Chapter Text
The lighthouse had several levels above the ground, and Wyll found one that looked to have once been the living quarters of those who had worked here. It was old and abandoned, and certainly not set up for so many people, but it was still far more luxury than any of them expected. There was seating, storage, a fireplace and small stove, and most importantly windows. The stairs that brought them up into this room carried on winding upwards around the wall and towards the next level. There was a small settee over by one of the windows, and Elorin made a direct line to it, helping Abdirak all the way and carefully lowering him down onto the old but soft cushions. His eyes focused on the light outside, even as grey and overcast as it was. Elorin opened the window a little to let some of the cool fresh air from outside waft in and cut through the mustiness of the old room. It smelled strongly of salt and freedom.
"Thank you," Abdirak said quietly, though his eyes did not move from the window. Elorin found a chest with old clothes and bedding, and took a blanket. He threw it over Abdirak and tucked it around him. The human was so cold, shivering and pale.
Elorin worried briefly that perhaps he should close the window again, but seeing how the priest sucked in deep, slow lungfuls of the air from outside made him firm in his decision. Abdirak needed this. Maybe Elorin needed it a little as well. The fresh, salty sea air was a far cry from anything he had ever smelled in the underdark. The mental distance was welcome right now.
The less injured of the group carried on helping the more injured as they set up the room for the night. With a little rearranging, there was enough space, for them all, even if it wasn't quite the ideal set up. This particular room had been abandoned for a long time, not used by the drow interlopers, and the chill was in the walls. With all the injuries and exhaustion, they needed heat.
"There was some firewood downstairs," Wyll said to Elorin. "Give me a hand."
He nodded and was quick to follow as Wyll lead him back down the spiralling staircase. The two were hardly the muscles of the group, but they were currently among the most mobile. That would have to do. They carefully edged past the destroyed steps where Gale had stopped Alakor's escape. Down in the main entrance room, among the supplies there, there was a rack full of firewood, kept safe and dry by the sturdy building. Elorin's arm twinged as he started arranging some logs to lift.
"Elorin," Wyll said, drawing the drow's attention. He had taken a seat upon a crate, and was watching Elorin with a fixed stare.
Elorin swallowed. "Are you alright? Your head-"
"Oh, your potion did a good deal about sorting that. No, I wanted to talk to you about something else."
"I was worried about that," Elorin said, making a vain attempt to keep his tone light and flippant.
"You saved my father's life."
Elorin stopped faffing with the wood and properly turned to look at him, brows furrowing.
"You said you were a cleric." Wyll's face was difficult to read, and what little light there was cast long shadows of his horns up the wall.
Elorin took a shaky breath. "An exceptionally poor one, with nothing but disdain for my god and no natural aptitude for the work whatsoever."
"And yet you drew upon that painful past to save my father," Wyll said.
"I-" The words caught. Elorin hadn't expected the conversation to veer off in such a direction. He was too exhausted to think quickly. "I did what little I could. I do not draw my power from… her anymore, but I remember the techniques and I have magic of my own. It is obviously incomparable to a divine touch, but in a pinch it can help just enough."
"Well, it did. It snatched him from the grips of death, and gave him the strength to survive those spiderlings." Wyll shook his head. "Do you remember that that talk we had? After we saved him?"
Elorin barked out a laugh. "Do you? I've rarely seen a person so drunk."
Wyll chuckled. "I meant the next morning. You made one of those little comments you were apparently so skilled at, hinting at your parents while telling us nothing."
The smile slid from Elorin's face, and concern crept into his gut.
"I'm sorry," Wyll said, and Elorin couldn't hide the surprise from his face. "From the way you spoke, I assumed your family squabbles were not quite so…" He trailed off, unable to find the word. "Yet you helped me with my own."
Elorin took a breath, mind racing. Did he want to speak more? So much of him had been revealed. An uncomfortable amount. "I… I have not been on the surface long, but I have seen how different families are here. How pleasant they can be." Elorin swallowed, the lump in his throat unmoving. "I had a very unusual relationship with my father."
Wyll canted his head, the huge shadows upon the wall moving with him, looking curiously at Elorin.
"I cared for him, greatly."
Wyll's eyes widened a touch, equal measures confused and surprised. Exactly which implication elicited such a reaction was a mystery to Elorin, his culture and Wyll's so alien to each other that very often it was difficult to pin down.
"I wanted you to feel cared for," Elorin said, before he could over think things anymore. "You deserve that. I lost my father too soon. I didn't want you to lose more time, if we could help it."
A hint of water welled in Wyll's eyes, and his lower lip curled in a way that threatened an outpour of emotion, but then his mouth split into a smile, white teeth glinting in the dim room. "And then you offered to set him on fire."
Elorin laughed again. "Well, I wasn't expecting him to be such an arse about it all."
"It worked out in the end," Wyll said, smile persisting.
"It did. And I'm grateful for it."
After a long moment, Wyll finally said: "It smells truly dreadful in here."
Elorin chuckled again, looking around. The floor was still littered with bodies and half-dried blood. Alakor's remains were exactly where Elorin had left them.
"What do you want to do with your brothers' bodies?" Wyll asked.
Elorin looked at Alakor's face, forever frozen in a horrified rictus.
You were supposed to be the soft one. You can't just kill me!
"We'll be gone in the morning," Elorin replied. "Leave them to rot."
#####
Elorin and Wyll took several trips to move enough wood upstairs to keep the fire going for the full night. Abdirak would need it, utterly frigid after his treatment in the dungeon.
Blankets were distributed among the group, rations passed around and, by the time Elorin got the fireplace going, the pain and weariness in his body was refusing to be ignored. The others all began to settle in the room. The half healed injury of Elorin's arm was searing with pain, and his own hands trembled terribly. Exhaustion hung around him like a yoke, yet he could not bear the thought of stopping.
"Where are you going?" Shadowheart asked as Elorin started for the door. She was curled up on an armchair, already covered up to the neck in a blanket, her pale fringe messily around her face.
"We could use some extra healing potions," Elorin replied. "I was going to see what plants I could find outside."
"You don't have any of your equipment," she replied, "and you need to rest. Come on." She jerked her chin towards the only empty spot left in the room, next to Abdirak on the settee.
He sighed, but she was right. He could have used some of the pots and pans that were in the kitchen. They wouldn't be able to replicate his best, but they would at least be better than the equipment he had been using right at the start of their ridiculous adventure. His body though… so heavy. So weary. Could be bear the weight of the others' presence? Could he tear himself away from Abdirak's side again? Elorin nodded and made his way to the settee, carefully lowering himself onto it.
"So," Shadowheart said. "Now that that's all over it might be time to answer some questions."
Elorin grimaced, sinking down into the soft cushions. "Can this wait until tomorrow? It's… it's been a long day." His voice was tiny, ears drooping pathetically to the sides of his head.
A small smile tugged at her mouth. "I bet. Very well then. Tomorrow."
"Thank you." His body was heavy, but he stood again. "Lie down," he said to Abdirak, leaning down to help the priest lift his feet.
Abdirak shook his head. "Sit with me. You are very warm, dear one. I would appreciate that currently."
Elorin nodded. He closed the window now that the room had been given a chance to air, and returned to his spot next to Abdirak. He moved close to the priest, who leaned towards him and put the blanket over him.
"I'm so sorry," Elorin whispered.
"Hush, dear one," Abdirak said. "There has been no harm done which cannot be undone. Allow me to rest now."
"Of course," Elorin said, trying to relax into the settee. It was very difficult with Abdirak so close, sharing his heat, and all the while he felt the heavy weight of guilt crushing him once more.
Were the secrets worth it? Who had he protected more than he had harmed?
His friends were all angry or upset with him, and Abdirak… well, Elorin had never seen him in such a state.
The human rested his head back against the cushions and closed his eyes, and it did not take long for his breathing to slow. Elorin cast his eyes about the room. Contrary to what his mind had convinced him of, no one was glaring at him viciously, and instead had also settled themselves down to rest. He relaxed a little, feeling the warmth casting off from his body heating the area under the blanket. Abdirak's shivering eventually slowed, and that helped the drow's anxieties ease a little further. He peered out of the window for a long time until finally he felt calm enough to attempt a trance.
Even through his best attempts, his thoughts remained disordered and chaotic. Any rest he got was a feeble imitation of a proper trance. Eventually, after four or five hours had to have passed, he grew too restless to remain. Abdirak's arm was gently touching his own, but there was nothing stopping him from slipping away carefully. The human's skin was warm now, and he seemed to be resting peacefully.
On any other day, he would relish the chance to just share in Abdirak's close proximity, but today he felt too wretched and confused. He had almost gotten his best friend in the world killed. Hurt all of his others. His body had been changed. He was different. His mother was dead. It was a difficult night to rest.
Very slowly, he slipped from the blanket, careful not to disrupt Abdirak or let the heat escape, and crossed the room, starting down the stairs. Astarion glanced at him as he went. The vampire had finished trancing a while ago, and was sat sewing damaged clothing and keeping the fire going. Elorin avoided eye contact - it wasn't like they could talk with everyone else asleep anyway.
Elorin made his way downstairs and out of the door, stepping into the cool night air. It was nice to be away from the city. The darkness was stark here, and it made the strange little lights in the sky all the more visible. They glittered like jewels in the never ending void above.
There was a small wall edging the steps that ran up to the door, and Elorin braced himself against them. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Ever since he had hidden them away who knew where, Elorin had felt the conspicuous absence of his wings. Admitting it to himself sounded ridiculous - he had been with them for barely any time at all! And yet they were somehow a part of him, and felt like they always had been. When he first grew them, he felt as though he had been made whole.
He sucked in a breath, and then with a deep exhale he felt heat flow from his shoulders out of his back, and then came the weight. It wasn't quite so shocking this time, though this time also lacked the pain of his back tearing open. He was able to hold his re-emerged wings off the ground for a few seconds before the strain was too much and he lowered them gently until they rested on the ground.
He took a few deep breaths. A baby rothé could stand and walk less than a hour after birth. Elorin would be able to at least hold them off the ground in that time. He nodded with more confidence than he felt, then lifted them again.
"Ahh, so this is where you got to," Astarion said.
Elorin flinched, balance being thrown sideways by his twitching wings and the way he half turned towards the door to the lighthouse. The vampire was lounging against the open doorway, and the drow silently cursed himself. He knew he should have closed it again.
"Here I am," he said, turning away and looking down at the wall between his hands. He felt very silly all of a sudden. "Are you here for an apology?" Elorin's ears flattened a touch. "I haven't managed to come up with anything good yet."
Astarion laughed. "Darling, as much as I would like to hold this over you, I think we can just call ourselves even now."
A smile tugged at Elorin's mouth and he glanced over his shoulder. "You did kill me," he said, "but very well." His smile fell away, and there was a sharp sting in his eyes. "Thank you."
"Oh don't start with all that," Astarion scoffed. "How are the new drapes?"
Elorin huffed out a laugh through his nose. "Heavy and weak." He lifted them off the ground again, a little higher this time. They were getting stronger but they were also getting tired as well. Already.
"When I first got my fangs," Astarion said, tone souring, "I could barely go quart of an hour without slashing my lips open. You'll get used to them." He glanced out towards the cliffs, to where the sea loomed in the darkness beyond. "I maybe wouldn't try leaping from the rocks yet."
Elorin huffed out a weak laugh. "I'll remember that, thank you."
"You didn't ask why I came down here," Astarion said, lifting his hand up to inspect his own nails.
"I assumed it was to be nosey," Elorin said, raising an eyebrow, "but I'll bite. Why?"
"Your priest woke up."
Elorin's face snapped back to look at him. "Shit," he muttered under his breath. "And he's not my priest, stop saying that."
Astarion rolled his eyes. "He said not to bother you; he just wanted to know where you were."
"So naturally you come straight down to tell me."
"I thought you might appreciate it."
"I do. Thank you."
The door creaked, catching both of their attention, Astarion turning and stepping away from it. Abdirak was leaning against it, breathing heavily. The blanket was wrapped around his shoulders.
"I should have known better than to take your word," Abdirak said to Astarion, voice a weak rasp. His eyes were dark, but there was a wry smile on his face.
"Well I wasn't expecting you to follow me," Astarion said. "You look positively wretched, after all."
"Abdirak," Elorin said, rushing to him. "You shouldn't be up."
"Neither should you," he replied, and hooked his arm through Elorin's as he pushed past them both, moving to the wall to take a seat upon it with Elorin's reluctant help. "Though I see you are carrying yourself better."
Elorin realised he had let go of the wall and moved to Abdirak without any aid. He still felt off balance, especially when becoming so aware of them again, but he was adjusting. "Yes, I suppose I am."
"Well, I'll just leave you two friends to it then," Astarion said, throwing Elorin a lewd wink before disappearing through the doorway again. The drow grit his teeth and rolled his eyes.
Abdirak groaned as he sat on the wall. Elorin tried to sit next to him, but he couldn't lift his wing high enough to get it over the bricks, so instead awkwardly perched half of his arse on the wall, half facing Abdirak.
"How are you feeling?" Elorin asked.
"Blessed," Abdirak said with a faint smile.
Elorin frowned, heart aching. "Pain or dreams?"
Abdirak hesitated to answer for a moment. "Dreams. Your mother is… quite memorable."
"Gods, Abdirak, I'm so sorry." A slew of awful memories threatened to force their way to the surface, but Elorin focused on Abdirak—alive and here—and had the strength to push them down again.
The priest took his hand and squeezed it gently. "You have done me no harm, Elorin. You are not your mother. Perhaps we would have been better prepared if we have known the truth, perhaps not. Either way, she would have sought to take me."
"Not if I had left." Elorin's eyes travelled over the scars on his face, avoiding his eyes.
"And that would have been a most foolish resolution to the problem, so you were wise to ignore such a temptation."
The words were reassuring and warming. He wished he could have claimed it a true temptation though. It truth, though it may have been what he should have done, the thought had not crossed his mind. Leaving these people… the only friends he had ever known. His heart grew heavy at the thought of their awful predicament ending. Of when he would be alone again.
He noticed how Abdirak's eyes drifted behind him, dancing over his wings. Noticed the strain in the man's face.
"Oh," Elorin said, in surprise. "I'm sorry. Here." He lit a small magic light in his palm and held it out to Abdirak, casting a soft white glow about them.
Abdirak blinked his eyes a few times and shoulders visibly relaxed. He smiled as he took the magic light. "I did not wish to interrupt your training."
"An interruption was welcome, if I'm honest. It gets very tiring very quickly." He gave Abdirak a long look. "You should be resting though."
The priest sighed. "Most likely, yes. I needed a little air though. A little distraction as well, I fear." His voice was small as he added: "I did not expect for nightfall to affect me so."
Elorin's heart ached, but he nodded. "Well, is there much more distracting than watching a grown man flop around like a newborn-?" He paused, frowning and snapping his fingers.
"Calf?"
"Precisely."
"You already seem more comfortable with them."
A small smile tugged at Elorin's mouth. "I wish I were exaggerating earlier when I said I felt wrong without them now."
Abdirak canted his head gently to the side, a little smile on his face. "One of the greatest lessons I ever learned in my life was that you must embrace who you are. A lesson I suspect that you have had to learn as well. I was a shell of a man until I did so. I am certain your new wings will come with many challenges, but the right path is never an easy one. I can assure you though that there will be those to walk beside you."
Elorin's fingers knitted together, and he peered down at his hands in front of him. His back and shoulders grew tired. "Even after everything?"
"Especially after everything," Abdirak said. "Think back. Did you feel more disconnected from your companions after you shared their greatest burdens with them? After you helped to ease their loads?"
"I suppose not. Quite the opposite, in fact."
"People are upset and surprised, but this will pass. I do not think there is one here who could not empathise with your plight. You shall have to weather some comments and difficult conversations tomorrow, but you are strong. You will persevere. All of us will come away from this stronger, dear one."
Elorin swallowed and nodded. "I hope you're right."
"I am," he replied, voice firm even through his smile. "Now, let us see how high you can lift those wings."
Elorin smiled, a hint of relief in his gut. He stood again, and lifted his wings from the ground. He strained as he tried to flex them upwards as far as he could, his legs apart and arms out for balance. With Abdirak's encouragement, he kept this up for a while and made some good progress, until his body became so tired that he felt he might be able to rest a little more. Abdirak too was looking especially weary and pale. It was time to coax him back to the settee, and he went only with the promise of Elorin at his side. Together the pair returned upstairs by the window, and settled beneath the threadbare blanket. Elorin's back felt strange, his wings once more hidden away. Empty.
Abdirak leaned over close to his ear, still holding the little light in his palm. "Would you stay with me?" he whispered. "Until dawn?"
Elorin nodded. "Until the sun rises and beyond."
"You called me your shade." Abdirak smiled, and his grey eyes glistened. "Before, down in the dungeons. Well you are my flame. You keep the darkness at bay."
"I will," Elorin replied, voice tight. "While I still draw breath, you are safe."
Abdirak smiled and settled back into the cushions once more. His eyes closed, and he looked almost content. "You are so warm."
Elorin smiled. "Good. Now sleep, abbil. I shall be by your side."