Work Text:
In Uhura’s defense, she’s very tired the day Spock approaches her.
And it’s not her fault Ensign Travers had a completely predictable breakdown when Spock sent a short message asking to meet him in Spock’s ‘office’ (his quarters). Travers had been losing sleep for weeks, anxiously fretting over the experiment he ruined in Science Lab 6 alongside another test in Lab 7 that hadn’t produced the expected results. So when he arrived in Spock’s quarters he took one look at the Vulcan – seated serious and solemn behind his desk, padd in hand – and burst into tears.
Spock just wanted him to resend a report that hadn’t loaded correctly.
Captain Kirk was sympathetic, but recommended Spock ‘pay more attention to implied communications’ with subordinates.
Which, apparently, leads to Uhura getting ambushed in the Rec Room three hours into Delta shift when she really should be asleep.
“Lieutenant Uhura. How would you rate the efficacy of my communications?”
Last week Spock sent her a twelve page report after a surprise inspection of her department. She scrutinized it carefully and was eventually able to determine that there were no problems whatsoever.
“Bad,” she says, because Yeoman Rand has been extolling the virtues of decaf and she is, to emphasize this, extremely tired.
Spock considers this revelation as Uhura sips her terrible decaf coffee and fiddles with a padd. He sits down across from her. Alright, then.
“How would you suggest I improve?”
Uhura sighs and taps the screen of her padd, putting it into standby. Normally, she’d be delighted to talk to Spock about any sort of communication issue. Right now she wants to leave and get some rest, but – he does look very earnest.
(Uhura never likes it when people cry on her, either.)
“Well, Mr. Spock, did you see any warning signs to indicate Ensign Travers was under stress?”
“I did,” Spock admits at once. He straightens under her gaze, face inscrutable – but Uhura’s served with him long enough to recognize discomfort. “Also,” he adds, “my communications seemed to cause him further distress – but I said nothing negative or demeaning.”
“You don’t have to,” she says. “Humans take a lot of meaning from subtext. In face-to-face conversations we at least have body language to help us… although that doesn’t really apply to you,” she concedes. Mostly for his benefit. Spock has extremely descriptive body language, in her experience, but he wouldn’t appreciate the opinion. “But text can be more difficult to understand, because those cues don’t exist. That’s why a lot of human documents will include pictures, and we end up incorporating images into texts or messages.” She waves a hand vaguely, thinking of an email her cousin sent her. For a communications specialist, Uhura is terrible at keeping in touch with family. “You know. Tonal indicators."
“I see,” says Spock. “Ensign Travers had an hysterical reaction because he misinterpreted my ‘tone’?”
“He probably thought you were upset.”
“I do not become upset.”
Uhura eyes him but decides not to tackle that lie tonight. “Well, he thought he was being censured,” she elaborates. “Maybe just try to be a bit more clear in your messages. If you don’t mind, Commander, I really should get some sleep –”
“Of course,” says Spock, already turning away.
In Uhura’s defense, even experts can miscommunicate.
Cmd. Spock 22684.70732 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Please find Cetra V report attached. Spock 🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.70732 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
wut is that
Cmd. Spock 22684.70732 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Cetra V is the planet we surveyed two weeks ago, if you have forgotten. Spock 🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.70733 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
i remember the damned planet Spock what is the salute thing
Cmd. Spock 22684.70733 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
That is called an ‘emoji.’ Spock 🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.70733 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I KNOW
WHAT
AN EMOJI
IS
Cmd. Spock 22684.70734 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Are you experiencing difficulty typing, Doctor? Spock 🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.70734 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
FFS! since when do u use emojis
Cmd. Spock 22684.70735 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I have been informed that humans find it helpful to have ‘non-verbal’ expressions of communication to help convey connotations and additional information. 😳 I thought ideograms could make my messages more effective. Spock 🖖
...Dr. McCoy is typing
Dr. McCoy 22684.70735 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
u know what? Ur right. great idea 👍
Dr. McCoy 22684.70737 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Hey Jim have u talked to Spock 2day
Cpt. Kirk 22684.70738 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
No, why?
Dr. McCoy 22684.70738 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Don't worry about it.
The crew seems very tense today.
It’s starting to concern Captain Kirk. Twice he’s been approached by apprehensive scientists asking if there’s been ‘some sort of trouble’ on the Bridge. The lieutenant overseeing Beta shift’s engineering crew tentatively asked if they’d received any odd orders. A medical lab technician wanted to know if Spock was ‘feeling alright’ (Kirk isn’t sure why she asked him, rather than Spock) and it seems like quite a lot of conversations stop when he enters a room.
That last one isn’t too strange, honestly. No one wants the captain to hear their gossip. Still, it implies that the crew is gossiping about something, and that’s rarely good news.
So he pulls aside Mr. Chekov after Alpha shift.
Chekov, as one of the lowest ranked and youngest department heads – and a small department, at that – finds it easier to mingle with the lower decks. He doesn’t look surprised by Kirk’s questions; only resigned. “It is Mr. Spock,” he says. Kirk grimaces. Any drama involving Spock rarely ends well. “They are saying he might be ill?”
Well, that’s uncomfortably familiar. “I… see,” Kirk says. “Why is that?”
“He’s sent some very strange messages through the intraship communications system. Not a hack,” Chekov adds, implying someone checked.
“Were the messages… inappropriate in some way?” asks Kirk.
“Erm,” he says, shifting from foot to foot. “Perhaps for work, yes.”
“Ah. Right – how far are we from Vulcan, Mr. Chekov? At warp… 6, let’s say.”
Chekov blinks. “Er – probably about three days, Captain. Why?”
“Oh, no reason. And who told you about these messages?”
“You want to look at my texts?” asks Ensign Sabe. “Er, sir.”
“Just the ones from Commander Spock recently. I’m been hearing some – rumors – and if you don’t mind –”
“Oh,” she says significantly. But she pulls out her padd without the hesitation he expects. “Sure. Take a look. It was, uh – a bit weird.”
Kirk takes it.
The messages are not what he expects.
Cmd. Spock 22684.70817 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Ensign, please remember to submit your report. 📄😠 Spock 🖖
En. Sabe 22684.70817 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes sir it's been submitted sir! Sorry!
Cmd. Spock 22684.70818 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
😁👍👍 Spock 🖖
Kirk squints at the screen. Then at the ensign.
“Has Botany started experimenting with catnip again?”
“No, sir. And, scroll up.”
Kirk does. Spock signed off of a group conversation yesterday with a smiley face and a waving hand.
“I see. Is this something that other people have – also experienced, Ensign?”
“...You might want to talk to Wattana.”
Mr. Wattana, when Kirk finds him, looks ready to collapse from relief. “Sir, did I do something wrong?” he wails, thrusting his padd at Kirk.
Kirk takes it.
Cmd. Spock 22684.61341 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Mr. Wattana, this is a reminder that the shuttlecraft was scheduled for repair at 1430. Your tools remain in the lab. Please proceed immediately with repairs to prevent incident. 💣🔪 Spock 🖖
Crewman Wattana (2nd Class) 22684.61342 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Sorry sir! I swear I'll have it fixed tomorrow.
Cmd. Spock 22684.70855 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
It is 'tomorrow' Mr. Wattana, yet the craft is still inoperable. ⌛🔨😠 Spock 🖖
Crewman Wattana (2nd Class) 22684.70913 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
IT'S FIXED NOW11
Cmd. Spock 22684.70914 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Is your padd also broken? ☹️ Spock 🖖
Crewman Wattana (2nd Class) 22684.70914 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
No sir I would fix it if it was!! I can do that!!!
Cmd. Spock 22684.70916 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Very good. 😏 Spock 🖖
Crewman Wattana (2nd Class) 22684.70916 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Sir are you feeling okay
Cmd. Spock 22684.70917 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I do not believe my status is your concern. 🤬 Spock 🖖
Crewman Wattana (2nd Class) 22684.70917 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
UNDERSTOOD SIR
Kirk looks at Mr. Wattana.
“...Is Mr. Spock going to kill me?” Wattana asks nervously.
Kirk coughs. “No,” he says, unconvincing.
Wattana turns and promptly bangs his head against the wall repeatedly, moaning.
“Commander Spock, did you... write this?”
Spock turns away from his reports. Blinks down at the padd thrust in his face. “Yes,” he says, recognizing a message exchange from earlier in the day.
“Oh,” says the wide-eyed Ensign Ravid. “Um. Great. Thanks.”
Ravid flings herself away.
Odd. Spock returns to his work.
(“Okay but what does it mean,” says Ensign Samaras.
They're all huddled around the padd. The ominous, faintly-frowning emoji at the end of a request for Ensign Ravid to please remember to clean her station at the end of shift.
“Okay, but isn't there, like, protocol for this?” Kaloyanov asks. “I thought we're supposed to call Sickbay if Mr. Spock gets emotional.”
“Does this count as emotional?”
“I think it's a threat,” says Smith seriously.
Ravid groans. “He's going to kill me,” she says. “Oh my god. It would be one thing to be killed by Klingons, or poisonous alien rocks, or something. If a Vulcan kills you then you deserve it.”
“Damn,” says Smith without sympathy. “What did you do, anyway?”
“I mean,” says Ensign Samaras, “Your work station can get pretty gross, Ravid. Leaving it for others to clean up is super rude.”
“Rude enough to deserve death?”
“Well, we all trust Mr. Spock's judgment, yeah?” A chorus of nods around the table. “Yeah. Sorry.”
Ravid makes a wounded noise.)
Cmd. Spock 22684.73987 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Lieutenant Morston, your dilithium recrystallization experiment has become unstable. 😱🌝🥊🌋🚨 Spock 🖖
Kirk decides to expand his search. He finds disturbed individuals all over the ship, from Engineering to the Bridge. With a notable exception in Mr. Scott, who hands over his padd with vague bemusement at the Captain's concern.
Cmd. Spock 22684.71033 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🔨🦿🏹🧨❌🤕🤔💎 Spock 🖖
Lt. Cmd. Scott 22684.71034 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
👍🔪⚙️🧯🙂
Cmd. Spock 22684.71034 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🚑❓Spock 🖖
Lt. Cmd. Scott 22684.71035 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
❌🤕💡🪛🪛🔧👍
Cmd. Spock 22684.71035 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
👍 Spock 🖖
Kirk looks at the padd. Looks at Mr. Scott.
“A problem, sir?” Scotty asks, bewildered.
“Ah,” Kirk says. “No, thank you, Mr. Scott. I was just checking the... technical...” Kirk squints. “Do you really understand this?”
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71416 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Hi, Spock. Do you have a minute?
Cmd. Spock 22684.71416 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes. 🙂 Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71416 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Is that your new signature?
Cmd. Spock 22684.71417 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes. 😊 Lt. Uhura advised me that humans find emojis helpful for understanding the 'tone' of a discussion. Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71417 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Uhura... right.
Cmd. Spock 22684.71417 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🤗 Did you need something, Captain? Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71418 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes... I wanted to see you about a communications issue. Multiple people have approached me today.
Cmd. Spock 22684.71418 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Of course. 🥰💌 Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.714178 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Spock
What is that
Cmd. Spock 22684.71420 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
In addition to faces, I am attempting to utilize pictographic icons to better display the 'intent' behind my communications. 🤭📡 Is something wrong? Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71420 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
...No that's fine, just curious. Continue.
Cmd. Spock 22684.71421 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I believe you were going to say something, Captain? 🗣️🥰 Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71423 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes.
Give me a minute, I just got distracted.
Actually. You know what? Never mind. I think it's handled.
Cmd. Spock 2281-Ailat (Vulcan Planetary Time)
Father, I have a query. Have you ever utilized ‘emojis’ in conversations with Mother? Spock 🖖
Ambassador Sarek 2281-Ailat (Vulcan Planetary Time)
Yes. She says that it is always an “extremely delightful experience” and encourages the practice.
She is very fond of this one: 😻
Cmd. Spock 2281-Ailat (Vulcan Planetary Time)
I see. Spock 🖖
Lt. Uhura 22684.71600 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Sir I am so sorry 🤦🏿
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71601 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
It's fine.
Lt. Uhura 22684.71602 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I can explain it to him?
Cpt. Kirk 22684.71602 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I don't think that's necessary.
Cmd. Spock 22684.101921 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I am finding these symbols enable more efficient communications with my colleagues. 🏅📈🥰 Spock 🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.101922 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
That's great! 🥰
Have you considered adding a face emoji to your signature too? You seem fond of 🥰
Cmd. Spock 22684.101922 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.101923 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Ysdfgh
YES. Sorry, typo. That's perfect.
Cmd. Spock 22684.101923 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Thank you, Captain. Your input has been very helpful. 🥰 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.81107 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Sorry Spock. I didn't mean to be so snappish on the Bridge today, just thinking of what those people went through on the planet... It's hard to leave them behind.
Cmd. Spock 22684.81108 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
😢 Spock 😐🖖
Would you care to discuss the mission, sir? 🥺 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.81108 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Ah
{DELETED}
Spock, about the emojis{DELETED}
...Cpt. Kirk is typing
Actually, I am feeling better now. 🙂
Cmd. Spock 22684.81407 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Ensign, please remember to clean your scalpels before leaving the lab. 🔪 Spock 😐🖖
Jr. Ens. Singh 22684.81407 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
i am SO sorry
i will not do it again:
Ever!!
i swear
Cmd. Spock 22684.81407 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🙂🔪 Spock 😐🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.91853 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I'm still expecting u for ur physical
Cmd. Spock 22684.91853 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I am not interested in your medieval potions, Doctor. 🤢🤮 Spock 😐🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.91853 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
…U know wut? Fair enough
Cmd. Spock 22684.91855 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I am glad we are in agreement. Would you care to join me for dinner? 🤤😛 Spock 😐🖖
Dr. McCoy 22684.91855 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🤮 On second thought
Cmd. Spock 22684.111503 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Are you free for a game of chess tonight, Captain? ♟️ Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.111503 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
No, I have some paperwork.
Cmd. Spock 22684.111504 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
💔 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.111505 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Actually, my schedule’s suddenly freed up.
Cmd. Spock 22684.111505 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
❤️🥰 Spock 😐🖖
“I have no idea if this is against protocol,” Kirk muses aloud, staring at the smiley-faced sticker on Lab Station Six.
A few feet away the two scientists currently in the lab exchange nervous looks. “Um, it isn't,” Ensign Samaras offers. “...Mr. Spock put it there.”
Kirk isn't sure he heard correctly. He looks up, spotting something even more incongruous. “Commander Spock started a sticker board?”
“Um. No, sir. But he leaves them at the stations, and people were arguing over who was getting the most stickers, so we... started keeping track?”
Kirk stares a moment. Ms. Samaras blushes furiously. “Right,” he says at last. “Well. I – why did you want to keep track?”
“The stickers are bestowed upon the worthy,” says Ms. Samaras.
Kirk has heard that tone before. “Ensign. Is this a cult.”
“...No?”
God.
“Departments are run at the discretion of the department head,” Kirk decides, and washes his hands of the whole business.
“So are you planning to, uh... talk to Spock?” Bones asks.
Instead of answering, Kirk takes a swig of his drink. Savors it. Smiles. “Did you know Science's efficiency is up 9 percent?”
“Because of terror?”
“No,” Kirk lies; an enlisted crewman recently begged him to intervene before Spock 'shanked' him, but that was probably an exceptional circumstance, not the rule. “I'm just saying, well, there's really no reason to intervene.”
“Spock sent the security chief an SOS emoji this morning,” McCoy says. “To indicate the grand emergency of a crewman missing their shift.”
“He was just trying to say that they needed to send a replacement,” Kirk reasons. “And not showing up for guard duty is a serious concern.”
“Chief Giotto put the ship on yellow alert.”
“Only for a minute.”
“Really? I mean, at first I thought it was funny, but all those messages he sends... they're just so...”
“Adorable?” Kirk suggests, at the same time McCoy says, “Freaky.”
They look at each other.
“...There’s something very wrong with you neurologically,” decides McCoy, downing his glass. “That's my medical opinion.”
“I'll take it under consideration. Has he used heart emojis with you...?”
"I don't wanna know.”
Cmd. Spock 22684.89913 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I hope you get well soon, Lieutenant. 🤧🥴🤡 Spock 😐🖖
Lt. Abdurahman 22684.89913 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Thanks, sir?
Kirk decides the appropriate, tactful thing is to simply ignore Spock's behavior. It's not against regulation. It isn't – technically – unprofessional; plenty of people use emojis in professional conversations.
“Admiral Nogura thought he was having a stroke because Spock sent a crying face with his report,” McCoy reminds him when he says this aloud, but Kirk dismisses that. Nogura is old. Probably good for him to stay on his toes. In any case, Spock is clearly just trying to bridge the divide of being a Vulcan in a majority-human fleet.
But as he's going to Mess with Bones, they run across a frantic lieutenant, surrounded by half a dozen delighted women.
“What does it mean,” the lieutenant says.
“Do you think it's really the size of a cucumber?"
“Maybe he wants you to eat it,” says a usually quiet new recruit from Botany. She waggles her eyebrows suggestively; the lieutenant holding the padd tries to hit her with it.
“I bet it was a typo, everyone calm down –”
“Mr. Spock doesn't make typos.”
“Well, he also doesn't proposition people with suggestive vegetables, Karen!”
Kirk and McCoy exchange looks. “That's a new one,” the doctor drawls.
A puzzled voice interrupts. “Is there a problem here, Captain?”
Everyone falls silent as Spock appears. Kirk looks down. Spock has a plate of zucchini noodles.
“...No, no problem,” he says. The disappointed women drift away. “Enjoying your lunch?”
Cmd. Spock 22684.121701 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Captain, I wished to express my gratitude for your actions on the station today. 💖 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121701 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes, of course! Are you feeling better?
Cmd. Spock 22684.121702 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Adequate. Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121702 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I'll take that to mean 'no.'
Cmd. Spock 22684.121703 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
😕 I will clarify that I am physically recovered. 🏥💪 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121703 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
What happened wasn't your fault.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121704 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
What little data we recovered has already been profoundly interesting – the scientific loss is incalculable. Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121706 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
No one expected a self-destruct sequence in a station that old. Their station commander must have been completely paranoid – but I suppose that's why the crew mutinied.
Also, I wanted to say I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable at the end there.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121706 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Uncomfortable, sir? I confess my memories are unclear. 💥🫠 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121707 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
When I helped you out, while we were evacuating. I know you don't like being touched that much but you looked a bit unsteady.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121707 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I was. It was necessary. 🫡 In any case, I do not mind when it is you. 🥰😊 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121709 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Oh.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121710 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
I do wish to emphasize that I always appreciate your assistance, Jim, and your friendship. 💖💖 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121710 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
You know, somehow that sounds different with those emojis.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121711 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Do you believe my new methods of communication are effective at modifying my tone? Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.121714 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Yes! Perfect. Great job. But... can we talk? I think there's something we should discuss in person :) Something I probably should have discussed with you earlier, honestly.
Cmd. Spock 22684.121714 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
Of course. 🥰 Spock 😐🖖
Cmd. Spock 22684.130814 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
💞💞💞 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.130814 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
🫴🫳🤝🤌🤝
Cmd. Spock 22684.130814 (Federation Standard Travel Time)
That does not seem an appropriate message on our official devices, Captain. Spock 😐🖖
Perhaps you would care to join me tonight for dinner instead. 🤝 Spock 😐🖖
Cpt. Kirk 22684.130814
My apologies, Commander. 💖 I'll try to be more professional. 💖 See you tonight. 🥰
Cmd. Spock 22684.130814
💖 Spock 😐🖖
“Do you all need a refresher in ethics?” Kirk asks the assembled huddle of anthropologists and linguists. “You are not allowed to conduct observations on other officers without consent.”
“But sir the sticker cult –”
“The answer is no.” Kirk thinks of the wake-up message he received today... “ – And you are not allowed to raise this topic with Mr. Spock, either. Or make any comments about his – recent exploration of human communication.”
Kirk's going to enjoy the chaos while it lasts.