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The demons of our past

Summary:

Getting the internship at her top choice of law firms in Boston is a dream come true for Emma, and the fact that Regina Mills is the owner of said firm is a huge added bonus. The woman is an incredible lawyer, a force to be reckoned with, and Emma admires her to no end. But admiring Regina Mills from a distance is a hell of a lot different than actually meeting her and the more time she spends with the older woman, the more she realizes that other kinds of feelings are starting to grow within her.

Becoming a lawyer may be a goal she has been fighting for for so long, to be able to help others get the justice that she never did, but trauma is a powerful thing. No matter how badly she wants to help, it might not be enough when the demon from her past holds more power over her than she thought and she’s struggling to not let it ruin her chance to actually help the girl that reminds her so much of herself.

Notes:

I’ve finally made my way back here! I started this FanFic in January but had such a huge writer's block that I took a few months break. Thankfully inspiration eventually came back and I’m excited, albeit slightly nervous as I always am, to start publishing it.

There’s nothing new in regards of my content, except mentions and depiction of sexual abuse of a minor, which may not be all that fun but I promise it won’t be too much. Just please read the archive warnings and the magnitude of tags (they’re there for a reason), and I will put a TW in my notes for the chapters needing it.

To probably no one’s surprise, my Spanish has not gotten any better but I’ll be damned if I didn’t fight my hardest to hopefully get it right. To those of you who hasn’t read my other fics, I once again want to make it clear that I do not want the Spanish to be just for the fun of it and offend anyone. However, I do, and always will, want to acknowledge Lana’s Puerto Rican heritage.

To those of you who has come back here, thank you so much for your continuous support and I hope I won’t disappoint you with this.

That’s enough of my rambling for now, I genuinely welcome comments, suggestions and constructive criticism. Please enjoy! 🖤

Chapter 1: Interview

Chapter Text

“Emma Swan.” 

Emma jerked slightly when her name was being called and she turned her head to the right where the female voice came from. She had been busy watching people carrying papers and files as they walked up and down the halls of the office with hurried steps while others were sitting by their desks, noses buried in paperwork or typing away on their computers. She found a blonde woman, with icy blue eyes and a pantsuit, looking at her with an expectant, and somewhat amused, expression on her face. Despite the nervous butterflies battling a war inside her stomach she tried her best to calm down before getting up and walking over to the woman waiting. 

“Yes that’s me” she said with a polite smile and extended her hand in greeting. The woman took her hand in a firm grip and shook it. 

“Lovely to meet you, I’m Kathryn Nolan and I’m the CEO and co-owner of Mills and Nolan” she said with a smile before leading Emma into a bright spacious office.

It had a big wooden desk in front of floor to ceiling windows, the wall to the left was covered with rows upon rows of books, files and decorations in a bookcase that matched the desk. Ms. Nolan led Emma over to the right where a light couch and matching armchairs stood around a coffee table that was decorated with flowers. 

“Have a seat, would you like something to drink?” The woman asked while Emma sat down in one of the armchairs. 

“Uhm, I’d love some coffee if you have any.” She hadn’t had time to make coffee that morning since her damn alarm didn’t go off, so she was running low on both caffeine and food. 

“Of course, let me just go get it. Any milk or sugar?”

“No, black is fine, thank you” Emma said and Ms. Nolan gave her a smile before disappearing through another door. 

Emma removed her black leather jacket, fake thank you very much, looked around for somewhere to put it and found a coat hanger by the door, so she got up to hang it there. It probably looked better than just leaving it on the floor which had been her initial instinct and she had to remind herself of where she was. Just as she sat back down, the older woman reappeared in the office and put down a tray with two big cups of coffee and some cookies and fruit on a plate. 

“There you go, I didn’t know if you preferred sugary or healthy snacks, so I got both” she said with a grin as she sat down in the armchair opposite Emma and the blonde felt herself relax somewhat. 

“Oh, definitely sugar” Emma smirked and took a cookie along with her coffee before she leaned back in the very comfortable chair, crossing her legs. 

Ms. Nolan chuckled and did the same with her own coffee and cookie. “So do I. I only have the fruit because of Regina, she’s the healthy one of the two of us.”

“That would be Ms. Mills I presume?” Emma asked and the woman hummed. 

“Exactly, she was supposed to have been here for this interview but got called in for an urgent meeting downtown this morning…so you’ll have to deal with just me.”

Emma chuckled. “That’s alright, I’m nervous enough as it is anyway” she admitted, because damn was she. 

This was her top choice of law firms to have her internship at and she had been nauseous with nerves all morning. Despite being disappointed she wouldn’t get to meet Ms. Mills, she was also slightly relieved because it removed at least one element of nervousness that she definitely didn’t need. She had followed all of Ms. Mills’ trials and the woman was a force to be reckoned with in the courtroom, she was sharp as hell and had an aura of authority that made her really fucking intimidating but at the same time she seemed to genuinely care for her clients. The fact that she was absolutely stunning and one of few openly gay lawyers was just an added bonus, and not a small one at that. 

“There’s no need to be nervous, you’ll be fine” Ms. Nolan said with a smile. “For starters, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?”

Emma cleared her throat and licked her lips before speaking, god she hated talking about herself.

“Well, I’m 26, I’ve completed my four year undergraduate and just finished my first year at Boston University School of Law…uhm, I live in South End and I work extra as a bartender” Emma said, not really knowing what else to say. 

“You work as a bartender?” Ms. Nolan asked, eyebrows slightly raised in surprise, and Emma nodded with a small smile. “Have you talked to you boss about this internship? Considering if you were to get it, you probably won’t be able to work there as much…or at all, most likely.”

Emma couldn’t help the snort that escaped her. “Sorry, it’s just…considering it’s my best friend, and roommate for that matter, who owns the club, it won’t be a problem. She’s more than aware that I’m here today.”

The woman opposite her chuckled softly. “Well, I guess that’s sorted then. What do you do in your free time?”

“Nothing really, I don’t have much free time if I’m being honest. I’m either studying or working…but since my best friend has the club and the people working there are my friends, I guess a lot of my free time is spent at the club even when I’m not working, but other than that I don’t do much” Emma said with a lopsided smile and a shrug. 

“Sounds pretty good if you ask me. Did you grow up in Boston?” Ms. Nolan asked and Emma felt a knot in her stomach. It was an innocent enough question but god was it hard to answer truthfully, so as usual she kept it vague. 

“Uhm, I mean yes and no. I’ve moved around a lot but I came to Boston about ten years ago.”

“Oh good, I’m not the only one who’s not a true native then. I grew up in a small town in Maine myself…it was just hard to place you, you don’t really have an accent. Knowing you’ve moved around kind of explains that. Where have you lived?”

Emma bit her lip before clearing her throat. “Literally all over the country, I can’t even remember all the places…but speaking of Maine, I was actually born there.”

“Oh really? Where?” Ms. Nolan’s face lit up and she looked so damn happy that despite her trepidation, it made Emma want to answer. 

“Right outside a small town called Storybrooke.”

No way!” The woman exclaimed excitedly. “That’s where I grew up!” 

Well fuck. 

She didn’t wait for Emma to answer before she continued. “What a small world, did you live there too?” 

“Uhm no…” or maybe her parents did but it’s not like she would know. She only knew where she was born because she had read the papers. “I moved basically straight away.”

“Oh that’s a shame, it’s a nice little town, maybe your parents lived there.”

“Mm, maybe” was all Emma said because what the hell could she say to that?

She gave Ms. Nolan a smile nonetheless and hoped she hadn’t come off as rude. The older woman looked at her curiously, as if contemplating something, but Emma never got to find out what that was as Ms. Nolan continued. 

“Now, how come you chose to apply for an internship at our law firm?” To her immense relief, Emma felt the knot in her stomach loosen up as they switched topics. 

“Honestly? Not only are you a very successful law firm, which is a good starting point if you want to learn something through your internship. Aside from that, your law firm is the only one in Boston owned and run by two women and, as embarrassing as it might be, I’d say Ms. Mills is yet another reason” Emma said truthfully and Kathryn raised an intrigued eyebrow. 

“You’ve done your homework I see. How come Regina is one of the reasons as to why you want to work here?”

“Well…I’ve followed all of her trials and from what I’ve seen, I think she’s one hell of a lawyer. I mean, she’s won the majority of her cases after all. But I like the cases she usually takes on, ones that maybe not every lawyer would. A lot of times she represents people who have been marginalized by society and who are struggling, not only because of the obvious fact that they’re in court but in life as well. She always seems to have deep knowledge about her clients and by that I don’t only mean their case but also about them as people, which I think is important” Emma replied with a small smile but when Ms. Nolan looked at her with an unreadable expression on her face, she got slightly hesitant.

“I hope that didn’t come off too stalker-ish.”

The older woman surprised Emma however when she guffawed. “No, no, not at all! It just wasn’t the answer I was expecting that’s all.”

Emma raised an eyebrow. “Really? What were you expecting then?” She couldn’t help but ask. 

“I'm going to let you in on a little secret Ms. Swan…you’re not the first one who’s given Regina as a reason as to why they want to be here, far from it actually. Most of them say it’s because she’s a great lawyer, which is quite obvious if you ask me, but no one has ever seemed to analyze her and her way of working. It’s refreshing and quite impressive to be honest, especially since you’re correct. You’re rather attentive, aren’t you?”

Emma just shrugged, slightly taken aback by what Ms. Nolan had said. “I suppose so, I haven’t really reflected on it…I guess I’m better at reading others than I am myself” she said with a sheepish grin and the older woman laughed once more. 

“It sure seems like it. Alright, let’s move on…”

~~~

“I think that’s about all the questions I have for you today Ms. Swan, is there anything you feel like I’ve missed or something you want to ask me?” Ms. Nolan asked but Emma shook her head.

They had been sitting down for over an hour and while the questions had been challenging, the blonde still felt like she could give proper answers to all of them without needing to overthink. She found that Ms. Nolan was easy to talk to, she was very warm and just had a way of being that made Emma feel relaxed. 

“No, I don’t” she said, not knowing what in the world she would ask back, she had been to other interviews and none had asked if she had any questions. 

“Alrighty then, I will speak to Reg…”

Ms. Nolan was cut off and Emma startled as the door to the office slammed open without warning. The person walking in must not have seen Emma, shielded by the armchair she was sitting in. 

“You won’t believe the fucking audacity of those so called men in that meet…”

Regina!” Ms. Nolan cut the woman’s rant off exasperatedly and Emma had to bite her lip not to laugh at the startled 180 the brunette did. “This is Emma Swan, she’s here for the summer internship interview. Remember?”  

Ms. Mills seemed to finally register that Emma was sitting in the armchair and when the older woman looked at her, Emma felt her breath hitch. Damn, the woman was absolutely stunning. She was wearing a gray form fitting dress that ended just above her knees and black high heels, her hair was curled and her make up was dark. Emma didn’t let that affect her though, she’d be damned if she got tongue tied over some woman she never even met. So she smiled and got up from her chair, extending her hand in order to introduce herself. 

“Hi, I’m Emma Swan” she said confidently and Ms. Mills stared her her for a second or two before seemingly gathering herself, taking Emma’s hand in her own. 

“Hello, I’m Regina Mills. I apologize for that, I didn’t see you so I figured Kathryn was done with the interview by now” she said but despite the small polite smile, there was no real warmth to it, as opposed to Ms. Nolan and it had Emma frown inwardly. 

“That’s alright, we were done anyway…I mean, unless you have any questions for me?”

“No, I trust Kathryn knows how to hold her own in an interview without my help. Don’t you, Ms. Swan?” Ms. Mills asked with a raised eyebrow and the condescending tone in her voice triggered Emma. She hated when people talked down to her. 

Of course I do and I didn’t question Ms. Nolan’s expertise whatsoever.”

“Sounded to me like you were, dear” the older woman said and Emma felt anger bubbling up to the surface.  

“Well, Ms. Mills, since you and Ms. Nolan are two different individuals, you most probably have different expectations and wishes as for what kind of intern you’d want to hire. That’s why I asked” Emma said and she could tell that the anger was shining through in her voice but she continued nonetheless. “However, I didn't realize how offensive that question apparently was, so please do accept my apologies.” 

The sarcasm was lacing every single word, but the blonde couldn’t find it in herself to care at that moment. She didn’t miss the anger flashing in brown eyes, but there was something else in there that she couldn’t decipher. She didn’t wait for a reply though and she turned her back on the woman in order to face Ms. Nolan who was standing by the armchair. Emma caught the glare the woman sent her partner before looking at her and giving her a warm smile. Talk about polar opposites. 

“Thank you, Ms. Nolan, for taking your time to meet with me” Emma said with a genuine smile, she truly liked her and despite the rather unwelcome vibes she got from Ms. Mills, the blonde found that she really wouldn’t mind working for Ms. Nolan at least. 

“Of course Ms. Swan, it was my pleasure. Let me show you out.”

Emma walked to the door to put on her jacket and just before she turned around to walk out, she caught brown eyes looking at her. Their eyes locked for a second and once again, Emma couldn’t figure out what the hell she saw in them. Not wanting to overthink anything, she pulled her long hair out of the jacket and without a word she turned around, walking out the door Ms. Nolan was holding up for her. They walked in silence and it wasn’t until they reached the elevators that Ms. Nolan spoke.

“I want to apologize for Regina, she’s not…great with new people. Especially not when she’s in a bad mood.”

“You don’t have to apologize for her, at least you shouldn’t…and trust me, she’s not the first person to talk to me as if I’m stupid.”

Emma shrugged. People always had a tendency to judge her by her appearance. A young, blonde woman (well aware that she looked younger than she actually was), ripped jeans, basic flannels and tattoos didn’t really scream lawyer she supposed but she didn’t understand why people always assumed she was an idiot. 

“You most definitely are not stupid Ms. Swan” Ms. Nolan said with a kind smile before she continued. “We have two more interviews today so we will get back to you either later this afternoon or tomorrow, no matter if you got the internship or not, alright?” 

“Sounds perfect, thank you again” Emma said just as the elevator doors opened. Ms. Nolan extended her hand and the blonde shook it before getting into the elevator, relieved it was all over and despite her altercation with Ms. Mills, she still had a good feeling about her chances of getting the internship. 

~~~

“She said what?!” Ruby exclaimed in disbelief. Emma was sitting with her and Belle in their living room as the blonde was telling the couple about her interview. “Oh my god, please tell me you went all Emma on her and didn’t roll over just because she’s some top-tier lawyer.” 

Emma laughed. “Of course I didn’t roll over. I told her that I wasn’t doubting Ms. Nolan’s expertise but when she said that it sounded like it…which by the way, she added dear…anyway, I said that I asked because they’re two individuals and therefore have different expectations and whatnot of the intern they’d want to hire. Oh and I might have apologized for asking such an offending question” Emma said and while she knew that might not have been the smartest thing to do, she couldn’t help but feel good about it. 

So did the couple in front of her apparently who laughed. “That’s my Swannie” Ruby said with exaggerated pride and Emma snorted. 

“Yeah yeah, I don’t know. Maybe it was a stupid thing to say but god she pissed me off…and considering Ms. Nolan actually apologized to me before I left, I feel like maybe it wasn’t too bad. She actually looked really pissed off with Ms. Mills in the office, though I don’t think she knows I saw her…so hopefully it won’t affect their decision.”

“She apologized?” Belle asked surprised.

“Mhm…when we were by the elevator. She said that Ms. Mills wasn’t great with new people, especially when she’s in a bad mood.”

“That’s not an excuse though, and she’s not the one who should be apologizing” Belle said thoughtfully and Emma hummed. 

“Mm, I know, that’s what I said too…about the apology thing at least. I felt sorry for her, she seemed genuinely upset, so I just told her that Ms. Mills wasn’t the first person to talk to me as if I’m stupid” Emma said with a shrug. 

“That’s still not an excuse though…I mean you’re 26, how old is she?” Ruby asked and Emma sighed. 

“I know it’s not, I just didn’t want her to feel too bad that’s all…and Ms. Mills is 43, I think, why?” 

“Just pointing out that even though you’re like 17 years younger, you still acted more mature than her. You’re too kind sometimes, little duckling” Ruby said with a grin and Emma laughed as she slapped her best friend’s thigh. 

“Seriously? Little duckling? That’s a new one. Anyway, they were gonna call today or tomorrow and give me an answer, no matter if I got it or not.” Emma looked at the time. “Seeing as it’s already 6pm it’ll probably be tomorrow. Do you need any help at the bar tonight, Rubes?”

“Nah not really, but come down with us. Maybe we can find you someone to end this day on a good note with” the brunette said with a suggestive smirk and Emma snorted. 

“I don’t know about that, but I’ll come down with you. I’m just gonna take a quick shower and change my clothes.”

Emma got up and walked into her room, throwing her clothes on the bed before tying her hair up in a bun and taking a shower in record time. She was busy rummaging around her closet when she heard Ruby’s voice echo through the apartment. 

“Yo Swan, you’ve got a call!”

She didn’t even have time to answer before Ruby came bursting in through the door, not batting an eyelash over the fact that Emma was as naked as the day she was born.

“I answered, it’s Regina Mills” Ruby said quietly and the blonde quickly grabbed the phone and her heart started pounding…wasn’t it a bit too late for them to call now and why was it not Ms. Nolan calling? 

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Emma Swan?” A sultry voice came from the other side and Emma would recognize that voice anywhere. 

“Yeah, that’s me” she said and she noticed how Ruby was still in the room watching her. “I’m so sorry, can you please give me just one second?” She hit the mute button quickly and lowered her phone.

“Rubes would you get the fuck out of here?” When she saw that her friend was about to oppose she jumped to it before she could say anything. “Don’t. You don’t need to listen since you know I’ll tell you and also, I’m goddamned naked so get the fuck out.” 

Fine, no need to be such a bitch about it” Ruby said but the grin on her face contradicted the feigned sadness in her voice. “And it’s not like I haven’t seen any of that before. Have you been working out?”

Emma glared warningly at her friend who threw her hands up in surrender and walked out. 

“Jesus fucking christ…” Emma muttered under her breath as she raised her phone back up and she felt her blood go cold when she saw that she must’ve missed the actual mute button, meaning Ms. Mills most probably heard everything. Fuck

Emma cleared her throat. “So…turns out I should learn to check that I’ve actually muted my calls before I say something stupid. Is there any chance you didn’t hear any of that?”

The husky chuckle she got in return sent shivers down her spine. “No, Ms. Swan, there’s not.”