about him to decide whether he’d like something or not. It was presumptuous, but sweet, nonetheless. And he really hated that fucking word…sweet.

The coach blew his whistle and called the game. Everyone headed back to the locker rooms. Shaun and Jesse fell behind.

“Do you have to skip next period?”

“Why?” Shaun asked.

“It sucks riding the bus by myself,” Jesse said.

Shaun arched an eyebrow. “You’re not alone. Your brother’s there, your friends are there. So’s your girlfriend,” Shaun said. He couldn’t help the face he made when he mentioned Emily.

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah.”

They entered the locker room. Jesse had stashed his stuff in Shaun’s locker, and he went straight there. Shaun slowed. Kenny and Eric glowered at him. They looked away when they realized they’d been noticed. Jesse followed Shaun’s gaze, but he was too late to see the nasty looks on their faces.

“C’mon. Give me my clothes,” Jesse said. He tugged on Shaun’s combination lock.

Shaun put the code in. He could feel Jesse’s friends glaring at him. It felt like needles pushing into his skin.

“So, can you ride the bus with me?”

“No.” Shaun elbowed Jesse out of the way and opened the locker. “You’re being gay again,” he said.

“I am not,” Jesse said. He bumped Shaun with his hip in retaliation.

Shaun stepped back and let Jesse get his change of clothes. He wondered what Kenny and Eric must be thinking. He and Jesse were awfully cozy. Talking non-stop, sharing lockers, touching each other… “Listen. I can’t go to study hall after half a year of skipping. It’ll fuck everything up.”

“You could wait outside,” Jesse said.

Shaun yanked his hoodie off and tossed it in the locker. He never took his clothes off for gym. “I’m not doing that. I’ll meet you at your house when you get home.”

Jesse pouted.

“It takes ten minutes to get home on the bus. You’ll survive.”

“You’re a dick,” Jesse said. He took his shirt off and tossed it in the locker. He didn’t meet Shaun’s eyes. He seemed upset.

Shaun kicked his grungy tennis shoes off and changed back into his boots. Jesse when the whole nine yards. He stripped down to his underwear before he put his jeans and T-shirt on again. Shaun avoided looking at him until he was completely covered. He didn’t want anyone thinking he was checking him out. When Jesse was dressed, Shaun locked up.

“See you later,” Jesse said. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He left to get to his last class of the day.

Shaun didn’t want to wait. He didn’t want to ride the bus home, either, but more than anything, he didn’t want to upset Jesse. He’d wait fifty minutes for him to finish, if that’s what Jesse wanted. It wasn’t that big a deal.

He dropped his books off and grabbed his bag. He sat outside the front doors and listened to some music while he waited. 

School was over sooner than Shaun had anticipated. Kids flowed out of the building and headed to the buses. Shaun stood up. He slung his bag over his shoulder and waited tensely for Jesse to appear. People were looking at him. Every person in the entire school filed past.

Shaun was scowling by the time Jesse came through the doors.

“You waited!” Jesse cried. He rushed to Shaun’s side and just like that, all the inconvenience was worth it. Jesse swayed on the balls of his feet. Shaun sensed Jesse wanted to hug him, but he restrained himself. He squirmed like a worm and beamed, happy as can be.

Shaun smirked. The excitement was palpable. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

They walked to the bus. 

“Thanks Shaun,” Jesse said. “For waiting.”

“Yeah.”

They climbed on the bus. Kenny, Emily and the rest of the gang did a double take when they saw Shaun. Shaun put his chin up and ignored them.

“I have to get off at my stop, so I can get the weed,” he said as they sat in their regular seat at the back of the bus.

“You don’t have to,” Jesse said.

“What? You don’t want to get high?!” Shaun hissed in disbelief.

“Fuck you.” Jesse stuck his tongue out. “Fine. Go get your stupid weed.”

“You act like I’m forcing you to smoke. You’re the one that’s addicted,” Shaun pointed out.

They fought each other playfully the whole ride home. Jesse was fun to tease. 

When the bus stopped outside Shaun’s house, Jesse got off with him.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked as they passed.

Jesse responded with the finger.

It was a good thing they’d stopped at Shaun’s place. He’d forgotten to pack the Frist Blood  DVD. He’d promised Brian they’d watch it.

Shaun collected the weed from his room and a couple movies from the shelf in the living room.

Ruth was watching Oprah in her favorite chair. She asked several nosy questions. “Where were they going?” “What did they plan on getting up too?” She even asked what they were eating for dinner. Shaun pushed Jesse out the front door before he could answer. What they did was no business of Ruth’s.

It was still early. They stopped in the garage to smoke and fuck around on the guitar. Jesse wasn’t a bad player. He remembered what Shaun had already taught him and he took direction well, even though Shaun wasn’t very good at giving it.

“No. Like this,” Shaun snapped. He stepped up and forced Jesse’s fingers into the correct position. Jesse batted him away with a giggle.

“I can do it.”

“The fuck you can,” Shaun muttered. He took another hit off the joint he’d rolled and watched as Jesse fucked up again. He released the smoke. “No, no, no. Try again. From the top.”

“Give me a hit first,” Jesse said. He gestured Shaun closer.

Rolling his eyes, Shaun held the joint out. “Here, you idiot.”

Jesse leaned over the guitar to get a puff. He looked like a fish with his lips pressed out like that, a really cute red-haired fish. “Thanks,” Jesse smiled as the pot did its thing. Smoke swirled around him in artistic billows. He closed his eyes and concentrated. His fingers flexed nimbly across the fretboard like Shaun had been trying to explain for the past hour. He nailed it.

“Good!” Shaun cried. “Finally!”

“That was good?” Jesse smiled uncertainly.

“Fuck yes.”

They had to leave soon after that, but they both felt accomplished. They talked about it on the walk to Jesse’s.

Sam was watching the twins in the living room when they came in the door. He glared at them.

“Give it a rest, Sam.” Jesse said.

“Why do you get to slack off? Maybe I want to get high and hang out with my friends after school, too,” Sam bitched. “But no. I have to hurry home and wait for the twins.”

“Like I didn’t have to wait for you to get off the bus,” Jesse spat. “I did it for years.”

“Oh, so this is revenge?”

“No. It’s called ‘I have better things to do than babysit a thirteen-year-old’.”

Sam’s face turned red. “I don’t need babysitting, but I could use a hand with these two retards.”

“Hey!” Tyler cried. He sat, quiet and well-behaved on the couch next to Allison, who was also on her best behavior.

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Looks like you’ve got it handled. And I’m back. I’m here, OK? Relax.” He toed his shoes off and dropped his bookbag by the door. Shaun followed his example.

Sam wasn’t done. He folded his arms and glared even harder. “Bet you’re going upstairs.”

“Damned right we are,” Shaun sneered. “Neither of us wants to deal with your shitty attitude.”

Jesse grabbed Shaun’s wrist and pulled him to the stairs. “Let it go,” he said.

“No, you’re getting high again!” Sam shouted after them. “Fucking stoners.”

“We already smoked a blunt,” Shaun tossed over his shoulder. “We don’t need your fucking permission.”

“Oh my God,” Jesse said once they were alone in his room. He shook his head. He climbed up to his bunk and sprawled out on the blankets. “Come lay with me?”

Shaun sighed, but he wasn’t about to deny his friend. He followed Jesse up the ladder and laid beside him. “Your brother’s a brat,” he said.

“He’s jealous,” Jesse said. “I don’t know what to do about it.”

“It’s a phase,” Shaun said.

“Yeah, until he finds someone to smoke with.” Jesse covered his face. “I was his age when I smoked the first time.”

“I was younger,” Shaun said.

“Ugh.” Jesse rolled over. He looked into Shaun’s eyes. “We’re being hypocrites.”

“I’m not smoking with your little brother,” Shaun said through his teeth.

Jesse bit his lip. “I’m not asking you too,” he said. “But I wish he’d stop hating me. I’m not kidding, I took care of that kid when he was a baby. I took care of the twins and Brian… I take care of Lissa all week long. It’s nice knowing Sam’s got the twins for an hour or two, so I can do my own thing. Just for a little bit. Christ, I’m always taking care of everyone! Why is it so bad I take a break here and there?”

“It’s not,” Shaun said.

Jesse closed his eyes and groaned. “I’m tired. I wish I could take a nap and not feel like a selfish loser for wanting to rest.”

“No point going to sleep,” Shaun said gently. “Your mom will be home soon.”

Jesse groaned again. “Brian’s going to be a bundle of energy.”

“Yeah.” Shaun smiled. The toddler was an interesting little guy.

And indeed, Brian was very happy to see Shaun. He shouted with excitement and jumped up and down.

After Monica dropped off the two youngest members of the family, Jesse was still feeling tired. He browsed through the pantry, muttering to himself. He pulled out a box of spaghetti and a can of sauce.

“I guess its spaghetti tonight,” he said. “Quick, simple, filling. It’s mushy enough for the baby to eat, too,” he said.

Shaun felt bad for him. He watched Jesse whip up dinner with a practiced ease. He found some frozen garlic bread in the freezer and popped it in the oven while the water boiled. Shaun helped as much as he could. He kept an eye on Brian, who was dying to show Shaun his activity book from school and Lissa, cooing and happy, strapped in her bouncer.

Brian continued to chat Shaun’s head off during dinner. He ate, but he was barely paying attention to his plate. He got red sauce all over his face. Lissa got messy, too. Jesse let her eat her noodles by hand.

When dinner was over, the twins went upstairs to play Candy Land. Sam followed them up. He said he would keep an eye on them, but they heard him slam the bedroom door. He was probably up there pouting.

Shaun offered to clean the kids up. He was in a good mood and wanted to be helpful. Jesse gave him a wet washcloth and smiled fondly as Shaun cleaned Brian’s hands and face. When he got to the baby, he took her bib off to cut down on the sauce buildup. She had it everywhere though. It was in her hair, in her ears…

“I have to give her a bath,” Jesse said with a sigh. He collected the dirty dishes everyone had left behind and carried them to the sink.

“Can we watch the movie now?” Brian asked hopefully and Shaun glanced at Jesse for direction.

Jesse nodded. “Leave Lissa in her chair. We’ll join you when we can.”

“I don’t know how to work your TV,” Shaun admitted.

“Brian knows how to set it up,” Jesse said, and Brian took that as permission. He grabbed Shaun’s hand and yanked him into the living room. He found the remote on the coffee table and switched the television to video mode.

First Blood was an oldie, but a goodie. Shaun was glad to share it with someone who’d never seen it before. He and Brian got settled on the couch and waited eagerly for the movie to load up.

“Is this scary?” Brian asked.

“It’s bloody,” Shaun said. “And full of action. It’s one of my favorite movies.”

Brian snuggled into Shaun’s side as he watched the blood and guts spewing on screen. Kids today really were desensitized, Shaun thought approvingly.

It was almost over when Jesse came downstairs with a clean baby in a onesie. He sat on Shaun’s other side and held the baby to his chest.

“Dishes are washed and put away, the baby’s clean and has a fresh diaper. The twins threw the pieces to Candy Land all over the place, but Sam has mom’s tablet and he’s letting them watch videos on YouTube ,” Jesse sighed. “How’s the movie?”

“Rambo is the coolest ever,” Brian said. He didn’t look away from the screen.

Jesse smiled wearily. “Did I miss much?”

“Only the entire thing,” Shaun said.  “It’ll be over in five minutes.”

“Aww, I want to watch another movie,” Brian complained.

“I brought the original Predator,” Shaun said. “It’s like this movie, but it’s got aliens.”

Brian clapped his hands. “I want to see!”

When the movie ended, Brian put the next DVD in the player. He jumped back on the couch and Shaun put an arm around his shoulders without thinking. Brian rested his head against Shaun’s side. 

Predator started and within the first ten minutes, Jesse sprawled out on the couch and put his feet in Shaun’s lap. He looked like he was halfway to dreamland already. The baby snuggled into his chest and Jesse hummed her a lullaby. Shaun could barely hear it over the movie, but the baby felt the vibrations. She stopped moving and Shaun knew she was asleep.

Jesse was next. His eyes closed gradually. His face smoothed. He looked peaceful and angelic and Shaun had seen this movie a million times before, he watched Jesse sleep, enjoying the simple domesticity of it.

Brian lasted the longest, but he too petered out before the movie ended. He shifted to drop his head onto Shaun’s thigh and drifted to sleep easily.

He looked so much like Jesse. They both had the same pretty blue eyes, the same cute upturned nose and soft pale skin. They both looked incredibly sweet in their sleep.

Shaun had never wanted a brother. It’d just be someone else to hate, he’d figured. But when he looked at the little boy asleep in his lap, he wished he could have grown up with a kid brother half as cool as Brian.

Looking at Jesse, though…well, Shaun felt something quite different than the swell of brotherly affection he felt toward the blond toddler. Something he’d rather not think about just now.

When the movie ended, he picked Brian up. He marveled at the way the little boy clung to him, completely trusting.

“I’m not tired,” Brian muttered sleepily. He pressed his face into Shaun’s shoulder and promptly fell back to sleep.

Shaun carried him upstairs.

He placed Brian in the top bunk and covered him in one of Jesse’s blankets. As he climbed down a voice startled him into missing the last step.

“What are you doing with my brother?”

Shaun stumbled. He whirled around and glared at the teenager in the doorway. “I’m putting him to sleep,” he sneered. He tried to cover his misstep with a vicious glare.

Sam was doing his best to match Shaun’s viciousness. He stared at Shaun hatefully.

“I meant with Jesse.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “We’re friends,” he said.

Sam continued to glare death at him, and Shaun wondered if that was all Sam was going to say, but then he spoke again.

“I’ve heard the things people say about you. You’re a monster.”

Shaun grunted. He’d certainly heard that before. The word had been tossed around quite a bit before he’d started punishing people for saying it.

“You don’t know anything, you little shit head.”

“I know you killed your parents,” Sam said. “You made Jesse hate me and now you’re trying to turn him against the whole family.” He poked a finger at Shaun.

“Wrong on all counts,” Shaun said boredly.

Sam sucked his teeth. “As if you’d admit it. What’s your plan? Are you going to drug Jesse until he agrees to murder us in our sleep?”

With one quick step, Shaun was in Sam’s face. He jerked his head back with a fistful of hair and forced the boy to meet his eyes.

“Let’s get the story straight, kid. Since we’re spending so much time together,” Shaun hissed, ignoring Sam’s frantic hands clawing at him, desperately seeking a release. He held tight. “I didn’t kill my parents. I watched them die though. And if I really wanted to turn Jesse against your family, I wouldn’t be helping him babysit you little brats every night. Oh, and the reason Jesse hates you right now is because you’re a fucking,” Shaun yanked Sam’s head back at a painful angle. “Punk ass bitch, who specializes in being a nasty little cunt.”

As suddenly as he’d grabbed him, Shaun released Sam. The boy lost his footing and stumbled into the hall. Sam stared at him for a full five seconds, his eyes wide with shock. Then he bolted back to the twins’ room. He slammed the door with a bang.

Surprisingly Brian had slept through the commotion. Shaun checked on him first, peeking into the bed. Then he went down to see Jesse.

The movie had ended. The credits were rolling. He went to the DVD player and took his movie out. He put it back in its case, then he turned the TV off.

“Wha…” Jesse stirred.

“You’re awake,” Shaun said. He smiled gently.

“I guess,” Jesse laughed. He sat up, cradling Lissa to his chest. “Did you put Brian in my bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Mmm.” Jesse got up. “I’m going to put the baby down. Don’t go away.”

Shaun nodded. He watched Jesse trail up the stairs and hoped Sam wouldn’t blab and get him in trouble. He’d been harsh. Way too harsh.

He waited on pins and needles for a good two to three minutes. But Jesse looked totally oblivious when he came down. Sam must not have said anything.

 “Sorry I fell asleep,” Jesse said. “I wasn’t much fun tonight.” He still looked pretty tired, but he didn’t lay down again. He sat with his legs folded under him. “Wonder what’s on,” he said. He turned the TV on and picked a boring sitcom.

Monica was unusually late. It was already half past nine. She was usually home by now.

Jesse didn’t seem worried though, so Shaun didn’t mention it.

“You OK?” Jesse was looking at him, concern on his sleepy face.

“Yeah. Fine,” Shaun said, a little too quickly.

Jesse scooted closer and leaned into Shaun’s side a lot like Brian had been doing earlier. He sighed and his soft breath blew through Shaun’s hair.

They watched TV for what felt like forever. Shaun was afraid to move. He was pretty sure Jesse was asleep again. He couldn’t take this much longer, though…being close like this. Jesse made sweet noises in his sleep and his breath was hot on the back of Shaun’s neck. It was doing things to Shaun’s body he wasn’t comfortable with.

The sound of keys in the door had Shaun up in an instant, upsetting Jesse from his slumber. Monica walked in the room just as Jesse did a nose plant on the couch cushions.

 “Er…hi,” Shaun said. He knew his face was bright red, even though he knew Monica hadn’t seen them. She’d been looking at her cellphone when she’d walked in.

“Oh. Shaun.” Monica looked up from her screen. “I hope you boys weren’t waiting up for me. Sorry I’m so late.”

Behind him on the couch Jesse moaned. Shaun blushed harder. “I’d better go,” he said quickly. He sprinted for the door and slid out into the cool night air. At least out here, nobody could see his burning cheeks.

*****

Shaun kept waiting for Jesse to get over his clinginess. Waited for him to crawl back to Emily, Kenny, and their ilk, but if anything, Jesse focused on Shaun even more. He hung off him at every opportunity, followed him everywhere, made Shaun talk unendingly…

Shaun wasn’t happy about it, but he rode the bus home with Jesse every day. He hated sitting around and waiting for the end of the day to come, but it was always worth it when he saw Jesse’s smiles and his badly restrained affection.

They practiced guitar every afternoon before Brian and Lissa came home. Shaun didn’t know how much Jesse was learning, but it was always fun.

Jesse never brought up Shaun’s run-in with Sam. Sam had kept his mouth shut, but whenever Shaun saw him and Jesse interact, Sam seemed bitchier than ever.

On Wednesday, Jesse didn’t mention going to church. Shaun didn’t show it, but he was thrilled. They hung out all night, watching movies and playing with Brian and the baby. They didn’t even speak Emily’s name.

So, Shaun really shouldn’t have been surprised when Jesse asked what they were doing on the weekend.

“What do you mean?”

“Well…my mom tries to give me the weekends off, you know. So hopefully when she comes home tonight we’ll be able to do something on our own,” Jesse explained. “Unless you have to go to band practice.”

“Don’t you have something better to do? Like be with your girlfriend or something?” Shaun sneered, but not because he was mad. There were butterflies in his stomach again. It was all so fucking gay. He hated it.

“No,” Jesse said as if the idea of spending time with Emily was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “So, can we do something tonight?”

“I guess.” The fluttery feeling stuck around. It refused to leave.

“Good.” Jesse casually touched Shaun’s knee, playing with the worn hole in his jeans. “So, you don’t practice with your band on Fridays?”

“No, that’s tomorrow.” Shaun flicked Jesse’s hand away, covering the hole and effectively putting an end to the wandering hands. They were still on the school bus after all. People could see them.

“Can I come?”

Shaun snorted. “Seriously?” There was no way Shaun could bring Jesse to practice. He could picture it now. Jesse touching him, holding his hand, snuggling up to him like a cat in heat. “Hell no.”

“Why?” Jesse pouted immediately. “C’mon. Please! I want to see you guys play again!”

“Then come to the next show.” That wasn’t much better but at least Shaun could duck out of the venue and get some privacy. There’d be none of that at Will’s house.

“Shaun!” Jesse pleaded and Shaun was usually kind of a push over when it came to Jesse begging, but this time, he had a good reason to refuse.

“No.”

Jesse pouted and whined to come to band practice for the rest of the day. He did it through Chemistry, lunch, gym, and the bus ride home.

Shaun waited until they got off the bus to tell Jesse he was serious. He pulled him into the garage.

“Fucking stop! Shut up, already!” he yelled as soon as they were alone.

Jesse shut his mouth.

“I don’t want you coming with me because…” What was a nice, and not completely stupid way, to tell Jesse he couldn’t come around because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself? “Because you...” Fuck it. “Because you keep acting like a fucking fag!”

“What?” And of course, Jesse had to look completely confused, as if he’d been possessed this past week and someone else had been molesting Shaun without Jesse’s knowledge.

“You keep…touching me!” Shaun said, flushing an ugly red as he did. This was so embarrassing. “Danny called us gay last week because you were hugging on me and crap!”

“Who’s Danny?” Jesse asked sourly. “He sounds like a prick.”

Shaun snorted at the comment. “Danny’s the drummer. And he is, by the way,” Shaun said. “A prick.”

“I won’t hug you then,” Jesse said quickly. “I won’t touch you at all!”

Shaun didn’t want to say it out loud, but he disliked the prospect of no further touching. It wasn’t a big deal, really, but he knew people would see it the wrong way.

“You know…just when we’re around the band,” Shaun said.

 “OK. Just when we’re around other people. Like you said,” Jesse said softly. He poked Shaun in the stomach with a goofy smile. Shaun knocked his hand away with a halfhearted scowl. “People just don’t get it.”

“No, they don’t,” Shaun said solemnly.

“I’m sorry I’m so touchy-feely, but…you’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” Jesse said. He smiled when Shaun’s expression remained serious. “Do you forgive me?” He slid his arms around Shaun’s waist and hugged him tight.

Shaun sighed. Well, it looked like he didn’t have to worry about Jesse getting over his clinginess. That stupid fluttery feeling came back in full force and Shaun felt his arms wind around Jesse’s shoulders of their own accord. His long fingers threaded through Jesse’s incredibly soft hair.

“Mmm,” Jesse murmured. He buried his face against Shaun’s chest, effectively pushing his head into Shaun’s hands. “That feels nice,” he said in a muffled voice.

This was getting too lovey-dovey. Shaun rubbed his knuckles into Jesse’s scalp and gave him a noogie.

“Hey!” Jesse ducked away with a laugh. “Cut it out!”

The fluttery, butterfly feeling left. Shaun relaxed. “Do you want to practice or not?” He gestured to the guitar they’d left on boxes yesterday.

“Yeah!” Jesse cheered. He rushed to set everything up.

They didn’t end up doing anything special that night. Once Monica came home, they tried to escape back to Shaun’s, but Brian threw such a huge fit that they—or rather Shaun—decided to stay put. Jesse rolled his eyes and called Shaun a push over.

The three of them went to Jesse’s room and played with a bucket of Legos. It was far from thrilling, but Shaun didn’t mind playing as much as he’d thought he would. He liked the stupid kid.

They made a game out of it. Shaun showed Brian how to make a gun out of blocks and Brian assassinated Jesse with it. Shaun laughed. The kid was pretending he was Rambo.

They put Brian to bed after ten. Shaun helped Jesse clean up his room while they talked and laughed about their evening with the energetic toddler.

“We shouldn’t let him watch Rambo,” Jesse said as he tossed the last of the blocks into the bin. “He’ll turn into a serial killer.”

“Like me?” Shaun joked.

Jesse sucked his teeth. “No. You’re a big softie. I don’t think you’d ever hurt anybody.”

“Fuck you. Yes, I would,” Shaun grunted. “I’ve hurt lots of people.”

“So, you say,” Jesse sounded superior, like he knew everything. He climbed up to his bunk. “Are you coming up?”

Shaun shook his head. “It’s getting late. I should go.”

“No. Stay the night.”

Jesse made it sound so casual, so normal. Just two guys sleeping in the same bed. Completely normal.

“Jesse—”

“What? It’s not a school night. You can stay if you want,” Jesse said earnestly.

“No. That’s weird.”

“Is not.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “We’ll probably crash at Will’s house after practice,” he said. “We’ll hang out tomorrow night.”

Jesse pouted. “But what about tonight?”

“Jesse, c’mon.” This was getting weird. Jesse never wanted Shaun to leave. Their relationship was already abnormal, but sleeping together? That seemed like a whole other level.

An incredibly, irreparably gay level.

“You’re no fun,” Jesse said. He laid down on his stomach and looked over the edge of his bed with sad eyes. “So, when are you coming to pick me up tomorrow?”

Shaun shrugged. He didn’t want to get to Will’s place too early since he didn’t know how the band would react to him bringing a friend along. So, limiting the amount of time they were there, sitting around, sounded like a good idea. And if Danny and Will were really being obnoxious about Jesse, then they could just wrap up practice and leave early.

“Around five maybe.” That’d give them an hour to get there. Practice started up around six.

“OK.” Jesse seemed disappointed. Shaun nodded curtly and turned to leave. “Do you want me to come with you?” he threw out, stopping Shaun in his tracks.

The fluttery feeling, like butterflies tickling him from the inside, started up again. He imagined Jesse in his bed and the thought was so ludicrous, he could barely stand it.

“No,” he said without turning. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jesse didn’t respond and Shaun left in peace. Only he wasn’t in peace. He was upset.

Why couldn’t Jesse let him enjoy anything? Every time they had a little fun, Jesse insisted on making it weird. All the touching and the affection made that fluttery, butterfly feeling start in his stomach and Shaun hated it. He wished they could go back to the way they were, cautious friends, who knew very little about each other and never fought over what day they were going to sleep together.

Shaun had never been so confused in his life. He didn’t know how to take the new feelings Jesse stirred up. The more he repressed them, the more he longed for Jesse’s approval and attention and Jesse was certainly happy to provide it. He was completely overwhelming Shaun.

The walk home did little to calm him down, and when he got home neither did the sight of his grandfather, asleep in his armchair and apparently waiting up for him.

Eli dropped odd comments about Jesse whenever Shaun was around, which wasn’t often nowadays. It was infuriating. He kept insinuating something was going on between them and Shaun didn’t like how close to the truth he was getting.

He passed Eli silently on his way to his room.

Shaun took his boots and his jeans off. He laid on top the covers and stared at the dark ceiling. He laid there for a while, thinking.

At first, he was able to keep his mind off dangerous topics. He thought about the band, about the new song ideas bouncing around his head. He thought about school and how he hadn’t started the poem for English class. It was due next Friday.

Then, helplessly, he thought about Jesse.

He thought about Jesse’s goofy smile when he learned a new trick on the guitar. The way his nose would wrinkle up when he thought something was funny in class. His insistence that he put his feet in Shaun’s lap every time they watched TV before the kids’ bedtime.

The fluttery feeling started again, and that was unacceptable.

Shaun took his father’s knife out of the bedside table. He yanked his shirt up and pressed the blade into his stomach, right over the traitorous fluttery feeling.

Jesse’s face appeared in his head, gazing at him adoringly, repeating the words from earlier.

“You can stay if you want.”

Shaun’s sick mind forced him to imagine if they’d stayed together. If Shaun had climbed into Jesse’s bed like he’d suggested.

They’d be lying there right now, facing each other like they had Sunday night in the back of Ruth’s van. There’d be no stars to distract Jesse this time, just the two of them, covered in darkness, pressed together because Jesse was having a hard time with personal space.

The mental picture conjured up something a bit stronger than the butterfly feeling. Instead, he felt the stirrings of arousal coiling in his belly.

Shaun was horrified. He forced the knife into his stomach.

The blade was incredibly sharp. Shaun gasped as blinding pain shot through his abdomen. The knife slipped from his hand.

He hadn’t cut deep, at least, he didn’t think so. He’d stabbed himself in the stomach though, and blood leaked through his fingers.

He cursed and ripped his shirt off. He wadded it up and pressed it gingerly to the wound.

The fluttery feeling was gone. And the beginnings of arousal had been chased away.

All that was left was pain.

*****

Shaun slept like crap. In the morning, he was woozy and feverish.

The knife wound was disgusting to look at. It was an inch-wide hole to the right of his belly button. It was red and inflamed.

He’d bled through his sheets. The hem of his boxers was stained a sticky brown. The shirt he’d used as gauze was completely ruined.

Shaun had no experience in gut wounds. He had no idea whether he should be concerned or not. He figured he’d treat it the same as all his other cuts. He dragged himself out of bed, picked a clean shirt and ventured into the bathroom. It was too painful to directly wash the stab wound, but he splashed it clean with warm water and taped some heavy gauze over it.

It took care of the bleeding at least.

There was a knock on the door. Shaun jumped. “What are you doing in there?” It was Eli. Shaun scowled at his reflection in the mirror.

“Nothing!” he cried. He yanked the shirt over his head. He winced when the fabric caught the mass of tape. “What do you want?”

“Can we talk?”

“I’m taking a shower,” Shaun said. He strode to the tub and turned the water on. It drowned out whatever Eli said next. He gave up. He knew better than to just barge in.

Shaun sat down on the toilet and let the water run. There were hours to go before Shaun picked Jesse up. He didn’t know how he was going to avoid Eli until then. He couldn’t run the shower all day, though it was tempting.

Once he was sure Eli was gone, he shut the water off and escaped back to his room. He blocked the door with his desk chair and turned some music on.

Normally he liked it loud, but today it was giving him a headache. He laid back on his bed and put a pillow over his head.

He was roughly shaken awake. He pulled the pillow off his face and sat up with a groan. His stomach radiated pain. The music had stopped, and Eli stood over him, his face grave.

“What?” Shaun snapped.

“You’re bleeding.” Eli sat on the edge of the bed. He stared at Shaun’s stomach. With a feeling of dread, Shaun checked himself. The bleeding had started again. There was a sizable patch of blood through his fresh T-shirt.

“Fuck,” Shaun said under his breath.

“Jesse’s here,” Eli said. His hands fluttered uselessly over Shaun’s abdomen. “He said you were supposed to pick him up at five.”

“Shit. What time is it?”

“Quarter to six.”

Shaun hauled himself out of bed. The pain was severe, but he did his best to ignore it. He had to get to practice. He had to pretend everything was normal and that he hadn’t stabbed himself. He didn’t want anyone to worry. Especially Jesse.

He grabbed another set of clothes. He’d change in the bathroom after he reapplied some gauze.

Eli was hot on his heels. “What’s going on with you!” he hissed as Shaun hurried into the hallway.

Shaun?” Jesse stood at the end of the hall, in the living room. His carefully blank expression turned into a grin when Shaun met his eyes.

Shaun turned away before Jesse saw the blood. He slipped into the bathroom.

Eli forced the door open and squeezed into the room behind him. He shut the door. “What’s going on?” he asked. He guarded the door like a sentinel. Shaun ignored him. He got the roll of gauze from the cabinet over the sink. Eli grabbed his arm. “Shaun? Please,” he pressed.

“Nothing’s going on!” Shaun snatched his arm away. His eyes flashed dangerously. Eli didn’t back down. “Jesus Christ! I’m trying to get ready!”

“Why are you bleeding?” Eli gestured to the bloody stain. “What are you doing to yourself?”

Shaun pulled his shirt off and pressed his lips together as he peeled the bloody gauze from his wound. Eli gasped and tried to get a look, but Shaun twisted out of the way. It really looked infected, but Shaun didn’t have time to worry about it. He sloppily applied the new gauze and plastered it over with surgical tape.

“I have to go to practice,” Shaun muttered, his back to Eli.

“I don’t think—”

“I have to go,” Shaun said firmly. “I’ll be fine.”

Eli thought it over in silence.  He sighed.

“Do what you want, Shaun. I can’t stop you,” he said tiredly. “But when you come back, we really need to have a talk.”

“You’ve been saying that for days now,” Shaun sneered. “Didn’t we just talk?”

“Hardly.”

“You want to make sure I’m OK, right?” he taunted. “Well, I’m great. I’ve never been better, actually.”

“Shaun…”

“You don’t need to worry about me, because I have everything under control.” Shaun threw his bloodied bandages into the trash before he pulled his thermal shirt over his head. He met his grandfather’s troubled gaze. “Thanks for the concern,” he said sarcastically.

Eli moved aside as Shaun stepped into his cargo pants. He was ready to go.

“I’ll see you very soon,” Eli said as if to reassure himself.

“Whatever.”

Shaun grabbed his boots from his room and kicked them on. Jesse waited at the end of the hall, where Shaun had left him. His expression was a mix of excitement and concern.

“Everything OK?”

“Yep. Fine,” Shaun said, trying for a cheerful tone, but falling short. Jesse looked even more concerned. “Let’s go,” Shaun said quickly before Jesse could ask again.

Shaun took Eli’s car, like always. He was afraid to load his guitar and amp himself though. He didn’t want to risk bleeding through his fresh bandages, so he ordered Jesse to do it. Luckily, Jesse was eager to please. He did as asked without complaint. Shaun started the car and found a suitable song on the radio while he waited.

Jesse was mercifully quick. He packed everything in the back then hopped in the passenger seat.

“Thanks,” Shaun said. He backed the car into the street and took off. He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him, watching him meticulously. He didn’t dare look over.

“You’re welcome.”

There was a long silence as they drove, top speed, to Will’s house. Being an hour late wasn’t a huge deal. There was a good chance the band hadn’t even noticed Shaun was late, but Shaun was sure he’d fucked everything up. His stomach throbbed and itched. He wasn’t sure he’d even be able to play when they got there.

But the knife had done the trick. He didn’t feel anything for Jesse, at least not now. He’d barely looked at him, he hadn’t said much to him, and there were certainly no fluttery feelings in Shaun’s aching belly. He was so wrapped up in his own little world there was no way for Jesse to worm his way in.

“Something’s wrong,” Jesse said, obviously sensing that, in Shaun’s mind, he was a thousand miles away.

“Everything’s fine.”

“You’ve already said that,” Jesse said.

“I did,” Shaun said flatly. “And I meant it.” At this point, he didn’t care what happened. He just wanted to get through practice without embarrassing himself and being cross examined.

“Shaun!” Jesse cried and Shaun grudgingly looked at him.

Jesse had his back to the window and his legs tucked up underneath him. His pretty eyes were wide with hurt and betrayal. His mouth was open, and his lips were red and soft looking.

Shaun zeroed in on that piece of anatomy. Mouth. Hot. Wet. Tongue flicking out to taste a pouting lower lip…

Shaun tore his gaze away. He clenched the wheel in a death grip.

“What is going on? Did something…happen last night? Did you Grandpa say something to you?” Jesse asked. “Why are you so distant?”

Shaun hated that he cared so much about Jesse. Before, he hadn’t cared if he’d hurt Jesse’s feelings, but now it was painful to listen to his distress.

But what was Shaun going to say? He wasn’t going to tell him the truth…

“Nothing happened, nobody said anything, and I’m not acting any different.”

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Did I do something wrong? You’re acting like you hate me.”

Shaun couldn’t help but laugh. On the contrary, I like you too much. Of course, Shaun didn’t say that. “Do you want to go home?” he asked instead, a tad harsher than he’d intended, but maybe that was for the best. “I’ll take you home if you don’t want to do this.”

“No,” Jesse said immediately. “I just wish you’d talk to me,” he said softly.

And maybe if it had been about something other than his developing homosexual feelings, he would have. Shaun shook his head, muttered that nothing was wrong, and continued driving.

Jesse didn’t say another word.

Shaun had never been so glad to get to Will’s in his life. The forty-minute drive had been unbearable. They’d sat in an awkward, stifling silence while Jesse shot him little glances, pleas for Shaun to talk to him. Shaun ignored him and Jesse kept his mouth shut.

“Do you want me to get your stuff?” Jesse asked shyly when they pulled up outside Will’s house.

“Yeah.”

For some reason, that seemed to make Jesse sad. He turned his face away and looked out the window for a moment. Then he got out and went around to the back to get the equipment.

Sighing, Shaun reached over the seat and snatched his guitar before Jesse could. He could carry a guitar without killing himself, he reasoned. It was the amp he thought might hurt.

“Hey,” Danny called as Shaun walked in the front door. He was sprawled on the couch, alone in the living room. Football was on TV. Danny held a beer and his face was flushed. He was drunk.

“Is that Shaun?” Will appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. He had a beer too, but he didn’t look intoxicated. He spotted Shaun at the door and narrowed his eyes. “It’s about fucking time.”

“Sorry,” Shaun muttered. He stepped aside as Jesse maneuvered the amp through the front door. Shaun cringed internally when both Will and Danny turned their gazes to the newest arrival.

“Who’s this?” Will asked. He furrowed his brow in confusion.

Danny almost dropped his beer as he started to laugh. Shaun clenched his teeth, furious. “That’s Shaun’s little friend. From last week,” Danny said. “Remember? I told you about him.”

Will gave him a blank look.

“The kid that hugged Shaun?”

“Oh.” Will laughed and Shaun flushed an ugly brick red. Ben appeared in the door behind Will. He pushed his way into the room.

“Hey. You’re here.” Ben shot a glare at Danny but otherwise didn’t acknowledge him. He flashed a smile at Jesse. “Hi,” he said. “I’m Ben.”

“Hello,” Jesse said shyly. “I’m Jesse.” He put the amp down and shook Ben’s hand. “You’re an amazing bass player. You’re all great musicians,” he said, totally sucking up. He glanced at Shaun, uncertainly written on his face. Shaun had no direction for him. He didn’t know how to make his band mates like Jesse. They barely liked him.

Jesse seemed to be doing well on his own anyway.

“That’s fucking right,” Will preened.

“At least your boyfriend’s got good taste,” Danny joked.

Shaun bristled. “Are we going to practice or not?” he grunted. He dragged his guitar into the garage.

The others followed momentarily. They were distracted by Jesse. He talked a mile a minute, asking about upcoming shows and new songs. Will answered his questions in the arrogant way he had for fan-types. Danny watched the proceedings with a vague amusement. Ben seemed particularly taken with Jesse. He pulled him aside when Will got sick of the never-ending questions and dismissed Jesse with a wave.

Ben and Jesse talked in low quiet tones as Ben set up his bass. Shaun couldn’t hear what they were talking about over the sound of Danny warming up his drum kit, but he could tell they were hitting it off.

Shaun didn’t like it, but he didn’t know how to stop it either.

Will bitched at everyone to hurry up. “Let’s get started sometime this century.”

Ben gestured to the threadbare couch against the far wall and Jesse flounced off to have a seat.

It was an uncomfortable practice for Shaun. He was in pain, of course, but he was also hyperaware of his every move thanks to Jesse’s intense stare.  Shaun was tempted to stop playing and demand Jesse look at someone else for a change, but he didn’t want the others to know what was up.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Will halted practice after twenty minutes. He glared at Shaun. “You’re playing’s for shit today.”

“He’s got performance issues,” Danny snorted from behind the safety of the drum kit. “He can’t do it when his boyfriend’s watching.”

Shaun sent Danny a dark and malevolent glare, shutting him up effectively. Ben defended him anyway.

“Shut up, Danny,” he ordered.

“Are you ready now, asshole?” Will asked, ignoring the side discussion. “We’ve got another show coming up soon.” He proceeded to start the next song without waiting for a reply, which was typical.

Shaun played his heart out. He worked up a sweat which was only partially due to effort and mostly from the strain he was putting on his injured body. They were an hour in, and nobody was impressed.

“You suck,” Danny flicked Shaun off.

“Yeah. Maybe we should call it a night,” Will frowned. He bent over to pick up his bottle of beer. He gulped it down and headed back inside for more. Danny ran after him.

“You OK?” Ben asked. He was one of the last people in the room. Jesse was still on the couch. He watched them with wide eyes.

Shaun sighed. “I guess,” he said. He wanted to sit down.

“C’mon. Let’s get something to drink.” Ben waited for Shaun to put his guitar down. He put an arm around his shoulders and led him into the living room. Jesse followed them.

Shaun was exhausted. He flopped into the armchair and stared at the football game on TV. He could hear Jesse and Ben whispering behind his back, but he ignored them.

Some stuff happened, but Shaun was too out of it to care. Will and Danny went on a beer run while Ben and Jesse got comfortable on the couch. They talked in hushed voices. They snuck glances Shaun’s way; it was obvious they were talking about him. He wondered what they were talking about, but he was busy thinking about how he was going to get out of here. He felt really fucking sick.

It felt like hours passed before Will and Danny were back, carrying a couple cases of beer. They threw one at Shaun and he drank obligingly.

When he’d finished the first one, Ben brought him a second, leaving his cozy seat with Jesse to do so. And when he’d finished the second, Jesse brought him a third. He was feeling a little better by this point, numb anyways. Then Jesse sat on the arm of his chair.

“Is it OK if I’m worried about you?” Jesse whispered. He leaned into Shaun side, practically falling into his lap. He nudged Shaun’s aching wound and Shaun bit his lip to keep from cringing overtly. Then Jesse slid his arm around Shaun’s shoulders. He stroked his hair.

Shaun jerked up straight, feeling frantic. He looked around the room.

They were alone. Shaun didn’t know how long they’d been the only ones in the living room; he knew the guys had been watching the game just a second ago, so they couldn’t have gone far.

Jesse nodded toward the kitchen. “They’re in there,” he said. “But I want—need to talk to you.”

“You need to get off me,” Shaun said, trying to sound firm and threatening. His voice was weak though. He was half-awake and totally out of it. He wasn’t convincing anyone.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” Jesse asked. He pet Shaun’s hair, like he was his girlfriend or something.  “I thought we were best friends?”

“We are,” Shaun hissed through his teeth.

“Then stop pushing me away!” Jesse hissed right back. “If you don’t want to talk about it…fine. But you need me—”

“Like a hole in my head,” Shaun finished sarcastically. Or a hole in my stomach, he thought darkly.

“Stop pouting.” Jesse playfully yanked a lock of Shaun’s hair to get his point across. Shaun growled. “Stop moping over here and come watch TV with us.”

“I can watch it fine from here.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to sit here with you, won’t I?” Jesse threatened. He snuggled into Shaun’s side to drive home how embarrassing their current positions were.

“You’re a fucking brat.” Shaun scowled but Jesse smiled brightly. He wasn’t deterred in the least. He leapt up and held out his hand. Shaun took it reluctantly.

His face contorted with pain as he got up, the edges of his stab wound pulled this way and that. Jesse totally missed it. The moment Shaun was upright he wrapped his arms around Shaun and nuzzled his face into his chest. It hurt. Immensely. But Shaun took it stoically.

“Stop being so mean to your friends, Shaun,” Jesse chided. His voice was too breathy and soft to be reprimanding. He hugged Shaun once more before he released him and led him to the couch.

As they sat down, Jesse uncomfortably close, almost in his lap again, the others came back into the room.

Ben sat on the other side of Jesse. They shared a conspiratorial smile. Ben asked if Shaun was feeling any better.

“Never better,” Shaun growled. He was deeply uncomfortable, in pain, pissed off… Jesse and Ben seemed amused. It wasn’t right. 

Will sat in Shaun’s abandoned armchair. He passed out joints, which he and Danny had been rolling in the kitchen. “Here, you fucking need it,” he told Shaun as he pressed the drugs into his palm.

“Fuck you,” Shaun muttered, but he couldn’t have agreed more. Ben passed him a lighter, and he toked up.

Will had cut something nasty into the weed again. Shaun was sick almost instantly. This time he managed not to throw up, but he ended up laying on the couch with his head in Jesse’s lap. Jesse smiled down at him. His eyes were off, his smile was weird. He was obviously reacting to the drugs.

“Poor baby,” Jesse said. He slowly stroked Shaun’s hair and his face, even his chest and arms occasionally. He was entranced. He didn’t go below Shaun’s waist, which was lucky, because Shaun was pretty sure he had a raging erection.

The game ended, heralded by the sound of Will and Danny cheering obnoxiously. They promptly left to pick up some girls from the bar down the street. For a while, things were quiet and nice. Shaun was close to sleep. The sound of Jesse and Ben murmuring to each other was soothing.

But Will and Danny returned, and a slutty girl accompanied them. They took her straight into the bedroom and started fucking at the top of their lungs.

Ben made his excuses and ducked out. Shaun wanted to leave, too. He wanted to crawl into his bed and sleep for days, but he was in no state to drive. He had to go to the bathroom at one point and Jesse had to help him get there.

When Will and Danny quieted down, Jesse turned the TV off and rearranged Shaun on the couch. He let him lay the full length. As Shaun stretched out, he wondered where Jesse was going to sleep. Then Jesse laid beside him on the narrow couch. He pressed his entire front to Shaun’s side and threw an arm over his waist. He was dangerously close to Shaun’s stab wound, but Shaun was too far gone to feel the pain.

“Good night.” Jesse whispered. His head was buried in the crook of Shaun’s neck.

Shaun was too out of it to reply. He was embarrassingly turned on, confused and sore, but he was sure he felt Jesse’s lips on him, kissing him chastely.

Morning was only a few hours away. It dawned bright and clear.

Sunlight poured through the living room window and Shaun winced and shielded his eyes. He had to throw up. He opened his eyes cautiously.

Jesse still clung to him. His face was very close.

Pain and nausea warred for dominance. Shaun had to get to the bathroom.

He tried to extract himself gently, but the second he tasted bile his initiative went from “trying not to disturb” to “trying not to throw up all over Jesse”.

Jesse was knocked from the couch with a thump. “Oomph!”

“Sorry…” Shaun murmured. He jumped over Jesse and dashed for the toilet. He should know better by now than to take anything Will gave him.

Shaun emerged from the bathroom after he threw up a gallon of yellowish liquid. He hadn’t checked his stomach, but it throbbed horribly and burned. He was anxious to get home.

“Are you OK?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah,” Shaun said wearily. “I want to get out of here before those assholes get up,” He nodded toward the bedroom.

 “Want me to drive?”

Shaun shrugged. He wasn’t up for the long drive back, but he had no idea if Jesse could be trusted behind the wheel. He was willing to find out though.

“Sit down,” Jesse soothed. He took Shaun’s arm and led him to the couch. “I’ll pack up your stuff. I’ll be right back.” He smoothed Shaun’s frizzy hair down, smiling when it sprung back up again in a cloud of disarray. “Right back,” he repeated. He rushed through the door to the garage.

Shaun closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. His fucking head hurt. Hangovers, open bleeding wounds, drug induced nausea…he’d really done a number on himself.

He listened to Jesse run to and fro, fetching his guitar and running it to the car, then back again for the amp. He came for Shaun next. He helped him up.

“C’mon,” Jesse urged. His arm slipped around Shaun’s waist as Shaun leaned into his side for support. Jesse’s voice grew exponentially more cheerful. “It’s a good thing I was here to help you,” he said. “Where’d you be without me, hmm?”

Shaun laughed at the irony.

Without Jesse Shaun would currently be in much better shape, but he didn’t say that. He wasn’t going to explain himself.

“What’s so funny?” Jesse asked. He opened the car door and awkwardly helped Shaun into the car. Shaun pushed him away the second he didn’t need him anymore and shut the door behind himself. Jesse hurried around to the driver’s side and got in.

“Nothing.”

“But—”

“Jesse.” Shaun said the name warningly.

Jesse frowned, but he started the car and pulled away from the curb.

They drove in silence. Shaun had to remind Jesse of the way more than once, but other than that, they didn’t talk. It wasn’t as awkward as yesterday though. Jesse was quiet out of consideration for Shaun. He mentioned a few times he’d be fine if Shaun wanted to rest his eyes, but Shaun didn’t sleep. He was uncomfortable. He just wanted to get home.

When they arrived, Jesse insisted on following Shaun inside.

“I’m going back to sleep,” Shaun said as Jesse helped him to the front porch.

“That’s OK,” Jesse said. The door was unlocked, but he fumbled with the latch.

“You can’t stay, Jess,” Shaun told him.

 “Why not?” Jesse was pouting. Shaun could hear it in his voice. “Are you seriously going to make me walk all the way home?”

They knocked into the kitchen table and stumbled through to the living room.

Ruth sat in front of the TV. She was knitting. She glanced up as Shaun and Jesse bumbled through. She scowled at the sight. “Nice to see you got home in one piece.” She dismissively returned to her knitting.

“You’re not staying,” Shaun repeated as if Ruth hadn’t spoken.

Jesse led Shaun back to his room. Shaun decided to take the silence as agreement, but as soon as Shaun’s door closed behind them, Jesse started complaining again.

“But we slept together last night,” he pointed out as he helped Shaun to the bed.

“We didn’t sleep together.” Shaun cringed. He sat down gingerly and rubbed his face. Most of last night was hazy, but he remembered quite vividly the persistent erection he’d maintained most of the night. The memory combined with Jesse’s easy admission of “sleeping together” scared the fuck out of him.

“We slept on the couch together,” Jesse said. “You know what I mean.” He knelt in front of Shaun and casually untied his boots. He pulled them off like he undressed his close friends all the time.

“What is it with you and sleeping with me?” Shaun grumbled.

“You’re the one who’s always making a big deal about it,” Jesse said.

“Me?!” Shaun glared at him. “You’re obsessed with it! You want me to sleep in your bed every single night!”

“So? I’ve had lots of guy’s sleep over before,” Jesse said primly. He stood over Shaun; his arms crossed.

“I’m sure you insisted on cuddling up to them too,” Shaun sneered. He was pissed. The thought of Jesse cuddling with anyone other than himself enraged him.

Jesse frowned. He gestured for Shaun to stand up.

Shaun scowled and got up. He winced, but he played it off with a rude question. “How many guys have you slept with?”

Jesse blinked. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? None.”

“See! My point exactly. You’re not staying here in my bed,” Shaun growled.

 Jesse threw his hands up. “Fine. But you need help. Let me help you get undressed.” He reached for Shaun’s fly before Shaun had even registered his words.

“Wait…”

But Jesse was already undoing Shaun’s pants. He brushed against his stomach as he popped the fly. Shaun forgot for a moment that he was being undressed like a child and sucked in a pained breath at Jesse’s careless move.

“What’s this?” Jesse reached under Shaun’s thermal to feel the mess of bandages the back of his hand had brushed against. “Shaun, what is this?”

Feeling like it was inevitable, Shaun didn’t stop Jesse from lifting his shirt and exposing his stomach.

Jesse gasped. He looked deep into Shaun’s eyes. “What happened?” he asked.

Shaun didn’t answer. He waited for Jesse to figure it out himself. He was investigating. He bent closer and tried to peel the gauze back. It stuck to the surrounding skin and they both gasped as yellow pus leaked out of the wound.

“Oh my God…” Jesse moaned. “This needs…you need to go to the fucking hospital!”

“It’s fine,” Shaun said calmly.

“It’s infected!” Jesse cried. “How long have you had this?!”

“Since Friday.”

Jesse groaned in distress. His hands shook. He released the edge of Shaun’s shirt. “C’mon. Let me get these off,” he said, returning to the half-discarded pants. He crouched and worked them down. “I can at least clean it out for you. Maybe my Mom can—” But Jesse stopped short as he noticed all the other cuts on Shaun’s legs. The partially healed wound on his thigh, old scars above his knees, climbing his legs like ladders. There were bigger slashes here and there and quite a few more were still hidden under his boxers, but Jesse looked horrified enough without seeing everything. “When you hurt your arm the other day…was it really from hunting?” he asked in a soft voice.

That hadn’t been the question Shaun was waiting for. He answered honestly. “No.”

“Did you do it…yourself?”

“I wanted to. It wasn’t an accident,” Shaun said defensively.

“You did all this?” Jesse gestured to the mess of scars.

“Didn’t I already say that?” Shaun snapped.

“You—you’re hurting yourself? Cutting yourself?!” Jesse straightened up to look Shaun in the eye.

“Yes, all right!” Shaun didn’t want to have this conversation with his pants around his ankles. He pulled them back up, wincing as he buttoned them.

“You did this?!” Jesse laid his hand over Shaun’s arm, just above his gash.

“Yes!”

“And this?!” Jesse jabbed a finger at Shaun’s thigh.

“Yes!”

“And you did this. You stabbed yourself in the stomach?!” Jesse pulled on Shaun’s shirt, a mixture of disbelief and betrayal on his face.

Shaun glared at him. “So, what if I did?”

Jesse stared at him for a long, breathless moment. Then he punched Shaun in the shoulder. “You asshole!” he cried, literally cried. His eyes filled with tears. A few escaped and rolled beautifully down his cheeks. He hit Shaun again, not as hard—though the first had barely hurt—and again. “Are you trying to kill yourself?!”

“Jesse—”

“No! Tell me right now! You owe me an explanation at least!” he demanded. “Tell me why you’d do this to yourself!”

“I don’t owe you anything!” Shaun yelled and Jesse gasped out another sob, the tears really falling now, completely unhindered.

“You can’t do this! You promised we’d stick together!” Jesse cried. He was hysterical. “You can’t kill yourself!”

“I never said I was going to!”

“Well, then why are you doing this?! You could have hurt yourself so much more! You could have died!” Jesse whimpered. “Oh God…oh Shaun…oh—”

Jesse was perfect in his anguish. He was gorgeous. His tears were real and beautiful and all for Shaun… Shaun’s heart beat quicker in his chest.

He couldn’t help himself. He grabbed Jesse by the front of his shirt and pulled him up until he swayed on the tips of his toes.

“Shut up,” he growled. He smashed their lips together. Jesse’s mouth was open and wet, and Shaun thrust his tongue inside with a moan.

Jesse tasted like stale smoke and old beer, but that made everything more real.

This was really happening…

Shaun’s free hand sifted through Jesse’s auburn locks and clutched him tight. Jesse was limp and unresponsive in his arms. Shaun refused to open his eyes. He used his handhold to deepen the kiss. God, he wanted this so badly.

He twisted his tongue around Jesse’s and sucked the spit out of his mouth. It was a horrible kiss, but Shaun’s cock was rock hard. Jesse’s whole body trembled and Shaun bit down on his lips, frustrated and horny and not knowing what to do about it. He was desperate for Jesse to respond.

Jesse whimpered and Shaun shoved him away. He panted for breath as Jesse tripped over his own two feet. He caught himself and looked up with huge eyes.

There was spit smeared on Jesse’s face. A bit of blood stained his lower lip. He gingerly touched his kiss-swollen mouth.

There was a single moment of silence as they stared at one another. One moment for Shaun’s fear of rejection to bubble up inside him. His throat constricted as a thousand different thoughts rushed past adding to his confusion and dread.

And then Jesse’s face twisted, his mouth—that fucking mouth!—opened and all of Shaun’s confusion coalesced into a single thought.

“Get out,” Shaun said. Jesse deserved to hate him for what he’d just done—kissing him…practically raping his mouth for fuck’s sake! But he didn’t want to hear it. He wanted to be alone. Alone with his humiliating thoughts and his shameful erection.

How could he have fucked up so bad? It was one thing to lust after a boy…after a boy who had tried to be his friend no less! But he couldn’t believe he’d acted! He hadn’t been completely honest when he’d told Jesse he wasn’t interested in killing himself. He was seriously considering it. Just a quick clean cut along his jugular vein and he could bleed out, staining his freshly changed sheets a nice dark red.

“Shaun—”

“I said get out!” he shouted. Jesse’s face was completely drained of color, the disgust he felt was clear as day. Any minute now he’d start to laugh. He’d tell Shaun how much he hated him, how horrible it had been to have an erection pressing into his stomach, how completely revolting it had been to have Shaun’s tongue in his mouth, licking his tonsils. He couldn’t listen to it. He’d have to kill someone if he did.

Jesse must have saw something in his eyes that conveyed Shaun’s murderous mindset, because he backed out of the room without another word.

Shaun listened for the slam of the front door. He sank onto his bed.

Oh, God. He’d be a laughing stalk by Monday. Jesse would tell Emily and her brother. He’d tell everyone what a sick freak Shaun was. Everyone would know and he’d be worse than a pariah. He’d spent most of his life being feared and avoided, but now…

And Jesse…he’d lost him forever. The best friend he’d ever had was gone because he hadn’t been able to control himself and his desire.

What had he done?

“Shaun? Jesse ran out of the house like someone had lit a fire under his ass. What was that all about?”

Shaun’s head snapped up. His face had been buried in his hands, and if he could have cried, he would have, but his eyes were dry, hard, angry—mostly with himself, but also with the world in general.

Eli stood in the doorway. He looked like he was settling in for a long conversation. “How about we have that talk now?”

“Whatever.” Shaun had wanted to be alone, but with the direction his thoughts were heading he wasn’t sure it’d be a good idea. The knife in the bedside table was calling to him, and as much as he longed for the release, he was too ashamed to touch it.

“Why don’t you start by telling me what’s going on?” Eli said. He walked into the room and sat gingerly beside Shaun. “Why the long face?”

“I kissed him,” Shaun blurted. He dropped his face into his hands. If he could talk to anyone about this, it’d be Eli. Ruth wasn’t one for heart to hearts. She was more like Shaun in that regard, plus he felt  she’d react unfavorably. Eli immediately put his arm around Shaun’s shoulders.

“And he ran out?”

“He hates me now,” Shaun said into his hands. “I could see it in his eyes.”

“Son, I find that hard to believe.”

Shaun raised his head. “What?”

“Well, I’ve only seen you together a few times; you’re both so reclusive. I honestly thought you were already an item.”

“An item?!” Shaun hissed.

“I walked in on you boys snuggling on the couch,” Eli deadpanned. “I took Ruthie out to dinner because I thought you’d want some time alone.”

“Oh God…” Shaun moaned, humiliated. “It wasn’t like that. He just—”

“What? Was cuddling on you because he hates you?”

Jesse had been awfully clingy lately. But that was just because…well…Jesse hadn’t explained why. Shaun had gone along with it because he was a pervert.

“Did he actually say he hated you?” Eli asked.

“When I…” Shaun trailed off, his face flushed with embarrassment. “He didn’t kiss me back.”

“Maybe he was surprised.”

“Horrified, more like.”

Eli chuckled. “Did you even let the poor boy get a word in edgewise?”

“No. I know what he was going to say,” Shaun grunted.

“Why don’t you—”

“Grandpa?” Shaun asked. “Can we stop talking about this?”

Eli looked like he was going to say something but changed his mind. “If you want.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

Shaun lifted the hem of his T-shirt. Eli gasped as Shaun exposed the wound on his belly. “Can you help me?”

Eli shook his head. “Oh, Shaun. When are you going to stop doing this to yourself?” But he stood up and gestured for Shaun to follow him.

His grandpa wasn’t a nurse, but he did know a fair bit about first aid. Shaun was in for a few painful minutes of treatment, a prescription antibiotic, and then he was sent to bed. Ruth brought in some lunch, and Eli came in with some Tylenol.

Shaun hadn’t felt so weak in a long time. He let himself be babied. It felt good to be cared for. This was going to have to tide him over until he could get out of town, because no matter what Eli said, Shaun was convinced his life was about to change for the worse.

Chapter Text

Jesse ran as fast as his legs would carry him. He didn’t let himself stop, because if he did, he’d think about what had just happened.

He reached the house in under a minute. The front door was open, and he slid inside and pressed himself flat against the door as his heart thudded in his chest.

Tyler and Allison were on the couch. They turned and looked at him in surprise.

“Jesse?” Monica called from the kitchen and Jesse peeled himself off the door and bolted for the stairs. He took them two at a time.

Sam was in the bedroom, lying on the bed. His head was buried in his phone, but he looked up when Jesse burst into the room.

“Shit,” Jesse muttered.

Sam glared at him.

Jesse stood tensely in the doorway, vibrating with a nervous energy. “Can you get out of here for a while?”

Sam sneered at him. “Screw you.”

Jesse huffed. He was seconds away from a huge breakdown and the last thing he needed was for Sam to witness it. “Leave!”

Sam looked back at his phone, a taunting smile on his lips. “No.”

Jesse marched across the room and grabbed his brother’s phone. Sam yelped in protest, but Jesse was already back at the bedroom door.

“I’ll throw it down the stairs if you aren’t out of here in ten seconds.” He started to count down.

“Alright!” Sam leapt up and shot Jesse a nasty look. “I’m going, asshole.”

“Shithead,” Jesse shot back heatedly as his brother stomped into the hall. The second he left the room; Jesse slammed the door behind him.

Finally.

Alone.

Jesse had been expecting an explosive reaction, but he felt nothing.

Numb, he climbed up to his bunk and draped the blankets around himself. He laid back and pulled the blanket over his head and darkness enveloped him.

Shaun had kissed him.

Jesse shivered under his blankets. He didn’t know what to think.

He’d certainly kissed girls who were more experienced than Shaun. Girls who knew how to give a guy an erection with a kiss alone, but Shaun…

Jesse brought his hand to his mouth. He traced his lips slowly with the tips of his fingers.

The feeling of the other boy’s lips on his had been startling to say the least. Strange, unexpected, but not bad. Jesse hadn’t been able to react. Shaun had kissed him so intensely, desperately, it was like nothing he’d ever felt before.

Jesse had become incredibly clingy after hearing Shaun’s backstory. He wasn’t oblivious, like he’d pretended to be. He just couldn’t help himself.

What had happened to Shaun was terrifying and Jesse wanted to touch him at every opportunity to assure himself he was here. Safe. That everything was alright. The feel of Shaun’s taller, sturdier body against Jesse’s smaller form was so reassuring.

But now that they’d kissed, everything felt different.

All those intimate touches, longing looks, the desire to be close… it all made sense now.

Jesse was unequivocally, painfully, stupidly, in love with a boy he’d only known for a few weeks. One who’d seen horrible things and had possibly done things just as bad.

But Jesse wanted him anyway. He needed him in a way he’d never needed anyone before.

Just one kiss had been enough. It had opened a chasm of feeling and emotion and Jesse wanted it back. Desperately.

So, why hadn’t he said anything? Why had he stood there after the kiss with his mouth hanging open? Why hadn’t he kissed Shaun back?

And the crying?

Jesse buried his face in his pillow. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. He couldn’t believe how blubbery he’d been over Shaun’s wounds.

That alone was the biggest indicator Jesse didn’t have normal ‘best friend’ feelings towards the other boy. Just the thought of Shaun being in pain was enough to make him cry like a baby.

Jesse wished he’d stayed. If anything, he could have made sure Shaun got himself looked at.

“Stupid idiot. Cutting yourself doesn’t do any good,” he muttered.

Regardless of Shaun’s stupidity, Jesse couldn’t wait to see his friend again…or whatever he was after everything that had just happened. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say to him, but he knew he had to be near him again. He wanted to touch him and hold him close, maybe even kiss him again.

That brought a smile to Jesse’s lips. He traced his mouth again as he remembered the harsh way Shaun had claimed it.

Somehow, everything would work out. Jesse was determined.

“Jesse?” Brian poked his head into the bedroom. His blue eyes were wide with curiosity.

Jesse sat up. “What’s up, little man?” He hadn’t wanted company, but he found he couldn’t turn the boy away.

“Can I come up?”

Jesse nodded and Brian’s face lit up with excitement. Jesse shrugged off the blankets and made space for the toddler as he clambered up the ladder.

Brian crawled across the bed on his hands and knees. “Is Shaun coming over?”

“Not today,” Jesse said as the toddler curled into his side. It reminded him of Shaun and all the times he’d convinced him to lay in this very bed. He’d invited Shaun to sleep with him Friday night. How had Jesse not realized how completely obsessed he was with him? The whole point in getting Shaun wasted Saturday night was so he could get close to him.

Shaun was upset Jesse hadn’t kissed him back. Didn’t he know Jesse was in love with him?

“Mommy said you were spending the night with Shaun,” Brian said. “How come you don’t have sleepovers here?”

Jesse stroked his hair. “We went to a party.”

“Why didn’t you invite me?” Brian’s bottom lip protruded. “I like parties.”

“It was a grownup party,” Jesse said with a laugh, thinking of the way he’d ended up wrapped around Shaun. That had been terribly ‘grownup’. He’d realized right away Shaun was sporting an erection, but he’d assumed it was because he was drunk and horny. He hadn’t once thought it was because of him.

“You’re not a grownup,” Brian muttered.

Jesse continued to stroke his hair. “I’m eighteen,” he said.  “I could move out and get a job if I wanted. That’s pretty adult.”

Brian grumbled under his breath, but Jesse let it slide.

“Hey. Let’s play a game or something,” he said.

That certainly cheered Brian up. He smiled brilliantly as Jesse ruffled his hair. They climbed down from the bunk and went to select a game downstairs.

Playing board games took Jesse’s mind off Shaun for a while, at least. He decided he’d give Shaun the night to calm down. He’d see him tomorrow on the bus. He wasn’t sure what Shaun was thinking, but if the kiss was anything to go by, he had feelings for Jesse, too.

The next morning, the house was surprisingly calm despite it being Monday. The twins ate Pop-tarts in front of the TV. Brian and Lissa sat quietly in the kitchen with Monica, and Sam packed his school bag with a pout. He was probably still upset from yesterday, but he was interested in his phone and didn’t bother anyone with his teenage angst.

Jesse took this as a good sign.

When it was time, he and Sam walked to the end of the driveway to wait for the bus. While Sam continued to mess with his phone, Jesse snuck glances at Shaun’s house and his stomach twisted into knots. Shaun was nowhere in sight.

The bus was three minutes late. It puttered down the road and stopped in front of the house. The brothers got on. Sam sat up front, but Jesse shuffled to the back and slumped in Shaun’s usual seat with a sinking heart. He had no idea what he was going to say to Shaun, but he was desperate to see him. The bus rumbled into action and started down the road as Jesse gazed sadly at Shaun’s house. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He needed to see him.

Shaun burst out of the house and the bus jerked to a stop. Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat with excitement as Shaun vaulted off the porch and flew down the driveway. He disappeared in front of the bus and Jesse waited for him to appear again with bated breath. He wouldn’t have put it past Shaun to skip class, but there he was, stepping through the doors with a scowl on his face. He stalked down the aisle, past Sam who had his head bent over his phone, totally oblivious. Jesse had only a few fleeting seconds to process the angry look on Shaun’s face before he stopped in front of him.

“What are you doing in my seat?”

Jesse swallowed down his nervousness. “We have to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Shaun’s whole body was tense. His dark eyes smoldered and his clenched fists trembled with fury.

Jesse chewed his lip. “Shaun?”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you.” Shaun’s hand shot out lightning fast and he seized Jesse’s wrist. His fingers dug into his arm.

“Ahh!”

Shaun got in his face. “Sit with your friends,” he snarled. “Go tell everyone what a fucking fag I am, I don’t care.”

Jesse let out a helpless gasp. “No, Shaun…I—”

“Shut up!” Shaun wrenched him out of the seat and shoved him into the aisle.

“Ow!” Jesse fell hard on his tailbone as tears collected in the corners of his eyes.

“What’s going on back there?!” the bus driver yelled from up front. The vehicle slowed as he looked over his shoulder. “Sit down!”

Shaun didn’t give the guy the time of day. His breathing was labored. His eyes bore straight into Jesse’s and they burned with an incredible rage.

Jesse blinked his tears away, but the mixture of pain and shock was potent. He ducked his head and hid his face as he picked himself up and snatched his bag from the floor. He staggered down the aisle and slumped into a seat near the front. The bus driver was yelling again, but Jesse’s ears were ringing. He didn’t hear a word of it.

Jesse pressed his cheek against the cool window as the bus began to move. An errant tear tracked down his cheek. He knew Shaun was embarrassed about the kiss, but Jesse hadn’t expected that level of anger.

Did Shaun really think he was going to tell anyone? Jesse had barely spoken to the other guys for days now. He’d completely ignored Emily last week. Kenny had sent him a few thinly veiled threats through text over the weekend, but Jesse had ignored them. He’d been too focused on Shaun to care.

Jesse wiped the tear away and chanced a look over his shoulder.

Shaun sat with his head down. He wasn’t looking at Jesse.

Sam snickered from two seats back. “Aww, did you have a fight with your boyfriend?” Jesse spun around and hunkered down.

Nobody bothered him for the rest of the ride. He pressed his face against the window and tried not to cry. He didn’t see who else got on or when. He expected Emily to bother him, maybe Kenny, but they didn’t.

When they got to the school, Shaun was the first person off the bus. Jesse gazed after him longingly, but he didn’t try to follow. He walked to his locker on his own, then headed to math.

Jesse realized immediately he was being shunned. When he asked Jorden a question about the homework, he turned away with a huff. Then, after first period, when Jesse passed Kenny and Eric in the hall. They looked right past him.

Shaun didn’t show up for chemistry, so Jesse sat in the back by himself, lonely and depressed. Shaun was absent from history, too, and lunch, and Jesse’s mood sharply declined. He sat at Shaun’s usual table and watched the popular kids from across the room. It stung to see them interact with their usual vibrancy because they obviously didn’t miss him.

Emily never looked at Jesse directly, but her eyes were teary. Jesse knew he was the cause, and he was overwhelmed with guilt. He never should have messed with her.

When Shaun didn’t show up for gym, Jesse concluded he’d skipped school after all. The coach had them play another round of touch football and his sportsmanship was utter shit. He stayed on the edges of the field, wishing he didn’t feel so alone.

When school ended, Jesse got on the bus and found a seat by himself. He mulled over his options. His efforts to get Shaun to talk that morning had imploded, but he wasn’t willing to give up. When the driver let him and his brother out in the driveway, Jesse waited for Sam to start for the house then he turned for Shaun’s.

He wanted to make things right. He wanted to get his friend back and he had to tell Shaun he loved him.

When he reached Shaun’s place, he hopped onto the porch and knocked before he could second guess himself. He waited a few beats as his heart pounded manically in his chest. Then he knocked again.

The door opened abruptly, and Shaun’s grandma stood on the threshold. Her eyes narrowed with suspicion.

“Hi.” Jesse forced a smile onto his face even as his heart fell. “Is Shaun home?”

Ruth folded her arms. “He’s laid up in bed. He can’t come to the door.”

Jesse blinked. “He was on the bus this morning, perfectly fine.” The horrible, infected wound on his stomach came to mind, but he shook his head. Shaun wouldn’t let something like that stop him. “Can I talk to him for a minute? It’s really important.”

There was a significant pause as Ruth looked Jesse up and down, assessing him with her hooded eyes. “Shaun doesn’t want to be bothered.”

“Please.” Jesse clasped his hands before him. “I need to talk to him.”

“No,” Ruth said sternly. “I’ll tell him you came by.”

“Alright.” Jesse dropped his hands. “Thanks.”

Ruth nodded curtly as she stepped back into the kitchen. She shut the door.

Tomorrow, Jesse promised himself as he stared at the closed door. He’d see Shaun tomorrow and this time he wouldn’t be intimidated, no matter what. He’d force the issue if he had to. He’d corner him and make him talk. It was the most concrete plan he could come up with, so he refocused his energy as he walked home, thinking of clever ways he could get Shaun to listen.

But much to his dismay, Shaun wasn’t on the bus the next day. He was another no-show and without him, Jesse was utterly alone. He was no longer a part of the in-crowd. The school had chosen sides and Emily was super popular during lunch.

Alone at Shaun’s table, for the second time, Jesse watched his classmates interact with bitterness. His body ached for Shaun. He craved him with his whole being. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, but there wasn’t anything he could do.

When the day ended, Jesse went to his locker to stash his books. He wanted to go to Shaun’s again, but he knew he’d have to face Ruth. She wasn’t a pleasant person and he wasn’t looking forward to it.

He scowled at his English book and chucked it into the recesses of his locker. He slammed it shut then jerked back in surprise. “Kyle.”

The blond leaned against the locker beside him, fashionably dressed, his hair impeccably styled, and a labeled Supreme bag over his shoulder. “Hey sweetie.”

“Uh…” Jesse wasn’t supposed to talk to Kyle, but he stopped that line of thought as soon as it popped into his head. He didn’t see the point in following Shaun’s rules when he felt so totally abandoned. “Hello.”

Kyle beamed. “I’ve been wanting to introduce myself again, but Shaun’s awfully possessive of you. I was afraid I’d piss him off,” he said with amusement, but they both knew it wasn’t a joke.

Shaun was jealous. Jesse was sure of it. He wanted to keep him away from Kyle because of it. It explained his hostility towards Emily, as well. “You can talk to me if you want,” Jesse said cautiously. “Shaun’s not here.”

The hallway around them bustled with activity. People slammed lockers and chatted with friends. The masses were on the move and a steady stream of students flowed down the hall and toward the main exit. Jesse hoped he didn’t miss the bus. He shouldered his bag as Kyle studied him with steel gray eyes.

“So, where’s Shaun?”

Jesse sighed. “He’s sick.”

“Is he now?” Kyle raised an eyebrow. “He seemed fine last night when he came by for weed. Maybe a little tired.”

Jesse couldn’t keep the longing out of his voice. “You saw him?” He glanced over his shoulder in frustration, wanting desperately to leave, and missed Kyle’s calculating look.

“I did.”

Jesse turned back to him. “Did he… Did he say anything about me?”

“Only that he hated you and he didn’t want to hear your name ever again.”

Jesse’s mouth fell open. “R-really?”

“I wouldn’t joke about something like that,” Kyle said with a laugh. “He wouldn’t elaborate, but he was definitely upset. More upset than I’ve seen him in a while.”

Jesse’s face drained of color.

“I promised not to ask.” Kyle lowered his voice seductively. “But you have to tell me what you did. How’d you piss Shaun off so spectacularly?”

“I…well…we…” Jesse’s eyes widened. What was he supposed to say here?! There was no way he could tell the truth. Shaun would murder him. “I don’t know,” he said quickly.

“Hmm, well, you know Shaun.” Kyle chuckled and Jesse avoided his gaze. “He’s always upset about something. He’ll probably get over it in a few days.”

“Yeah,” Jesse mumbled, but he wasn’t convinced. He didn’t think it would be as easy as waiting it out, but that’s what he wanted, of course. For Shaun to get over it and stop punishing him. A sharp, twisting sensation blossomed in Jesse’s gut. He missed Shaun.

 ”Jesse?”

He snapped back to the present. Kyle had been speaking for some time and Jesse gave him a sheepish look. “Sorry. What did you say?”

Kyle smirked at him. “I think you missed your bus.”

“Oh.” Jesse looked down the hall. Everyone was gone. He and Kyle were alone.

“Want a ride?” Kyle asked.

Jesse hadn’t thought that was an option. He accepted with a nod.

Kyle drove an old Cadillac. It sat by itself in the student parking lot and Jesse had to wait for him to open the passenger door from the inside. He slid gingerly into the front seat and watched Kyle from the corner of his eye as he started the engine and fiddled with the radio. Nothing Kyle had said was untoward, but he couldn’t help feeling uneasy.

Shaun had explicitly, more than once, told Jesse to stay away from Kyle and he stiffened in his seat as the other boy pulled out of the lot. Jesse didn’t know what he was bracing for, but he would keep vigilant.

“Shaun’s always been like this. He knows how to hold a grudge, that’s for sure.” Kyle smiled fondly. “When he’s mad, you’ll know it.” He cracked the window and let a stream of fresh air comb through his blond locks. “We were best friends, you know. Back in middle school.”

Jesse did a double take. “He never mentioned.”

“Oh, yes, we were inseparable in our younger years.”

Jesse blinked in surprise. From the things Shaun had said about Kyle, Jesse never would have guessed he and Kyle had been friends once-upon-a-time.

“Shaun didn’t tell you about me?” Kyle asked. “I figured he would have. Our relationship was pretty…heated.”

Jesse frowned. “He didn’t go into detail, but he did tell me to stay away from you.”

Kyle chuckled and Jesse thought the sound was irritating. He didn’t like the way it made him feel. “He’s jealous.” Kyle looked out the window with a smile. “He’s staked a claim on you and he doesn’t want anyone else vying for your attentions.”

Jesse’s cheeks turned bright red. He’d already figured that out for himself, but he flat out denied it. “That—that’s ridiculous!”

“Not really.” Kyle smirked at him. “I have Shaun all figured out.”

Jesse was silent.

“I’ve had my eye on him for a long time now,” Kyle drawled. “He knew I’d come after you. I do stuff like this from time to time, you see. He hates it, but he knows I have my ways.”

Jesse’s mouth filled with a sour, unpleasant taste. “What are you talking about?”

“Spying,” Kyle said with a snicker and Jesse cringed at the sound. “I keep tabs on Shaun. His little band and his grandparents included.” Kyle’s lips stretched widely over his perfect teeth. “Shaun’s my little-rocker-boy-toy.”

“You don’t spy on anybody,” Jesse scoffed. “You aren’t stealthy enough. And you don’t…you don’t really call him that, do you?” He screwed up his face. “Rocker-boy-toy?”

Kyle snorted. “Not to his face, anyway. But I can call him whatever I want up here.” He tapped his head.

Jesse had to know something. “Why does Shaun hate you so much? Is it because you’re gay? Or is it something else…”

Kyle’s hand flexed on the steering wheel. “I see Shaun’s told you my secret.”

“Your secret?”

“That I’m gay.”

“I didn’t know it was a secret.” Jesse blinked several times in rapid succession. “But you didn’t answer my question. Why does he hate you?”

“Shaun hates everyone,” Kyle grumbled as his brows knit together. “Everyone except you.”

“That’s not true!” Jesse cried. “He won’t even talk to me right now!”

“I’m sure that won’t last for long,” Kyle said easily.

“Maybe,” Jesse huffed. “But what happened between you and Shaun? It’s important that I know.”

“I don’t know why it’d be important.” Kyle glared out the windshield, but after a moment of thought, he relented. “As soon as Shaun knew I had feelings for him, he didn’t want anything to do with me. Simple as that.”

Jesse frowned because he didn’t believe him. Kyle had to have done something else besides “have feelings” for Shaun because that really made Jesse question the kiss they’d shared the other day.

“I’ve always knew Shaun could bat for my team,” Kyle said suddenly. “I’ve been waiting in the wings, waiting for the day he changed his mind, and then you show up out of the blue.” He shook his head. “I’m just wondering what you did. To convince him.”

“I befriended him,” Jesse snapped.

“Yeah. And now he’s in love with you.”

“He—he’s not in love with me,” Jesse muttered under his breath. His cheeks reddening for a second time.

“Oh my god, you love him, too, don’t you?!” Kyle cackled. “The fact that you both deny it makes it that much cuter!”

Jesse looked out the window with a scowl.

They pulled into Jesse’s driveway and he gathered his bag in his arms and got ready to spring from the car the moment it stopped.

“So, how did you piss Shaun off,” Kyle asked. “Did you try to fuck him?”

“What?!” Jesse stared at him in utter shock as the other boy parked the car and turned to face him head-on.

“Did Shaun freak out when you touched his cock?”

“No!” Jesse pulled back in disgust. “Nobody touched anyone’s cock!”

Kyle started to chuckle again, and Jesse jimmied the door open and hopped out. “I’m sorry,” Kyle said, though he continued to laugh. “I’m being an asshole. I’m just teasing you.”

Jesse sneered at him. “Thanks for the ride.” He started to shut the door when Kyle held up a hand.

“I’ve got product on me,” he said with a smile. “And I know you like my stuff.”

Jesse hesitated. He didn’t want to encourage Kyle and his rude behavior but weed really sounded nice right about now. “Yeah.” He sighed heavily. “But I’ve got to go upstairs. You should come in.”

As he led Kyle into the house, he regretted it immediately. Sam was on the couch with the TV muted. He looked shifty eyed over his shoulder at them and Jesse checked the curtain over the front window. It was ruffled. Sam must have been watching them in the driveway.

Kyle’s face lit up. “Who’s this little cutie?”

Sam bit his lip to hide a smile.

“Uh…” Jesse looked between the dealer and his little brother.  “This is Sam. My brother.”

Sam stepped around the couch, eyeing Kyle with an appraising gaze. “Hey.” He held his hand out in greeting.

Kyle fluttered his eyelashes. ”What a polite young gentleman.” He took Sam’s hand and shook it daintily. “I’m Kyle, baby. The pleasure is mine.”

Sam glanced at Jesse with a quirked eyebrow.

“I’ll ah…” Jesse looked away, embarrassed. “Let me grab my money. I’ll be back in a sec.” He stumbled in his haste to get to the stairs.

Kyle didn’t act gay around their other classmates. He decided to do it now? Jesse got to his bedroom and shut the door quietly. He rubbed his face and pressed his fingers into his eyes.

He waited a few beats for his face to stop burning with heat, but as he stood in the quiet, he couldn’t help wondering what Kyle and Sam were talking about downstairs.

He leapt into action. He rummaged through his underwear drawer for his stash of cash folded the bills in half, and slipped out of the room.

“...looking for fun, then take another look,” Kyle said from downstairs. “Because it’s staring you right in the face.”

Sam laughed. “No, seriously. What’s there to do around here besides getting high.”

Jesse bristled, but he was frozen in place. He was curious what Kyle would say.

“Maybe one of my legendary parties.”

“Everybody in my class knows about you,” Sam said loftily. “But nobody mentioned any parties.”

Kyle clicked his tongue. “That’s because they’re a secret.”

Sam snorted with amusement. “Is it a one-man party or something?”

“Definitely not,” Kyle laughed. The sound sent shivers down Jesse’s spine. “It’s a party for my special friends.”

“That sounds really gay.”

“Massive water bongs and Jell-O shots are gay?”

“Oh. No. That sounds sweet.”

Jesse started for the stairs. He’d heard enough.

“But, like I said, it’s only for my special friends.”

“And how do you decide who’s special?”

Kyle and Sam sat together on the couch. Kyle had his leg crossed over his knee, like a girl, and Sam had his legs spread wide. Kyle’s leg touched Sam’s knee. 

Kyle looked up as Jesse stepped into the room. “Find your money?” He uncrossed his leg and the point of contact between him and Sam was broken.

Jesse glared at him. “Yeah. Here.” He held out the bills and Kyle stood and took them between his first two fingers.

“Excellent.” He smiled widely. “I’ve got the perfect blend for you.” He pulled an unlabeled pill bottle from his bag and showed Jesse the buds inside. “High grade stuff.”

Sam watched with interest and Jesse could have kicked himself. He should have asked Kyle up to his room, but it was too late. He took the bottle and pocketed it. Not that it would do any good. Sam knew he had it.

“Well, I should probably get out of your hair,” Kyle said.

Jesse was so relieved, he clasped Kyle’s shoulder and led him straight to the door. “I’ll see you in school,” he said pleasantly. He didn’t share any classes with Kyle, so that wasn’t a guarantee and Jesse thanked his lucky stars for that.

“Tell me what you think,” Kyle gestured to Jesse’s pocket. “It’s a new blend my brother’s trying. I’m looking for opinions.”

Jesse nodded and waited impatiently for Kyle to scurry out the door. He shut it behind the dealer as soon as he could. Locking it for good measure.

When Jesse turned, he caught Sam at the window, looking after the older teen. “Stay away from him,” he snapped. “I don’t want you and Kyle getting friendly.”

Sam dropped the curtain. “I can be friends with whoever I want.”

“I’ll tell mom,” Jesse said.

“Fuck you, I’ll tell mom,” Sam said back. “All I have to do is tell her you just spent all your money on drugs, and you’ll be completely done. You’re so useless lately. You’re either moping in your room or running off with that creep friend of yours. She’s sick of your shit.”

Jesse ground his teeth to dust. He was tempted to put Sam in his place, but the teen had struck a chord. He knew Monica was sick of him. He and his mother weren’t on bad terms or anything, but she expected him to do certain things and lately, he’d been cutting corners. As long as he continued to be her little house slave, she’d turn a blind eye. But Jesse’s interest was in Shaun, not in babysitting. He was struggling to toe the line. 

Sam smirked. “That’s what I thought,” he said snottily. With a bounce in his step, he turned away and left the room.

Jesse let it go without a fight. He sighed and slumped onto the couch. The bottle of weed jabbed him in the butt and suddenly, he was desperate to get high.

It was super unhealthy, but he resorted to a homemade bowl made of aluminum foil. He wrapped a strip around a pen and widened the bowl with his fingers. When his makeshift pipe was complete he went out to the back patio, packed it with weed, and lit up using Monica’s Handi-Grill lighter.

Shaun didn’t show up the next day at school and Jesse wasn’t terribly surprised. He was disappointed, but he was getting used to it.

During lunch, as Jesse sat at his empty table picking at his bland turkey and mashed potatoes, Kyle slid into the seat beside him. Shaun’s seat.

“No sign of Shaun?”

“No.” Jesse glared at his food. “He’s avoiding me. He probably won’t be back until next year.”

“What did you do?” Kyle asked with a knowing smile.

Jesse bit his lip. He was so tempted to tell Kyle what had really happened. Kyle was the only gay guy around and he knew, at least in a sense, what was going on between them.

“You look just awful, honey,” Kyle said sweetly, putting a little pout on his face to match Jesse’s. “Why don’t we slip outside for a talk?”

Jesse pushed his tray away with a deep breath and got up to follow Kyle to the exit.

As they approached the doors, the lunchroom monitor, an old, haggard woman with a permanent scowl on her face, stepped in front of their path to freedom.

“Afternoon, Margie,” Kyle said pleasantly. “Jesse’s my partner in French class. Mr. Flaherty said it was okay if we worked on our project in study hall.”

Margie hesitated, but then her scowl cracked. She smiled fondly at Kyle like he was a dear grandson. “Alright. But straight to study hall.”

“Thanks Margie. You’re the best,” Kyle crooned. He latched onto Jesse’s forearm and yanked him into the hall.

Jesse let himself be dragged down the south hallway and out of the sights of the cafeteria monitor, but as soon as they rounded a corner, he took his arm back. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere private.”

They passed the gym on the left. Kyle slowed as they approached the double metal doors that led to the football field.

“Those are locked,” Jesse reminded him. The chain on the door was a dead giveaway.

Kyle smiled and plucked the lock off the chain.

Jesse raised an eyebrow.

“There’s a gym class before fifth period lunch and one right after. The coach usually forgets to lock the doors,” Kyle explained. “C’mon.”

They headed outside and Kyle led them to the bleachers on the sidelines of the football field. “Nobody will bother us up here.” He jumped up on the first row of bleachers and started toward the top. Jesse sighed, shouldered his bag, and climbed after him.

Kyle sat at the top and used the railing as a backrest. He stretched out and kicked up his feet. Jesse sat a step below him. He set his bag down and looked out into the field. The lawn had been tended recently. He caught the scent of fresh cut grass on an errant breeze.

Kyle pulled a hip flask from his Supreme bag. He took a swig as Jesse watched with wide eyes. “Want some?” he asked, holding it out. “To cheer you up, maybe.”

Jesse took it reluctantly. “You’re full of surprises.” He braced himself as he took a generous sip, then cringed. It was vodka. Straight.

“Indeed, I am,” Kyle said in amusement. He waved the flask away when Jesse tried to hand it back. Jesse cradled it in his lap, unsure what else to do. “Why don’t you come to my house tonight? I’m having a little party,” Kyle said with a grin. “Maybe we can put a smile on that miserable face.”

Jesse screwed and unscrewed the cap on the flask. He considered the offer, but a party with Kyle and a bunch of strangers wasn’t all that tempting. “I can’t,” he said. “I have to babysit.”

Kyle refused to be discouraged. “Bring your brother along. He’d have fun too.”

“Well, besides Sam, I have four other siblings to look after,” Jesse said.

“Really?” Kyle laughed. “I guess you’ll have your hands full.”

“Yeah. Shaun was coming over almost every day to help out,” Jesse said. “I miss him.”

Kyle looked skeptical. “Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Well, Shaun’s a violent person… I mean, do you trust him around little kids?”

“Of course, I do!” Jesse glared at him. “Shaun would never hurt them! He’s not very patient, but he tries…” he trailed off, remembering how sweet Shaun had been with Brian the other day playing a silly, farfetched pretend game. He smiled wistfully at the memory.

“I see how it is,” Kyle said slowly, and Jesse drifted back to the conversation. To the sharp taste of vodka and Kyle’s smug voice. “I was kind of joking yesterday, but you really are in love with him. Aren’t you?”

Jesse turned away as his cheeks got hot. He unscrewed the lid on the flask and took another drink as he stared out at the empty football field.

“You did the same thing I did.” Kyle smirked. “You admitted you had feelings and Shaun rejected you.”

“No,” Jesse said with a sigh. “I wasn’t even sure I had any until a few days ago.”

“But you do love him, right?” Kyle was obsessed with that word.

“I have feelings for him,” Jesse said slowly. Which was basically the same thing. “I like being around him. He’s grumpy and unpleasant, but he’s a good guy.”

Kyle chuckled. “How sweet.”

Jesse glared at him. “What about you? Why are you so interested in what’s going on with Shaun when you aren’t even friends? You love him, too, right?”

Kyle wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t call what I feel for our dearest friend love.”

Jesse frowned. “Then what would you call it?”

Kyle smiled off into the distance.

“Secret feelings?” Jesse grumbled under his breath.

“Maybe once you decide to open up, I’ll be a little more forthcoming. You haven’t told me anything good yet.”

“Shaun would lose his mind if he knew we were talking about him right now,” Jesse whispered.

“Shaun hasn’t been to class since Friday,” Kyle scoffed. “Of course we’re talking about him.”

Jesse stood up and took his last drink of vodka then handed it over. It warmed his belly from the inside, but the taste was horrible. “I’m about to miss gym,” he muttered. “I’d better go in.”

“We could skip class for the rest of the day,” Kyle suggested as he put his flask away. “We could get high at my house. I won’t even charge you.”

While the offer was tempting, Jesse had bud at home. He didn’t need to spend any extra time with Kyle. He shook his head.

“Well, see you around then.” Kyle waggled his fingers. “Bye sweetie.”

Jesse descended the bleachers and headed back inside. He shuffled through the rest of the day in a daze. The alcohol had been a bad choice.

Jesse went to Shaun’s house after school. He spent twenty minutes on the front porch, knocking intermittently and waiting for someone to answer. Eli’s Ford was missing, and Jesse finally gave up. He turned for home and walked through the tall grass, dragging his feet all the way.

The next day, Kyle showed up at Jesse’s locker before first period. He was in a good mood and chatted about classes he and Jesse didn’t share. Jesse smiled and pretended he was listening, but he wasn’t interested. He tuned Kyle out. Shaun hadn’t been on the bus again and he felt like crying he was so frustrated.

He and Kyle walked to class together, splitting up when it was necessary to get to their separate rooms. It was nice having someone to talk to at least. The others were still giving him the cold shoulder, but it wasn’t the same. He missed Shaun.

During lunch, Kyle stopped at Jesse’s table and offered another drink on the bleachers. Jesse was in a bad mood still, but he wanted to get out of the cafeteria. He was sick of watching the popular table, their smiling faces, their vibrancy… He gathered his things and followed Kyle out of the room.

They slipped outside. It was easy. No one stopped them. They climbed to the top of the bleachers and settled in with Kyle’s flask like a couple of burnouts. Kyle began to talk and for once, he didn’t mention Shaun. Jesse relaxed as Kyle made small talk. He got a buzz and managed to find a tiny bit of enjoyment from the conversation.

This time when Kyle asked him to skip class, he agreed.

They drove out to Kyle’s place in the Cadillac. Jesse recognized the house from a drug run with Shaun. They were in the boonies. Tall trees and wild grass grew in every direction. Kyle parked in the gravel drive and hopped out of the car with a big grin on his face. Jesse followed him curiously, looking around at the vast nothingness stretching in all directions. There wasn’t a neighbor for miles. They were totally alone.

Kyle whistled as he sorted through a series of keys. When they reached the door Jesse saw there were numerous locks and Kyle fiddled with them for a good minute.

They spilled into the kitchen and a pungent scent of cigarette smoke hit Jesse in the face. He wrinkled his nose with distaste.

Kyle gave him a sympathetic look. “Sorry,” he said. “The place is kind of a mess. Careful where you step.”

He wasn’t kidding. The inside was like a garbage heap. The kitchen sink overflowed with dirty dishes, the counters were covered in stains, the linoleum was cracked and peeling, and empty beer cans littered the floor. The living room wasn’t any better. The TV was on, though there wasn’t anybody watching. More empty beer cans and ashtrays overloaded with cigarette butts were strewn amongst the dilapidated, threadbare furniture.

Kyle stepped casually through the filth and led Jesse down the hallway. “My room’s back here,” he called over his shoulder and Jesse followed him at a distance, overwhelmed by the smell.

Kyle’s room was small and dominated by a huge unmade bed opposite the door. There wasn’t an accumulation of filth and trash in this room like the others, though. Kyle collected clothes. A closet in the back corner of the room was bursting with them and a large dresser across from the bed took up a considerable amount of the remaining space. There was a TV on the dresser and Kyle turned it on as he kicked his shoes off.

“Oprah’s on!”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “My favorite.”

“Have a seat, funny boy.” Kyle smirked. “I’ll get us some smoke.”

It didn’t smell as badly in here and Jesse sat cautiously on the edge of the bed as Kyle left the room. Dark purple sheets covered the mattress, and a white and purple coverlet was bunched up on top. Jesse pushed the blanket aside and froze when he uncovered a blue spandex thong.

“Ready to get fucked up?” Kyle came into the room with a huge glass bong.

Jesse’s eyes widened. “Wow.”

Kyle lugged the weed and the bong to the bed and got set up to smoke. The thong laid on the bed between them.

“Ugh! This thing is so damned dirty,” Kyle cursed as he packed the bowl. “My daddy’s obsessed with keeping the resin, but he never cleans it out.”

“Hmm.”

“Here, you first.” Kyle finally noticed the thong when he rested the bong on the mattress. He hooked it with a single finger and laughed. “Sorry about that.” He tossed it under the bed. “Crazy party last night.”

Jesse didn’t ask for details. He had a feeling he didn’t want to know.

Kyle was better to be around when he was high. For the first time in their short acquaintance, Jesse didn’t feel uncomfortable in his presence. Kyle didn’t ask him any awkward questions or give him knowing looks. He talked about the kids from school, about parties, and going to Mexico with his brother. He occasionally made snarky comments on the mini Oprah marathon playing on TV and Jesse relaxed. He sprawled back on the bed and had a good time smoking and laughing. As the hour got later, he started thinking about going home to wait for the twins with Sam, but it wasn’t pressing. He still had time.

They were watching Steve Wilkos now. Another favorite of Kyle’s.

Jesse mulled over his options to get home as a new couple came on stage. A woman complained her husband was cheating on her with… get this…with her brother. The audience roared with laughter as the camera zoomed in on Steve’s surprised face. “Let’s bring him out now,” he called, and music began to play as the brother came on in a stylish outfit with leather boots. His white shirt was partially open, and his muscled chest was exposed. There were catcalls and approving cheers from the crowd. He was much better looking than his sister.

Kyle chuckled low in his throat. “No wonder her hubby switched teams.”

Jesse watched the brother with an appraising gaze as he went to sit beside his boyfriend. The men began to talk. They got to tell their side of the story and the audience was very receptive. People smiled. There was lots of clapping. Steve Wilkos gave both men a hug… Jesse felt for their plight, but when the two men had their moment to kiss…

“Wow,” Kyle laughed. “The shit they do for ratings.”

Jesse’s lips tingled as the men tongue fucked each other on TV. He looked away, totally overwhelmed by the display as Kyle started talking again. Jesse sat up and brushed his messy hair out of his face.

“…so white trash. We should be on the show, too,” Kyle jeered and Jesse blinked at him in confusion. “Me, you, and Shaun would fit in right after this train wreck. What do you think?” Kyle glanced at him, his eyes bloodshot, and his hair sticking up in the back. He raised an eyebrow in question and Jesse lowered his gaze as his cheeks got hot. “Are you okay, honey?”

Jesse nervously chewed his lip. “Shaun kissed me the other day,” he whispered.

“What?”

Jesse dropped his face in his hands and groaned with embarrassment.

“When did he kiss you?”

“Sunday,” Jesse whined as the audience cheered exuberantly on TV. They were mocking him!

“So…” Kyle drawled. “Did you…push him away? Did you reject him?”

“No!” Jesse sat up with a huff and glared at the blond. “I didn’t react at all!”

Kyle’s lips stretched obscenely over his perfect white teeth. “You’d better tell me what happened. So I can be sure.”

“W-we’d just gotten home from band practice and we were both really tired,” Jesse said angrily. “Shaun wanted to take a nap, so we went to his room. I was helping him undress when I—” He bit his tongue, hard, before he revealed Shaun’s cutting habit. He tasted blood, but it didn’t stop him from chewing the clumsy thing. “We started f-fighting.”

“Helping him undress?” Kyle chuckled. “In the bedroom?”

“He doesn’t take care of himself!” Jesse cried as Kyle snorted with amusement. “I was making sure he got changed before he took a nap and I-I was crying! Because we were arguing!”

“Then what?” Kyle chortled. “Did you fall into his arms?”

“T-t-then he picked me up and he…he…kissed me.” Kyle stopped laughing and Jesse, his face beet red, continued before he could interrupt. “I think he was trying to devour me.” His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he recounted the memory. “He kissed me until I was breathless. He used a lot of tongue. His hands were all over me and his dick was hard, but then he shoved me away and screamed at me to get out.”

“That’s it?” Kyle pouted with disappointment.

Jesse scowled at him. “When I saw him on the bus Monday morning, I was hoping he’d talk to me, but he shouted in my face. That’s the last time I saw him.”

 “I seriously can’t imagine him initiating a kiss like that.” Kyle gave Jesse a curious look. “I wonder what you were arguing about.”

“I can’t tell you,” Jesse said uncomfortably. “But that’s how it happened. We were fighting about something else.”

“Romantic.” Kyle smiled faintly, but his steel gray eyes were tight. It wasn’t genuine. “You guys are going to be an adorable couple.”

Jesse peered at him suspiciously. “You’re jealous.”

Kyle looked away with a shrug. “If you say so. But my feelings are more complicated than that.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“And my feelings are irrelevant anyway, since Shaun hates my guts,” Kyle said with a laugh and Jesse couldn’t disagree with him. “And I have good feelings about you two anyway,” Kyle continued, patting Jesse on the shoulder with assurance. “When you boys make up, I’ll bet you’ll be inseparable. Like a fairytale.”

Jesse wanted to take comfort in Kyle’s words, but he felt restless. He shrugged Kyle’s hand off his shoulder and looked sightlessly at the TV.

“Shaun likes you way better than he ever liked me,” Kyle said under his breath and Jesse peeked at him from the corner of his eye. “You should be glad about that,” Kyle muttered as the colors from the TV played along his emotionless face.

Jesse shifted his gaze back to the Steve Wilkos show but he was uncomfortable. As soon as the episode ended, he mentioned he needed to get home and Kyle graciously offered him a ride. Jesse gathered his stuff and straightened up in the mirror hanging off the back of Kyle’s door. He’d had a bit of fun in Kyle’s bedroom, but it was definitely time to go.

Jesse got home in fifteen minutes and Kyle didn’t linger. They exchanged pleasant goodbyes in the driveway and then Kyle backed out to the street. Jesse watched the Cadillac disappear down the road then he went into the house.

Inside, Sam, Tyler, and Allison were on the couch. They looked up when Jesse slipped over the threshold, but nobody greeted him or asked where he’d been.

Jesse sighed as he walked past. Sam gave him the finger, but Jesse didn’t chastise him. He probably deserved it. He went upstairs and threw himself face first on the bed and laid there, thinking miserably about Shaun, until Brian came upstairs asking for dinner.

Friday dawned brilliantly, and for Jesse, without hope. As he got ready for the day, he felt more alone than ever. When he got on the bus that morning with Sam and took a seat up front, he anticipated on sitting by himself for the entire ride, which made his mood plummet even further. He kept his head down as the bus took off again. It didn’t pause in front of Shaun’s house and he watched the brown rambler pass on the left with sad eyes.

Goosebumps popped up along Jesse’s arms as loneliness and rejection blanketed his body. He hugged his backpack to his chest and fought down useless tears as the bus rumbled along on its usual route.

When it was time, Jesse got off the bus and walked to his locker. When he arrived he gathered his things and sorted through his homework for the day like a robot going through the motions. He did it out of habit and duty, there was no happiness in anything he did.

“Good morning!”

Jesse jerked back in surprise and looked up from his textbooks.

Kyle stood next to his locker, fashionable and good-looking as always. He smiled hugely as Jesse’s grim expression darkened. “I guess Shaun wasn’t on the bus?”

Jesse shook his head and tossed the last book into his bag.

Kyle leaned in; his eyes bright with excitement. “I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said last night,” he said in a hushed voice. “You have to tell me more. About Shaun. ASAP.”

Jesse zipped his bag closed. “I’m not in the mood, Kyle.”

“Don’t be that way,” Kyle said with a pout, but Jesse slammed his locker shut and shouldered his bag. He started down the hall without another word and Kyle had to jog to catch up.

“You said Shaun devoured you,” Kyle said with a laugh. “What does that mean exactly?”

“Shh!” Jesse hissed. “That’s a huge secret! You have to know that, right?”

“Of course.” Kyle waved a hand. “That’s why you need to come over after school so we can talk about it.”

Jesse huffed and powered down the hall. They were almost to his math class.

“Shaun’s got the most sensual lips,” Kyle gushed. “Once he gets some practice under his belt I’ll bet he’ll be a pro.”

“Kyle…” Jesse sighed as they pulled up outside his first class of the day. “I’ve got to go. We’ll talk later.”

Kyle peeked dubiously into the room and unfortunately, it was mostly empty. The teacher hadn’t arrived yet and most of the students were still in the halls, gathering books at their lockers, talking with friends, and holding hands with lovers.

Jesse sheepishly rubbed his neck. “I’ve got to go over my homework before class.”

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “You’re sitting up in the bleachers with me during lunch. And we aren’t coming down until you’ve helped me finish my flask.”

Jesse smiled tightly. “Sounds fun.”

“It does.” Kyle slung his Supreme bag over his shoulder. “See you later, baby.” Then he made his exit.

Jesse swept into the classroom the moment he was alone and found his seat. He was eager to get the day over, but he couldn’t find the motivation to pay attention. Lecture when in one ear and out the other. He took half-assed notes and then struggled through the exercises the teacher passed out halfway through class. Near the end of the lesson, he gave up completely and began to doodle on the cover of his notebook. He drew a set of dark moody eyes, Shaun’s eyes, and he was bored, so he put a lot of detail into the drawing. He added highlights. He did a lot of shading. He got caught up working on the irises and found himself gazing deeply into Shaun’s eyes when the bell rang. He dropped his pencil in total shock and scrambled to pack up, but no one was looking at him.

He stood up and shoved his things into his bag as he watched Jorden and Peter do the same up in the row across from him. Jesse’s heart ached as he listened to them talk in low voices and laugh about their plans for the weekend. He was sick of the cold-shoulder. He wished everyone would forget about the bullshit with Emily because he was bored to death having no one to talk to. He missed having friends.

Jesse shuffled out of the room and down the hall to his next class. He grumbled unhappily under his breath as he passed a couple of his ex-friends on his walk. Today was supposed to be an easy day in chemistry at least. There’d been a lab on Wednesday, and he’d had to work by himself. Mr. Barnes had hovered over his table the whole class, waiting for him to sabotage the simple mixture of chemicals, but Jesse hadn’t been in the mood for a prank.

He walked into class with his head down and shuffled to the table in the back of the room. He dropped his bag on the edge and froze when he spotted a notebook lying open on the opposite end. He looked up and met Shaun’s wary gaze. “Shaun…” he said in a little voice. “Y-you weren’t on the bus.”

Shaun’s jaw worked as he looked away. “I was running late this morning,” he grumbled. “Grandpa gave me a ride.”

Jesse’s knees went weak and he gripped the edge of the table as he sank gingerly into his seat. “T-that was nice of him.”

Shaun jiggled his right knee under the table. The faded jeans rode low on his narrow hips. Up top, he wore a blue flannel, open, with a white cotton shirt underneath that he’d tucked in. He looked nice today.

Jesse chewed his lip. “You missed a lot of class.”

Shaun flicked his dark hair out of his eyes and sneered. “So what?” His hair was getting long. It was almost at his shoulders now and with the length, the locks hung nicely around his face.

“Well…” Jesse drew his bag close with a smile. “I took extra notes this week so I could help you.” He took out his chemistry notes. “I can show you now, but we can get caught up over the weekend, too.”

“Hard pass.” Shaun rolled his eyes.

Jesse clutched his notebook to his chest as he studied Shaun’s beautiful angry face. It was like months had passed since he’d last laid eyes on him. Shaun’s jaw was rough with stubble – he must have forgotten to shave for a couple days – and his scowling lips were thick and sensual. His dark, complicated eyes swirled with depth and emotion…

“Stop staring at me,” Shaun said out of the corner of his mouth. “Keep your eyes on your side of the room!”

Jesse jumped and took his textbook out of his bag. He grabbed a pencil as an afterthought and tapped the tip against the edge of his book. “Shaun…I need to talk to you.”

Shaun’s hands balled into fists. “I don’t need to do anything for you.”

“Please,” Jesse whispered. “You can’t avoid me forever.”

“Watch me.” Shaun’s jaw ticked with anger. “I don’t need your help anyway.” He turned away and flipped aggressively through his untidy notes. “Grandma picked up my makeup work on Monday. I don’t need your notes.”

Jesse wasn’t giving up, but he had no clever response. He watched unhappily as Shaun struggled to find whatever he was looking for. His shoulders hunched inward and the look on his face became murderous as he searched through his chicken-scratch for something of worth. A deep furrow appeared on his brow and Jesse decided silence was the best option after all.

Mr. Barnes walked in the room and jumped into the chapter review he’d assigned for homework. Jesse opened his book to the correct section and looked dumbly at the page. He hadn’t read the chapter last night and he hazarded a guess that Shaun hadn’t either. He risked another glance in Shaun’s direction and saw he sat with his head down and his hands balled into fists on either side of his notebook. He glared at nothing, but anger rolled off his form in Tsunami-sized waves.

Jesse watched him sadly as class continued around them. This wasn’t going to be the end of their friendship. He wouldn’t let it be the end. He reached across the table and snatched Shaun’s notebook right out from under him.

Shaun looked up in surprise, but his expression darkened as Jesse jotted a single line at the top of the page then slid it across the table. Shaun crossed his arms and pulled away from the offensive note. He wasn’t going to read it…

Jesse huffed and pushed the notebook closer with the tip of his pencil. “Shaun…please.”

Shaun’s dark eyes burned with tightly constrained rage, but Jesse met them determinedly, urging him to read the note with his warm eyes, soft and gentle like a calm, blue sea.

Shaun growled under his breath and looked down pointedly at Jesse’s words.

Why won’t you talk to me?

Shaun rolled his eyes, but dutifully looked into his bag for a pen. Because I have nothing to say!

Jesse laid his arm over Shaun’s to write: Well, I have a lot to say.

Shaun shoved Jesse’s arm away as soon as he was done. With a growl of annoyance, he wrote a reply, drawing three dark lines under the words. I don’t care.

Jesse got the quickest glance at the note before Shaun snatched the notebook out from under his nose and shoved it into his bag.

Jesse huffed and reached for his notebook next. He wasn’t going to be silenced. He wrote hurriedly on the first blank page he found then dropped it in front of Shaun. I’m not mad about the kiss.

Shaun grabbed his pen and aggressively blotted out Jesse’s words as his lips became a thin, white line.

Jesse shook his head as Shaun started another line of text, growling like a bear as he wrote. People peeked at them curiously from the front of the room because nothing they were doing was quiet or secretive, but Jesse didn’t care. Nobody had talked to him in a week. Their opinions didn’t matter right now.

Shaun pushed the notebook back to Jesse’s side of the table. The top section was scribbled out, but there was a line in wet ink underneath the mess. Fuck you! Don’t ever talk about that again!

Jesse hurried to jot a reply, but Shaun immediately reached for it. Jesse yanked it right out of his fingertips with a gasp and pulled it snugly to his chest. He glared at Shaun over the pages. “It’s my notebook,” he hissed.

Shaun ground his teeth together as he accepted defeat and straightened up to face the front of the room again. He gripped the edge of the table, his shoulders shaking with anger. “Stop writing me notes.”

But Jesse totally ignored him. He turned away and wrote another two lines under Shaun’s scribbles. Then he sat up and gently placed his notebook inches from Shaun’s right hand, urging him to read it with his entire body and, almost against his will, Shaun’s dark eyes slid down to Jesse’s note.

Stop pushing me away, asshole! I liked kissing you and I want you to do it again.

Slowly, Shaun’s lips curled up at the corners. He balanced his pen between his first two fingers as he grasped the page and ran his fingertips along the edge.

Jesse smiled fondly, imagining he was thinking out a reply.

Riiiiip!

His smile fell away as Shaun tore the page out of his notebook.

“Shaun? What are you doing?” Mr. Barnes called from the front of the classroom, but Shaun shred the note into tiny, itty bitty pieces without a response. Students around the room began to crane their necks to watch the show and a couple nervous titters came from the front corner. “Do you really have to do that?” Mr. Barnes asked boredly.

“Yes,” Shaun said simply, and everybody burst into laughter.

“Shaun…” Mr. Barnes crossed his arms. He didn’t look bored anymore.

Shaun grabbed his bag and swept the tiny bits of paper into the front pocket. “Hold on a second.”

“What are you doing!?” Mr. Barnes cried. “Is that really necessary?”

“Just getting rid of some trash,” Shaun said as he brushed the last few bits off the table. Then he zipped his bag, dropped it on the floor, and folded his hands on the table with finality. “I’m done now. You can continue,” he said calmly as another round of laughter bounced around the room.

Mr. Barnes glared death at him. “See me after class, Shaun.”

“I have to anyway,” Shaun grumbled. “I’ve got makeup homework to turn in.”

Barnes spun back to the board as the laughing continued. “Sarah?” he barked over his shoulder and it died down a bit in surprise, but the amusement didn’t stop completely. Mr. Barnes couldn’t stop the smiles. “Can you read page 354? From the top.”

Jesse glared hatefully at Shaun as Sarah began to read from the book. One of the two guys in the front corner of the room made a loud snoring sound and a couple people laughed at the suddenness of it.

“Louder, Sarah!” Mr. Barnes snapped from the front. “I can barely hear you over your classmates continued hilarity!” He threw himself into his desk chair and crossed his leg over his knee as Sarah started again, her voice shaky. “I’ll be handing out detentions to the next person that chooses to interrupt,” he sang, and Sarah struggled through the boring section as he kept a sharp eye on the students.

Shaun was totally unaffected of course. He gazed dispassionately at the board as class resumed. His hands clenched and unclenched into fists as Jesse watched with a growing frustration. When he noticed his notebook lying forgotten at Shaun’s elbow, he snatched it back with a huff.

Shaun balled his hands into white-knuckled fists. “Don’t.” 

“I’m not writing a note,” Jesse whispered. “I have to say this out loud. I don’t care if I get a detention.”

Shaun’s face started to get red. He worked his jaw but had no verbal reply.

“It doesn’t matter if you tear up a piece of paper. We both know what happened, Shaun,” Jesse hissed. “And you can’t take that memory away from me. I’m not going to forget.”

“Faggot,” Shaun hissed back, but he sounded choked.

“You’re the only guy I like,” Jesse muttered. “So man up and get over it.”

Shaun drew himself up, but Jesse was done for now. He found a clean page in his notebook and forced himself to copy the information on the board. He had to at least try on the next test. His grades were looking really crappy as of late.

For the rest of the class, Jesse and Shaun sat in bitter silence. Jesse wished Shaun was capable of a normal conversation. He didn’t even know what they were arguing about anymore! When class ended, Jesse packed up and slung his bookbag over his shoulder. Shaun put his things in his bag but remained seated.

“Come on.” Jesse hovered over him impatiently. “Let’s go.”

“I have to talk to Mr. Barnes,” Shaun said tightly, looking over Jesse’s shoulder at the front of the room. “Remember?”

“Oh yeah.” Jesse chewed his bottom lip. “Will you be at lunch?”

Shaun continued to look straight ahead as he spoke. “No.”

“Shaun!” Jesse whined.

Shaun warily rubbed his face. “Nothing personal. I have a math test to make up.”

Jesse remembered the math test on Tuesday. Maybe he wasn’t making it up. “When can I see you then?”

“I don’t know Jesse!” Shaun got up in a huff and grabbed his bag. “I’ll see you around.” He shoved past Jesse and marched to the front of the room where Mr. Barnes’ waited behind his desk.

Barnes gave him a loaded look and Jesse glanced around in confusion, but everyone had already left. They were alone. “Uh, sorry,” he muttered as he hurried out of the room. He slid into the busy hall with a deep sigh, frustrated and relieved at the same time.

Jesse got to history seconds before the bell and he scurried to his seat behind Emily and sat quiet like a mouse. He stared at the door as class began and waited with bated breath for Shaun to appear as the minutes slowly ticked by. When Shaun breezed into the classroom with a late pass and a pinched look on his face Jesse’s heart did a backflip. Shaun stalked across the room and slumped into his seat in the front with a look of extreme annoyance. Jesse wondered what Mr. Barnes had said to him.

He planned on approaching Shaun when class ended, but when the bell rang Shaun lurched out of his seat and bolted for the door before it’d even stopped. Jesse gathered his books and watched him fly out the door in resignation. He waited until the classroom was nearly empty then he got up and dragged himself out of the room.

When Jesse got to English, Miss Stevens was collecting the term assignment, a poem, and Jesse felt like he was going to puke. He’d completely forgotten.

He went to his seat in shame and waited patiently for his teacher to arrive.

Miss Stevens left Jesse for last. She approached with a smile, took one look at the complete desolation on his face, then spoke before he could make an excuse. “If you turn it in by the end of the day, I’ll consider it still on time.”

Jesse smiled sheepishly. “I guess I’ll have to skip lunch.”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that.” Miss Stevens smiled serenely. “I’ll also take it for half credit on Monday.”

Jesse cringed. “Thanks.”

As Miss Stevens stepped away, Jesse caught Emily staring at him with narrowed eyes. She looked away the moment she was caught, affording Jesse the opportunity to watch her unreservedly as class began and Miss Stevens started a dramatic reading. Jesse looked away when he found nothing of interest in his ‘ex-girlfriend’ or whatever she was. He was just so damned bitter about the entire situation.

When class ended, he skipped lunch and went straight to the library. Feverishly, he typed what he could remember of a poem he and a girlfriend had composed for a similar project last year. He couldn’t recall the main part, and he needed 300 words total so he was forced to change it around so it fit his current crappy love life. He invented the rest on the spot. It wasn’t the best, but he was glad he didn’t have to start from scratch.

He was wasting precious minutes daydreaming about Shaun when Kyle poked his head into the library. The room was tiny and he spotted Jesse immediately.

“There you are,” he sang as he bounced to Jesse’s chair. “Did you see Shaun yet? He’s back!”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed. “We sort of talked.”

“Sounds promising,” Kyle said as he looked over Jesse’s shoulder and peeked at the poem.

“Super promising.” Jesse scowled. “He tenses up every time I open my mouth.”

“What are you going to do?”

“We have gym next period,” Jesse muttered as he scrolled to the top of the page and ran another word count. He was so close to being done… “He wasn’t very receptive in chemistry, but maybe he’ll talk to me now.”

Kyle gestured to the computer. “You’re not writing him a love letter, are you?”

“That’s my poem for English,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Only slightly inspired by current events…Cheesy, right?”

“It’s like a soap opera.” Kyle drew away with a look of disgust. “I’ll let you finish then.”

Kyle left and Jesse finished his poem in the next fifteen minutes. The bell rang as he was printing it out and he stashed it in his bag for later then ran to gym at top speed. He burst into the locker room in a frenzy and stretched up on his tip-toes to see over the heads of his half-dressed classmates as he searched for Shaun’s scowling face. He caught Kenny’s gaze by mistake, then looked into Eric’s face in his panic to avoid Kenny. He realized quickly that Shaun was another no-show and he dropped his head and darted to the corner of the room as Kenny and Eric elbowed each other and made jokes at his expense.

Jesse tossed his bag into a locker at the back of the room. He took a deep breath, and tried not to listen to Kenny and Eric. They didn’t matter to him anymore what anyone thought of him and he changed quickly into his gym pants and a shirt.

The whole class gathered in the gym then followed Coach Vance outside to the baseball field for a game. He split everyone into two teams that seemed massively biased in Jesse’s opinion as Kenny and Eric were together, along with a small, but hand-picked selection of jocks. Jesse was on a team with the girls and they were up to bat first. Eric took the pitching mound while Kenny and some of the other guys took their places in the field. Jesse sat gloomily in the dugout as a girl on his team went up to bat. She didn’t have too much trouble and the rest of the team cheered her on enthusiastically. Another girl went after her, then a boy. Jesse was starting to fall asleep on the warm, shaded bench when there was a collective groan from the gym class. He looked up as a chubby girl, Beth, climbed up to bat and Coach Vance got closer to instruct her.

Eric tossed the ball carelessly in the air as he waited for Beth and the coach to finish their conversation. When the coach stepped back, Eric met Beth’s eyes with a mean smirk and Jesse recognized the look, unfortunately. He watched with bated breath as Eric straightened and tossed the ball at the speed of light.

Beth swung wildly. “Haa!” She missed by a mile and the bat flew out of her hands. “Crud!”

“Damnit Eric!” Coach Vance yelled. “Do it slower this time!” He ran forward and plucked the ball off the ground. He tossed it over Beth’s head so it fell smoothly into Eric’s gloved hand.

Eric made a face as he palmed the ball, but he dutifully lined up for another pitch.

The coach retrieved the bat and held it out to Beth with a firm nod. She took it with a sigh and got back on first base.

“You got this, Beth!” one of the girls cheered from behind the fence. Two more started clapping from further down the dugout.

Eric’s lip curled with derision as he met Beth’s nervous gaze. She licked her lips and spread her feet as she waited for the ball. Her friends cheered encouragingly as Eric drew his arm back, but they quickly turned into shouts of horror as he tossed it straight at her head.

Beth ducked out of the way. “Gah!” The bat slipped from her hands a second time and fell to the ground with a clang.

“Oops. My bad.” Eric covered a grin with his glove. “That was a slower pitch though.”

“You almost took my head off!” Beth yelled as she straightened. “You did that on purpose!”

The coach retrieved the ball and tossed it back to Eric with a grim look. “If you can’t throw a decent pitch, I’ll replace you.”

Eric snorted with amusement as Beth’s girlfriends jeered at him from the sidelines. Jesse glared at the towering jock. He was such an asshole.

“Try again, Beth,” the coach said through the side of his mouth and Beth snatched the bat off the ground with a huff of frustration.

“He doesn’t want me to hit the ball,” she grumbled. “Eric thinks this is hilarious.”

The coach shrugged and Beth stepped up to bat for a third time with a groan of reluctance.

Coach Vance crossed his arms and glared across the field at Eric. “Do it right this time.”

Eric sneered. “I wasn’t doing anything wrong the first two times.”

Beth muttered something under her breath, but Jesse couldn’t make out the words. The coach clasped her on the shoulder then stepped back to make room for her to swing. It obviously wasn’t important.

Eric readied himself for the next pitch. He stood with an unyielding stance, his eyes narrowed with concentration. He drew his arm back and tossed the ball perfectly.

Beth lurched forward in her excitement and stumbled over first base. She missed the ball and the bat tumbled to the ground for a third time in her clumsiness.

“She can’t even hit the ball!” Eric snickered. “What a loser.”

Beth sniffled with embarrassment. She turned to the coach with tears in her eyes. “That was three times! I’m out, right?”

“The second pitch didn’t count,” the coach drawled.

Beth shook her head.

“This is a waste of time!” Eric shouted behind her. “Get someone else to pitch to this loser.”

“Give it one more go then I’ll let her sit out,” the coach said calmly. “She almost got it this time.”

Eric continued to bitch as Shaun slipped out of the school through the gym’s double doors. Jesse sat up excitedly as Shaun stepped through the gate and loped through the grass with confident strides. Kenny gawked at him as he went past. Other people noticed him too as he stalked through the field. Heads turned and people in the dugout started to point.

Eric fell quiet and planted his hands on his hips as Shaun crossed between third and second base. His eyes narrowed into slits as Shaun strode past without looking in his direction.

Beth stepped back timidly as Shaun approached, but the coach stood his ground as he stopped in front of him and nodded once in acknowledgement. Then Shaun began to talk in a deep voice.

Jesse slid to the edge of the bench and strained to make out the conversation, but it was no use. The students on either side of him whispered amongst themselves and the sound was like a million buzzing bees. He couldn’t hear anything good.

Shaun hadn’t dressed out. He wore his jeans and the flannel shirt from earlier, pushed up over his muscled forearms. Jesse blinked in surprise. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Shaun expose his arms so wantonly. His eyes roved appreciatively over Shaun’s bulky figure as he nodded back at the school. The coach scratched his chin in consideration and Shaun crossed his arms and waited for a reply. Everybody watched the exchange, but Shaun was oblivious. He shook his hair out of his face and met the coach’s eyes with his dark, intent gaze.

 The coach pointed over Shaun’s shoulder, at Eric, and Shaun turned his head. He began to grin when he met Eric’s angry eyes.

“You’re replacing me with him?!” Eric snapped, but he dropped the ball and tore the glove off right after. He threw it on the ground three feet from Shaun’s booted feet. “Bunch of losers,” he grumbled under his breath, then he turned and stalked off to stand in the outfield with Kenny.

Shaun bent and snatched up the glove. Then he rushed after the ball as it rolled toward second base. The excited chatter continued around Jesse. There was some nervous giggling, too, and he glared at the two girls sitting at the opposite end of the dugout. The girls watched Shaun with interest as he caught the ball and dusted it off on his jeans. They smiled and whispered with their heads bent together as he started for the pitcher’s mound. One of the girls pointed and said something with a gleam in her eye and Jesse looked away with a pout.

Shaun put the glove on his left hand when he got into position. He gazed down at the ground with a serious look on his face, his mouth an unhappy slash and his brow furrowed with thought. An errant breeze blew his hair back and with the ball gripped in his strong right hand, he looked dangerous and…sexy. Then he raised his head and his dark gaze cut across the dusty field and met Jesse’s.

Jesse’s belly filled with butterflies and he smiled hugely.

Shaun looked away, but he, too, was smiling.

“Well, get the bat,” the coach said as he nudged Beth into action. She stumbled a little but knelt down to get the bat off the ground. She got behind first base and lifted the bat. Then she took a deep breath and firmed her grip. The coach nodded at Shaun then stepped back.

Everyone fell silent as Shaun turned his dark gaze on Beth. Jesse held his breath.

The muscles in Shaun’s right arm flexed as he drew it back and twisted his upper body. He threw the ball, easy and wide, and Beth hit it on the first try with a yell of excitement.

Jesse’s whole team cheered and some of the people in the field echoed them in sympathy. Jesse’s heart swelled with affection as Shaun leisurely scooped up the ball and waited for Beth to run to second base. He didn’t cheer like the others, but he smiled after her as he went back to the pitcher’s mound and prepared for the next batter.

Class ended before Jesse could get a turn to bat. He hadn’t wanted to play before, but he was desperate to have Shaun’s attention on him again, even if he was only going to throw balls at him the whole time…

When the coach ended the game, Kenny and Eric were closest to the school, but Shaun left the baseball diamond the second he was able and in seconds, he was hot on their heels. Jesse scrambled to keep up and he blew past the rest of his team in his rush. Shaun’s legs were longer than Jesse’s and he moved across the grass with long loping steps, but Jesse was nothing if not determined. He broke into a jog and reached Shaun a couple yards from the fence, panting heavily, but without regret. “Slow down…would you?”

Shaun sighed, but mercifully slowed. “What do you want?”

“Can you come to my house…after school?” Jesse asked breathlessly. “I…just want to talk.”

“I don’t know.” Shaun made a face. That sounds like a bad idea.”

“Not true!” Jesse whined. “It’s a great idea!”

Shaun spared him a glance as they crossed through the gate and hit the asphalt. “I’ll stop by your house tonight if I have time.”

“What does that mean?” Jesse huffed. “When are you ever busy?”

Shaun scowled at him. “Maybe I’ve got something going on with the band. Did you ever think of that?”

“No.” Jesse pouted as they reached the doors. “I guess not. I’m sorry.” He knew Shaun was going to leave him in the hall the minute they got inside and he didn’t want him to. Shyly, he reached for his arm. 

“Don’t touch me.” Shaun shoved him away and then flew for the doors. He wrenched the right one open and charged inside.

Jesse stood several paces from the door with his heart in his throat. A group of boys streamed around him, like he was a rock in the middle of a stream. People looked at him curiously, but he refused to meet anyone’s gaze.

When the door snicked closed behind the boys, Jesse jolted after them and yanked the door open with a surge of resolve. He looked wildly down the hall, but Shaun was nowhere in sight and he fell back with a sigh. “Shit.”

“Woah. Excuse me,” Beth spoke up from behind him and Jesse quickly moved out of the way as she and two girlfriends came through the door behind him. Jesse smiled sadly after Beth and her friends as they strode down the hall and disappeared into the gym. He hoped Shaun would come by tonight. Everyone had witnessed his compassionate side on the baseball field today, but Jesse wanted to see more of it. He was always so sweet with Brian…

Jesse was halfway through his last class of the day when he remembered he had to turn in his English assignment. He’d been hoping to look for Shaun after class, but he’d be lucky to catch the bus after he got an earful from Miss Stevens. He’d have to wait with crossed fingers for Shaun to show up at the house tonight because that was his only chance to see him now!

When the bell rang, Jesse tossed his things into his bag and pulled out the poem he’d typed during lunch. He took it straight to Miss Stevens’ room.

The young blonde teacher was alone when Jesse stepped into the classroom. Stevens sat at her desk with a stack of similar assignments. She looked up with a faint smile as he approached, but it widened when she saw who it was. “I was wondering if I’d see you again today.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get a chance to come between classes.” Jesse held out his poem and Stevens took it curiously. “Hopefully, that’ll save my grade.”

Miss Stevens scanned it briefly. “It will.”

“Cool.” Jesse grabbed the strap on his backpack, ready to go. “Well, thanks for the extension.”

“Are you feeling any better?” Stevens asked as she set Jesse’s assignment in front of her. “I could tell you weren’t in the best frame of mind this morning.”

Jesse shrugged. “Yeah. I’m fine now.”

Miss Stevens gestured to the poem. “Is it girl problems?”

Jesse blinked in surprise as Miss Stevens began to chuckle. “Uh…no!”

“I’m sorry! I’m being so nosy.” Stevens took a moment to compose herself, while Jesse gaped at her in utter horror. “I heard some gossip the other day. About you and Emily.”

“That poem isn’t about her.” Jesse vehemently shook his head. “If that’s what you’re thinking. You’re totally wrong.” Miss Stevens looked incredibly amused and Jesse huffed, wondering what uninformed assumptions she was making right now. “Emily and I broke up before we really started to date,” he said firmly. “Because I have feelings for someone else.”

“How interesting.” Miss Stevens smiled hugely. “Maybe you can have a series of poems about it.”

Jesse ducked his head as his cheeks started to get hot. “I’m going to miss the bus,” he muttered.

“You’d better get going then,” Miss Stevens said. “And have an excellent weekend!”

 Jesse dashed out of the room and ran head-first into Kyle. “Ooof!” he huffed as he fell into the nearest row of lockers and banged his shoulder.

“Woah!” Kyle grabbed onto the doorway across the hall. He straightened with a laugh. “I was hoping I’d run into you. Not literally, but I suppose this’ll do.”

“I just turned in a late assignment and I’m about to miss the bus,” Jesse groaned as he rubbed his sore shoulder. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to run.” He lurched for the front doors and Kyle sprang to keep up.

“I’ll take you home.”

“I don’t think so.” Jesse shook his head. “Shaun really wouldn’t like that.”

Kyle grasped Jesse’s forearm and pulled him to a stop.

“I have to go!” Jesse whined. “What are you doing?”

“Screw Shaun and what he doesn’t like,” Kyle snapped. “We didn’t get a chance to talk today. It’s not fair.”

Jesse chewed his bottom lip in consideration. He really didn’t want to go anywhere with Kyle. The blond had made Jesse so uncomfortable yesterday, but he was insistent.

“Ride with me, baby boy.” Kyle tugged and Jesse grudgingly let himself be pulled along. “I promise I won’t bite.”

They exited the building and Kyle led Jesse down the sidewalk. The buses were pulling out now. Jesse could have jumped on with Sam if he’d hurried, but now, unless he wanted to walk home, he was stuck with Kyle.

“Did you get Shaun to talk yet?” he had Jesse’s wrist in a death grip, and he pulled him along at a brisk pace as they stepped off the sidewalk and crossed the main drive for the student lot.

Jesse stumbled to keep up. “Not really, but he said he might stop by after school, so you can’t come in my house.”

Kyle snorted. “And you think he’ll show up?”

“He might…”

Kyle released Jesse’s arm as they approached the Cadillac. “Do you even know what you’re going to talk about if he does?” he asked as he crossed in front of his car, keys jangling in his palm.

“No,” Jesse sighed. “But I really don’t think I need a plan.”

“That’s a bad idea.” Kyle shook his head as he unlocked the car. “You should always have a game plan.” He slid behind the wheel then leaned across the passenger seat to opened Jesse’s door from the inside.

Jesse wasn’t eager to be alone with Kyle, but he figured he’d be home in under five minutes. Then he’d make his excuses and escape his clutches. He took a deep breath then climbed in the passenger seat and shut the door behind him with resignation. “I don’t have my life plotted out like that,” he muttered, hugging his bag to his chest. “I just want to talk about the kiss.”

Kyle started the car with a knowing smirk. “And what if he kisses you again? What if he wants sex this time?”

“We o-obviously aren’t t-talking about the same guy,” Jesse stuttered as Kyle drove the Cadillac out of the parking lot and they left the school behind. “S-Shaun doesn’t even want to hear the word kiss…he isn’t going to whip out his dick and…and…”

“Start fucking you?”

Jesse looked out his window at the passing fields as his cheeks burned with embarrassment. “We’re not going to have sex tonight,” he muttered faintly.

“How do you know?”

“Because we’ll be at my house,” Jesse said. “With all my siblings downstairs.”

Kyle laughed. “How many are there again?”

“It’s not going to happen,” Jesse whispered. “Whether we want it to or not.”

“Jesse,” Kyle tisked. “Are you a virgin?”

Jesse sat up straight and glared at the other boy. “Fuck no I’m not a virgin!”

“Maybe not with the ladies,” Kyle said with a smile. “But I’m talking about your anal virginity.”

Jesse’s mouth dropped open. “I-I-I—”

“I’m guessing from the look on your face right now that you’ve never pleasured a man,” Kyle said coolly.

Jesse was speechless.

“That’s no good. You don’t want to be totally inexperienced when Shaun fucks you the first time, do you?” Kyle crooned and Jesse hid his face with a groan. “I know everything you’d ever thing to ask about sex with guys. I could tell you a lot, but if you wanted, I could show you even more.” His warm hand slid across Jesse’s thigh.

“Get off!” Jesse cried and shoved him away with force. “No! I don’t want you like that, Kyle. I never did and I never will, okay?”

Kyle casually smoothed his hair back. “I was offering for educational purposes.”

Jesse shook his head and looked out at the yellow corn stalks. They were almost to his house. He wouldn’t have to put up with this much longer.

“Shaun looked good today,” Kyle said after a pause.

“Yeah.”

“He turned some heads and for once, it had nothing to do with his nasty personality.”

“I liked his hair today.” Jesse smiled a little. “I think he should grow it out. It would look cool on stage.”

“Hmm.”

Jesse turned back to the car to gauge Kyle’s reaction. “Do you really know Shaun’s band? Have you seen them play?”

Kyle’s expression didn’t change. “More than once.”

 Jesse wanted to ask for details, but he was wary. They were pulling up outside his house, anyway, and Jesse peeked at Shaun’s place as it slid past. Eli’s Ford was missing but Ruth’s van was parked by the garage. The house looked quiet and dark, though, like nobody was home. Kyle coasted in Jesse’s drive and parked close to the grass. Then he reached into the backseat and rummaged under a pile of coats on the seat.

“What are you doing?” Jesse asked.

Kyle pulled out a bottle of Smirnoff with a grin. “I know you said I couldn’t come in, but you should definitely rethink that decision.”

Jesse sighed. “Not a good idea, Kyle.”

“I don’t see what the harm would be.” Kyle stashed the vodka in his Supreme bag. “We’ll get to hangout for a bit longer and the booze will loosen you up for Shaun.”

Jesse’s face blanched of color. “Loosen me up?”

Kyle smirked at him. “You promised you’d help me finish my flask today.” He took the keys out of the ignition then opened the door. “But since you ghosted me earlier, you have to finish the whole bottle with me before I’ll leave.” He stepped out of the car and Jesse watched him dance across the front lawn. He hopped up on the doorstep and beckoned Jesse with a hand.

Jesse sighed deeply and followed him to the house.

Sam was inside on the couch when Jesse and Kyle came in. He was texting again. He was doing that a lot lately, but he looked up when Jesse came through the door and glared at him. Then his eyes wandered to Kyle and he blinked in surprise. “You again.”

“How’s it going, sweetie.”

Sam brushed his hair out of his face. “Totally bored.”

“You poor thing,” Kyle pouted in sympathy. “Maybe you should come upstairs with us.”

“Nope! Sorry. Can’t help you Sam,” Jesse said loudly as he grabbed Kyle’s arm and yanked him toward the stairs. “Stay down here.”

Sam glowered after them, but Jesse didn’t care. He was turning into a complete burnout, and there was no way he was going to encourage his little brother to do the same.

“You’re pulling my skin,” Kyle said as they reached the top of the stairs. He twisted his arm out of Jesse’s grasp and checked the damage. “I think you left a bruise.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “You did the same thing to me earlier.”

Kyle drew back. “I do not grab people.” He looked incredibly offended and Jesse tried not to laugh at his expression.

They entered Jesse’s bedroom and it was a mess, as usual. He kicked their junk out of the way and headed for Sam’s bed and took a seat on the edge because he wasn’t going to invite Kyle up to his bunk. That was his and Shaun’s place.

Kyle followed him to the bed. “Nice pad.” He sank onto the mattress beside Jesse and laid back with a sigh. Their thighs brushed, and Jesse inched away.

“You’re joking?”

“Not at all.” Kyle laughed. “You’ve seen my place, right?”.

Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. Sam’s bed was the last place he’d wanted to end up today and with Kyle of all people. “Maybe we should start drinking,” he said moodily. “It won’t be good if Shaun shows up and you’re still here.”

Kyle sat up and opened his Supreme bag. He took out the bottle of Smirnoff and balanced it on his knee. “I didn’t know you were such a lush.” He tore off the seal, unscrewed the lid, then handed it to Jesse. “Here. Get started.”

“Gaa!” Jesse’s face screwed up when he took a drink. “That’s horrible.”

Kyle snorted and took the alcohol back from him. “I love vodka,” he said, then he tipped the bottle and drank deeply.

“It’d be better if you mixed it with something that has some taste,” Jesse grumbled. 

“Well, go get a glass,” Kyle said, waving a hand at the door. “It’s good with lemonade.”

“I don’t have any,” Jesse muttered. “And I’m not going down there until you’re ready to leave. My brother will scratch my eyes out when he smells vodka on my breath!”

“You should let him drink.” Kyle screwed the lid back on the bottle and wedged it between his legs. “It’ll put some hair on his chest.”

“Ugh.” Jesse wrinkled his nose. “He’s thirteen. That’s gross.”

Kyle played with the lid on the Smirnoff. “I started drinking when I was ten,” he said. “Maybe before that even.”

“Good for you,” Jesse grumbled. “But I don’t want that kind of life for my little brother.”

Kyle smirked at him. “Fine example your setting.”

Jesse growled. “As a favor to me,” he said heatedly. “Please, stay away from Sam.”

“It’s not like we have school together,” Kyle said as he continued to play with the bottle between his legs. “The only time I see him is when I’m visiting you.”

“And let’s keep it that way,” Jesse said with a nod.

Kyle sighed and unscrewed the vodka again. “This is a lot of fun.”

“Sorry I didn’t have anything planned.” Jesse crossed his arms. “This is your party. You invited yourself.”

“Well, I didn’t come in to be lectured, that’s for sure.” Kyle took a long swig of the vodka. “Let’s talk about something else.”

Jesse hugged himself and hoped Kyle wouldn’t bring up—

“Shaun,” Kyle said as a slow smile spread across his face. “That’s why we’re here. We should drink to him, as well.” He held up the vodka in an imaginary toast then took another drink, a little swallow this time. Then he offered it to Jesse.

Jesse glowered but partook in another drink. The taste was really starting to bother him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and then tried to give the bottle back to Kyle.

Kyle shook his head and gave Jesse a long, appraising look. “I can’t believe Shaun kissed you.”

Jesse blushed furiously and cradled the bottle to his chest. “Well, he did.”

“Oh, I believe you,” Kyle said. “Every time I mention your name, Shaun gets so defensive. I knew immediately that you were different. He likes you.”

Jesse smiled a little as he took another sip of the alcohol. He tried to hand it back again, but Kyle pressed his lips together and refused a second time. “What’s your problem?” Jesse grumbled as he set it behind him, next to the bed. “You’re the one who wanted to drink.”

Kyle blinked his steel gray eyes. “You’re cuter than me.”

“Uh.” Jesse rubbed his neck. “Thanks.”

Kyle’s gaze raked over his body. “Your wardrobe could use some work,” he said stiffly. “And you should have a professional cut your hair.”

“Is it really that bad?” Jesse let his hair fall into his eyes.

Kyle ignored him. “I can see why Shaun likes you,” he drawled. “You’re attractive. In a boy-next-door kind of way.”

Jesse wrapped his arms around his belly and hugged himself. “You’re making me uncomfortable.”

“Oh.” Kyle stuck his bottom lip out. “What did I say?”

Jesse looked away. “Why are you even here right now?”

“Because I was hoping to get another glimpse at our favorite rocker-boy-toy.” Kyle laughed bitterly.

“If that’s all you’re hanging around for.” Jesse closed his eyes. “Then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“We didn’t finish the bottle yet.” Kyle stretched out an arm for the booze. He had to lay across Jesse’s lap to reach it, but he latched onto the bottle at last and yanked it back into his lap.

“Shaun will be furious if he finds out you’re here,” Jesse said dramatically. “All you’re going to do is start an argument.”

“Let me finish this first.” Kyle took a large, sloppy drink of his alcohol. “You owe me that much at least.”

Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I don’t owe you anything.”

“Well, I think you do.” Kyle sang. “Shaun was supposed to be mine.” He gestured gallantly with the bottle and liquid spilled across the sheets. “Life is so unfair!” He laughed.

Jesse pried the bottle from Kyle’s fingers. “Where’s the lid!”

“Oops.” Kyle grinned at him toothily. “I dropped it.”

Jesse huffed and sat the bottle on the floor again but slid it back further this time. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”

Kyle batted his eyelashes. “I’m not even drunk yet, sweetie.”

“Why are you acting like this?” Jesse frowned at him. “Because your jealous of me and Shaun?”

Kyle’s smile fell away. “Have you ever been rejected?”

“Sure.” Jesse said easily. “Plenty of times.”

“Rejected by someone you really care about?” Kyle rephrased.

Jesse sighed. “The alcohol’s going to your head. I understand you’re upset—”

Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Oh no.” Jesse stood up. “That’s Shaun.”

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

“Shit! Alright!” Sam’s voice floated up from the living room. “I’m coming.”

“Oh fuck.” Jesse pushed his hands through his hair. “Shaun’s going to kill me.”

Kyle leaned back on his elbows and quirked an eyebrow. “Should I climb out the window?”

“He already saw your car,” Jesse muttered. “That won’t help.”

“Where is he?!” Shaun’s voice boomed from downstairs and Jesse froze. “Where’s Kyle?”

“H-he’s upstairs,” Sam stammered.

Kyle covered his mouth to hide a laugh as Shaun began to bellow.

“Kyle!”

Jesse stumbled for the door and flew into the hall.

“Come out, come out, you little snake!”

Jesse reached the top of the stairs and grabbed onto the banister. He used it to hop down soundlessly to the second stair.

Shaun stood just inside the front door with his hands balled at his sides. He turned on Jesse the moment he appeared on the stairs, his nostrils flared and his dark eyes burning like hot coals. He lurched around the couch.

“Where’s Kyle?” he snapped as he advanced on Jesse. “And what the fuck is he doing here to begin with?!”

“I-I missed the bus.” Jesse backed up nervously as Shaun closed the distance between them, but he immediately fell back on the stairs. There was nowhere to go. “Kyle o-offered me a ride home.”

“What?” Shaun stopped an inch from Jesse and his dark hair fell into his eyes as he bared his teeth. “Are you friends now?!”

“Shaun, baby,” Kyle drawled from the top of the stairs. “Did you call for me?”

Shaun looked at the blond viciously over Jesse’s head. “What the fuck happened when I was gone?!” he spat. “I was only sick for a couple days!”

“We started talking,” Jesse muttered, and Shaun dropped his gaze and sneered at him.

“About you, of course,” Kyle said as he started down the stairs. “Excuse me, gentlemen.” He squeezed past the pair on the landing then breezed into the room as he looked coyly over his shoulder. “Jesse and I had a lot of interesting conversations while you were laid up,” he winked as he turned away and strutted for the couch. “Try not to be too jealous.”

Shaun stalked after him. “Oh no you don’t.” He grabbed the back of Kyle’s shirt before he could sit and swung him violently away from the couch.

“Let go of me!” Kyle twisted in Shaun’s grasp and tugged frantically on his nice, cotton shirt to free it. “Stop!” But Shaun shoved his hands away and picked him up like a doll. He hauled Kyle behind the couch like he weighed nothing.

“Get out.” Shaun tossed Kyle at the door like a piece of trash. “Now.”

The blond crumbled against it and wacked his ribs on the doorknob. “Ouch!” He clutched his side and looked up furiously at Shaun. “That hurt!”

“I don’t fucking care!” Shaun yelled. “And I don’t want you talking to Jesse anymore, either.”

“What’s the big deal?” Kyle winced and rubbed his side again. “Damn you… Are you really that afraid I’ll steal him away from you?”

Shaun stalked after him, snarling, and Kyle yanked the door open with a high-pitched cry. He was gone in the blink of an eye and Shaun stepped up behind him and aggressively turned the lock.

“What the fuck was that?” Sam said into the sudden silence. He was flattened against the wall across from the door. He looked between Shaun and Jesse with wide, amazed eyes.

Shaun squared his shoulders and sighed deeply. He continued to glare at the closed door as he spoke. “What were you doing up there? With Kyle.”

Jesse licked his lips. “We were just talking. That’s all we ever do. Talk.”

“Then why were you up there? In your room?”

Jesse’s gaze drifted back to his brother. “So we could get away from Sam. Obviously.”

“Are you guys fags for each other?” Sam cracked a smile and started to laugh. “Like…for real?”

Shaun whirled around and started for Sam with wild eyes, his hands going for his throat. “You little cunt!”

Jesse bolted across the room as Sam pressed himself against the wall and closed his eyes. “Shit!”

Jesse threw himself in front of his little brother and stretched his arms out protectively. “No! Stop it!”

Shaun pulled to a stop. “Fuck…” He clenched his fists a few times, but he didn’t come any closer.

“That’s enough fighting for one day,” Jesse said faintly. “We all need to relax.”

Shaun’s jaw ticked with anger. “How long have you been talking to Kyle?”

“A couple days. I told you that.” Jesse glanced nervously over his shoulder at his brother and smiled guiltily when he met Sam’s narrowed brown eyes. He turned back to Shaun. “Maybe we should go upstairs,” he muttered.

Shaun nodded tightly and Jesse stepped away from his brother with a sigh of relief.

They went upstairs together; Jesse led the way. He thought about trying to hide the bottle of vodka as they reached the bedroom, but Shaun saw it immediately and stepped around him.

He lifted the bottle with two fingers. There were a few shots left at the bottom. “You were drinking?” 

Jesse shrugged. “Kyle offered that, too.”

“Would you accept anything he offered you?” Shaun snapped. “How about if he offered you his cock?”

“He did.” Jesse laughed nervously as Shaun’s eyes bugged out of his head. “I turned him down though.”

“Wow.” Shaun tucked the bottle under his arm and clapped sarcastically. “You’ve actually got some willpower.”

“Fuck you.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I tried to look for you after school. Where were you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Band stuff?”

Shaun looked away. “Grandpa picked me up after gym for a doctor’s appointment. We just got home,” he grumbled. “Five minutes ago.”

“Were you actually sick?”

“That cut on my stomach got infected.” Shaun lifted the bottle of vodka to his mouth and finished the dregs in a single, long pull. “I had to get it treated at the hospital.” He burped. “The bastards sewed it up.”

Jesse gasped. “Can I see?”

Shaun tossed the bottle carelessly toward the closet. “Fuck no.”

Jesse pouted. “When did you go to the hospital?”

“Monday.” Shaun looked around until he spotted Jesse’s desk chair. He pulled it out and took a seat. “I wasn’t feeling good after the bus ride.” He made a grumpy face. “So I stupidly went to the nurse. The bitch called my grandparents and told them if they didn’t take me to the hospital, she’d call an ambulance on the spot.”

Jesse laughed. “That worked?”

Shaun glared at him. “I wouldn’t have been at the doctor today if it hadn’t. It was a follow-up visit. The fuckers wanted to poke my stitches.”

“I wanna poke ‘em, too,” Jesse joked.

Shaun snorted and shook his head.

“Shaun…” Jesse edged across the room. He sank to his knees and sat below Shaun on his knees and looked up at him pleadingly. “I want to talk about Sunday,” he said softly.

Shaun stiffened and avoided his eyes. “And I already told you. I don’t want to.”

“But I have feelings for you!” Jesse whined.

Shaun grumbled unhappily as his hair fell into his face.

“What was that?”

“I don’t have feelings,” Shaun said in a deep voice. “My heart is black.”

Jesse gently rested a hand on Shaun’s knee and caught his gaze. Shaun’s eyes glittered with tightly constrained emotion. Jesse waited to be brushed away, but when it didn’t happen, he slid his hand higher and squeezed Shaun’s strong thigh.

“Jesse…” Shaun’s eyes slid half-way shut. “What are you doing?”

“Touching you,” Jesse said softly as he rested his free hand on the other leg. Shaun’s muscles flexed nervously under his palms. “Am I bothering you?”

“Extremely,” Shaun hissed.

“Good,” Jesse said as he began to rub Shaun’s inner thighs. “You deserve to be bothered a little. I’ve been worried about you all week.”

“You weren’t too worried to buddy up with Kyle.” Shaun’s dark eyes flashed. “After I specifically told you not to do that!”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve ordering me around.” Jesse sat back with a huff. “You treat me like crap. All the time… and you avoided me for days.”

Shaun scowled at him and crossed his arms. “I’m not avoiding you now.”

Jesse laughed humorously. “Does that magically fix everything?”

“No,” Shaun muttered. “I guess not.”

Jesse gazed at him for a long moment. Shaun’s eyes were hard, but slowly, they softened, and he looked away with a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry,” he said, grudgingly. “For avoiding you, for yelling at you and for… everything else,” he grumbled.

“I forgive you,” Jesse said with a smile. “But we still have to talk about what happened.”

Shaun clenched his teeth together. “Well, I’d rather talk about what happened with you and Kyle.”

Jesse got off the floor with a huff went to Sam’s bed. “What do you want to know?” He threw himself back and looked boredly at the ceiling. “There isn’t much to tell.”

“What did you talk about?” Shaun said through his teeth as he spun the chair in Jesse’s direction and leaned over his wide-spread knees. “What did you tell him about me?”

Jesse nervously chewed his lip. “I…I told him I have feelings for you,” he said, which was true at least. He wanted to admit to telling Kyle about their first kiss, but he was sure it would cause a huge blow up. “But I didn’t tell him anything about you. Nothing personal.”

“That’s not personal?” Shaun threw his hands up.

“He knows a lot about you already,” Jesse said, glaring at the ceiling. “He says you used to be best friends in middle-school.”

Shaun barked a laugh. “Hardly.”

Jesse sat up and transferred his glare to the boy sitting across the room. “He knows about your grandparents and your band.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “None of that is a secret.”

“He’s totally obsessed with you,” Jesse pressed. “I think he’s in love with you.”

“He is. In his own twisted little way,” Shaun said as his lip curled with distaste. “And stop fucking glaring at me,” he snapped, and Jesse blinked in shock. “I don’t care about Kyle’s feelings.”

“W-what happened between you two?”

“I rejected him,” Shaun sneered. “And he never got over it. He’s butthurt.”

“He’s nice enough, but he makes me uncomfortable every time I’m around him,” Jesse said softly. “There’s just something about him…”

“He’s always been like that.” Shaun scowled. “Something wrong with him. He’s nasty, Jesse.”

“Kyle thinks your destined to be together,” Jesse said bitterly. “It’s kind of cute. In a way.”

“Cute?” Shaun made a face. “A couple years ago, he asked me to be his fuck buddy.”

Jesse raised his eyebrows.

“He thought I was desperate enough to accept,” Shaun said, his expression darkening. “And that I’d keep all his dirty little secrets because nobody likes me.”

Jesse chewed his lip. He didn’t know what to say, because Shaun had never been too popular…

“When I turned him down, Kyle threatened to tell everyone I was gay if I didn’t fuck him,” Shaun sneered. “But I didn’t give in. I wasn’t going to be intimidated like that.”

“That’s…” Jesse swallowed. “A lot different than he explained it.”

“That pussy chickened out anyway.” Shaun pushed the chair around moodily with his booted feet. “He didn’t want to dirty his own reputation, I guess. Not that it’s ever been squeaky clean…”

“I can see why you don’t like him,” Jesse said uneasily as Shaun spun the chair in a slow circle. “We just started talking and already I don’t think very highly of him.”

“And yet he’s up in your room with bottles of Smirnoff,” Shaun muttered.

“Kyle’s the only person that’s talking to me right now,” Jesse said, and Shaun looked up in surprise. “Everybody’s been giving me the cold shoulder since that thing with Emily fizzled out. I’ve been alone all week.”

Shaun jumped out of the chair and went to the window at the foot of Sam’s bed. His eyes narrowed as he looked out at the driveway.

Jesse watched him solemnly. “What are you looking for?”

“Kyle.”

Jesse stared blankly at him. “None of this is his fault, you know.”

“Maybe not.” Shaun glowered at him over his shoulder. “But he’s an opportunist and that pisses me off!”

Jesse trampled down a smile as Shaun stewed with anger. He looked disagreeable all around, but Jesse decided to risk it. “Can you just…sit with me for a little bit.”

Shaun’s brow furrowed with confusion. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to talk about kissing.”

Shaun turned from the window with a growl.

“You should probably sit down.”

Shaun stormed back to the desk chair and fell into the seat. He crossed his arms as he rocked back and forth on the reclining back rest. He didn’t meet Jesse’s eyes. He glared across the room at the opposite wall.

Jesse slid to the edge of the bed. “I’ve been thinking about it all week,” he said. “About kissing you.”

Shaun curled his lip. “That’s pathetic.”

Jesse pouted. “Shaun…”

Shaun’s jaw worked angrily.

Jesse stood and glided across the room. He stopped just in front of the chair. “Can you look at me…please?”

Shaun huffed grouchily and looked up.

“You’re going to have to get comfortable with the idea of kissing, because I’m not going to stop harassing you until I get another one.”

Shaun scowled spectacularly. “Why the fuck would you want me to stick my tongue in your mouth? Again! I’m disgusting, Jesse!” he snapped. “I’m not made for all this…soft, fuzzy, romantic shit!” He raised his hands, trembling, and looked at them miserably. “My body’s scarred up and calloused, my hair’s a tangled mess, I smell, and I’m ugly.” Shaun curled his hands into big unyielding fists as he whispered. “I never should have kissed you.”

“Stop.” Jesse gently took Shaun’s hands. “None of that is true.” Shaun opened his mouth to interrupt, but Jesse cut him off. “And even if it is, even a little bit, I don’t care right now.”

Shaun glared at him mutinously.

Jesse placed Shaun’s hands on his hips, then climbed into his lap. “I want to kiss you,” Jesse said as he settled with his calves on either side of Shaun’s thighs and rested his butt on his knees. “I want to do a lot of things with you…”

Shaun clutched Jesse’s hips and watched him with wary eyes. “I don’t want to be gay, Jesse,” he murmured.

Jesse slid his fingers through Shaun’s hair. “I don’t care about that right now either.”

Shaun frowned and his face got serious. “I’m not going to be your boyfriend, if that’s what your wanting.”

Jesse laughed and scratched his fingers along Shaun’s stubbly jaw. “Are you done? Any more objections?”

Shaun glared at him and his dark eyes glittered with uncertainty.

Jesse brushed his hair away and leaned in close.

Shaun tensed up. “Jesse…”

“Let me do this,” Jesse whispered, and Shaun sighed and dropped his hands from Jesse’s waist. Jesse pouted and pushed Shaun’s hair behind his ears. “You okay?”

Shaun looked into his eyes. “Not really,” he muttered, but there was a soft blush spreading across the bridge of his nose. Jesse thought it was the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

He leaned in the rest of the way and pressed his lips softly against Shaun’s. Shaun was stiff at first and Jesse kept the kiss tender and chaste. He stroked his fingers through Shaun’s hair and urged him to relax and slowly, Shaun began to warm up. Jesse sighed as their mouths melted together and he rested his hands on Shaun’s shoulders as the kiss sweetened.

Then, Shaun growled low in his chest and his arms tightened around Jesse’s middle. He pulled him close, until there was no space left between them, and he clutched Jesse flush to his body. The kiss became insistent and Shaun held Jesse close as their lips slid together wetly. He pushed his tongue into Jesse’s mouth and met his with a jolt that had both boys moaning with desire. Shaun’s tongue wrestled Jesse’s into submission until they were hard and gasping for orgasm.

Jesse held onto Shaun’s shoulders as his mouth was thoroughly plundered. He pressed his hard dick against Shaun’s and bounced and thrust his hips with enthusiasm.

Shaun groaned into Jesse’s mouth and dug his short fingernails into his back as Jesse moved against him. He was able to thrust his cock up into Jesse’s with a bit of effort and together, they quickly found a rhythm.

Jesse ripped his mouth away from Shaun’s and looped his arms around his neck. He pressed his cock down on Shaun’s with extra pressure as he gazed affectionately at his red, sweaty face. He loved his face…he loved everything about him and as Jesse’s cock tingled in his pants, everything in that moment was perfect. Jesse reached up and gently stroked Shaun’s heated cheek.

Shaun’s eyes fluttered open. His cheeks were adorably red, but he scowled like a champ. “You’re such a freak,” he muttered as he drove his fingers into Jesse’s narrow hips. “Why do you always stare at me like that?”

Jesse winced as Shaun pinched his skin, but he smiled anyway. “Because I love you, dickhead.”

Shaun blinked rapidly in surprise and Jesse leaned down and kissed him. Their lips met, their tongues slid together, and Jesse rocked and rocked his hips until he came explosively with a yell. He fell against Shaun wearily as waves of pleasure wracked his body.

Shaun gripped Jesse’s waist and held him firmly in place as he continued to rut. He buried his face in Jesse’s throat and grunted in time with his thrusting hips until he came.

Jesse held onto Shaun as his breathing came back to normal. He stroked his hair and rubbed his back warmly.

“Nobody’s ever said that to me before,” Shaun muttered.

Jesse nudged Shaun upright and looked into his face. “What do you mean?”

Shaun looked away grouchily. “What you just said… The love thing.”

Jesse laughed cheerfully. “I know what you’re talking about.” Shaun grumbled mutinously under his breath and Jesse kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Shaun,” he said sweetly. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anybody as much as I love you.”

Shaun dumped him out of his lap and Jesse fell back with a yelp.

“Hey!”

Shaun stood up. “I have to…” He looked down at the wet spot on his jeans. “Clean this up,” he muttered, then he swept out of the room.

Jesse watched him go with a pout. After he made faces on the floor for a couple seconds, he got up and jumped out of his jeans. He pealed his underwear off next and wrinkled his nose as he wadded the stained bit of clothing into a ball. He tossed everything into the dirty laundry in the corner then found some unused napkins in an old bag of fast food under Sam’s bed.

He cleaned himself off hurriedly. Shaun had left the door open. Jesse could hear the TV downstairs, but he was desperate to get dressed just in case Sam decided to come poking around. They were lucky he hadn’t burst into the room when they’d been making out.

Jesse found a fresh pair of undies and some jeans in his drawer and pulled everything on in front of the mirror. His auburn hair was mussed, and he styled it half-heartedly with his fingers. He didn’t look any different from before, but he’d officially had sex with a boy. They’d come together and everything! Jesse smiled serenely at his reflection as Shaun strode into the room behind him.

“What are you smiling about?” Shaun asked unhappily.

Jesse turned to look at him. Shaun was in the same outfit as earlier, but the sleeves were rolled down and the shirt was untucked so he could hide his obvious come stain.

“Well?” Shaun barked.

Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know. I was just thinking about what we just did.”

Shaun straightened and narrowed his eyes. “Nobody can ever find out we did that.”

Jesse nodded rapidly. “I know.”

Shaun went back to the desk chair and turned it around as he peered at the seat. After a moment, he was satisfied it was clean and he sat down with a huff. “What we just did was a mistake.”

Jesse’s face fell. “Are you going to start avoiding me again and being mean all the time?”

Shaun held up a hand. “I’m not turning into a fag for you, Jesse. This isn’t going to end well.”

“I know your trying to warn me.” Jesse frowned at him. “But you’re such a pessimist, I’m not sure how seriously I should take you.”

Shaun scowled at him. “Okay then,” he sneered. “What are you seeing in our gay future together?”

Jesse shook his head. “We don’t have to plan for the future. That’s not what I’m asking for.”

“What are you asking for then?” Shaun asked stiffly.

“For us to see where this goes,” Jesse said in a soft voice. “That’s all.”

Shaun spun the chair in a circle. “What is this?”

Jesse laughed. “We don’t have to give it a name. We can just be…us.”

“Oh, that makes it clear as mud.”

Jesse snorted with amusement. “I like you, Shaun…well, I more than like you. I—”

“You don’t have to say it again,” Shaun blurted out as he stopped the chair. He stared at Jesse with wide, horrified eyes and Jesse zipped his lips. Shaun pushed his chair back and forth. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“You don’t like that word?” Jesse asked casually.

“Its fine. But…” Shaun shrugged and looked away. “You’ve already said it twice.”

“I like you,” Jesse said with a little smile. “And I like kissing you and getting off with you.”

Shaun made a face.

“I want to do it more. A lot more,” Jesse said simply. “And I want to see more of you, too.”

“How could you possibly see more of me?” Shaun asked. “I’m always at your house.”

Jesse nodded. “I need you here. I missed you this past week. Like crazy.”

Shaun pushed his fingers through his hair. “Can we talk about something else besides your shitty week?”

Jesse went to his closet. “I got some weed from Kyle,” he said as he rummaged around on the top shelf. “I had to hide it from Sam, but we could smoke if you wanted.”

Shaun was glaring at him when he turned around with the shoebox he’d stuffed his weed in. “Is that why Kyle offered you his dick? As a discount?”

“No.” Jesse rolled his eyes and came to sit on the floor at Shaun’s feet. “He took out the pill bottle of bud and broke some up in the cap. “He was offering to teach me how to ‘pleasure a man’.”

Shaun’s face turned bright red. “Jesse…”

Jesse added the weed to his aluminum foil bowl and took out his mom’s handi-grill. He sparked up and took a generous hit. “Relax. I turned him down. I told you.” He choked out his smoke as Shaun glared at him viciously. “He was being gross when I told him I was starting to have feelings for you.” He took a second hit then handed everything to Shaun with a sheepish look.

Shaun frowned down at the makeshift bowl. “What the fuck is this?”

Jesse released his smoke in a neat column. “Something I made,” he said with a shrug. “I don’t own a bowl anymore. Sorry.”

Shaun lit up with a scowl on his face. He held onto the bowl as he leaned back and crossed his foot over his knee. He gazed over Jesse’s head at the mirror as he let his smoke out of his nose. “The things I want are fucked up, Jesse.”

“What?” Jesse looked up as Shaun toked up again, then passed the bowl back. Jesse set everything aside and kept his eyes on Shaun’s face. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m messed up,” Shaun said darkly. “I’m not a normal person.”

“I don’t think you’re messed up,” Jesse said in a little voice.

Shaun glared daggers at him. “You barely know me.”

Jesse raised his chin. “I know you better than anyone.” Though the past week had shown him how much he didn’t know Shaun. “Can’t you give me a little credit?” he whined, pushing the negative thought aside. “Nothing I’ve learned about you so far has made me turn away from you.”

Shaun sneered at him. “Fine.”

“Fine?” Jesse blinked in confusion.

“If you want to do this.” Shaun gestured between them uncomfortably. “Then fine.”

Jesse beamed as he stretched up on his knees. He leaned in awkwardly and kissed Shaun sloppily on the side of the mouth.

Shaun pulled away dramatically and looked wildly at the open door. “You aren’t allowed to do that with the door open,” he hissed as he wiped his mouth.

Jesse couldn’t stop smiling. He didn’t care who saw that. Shaun huffed and pushed him away, but Jesse sank to his place on the floor with his heart full to bursting.

They smoked for a while. The bud in the pill bottle was quickly dwindling, but Jesse put it out of his mind. He kept sneaking peaks at Shaun’s belly… he wanted to see his stitches.

Shaun was puffing on the aluminum pipe. Jesse watched the bud flame red in the bowl.

“Can I see your stitches?” he asked.

Shaun released his smoke as he gave Jesse a dirty look. “You won’t quit until I do, will you?”

Jesse smiled faintly. “Probably not.”

Shaun sighed as he pulled up his shirt. There was a large swatch of bandaging over the stab wound next to his belly button. Jesse’s eyes roamed curiously over Shaun’s exposed abdomen. He hadn’t noticed before, but under the old scars, Shaun stomach was tight with muscle.

“What does it look like?” Jesse asked shyly.

“Red and raw looking,” Shaun said as he dropped his shirt. “You don’t want to see it. It’s gross.”

Jesse winced.

“Everything about me is gross,” Shaun muttered under his breath, then he hit the bowl again with a dour look on his face.

“Shaun…” Jesse gazed at him sadly. “I wish you wouldn’t beat up on yourself so much.”

Shaun grunted and determinedly avoided his eyes.

“I wish you wouldn’t cut yourself anymore either,” Jesse whispered. “It hurts me to see you in pain.”

Shaun tipped his head back with a groan. “I like cutting myself!” He shoved the smoking paraphernalia rudely in Jesse’s face, so he had to take it. “I’m sick of being told its bad for me.”

“It got you in the hospital,” Jesse said with a frown. “And your obviously ashamed of the scars, no matter how much you like making them.”

Shaun righted himself in his chair again and gave Jesse a nasty look. “I’m not ashamed,” he hissed. “But they tend to lock you up and put you on meds when you talk about how much you like to cut up your arms.”

Jesse shook his head. “How are you going to argue cutting’s good for you?”

“I can’t promise you anything.” Shaun ground his teeth together. “But I’ll try.”

Jesse smiled a little. “Well, that’s something, I guess.”

Shaun wouldn’t meet his eyes and Jesse was a little disheartened. He promised himself he’d keep a close eye on the other boy and he let it go for now. 

They sat upstairs for a bit longer, but when they heard the twins come in downstairs, Shaun said he was bored.

“Let’s play that guitar game,” he said. “The one with the Slayer song.”

Jesse brightened. “Guitar Hero?”

Shaun nodded glumly. “I’m not very good…”

Jesse waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter. Come on.” He gathered his weed stuff, tossed it in the shoebox, then stashed everything back in the closet. He led the way out of the room.

When they got downstairs, Allison was digging through her school bag while Tyler spoke in an excited voice in the kitchen.

Jesse gestured for Shaun to sit on the couch then popped his head into the other room. Tyler bounced by the back door, while Sam leaned against the counter, his head buried in his phone for the millionth time.

Jesse stepped into the room, his hands going to his hips. “What’s going on?”

“We’re playing soccer!” Tyler cheered.

Sam looked up from his phone and gave Jesse a strange look. “We’re going out back,” he said. “I figured everyone should go outside for a while. Get some fresh air.”

Jesse dropped his arms. “That’s a good idea.”

Allison rushed into the room with her hair in a ponytail. “I found my hair ties!”

“Cool. Let’s go.” Sam stepped away from the counter and ushered the twins to the back door. Allison sprang ahead and yanked the door open for everyone.

“Good one!” Tyler said. “I’ll get the ball!”

Jesse watched them go with a feeling of impending doom. Sam had probably heard everything that had happened upstairs earlier. The twin disasters seemed like they were in decent moods, that was always a plus, but Sam knew he and Shaun were a couple now…

 He wandered back into the living room and found Shaun sitting on the edge of the couch, looking like he was about to bolt.

“Sit back and stay awhile,” Jesse joked as he went to the entertainment center to load up the X-Box. “You can’t leave until you’ve seen Brian. It would break his heart if he just missed you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Shaun scowled at him. “I said I’d play the stupid guitar game.”

Jesse plugged in the controller and started up the game. “I’ll put it on easy-mode, so it won’t be as challenging.”

Shaun crossed his arms and glared at the TV.

Jesse shook his head and smiled at him fondly.

They sat on the couch together, but Jesse maintained a respectable distance for the most part. He didn’t kiss on Shaun and fill the silences with ‘I love you’s but…he wanted to.

Shaun sat stiffly beside him and watched Jesse play with a bored look on his face. He never tried to jump in and play and he commented meanly when Jesse’s performance wasn’t up to par, but Jesse took the criticism with a grain of salt. He’d heard much worse from his brothers.

It was starting to get dark out when the front door burst open. “They were playing in the street!” Monica bitched as she stepped over the threshold. “You weren’t paying attention. I can’t even tell you how dangerous that is when they’re playing in the front yard.” The baby was on her left hip and she struggled to hold the door behind her.

“I thought they were still in the yard.” Sam stepped through the door behind her, his hands in his pockets, and a scowl on his face. “I’m sorry, mom.”

The twins squeezed past them, covered in grass and dirt, and ran for the stairs in a flurry of mischievous giggles.

Monica tracked them with her eagle eyes. “I almost flattened Tyler like a pancake,” she hissed.

“I saw,” Sam said with a wince. “Sorry.”

Monica muttered angrily under her breath as Brian slipped through the door at last. He spotted Shaun on the couch immediately and his eyes brightened with excitement. He dropped his little school bag by the door and hurried into the room.

Monica followed Brian’s journey to the couch as he flopped on the cushion between Jesse and Shaun. Her narrowed eyes turned on Jesse next. “Why weren’t you keeping an eye on them?” she snapped.

“I— I didn’t know they were alone. I thought Sam was watching them,” Jesse glanced at his brother, but Sam was glaring at Shaun and Brian.

“He was sitting on the stoop, playing with his phone while Tyler and Allison ran through the streets!” Monica cried.

“They were playing soccer,” Sam grumbled.

Monica ignored him. She walked around the couch and plopped the baby in Jesse’s lap, right on top of the controller.

“Mom! Come on!” Jesse groaned, but Monica stopped him with a single look.

“Both you and Sam are acting so immature,” she said sharply. “But I’m especially disappointed in you, Jesse.”

Jesse’s eyes went wide. “Me?”

“I’m expecting you to fix an actual dinner, get everyone in the bath, and keep an eye on the kids, Jesse,” Monica said sternly. “I need you to act like an adult tonight.”

Jesse sighed and dropped the controller. He settled Lissa in his lap and pulled her close to his chest.

“I have to go,” Monica said, then she turned and briskly left the house.

“Your mom’s a bitch,” Shaun said casually, and Brian giggled. “Don’t repeat that, dummy,” Shaun said fondly. “That’s a word for the big kids.”

“Okay!

“I’ll get the twins in the bath,” Sam said loudly.

Jesse glanced at him and saw a disgusted look on his face as he turned to cross the room. He watched over Lissa’s head as his brother took the stairs.

“How was daycare?” Shaun asked Brian.

“Everyone got candy today because it was some boy’s birthday,” Brian said excitedly, and Jesse turned back to the conversation on the couch. “He was really nice and brought extra, but the bully in my class, Colt, he started taking people’s candy, because he wanted even more for himself and his friends.”

“What a jerk,” Shaun said.

“Yeah!” Brian bounced in the narrow space between the older teens. “He waited until we were on the playground to take mine, but I was ready for him,” he said in a rush. “I pushed him down on the blacktop and he scraped his elbows and knees real bad.”

“Wait, you pushed somebody?” Jesse sat the baby on the floor and turned to the grinning toddler beside him. “Did you get a demerit?”

“Nope!” Brian proudly puffed out his chest. “I proved he was stealing candy and that I was sticking up for myself.”

“Oh, wow!” Jesse cheered as he patted the toddler on the back. “That’s awesome!”

“I got a sticker for saving the day and I put it on my assignment book at school.”

Shaun ruffled his hair. “Good job sticking up for yourself.”

“That’s what you would have done,” Brian said with a huge grin. “I was thinking of you when I did it.”

Shaun smiled back at him. “We’re proud of you kid.”

Brian hopped off the couch and edged around the wobbly baby seated in front of the couch. He ran to his bag and rummaged through the front pocket. “Do you want some of my candy?” he asked as he pulled out handfuls of bite-sized candy bars. “I have tons. Everybody started giving me free candy when Colt when to the nurses office.”

Shaun chuckled darkly, but he shook his head. “No thanks. Jesse’s got to make us dinner soon anyway.”

“Alright.” Brian’s face fell. “Maybe later.”

“Waaa,” Lissa babbled from the floor and Jesse stood and scooped her up.

“What are we eating?” Brian asked as he popped a Snickers in his mouth.

“I don’t know how I’m going to beat a bag of candy.” Jesse frowned at the toddler. “How about French toast?”

“Oh yum!” Brian set his bag down and hopped around the couch like a bunny-rabbit. “I love French toast!”

The four of them migrated to the kitchen and Shaun was given the arduous task of watching both Lissa and Brian. He was noticeably uncomfortable holding Lissa, but he didn’t complain.

Jesse started cooking immediately. He wasn’t waiting for Sam and the twins. He could keep their portion warm in the microwave. He whipped up some eggs, milk, and cinnamon sugar in a bowl, dipped some bread into the batter, then added it to the hot frying pan. He already had eggs and bacon cooking on the side. Breakfast for dinner!

“Hold her like this,” Brian instructed, and Jesse glanced over his shoulder.

Shaun sat at the table with Lissa against his chest. Brian knelt in the chair beside him, adjusting Shaun’s arms like he was an expert.

“Shut up, kid. I can do it myself,” Shaun grumbled as he bounced Lissa under his chin.

Jesse smiled as he turned back to the stove to flip the toast.

“Here, let me show you,” Brian insisted. “I know what I’m doing. I hold her all the time.”

“Bullshit.”

“You’re doing it wrong—Whaa! Nooo!”

“Grrrr!”

Jesse turned his head and laughed. Shaun had both children cradled to his chest now. The baby was tucked securely in one arm while the other was banded around Brian’s middle. The toddler giggled as he kicked his feet ineffectively. He wasn’t going to escape and that seemed to amuse him more.

Shaun laughed as he swung the kids around. “You’re a brat. Do you know that?”

“No!” Brian screeched with laughter. “I’m amazing!”

Lissa started laughing, too, and Jesse’s heart swelled with the warm domesticity of the scene. He turned back to the stove as Shaun set Brian back on his feet and ordered him to sit back in his chair again. He flipped the two finished slices of toast on a plate and added a small portion of eggs and two slices of bacon.

He took everything to the table and set it in front of Brian. “Eat up,” he said, handing the toddler a fork.

“Thank you!” Brian said excitedly as he reached for the syrup in the middle of the table.

Jesse stepped up behind Shaun and lifted the baby out of his arms.

Shaun looked around in surprise. “I could have dropped her, idiot.”

“But you wouldn’t,” Jesse said confidently as he went to the head of the table and sat Lissa in her baby seat. He slid next to the highchair and leaned over the table so he could get down in Shaun’s face.

Shaun glared at him. “Did you need me to finish dinner now?”

“Could you?” Jesse smirked. “That’d be nice if you cooked for me for once.”

“I don’t cook,” Shaun said. “Ever.”

Jesse laughed. “How many pieces of French toast do you want?”

“However many your having.”

Jesse smiled affectionately at the glowering boy across from him. Before he was even conscious of the decision, he leaned in and kissed Shaun’s soft lips.

Behind them, Brian started to giggle.

Shaun ripped away and there were spots of color high on his cheeks.

Jesse licked his lips and glanced nervously at the toddler, but Brian went cheerfully back to his meal. Jesse had been expecting questions, but Brian stuffed a big piece of French toast in his mouth and chewed with relish.

Jesse went back to the stove without comment. He regretted they couldn’t make out whenever they wanted, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to be upset.

Shaun cleared his throat as Lissa began to babble in her highchair. “I have band practice tomorrow.”

Jesse perked up. “Are you actually inviting me?”

Shaun huffed. “I wouldn’t have told you about it if I wasn’t.”

Jesse turned from the stove and fluttered his eyelashes at Shaun. “I feel so honored.”

“Are you coming or not?” Shaun glowered at him.

“I’d love to,” Jesse said with a laugh. “Are you kidding me?”

Shaun nodded and turned away to help with the syrup. It was spilling over the edge of the plate.

“There’s paper towels by the microwave,” Jesse sang as he turned back to the stove and added two more slices of bread to the frying pan.

 The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Jesse wanted to sneak Shaun upstairs so they could smoke in his room again, but it never happened. After everyone ate, there was a huge mess to clean up in the kitchen. Jesse sent the kids into the living room and tackled the dishes with Shaun’s help. Shaun grumbled unhappily through the whole thing, but it took half the time and Jesse was super happy when everything was done.

 Afterwards, Jesse had Brian take a bath while he gave Lissa a quick wash in the sink. Shaun wanted no part in this particular chore and he waited downstairs with Sam and the twins.

When the babies were dressed again, Jesse took them downstairs and ordered the twins up to their room for the night.

“You don’t have to lay down, but it’s quiet time,” Jesse said.

“Quiet time?” Allison whispered to Tyler as they hopped off the couch.

“He just wants to get rid of us,” Tyler said, glaring at Jesse as they passed. “Come on. I’ll show you that new world in Minecraft.”

The twins raced upstairs, and Jesse turned to Sam next. He sat across the room in the armchair in front of the window. He was busy with his phone, but he seemed to sense Jesse’s gaze and he looked up boredly.

“Can you clear out for a while?” Jesse asked. “We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Whatever,” Sam muttered as he got up. He jogged upstairs and disappeared down the hall, silent like a ghost.

Jesse put Lissa in the bouncer next to the TV then sat on the couch next to Shaun and Brian. Shaun looked at him questioningly over the toddler’s head.

“What?”

“You didn’t have to do all that,” Shaun said. “Your asshole siblings weren’t being half bad tonight.”

Jesse shrugged and turned the channel on the TV. He picked a movie for everyone to watch. Something with violence, even though he knew he shouldn’t. He wanted to appease everyone.

As the movie progressed, Jesse stretched his arm across the back of the couch, behind Brian, and slid his fingers into Shaun’s hair.

Shaun looked at him sharply.

“Why did he do that?” Brian asked curiously as the hero threw himself under the train. It rushed over him as dramatic music played in the background.

“I don’t know.” Shaun blinked at the TV as Jesse began to scratch his fingernails over his scalp. His eyes fluttered. “Oh, look. There’s a trap door.”

“Cool,” Brian said, but the movie wasn’t actually cool. They were only ten minutes in, but so far the dialogue stank, the fight scenes were bogus, and the sound effects were really bad.

Shaun relaxed as Jesse continued to play with his hair and massage his scalp. Slowly, he leaned his head back and let his eyes fall closed. He was in total bliss, the look on his face said it all, and eventually he fell asleep like that. When he started snoring, Jesse pulled his hand away with a chuckle. Brian was next. The movie was boring, and he leaned against Jesse as his eyelids got heavy. Lissa watched the bright colors flash on the screen for another fifteen minutes before she too, slouched in her bouncer seat and passed out.

Jesse leaned back and closed his eyes too, but he was smiling too hugely to fall asleep. He’d had such a miserable week, but tonight had been almost perfect. He stretched his arms over his head as he considered pinching himself, but then, he might wake up.

Monica came home twenty minutes later and the sound of her coming through the door jolted Shaun into consciousness. He gripped the arm of the chair as he looked around in a panic. Jesse hadn’t been sleeping but he sat upright, so he looked alert. Brian’s head lolled against his shoulder as he blinked his eyes open unhappily.

“Where are the twins?” Monica asked as she set her bag by the door.

“Upstairs,” Jesse said as he stroked Brian’s hair out of his face. “Playing Minecraft. It’s okay,” he whispered to the toddler. “It’s bedtime anyway.”

Monica stepped around the couch to gather Brian in her arms. “That’s right,” she said as she lifted the drowsy toddler onto her hip. “Bedtime!” Brian’s head was drooping, but he hung onto her like a monkey. Monica walked to the TV next and plucked Lissa out of her bouncer chair. “Time for bed, little ones!” she sang. “Couldn’t come a moment sooner,” she muttered under her breath as she started for the stairs.

Shaun glanced at Jesse. “I fell asleep?”

Jesse smiled and moved closer. “I was playing with your hair when you zonked out.”

Shaun sat up and cleared his throat. “I should probably get out of here.”

“You could spend the night,” Jesse said sweetly. “My mom wouldn’t care.”

“Fuck no.” Shaun’s expression darkened. “That’s a stupid idea.”

“I don’t know why it’s stupid.”

“Too many kids.” Shaun shook his head.

“They sleep most of the night, you know,” Jesse huffed.

 “I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” Shaun said as he stood up. “Before practice.”

“Sure you won’t forget this time?” Jesse asked with a faint smile, but Shaun was already heading for the door.

“See you tomorrow,” he said over his shoulder.

Jesse sighed as he watched Shaun slip into the night. He wished he could have gotten a goodnight kiss at least.

The next morning, he woke to an empty house.

When Jesse went downstairs for breakfast, there was a note on the kitchen table.

I took everyone to the mall. We’ll be home after lunch.

Love, Mom

He breathed a sigh of relief. Freedom!

Jesse poured a bowl of cereal and took it to the living room. He ate in front of the TV as he debated going to Shaun’s house early, but after pondering for a bit, he decided against it.

He washed his bowl, turned off the TV, then went upstairs to take a shower. He washed his hair, then stepped under the water to soap himself up. When he was clean, he eagerly jerked off to the memory of Shaun and his hot kisses from yesterday. It didn’t take long to reach orgasm and Jesse’s wanton cries filled the stall as he painted the tiled wall with his semen.

Once he’d dried off and brushed his teeth, he got dressed for the day in his room. A fitted tee and jeans. The usual. He combed his hair then spent a minute practicing goofy smiles in the mirror.

It was a slow morning without anyone to distract him. He smoked some weed, messed around on the X-box for a while, then made a sandwich in the kitchen. He flopped on the couch as he pulled up the TV menu. He scanned 500 channels, but found nothing of interest.

He picked a soap opera at random, something mindless and distracting, and consumed the salami sandwich with little enjoyment.

He’d just finished his sandwich when there was a knock at the door. He swallowed his last bite as he looked over his shoulder. Hope seized his heart and he leapt up to answer it.

When he pulled the door open, his heart fell immediately

“Hi, sweetie,” Kyle said as he slipped inside. He wore all white today. A long, gauzy white shirt and white cotton pants. He had sandals on, and he looked like a comfortable man of leisure, not the gay boy from the scummy house in the boondocks he’d taken Jesse to.

“Uhhh. Kyle,” Jesse said uneasily. “What a surprise.”

Kyle took one look at Jesse’s disappointed face and smirked. “Not expecting me?”

“Not really,” Jesse muttered.

“I’m dying to know.” Kyle glided into the room and stopped in front of the couch. He turned to Jesse with his face alight. “What happened last night?”

“I can’t tell you anything,” Jesse said and when Kyle immediately opened his mouth to protest, Jesse was happy to talk over him. “He doesn’t want me to tell you anything personal. It’s something we talked about last night.”

Kyle blinked owlishly.

“If he ever finds out I told you about that kiss, he’ll kill me.” Jesse nervously licked his lips. “And then you, probably. Just to get rid of the witnesses.”

“What else did you talk about last night?”

“You.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “He knows you love him. But he couldn’t care less.”

Kyle folded his arms around himself and dropped his eyes.

Jesse sighed and stepped closer, but let the couch form a barrier between them. “Please, don’t mention to Shaun that you know about the kiss.”

Kyle looked up solemnly and placed a hand over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

Jesse took a deep breath. “And you can’t tell anyone anything I told you about Shaun,” he said adamantly. “I don’t want him to think I’m starting rumors.”

“Your secrets are safe with me.”

Jesse nodded. “Now, I hate to be rude, but—”

Kyle sprawled back on the couch with a sigh.

Jesse rounded the couch so he could see Kyle’s face. He frowned. “What are you doing on my couch?”

Kyle smiled up at him. “You’re seriously not going to tell me a thing? After I came all this way?”

“That’s on you.” Jesse narrowed his eyes. “I didn’t ask you to come!”

Kyle pressed his hands together. “Can’t you tell me anything that happened?”

Jesse glared at him. “Nothing happened.”

“He nearly broke my ribs he was so upset,” Kyle said gleefully. “There’s no way you guys didn’t have angry sex.”

Jesse shook his head. “Nope.”

Kyle sat up and stared at Jesse until he felt his face start to get hot, then Kyle smirked. “You look like you got fucked.”

“I do not!” Jesse cried.

“I love how red your face is right now!” Kyle laughed as he stretched out a hand to touch Jesse’s face. “It’s hilarious how embarrassed you get. Can I feel? Please? I bet your burning up right now.”

Jesse smacked his hand away. “No.”

Kyle pouted. “I’m honestly here to help you,” he said as the amusement faded from his expression. “I’m your friend.”

Jesse shook his head. He didn’t want to betray Shaun’s trust. “No, Kyle.”

“Alright,” Kyle was visibly disappointed. “Maybe later.”

Jesse pressed his lips together. He had nothing more to say, and Kyle left soon after, disgruntled.

Jesse watched from the living room window as Kyle’s car pulled out of the driveway. He knew he’d done the right thing.

Chapter Text

Shaun took a long shower when he woke up. He’d showered before school yesterday, too, and spent a stupidly long time in the closet deciding what to wear. It was the reason he’d missed the bus and he’d felt incredibly foolish during the subsequent lecture from Ruth. 

But he hadn’t regretted it once he’d got to school. The effort had been noticed. Miss Stevens had been the only one to outright compliment his appearance, but more than one person had looked his way yesterday and it had been unusual, getting attention for something good for once.

When he got out of the shower he spent a couple minutes shaving, because it was long overdue. He hadn’t had the time yesterday and he hadn’t bothered the whole week before. He checked his stitches next. He wasn’t taking care of that either. He hadn’t touched them after the forced trip to the hospital and he’d refused to change the bandaging and clean it like the doctor had suggested. Eli had bugged him incessantly while he’d been laid up on the couch, but he hadn’t listened.

They were prominently displayed over the towel wrapped loosely around his waist and Shaun prodded at the red, puckered line of flesh with a scowl. He’d just washed the wound in the shower, and it looked even grosser than before.

Shaun stuck his head out into the hall. “Grandpa!”

Eli appeared after a moment. “Yes?”

“Can you help me rebandage my stitches?” Shaun asked, then nudged the door open a bit wider as Eli stepped down the hall. “I took everything off in the shower.”

Eli squeezed into the room as Shaun turned and hopped up on the counter. His stitches got pulled and he winced.

“I’m guessing last night went well?” Eli asked as he got down the tube of hospital-grade antibiotics from the medicine cabinet. It was supposed to lessen the likelihood of a scar and speed up the healing process, but Shaun hadn’t been using it.

“What do you mean?” Shaun grumbled.

“You’ve been moping around here all week but now you’re going out again. Right after a visit to your little…friend.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “So?”

“Shaun,” Eli sighed. “I know what happened. You told me, remember?”

Of course, he remembered. He’d stupidly told Eli about his kiss with Jesse right after it had happened, but he’d been avoiding the subject ever since. Eli had tried to talk about it more than once, but Shaun had gone into a rage whenever it was mentioned. The fact that he was sitting calmly – for him anyway – as they discussed ‘the kiss’ was probably a dead giveaway that something had happened.

“I won’t tell anybody,” Eli said casually as he finished applying the antibiotic. He selected a new strip of gauze next and smoothed it over the wound. “I’m just curious what’s going on with you.”

“I’m going to practice,” Shaun muttered. “Like always.”

Eli’s eyes twinkled with mirth as he got the medical tape. “Is Jesse coming along this time?”

Shaun jumped off the counter and snatched the tape from Eli. He stormed back to his room and slammed the door.

“I’m sorry,” Eli said from the hall, but Shaun ignored him. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“I’m not uncomfortable!” Shaun shouted. Then he ripped a strip of tape off the reel with his teeth and stuck it carelessly across the gauze. He poked himself in the stomach in his haste and growled as he applied it properly.

“Just want you to know I’m here to talk. About anything at all,” Eli said through the door. “You don’t have to be embarrassed—”

“Shut up!” Shaun yelled and mercifully, Eli fell quiet.

He strode to his closet and pulled out the outfit he’d picked the night before. The thermal shirt wasn’t new, but the jeans were. They’d been stuffed in the back of the closet since Ruth had bought them because they were kind of stiff, but he looked good in them. He was finally ready to break them in. 

He was going to Jesse’s, earlier than he’d planned, but he wasn’t in the mood for another interrogation. He sat on his bed and yanked his socks and boots on in a hurry. He could hear Eli puttering around in the living room, waiting for him to come out, and it added to his annoyance.

Once he was decent, he stormed out of his room and blew past Eli in the living room. He left the house and jumped off the porch, heading for the tall grass separating his place from Jesse’s. He had to slow a bit as he cut through the brush. It was full of bugs and he shooed them away with annoyance. When he reached Jesse’s, he felt something crawling on his neck and he swatted the critter away with a yell of frustration. The door opened while he was scratching his fingers aggressively through his hair, just to make sure the bug was gone.

“Shaun?”

“Fucking bugs,” Shaun muttered as he hopped up on the stoop and stepped into the house. He glanced around the front room, looking for nosy children, but it seemed they were alone. At least for now… He met Jesse’s eyes suspiciously. “Where is everybody?”

“Out.” Jesse stood on his tip-toes and kissed Shaun warmly on the lips. “I’m glad you’re early.”

Shaun pushed him away. “What do you mean ‘out’?”

“They’re out shopping.” A slow smile stretched across Jesse’s face. “They won’t be back until after lunch.”

Shaun frowned. “So, soon.”

“Well, not soon soon.” Jesse pouted. “I still have some weed. We could go upstairs for a bit.” He reached for Shaun’s hand, but Shaun pulled away.

“No,” he said sharply. “We’re leaving.”

 “But we’ve got the whole place to ourselves!” Jesse whined.

 Shaun stalked for the door. Yesterday, up in Jesse’s room, had been…interesting. He was more than ready for a repeat, but Jesse’s family would be home any minute now and he wasn’t about to get caught with his pants around his ankles.

Jesse locked up behind them and followed Shaun grumpily through the grass. “I don’t know why we couldn’t have smoked before we left.”

“We can smoke at Will’s,” Shaun grumbled as he pushed through a thicket of grass. A huge mosquito flew into his face. “Shit!” He swatted it away. “We’re going to get eaten alive in this fucking field!”

“Somebody needs to mow it,” Jesse said, ducking behind him. “The kids call it the Forbidden Forrest.”

“It’s your property.” Shaun snorted. “When old Man Welch was in better health, he took excellent care of his lawn. It’s gone to hell since he died.”

“He left a bunch of crazy lawn equipment in the garage. Nobody knows how to use it,” Jesse said. “Mom has to buy a new mower.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “I’m sure grandpa will do something about it come summer. He won’t let it get too out of hand.”

Eli always left the keys in the Ford. Shaun told Jesse to get in as they approached. “I have to grab my guitar. Start her up.”

Jesse headed for the car as Shaun swept into the garage. He gathered his guitar and amp, listening to the engine starting up in the drive. When he stepped outside again, Jesse smiled at him coyly through the windshield and Shaun took a deep breath, then started for the car.

The moment they pulled out of the driveway, Jesse scooted closer on the bench seat and wrapped his arms around Shaun’s middle.

“Careful of the stitches!”

“Oh! Sorry,” Jesse smiled apologetically, but then laid his head on Shaun’s shoulder with a sigh of contentment. He rested his arm a bit higher on Shaun’s stomach and snuggled close.

Shaun stiffened. He should have known this would happen. He ground his teeth together and let himself be cuddled as they drove out of town and jumped on the highway. Jesse was quiet, utterly content, and Shaun battled with himself as he watched the road. He liked feeling Jesse at his side, but deep down, he knew the guys in the band would whole-heartedly disapprove. He became more and more uncomfortable as they got closer to Will’s. A white Honda coasted into Shaun’s lane and then slowed until they were going five miles under the limit. Shaun growled under his breath and swerved around the dumb fucker.

 “Slow down!” Jesse whimpered, clutching Shaun in distress and pulling the stitches for a second time.

“Ow! Fuck!” Shaun elbowed him to get more room, but Jesse didn’t relent. He hugged Shaun tighter in apology.

“I’m sorry!”

Shaun glared down at him. “Are you like this with all your…lovers?” he spat. “I don’t remember you hanging off Emily like this!”

Jesse nervously bit his lip. “I told you yesterday. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. You’re special.”

Frustrated, Shaun shoved him away with brute force.

“Ouch!” Jesse rubbed the spot on his chest where Shaun had elbowed him. He sat up and pulled away with tears welling in his eyes.

Shaun instantly regretted it. “Well, you’re acting like a clingy girl,” he snapped, angry with himself more than anything. “What the fuck’s wrong with you?” he grumbled.

Jesse blinked up at him, his expression pained. “I thought about it after you left last night.”

“Thought about what?” Shaun sneered.

“You,” Jesse muttered and then turned to gaze out the window.

Shaun glanced at him nervously from the corner of his eye. Jesse’s face was turned away and Shaun studied him in secret. Jesse’s auburn hair fell against the slender line of his neck, obscuring his soft, freckled skin. An urge rose in Shaun’s belly to brush it away so he could taste Jesse’s warm, sun-kissed skin and he cleared his throat and looked away.

“I’ve never been in love with anybody before. Not for real anyway,” Jesse said in a soft voice. “And I know this is different because I’ve never wanted to protect anybody like I do you… Well, nobody except Brian. And I love him, too. In a different way.”

Shaun scowled. “Cute.”

“I hold onto you all the time because I want to make sure your safe,” Jesse whispered.

“Safe?” Shaun made a face. “Why would you worry about me being safe? I’m perfectly fine.”

Jesse turned and there were tears in his eyes. “Are you kidding me? I worry about you all the time!” he cried. “I can’t help it. I’ve never met anyone who’s so self-destructive!”

Shaun glared out the windshield. “I know what it looks like,” he grumbled. “But I don’t want to kill myself. I’m not suicidal, okay?”

Tears streaming down his face, Jesse whined. “Why won’t you promise to stop cutting? You won’t even lie! It’s like your proud of it!”

“Because I don’t want to lie to you.” Shaun clenched the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip. “Sometimes I can’t resist.”

Jesse whimpered. “I’m scared to death I’m going to lose you!” He threw himself at Shaun and began to sob in earnest.

Shaun’s face was beet red. He could feel his cheeks burning with it. Jesse was only clingy with him. Jesse only wanted to protect him. Jesse had only ever loved him. What strange things for someone to say in reference to Shaun of all people! He patted Jesse on the back. “Okay. Calm down.”

Jesse looked up at him tearfully. “I know you don’t like when I say it, but…I love you.”

Shaun sighed, but Jesse leaned up and silenced it with a kiss. He swiped his tongue along Shaun’s lower lip and Shaun chased it back into his mouth with a groan of reluctance. They kissed heatedly until Shaun swerved and the van beside them honked three times in rapid succession.

Shaun pushed Jesse away with a grunt. “You’re going to be the cause of my death, retard.”

Jesse laughed. “It’ll be unintentional though.”

“Great.” Shaun glanced at the van beside them. A big guy with a beard was gesturing at them like an ape. Shaun sped up and passed the asshole before Jesse could see. “I get that you…love me and everything, but you have to reign it in, okay? You can’t be all affectionate and shit in front of the band.”

“I know that,” Jesse whined.

They were fifteen minutes from Will’s place. Shaun grumbled as he sped ahead. “Just…practice keeping your hands to yourself. We’ll be there soon.”

Jesse folded his hands in his lap with a sigh. He looked out the window and watched the cars as Shaun blew around them.

When they pulled up outside Will’s place, Shaun parked on the street, then leveled Jesse with a serious look.

Jesse looked back at him nervously. “What?”

“No gay stuff in front of the band,” Shaun said firmly. “I mean it.”

Jesse huffed. “You’ve told me a hundred times now…”

“That’s because I don’t trust you,” Shaun hissed. “Somehow, you’ll find a way to break the rules.”

“What are you talking about?” Jesse smiled as he opened the door. “I love the rules.”

Shaun growled.

Jesse walked around behind the car and knocked on the trunk. “Open up! I’ll grab the amp.”

Shaun yanked the trunk release and got out huffily to retrieve his guitar. Already, the vein in his temple was pulsing with irritation. He had a bad feeling about tonight.

They made their way up the front walk and approached the little house. Shaun didn’t bother knocking. He waltzed right through the door with Jesse trailing behind him.

Will lounged on the couch with a beer. Ben sat beside him and that was unusual. He almost never arrived earlier than Shaun.

“Hey,” Ben said cheerfully as they came into the room. His gaze flickered between the two teens and he smiled slowly.

“What the fuck?” Will furrowed his brow. “Why did you jackoffs all decide to come so early?”

Shaun was about to answer, something sarcastic, when Ben beat him to it.

“I told you,” he said with a grin. “Angela went out of town with her friends. I was bored.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, dumbass.” Will burped, then crushed his beer can in his fist. “I’m going to run across the street to pick up some shit from Kelly. You guys sit tight.”

Shaun moved out of the way as Will shouldered past.

“You brought your boyfriend, too,” Will muttered. “Great.”

Shaun turned to glare at Will’s retreating figure when he caught a pleased little smile on Jesse’s face. Shaun shoved his guitar into his already overladen arms. “Take that in the garage,” he barked. “Now.”

Jesse tried to hide his smile, but it was next to impossible with his arms overloaded. The door to the garage was propped open and Jesse waddled into the room with a dumb look on his face.

Shaun slumped on the couch with a huff. He looked up and met Ben’s wide, amazed eyes. “What?” Shaun snapped.

Ben looked away quickly, but he was smiling, too. “Nothing.”

Shaun growled dangerously. “What is so goddamn funny?”

Ben looked at the TV with an amazing amount of interest. “Have you ever seen this episode before?”

Shaun glanced at the TV. They were watching Impractical Jokers.

Jesse breezed back into the room and jumped on the couch between Shaun and Ben. He turned to the bassist first. “Hi,” he said cheerfully. “How’s it going, Ben?”

“Oh, are you two buddies now?” Shaun sneered.

“Yeah,” Ben and Jesse said together, then they grinned at one another like creepy identical twins. Shaun crossed his arms and glared at them.

Ben and Jesse chatted in a casual, back and forth kind of way Shaun was incapable of. First they covered music, which was a subject Shaun knew a lot about, though he chose to remain silent. Then they moved on to TV, which, it turned out, Shaun actually knew very little about. When they started talking about sports, which might have been spoken in another language for all he understood, Shaun got up and moved into the kitchen to swipe some beer.

“Are you okay?” Jesse asked in a sweet voice when he returned. “Come back and sit with me.”

“Yeah, man.” Ben was fighting a smile. “Why the long face?”

“Shut up.” Shaun stood in the entry to the kitchen, guzzling his beer. “I’m fine.” He thought about going to the armchair but figured Jesse would find some other ridiculous way to sit beside him. Grudgingly, he strode across the room and retook his seat on the couch. He sipped glumly from his can and glared at the TV.

Jesse scooted closer. “Are you sure?” he asked, laying his hand high on Shaun’s thigh.

“Yes!” Shaun shoved Jesse away as Ben started to laugh.

Jesse glared at Shaun and Shaun glared right back as his face got hot with humiliation. Jesse didn’t back down. His pretty blue eyes flashed with defiance and for a moment, it seemed he was going to challenge Shaun! Then the front door banged open and Will strolled inside with a cheeky grin. Jesse sat back on the couch with a huff and Shaun shifted away subtly.

Ben, still laughing, looked up curiously and asked, “What took you so long?”

“Little slut needed that ass tapped,” Will drawled as he walked through to the kitchen. “Whoo-boy! Papa needs a drink!”

Shaun shoved Jesse away as Will disappeared into the other room. “Hands off,” he hissed.

Behind him, Ben snorted with amusement, but Shaun ignored him. It was obvious he knew what was going on.

The four of them hung out for another twenty minutes until Danny arrived. They drank for a while, watching TV, and bullshitting about work. The conversation was dominated by Will and Danny and Shaun drank his beer in blessed silence. Practice started shortly after and they migrated to the garage.

“Our next gig’s at The Randolph,” Will said as they got set up. Shaun knew the place. They’d been there before. It was another dive bar about an hour and a half from his house. “It’s on Tuesday night so this’ll be our only practice. So, everybody better be perfect.” His gaze fell meaningfully on Shaun.

Shaun gave him a haughty look in reply as his fingers flexed restlessly over the fret board of his guitar. He was anxious to begin playing. The negativity only made him want to do better anyway, fuck Will for being such a douchebag.

When practice finally began, Shaun was immediately lost in the music. He shut his eyes as the notes flowed through his body. Sweat beaded along his forehead as he moved his hips with his guitar. He fell into a trance as he played. The dirty garage and the other band members fell away. He forgot about Jesse sitting across the room. It was just him, his guitar, and the music.

Shaun was good. He knew it with a bone-deep certainty and once he got out of this shithole town, he’d prove to everyone that he was good for something…

Shaun’s eyes snapped open as a rush of determination spiked through his veins. He tore into his guitar and added an awesome new riff to Will’s tired-ass song.

Will glared at Shaun as his voice was drowned out, but he continued to sing. It sounded better anyway, and Ben grinned at him over Danny’s drum kit.

With his heart in his throat, Shaun looked across the room and met Jesse’s pretty eyes with a confidence he wasn’t even sure he had. Jesse’s stare was unwavering and as they held each other’s gazes, slowly, Jesse’s lips curved into a sensual smile.

Shaun’s cock pulsed with interest. He thought about claiming those sweet lips again then, a dark thought slid into his mind and he couldn’t stop thinking about sucking and biting on Jesse’s plump bottom lip until he cried and begged to be fucked. He dropped his gaze as guilt pervaded the warm jolt of arousal.

He’d always had unusual urges. He knew they made him even more of a freak, but he couldn’t suppress his dark desires. They invaded his thoughts at the most inappropriate times.

After their first kiss, Shaun hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how gorgeous Jesse had looked with tears in his eyes. Every night they’d been apart, he’d replayed the memory as he came up with sick fantasies of all the different ways he could make sweet little Jesse cry again and screw his face up in pain.

Some fantasies were basic, such as the not so horrible longing to fuck Jesse slowly, wanting to fill his – no doubt virgin-tight – ass with his thick cock as Jesse cried out in a mixture of pain and helpless pleasure.

He also thought about drawing decorative lines on Jesse’s skin with the tip of his knife so he could paint the luscious expanse a beautiful bright red.

So, Jesse said he loved Shaun? Well that was sweet because Shaun wanted to watch Jesse bleed, and cry, and scream his name.

Shaun was a freak. He didn’t know how to handle his desires…and he was terrified to tell Jesse his darkest thoughts. Maybe Jesse knew a little bit about his past, but he didn’t know anything about the fucked-up dreams Shaun had at night…

 He didn’t deserve someone as sweet as Jesse.

“That was pretty good,” Will said as practice came to an end. Shaun took his guitar off and reached over his head to stretch out his back. He groaned as his eyes slid shut.

“We should go to that place down on the corner,” Danny said. “I’m parched and your fridge is totally empty.”

“Yeah. Good idea,” Will said. “We can walk home once everyone’s wasted.”

“That’s the idea,” Danny said cheerfully.

“I’ve got money tonight. I’m buying first round,” Ben chimed in.

“Cool.”

“Yo, Shaun!” Danny called.

Shaun finished stretching. He opened his eyes and blinked rapidly. Jesse stood just in front of him, mere inches away.

Will checked his fingernails. “You faggots coming?”

Jesse smiled wryly. “You bet.” His eyes never left Shaun’s. Shaun narrowed his in warning, but Jesse was oblivious. He fluttered his eyelashes and smiled back.

Will muttered something about rolling blunts for the walk as he and Danny headed inside. Ben started to follow them. He elbowed Shaun on the way out. “Don’t take too long packing up?” he said with a knowing grin. “We’re thirsty!”

Shaun scowled as Ben chuckled and strolled out of the garage. The door slammed behind him and suddenly, they were alone. Shaun whirled back to his equipment and hurriedly unstrapped his guitar. He could feel Jesse’s eyes on his back.

Jesse stepped in front of him. “You’re really hot when you play.”

Shaun glanced up. Jesse gazed back at him, his eyes heavy with lust and Shaun nervously licked his lips. “Shut up,” he growled under his breath and set his guitar in its case. He slammed the lid and fiddled with the latches as Jesse watched.

“C’mere.” Jesse stepped closer and slid an arm around Shaun’s waist. Shaun groaned with reluctance as Jesse wormed between him and his instrument and pushed his fingers into his sweaty hair. “Watching you play gave me a stiffy,” Jesse laughed.

“Stop,” Shaun tried to twist out of his grasp, but Jesse held fast.

“Shaun, please,” Jesse moaned, and he stretched up on his toes and pressed impossibly closer. Shaun tilted away as Jesse’s breath ghosted across his lips. “Kiss me.”

“Jesse,” Shaun huffed. “Not here.”

“Please,” Jesse whined and slowly, Shaun stopped struggling. He sighed.

“You want a fucking kiss?” He grabbed Jesse’s hips and yanked him flush to his body.

Jesse gasped. His lips parted and Shaun groaned with arousal. He slammed his mouth down on Jesse’s and pushed his tongue into the moist depths. He groaned deep in his throat and reached for handfuls of Jesse’s ass cheeks. He kneaded them insistently as he held Jesse’s slender little body to his, firm against his cock. He groaned into Jesse’s sweet mouth as he dominated him with aggression.

Jesse held on for all he was worth. He tangled his fingers in Shaun’s locks as he whimpered and arched into the embrace with a desperate need. He was rock hard against Shaun’s thigh.

The kisses were unrelenting. Shaun stroked Jesse’s delicate jaw and clutched his body close as his dick pulsed to life. Jesse reacted to Shaun’s exploring tongue with soft, breathy sounds of pleasure and Shaun felt like he was on fire. He wanted to tear his clothes off and grind.

Shaun pulled back when his cock was straining against his fly. He rested his forehead against Jesse’s and gazed heatedly into his eyes. “Fuck you,” he hissed against Jesse’s wet lips. “I’m so goddamn hard right now.”

Jesse whined. “Oh God.”

“Are you guys coming or what?!” Danny yelled from the other room, much too close for comfort.

Shaun pushed Jesse away and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. He didn’t even look at the other boy as he adjusted the fit of his jeans and slipped out of the room. His dick was so hard, he struggled to walk straight.

“The papers are on top of the fridge,” Will was saying when Shaun joined the others in the living room.

Danny was halfway across the room, heading for the kitchen. “What about the bud?”

“It’s on the table,” Will instructed. “You can’t miss it.”

Danny disappeared into the other room, to roll blunts, presumably.

Jesse walked up beside Shaun as he surveyed the living room. Shaun glanced at him, then quickly averted his eyes in embarrassment. Jesse’s clothes were disheveled, and his lips were red and swollen. He pulled them into his mouth and chewed them nervously as Will looked between them with a raised brow.

“You guys good?”

“Yep,” Jesse said, his eyes drifting nervously to Shaun’s, but he didn’t meet his gaze.

“So what do they have on tap at this place?” Ben asked suddenly and Will glanced at him with his other brow raised. “I’m buying first round. I was just wondering if they had anything on special.”

“I don’t know.” Will shrugged. “They have the usual shit.” He gave Shaun a weird look, but then stepped between him and Jesse without comment. “I’m going to see what that idiot’s doing in there. Hold down the fort, losers.”

Once the blunts were made, they walked to the bar. It wasn’t far and they smoked one of the blunts most of the way and talked about band stuff.

It was Saturday night. When they arrived, the place was packed with grungy truckers, laborers, and other rough types. The five of them found a big booth in the back of the room where it was quieter. There was a smaller table across the aisle with three young women in matching blue uniforms from a local retail store. They were giggling over one of the girls’ phones and enjoying cocktails. Danny leered at them as they got situated.

The table was circular, and Shaun and Jesse sat facing Danny and Will. Ben sat beside Shaun, to his right, but promptly got up to get the drinks. The rest of the guys got comfortable around the table. Will took out his phone and scrolled through it boredly. Danny picked up one of the coasters and spun it like a top as he gazed longingly at the pretty retail girls across the aisle.

“What band were you in again?” Jesse asked as he rested an elbow on the table and his chin in his hand. Under the table, his right hand fell on Shaun’s knee.

Shaun stiffened.

“Pandemonium,” Will murmured, distracted by the screen in front of him.

“Oh yeah. I’ve heard of you,” Jesse said. “I can’t think of any of your songs though.”

“How old are you again?” Danny sneered at him.

“Uh…”

“I heard Dirty on the radio last night,” Danny said arrogantly. “It’s their best song.”

Jesse smiled. “Yeah. That’s a great song. That’s you?” He squeezed Shaun’s leg and rubbed it warmly. Totally against his will, Shaun let out a slow breath of air and relaxed into the booth. Jesse began to eagerly grope him.

“It topped the charts in 2009,” Will drawled. “The royalties aren’t great, but they pay for the house.”

Ben returned with beers on a tray. He set everything down then carefully passed them around. Shaun pulled a tall glass of foaming beer in front of him. He took a swig as Jesse’s fingers crept along his inner thigh. Shaun gulped audibly as his face heated with arousal. He tried to hide it behind his glass.

“What was your best show like?” Jesse’s fingers pressed into Shaun’s eager cock. “If you have a song on the radio, you must have drawn a huge crowd.” He moved his fingers up and down firmly, and Shaun lifted his glass and took another drink as his cheeks burned. His cock twitched against Jesse’s fingertips with a mind of its own and he struggled to swallow his mouthful.

Across the table, Danny curled his lip and elbowed Will until the singer looked up. “Tell him about that chick that gave you head on stage.”

Will set his phone down and laughed. “That wasn’t my best show.”

“How is a blowjob on stage not your best show?” Danny gaped at him. He grabbed his beer and took a healthy swallow. “I wish we were that popular. It’d be nice to get that kind of service.” He leaned back in his seat as a slow smile stretched across his face.

Will rolled his eyes and glanced at Jesse. “Not a big deal. Some skank climbed on stage and pulled my dick out.”

“Wow,” Jesse said as he rested his hand firmly over Shaun’s erection. “Did she get you off?” Shaun groaned into his glass and slid closer to the table as Jesse tried to get him off.

“She would have looked really stupid if she didn’t.” Danny sneered. “Bitch was obligated to swallow, too.”

Jesse laughed. Under the table, his nimble fingers took Shaun’s fly and slowly pulled it down. Shaun snorted into his drink as he struggled through another ill-advised swallow. Beside him, Ben shook with silent amusement.

“What the fuck’s going on with you?” Danny glared at him from across the table as Shaun wiped his red, beer splattered face with his sleeve.

“It went down the wrong pipe,” Shaun said gruffly.

“I hate when that happens,” Will said, then turned back to Jesse. “My best show was in Miami,” he continued, and Danny sneered, but turned his adoring gaze back on the singer. “We’d been on tour for seven amazing months and landed in the hottest party town on spring break. The crowd was huge and pumped. All the chicks were topless. I leapt off the stage at the end and surfed through a sea of people yelling my name.” Will’s eyes were glazed with the memory. “It’s one of the top five moments of my life.”

“Do you think you guys will ever get famous like that?” Jesse wiggled into Shaun’s boxers and he jumped as his fingers skimmed along his naked shaft. Shaun’s cock twitched with need and he bit down on his tongue and concentrated on keeping his breathing steady. “No offence, but nobody was crowd surfing at that one show I saw.”

Will waved his hand. “We’re just starting out. We’ve got time yet.”

“How long have you guys been a band?” Jesse asked as he stroked Shaun’s cock in a soft, teasing grip. His fingers were so gentle, and Shaun’s cock ached for attention. He started to sweat. His glass was almost empty, but he took another swallow and then played with the frosty mug.

“I joined beginning of last year,” Ben piped up beside Shaun. Then he elbowed him. “You started a couple months after me.”

“Irrelevant.” Danny tossed a coaster at the bassist. “We started two years before we picked you losers up.” He glanced at Shaun, his lip curling with disdain. “We had a better guitarist before.”

Shaun scowled, but it didn’t have the usual menace behind it.

Danny laughed at him. “Seriously, what the fuck are you doing? What’s wrong with your face?”

All eyes on him, Shaun glared heatedly at the drummer across the table. “You’re pissing me off.”

Danny grinned at him. He lifted his glass and chugged the last half of his drink. “I’m buying second round!” he cheered, then slid out of the booth.

 Will went back to his phone. “I’ll be big again,” he muttered, scrolling through his Facebook page. “I’m a star. They can’t keep me down forever.”

Shaun sneered at him, but Will was involved with his social media. He didn’t look up. Shaun used the opportunity to shove his hand under the table. He bumped into Ben in the process but fuck him. He seized Jesse’s wrist.

“Quit already!” he hissed as he wrenched Jesse’s hand away. “You always take it too fucking far!” His cock was straining for release. Their earlier rendezvous in the garage had left him wanting more and it was impossible to resist, but he did. Because Jesse was so close to ruining everything. “Goddamn you, Jesse!” He tucked himself away and zipped up.

“What did I do?” Jesse chuckled, but he brought his hand back to the table and sipped his beer like a little sissy. “I don’t know what you mean?”

Ben shook with laughter beside him. Shaun rounded on him next.

“Shut up,” he said under his breath as he caught Ben’s eyes and gave him a warning look. “I get it alright? You know.”

Ben smirked at him. “Know what?”

Shaun growled dangerously. His nostrils flared with anger.

“What are you idiots talking about over there?” Will asked. He looked up, his brow furrowed with suspicion.

Ben blinked at him. “Those girls over there.” He nodded toward the table with the three retail girls. “They’ve been checking us out since we sat down.”

Will looked over his shoulder. The brunette, the one with a spike through her eyebrow met his eyes and smiled slowly. Will turned back with a grin. “Good lookin’ out, Ben.”

When Danny returned with more beer, Will didn’t even let him take a seat. He slid to the end of the booth and blocked him.

“Those girls are making eyes at us,” he said, waggling his brows. “Let’s see if we can get them another round.”

Danny smiled. “Good idea. These bozos are boring me to tears,” he said, sneering at the other side of the table.

Will and Danny grabbed their beers and left the table. The girls welcomed them without question, and the men took seats facing away from Shaun and his two accomplices.

Ben spun around, a knowing smile teasing his lips. “Tell me everything! Are you guys dating?”

“No!” Shaun hissed.

Ben tried Jesse next. Jesse had a hand over his mouth, but it did nothing to hide his shit-eating grin.

“Fucking shit, Jesse!” Shaun growled under his breath. “Could you be any more obvious?”

Ben clapped his hands as he howled with laughter. “You guys are fucking adorable together!”

“Shut up!” Shaun snarled.

Jesse dropped his hands with a giggle. “Don’t tease him too much, okay? He avoided me for a week after we kissed the first time. We’re still testing out the waters.”

Shaun gripped his beer in his hands. “Oh my god, why the fuck are you telling him our business?!”

Jesse punched him on the shoulder. “Because he’s our friend. Relax. He won’t tell Will and Danny. Right?”

Ben crossed his heart. “Scouts honor.”

“Please,” Shaun gasped. “Please, can we talk about something else?”

Jesse smiled sweetly as he slid a hand up Shaun’s thigh again. “Sure. What are we talking about?”

Shaun fell back in his seat with a groan. His erection had gone down, but his dick was so damned confused. Jesse teased his fingers closer and closer to Shaun’s cock as he and Ben started another conversation totally out of Shaun’s skill set. He was even less social with Jesse’s hand cupping his rigid length. He rubbed Shaun’s hard shaft up and down with his palm, going slow, keeping Shaun hard and hot and desperate for more.

Shaun sat like that for a time. Hard and miserable. Jesse played with his cock the whole time and Shaun, too embarrassed and turned-on to think straight, let him. Ben went back to the bar a couple more times and Shaun drank his fair share. He was hot around the collar, but no amount of booze would cool him down.

When Ben went to the bar for another round, Jesse cuddled into his side and pressed a warm kiss against Shaun’s neck. He sighed blissfully as he squeezed his cock. “I’m so glad we could get away tonight.”

Shaun finally lost his patience. He was so close to exploding in his jeans…. He whirled on Jesse in a furious rage and Jesse pulled back slowly, his blue eyes widening with fear.

“Baby?”

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.”

Jesse pulled his hand away from the bulge in Shaun’s pants. “Sorry,” he whispered.

Ben returned with another tray of beer. He set it on the edge of the table. “Everything okay?”

Shaun got up before he was trapped in the booth again. He shoved past the bassist. “Bathroom,” he grumbled, then he flew down the aisle.

Shaun found the bathroom at the front of the building, to the right of the bar. He rushed inside before anyone saw his erection.

It was a small, dirty bathroom with two stalls in the back. A row of urinals were on the opposite wall, but Shaun needed the privacy. He headed for the stalls, passing a leaky sink by the door with a paper towel dispenser that had seen better days.

He slid into the last stall and pushed the door shut.

“Fuck…” he muttered as he stepped up to the toilet. He unzipped his jeans and released his dick. It came free of his boxers and sprung upright until it was almost parallel with his belly.  “Jesus Christ, Jesse.” The veins pulsed with blood and the head was dark red with arousal. He hissed as he wrapped his fist around the thick base. He squeezed himself experimentally and precome leaked from his dickhead and dripped into the water below. “Shit”

Across the room, the door swung inward.

Shaun froze with his hand on his cock.

“Shaun?”

“What?” he hissed. It was Jesse. Of course it was Jesse.

There was a soft tap on the door and Shaun spun around with a huff of frustration and aggressively opened the latch.

Jesse stood on the other side; his bottom lip secured between his pretty white teeth. He looked down and his eyes widened. “Woah.”

Shaun grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him into the stall.

As soon as the door shut, Shaun pressed Jesse against the cold, metal stall and took his bottom lip into his mouth. He gripped the back of Jesse’s head as he sucked and licked the plump morsel. Jesse moaned and arched into his body. He parted his lips and Shaun took the invitation. He pressed his tongue inside Jesse’s hot, sweet mouth and explored the moist depths as his cock grew even harder.

Shyly, Jesse’s fingers slid around Shaun’s pulsing cock. “Oh. It’s huge,” he whispered, and Shaun groaned with excitement. Jesse began to move his hand. His fingers were hesitant.

Shaun sank his teeth into Jesse’s bottom lip, and he stretched it a little, teasing him. Jesse gasped and his fingers flexed around Shaun’s length.

“Harder,” Shaun growled.

Jesse looked up at him from under his lashes. “Do you like it rough?”

“Yes.”

Jesse firmed his grasp, but not nearly enough for Shaun’s liking. He was going much too slow, as well. He gasped when Shaun bit him again. “Shaun...” Jesse moaned, and Shaun’s cock lurched against his palm.

Shaun reached down and curled his big hand around Jesse’s. “Fuck you, your touching me like a little girl.” He forcefully molded Jesse’s hand until the grip was more to his liking. He nuzzled his lips against Jesse’s cheek and then leaned closer to lick the tender shell of his ear. “Go faster. bitch. I need to come.”

Jesse shivered as his hand began to pump Shaun’s length with purpose. Shaun groaned and buried his face in Jesse’s soft throat. He kissed the warm, salty skin with an open mouth. He sucked it into his mouth as Jesse’s hand glided over his cock. Shaun could feel Jesse’s erection against his thigh, but Shaun ignored it right now.

He spiraled in blissful pleasure as he guided Jesse’s hand along his length. He closed his eyes and breathed in Jesse’s soft familiar scent as he pulled and stroked Shaun’s cock, urging him on. He smelled like fresh laundry and apples. His cock wept clear fluids as his orgasm drew ever nearer.

“You’re going to make me come,” he said in a deep voice. “Fuck you, Jesse. You aren’t following the rules! You’ve had me hard all goddamn night!”

“Mmm,” Jesse hummed as he squeezed Shaun’s dick. “That’s because I love you and I want your cock.”

“You want my cock?” Shaun chuckled.

“I think maybe I am gay,” Jesse said in a soft voice, lifting his chin. He looked ridiculous with his hair askew and his bottom lip marked with Shaun’s teeth. He peeked up at Shaun shyly from under his lashes. “I’ve been checking out your bandmates tonight,” he said guiltily. “Will’s gorgeous. He knows it, too, and it’s annoying, but I think Ben’s cuter. He’s such a good guy…”

Shaun’s expression darkened. He wrenched Jesse’s hand off his dick and rudely flipped him around. “Open your fly,” he demanded as Jesse pressed his cheek against the metal stall and looked timidly over his shoulder.

“M-my fly?”

“Do it.”

Jesse reached down and unzipped his jeans. Shaun grabbed the waist of his pants and hooked his thumbs inside so he could get the briefs, too. He pulled everything down.

Jesse gasped as his ass was exposed to the air. Shaun stepped back and took a good look at his round, little ass. Soft and pink, Jesse’s pert cheeks were totally hairless and smooth. Shaun licked his lips and reached down to touch. He cupped Jesse’s ass, one cheek in each hand and squeezed. He groaned as Jesse’s flesh gave and filled his large hands perfectly. They were warm and firm, but very pliable. The thought ran through his mind to spread Jesse’s cheeks so he could examine his hole, but he was so incredibly turned on, he was afraid the sight might make him blow his load right there on the spot. He had a better idea anyway.

Jesse looked over his shoulder. His bottom lip trembled. “Are you going to fuck me?”

“Shut up,” Shaun muttered. He pulled his jeans down and stepped closer. He loomed over Jesse’s slender little body and nudged his feet apart with the edge of his boot. He spat in his hand and used it to slick his dick.

“Oh god,” Jesse whimpered.

Shaun’s cock jumped with anticipation. He knew it was wrong and gay, but he wanted to fuck Jesse. And he would. Soon enough. But for now…

He slotted his dick between Jesse’s thighs. “Spread,” he growled, and Jesse pressed his cheek against the metal and reached back to spread himself open. Shaun groaned as his wet dick settled against Jesse’s perineum. He pushed Jesse’s silky balls aside and smacked him on the hip. “Close.” Jesse pressed his thighs together and Shaun thrust into the narrow opening. His cock bumped into Jesse’s and without thought, he reached around to gather Jesse’s erection in his hand. Slow and steady, he began to drive his hips into Jesse’s sweet ass.

Jesse gasped. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth with a soft sound of pleasure. He let go of his ass cheeks and laid his hands on the graffiti-ridden stall. They slid up and over his head as Shaun’s thrusts came quicker and with more force. He braced himself and pushed his hips back, so his plush ass bounced in Shaun’s groin. The sound of his skin slapping against Shaun’s was deeply arousing and it bounced around the empty, tiled room.

The friction and the heat felt amazing against Shaun’s sensitive cockhead. When he pulled back, he saw the moisture from their combined sweat, spit, and pre-ejaculate slicked his shaft. He tipped his head back and let out a long groan of pleasure as Jesse squeezed his thighs and squirmed deliciously on his cock. He shifted his hips back and forth as he fucked Shaun’s hand and rode his dick with obvious delight. Shaun pressed his fingers into the delicate swell of Jesse’s hip and held him steady as his orgasm approached. He sobbed as little spurts of precome slicked Jesse’s channel. His cock glided against the wet, sensitive skin.

The bathroom door burst open and Danny whined. “I want the dark haired one!”

Jesse pulled away from the stall with a gasp and Shaun slapped a hand over his mouth and pressed down. “Quiet!” he hissed.

“You’ve got your pick between the two blondes,” Will drawled, his voice getting dangerously close and Shaun let go of Jesse’s dick and slipped his arm under his ribs. He yanked him back against his body and hauled him into his lap as he sat hard on the edge of the toilet. With his hand secured over the bottom half of his face and his arm banding his chest, Jesse was his prisoner. “Have ‘em both if you want. I don’t care.”

 “You take the blondes. You’re the one who’s obsessed with hair color,” Danny grumbled. Shaun leaned slightly to the right and peeked through the crack in the door. Danny stood just feet away, his back to the stall. The sound of piss hitting porcelain rent the air. “Ahh, shit. I’ve had to piss since we got here.”

Will chuckled as he let out a stream beside him. Shaun leaned sharply to the left and looked through the other side of the door. “You’re such a girl. You don’t have to wait for me. You can go to the bathroom whenever you damn well please.”

“Oh, I’m a girl because I don’t want to miss any of the action?”

“You might be getting more action if you were back at the table right now,” Will said. “And fuck you. I’m taking the brunette. She’s got perfect tits.”

“No fair!” Danny huffed. “You always get the hot ones!”

“That’s because I’m a celebrity,” Will said cheerfully.

Danny snorted. “I guess Shaun took his boyfriend home for the night.”

Will stepped around him. Shaun watched his shadow pass under the stall door. “I don’t know what that freak’s problem is lately. He sucked at practice last week.”

Danny made a wet, gagging sound and Shaun imagined he was doing some gross impression.

Will snickered.

“I swear that little homo was getting his cock rubbed under the table,” Danny grumbled.

“Yeah. Something weird’s going on.”

Shaun ground his teeth to dust as Jesse’s breaths came fast and hot against his palm.

“What are we going to do if he comes out of the closet?” Danny muttered as the water turned on. They were standing in front of the mirror.

“Get rid of him,” Will said firmly. “What else are we going to do? He’ll ruin our reputation.”

“He’s already ruining it,” Danny sneered. “I think he took a shower today. Must have been the first time in three months. He reeks.”

Shaun seethed with anger. He squeezed Jesse tighter and tighter.

“Mmmhhuump!”

“Be. Quiet,” Shaun bit out.

“Let’s hope he’s left the house by the time we get back,” Will said. “Then you and the blonde skanks can have the couch and me and Miss Tits can have the bed.”

“Oh c’mon! Three people on a couch?”

“Don’t worry.” The water shut off. “You can’t bag them both, anyway.”

“You’re about to be proved wrong,” Danny boasted as they moved for the door. “Watch me work my magic.”

“Want to bet on it?”

“Nope. Child Support garnished my paycheck. I’m living off beans and hotdogs for the next two weeks. That twenty I bought drinks with was supposed to be gas money.”

Will’s reply faded as the door swung shut after him.

Shaun growled low in the back of his throat. “Did you hear that, Jesse? They’re going to kick me out of the band.” He dropped his hand and then shoved Jesse out of his lap.

Jesse fell against the stall with his pants around his ankles. He pressed his hands against the door and looked sadly at Shaun. “I’m s—”

“Fuck you!” Shaun shouted. His erection was long gone. He stood and yanked his jeans to their rightful place and zipped up. “You’re going to get me in so much fucking trouble!” He reached around Jesse and smashed the lock with his fist. The flimsy metal latch came undone and Shaun flattened him against the door on his way out.

He stalked across the room and stopped in front of the mirror.

Shaun glared at his reflection.

He’d just been so close to pushing his cock into Jesse’s tight ass. He’d never felt desire like this in his life. He wanted Jesse’s body with an intensity that scared him. He was used to keeping secrets, but he couldn’t seem to cover this up. Jesse couldn’t keep his fucking hands to himself and Shaun couldn’t control his desire for him. It was going to be his undoing.

Shaun grabbed the edge of the sink and snarled at himself. At his stupid. Ugly mug.

Behind him, Jesse’s curious face appeared in the grimy bathroom mirror. He was adorably mussed. He looked absolutely ridiculous.

Shaun curled his lip.

Jesse stepped toward him. “Shaun?”

Shaun’s hand trembled on the edge of the sink. He growled at Jesse’s bewildered reflection.

“Are you okay?”

Shaun lashed out.

THWACK

“Why did you do that?!”

“Shhhit!” Shaun doubled over his hand as sharp pains shot up his forearm. “Fuck, fuck, fucking shit!” The glass had spiderwebbed but stayed in its place on the cinderblock wall.

Jesse hurried over. “Shaun?”

Shaun groaned as he stretched his hand over the sink. His arm shook dramatically as he checked the damage. His knuckles were split and bleeding and indented in the red, puffy flesh along the back of his hand. “Oh, fuck! I fucking broke it,” he sobbed. “Goddamnit!”

“Let me see!”

Shaun wrenched his arm out of Jesse’s grasp. “Get away from me,” he spat, then whirled for the exit.

He walked out of the bathroom and straight for the door. He didn’t look at anybody. He didn’t fucking care.

He left the building and started down the broken sidewalk. It was dark. The path was lit by dim streetlamps and starlight. A dog barked in the distance. There were two blocks of houses between the bar and his car and he stretched out his legs and made long steps. He cradled his broken right hand to his chest as he walked. It throbbed along with his heartbeat.

“Motherfucker,” he cursed under his breath. He checked his hand again when he passed under the light. Blood ran from the swollen knuckles and dripped off the tips of his fingers. He groaned. “…shit!”

“Shaun! Wait up!”

Shaun grumbled mutinously. He wanted to be alone damnit!

“Shaun…please…wait,” Jesse huffed as he appeared over Shaun’s right shoulder. “Let me s—”

“I don’t want you to see!” Shaun screamed.

Jesse stopped on the pavement. He gazed at Shaun with big, tear-filled eyes. “Is it really broken?”

Shaun bared his teeth at him and kept walking.

Jesse shuffled after him, keeping a safe distance. Shaun could feel his eyes on his back. It made him itchy, Jesse’s stupid concern. Maybe if he’d just listened and kept his fucking hands to himself than none of this would have happened!

They reached the house in under five minutes. Shaun stomped the whole way. He didn’t know what he was going to do. How was he supposed to play now? He flexed his hand experimentally as he approached Will’s house. “Ugh! Fuck!” Sharp pain lanced through his fingers and wrist.

The door was unlocked again. Shaun stormed through the living room and kicked the garage door open. He spent a few frustrating moments, cursing and shoving things around as he packed up one-handed. He wanted to get out of here before he had to face the other band members.

He hugged his guitar to his chest and grabbed the amp with the same hand. When he turned around, grumbling under his breath, Jesse was in the doorway, watching him with sad eyes.

“Move,” Shaun grunted as he shoved past with his equipment. He stalked out of the house.

Jesse caught up just as he’d fit everything into the back of Eli’s car. Shaun held his injured hand to his chest as he slammed the truck shut. He looked at Jesse with narrowed eyes. “What are you waiting for? Get in.”

Jesse scrambled to get in the car.

Shaun huffed and stepped around to the driver side. He climbed behind the wheel and started to reach for his keys when he paused. “Fuck…how am I supposed to turn the keys?”

“Let me drive,” Jesse said, and he slid over until his thigh touched Shaun’s. He grabbed the wheel. “C’mon. I know where we’re going.”

Shaun sighed deeply. He knew Jesse was trying to help, but nothing but time would fix his hand. Shaun had done this before. Twice.

Shaun let Jesse climb over his lap as he slid into the passenger seat. He leaned heavily against the door.

“Keys?”

Shaun started to reach into his back pocket with his right hand again. He scowled and did an awkward maneuver with his left. He fished the keys out of his pocket and tossed them across the seat. He glared at them hatefully.

Jesse snagged the keys and pushed them into the ignition. “Just relax. Sit back and close your eyes.”

Shaun grumbled disagreeably, but he did as suggested. He slumped back and let his body sink into the worn leather seat. He rested his hand on his chest and closed his eyes.

Jesse messed with the radio and an old country song, one of Ruth’s favorites, began to play. He sang along as they pulled away from the curb.

Shaun tried not to concentrate on the throbbing pain as they bumped along. He listened to Jesse’s voice. He wasn’t the best singer, but he could carry a tune and the song reminded him of another time, of a warm summer afternoon pealing apples. He was just a boy and Ruth hummed the same tune as they worked, cheerful, and indulgent. Slowly, he drifted into a troubled sleep.

When he opened his eyes again, it was still dark. He sat up with a groan and grabbed the door handle out of reflex. “Ahhhaa!”

“Oh, shit, your hand,” Jesse hissed. Shaun looked down. Jesse was cuddled into his side, pillowed against his chest. He sat up as his brow furrowed with concern. ‘

“What the fuck?” Shaun peered out the window. They were parked in the back corner of a parking lot the size of a football field. A large blue Wal-Mart rested on the other side of the shadowed lot. There were a handful of cars clustered near the entrance, but they were alone. A security light overhead illuminated the inside of the car with a dim, yellow glow. “Wal-mart?”

Jesse smiled. “You were asleep, and I didn’t want to go home. I figured they’d be cool if we parked for a couple hours.”

Shaun scowled at him. “I want to go home.”

“Really?” Jesse pouted.

Shaun huffed and held up his hand. “I should probably get this looked at.”

“Yeah, but will you?” Jesse looked highly skeptical and Shaun rolled his eyes.

“No.”

Jesse beamed at him. “Look what I snagged when we went back to the house.” He grabbed a baggie off the dash. There were two fat joints resting at the bottom.

Shaun frowned darkly. “You stole those?”

“Yep.” Jesse grabbed a lighter from the same spot.

“Idiot,” Shaun grunted. “Like they don’t hate me enough already!”

“Those guys are total assholes,” Jesse said as he opened the baggie and selected a blunt. “You and Ben should split and make a new band.”

Shaun gaped at him as he stuck the roach between his lips and lit up. “That’s stupid. Who’s going to sing.”

Jesse looked at him closely. “How about you?” He parted his lips and a thin, tendril of smoke slipped out.

Shaun glowered at him. “I. Can’t. Sing.”

“I bet you have an awesome singing voice,” Jesse crooned, and Shaun snatched the blunt from him and took a draw. “Your voice is deep and sexy. You’ve got that terrifying growly thing you do, too. It’s great.”

Shaun snorted with amusement. “Whatever.”

“Oh, c’mon! Have you ever tried?”

“I don’t know anything about fronting a band, Jesse,” Shaun hissed. He blew smoke in his face. “I don’t know how to run auditions or schedule shows.”

“You could learn,” Jesse said. “And Ben could help you.”

“Ben,” Shaun sneered. “He’s an even bigger idiot than you are.”

Jesse laughed.

They passed the blunt twice more as Shaun mulled over Jesse’s comment. He was sick to death of dealing with Will and Danny. He didn’t like the music they played. He wasn’t happy with anything that was going on. He got to play and that was about it.

Jesse put the roach out with the tip of his wet finger, and he set it on the dash. “I’m sorry about what happened at the bar,” he murmured. “I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. I was having fun. It’s nice to get away from the kids, you know?”

Shaun started to cross his arms but thought better of it. He sighed and rested his elbow on the window as he glared out at the lights on the distant highway. There was nothing out here but roads and endless fields.

“Let me make it up to you,” Jesse said huskily, and Shaun lowered his eyes. Jesse gazed at him longingly. He licked his lips and Shaun’s cock jumped to attention. It started to fill with blood as Jesse rested a hand on his thigh and stretched up for a kiss.

Their lips met and Shaun’s body tingled with anticipation. Time slowed as they kissed passionately, their tongues meeting, their lips sliding together with soft, wet little smacks. They were enclosed in an intimate bubble as the intensity of their kisses increased. Shaun pulled Jesse tight to his body as his cock grew stiff in his jeans. Then, Jesse groaned and broke away. Shaun blinked at him and Jesse smiled and reached over Shaun to grab the door handle. He threw a knee over Shaun’s thigh and sat firmly in his lap. Jesse settled against Shaun and their bodies fit together perfectly. Jesse’s mouth was just a hair higher than his now and when their lips met for a second time, Shaun groaned deep in his chest and wrapped his arms around Jesse’s tiny waist. He held him close as he explored his hot mouth with his tongue.

Jesse squirmed as the kisses got hotter and the windows steamed up around them. Shaun nipped his bottom lip and he moaned, “I wanna get naked.”

Shaun hummed with approval as Jesse got up on his knees and unzipped his fly. He squirmed and wiggled around and in seconds, his jeans were on the floor. He reached for Shaun next and he leaned back and lifted his hips as Jesse unfastened his pants pulled everything down to his knees.

When Jesse sat in Shaun’s lap again, his naked butt was warm against Shaun’s bare thighs. Shaun slipped his left hand underneath his soft, fleshy butt cheek and squeezed firmly. Shaun pulled him closer with his right arm, careful of his hand, and captured Jesse’s lips again as he groaned deliciously into his mouth.

“I want to fuck you so goddamn bad,” Shaun hissed, resting his forehead against Jesse’s. Their hot breaths mingled between them. The windows were completely fogged.

Jesse’s blue eyes widened.

“I know it’s gay, but I don’t care,” Shaun growled as he kneaded Jesse’s warm ass cheek so the boy in his lap began to wiggle. “Really, really soon I’m gonna slide my dick in your tight little ass.”

Jesse gasped.

Shaun pulled his hand out from under Jesse’s butt and wrapped it around both their cocks. He gazed down at his handful. It was so weird handling another guy’s dick. He’d never considered himself to be extraordinary, but he felt like a monster next to Jesse. Shaun’s dick was so much bigger and thicker. Jesse was a couple inches shorter than him and the only reason they lined up at all was because he had a booster seat. Shaun’s shaft and the bulging head were flushed dark red with blood. Jesse’s slimmer length was a soft pink all over and very cute to look at and Shaun felt his face heat up as the thought ran through his mind. Even Shaun’s balls were bigger. He had to spread his thighs a little as his large, hairy balls shifted around in his wrinkly sac. He was enormously aroused by their difference in size.

Shaun pushed his tongue into Jesse’s mouth as his cock pulsed with excitement. He groaned and sucked his sweet tongue as the pleasure mounted and Jesse squirmed in his lap and thrust his dick against Shaun’s with enthusiasm. The little noises he made urged Shaun to deepen the kisses and his hand, though awkward and not his dominant one, was powerful and moved with urgency.

“Shaun…” Jesse gasped into his mouth. “I love you…”

Shaun hummed with approval and sank his teeth into Jesse’s bottom lip. He flexed his fingers and pumped their dicks as Jesse whined and moaned in his lap. He worked his thick, rigid length against Jesse’s slim shaft until Jesse clutched him tight and spurted long ropes of semen over Shaun’s fist and his forearm.

“Oooh godddd,” he groaned in pleasure.

Shaun tore his mouth off Jesse’s and sank his teeth into his throat as he ramped up his efforts to come. He gripped their shafts and pulled and stroked their lengths as Jesse whined and his little cock twitched against Shaun’s, confused from the excessive stimulus. 

Shaun growled thunderously as his orgasm approached. The pleasure crescendoed until it peaked and he came at last and with an incredible rush of relief. He let out a long groan of satisfaction as his cock erupted and warm ejaculate gushed from the bulging tip. His arms fell to his sides and his body went limp with exhaustion. “Oh, shit, that needed to happen like…yesterday,” he groaned.

Jesse chuckled and slid out of Shaun’s lap. He looked around for something to clean them with and came up short. He plucked his tightey-whiteys from the jumble of his clothes on the floor and used the soft cotton to clean his dick. He handed it to Shaun when he was through and Shaun, his nose wrinkling, did the same.

He checked the clock on the dash. It was just after three in the morning.

“I don’t want to go home,” Jesse muttered as he pulled his jeans on. Shaun followed his example. He lifted his ass and yanked his pants back to the rightful place with his uninjured hand. He glared at the damage to the right and sighed heavily with resignation.

“Yeah.”

Jesse pinched the blunt off the dash. He flashed the lighter and took a hit. “Let’s bake out your grandpa’s car.”

Shaun chuckled and accepted the weed when it was passed. “Nothing better to do.”

Jesse turned on the radio. More country music.

“I hate country,” Shaun grumbled.

“You hate everything,” Jesse said with a shrug. “What’s new.”

Shaun tossed his arm around Jesse’s shoulder and pulled him close. “Shut up.”

Jesse leaned back and peeked at him shyly. Shaun gazed down at him. He was so gorgeous, and his heart skipped a beat.

“I just hope you don’t hate me,” Jesse said softly, biting his plump, kiss-swollen lip. “Since I’m such a giant idiot.”

Shaun huffed. He leaned down so his mouth was inches from Jesse’s. “That’s my favorite part about you,” he whispered, before he slipped his tongue inside and kissed him upside down. “You’re so fucking stupid,” he said affectionately.

***

The next morning, Jesse drove Eli’s Ford back to the house. Ruth’s van was gone, church, and they shared a passionate kiss in the drive before Jesse left for his place and Shaun went inside.

Shaun grudgingly took a shower. It felt like a chore, but his hygiene had been on his mind now, more than ever. Jesse had said it himself last night, he wanted Shaun’s cock. Shaun was intensely flattered, and he wanted his dick to be presentable if the need should arise.

He paid special attention to his hair and the healing stitches on his stomach, then he carefully cleaned his fractured hand. The swelling was bad. He needed ice and some Ibuprofen. 

After the shower, he combed his hair, dressed the stitches with the antibiotic and pulled on some lose PJ pants. He grabbed an ice pack from the kitchen and some of Ruth’s Advil from her room and got comfortable on the couch. He turned on the TV and found an old black and white western on Eli’s favorite channel. It wasn’t really his thing. He liked violence and guns, but the old movie caught his interest.

Close to the end, the grandparents came home. Ruth spared Shaun a single, narrowed-eyed glance as she bustled into the backroom. Shaun curled his lip, but neither said a word. Eli poured a glass of water in the kitchen and brought it to the living room. He paused in the doorway and smiled at Shaun. It was unnerving.

“What?” Shaun snapped.

Eli gestured to his hand. “What happened?”

“Broke a mirror,” Shaun said coolly. He didn’t look away from the TV. “My hand’s fractured again.”

“Oh boy,” Eli chuckled as he walked into the room. He sat on the other end of the couch and put his leg up. “What are you watching?”

“High Noon,” Shaun said through his teeth.

“Where’s your friend?”

“At home!” Shaun cried. “I’m trying to watch this!”

“Alright,” Eli chuckled. “Chill out, dude.”

Shaun’s left hand curled into a fist at his side. He wanted to finish the movie, damnit.

“How was practice?” Eli asked as he took a sip from his glass.

“Fine,” Shaun hissed.

Eli nodded. “That’s good. I know how much the music means to you.”

Shaun grumbled under his breath.

“Are you going to tell the band you’re dating Jesse?”

“What?! No!” Shaun cried. He looked wildly over his shoulder toward the back of the house and Ruth’s bedroom. “I’m not talking about this with grandma in the house!”

“I can’t ever seem to catch you at the right time,” Eli said with a head shake. He sipped his glass of water.

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Ben already knows,” he muttered. “I guess Jesse must have spilled the beans.” He face-palmed and kept his face covered as he spoke. “He was all over me. He’s going to get me fucking kicked out,” he sighed. “The guys noticed. It’s why I broke that goddamn mirror.”

Eli pressed his lips together to hide his smile. “Did it help?”

“Fuck you,” Shaun grumbled. “What do you think? I don’t even know if I can play now.”

Movement sounded from the hallway. Shaun looked over his shoulder as Ruth came out of the back dressed in her comfortable gardening clothes. She swept through the kitchen and exited the house.

“Maybe it’d be better if he didn’t come to practice anymore,” Eli mused.

Shaun barked with laughter. “That’s not going to happen. He loses his mind if we’re separated for five minutes.”

“Young love,” Eli sang. “So innocent.”

Shaun gaped at him in horror.

Tap-tap-tap

Eli looked through to the kitchen door and smiled shrewdly. “I wonder who that could be?”

Shaun bared his teeth at him.

 “I’d better check who it is.” Eli started to get up when Shaun lobbed the melted ice pack at his head. He wacked him right in the face and Eli’s water sloshed down his trousers. “Hey!”

Shaun got up and stormed into the kitchen. He threw open the door.

Jesse stood on the porch. He smiled, but when he caught sight of Shaun’s expression, it slipped. He peered into Shaun’s face. “Everything alright?”

Shaun growled at him. “Perfect.”

“Oh.” Jesse reached up and curled a lock of Shaun’s hair between his fingers. “You combed it.” He smiled again and it was brilliant. “Nice.”

Shaun frowned and pushed Jesse’s hand away.

Jesse bit his bottom lip. “Are you busy? What are you doing?” He looked over Shaun’s shoulder and into the house.

“None of your business,” Shaun snapped, moving his body to block the view of the kitchen. “Wait here.”

He shut the door in Jesse’s face.

“That wasn’t very nice of you,” Eli said as he watched from the couch. “You could have invited him in.”

“Nope.” Shaun grabbed his boots from next to the door and sat at the kitchen table to pull them on. He laced them up then stood. “I’m outta here.”  He slipped out the front door and stepped onto the porch where Jesse waited with his arms crossed. He didn’t look happy.

“What was that for?” he asked.

Shaun blew past him and hopped off the porch for the garage. “I was being interrogated.” He crunched through the gravel and wrenched open the side door so he could storm inside.

Jesse was right on his heels. “What do you mean?”

Shaun went straight to the gun rack on the back wall and grabbed his Remington 7600. He spun around and Jesse shouted in surprise.

“I’m sorry!” He covered his face and cowered in fear. “For whatever I did! I’m sorry!”

Shaun lowered the gun. “What?”

“Please don’t shoot me.” Jesse peeked at him through his fingers and relaxed when he saw the rifle was aimed at the floor. “Shit. I thought you were going buck wild or something.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Do you want to learn to shoot or not?”

Jesse smiled at him cautiously.

Shaun grabbed the basics, a pocket full of bullets and his grandpa’s worn pack of cigarettes. “Come on.” He slung the rifle over his shoulder and turned for the door. Jesse scurried after him.

They ran into Ruth in the backyard. She was crouched in her flowerbed with her hands in the dirt. They had to pass her on their way to the woods and she looked up as they approached. “I wondered what you two were doing in there,” she grumbled.

“Shaun’s going to show me how to use the rifle,” Jesse said enthusiastically.

Ruth narrowed her eyes on Shaun’s hand as he stopped beside Jesse. “What happened?”

Shaun tucked his hand behind his back. “Nothing.”

Ruth glared at him. “I hope you’re not getting up to anything funny.”

Shaun sighed dramatically. “What the fuck are you talking about, grandma?”

“You’re always up to no good.” Ruth turned back to her rosebush and pulled some weeds underneath. “You remind me so much of your father.”

Shaun crossed his arms. “Can we go now.”

“If you shoot something good, bring it home,” Ruth said over her shoulder as she selected a trowel and plunged it into the dirt.

“Right.” Shaun grabbed Jesse’s wrist and tugged him across the lawn.

“Oh, and it’d be nice if you made it home for Sunday dinner, Shaun. You missed two weeks in a row,” Ruth called after them. “And bring your friend!”

On the edge of the yard, a deer trail cut through the trees behind the house. Shaun yanked Jesse down the narrow, overgrown path. Trees pressed in on either side, thick with leaves, and Shaun slowed when the house was completely obscured behind the foliage. He released Jesse’s wrist with a sigh of relief.

“Fuck…she’s such a cunt,” Shaun muttered, looking back at the house.

“Your grandma reminds me of you,” Jesse said with a snicker.

Shaun stepped deeper into the woods with a huff.

“Shaun!” Jesse hurried after him. “Wait up!” 

Shaun ignored him and barreled down the path. With his longer legs, he left Jesse behind without even trying and he hollered in distress, but Shaun didn’t slow down. It was a straight shot; Jesse would have to be a total idiot to get lost. Shaun didn’t stop until the trees parted and a small, sun-dappled clearing opened up. He pulled the rifle from his shoulder and was looking for a place to set up when Jesse ran into his back.

“Oof!”

Shaun glared at him over his shoulder. “How could you possibly miss an entire person standing right in front of you?”

“I had hair in my eyes!” Jesse cried, pushing his sweaty hair from his face. “And there are so many fucking trees, I could have gotten lost! I can’t believe you left me like that!”

“Christ.” Shaun snorted. “Are you going to make it?”

Jesse pouted like a baby. “Most likely.”

Shaun crouched down in the dirt to load the rifle. Jesse knelt beside him and watched with interest.

“First thing,” Shaun said firmly. “Don’t touch the trigger until you’re ready to shoot.”

“Okay.”

 Shaun listed off a few other safety tips he’d picked up from his own gun lessons many years ago. Then he showed Jesse where the bullets went and pulled the bolt back to give him a better look. “Come here.” He stood up and cocked the gun. “Let me show you how to hold it.”

Jesse stepped in front of him and Shaun was reminded of their guitar lessons weeks ago. Jesse held it all wrong and Shaun corrected him with a huff of impatience.

“Like this, stupid,” he said as he settled the rifle against Jesse’s right shoulder. “There.”

“Woah,” Jesse said. “It’s heavy.”

“It kicks, too. So be forewarned.”

“What?”

Shaun reached down the barrel and tapped the scope. “You’ll be looking down your sights when you’re ready to shoot,” he said. “Try it.”

Jesse looked down the scope. “Cool.”

“Let’s practice before we move on,” Shaun said. He looked around the clearing and spotted a large tree trunk with a couple knots. “Aim at that tree over there. Center the biggest knot in your sights.”

Jesse moved the rifle woodenly and looked down the scope. “Am I ready to pull the trigger now?”

“Sure.”

Jesse pulled the trigger and reared back violently into Shaun’s chest. “Ouch!” The shot was off by a mile. He’d moved the gun at the last moment.

Shaun snickered. “That’s what I meant by the kick.”

“That wasn’t a very good warning,” Jesse muttered under his breath.

“Try it again.”

They tried five more times before Jesse had the hang of it. He wasn’t as strong as Shaun, but Shaun showed him how to firm his stance and hold his upper body to support the gun.

“That’s good enough,” Shaun said, taking the rifle from him and turning on the safety. “We’ll move on. See if we can find something to kill.”

Jesse looked up at him with puppy-dog eyes. “I don’t want to kill anything.”

“We hunt in my family,” Shaun said proudly. “And we eat what we hunt. That’s the way it’s always been.”

“What’s for dinner tonight?” Jesse asked with wide eyes.

“Rabbit.”

Jesse shivered with disgust and Shaun pulled him along with a bark of laughter.

“You’re such a pussy,” he jeered.

They walked to one of Shaun’s and Eli’s favorite hunting spots. A tree Eli had marked with his initials fifty-some years ago when he’d first moved into the house. It was over a mile away, but Shaun knew the forest like the back of his hand. It took a good minute of hiking to reach, but Shaun didn’t break a sweat. Jesse, however, was extremely winded and fanning himself for relief when they finally reached the tree.

“This is it,” Shaun said. “We can stop.”

“Thank god!” Jesse stumbled against the trunk of the old tree and fell to his knees beside it. “I have to sit down for a minute.”

Shaun chuckled as he sat beside him and rested the rifle in the brush. He stretched out his legs and looked around at the peaceful, wooded landscape. The tree was on a slight incline, surrounded in a thick forest of neighboring trees. Thirty yards away, at the bottom of the incline, was a small meadow drenched in afternoon sunlight. A stream ran through it and the water sparkled in the brilliant light.

It was a special place, but Shaun kept it to himself as they waited for Jesse to catch his breath. He was on the look-out for pray, however and kept his eyes peeled as he took out the pack of cigarettes and casually lit up.

Jesse watched him with jealous eyes. “I should have brought my weed. We both could have smoked.”

Shaun offered him a cigarette, but Jesse shook his head.

“Pass.”

Shaun snorted. “Are your lungs too good for nicotine?”

“I tried menthol once.” Jesse made a face. “It was like smoking a peppermint stick.”

“Those are girly cigarettes,” Shaun sneered. “I don’t smoke that shit.”

“I don’t want any.” Jesse shook his head again. “Thanks.”

Shaun looked down at the meadow. “My dad was a heavy smoker,” he muttered as he took a pull. “Smoking makes me think of him.”

Jesse chewed his lip. “Do you think about him a lot?”

“Of course,” Shaun said. “My entire life changed when he killed mom and slit his throat.” He took another pull off the cigarette as he thought. “I hate my grandparents, but I like living with them better than I did my crazy mom and dad. I’m not sure that would have happened if they were still alive.”

Jesse frowned. “I don’t know about that.”

Shaun ignored him. “I just wished we could have moved,” he said bitterly. “If I could have gotten away from the rumors, maybe I could have had a chance…”

Jesse scooted closer and pressed his body to Shaun’s side. “What are you talking about? You’re gonna be a rock star, remember? If you’d moved, maybe that wouldn’t even be possible.”

Shaun shrugged uncomfortably. “Whatever.”

Jesse smiled at him. “Maybe you should quit smoking. If it helps you stop thinking about your dad.”

Shaun glared bitterly into the trees as his cigarette burned, forgotten, between his fingers. He saw something moving through the trees…

“Shaun,” Jesse said, leaning in close. “I know it’s hard, but we have to let go of the past and live in the now. It’s the only way to move forward.”

Shaun looked over his shoulder. “You sound like a junior psychologist.”

“I’ve been to a couple counseling sessions,” Jesse said easily. “It was a family thing.”

“Look at that.” Shaun pointed over his head, down into the meadow.

Jesse turned. “Oh.”

There was a young buck in the meadow. It looked like he only had one horn, and it wasn’t very sporting, but he’d be an easy kill for a beginner.

Shaun flicked the cigarette into the dirt as he got up on his knee. He grabbed the rifle and checked it was loaded, keeping his eyes on the buck as he worked. “Get in front of me. We’re going to shoot this fucker.”

Jesse whimpered, but he climbed around Shaun and hunkered down in front of him just the same.

“I’m going to help you this time,” Shaun said. “Because I want you to get him on the first shot.” He pressed himself against Jesse’s back and settled the gun in his hands. He laid his arm over Jesse’s to steady the rifle, then slid the other behind his shoulders to brace him. Shaun gazed over Jesse’s shoulder at the buck standing at the bottom of the incline. The animal had stopped moving, and he stood with his nose in the grass.

“Poor little guy,” Jesse whined. “He’s just standing there…”

“He’s accepted his fate,” Shaun said in Jesse’s ear and the other boy shivered in response. “Okay,” he breathed. “Look down the sights. You want to aim for the broadside. That’s the spot right behind his front leg.”

Jesse groaned as he looked through the scope. He had an easier time with Shaun’s support, but it still took a moment. “I’ve got it,” he whispered.

“Keep it steady…” Shaun said in a deep voice. “Aim just a hair high.”

Jesse took a shaky breath. “I can’t believe I’m going to do this.”

“Slow your breathing!” Shaun hissed as the buck moved a couple feet, then stopped again. “You’ll have to adjust now,” he grumbled. “Check your scope. Hurry up.”

Jesse gasped. “I’m sorry!” He took a couple practice breaths then quickly, he matched Shaun’s. Their chests moved together in perfect sync.

“When you’re ready pull the trigger,” Shaun said in his ear. “Shoot him right in the belly.”

Jesse nodded and took another deep breath. He held it, then pulled the trigger.

Bang!

Shaun absorbed the kick like a pro. He held Jesse securely in his arms as the buck fell dead into the grass.

“I did it!” Jesse set the rifle aside and reached up excitedly to thread his fingers through Shaun’s dark hair. He kissed him insistently and Shaun wound his arms around his waist and pulled him close. 

They kissed heatedly for several moments while they knelt in the dirt. Shaun’s dick grew in his jeans and Jesse’s was doing the same. Shaun could feel the bulge against his hip, but he wasn’t about to screw around in the woods. Anyone could walk up on them. He gave Jesse’s full bottom lip one last affectionate nip before he pulled away.

“W-what do we do now?” Jesse asked softly.

Shaun nodded over his shoulder. “I have to collect our prize.” He stood up and stepped around him to descend the hill. He entered the meadow and shaded his eyes as he scoped out his fallen prey. He stopped over the small, one-horned buck and assessed it critically. It wasn’t anything to mount on the wall, but with his fractured hand, it’d be a struggle to lift.

Jesse followed at a distance. “How are you going to carry that?”

Shaun crouched down and grabbed the buck’s hind leg with his left hand. He drove his shoulder into his gut and with a groan, he shifted the deer onto his back, so the legs stuck out in front of him. Shaun stood and winced as he pulled his stitches, but the pain was cursory next to the warm seepage of blood that leaked from the buck’s bullet hole. It pooled along the back of his shirt as he took a few staggering steps to adjust to the weight on his back.

“Wow.” Jesse’s eyes got huge. “Isn’t that heavy?”

“90 pounds,” Shaun grunted.

“Oh, god, it’s bleeding!”

“C’mon, pussy.” Shaun chuckled. “Let’s move out.”

Jesse groaned. “Another hike?”

“I’d carry you, too,” Shaun snorted. “But the buck took the only place available.”

Jesse sighed and started in the wrong direction.

“This way, dummy,” Shaun growled as he turned for the path that headed straight home. He stomped in the correct direction without further delay.

They weren’t even halfway back when Jesse started whining. “I can’t believe you’re carrying an entire deer on your back. I don’t know how much further I can go!”

“You’re such a wimp,” Shaun sneered. As he walked, the blood continued to leak down his back. The stitches on his belly stung horribly, as well, and the combination of unpleasant sensations was nauseating, but Shaun trekked on resiliently and put it out of his mind. “They make us run longer laps at school. Soldier up.”

“But it’s hot,” Jesse whined. “And there’s bugs.”

Shaun hadn’t noticed. He was in the zone. “We’re almost back. Fifteen more minutes.”

Shaun’s back was drenched in blood by the time they got back. They didn’t run into Ruth again. She’d finished gardening for the day and they went straight to the garage.

Shaun strung the deer up on the hook in the back corner. He had to use his right hand to hold the ropes and it was difficult, but he got him up alright. Blood dripped copiously on the floor, but he wasn’t bothered. They’d hose it down later.

Jesse watched in disgust. “If you’re going to gut it, I can’t watch.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “People pay for lessons like these. You’re missing out on a prime opportunity.”

Jesse crossed his arms. “You should change your shirt before you start your Masterclass.”

Shaun pulled it off without a thought and tossed it on the workbench.

Jesse’s expression changed as he studied Shaun’s bare chest. Slowly, unconsciously, he licked his lips.

Shaun smirked as he finished tying up the buck. The muscles in his shoulders flexed and he knew he was putting on a show. “Want me to get a shower, too?”

“If you’re going to send me home,” Jesse scoffed. “Then no.”

Shaun chuckled as he tied everything off and stepped back to assess his handiwork. “My grandpa would love to have a moment alone with you,” he said, nodding with approval.

“You actually want me to talk to your grandparents?”

Shaun grabbed a shop-towel off the bench and lazily cleaned his hands. “You can. Under one condition.” He caught Jesse’s gaze and held it with intent. “You aren’t allowed to say anything if he asks about us. You have to zip your fucking lips if the conversation turns to romance.”

Jesse blinked rapidly. “Does he know we’re…together.”

“He has an idea,” Shaun grumbled as he tossed the shop-towel after his dirtied shirt. “But I don’t want him to know any more than he already does.” He swept across the room with purpose. “Coming?”

“I-I guess…”

“I don’t want you running your mouth,” Shaun said, stopping at the door to wait for the other boy. “You always say too much. You ruin everything with your stupid mouth.”

Jesse stepped in front of him and trailed a finger along Shaun’s muscled forearm. “Is my mouth really stupid?”

Shaun groaned and grabbed Jesse’s chin. Jesse gazed up at him in amazement and Shaun swept down to claim his lips. He pushed his tongue into Jesse’s mouth and pulled him forcefully against his dick. They kissed sloppily in the doorway as they rutted desperately against each other. They pushed their erections together and ground like animals in heat. It was messy and inelegant, but neither of them cared. The deer bled out in the corner as they rapidly approached a shared orgasm.  

Jesse came first and clung to Shaun in the aftermath, flushed and obviously spent. Shaun climaxed just moments after, but he recovered quickly. He straightened and licked the excess spit from his lips. “C’mon. We’d better get inside. There’s no way grandma didn’t see me through the kitchen window carrying that thing.”

“Can I clean up in your bathroom?” Jesse asked.

Shaun nodded briskly. “But if you blow this, I swear to god…”

“I won’t,” Jesse said adamantly. His eyes gleamed with determination and Shaun relaxed a little.

“Okay.” Shaun opened the door and gestured him through. “Ladies first.”

“Ha ha.” Jesse flipped him off over his shoulder. “You’re hilarious.”

“I try.” Shaun stepped after him with a smile.

Chapter Text

When they came in the kitchen, Ruth had the oven open just a crack as she peeked inside.

Jesse took a deep smell of the aromas in the room. “Wow, that smells amazing.”

“Told you rabbit was good,” Shaun said with a smirk.

Ruth glanced up at them both, then did a doubletake. “Shaun…” Her mouth turned down at the corners. “Where’s your shirt?”

“In the garage.” Shaun scowled and crossed his arms over his bare chest. “Didn’t you see me carrying that buck? I got soaked in his blood.” Shaun looked uncomfortable on display. His skin was scarred, but his arms and his chest were corded with muscle. His waist was neat and trim. Jesse was a little taken aback by the lean definition of his upper body. He looked like some kind of flawed Greek God.

Ruth planted her hands on her hips. “I’ll have to soak your shirt in Oxy-clean tonight.”

“I’m going to grab a shower,” Shaun grumbled as he started for the living room. “C’mon, Jesse,” he said over his shoulder. 

Ruth turned back to the oven for another peek. Jesse paused behind her and snuck a glance. Two pieces of meat, rabbit-sized, cooked in a glass pan with halved potatoes and diced onions.

“That looks good, Mrs.…” Jesse hesitated, and Ruth turned around slowly to assess him. “Um…” Jesse fidgeted under her gaze. “I’m sorry. I don’t actually know what I should call you.”

Ruth pursed her lips. “Ruth’s fine.”

“It looks really good, Ruth,” Jesse said awkwardly. “I’ve never had rabbit before.”

“Hmm.” Ruth shuffled to the fridge and opened the door. She pulled out a head of lettuce then nudged it shut with her hip. “I suppose you’re in luck then. I make the best slow-roasted rabbit in town.”

“That is pretty lucky,” Jesse said with a laugh.

“Jesse!” Shaun’s face appeared in the doorway, reddened with irritation. “Hurry up!”

Jesse smiled warmly at the old woman, then rolled his eyes in Shaun’s direction. “Better go,” he murmured.

Ruth shook her head as she turned back to the counter and took a cutting board off a hook on the back wall. Jesse slipped from the room as she began chopping lettuce.

Eli was on the couch and Shaun stood across from him at the entrance to the hall. He was hiding his naked chest again and looked deeply uncomfortable. Jesse noticed the gauze over his stitches was bloodied. He must have pulled them again during the hunt.

“Ruthie said you two bagged a buck,” Eli spoke up.

Jesse nodded. “And Shaun carried it home.” He smiled shyly at the boy in question. “On his back. I didn’t even know you could do that.”

“It’s not recommended.” Eli chuckled. “My son and I used to have a couple ATVs for hauling, but…well.” He rubbed his bristly chin in thought as the smile fell away. “He sold them for cash, if I’m being honest.”

“Great story, grandpa.” Shaun stepped closer and snatched Jesse’s arm. “But we need to clean up before dinner,” Shaun grumbled then yanked Jesse down the hall. Jesse gasped and stumbled to keep up.

“Okay…” Eli watched them go with raised brows.

They reached the end of the hall and Shaun pushed Jesse toward the bathroom. “Make it quick,” he snapped.

“Okay,” Jesse murmured. He could sense Shaun’s frustration building at his back and he scurried into the room without looking over his shoulder.

He shut the door behind him and smiled when he spotted a stack of washcloths on the linen rack over the toilet. He spent a few moments cleaning his groin and his jeans with some water and a bit of hand soap, then washed his hands and face, and fixed his hair in the mirror. He left the bathroom feeling a lot better about his appearance. 

Shaun waited in the hall with an armful of clothes, scowling. “Took you long enough,” he muttered, then brushed past Jesse and slammed the door in his face.

Jesse pouted after him, then idled in the hall as he listened to the water start inside. He couldn’t decide whether he should go back down the hall or into Shaun’s room.

“Jesse?” Eli’s voice came from the living room and Jesse groaned. He dragged himself down the hall and met Eli’s eyes over the back of the couch. “Come sit.” Eli patted the seat beside him. “Did he leave you all by your lonesome?”

Jesse slid into the room and gingerly took a seat on the end. “Shaun said he’d leave me for a couple minutes to take a shower, but I kind of thought he was joking,” he said. “He warned me not to tell you anything too…personal, though.”

Eli laughed. “Did he give you any safe topics?”

“Maybe the weather,” Jesse shrugged.

“And how is the weather?”

“It’s getting muggy out.” Jesse leaned back in his seat as he glanced at the TV. It was a black and white western, something he’d never heard of before. “That walk through the woods was brutal. The humidity was killer.”

“I’d imagine,” Eli said cheerfully. “They said the highs today would near 99 degrees.”

There was a clatter in the kitchen and Jesse looked through the doorway as Ruth set the cutting board in the sink. She waddled to the fridge and reached into the cabinet overhead to pull down a bag of flour.

 “I don’t mean to pry,” Eli said, and Jesse turned back to the living room. The old man watched him with sparkling eyes. “But what exactly happened to Shaun’s hand?”

Jesse twisted his own hands in his lap. “What did he tell you?”

“Shaun said you were ‘all over him’ at practice and that the band had noticed,” Eli said with a look of bemusement. “But I don’t see how that caused the fracture.”

Jesse blinked rapidly in disbelief. “He told you a lot.”

“A lot of bits and pieces.”

Jesse looked over his shoulder into the hall, then to his right, into the kitchen at Ruth, pouring the flour into a large bowl. “We were at a bar with the band and after a couple hours of drinking, Shaun and I ended up in the bathroom…kissing… in one of the stalls,” he whispered, and Eli subtly shifted in his direction. “Right in the middle of it, Will and Danny came in to piss and they were talking about us because they thought we’d left,” he muttered. “When Will said he’d kick Shaun out of the band if he found out he was gay, I thought Shaun’s eyes were going to pop out of his head.”

The water shut off in the bathroom. “Jerks,” Eli muttered as Jesse looked worriedly over his shoulder, but the door at the end of the hall remained closed.

“Shaun was really upset,” he whispered. “Once Will and Danny were gone, he left the stall and walked up to the mirror so he could glare at himself. I don’t know what he was thinking, but…he broke it. And his hand.”

“Shaun’s always struggled with his anger,” Eli said. “When he was younger, he had these destructive tantrums. Over the trivialist of things. Anytime. Anywhere he felt like it.” He shook his head. “He’d have them at home. At school. At church. In the supermarket.”

“I know what that’s like,” Jesse murmured. “The twins have a lot of tantrums…”

“These weren’t normal tantrums,” Eli said gravely. “Shaun would put holes in the wall. He’d bust windows, break doors, and smash furniture into bits. He’d throw anything he could get his hands on. It was total destruction.”

Jesse blinked rapidly. “The twins haven’t broken any furniture yet.”

Eli’s face was grim. “And when we’d restrain him, Shaun would tear at his hair, bite himself, scratch his face.” He fell back wearily on the couch, exhausted from the memory. “We saw psychiatrists. We put him on meds. We had him go through all kinds of therapies, but do you know what finally calmed him down?”

Jesse shook his head.

“That guitar,” Eli said, his eyes glittering again. “When I bought it for him he changed overnight. He found a purpose. He dedicated himself to learning the ins and outs of that instrument all on his own.” He sat up and glanced at the TV, a faint smile on his face. “I’ve never seen a kid latch onto a new skill as quick as he did.” Then the bathroom door swung open and he fell quiet.

Jesse waited tensely as Shaun stalked down the hall.

“Did you have a nice chat?”

Jesse tilted his head back. Shaun stood just over his shoulder with his hair in wet strands around his face. His eyes narrowed and Jesse hurried to form a reply. “H-he asked me about your h-hand.”

Shaun’s eyebrows rose in warning.

“I-I was telling him about the mirror,” Jesse stammered.

“I already told him about that,” Shaun grumbled, then he stepped around the couch and sat moodily between Jesse and his grandfather. He wore a long-sleeved band tee and jeans. Jesse had seen the ensemble before, but Shaun just…wore it differently today. With the freshly washed hair and the pleasant aroma of soap, he was a totally different person.

“You should put some ice on it now,” Eli said. “While we wait for dinner.”

“I’m gonna take a couple Ibuprofens, too.” Shaun got up again with a sigh. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

“We’ll be waiting,” Eli said brightly.

Shaun disappeared into the back of the house as Eli snuck a conspiratorial grin in Jesse’s direction. “Best not to mention anything I just said.” He winked. “And I’ll do the same. I won’t mention you said anything about kissing.”

Jesse blushed. “Did you know we were…?”

“I heard about the first kiss,” Eli chuckled. “But I wasn’t sure if the two of you had made up yet or not.”

Shaun swept down the hall again. “What was that grandpa?”

“It’s going to take a couple weeks for that hand to get back to normal again,” Eli said smoothly. “But I think you’ll be able to tough it out. It’s unfortunate, but you’ve been through worse than a fracture.”

Shaun pulled to a stop as he experimentally opened and closed his hand. “Christ… wish I hadn’t done it though,” he groaned, then passed into the kitchen.

Ruth pulled the rabbit out of the oven as Shaun entered the room. She promptly replaced it with a cookie sheet dotted with puffy, uncooked dough. Shaun retrieved an icepack from the fridge and took a look at the food as he passed. “How much longer?”

“Fifteen minutes,” Ruth said without turning from the stove. “The salad’s chilling in the fridge, the meat’s cooling, and the dinner rolls will be done in just a few minutes.”

Shaun nodded and left her to her work. Then he came back into the living room and sat between Jesse and Eli again with his right hand settled on his knee. He pressed the cold compress over his swollen knuckles. “Shit,” he hissed. “That doesn’t even feel good.”

“It will help the swelling,” Eli said sagely. “Ice it for a while.”

Shaun held the ice in place with a frown. Jesse struggled with the urge to help him…to touch him in some way…but he knew he’d better be on his best behavior in front of Ruth. She hadn’t been listening when he and Eli had been talking earlier, but she had a glass of lemonade now, and she took little, ladylike sips from the glass as she set the kitchen table. Dinner was almost prepared, and Ruth’s full attention would be on them soon enough.

“Can we change the channel?” Shaun snapped after a moment. “I’m sick of westerns.”

Eli grabbed the remote and flipped through the channels. “Tell me when to stop.”

“Stop,” Shaun grunted. It was the History Channel and Forged in Fire was on. Shaun alternatively iced and then tested his broken hand as he watched the men compare their knives. He winced and grunted under his breath as he flexed his fingers.

On his other side, Eli stroked his bristly chin in contemplation as he gazed sightlessly at the reality programing. Maybe ten minutes passed like that.

Jesse glanced into the kitchen as Ruth checked the dinner rolls. He turned back to the TV with a sigh. He was bored. He couldn’t touch Shaun or kiss him…they couldn’t do anything good!

One of the contestants on the show mentioned his hometown and Jesse perked up with interest. “Tampa, Florida.” He looked eagerly at the two men sitting to his left. “We lived there for almost a year. I loved it.”

“How many times have you moved?” Eli asked curiously.

“Oh, wow,” Jesse laughed. He had to pause for a moment to tally it up. “In my entire lifetime, I think I’ve been through twenty different moves.”

“That’s a shame.” Eli’s lips turned down at the corners. “I’ve lived in this town my entire life.”

“I wonder what that’s like,” Jesse said distantly. “Never leaving.”

“It’s boring,” Shaun grumbled. “I wish I could get the fuck out of this town.”

“Speak for yourself.” Eli elbowed him playfully. “I bought this place straight out of high school and fixed it up. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. It’s my dream home.”

 “This is your dream home?” Shaun sneered.

Ruth appeared in the doorway. “Dinner’s ready,” she said sharply, then her expression turned stern. “Come eat while it’s hot.”

Jesse got up immediately. Eli followed him at a slower pace, grabbing the armrest for balance as he rose, but Shaun remained seated, glowering at the melting ice pack in his lap.

“Shaun,” Jesse whispered as Eli sidled past them and went into the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”

“She’s in a mood,” Shaun grumbled. “I can tell.”

“It’ll be alright.” Jesse said. “She just cooked an entire meal, so she probably won’t bite your head off.”

“Trust me. This won’t be pretty,” Shaun muttered as he got up. “I’ve been avoiding her most of the week. I’ve been taking meals in my room.”

Jesse giggled and Shaun narrowed his eyes.

“What?”

“You’re adorable,” Jesse said with a smile. “You’re so stubborn.”

Shaun brushed past him with a huff.

The kitchen table was circular with four wooden chairs. Eli sat with his back to the front door. Shaun yanked the chair out across from him and fell into the seat with a sigh. Ruth’s glass of lemonade was to his right, at the setting closest to the oven so Jesse took the last chair available, against the wall. It was a narrow space and he just barely fit.

The rabbit dish was at the center of the table. A pitcher of lemonade was to the side and a large, glass bowl with dressed greens was on the other.

Ruth brought a basket of rolls to the table and set it beside the salad. Then she slid into her seat and steepled her fingers. “Eli? Could you say grace tonight?”

Eli clasped his hands together, too, and Jesse followed his example to be polite.

“Shaun,” Ruth snapped, and Jesse glanced at him from the corner of his eye.

Shaun was slumped sideways in his chair with a bored look on his face.

“Sit up immediately,” Ruth hissed. “And bow your head.”

Shaun gave his grandmother a death glare, but he straightened and did as she asked. He folded his hands in front of him and grudgingly bent his head.

Eli cleared his throat. “Should I begin?”

“Yes!”

Eli recited a few short verses. The tone of his voice was soothing and warm. It was over in less than a minute and Jesse raised his head and timidly opened his eyes to see Ruth and Eli reaching for utensils. Ruth used a set of tongs to serve salad onto everyone’s side plates while Eli jumped right in and got himself some meat and potatoes with his fork.

Shaun poured lemonade into the glass in front of him, then switched the full glass with Jesse’s empty one. “Here.”

“Thank you,” Jesse said, touched by the gesture.

Shaun grumbled inaudibly as he poured a glass for himself. Then he reached for some dinner rolls. He set one on Jesse’s plate and dropped the other on his own. He turned to the rabbit next and quickly portioned meat and potatoes onto both his and Jesse’s plates.

“Thanks,” Jesse muttered.

Ruth watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow. “How did your friend handle the gun?”

“Jesse did alright.” Shaun finished with the meat and turned back to his own plate. Jesse looked nervously at the old woman, but she had her gaze locked on Shaun. “I had to help him a little, but we downed that buck in a single shot,” he grunted as he began to cut his rabbit into bits. He struggled, because of his hand, but he soldiered on. He didn’t complain. “We didn’t have to wait for him either. We went out to grandpa’s special place, sat down for a cigarette, and I look up and there he is, standing on the edge of the meadow.”

“Did you have any trouble stringing him up?” Eli asked.

“Nope.” Shaun set his knife aside. “He’s ready to go.”

Eli beamed. “We’ll go out after dinner and clean him up.”

 “Sounds good.” Shaun leaned over his plate and began to shovel food into his mouth.

Jesse had just finished cutting his meat and he speared a little piece of rabbit with his fork. He looked at it from a few different angles, then took a cautious bite. “Oh!” Jesse was pleasantly surprised. “It’s really good!” The taste was gamy, but the seasoning changed the flavor and made it special. He stabbed a second piece and chewed it happily. “What did you use on this, Ruth?”

“Worcestershire’s the secret,” Ruth said with a faint smile. “It’s not the same dish without it.”

“I’ve never used it, but I want to get really good at cooking one day,” Jesse said dreamily. “Maybe when I get my own place.”

“Why wait,” Ruth said. “Don’t you cook at your house now?”

“For my siblings,” Jesse said with a shrug. ““Every day after school.”

Ruth nodded slowly. “That’s impressive.”

Jesse laughed. “Well, its stuff like hotdogs and macaroni and cheese. But still. It’s the thought that counts, right?”

Ruth cringed. “I suppose.” Her eyes slid to her grandson. “On that note, I hope you’re ready for school tomorrow.”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Shaun grumbled at his plate.

“It’s almost the end of the year,” Ruth said in a low voice. “I’m praying there won’t be any more dramatical disasters that cause you to miss class.

Shaun, in the middle of eating a chunk of roasted potato, lowered his fork. “Dramatical? What the fuck do you mean by that?”

Ruth popped a bite of salad into her mouth and chewed. “Your grades are bad enough as it is. You can’t afford to get embarrassed and lay in your bedroom for a week.”

“Who said I was embarrassed?” Shaun set his fork down with a clink. “And the time off school wasn’t my fault. I had an infection. The doctor gave me a week off school!”

“I was right outside your hospital room, Shaun. I heard you badger the doctor into writing that excuse.” Ruth’s eyes shot to Jesse, then quickly away.” Some cock and bull about a fight with a schoolfriend.”

Shaun slammed his broken fist on the table. “Shut up!” His face screwed up with incredible pain, but he was silent, and his eyes flashed with rage.

Unfazed, Ruth primly finished her salad in two bites. “You’re lack of motivation is deeply concerning,” she continued as she pushed the side plate away and started in on the rabbit next. She cut it neatly into bite-size pieces. “How do you expect to graduate at the rate you’re going?”

“I’ve got more motivation in my little finger than you have in your entire body,” Shaun said through his teeth. “And I couldn’t care less if I graduate.” He watched Ruth with a sneer as she tried some of her rabbit. “I want to play music. That’s all I care about.”

Ruth waved a dismissive hand. “You need to grow up and get your head out of the clouds.”

Shaun grit his teeth together. The sound of them grinding was audible.

“You need a trade.” Ruth took another bite. “Like your grandfather,” she said through her mouthful.

Shaun looked away in disgust. “Whatever.”

“Fifty years he’s been at the factory,” Ruth grumbled. “He pays the bills, buys all our necessities, and puts food on the table every single night.”

“Good for him.”

Ruth’s dark eyes flashed. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you? That level of commitment?”

“Grandpa’s a slave to the man,” Shaun sneered. “But I’m not living that kind of life. Fuck that.”

Ruth dumped her utensils and poked a shaking finger at her grandson. “You have to break away from those delinquents you call friends! They’re nothing but a bad example!”

“The band?!”

“I don’t know who you run with,” Ruth growled. “But they’re a bunch of losers who think smoking dope all day will get them somewhere in life. They have no ambitions. They have no morals.”

Shaun pushed his chair back and stood. His plate was close to empty, there were a couple bites of potatoes left behind, but he hadn’t touched his side salad. “I’m going to the garage,” he said darkly, then glanced at Eli. “How long until you’re done?” 

Eli’s plate was still mostly full. He pushed his food around appraisingly. “Less than five minutes.”

Shaun nodded, then stalked to the door with purpose.

“Shaun! Hold up!” Jesse wasn’t even close to being done, but he wasn’t about to be left with the parentals. Not after a scene like that… He squeezed out from behind the table. “Sorry,” he said to Ruth. “Thanks for dinner.” Then he flew after the other boy.

Shaun waited on the porch with his back to the house and his arms resting on the railing. “That fucking bitch!” he hissed when Jesse stepped up beside him. The orangy-red sun cast a golden light across his face.

Jesse drank in his handsome features as he touched his shoulder. He didn’t know what to say. Ruth seemed to have Shaun’s best interests in mind, but she obviously didn’t know how to communicate with him. Not that Jesse had any better ideas…

“You should probably go,” Shaun said with a sigh. “We’re gonna skin that buck and cut him into quarters.”

“Right.” Jesse shivered. “Then I’m out of here.”

Shaun smirked at him. “I’ll be on the bus in the morning. Try not to shit yourself in excitement.”

Jesse leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Thanks for the warning.”

Shaun grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him back for a proper kiss. It was quick, but Shaun was insistent as he pressed his tongue deep into Jesse’s mouth and sampled the flavors. Shaun held him firmly in place until he was done then tore his mouth away with a wet, sucking sound. “Now go,” he hissed as he nudged Jesse in the chest. “Before you get me hard again.”

Jesse stumbled back with a laugh. “I love you, asshole.”

“Go home, Jesse.” Shaun flipped him off.

Jesse pouted, but he wasn’t going to make a thing out of it. Not tonight. All things considered; Jesse had enjoyed his weekend with Shaun. He stepped off the porch, crunched through the gravel drive, and started through the long grass toward home.

When he tried the front door, he was surprised to find it locked. He whirled for the driveway and blinked in surprise. “What the hell?” The van was gone, and Jesse didn’t have a key! He walked around back and found the sliding glass door to the kitchen was unlocked.

He ducked inside. “Hello?”

The house was deathly silent and that made no sense. He’d stopped by earlier that afternoon, after he and Shaun had returned from Will’s, and everyone had been home. The kids had been watching TV downstairs, Monica and the baby were in the kitchen, and Sam, upstairs.

Jesse had taken a shower, changed, then spent some time with Brian playing blocks while the twins binge-watched a mindless cartoon.

Jesse had been antsy to see Shaun again, though, so after making a quick sandwich for lunch, he’d put his shoes on and said he was going back to Shaun’s. Brian hadn’t been happy, and he’d pouted epically from the pile of his blocks, but Jesse had assured him that he’d be back.

“Hello!?”

But it seemed Brian had stepped out before Jesse could return and that was highly unusual.

Jesse looked at his phone. It was just after 7 and it was a school night…

After looking in the kitchen for a note – there was nothing – Jesse went upstairs to check the bedrooms. Even Sam was missing. Jesse fell back on his brother’s bed and sent Monica a text first.

What’s going on? Where is everyone?

He waited a beat, then sent another to Sam.

Where are you, dickhead? Where are the kids?

Jesse stretched out on the bed while he waited for a reply. He glanced out the window. The sun burned red on the dark-blue horizon. It would be dark in a couple hours. Maybe Monica had taken everyone out for dinner…

Jesse’s phone buzzed and he fumbled to check his messages. It was from Monica.

The babies are at daycare. Sam and the twins are at the house.

Jesse’s brow furrowed with concern.

Not true. I’m at the house now and Sam and the twins aren’t here!

He waited almost three minutes for a reply. He was tapping his fingers along the edge of his phone when Monica got around to answering him.

Idk Jesse. Did you text him? I’m working right now.

Jesse typed with a scowl.

Working? And yes, mom, I texted him!

Jesse sat back as he waited for a reply that didn’t come.

Monica didn’t work weekends. It was the only two days Jesse got off from babysitting and she’d always made it known at work that she couldn’t pick up shifts. What the hell was going on?

Jesse went back to Sam’s messages with a huff and mashed the call button. He held the phone to his ear as he waited through the rings, but when voicemail picked up, he ended the call in frustration.

“Fucking great.” Jesse shut off the screen and went downstairs to sit on the couch. He turned the TV on and watched a cooking show as he waited anxiously for an update.

Jesse made it through one and a half episodes of Chopped when he heard a car pulling in the driveway. He ran to the window and was blinded by a brilliant set of headlights. He shielded his eyes and looked again.

Kyle’s Cadillac parked in the driveway and the twins hopped out of the back and ran for the door. Sam got out the front as the kids rushed through the grass. He laughed and a thick trail of smoke escaped his lips. Jesse could see Kyle through the door, too, talking with a big smile on his face.

Jesse gnashed his teeth. “Fucking Kyle…”

There was pounding on the front door and Jesse lurched away from the window. 

“We had ice cream!” Allison cried as she bounced inside.

“And we went golfing,” Tyler said, following at a slower pace, but he had chocolate ice cream stains on the front of his shirt, and he looked very pleased with himself.

“It’s called putt-putt.”

“Whatever.” Tyler shoved past Allison and walked around the couch. He jumped up on the cushions with a mean smile. “Your just jealous because you came in last place.”

Allison pouted at him. “I don’t care.”

“Who wants to be last place?” Tyler gloated. “And my triple chocolate explosion was better than your unicorn thing.”

“It was a sparkle unicorn sundae, and it was amazing!”

“Amazingly gross.” Tyler made a puke face and Allison scampered over the couch and began to aggressively kick him for more space. 

“Why does your fat butt take up so much room!” she laughed. “Move over!”

“Get off me!” Tyler whined as he kicked his sister back with vehemence.

“Stop!” Jesse ran his fingers through his hair. “How much sugar did you guys get?”

“Triple. Chocolate. Explosion!” Allison wacked Tyler viciously in the groin.

“Ouch!” Tyler doubled over in pain. “You’re a bitch, Allie!”

“Tyler!” Jesse gaped at the little boy. “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“What’d he say?” Sam asked as he strolled through the door. He shut it behind him and turned the lock. “Sorry we didn’t leave a note. I figured you wouldn’t be home until late.” 

Jesse looked Sam up and down as weed rolled off his form in pungent waves. Sternly, he crossed his arms and Sam’s red-rimmed eyes widened dramatically.

“Is something wrong?”

“You’re high!” Jesse cried.

Sam smiled. “Yeah. I’m definitely stoned.” He breezed to the armchair in front of the window and fell into the seat.

 “What were you doing with Kyle? And why did he show up and randomly take you out for weed and ice cream?!” Jesse checked the window, but Kyle’s car was already gone. “And why did you bring the kids with you?!” He reached around his brother and pulled the drapes shut with a huff.

“He asked if I wanted to come out.” Sam watched him with amusement. “He knew I had the kids with me. It wasn’t even an issue. Everybody had fun.”

Jesse growled with frustration. “How did this happen?!”

“We’re friends on Instagram now,” Sam said coolly. “We’ve been talking for a couple days.”

“Are you kidding me!”

“Relax. He was really cool,” Sam drawled. “Kyle knew about this place off the highway. It had a little putt-putt course for the kids and an ice cream parlor for everybody else. They had a lot of fancy shit and Kyle paid for everything.”

“When’d you find the time to smoke?” Jesse sneered.

“The twins played a round on their own while we baked out the car,” Sam said excitedly. “It was awesome!”

Jesse huffed. “I’ll bet.”

Sam gave him a loaded look. “We talked about you.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow.

“About you and Shaun,” Sam said with a sigh. “Kyle’s got a thing for Shaun, too, you know.”

“I know,” Jesse said through his teeth.

“He asked a lot of questions about you,” Sam said, looking down at his hands. “Maybe I said too much.”

Jesse turned away with a groan. “I don’t want to know what you said. Don’t tell me.” The twins were watching from the couch and Jesse made a face at them. They turned back to the TV as one, but they weren’t paying attention. They continued to sneak glances at the teens as they talked across the room, but at least they weren’t fighting anymore. That was something.

“So…” Sam said and Jesse glanced over his shoulder, his lip curling. “Mom took a shift at the hospital tonight.”

Jesse deflated. His phone was still clutched in his hand and he waved it for reference. “That’s what she said when I texted her.” He slid the phone into his back pocket with a scowl. “But she was too busy to say anything else. I’ve been in the dark for the past hour.”

“When she took us to the mall yesterday,” Sam said slowly. “She said she was going to buy us shit we needed, but we ended up in a bunch of different lady stores.”

Jesse blinked. “Umm…”

“Everything she bought was for her. Clothes. Shoes. A new bag,” Sam sneered. “And now she suddenly has a shift at the hospital.”

Jesse covered his mouth. “You don’t think…”

“After you left, she got really antsy and called the daycare,” Sam continued. “She’s paying some crazy fee for emergency services, but she was in a good mood getting ready to go. She got into her nicest scrubs, did her hair, and flew out the door around 4:30.”

Jesse checked the time. It was a quarter after 8. “Why would she spend a bunch of money on daycare for an extra shift at work?”

Sam smiled faintly. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Jesse’s heart fell. He had a bad feeling Monica was dating someone. Possibly someone at work.

Monica never stopped dating, no matter how much she inconvenienced her kids. Jesse suspected she’d developed a complex over the years because whenever she was in a relationship, she was flighty, irresponsible, and put her boyfriends before her kids in a desperate attempt to keep them around. It never worked, but Monica was always crushed just the same and uprooted everyone in her attempt to find some peace of mind.

“Fuck,” Jesse muttered under his breath.

Sam leaned back luxuriously in the armchair. “I guess we won’t have to stay in this hellhole much longer after all.”

“You don’t know that,” Jesse whispered, but inside, he was terrified. What if Monica moved them again…

Sam shrugged and closed his eyes. “It’s just a theory.”

Jesse swallowed nervously. “I’m going to get the twins in the bath.”

Sam yawned dramatically. “Alright.”

“You should get a shower, too,” Jesse muttered. “Before mom comes home and smells your clothes.”

“She’ll just think it was you,” Sam said as he stretched his legs out. “I’m going to fall asleep right here in this chair,” he laughed, stroking the armrests with relish. “I’ve never realized how absurdly comfortable it is.”

Jesse shook his head and turned away to get the twins ready for bed. It was early yet, but he wanted to get Tyler out of that stained shirt.

Jesse bathed the twins and put them in jammies. He told them it was quiet time again and shut the twins in their room with their Nintendo’s.

Downstairs, Sam was asleep in the armchair, and his head lolled sharply to the right while he snoozed. Jesse laughed at him as he turned off the TV and put the pillows back in their rightful places on the couch. Sam’s neck was going to be crimped in the morning, but he’d said he wanted to sleep in the chair… Jesse smiled at him affectionately as he stepped through to the kitchen and locked the back door. He turned off the lights and went upstairs.

Jesse sent Monica another text, letting her know Sam and the twins had showed up, then he put his phone on the charger, and went to the bathroom for a quick shower. He pulled some PJs on, then, with a sigh, he went to check on the twins.

“I’m going to watch TV in my room,” Jesse said when he poked his head into the kids’ room. Allison and Tyler were on Tyler’s bed, button mashing their individual game consoles. “You guys okay?”

“Yeah,” Tyler said. “Go away. We’re busy.”

Allison didn’t even look up from the game.

Jesse shook his head as he left the room. He’d put them to bed in another hour. They were obviously very busy.

He checked his phone when he got back to his room, but Monica had yet to reply. He climbed up to his bunk and turned on the little TV across the room with a sigh. He watched Paranormal Witness for an hour, then went about the arduous task of putting the twin terrors to bed.

“Lights out,” Jesse said, walking to the door and flicking them out to emphasize his point. “Under the covers. And no talking,” he said as he looked from twin to twin. Both children had their Nintendo’s under the covers, but as long as they stayed in bed, Jesse was fine with it. They’d pass out soon enough. “Goodnight, brats.”

“Night,” Allison muttered, rolling onto her side.

Tyler muttered unhappily, but Jesse firmly shut the door before he could voice another complaint.

Jesse stayed up until midnight. He was expecting Monica to show up with the babies but fell asleep before it happened. He slept soundlessly until morning.

“…Captain Crunch!” Tyler yelled at the top of his lungs.

“The box is empty,” Allison simpered. “Lucky Charms is the only thing left.”

Jesse cringed at the sound of cereal pinging across the kitchen linoleum and he sat up and looked around in a daze.

The sun outside crept lazily into the sky. It lit the cluttered bedroom in a hazy light. Sam had never made it upstairs. The lower bunk was empty.

Jesse peered at the time on the satellite box. 6:30 AM. He had an hour to get ready. He threw the blankets off and climbed out of bed.

He checked the nursery before he went downstairs but Brian’s bed was untouched. Lissa’s baby blanket was folded neatly over the edge of her crib and he spun around in a confusion and flew downstairs.

Sam was fast asleep in the armchair and Jesse went to him first.

“Wake up!” Jesse kicked his foot. “The bus will be here in an hour.”

Sam sat up with a jolt and clutched his neck. “Ahh!” His face screwed up dramatically. “My neck is killing me!”

Jesse snorted with amusement. “You wanted to sleep in the armchair.”

“What?” Sam sat up drowsily. “What am I doing in the living room?”

“You got high last night with Kyle.” Jesse planted his hands on his hips. “Get ready for school. You’re not skipping because you got stoned.”

Sam flushed with embarrassment. “I barely had two hits.”

Jesse nodded toward the stairs. “Get a shower. You reek.”

Sam got up and shoved past with a huff. “You reek,” he muttered under his breath.

Jesse watched him go with narrowed eyes, but when he heard spoons clinking on bowls he hurried into the kitchen to assess the damage.

Tyler and Allison were guiltily eating Lucky Charms at the table. The rest of the box was on the floor. The tiny bits of cereal were all over the place.

Jesse held his hands out. “What happened?”

“Tyler punched the box because he wanted Captain Crunch,” Allison said casually.

“Sorry.” Tyler lowered his head.

Jesse shut his eyes. “Where’s mom?”

“Still sleeping,” Tyler mumbled. “She said she needed more sleep.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow. “Where is Brian? And Lissa?”

Allison shrugged and Jesse swept out of the room.

The shower was running in the bathroom. Sam. Jesse stalked past and shouldered his way into the master at the end of the hall.

Monica was sprawled face down on her bed in a pair of heels and a slinky dress Jesse had never seen before. She was snoring soundly, and Jesse stood over her for a moment, shaking his head.

“Mom.”

Monica threw an arm over her face.

“Mom.”

“What?” Monica muttered. She rolled onto her side and blinked at Jesse through her tangled red hair. “What do you need?”

“Where’s Brian?”

“I left him at overnight daycare,” Monica grumbled as she brushed the hair out of her face. Her eyes were bloodshot. “He’s fine.”

 “Why didn’t you tell me you were going out?” Jesse bristled. “I would have babysat the kids if I’d known beforehand!”

“I did tell you,” Monica said as she lazily propped herself upright on her elbow. She clutched her head. “Through text,” she cringed.

“I meant before that,” Jesse narrowed his eyes. Monica was hammered. “Like, when I was at the house this afternoon for three hours!”

Monica withered at the sound of Jesse’s voice. “Keep it down, will you.”

“You didn’t tell me through text either!” Jesse raged, balling his hands into trembling fists at his sides. “All I got was some half-assed reply that had me sit up until midnight waiting for you!”

“I didn’t do anything wrong.” Monica glared at him. “I got a text from a co-worker and picked up a shift. It wasn’t planned.”

Jesse laughed. “You worked a shift in that?”

Monica looked down at her dress in surprise. “We went out for some drinks after our shift,” she said vaguely. “It’s not a big deal, Jesse.”

“Yeah, but…”

“I did a full shift yesterday,” Monica spat. “Everybody in this house needs and needs and wants and wants.” She laid back down with a huff. “I have to keep up with you kids and your exorbitant demands or I’ll be swimming with the sharks before too long.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “What demands? Like clothes?”

“Yes,” Monica hissed. “If you saw my checkbook, you’d probably start to cry.”

“I’m sure emergency babysitting fees will be a great addition to the budget,” Jesse joked.

“I need another hour of sleep,” Monica said huffily. “I work tonight. Like usual. I’ve got to be rested for my shift.”

Jesse watched as his mother kicked off her shoes and pulled the blankets up to her chin. She’d been on a date last night and she was trying to hide it. That usually meant she really liked the guy and didn’t want any intervention.

“All of you know how to get on the bus. Don’t you?” she snapped from under the covers and Jesse jumped about a foot. “Let me sleep.”

“Brian’s going to be traumatized,” Jesse said as he backed out of the room. “He’s so afraid he’ll get abandoned at daycare and you left him there overnight.”

Monica pulled the covers down with a growl. “One more hour, Jesse!”

Jesse left the room and slammed the door behind him. He didn’t care about his mom and her sleep schedule. He went downstairs and angrily cleaned up the cereal in the kitchen.

“Go upstairs,” Jesse said when he caught the twins gawking at him. “Get dressed and pack your bags for the day.”

“What about lunch?”

“I’ll pack PB&J’s,” Jesse said as he finished sweeping up the cereal and stood with the dustpan. He dumped everything in the trash then turned back to the twins. “Do I have to ask you twice. Go!”

Tyler and Allison leapt from their chairs and scurried out of the room. Jesse sighed and went to make some lunches on the counter.

He got dressed, packed his bag, then double-checked each of the twins’. His bus would arrive any minute now and he turned the TV on, found a kiddie channel, and instructed the twins to sit quietly until the elementary bus arrived in an hour. 

Sam bounced downstairs, fresh and ready to go as Jesse talked to the twins. “Mom’s puking in the bathroom,” he snickered. “It’s a horror show.”

Jesse looked up with wide eyes. “Maybe I should stay home…”

“Bullshit.” Sam grabbed the sleeve of Jesse’s t-shirt and yanked him around the couch. “You don’t get to skip because mom got wasted last night.”

Jesse looked after the twins. “But the kids…”

“Mom’s awake.” Sam grabbed Jesse’s bag by the door and shoved it into his arms. “She’ll finish puking in a couple minutes and come down for a cup of coffee. You know her.”

Jesse sighed as he shouldered his bag. He smiled miserably at the two kids on the couch. “Bye guys. See you later.”

“Bye, tards,” Sam called as he opened the door and tugged Jesse outside. The twins blinked owlishly after them.

“Mom said she went out with her coworkers,” Jesse muttered as they started down the drive.

“Yeah.” Sam sucked his teeth. “Looks like she partied pretty hard.”

Jesse nodded sadly. “Poor Brian. He’s got to be so upset right now.”

“At least he’s safe.” Sam shrugged. “Nothing bad will happen to him at daycare.”

Jesse sighed dramatically. He wished he could save Brian the same heartache he’d been through, but he was going through it just the same. So was Sam…

They stopped at the end of the drive and Sam took out his phone. Jesse watched him suspiciously as he began to type.

“Talking to Kyle?”

 “A little,” Sam said casually. “But he isn’t very active until school starts.”

“I can’t believe you,” Jesse grumbled under his breath. “You did exactly what I asked you not to do.”

“You don’t follow the rules,” Sam bitched as the bus appeared down the road. “I’m just following your example.”

Jesse looked over his shoulder as the bus rumbled closer. For the first time ever, he was annoyed to see it arrive. “I’m trying to protect you,” he said adamantly. “Sam, please, you have to see it from my point of view.”

“You’re being a hypocrite,” Sam snapped, lowering his phone. “If you wanted to protect me, you’d take me under your wing. You’d show me how to do things the right way.”

Jesse gaped at him. “What… Did Kyle say that?”

“Kyle’s going to take me under his wing.” Sam beamed. “He isn’t going to exclude me like you do. He’s going to teach me everything he knows.”

Jesse’s eyes went wide. “Teach you?”

“I’m not an annoyance to Kyle.” Sam’s cheeks got pink. “He thinks I’m cool, Jesse. I’m not going to stop hanging out with him no matter what you say.”

The bus stopped in front of the house as Jesse blinked helplessly at his little brother.

“Your just jealous,” Sam said with a smile. “Because I get to hang out with the only drug dealer in town and your stuck with that weirdo and his guitar.”

Jesse stared after Sam in total shock as the teen strode confidently across the road and climbed on the bus. The driver tooted the horn at him, and Jesse jolted into action. He rounded the bus and got on in a tizzy.

“Doing okay there?” the driver asked kindly.

“I’ve gotta sit down,” Jesse said as he staggered down the aisle, past Sam who had his head in his phone, like always. He found a seat in the back, Shaun’s usual seat, and he waited nervously for him to get on.

The bus rumbled down the road then slowed to a stop in front of Shaun’s house.

Jesse’s heartbeat quickened when Shaun stepped grouchily on the bus. He shook with excitement as he stalked down the aisle.

“Hey.” Shaun slid into the seat and Jesse threw himself into his arms. “Oof. What the hell?”

Jesse kissed Shaun passionately as the bus began to move again.

Shaun tore his mouth away. “Jesse!”

Jesse buried his nose in Shaun’s clean smelling hair instead, unwilling to give up the closeness just yet. He breathed in Shaun’s scent and smiled. You smell really good,” he whispered against his throat. “Like peaches.”

“You can’t kiss me like that.” Shaun’s body stiffened and he pushed Jesse away with a huff. “And you can’t hang off me either. Not where other people can see.”

“I know.” Jesse pouted. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it. At least nobody but my brother and the driver saw.”

Shaun flexed his right hand experimentally as the bus bumped along. He grimaced as he twitched his fingers, but the swelling had gone down, and the range of motion had improved.

“How’s your hand?” Jesse asked. “Does it hurt much?”

“Yeah. But I’ll live,” Shaun muttered. “And I’ll probably be able to struggle my way through the setlist on Tuesday. If I get drunk beforehand.”

Jesse laughed as the bus stopped again and the middle school girls got on. They went straight for Sam and sat in the seat in front of him, then turned, grins plastered to their innocent faces as Sam called out a greeting.

Jesse’s smile fell away, and he pressed his lips into a thin, disapproving line as he watched his brother exchange casual pleasantries with the girls. Sam was turning into his mini clone…

“What’s that look for?” Shaun grumbled.

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t know if I should tell you.”

“Then you definitely should,” Shaun said through his teeth.

“There was a bunch of drama happening at my place last night,” Jesse said quickly. “After I left your house, I went home and there was nobody there.”

“Sounds like drama central,” Shaun chuckled.

“There wasn’t a note, and I didn’t know where anyone was,” Jesse pouted. “I called Sam and nothing. I texted my mom and she said she was at work and too busy to talk.”

“Does she work on the weekends?” Shaun asked curiously.

“No,” Jesse hissed as Kenny and Emily got on the bus. They sat in the middle, avoiding Jesse’s new seat up front and Shaun’s regular haunt in the back. “That’s the weird thing. This imaginary shift came out of nowhere and I guess she was so amped, she rounded up the kids, and dropped them off at overnight daycare.”

“Wow.” Shaun raised an eyebrow. “You can do that?”

“If you’ve got the money,” Jesse said grumpily. “But according to her, that’s why she was taking the shift, to make money. So she paid for an expensive babysitting service to make it possible.”

“That seems counterproductive.”

“Exactly.” Jesse twisted the strap of his bag around his fingers as he mulled through his thoughts. In the brief silence, he looked up and caught Emily sneaking a peak at him. Their eyes met and slowly, Emily lifted her chin.

“Who cares what your mom does or why she does it,” Shaun said in a deep, authoritative voice. “You won’t have to live with her forever you know. Soon enough, we’ll be able to find a place of our own and move out.”

Jesse chewed his lip as Emily turned away. He didn’t know what to make of the look… “Mom had a hangover this morning,” he said in a soft voice.

“What?” Shaun snorted with amusement.

“The twins woke me up when they spilled cereal all over the kitchen,” Jesse muttered as he turned his gaze out the window. They were almost at the school. There was only one more stop. “Mom was face down in bed and wouldn’t get up to help. She was in some dress from the night before and whined about needing another hour of sleep,” he continued. “But I think she was throwing up in the bathroom when I got on the bus.”

“Christ.”

“Sam and I talked about it a little,” Jesse said with a sigh, his gaze drifting back up front to his brother again. Sam seemed to be getting along with both girls nicely. They smiled and laughed at everything he said. “I guess mom dragged everyone around the mall the other day clothes shopping,” he said. “I think she was getting some new outfits together.”

“So?”

“She’s really been on my case about the babysitting, too,” Jesse said. “You saw her the other night.”

“Yeah?”

“So, I think my mom’s seeing someone,” Jesse said adamantly. “I think she has a boyfriend.”

“That seems like a pretty far leap,” Shaun grunted, unimpressed.

“Her mind’s elsewhere,” Jesse said in a rush. “She always gets like this before she springs a new guy on us.”

Shaun sighed deeply. “I don’t know, Jesse.”

“If you were annoyed with how much I was babysitting before, then just wait until mom’s seeing this guy all the time and I never get the night off!” Jesse said darkly.

Shaun tipped his head back and laughed. “Your so goddamn dramatic.”

 “How the fuck am I being dramatic?” Jesse furrowed his brow. “This is bad, Shaun. Nine times out of ten, my family moves because my mom broke up with some guy she loved and thought for sure she was going to marry.”

Shaun shrugged. “Did you even ask why your mom was in a dress?”

“She said she went out with her coworkers after her shift,” Jesse said evasively. “But she’s been known to tell outright lies to get away with stuff. This could be another lie.”

“I think you’re reading into shit,” Shaun said firmly. “She went out with her friends. Stop making it so complicated, Jesse.”

“Fine!” Jesse threw up his hands. “I guess I’m just making things up.”

Shaun leaned into the aisle in a subconscious effort to escape.

“Do you want to know what else happened last night?” Jesse asked. “I might as well tell you.”

Shaun sat back and looked at Jesse with narrowed eyes. “Surprise me.”

“Kyle took Sam and the twins out for ice cream!”

Shaun’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “What the fuck…why?”

“Because he and Sam are friends on Instagram now!” Jesse said exuberantly. “Isn’t that cute? Sam says they’ve been talking in secret for a couple days, too, after I specifically asked Kyle to stay away from him.”

Shaun’s dark hair fell into his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I asked Sam to stay away from Kyle first, but I knew that wasn’t going to work,” Jesse said miserably. “I fucked up. I introduced them the other day when I was buying some weed.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “You introduced them?”

“I know,” Jesse said, pulling an anguished face. “And when I asked Kyle to respect my wishes and to steer clear of my brother…well, look what happened.”

“Fucked up.”

Jesse nodded. “I guess they went to some putt-putt course last night. They had an ice cream parlor, too. Kyle really pulled out all the stops.”

 “Sounds like a place for creepers,” Shaun grimaced.

“Sam said he and Kyle baked out the car while the kids played golf.” Jesse licked his lips. “And I believe him. Sam was high as a kite when he came home last night.”

“Kyle’s a pervert.” Shaun’s face was turning red. “He couldn’t get his hands on either of us, so now he’s set his sights on your little brother.”

Jesse sighed as they pulled up outside the school and the high schoolers started to get off. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t think my mom’s going to care.”

“I’m going to talk to that fuck.” Shaun gripped the back of the seat and the frame creaked under his fingers. “Now.”

“Wait…what?”

Shaun leapt from the seat and stalked down the aisle with his bag swinging behind him. As he swept past, his bag thumped into the back of one of the middle school girls.

“Ouch!” she yelped. “That actually hurt.”

Sam fought his way into the aisle as Shaun neared the front. “Faggot!” he yelled after him and everybody froze.

There were ten people on the bus, including the driver, and all of them looked in Shaun’s direction as he slowed to a stop and turned his head to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes burned with an unspeakable fury and Sam stepped back in fear and grabbed the nearest seat with a trembling hand. Jesse got up silently in case he had to intervene.

“Sit down, kid,” Shaun said in a deep, dangerous voice. “Jesse wouldn’t like it if I hurt you.”

Sam, his face beet-red, slumped heavily into his seat.

“Good boy.” Shaun smirked. Then he whirled away and stormed off the bus.

Out the window, Jesse saw Shaun striding toward the school, and he flew down the aisle and jumped off the bus. He ran after Shaun as fast as his legs would carry him, but Shaun didn’t want to be caught. He shoved some unfortunate students on his way inside and disappeared.

Jesse felt like he was moving in slow motion as he reached the doors and tripped into the front hall. He lurched forward, but he didn’t know which way Shaun had gone. People looked at Jesse, but he didn’t meet anyone’s gaze as he searched through a sea of faces for Shaun’s.

High-pitched screams came from down the hall, closer to the English room, and Jesse bolted for them with his heart in his throat. A flurry of activity erupted along the lockers and people stopped and turned their heads as Jesse squeezed through a throng of gawking freshman and stopped dead in his tracks.

Shaun had Kyle pinned to a locker with his hand around his throat. The blond’s eyes popped out of his head and he made terrible gagging sounds as he struggled to breathe.

A pair of senior girls stood at Shaun’s side, begging him to let Kyle go.

“What the hell?!” squealed the brunette. “Leave him alone!”

“I’m getting a teacher,” the other one said, a girl with long braids, as she rushed around the brunette.

Jesse snapped back to reality as he watched the girl wiggle through the crowd of students. He swung his gaze back to the lockers as Shaun lifted Kyle off the floor.

“Oh my god! Stop!” the brunette threw herself at Shaun and beat him on the back with her little hands, but Shaun was unaffected. He began to smile as Kyle’s feet flailed in the air and his face rapidly turned red. Shaun’s eyes flashed with excitement.

“Shaun!” Jesse yelled. “Put him down!”

Shaun glanced at him from the corner of his eye. His hand flexed around Kyle’s throat, then he released him with a sigh.

The blond fell to his knees, coughing and rubbing his abused neck with both hands. 

Shaun’s eyes glittered with emotion. “Stay away from Jesse’s little siblings, you pervert.”

Kyle blinked up at him tearfully. “W-what—?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, faggot,” Shaun snapped. Then he spun away and pushed deeper into the crowd, heading toward his locker in the south hall.

Kyle’s girlfriend and some other seniors clustered around him. Jesse sprinted after Shaun as Kyle was helped to his feet.

“You’re going to get in so much trouble!” Jesse hissed when he caught up. “What were you thinking?!” He grabbed the back of Shaun’s shirt to stop him, but Shaun tore away with a yell.

“Get off!”

Jesse pulled back and Shaun stormed around the corner. Jesse waited a beat, then started after him. He couldn’t let it go.

Shaun’s locker was near the cafeteria and the history room. Students with first period history milled aimlessly in the hall while others ducked into the cafeteria for morning snacks.

Shaun stood at his locker; his face twisted into a scowl, tossing some random book inside as Jesse cautiously approached.

“I just wish you hadn’t made a scene like that,” Jesse muttered. “I think that senior girl told on you.”

Shaun snorted as he tore a notebook from the bottom of the stack. “I don’t give a shit.”

Jesse worried his lip.

Shaun grabbed another book, then shoved it into his bag with the notebook. He slammed his locker shut and turned to face Jesse, a vein pounding in his temple. “I had a legitimate reason for what I did, Jesse.” He aggressively zipped the bag shut and slung it over his shoulder as he continued.  “Kyle can act innocent all he wants, but you and I both know that he’s a sick fuck!”

A small group of sophomores walked past, sneaking glances at Shaun and Jesse as they filed into the cafeteria, and Jesse slid his fingers through his hair. “You practically assaulted him. In front of like…half the school. You can’t do that, Shaun!”

Shaun’s jaw ticked. “I’m going to class.” He spun away and stalked back down the hall for the English room and Jesse watched him go with a sense of resignation.

He decided not to bother with his locker that morning and went straight to math. He had his Chemistry notebook if he needed to write anything down.

Jordan gave him a curious look when he came to class. “What the hell happened with Shaun and Kyle this morning?” he asked as Jesse fell into his seat.

Jesse glared at him as he pulled out a sheet of paper. “Oh, you’re talking to me now?”

Jorden smirked. “Love triangle?”

“No.” Jesse’s face turned red. He pulled his bag open and searched frantically for a pen.

“What then?” Jorden curled his lip. “Drugs?”

“Drugs were involved, unfortunately.” Jesse found a pen and straightened.  “And my little thirteen-year-old brother, too.”

Jorden cringed. “My brother’s eleven. He copies everything I do.”

“Same here,” Jesse said, tapping his pen as he considered how much to say. “My brother’s friends with Kyle now and they’re smoking. I…don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Tough place to be in,” Jordan said as the teacher stepped into the room. He opened his book with a smile. “I certainly don’t envy you.”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighed. “Thanks.”

Jorden turned back to his desk as class began. They didn’t speak again, but Jesse was hopeful that his shunning had finally ended.

When class ended, Jesse packed up quickly. He was anxious to see Shaun and he scurried out of the room before anyone else. As he darted down the hall for the science wing on the other side of the building everybody was looking at him. He felt like an attraction. Some of the glances were still hostile and Jesse was discomforted by the stares. He reached the chemistry room and ducked hurriedly inside. The room was nearly empty, and he found his seat in the back and took out his notes as his stomach twisted into knots. For all he knew, Shaun wouldn’t even show up…

But, moments later, he arrived in the steady stream of on-coming students. His hair was pushed back hazardously, and his expression was pinched, but Jesse was over the moon to see him, whether or not he came with a smile.

“How’d English go?” he asked as Shaun took the seat beside him.

Shaun smiled slowly. “Miss Stevens loved my poem.”

“Really?” Jesse perked up with interest. “You actually turned it in? I haven’t missed class once and I almost forgot,” he laughed. “I wrote mine in an hour. You should have seen it. It was terrible.”

“I wrote mine weeks ago,” Shaun said as he pulled out his textbook. “And Stevens loves my writing. She always has.”

“Wow, that’s…” Jesse blinked, totally surprised by the announcement. Then he beamed. “See! I told you!”

“Keep it down,” Shaun hissed from the side of his mouth, then turned, his eyes glittering with disapproval. “What did you tell me?”

“That you should start your own band!” Jesse mused. He’d lowered his voice, but he was still enthused. “And if you like writing poems—”

“Who said I like writing poems?” Shaun sneered.

“Song’s is what I meant,” Jesse said quickly. “You’re already an amazing guitarist. If you can write some songs and practice your singing—”

“A one-man-band!” Shaun hissed as his hands balled into fists on his thighs. “How cute!”

“Obviously, you’ll need a drummer.” Jesse rolled his eyes. “And Ben’ll will play bass. You won’t be by yourself.”

Shaun crossed his arms. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Jesse sighed and opened his notebook. The silence stretched as he drew a series of stars in the margin.

“I got called to the office at the end of first period,” Shaun said casually. “They wanted to talk about what happened.”

Jesse dropped his pen. “Are you in trouble?”

“No.” Shaun’s eyes flashed with annoyance. “I told them Kyle was messing with your little brother. I admitted I lost my temper and that it wouldn’t happen again.” His lip curled up at the corner. “On school property, at least.”

Jesse sighed.

“The principal said Kyle went home,” Shaun muttered. “We won’t see him again today.”

“That’s good. Right?”

Shaun shrugged. “If he’s too big a pussy to make it through the day then I’m glad he left.”

“I guess you scared him off.”

“Guess so,” Shaun smiled wickedly. Mr. Barnes strolled into the room and the evil smile fell away as Shaun opened his textbook to a random page.

Jesse took out his textbook as well and found the chapter they were currently studying. He flipped to a fresh page in his notebook and got out a pencil.

“By the way, I need your help with that makeup homework,” Shaun said under his breath.

Jesse smiled faintly.  “Bring it to my house after school. We can work on it before Brian gets home.”

Shaun nodded.

“Brian’s going to be upset tonight,” Jesse said in a soft voice and Shaun looked at him curiously. “He’s been doing so good in daycare lately, but he’s had a hard time in the past with abandonment issues.”

 “What do you mean?”

“He’s been to a couple different places already and not all of them were good places,” Jesse said evasively.

Shaun frowned.

“He was at daycare all night. I’m sure he’s there now, too,” Jesse whispered as Mr. Barnes cleaned off the board and began to write. “He hates staying overnight. He thinks he’s being punished. He doesn’t understand that it’s for his safety.” Jesse hung his head. “I just wish I could give him a better life. I wish I could make him happy.”

“That’s not your responsibility, Jesse,” Shaun said sharply. “You’re mother’s a piece of trash. None of this bullshit’s your fault.”

Jesse felt next to no comfort from Shaun’s words, but he nodded once, dejectedly.

Shaun huffed. “Just…concentrate on finishing school. If that’s what you want to do, but I’m done with this place after summer,” he said adamantly. “I’m desperate to get out of my grandparents’ house. I need to put some money aside for a place.” His hand fell heavily on Jesse’s, totally nonchalant, and Jesse’s eyes fell on Shaun’s hand as his large fingers laced through his smaller ones. “Try not to worry so much about everybody else.” He stroked Jesse’s hand warmly. “You’re not responsible for everything.”

“I am responsible for everything,” Jesse murmured. “And I have to worry about Brian.” He shook him off and glumly turned back to his notes. “I’m the only one who does.”

“Whatever.” Shaun scoffed, turning back to his book. Lecture began as he flipped through the pages and looked boredly through the pictures.

Jesse fudged his way through the material, but he couldn’t stop worrying.

Shaun didn’t understand the responsibility he had for his siblings, and for Brian, specifically. Jesse didn’t know how he was going to explain but he’d have to if the relationship continued. There was no way he was leaving Brian behind to rot. The toddler had to come with Jesse on the next journey of his life.

When class ended, Jesse and Shaun walked together to history class. People were gawking at them now. They were more than an attraction. They were a side-show and more than one student rubbernecked to get a look. 

“Jesus fuck,” Shaun growled as they neared history. “Everyone’s staring at us.”

“I wonder why?” Jesse jeered.

“It had to be done,” Shaun said darkly. “Kyle doesn’t respond to threats. You have to grab him by the neck.” He aggressively made a fist.

Jesse shook his head. “You’re being psychotic.”

“I’m sick of being pushed around.”

Jesse watched Shaun with wide eyes as they entered the history room. “Shaun?”

“I’ll see you in lunch,” Shaun said darkly, then he swept across the room to sit in his seat at the front. Jesse gazed at him longingly as he glided down the aisle, but he was silent and obediently took his seat behind Emily. He tried his best to concentrate when class began, but it was difficult. People glanced at him throughout class. More than a couple people turned in their seats to do it. 

At the end of class, Shaun gathered his things in his arms and stormed out of the room without pause. Jesse let him go. There was no use chasing him, their next classes were on opposite ends of hall.

On the way to English and in the classroom, the stares refused to stop. They intensified if that was possible and there was a wide range of expressions to go with them. Confusion and disgust came up repeatedly and Jesse shrank into his seat as Miss Stevens selected a reading for the class. The looks continued throughout lecture and at once point, Jesse caught Emily glaring at him, her eyes flashing with anger and Jesse’s breath caught in his throat. He didn’t breathe again until Emily broke the stare and turned back to the front of the room.

Something was wrong…

At the end of class, Miss Stevens passed back their term assignments. “I liked your poem, Jesse,” she said when she stopped at Jesse’s desk. “It could use a little revision, but I’m grading the effort.”

Jesse glanced at his assignment. He’d gotten a B. “Oh. Thank you.”

The students around them were being rowdy. They packed up noisily and talked amongst themselves as they waited for their papers.

Miss Stevens gave Jesse a lingering look. She still had a stack to hand back, but she leaned her hip against his desk and smiled. “And how are you doing today, Jesse?”

“Umm…” Jesse tucked his poem away. “Much better, thanks.”

“Did you get everything ironed out with your love life?”

“I-I’m working on it.”

“Well, maybe it doesn’t have to be perfectly straight,” Miss Stevens said, her smile turning wry. “As long as you’re in a relationship your comfortable with. That’s what matters.”

Jesse’s face turned bright red. “What?”

Miss Stevens turned away with a wink.

When the bell rang, Jesse rushed out of the room. He could feel eyes on him, judging him, and he didn’t know why, but he had a pretty good idea and the second the thought entered his head, his blood turned cold.

Fucking Kyle!

Jesse flew into the cafeteria as a hundred set of eyes fell upon him. Shaun sat in their usual place with his hands balled into fists on the table in front of him. He wasn’t eating anything, and Jesse took that as a very bad sign.

“Hi,” he squeaked as he sat in the chair beside Shaun’s rigid form. “Don’t you want a lunch?”

“You told him about us,” Shaun muttered. “Didn’t you?”

Jesse’s heart stopped beating. “Uhh…”

“You told Kyle,” Shaun said in a deep voice. “And now everybody knows our business.”

“I-I only told him about that first kiss,” Jesse whispered, and Shaun turned his dark eyes on him with a vengeance and his gaze was severe and unyielding. “I thought maybe I could trust him, but I knew immediately I’d made a mistake and I didn’t say anymore.”

“You think!” Shaun barked. “So, he knows we’re together?”

Jesse pushed his fingers into his eyes. “I’m sure he’s connected the dots by now.”

“Fucking great!” Shaun raged. He was careful to keep his voice low, but the table trembled under his fists. “He was storing that one up for a rainy day…I guess, today,” he hissed. “He doesn’t even have to be here to start rumors! Motherfucker!”

Jesse could feel the stares from the popular table burning into his back. He ducked his head with a groan. “Shaun…I’m sorry…”

“Everyone’s staring at me,” Shaun growled under his breath. “They’re turning their fucking noses up at me!”

“Shaun…” Jesse looked up with wide, desperate eyes. “I’m really really sorry.”

“Don’t look at me like that! You ruined everything with your goddamn mouth! Just like I thought you would.” Shaun shook his head in disgust. “Now I get to be a laughingstock until class lets out. Great job, Jesse!”

As they sat at their table, not eating, a pair of girls from their grade strolled past with their trash. One of the girls whispered into the other’s ear and both of them started to laugh.

“This is so fucked up!” Shaun hissed and Jesse shrunk into himself with humiliation and shame. He sat with his head down until lunch ended and the masses moved toward the door.

“We should skip the rest of the day,” Shaun said bitterly. “This is a waste of time.”

“You only have one more class,” Jesse said. “Just stick it out with me. Please.”

Shaun huffed and shrugged on his backpack. “I don’t even know why I’m listening to you.” He got up huffily and started for the doors. Jesse gathered his things in a panic and stumbled to keep up.

When they reached the locker room, they dressed out in the back corner. Shaun had been silent since leaving the cafeteria and his broad shoulders were stiff as he tugged his hoodie over his head with twice the force he would normally apply.

Kenny and Eric strode into the room, talking in low voices. Both of them looked in Jesse’s and Shaun’s direction as they headed to their lockers. Eric smiled at them nastily, but Kenny’s face was expressionless as he stopped in front of his locker and whipped his T-shirt over his head. He flexed the powerful muscles in his chest as he set his gym bag on the bench beside him and reached inside for a clean tee. His eyes narrowed dangerously when he looked up and met Jesse’s eyes.

Jesse dropped his head, so his hair hid his face and pulled his gym shorts on as fast as he could. He tried not to look up again as he stepped into his worn tennis shoes and tied them hurriedly. Shaun wasn’t cooperating though. He blossomed under the adversity. He almost seemed to get a sick pleasure out of it. He kicked his boots off at a leisurely pace as he stared unreservedly at Kenny and Eric.

“Stop it,” Jesse hissed under his breath. “You’re antagonizing them.” He was finished, but he didn’t want to leave Shaun in the locker room by himself. There was no telling what would happen if he did.

“Fuck you,” Shaun growled as he tossed his boots into his locker and banged the door shut. He dropped his grungy tennis shoes on the floor and shoved his feet inside, stamping on the backs until his heels slid inside. “Finished,” he grumbled, then gestured dramatically for Jesse to take the lead.

Jesse turned and strode past the other boys changing into T-shirts and sweats, past Kenny and Eric, who stopped what they were doing to watch them go, and finally they passed out of the locker room and into the gym.

Today, they were playing basketball on the inside courts. Shaun and Jesse were on separate teams, no surprise and Jesse was placed on Kenny’s team, along with the girl from the other day, Beth, another girl he didn’t know, and the boy from math, Peter. Shaun was on Eric’s team with two other guys and a girl.

The two teams lined up mid court. Jesse watched anxiously as Shaun and Kenny sized each other up. He hoped both he and Shaun would make it through the game without a fight…

The coach blew his whistle, and the game began.

Kenny was on Shaun’s ass the second the ball came into play and Eric stuck to Jesse like glue. This game had been planned.

Jesse was pretty good at basketball, but Kenny and Eric were actively working against him. He jogged up and down the court, trying to shake the massive jock, but Eric shadowed his every step. Anytime Peter or one of the girls tried to pass him the ball, Eric stole it away. The one-time Jesse caught a rebound, Eric slapped it violently out of his hands and loped down the court with it. He made a wicked slam dunk.

“That’s how it’s done!” Eric crowed with laughter.

“Nice.” Kenny held up a hand and they gave each other skin.

Jesse rolled his eyes. He refused to be impressed.

Eric was destroying their team and Kenny seemed to be getting a sick rise out of it. He taunted the rest of the team for their ineptitude as they rapidly fell behind in points. Kenny laughed when Beth missed a shot and Eric flew out of nowhere and stole the ball. He laughed when Jesse got a foul and had to surrender the ball. He laughed when Peter fumbled a pass. He laughed every time Eric got a basket and as the game wore on, he and the other boy started high fiving every time it happened.

When Kenny got possession of the ball, he ran down the court freely with it. Shaun was supposedly blocking him, but he trailed far behind, he wasn’t trying. As Kenny advanced on the basket, Eric darted out from behind Jesse and tore across the court to meet his friend head on. Kenny stopped dead in his tracks, a couple yards from the basket, and dribbled the ball, grinning at Eric as the jock danced between him and the net.

“Jesse!” Kenny snapped and Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat. “Get over here!”

Jesse lurched into action and rushed to assist his teammate.

“You’ve been totally worthless this whole game,” Kenny sneered as Jesse stumbled to get into an open spot. Eric got between them every time. “Why don’t you actually catch the ball.”  Kenny saw an opening and launched the ball at him.

Jesse dove to catch it, but Eric’s arms were longer. He snatched the ball out of the air and shoved past Jesse on his way to the opposite side of the court.

Jesse spun and watched Eric make a basket.

“Cocksucker.”

“Oof.” Jesse tripped forward as Kenny drove his fist into his lower back. He nearly fell, but he caught himself and looked up, pained, as Kenny jogged off in the opposite direction.

Across the court, Shaun was frozen. His eyes were full of activity though and when Jesse met his gaze, it teemed with anger.

It was obvious. People knew…Kenny knew…that Jesse liked guys and that he and Shaun were a couple.

Jesse hung back after that. He tried his best to keep out of Kenny’s way. He did everything in his power to avoid the ball. He couldn’t avoid Eric though. Every time Jesse’s team got the ball, Eric stalked him around the court. Jesse kept in constant motion to stay out of his reach, but as the game wore on, Eric became more aggressive. He kept getting into Jesse’s face and pushing him around.

At one point, Jesse was in perfect line with the basket. Beth was just out of reach though, and blocked by one of the other boys on Eric’s team. “Jesse?” she held up the ball and Jesse grudgingly prepared to catch it as Eric hovered just an arm’s length away, waiting to snatch it.

As Beth threw the ball, Kenny swept in confidently and palmed it with ease. He smiled meanly. “I thought homos liked playing with balls. Are you even trying, Jesse?”

Eric laughed obnoxiously. The other two boys on his team laughed, as well, and even Peter couldn’t seem to help himself. He covered his mouth, at least, but he laughed all the same.

Shaun glared at Jesse darkly from the sidelines. There was a dark cloud of anger brewing over his head and Jesse knew he was in for it. Shaun was going to murder him tonight.

The game resumed, totally unchecked, as Kenny continued with his derogatory remarks. The coach was busy on the other court, blowing his whistle at a minor infraction from another team. So far, he’d been suspiciously absent for most of the game…

Jesse burned with embarrassment as Kenny and Eric ran circles around him. His peers continued to laugh while Shaun glared from the sidelines, watching the proceedings with deep furrows in his brow.

Jesse quickly got winded and sweat beaded along his brow. Gym was nearly over by this point, otherwise he would have given up and walked off the court. There was only ten minutes left and Jesse didn’t want to look like a pussy.

Jesse stayed in the game. He ran down the ball and followed at a distance, Eric breathing down his neck the whole way.

Beth had the ball again and she got stuck mid court with a guard. Jesse rushed into a better position and met her eyes and Beth passed it to him smoothly.

Jesse caught the ball and dribbled it down the court, keeping it close to his body as he went. Eric tripped all over himself to catch up.

“Let’s go, faggot! Maybe you’ll finally get it in the net this time!” Kenny yelled from behind in a booming voice and Jesse’s face burned as he approached the basket.

He was about to take a shot when Eric moved in and swept his legs out from under him. Jesse yelped and tumbled to the floor. He slid across the glossy hardwood as the ball bounced out of reach.

Kenny snickered and Jesse looked up wildly as the jock stopped over him with a smile. The game came to a halt as everyone on their side of the court stopped to watch the two boys.

“You look good down there, Jess. Kenny started to circle Jesse, sneering at him. “On your knees like a natural cocksucker.”

Shaun stepped in front of Jesse. “Back off!” he roared, shoving Kenny hard in the chest.

Kenny stumbled back. “Don’t touch me, freak.” He brushed off the front of his shirt with a sneer. The entire class was watching now. A palpable anticipation hung in the air. The coach surveyed the scene with interest from across the room, but it obvious he had no plans to stop the impending confrontation.

Shaun scowled at the jock. “Leave us the fuck alone and I won’t have to.”

Eric snorted. He came to stand beside his friend with his big arms crossed over his chest. “Look at that,” he said with a smirk. “Two little fags standing up for one another.”

“More like Shaun here is sticking up for his little girlfriend,” Kenny sneered. A round of tittering started up from the gathered students. “You know Jesse’s the bottom in that relationship because he’s the one who looks most like a girl.”

Shaun lurched unevenly. “Goddamn…fuckface!”

Kenny’s arms went up as his face contorted in fear, but the sound of the whistle stopped Shaun in his tracks. He dropped his hands and turned with a glower on his face as the coach jogged up.

“Alright, guys…break it up…” the coach was already out of breath. “Kenny…” He clasped the jock’s shoulder in a nonverbal ‘job well done’ and a very clear ‘fuck you’ to Shaun. “I saw him…push you.”

“Fuck this!” Shaun spun for the locker room and stormed off in a huff. Jesse didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as he stumbled after him.

“Jesse…”

Jesse turned and kept walking in reverse. “I’m done with basketball for today,” he said with a smile. “Us gay boys aren’t very good with sports anyway.”

There was a round of laughter as he ran after his boyfriend. The delirious thought made his heart swell. Boyfriend!!!

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Loud, metallic noises floated from the short hall to the locker room. Jesse crept down the hall, trying to decern the sounds when the metallic noise resumed.

Bang! Bang! Baaang!

“Fuuuuck!!!”

Jesse pulled open the door as Shaun rammed his shoulder into his wrecked locker with a yell of rage.

“Shaun!” Jesse darted through the door and flew into the back corner of the room. He grabbed onto him in a panic. “Stop!”

Shaun shoved him away with a growl. “The whole goddamn school knows about us!”

Jesse checked the locker and saw there was a sizable dent, smudged with bright red blood. He looked down and saw Shaun’s bloodied right-hand, dripping blood onto the floor and he swallowed a cry of distress.

“This is exactly what I was trying to avoid.” Shaun drove his foot into the locker this time. “Getting fucking outted!” He kicked the door with force, and it shuddered violently, just barely holding on at the hinges. “I warned you not to tell anybody and you went and told Kyle of all people! After I told you to keep it a secret!”

“I-I-I’m sorry alright!” Jesse stammered as Shaun kicked the door a third time with a grunt of effort. “I-I was just lonely…and I was jealous!”

“You fucking idiot!” Shaun shouted as he kicked the door a fourth time and the locker finally caved in on itself. “You are so stupid!”

A stray tear rolled down Jesse’s cheek and he looked away in embarrassment. “I just wanted Kyle to know you were mine. I didn’t mean for everyone else to find out. I’m sorry.”

Shaun didn’t respond as he breathed heavily, just a few paces away.

Jesse stared down at the blood on the floor. He didn’t know what to say.

“I fucking hate this place,” Shaun said darkly. “I should burn it to the ground on my way out of town.”

“Do you really care what those people out there think?” Jesse asked, looking up at Shaun from under his pale lashes. “I’m not embarrassed they know, Shaun. I love you,” he said softly as Shaun met his gaze with a sigh. “You’re the only one I care about.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Shaun said through his teeth. “But everything’s going to be harder now.”

“We’ve only got a month of school left,” Jesse said easily. “Really, what’s the worse they can do to us?

Shaun slumped down onto the bench with a deep sigh as the tension drained from his body. “I’m leaving,” he said, pulling his injured hand into his lap and studying it with fascination.

Jesse had wanted to finish class, but after that showdown on the basketball court, he was ready to bow out for the day. “Can I come?”

“No,” Shaun hissed. “I’m going to Kyle’s.”

“Oh.”

Shaun stood up. He hesitated, then grabbed an edge of the bent locker and pried it open. He retrieved his boots and his jeans and bundled them in his arms. “Can you hold on to these for me?” he asked sheepishly.

Jesse shyly took the clothes from him. “Will I see you later tonight?”

“Yeah. I’ll come see you.”

Jesse smiled. Maybe the day hadn’t been totally ruined after all.

Shaun looked deep into his eyes as he lifted a hand. He ghosted his fingers across his cheek. “See you later.”

Jesse leaned into his touch with a soft moan. “Sooner rather than later, please.”

Shaun’s eyes flashed with interest, but he dropped his hand and backed away. “Watch your back, Jesse,” he said as he moved to exit the room. “Go home on the bus. Don’t put up with any bullshit from Kenny.”

Jesse bit his lip and nodded.

Shaun disappeared into the hall and Jesse sank onto the bench with a sigh. He curled around Shaun’s clothes and breathed in their scent. They were clean for once, but there was a bit of Shaun’s natural smell underneath the fabric soap and Jesse enjoyed it thoroughly.

Shaun would be back soon. He’d promised.

He left the locker room before the others finished their games. He didn’t want to run into Kenny and Eric again and he didn’t want to get blamed for the destroyed locker either.

He went to his last class of the day but didn’t pay attention to the lecture. He drew pictures of guitars in his notebook and wondered if Shaun would be able to play with his fucked-up hand. It had looked much worse after beating the locker and he was probably making it ten times worse, beating Kyle. Punching lockers and people wasn’t good practice for guitarists.

When school let out, Jesse unloaded his backpack at his locker and transferred Shaun’s clothes and his boots to the main pouch. He took his time. Shaun had told him to ride home on the bus, but he was dreading it. He didn’t want to be trapped in the close confines with Kenny and his friends and he was seriously considering walking home. He dawdled with the strap on his bookbag as his classmates emptied the building around him.

At the last moment, Jesse second guessed himself. The bus ride wouldn’t be fun, but he’d be home so much quicker. Kenny couldn’t get away with much anyway. There’d be too many witnesses.

Jesse shouldered his bag and slammed his locker. He was the last student in this part of the building. A student teacher he’d never personally met ambled past with an armload of papers. He gave Jesse an inquisitive look.

Jesse turned and sprinted down the hall and to the right. There was no one in the main hall either. Shit. He may have already missed the bus.

He flew out the front doors, his gaze focused on the line of buses idling in the parking lot. A few students were still getting on. There was a small group of kids at the end of the front walk, talking and laughing.

Jesse took a step toward them when an arm banded across his chest and he was pulled back into a tall, bulky body. A single, large hand went over his mouth while another wound around both his wrists and jerked them sharply behind his body.

“Mmmhhhppp!”

“Wow, that was easier than I thought,” said a familiar voice.

The chest Jesse was pressed against rumbled with laughter. “Easy for you,” Eric said and Jesse’s blood ran cold. He struggled in the lumbering jock’s iron-clad hold and cried fruitlessly for help. 

Rick stepped in front of Jesse. He peered at him with narrowed eyes. “C’mon,” he said to Eric. “Let’s go. Before someone sees.”

Eric frog marched Jesse around the building and into the side lot where the teachers parked. There were two cars on either end of the small, paved area and Eric walked them between the vehicles and into the grass bordering the football stadium. Three guys stood waiting, Jordan, one of the guys from gym, and Kenny. Jesse’s eyes focused on the dark-haired teen as he smiled cruelly.

Jesse got a mouthful of grass as he was tossed to the ground and Eric and Rick closed ranks behind him. The circle tightened and there was a round of laughter as Jesse sat up on his knees and spat out the grass.

“Nice of you to grace us with your presence, cocksucker,” Kenny said cheerfully and Jesse looked at him in a panic. The desperation on his face seemed to amuse Kenny more and his evil smile widened. “You’ve been avoiding us…I wonder why?”

Jorden sneered. “It’s because he can’t suck our dicks.”

“We don’t like your kind around here, freak,” Eric chimed in and Rick folded his arms and nodded along with him.

In the distance, the buses pulled out of the parking lot and Jesse watched them go with an intense longing in his belly. He should have gotten on the fucking bus. He wrapped his arms around himself and began to rock. “Oh no…”

“How can you even bear to touch a guy like Shaun?” Rick asked.

Eric chuckled. “You must have really horrible taste.”

“Yeah, especially since you didn’t even touch Emily,” Jordan added quickly, looking to Kenny for approval. 

“Why do you even care?” Jesse whined. He looked frantically from face to face. He couldn’t take five guys at once. “What the fuck are you guys going to do to me?!”

The smile slid from Kenny’s face. “I told you not to mess with her,” he said darkly. “When you fucked with my sister you made your business, my business.”

“Dirty faggot,” spat the boy from gym and Jesse shrank away in disgust. He couldn’t stop shaking.

“Freak!” a voice jeered and Jesse whirled around, not sure who had said it. He was terrified. Cold sweat beaded along his hairline.

“You had this coming for a while now, but the second you started taking it up the ass you signed your death warrant.” Kenny stepped into the impromptu ring and Jesse scrambled to his feet. He tried to retreat, but rough hands shoved him back into the circle and Kenny punched him square in the jaw.

Jesse fell heavily into Jordan and the asshole shoved him away, then nailed Jesse’s jaw in a jab that sent him spinning into the fray. Eric took a turn next and he stepped up and took a healthy swing, but Jesse dodged him by an inch. Rick kneed him sharply from behind, though and Jesse staggered forward. “Ugh!”

Eric caught him by the hair and viciously wrenched him back.

“Ow, ow, ow, nooo!” Jesse grabbed onto Eric’s wrist with both hands as he was lifted off the ground and Eric held him aloft, laughing meanly.

Jesse twisted in the air and clawed madly at Eric’s wrist as the big monster grinned with a sick enjoyment. Panicked, Jesse pulled his legs up and kicked Eric as hard as he could in the gut. He fell in the grass as Eric cursed above him.

“Fucker!”

Jesse rolled to his feet as Rick and the other boy came at him, but adrenaline rushed through Jesse’s veins and he launched himself forward with a war cry and forced himself between the two boys. There was nothing on the other side. Nothing but open field and trees beyond that and Jesse ran, his heart pounding in his chest. He felt like he was going in slow motion and couldn’t move his legs fast enough.

“Gah!” Jesse jerked to a stop as the neck of his T-shirt closed over his throat. Someone had the back of his shirt and they yanked him back.

“Where are you going, Jess?” Kenny laughed. “We weren’t through with you yet.”

Jesse screamed and thrashed in frustration as Kenny dragged him back to the circle. He curled into a protective ball when Kenny tossed him in the grass again.

Eric kicked him hard in the ribs. “Fucking pussy.”

Jesse screamed in pain.

Eric kicked him a few more times, laughing, and Jesse whimpered and pulled his arms into himself, totally helpless.

“That’s enough,” Kenny said, and Eric stepped back to make room. He crouched over Jesse and pried his arms away from his face. “You’re disgusting for what you do,” Kenny said as he climbed on top of Jesse and pinned his flailing arms to the ground with his knees. His friends gathered around excitedly as he leaned down into Jesse’s red, straining face. “That’s why I’m going to beat the shit out of you,” Kenny said in a soft voice. “Because you deserve it.” Then he pulled back his arm and drove his fist into Jesse’s face. He did it again and again and he didn’t hold back.

Stars exploded behind Jesse’s eyelids as he was repeatedly battered. He screamed at first, but it turned to a weak, sputtering sound as his mouth filled with blood. He didn’t know how long Kenny pounded his face, but it felt like minutes. Kenny’s buddies cheered him on through the whole thing. They were insatiable.

“Oh my god! Stop!” A feminine voice came from the distance. “I’m getting help!”

Kenny rolled off and leapt to his feet as Jesse peeled his swollen eyes open. He watched in a daze as Kenny, Eric, and the others fled for the woods.

Jesse let his head fall back against the grass as his eyes drifted shut. They stung like crazy. His face throbbed. His body hurt and he groaned deep in his chest.

“Jesse! Jesse, are you alright?” The feminine voice said again, right beside him this time and Jesse turned his head and slitted his eyes open. Miss Stevens hovered over him like an angel, her face awash with concern and a flood of relief rushed over Jesse’s aching body.

Another figure appeared over Stevens’ shoulder. Jesse opened his eyes a bit wider. It was Coach Vance and he glared at Jesse.

“Did you get a look at who was hitting him?” he asked.  He looked down the field after Jesse’s retreating attackers. They had just reached the edge of the woods. He could probably recognize Kenny and his friends from where he stood, with nearly a mile between them at this point, but he didn’t offer any names.

“No. I didn’t,” Miss Stevens admitted as she put an arm around Jesse’s shoulders and gingerly helped him up. Jesse winced in pain, but he mustered through it with Miss Stevens’ assistance and slowly got to his feet. “As soon as I saw what was happening, I ran back inside to get you,” Stevens said. “But I’m sure Jesse can identify them.”

The coach threw Jesse a contemplative look.

“Help me, would you?” Stevens asked and the coach grudgingly moved to Jesse’s other side. He took his arm and assisted Stevens as they led Jesse back into the building.

The nurse’s office was empty, but the coach had a key. He let them in and Miss Stevens got to work treating Jesse’s injuries. Both his eyes were bruised and swollen and when Stevens checked his pupils, she said he had a concussion. His lip was split and bloody. He had numerous cuts on his face and bruises scattered across his body. Stevens found an ice pack and advised him to hold it to his face.

The principal had already left for the day, but when Miss Stevens called him and explained the situation, he said he was turning around and coming back. She called Monica next and stepped into the hall to talk, but Jesse could hear the tone of his mother’s voice. She was upset.

Jesse met Coach Vance’s eyes from across the room. The portly man watched him with narrowed eyes. Jesse looked away uncomfortably.

Miss Stevens slid back into the room. She cleared her throat. “Your mother will be here in an hour.”

Jesse nodded and curled up on his cot in the corner. He pillowed his head on his arm as he gingerly pressed the icepack to his eye.

“So,” Miss Stevens started slowly. “You didn’t get a look at any of your attackers’ faces?”

“No,” Jesse said simply. He was glad for the English teacher’s help, but he wasn’t going to tattle. She’d asked him several times about the attack already, but Jesse had been closemouthed. He didn’t want Kenny to get afterschool detention. He wanted to get even.

“But how is that possible?” Miss Stevens asked. “Why did you get assaulted? Maybe that’ll help you think who could possibly have done this.”

“Maybe he doesn’t remember,” the coach spoke up. He was reclined in the nurse’s desk chair with his hands tucked under his armpits. He looked bored. “With the concussion and all…maybe he’s got short term memory loss.”

Miss Stevens pursed her lips, but Jesse latched onto the explanation. “Yeah. I’ve probably got short term memory loss.” He hated the way the coach’s lips curled into a smug smile at his eager acceptance, but he’d already decided he wasn’t turning Kenny in. The coach wasn’t going to change his mind.

“I don’t know…” Miss Stevens hesitated.

“It’s pretty normal. Especially with all the stress he’s been under lately,” the coach said, gesturing to Jesse. For a moment, Jesse wondered if the stress he was referring to was Shaun, but then the coach continued. “Finals are coming up in a few weeks…it’s a busy time.”

Miss Stevens frowned, but she stopped asking questions.

When the principal arrived, the round of questioning started all over again. Mr. Norris, a thin, balding, middle-aged man, didn’t buy Jesse’s amnesia either, but Jesse wasn’t talking and there wasn’t a lot anyone could do.

“Are you sure you can’t tell me anything about the assault besides ‘it hurt a lot’?” Mr. Norris asked tiredly, and Jesse shook his head. The principal sighed. “I run a tight ship here, Mr. Welch. These boys shouldn’t get off scot-free. I can call the police and you can talk to them if you’d like.”

“Ah…no.” Jesse shifted uncomfortably on the cot. “I really don’t remember anything.”

The principal gave Jesse an unhappy look, but he gave up soon after and left the room. Jesse could hear him, Miss Stevens, and Coach Vance talking in the hallway outside. He shut his eyes and tried to tune them out.

He managed to fall asleep after that, curled up in the nurse’s office. Nearly two hours passed before Monica showed up.

Jesse was woken by his mother’s voice.

“What’d you do now?” She and Miss Stevens stood over Jesse’s cot. Monica was donned in her scrubs. She looked unimpressed.

Miss Stevens looked at her with wide, concerned eyes. “He was attacked. I witnessed it. Five against one.”

Monica clicked her tongue, but her disappointed expression didn’t change. “C’mon, kid,” she said with a sigh. “Let’s get you home.”

Monica was distant and restless on the ride home. She didn’t ask any questions about the fight, or about anything really. She checked her phone several times during the drive and sent a few texts, and Jesse thought again about the “boyfriend theory” as he watched from the corner of his eye.

As they neared the house, Monica spoke up. “I’ll be home late,” she said. “A friend at work skipped dinner so I could pick you up, so I’m staying an extra couple of hours for her tonight.”

Jesse groaned. It was going to be a long night.

“Since you’re in no condition to babysit, I already called the daycare,” Monica said. “Brian and Lissa are staying for the night service again.”

Jesse gasped, horrified. “You can’t do that! Brian will lose his shit!”

“It’s already done.” Monica pursed her lips. “Ninety dollars out of my account and this is the thanks I get?” She pulled in the driveway and slammed the gear into park. She got out huffily and came around to help Jesse out of the van. “Just be grateful you don’t have to babysit tonight. I won’t do it again. Trust me.”

Sam was messing around in the kitchen when they came in the front door. Jesse could hear the microwave humming and water running in the sink. The twins were situated on the living room couch with a TV show and a deck of Uno cards.

Allison peeked over the back of the couch as Jesse set his bag by the door and Monica went into the kitchen for ice. “What happened to your face?” she asked in a little voice.

“I got in a fight,” Jesse said as Tyler looked up from his show. His eyes widened when he caught sight of Jesse’s face.

Monica swept back into the room with an icepack and a towel. “Let’s get you in bed.”

They went upstairs and Jesse got into something comfortable while Monica fetched a bottle of water and some aspirin. He got into bed and Monica watched him take the pills, then settled the cold pack on his swollen face. 

Monica looked at the damage a bit closer this time. “I’ll come and check on you when I get home,” she said with a faint smile. “They really did a number on you.”

Jesse scowled at her.

Monica flitted around the room and scooped up a pile of dirty clothes. She shook her head as she snagged a discarded bag of chips and an empty pop bottle and added it to the pile. “Boys,” she muttered. “Nothing but slobs.”

She stepped out of the room and a few minutes later, Jesse heard the washer kick on down in the laundry room. Soon after, Monica’s and Sam’s voices floated upstairs from the kitchen, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Just their voices.

Jesse drifted off to sleep as he listened to the familiar sounds of the house. He had a fleeting dream about Shaun. He saw his face in his mind… his dark, intense eyes…

“Whoa,” said a voice from the doorway and Jesse was jerked from his slumber. He sat up in a daze, thinking Shaun had come to visit.

The figure in the door wasn’t Shaun’s, however. Sam stood in the hall, gazing at Jesse in amazement and Jesse flopped back into bed in disappointment.

“Who jumped you?” Sam asked.

Jesse sighed. He didn’t see the point in lying. Sam wouldn’t care either way. “Kenny and some friends,” he said bitterly. “But Kyle’s the one who screwed me over. He’s the one who got me beat up.”

“Kyle?” Sam snorted in disbelief.

“He told everyone at school about me and Shaun,” Jesse said angrily. “He outted us.”

“I don’t believe you.” Sam rolled his eyes. “He was here singing your praises yesterday.”

Jesse glowered up at the ceiling. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument. “He ran his mouth today. After Shaun and I approached him about staying away from you.”

“You did what?”

“It wasn’t a coincidence,” Jesse muttered. “Right after…” He skipped the part where Shaun had Kyle against a locker. “After we confronted him, everyone stared looking at us different.” He shook his head, so his hair fell into his eyes. “Then Kenny and his friends ganged up on me after school.”

Sam crossed his arms. “You haven’t been talking to Kenny for days. Or of any of the other guys. What happened there?”

Jesse scowled. He regretted saying anything. “Leave me alone, alright? I appreciate you taking care of the twins, but I just want to sleep!”

Sam snorted again. “Yeah. Okay,” he said. He started to turn away, but then paused. “I made dinner if you’re interested. Pizza rolls.”

“No thanks.” Jesse turned on his side and waited anxiously for him to leave.

“And just so you know,” Sam said and there was a smile in his voice. “Everyone’s crediting me for starting the rumor. I’m the one who called Shaun out on the bus this morning. Everyone at my school talked about it all day.”

Jesse sat up, a sharp retort on the tip of his tongue, but Sam was gone. Jesse laid back with a frustrated sigh.

Within twenty minutes, he was asleep again. The aspirin had mellowed the pain and his face was numb from the ice. Another hour passed before raised voices from downstairs woke him from his slumber.

“…can’t go up there!”

“The hell I can’t.”

The first voice was Sam, but the second, deeper one was Shaun’s and Jesse’s whole body vibrated with excitement. He heard footsteps coming down the hallway and he sat up as the door slid open.

Shaun peered into the room. “Jesse?”

“Um…hi.” Jesse smiled sheepishly and Shaun’s eyes widened as he stepped into the room and pushed the door shut behind him.

“What the fuck, Jesse?”

“It’s nothing—”

“What the fuck happened?!” Shaun shouted, then he moved to the bed and climbed up the bunk. The frame swayed dangerously as he reached the top. “What happened to your goddamn face?!”

Jesse flinched and looked down at the blanket pooled in his lap.

“It was Kenny, wasn’t it?” Shaun snapped.

Jesse didn’t look up. He didn’t want Shaun to get involved. He wasn’t a girl; he could take care of himself.

“And that bastard Eric, too. Right?” Shaun growled.

Jesse shrugged.

“Tell me!” There was a wild anger in Shaun’s eyes. “Then I can make them sorry they touched you!” He took the last rung on the ladder and crawled onto Jesse’s bed, then loomed over him as he studied the damage to his face. Slowly, he stretched out a trembling hand and stroked Jesse’s cheek. “I’ll fucking kill them.”

“No, Shaun, I don’t need you to protect—”

Shaun grabbed his biceps and shook him violently. “The fuck you don’t!” he yelled. “What the fuck did they do to you! Jesus Christ, Jesse!”

Jesse leaned away as his cheeks burned with embarrassment. He felt like a child in Shaun’s grasp.

Shaun sighed and let him go. He pushed a hand through his hair as he sat back on the mattress and tried to cool down. “Kyle never came home,” he grumbled. “I waited down the road for almost four hours before his dad pulled in the driveway.”

 “I think he’s hiding from you,” Jesse said softly.

Shaun shook his head. “Fucking little bitch.”

 Jesse chewed his bottom lip. It stung and he concentrated on the pain as he carefully picked his next words. “Shaun… Please don’t go after Kenny—”

 ”Shut up,” Shaun hissed. “I’m going to destroy his pretty face.”

 ”Shaun, no, please—”

“Shhh,” Shaun hushed as he pressed a finger to Jesse’s lips. He pressed much harder than necessary and Jesse pouted dramatically, but he kept quiet. Shaun stared at Jesse’s mouth. Gently, he ran a finger along his plump, lower lip. “You’re making it worse,” he said. “The cut on your lip.” And he held up his finger. It was stained with blood.

“Oh.” Jesse blinked and reached up to touch his mouth, but Shaun batted his hand away and grasped his chin. He pulled Jesse close. “Shaun?” Jesse gasped as Shaun sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and kissed him deeply. Shaun pushed his tongue into Jesse’s mouth and Jesse tasted his own blood.

Shaun pulled back and licked his lips hungrily. “I’ll be back later, if I can,” he said, cupping Jesse’s other cheek as his dark eyes filled with longing. He slid his hand down and caressed Jesse’s jaw. He hit a tender spot and Jesse winced. Shaun’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Maybe I’ll just see you tomorrow.”

Jesse sighed, but he didn’t argue. He’d probably be fast asleep by the time Shaun showed up again. He was resigning himself to the fact Shaun was going to avenge him, too, and was trying to be cool. ”I love you,” he said, then got on his knees and ghosted his hands along Shaun’s firm thighs so he could rest his weight on them and lean in close. He pressed his lips against Shaun’s and groaned as he met them eagerly. They kissed heatedly for a few moments, their tongues sliding together in a sensual dance.

Shaun pulled away. “I have to go,” he murmured against Jesse’s lips, then he stroked his hair back affectionately and looked deeply into his eyes. “Take care of yourself, alright?”

Jesse wrapped his arms around Shaun’s middle and clutched him tight. “Bye,” he whispered, burying his face against Shaun’s broad chest.

Shaun indulged him for a moment, but then he gently extracted himself from Jesse’s hold and slid down from the bunk bed. He sent Jesse one last look over his shoulder, and then he left the room. A few seconds later, Jesse heard the front door bang open and then shut.

Shaun was gone.

Jesse waited for Shaun as long as he could, but eventually he passed out. Close to midnight, Monica poked her head in the bedroom and asked if he’d eaten or if he needed anything. In a daze, Jesse shook his head and fell back on his pillow. Monica left and he slept solidly until morning.

Monica bustled into the bedroom. “Up, up, up,” she sang, pulling the curtains aside and then ripping the blankets off Sam’s bed.

“Mom!” Sam cried. Jesse didn’t remember him coming to bed. He was half dressed, in a pair of boxer shorts, and nothing else.

“You overslept. The bus will be here in thirty minutes. Get moving,” Monica said pleasantly and Sam groaned and rolled lazily out of bed. He muttered unhappily under his breath as he dragged himself to the bathroom.

Monica turned to Jesse next and he peered at her over the edge of the bed’s railing.

“I called you off school for today,” she said. “There’s cereal in the kitchen and another ice pack in the freezer. The aspirins on the bathroom counter if you need it. Two every six hours.”

Jesse nodded.

“Rest up. You’re going to school tomorrow,” Monica said sternly, then she left the room.

Jesse listened to the familiar sounds of his family’s morning routine. It took close to an hour before everyone left for the day and he lazed in bed until he was sure they were gone.

When the coast was clear, he climbed out of bed and shuffled down the hall. He stripped out of his clothes in the bathroom and got in the shower.

Jesse’s body was covered in bruises and he soaped himself up gingerly. He wondered if Shaun had found Kenny last night. A small part of him hoped he’d beaten his ass...

Jesse ran the washcloth over his bruised ribs as he cursed himself for ever talking to Kyle. If he would have listened to Shaun and stayed away from the blond boy, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.

Jesse stepped under the shower head and shut his eyes as the water flowed through his hair and over his body. Shaun had been right from the very beginning. Jesse shouldn’t have messed with Emily and he shouldn’t have talked to Kyle, either.

After a long shower, Jesse went downstairs for breakfast and fixed himself a bowl of cereal. He grabbed the ice pack from the freezer and migrated to the living room to eat his cereal on the couch. He turned on an old rerun of The Price is Right and zoned out.

Jesse had just finished his cereal when there was a firm knock at the door. He set his bowl on the coffee table as his pulse sped up with nervous excitement and he leapt up to answer the door.

“Hi,” Jesse said breathlessly.

Shaun stood glumly on the front step, a single bruise marring his cheek, just under his eye. “Hey,” he said.

Jesse wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him inside. The door shut behind them as he nestled his face into Shaun’s chest and kissed his sweaty neck.

“I went to school, but you weren’t there,” Shaun grunted, brushing his lips against Jesse’s hair. “I had to walk all the way here.”

Jesse laughed. “Like you don’t make the same walk every single day.”

“You were right the other day. It’s getting hot out,” Shaun complained. “And it’s going to rain. I’m lucky it didn’t start pouring while I was out there.”

Jesse smiled. “Well, I’m glad you came.” He clung to Shaun needily, wanting to tell him he loved him again, but he bit his tongue.

“Mmm,” Shaun murmured, before he pulled away. Jesse whined and so Shaun compromised and he kept an arm around Jesse’s shoulders. He led him to the couch and once they were both seated, Jesse all but crawled into his lap. He touched Shaun’s new bruise with a single, gentle finger.

“So, what happened?”

“I walked behind Jay’s farm and found them all hanging out there. I had my rifle with me, so I shot a few holes in Kenny’s truck and when he tried to stop me, I smashed his teeth in.” Shaun grinned and Jesse felt deeply uncomfortable. “Eric tried to rescue him. He managed to hit me. Once.” Shaun pointed to the bruise on his cheek. “But that fucking idiot must’ve forgot I had my rifle with me. He turned his back for a just a second and left himself wide open for a head shot. When he turned around I whacked him right in the nose. Fucking broke it again, I think,” he said cheerfully. “Then I told those other retards standing around if they told anyone or if they bothered you anymore, I’d come back and fuck them up, too.”

“Shaun…”

“What?” Shaun snapped. “I had to do something! Nobody’s allowed to hurt you like that!”

Even though Shaun seemed to believe he couldn’t defend himself, Jesse was flattered he would go to so much trouble to get even for him. “I just don’t want you to get arrested, “Jesse said gently. “You have to be careful.”

Shaun snorted. “I won’t get arrested.”

Jesse bit his lip again. He was worried. Shaun’s reputation would probably keep Kenny and his friends from going to the cops, though. Plus, Jesse could just turn around and implicate Kenny and Eric in his own assault, so it’d be dumb of them to say anything. “You’re a good boyfriend,” he said after a moment, tucking some of Shaun’s hair behind his ear.

“I don’t like that word,” Shaun said grumpily.

Jesse pushed his bottom lip out. “Too bad.”

Shaun stared at Jesse with a dark, intent gaze. “I do like you, you know. I wouldn’t be…I wouldn’t do the things I do for you unless I did.”

“I know.” Jesse smiled sweetly. “That’s why I’m so happy.” His lip hurt from all the smiling, but the pain was a temporary thing. This…this thing between Shaun and Jesse…was going to be permanent. Or at least Jesse hoped it would be.

Shaun looked uncomfortable, but he attempted to smile back. “We have the house to ourselves?”

“Yeah.” Jesse suddenly realized how rare of an opportunity they had. “Let’s go upstairs.”

Shaun followed Jesse to his room, but he stopped and hesitated as Jesse climbed up to his bunk. He fidgeted with his hand, looking totally lost, and Jesse noticed he’d wrapped a section of gauze around it.

“How’s your hand now?”

“Too fucked to play,” Shaun said bitterly.

Jesse smiled sadly at the other boy. “I want to try something.”

Shaun looked up at him with raised brows.

“Take your shoes off,” Jesse said, smiling wryly from the top bunk. “And the jeans, too.”

“What?” Shaun toed off his tennis shoes with a chuckle. “I didn’t come for sex, you know?”

“You didn’t?”

“I came to make sure you were alright and to tell you about Kenny and Eric,” Shaun said as he unzipped his fly and shimmed out of his jeans. They pooled on the floor with the boots and kicked them away. “You can sleep easy. I think I properly avenged you.”

“That’s incredibly sweet of you, and all, but I want to have sex, too,” Jesse pointed out sweetly as Shaun climbed up the bunk and crawled across the bed. He moved close until they were lips were inches apart. Jesse looked down at Shaun’s mouth and smiled slowly. “I want to try something.”

“Oh yeah?” Shaun grabbed Jesse’s pillow and fell on his side. He propped his head up with the pillow, looking quite comfortable. “What sort of experiment?”

Jesse scooted back excitedly. “Lay flat on your back and spread your legs.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes suspiciously but followed instruction. He looked up at Jesse, his brow furrowed with bemusement.

Jesse pulled his loose t-shirt over his head and tossed it to the floor below. Now all that was left was a pair of PJ bottoms and he shifted so he fit into the neat space between Shaun’s spread thighs.

Shaun’s cock had been growing since he took off his jeans. The bulge was thick and heavy. It filled his boxer shorts admirably.

“I’m going to take it out,” Jesse said shyly. He was eager to explore Shaun’s cock again, but with the ideas running through his head, he was a tad intimidated by the size.

Shaun groaned disapprovingly, but he didn’t say anything for or against Jesse’s plan. So, Jesse reached inside Shaun’s boxers and pulled out his cock.

It really was big. And thick. Jesse wasn’t a fan of dicks, per say, but he thought it wouldn’t be too far off to say Shaun had one of the best cocks in existence.

Jesse studied the length in his hand as he began to stroke the dark pink shaft. He squeezed his hand up the length, so the spongy, reddish head sat like a mushroom at the end of his fist. Then pulled Shaun’s skin all the way down to the base and held it tight as the shaft throbbed fat and veiny. Shaun may not have been planning on sex, but he smelled clean and fresh and Jesse licked his lips as he scratched his fingers through his sweet-smelling pubes.

Shaun stared down at him with half-lidded eyes. “Jesse…”

“I’m going to suck it,” Jesse whispered.

Shaun’s eyes widened, but he was silent. There was no protest and Jesse lowered his head and closed his hot mouth around the very tip of Shaun’s cock.

“Ah!” Shaun’s gasp was torn from him, loud and surprised. “Jesse!”

Jesse started to suck. He bobbed his head and focused on the tip. He’d read something once, in a girls’ magazine about blowjobs. Slowly, he swirled his tongue around the swollen head, treating it like a lollipop.

Shaun hissed as he fisted the bed sheets. His fingers twisted in the fabric as Jesse experimented with his tongue. “Jesus Christ…”

Jesse sucked his cock for a few minutes, then pulled back and looked up at Shaun’s expression.

“What are you doing?” Shaun opened his eyes with a groan. “Why’d you stop?”

“Take off your boxers.” Jesse smiled. “I want to get you naked.”

“I don’t know why,” Shaun grumbled, but he slid his thumbs under the waistband of his boxers and pulled them off in a single downward pull. His cock bobbed upright as he tossed his briefs over the side of the bed. He crossed his arms and laid back with a scowl on his face.

Jesse smiled as he smoothed his hands up Shaun’s thighs. He didn’t immediately begin the blowjob as he had planned, however. He was transfixed by the sight of Shaun’s legs. His thighs were covered in a disturbing amount of scars; he couldn’t tell how many were self-inflicted, but the numerous rows of neat, puckered scar tissue made his heart clench.

Shaun tensed as if he could hear Jesse’s thoughts. His expression darkened and he started to sit up, but Jesse pushed him back with a gentle hand on his chest.

“Just relax,” Jesse said soothingly, and Shaun glowered up at him disagreeably. “I know what I’m doing.” He laughed. “Sorta…” He settled back into the warm place between Shaun’s bare thighs and dipped his head as Shaun muttered something under his breath.

Shaun gasped, and his head fell back onto the pillow as Jesse went to work on his cock again and used everything he’d picked up from several years of teenage sex.

Jesse wrapped his fingers around the base and took as much of Shaun’s cock into his mouth as he could. He bobbed his head as he practiced moving his tongue in concert. His split lip was already hurting, but he ignored it and pushed on. He moved his tongue around and around the slobbery length in his mouth as Shaun moaned in approval. Shaun squirted precome onto Jesse’s tongue and the taste was salty, but also slightly sweet.

Shaun peeled his eyes open and watched in awe as Jesse pleasured him with his mouth. His breathing picked up dramatically as he stretched out his left hand and slid it gently through Jesse’s hair. His fingers carded through the silky locks as Jesse bounced on his shaft, and, almost without conscious thought, he eased him further down his shaft. “Oh god!” He tipped his head back as his cock twitched crazily on Jesse’s tongue. He pushed a little further and his breath caught in his throat. “Shit…”

That seemed to be the breaking point for Shaun and he held the back of Jesse’s head as he thrust his hips repeatedly into his face with force. He grunted in time with his thrusts, his face screwing up as he neared orgasm.

Jesse’s eyes watered as he struggled to control his gag reflex. His hand was the only thing preventing him from being choked. He groaned around Shaun’s thick cock and squeezed his hand warmly around the base as Shaun grunted like a wild animal and fucked him until he came with a shout.

Jesse swallowed convulsively around the thrusting length as it jetted thick streams of semen into the back of his throat. It tasted different than his precome. It was saltier, but it wasn’t bad.

Shaun let go of Jesse’s head as his cock went soft and he sagged back into the bed with a groan. “Come up here.”

Jesse got on his knees and climbed eagerly on top of the other boy so their chests were pressed together. He could feel Shaun’s wet cock nestled against his thigh. “How was it?” he asked and was secretly thrilled with the raspy sound of his voice. It was like a badge of honor!

“Do you really have to ask?” Shaun ran a lazy hand through Jesse’s hair and Jesse arched into his touch with a moan. He was so horny and turned on. Shaun’s touch sent delicious shivers down his spine.

“Do you ah…want me to…” Shaun trailed off awkwardly, nodding toward Jesse’s still covered erection. “Ah…I mean, I could try…” He tripped over his words and Jesse wondered if he was trying to offer a blowjob. He would have loved to see Shaun suck his cock, but he had a feeling that he’d end up in a foul mood if he did. Shaun was so afraid of being gay and besides taking a dick up one’s ass, there was nothing gayer than sucking cock.

“Can you rub me off?” Jesse asked sweetly. Shaun hadn’t been too put off touching his dick the last time. He’d seem to like it, even. “I like your hands,” he said shyly.

Shaun stared at Jesse, his dark eyes unreadable. “Take your pants off.”

Jesse yanked the pants down without thought. He hadn’t bothered to get dressed up after his shower, choosing comfort over style. There was no underwear underneath. 

Shaun didn’t say anything, but it was clear he was appreciating the show. His eyes moved over Jesse’s body before finally resting on his hips. He rested his hands there and pulled Jesse onto his side.

Jesse looked deeply into Shaun’s eyes as the other boy looked back into his, just as intently. Shaun’s fingers danced across the sensitive skin on Jesse’s bare upper thigh, his breathing slow and even and Jesse moaned and wiggled closer. His cock was so hard, it hurt. He wanted Shaun to touch it so badly…he grabbed onto Shaun’s bicep and whimpered pitifully as it flexed under his fingers. 

Shaun’s tongue flicked out and ran tantalizingly across his lower lip and Jesse groaned as his gaze zeroed in on it. He couldn’t help himself; he pressed his lips against Shaun’s and chased his tongue into his mouth. His lip stung and throbbed from the excessive use, but he was desperate for release and the pain was unimportant. Shaun kissed him so slowly Jesse felt like he was going to die, and he groaned into Shaun’s mouth as he tightened his grip on his arm. He drew the other boy’s tongue into his mouth and sucked it fervently, urging Shaun to kiss him harder.

Shaun grunted and dug his fingers into Jesse’s hip. He pulled him until his front was flush to his own. Then, Shaun spit in his hand and gathered Jesse’s straining erection in his strong, calloused palm. He pressed it firmly against his own reawakening cock and Jesse’s eyes rolled back in his head. Shaun stroked their cocks together and it felt so good; Jesse’s cock slid against Shaun’s silky shaft. His grip was powerful and demanding and he masturbated Jesse much faster than he usually did himself, but it added to the intensity and the thrill.

Shaun watched Jesse with a heated gaze as he jerked them off in tandem. His eyes were trained on Jesse’s face, his teeth gritted, sweat beading above his upper lip, and he was so gorgeous in that moment, Jesse leaned in desperately to kiss him again. Their mouths met passionately as Shaun continued to jerk them off. Spit was all over both their faces, but neither of them cared.

It only took a few moments for Jesse to reach orgasm. When it happened, he tore his mouth from Shaun’s and arched his back with a groan. Shockwaves of bliss rocked through his slender body as he came forcefully across Shaun’s stomach. With a helpless moan, he clutched Shaun’s shoulders as the feelings overwhelmed him, and for a second he blacked out.

Shaun grunted as he crushed their dicks together. He pulled them both aggressively as he finished himself off and came right behind Jesse, adding his sperm to the mix. He released them both with a cringe. “Aw, fuck,” he muttered, sitting up halfway to assess the damage. “I forgot about the goddamn shirt.”

Jesse collapsed against the pillow, weak and sated. He felt pleasantly lethargic. He looked down at Shaun’s lower half. His dark pubes and his stomach had received the brunt of Jesse’s ejaculation. The bottom half of his shirt had been splattered as well.

Shaun tried to wipe it away, but it was no good. His injured hand was of no use wrapped in gauze and his other hand was covered in come. He gave up after a moment of fussing and laid back down. “Well?” he asked gruffly, wiping his messy hand on the tangled sheets. “Did you get everything you wanted?”

As Jesse watched his boyfriend, there was only one last thing that came to mind. Though Shaun tried to pretend what had just taken place was no big deal, Jesse knew they had both enjoyed it thoroughly. He decided to press his luck.

“Take your shirt off, too,” he said, tugging on the hem of Shaun’s long sleeved tee for emphasis.

Shaun ripped his shirt over his head, balled it up, and threw it over the edge of the bed. He laid back with a huff, his jaw working with irritation.

Jesse gazed at Shaun’s naked body, envying the ropy muscles threading through his core. His arms and chest were decorated with half healed cuts and scars though, like his thighs and his calves. The stitches on his stomach were exposed today and the puckered skin still looked red and angry. It was gruesome to look at.

“Happy?” Shaun growled. His shoulders were stiff and there was an unhappy crease between his eyebrows.

Jesse smiled sadly. He was so concerned with Shaun’s habit of cutting. He’d never met anyone who cared so little for himself. “Yes. I’m happy,” he said softly. He slid his arm around Shaun’s waist and threw a leg over his thigh. He pillowed his head on Shaun’s chest and then pulled his favorite fleece blanket over their bodies. He snuggled in with a sigh.

As a gentle stillness settled about them, Shaun relaxed against Jesse’s side. His hand came up and sifted slowly through Jesse’s hair.

Jesse arched into the touch and moaned under his breath. “Glad you came.” He pressed his lips to Shaun’s chest and shut his eyes.

It was over an hour before they spoke again. Thunder rumbled outside followed by the heavy patter of rain. The sound was hypnotic, and Jesse drifted in and out of consciousness. He wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep, but he was incredibly relaxed and warm. It was hard to keep his eyes open.

Shaun stroked his hair for a long time. Jesse didn’t know if he was conscious or not, but the hand continually played through his hair, teased his neck, and ran gently over his back.

When Jesse opened his eyes again, he gazed adoringly up at the other boy.

Shaun watched him steadily with half-lidded eyes. He must have been watching for some time…His eyes glittered with intensity.

“So, the show tonight,” Jesse started. “What are you going to do?”

Shaun looked down at his mangled hand. “I’ve gotta call Will,” he said, but he made no move to get up. He frowned deeply as he settled back into the pillow.

“You can do it later,” Jesse said, in perfect agreement with Shaun’s urge to procrastinate. After all, there was no telling when they’d get another free stretch of alone time. Not like this, anyway. Having four young kids and one moody preteen in the house didn’t leave much free time for anyone.

Shaun hugged himself as he stared off into space. “Will’s going to be pissed.”

“It’ll be alright,” Jesse said lightly.

Shaun grunted. “Doubt it.”

“I love you,” Jesse whispered, because he didn’t know how else to comfort him.

Shaun didn’t answer, but he turned and took Jesse’s mouth in a kiss. Their lips met slowly, and they devoured each other as the rain pelted the window outside.

Chapter Text

It was another forty minutes before Shaun dragged himself out of Jesse’s bed.

Jesse sat up, a little pout on his face. “Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.” Shaun snatched his clothes from the floor. He could feel Jesse’s eyes on him, looking him over like he was some sort of spectacle, and he piled his clothes in his arms and stuffed his feet in his shoes. ”I need my clothes back, by the way,” he murmured. “You have my boots.”

“They’re in my bag downstairs.” Jesse plopped back on the pillows. “Hurry up! I miss your warm body.”

Shaun flushed as he slipped into the hall. When he reached the bathroom, he shut the door firmly behind him.

As he stepped up to the sink, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He ran a finger over the bruise on his cheek, but his eyes didn’t go any lower. He was ugly. He hated looking at himself. He couldn’t imagine anyone could ever love someone as flawed as he was…

That’s why Jesse’s confession made him so uncomfortable. Jesse’s love made Shaun feel like he was naked all the time. He was constantly unsure of himself and about how he was supposed to act and think and feel.

Shaun looked critically at his hand as he turned on the faucet. Revenge had been the only thing on his mind yesterday when he’d beaten the shit out of that locker, and when he’d visited Kenny and Eric after school, but now he was regretting it and he blamed Jesse in a large part for what had happened.  He was going to have to cancel the show tonight and he’d never done that before, but his playing wasn’t going to be up to par. Shaun didn’t want to embarrass himself and the band. That would be worse than a no-show.

With a deep sigh of resignation, he leaned over the sink and splashed water at his groin. His cock and balls were crusted with the remnants of their sperm and he quickly washed the mess away.

He moved on to his T-shirt once he was clean. The black cotton had stiff, white stains around the hem, and he looked around the tiny room before he spotted a hand towel on the rack. He grabbed it, got it wet, and then added some hand soap. He laid his shirt out on the counter and vigorously scrubbed the stain. When he was done, it looked like he’d spilled a drink in his lap, and he wished he could go home to change but knew Jesse would whine like a baby if he did.

He pulled on his stained shirt and the rest of his clothes, scowling at Jesse and their stupid gay relationship as he dressed. He turned to exit the room and caught his reflection in the mirror again as he grasped the doorknob. He pulled a terrible face at himself, then opened the door and ran right smack into a very naked and very antsy redhead.

“I’ve gotta piss,” Jesse said as he hurried to the toilet. He flipped the seat up, grasped his cock, and released a strong stream into the bowl. “Aww…shit.”

Shaun knew he should leave, but he leaned against the doorjamb and watched as Jesse emptied his bladder. He was slowly coming to terms with how much he liked looking at him and his gaze roamed over his naked body with appreciation.

“Enjoying the view?” Jesse chuckled as the stream slowed to a drip. He shook his dick off and turned to wash his hands at the sink.

Instead of answering, Shaun slid back into the room and stepped up behind him. Jesse was nearly a head shorter than him, but he tucked neatly just under Shaun’s chin. his whole body was smooth and hairless, and his limbs were slender and graceful. Shaun had a feeling he’d be dreaming about Jesse’s body every night now that he’d gotten such a good look. He could already picture his little body stretched across the bed, smeared with blood. His rosy pink cock straining to be touched even through the pain.

And that ass…

Shaun reached down and boldly grabbed Jesse’s warm asscheeks. “How the fuck did you get such a nice ass?” he wondered aloud, cupping the rounded globes and squeezing them firmly.

“I don’t know.” Jesse turned the water off with a laugh and braced his hands on the counter. He pushed his ass back into Shaun’s hands with a helpless moan.

Shaun took full advantage of the offer and groped Jesse’s pert cheeks. The flesh was warm and pliable in his hands. He couldn’t help himself. He smacked Jesse’s sweet little ass as hard as he could.

Jesse cried out. “Shaun!”

Shaun’s cock stiffened in his pants as he pressed impossibly closer. He licked Jesse’s throat and delicately nibbled his ear lobe. “You were born to be a fag,” he growled in his ear. “Your ass was made for fucking.”

“Shaun…” Jesse whimpered. “That hurt.”

“Mmm, good,” Shaun hissed, then looked over Jesse’s shoulder, at their reflection in the mirror. Jesse, his cock slowly stiffening, fit so neatly in his arms.

Shaun nuzzled Jesse’s throat and kissed his soft skin, but he wasn’t going to start something he couldn’t finish. School was due to let out any moment now and there was no way he was going to risk Jesse’s bratty little brother walking in on them.

Shaun spanked Jesse’s other asscheek, much softer this time. He pulled back after that and took a quick peek at his behind before he could turn around. Jesse had a nice red handprint marking his perfect butt. ”I’ve got to call Will,” he said, raising his gaze solemnly as Jesse flipped around and looked into his eyes.

“You broke your hand,” Jesse said slowly. “You can’t perform. He’ll understand.”

Shaun scoffed. He really had no idea how Will was going to take the news, but he probably wouldn’t “understand” like Jesse was expecting.

“You can use my cellphone,” Jesse said. “Or there’s a landline in the kitchen. It was cheaper to get satellite and internet bundled with the phone service, I guess,” he said helpfully.

Shaun scratched his fingers through his hair as he considered. He figured the landline might afford him a bit more privacy, but he was probably wrong. Jesse could follow him anywhere in this house. It wasn’t like he would find a better hiding spot downstairs. He didn’t even know where the fucking phone was, for Christ’s sake. He’d been in the kitchen a million times and he’d never seen a house phone.

“Where’s it at?”

“The phone in the kitchen?”

Shaun huffed. “Yes.”

“It’s weird, the phone line comes in through the pantry,” Jesse said. “It’s that little closet in the kitchen.”

Shaun nodded and left the room to investigate. He went down to the kitchen, located the pantry, and pulled open the folding doors. Just inside the door, there was a cordless phone next to the shelves.

Shaun rarely called Will’s cell, but he knew the number by heart. He memorized it a year ago, when he’d picked it up on a Craigslist ad for guitarists. Shaun had watched the page for days, waiting for it to disappear, for the chance to pass him by. He’d known the number backward and forward by the time he gathered the courage to call.

He punched in Will’s number and moved to the kitchen table. He drummed his fingers along the edge as he waited for Will to pick up. Shaun was sure he’d be angry. It was understandable. He should have called hours ago… when he’d realized his hand was too fucked to play. The show tonight was just a couple hours away, there was really no excuse for his procrastination.

The ringing stopped. “Hello?” Will grunted.

“Hey. Will.” Shaun forced a smile into his voice. “It’s Shaun.”

“Oh. You.” Will cleared his throat as the sound of rustling sheets and a muffled feminine voice floated through the receiver.

“Did you just wake up?”

“Yeah,” Will sighed. “Me and Danny went out last night and picked up a couple girls.”

“Fun.” Shaun drew circles on the laminate wood.

“Yeah. The pussy was soaking wet last night if you know what I mean.” Will snickered. “Or maybe, you don’t.”

“What?”

“You’re a fag, right?” Will scoffed “You and that friend of yours are fucking.”

“No, we’re not!” Shaun said hotly, but his stomach sank. When Will continued to laugh, Shaun slammed his fist on the table for emphasis. “I’m not fucking anyone!”

“Don’t lie,” Will drawled. “You can take it up the ass if you want, man. I always kind of suspected you were a closet case.”

“Shut up!” Shaun kicked one of the kitchen chairs and it skidded across the linoleum before toppling in front of the fridge. “I’m not a closet case!”

“Dude, me and Danny saw you guys giving each other handies the other night.”

“W-what?!” Shaun’s face turned flame red with embarrassment. They’d been caught. Again. Jesse had totally ruined his reputation. Everyone knew his secret now…

Will laughed again. “You fags are shameless.”

“Fuck you!” Shaun screamed.

“What’d you call for, man?” Will asked. “Do you need directions to the venue or something?”

Shaun grit his teeth. “No.”

“What do you want then? We’re supposed to meet up in four hours.”

Shaun clutched the phone in a death grip. “I’m not coming,” he said darkly. “I quit.”

“What?” Will snapped. “Fuck off, Shaun. You can’t quit on me tonight.”

“I just did,” Shaun sneered.

“Fucking cocksucker—”

Shaun launched the phone across the room, and it shattered against the wall in a spray of clunky plastic. He fumed as he stared at the remains of the cordless phone. All this strife, all this stupid conflict was because of Jesse. If Jesse had never insisted on being gay, if Shaun had been able to keep his desires under wraps…then none of this shit would be happening.

“Shaun?”

Shaun whirled around, his eyes automatically narrowing as he spotted Jesse in the entrance to the kitchen. There was no telling how long he had been standing there, listening, spying.

“Are you alright?” Jesse stepped warily into the room. “What happened?”

“Even the band knows we’re fucking around,” Shaun growled. “Everybody knows now.”

“Oh.” Jesse bit his lip. He was dressed again, and he wore a pair of fitted black jeans and a snug T-shirt. Shaun couldn’t stop himself from checking out Jesse’s tight body. He hated how addicted he was becoming to the other boy. It felt like a weakness.

“I wasn’t fucking thinking. Will started laughing. He called me a cocksucker…” Shaun cursed under his breath as Jesse watched him intently. Shaun couldn’t meet his eyes and he looked away as his expression twisted. “I quit,” he said bitterly. “I fucking quit the band.”

“You—you did?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said with a sigh.

Jesse worried his lip. He kept doing that and it was driving Shaun crazy.

He strode across the room and took Jesse’s chin between his fingers. “Stop that,” he said sharply. “You’ll make your lip bleed.”

Jesse met Shaun’s gaze under his eyelashes. “This is all my fault, isn’t it?”

Shaun took a deep breath. He wanted to be a dick and blame Jesse for everything, but that really wasn’t fair. Shaun had kissed Jesse first, after all. “It’s not entirely your fault,” he said, rubbing Jesse’s bottom lip with his thumb.

“Are you mad at me?” Jesse asked in a tiny voice.

“Yes,” Shaun admitted.

“Do you hate me?”

“A little.”

Jesse’s face fell. “So, you do hate me.”

Shaun scoffed as he lifted Jesse’s chin. “You’re an idiot,” he said, then he claimed Jesse’s mouth in a passionate kiss.

 Jesse stretched up on his toes and kissed him back needily. He wrapped his arms around Shaun’s neck and moaned into his mouth as he clung for all he was worth.

In that moment, as Shaun held Jesse tightly to his chest, he was able to admit his true feelings to himself.

He loved Jesse. More than anyone or anything.  It was stupid to think and impossible to say, but Shaun knew it was true.

He held Jesse in his arms for a long time as he stroked his silky hair. Everything was fucked. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, but for once, that thought didn’t scare him like it usually did. Both he and Jesse had been through a lot of shit in their short acquaintance and there was a lot more they’d have to go through, too, before it was over. But he wouldn’t have to face everything alone. Not anymore.

Jesse cleaned up the plastic bits from the phone and attempted to tape them together. He was marginally successful, and he danced around the living room as Shaun pulled on his boots. He’d finally gotten his clothes back and he was so grateful to get rid of the tennis shoes.

The kids started coming home shortly after the phone call. Sam first, then the twins.

Sam didn’t interact with anyone. He came home and threw himself in the armchair by the window. He buried his head in his phone and didn’t look up unless someone specifically addressed him. He was texting like mad and Shaun eyed him suspiciously, wondering if he was communicating with Kyle.

The tension between him and Sam was palpable, and when the twins arrived, Shaun and Sam were forced to sit by themselves while Jesse set the kids up with a healthy snack and found a baby show on the TV. Sam avoided eye contact, but Shaun couldn’t help glaring at the bratty teen every few moments.

“We’re going upstairs for a while,” Jesse told the twins once they were situated. “There’s a big test we have to study for on Friday.”

Across the room, Sam snorted with disbelief. He didn’t look up from his phone, but Shaun gave him the death glare anyway.

“Whatever.” Tyler’s eyes were glued to the TV. He had crackers crusted around his mouth and on his fingers.

“Okay,” Allison said sweetly and it was music to Shaun’s ears. He stood up and made his way to the stairs.

Jesse was a bit slower, but he followed Shaun up to the bedroom momentarily. ”I have a little weed left,” he said as he came into the room. “Do you want to smoke?”

Shaun smiled faintly. “Sure.”

Jesse got the shoebox with the weed and brought it to Sam’s bed. He packed a bowl and sparked up. “Who are we supposed to buy from now?”

“We’ll figure something out.” Shaun shrugged.

“Kyle had good shit,” Jesse said with a sigh, releasing the weed at the same time. “Here.” He held out the aluminum foil bowl.

Shaun crossed his arms. “I’m not laying on that bed.”

“Do you want to lay up top?” Jesse waggled his eyebrows.

Shaun nodded at the bare space between the bed and the dresser. “How about the floor?”

Jesse jumped up enthusiastically and handed Shaun the bowl. “I’ll throw some blankets and some pillows down! Good idea.”

Within minutes, the floor was a blanketed paradise. They covered the floor with the blankets, then used the pillows against the bed frame to make the seating more comfortable. They set up camp and found something to watch on TV as they finished up the last of Jesse’s weed. They started with court shows first, Judge Judy and the likes, but when the news came on Jesse switched to Ghost Hunters.

“I don’t want to go back to school tomorrow,” he said miserably, dropping the remote with a glum look on his face.

“You should drop out with me. That place is a waste of time, “Shaun said darkly, then took a hit from the bowl. He held it for a long moment as he watched a bullshit haunting play out on TV.

 “So what’s your plan now?” Jesse gave him a sideways look. “You mentioned a couple times you were going to save some money so we could get a place.”

Shaun let out his lungful with a scowl. “I don’t know, Jesse.” This was their last bowl. Shaun didn’t have anything at home either and he wasn’t looking forward to sobriety. “I haven’t even had a chance to think yet.”

“Well, you quit your job,” Jesse said slowly. “If you can call it that.”

Shaun gave him the middle finger.

“How much were you making playing shows anyway?”

“Almost nothing,” Shaun said bitterly. “What’s your point?”

Jesse chewed his lip. “Getting a place is expensive. There’s more to it than a month’s rent.”

Shaun handed him the bowl back. “I know that.”

“I don’t think you do.” Jesse said. “There’s all kinds of bills and expenses that come up. Your grandma won’t be around to cook or do laundry anymore either.”

Shaun watched as he took a hit. “You’re coming with me, right? I’m not going to be totally on my own.”

Jesse snorted out the weed, then continued to laugh. “I can cook, but if you’re suggesting I get a job that’s another thing. I’m trying to finish high school. Maybe I can work part-time, but I want to get out with an actual degree.”

Shaun grumbled unhappily.

“Besides,” Jesse continued. “If I’m coming, Brian’s coming, too, and even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could support three of us on one paycheck.”

“Not this shit again.” Shaun rolled his eyes. “Why are you so obsessed with taking him with us?”

“I told you, Shaun,” Jesse said. “He’s my responsibility.”

“Yeah, but why?”

Jesse bit his lip and Shaun growled with frustration and caught Jesse’s chin again.

“That thing is never going to heal,” Shaun grumbled, pulling on his bottom lip to free it.

Jesse pulled away with tears in his eyes. “I’m really worried, Shaun. My mom’s definitely dating someone…”

 Shaun threw his head back and groaned. “We’ve already had this conversation!”

“Mom’s got a terrible track record with men!” Jesse cried. “It’s always the same. She meets a guy, falls hard, then he suddenly cheats on her or she’s too much drama for him or he gets deported by ICE—”

Shaun raised an eyebrow. “What? “

“It’s not important,” Jesse hissed. “What’s important is that once my mom breaks up with these guys, we pack up and leave town. Every time.”

“Every single time?” Shaun pressed.

“I mean, we’ve moved for other reasons,” Jesse said evasively. “But mom breaks up with a new guy, like once or twice a year.”

“What a whore,” Shaun sneered.

Jesse laughed dryly. “I must have lived in twenty different cities since I was four or five… so, it must have been more than once a year.”

“Wow.”

“I’m just preparing,” Jesse whispered. “Because soon enough the bubble will burst, and mom will be on the real estate sites again.”

Shaun hesitated. “Wasn’t this your grandpa’s house?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Jesse shook his head. “Mom was going to sell this place anyway before she broke up with the last guy. This place was just convenient.”

“Jesse, I get it.” Shaun sighed heavily. “Your mom’s a world-class prostitute, but I think we’ve got enough time to figure it out before she’s called away again. You’re being extremely paranoid.”

Jesse sniffled. “I hope so.” He started to worry his lip again and Shaun grabbed his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss.

It quickly got heated and the boys sank to the floor to resume their makeout session. Shaun got on top of Jesse and held his head still while he kissed his bruised lips. The tiny cut on Jesse’s bottom lip started to bleed again, and Shaun savored the metallic flavor on his sweet tongue. Jesse didn’t care. He moaned and withered below Shaun like a whore in heat. His cock was getting hard in his soft PJ pants and Shaun wondered if they had enough time for another round of sex. He was dying to get another BJ.

He pulled away and their lips separated with a wet, sucking sound. Shaun stroked Jesse’s reddened cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin. “Can you suck my dick again?”

Jesse gasped, and his pretty mouth pouted open. “Brian will be home any minute now.”

Shaun cursed. He’d totally forgotten the time… He started to climb off when Jesse arched up and quickly caught his lips.

“I’ll do it fast,” he said.

“What if he does come home?” Shaun snapped.

Jesse rolled out from under him. “We’ll tell him we’re playing a game.”

“What kind of game?” Shaun nervously licked his lips. “See-how-far-you-can-get-my-dick-down-your throat? Sounds thrilling.”

Jesse smiled and pressed a hand to Shaun’s chest. “Lay back, funny boy.”

Shaun rolled his eyes as he stretched back on the blankets.

“Sucking dick’s not as bad as I thought,” Jesse said as he settled between Shaun’s thighs and warmly rubbed his erection. “It’s a lot easier than going down on a chick.”

“Fuck you,” Shaun bared his teeth. “You’re a slut, you know that? Just like your mother.”

“Ouch.” Jesse unzipped Shaun’s fly and gently coaxed his pants down. Shaun’s large cock was exposed and it stuck straight up in the air, eager for attention. Jesse looked up at Shaun with a cute pout. “That was mean. Maybe I shouldn’t suck your dick.”

Shaun grabbed the back of his head and pushed him down. “Open your mouth, Jesse. And shut up.”

Jesse’s shoulders shook with amusement as he sucked just the tip of Shaun’s pulsing dick into his mouth. He grabbed the base with a firm hand as his lips wrapped around the sensitive head.

Hot wetness engulfed the tip of Shaun’s cock and he tilted his head back with a groan.  Then, there was a rush of cold air and Shaun looked up in disappointment.

Jesse held his big dick just below his smiling mouth. “I love you, baby.”

“I said shut up,” Shaun growled, pushing Jesse back onto his needy cock.

Jesse sucked the length into his mouth and worked the first few inches with his lips and his tongue. He stroked the shaft with his hand and flexed his fingers to add pressure. He found a rhythm. It was slow, but he bobbed his head with confidence.

The pleasure was incredible, and Shaun closed his eyes as Jesse took his time with his cock. He combed his fingers through Jesse’s hair as he listened to the soft sucking sounds Jesse made with his wet lips. His cock twitched with intense arousal and he sobbed as he pressed his head back into the pillows.

Tap, Tap

“Shaun?” The door swung open and Ben stepped into the room. “Hey, Shaun, I—” He stopped, and his eyes widened in shock as he took in the sight of Jesse’s lips stretched around Shaun’s dick. He promptly covered his eyes. “Oh God, I’m sorry!”

“Fuck!” Shaun shoved Jesse out of his lap and Jesse’s jaw locked up in surprise and he bit down on Shaun’s cock. “Ow! Shit!”

“Oh! Are you okay?” Jesse grabbed his thigh.

“Get off!” Shaun growled as he rushed to cover his lower half. He fumbled his jeans up from a seated position, cursing when he grazed his throbbing member. Jesse’s teeth hadn’t broken the skin, but the combination of pain, the shock of Ben’s unannounced arrival, and the frustration of blue balls was a nauseating mix.

Ben politely kept his eyes covered as Jesse wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Shaun quickly buttoned up his jeans, scowling.

“Is it okay?” Jesse whispered.

“No thanks to you.” Shaun elbowed him away and stood up. He aggressively kicked the blankets away.

“Super sorry.” Jesse straightened up and watched Shaun with his arms crossed. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Are you guys decent?” Ben asked as he looked between his fingers. Slowly, he removed his hands. His cheeks were colored a faint red

“What are you doing here?” Shaun huffed.

“Will called and told me you were, and I quote, ‘a cock loving, cum guzzler’.” He winced and Shaun rolled his eyes. “He said he was canceling the show tonight and that he’d kicked you out of the band.”

“He’s lying,” Shaun snapped. “I quit. He didn’t have time to kick me out.”

Ben quirked an eyebrow. “I know you guys had beef, but I can’t say I saw this coming.”

Shaun crossed his arms moodily.

Ben pushed a hand through his hair as his gaze shifted back to Jesse. He did a double take and his mouth dropped open. “What happened to your face?”

Jesse shrugged noncommittally as he began to collect the blankets. “School stuff. Its not important.”

Ben sniffed and changed the subject. “Your brother’s a trip, Jesse. He told me you were up here getting high and I got all pumped up to smoke.” He laughed awkwardly. “I walk in, smelling weed and get hit over the head with graphic butt sex instead.”

“Fuck you.” Shaun snarled. “Nobody’s having butt sex.”

Ben laughed and walked across the room for Sam’s bed. He sat back and made himself comfortable, stretching his legs out leisurely. “So, do you have any weed left?”

“Sorry,” Jesse said as he shook the blankets out.” We literally just smoked the last of it.” He folded the blankets lazily and tossed them on the top bunk. Then his face lit up. “My mom might have some beer in the refrigerator though, if you want.”

“What the fuck?” Shaun sneered. “You never offered me any.”

“You should have seen my mom the other morning,” Jesse laughed. “She doesn’t deserve any beer. You can have some, too, if you want.”

Shaun rolled his eyes again as he leaned against the desk. He wasn’t going to swipe someone else’s beer.

“Yeah, thanks, but no thanks,” Ben said in agreement as his eyes drifted to the TV. “Sweet. Ghost Hunters.”

“Dude,” Shaun huffed. “It was nice of you to drop by and everything, but what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well,” Ben cleared his throat. “After that conversation with Will, I knew I had to talk to you. And since you don’t have a phone for some reason, I ended up here. It’s the only place I could think to find you.”

“Here?”

Ben smirked. “I meant next door.

“Great.” Shaun groaned. The next time he saw Ruth, she’d bug him about his dead-beat friends again. It was inevitable.

“Your grandma’s a sweet lady,” Ben said with a laugh. “She sent me this way. Said you’d probably be here.”

“Yeah, well you’ve found me,” Shaun snapped.” But I hate to disappoint you, I don’t need your help. I quit and I’m not backing down. I don’t need Will’s shitty band anymore. “

“Oh,” Ben smiled. “I’m not here about that.”

Shaun glared at him. “What do you want, then?”

Jesse looked between them with wide eyes. “Oh my God, you quit, too. Didn’t you?”

Shaun took another look at the bassist. He raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yep,” Ben said casually. “I was thinking about doing it for a while now. That stupid phone call was the last straw.”

Shaun blinked in amazement. “No shit.”

 “What do you think about starting our own thing?” Ben grinned. “Did you ever see yourself fronting a band?”

Shaun huffed while, behind him, Jesse cheered in encouragement.

“I’ve been pushing him to start his own band for days now.”

“I’m a guitarist,” Shaun said through his teeth. “I don’t write songs—”

“What about Miss Stevens?” Jesse perched on the edge of the bed beside Ben. “Our English teacher thinks Shaun’s an amazing writer,” he said with a smirk.

“Shut up, Jesse!” Shaun’s face was flame red.

“I believe you,” Ben said, completely ignoring Shaun’s towering rage across the room. “Shaun rewrites Will’s songs all the time. He changes the music around, the guitar parts, the bass parts, too and Will hates it.”

Jesse laughed. “I’m sure.”

“I can’t sing,” Shaun growled.

“I beg to differ,” Ben said smartly. “You’ve got the death metal vibe down to a science. Your voice is brutal.”

Shaun bared his teeth at him. “And who’s going to drum?”

There was a curious twinkle in Ben’s eyes. “I know the perfect person,” he said.” My sister-in-law…well, she’s going to be my sister-in-law, anyway. She’s a percussionist.”

“Yeah, okay.” Shaun snorted with amusement. He didn’t even bother to mention that girls couldn’t drum.

“I’m sure I can get her to come out this weekend,” Ben said. “Then the three of us could have a little jam session.”

“Do you think it’s a good idea to put a session together so soon?” Jesse asked. “I don’t want Shaun to get discouraged,” he said, nodding in Shaun’s direction. “He messed up his hand the other day.”

Ben looked up, but Shaun hid his hand behind his back before he could see.

“I won’t get fucking discouraged,” Shaun hissed.

“It’ll be fine,” Ben said easily. “We’ll bullshit and toss some ideas around. No pressure.”

“That’s exactly what he needs,” Jesse said excitedly. “Some room to grow. I only talked to Will a couple times, but he’s obviously obsessed with himself. The band isn’t high on his list of priorities.”

“He’s easily the worst part of the band,” Ben agreed. “He’s a misogynistic asshole, a sloppy drunk…And he’s stuck in the past. He’s obsessed with his tired-ass glory day stories.”

“I gotta admit. Some of his stories were pretty funny,” Jesse said.

“Maybe the first time around.” Ben shrugged. “And fucking Danny. What a joke. If he put half the effort into drumming that he puts into getting laid, he might actually make something of himself.”

Shaun listened to Ben and Jesse criticize the old band. It was totally surreal. Somehow, they thought they could do better…

“Execute Invasion is a waste of time,” Ben complained. “We play shitty covers in grungy dive bars. That’s our thing,” he said. “Will likes to pretend we’ll get famous one day, but it’ll never happen.”

“Jesse!”

Jesse looked up as Brian rushed into the room, tears streaming down his little face. He faltered when he saw Ben on the bed beside him, but he didn’t stop his approach.

“Oh, god, my mom’s home,” Jesse muttered under his breath, then stood to gather the toddler in his arms. “How are you doing, buddy? I missed you.”

“I missed you, too!” Brian wailed into Jesse’s hair. He had his head buried in Jesse’s neck and he clung to him like he never wanted to let go. “I thought I’d never come home!”

Jesse met Shaun’s eye’s over Brian’s shoulder as he rubbed the toddler’s back.

“Who’s this?” Ben asked curiously.

“This is Brian,” Jesse said, smiling wryly. He moved back to the bed and sat with the boy in his lap. “He’s the second youngest in the house.”

“Hello.” Ben smiled gently. “Nice to meet you, Brian. I’m Ben.”

Brian looked up shyly. “Hi.”

“Ben is one of our good friends,” Jesse said. “He’s in Shaun’s band.”

“Was,” Shaun muttered.

“Not true,” Ben spoke up cheerfully. “We’re still in a band together. A brand new one.” He smiled hugely. “I’ve got a good feeling about this.”

“I don’t,” Shaun grumbled.

Ben bounced off the bed with a laugh and cuffed Shaun on the shoulder. “Relax, Doom and Gloom. Actually, we should celebrate. You up for some drinks?”

Shaun perked up a little. “I could go for a couple rounds.”

Ben turned back to the bed and waggled his eyebrows at Jesse. “How about you?”

“You guys go ahead,” Jesse said as he rocked Brian back and forth against his chest. “I have to babysit. My mom’s probably waiting downstairs with the baby.”

“A baby lives here, too?” Ben’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “There’s a whole flock of kids in this place.”

“Yeah,” Jesse said with a sigh. “And mom’s going back to finish her shift at the hospital, so…”

“I get you.” Ben laughed awkwardly. “Duty calls.”

“Yeah.” Jesse smiled wistfully.

Shaun lifted his chin. “I’ve got to stay, too.” He nodded at the TV even as Ben groaned with disappointment. “Predator’s on tonight. Brian loves that shit.”

Brian looked around with a shy smile.

“Aww, c’mon,” Ben whined. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”

“Shaun.” Jesse smiled softly. “You don’t have to stay. He’ll understand.” He brushed Brian’s hair back and kissed him on the brow. “Go have fun. You deserve it.”

Shaun’s resolve was crumbling. He felt bad for the toddler and he was also hoping to finish that BJ, but the offered alcohol was tempting. “You’ll be at school tomorrow?” he asked Jesse.

“Of course.”

“Alright.” Shaun nodded. “I’m game.”

Jesse gently extracted himself from Brian’s grasp and got off the bed. He looped his arms around Shaun’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Brian giggled in the background and Shaun struggled through it. Jesse’s lips were soft and warm, but he knew people were watching them. He couldn’t enjoy it. He pulled away and quickly wiped his mouth.

Ben smiled at them delightedly. “Cute.”

Shaun scowled and shrugged off Jesse’s arms.

Brian had left the bed and he immediately latched onto Jesse’s free hand as he watched Shaun with his big blue eyes. They reminded Shaun strongly of Jesse. It was uncanny.

Jesse looked down at the toddler in surprise but then smiled. He turned back to Shaun, his eyes glittering with affection. “See you in the morning,” he said softly.

“Shaun?” Brian asked shyly, swinging Jesse’s arm back and forth. “Can we watch your movie some other time?”

Shaun knelt down so he was eye-level with the boy. “I’ll be here tomorrow night. I promise. For real this time.”

Brian looked up at Shaun with his huge blue eyes. “OK,” he said in a little voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Shaun ruffled the toddler’s hair. “See you later, kid.”

Brian smiled at him hugely, then launched himself into his arms. “Bye Shaun.”

Shaun hugged him back tightly.

When the moment was over and Shaun stood up, he saw Ben watching him with big, mopey eyes and he grabbed the bassist by the back of his neck. “Let’s go,” he demanded, before Ben could get emotional. “Bye Jess,” he said over his shoulder as he steered Ben out of the room. He let him go as soon as they got to the hallway.

In the living room, Sam sat on the couch by himself. The baby was in the bouncer and the twins’ voices floated from the kitchen. The TV was on, but Sam was absorbed with his phone. He didn’t look up when Shaun and Ben came down the stairs.

“Where’s your mom?” Shaun sneered.

“Gone,” Sam said as he typed on his phone. “She was in and out in two minutes flat. I counted.”

Shaun glared at the teen as he crossed the room. He was glad he didn’t have to deal with Monica, at least.

Ben stopped in front of the couch. “Thanks for letting me in earlier,” he said.

Sam grunted.

“What are you watching?” Ben looked back at the TV and Shaun sighed. He was already at the door and grabbed the brass handle with impatience.

“Nothing good,” Sam said boredly. 

“Um, okay…” Ben glanced over the couch at Shaun and he frantically waved him over. “Well,” Ben hedged. “Have a good night, I guess.”

Sam stared at his phone as Ben rounded the couch and joined Shaun at the door.

Outside, Ben’s car was in the driveway. They got in and Shaun fidgeted with the tear on his jeans as he waited for Ben to start the engine. He didn’t want to discuss anything that had gone on inside, but he didn’t know how to fill the silence.

“I had no idea you were so good with kids,” Ben said as he turned the keys in the ignition. “Jesse’s little brother wasn’t scared of you or anything,” he laughed.

“Christ…” Shaun flushed. “I hate kids. Brian’s just different.”

“My kid will be different, too,” Ben said. “When Angela’s ready to squirt one out, maybe you can babysit.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

Ben laughed and dropped the kid topic. Shaun started to relax, especially when Ben asked for directions to the closest bar in town. They settled for a dive bar ten minutes away. Shaun and his grandparents came for dinner on the rare occasion, so he was familiar with the place.

It was getting dark and they parked along the brick building under a brilliant security light, then went inside.

The entrance was crowded with automatic lotto machines. The bar was a narrow section around it and the kitchen was through a door behind the bar. The dining room was at the very back. The room was long and narrow, but both sides of the room had booths and there was a lot of seating.

The bar was jammed with regulars. Maybe a dozen different men of varying ages sat on stools and leaned against the bar. The dining room had a few customers, as well. An older couple sat on the same side of the booth up front and a pair of women sat two tables back, talking in quiet voices. A young guy in a wife-beater ate a bowl of chili near the back.

Shaun led the way to the far back corner, past the ladies and the guy eating chili. The booths back here were lit with dim wall sconces and Shaun preferred the low lighting. It offered a fair bit of privacy.

He calmly surveyed the scene as he sat with his back against the wall. Nobody paid them any attention and he relaxed.

Ben idled next to the table. “What do you want? I’m buying?”

“Whatever you’re having.” Shaun shrugged.

Ben turned back for the bar as Shaun made himself comfortable in the booth. He returned momentarily and slid a huge, foamy glass of beer in front of Shaun. “Drink up,” he said, then took the seat across from him as he pulled a similar drink in front of himself. “You need to relax.”

“Fuck you, I am relaxed,” Shaun snarled, then took a swig of his drink.

Ben leaned back in his seat as he studied Shaun. He smiled slowly. “So, you quit the band.”

Shaun took another long drink in agreement.

“Will’s toxic,” Ben said in a serious voice. “Jesse’s right, I think if you have some room to grow and a little encouragement, you could really take off.”

Shaun sneered at him. “What the fuck are you trying to butter me up for?”

“What?”

“Jesse’s in love with me,” Shaun huffed. “He loves everything about me, the music included,” he grumbled.

“That’s adorable!”

“Jesse’s extremely biased, was my point. I know why he’s got a stiffy for my music, but I don’t know what you’re getting out of all this false idolization,” Shaun growled.

“I’ve played with you for a year,” Ben said casually. “I know what your capable of. You’re an amazing guitarist.”

“I never said I wasn’t,” Shaun scowled. “But I never said I wanted to lead a band! I never said I could!”

“An amazing musician.” Ben clarified. “And I know you can do this. You’ve got the talent and I’m not saying that because I’m trying to suck your dick.”

Shaun gulped the rest of his beer in a single swallow, then set the glass down with a clink.

“You ooze musical talent, Shaun,” Ben said with a smile. “Anyone who’s watched you play can see it.”

Shaun spun his empty glass in a circle.

“You’re coming to my house Saturday,” Ben said adamantly.

Shaun made a face. “Who’s the girl you mentioned?”

“Gretchen?” Ben grinned. “She’s incredible. She’s been in other bands before, good bands, and she knows everybody. She’s my number one pick.”

Shaun glared into his glass. “Cool.”

“We’re going to start a band.” Ben nodded with determination. “Deal with it.”

“As long as you get me another beer,” Shaun said grumpily.

Ben chuckled and finished his beer. “Back in a sec,” he said as he got up to get another round.

For the next hour, they drank like fish while they talked about music. Ben got up several more times to refresh their drinks, but Shaun avoided the bar. He recognized the guy from past visits, and he stayed hidden in the back, getting up only twice to piss.

As the hour got later, the conversation shifted to different topics.

“So…things look like they’re going alright between you and Jesse,” Ben drawled. “You left in such a big hurry on Saturday, I thought you two had a fight.”

Shaun lifted his hand. “I got angry and punched a mirror.”

“Wow. That’s a lot of anger.” Ben’s mouth dropped open.

Shaun shrugged. “I also destroyed a locker at school. Then, I had to teach some stupid jocks a lesson after class.”

Ben blinked owlishly. “What do the other guys look like?”

“They’re missing teeth,” Shaun said proudly.

“What the hell did they do?”

“Ganged up on Jesse and beat the shit out of him,” Shaun growled. “They thoroughly deserved it.”

“That’s what happened to his face?” Ben winced. “Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever had to defend a girl’s honor like that. I’m kind of jealous.”

“You don’t need to impress girls. You’re halfway married,” Shaun snorted.

Ben looked into his drink. “I need to do something to get the spark back,” he said. “I haven’t slept with Angela in months.”

Shaun quirked an eyebrow. He didn’t know much about Ben’s fiancé. He’d only met her a few times, but he she and Ben had been engaged a little over a year. They were young, working professionals living in a big house in the suburbs. He didn’t know much else, besides Angela was a bitch. The handful of times he’d been around her, she’d been angry and sour-faced.

“I left my dirty underwear and socks in the bathroom this morning after my shower and Angela threw them in my face during breakfast. She said she wasn’t my mother and was sick of picking up after me.”

Shaun laughed into his drink. “Aww, already?”

“She’s always yelling at me.” Ben looked glum. “The dirty clothes are just the tip of the ice burg. Nothing I do is ever right.”

“Sounds like your marriage is dead in the water.” Shaun shook his head. “You should cancel the wedding.”

Ben’s face paled. “Angela would murder me.”

“I’d rather be dead than forced into a marriage.”

“She’s not forcing me.” Ben ran his finger around the rim of his glass. “I just wish I got laid more often.”

“I think Jesse would suck my dick anytime I wanted,” Shaun gloated.

“Lucky.”

“Maybe you should try guys,” Shaun joked.

“Maybe not,” Ben chuckled.

Shaun shrugged. He had no idea what to say. The female mind was a mystery. But, if he was Ben, he’d steer clear of a mean, frigid bitch.

Ben complained about his sex life for a while and Shaun listened sympathetically. While his appreciation for sex was newfound and tremulous, for once, he could understand where Ben was coming from.

It was past midnight when they finally cashed out and stumbled from the bar. Shaun was in high spirits. He’d enjoyed his time with Ben and was almost looking forward to Saturday. He didn’t know who this Gretchen chick was, but Ben vouched for her. She probably wasn’t a total waste of time.

Ben bitched about his fiancé on the drive back to Shaun’s.

“She asked for a massage the other day and I was so desperate to get my rocks off, I obliged,” he said. “So I started with her feet and she moaned and flexed her toes in my lap. I sprung an erection almost immediately, because I haven’t had another human touch my dick in forever.”

Shaun cringed. “Yeah?”

“All was going well,” Ben continued. “I ignored my stiffy and I worked my way up her calves. When I got up to her thighs, though, she sat up, took off her shirt, then laid down real quick so I could rub her back.”

“When was this?” Shaun asked. It sounded like Ben was about to get laid.

Ben sighed. “Last week.” He ran a hand over his face. “I must have touched her wrong or pressed too hard… or maybe she felt my erection.” Ben shook his head sadly. “I don’t know what happened, but suddenly, she rolled over, shoved me off, and leapt out of bed. ‘What’s wrong? What did I do?’ I asked, but she ran topless into the bathroom with tears in her eyes. She was in there for hours.”

Shaun snorted. “What?”

“She wouldn’t tell me what I’d done wrong. And in the morning, she was perfectly fine. It was like it’d never even happened,” Ben said wearily.

“Jesus,” Shaun said. “Are all girls like that? Finicky?”

“No.” Ben shook his head. “And Angela wasn’t always like this, either. We used to have great sex.”

“I thought it got bad after the wedding.”

“The wedding’s the only thing she’s excited about.” Ben grimaced. “We’re supposed to meet with the florist Sunday afternoon.”

“Eww.” Shaun wrinkled his nose.

Ben laughed at him.

They reached Shaun’s place and Ben pulled in the drive. He parked next to the porch and they sat for a moment in silence.

Ben looked across the lawn, toward Jesse’s house. The lights were off and the house was quiet.

“You should sneak over there and get the rest of that blowjob I interrupted.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “ I don’t think so.”

“Why not? He lives so close to you, you’re lucky,” Ben said and it was the second time that night he’d said something like that. Shaun was weirdly flattered. Nobody was jealous of Shaun. This had to be a first. “I used to sneak through my girlfriend’s bedroom window when I was in high school. We had sex all the time,” he said wistfully.

“Yeah, well, Jesse shares the bedroom with his teenage brother. That lovely kid you met on the couch earlier,” Shaun sneered. “And Brian sleeps in his bed sometimes, too. There’s too many people.”

“He’s got the Full-House thing going on.” Ben elbowed him.

Shaun pulled away from him with a scowl and opened the door. He could wait. Jesse would suck him again, of that, he was certain. He got out of the car.

“I’ll see you Saturday,” Ben said through the door. “You can come anytime after noon, but not too late. Angela will be livid if I’m up all night before we pick out flowers.”

Shaun nodded.

“Give me a call when you’re coming. You still have my number, right?”

“I have it written somewhere.”

“Great.” Ben smiled. “Good night, Shaun.”

Shaun climbed onto the porch as Ben backed out of the drive. The front door was open, and Shaun slid silently into the kitchen.

Ruth was asleep in the living room. She was probably waiting up for him.

He stood over the old woman for a moment, watching her snooze. Her heavy chest rose and fell rhythmically.

Shaun didn’t respect her wishes a lot of the time, but he knew he’d fucked up. He hadn’t checked in for almost eighteen hours.

“Grandma.” He nudged Ruth’s shoulder. She blinked her eyes open and sat up. The knitted blanket she’d knitted one winter slid from her lap and pooled on the floor.

“Shaun.” Ruth daintily cleared her throat. “Where have you been?”

“I was with Jesse,” Shaun said the first thing that came to mind and then, realizing the truth would be less implicating, he quickly amended his alibi. “I quit Execute Invasion. Me and Ben are starting a new band.”

“The boy that stopped by?” Ruth’s eyebrows rose into her gray hairline. “What a handsome young man. He’s in one of your heathen bands?”

Shaun smirked. He’d have to tell Ben. “I’m going to bed, grandma. I didn’t mean to stay out so late. Sorry.”

Ruth peered up at Shaun, her beady eyes narrowed. “You were drinking.”

“We were celebrating,” Shaun said.

Ruth tisked and waved a hand. “Get in bed, boy. You’ve got school in a few hours.”

Shaun tried not to laugh. “Goodnight grandma,” he said as he backed out of the room.

The bedroom was dark and quiet, and Shaun laid back on his bed, clothes and all. He toed his boots off as he looked blankly up at the ceiling and thought about the day.

Without making a conscious decision to do so, Shaun reached to his bedside table and took out his knife. He was in entirely the wrong state of mind to cut. He was uncomfortable and more than a little horny, but it had been so long, and he felt an itching need to spill his blood.

Shaun slid the blade deep into the flesh of his left pectoral. It didn’t feel as good as it usually did, but he enjoyed watching the blood well to the surface.

He touched the wound with his fingertips as it dripped down his chest and pooled in the hollow of his belly. It stung, but Shaun had always been interested in blood and pain and it wasn’t a bad feeling. He had never thought to tie the two with sex, but the sight of Jesse’s flawless, milky white skin had set his imagination into overdrive.

He wanted to cut Jesse. He wanted to make him bleed. He wanted to hurt him and make him cry. He loved Jesse dearly, but he couldn’t stop the urge to taste his blood again.

Shaun unzipped his jeans and wiggled out of his pants one handed. His erect cock sprang from its confines and he wrapped his bloodied fingers around the eager length.

Shaun fisted his cock and moaned as he began to stroke himself firmly. He looked down as the shaft was covered in red. He leaned over his hand as he pulled himself off and the blood dribbled across his thighs.

Shaun moaned, louder than necessary but he didn’t give a shit. He stroked his cock quickly and tried to imagine the bloody hand on his cock was Jesse’s instead of his own. In his fantasy, Jesse straddled his thighs as he pumped his arm and worked Shaun’s cock with his fist. He stared into Shaun’s eyes with a sultry gaze.

Shaun jerked his arm up and down at an erratic pace as he imagined Jesse releasing his hard, bloody cock, and raising himself onto his knees. He looked straight into Shaun’s eyes as he lowered himself onto his stiff cock and cried out in a potent mixture of pain and pleasure.

“Jesse!” Shaun milked his cock for all he was worth as come splattered across his belly and mingled with the blood pooled in his navel.

There was a sharp knock on the bedroom door. “Goodnight, Shaun,” Ruth said pointedly.

Shaun grunted, too exhausted to be embarrassed. He pulled the sheet out from under him and lazily covered his spent cock and the mess on his stomach. He wondered if Jesse would ever let himself be cut as he closed his eyes.

Morning came much too soon. There was no hope of sleeping in, however. Ruth pounded on Shaun’s door at 7:30 on the dot.

“I’ll not have you missing school again, young man!” Her shrill voice came through the door and it pierced Shaun’s ears. He rolled out of bed with a groan and wiped the dry bodily fluids from his stomach with his sheet. White flakes fell from his belly and disappeared into the dark brown carpet.

“Are you up yet?” Ruth shouted.

“Yes!” Shaun tore his dirty clothes off and tossed them on the floor. Ruth would clean up later. It was inevitable. There was no time to shower and he didn’t check his hair. He changed into cargo pants and a flannel shirt and shoved his feet into his boots. It was good enough.

Ruth waited in the hall with her arms crossed when Shaun opened the door.

“Christ, grandma,” he growled. “I have a fucking hangover.”

“And who’s fault is that?” Ruth followed him down the hall. Breakfast was sitting on the kitchen table and Shaun grabbed a slice of toast. Ruth watched with a scowl as he gobbled his food. “Pig,” she sneered.

“Fuck you,” Shaun said around his mouthful. “Where’s my bag?”

Ruth tossed him his backpack.

Shaun slung it over his shoulder as he drank his orange juice in a single large gulp. He burped afterwards. “See you later.” 

Ruth cringed. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shaun muttered as he started for the door.

When he got on the bus, Jesse was over the moon to see him. The second he sat down, Jesse scooted closer and kissed him solidly on the lips.

“Jesse…” Shaun looked toward the front of the bus, at Sam, and the teen quickly turned away, but not before Shaun caught his look of disgust.

“Don’t worry about him,” Jesse said firmly, snuggling into his side. “He’s not going to bother us. He doesn’t care.”

“Little fucker called me a faggot.” Shaun glared at the back of the middle-schooler’s head. “I think he wants me to hit him.”

“Please don’t.” Jesse said nervously. “As long as he doesn’t tell mom about us, it doesn’t really matter if he calls us names. He’s my little brother. He’s supposed to do stuff like that.”

The bus stopped and Emily got on. Without her brother.

She took one look at Jesse and Shaun, snuggled in the back, and her face filled with hatred. She turned away and took a seat as close to the front – and as far away from Jesse and Shaun – as she could.

Jesse watched the girl’s reaction with a sad look on his face. “I don’t even know why I asked her out. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Shaun was silent. He’d said the same thing a million times, but Jesse had ignored him. Now he was suddenly coming to the same miraculous conclusion? How fucking annoying.

“I don’t even think I liked her, really,” Jesse said.

Shaun shoved him into the window, disgusted.  “You don’t think?”

Jesse broke into a grin. “C’mon Shaun. You aren’t still jealous, are you?”

Shaun crossed his arms and glared out the opposite window.

The smile fell from Jesse’s face as he sat up. “I think I get into relationships expecting to break up and move away. I know they’re temporary. I never get too attached,” he said in a soft voice. “I moved to a new town, so I figured I needed a new girlfriend. I was just going through the motions,” he said with a sigh. “I never liked Emily to begin with. I was just using her.”

Shaun relaxed a little. “That…makes sense I guess.”

“I forgot to ask.” Jesse perked up. “How did your night out with Ben go?”

Shaun kept his expression neutral. “It was alright.”

Jesse’s blue eyes twinkled with mirth. “Did you guys bond?”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “More like we got wasted.”

“Oh, c’mon. Didn’t you talk anymore about your new band? Did you come up with a name?”

“Since we don’t have a single song yet, we figured we’d hold off on naming ourselves,” Shaun sneered.

“Yeah?”

Jesse looked so damn hopeful, Shaun relented. “I promised we’d meet up Saturday,” he said awkwardly. “We’ll see what happens.”

“Can I come?” Jesse pressed his hands together. “Please. I promise I won’t get in the way.” 

“I guess…”

Jesse cheered. “You guys are going to be super famous.”

“Jess, we’re mostly doing this so we can play music. The money gets better with the fame, but it isn’t necessary,” Shaun said. He might get famous someday; he was striving for it anyway, but there was no way he was going to become a metal god when he was stuck at home with his grandparents.

But Jesse ignored him. “I can’t wait to see you on stage. Front and center!”

Shaun sighed heavily. There was no point in arguing. He wasn’t going to win.

When they got to school, Emily and her friends got up as a group. They sent disapproving looks over their shoulders as they got off the bus.

Shaun and Jesse waited to put some distance between them.

The little middle schoolers looked at them as they collected their bags and prepared to get off. Sam whispered to his two girlfriends and the three of them burst into laughter.

Shaun was familiar with the tactics used to shun and humiliate the outsider. He’d been on the receiving end of them for the majority of his life. As he and Jesse started down the aisle, he spared Sam a single glare as he strode past, loaded with years of pent up fury and rage and the teen’s laughter dried up in his throat. He was such a damned pussy and he turned away to hide his face between his girlfriends. They’d seen Shaun’s look, too, and they looked almost as nervous as Sam did.

“Shaun?” Jesse looked over his shoulder, but Shaun’s expression was back to normal.

“C’mon,” Shaun urged him forward and off the bus. “Let’s go.”

Once they were inside, Shaun took them to Jesse’s locker first and waited patiently while the other boy gathered his things. The mean looks were relentless, but Jesse was in a good mood despite the neverending parade of hate. Shaun could tell it bothered him, but he chatted pleasantly about his night with Brian as he slid his textbooks into his bag. He touched Shaun more than once, and grudgingly, Shaun allowed it.

Shaun was used to people hating him, but this felt different. He’d carried his parents’ memory like a burden since he was a child. He’d been branded with the stigma, against his will, and the whole town hated him because of it.

But Shaun had chosen to be with Jesse. He loved him. And if everyone hated him because of it, then they could all suck his cock because he didn’t care. He wanted Jesse in his life, no matter what these losers thought.

They went to Shaun’s locker next and Jesse continued to run his mouth, about Brian, about the new band, about anything that popped into his pretty little head and Shaun tried his best to keep up with his monologue. When they finished at his locker, they walked to Jesse’s class by silent agreement.

“Are you going to miss me?” Jesse asked as they neared the math classroom.

“Desperately.”

“We’ll only be apart fifty-five minutes,” Jesse giggled. “But I’ll be counting the seconds, too.”

Shaun grunted as he pulled to a stop outside Jesse’s homeroom.

Jesse smiled up at him wryly. “Thanks for walking me to class.”

Shaun smiled at him grimly.

“See you in chemistry.” Jesse fluttered his lashes, then he glided into the classroom.

Shaun got to English a couple minutes before the late bell and strode to his seat in the back. He scanned the room with narrowed eyes as he walked to the last row. Kenny’s usual seat was empty. It was official. He’d skipped school to hide his face and Shaun was deeply satisfied.

Eric was present and he sat at the front of the room. His face was a concentrated mess of bruises and there was another thick white bandage over his nose.

Broken. Again.

Shaun smiled wickedly.

He jiggled his leg with impatience when the morning bell rang, and Miss Stevens began the day’s lecture. He knew he should ask her about yesterday’s makeup work, but he didn’t care. His motivation to attend class was sharply declining and when class finally ended, Shaun was the first person out of his seat. He wanted to get to chemistry as fast as he could, because, while he would never admit it out loud, he did miss Jesse.

He was halfway out the door when someone touched his arm. He whirled around, ready for an attack, but it was only Miss Stevens.

“Could I talk to you for a moment?” she asked.

Shaun frowned, but stepped back into the room.

Miss Stevens smiled pleasantly as they waited for the classroom to empty. When Eric passed, Shaun glared at him, but he was too busy staring at the floor to notice. Shaun sighed and tapped his foot as the last few stragglers left the room.

“We missed you yesterday.” Stevens turned and went to her desk. “I wanted to talk to you Monday originally, but you got called away to the office before I could.”

“What is this about?” Shaun folded his arms. “I have to get to chemistry.”

Miss Stevens opened the top drawer on her desk and pulled out a creased sheet of notebook paper. Shaun’s poem from Monday. He knew he’d regret leaving it with her. “Is it about anyone in particular?” She asked calmly, her gaze sharp and intelligent.

“Why?” Shaun spat. “Am I obligated to tell you? Is it part of the grade?”

“Just curious.” Stevens shook her head. “I always thought your writing was inspired. Even when we were working on essays at the beginning of the year.”

Shaun flushed. “Okay?”

“Your writing’s on another level.” She tapped the handwritten poem. “I wondered if someone had inspired it. A new friend maybe?”

Shaun tried to hide his discomfort with a scowl. “What’s it to you?”

Miss. Stevens sighed. “Teachers aren’t immune to gossip. I’ve heard the rumors, Shaun.”

“I’m not telling you my personal business, bitch.” Shaun growled like a wild dog. “Fuck off!”

“Did Jesse tell you I was there when he was attacked Monday?”

Shaun deflated. “No.”

“I know you’re a private person—”

“What do you want?!”

Stevens pursed her lips. “You’re in a band…aren’t you?”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Shaun dropped his arms in surprise. “Did someone tell you?”

“I saw you play once,” Stevens said coolly. “A couple months back. You’re very talented.”

Shaun blinked at her in bewilderment. “Uh. Thanks.”

“I’ve always wanted to tell you that,” Stevens said with a smile. “You might not be my best student, but I have a feeling you’ll be incredibly successful in whatever you choose to do with your life.”

“I’m a guitarist.” Shaun lifted his chin. “One day, I’ll be in a famous band.”

Miss Steven’s beamed. “I believe in you, Shaun. I think you have the drive and the talent to accomplish anything you set your mind to.”

Shaun didn’t know how to respond. He shifted awkwardly on the spot.

“I bet that poem is about Jesse, isn’t it?”

Shaun scowled and crossed his arms. “I already said, I don’t want to talk about personal shit.”

“Well, I think he’s improved your writing tenfold,” Stevens said boldly. “I’m sorry for what happened to him. Some people are so small-minded.”

“I already dealt with them,” Shaun gloated. “Now they’re the ones who are sorry.”

Miss Stevens raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Can I go now?” Shaun huffed with impatience.

“Yes.” Miss Stevens pushed her blonde hair behind her ear. “I wanted to give your poem back though. Are they lyrics to a song?”

“Not yet.” Shaun strode across the room and accepted the piece of paper. He’d almost walked off and left it forever on Stevens’ desk. He folded it into a square and put it in his pocket.

“Do you need a hall pass?”

“I’ll manage.” 

“Enjoy the rest of your day, Shaun,” Miss Stevens said cheerfully.

Shaun pondered his teacher’s words as he left English. It was one thing to have Jesse’s unwavering support. Ben’s confidence was encouraging, too, but his English teacher? Miss Stevens believed in him?

Shaun got to chemistry as the late bell rang. Mr. Barnes looked up from his desk, but he didn’t otherwise acknowledge his presence as he got up to begin the lecture.

Jesse sat straight up in his chair, waiting for Shaun to take his seat with wide, questioning eyes. “Why are you late?”

“I was talking to Miss Stevens.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow as class began in earnest. He took out his notebook and started to write, then pushed across the table. What did she want?

Shaun dug through his bag for a writing implement, but once he found it, he stalled. A part of him wanted to keep the compliment to himself. He knew when he told Jesse, the other boy wouldn’t rest until he got his hands on the work in question. She wanted to talk about my poem, he wrote finally, because he couldn’t think of anything else.

Jesse glanced at Shaun’s response and then quickly jotted, I want to see it!

“No,” Shaun whispered and when Jesse turned his ridiculously hopeful blue eyes on him, he relented. “Later.”

Jesse smiled brilliantly and pulled his notebook back to his side of the table. Shaun turned away and pretended to listen to Barnes’ boring lecture, but he was itching to get his hands on his guitar. It was going to be painful, but he wanted to practice.

Jesse tapped his arm and when Shaun looked at him from the corner of his eye, he smiled shyly and handed the notebook back.

Shaun glanced at the page.

I love you, it said clear as day, in black and white, then, below that: When we get home, I’m going to suck your dick.

Shaun tore the page out as he flushed with equal amounts of embarrassment and arousal. He was paranoid someone would get their hands on the note and he folded the damning piece of paper into a tiny square and shoved it into his pocket beside the poem.

Jesse started to giggle.

 “Be quiet,” Shaun said under his breath, but Jesse didn’t listen. He covered his mouth with both hands as he continued to laugh. It wasn’t loud, but he sounded like a little pig, snorting, and rooting around.

Shaun closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

The glares continued as the day crawled by. Everyone was a critic and apparently nobody approved. Shaun was desperate for class to be over. He couldn’t wait to get home. School held next to no appeal anymore. Shaun would rather be getting laid or practicing his guitar.

After gym, which had been largely uneventful with Kenny gone and Eric as meek as a mouse, Shaun walked with Jesse to his last class of the day. He’d already decided he was going to wait for him. There was no way he was riding the bus again with the bitch Emily and that little cunt Jesse called a brother, but he would wait.

“Are you going to stay?” Jesse asked as they reached his next class.

“Yes.”

Jesse smiled hugely and grabbed Shaun around the middle. “I’ll meet you out front after class,” he said, hugging him tight. “Love you.”

Shaun kissed the top of his head, then nudged him away.

Jesse slipped into the room and Shaun watched him take his seat before he headed down the hall to his locker. He took the books from his bag and sorted through his large stack of homework with a scowl. Unfinished classwork just kept piling up. He tossed the stack into his locker with disgust and shut the door. He wouldn’t remember it once he got home. There was no point in lugging it along.

Shaun left the building and walked down the front path to sit on the curb to the parking lot. He took out his battered headphones and hung them around his neck as he looked through his CD case.

Sweat beaded along his hairline. Summer was right around the corner and it was starting to get blisteringly hot. He shielded his eyes and squinted up at the bright ball of light high in the sky. He hated the sun.

The front doors flew open and Emily rushed down the walk. She stopped dead in her tracks when her gaze fell upon Shaun.

Shaun stood up and kicked his bag aside as Emily strode in his direction.

The dark-haired girl approached with her head held high and her back straight, but she couldn’t hide the fact she trembled like a leaf. She stopped three feet in front of Shaun and boldly met his eyes.

“Looking for me? “Shaun drawled.

“Yes.”

“Well, spit it out,” Shaun sneered, and Emily hesitated. Shaun tore his headphones off and tossed them on top of his bag. “I’m all ears, bitch.”

“I want you to know,” Emily started. “I told Kenny to leave Jesse alone. I don’t support what he and Eric did to Jesse and I was furious when I found out.”

“Lotta good that did.” Shaun spat on the ground and Emily stepped back, her nose wrinkling in disgust. “What is your fucking point?” he sneered.

Emily flapped her gums. She was regretting this entire thing. Shaun could tell. “I’m not saying I forgive Jesse…because I don’t,” Emily said as her eyes began to glisten with tears. “If he wanted to be with…someone else… he should have just said so!”

“Do you really think that your stupid brother assaulted Jesse because of you?”  Shaun snapped.

“Well, yeah!” Emily cried. “He—”

“Let me just stop you there,” Shaun said rudely. “Your redneck brother and his little gang of friends beat the shit out of Jesse because he’s with me.”

Emily’s bottom lip began to quiver as her determination crumbled. “I told Kenny to leave Jesse alone,” she said, repeating herself like a parrot. “If he wants to be with you then I don’t want to be with him!”

“Jesse never wanted to be with you.” Shaun laughed. “He’s wanted me the whole time.” He bared his teeth in a parody of a smile. “He couldn’t resist my undeniable charm.”

“You’re…” Emily’s face twisted. “You’re disgusting.”

Shaun smirked. “Jesse doesn’t think so.”

“I don’t care about him anymore!” Emily stomped her foot. “I…I hate him!”

“Good.”

“That’s not the point!” Emily poked a finger at him as tears streamed down her face. “What Kenny and his friends did to Jesse was nothing compared to what you did to my brother!”

“Your brother should have known better than to touch what’s mine.” Shaun closed the distance between him and the slight girl. He towered over her and he felt a peculiar thrill when Emily had to crane her neck back to keep eye contact. “You’re lucky I didn’t split his skull open.”

“You broke Eric’s nose!” Emily stomped her foot again. “Kenny’s missing teeth! He swallowed half of them when you smashed his face!”

“They fucking deserved it,” Shaun snarled. “I’m not apologizing for shit.”

“Listen to me—”

“Listen to me, you fucking bitch.” Shaun got in Emily’s face. “If your brother comes near Jesse again… or if anyone tries to pull another stunt like he did… then what I did to Kenny and Eric will look like a walk in the park compared to the hell I’ll bring down on the poor fucker that even looks at Jesse wrong.”

Emily’s eyes widened with horror.

Shaun poked her in the chest, and she stumbled back dramatically. “Got that?” he sneered.

Emily put her hand over the spot Shaun had touched, looking deeply wounded.

“Oh, and feel free to spread that around,” Shaun said. “I know you jackasses all love a good story.”

Emily blinked up at him miserably, her eyes glassy and wet with tears, her makeup running down her cheeks.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

Emily spun around and ran back into the school.

Shaun watched her go as his lips curled into a satisfied grin. When he was alone again, he reclaimed his spot on the curb and chose a CD at random. He put his headphones on and turned the volume to the max. He couldn’t wait to get home. He was ready to write a song.

Chapter Text

After school, Jesse found Shaun sitting on the curb with his legs stretched out in front of him. Everyone gave him a wide berth out of habit and a group of freshman girls skirted the sidewalk as they rushed past him for the buses. 

Jesse padded across the lawn. As he got closer, he realized Shaun was wearing headphones. The high-pitched whine of an electric guitar blared from his earbuds. 

Jesse tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey.” 

Shaun ripped his headset off and whirled around. His eyes were wild, but slowly, the look of hostility faded. He stood up stiffly. “You didn’t have to fucking sneak up on me,” he grumbled. 

“Wasn’t like it was hard,” Jesse laughed. “You were totally out of it.” 

Shaun stuffed his CD player into his bag. “I’m not riding the bus,” he said darkly, gazing out at the parking lot where students rushed between the buses, loud and chaotic in their hurry to get off school property. It was a zoo. 

“I wasn’t planning on it anyway.” Jesse smiled at him. “You okay?”

Shaun hitched his backpack over his shoulder. “Yep,” he said, but Jesse could tell he was distracted.

They loitered on the front lawn for a moment, waiting for the buses to leave and Jesse tried to cheer Shaun up by bringing up his last class of the day, a subject Shaun didn’t have.

“It’s not fair,” Jesse bemoaned. “I hate government.”

 “My GPA was so low; the guidance counselor wouldn’t let me take a full load of classes.” Shaun smirked. “I’m supposed to take it next year.”

“So, then, never, right?” Jesse scoffed. “Screw you, Shaun.”

 “Sorry.” Shaun shrugged. “Maybe you should try failing. Everyone lowers their expectations. It’s nice.”

“No.” Jesse stuck out his tongue. “I don’t want to fail. We’re starting our term project. You-pick. A three-page essay or a twenty-slide Powerpoint on the different branches of government. I can’t decide.”

“I’ve got better selections. You-pick. I’ve got one ‘Fuck you’,” Shaun said, “Or two middle fingers.” He held them up proudly in demonstration. The right one was mostly for show. The way his hand was bandaged made it impossible. “What’s it gonna be?”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “You’re no help.”

When the buses pulled out, they started down the lonely, dusty road.

“Are we going to your house or mine?” Jesse asked. He wanted to give Shaun the promised blowjob as soon as possible. He’d been thinking about it most of the day. 

Shaun thought for a moment. “My place, I guess. I want to get on my guitar.”

“What about your hand?”

Shaun looked down at the bandaging. “I’ll take it off.”

“Shaun…”

“It’s my hand. I can do what I want with it,” Shaun said defensively.

Jesse sighed and let it go. 

They got to Shaun’s house in fifteen minutes. Shaun went straight for the garage and Jesse followed him like an obedient puppy. As they passed the house, Ruth stuck her head out the kitchen window. 

“You’re late,” she bitched. “Where’ve you been?” 

“We walked,” Shaun said briskly. 

Ruth watched them with narrowed eyes as they reached the garage and Shaun paused and fiddled with the latch. 

“Keep it down in there,” she said sourly. “You always make such a racket.” She pulled her head in the window and shut it behind her with a snap.

With a huff of frustration, Shaun fumbled the door open at last. He grabbed Jesse’s arm and yanked him inside. “She’s so fucking annoying!” he cried as he slammed the door behind them. He dropped his bag and kicked it carelessly across the room, into the corner.

“She’s trying to be a good grandma,” Jesse said. “I think.” 

“She’s being an annoying bitch,” Shaun sneered. “It’s what she does best.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his dark, unruly hair. “Fuck her,” he said, then he stepped across the room and grabbed his guitar. “I’ve got better shit to do,” he muttered, lifting the instrument to his chest with reverence. He carried it to the outlet against the wall and setup his equipment one-handed.

Jesse sat at the desk chair in front of the tool bench and tossed his bag under the table. He spun the chair, so he faced the other boy and watched as he finished with his guitar and set it aside.

Shaun looked critically at the gauze covering his hand as he straightened. Slowly, he began to unravel the bandaging.

“Shaun,” Jesse groaned.

“Shut up.’ The gauze fell away, and Shaun kicked it aside with his boot. His hand was bruised and swollen around the knuckles. The skin was shredded, and he winced as he opened and closed his hand, but he kept doing it. He grit his teeth and wiggled his fingers until they moved with fluidity, then he picked up his guitar again. 

Shaun closed his eyes as he slid his fingers along the fretboard and tried a few chords. His expression was pained at first, but as the notes flowed from his guitar and the deep tone reverberated in the room, his expression began to mellow.

Jesse pulled his feet up on the seat and hugged his knees to his chest as he watched. “Doesn’t it hurt?”

“It’s bearable,” Shaun said, then paused to retrieve his backpack. He pulled out one of his notebooks and a pen and jotted something down. He tried another chord, a different melody, and then paused to write something else. 

“Can I see your poem now?” Jesse asked.

Shaun looked up in surprise. He finished with the notebook and then reached into his back pocket and fished out a piece of paper. “I’m going to revise it,” he said. “It isn’t a song yet, but once I get the melody down, I’ll know what to do with it.”

Jesse accepted the square of paper and Shaun swept back to his side of the room and grabbed up his guitar. He strummed a few random notes as Jesse unfolded the paper. Shaun’s handwriting was cramped and messy, but Jesse had little trouble reading the verses.

“Those blue eyes cut through the smoke and the static,

Burn holes straight through my chest.

I hear your voice in the feedback screaming.

Every time I try to rest I keep running from the damage,

Like I don’t know what it is.

But I’d crawl through broken glass and gasoline,

Just to see you look at me like that.”

Jesse smiled softly. “When did you write this?”

“After I kissed you.” Shaun didn’t look up from his instrument. “It’s stupid.”

“You really missed me,” Jesse grinned. “You mentioned my eyes.”

“Oh, God.” Shaun rolled his eyes. “Don’t get all emotional.”

But he was. Jesse was touched.

Shaun continued to mess with his guitar as Jesse got up and glided across the dusty, concrete floor. He laid his hand over Shaun’s broken one and Shaun stopped playing and looked into Jesse’s eyes.

Jesse slid his arms around his waist as Shaun shrugged his guitar over his head. Their lips met partway and at first, the kiss was sweet and almost chaste, but when Shaun swiped his tongue along Jesse’s bottom lip, Jesse gasped and eagerly opened his mouth.

Shaun held him close as the kiss deepened. He pressed against Jesse’s lower lip and sucked his tongue as his dick got hard in his jeans.

Jesse could feel it against his thigh. He was hard, too, and desperate to come and he arched into Shaun’s body with a helpless groan.

Shaun drew back. “Jesse…”

“What?” Jesse whined.

“Not now,” Shaun said, then he dropped his arms and gently nudged Jesse away.

Jesse blinked in surprise. Shaun’s eyes burned with lust and he didn’t understand. He quirked an eyebrow in question and Shaun sighed.

“I have to do this,” he said, nodding to the open notebook and the guitar hanging from his neck. He pulled it back in front of him and shredded an insane riff. His fingers flew nimbly across the fretboard and the sounds he made were smooth and rich...and strangely sexual. “I have to get these ideas down.”

Jesse fell back into the desk chair. He could wait… 

Shaun strummed the guitar. It was a song, a melody, and he looked up and met Jesse’s eyes as he played.

Jesse stared into Shaun’s dark gaze as he lost track of time. Shaun switched between melodies and chords, testing different sounds and the deep, luxurious sounds of the guitar coursed through Jesse’s body. After some time, his eyelids got heavy and he slumped against the tool bench as he dozed off.

Shaun came to a sudden stop. “Did you hear that?” 

Jesse blinked and sat up dazedly. Shaun hadn’t stopped playing in some time, but now he gripped the fretboard with his head cocked to the right. Jesse nervously licked his lips. “No? I didn’t hear anything but your guitar.”

The side door to the garage burst open and Brian charged into the room. “Shaun!” 

Shaun unstrapped his guitar and collected him in his arms. “What are you doing here?”

“There you are, Jesse.” Monica stepped into the garage before Brian could explain. She wore her nicest scrubs today. They were a pretty lavender color and fit her nicely in the butt. She had her phone gripped in one hand and Lissa pinned against her chest with the other. The baby was red-faced and unhappy. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Shaun and Jesse shared a brief look. 

“Hey, mom,” Jesse said cautiously.

“What’s going on?” Monica asked. “Sam’s been on his own with the kids for hours.”

“I’m sorry,” Jesse said, but he didn’t get up. He felt like he’d just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “I must have lost track of time.”

“You promised you were coming over tonight,” Brian whined from across the room and Jesse’s gaze drifted in his direction.

Shaun set him on the floor with a sheepish look on his face. “I got caught up practicing. It wasn’t intentional.”

“Wow, you have a real guitar,” Brian said. “It’s so cool.” 

“Yep,” Shaun chuckled as he picked up his instrument and showed it off.

“How many songs can you play?” Brian asked in awe, stroking the guitar’s sleek black surface with a finger.

“I can play any song I want.” Shaun smirked. “If I’ve heard it before.” 

“Can you play Baby Shark?” 

Shaun scratched his chin in thought. “Never heard of it.” 

“Jesse,” Monica huffed as she tucked her phone into her bra. “I need to get back to work and I need you at home.” She moved the baby onto her shoulder and rubbed her back, but Lissa began to cry in earnest. Monica bounced her, but that only heightened Lissa’s agitation. “Quit playing around. Let’s go.”

Brian flinched at Monica’s tone and curled in on himself. That was a sure sign Monica had recently lost her temper. He cowered against Shaun’s legs and hid his face.

“In a minute.” Jesse frowned. “We’re about to finish up.” 

“Jesse!” Monica snapped and Lissa wailed in her arms. She clicked her tongue impatiently. “Grab your stuff and let’s go.” 

A fire lit under Jesse’s ass as he glanced at Shaun. His expression was neutral, but he had a hand on Brian’s shoulder, and he squeezed it comfortingly. 

“I need a minute, mom.” 

“Jesse!”  Monica hissed as the baby’s cry became earsplitting. “I don’t have time for this!” 

“And I don’t have a life! I’m sick and tired of being responsible all the time!” Jesse snapped. “I need a break…”

Monica’s face darkened and she rubbed the baby’s back in an erratic pattern. “Bad timing, Jesse. This is so not the time to talk about this.”

“You’re right,” Jesse said. “Take Lissa home. Sam can watch her for a couple minutes—” 

“Jesse—” 

“Just give me a couple minutes to say goodbye!” Jesse cried. “Fuck! We were right in the middle of something!” 

Monica pressed her lips together as Lissa continued to scream. She opened her mouth to reply. 

“Who the hell are you?” 

Monica’s eyes flashed to the door.

Ruth stood in the gravel just outside, in a pair of house slippers. She had her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. 

“Hi.” Monica forced a smile onto her face. “I’m Monica. I live next door.” 

Ruth narrowed her beady eyes, then nodded at Jesse. “This one’s yours?”

“Yes.” 

“That explains it,” Ruth said. “And that one’s yours as well?” She nodded at the screaming baby on Monica’s shoulder

Monica grit her teeth. “Yes.” 

“Doesn’t look like it,” Ruth sneered. “It looks like you’ve never held a baby in your life.” She stepped into the room and held out her arms. “Let me see the little monster. C’mon.” 

Monica shot Jesse a heated look, but she handed over the baby without a word.

Ruth accepted Lissa with a coo and held her securely in her large hands. “What’s she called?” 

“Melissa.” Monica used the opportunity to check her phone, then quickly typed out a message as Ruth enjoyed her youngest daughter.

“Poor little Melissa,” Ruth tutted. “How old?”

Monica smiled faintly at her phone as Jesse watched her with suspicion. “Ten months,” she said distractedly.

“There, there, little angel. Calm down,” Ruth soothed as she turned the baby so she was facing outwards, then she folded Lissa’s arms into her chest and cupped her bottom. Ruth bounced Lissa gently and swayed her back and forth and Lissa stopped crying almost instantly.

Monica looked up in surprise.

“I only had the one baby. And then a grandson,” Ruth said. “But I learned how to do this from a lady at church. She’s a baby whisperer.”

“Hmm.” Monica pinched the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry. I’m really in a hurry.” 

“To do what? It’s 7 o’clock,” Ruth cooed sweetly at Lissa and the baby smiled. “Is dinner burning in the oven?” 

“No,” Monica said impatiently. “I’m on the clock. I need to get back to work. My son is supposed to be at home, babysitting, but instead he’s here, having a party.” 

“Work?” Ruth made a face. “What kind of work?”

“I work at the hospital,” Monica huffed. “I’m a nurse.” 

“Fancy.” Ruth brought Lissa to her chest. The baby rested her cheek on her breast with a contented babble. “Well, everything’s under control,” Ruth said. “You’re free to go.” 

Monica threw her hands up. “Yeah. Sounds great. Let me just walk off and leave my ten-month-old with a stranger.”

Jesse sighed. “She’s not a stranger, mom.” 

Monica glared at him. 

“I’m Ruth, by the way,” Ruth said. “Ruth Wilson.” 

“Wonderful,” Monica muttered. 

“I volunteer in the church nursery on Sundays,” Ruth said. “People trust me.” 

“I’m sure,” Monica said, but she didn’t sound convinced. 

“C’mon, mom,” Jesse said. “Me and Brian and Lissa will hang out for an hour or two, then we’ll go home. Sam can watch the twins until then. He’s done it before.” 

“That’s your kid, too?” Ruth laughed, nodding at Brian. 

Monica glanced at Jesse again and slowly shook her head. You are so dead, she mouthed at him. 

“You career girls,” Ruth shook her head disapprovingly. “How many kids do you have?”

Monica bristled. “I have to go.”

“Then go,” Ruth said. “There’s the door.” 

Monica hesitated. She checked her phone again and groaned. “Shit…I’m late.”

“I promise. Everything will be fine,” Jesse said earnestly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll keep an eye on everyone.” 

 “Fine. Whatever.” Monica tossed her phone in her purse and moved quickly to the door. “Everyone better be in bed when I get home,” she said over her shoulder.

Jesse nodded and Monica hurried out the door. 

Brian relaxed against Shaun’s side once she was gone. Jesse let out a sigh of relief. Ruth was unaffected and she swayed from side to side with the baby. 

“Can she sit up yet?” she asked. 

Jesse nodded.

“I’ll be in the living room,” Ruth said distractedly. “We’re going to lay a blanket on the floor so we can practice pulling-up. Doesn’t that sound nice?” she said to Lissa. 

As soon as they were alone, Jesse spoke up. “My sister’s safe with her, right?” 

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, Jesse. Yes. My grandma loves babies.” 

“Sorry.” Jesse laughed. “I just… You know.” 

“Yeah. I know.” Shaun’s expression soured. “She’s a bitch.”

“Shaun?” Brian tugged on the older boy’s sleeve. 

“What’s up?” Shaun’s expression changed as he knelt down to speak with the toddler. 

“Can we watch one of your movies?” Brian asked. 

“That’s a good idea,” Shaun said. “Let me put this stuff away and we’ll go to my room.”

Brian bounced up and down in excitement and Jesse smiled at him fondly. He grabbed his bag and got up to join the other two as Shaun unplugged the guitar and set it gingerly in its case. 

Jesse hadn’t completely got out of babysitting, but maybe that was a good thing. Brian needed his attention. They’d cuddled most of the night after Shaun had left, but Brian craved his presence like a drug. Guilt filled Jesse’s heart as he stepped up beside the toddler and carded his fingers through his fine, blond hair. He’d totally forgotten about him. Again.

Shaun finished putting away his equipment. “Let’s go,” he said as he picked up his backpack.

“Shaun?” Brian shyly stretched out his hand and Jesse’s heart melted when Shaun smiled and took it with his own, much larger grasp

“That was pretty brave of you, standing up to your mom,” Shaun said as he led Brian out of the garage.

“Yeah.” Jesse pulled a face as he followed along. Shaun didn’t even know the half of it. Jesse would get hell later when Monica came home. “It won’t do any good though. I still have to babysit.”

“Well, you’ve gotta start somewhere, right?” Shaun chuckled. “You’ve been such a little bitch your whole life, babysitting for free and shit. People do that for a living, you know.”

Jesse laughed.

They slipped inside and Shaun toted Brian across the kitchen. “I’d better take you to meet my grandpa. He’ll be offended if we don’t say hi.” 

They went into the living room and found Eli sitting on the couch. Ruth and the baby were on a blanket in front of the TV. She’d propped Lissa against the couch beside Eli and was coaxing her to hold onto the edge. 

Eli held Lissa’s little hands. “What a cutie, “he said with a large smile that displayed his missing teeth. 

“That’s it, keep holding on,” Ruth encouraged with a chuckle. “You’re a strong little mite.” 

“Hey,” Shaun said as he stopped beside the couch. Brian hid behind his legs and peeked out shyly. 

“Now who’s this?” Eli spotted the toddler and his grin widened.

“I’m Brian,” Brian said in a tiny voice. 

“Nice to meet you, Brian. I’m Eli.”

“Can I borrow your TV?” Shaun asked. “We’re going to watch a movie in my room.” 

“Sure,” Eli said. 

Shaun let go of Brian’s hand and ruffled his hair. “Let me go grab it.” He started down the hall and Brian got close to Jesse in his absence.

Jesse put a hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be right back.”

“How many siblings do you have, Jesse?” Eli asked. “I hope you’re not too offended, but Ruth and I were gossiping a little. We never did get a chance to meet your family.” 

“No, it’s okay,” Jesse said. “Well, there’s Brian and Lissa. They’re the youngest. And then there’s Sam, he’s in middle school, and the twins, Tyler and Allison. They’re in the first grade. They’re all at home.” 

“Five brothers and sisters.” Eli whistled. 

“I hear that all the time,” Jesse laughed. “But it’s pretty normal for me.”

Shaun’s voice came from the back of the house. “Shit.”

Jesse looked down the hall as Shaun maneuvered a mid-sized tube TV out of the master bedroom. “I’d better help him,” he said, drawing Brian out of the room. “Excuse me.”

“Enjoy the TV,” Eli called after them. 

“Dammit!” Shaun had made it across the hall but was stuck in the doorway to his bedroom. “I can’t see what I’m hitting!” The corner of the TV was wedged into the jamb and Shaun struggled with the large hunk of plastic in his arms.

Jesse pushed Brian out of the way and ducked under the TV to guide it through the door. He added a little pressure along the right side of the set and it finally slid through.

“Thanks,” Shaun trudged into the room as he looked for a place to set his burden. “Clear that shit off my dresser. I have to put this fucker down.” 

The bed was made, and Shaun’s clothes hung neatly in his closet. The room was relatively tidy, but there was a stack of notebooks, a couple CDs, and a collection of guitar picks cluttered on top of the dresser and Jesse quickly gathered the items into his arms as Shaun stepped forward and slid the TV onto the surface. 

“Fuck,” Shaun huffed. “That was heavier than I thought.” 

Jesse glanced at the TV as he set Shaun’s belongings in a neat stack on the edge of his side table. The TV had a DVD/VHS combo under the dusty screen. It looked ancient. 

Shaun plugged it in. 12:00 blinked in digital green on the DVD panel. He didn’t bother to change the time. “Okay, you idiots ready?” he asked, then strode to the bookshelf next to the dresser and pulled Predator off the top shelf. There wasn’t a book in sight. Every shelf was filled with DVDs and CDs. He put the disk into the DVD tray and sat on the edge of his bed. 

“Brian’s got first dibs on the bed!” Jesse threw the toddler on the mattress as the movie loaded on screen.

Brian giggled as he sprawled across Shaun’s big bed. “Why are we over here today?”

“Shaun’s starting a band so he’s working on some new songs,” Jesse said as he pulled the toddler’s shoes off and tossed them on the floor.

“Oh.”

“Shaun’s going to be a famous musician one day,” Jesse said dreamily as he kicked off his shoes, then hopped up on the bed next to the little boy. “Like those people we saw on the music awards the other night.” 

Brian’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “Really?” 

“He’s pulling your leg,” Shaun snorted.

“No, he’s not.” Brian’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. 

“I meant that he’s joking,” Shaun said. “He’s pulling your leg.” 

“Maybe one time we’ll bring you to a show, Brian,” Jesse said. “So you can see Shaun play on stage.”

“Wow, that’d be so cool,” Brian gushed. 

Shaun turned back to the TV with a scowl. He sat on the end of the bed, between Jesse and Brian, and selected ‘play’ on the menu with the remote.

Jesse had seen Predator at a friend’s house a million years ago, so he wasn’t especially thrilled to watch it again. The interaction between Shaun and Brian, however, was worth it. 

Shaun didn’t move from the end of the bed and Brian laid out beside him on his stomach with his legs in the air. Shaun put a hand on the little boy’s shoulder when he started asking his never-ending questions and he left it there as the movie played out.  

Brian wasn’t afraid of the alien monster at all. He cheered along with Shaun as Arnold Schwarzenegger kicked some serious ass. Jesse sat back against the headboard and watched his two-favorite people with a smile. He was a little jealous; Brian was in his spot, but it was a good sort of jealousy. Shaun showered the toddler in attention and Brian was blossoming from it. 

Jesse was so grateful Shaun had opened his heart to the little boy. He gazed affectionately at the side of Shaun’s face as the movie ended.

Brian perked up immediately. “Let’s watch another movie!”

“We won’t be able to finish it,” Jesse warned. “We have to go in an hour.” It was almost nine. If they got home by ten, Jesse would have enough time to get everyone changed and in bed before Monica came home. 

“Alright, you heard him,” Shaun said, then got up to peruse his movie collection. “One more movie. What are you in the mood for? Another action flick? Horror? Sci-fi?” 

“Scary!” Brian cried, then rolled over and dangled backward off the bed. “Scary, scary, scary!” 

“How about Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” 

“Shaun!” Jesse cried. “You’re going to give him nightmares!”

“Nuh-uh.” Brian stuck out his tongue. 

Shaun was already switching the disks. “You’re tough, aren’t you, Bri?” 

“Yeah!” 

Jesse shook his head. He didn’t think it was a good idea, but he used the opportunity to secure a spot next to Shaun. He scooted to the end of the bed and gathered Brian into his arms. “I’m going to cover your eyes if you get scared,” he teased and practiced covering the toddler’s face with a hand. 

“Stop!” Brian batted Jesse’s hand out of his face but settled against his side right after. His little body was heavy and Jesse mentally cheered. Brian was getting sleepy. 

Shaun backed up as he navigated the DVD’s menu. He hit play as the backs of his knees hit the mattress and he sank onto the bed, right beside Jesse. Their thighs pressed together warmly. 

Jesse had never seen the original Texas Chainsaw. The movie began with a block of yellow text, read by a creepy male narrator, explaining what they were about to watch was based on a true story. 

“This is a terrible idea…” Jesse hugged Brian close. 

“Just relax,” Shaun muttered. 

The credits rolled over images of decomposing corpses and Jesse immediately covered Brian’s eyes. “Great,” he muttered, and Shaun snickered. 

The movie began and a van of hippies picked up a weirdo on the side of the road. Jesse rubbed Brian’s back in a soothing rhythm as the weird hitchhiker and the hippies chatted about the town they were driving through. He was desperate for Brian to go to sleep. He wanted to avoid a sleepless night of childish nightmares and he couldn’t concentrate on the movie.

Twenty minutes passed as Jesse stroked his fingers through Brian’s fine, blond locks and scratched his scalp in the special way he liked. The hitchhiker started a fire in the van and the hippies kicked him out. 

Jesse looked down into Brian’s face and the little boy was fast asleep. “What a relief,” he muttered, then snatched the remote from Shaun and turned the volume all the way down. “Violent action movies are one thing. Disturbing torture-porn is another.” 

Shaun snorted. “Torutre-porn?” 

“You know, knives and whips and blood mixed with sex,” Jesse grumbled.

Shaun struggled not to smile. “Never heard of it.” 

“I’m just waiting for one of the girls to start flashing everybody.” Jesse transferred Brian to a spot at the top of the bed, between the pillows. “That was a bad movie to watch before bed.”

Shaun looked over his shoulder at the toddler. “He’s hilarious,” he said fondly. “I knew he’d like Predator.” 

Jesse relaxed as he watched Shaun gaze at the toddler. He’d watched Brian sleep a million times before and thought it was sweet Shaun was enjoying the view, but he was horny. He’d waited patiently for this moment all day long and he wanted to have some fun. 

“Come down here,” he said as he moved to the foot of the bed and stretched out his legs. He smiled enticingly at the other boy. “You’re too far away.”

Shaun frowned. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m getting ready to suck your dick,” Jesse said casually.

Shaun got off the bed and crossed his arms. “We can’t.” He glanced at the sleeping toddler. “We’ll wake him up.” 

“He won’t wake up.” Jesse unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. He was half hard already and fisted himself and rubbed the lengthening shaft to get the rest of the way there.

Shaun bristled with indignation. “My grandparents are in the living room!” 

Jesse caught Shaun’s belt loop. “They won’t come in,” he said, tugging him to the edge of the bed. “Let me make you come.” 

Shaun sighed and unzipped his fly. His hair fell into his face as he pushed his pants to his knees, then spread his thighs.

Jesse’s eyes dropped to Shaun’s thick, lovely cock and he laid on his belly and wrapped his fingers around the length as it began to fill with blood. Shaun’s cock was level with his mouth, and he stroked it warmly with the fat, pulsing head aimed at his lips.

Shaun reached full hardness in less than a minute and he gripped the back of Jesse’s head with insistence. “I thought you were going to suck it?”

Jesse smiled and licked his lips. “I’ll take care of you.” When they were nice and wet he guided the excited tip of Shaun’s cock into his mouth.  

“Fuck,” Shaun groaned as Jesse took him deep into his mouth and caressed the shaft with his tongue. He tightened his fingers in Jesse’s hair as Jesse moved his head up and down and experimented with the pace.

Shaun’s shallow breathing and the gentle sound of Jesse’s sucking mouth were loud in the little room. The noises increased as Jesse pushed himself to go faster and he was thinking about turning the movie back on for background noise when Brian stirred.

Shaun froze with his hand in Jesse’s hair. “He’s waking up!”

Jesse kept Shaun’s dick in his mouth as he glanced back at the toddler curled at the head of the bed. Brian buried his face in the pillows once more then went still again.

Shaun relaxed and brushed Jesse’s hair out of his face. “Better make it quick,” he murmured, and Jesse bobbed his head and went back to the sucking. Shaun grasped his head with both hands and pushed himself into Jesse’s mouth. He was being gentle, but he quickly took over the pace and Jesse took the hint. There was no guarantee they wouldn’t be interrupted. They had to hurry.

Jesse pushed a hand under his body and grabbed his own excited cock as Shaun ramped up his efforts to come. He opened his throat to accept more of Shaun’s thrusting length and worked his arm frantically underneath him as he pulled himself off. Shaun moved in and out of his mouth as Jesse moaned deep in his throat and slobbered around his dick. Jesse’s cock slicked his palm. It was juicing and his hand glided along the shaft with ease.

Shaun watched him with his bottom lip caught between his teeth. His dark eyes were half-lidded, and his breathing was erratic. He fisted his fingers in Jesse’s hair and began to drive his hips into his face with force. 

Jesse gagged as Shaun’s cock invaded his throat, but at the same time, his cock twitched like crazy in his hand. He groaned and his eyes rolled back in his head as he lurched ever closer to orgasm. HIs throat was raw, and his lips were being bashed repeatedly, but he loved it. The rough treatment was agreeing with him. 

“Shit.” Shaun threw a hand over his mouth and bit down as come erupted from the tip of his cock. 

Jesse shuddered in pleasure as semen coated his tongue. It tasted even better than the first time. It was a warm, salty snack and he fisted his cock faster and faster as he drank it down. When he tumbled over the edge, Shaun’s spent cock slipped from his lips and he buried his face in his dark, curly pubes. He muffled his cry against Shaun’s moist flesh as he came. 

Shaun pulled his pants up, then stumbled to the edge of the bed and sat wearily. He scrubbed a hand across his face. “Fuck.”

Jesse sat up lazily and put himself away. He scooted closer and cuddled into Shaun’s side. He started to put a hand on Shaun’s thigh when he realized he still had a sticky mess between his fingers. He briefly considered his options before he gave into impulse and used Shaun’s T-shirt as a hand towel. 

“What the fuck?” Shaun elbowed Jesse in the ribs, then plucked the wet stain away from his body. “What was that for?! Gross.” He huffed and ripped his shirt over his head. 

“Sorry.” Jesse laughed. “What else was I supposed to do with it?” 

“Hmm, I don’t know.” Shaun tossed his shirt in the clothes basket, then strode to the closet. “Maybe you could have asked for a fucking paper towel?” 

“Yeah, but then you would have left the room,” Jesse pouted. 

With his back to Jesse, Shaun sorted through a library of dark tees and flannel button downs. The muscles in his back were long and powerful and Jesse gazed at the smooth, pale skin on his shoulders and upper back. It was one of the only places on his body, save his face, that wasn’t covered in scars. 

Shaun picked a hunter green thermal and pulled it over his head. The show was over. Jesse beckoned him back to the bed with a finger. 

Shaun scowled, but he came back and sank onto the bed. He turned and looked deep into Jesse’s eyes. “You’re really good at sucking dick.”

“Thanks.” Jesse smiled. 

“That’s why I let you get away with that little trick,” Shaun said, his eyes flashing. “If you’d used too much teeth or hadn’t swallowed, I might have punched you just now.” 

“Fuck you.” Jesse snorted. You wouldn’t hit me. You love me.” 

Shaun looked away, his jaw working.

Jesse’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. He didn’t know why he’d just said that. The silence stretched… “Um, sorry,” he said awkwardly. “I didn’t mean—” 

Shaun sighed. “Jesse, I—” 

There was a knock on the door and the boys split apart. “Are you decent?” Eli asked.

Shaun scowled at the door. “Fuck off, grandpa.”

Eli came into the room and smiled when he saw Jesse and Shaun sitting close on the bed. His eyes flashed to Brian, asleep on the other end, then back to the teens. “What are you boys up to?” He glanced at the TV as Leatherface chased a girl with a chainsaw. It was muted, but the girl was screaming her head off. The scene was incredibly surreal. Eli sniffed the air. “Smells like sex.” 

Shaun’s face turned a brilliant red.

Eli turned his gaze onto Jesse. “You’re mom’s here.” 

Jesse’s stomach dropped. He checked the digital clock on the bedside table, but it was only 9:30. Monica didn’t usually come home until 10. Confused, he stood up. “I guess I’d better go,” he muttered.

“Bye,” Shaun said bitterly.

 “Thanks for letting us stay,” Jesse sighed. “Brian loved the movie.” 

Shaun nodded, but he wouldn’t meet his eyes.

Jesse knew he wasn’t going to get a goodnight kiss, so he took one instead. He leaned in and pecked Shaun on the cheek, right in front of his grandpa. When he pulled away, Shaun’s face was a shade or two redder, if that were possible. Jesse smiled at him sheepishly. “Love you.”

“See you tomorrow,” Shaun grumbled. 

Jesse rounded the bed to collect the sleeping toddler. He looked up as he stopped beside Brian. Eli watched them in amazement and Jesse had to fight back a smile. Shaun, on the other side of the bed, was hiding another furious blush. “C’mon Brian,” Jesse said, nudging the little boy. “We’ve gotta go.” 

“Mmph.” Brian tunneled under the pillows. 

“Brian,” Jesse said in a firm voice. “Mom’s waiting for us.” 

Brian made another sound of protest, but he rolled out of bed, grumbling under his breath. 

“What’s that?” 

“Can’t we sleep over?” 

Jesse laughed. That wasn’t a bad idea, but: “Mom would never allow it. It’s a school night.” 

Brian pouted epically and hung his head as he sniffled with disappointment. 

Jesse stepped into his sneakers then helped Brian with his as the little boy cried despondently. His eyes were glassy and red. He was tired. “Alright. No more tears.” Jesse lifted the toddler onto his hip. “It’s time for bed.”

“I don’t want to go to bed,” Brian whined, but his eyelids slid halfway shut as he rested his head against Jesse’s shoulder. 

“I think we’re all going to bed, little guy,” Eli said pleasantly as he started for the door. “I know your mom certainly is.”

Brian groaned.

Jesse met Shaun’s gaze as he followed Eli to the door. Shaun’s eyes were intense, like every other part of him. A warm tendril of affection curled around his heart as he stepped out of the room. Already… he missed him.

Monica and Ruth were in the kitchen. Lissa was still in Ruth’s arms, being bounced and cooed to and Monica checked her phone as she stood waiting. When she looked up and spotted Jesse and Brian in the door, she tucked her phone away with a huff.

“There they are,” she said, nodding over Ruth’s shoulder. The old woman turned her head and met Jesse’s eyes with suspicion.

Jesse stopped short.

“I thought the three of you had passed out cold,” Ruth said slowly. “Everything got so quiet all of a sudden.”

“Nope. We’re awake.” Jesse fidgeted as Ruth looked him over.

“Doing what?”

“Ahhhh…”

“Well, thanks for watching the baby,” Monica butted in. “It was fun talking, but we’d better get going.” She pried Lissa from Ruth’s arms and the baby immediately began to fuss. 

Ruth’s expression soured as the baby was taken from her. “She messed her diaper. I didn’t have anything to put her in.” 

Monica patted Lissa’s bottom. “Didn’t I leave—?” She cut a heated glare in Jesse’s direction.  “No, of course I didn’t leave diapers.”

“I used an old dish towel and safety pins,” Ruth said as she watched Monica and Lissa with disapproval. The baby had her fingers caught in Monica’s ponytail and was pulling and pulling her arm to get free, but Monica didn’t react.

“Sorry about the inconvenience,” she said.

“Don’t mention it.”

Monica signaled for Jesse to come and, reluctantly, he stepped closer. “Thanks Ruth,” she said as she took Jesse’s arm and pulled him to the door.

“I’d be happy to do it again,” Ruth called after them. “The only time I’m not here is Wednesday and Sunday and I’m at church. I could take her along. It’s no problem.”

“Yes. Alright,” Monica said quickly. “Goodnight!”

Once they were alone on the porch, Monica yanked her hair out of Lissa’s hands. “This is ridiculous, Jesse. I give you as much free time as I can, but I need your help after school with the kids.”

“I am helping!” Jesse cried. “I always help!”

“This isn’t helping,” Monica hissed. “This is a waste of time!” She spun on her heel and stomped across the porch and Jesse followed her with a sigh, down to the driveway where the van was parked. He got in the front seat and pulled Brian into his lap.

Monica got behind the wheel and positioned Lissa on her knee. She got her phone out and balanced the baby with one hand while she checked it for messages. There was a long pause as they waited for her to type a reply.  Lissa babbled in Monica’s lap and Brian squirmed in Jesse’s. 

“C’mon, mom,” Jesse sighed. 

Monica tossed her phone on the dash. “Oh, you’re in a hurry now?” She shifted into reverse, then backed down the narrow, gravel lane. She stopped in the middle of the dark, empty road and clenched her hand on the steering wheel. “I was late getting back from my lunch break.. And then they sent me home an hour early. They said I was distracted.”

“I wasn’t distracting you.” Jesse looked pointedly at the phone. He knew he should be quiet, but Monica was up to her usual shit again and he was already sick of it. “I was doing exactly like we agreed,” he said. “I was going to leave Shaun’s around ten and get the kids in bed before eleven.”

“We agreed you’d watch the kids during the week—"

“I know what we agreed, but I guess I didn’t realize my life would be totally on hold while I did it!”

Monica rolled her eyes.

“I can’t do anything unless I double check with you first.” Jesse glared out the window at their dark house across the field. “But even when I do, I don’t even get to enjoy myself because I’m worried you’ll pull another trick with the overnight daycare and scare the shit out of Brian!”

Monica laughed. “You act like I’m abusing him.”

Jesse hugged Brian to his chest. “Neglecting is more the word I was looking for.”

“And your always so attentive,” Monica snapped, then shifted the van into drive. “Sitting in your room, smoking weed every night.”

Jesse glared out the window. 

“We have a deal in place,” Monica stepped on the gas and crept down the road toward the house. “Help me with the kids until you graduate then maybe we can figure something else out.”

Jesse grumbled under his breath. 

“Was that a yes?” 

“Yeah,” Jesse said unenthusiastically. “I’ll be here.” 

“Don’t pull this shit again, Jess,” Monica muttered as she steered the van into the driveway and parked by the garage. “I expect you to be here tomorrow when I get home. There’ll be consequences if you aren’t.” 

Jesse got out without replying and took Brian inside. He rushed him through a bath while Monica got into sweats and laid the baby down for the night. In their room across the hall, the twins played with their Nintendos. Jesse didn’t know if they’d had baths, but they were in PJs and that was good enough. Sam was in their bedroom playing on his phone. Jesse had peeked in on him, but they hadn’t spoken yet. 

“Jesse!” Monica’s voice came from the next room. 

Jesse glanced at Brian, but the toddler was busy playing with the bath markers. Jesse got off the toilet seat. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured.

“’kay.”

Jesse walked into the nursery. “What?”

Monica had a hand over her mouth and was laughing so hard, it was silent. Lissa was on the changing table with her onesie unbuttoned and there was a thick hand towel fashioned around her bottom with large safety pins holding everything in place.

Jesse’s face broke into a smile. “She wasn’t kidding.”

“That woman is unbearable!” Monica cried with laughter. “And she smells like roast beef!”

Jesse’s smile fell away. “She’s nice enough.”

“Jesse,” Monica sighed. “It’s great your friend’s mom is willing to watch the kids…” 

“Ruth is Shaun’s grandma.” 

“Whatever,” Monica said as she unfastened the safety pins. “I don’t like the look of her, and I don’t want her around the kids. Please, just be here tomorrow. Sam can’t do this on his own.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “I said I’d be here.”

“Good.” Monica smiled faintly. “Then everything’s right as rain.”

“Brian’s sleeping in my room again,” Jesse said bitterly. “We’re going to bed when he gets out of the tub.”

“Sounds good,” Monica said as she undid another pin. She pricked her finger. “Ow! Jesus, this thing is a death trap!” 

Jesse went back to the bathroom and helped Brian get out and dry off. They went to Jesse’s room and found some sleep pants for Jesse and an undershirt for Brian. 

Sam looked up from his phone as they were dressing. “I didn’t think you’d show up.”

“Mom dragged me home,” Jesse said as he helped Brian pull the undershirt over his head. “Maybe I’ll get some free time this weekend.” 

Sam laughed dryly. “Maybe.”

Jesse hit the lights and carried Brian up to bed. 

“I’m sorry you have to watch me all the time,” Brian said in a little voice as they got under the covers. 

Jesse sighed. “It’s not your fault, buddy. I’m just frustrated that I have so little time to myself.” 

“Time to yourself?” Brian pouted.

Jesse smiled at him. “What I meant was, Shaun’s going to be really busy with his new band. I want to be there with him and I don’t know if I’m going to have the time.”

Brian thought for a long moment, then looked up at Jesse with his big, blue eyes. “Are you and Shaun boyfriends?”

“Yes,” Jesse said, then he kissed the toddler’s forehead when he burst into a grin. “I love him,” he whispered against his downy skin. “He means everything to me.”

In the bunk below, Sam snickered under his breath and Jesse bristled. He pulled back and glanced over the edge of the bed, but he couldn’t see anything but Sam’s legs.

“You should marry him,” Brian said in a serious voice and Jesse turned back and blinked at him in bemusement. “Then he can be in our family for good. And we won’t have to leave him behind,” Brian said confidently.  

Jesse smiled and tucked the little boy under his chin. “That’s a good idea,” he said, hugging the boy tight to his chest. “But I don’t think anyone’s getting married anytime soon.”

“Alright,” Brian whispered.

“Try to get some sleep,” Jesse said. “It’s late.”

“Okay.” Brian settled against Jesse’s chest and closed his eyes.

Jesse stroked his hair until he fell asleep. It didn’t take long. Once the toddler was asleep, he watched the boy restlessly. He was frustrated and antsy and he couldn’t sleep. He gazed at the toddler curled at his side as half-formed thoughts ran through his mind.

Below them, Sam played with his phone for another hour or so, but eventually, the glow of his screen shut off and he rolled over.

Jesse laid in the dark until his eyes finally drifted shut.

The next two days were tedious, and he had an excellent opportunity to practice his patience as he muddled through school. There were no changes there. Kyle was still MIA and the entire student body hated his guts.

When class was over, he and Shaun skipped the bus and walked home together. Both nights they spent a few hours in the garage while Shaun practiced. Both times Jesse hoped for sex and both times he was disappointed.

He left before Monica came home with the kids because he had to, but Shaun stayed with his guitar. He was hard at work composing songs and once he got started, he didn’t stop until his broken hand cramped up and he couldn’t stand the pain anymore.                         

Thursday night, Jesse was stuck at home all night. Monica didn’t return until late and everyone was tucked in bed. Jesse didn’t get up, but he was waiting for her. 

It sounded like she was on the phone with someone. It was almost midnight and Monica giggled girlishly as she came up the stairs. 

“Don’t make me laugh right now. I just got home.” Jesse could hear her clearly through the door. “I’ll wake up the kids! That’s why.”

Monica’s voice faded as she reached her bedroom, two doors down from Jesse’s and she shut the door with a snick.

Friday night was a little different. Jesse still had to babysit until close to 10, much too late in his opinion, but when Monica came in the door, phone in hand and busily texting, he was ready to go.

“I’m going to Shaun’s,” he said. 

Monica didn’t look up from her phone. “Have fun.” 

Jesse didn’t waste any time.  He’d already put Brian to bed. He wasn’t happy, and he probably wasn’t asleep, but Jesse needed a break. He slipped out the door and left his family with a sigh of relief. 

The night air was muggy and sweet. The sound of chirping crickets assaulted Jesse’s ears as he hurried through the tall grass separating his lawn from Shaun’s. As he neared the garage, the whine of Shaun’s guitar cut through the crickets. A complicated series of notes rang through the night and excited goosebumps popped up along Jesse’s skin.

He slipped into the garage. 

Shaun leaned over his guitar as his fingers flew across the fretboard. His feet were spread, and his hips moved subtly with the rhythm. 

“Hey,” Jesse squeaked. 

Shaun looked up and smirked, but he didn’t stop playing. It was warm in the little room and a thin trail of sweat slid down his brow as he aggressively strummed the instrument.

Jesse bit his lip. Shaun looked like pure sex. His cock twitched with interest as he studied Shaun’s strong arms and the hard line of his powerful body. He wanted to fuck.

Shaun’s fingers stopped on the fretboard and he pulled the strap over his head. He set his guitar aside and paused to write something in his notebook. “Your mom finally let you go?”

“She just came home,” Jesse said. 

Shaun tossed his pen down and stepped across the room. He stood toe to toe with Jesse and looked down into his eyes. Blue met black and Jesse nervously licked his lip. Shaun’s eyes zeroed in on the tiny, pink muscle and he watched it’s retreat with narrowed eyes. 

“Can we go to your room for a while?” Jesse asked.

“We can’t have sex tonight,” Shaun said firmly, and Jesse’s heart fell.

“Why?”

“Because my grandma’s on the warpath again,” Shaun grumbled. “She’s been in to nag me thirty different times about that fucking baby.”

Jesse furrowed his brow. “What?”

Shaun huffed. “You can come in for a while, but don’t press your luck, Jesse,” he bit out. “If my grandma catches us fucking around—”

“I won’t do anything,” Jesse said adamantly. “I won’t touch you at all. Scouts honor.”

Shaun’s eyes flashed. “Alright,” he said tightly. “We can go in.”

Eli sat in his chair in the living room with the paper in front of him. He looked up as Shaun and Jesse came into the room. “Evening.”

“Hi,” Jesse said. “Sorry it’s so late.”

“It’s Friday night.” Eli folded his paper and set it aside. “All the cool people are out.”

“I don’t know if I’m cool.” Jesse sheepishly rubbed his neck. “I just got off kid-duty.”

Eli chuckled as Ruth bustled into the room from the back.

“I called your mother yesterday and left a message,” she said briskly. “She didn’t call me back.”

“Uh…”

“I called the number I had for Old Welch,” Ruth said. “It’s still the same, right?”

“I...I guess.”

“I offered to babysit again.” Ruth put her hands on her hips. “It’s silly your mother’s paying all these daycare fees when I’m available and I live right next door.”

Jesse sneaked a look at Shaun, but he was no help. He had his arms crossed and a scowl on his face.

“My mom’s schedule is pretty crazy,” Jesse said quickly. “She probably doesn’t want to take advantage of you.” 

“That’s ridiculous. I’m trying to help her out,” Ruth snapped. “She’s being rude.”

Jesse fought not to laugh. Ruth was inarguably the rude one in this situation.

“I should go over there tomorrow morning and give her a piece of my mind,” she muttered under her breath, then turned and drifted down the hallway. She disappeared in the master bedroom, shaking her head.

“Ignore her.” Shaun took Jesse’s arm and led him down the hall after the old woman. They entered Shaun’s room and shut themselves in and Jesse breathed a sigh of relief. The distinct lack of parental figures, annoying little kids, and moody teenage brothers raised his spirits immensely.

He fell back on Shaun’s bed and kicked his shoes off. “I’m sick of dealing with parents. I just wish we could be alone.” He stared at the ceiling for a moment, then sat up and looked across the room.  

Shaun watched him warily. 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Jesse whined.

Shaun’s expression soured. “Well, you can’t.” 

Jesse licked his lips. “I want to suck your cock, too.”

“Jesse…”

“And to be honest, I want you to suck mine, too.”

“Fuck...”

Jesse studied Shaun’s embarrassed face, starting with his deep, expressive eyes, then he traced the prominent slope of his cheek down to the strong line of his jaw. His eyes kept moving until they settled on Shaun’s lips. They were wide and sensual, and Jesse couldn’t stop thinking about how soft and warm they felt against his own.

Shaun took a shaky breath and his gorgeous lips parted. “Jesse, I—”

The door burst open and Shaun jumped to the ceiling.

“…turn down a free babysitter,” Ruth said as she muscled into the room. She was totally oblivious to the scene unfolding before her and Jesse sat up and moved to the edge of the bed as she continued. “Does she think she’s too good for me or something?”

“What?” he asked.

“Your mother,” Ruth repeated, enunciating her words clearly. “I don’t understand why she would turn down a free babysitter. I take care of children all the time. I’m not a pedophile, if that’s what she’s thinking,” she spat. 

“I don’t...nobody thinks you’re a pedophile,” Jesse said gently. He didn’t know how to handle this. He didn’t know what to say. My mom hates you? She thinks you smell like roast beef? That’d go over nicely.

“I can make a list of references if it’d help,” Ruth grumbled. “Half the town has kids in Sunday school. I’ve watched all of them at least once.”

“I really don’t think that’s necessary.”

Ruth narrowed her eyes. “I’ll call her again in the morning. Maybe she forgot to call me back.”

“I wouldn’t try until after noon,” Jesse said awkwardly. “Morning’s are hectic at my house.”

Ruth nodded shortly and backed out of the room. She shut the door behind her.

“See,” Shaun said once they were alone. “I told you she’s in a mood.” 

Jesse fell back against the mattress. “I’m so tired of the adults,” he said gloomily. “I want to suck your dick. Everybody needs to go away.” 

Shaun leaned casually against the dresser. “How much money would it take to get out of here? Realistically?”

“A lot.” Jesse laughed humorlessly. “Exact figures don’t really matter at this point. Since we have no income and we smoked up what little savings we had.”

Shaun scowled at him. “How stupid of us.”

“We’d have to get jobs,” Jesse said, ignoring him. “Both of us. That’s the only way it would work. Maybe we can get hired at the same place over summer break.” 

Shaun wrinkled his nose. “I’m not getting a job.” 

“How are you going to support yourself then?” 

Shaun frowned and started to say something, then promptly shut his mouth. 

Jesse crossed his arms. “You haven’t even thought about it have you?” 

“I have to!” Shaun snapped. “I guess I thought my earnings from Execute Invasion would be enough.”

“Yeah…”

Shaun looked down at his swollen hand. Jesse caught him wincing at times, but he was using it like normal now. “I guess I’ve got to make this stupid project with Ben work,” he said slowly. 

“It’s not stupid,” Jesse said. “It’s only been a few days, but the stuff you’ve been coming up with is amazing.” 

“Nothing but ideas,” Shaun muttered. “That’s all I have.” 

“Oh, is that all?” Jesse laughed. “I think you’re trying to write an entire album. You did a lot of good work this week. Give yourself some credit.”

Shaun shook his head. “It’s not good enough. Nobody’s going to be impressed.” 

“I’m impressed.”

“You don’t know anything about music,” Shaun snapped.

“Yes, I do,” Jesse said easily. “I know that you’re an amazing guitarist and when you play…you’re sexy as hell.”

Shaun barked a laugh. “That’s bullshit.”

“Your music is raw. It’s passionate. It’s from the heart,” Jesse said. “I’m being serious when I say you’re talented. I knew from the first time I met you that you were different, but it wasn’t until I heard you play that I knew why.” He smiled gently. “You’re a rock star. It makes perfect sense. You’ve got the origin story and everything.”

Shaun chuckled. “Do I get to save the world on my day off, too? I’m not a fucking superhero, Jesse.”

“Mmm.” Jesse licked his lips. “You’re my superhero.”

Shaun bared his teeth in a grin. “I should hold you down and fuck your mouth. That’s about the only thing it’s good for.”

“You’re mean,” Jesse whined, but then stretched back on the mattress with a little moan. “But I agree. You should fuck my mouth.”

Shaun’s eyes burned and he took a step closer to the bed when the door burst open for a second time. “What the fuck?!” Shaun whirled around.

Ruth raised an eyebrow as her gaze slid from Shaun, red-faced with fury, to Jesse, sprawled across his bed. Jesse sat up again and nervously pushed his hair behind his ears as Ruth’s gaze lingered on him. “What are you two up to?” she asked suspiciously.

“We’re talking about band stuff,” Shaun snapped. “Leave us alone.”

“You and your band…” Ruth muttered. “When are you going to start living in the real world?”

“Maybe when you get a life and stop trying to control mine!” Shaun yelled. “Get out!”

Ruth sneered and left the room without comment. She left the door open and Shaun slammed it behind her, then leaned against the wood with a scream of frustration.

“Fucking bitch!”

“Yeah.” Jesse laughed uncomfortably. “Maybe we’d better give up on the romance.” 

Shaun closed his eyes. “I told you she was in a mood. When are you going to listen to me when I say shit?” 

“I’m horny! I can’t help myself!” 

Shaun shook his head. “I’m putting in a movie.” 

They watched an old movie and talked on the bed about practice tomorrow. Shaun was curious about the girl, Gretchen, but he was already convinced she wasn’t any good. 

“I’ve never met a girl who knows metal,” he said. “Maybe she was good on the drums in high school or something, but I don’t think she’ll be able to keep up with me.”

“Don’t be so quick to judge,” Jesse said. “It could go either way. She could be the best drummer you ever met.” 

Shaun shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.”

There was a knock on the door and Shaun and Jesse shared a look. They weren’t touching. There was a respectable distance between them. 

“What is it?” Shaun called and Ruth opened the door. He frowned. “What do you want this time?”

“It’s getting late,” Ruth said. “I think your friend should get going.”

“It’s Friday,” Shaun gave her a severe look. “He can stay late if he wants.”

Ruth hitched a hand on her hip. “You promised Eli you’d go hunting with him in the morning.”

“Oh,” Shaun said. “Right.”

Ruth glanced at Jesse once more, then she shut the door.

“You’re going hunting again?” Jesse pouted. “How much deer do you need?”

“There’s a big deep freezer in the laundry room,” Shaun said with a shrug. “We like to keep it full.”

“What about practice?”

“Ben doesn’t even want us coming until afternoon,” Shaun said. “We’ll be done before that. Deer are active early in the morning and we usually leave before dawn so we can get a chance to set up before sunrise. We got lucky with that buck the other day.”

Jesse blinked at him owlishly. “Well, have fun,” he said neutrally. He wasn’t in any hurry to go hunting again. He got off the bed and glanced at the TV as he stretched his back out. They were midway through Pet Semetary. “You’ll pick me up before you go to Ben’s?” 

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Yes. Of course. I’m not going to forget you.”

“Okay.” Jesse beamed and leaned in for a quick kiss. “Love you,” he whispered against Shaun’s lips.

On the walk home, Jesse fantasized about the weekend. He hoped Ben would let them crash on the couch, like Will had, because he was going to suck Shaun’s dick the second they were alone.

When he got home, the living room was empty. He checked the kitchen on his way upstairs. The light over the kitchen sink was on, but no one was in there either. It was past eleven, but the house usually stayed up late on the weekends. An empty living room made no sense. 

Jesse went up the stairs and started down the hall. The door to the nursery was shut and so was the one to the twin’s room. Monica’s room at the end of the hall was shut up tight. Everyone was asleep.

Jesse’s door was partially ajar, and he could hear the TV playing as he approached. There was a lot of bleeping. It sounded like a reality show.

He shouldered into the room and paused.

Sam and Kyle were laying close together on Sam’s bed. Kyle’s leg rested casually on Sam’s, but he sat up the second he saw Jesse and scooted to the edge of the bed.

“Jesse—"

“What are you doing here?” Jesse snapped

“He’s my friend. I invited him.” Sam blurted as he sat up unevenly and fisted his hands in the blankets to steady himself. “You can’t kick him out. Mom said it was okay.”

Jesse glared at his brother as Kyle reached for something on the floor. It was another bottle of alcohol and he bristled. “Are you serious? More vodka?!”

“I know, I know,” Kyle said as he closed up the bottle. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, but it’s been a long week.” 

“You had a long week?!” Jesse’s eyes widened. “And we told you to stay away from him!” He poked a finger at his little brother. “What the hell?!”

“Pfft! Fuck you.” Sam flipped him off. He started to say something else, but Kyle spoke over him. 

“Listen, I can explain—” 

“I should get Shaun,” Jesse said darkly. “He’d love to hear this. He’s been looking for you.” 

“Actually, we need to talk about him.” Kyle lifted his chin. “That’s why I’m here.” 

“Oh, and also to get my little brother wasted,” Jesse sneered. “You couldn’t wait to do that… I wasn’t even gone two hours! How long have you been here?” 

“Maybe an hour,” Kyle chuckled. “He didn’t have much. He’s a lightweight.” 

“He’s thirteen, Kyle!” 

“I’m sorry, okay?” Kyle sighed. “But we need to talk—” 

“The last time I talked to you, you told everyone my business!” Jesse yelled.

“Jesse—” 

“No! I blame you for this!” Jesse poked a finger at his face. “This is all you!” 

Kyle pressed his lips together. “Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else.”

“Oh you want to go somewhere else?” Jesse asked. “Then what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?!” 

“I invited him!” Sam shouted. “You’re not the only one who gets to have friends over!”

“Fuck you, Sam! I told you he got me beat up and you invite him over?!” Jesse shoved his hair back with both hands. “Jesus Christ, Sam!”

“You got beat up because you’re a fag,” Sam sneered at him. “Kyle had nothing to do with it.”

Jesse dropped his hands in amazement. “He’s the one that told everyone!”

“Maybe in your fantasy world, he did.” Sam didn’t look impressed. “But I’m the one who started the rumors.”

Jesse fumed as Kyle took a sneaky swig from his bottle. Sam’s face lit up and he scooted to the edge of the bed as he reached for a drink. 

“Gimmie.”

Jesse lunged for the bottle and ripped it out of Kyle’s hand. “Does mom know you’re in here getting drunk?” he snapped.

“Dude, she’s been on the phone since you left,” Sam laughed. “You already had the babies in bed. She told me to take care of the twins, then locked herself in her room.”

“Maybe she doesn’t care, but I do.” Jesse shook the bottle. “Cut it out. You’ve had enough.”

“I hate you.” Sam’s face twisted. “You’re so fucking bossy all the time! Why can’t I have any fun? All I do is go to school and come home to babysit. I’m fucking sick of it.”

Jesse sighed and set the bottle on the dresser. “Sam… I—” 

“Shut up!” Sam yelled. “Save it. I don’t want to hear any more of your bullshit!”

Jesse pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fuck,” he muttered. He was a fucking Nazi. He knew exactly what Sam was talking about.

“Sam.” Kyle shifted his fingers through his golden locks. “Thanks for having me over, but your brother and I need to speak. Let’s do this again some time.”

“That isn’t happening.” Jesse vehemently shook his head. “If I catch you here again…”

Kyle held up a hand. “Before you make a bunch of idle threats, maybe you should hear me out.”

Jesse folded his arms. 

“Let’s go outside.” 

Jesse nodded slowly. “Fine.”

Kyle started to get up and Sam reached for him. “Kyle, c’mon, don’t go.”

“I have to go, sweetie.” Kyle patted him on the head. “But I know you’re bored and lonely. I’ll come back. Don’t worry.”

Sam smiled and gazed after him with affection while Jesse boiled with anger.

“You know he’s a flaming fag, right?” Jesse snapped and Sam looked at him sharply.

“That’s incredibly rude.”

Jesse burst into laughter. “Fuck you, Sam. You’re happily choosing a drug dealer over your own flesh and blood.”

Sam made a nasty face at him as Kyle left his side with a bounce in his step.

“Coming, Jess?”

Jesse gave his brother a disgusted look, then stormed after the blond.

“What’s with the yelling?” Monica stood at the end of the hall with her cellphone wedged between her ear and her shoulder. 

“Nothing,” Jesse barked. “Go back to your phone call. I know it’s important.”

“Keep it down, Jesse.” Monica glared at him, then slipped back into her room and shut the door. 

“I love family drama,” Kyle said cheerfully as they took the stairs.

“Fuck you,” Jesse grumbled. “What’s your problem?”

“I don’t have a problem.” Kyle laughed. “I’m well adjusted. I’m attractive and fashionable. I’m smart—”

“Would you shut up!”

Kyle bit his tongue, but he couldn’t contain his manic grin.

When they reached the door, Jesse opened it for the other boy. “After you,” he said tightly. 

Kyle fluttered his eyelashes. “Why thank you.”

Jesse hit the porch light, then stepped outside on the stoop. “So,” he started, letting the door swing shut behind him. They were completely alone and the bare bulb over the front door was the only spot of light for miles. Tiny pinpricks of stars filled the sky above, but there was no moon. “What do you want to talk about? Make it quick. I’m so close to knocking your teeth in right now.”

Kyle pressed a hand to his chest. “Because of Sam?”

Jesse stared at Kyle for a long moment. “Keep going…”

Kyle quirked an eyebrow. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Jesse. And Sam and I have a connection. I really don’t see what the issue is.” His lips stretched over his white teeth in a slow smile and Jesse snapped. He punched Kyle in the mouth.

Kyle’s eyes flew wide open as blood dripped from his upper lip.

“You’re a snake,’ Jesse spat. “Just like Shaun said.”

Kyle covered his mouth with a hand and stared at Jesse in horror. 

 “You pretended to be my friend. You got me to tell you stuff, secret stuff, and then you told everyone,” Jesse said in a low voice. “You deserved that.”

Kyle slowly took his hand away. There was blood on his fingers and his upper lip was already swelling, but he looked alright. He didn’t look anything like Jesse did. 

Jesse had a sudden desire to hit him again and he lurched forward, but Kyle’s arms came up and he hit Jesse hard in the chest, throwing him back against the door.

Kyle stumbled and fell off the front step. He sprawled in the grass with a yell. “Argh! Don’t come at me like that!” He pounded the ground with his fists. “I fucking hate that! You already got me once, don’t touch me again!”

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Jesse huffed. “Do you think I asked for this?” He jabbed a finger at his face. “I was thinking the same thing when Kenny pounded my face in. I didn’t get to puss out because ‘I hated it’.”

Kyle covered his face with both hands and laid on the ground for another moment. Finally, he rolled over and picked himself up. He gingerly touched his lip as he stepped into the light and looked up at Jesse with his steel-gray eyes. They were hard with anger. “You’re the asshole,” he said bitterly. “Shaun was mine.”

“Here we go again,” Jesse sighed. “He’s not yours! He never was!”

Kyle ignored him. “I don’t get what he sees in you. I have money. I have the best parties. I get the best drugs.” He touched his lip again. His mouth was actively bleeding. “Shit! I know how to please a man,” he said forcefully. “I could totally rock his world.”

“Oh yeah?” Jesse was unnerved, but he didn’t want to show it. His hands were shaking, but he curled them into fists. “What do you see in Shaun, hmm? What do you even want him for?” 

“Same reasons as you, I’m sure,” Kyle said cryptically. “And he’s got an amazing cock. I don’t think he even realizes how impressive it is.”

Jesse felt his face get hot. “How do you even know that?”

Kyle laughed as he wrapped his arms around himself. “Shaun was a lightweight, too, when he first started drinking.” He smiled fondly up into the sky. “He’s passed out in front of me on a number of occasions.”

Jesse bristled. “You— you took his clothes off?”

“Did you know he cuts himself?” Kyle grinned lecherously. “He’s into some really kinky sex,” he chuckled, and Jesse felt his stomach roll with discomfort. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to keep up with him. You’re so vanilla.”

Jesse felt the blood drain from his face.  

“I heard he quit his band the other day,” Kyle said casually. “Is he starting one of his own? It’s about time. That band he was with… they weren’t very good.”

Jesse pressed his lips together. He didn’t know what to say. Kyle was spot on.

“I have connections,” Kyle drawled. “If Shaun was with me, he could play in any bar in Texas. He wouldn’t have to play shitty dive bars anymore.”

Jesse peered at him in the gloom. “Where have you been?”

“I’m sure Shaun thinks I was hiding from him, but my brother had business in Mexico,” Kyle said easily. “I tagged along.”

“Drug business?” Jesse scoffed. 

“It was discussed…”

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t know how you know so much or what your connections are, but me and Shaun don’t want anything to do with you. Shaun hates you,” he said. “And I don’t want to talk to you anymore. I don’t fucking trust you.”

Kyle nodded. “I understand.”

“I don’t know why my brother thinks he outted us, but I know it was you,” Jesse sneered.

“I may have mentioned something to Kenny on my way out the door Monday morning,” Kyle grinned. “But I let your brother take the glory.”

 Jesse growled under his breath. “I really need you to stay away from my brother,” he said in his most intimidating voice, but Kyle was unfazed.

“I tend to break the rules, Jesse,” he said with a laugh. “Sam has my number. He texts me all the time now.”

“Then block him!”

“I’m not going to do that,” Kyle said with a head shake. “Sam’s emotional. He needs to vent.”

“He can find someone else to talk to,” Jesse said through his teeth.

“Who’s he going to talk to Jesse?” Kyle asked. “His big brother who’s never home, never around, never actually present? His mother? At work all day and then up all-night texting some mystery boyfriend? Who does he have to go to? The twins? Brian? Is he going to vent to the baby?”

“Fine!” Jesse fisted his hands in his hair. “Text my brother if it makes you happy! But if I see you poking around here again, I’ll get Shaun—”

“We need to talk about Shaun.” The smile dropped from Kyle’s face and Jesse thew up his arms in frustration. His hair stuck up crazily.

“We already talked about him! You’re a better catch! You’re a champion dicksucker and you’ve got all the connections! Fine! Great!”

Kyle smirked. “That’s not what I was going to say, but wow. Thanks. I’ll add that to my Grindr profile.”

Jesse laughed hysterically, but really, he wanted to fucking cry. 

“It wasn’t that funny.” Kyle planted a hand on his hip.

“Yes it was. It was fucking hilarious!” Jesse cried. “Okay, tell me! What are we talking about?”

“I need you to do me a favor—”

“A favor! You want me to do you a fucking favor?!”

“If you really love Shaun…” Kyle sneered the word. “Then tell him to forget about all this revenge stuff.”

 Jesse smiled evilly. “The second he sees you, you’re dead.”

“I went by Kenny’s last night,” Kyle drawled. “He wanted to buy.”

Jesse raised an eyebrow.

“His face is destroyed, Jesse,” Kyle said pointedly. “Have you seen him?” 

“I haven’t seen him since…” Jesse licked his lower lip. The cut on his mouth was almost healed. It was tiny, but the scab tasted coppery. It was a constant reminder of the brutal attack on Monday. “How bad is he?”

“He’s seeing doctors about his face,” Kyle said. “And he has to get new teeth. I think he swallowed a couple.”

Jesse tasted blood… he’d opened the cut on his lip again…

“Kenny’s parents are pressuring him to talk to the police.”

Jesse stiffened.

“If Shaun comes after me, I’ll get Kenny to go to the cops,” Kyle said. “And I’ll go with him. I’ll corroborate his story.”

Jesse’s stomach dropped. “Then I’ll tell the police about Kenny and Eric ganging up on me!”

“They won’t believe you,” Kyle smiled. “We’ve all been waiting for the day Shaun cracks and kills someone… Kenny’s parents are having a field day. They’re so close to getting the town menace locked away for assault. And don’t fool yourself. Shaun will do time. He’s an adult and Kenny’s messed up enough to warrant it.”

Jesse felt a chill pass over him.

“You’re new around here. There’s no way the cops will take your side over ours,” Kyle said. “You’re Shaun’s gay lover, after all. No one’s going to believe you.”

“I hate you,” Jesse hissed, and he felt like a child. Helpless. He hoped he wasn’t pouting.

“I don’t like you much either,” Kyle said. “But that’s beside the point. Get Shaun to back down and I’ll tell Kenny to give up on the police.”

“I guess I don’t have a choice,” Jesse murmured. 

“No. Guess you don’t,” Kyle said sweetly. “Want to shake on it?”

“Not really.” 

“I think we should.” Kyle came forward and stood below Jesse in the grass. He held out his hand and grudgingly, Jesse took it. He noticed Kyle’s hand was incredibly soft as they clasped hands and he was annoyed. It made him think about Kyle lotioning himself up before bed, after a shower, and he pulled his hand away and wiped it on his jeans. 

Kyle’s lip curled with amusement. “I’d better go. Before I overstay my welcome.”

“Yeah,” Jesse scoffed. “You’d better.” 

Kyle turned and strode across the grass. He waved over his shoulder. “Au revoir!” His Cadillac was parked in the shadows, beside Monica’s van and Jesse blinked just to make sure his eyes weren’t fooling him. He hadn’t noticed the vehicle on the way in. 

He waited for Kyle to get in his car, then went back inside. He locked the door behind him and went around the downstairs section of the house. He put away a half-eaten bag of chips, washed the last two dishes in the sink, then turned off the lights. 

Jesse had almost completely forgotten about Sam and when he went upstairs to get changed, he found the younger teen sitting in the middle of the room, nursing the vodka Kyle had left behind.

Jesse tutted as he pried the bottle from Sam’s hands and took it to the bathroom. He could hear Sam moaning in disapproval as he dumped it down the sink.

“You’re lame,” Sam whined when Jesse returned with the empty bottle. He stashed it in the closet for later. “Kyle’s older brother gets high with him. He’s the one who buys him the alcohol.”

“I don’t care,” Jesse snapped. “Now get in bed.”

“It’s Friday!”

“You’re drunk,” Jesse said. “And if mom finds out, she’s not going to be happy.”

“So?” Sam pulled his legs to his chest and rested his chin on his knees. He hugged himself as he began to rock back and forth. “What’s she going to do? Ground me?”

“If you get in trouble, I get in trouble,” Jesse said. “And I’m not getting in trouble. I have plans this weekend.”

“Oooh, fun,” Sam sneered.

“Get in bed.” Jesse glared at the other boy. “Sleep it off. You’re going to have a major hangover in the morning, but you deserve it.”

Sam grumbled, but he crawled to his bed and climbed up. He kicked the blankets down as Jesse turned the TV off and grabbed some clothes from the dresser. He shut the lights off as he changed and watched Sam burrow into the pillows.

Sam turned his head and glared into the darkness. “I hate you,” he said in a little voice.

“I hate you, too,” Jesse said affectionately, then tossed his day clothes into the dirty pile and climbed up to his bunk. “Get some sleep,” he said. 

Sam mumbled something under his breath, but he fell quiet after that.

Jesse was tired, but he laid awake for several hours, staring at the dark ceiling, listening to Sam’s heavy breathing below as he ruminated over Kyle’s words on the lawn.

He’d have to tell Shaun about the confrontation before school Monday. There was no way around it. He wasn’t going to like what Jesse had to say either.

What stuck with him the most, however, was Kyle’s comment.

“You’re so vanilla.”

He remembered Kyle’s offer to teach him about gay sex and he squirmed under his covers with discomfort. He couldn’t stop thinking about Kyle gawking at Shaun’s naked, unconscious body, and by the time he passed out, he was even more anxious than before to see his boyfriend.

The next morning, Jesse woke up in the bedroom by himself. Loud voices floated from downstairs and he got up curiously to investigate.

The voices were coming from the TV. It was on, but nobody was watching it. The baby was in her bouncer and Brian played with Legos on the carpet in front of her. 

“Hey,” Jesse said cheerfully. “Where is everybody?”

“Mom’s in the kitchen.” Brian looked up hopefully. “Are you going to Shaun’s house today?”

“No,” Jesse said. “We’re going to another friend’s house.”

“So, I can’t come?”

“No,” Jesse said again. “I’m sorry. It’s not a good idea.”

Brian’s face fell.

Jesse brushed his hair back and bent to give him a kiss on the brow. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he said distractedly, then stepped through to the kitchen.

Monica sat at the table with a cup of coffee in front of her. She was texting again, but she put her phone down when Jesse came into the room. “I was wondering when you’d wake up,” she said. “It’s noon.”

Jesse shrugged. “I was tired.”

Monica cut straight to the point. “What are you doing tonight?”

Jesse’s heart flipped in his chest. “Why?”

“I’ve got a date.”

Jesse’s knees went weak and he leaned against the counter for support. “Are you asking me to babysit?”

Monica lifted up her coffee and took a drink. “If you’re busy, I can make other arrangements. This guy I’m seeing…” She set her cup down with a dreamy smile. “He’s a doctor and money is no object to him. I mentioned I’d probably have to pay for daycare, and he wrote me a check. No questions asked.”

Jesse sighed. “Wow.”

“I know, right?” Monica grinned.

“More overnight daycare.” Jesse turned away and grabbed the edge of the counter. He’d known Monica was screwing around. All the signs were there… “Brian’s going to be thrilled.”

“It’s just for tonight,” Monica said briskly. “Its not going to kill him. It’ll be fine.”

“I’m hanging out with Shaun tonight,” Jesse said bitterly, then he reached up for the cabinet and grabbed a box of cereal. “So, I guess it’s going to have to be fine.”

“That settles it then.” Monica was already going back to her phone. “I’ll call the daycare later. I’ve got to start getting ready.”

Jesse poured himself a bowl. “Where are the twins?”

“Slumber party,” Monica said. “My co-worker has a kid the same age. They left twenty minutes ago.”

“Is Sam still here?” Jesse got the milk next and added it to his bowl. “He wasn’t upstairs.”

“He went out with a friend.”

“Cool,” Jesse grumbled as he put the milk away and got a spoon.

“Since when does Sam have friends that drive?” Monica asked with a laugh. “That was different.”

“Yeah. Kyle’s certainly different,” Jesse muttered, then got out of the kitchen as fast as he could. He didn’t want to deal with this crap today…

“Will you play with me?” Brian asked in a little voice as he passed through the living room.

Jesse stopped in his tracks and looked down at the little blond. Brian’s blue eyes were fucking huge and he caved. “Okay. Maybe for a little while. But I have to get dressed first.”

He quickly ate his cereal, ducked upstairs to get changed, then returned to play Legos with Brian. Shaun hadn’t given an exact time, so Jesse had no clue when he’d show up. He was getting antsy. He wanted to leave.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Monica said an hour into Lego-Time. She bustled through the living room, then paused and looked critically at the blocks on the floor. “I hope you’re going to clean that up.”

“Of course, I will.” Jesse rolled his eyes.

Monica shook her head, then went upstairs.

Another thirty minutes passed, and Lissa started to fuss. Jesse set her on a blanket and poured a handful of Cheerios in her snack cup. Monica got out of the shower upstairs and Jesse checked the time. It was almost two.

“Let’s make a really tall tower,” Brian said. “Then we can knock it over.”

Jesse forced a smile on his face and helped Brian build a tower taller than the TV. Twenty minutes in and Jesse was struggling to keep the smile on his face. He wondered if Shaun had forgotten him…

Tap, tap, tap

“See who it is!” Monica called from upstairs, followed by the sound of her approaching footsteps. She appeared at the top of the stairs in a bra and a set of hair rollers. “Maybe it’s Cliff. Maybe he’s early.”

“It’s probably Shaun,” Jesse said coolly as he got up, but his heart was pounding in his chest. He hoped to God it was Shaun. 

“Just hurry and check.” Monica waved him at the door. 

Jesse stepped over the colorful spill of blocks and rounded the couch. He opened the door and beamed. Shaun stood on the front step and his hair looked really nice. “Wow,” Jesse said as Shaun stepped inside. “What did you do to your hair? I love it.”

Shaun glared at him. “Frizz tamer.”

Jesse stepped back and took a better look.

Shaun’s wild, unruly locks hung just past his chin in dark, loose waves. The frizz was completely gone, and it was immaculately clean. Jesse could smell a blend of peaches and Dove bath soap. He wasn’t wearing anything different, a black thermal shirt, camos, and boots, but he had his shirt tucked in, so his trim waist and his firm butt were on display, his boots were clean and neatly laced, and the bootcut camos hit his ankle just right. 

Jesse beamed. “You look amazing.”

Shaun’s face turned red. “I don’t look any different.” 

“Yes, you do,” Jesse said. “I want to kiss you so bad right now.”

Shaun’s eyes burned. “You’re mom’s standing at the top of the stairs.”

“I’m heading out, mom!” Jesse called without looking away from Shaun. He was so enamored with his pinkened cheeks. 

“Don’t forget to clean up the blocks,” Monica sang and from the corner of his eye, Jesse saw her move back into the hall.

He sighed. “Totally forgot.”

“Blocks?” Shaun smirked, then looked over the couch and caught sight of the Lego tower in front of the TV. “Oh. I see.”

Brian watched the pair with a tiny smile on his face. “We didn’t knock over the tower yet.”

“Hey, Shaun.” Jesse elbowed the other boy. “Have you ever played wrecking ball?”

Shaun quirked an eyebrow. “I think I know what you’re asking.”

Brian looked confused, so when Shaun stepped around the couch and grabbed Brian by his wrists, he was understandably surprised.  

“Are you ready?” Shaun asked, swinging him closer to the Lego tower.

Brian giggled. “For what?”

Jesse stepped back and made room as Shaun swung the toddler in a big circle. He went slow, but Jesse started to get dizzy watching them make so many turns.

“We’re gonna wreck your tower!” Shaun said with a laugh, spinning and spinning, and Brian screamed with joy.

“Faster!”

“Nope. We’ll hit something.” Shaun aimed the little boy at the tower of blocks instead. “Here we go!”

Brian screamed as he crashed through the Legos at high-speed. They exploded in a million different directions and Jesse groaned a little inside as he took in the aftermath.

“Again! Let’s do it again!” Brian cried, but Shaun tossed him on the couch with a laugh.

“With what? The tower’s wrecked, little dude.”

“Aww, dangit.” Brian flopped back on the couch with a pout. “That was fun.”

“What a mess,” Jesse said, looking around at the desolation.

“It’ll go faster if we all help,” Shaun grunted, then bent down to start collecting the blocks. “Where do I put these fuckers?”

Jesse grabbed the Lego bin and set it on the coffee table.

Shaun dumped an armload of Legos into the bin. “C’mon, Brian. This is your fault.”

Brian bounced off the couch and kicked into high gear. He ran around the room, collecting blocks in his arms that he then tossed carelessly into the bin. Jesse picked up the few he missed, but he didn’t mind. 

They got the living room back in order in a couple minutes. Shaun was right. It didn’t take nearly as long with two and a half people.

“I’m leaving!” Jesse called up the stairs. “The babies are completely alone down here!”

Monica replied, but Jesse couldn’t hear what she said. Her voice was muffled. 

“Can’t hear you! Bye!” Jesse shook his head, then turned back to Brian. He pulled the little boy close and hugged him tight. “I’ll see you tomorrow, buddy.”

“I wish you weren’t leaving,” Brian murmured into his hair.

“I know,” Jesse said with a sigh, then he took the toddler by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. “You’ve got to stay at daycare tonight—”

“I hate staying overnight!” Brian whined.

“I know you do.” Jesse rubbed his shoulders. “But I don’t think it’s as bad as you make it out to be.

Brian’s bottom lip quivered. “What do you mean?”

“Because you guys are going to watch movies and eat snacks and you’ll probably get some outside time before it gets too dark,” Jesse said with a comforting smile. “And mom’s going to pick you up in the morning. You are not being abandoned.”

Brian hugged him again and Jesse kissed him on the forehead.

“I would never let that happen,” he said softly. “I love you, Brian.”

“Love you, too, Jess.”

When Jesse pulled away, Brian, smiling shyly, reached for Shaun.

“Me next?” Shaun rolled his eyes, but he smirked as he knelt down and enclosed the toddler in a big hug. “See you around, kiddo,” he said affectionately.

“Love you,” Brian whispered, then held onto Shaun for a long moment.

“I...uh...I mean...me too,” Shaun said quickly, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. Brian let him go and Shaun straightened up and shoved his hair out of his face. “Well, I guess that’s it then,” he said awkwardly and then turned and started for the door.

Jesse, totally enamored, floated across the carpet, and stepped ahead of Shaun and down onto the front step as he held the door. The second Shaun pulled the door closed behind them, Jesse spun and threw himself into Shaun’s powerful arms and stretched up on his toes to claim his lips in a passionate kiss. 

Shaun’s hands slid around Jesse’s narrow waist. “We should get in the car—"

“I fucking love you,” Jesse moaned and pulled him back down for another kiss. Their lips slid together, and Shaun eagerly met Jesse’s tongue when he eased it into his mouth. The kiss was perfect, but Jesse’s heart ached. He wished Shaun would say those three little words, simple, but yet so profound it could move entire worlds…

Shaun already had his guitar and his amp loaded in Eli’s car so they hopped in and Shaun started the engine.

Jesse scooted closer and buried his nose in Shaun’s freshly washed hair. “You smell delicious.”

“Stop.” Shaun elbowed him away. 

Jesse watched him closely as they backed out of the driveway and started down the road. “Are you nervous?” 

“No.” Shaun’s eyes glinted in the afternoon light.

“It’s going to be great,” Jesse said with a little smile. “I know it.”

“Ben’s going to hate me for wasting his time,” Shaun grumbled.

“I don’t think so,” Jesse laughed.

They drove for a few minutes in silence as Shaun steered through town. As he turned for the highway, his fists tightened on the steering wheel. “You have that Google Maps on your phone, right?” 

“I’ve got it all, baby,” Jesse joked. 

Shaun glared at him, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. “This is Ben’s address. I already called and told him we were coming I just need to know where the fuck we’re going. I’m getting on the highway.”

Jesse took the note and pulled his phone out of his back pocket so he could get to work. 

Chapter Text

Shaun wouldn’t admit it, but he was nervous. He knew how to fight. He could protect himself physically, but he had no idea how to guard himself against personal attacks. He was so used to being kicked around and put down that the mere idea of exposing his heart and soul, his music, was unthinkable.

This was a mistake… he didn’t care what Jesse thought…or Ben. This was going to be a horror show.

They got to Ben’s house in a half hour. It wasn’t as far as Will’s house had been, and it was ten times nicer. He lived in an upper-middle class development and all the houses were brand-new and exactly the same. They all had three bedrooms, a double garage, and a tiny fenced-in yard for the kids. The conformity of it grated on Shaun’s nerves.

They parked in the driveway next to a beat-up Jeep with skull and crossbone decals stuck to the body. Shaun looked up at the towering two-story house. He’d been here once before to pick Ben up for a show, but he’d never been inside. 

“That must be Gretchen,” Jesse nodded at the Jeep.

Shaun cut the engine as he gazed up at the statuesque house. The curtain in the upstairs window moved suspiciously and Shaun narrowed his eyes. They were being watched. 

“Everything will be just fine,” Jesse said soothingly. 

“Fine?” Shaun sneered. “They’re going to hate me.”

“Stop. No they won’t.”

Shaun and Jesse got out and unloaded the equipment. Jesse took his guitar without being asked and started for the house. Shaun followed him at a slower pace, glaring at the red and yellow flowers spilling over the walkway. There were more on the covered porch and he made a face as he took in the insane amount of flower baskets under the front window. There was a happy little placard over the doorbell. 

The Miller Family

Shaun frowned. Angela wasn’t even a Miller yet. What a cunt.

Jesse was first and he rang the doorbell.

Shaun tapped his foot as they waited. 

“You’re making me nervous,” Jesse hissed over his shoulder.

Shaun huffed dramatically but halted the tapping. He crossed his arms instead and drummed the fingers on his left hand along his right forearm.

The door opened and Ben stood on the threshold, beaming. “Hey!” He opened his arms in greeting. “Glad you could make it! Come in, come in.”

“You’ve got a beautiful house,” Jesse said as he crossed the threshold.”

“Thank you.” Ben reached for the guitar. “Let me get that for you.”

“Oh.” Jesse shook out his arms with a sheepish smile. “Thanks.”

“You carried that for less than ten seconds,” Shaun snapped as he brushed past the other two in the door and made his way inside. “I would have carried it myself if it were that heavy.” The entry was beautiful, and Shaun glanced around with a scowl. He’d never been to a house as nice as this and everything was gleaming and white. The wood floors were shiny and polished. There were family photos on the wall and the word Home mounted over the stairway.

Ben was hiding a smile. “Gretchen’s down in the basement.” He gestured for Shaun and Jesse to follow, then started for the door under the stairs. “Shall we?”

Shaun was relieved there was no tour. The door opened to an L-shaped set of stairs with a landing halfway down, and there, the wall opened up so there was a view of the room below. As they descended, Shaun saw a goth girl on the big, leather sectional couch on the left side of the room. She watched their approach with honey brown eyes. The color of her irises and her cute heart-shaped face were the only features she shared with Angela. Shaun averted his eyes and glanced at the rest of the room as Jesse paused in front of him.

“That’s a huge TV,” he said. “Holy hell.”

Ben laughed. “It does the job.”

The basement was finished and the whole area was carpeted. A wall mounted TV and a coffee table were in front of the couch. A wet bar and a pool table pushed against the wall were across the room in the opposite corner leaving a large empty space in the middle of the room. A drum kit, Ben’s bass, and a microphone were set up across from the stairs and Shaun knew the latter was intended for him. He shoved past Jesse and Ben and stomped down the last few stairs.

Gretchen stood up as he reached the bottom and looked him over with a critical eye.

Shaun set his amp by the mic, then crossed his arms and studied Gretchen just the same.

Gretchen had inky, dyed black hair to her shoulders, black fingernails, black lipstick, and dramatic black eye shadow smeared around her eyes. Her face was covered in piercings and she had a bunch of tattoos, as well. She was thin and didn’t have much in the way of boobs or hips, but she was dressed to show off. Her short, snakeskin skirt was skintight, and her black Iron Maiden tee was cropped at the midriff. Six inches of her bare stomach were on display.

Ben set Shaun’s guitar by the microphone, then stepped up next to Gretchen and put an arm around her slight shoulders. “Guys, this is Gretchen. She’s the one I was telling you about.”

“You’re the singer?” Gretchen curled her pierced lip. “Shaun, right?”

Shaun drew himself up to his full height. “That’s right,” he said in a deep voice.

Gretchen was much smaller than Shaun. She was even a few inches shorter than Jesse. She had to crane her neck to meet Shaun’s gaze. “Are you even old enough to play in bars?”

 “I can get in,” Shaun growled.

“Ben’s told me about you,” Gretchen said snottily. “He says you’re some kind of wunderkind musician,” she sneered, and Shaun bared his teeth at her. “If you don’t blow us all away, I think I’m going to be heartbroken.”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” Shaun whirled back to his equipment and crouched to begin setting up.

“Eager to prove himself, ain’t he?” Gretchen said to Ben.

“Gretchen…” Ben chastised in an affectionate voice. “Be nice.”

Beside them, Shaun slammed his case around as he got out his instrument. He was burning up with anger, but nobody seemed to notice.

Jesse edged past him and approached the goth girl with his hand held out. “Hi. I’m Jesse.”

Gretchen didn’t shake Jesse’s hand. She gave him an uneasy look. “What’s going on with your face?”

“Shaun and I are finishing school for the year,” Jesse said as he dropped his hand at his side. “I got into it with some guys after class. Everyone’s really…stressed out, I think.”

Gretchen gawked at him, then she started to laugh. “You’re high-schoolers?”

Ben poked her in the ribs and Gretchen hopped away with a squeal. “You wouldn’t have come if I’d told you.”

“That’s because I’m sick of working with immature dickholes.”

“Shaun’s not a dickhole,” Ben said confidently and Shaun, in the middle of setting up his amp, snorted with amusement. “And Shaun’s mature as hell,” he continued. “Maybe he’s young, but he’s a good person to have in your band.”

“Pfft.”

“You came to see Shaun because you were curious,” Jesse spoke up.

“Jesse!” Shaun hissed at him, but Jesse didn’t stop.

 “You’d be wasting your time if you didn’t at least let him show you what he came up with.”

“And what do you do?” Gretchen sneered at him. “Play the tambourine?”

“No, I play the cowbell.”

Gretchen smiled, then she started to laugh. “Most kids your age are self-absorbed assholes, but you made me laugh. I’m impressed.”

“What an honor.” Jesse wiped his brow in mock relief.

Shaun stood up angrily with the guitar strap banded over his chest. “Are you guys ready or what?”

“C’mon guys, he’s ready!” Gretchen cried dramatically. “Everyone! To your places!

Shaun glared at her.

“Christ, I think I hear crickets,” Gretchen bitched as she took a seat behind the drum kit. “This kid has no sense of humor.”

Shaun growled under his breath.

“I better jump in.” Ben squeezed Jesse’s shoulder as he stepped past and walked to his bass. He picked up his instrument and got into place next to Shaun.

“Let’s get this shit over with.” Gretchen did a drumroll on the snare, then smashed the cymbal. “Ben promised me beer when this is over.”

A vein pulsed rhythmically in Shaun’s temple. Gretchen was a cunt. 

“Are you going to do a solo for us?” Ben asked.

“Yeah.” Shaun strummed his guitar a few times, then he ran through a scale. He looked up moodily at Jesse as he sped up and transitioned into a song.

Jesse sat on the back of the couch with a gentle smile on his lips and Shaun’s black heart filled to bursting with love for him. He was so goddamn beautiful…

Shaun took a deep breath and sang out the lyrics:

“I came in loud with my hands still shaking

Knuckles split from the things I don’t say

Every smile feels like a loaded weapon

Every silence begs me to misbehave”

“I don’t need faith, I don’t need saving

I learned real quick how to bleed and stand

You can call me damaged, call me rabid

I call it surviving the shit you can’t”

“So don’t ask my name like it means a thing

Don’t offer grace like it comes for free

I bite first, I never wait

I learned too young how the world operates”

Shaun’s voice was aggressive, but his tone was deep and rich, even with the room’s shitty acoustics. He stopped before he could finish the song and peeled his eyes open. Jesse began to clap and cheer from the sidelines and Shaun cringed. “Well?” he looked at Ben first.

Ben was grinning at him. “Two thumbs way up!”

Shaun glanced in Gretchen’s direction.

Gretchen spun her drumstick between her fingers. “Not bad. But you need rhythm.”

“No shit.” Shaun curled his lip. 

“It was good,” Gretchen said. “I see potential.

Shaun swept his hair out of his face. “Okay?”

“The sound was next level,” Ben gushed. “I love that thing you did at the end, with—”

“I know what I did,” Shaun cut him off. “Thanks.”

“Try it again,” Gretchen said, turning back to her drums. “I’ll back you up.”

“I have other songs, too,” Shaun offered. “Want to hear another one?”

“Not yet.” Gretchen clicked her sticks together. “I want to work on this first. I already have some ideas.”

“I knew you’d be good, man.” Ben elbowed Shaun with a laugh.

“Play through the whole thing,” Gretchen said.

Shaun looked at Jesse again as he lifted his guitar. Jesse beamed with pride and Shaun smiled back with just the barest upturn of lips. He’d been right. Nobody hated Shaun’s music. In fact, Ben and Gretchen seemed excited to begin work…

“Hello!” Gretchen waved a hand in his face. “Earth to Shaun!”

Shaun slapped it away. “Don’t touch me!”

“I wasn’t trying to.” Gretchen gave him the finger. “I want to get started.”

“C’mon guys…” Ben groaned.

“Yeah, alright,” Shaun muttered. He glanced at Jesse one more time, then began to play. 

Gretchen jumped in first. Then Ben. They played the song through a couple times then stopped to brainstorm. All three of them had a lot of ideas, but they gelled over the music. They played off each other. They didn’t clash. There was no arguing. It was like no practice Shaun had ever had before. Will had never asked his opinion. Shaun just gave it when he got sick of doing it Will’s way all the time.

“I like the pace you’re setting in the chorus,” Shaun said to Gretchen. “Maybe repeat that in the verse and then slow it down again in the outro.”

Gretchen nodded.

“From the top?” Ben asked.

Shaun opened and closed his hand a few times. It was swollen and cramped, but the pain was worth it. He met Gretchen’s gaze and signaled a countdown.

“Three, two, one!”

Shaun strummed his guitar as adrenaline coursed through his veins. The guitar moved under his fingertips like a living, breathing animal. His song was coming alive. He felt like he could accomplish anything he wanted.

They completed Loaded Weapon in the next three hours. Gretchen and Ben listened to a few other of Shaun’s song ideas, but Ben kept mentioning food.

“What do you guys think?”  Ben set his bass aside when Shaun stopped playing, then strode to the couch. “Pizza?”

“I want something with banana peppers.” Gretchen tossed her drumsticks, then followed Ben to the seating area and sat beside him. “And onions and mushrooms and spinach,” she continued as Ben pulled out his phone. She and Ben sat on the long section in front of the coffee table. There was a chaise lounge attached to the right end of the couch that was long enough to lay on.

“Eww. Get me a meat lover.” Shaun unstrapped his guitar and set it on top of his case. “Or I won’t eat it.”

Ben laughed and typed something into his phone. “One meat lover, one supreme…”

“No surprise you’re a meat lover,” Gretchen sneered, kicking her feet up on the coffee table. She grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, pulling up the movie guide as she got comfortable.

Shaun crossed his arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gretchen ignored him. “I love watching TV at your place,” she said to Ben as she scrolled through a never-ending list of programing. “You’ve got like everything on-demand.”

“That’s Angela’s fault,” Ben said. “We had to upgrade because of all the shows she records.”

Shaun watched Gretchen with narrowed eyes as he walked to join the others on the couch. He had the distinctive feeling Gretchen knew his secret and that pissed him off. He stopped beside Jesse but continued to glare at the drummer.

Jesse had been sitting on the back of the couch for the past few hours, watching them play. He winced when he hopped down. “Ouch.” He rubbed his butt. “I shouldn’t have sat like that for so long.”

Gretchen looked over her shoulder with a knowing grin. “Aww, did you hurt your little butt?” she cackled. “What do you do again? I didn’t hear any cowbell,” she dead-panned.

Jesse snorted. “More cowbell?” 

“What are you here for?” Gretchen asked. Her lips curled up at the corners as her gaze drifted to Shaun. “Are you his cheerleader?”

“We’re just friends,” Shaun hissed.

“From school.” Jesse ducked his head, so his auburn hair fell into his eyes and Shaun felt a twinge of guilt for making him hide. “I’m tagging along because I don’t do much of anything on my own.”

“Hmm.” Gretchen gave him a suspicious look, then turned away, back to the TV.

“I’m getting a pepperoni with extra cheese for me,” Ben said, looking up from his phone. “What do you want Jesse?”

“I don’t want a whole pizza to myself,” Jesse said with a laugh. “I’ll just have one slice of everybody else’s. That’s more than enough.”

Ben shrugged and looked back down at his phone. “Close to $60 with delivery,” he murmured.

Gretchen got up and went back to her drum kit. There was a little black purse under her stool, and she pulled some money out of the main pocket. “I’ll pay for half,” she said, selecting a couple bills that she brought back to the couch. She handed them to Ben with a smug look. “My budget’s usually pretty tight, but I did well last week on the cam site.”

Shaun pulled Jesse around the couch as Gretchen retook her seat beside Ben. He sat on the end of the chaise lounge and Jesse sank into the corner piece and leaned back with a contented sigh.

“Wow. I always have to pay for everything,” Ben said, tucking the money away with reverence.

“Since I quit working the restaurant, my allowance pays for the bills, and that just barely covers the house payment,” Gretchen said.

“Who pays you an allowance?” Shaun sneered. “And what’s a cam site?”

“Not that it’s any of your business.” Gretchen narrowed her eyes. “But I have a sugar daddy that pays for my company.”

“Oh, you’re a whore!” Shaun chuckled and Ben burst into laughter.

“What— Fuck you!” Gretchen squawked. 

“Shaun…” Jesse knocked his knee into Shaun’s.

“What?” Shaun pulled his leg away. “Some guy pays her for sex. She’s a whore.”

“I’m not a whore,” Gretchen growled. “I choose whether or not there’s sex. That’s the difference. Virgil pays me for my company. Not my pussy.”

“So what’s a cam site?” Shaun asked and behind Gretchen, Ben shook with amusement.

“You’re going to love this,” he muttered, and Shaun quirked an eyebrow.

“Fuck that. I’m not telling this judgmental shithead anything else,” Gretchen said bitterly.

“I’ll just ask Jesse.” Shaun nodded at the redhead. “You might as well tell me yourself.”

“How do you not know what a cam site is?” Gretchen snapped. “Do you guys go to catholic school?”

Shaun made a face. “God no.”

 “Ben!” Gretchen barked. “Where’s that beer you promised me?”

“Yes ma’am.” Ben leapt up and hurried into the back corner. “Coming right up!” The wet bar had a minifridge and Ben pulled a case of beer off the bottom shelf. There was another behind it and more individual cans above.  

Shaun elbowed Jesse as Ben returned to the couch and tore open the box. Jesse looked up at him warily. “What’s a cam site?” Shaun asked.

Jesse sighed. “It’s a website where girls can make money taking their clothes off in front of their webcams.”

Shaun chuckled as his gaze swung back to Gretchen. She was taking a beer from Ben and she cracked it open and took a drink, willfully ignoring Shaun’s stare. “You sell your body online, too?” he asked loudly.

Gretchen turned back to him with a scowl. “You said you’re in high school?”

“For now,” Shaun said as he took a beer from Ben. Jesse took a can, as well, before Ben went back to his seat to enjoy one of his own.

“Oh?” Gretchen took another drink. “Are you graduating this year?”

“In a sense.” Shaun opened his beer and began to guzzle it down.

“Any ideas what you’ll do to support yourself once you get out?” Gretchen asked. “Besides shows, of course.”

Shaun frowned. This conversation? Jesse had mentioned getting a job the other day, but Shaun wouldn’t hear of it. He was starting a band. He wasn’t doing anything else. He angrily finished his beer and then crushed the can.

“Right,” Gretchen smirked. “That’s what I thought.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Shaun snapped. 

“You don’t have to. You think you’ll write a couple songs, play some bars, and then snap.” Gretchen clicked her fingers together. “You’ll get discovered and make it big. Just like that.”

Shaun slumped back on the couch and fidgeted with the can in his lap. He didn’t know what to do with it.

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s going to be a struggle, kid.” The road to fame is long and full of potholes. Gretchen took a dainty drink of her beer. “Everyone thinks it happens overnight, but it doesn’t.”

“Your point?” Shaun grumbled.

“If you try to support yourself playing guitar then you’re going to be broke, hungry, and sleeping on couches,” Gretchen said. “I tried living that lifestyle for a couple months before I got a job.”

“Yeah. Alright,” Shaun scoffed.  

“Don’t judge the way people make their money,” Gretchen said. “It’s none of your fucking business. I only told you because I’m not ashamed of who I am.”

Shaun couldn’t relate. Other than the music, he hated everything about himself.

“But I wouldn’t expect a pretty boy like you to understand—”

“Pretty boy?” Shaun barked a laugh. 

Gretchen gave him a look. “Did I fucking offend you?”

“I’m not pretty!” 

Gretchen snorted.

“You do look nice today, Shaun,” Jesse said in a little voice. He held out his unopened beer and traded it for Shaun’s old one.

“It’s the hair,” Ben spoke up. “You could be in a shampoo commercial right now, it’s so soft and shiny.”

“Jesus Christ,” Shaun muttered as his face started to burn. “I used some hair product and ran a comb through it. Big goddamn deal.”

“I don’t understand, did he get a celebrity makeover or something?” 

The boys looked at Gretchen in confusion. 

“His hair’s different today,” Ben said, then he took another look, giving Shaun a thorough up-and-down.  

Shaun started to sweat.

“He’s wearing the same stuff though, so, no, I don’t think the Queer guys got a hold of him,” Ben said slowly, and Shaun relaxed.

Gretchen finished her drink with an indignant look on her face and Shaun followed her example. He opened his second can to get started while Gretchen found a scary ghost movie on TV.

They got through the first case while they waited for the food. Twenty minutes into the movie, there was a loud knock at the door, presumably Angela, and Ben ran upstairs to get the pizza. He returned with three boxes, a stack of paper plates, and a roll of paper towels. They laid everything out on the big coffee table and ate buffet style while the movie finished up.

“You guys were amazing to watch. You finished your first song today.” Jesse said around a bite of pepperoni pizza.

“I think we worked well together,” Ben said in agreement. He was already midway through his second slice and he used some of the paper towels to blot his greasy hands. “What do you think, Shaun?”

“I’m happy with what we came up with,” Shaun said casually.

“We are starting a band, right?” Gretchen asked. “That’s why we’re all here.”

“Well, yeah.” Ben said. “We’re seeing if this would be a good fit.”

“It’s a good fit.” Gretchen popped a mushroom in her mouth. “We just finished a song.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be in a band with a girl,” Shaun said bitterly, then took a large bite of his meat lover pizza.

“Christ, I hope that was a joke.” Gretchen curled her lip.

Shaun swallowed his bite. “Am I laughing?”

Gretchen and Shaun glared at each other for a long, awkward moment. 

“She’s a huge improvement over Danny,” Ben said as he munched on the garlic-brushed crust. “Gotta admit that.”

Shaun shrugged and shoved his last bite into his mouth, then chased it down with his beer. He’d had enough pizza.

“Don’t listen to Shaun,” Jesse said in a stage whisper. “I think he’s excited.” 

Shaun gave him the finger.

“What are you guys going to call yourselves?” Jesse asked.

“How about Livid Thorn, or…Terror Devil.” Ben scratched his head as he thought. “Oh! I know! Hell Plague!”

Shaun snorted. “I’m not fronting a band called Hell Plague.”

“I think it’s bad ass.” Ben shrugged.

“Nope. Just bad.”

“What do you got against girls anyway?” Gretchen snapped. “There’s a lot of really hard-core chicks on the metal scene, right now.”

“Name one.” 

Gretchen named five, but Shaun’s expression didn’t change. 

“Never heard of ‘em.” 

Gretchen grabbed her beer off the coffee table and chugged it. “This beer isn’t working fast enough. Ben! You got any weed?”

Ben worried his lip. “Angela hates when I smoke down here.”

“You do have weed, don’t you?” Gretchen beamed. She pushed her pizza away and hopped back on the couch so she could tug on Ben’s t-shirt. “Get it out, fucker! I’ll take the blame if we get caught.”

“We will get caught,” Ben said gloomily. “She’s got the nose of a bloodhound.”

Gretchen giggled.

With a sigh, Ben set his food aside and opened the drawer under the coffee table. He pulled out a small wooden box and a crystal ashtray and set them on the coffee table. Jesse got up curiously to watch as Ben opened the box.

“Looks like quality bud,” he said.

“It is.” Ben pinched a large nugget from his stash and dropped it in the grinder. “See the crystals?”

“Cool.”

Ben ground up the weed and took out some rolling papers. Despite his reluctance, he made two blunts in a matter of minutes and passed the first to Gretchen and the second to Jesse.

Jesse brought the blunt back to the chaise and sat beside Shaun. He took a hit, then passed it to Shaun with a little smile.

Shaun blazed up. It was strong shit, and he struggled not to choke. He felt the effects almost immediately, however, and he nodded with satisfaction. “Where do you buy?”

“There’s a girl down the street that sells,” Ben said. “Shit, I’d better turn the air purifier on.” He got off the couch and went to mess with a little fan device in the corner. The power button flashed blue and with a whirl, it began to oscillate.

“I’ve got a little money at home,” Shaun said slowly as he passed the blunt back to Jesse. “Maybe I can get some off you next time?”

“Sure.” Ben came back to the couch for his third slice of pizza. “I think we should start on another song. It’s not even 8 yet. Angela won’t try to kick you guys out until 10.”

Shaun nodded slowly. He’d been hoping they’d be able to stay the night, but then remembered Ben mentioning something about a florist Sunday morning. He looked down at Jesse as an idea popped into his head. He nudged him in the side, then leaned in to whisper in his ear. “We need to convince Ben we’re too wasted to drive home.”

Jesse smiled up at him conspiratorially, then released a thin column of smoke that swirled lazily around them.

Shaun leaned back as the urge to touch Jesse’s face tried to overpower him and balled his hands into fists.

Gretchen eyed both him and Jesse with a faint smile teasing her black lips and Shaun stiffened, wondering if he’d done anything to give himself away. Gretchen handed her burning roach to Ben, who took it awkwardly, as he finished his last bite. “Ben told me you guys were an item,” she said casually. “So you can cut the act. I know you guys want to cuddle.”

Shaun’s eyes bugged out of his head. “I don’t cuddle.”

“Sorry, dude.” Ben let out an inelegant bluster of smoke. “It must have been the first words out of my mouth. ‘Hey, my bandmate just got outted and we’re looking to start a new band’.”

Shaun dropped his face into his hands with a groan. “Has anyone ever heard of a private life?”

“You can’t have a private life when you’re in a band,” Gretchen scoffed. “You’ve never heard of a girl drummer? Well, I’ve never heard of a gay frontman. We’re going to tear up the whole world, Pretty Boy.”

“Don’t call me that,” Shaun growled. 

“Pretty Boy? I like it. I think it fits,” Gretchen chuckled. 

Shaun gulped the rest of his beer in one go. “Are we out of booze yet?”

“There’s a second case in the minifridge,” Ben said, and Shaun stood up.

“Don’t overdo it, Pretty Boy,” Gretchen jeered, but Shaun ignored her and strode to the minibar.

“Look at these two,” Ben said to Jesse, gesturing between the guitarist and the drummer at his side. “Gretchen was the first person that came to mind when I thought about starting a band. Next to Shaun, she’s the second crabbiest person I know.” 

Jesse giggled.

“The second?” Gretchen sneered. “Fuck you, Ben.” 

 Once Ben finished eating, the three of them went back to practice. The smoking and the drinking continued, and Jesse made himself useful, bringing refills on beer and passing the ashtray. Shaun saw him having his fair share of alcohol while he watched from the couch, and when Jesse brought him another beer, he noticed the intoxicated flush in his cheeks and the glassy sheen on his blue eyes.

The basement door crashed open. “Ben! Are you smoking down there again?!” Angela hollered from the top of the stairs.

“Shit!” Ben set his bass aside and lurched around the couch. Jesse sat up dazedly and watched as Ben swept the drug paraphernalia into the coffee table drawer.

“You are smoking.” Angela stopped on the first landing and glared down at her sister, leisurely smoking a roach behind the drum kit. Ben must not have noticed. Angela had soft, strawberry blonde hair and a sweet, heart-shaped face. Unlike Gretchen, she had curves and while she wasn’t necessarily fat, she wasn’t thin either. She wrinkled her nose in disgust and suddenly, she looked a lot like Miss Piggy. She turned and stomped angrily down remaining stairs as Gretchen blew out her smoke, totally unfazed.

“I can’t believe you, Gretchen,” Angela said when she reached the bottom of the stairs. “In my house?”

 “I’m allowed, Angie,” Gretchen drawled. “I asked your fiancé. I’m not your guest”

Angela turned to Ben, cowering behind the couch, and her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Practice is over.”

“Practice is over,” Ben repeated in a little voice. 

“You’re going to wrap this up, finish your pizza, then send everyone home,” Angela said. “Got it?” 

“Yes.”

“We’re meeting Fritz at the florists in the morning,” Angela crossed her arms. “It’s a quarter to 10 and you’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not,” Ben whined.

“You have one more hour,” Angela said firmly.

“One hour,” Ben said meekly. “Okay.”

“I can’t believe I said you could do this,” Angela muttered to herself, then her gaze snapped back to Gretchen. “And you,” she said. “Your crappy Jeep is leaking oil in my driveway.” 

Gretchen stuck out her tongue. “I rusted my oil pan just for you.”

Angela shook her head and headed back upstairs.

“Wow. What a cunt,” Shaun said into the sudden silence. 

Gretchen laughed. “Something we agree on. I despise my sister.”

“Alright,” Ben slumped back on the couch. “I know she’s a handful—”

“A handful?” Gretchen spat. “What the hell, Ben? You sound like her puppet. It’s even worse than I thought. She commands you like a dog.”

“What do you mean?” 

“Fuck, guys, it’s too late. He’s brainwashed,” Gretchen drawled.

Jesse nodded. He looked concerned, too “That’s your fiancé?”

Ben sighed. “I mentioned she was stressed over the wedding—”

“That goes beyond stressed,” Shaun sneered, then set his guitar down. He snatched the blunt from Gretchen. “That cunt isn’t telling me what to do,” he said, then took an aggressive pull on the roach.

“So what if you have a hangover on Sunday morning?” Gretchen said in agreement. “She can pick out flowers on her own. If I know my sister, she won’t ask for your opinion anyway.”

Ben sighed. 

“My mom’s like that,” Jesse said softly. “Controlling.”

“Fuck her,” Gretchen stood up from her drum kit, hands on her hips. “I’ve already got a hangover coming on. If I wake up drunk tomorrow, then I won’t feel it.”

Ben covered his face. “You guys are going to get me in so much trouble.”

“Where’s the liquor.” Gretchen started for the wet bar. “That bitch said we had an hour. We’re doing shots.”

Ben groaned.

They cleared the pizza boxes away and did shots on the coffee table. Once they’d finished the whisky, they moved on to Ben’s rum. Shaun had never had it before, but it certainly did the job. His determination remained the same. He wanted to be sober enough to fuck, but too drunk to drive. Jesse had slowed down, but he was definitely inebriated. He ran upstairs to use the bathroom every ten minutes and each time he did, he stumbled and tripped over his feet. 

Jesse was taking another bathroom break and Shaun, Ben, and Gretchen sat around the coffee table amidst beer cans, sticky glasses, and leftover pizza as they waited for him to return.

“So, when are we meeting up next?” Gretchen was smoking a cigarette she’d produced from her purse and she held it gingerly between her first two fingers. “I’m free Tuesday.”

“Let’s shoot for five,” Shaun said. 

“That works,” Ben said. “Then I can change really quick after work.”

“We’re practicing here?” Gretchen wrinkled her nose. “My sister will blow her top.”

“Unless your offering your place,” Ben said, then his expression brightened. “You have a really nice set up in your garage, don’t you?”

“I’m sick of garages,” Shaun groaned. “This place is pretty nice.”

“I’m not sure I’m willing to share my space with that stuck-up brat.” Gretchen jerked a thumb in Shaun’s direction. “Maybe once he proves he isn’t a total ass."

“Stuck-up?” Shaun snorted with amusement.

“I’ll talk to Angela when she’s in a better mood,” Ben said in a serious voice. “This isn’t a bad space to practice. I don’t see why we can’t utilize it.”

“Because we’re obnoxious.” Gretchen blew smoke at the group. “It’s what she said when I had a garage band in high school. I fucking hate her.”

“Yeah. We know.” Ben rubbed his face. “I shouldn’t have drank so much. Fuck.”

Gretchen snickered. 

“I don’t know if I can drive,” Shaun blurted. 

Gretchen stopped laughing.

“Please,” Ben groaned. “Don’t say that.”

“Get him an Uber,” Gretchen said. “Fucking lightweight.”

“I can’t leave my car here,” Shaun grumbled. “I won’t be able to pick it up.”

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow— Ah, shit.” Ben facepalmed. “I don’t even know when I’ll have the time. Can you wait until Tuesday?”

“No.”

Ben sighed. “Are you sure you can’t—”

“Drive when I’m seeing double?”

“Fuck.” 

The basement door opened, and Jesse’s cheerful voice floated down the stairwell. “Hey! Guys!”

“Shhh!” Ben hissed. “Come down!” He pressed his fingers into his eyes. “Angie must have fallen asleep. I don’t know why—”

Jesse and Angela appeared at the bottom of the stairs and Ben zipped his lips shut. Gretchen started to snicker again. 

“Still partying, I see,” Angela said, her voice tight.

“Angela wanted to say hi,” Jesse said with a grin. “She’s not so bad, Gretchen. She’s letting us stay the night!”

“What?” Ben gaped at his fiancé. “Seriously?”

Angela briefly closed her eyes. “What kind of monster do you think I am? Sending these kids out on the road would be murder.”

Ben smiled. “Angie…”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Angela snapped. “I told you to wrap it up an hour ago. Now we’re hosting a slumber party.”

“Ang—”

“Zzz!” Angela held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear it.”

Ben shut his mouth.

Angela spoke to Gretchen next, but continued to glare at Ben as she did. “You’re free to use the guest room, Gretch. The boys are sleeping downstairs.”

“Naw, I’m gonna bounce,” Gretchen said easily, then smashed the butt of her cigarette in the ashtray and got up. “Some of us are adults and can handle a little liquor.”

Shaun gave her double middle fingers.

“Hope you don’t mind, but I’m leaving my stuff here,” Gretchen said casually. She grabbed her purse and her phone, then floated to the stairs. “See you guys on Tuesday. Bye!”

“What an enormous mess,” Angela tisked as she surveyed the room, then she shook her head. “I expect this to be cleaned up within twenty-four hours. And all of us will be leaving the house promptly at 8:15 tomorrow morning, so the three of you had better get some rest.”

“Angela… I’m sorry.”

Angela turned her back on the room and marched up the stairs. The door slammed behind her. 

“Guess I’m sleeping on the couch.” Ben ruffled a hand through his hair. “Let me get you guys some pillows and blankets.” 

Shaun felt kind of bad, but then again, he had a feeling Ben would be in the doghouse even if he and Jesse weren’t staying the night.

Ben paused at the bottom of the stairs. “Oh, and there’s a pull-out under the chaise,” he said. “There’s a release on the end cushion.”

Shaun’s eyebrows climbed into his hairline as Ben smiled shrewdly, then he turned and jogged up the steps. 

“What does he mean?” Jesse staggered to the edge of the couch and fell heavily onto the cushions. “Pull-out?”

Shaun went to investigate. He lifted the cushion at the end of the chaise and found a tether pull. He tugged on it and a drawer pulled out from underneath. Once he rearranged the pillows, the chaise stretched into a full-sized bed!

Jesse pressed himself flush to Shaun’s back and wrapped his arms around his waist. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

“What are you thinking?” Shaun asked with a laugh.

Jesse pulled something out of his back pocket and Shaun had to look over his shoulder to see. He did a double take. 

“Where the fuck did you get that?”

“Upstairs,” Jesse giggled. “In the master bathroom.” He held a brand-new bottle of KY Jelly. “Angela found me rooting around her bathroom. I acted the part and convinced her I was so drunk I couldn’t remember where I was.”

Shaun chuckled darkly. “And what are we going to do with that?”

Jesse peeked at Shaun from under his long, beautiful lashes. “I was hoping you’d fuck me.”

Shaun’s cock started to stiffen.

“I’ve been thinking about it all day,” Jesse said, his cheeks turning a lovely red.

“Okay, blankets, two pillows,” Ben’s voice came from the stairwell and Jesse stepped back. “The bathroom’s right upstairs, the door across the hall. Oh, and I brought some waters down, too. To help you guys sober up.” Ben stopped at the bottom of the steps with a bundle of bedding in his arms. “Anything else?”

Shaun strode across the room to take the armload from him. “Thanks,” he said briskly. “I think we’ll be alright.”

 “I hope so.” Ben laughed, then he clasped Shaun’s shoulder and squeezed. “You did good tonight, man. I’m proud of you.”

Shaun flushed. “Thanks.”

“Get some sleep, guys. Morning will come sooner than you think.” Ben waggled his eyebrows. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything,” he said as he turned for the stairs. “Sleeping on the couch. Again.”

Shaun waited for the door to shut behind him, then he tossed the blankets and pillows on the couch. Two bottles of water fell from the pile and rolled in tandem under the coffee table. 

Jesse took a step toward him. “I really liked watching you play today.” His pretty eyes glittered with mirth. “I wanted to run my hands all over your body—”

“Come over here.” Shaun hooked a finger.

“I’m scared,” Jesse stopped just in front of him. “I feel like you’re never going to have time to see me.” The amusement faded from his gaze, but his eyes continued to sparkle with intensity. “You’re always busy with the music now and I’m always with the kids…”

“We’re together now, aren’t we?” Shaun grabbed Jesse’s hips and pulled him close. He wrapped his arms around his slender body and squeezed the air out of him. “Besides, if you’re going to start letting me fuck you, I’ll probably be over every day.”

Jesse gasped, but he clung for all he was worth as he buried his face in Shaun’s chest.

“Mom’s going on a date tonight,” he whispered. “It’s official. Did I tell you?”

Shaun rubbed his back soothingly.

“Our fucking days in this town are numbered,” Jesse sniffled. “I didn’t even realize it, but…I’m so fucking sick of moving. I’m sick of never having a choice.”

Shaun swept Jesse off his feet and carried him to the pull-out. He laid him down gently and saw he had tears in his eyes and that his face was beautifully flushed. Shaun brushed a strand of auburn hair out of his eyes as he gazed into the most beautiful face he’d ever seen.

“I love you, Shaun,” Jesse said softly. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Shaun stared deeply into Jesse’s glittering blue eyes and spoke before he could stop himself. “I love you, too,” he said, and Jesse’s eyes widened. “We’ll work something out. Nobody’s going to separate us, Jesse. You’re mine.”

Jesse smiled hugely. He sobbed and the tears began to fall. 

“What?” Shaun cupped Jesse’s cheek.

Jesse’s lip quivered, then he laughed. “I’m happy.”

Shaun leered at him. “I bet you’d be a lot happier with my dick in your mouth.”

“Mmm, let’s find out,” Jesse smiled.

Shaun stood up and unzipped his jeans. He pulled his cock out and fisted the length at the base as Jesse sat up and slid to the edge of the couch. Shaun was rock hard and the shaft pulsed under his fingers.

Jesse met Shaun’s eyes as he parted his lips and took him into his mouth. 

 “You’re so fucking gorgeous when you do that,” Shaun hissed.

“Mmm.”

Jesse eagerly sucked his cock, and it was truly a beautiful sight to behold. His pink lips stretched obscenely around the thick shaft as he bobbed his head up and down.  

Shaun carded a hand through Jesse’s hair and pushed it out of his face so he could see. Jesse looked up into his eyes and Shaun groaned deep in his throat as Jesse slurped around his bulging shaft. 

Jesse used his hand to control the pace and Shaun indulged him for a couple minutes, enjoying the view as he made tender love to his cock. He knew Jesse struggled to take the full length of his erection, but he always tried to push him a little and he wanted to do it now. He liked it when Jesse gagged on his dick. It was hot. 

Shaun gripped Jesse’s face and thrust his hips. He growled when he felt his cock slip deeper into Jesse’s throat. He did it several times more and Jesse held onto Shaun’s legs and moaned like a whore. He submitted and allowed Shaun to fuck his throat as his eyes watered with strain.

Shaun could see the outline of his erection. The rough treatment was getting him off and it made his cock lurch with excitement. With a groan, he pulled his cock out of Jesse’s mouth because he wasn’t going to last much longer if he kept sucking like that. “Are you ready to get fucked?”

Jesse licked his pretty lips. “I’m ready.”

“Get naked for me,” Shaun said as his cock pulsed with need between his thighs.

Jesse whipped his shirt over his head and stood up to undo his jeans. Their eyes met as Jesse shimmied out of his underthings and Shaun caught his chin with a finger and drew him in for a kiss. 

Time slowed as their tongues met and Shaun aggressively pressed his lips against Jesse’s. He wanted to take ownership of the boy trembling against him and he held Jesse’s face firmly between his large hands as he plundered his mouth. 

They fell onto the couch and Shaun rolled on top of Jesse and straddled his hips. Jesse was naked underneath him and his flawless skin looked soft and inviting. Shaun lowered his head and licked his throat. 

Jesse gasped and slid his fingers into Shaun’s hair. He held onto Shaun as he pressed his lips against his chest and sucked his brown, pebbled nipple between his lips. He moaned and arched his chest into Shaun’s hot mouth.

Shaun could feel Jesse’s hard cock against his stomach, and he grasped it firmly as he trailed gentle, sucking kisses down Jesse’s beautiful body. He stroked him slowly, teasing him, prolonging the pleasure because he wanted Jesse to come on his dick.

He dipped his tongue into Jesse’s belly button and Jesse gasped and then giggled delightedly, all in the same breath. Shaun grinned wickedly and slid off the couch, then he grasped Jesse’s naked hips and yanked him to the edge.

Jesse whined at the manhandling but allowed Shaun to push his legs back until his knees rested against his chest. His cock and balls flopped back against his tummy and his asscheeks spread wide. He had wispy, strawberry-blond hair on his balls and between his cheeks. It was almost nonexistent, but Shaun’s focus was on Jesse’s asshole.

Shaun gazed at the tiny, wrinkled mouth in amazement. It was a soft pinkish-brown. It was beautiful, and as he watched, Jesse clenched the little hole and it squeezed shut, and then winked open again for just a second. Shaun groaned as he glimpsed the inside of Jesse’s virgin love-tunnel.

“Shaun…” Jesse moaned, his face bright red. “The lube’s on the floor.”

“I’m just looking,” Shaun muttered, but then stood up to kick off his boots and shuck the jeans. He reached for the lube, unscrewed the lid, then ripped off the protective seal with his teeth.

“You have to use your fingers first.” Jesse sat up and looked down the length of his naked body. His cock twitched and he fell back against his belly and Jesse let out a helpless groan. “You… have to stretch me out. I— I’ve never done this before.”

“I know,” Shaun flushed as he squeezed an insane amount of KY on his first two fingers. He was surprised by the slickness and he wiped some on his t-shirt, then ripped that off, too, and tossed it with his other things. He rubbed the jelly between his fingers, and he knelt between Jesse’s thighs. He used Vaseline sometimes, but this stuff was better. 

Shaun gazed at Jesse’s nervously clenching hole. He couldn’t believe he was going to put his cock in there. He pressed one slippery finger against the hungry little mouth and pushed. Jesse’s hole quivered and slowly, Shaun sank inside him. 

Jesse gasped as his hole clenched around Shaun’s finger.

“You’re really tight,” Shaun said casually.

“Yeah. I know,” Jesse groaned, and his face screwed up with discomfort. “Go slow.”

“I wasn’t going fast,” Shaun muttered, but he pushed his finger until it was all the way inside and marveled at the sensation of Jesse’s asshole spasming around him.

Shaun slid his finger in and out as Jesse’s anal muscles rhythmically worked his finger. Shaun’s naked cock throbbed between his thighs. He wanted to fuck.

“Okay…” Jesse moaned and clenched his teeth. “I’m ready.”

Shaun started to pull his finger out.

“No,” Jesse said quickly. “I’m ready for another finger.”

Shaun swallowed. He was going to bust his load if he wasn’t careful. He licked his lips and tried to concentrate. Sweat beaded along his hairline as he pushed his second finger into Jesse’s hole.

Jesse moaned as he was stretched even wider and he wiggled on Shaun’s hand as his fingers slid deep inside him. His hard cock leaked on his stomach and when Shaun moved his fingers in and out a few times more, it twitched crazily with arousal.

“Fuck this. You’re ready.” Shaun drew his fingers out of Jesse’s hole and stood up. He poured a good amount of lube into his palm, slicked up his cock and his eyes fell shut with pleasure. He rested a knee on the edge of the couch and positioned his wet cockhead against Jesse’s little pink butthole. It gaped open just the slightest bit after the fingering. It was waiting for Shaun’s cock.

Jesse blinked up at him nervously. “Please go slow.” 

“I don’t go slow.” Shaun bared his teeth. He let go of his cock and grabbed the back of the couch as he pushed his big, red cockhead into Jesse’s body.

Jesse hissed and wrapped his arms around his knees. “That stings,” he whispered.

Shaun pushed a bit deeper and groaned as the tip of his cock was engulfed in incredible pressure and heat.

“Ow, ow, ow,” Jesse moaned pitifully. His asshole was clenching like crazy around Shaun’s dick. 

“Relax.” Shaun bit the inside of his mouth as hard as he could, concentrating on the unpleasant sensation, because he didn’t want to come yet, but fuck, he was so damned close… “Try to relax. Christ, Jesse…”

“I can’t stand it,” Jesse whined. “Ow…Shaun, it hurts. Take it out.”

Shaun grunted and his hips lurched forward against his will. His cock slid deeper into the tight, warm, heat and he cried out.  “I— I can’t!” He pulled out a bit, but that felt good, too, and he thrust his cock back into Jesse’s hole and grunted. “Fuck...fuck...I can’t stop.” He frantically fucked the first half of his cock in and out of Jesse’s quivering hole. 

Jesse covered his face and cried into his hands. His legs wrapped around Shaun’s waist and he gripped him with an insistent pressure.

“Shit! I’m sorry!” Shaun gripped the back of the couch in a death grip and ground his teeth together as his cock erupted. “Jesus...fuck!” Semen shot into Jesse’s rectum in long, ropy strands.

Jesse had his hands over his eyes, as tears trailed down his cheeks. 

Shaun pulled his limp cock from Jesse’s asshole. “Way to go,” he muttered to himself as he rolled off and curled up the narrow edge of the chaise. “Jesse… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay.” Jesse’s hands fell away and he smiled at him tearfully. “Was that your first time?”

Shaun blushed bright red and he averted his eyes. “Second.” 

“Who was your first?” Jesse sat up as his brows knitted together.

Shaun sat up too and looked for something to clean his dick off with. He wasn’t comfortable being naked and he had an itching need to get dressed. 

“Shaun?”

“Some girl,” Shaun grumbled. “I never knew her name.”

Jesse quirked an eyebrow. 

Shaun saw some napkins under the abandoned pizza boxes, and he got up to retrieve them. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jesse.”

“Okay.” Jesse held up his hands. “Sorry for asking. I’m just curious.”

“There’s nothing to be curious about. It was some girl Will and Danny picked up.” Shaun used the napkins aggressively on his wet dick, then quickly pulled his clothes on. “I hated every moment of it,” he grumbled as he strode back to the couch and thrust a handful of napkins at Jesse. 

Shyly, Jesse reached behind himself to clean his asshole and Shaun watched him raptly. He couldn’t wait to fuck him again. His asshole was luxurious. He sat beside Jesse and put a hand on his knee. Jesse was in no apparent rush to get dressed. He leaned into Shaun’s side and slid an arm around his waist. 

They sat like that for a little while, then Shaun realized Jesse was fast asleep. 

Gently, Shaun positioned the other boy on his side, then curled up and wrapped him in his arms. Jesse stirred, but then snuggled further into Shaun’s arms.

“Cold…” he murmured. 

Shaun reached behind them and grabbed the blanket off the couch. He threw it over Jesse, then kissed him on the cheek. “Go to sleep.”

Jesse snugged in and did exactly that. His mouth fell open just a touch and his breathing got deep and even. 

Shaun watched him until his eyelids got heavy, then, he too surrendered to the pull of sleep and fell into the blackness. 

***

“Shaun…Shaun! Wake up!”

Shaun sat up in a panic, then clutched his head. “Ow!” It was pounding hardcore. He searched the room through narrowed eyes and spotted Ben with his eyes shielded by their instruments. The memories from the night before came back in a rush. He’d fucked Jesse…and he’d told him he loved him… Shit.

“I have clothes on, asshole,” Shaun snapped.

“He doesn’t.” Ben poked an accusatory finger in Jesse’s direction and Shaun lowered his gaze. 

Jesse was curled up on the couch with a line of drool trailing from the corner of his rosy lips. He was naked as a jaybird. The blanket had fallen to the floor in the night and Shaun grabbed it off the floor to cover his naked ass.

Jesse blinked his eyes open lazily. “Oh, hey, Ben.”

“Yeah. Hey. Good morning.” Ben smiled tightly. “I figured you guys would do the nasty last night. I tried to keep Angela from coming down here, but she thought she’d wake you up and get you out of the house while I was still in the shower. She about had a stroke when she saw your naked ass.”

Jesse flushed a delicate pink. 

Ben looked pleadingly at Shaun. “Dude, it’s almost 8:30. You have to go. Angie is having a conniption up in the bedroom.” His face was deadly serious. “She’s tearing her hair out.”

Shaun sighed. “Can you give us like, five minutes?”

Ben pressed his lips together. 

“Three minutes,” Shaun amended. 

“I’ve gotta go see if she’s alright.” Ben spun for the stairs.

Shaun shook his head as Ben tripped up the staircase. “Poor fucker.”

“Yeah.” Jesse pushed the blankets aside. “We’d better get out of here.”

Shaun agreed and left Jesse to get dressed and went to break down his equipment. 

They were out of the basement in three minutes. Nothing had been cleaned, but Shaun was counting the seconds in his head. As they headed out, the sounds of hysterical crying floated from the second level of the house and Shaun and Jesse shared a look. 

“Bye, Ben! Thanks for letting us crash!” Jesse called up the stairs.

“Uh…Okay! Bye!” Ben called back and the hysterical crying grew much louder. 

Shaun and Jesse scurried out the door. Shaun carried both the amp and the guitar case and Jesse hurried to the car and opened the back door.

“Thanks,” Shaun muttered.

Jesse smiled, then climbed in the passenger seat to wait.

On the drive back, Jesse started with his head on Shaun’s shoulder, but he didn’t last like that for long. He moved to rest against the window next. Then he shifted to the edge of the seat and sat up straight. He leaned back and pulled his legs under him. He sat like that for a while, but he didn’t look comfortable. 

Shaun snorted as it occurred to him. “You’re ass hurts. Doesn’t it?”

“It’s like someone rammed a broom up my butt,” Jesse said darkly. “I wonder why?”

Shaun chuckled.

Jesse changed positions for the hundredth time with a huff. He sat on his hips, curled his legs behind his butt, then sighed contentedly. “That’s better.”

They got home in record time. Shaun hadn’t slept well, and his head pounded dully from the booze. He pulled in his driveway without thinking. 

“Can I come in?” Jesse pressed his hands together earnestly. “Please?”

Shaun looked at the house. It was Sunday. Eli and Ruth would be going to church soon enough. Maybe they’d have the house to themselves for a while. 

“Okay,” he said. 

 “Yes!” Jesse leaned across the seat and kissed Shaun passionately. 

“Wait here.” Shaun cut the engine and got out to grab his equipment. He took everything to the garage and once everything was put away, Shaun led Jesse inside.

Eli was at the kitchen table with the paper and a cup of coffee. He looked up as Shaun and Jesse came in the room.

“What are you doing home so early?” He wore a nice shirt and black slacks. His thinning gray hair was neatly combed. He peered curiously at the two rumpled teenagers.

“We got kicked out of the house,” Shaun said. “Are you going to church?”

“Yes. We’ve got service and then I’m dropping Ruthie at her knitting group.” 

Ruth spent a couple hours a week with the group. Sometimes she stayed until dinner.

Shaun smiled. “Cool.” He looked at Eli’s coffee as he considered what they were going to do until the grandparents left, then he took Jesse’s arm. “We’ll be in my room.” 

Ruth was in the bathroom at the end of the hall getting ready. The sink was running, so it was easy enough to sneak past. They slipped into Shaun’s room and quietly shut the door. 

Jesse threw himself across the bed.  “When they leave, can we take a shower?”

“I guess,” Shaun said. “What are you going to put on?”

“I’ll borrow something of yours,” Jesse said easily. 

Shaun laughed. “I don’t think we’re the same size.”

“Don’t you have anything stretchy? Sweats or something?”

Shaun folded his arms. 

“Oookay. Nevermind.” Jesse kicked his shoes off. “I’m taking a nap.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “That won’t be weird or anything.”

“Keep a lookout.” Jesse flipped on his back and stretched out his legs. “Wake me up if your grandma comes to the door.”

Shaun huffed.

“Or you could just get in bed with me.”

Shaun snorted. “Yeah right.”

“Suit yourself.” Jesse curled up on top of the blankets and settled in. Within moments, he was asleep, and Shaun glared at him. He envied his easy slumber. 

Shaun didn’t know what to do and he sat stiffly on the floor in front of his closed bedroom door. He figured he would keep a lookout, because he had no idea how he’d explain Jesse in his bed. 

Shaun’s mind ran in a thousand different directions as he sat waiting. He thought about the sex last night and he wasn’t proud of himself.  I love you, too, Shaun had said the night before. What a joke, he thought. He had totally failed Jesse last night. He wanted to inflict pain on Jesse’s body, but not against his will.

He got up and fetched his father’s hunting knife from his bedside drawer. He stood over Jesse for a moment, looking down at him as he cradled the knife in his hand. 

Jesse was so damned gorgeous. His face was peaceful in his sleep and it glowed with an innate joy. He was such a happy, beautiful person.

Shaun went back to the door and slid to the floor with a thunk. He held the knife gingerly in his right hand as he studied the gleaming length. A voice in his head told him to drive the tip into his flesh. To draw blood. But Shaun wouldn’t listen. He couldn’t do it. He looked up and gazed longingly at the boy on his bed. He didn’t want Jesse to see him bleed…