Chapter Text
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Hippocampus
A part of the brain buried in the temporal lobe, the hippocampus is crucial for learning and creating long-term memory. However, it is vulnerable. The hippocampus and its functioning can be affected by several different afflictions; traumatic brain injuries, acute seizures, brain tumors, exposure to certain drugs, stress, or depression. And that’s just a few. Damage to the hippocampus can affect a person’s ability to recall memories and form new ones. To put it in a metaphor, it’s like using a phone that’s missing its memory card.
Leaving interrogation room three, I left a sniveling broken mess of a man behind. His pleas and sobbing breaths fell on unsympathetic ears as the door clicked shut behind me. Ibiki was outside, waiting; arms crossed and scowling as I made a beeline for the sink. “I got a full confession”, I shared; lathering, rinsing, and repeating. “He’s from Iwa. A rogue who disguised himself as a merchant to get into the village. I’ll have a report on your desk in a few hours”.
“Rion”, Ibiki sighed, not wanting to have this conversation again as he watched me soap up my hands for a third time. A necessary thing when one is exposed to blood and other bodily fluids.
“Whoever is on clean-up duty will need a mop”. I turned off the faucet and dried my hands. But instead of facing Ibiki’s disapproving stare, I turned towards the pod of desks in the center of the room. “And bleach. This one might leave stains”.
“You’re three hours past your shift”, Ibiki said as he followed; attached to my steps like a foreboding shadow. “Shin was assigned to that case”.
Dropping into my desk chair, I immediately searched for a pen and the correct form. “Shin’s health is acting up again. I’m just filling in”.
From the desk across from mine, Sai dutifully kept his head down as he worked on his paperwork. But I knew he was listening. Sai is always listening.
Finding the right form was easy. The same could not be said for pens. Upon opening my desk drawer, I saw every pen I owned encased in a gelatin mold. Anko. I thought with a scoff. Compared to the time she put a very angry squirrel in my desk, this was weak.
Ibiki wasn’t done. “Overtime has to be approved by me”.
Carefully removing the gelatin, I placed it on Anko’s desk for her to deal with. She did enjoy her snacks. “Then do I have your approval?” The next step was to steal a pen from Anko’s top drawer. At least it wasn’t booby-trapped this time. “I want to get started on that robbery case once I’m done with this report”.
I uncapped the pen, got ready to date the form, and- Ibiki slammed his palm flat on my paper; making my efforts impossible. Sai offered no reaction. But I was forced to raise my head and make eye contact. “Go home” Ibiki ordered. “Don’t come in tomorrow. I don’t want to see you until Wednesday”.
Huffing, I slouched in my chair. The feeling of having my entire afternoon yanked away pressed down on my shoulders. What was the big deal? Wasn’t staying ahead on cases worth the overtime? “Fine. I’ll just finish this report first”.
Except Ibiki wasn’t having it. He plucked the form from my desk; balling it up in his fist. “Now”, he barked; already turning to stomp back to his office. “Sai, secure the prisoner and clean interrogation room three”.
Pouting and watching Ibiki’s retreat, I almost missed the blank stare Sai fixed me with. Because when we did make eye contact, a plastic smile stretched across his face. “Thank you for creating more work, Rion”.
Studying him a moment longer than necessary, I blinked; unimpressed. “You should practice in a mirror. Your smile still isn’t reaching your eyes. Remember what we talked about. It’s the eyes that sell the emotion”.
Torune always served himself last. His gloves made it unnecessary. But he always did it. Every meal. Any shared offering. It gave family meals a routine. Order. Steps to follow. Torune sat on one end. Shibi at the other. Me and Shino sat between and shoulder-to-shoulder. We clapped our hands together in thanks. But no words are spoken. To the Aburame, the sentiment was more important than being vocal about it.
Tonight’s fare consisted of soy-glazed pork chops and pickled vegetables with the typical serving of rice. Shino went first; making sure there were helpings on both our plates. Shibi served himself second. And finally, Torune. In respect of Torune’s feelings, there would be no going back for seconds.
“I finished the second book from the series you recommended”. Torune’s voice had more lilt than Shino’s or Shibi’s. While his eyes were covered just like the rest of the clan, Torune could express curiosity, fondness, ire, and pleasure with his voice. “Ninjas fighting pirates. It makes me glad our village isn’t too close to any ports”. It was impressive. Torune sounded like a normal functioning person. Not at all like someone who spent most of their formative years under Danzo.
It had only been two years since he was cleared by Inoichi of having any ill intentions or lingering brainwashing. Only two years since Torune was allowed to return home. Still, his emotional range stretched further than Sai’s or Shin’s. And they had been out for three years. I guess that was the advantage of being recruited as an individual rather than a number.
Shino adjusted his glasses in acknowledgment as I took small bites and chewed each fifteen times. “When you requested fiction to familiarize yourself with different cultural trends, Kiba recommended it. Why? Because I prefer nonfiction”. Vegetables. Rice. Pork. In that order. Insert. Chew. Swallow and repeat. Eating had become a chore.
Taste eluded me. I’m not sure when it started. But now, all I had to look forward to was glue, mush, or sawdust based on the texture of the food once my salvia broke it down. “Ah, Uncle”, Torune changed topics. Chew. Swallow. Repeat. “I was talking with Aunt Tsubaki this morning. She’s still waiting to hear about additional funding for lab equipment”.
Torune spoke more than any of our clansmen. Maybe he was making up for lost time, I wondered. Or maybe he learned the habit from that Yamanaka man who was also saved from Root. Chew. Swallow. Repeat. But he’d stop trying to pull me into his chatter. “Hmm…” Shibi took his time to answer. Partially because there was food in his mouth. But also, because the man was too conscientious about his words. “The elders are still checking our accounts. However, I will remind them of the urgency”.
I used to be included in Torune’s social overtures. The first thing he said to me was “So, you’re my new little cousin who had Lord Danzo on edge”. Which I didn’t know how to respond to. Was he blaming me for Root’s disbandment? For Danzo’s execution?
Chew. Swallow. Repeat. The second thing Torune said to me was about clan affairs. “Rion, you sit on Uncle’s left during clan meetings, right? Since you’re his second-born. You weren’t at the last meeting, so I took your spot. At the next meeting, I thought I could sit next to y-”
“It’s fine”. I interrupted; ignoring the glint of Shibi’s sunglasses for what it actually meant. “It’s yours. I don’t have a spot”. Besides wearing the name and paying my share of dues, I wasn’t involved in Aburame affairs. And the only clan functions I attended were ones Shino guilt-tripped me into.
Torune made other attempts too; Asking to meet with my team to ‘check in’ on Sai and Shin. Inviting me to join him on walks or to play card games with him and Shino. He used to ask questions about my life before Shibi. Or my days at the academy. One time, Torune wanted to meet… Chew. Swallow. Repeat. Either my responses were lacking or I didn’t respond at all. Because Torune stopped… When did that happen?
“Daughter”, Shibi said before falling silent. Sighing, I stopped chewing, swallowing, and repeating. Shibi wouldn’t continue until I looked at him. He was annoying like that. Slowly, I fixed my posture and raised my head; trying to not let the silence of Shino and Torune bug me. Silence was the norm after all.
“Gai came for a visit”. Shibi’s simple question had my hand tightening reflexively on my chopsticks. “He returned something of yours”. I didn’t have to try to hear the omitted ‘again’.
As I stared into Shibi’s sunglasses, sitting around the table became uncomfortable. For me and Shino and Torune who were forced to witness this exchange. Again. What did Shibi want from me? Did he want me to admit I’d disregarded what he told me last time? And the time before that. Or any of the times we’ve had this same conversation.
Shibi sighed when my mouth remained closed. The next thing he said felt rehearsed. At this point, it was. “Gai does not need your money. Why? Because he’s-”
“It’s my money. I’ll do what I want with it”. Whether or not Shibi was displeased with my interruptions, I didn’t see it. Having turned my face back to my meal. Shino was tensely still next to me. It had been a while since he last touched his food. Another thing that was my fault.
The Aburame head’s household was always quiet. Even with Torune’s return that hadn’t changed. It used to be something I enjoyed. Not having to listen to neighbors walking up and down the hallway. Or the sounds of their… work. But now, it just felt stifling.
Shibi placed his chopsticks beside his plate. Uh-oh. That didn’t bode well. “I have opened a savings account in your name. Why? Because in the bank, your money can grow in interest. Gai and I agree. We want you to invest in your future”.
Future… the word repeated like a symptom of Tinnitus.
“And Gai asked me to remind you-” The ‘again’ went unspoken once more. “-That your room in his house remains untouched. You are welcome to return home whenever you wish”.
More silence. The kind that got under everyone’s skin. Not just mine. Home. There was another word I didn’t know what to do with. I had a room in Gai’s house. Anzu decorated it after the happy couple moved in. I’m the reason they had to purchase a property with more bedrooms than was needed. Then there was my apartment and the bed meant for me in Shibi’s house… But where was home?
“And-” Torune cut through the echoing silence. The first word fell abruptly from his lips. Like he just couldn’t stand it a moment longer. “You can have your room back here. Shino and I don’t mind sharing. Eventually, I’ll have a place of my own, so-”
I could hear the pleading in Torune’s voice even if his sunglasses meant I couldn’t see it in his eyes. Slamming my chopsticks onto the tabletop, I stood up. Why didn’t he understand? “Don’t worry about it”. I thought I’d been clear. “It was always your room. I was just borrowing it”.
Torune needed to stay here. My bare feet shuffled against the floor. I couldn’t take his place anymore. “Rion”, Shibi called when I reached the door.
I didn’t turn around. “Thanks for dinner”, I called over my shoulder. “I’ll see you next week”.
The moment Naruto arrived home was apparent. Through the fist-sized hole in our shared wall, I heard his front door crack open. I heard him cough after breathing in a cloud of dust. But what really gave him away was the loud exclamation of, “Who punched a hole in my wall?”
Naruto was home. It had taken three years. But his arrival meant my deadline was finally in sight. I would be allowed to rest soon. Rolling over, I faced the couch and hid my face in its cushions. Keeping my eyes shut, I listened to Naruto puttering about. Usually, I was working during this time of day. But after yesterday’s… overachievement, Ibiki had cut my hours and Tsunade refused to assign me any missions.
There was a knock on my front door. “Rion. Big Sis”, Naruto called through the door. “Come on! I know someone is home”.
I had no intention of moving. With Anzu gone, things were different. There was nothing I could do to help Naruto. I needed to finish my mission with Sasuke and then… I was just killing time. The doorknob jiggled. I heard the lock turning. Oh, yeah. I remembered now. Anzu had given Naruto a key for emergencies. And he had kept it safe during his three-year absence… I should feel something about that. But noting stirred inside me.
“Rion. Big Sis!” Naruto called again. I pictured him stepping across the threshold. “What happened to this place?” He questioned at a regular volume. What happened indeed. All the homey touches were gone. Anzu’s knickknacks. Familiar clutter. The scent of burnt food. In its place was a sterile smell and a vacant aura. Sai’s doing. He came by every other week to clean because I was a ‘disgusting lump’ and ‘incapable of doing it myself’. That paired with my lack of everything meant this apartment no longer felt lived in.
The light flickered on. A change in senses that registered behind my closed eyelids. Why did Anzu have to give Naruto a Key? Three… four years later, it felt like a huge lack of foresight.
“Rion!” Naruto squawked. Immediately spying me on the couch.
Exhaling through my nose, I rolled over and cracked my eyes open into narrowed slits; staring at Naruto as he stared at me. His hair was longer and his face was missing baby fat. He was taller too. Probably taller than me. But the blue eyes, the whisker marks, the exaggerated expressions; those remained the same.
“Are you okay?” Naruto asked. His eyes widened and jaw slightly slack. “You look like…”
Dressed in my T&I garb, I looked like a grim reaper with insomnia. The tangled strands of hair framing my face didn’t help discourage the description either. But maybe Naruto had spent the last three years watching Jiraiya get slapped by different women he offended, because Naruto didn’t finish that thought. “Why are you lying in the dark?” He asked instead. “It’s the middle of the day”.
I blinked. What was I doing? Tsunade said no missions. Ibiki reassigned my caseload to Shin and Sai. Shikamaru’s and Chouji’s scheduled welfare checks were still hours out and it was too early to correspond with Sasuke. “There’s nothing to do” came my absent and honest reply. There wouldn’t be anything to do until Wednesday with only distractions between now and then. I supposed training was an option. But the last couple of times I’ve tried either Shino or Shibi made an appearance.
Naruto was staring. Almost impatiently as confusion battled with his expectant expression. What did he want? A greeting? Questions about his growth or time abroad? Surely the other’s had explored those topics enough already. “Well… uh”. He nervously scratched the back of his head. “Where’s Anzu Nee-chan? Is she at work?”
Anzu. Slowly, I rolled over to face the cushions once again; ignoring the blue pupils burning holes through the back of my shirt. Why did you have to go?
Naruto closed my front door. The sounds of shuffling reached my ears followed by bare feet padding across the floor. “Hey”, Naruto said as a warm calloused hand gripped my shoulder and forced me out of my retreat. “You’re scaring me. Where’s Anzu nee-chan?” Kneeling beside the couch, there was no hiding from the eye contact he forced on me. When he retracted his hand, I was left with the tingling side effect of being touched. As if Naruto’s hand took something when it pulled away. Something I wanted back.
“Anzu is…” Hearing those words come out of my mouth, I felt like I was sitting next to my body instead of being inside it. Naruto’s blue eyes started to sparkle with water. His body already suspecting what I would be saying next. “Anzu died”.
“What?!” Naruto fell backward and landed on his butt. The news startled him so much that his breathing picked up as if his heart rate was trying to slow down after rigorous exercise. “How? When? Nobody told me”. Naruto didn’t sound like he believed me. His gaze jumped around different spots in the apartment. As if trying to catch the moment when Anzu would jump out and tell him it was a poor attempt at a joke.
But when I didn’t move, his hopeful suspicion vanished. More water collected in his eyes and blurred his pupils before he covered them with his hand. I didn’t see when tears started to fall. But it wasn’t long before droplets slipped past his hand and streaked down his cheeks. This had to be far from the homecoming he imagined.
“When? How?” Naruto repeated himself. His words came out jilted due to shudders in his breath and shaking in his shoulders.
It became uncomfortable to look at him; my own eyes stinging. So, I turned over and buried my face into the couch cushions. “Shizune killed her”.
“What?!” Naruto screeched so loud that the noise rang in my ears for several seconds.