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Tommy had long since known something was wrong with him. He knew it wasn’t normal the way his skin burned at any slight human contact, sending a shiver down his spine. He hated physical contact, always had, so why did his heart sink whenever his friends apologised for brushing his arm? Why was he craving something he thought he didn’t want?
It didn’t make sense and therefore he ignored it the best he could. That was, at least, until he stumbled on the term ‘touch starvation’.
Now, Tommy did not think he was touch starved, in fact he knew he wasn’t, because why would he push something away he needed? Still, it didn’t leave his mind for days, even going as far as keeping him up at night.
But it didn’t matter. He was fine. This was probably just a weird phase, he was sure he would forget about it in a week's time, at most.
** I **
Tommy was sitting at lunch with his friends, a sandwich in his hand. Across from him sat Niki, Wilbur, and Techno, while Tubbo and Ranboo were on each of his sides.
“Oh, Niki, didn’t you have your presentation today?” Wilbur asked.
The pinkette nodded, “Yeah, it went really well.”
“That’s great,” Ranboo cheered.
“Good job,” Techno nodded.
Wilbur placed a hand on her shoulder, “I’m proud of you.”
Tommy felt his heart sink at the action, his smile wavering before he pulled himself together. This was his friend, he should be happy for her instead of whatever it was he was feeling. Before Tommy could even blink Wilbur’s hand was gone and the table moved on.
Tommy tried his best to stay part of the conversation, but he was unsuccessful, his mind drifting for the rest of the break. Before he knew it they had to return to their classes, the pool of dread still making his stomach churn.
** II **
Tommy was nervous. He and Tubbo shared the same English class and they were writing a test today. Tommy had never been very good at English, so he spent the last two weeks studying for this very test.
He tried to play it off, fidgeting with his fingers as he waited for the break to end, Tubbo pacing next to him, when suddenly a certain brunette showed up.
“Hey guys,” Wilbur greeted.
Tommy would forever deny how seeing Wilbur calmed him.
“Hi, what are you doing here?” Tommy smiled.
Wilbur shrugged, “I just wanted to wish you good luck for your test.”
“Thanks, bossman, I’m freaking out,” Tubbo chuckled hysterically.
“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Wilbur said reassuringly.
“I’m not,” Tubbo joked, although his serious undertone did not go unnoticed.
“Hey,” Wilbur gently grabbed Tubbo by his shoulders, forcing him to stop his pacing and look him in the eyes, “You will. You studied a ton and I know you can do this and even if you won’t; it’s one test. You’ll be fine, alright?”
Tubbo took a breath and nodded.
“There we go,” Wilbur smiled and pulled Tubbo into a quick hug.
Tommy suddenly felt like he was intruding, he focused on his shoes, his stomach reeling with much more than just anxiety. When their teacher walked in Tommy was almost relieved for the distraction, turning away from his friends in favour of going to his seat.
The test started to get handed out and Tommy took a breath, he really hoped he could focus on the paper in front of him.
** III **
Tommy was exhausted. It was Friday and he had barely slept last night, his mind too loud for him to ignore. But it seemed something was in the air that day, as the hallways were quieter than he was used to and more cheeks were pressed against the dirty canteen tables than usual.
Tommy sank into his seat in between Tubbo and Ranboo, not even taking out his lunch. He rested his head in his palm, blinking blearily at the advancing figures. It took him a minute to realise it was Techno, Wilbur, and Niki.
The trio sat down and Wilbur groaned dramatically, “Why?”
Techno snorted, “Quit complaining, it’s Friday anyway.”
“That’s more than enough reason to complain,” Wilbur whined, “Right, Tommy?”
Tommy hummed, his eyes barely open.
“See, Tommy agrees,” Wilbur said victoriously.
Techno raised an eyebrow at him before reaching out to wave his hand in front of Tommy’s face. Tommy didn’t react, too tired to comprehend what was going on.
“Yeah, I doubt he knows what he agreed to,” Techno said smugly.
Wilbur groaned, “Mimimi I’m Techno and I suck.”
Techno started unpacking his lunch, throwing a deadpan look at Wilbur, “Even you can do better than that.”
Wilbur let his head drop onto Techno’s shoulder, his eyes closing, “Shut up.”
Tommy could feel tears burning in his eyes and he moved to rest his forehead on the table, ignoring his friends’ chatter above him. He tried to ignore how cold and sticky the table was, drowsily he wondered what it must feel like to use a shoulder as his pillow instead.
** +1 **
Tommy’s parents were gone over the weekend and let him invite Wilbur for the night. Tommy was excited, preparing snacks as he waited for Wilbur to arrive. When the brunette finally did, the two of them sat in his living room and played Minecraft.
There was only one problem. Tommy could not concentrate. For whatever reason, he was hyper-aware of how close Wilbur was sitting to him, cracking jokes like he always did. Tommy only registered half of them, his mind screaming at him to get closer.
“Toms?” Wilbur asked, after Tommy hadn’t reacted to his bickering.
Tommy cursed himself, of course Wilbur would notice something was off, he tried to ignore how warm the nickname made him feel, “Yeah?” Tommy asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Everything alright?”
“Yeah, sorry, I– I don’t know, I can’t concentrate,” Tommy said apologetically, hoping Wilbur would let it go.
“There’s no need to apologise, do you want to do something else instead?” Wilbur paused the game, turning to him.
Tommy shrugged, “We can keep playing if you want.”
Wilbur shook his head, “Wait a sec, I have an idea,” he said, standing up.
As Wilbur passed him, however, Tommy was filled with panic and he couldn’t help but reach out. He grabbed his hand, making him halt, before realising what he was doing and quickly letting go.
“Toms?” Wilbur asked, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.
“Sorry,” Tommy rushed out, averting his gaze, so that he was staring at the floor.
Wilbur took a step back and sat back down, looking at Tommy, “Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
Tommy frantically shook his head, “I– it’s stupid.”
Tommy could see Wilbur tilting his head in his peripheral vision, “Do you want to tell me anyway?”
Tommy inhaled but cut himself off before he even said something, “I’m sorry, I’m making this weird, uh, we can just ignore this.”
“You’re not making anything weird and I mean, I would rather speak about what’s bothering you than ignore it.”
Tommy swallowed, “I– do you know what, uh, touch starvation is?” He hesitantly met Wilbur’s gaze.
Wilbur’s eyes widened a bit but the warm smile on his face stayed. He nodded carefully, letting Tommy continue.
“Yeah– I, uh, I think I might be…that.”
Wilbur made a wounded noise in the back of his throat, “Oh,” he breathed.
“Yeah,” Tommy chuckled nervously, “anyway, what did you want to do?”
“No, no, Toms, wait. How can I help? What can I do?” Wilbur asked quickly.
Tommy swallowed, “You don’t have to do anything.”
“I know, but I want to,” Wilbur said quietly.
“Uh, I don’t–,” Tommy pressed his eyes closed, taking a breath, “A hug would be nice?” As soon as the words left his mouth he already regretted them, heat rushing up his face, “I mean– that was stupid. You don’t–”
Wilbur gently took his hands and squeezed them lightly, causing Tommy to stop talking in an instant, “It’s not stupid. Can I hug you?”
Tommy nodded hesitantly. He watched as Wilbur let his hands go and slowly leaned forward, giving Tommy more than enough time to back away, before arms wrapped around him. Tommy held his breath, not daring to move in the hold.
Wilbur’s arms were warm, so warm he feared they would burn him, but they weren’t restricting. Wilbur kept his hold loose enough that Tommy could get free without any effort.
“It’s alright, you can relax,” Wilbur said quietly.
Tommy took a breath and let himself sink into the hold ever so slowly. The heat was nice, he realised, in fact, he didn’t want Wilbur to let go at all. He wanted to stay in his arms forever if he could. Tommy pressed himself closer, resting his head on Wilbur’s shoulder.
Wilbur smiled, “There you go, I’m so proud of you, Toms.”
Tommy sucked in a breath, the warmth in his chest spreading as his vision turned blurry.
“You like it when I call you Toms, don’t you?” Wilbur asked softly.
Despite his pink face Tommy nodded slightly.
Wilbur cooed, “You’re so sweet.”
Tommy lightly knocked his forehead against Wilbur’s shoulder, in disagreement. Wilbur chuckled at the action, one hand starting to rub soothing circles on Tommy's back. If possible Tommy only melted further.
“How about a different name?” Wilbur hummed, “What do you think of sunshine?”
Tommy felt as if the air was knocked out of his lungs, he pressed impossibly closer, hoping Wilbur wouldn’t fall backwards. Wilbur’s arms around him tightened in response and Tommy hoped this moment would never end.
“Prime, you’re adorable, what the fuck,” Wilbur whispered beneath his breath, barely loud enough for Tommy to hear.
Tommy whined, his words long since left him. Carefully, Wilbur shifted so that he leaned against the sofa, ensuring that Tommy wouldn’t fall out of his hold.
“Sweetheart?” Wilbur whispered.
“Stop,” Tommy choked out, moving to hide his ever reddening face in the crook of Wilbur’s neck.
“Alright, darling,” Wilbur smiled, resting his cheek on Tommy’s golden curls.
Tommy turned into a puddle of goo in his brother's hold, his eyelids growing heavier by the second.
“Are you falling asleep on me, sweet thing?” Wilbur chuckled.
Tommy didn’t find the energy to give a proper answer, merely able to hum shakily. Tommy ignored the coo from above as he drifted in a well needed sleep. His chest was finally free of anxieties and all he felt was a comfortable warmth.
“Good night, treasure,” Wilbur whispered.
He finally felt home.