Chapter Text
“Excuse me.”
Startled by the suddenness, Felix nearly drops the carton of orange juice in his hand. His head quickly turns to see the man who passes by. He’s about Felix’s height and dressed in all black. Like Felix, he carries a red plastic shopping basket. He doesn’t turn around to face Felix again but stops a few feet away to look at the yogurt, which gives Felix a good look at his handsome side profile. His nose is pretty big, very different from Felix’s button nose, but still nice and proportional to his face. His jawline is impressive, lips are full, and his eyes are clear and focused as they scan the shelves. The bangs of his curly, platinum-blond hair sit almost at that awkward, eye-level length. He finds what he’s looking for and places it into his basket before walking away.
Felix is enchanted, and, with butterflies in his stomach, his legs automatically carry him to follow the man, keeping a healthy distance, of course. The man is turning down an aisle, and Felix soon does the same. He subtly watches as the man stops to search an area of shelves for some particular type of pasta.
Does he like to cook? Or, is he one of those men who only know how to make basic spaghetti with store-bought sauce? Felix is barely making it through life, and even his cooking ability is better than that. He reaches for a box, and Felix sees no ring.
The man turns to exit the aisle the same way he came, so Felix pretends to contemplate which brand of canned corn best suits his needs. Subconsciously, he holds his breath as the man passes behind him.
Felix waits several seconds before following. The longer he observes the man, the more clear it is. He must ask for his number. Felix racks his brain, searching for the best way to go about such an impossible task. Nowadays, you can’t simply go up to someone and ask for their number. That’s weird, and so the man would obviously say no. Felix could wait until he looks for another product, then attempt to converse with him about it. That’s annoying. Felix hates it when random people talk to him like that.
He continues to follow the man throughout the grocery store. Wanting to know more about the man, Felix begins to place the same items the man buys into his own basket. The man is buying a jar of dill pickles, so Felix will too. He can learn to enjoy them.
It’s crazy, but the more Felix follows the man, the more he likes him. The situation mirrors the story of how his parents met. His dad saw his mom walking home from school. He fell in love at first sight, but he was shy and didn’t know how to ask her out. So, the next day, he returned to the same location at the same time to see her again. Not yet mustering up the courage to talk to her, he started to follow her and quickly learned what school she went to and where she lived. One day, he asked her out, and eventually, she said yes, and the rest is a long, unfortunate history.
Still, Felix’s dad truly did love his mom. No one can deny that, despite what happened in the end.
And maybe, this man will be what his mom was to his dad.
And maybe, they will be able to have a happy ending, unlike his parents.
The man is heading towards the checkout line, and Felix follows. The only things in his basket that he actually chose himself are frozen garlic bread, eggs and orange juice. Besides that are the man’s items, dill pickles, some sort of gross health cereal, protein bars, crackers, bacon, salmon fillets, a tomato, a green bell pepper, a zucchini, a yellow onion, and a whole four-pound bag of oranges. As he gets in line behind the man, Felix resigns himself to having salmon, garlic bread and zucchini for dinner instead of the chicken he actually wanted, though he’s glad it isn’t beef. Felix hates beef.
Felix holds the basket in clasped hands behind his back. It probably looks strange, but it’s much better than the man turning around and seeing the similar contents.
Anxiety soon begins to set in. The window to ask the man for his number is closing. If Felix hadn’t picked up so many of the same items, he could have dropped his basket. The man seems nice, he did say excuse me earlier, so he would probably turn around and help Felix pick up his things, though that would be painful considering the eggs. He considers tripping the man, but that would be impossible with him in front of Felix. Should he just bite the bullet and ask directly?
Before Felix can do anything, the cashier begins scanning the man’s items.
“Hi, how are you?” The woman asks, making small talk.
“I’m good,” the man says. His voice is soft and bright, very friendly to a phony degree. Still, Felix can appreciate that. “How are you?”
“I’m doing good,” the woman says. “Heard it’s gonna rain tonight.”
“Oh, really?” The man asks in return. Felix can’t stand small talk, but the man is so natural about it. Felix is impressed. “Well, April showers bring May flowers, but maybe this year, March showers bring April flowers?” He laughs, and Felix adores the sound.
The woman laughs as well, though it’s clearly fake. That’s okay though, Felix liked his little joke.
The conversation ends there, and the man soon pays using his card. On it, Felix can’t help but notice a name, Chan Bang.
Chan. It sounds so pretty and friendly. It suits him.
With this knowledge, Felix relaxes. Once he gets home, he should be able to easily find his social media.
Chan grabs his bags and leaves, and Felix takes his place.
“Hi, how are you?” The woman greets.
Felix says nothing and keeps his eyes down as he always does. He’s never been interested in this kind of pointless talk, so he never engages. He only does it if there’s someone he wants to impress or look good in front of.
The woman says nothing more, the beep of each scanned item filling the space between them.
Felix walks home as always. He has no car, and no license, but the grocery store isn’t far, so it’s not too bad.
When Felix arrives back home, an inherited small, one-bedroom townhouse, he struggles to unlock the door, the stupid bag of oranges pushing him closer and closer to the edge with each passing second. Finally, though, he does manage to get in. He almost drops all the bags to the floor in irritation before remembering the eggs. He sighs deeply and aggressively kicks the door shut behind him, wishing he had bought another bottle of rum. He walks a few steps to the kitchen and places the bags on the counter before momentarily returning to the door and locking it.
Felix swiftly unbags the items and sorts them into groups according to where they belong. Orange juice, eggs, bacon, tomato and vegetables in one group; cereal, crackers, protein bars in another; garlic bread and salmon in a third. Do pickles go in the fridge? Probably, right?
He puts away the freezer items first, then the refrigerator items, and then the pantry items. Felix has never eaten a protein bar before, so, intrigued, he inspects the box.
Chocolate chip cookie dough flavored. ‘Thirty grams of protein, only six grams of sugar.’ Jesus, Felix doesn’t know much about nutrition, but thirty seems like a ton. He looks at the nutritional information on the back. It says thirty grams is forty-five percent of the daily value. What the hell, is Chan insane? He must work out a lot or something, and Felix just couldn’t tell at the store because he was wearing a hoodie.
Curious, Felix opens the box and takes one out. He places the box into the pantry before opening the protein bar. It just looks like a chocolate bar, nothing overtly special. He takes a tentative bite. It’s surprisingly not terrible… good even. Taking another bite, Felix eyes the oranges on the counter, still contained in their red net. Pulling a pair of scissors out of a drawer, he cuts the bag open with one hand. Refusing to part with the chocolatey goodness that was recommended so kindly by Chan, Felix transports the oranges one at a time to the fridge.
Felix is excited, happy. He ignores the disgustingly large pile of dishes filling the sink and covering the surrounding countertop, walking past into the living room to sit on the couch. He pulls his phone out of his pocket, ignoring the dirty glasses, empty bottle of rum and various crumbled takeout receipts on the coffee table before him.
He opens Instagram and searches for Chan. Nothing.
Felix’s brows furrow in worry. He opens Facebook and searches for Chan.
Thank god.
Chan Bang, works at GoodBody Rehabilitation, graduated from the local university, lives in the same town, no girlfriend or boyfriend listed.
His last post was three months ago, wishing everyone a merry Christmas. How cute. Felix scrolls through his profile. It’s several years old, but he only posts a few times a year. Most of his posts are text, but there are a few pictures of him with family members. He has the cutest dimples when he smiles. Felix imagines being the one to make Chan smile so happily. It doesn’t take long to go through all of his posts, so Felix scrolls back up to the post three years ago celebrating his graduation. The photos feature family members and peers. Felix reads through the comments. Relatives and family friends congratulate him, but one comment…
‘Chan, my only son, I am beyond proud of you! You were an incredibly fussy baby, and we’ve gone through many ups and downs together these twenty-two years, but you’ve grown into a wonderful, kind, considerate and handsome young man. Your father and grandparents would be just as proud as I am! I love you!’
She must be his mother. Felix goes to her profile. She’s very active, mainly posting photos of nature, Chan and her dog, a little, white, fuzzy thing. The photos of Chan are casual and adorable, Felix screenshots several of them. A post from two months ago mentions a book club she runs. It links to the group’s page. They primarily read romance novels, it seems. Felix is more of a thriller type of person, but a book is a book, and joining this book club is a simple route to getting to know Chan. He sends a request to join.
Felix opens Discord, the one chat he’s in.
Jisung is Felix’s best and only friend. He lives almost two thousand miles away, and they’ve never actually met, but they’ve known each other for over a decade. They met when they were fourteen and bonded over a shared interest in art, and they still bond over it as freelance artists.
But Felix’s favorite thing about Jisung is another thing they have in common: childhood trauma and a not-so-fun path to coping with it. Their experiences are different but pretty equal in both severity and result. Their relationship isn’t the healthiest, Felix knows, and Jisung probably does as well. Still, misery loves company, so their friendship stands strong throughout the years, fights and scares.
Felix: Just got back from the grocery store
Felix: And I met someone!!!!
Felix: He’s so cute and nice
Felix: Curly blond hair and DIMPLES
Felix: I’m literally in love
Jisung: Huh? My bff is being stolen??
Felix: LOL
Felix: I found him on facebook, then found his mom, so I requested to join her book club
Jisung: So your strat is to befriend his mom first? Lol good luck
Felix: Hey I can be charming when I want to be!!
Felix: Just gotta subtlyyy mention that I’m single, and tada “my son is single”
Jisung: I’ll be rooting for you
Jisung: Got any pics?
It’s stupid and shameful, but Felix doesn’t want Jisung to see Chan. They may not have spoken yet, but Felix has always been the jealous type. He doesn’t want to share Chan.
Felix: Nope sorry
Felix: He’s super cute tho trust
Felix: I followed him through the store and he bought a huge thing of protein bars
Felix: I couldn’t see well bc of his baggy clothes BUT I think that he must work out a lot
Jisung: Ooooh
Jisung: Will Lix’s manhandling kink dream finally come true???
Jisung: How tall is he
Felix: We’re about the same height which kinda sucks but whatever
Felix: No biggie
Jisung: Is he even gay?
Felix: Idk
Felix: He kinda gives off bi vibes to me
Jisung: What if he’s a strict bottom??? :o
Felix: Are you kidding me? I’ve yet to meet a guy who wouldn’t top for me
Felix: I could make YOU want to top
Jisung: Yeah right lmao
Felix stands, leaving his phone on the couch. He should get to work. It’s already three o’clock, and he didn’t get anything done yesterday. He has seven days left to finish the final four illustrations for a children’s book about a lion befriending a field mouse. Energized by Chan’s protein bar, he goes to the bedroom to get his supplies and brings them back into the open space between the kitchen and living room. Felix would do anything for his own studio to work in, but between his varying income as a freelance artist and the effort to move, now doesn’t feel like the right time. So, he usually spreads his things out onto the floor and works there.
Felix pulls off his jacket, leaving it to rest on the back of the couch. Situating himself on the floor, Felix stares down at his last-completed sketch. His medium of choice has always been oil paint, but the author of this book wanted either colored pencils or crayons to be used for a more childish, unpolished, cute look. Intrigued, Felix had immediately gone out to buy a pack of crayons. The job has been fun, but also frustrating and difficult at times. They say challenges in life are good for one’s emotional well-being, but Felix hates being challenged. That being said, he still is only a mere victim of the very human happiness that arises from completing difficult tasks.
As he starts on the coloring, he thinks about Chan again. It seems like Chan is a physical therapist or something, judging from his listed workplace. It would also make sense if he’s into fitness. Felix hopes that he likes art too.
But if not, Chan would be far from the first man Felix has dated who didn’t give a shit about his passion for art. Jisung has had similar struggles, ‘being misunderstood is the curse of an artist,’ he says. Felix thinks that the mental illness is the actual biggest factor, but if that’s what Jisung wishes to believe, then that’s fine. We all cope in different ways, so if it works for him, good. Personally, Felix tries to not indulge in the idea of being a tortured artist. It’s not really constructive.
Not that Felix is truly attempting to be on the path to betterment. He tends to go with the flow in life. Currently, he’s doing okay, much better compared to a couple of years ago. He still has some struggles here and there, but so does everyone.
Felix is really blossoming in the picture book illustration industry. He hasn’t had much trouble getting jobs over the past year or so. He hasn’t picked up dating again yet, but he’s hopeful things will work out with Chan. Felix’s last relationship was three years ago, when he was twenty-two. It ended… well, explosively. Felix is difficult to get along with, he admits. He’s overly dependent and clingy, and that simply terrifies a lot of men. For a long while, Felix kept to random hookups every Friday and Saturday, a bit excessive maybe, but that’s always been Felix’s chosen method of dealing with loneliness, for better or worse. It is what it is.
Now with several hours having passed, and the one coloring completed, Felix decides to rest for a couple of hours before starting the next sketch. Usually by now, he would be done eating dinner, but Felix still isn’t that hungry from the insane amount of protein in that tasty little bar. He tends to get most of his work done at night, so he settles with a bowl of Chan’s boring, healthy granola cereal.
He carries the bowl into the bathroom and sets it on the counter while he runs a bath. It seems weird, but eating or drinking in the bath is a nice, relaxing activity. Even Jisung has been forced to admit it upon actually giving it a chance.
Chan would probably enjoy it as well.
As Felix sits in the clear water with his bowl of cereal in hand, he imagines Chan joining him. What does Chan look like naked? Felix understands that it’s perverted to even ask himself such a question, but still, the thought lingers. He probably has a lot of muscles, maybe even abs. Felix imagines trailing his fingertips down them, teasingly coming closer and closer to the real prize.
He wonders if Chan shaves down there. Somehow, he seems like the type who wouldn’t, but who knows? Chan may surprise him.
Felix places the half-eaten bowl of cereal down on the floor beside the tub. Without any real goal in mind, he runs his fingertips gently down his chest, over a nipple, past his stomach, and across his thigh. The teasing touches coupled with thoughts of Chan cause Felix’s cock to stir. He ghosts his fingers over it, repeating the motion a few times before putting an end to it.
He quickly finishes bathing and throws out the rest of the cereal in the bowl, then resumes his work.
The next day, Felix awakes just before eleven o’clock. He loiters around his home for some time before deciding on reading. Felix owns a lot of books, more than he can really comfortably organize in his small townhouse. Some of them have been read, but most have not. He tells himself he will read them when he ‘feels like it,’ though that time never seems to come. Sometimes when he’s bored and feeling cooped up at home, he’ll go out with the sole purpose of buying more. Something about buying books is so cathartic.
Book in hand, Felix lays on his bed, legs up in the air, propped up on the wall. He likes silence, so the television in the living room is off more often than not. He tends to spend his day quietly working, reading, eating or drinking. Occasionally, he’ll play soft music. Felix isn’t very fond of music, truthfully, and Jisung deems it necessary to tease him for it.
Felix usually doesn’t eat until he feels the physical pangs of hunger or hears his stomach crying for food. So with his stomach now growling to an annoying degree, Felix folds the corner of the page of his book and closes it. He sits up and tosses the book to the other side of the bed before standing.
Making his way into the kitchen to look through the fridge, Felix doesn’t feel like cooking. He wishes he bought some cheese. He grabs the tomato and quickly washes it and cuts it into slices. It’s a good one, which is surprising considering the season. Nice and bright red, the tomato’s seeds and gooey insides stare back up at Felix. It’s beautiful in a way.
Felix pulls the box of crackers out of the pantry. Tomato and crackers, it’s a little…
Before he sits at the kitchen counter to eat, he grabs an orange and places it beside the plate of tomato. Good enough. Technically two servings of fruit in one meal, how healthy of him.
Maybe Chan is a good influence in that regard. What would Felix have bought instead of this? Cheese, chicken, oatmeal, frozen burritos, maybe a couple of apples…
Maybe once he and Chan begin dating, Felix will start working out?
Absolutely no chance in hell.
With his index finger, Felix nudges a much too large slice of tomato onto a square cracker. He places another cracker atop it to make it easier to eat, but the stacking doesn’t make sense. Still, Felix eats it without a single complaint. It doesn’t matter, it’s just a meal. It serves its function.
Felix eats slowly, lethargically, as he does most things. After some several minutes, he’s eaten all of the tomato and the orange. He puts the rest of the crackers away and places the dirtied plate into the sink. He returns to his room and checks his phone for the time. What distracts him, though, is a notification saying that he was accepted into the book club group. With a smile on his face, Felix sits on his bed and excitedly opens the accompanying welcome message from Chan’s mother.
‘Hi, Felix! My name is Amy, and I’m so glad to welcome you to our little book club! We don’t get many men or young people requesting to join, but please don’t let that scare you away! Our group meets every Sunday at 1 pm at my house. I can’t wait to meet you!’
Below is another message with her home address.
How interesting. She just sent him her address like that? She’s probably in her fifties, but is that not common sense? Did Chan inherit her trusting nature?
Felix types back a response.
‘Hi, Amy! Thanks for accepting me into the group, I can’t wait to meet you all this Sunday!’
Felix has to be on his best behavior at these meetings. It may take several weeks to get introduced to Chan, and even after that point, it’ll be important to keep up a good relationship with Chan’s mom. She may end up becoming Felix’s future mother-in-law.
Felix opens Discord.
Felix: Guess what!!!
Felix: Someone just got accepted into the book club run by cute guy’s mom!!!
Felix: And yes ofc you’ll be invited to the wedding
Felix waits impatiently for Jisung’s response, which takes several minutes to come.
Jisung: Tell me when you get introduced to him lol
Jisung: Good luck Lix
Jisung: You’re gonna need it
Felix: Ok ok you’ll see!
Felix puts his phone down. So, Jisung thinks his idea is a little out there, whatever. His father didn’t believe in his art dreams either, and well…
Felix stands. He quickly pulls on a pair of sneakers and grabs a jacket before heading out to take a short walk.
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. They pass by normally. Felix wakes up, loiters around mindlessly, eats, loiters some more, talks to Jisung, eats again, works, bathes and snacks, works again, then sleeps. Rinse and repeat. The only change in his routine is that he looks at Chan’s photos on his mom’s Facebook a few times a day.
Sunday comes, and Felix wakes up at eleven o’clock sharp. Excited for the book club meeting, he drinks some coffee before picking out the perfect outfit. A relatively new, not-yet-stained-with-paint pair of dark-wash jeans and a simple black T-shirt, topped with an oversized, forest-green cardigan with thin, white vertical stripes. Hopefully, this will make him look approachable and friendly. He even puts on a little makeup, not too much, just enough to look prettier than usual.
It just so happens that Chan’s mom only lives a few neighborhoods away. It’s definitely the nicest, richest neighborhood on this side of town, so Felix is intrigued. Based on his research, physical therapists make pretty good money, but most people regret not choosing to become a nurse or doctor instead due to the large amount of student debt. It makes sense that Chan would become a physical therapist if he had Mommy paying his tuition.
Does Felix envy Chan a little for that? Sure.
Felix makes sure to lock the door behind him as he leaves home. He doesn’t really own anything worth stealing, unless the average burglar secretly loves oil paint and other art supplies, but he doesn’t like to take chances.
With his phone safely tucked away in his back pocket for easy access, Felix makes his way to Amy’s house.
He arrives about ten minutes early. The house is typical for an upper-middle-class family. Large and undoubtedly spacious on the inside, two stories, light grey in color, large, perfectly clean windows, long driveway. Felix is a little excited to see the inside.
He knows Amy’s husband, Chan’s father, is dead, and it doesn’t seem like she has remarried, judging from her Facebook posts. Looking at the number of cars in the driveway, there are far too many to belong to just Amy.
Standing before the front door, Felix takes a deep breath before knocking. A few seconds pass, and Felix considers knocking again. Right as he raises his hand again, an older, short, Asian woman answers the door with a bright, cheery smile.
“Hello! You must be Felix! Come in, come in,” she greets, gesturing for Felix to come in. She’s so positive, it's almost sickening. “I’m Amy.”
Felix feels awkward, but he plasters on the biggest, most genuine-looking smile he can muster. “Hi! It’s so nice to meet you!” He reaches out to shake her hand, unsure of what else to do.
“Oh, there’s no need for such formality!” Amy says, pulling Felix into a hug that he didn’t want. A scowl instantly blossoms on his face, but fortunately, the foyer is empty except for Amy and Felix.
“You’re so cute, you remind me so much of my son!” Amy exclaims before finally releasing Felix.
He reminds her of Chan? Felix tries not to blush.
“You have a son?” Felix plays dumb.
“Yes! His name is Chan, he’s older than you. Are you in college?”
“Oh, no, I’m twenty-five,” Felix says, laughing. He never went to college, but he doesn’t really want to disclose that.
“Oh? I would’ve guessed you were twenty!” Amy says, rubbing his back in an affectionate and overly familiar way. She’s one of those people, it seems. Felix hates that, but he supposes he can deal with it for Chan. “My Channie is twenty-eight.”
“Ah, really?”
It makes sense considering when the college graduation pictures were posted, but Felix never thought to calculate it. A three-year age difference is good. Felix recalls seeing somewhere that two or three years is the average between married couples.
Amy hums. “Maybe you’ll meet him someday. Come on,” she says, guiding Felix out of the foyer and into the nearby living room. “Most of the group is here already, and they’re very excited to meet you.”
Felix mentally prepares himself to be the center of attention of a dozen or so pushing-elderly women.
Sure enough, that’s exactly what he gets.
He’s introduced to each woman one after another. There are enough that he has no chance in hell of remembering their names, but it seems they’ll be forgiving towards him. They each coo over how cute and young he is, a couple of them even call him pretty, which is unfortunately not new to Felix. Women of all ages tend to like him and compliment him when given the chance.
At this point, he expects it.
Over the course of some twenty minutes of introductions, the last few members of the group arrive, and they finally begin the meeting. They just finished a book Felix has never heard of and are discussing the ending. Felix busies himself with eating maybe a little too much of the offered snacks, but no one says anything. He wishes there was alcohol.
At the end of the boring, ninety-minute meeting, they do a group vote to pick the next book. Felix votes for the one about an obsessive, possessive werewolf because why not? It sounds exciting.
Unfortunately, Felix’s pick loses to the one about a city woman moving to the countryside to marry a farmer. Gag.
Following the meeting, the women continue to hang around, chatting. Felix feels awkward. If he just leaves now, it’ll definitely leave a bad impression, but he doesn’t know anyone well enough to ask and pretend to care about how their grandkids are doing. Part of him is regretting his decision. He loves Chan and desperately wants to meet him, but this is seriously taxing.
Amy swoops in like a guardian angel.
“I know this meeting was a little boring for you, but I promise that it’ll get more exciting once we all start the new book next week,” she says, putting a hand on Felix’s shoulder.
Felix smiles and nods. “It was nice meeting all of you, though. You guys seem really nice.”
She smiles back. “We’ve managed to make ourselves a great little group here.” The group really isn’t little, but Felix doesn’t say that. “You like romance books? I was surprised by that. Usually, men don’t like those kinds of things.”
Felix isn’t sure how to respond to that. “I like romance. I read a lot of different genres, but romance is one of my favorites.” Not a lie, but not a truth either.
“Well, it’s very nice to have someone different join the group. It spices life up a little, you know?”
Felix nods, smiling again since he doesn’t know what else to do.
“So, what do you do for a living?” Amy asks. “I don’t think I heard you mention it.”
“I’m a freelance artist,” Felix answers. “For the past couple of years, I’ve mainly been illustrating children’s books.”
Amy gasps excitedly. “An artist! How nice! You don’t happen to have any photos of your work, do you?”
It’s a rude question, though it’s not meant to be. No one asks a dentist whose teeth they’ve cleaned, or a teacher whose kids they’ve taught. Yet, when you’re in a creative field, you’re immediately expected to prove yourself. ‘You make music? Show me a song.’ ‘You act? What movie have I seen you in?’ ‘You’re an artist? Show me your work.’ People just want to see if you’re valuable or not, if you’re successful and famous, or untalented and delusional to try to make a career out of your passion. Felix hates that, but since most people ask to see his work when he tells them he’s an artist, he’s prepared. Pulling his phone out of his back pocket, he pulls up some images from various works and shows them off.
Amy compliments each one, and it sounds genuine.
“You’re very talented, Felix,” Amy praises after the last one.
“Thank you.” Felix smiles, forcing it to meet his eyes to look genuine, as he slips his phone back into his pocket.
Amy laughs awkwardly. “I was wondering… Do you have a girlfriend or anything?”
Okay… either she’s hitting on him or wants to set him up with Chan. Felix mentally crosses his fingers.
“Nope. My last boyfriend and I broke up a year ago,” Felix lies. If he says that it’s been three years, he might have to explain why he hasn’t been with anyone in so long.
“Really?” Amy’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, but she seems happy. “My son, Chan, has been single for some time too. Would you be interested in chatting with him? He’s a physical therapist, so he makes good money. He works at GoodBody Rehabilitation downtown and lives a few neighborhoods away from here. He’s a really nice, considerate person, and handsome too.” She laughs.
Felix pretends to consider the offer. “I don’t know… What does he look like?” That’s the wrong thing to say. “What kinds of things does he like?” That makes it better.
Amy smiles, happy Felix is expressing some interest. On her phone, she pulls up some photos that haven’t been posted to Facebook. Chan has black hair in some of them.
“He’s had blond hair for a few months now,” Amy says. “I don’t really like it, but if it makes him happy, then so be it.”
“I like it,” Felix says honestly. “It looks good on him.”
Felix is barely aware of Amy smiling again, so focused on the photos of Chan. Seeing his curly hair and bright smile, he truly does love him already.
“He likes animals, cooking and working out,” Amy explains, still swiping through photos of Chan. “He played sports all throughout school and college, and swimming was his favorite. He has a gentle type of personality, very sweet and caring.”
Felix hums as if in thought. “He does look sweet…” Felix forces himself to look away to avoid seeming creepy or overly obsessed with Chan’s face. “Can you give him my number?”
“Of course!” Amy exclaims excitedly. She holds her phone out to Felix.
He quickly enters his number and returns it.
“I think you’ll really like each other,” Amy says cheerfully, smiling. “You have a lot in common, your mannerisms and things.”
Felix is a little confused by that, but he smiles and nods anyway.
Having practically skipped all the way home, Felix excitedly jumps and twirls around, now in the privacy of his home. He opens Discord.
Felix: Eat your fucking heart out Jisung!!!
Felix: Went to the book club meeting, met his mom, she loved me and my art, and wanted to set me up with him
Felix: I gave her my number so hopefully I’ll get a text within a few days!!!
Jisung: No way!!!
Jisung: You’re a crazy genius
Jisung: Like seriously????
Felix: Seriously!!!!!
Felix: Will send you screenshots once he texts me
Jisung: Ahhh I need to get a bf too >:(
Felix: Lol go for it!!
Invigorated and excited for the future for the first time in literal years, Felix takes off his cardigan and tosses it onto the back of the couch to clean up a little. He carries the glasses from the coffee table into the kitchen, then comes back to throw away the empty liquor bottle and receipts.
Staring down the intimidating pile of dishes, Felix sighs. He moves the several-day-old dishes aside to make room to wash them.
It takes a while, and it’s extra gross due to the time they’ve been sitting out, but he manages to wash them all. He leaves them out on a dish rack to air-dry and goes back to his bedroom.
He opens his closet, where he keeps his art supplies. He gathers his oil pastels and pastel papers. He returns to the space between the kitchen and living room and settles on the floor. On his phone, he opens Chan’s mom’s Facebook. He scrolls down to a photo of Chan from last Easter. He’s posed with Amy. Felix’s eyes scan the photo carefully, admiring each curl of Chan’s black hair, his happy eyes, perfect nose, bright smile, obvious dimples, the shape of his jaw, Adam’s apple, the width of his shoulders, his muscular arms… Felix swallows the excess salvia gathering in his mouth.
He sketches Chan, starting with his beautiful face. As he works, Felix wonders about him.
Where was he born? His mom said he was a fussy baby, but besides that, what was he like? Did he talk or walk first? What was his favorite toy, and what did he name it? When did he start playing sports? When did he learn to swim?
Was he close with his father? Was it hard for him when he died? How did he die? Sudden, giving Chan no time to prepare for it, or was he sick, forcing Chan to anticipate the inevitably approaching event?
When did he have his first kiss? Was it a girl or a boy? First love? When was his first heartbreak? When did he lose his virginity? Has he ever had a long-term partner?
What animal is his favorite? Does he have any pets he undoubtedly spoils? What kind does he have or want to have? Dogs? Cats? Fish? Birds? Rodents? Reptiles or amphibians?
What’s his favorite color? Favorite season? Favorite foods? Is he a picky eater? Does he have any food allergies? He likes pickles, protein bars, granola cereal, oranges and salmon, but what else? What’s his favorite fruit? Favorite cuisine? Does he like spicy food?
What is he doing right now? It’s Sunday, so he’s probably not at work. Is he working out? Reading? Watching television? Taking a walk? Having a snack? Talking to friends? Talking to his mom?
Felix wants to know everything about him.