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When I Learn to Love (collection)

Summary:

What would you do if I couldn’t move on?
What would you do if I couldn’t remember us?
What would you do if I couldn’t hold onto you?

What would you do if I could change things?
What would you do if I could learn to love you?

 

A collection of fragments from Blitzø and Stolas’s relationship, depicting the threads between love, loss, heartbreak, and the scribbles in between.

Includes post-ep content. Updated *???*ly.

Chapter 1: Phone Log

Notes:

EDIT: hello! this is a collection of short fiction I’m writing post S2E9 (because it’s been forever since I’ve written and WOW I really need to get back in practice). Should be updated pretty much every day.

While every 6th chapter is part of a larger story, everything else is non-linear, so feel free to jump around! The pieces I had the most fun writing are:

3. For Thorns
4. King of Ghosts (TW)

Enjoy <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Phone Log

 

2:03 AM

5 missed calls from Blitzy❤️

 

2:07 AM

7 missed calls from Blitz

 

3:41 AM

Voicemail from Blitz

“

…

 

“

 

5:23 AM

Voicemail from Blitz

“

…Hey, Stolas? I-I just wanted to, um, say that I hope you had a good night. I, uh, this sounds fucking stupid already. I just, I hope that he, he treats you, better, you know? Running after you on the train to London, and all that shit. You deserve better. Live your best life without me, okay?

 

Oh goddamn it, I’m not asking you to get back with me. You don’t owe me diddly-squat. I’m done messing around with people’s shit. *Fuck, what am I saying?* Just, forget it. Forget it. I’m just gonna move on and we can forget any of this happened. If I bump into you at the grocery store or something I’ll just keep on walking and never look back. Nothing left to say or do. Nope.

 

Tell you what: I’ll never listen to that country radio station you say you hate but secretly like, or that cheesy romance channel you eat cereal to, so that you won’t be sitting there one day thinking, ‘Hey is that stupid fuckhead of an imp who treated me like a piece of shit because of his own fucked up issues doing the same thing that I am? Is he still around?’ Believe me. I couldn’t be if I tried

 

Hell, I got rid of all of my lavender scented shit already. And I’ll only go to the human realm on non-full moon days. Maybe I just won’t look at the night sky there ever again. All so that you don’t have to ruin your perfectly good day worrying about me sticking around. You want me to grab my horse shit from your room? Actually wait, I’ll just get Moxxie to do it. Is that too much? Yeah, I’ll just hire some movers. Don’t worry about it. Not one bit.

 

Lucifer on a stick this sounds desperate as fuck. But you know what Stolas? I’m through obsessing over how things could’ve gone differently. I don’t care anymore. If tonight taught me anything, it’s that my absence from the lives of the people I’ve hurt, especially yours, is a damn good thing. Given the chance I’d fuck it all up again anyways. So just, move on already. We’ll just keep on going on our separate paths that got tangled as shit once. But never again. We’re untangled. Finished. Through.

 

It’s… better this way.

 

I… I-I’m… Just block my number and move the fuck on, okay? And don’t you worry your feathered ass, I ain’t calling you anymore. Take care and all that mushy goodbye bullshit.

 

…

…

 

“

 

11:26 PM

Voicemail from Blitzy

“

Shit, wrong number…

…

…

…

Sorry.

 

”

Notes:

hope you enjoyed. the threads aren’t very wide, but I hope you enjoy the tapestry i plan on weaving soon :)

 

also, in case anyone’s wondering (which i doubt, but still), lemme break it down.

why i haven’t written anything (good) for the past few years:

so, so tired
unable to be myself
i have no one
crippling doubt
it’s hard to love myself
depression
adhd
loneliness

why i’m coming back to this account:

i want to see if i’ve grown as a storyteller
flash fiction is fun to write
writing over the faded scars
i’m not giving this journey up
i’ve missed this

love y’all <3