Chapter Text
When finals are over and the party is hot...
DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!
When the ID is fake but the liquor is real...
DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!
When the seniors are leaving and it's your turn to rule...
DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!
When Goldberg has puked and Portman is- wait, dude why are you in your underwear?!
...DUCKS FLY TOGETHER!
-
He woke up so thirsty. Charlie couldn't remember a single time he had been this desperate for water. His head was throbbing before he opened his eyes and he had to think really hard about how he got back into the dorm. It all came back to him in flashes and sensations, wave after wave that made him feel dizzy and nauseous and a dozen other things.
Averman and Portman attempting to waltz to Cardi B.
Someones arm slung around his shoulder, knocking his hip repeatedly as they danced out of sync.
Banksie doing a kegstand like he'd been training for it his whole life (or like he had any idea what a kegstand was before that night).
Connie was on him piggyback style leading the chant as they crossed the lawn back to the junior dorms.
Everyone laughing when Goldberg ralphed in the bushes outside D wing.
A warm body between him and the door.
A deep groan in his ear, and a kiss that felt like it was pouring life into him even as his knees buckled from pure want.
Stumbling to the bed, too slow and too fast at the same time, urgent, like they knew this was it.
Hips grinding into his through his boxers. Hands against his back.
Hungry eyes staring into his before fluttering closed in ecstacy.
Beautiful blue-green eyes he had definitely seen before.
"Adam... I'm gonna..."
Oh. Oh, fuck.
He sat up so quickly his stomach turned and he got dizzy, the hangover not giving a single shit about the absolutely justified panic coursing through him.
Adam.
Oh god. Oh fuck fuck FUCK!
He had woken up in his own bed, and for a little while he let himself believe that maybe it had been a dream. Maybe it was some drunken illusion that didn't make sense because of the cheap beer and the weird high of being with his best friend as they celebrated a championship they both had played a huge part in bringing home.
He stumbled slowly into the D wing bathroom across the hall to splash water on his face- and maybe puke a little. It wasn't until he was about to leave that he noticed it. The thin set of scratches on his chest weren't painful or even that noticable, but seeing them brought back a rush of memories so fast he nearly fell over.
Adam walking backward toward the bed as they both tried to press every single part of their bodies together. He stumbled and Charlie caught him but not before-
"Oh shit- did I scratch you?"
"I'm fine, just kiss me."
He was sick then. Violently, terrifyingly sick.
Adam was still fast asleep when he finally gathered himself enough to head back to their room. He tried to find his phone but couldn't, so he slowly and very painfully put on shoes so he could retrace his steps to find it. Possible friendship ruining drunken identity crisis aside, his mother would be calling soon and he had to check on the rest of the Ducks.
-
Quack Attack:
Goldburg: I am in a bush
Julie: hungover. Muting chat.
Portman: I tried to move you dude but you hissed at me like a feral cat
Goldberg: no way
Connie: yes way I have a video!
Connie: [video]
Russ: and here we have my new favorite movie
Goldberg: well that could be anybody
Fulton: lightweights...
Guy: I left you a bottle of water goldie
Averman: Yea and I brought you a pillow
Goldberg: oh hey I see it
Goldberg: thanks guys
Goldberg: and who tied my belt to the bird feeder?
Fulton: me and Portman did that so you wouldn't talk into traffic or something.
Averman: smart.
Kenny: but they used my shoe laces to do it so I get partial credit
Luis: true. Fair is fair.
Goldberg: i hate you all
Russ: we'll remember that next time you go all cat scratch fever
Guy: Has anyone checked on Charlie or Adam? They went pretty hard last night.
Kenny: Banksie almost never drinks
Connie: I don't believe it. That kegstand was too good
Portman: I can stop by and make sure they are alive on my way to the caf
Cowboy: bring water on your way through
Portman: k
Banks: Alive
Banks: I think
Banks: How did I end up in the dorm?
Connie: watch the video I sent. We walked over from G all together.
Guy: 'walked' is generous
Fulton: more like we threw a rave that happened to move into the direction of the Jr dorms.
Averman: that's the one ☝️
Russ: yes that feels the most right
Banks: oh
Banks: I don't remember that
Banks: oh god I don't remember anything
Banks: what the hell why can't I think!
Cowboy: it's called a hangover
Averman: Annnnnd he's panicking
Portman: I'm coming lil buddy lol hang on.
Fulton: fucking lightweights ISTG
Guy: Is Charlie there Dean?
Portman: not in our room or here with Banksie
Luis: well he's not in our room
Guy: not with us either
Julie: or us
Averman: Julie the cat lives!
Julie: I will murder you
-
It took two excruciatingly difficult hours (In which he may or may not have been sick. Twice.) but Charlie finally found his phone in the cushions of the tiny loveseat Thornton and McDaniels had shoved into the space between their two desks. It was the soft ding of incoming text messages that helped him find it. As he walked back to his room, he braced himself as he read through the exchange, his heart feeling as though it was pounding in his throat.
Adam didn't remember.
It took a few moments before he realized he didn't actually know how he felt about that. The idea of moving on and acting like it never happened didn't feel 100% right, but what was he suppose to do, confess? How do you even go about saying something like that?
"Funny thing, actually. We sort of made out then came in our boxers while grinding on each other. Haha! Weird night, right?"
Not saying something felt like lying, but the thought of talking about it, especially if Adam didn't even remember it, made his guts feel inside out. There was no way to win this and the guilt of not stopping it, about having possibly taken advantage of his best friend, made him retch again. He's the leader, the captain. He shouldn't have been drinking at all. He should have been keeping everyone safe and making sure nothing got too out of hand.
Oh god this was so fucked.
-
Quack Attack:
Charlie: had to hunt down my phone before mom calls later or else she will just show up and start packing shit
Charlie: headed back now
-
His worry over how Adam must be feeling was so strong he didn't consider right away how he should feel about getting off with another guy. Somehow that fact seemed so much less important, less of an issue. When he did stop to think about it, it bothered him how much it didn't actually bother him.
He watched the video Connie sent again, laughing despite himself at the typical display of madness that always seemed to spill over when they were all together. The group chat was blowing up with pictures of the night, so he opened his gallery up to see if he had anything to add.
He had some pretty good ones with various Seniors and a couple from karaoke. He found himself laughing again as he went through them all, each getting a little darker, a little more hazy as the night went on. There were a lot, and he swiped through them fast as he walked across campus, knowing he would go back and look at them again later. It just looked like such a normal party. Tame, even, which was ridiculous considering he could still hear Adams needy moans any time he let his mind get too quiet.
He stopped in his tracks when he got to the last picture. It was a little blurry and angled weird, but made his breath catch in his chest. Charlie had his tongue out and mouth open wide, like he had tried to make a face but couldn't stop grinning long enough to hold it. Adam was turned into him, his nose brushing Charlie's jaw. He could almost hear Adam's low laughter rumbling around him as he stared at the screen.
He couldn't decide if it was intimate or if it just seemed that way because he knew what they had done shortly after the picture was taken. Because he could still see Adams eyes when he closed his own. Could still feel his firm hands against his back.
He sent the picture to himself in an email attachment, checking to see that he got it before deleting it from his gallery. He didn't know why he did it or why he was worried about someone finding it on his phone, but he couldn't give it up either. As he walked toward the door of the dorm room he shared with his best friend, he tried to convince himself that he would probably never even look at the picture again even though he knew deep down it was a lie.
-
Dean came by with Gatorade and some asprin just as Adam had mustard enough strength to fully sit up in bed. His head was pounding and he couldn't remember coming back to the room. He vaguely remembered winning shot bingo, and alot of dancing, but after that there was nothing.
"Sometimes you get it back" Dean laughed with a shrug, tossing him a clean pair of socks and some underwear from the top drawer. "But sometimes you don't."
"I am never drinking again."
"That's what we all say."
"Hey, umm" Adam started nervously, a fresh jolt of panic running through his entire body. "Did I do or say anything like... weird last night?"
Dean thought about it for a moment.
"Well the kegstand was pretty out of character for you but other than that you were basically just as wild as the rest of us I guess. You were dorm-hopping with Charlie there at the end though so you should probably ask him."
Adam nodded, immediately regretting it as his head throbbed painfully.
"Ask me what?" Charlie said as he walked into the room. The look on his face was unreadable. The same look he had on the ice when he was about to pull a fake. Like he was trying to not give anything away before he made his shot.
"Amnesia boy here is worried he did something stupid but can't remember" Dean laughed loudly, making the other two boys wince at the sudden noise.
"You- you don't remember anything?"
He shook his head, confused by Charlie's behavior. Adam had always been so good at reading him, but Charlie was giving nothing away.
"I remember you explaining some of the rules of beer pong and-" he squinted his eyes as if to try and see more clearly through the hangover fog- "someone yelling about a broken lamp, maybe?"
"Damn dude" Dean said, shaking his head. "You have like... two hours at least missing in there."
He tapped Adam lightly on the forehead, laughing again when Adam pulled back too quickly, wincing at the suddenness of the movement.
Then Dean turned to Charlie and asked: "What about you? Remember much?"
Charlie shook his head gently and started rummaging through his dresser for clean clothes.
"Nah. I mean... some stuff but-" he glanced over at Adam quickly, assessing- "yea, no I don't remember either. Crazy night."
Adam was going to push it, to demand to know what Charlie was holding back, but all three of their phones went off at the same time, distracting him.
Quack Attack:
Kenny: Lunch?
Julie: I need a burger so bad
Fulton: I'm down
Cowboy: not in the caf it'll be too loud.
Banks: somewhere nice and quiet please
Russ: quiet? looks like you can't come Averman
Averman: funny.
Connie: shower > fries though
Charlie: yea same
Luis: 1 at patty wagon?
Russ: hell yea
Julie: sure
Guy: Im in
Charlie: me too
Fulton: alright it's a plan
Julie: guys.
Julie: does anyone know why there is a goldfish in my purse?
Cowboy: is it dead?
Kenny: doesn't that Freshman Howell have a golfish?
Portman: well they prob don't have one now
Goldberg: can someone answer Cowboys question pls
Julie: It's alive. In a ziplick bag... but alive.
Connie: 😂 you guys should have seen her face when she reached in there and pulled out a goldfish in a bag!
Luis: this feels like a movie or something it's so crazy
Russ: ok I have to stop laughing or I'll puke
Banks: same. See you guys at 1
-
By the time Adam had the mental and physical strength to get up out of bed and walk to the showers the entire D wing was awake. He could tell by the voices that Charlie was there in the shower stall next to Russ's, both of them laughing at something Dwayne must have said. Adam hung his stuff up on the hook next to the free stall and turned the shower on, letting it get hot while he brushed his teeth at the adjacent sink.
When Charlie pulled back the curtain on his stall, Adam immediately noticed the scratches on his chest. He was just about to ask what happened when the memories came at him like he was in freefall.
"Oh shit- did I scratch you?"
"I'm fine, just kiss me."
"I don't know what I'm doing..."
"Fuck that feels so good."
D-don't stop..."
He choked on his toothpaste and Charlies eyes snapped up to meet his in the mirror.
"You ok, man" Russ said, slapping him unhelpfully on the back.
"Yea" he forced out through his coughing. "I'm good, I'm ok."
But Charlie was still looking at him like he's worried he might combust or something, and for a moment Adam felt that familiar jolt of panic, wondering if Charlie remembered more than he said he did. The idea made him want to run. To pull the shower curtain closed and sink down into the drain with the water and soap suds.
But then Charlie smiled at him with an easy "Don't die, Banksie. We need you on the ice next season" as if everything were normal, and he allowed himself a little hope. A little courage.
Besides, if Charlie did remember anything then it was pretty clear they wern't supposed to talk about it. Which was fine for Adam. He'd gotten use to pushing it all down and pretending to be someone else his entire life. This was just one more thing to lock up. A really big, really painful thing, but he could do it. He had to.
Because this is Charlie. The boy who welcomed him to the Ducks and changed his life by offering to shake his hand. The boy who spent summers roller blading through the city with him and playing stick ball in the park with whoever was around and willing. Who never let any of them fly alone or feel like less than.
The boy who moaned like music and kissed like he fought on ice. Full force, dropping the gloves, no holding back.
He'd never thought he would know what that felt like. Now that he knew, he wasn't sure how he could keep holding onto the delusion his feelings for Charlie were not that strong. How was he suppose to carry on with his life after something like that?
He could feel himself getting hard thinking about the night before, which made his stomach turn violently in panic. He rushed into the shower stall as everyone else left and let the water disolve the sharp edges of the worst hangover he'd ever had in his entire life.
-
Charlie didn't really end up alone with Adam until they were in bed for the night. Between calls from their parents to make arrangements to move back home for summer, the lunch at Patty Wagon, and helping clean up G wing, there weren't many opportunities. He wasn't sure he wanted any opportunities, but he definitely didn't want to seem like he was avoiding Adam either. That might appear too suspicious considering they usually spent so much of their time together.
They would both be packed up and gone tomorrow. Back home in their separate rooms on opposite sides of the district they'd played peewee hockey in. Leaving Eden Hall this year stung in a way Charlie wasn't use to. Of course he missed his mom and his old room, but he was suddenly acutely aware that this was the last summer he would get to go into knowing he was coming back. Next year was it, and he was already sad for the future when the Ducks wouldn't all be together on one campus, and Adam wouldn't be sleeping in a bed 8 steps from his.
"You up?" Charlie asked into the darkness.
"Yea" Adam replied after a beat. "You're thinking too loud for me to sleep, as usual."
He laughed lightly and turned over in his bed to face Adam's side of the room even though there was no way either of them could see anything in the pitch dark.
"I'm sorry."
"I was joking, Charlie."
"I know." He took a deep breath and let it out roughly. "I just mean... I'm sorry about last night."
There was a long stretch of silence before Adam responded with a quiet, almost breathless "what do you mean?"
"I shouldn't have let things go so far. I... I shouldn't have let everyone get so damn drunk."
"It's not your job to-"
"I know." He ran a hand over his face in frustration at the whole thing. "I just... I feel responsible. I feel- like... like it's all my fault."
"Everyone seemed like they had a good time."
Charlie could hear him rustling around in his bed and he wondered if Adam had turned to face him too.
"Yea, what they can remember anyway." He knew he was pushing, testing the truth like it wasn't the scariest thing he'd ever done, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd never been good at keeping his mouth shut.
"Yea" Adam said in that small voice he used when he didn't know what else to say.
"Did... did you have fun?" Charlie asked so quietly he wasn't sure Adam even heard him. It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff waiting for him to speak.
"All the parts I remember, yea... I-" He sucked in a sharp breath as if stealing himself- "I think it might have been the best night of my life."
Charlie felt his chest tighten with something that might have been longing, or maybe relief, as he slowly let out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The room was so full of static and silent noise it was almost suffocating
"Yea" he whispered. "I think it was mine too."
He didn't really know what it all meant, not really, but it felt important. Like it might be the most important thing in the world.