Chapter Text
Obito remembers it as clear as day. Maybe even better than that. In those final moments he didn't allow himself to miss a sole detail. Every single speck of dust floating in the wind, the way the air rattled and laid heavy. The atmosphere impossibly thick; stopping every being in a five mile radius. And then those black eyes. Orbs as dark as the night widening in realization as the Uchiha tilted his head in the other's direction to cast one final grin. His lips cracked from the dryness and his cheeks hurt from the unusual stretch of muscle, the action completely foreign to him.
It must have been years, decades since the last time he allowed himself to be so carefree. So relaxed enough to smile knowing that he had finally done something right for once in his agonizing life span. He may have taken everything from his former teammate, yes. Dying right in front of him, leaving him even though he could have gone back at any given frame, arriving too late to stop him from accidentally killing Rin, murdering his ever caring sensei, and then almost causing destruction to the world as a whole. But hey, he got to save him one final time. That obviously didn't make up for all his past mistakes and actions but it was something at least. A life for a life. It was silly really, ironic in a sick and twisted way. How so much torment can all be caused by a single pathetic person such as himself. He wanted to laugh bitterly at the thought, but he refrained himself from doing so. Not wanting the last thing his former comrade to see of him being swallowed up in self pity. He didn't deserve that. No remorse, no sympathy, not even an ounce of mercy.
He wanted to live with the guilt in the afterlife. He wanted it to weigh him down for an eternity in hell. He knew he wasn't going anywhere as close as heaven. He was a bad person, the worse to ever exist. He had allowed himself to fall this far. And instead of trying to get back up he only dug himself further below, right to his very own grave. He had no one else to blame but himself. Not Madara, not Zetsu, not anyone.
And now because of that he would never be able see Rin again, there was no way he could. Not with all the damage he had caused upon humanity. Even then, he could only imagine the look of disappointment she would surely face him with. He was not the same boy that she looked after before. No, he was just a broken man. A man that clutched at the very essence of his dead love similar to that of a stubborn child not letting go of a favored stuffed toy. However, he was still blessed it seems. Presented the smallest of glimpses. Her soul was offered as a helping hand in the end. Perhaps to compensate for his sins, a way to repay the earth for what he had done. To try and mend what he had destroyed. It was the least he could do after all. Sacrifice himself for the greater good. The future. For his friend. If he can even call Kakashi that still. Probably not. He did try to kill him before and vice versa. But it was a nice thought. Going back to those innocent-like days. How he longed for them. For any kind of normality. He missed them, he wished he didn't take them for granted. All those times he spent being spiteful towards the grey haired male, maybe if he tried to be kind rather than envious then they could have been closer. Best friends perhaps? An unlikely story, but nothings entirely certain.
It was weird, how he used to view the other with such jealousy. So much hatred to the point where it clouded his vision and better judgement. Behind all that brooding and monotone accent was a kid. A scared child that was mourning the loss of his father. An undeserved death caused by self ridden guilt and the empty voices of evil villagers. Obito at the time pretended to be clueless about the situation. It was better to be viewed as oblivious rather than fully aware and knowing. He didn't want to display any kind of sympathetic look. A look everyone seemed to gift the young, grieving shinobi. But Obito knew despite watching from a distance, understood the unwanted feeling better than anyone else. After all, he received quite a few from his fellow so called ancestors. Being seen as the black sheep of his entire clan, he was used to the ridiculing mockery and the looks of utter disapproval and disgust.
But Kakashi who was only four years younger than him? He was never viewed as pitiful or anything relatively close. People didn't toss him disrespectful comments and disturbing glances. No, they used to praise him. Hold him up at such a high pedestal, one where he shined as bright as the morning star. It strained peoples eyes to even stare. But the issue with climbing so far away from civilization itself is that the harder the drop will be. And unfortunately, no one was there to catch the masked boy.
Maybe, just maybe if Obito wasn't so blinded with pure envy then he could have helped him. Could have lessened the impact of his fall. Assisted him in getting back up; giving him all the encouragement, support, and strength he needed to not just survive but be truly alive once again.
Perhaps they could have helped each other in a way, get out of that deep ditch they were stuck in. Kakashi would have likely returned the favor in the far future and reached out his hand for the outcasted Uchiha to hold onto. Pulled him back up from all those malicious and cruel thoughts that seemed to drag him down only further as days went on.
Perchance an attachment could have been formed from that that much vulnerability and experience, creating an ever irreversible bond.
A bond that would have caused him to go back to Konohagakure despite the fact that his dear Rin was gone. Because someone was out there waiting for his return. Someone that needed him—
No.
He was getting far too ahead of himself. Too imaginative. Self absorbed in what could have been.
There will always be the 'what ifs.'
But never the 'was.'
And there was no changing that.
It was foolish to even think about all the possibilities as he was dying out, he was practically flaking away by the very second. His tan and uncolored skin chipping off like an old porcelain doll, floating off with the current of the wind. The blood leaking from the wound on his torso, the pole still impaled deep within his flesh. He was honestly pleasantly surprised at that, the fact that his blood was red. That he can even still bleed. He had felt like a monster for such a long period. His body did not require basic needs such as sleep, rest, food or water. All things that made a human a human.
It was nice to know he still had some humanity left in him.
As he said his last words to Naruto, passing on the weight of the world to the future Hokage, Obito made the fatal mistake of glancing down at his kneeling friend besides him. His desire to see Kakashi’s masked face one last time before perishing into nothing completely overtaking his common sense. He wasn’t expecting much from the other. He knew his death was very well fitted, just karma finally doing it’s bidding. He had to be thinking the same. After all, this wouldn’t be the first time he died. In front of him as well, bad luck he presumed. Fate. It must be. It tied the two of them together even at deaths door. It was to be anticipated.
So why was the grey haired man’s expression so unrecognizable? Dark eyebrows normally relaxed now slightly raised, twitching out of sync while his chest was completely still, breath hitched in the back of his throat. Frozen mid-inhale. A trickle of light reflecting off the surface of salty tears that seemed to continuously run down the younger’s cheeks. And then there was his eyes. Eyes that were normally emotionless now fueled with nothing but it. Never has anyone stared at him so intensely before. His pupils were dilated to the point that they covered his entire iris. His gaze focused, so hyper fixated on his crumbling form as if he’s trying to engrave each and every curve and crack into his brain.
It reminded him of when Rin died all those years ago, how protectively he had gripped at her cold corpse. Non caring of the bloodbath that covered the entire area, only just trying to mesmerize her features so that he would never forget her face.
It all of a sudden struck him like lightning. Obito didn’t think he would ever see such emotions being expressed towards him before. Not even from Rin. Not now, not after everything.
The look of utter heartache.
longing.
It confused him greatly, tugged at the back of his very core. And as the last bit of his vision came to a slow fade, he found himself questioning what he truly knew about the other. If he really ever did to begin with.
’Kakashi.’
‘What am I to you?’