Chapter Text
Something weird was happening to Jongho and he couldn’t put his finger on what
A strange new emotion that he just couldn’t quite put into words
One that he’s not sure he likes or not
Now there may be a few pieces missing in this equation but one thing was certain
Yeosang
Beautiful, beautiful Yeosang
It wasn’t a new thing that Jongho felt more comfortable around him than the other members. It wasn’t that he was uncomfortable with the others or anything like that just…in a strange way, the fact that Yeosang also wasn’t huge on affection made Jongho feel more comfortable to express any sort of skin-ship towards him
Maybe it was cause he would never go overboard back to him like the others did. He wouldn’t start kissing his cheeks randomly like Wooyoung and San often do or attack him with hugs out of nowhere like Mingi always seems to, he was just..
Yeosang
Yeosang who quietly returned his silent affections without having to overdo it
Yeosang who seemed to feel just as comfortable with Jongho as Jongho did him
Yeosang that seemed to just understand
Yeosang Yeosang Yeosang
Something was wrong with Jongho
He can’t get whatever this feeling is about Yeosang out of his head and he’s just confused. His brain scrambles to try and fit any of the puzzle pieces together as to why he feels this way
Ugh maybe
No
But-
He hates to admit it to himself but as he searches through his memories to try and find an explanation for his strange emotions he has to confess that he acts a little..too different around Yeosang, but he still doesn’t really know the reason
It was just natural to slip into this element with Yeosang around. This sort of, um, he guesses, flirty element.
Jongho, of course, isn’t doing it on purpose, it just kind of happens. These little moments just between him and Yeosang, both on and offstage.
Jongho isn’t new to the looks and touches he receives from the older onstage. Even just recently Yeosang had walked up to him during their part in ‘wave’ and started spinning around him gracefully and beautifully and maybe Jongho saw the flirtatious stare Yeosang was throwing his way and maybe he looked the older up and down and maybe they looked at each other a moment too long as Yeosang reached an arm out toward him but that was beside the point. It was unintentional and it didn’t actually mean anything. It shouldn’t mean anything.
But the feeling deep in Jonghos chest is begging to say otherwise.
No
Of course it meant nothing. What would it even mean? They were just friends, a couple of bandmates that had a strange understanding towards each other without having to explicitly say anything. They just felt it through every small touch they shared.
Another ‘Wave’ bridge where Jongho pulled at the strings of Yeosangs beautifully flowing shirt because it felt right in the moment, bringing them just shy of being chest-to-chest.
Jonghos heart forgets to beat for a moment
That feeling
What was that feeling
He pushes Yeosang away
An off-stage moment, a moment where Jongho found himself on the brink of breaking. Every tightly knit thread around his heart threatened to be cut away by the pressure that he felt from all the expectations that drowned him.
Before a tear could fall though, he felt a hand on his shoulder
Jongho jumped back in shock, he didn’t even hear the bedroom door open.
He quickly turned to face whoever the intruder was only to find the confused face of the one person he needed right now
Yeosangs eyes were full of worry, no doubt he saw the redness of tears threatening to erupt from Jonghos eyes.
But instead of bombarding Jongho with questions, Yeosang reached his arms out from his sides as an offering.
A silent but obvious request for a hug.
Jongho felt it again
The feeling
It becomes slightly more clear to him that Yeosangs understanding of what he needed in that moment, in particular, had been one factor to explain whatever ‘the feeling’ was and meant.
One small step closer to the truth
He found himself drawn forward into the embrace as he finally let his guard down, sobbing salty tears into the fabric of Yeosangs shirt. He needed this.
It was warm. A warmth Jongho hadn’t allowed himself to feel in a long time, a confusing warmth.
What was wrong with him?
Jongho felt one of Yeosangs hands card through his hair as the other rubbed down his back. It felt almost..intimate
As his rapid gasps of breath slowed down and his tears ceased from flooding Yeosangs shoulder, he eventually pulled back from their embrace
He was hesitant to look up at Yeosang but he couldn’t stop himself from doing it either, his eyes meeting the calming deepness of Yeosangs’
The older looked like he wanted to ask him what was wrong but he refrained, instead lifting the corners of his mouth in a sweet smile
A beautiful smile
This feeling
Jongho couldn’t help but mirror the other's expression. All of his previous worries melting away from the older’s stare.
Jongho wanted to give in to the feeling. He didn’t know what exactly that entailed but he wanted it.
No
He needed it
He needed it so bad
Just as he was about to let go of his resolve, just as he felt his body begin to gently lean forward, Yeosang pulls away from their hug, leaving Jongho frozen in place and confused at his own actions.
What was he even trying to do?
“Yunho bought us all dinner if you wanna come eat,” it was soft and gentle the way he said it like he didn’t want to burst the bubble that had formed around them.
Jongho had felt almost disappointed for a reason he just wasn’t able to think of. It was free food why was he feeling sad?
“Sure hyung, I’ll be right behind you,” his voice wasn’t as enthusiastic as it should’ve been but he couldn’t bring himself to put in the effort.
Yeosang reached a hand forward and latched it onto Jonghos and before Jongho could question him, he felt himself being pulled out of his room assumingly towards where the other members reside
As he stared at their hands connected together he couldn’t stop it
The feeling becoming more and more persistent
He just wishes he knew what it was
—
And so here he finds himself now
Staring up at the ceiling of the groups shared dance room
He had just been practicing a little extra on a part he was stuck on lately with some help from Yeosang and decided to take a break on the floor once the older went to go get them water
It always seems to be Yeosang around him lately
Yeosang Yeosang Yeosang
Jongho just can’t seem to get him out of his head no matter how hard he tries
In hindsight he guesses he could’ve tried harder but what would the point be if he still had to see Yeosang again and have his thoughts start right back up?
It was pointless
What kind of weird situation has he found himself in? Knowing full well that there’s something going on in his brain that leads all of the neurons straight to Yeosang without an explanation as to why.
Did other people think like this? They had to right?
Jongho sighs deeply, lifting one of his hands in the air to block some of the ceiling light that invaded his eyes. He looks at the back of his hand for a while, trying to focus on the way it looks to distract himself from the constant flow of Yeosang thoughts.
Yeosang..thoughts
‘Yeosang looked good today’ his brain supplied
And Jongho had to agree
His green and black hair had been somehow making his perfectly sculpted face shine brighter than usual
And don’t get Jongho started on his birthmark..
Yeosang tended to not wear makeup during practice days giving everyone a free ticket to see the gorgeous mark on his cheek. A sight Jongho never wanted to forget
Yeosang really was gorgeous wasn’t he
As his mind delves deeper into Yeosangs beauty he sorta forgets that he’s holding his hand above his face and without thinking he promptly..drops it
On his face
Ow
“…Jongho..?” a deep voice emerges through the practice room door
Yeosang
Maybe he didn’t just see that
“You good?”
He definitely saw that
Well that’s a little embarrassing
“Pretend you didn’t see anything please,” Jongho groans as he slowly sits up, rubbing his hand over his eyes as he turns towards the older
Yeosangs giggles…he giggles at him
Jongho feels that feeling welling up in his chest again at the sound
A feeling so familiar to him now yet still so confusing
“Well I got the water,” Yeosang shakes the bottle in his hand a little to emphasize as he walks over and plops down by Jongho, “Here”
He reaches to give the bottle to the younger with a kind smile on his face, Jongho finding himself unable to look away from it
His heart choosing then to skip a beat
“..Jongho? The water?”, wait what was he doing?
Was he- staring at Yeosang? Smiling?
Why was he doing that?
“O-oh sorry I kinda blanked out there,” Jongho sighs at the excuse as he grabs the water bottle out of Yeosangs hand, feeling a chill run up his arm as his fingers graze over Yeosangs. It must’ve been how cold the bottle was.
Yeosang gives him a questioning look like he’s on the brink of asking him something.
Jongho even sees Yeosangs lips open and close as he contemplates whether to voice his thoughts, not that he was staring intentionally again
Yeosang seems to garner a more confused look as he catches where Jonghos eyes had been looking this time. Okay, he was definitely gonna say something now.
Jongho decides to speak up before he can attempt to get a word in though
“Thank you for the water, hyung” Jongho smiles albeit a little strained as he finally peels his eyes from the olders mouth to stare at the cold bottle in his hands
Why had he been staring that long? None of this made any sense. Why was he staring in the first place? Jongho was starting to get a migraine.
Yeosang sits there dumbfounded with a slight almost knowing glint in his eyes
Like he could answer all of Jonghos questions
He definitely wanted to address whatever Jongho was just doing but now it just feels dull to bring up
“No problem,” he ends up saying, a little hesitantly
Jongho didn’t like that very much, reaching a hand out to lace his fingers through Yeosangs without any thought, his body taking over his actions once again.
Yeosang stares down at their hands and then back up at Jongho
Yeosang really was gorgeous
Jongho wants to be closer to him
He wants to pull him close and he wants to-
He wants to..
He doesn’t really know
What does he want?
“Jongho, hey,” Yeosangs worried voice pierces through his thoughts and Jongho registers that Yeosang had also been snapping at him with his free hand
Jongho jumps back a little
Why does he keep spacing out?
So many questions
“Sorry hyung I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Jongho sounds almost sad as he lowers his head letting his bangs fall over his eyes, not wanting to see the look on Yeosangs face.
Yeosang has a different idea though it seems as Jongho feels the olders free hand on his chin, lifting his head right back up
Jonghos eyes widen
They’re so close
Jongho could almost count Yeosangs eyelashes if he wasn’t too busy being suffocated by the feeling in his chest that was so desperate to break free
“Hyung?” It’s quiet and gentle, a voice that Jongho is not used to using but it felt so natural in the moment
Yeosang smiles as he rubs at the smooth skin of Jonghos cheek
Jongho feels his face heat up at the contact
Woah
What was happening
The feeling was really testing him right now
Yeosang contemplates his words carefully before opening his mouth to speak
“Jongho I think we should talk-“
The practice room door clicks open
“Hey Hongjoong told me y’all would be here but Seonghwa said he- oh?”
Jongho and Yeosang jump backward from their little moment faster than they can even process, unlatching their hands and pulling them far away from each other as they register the voice, their hearts beating a mile a minute
The bubble around them bursting into meaningless drops
Wooyoung
Of course it was Wooyoung
“…did I interrupt something?” Jonghos face flushes harder and he’s pretty sure he sees Yeosangs do the same
Yeosang scrambles to think of an excuse
“I was trying to- um- get a piece of hair off his face Wooyoung-ah” It didn’t sound very convincing at all and Jongho had to stop himself from face-palming even though he didn’t really know what they were doing in the first place
Why did he feel like they were caught doing something? Yeosang was just..and he just..ugh
Wooyoung was now squinting at the two, seemingly connecting whatever dots Jongho was missing in his head, a smirk growing on his lips
Jongho thinks Wooyoung has figured something out but he doesn’t say anything about it
“Seonghwa wanted you two back at the dorms, it’s getting late” Wooyoungs voice sounds teasing now
Jongho picked up his phone to double-check the time and, oh yeah, it was pretty late, where had all the time gone?
“We’ll head out behind you, Jongho wanted me to help him with this one thing and he’s almost got it down,” Yeosang coughs out
oh that’s right, that’s why they were here in the first place
Wooyoung takes one more suspicious glance at the duo on the floor before shrugging and waving himself out the door
“I’ll be in the van when you two are done, don’t take too long,” and he’s gone, leaving just the two of them again
The atmosphere feels a little more tense than before and Jongho doesn’t particularly enjoy the feeling
Before he can move to do anything about it though there’s a figure standing above him offering his hand
Jongho takes Yeosangs hand gratefully and allows himself to be pulled from the ground, feeling just how strong the older has gotten lately
wow
snap out of it Jongho what kind of thought even is that
“Jongho…you’re staring again”
Fuck
“I’m sorry hyung I really don’t know what’s wrong with me today,” Jonghos frustration keeps growing, really, what the fuck is he even doing
He thinks back to their little moment from earlier, the way he felt
It has to be…
No there’s no way
Right?
In the midst of Jonghos borderline panicking, Yeosang does the unimaginable
“Do you wanna,” he tilts his head slightly in thought, “talk about it? It’s fine if you don’t want to but you look really troubled right now and I,” another pause, “I might be able to help”
Yeosang looks about as comfortable with this topic as Jongho feels, which isn’t very, and he’s once again reminded why he enjoys Yeosangs company, Yeosang understands
Maybe he can help him sort his thoughts
In fact, he’s probably the only one that can
Jongho doesn’t say anything for a moment as he really soaks in Yeosangs offer
Yeosang looks at him gently, waiting patiently for Jonghos response
And after getting a little lost in the others eyes again Jongho feels confident enough to give a small nod
Yeah
Yeah he wants to talk about this
Yeosang reaches a hand out to rest on Jonghos shoulder, rubbing it in an attempt to calm the stress that might be building in them and honestly, it helped
Maybe a little too much
“Yeosang what are you doing to me”
Why did he just say that
Jongho wants to bury himself alive
Yeosangs eyes widen as he processes the words
“What?”
Jongho wishes he could turn back time to before he said that
“I- it’s not what it sounds like,” Jonghos attempt to deflect falls on distant ears as he finds Yeosang staring off, seemingly drowning in his thoughts
“…Yeosang,” Jongho waves a hand in front of the olders eyes, he really needs Yeosang to not think too hard about the words that previously slipped out of his mouth
Yeosang blinks as his senses come back to him
“Sorry, what,” Yeosangs eyes only get wider
“I said it’s not what it sounds like,” he attempts but it’s no use, Yeosang looks like he’s got his mind made up
“Would you like to..elaborate,” an awkward cough, “maybe”
Jongho really wants to go walk off the nearest cliff right now
He should just get this explanation over with, for his sanity of course
So he tries
“I- I don’t really know what’s been going on with me but all of my thoughts lately have been kinda,” he thinks about it for a second, does Jongho really want to tell him all of this? Even just saying this first bit makes it seem a bit..but alas he persists, “There’s just,” Jongho looks up as he tries to find the words, waving his hands around wildly, “they’ve, my thoughts, have all been about you and I don’t know why.”
And there it is
The lot of his thoughts lately all out there in the open
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his chest
Jongho almost feels confident enough to continue
So he does
“And that’s not it, there’s this feeling that’s been trying to suffocate me almost every time one of these thoughts about you pops into my brain, in fact, it happened earlier when we had that little moment before Wooyoung-hyung interrupted us haha…what was that even about right? I just have this urge to do something about it to the point that my body moves on its own to be closer to you and I have no idea why. Everything just feels a little overwhelming and honestly, I wish you would stop me from talking cause I don’t know when to stop and at this point I’m just rambling on and on but I swear it’s not what you think-,”
“Jongho”
Jongho freezes, mouth shutting comically at Yeosangs sudden butt-in
Yeosang looks like he wants to laugh at it but he doesn’t
He picks his words carefully
“Jongho I don’t want to jump to any weird conclusions but,” Yeosang grabs both of Jonghos hands and laces their fingers together
Oh wow there’s the feeling again, persistent isn’t it
Yeosangs eyes are so soft looking when Jongho glances up at them, he never wants to look away
Yeah
If he could stay here forever staring into Yeosangs beautiful eyes, he would
But not everything is that simple is it
Yeosang squeezes the youngest’s hands as he once again attempts to pick the right words to not scare the other away, Jongho rubs the back of Yeosangs unconsciously
“Did you just…was that-“
Jonghos brain auto-fills in what Yeosang was trying to say before he hears the words come out of his mouth and he comes to the very sudden realization that he doesn’t actually want to hear the last bit of whatever Yeosang was trying to say
The equation is solved before Jongho can attempt to stop it
Everything comes crashing down on him at once
Oh fuck
He was in love with Yeosang.
Fuckfuckfuck
No no no no
Jongho cuts Yeosang off without thinking
“I’m sorry,” Jongho quickly unlaces their hands and backs away from the older towards the door of the practice room
With his thoughts all clouded with this life-altering realization, he isn’t able to hear Yeosangs attempts at stopping him and asking where he was going
How desperate the older sounded
Oh there definitely were tears falling now
He felt them running aimlessly down his cheeks as he found himself running further and further away from the practice room
He hopes Yeosang isn’t right behind him
Jongho eventually makes it out of the building and finds where Wooyoung and their manager were waiting patiently in the van
He shivers as he runs and throws the door of the van open, effectively startling both of them as he does it
“Jongho? Don’t scare me like that..” Jongho wants to care but he can’t be bothered as he crawls as far back as he can go away from the building
“Where’s Yeosangie? We almost decided to leave you guys- wait are you okay?”
Of course, Wooyoung saw that he was crying
“Nothing hyung,” he tries with an embarrassingly rough voice, but of course, it doesn’t deter the other
“If you don’t talk about it now I’m gonna get it out of you eventually I hope you know that,” and honestly Jongho would prefer that, he doesn’t want to break down any more than he has to today trying to explain himself to Wooyoung
Just as he was about to tell the other that he’ll just talk to him about it some other time he sees a glint of green from the corner of his eyes
Yeosang
His heart starts flickering rapidly like it wants to see him. Like it wants to run out of the van and just let everything go, but Jongho can’t do that
He watches as Yeosang walks quickly out of the building towards the van they reside in and he cowers away quickly, turning his head toward the window he sat by and closes his eyes, maybe he can try and act like he’s asleep
Fuck, he hated this, stupid stupid feelings
Wooyoung notices what Jonghos doing but says nothing as Yeosang slowly opens the van doors and climbs in
Jongho almost thinks he hears the faint sound of sniffling and his heart shatters
fuck
“Is he..asleep,” Yeosang asks, voice sounding a bit rough
Jongho feels like he could implode from the pressure any second
Wooyoung must’ve nodded yes to Yeosang cause there wasn’t any attempt at trying to get him to talk to them
He makes a mental note that he really owes Wooyoung for that
The van vibrates to life and begins to roll forward, leaving Jongho to his own thoughts for the time being
He was in love with Yeosang
He was. In love. With Yeosang.
And Yeosang knew
He had to know
Jongho running out after he was gonna ask him about it should’ve given him all the confirmation he needed
Jongho regrets everything he just did but he couldn’t handle it. What if Yeosang thought he was disgusting?
What if Yeosang hated him?
No. There was no way. Yeosang was way too kind to do anything like that
Way too kind…and pretty, and talented, and strong and-
Fuck, he really was in love with him
What is he gonna do? What can he do? He didn’t even know that he liked guys. What if the members don’t approve? What if the company finds out and they kick him out? What if this screws everything up that he built for himself?
Jongho wanted to sob
Stupid stupid feelings
Why him?
—
Jongho wakes up without knowing how he even got to his bed last night
Had he actually fallen asleep in the van?
No wonder his neck hurt
Jongho groans as he stretches all of his limbs, satisfied at all the little pops in his joints
He’s glad that they don’t have any schedules for today, his face feels awful
Like he had been crying
Wait
Oh no
Ohnonono
The memories of all that transpired yesterday came barreling towards him all at once
Yeosang
They were- and he just- and then they- and then he ran- and-
shit
Jongho grabs at his hair as all the stress from the previous night threatens to choke him
Fuck why was he crying again
“Jongho are you awake? I made breakfast- Jongho?”
Seonghwa
Jongho wants to run away but he can’t find it in himself this time
Seonghwa gently shuts the bedroom door behind him and rushes to Jonghos side, calmly grabbing Jonghos hands away from where they had been pulling his hair
“Jongho? Jongho what’s wrong-”
“I’m in love with Yeosang”
The world around them seems to freeze
Jongho couldn’t have stopped the words from falling out of his mouth if he tried
Another sob rings out of him
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Jongho hasn’t allowed himself to feel this intensely in a long time, and now that it’s started he can’t seem to stop it
Seonghwas heart shatters
“Oh honey..there’s nothing to feel sorry about, okay? There’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling..alright?” Seonghwa releases Jonghos hands to then grab the maknaes face, bringing them into searing eye contact, “There’s not a single thing wrong with feeling this way, do you understand me?” Jongho doesn’t think he’s ever heard Seonghwa this serious before, it’s kind of intimidating but in a nice way
Jongho finds himself nodding at the olders words
‘If Seonghwa says it’s okay it has to be right? Why would he lie to me?’ he thinks
Seonghwas eyes soften as he gently pulls Jongho into a hug, rubbing comforting circles into the younger’s back
He really was a mess
It takes a while but eventually Jongho feels calm enough to pull back out of their hug, not wanting to burden the older too much
“You okay?” Seonghwa’s gentle voice speaks up, he really is like a mother sometimes
Jongho finds himself nodding again, unable to trust his voice
“Do you want to talk about it?” There’s that question again
He wasn’t ready for it yesterday but he thinks he can manage now without the presence of the one he was stressed about in the first place
So he nods again
“Do you want me to ask yes or no questions? So you don’t feel uncomfortable?” And wow, Seonghwa-hyung was really considerate, that sounded great
He nods
“Alright then…hmm,” Seonghwa thinks hard on the first question he might ask, “So, you think you might be in love with Yeosang hmm?”
A shudder runs through his body
He really, really does
His nod comes off a bit more aggressively than he intends and it makes Seonghwa laugh a little before he straightens up again to ask the next question
“And you didn’t think we would support you?”, Jongho wants to die, now that Seonghwa said it out loud he realized how dumb it sounded, but he nods nonetheless, his head falling down in shame
“I hope you know that the members would go above and beyond to support you through anything, including situations like this.” Jongho nods, he gets that but he can’t help but worry
“Alright, now, do you plan on telling Yeosang?” his voice sounds more gentle this time like he didn’t want to startle the younger
Jongho looks up
“He already knows,” his voice sounds awful like he hasn’t had a sip of water in days
Seonghwa seems a little shocked at that
“He..already knows?” Another nod from the maknae
“There’s no way he doesn’t,” Jongho coughs to clear his throat better before continuing, “he almost brought it up before I ran away from him yesterday and messed everything up.” Jongho feels like he’s gonna throw up
Seonghwa stares blankly at him, blinking a couple of times before thinking of something to say
“Almost brought it up? Like he didn’t actually bring it up you just assumed?” Jongho knows what he’s getting at and he guesses he has a point, Yeosang never actually said it but it just seemed so obvious.
Seonghwa speaks up again, startling Jongho out of his thoughts
“And you ran away before he could try to finish what he said?”
“Hyung, you’re making me sound dumb” Jongho groans and throws himself back onto his bed dramatically
“Well I wasn’t gonna say it but this situation feels a little dumb,” Jongho glares up at him but only gets a look and a shrug in reply
“Jongho-ya I think you should just talk to him, this seems like just a bunch of miscommunication and it’s not helping either of you.”
If only it were that easy if only he could just run into Yeosangs muscular arms and tilt him down and feel his pretty lips against his own and- okay that’s enough
“Jongho, you look disgustingly smitten right now I need you to stop making that face” Jongho didn’t even know he was making a face, how embarrassing
Jongho groans, sitting up once again
He really should talk to Yeosang
Yeah
He can do that
Simple enough
“Hyung,” Jongho calls out quietly
Seonghwa hums in reply, tilting his head slightly
“Thank you” and it feels very genuine the way he says it
“Ahh there’s no need to thank me, I'm just helping you out that’s all,” he smiles
Jongho chooses then to abruptly stand up
Seonghwa follows his movements with his eyes curiously
“I’m gonna talk to Yeosang,” and proud was not a strong enough word to describe how Seonghwa looked at him in that moment
“I believe in you,” he pats the younger on the shoulder and stands up beside him, “if you need any more help I’ll be here whenever you need me”
Jongho nods and watches the older walk out of the bedroom door
He can do this
But first, he needs to shower
—
He can’t do this
He looks awful, he feels awful, and everything seemed to work against boosting his confidence
If anything his confidence now resides in the depths of hell
He’s been avoiding Yeosang for a week now, embarrassing right? Every attempt to talk to Yeosang only led him further into a dark place in his mind. He couldn’t bring himself to go seek him out.
He was tired, he was anxious, and he felt all around bad, there was just no way he could’ve faced Yeosang like this.
Maybe the coast was clear. He had been hiding in his room again, having a bit of free time from schedules yet still not wanting to interact with Yeosang. If hunger didn’t exist he would’ve definitely just stayed in his room today
He really tried to not see him, and he thought he could slide by without anyone (especially Yeosang) noticing but the universe seemed to have other plans for him cause why is it that he finds himself making eye contact with the person he’s been trying to avoid the one time he left his room to attempt to scavenge for scraps of leftovers
Just his luck
Initially, he panics, attempting to backtrack into his room but Yeosang doesn’t seem to be having any of that as he marches towards Jongho with an intensity that honestly is kind of hot- stop it
So now he finds himself trapped in his room with Yeosang guarding the door for any attempt at him to escape
Fuck
It’s silent for a little while, the reality of the situation they’re in slowly settling in their minds
But of course, the quiet gets cut through eventually
By a…sniffle?
Was Yeosang crying?
Nonono
Jonghos Yeosang instincts kick in immediately, the out-of-body experience that he felt so much with the older before hitting him full force as he finds himself with his arms wrapped around the olders body in a desperate hug
Yeosang lets out a startled cry but eventually melts into the contact. It felt so easy. So simple.
Jongho never wanted to let go
But he has to say something. Better now than never, right?
“Hyung, please don’t be mad at me please don’t get mad,” Jongho feels his eyes starting to burn as well, he can’t remember the last time he cried this much consecutively
Yeosang seems a bit confused at his words as he pulls away from the younger and connects their gazes together
“Why would I be mad? Isn’t this my fault?”
Now it’s Jonghos turn to be confused
“No hyung- why would this be your fault?” I’m the one that screwed everything up.” Jongho feels almost offended that Yeosang would even begin to think that Jonghos stupid actions were the product of something he did
“I don’t- I…” Yeosang can’t find the words
“Hyung, promise me this won’t change anything” Jonghos eyes are intense and unwavering to Yeosangs
“What won't change anything-“
“Just promise me”
“Of course I promise, but you really need to say what it is before I-“
“I’m in love with you”
A small gasp
Jongho can almost feel the tension floating in the air
He closes his eyes
He just screwed everything up, didn’t he?
Fuck fuck fuck
Please just say something
“oh”
It's almost inaudible yet so painfully loud in the quietness of Jonghos room
Jongho opens his eyes again
Yeosang looks like he’s gonna pass out
Shit
Jongho goes into full of panic mode. He did this to Yeosang.
‘How could he do this to Yeosang? Do something so that you don’t ruin your relationship with him, you idiot. Do something, anything’
Then words just start falling out of Jonghos mouth
“I’m sorry hyung please tell me this won’t change anything please just- I’m sorry, you can ignore everything I said if you want I just-“
Oh
Well he certainly wasn’t expecting this
The warm, burning feeling of Yeosangs lips colliding into his own
Oh.
My.
God.
There was no way this was actually happening right now
Was Yeosang…kissing him?
Yeosang who he admired?
Yeosang who was way out of his league?
Yeosang who he is literally in love with?
Yeosang Yeosang Yeosang
Jongho melts
He can get used to this
He slides his lips over the olders, reciprocating the kiss and pressing himself closer, nibbling on Yeosangs bottom lip
He can’t get enough
They’re completely in sync with their movements and how their lips slide together like they were just made for each other
Jongho wants to be closer to him, he needs to be closer to him, this isn’t enough, he needs to be absorbed by him
He’s gripping Yeosangs shirt so hard in an attempt to pull him impossibly further into his space that he thinks he might be tearing it
Jongho feels like a puddle of human
He never wants this to end
He never wants any of this to end
But of course, oxygen always eventually gets in the way
They both pull back from the kiss, breathing harder than Jongho expected them to honestly
Jongho presses their foreheads together and for a moment they allow themselves to just exist in each other's company, feeling each others panting breath on their faces
This feeling
This wonderful feeling
His new addiction
“Jongho,” it’s soft, it’s intimate, it makes Jongho crave more of him
And without thinking his body is moving forward again..until he hears a giggle and the small press of a hand on his chest, effectively stunting his movements
“Someone’s eager,” Yeosang laughs and Jongho is sure it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard.
God, he was in love
“Do you blame me,” Jongho groans out, subconsciously squeezing the muscle on Yeosangs bicep
Yeosang doesn’t seem to mind it though
“Jongho,” Yeosang gets serious for a moment, almost scaring Jongho at the suddenness of it, “Did you mean what you said,” the question sounds hesitant, “Are you…you said-“
Jongho sighs in relief
“Yeosang, I love you, I’ve loved you for a long time..I think,” Jongho contemplates, “I just didn’t want to ruin what we already had, you have been the only one I’ve been completely comfortable around for so long and I didn’t want to lose that, I’m sorry for running away from you that day” Jongho feels out of breath when he finishes his spiel
Yeosang stares at him and Jongho swears he has a whole galaxy in his eyes
“Jongho I-“ Yeosang reaches a hand up to caress Jonghos cheek, a familiar feeling, “I’m not very good at expressing my emotions and I just know this is gonna come out weird when I say it out loud but I think I kinda, sorta, maybe…” Yeosang lets out a frustrating sigh when the words don’t come out, “..please don’t make me say it, it’s gonna be so awkward” Yeosang whines
Jongho feels so much cute aggression he wants to squish Yeosang so bad
“Oh, but I need to hear it,” Jongho grins teasingly but quickly moves to correct himself, “if you’re comfortable of course, I don’t want to force you,” he finishes, now very consciously squeezing the others bicep. Wow, Yeosang has gotten even stronger than he thought-
“Jongho”
“Yes”
“Are you trying to tell me something right now?” he gestures to where Jongho is very passionately squeezing his arm
“Um,” Jonghos face flushes, “Hey you’re going a little off-topic” he continues to squeeze his arm
Yeosang rolls his eyes before closing them and taking a deep breath, then opening them to stare at Jongho through his lashes
Jonghos heart skips a beat
“I think..no..I know I’m in love with you too, and I have been, for a good amount of time”
Jongho has never in his life wanted to kiss someone more than he does Yeosang right now
“I was gonna bring it up when I was helping you with the choreography the other day but then Wooyoung came in and then everything happened and then you started avoiding me…” Yeosang looks a little sad and regretful at the memory, Jongho wishes that he could take all of Yeosangs pain away
“But I understand now, I think,” Yeosang smiles and Jongho can’t help himself from giving Yeosang a short kiss on the lips, heart exploding as the older giggles, so he kisses him again…and again, anything to hear his laugh
He really could sit there and draw giggles out of Yeosang forever but there is a question that Jongho really needs to ask him
He pulls away
“Are we…dating now?” Jongho chews his lips as he anticipates Yeosangs response
Yeosang puts a hand on his chin, feigning being in deep thought before he answers
“No”
Jonghos heart drops
“What-“
Yeosang finds the back of Jonghos head, grabbing a small fist-full of hair and pulling their faces just centimeters away from each other in a burst of confidence
Jonghos heart might be shattering right now but fuck was that hot, talk about mixed signals
“We can be though” Yeosang finally says and Jongho can feel every word
Oh-
Oh
Yeosang is gonna drive him insane
Jongho tried to lean forward and give in to his temptation and press his lips onto Yeosangs again but he was stopped by a tug on his hair
“Nope,” Yeosang pulls teasingly on the strands now, “don’t you have something to ask me first?”
Mmm…
Jongho really wants Yeosang to step on him
Fuck he has to answer him
“Would you-,” he finally chokes out, “Would you like to..go out with me?”
He’s honestly surprised he got all of the words out
Yeosang being this much of a tease is doing things to him, very good things
Yeosang then smirks and pushes the back of Jonghos head towards him, closing the small gap between them into a warm, velvety kiss
Jongho can’t stop the gentle moan from escaping his mouth to Yeosangs pleasant surprise
He would genuinely let Yeosang suffocate him with his lips
Okay, he really needs to chill out
They soak in each others noises for a little bit before Yeosang pulls him away again, a whine escaping Jonghos ruined lips
“I would want nothing more than to date you,” Jongho had almost forgotten what Yeosang was even answering to with how distracting the older has been
“So is that a yes?” Jongho pouts
Yeosant rolls his eyes again
“Yes you dummy” he laughs
“I'm just making sure cause you had me worried there for a second and- hmpf” Yeosang shut him up with another attack on his lips
Jongho is never going to recover
—
They really wanted to keep it secret for a while
Their relationship
Keyword ‘wanted’
It was hard to keep a secret when Seonghwa already knew about most of it from the conversation he and Jongho had a while ago and when Wooyoung just exists
They managed for about a couple of weeks before shit hit the fan. In the dance studio of all places
Everyone had been lounging around, taking a much-deserved break from preparing choreography for a concert they were gonna have in around a week and then it happened
See now this wasn’t intentional. Jongho and Yeosang were just chatting about random things and- well.
“Yeosang you really need to stop going to the gym,” Jongho had mentioned, staring very non-discreetly at Yeosangs conveniently sleeveless arms
Yeosang tilts his head
“Oh? Are you afraid I might be able to beat you in an arm wrestle? Or-”, he quiets down his voice just for Jongho to hear, “-maybe you think I might be able to do something else to you? hm?”
Jongho wants him to do so many things.
And Jongho swears he had self-control but there was something about the way Yeosang was teasing him that he just couldn’t hold back his urges
He wouldn’t even have noticed that he had kissed Yeosang if it wasn’t for the collective gasps of the other members filling the room
Oh no
A beat of silence
Another
“WHAT?”, He hears Wooyoung yell, and Jongho flinches
“Wait are you- are you both-“ Mingi butts in very excitedly
“Congratulations?” Yunho ends up saying and San bursts out laughing
Hongjoongs mouth is wide open as he stares at them, Seonghwa taking the liberty to lift his jaw up from the floor for him
Jongho and Yeosang feel awkward from all of the attention that was suddenly on them but Jongho chooses to ignore them for a second in favor of apologizing to Yeosang for just exposing their entire relationship
“Jong it’s okay-“
“Hey don’t ignore us this is important news,” Wooyoung teases, walking towards them along with the other members
They ask a lot of questions. Most of them along the lines of “How did you guys get together?” and “Which one of you confessed first?” and some along the lines of “Is Jongho a good kisser?” To which Yeosang refused to answer even after Jongho started wiggling his eyebrows suggestively earning him a firm smack on the shoulder that the younger may or may not have enjoyed
Hongjoong and Seonghwa ended up giving them the serious talk about how they won’t be able to be open with their relationship outside of being around the group but they assured them that they genuinely didn’t mind, they weren’t much for public affection anyways and the oldest two gave their nods of approval and sent them on their way
They had talked to the members about their relationship for so long that they didn’t have time to finish any practicing and they all ended up heading back to the dorms right after
So now Jongho finds himself now staring at the barely lit ceiling of his bedroom thinking through everything that happened today
Everything went way better than he could’ve ever imagined and it made him appreciate his members so much more, his chest felt warm from all of the positive energy they were giving off
He lifts his hand above his face to stare at it
Today was a good day
Jongho sighs, content
“Hey Jong-“
Jongho drops his hand on his face after being startled by none other than-
His boyfriend
Yeosang can’t stop himself before he bursts out laughing
“Something about this seems familiar” he teases
“Oh shut up” Jongho pouts, turning away from Yeosang in fake annoyance
Yeosang laughs for a bit longer before crawling onto Jonghos bed behind him, wrapping his arms around the youngest torso and pulling himself as close as he can manage
“I missed you,” Yeosang whispers onto Jonghos ear, a shiver running down his spine
“I saw you ten minutes ago,” Jongho flips around in his arms to face the older, his bottom lip still jutting out slightly
“That’s too long,” he whines and squeezes Jonghos waist
“You know you can squeeze me harder if you wanted to,” Jongho did not mean to say that out loud
“Aaand that’s enough of that,” Yeosang gives a quick peck to Jonghos lips before turning around to turn the lamp light off, leaving them in complete darkness
Jongho takes this as an opportunity to hold Yeosangs waist now, rubbing his hands up and down his sides. Yeosang doesn’t respond and Jongho thinks he may have fallen asleep already until the older suddenly whispers.
“You’re hands are so big,” Jonghos not sure if he heard that right
Yeosang is never vocal about…stuff like that
Jongho thinks they might be soulmates
So now he takes his turn at whispering in Yeosangs ear as he presses his fingers harder into his waist
“You like my hands hm?” Jongho smirks as he feels the older shiver under his palms
Without thinking Jonghos hands start trailing lower down Yeosangs abdomen but he doesn’t get very far before Yeosangs grabbing his hand and lifting it back to his waist
Jongho whines
“We have to get up early tomorrow to make up for the practice time we lost today we are not doing this right now,” Yeosang doesn’t even sound completely convinced with himself but Jongho knows he’s right
“So…later tomorrow?”
“I’m going to sleep, good night,” Yeosang closes his eyes dramatically
Jongho laughs into the back of the olders neck and pulls him closer, leaving a peck on the soft skin before shutting his eyes as well
He decides then that he would rather die than not be with Yeosang
He falls asleep thinking about their future
..and maybe Yeosangs arms too