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Out of breath from dancing, he stumbles onto the large patio where the steps lead down into the gardens. The music the DJ is playing is muted out here, stripped to the thumping of the base, and the only illumination comes from the coloured lights shining through the windows of the venue. The cool air clears his head.
He has a good view of the party from out here. He likes that he can watch it like this, just for a moment, and absorb all the feelings of joy and love inside. Very nearly all the people he loves most in the world are there.
"Wei Ying."
He jumps. He wasn't expecting anyone out here. Laughing, he turns around, only to come to a stuttering halt. It takes him more than a few moments to stop gaping at the man in front of him and regain enough fine motor control to stammer out, "Lan Zhan? Is that really you?".
The man nods in response. "Hello, Wei Ying."
Wei Ying feels the involuntary smile spread across his face. "Oh my god. Lan Zhan! I had no idea! No clue at all that you would be here. Have you been here the whole time? I'm so sorry I didn't know." He stalls himself in time to keep from dragging his old friend into a hug. "You look good. Well. You look well."
He means it, too. Lan Zhan looks… he's taller, of course, but more than that, he's filled out, lean but strong. His suit is simple but impeccable. Probably Armani or something. Tailored to fit. Not like Wei Ying's borrowed jacket that doesn't quite match his slacks and makes him look like he shopped at GoodWill. Not that there was anything wrong with that. Some of the best items in his wardrobe were thrifted.
"Thank you. You look good, too, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan replies, making Wei Ying scoff. "I am happy to see you."
"Wow." Wei Ying still can't get past the fact that Lan Zhan is here. He says as much.
Lan Zhan turns to look in the window at the bride on the other side of the reception hall. "I was invited," he says simply.
"Well. Yes! Of course. You must have been. I just… I didn't expect…" He didn't expect to ever see him again. Not here. Not now. Not ever. Lan Zhan… his first love. Unrequited of course, god, he'd never be so delusional to think that Lan Zhan would ever have been in love with him. Tolerate him, maybe. On a good day they might have been called friends. Really it was Mianmian who was the glue that had held them together. But that had all combusted in multiple ways and Lan Zhan's family had called him back to China after he'd completed his undergrad and Wei Ying may or may not have been homeless for a couple of years and that was it. "I didn't know Mianmian had kept in touch with you. If I had known…" He wasn't sure what he would have done if he had known.
"She only recently reached out to me. I believe she heard that I had moved back here."
"You have? Really? Wow. That's great." Wei Ying finds it convenient to fidget with his sleeve. He doesn't know why he's feeling choked up all of a sudden. It's not like he could still be in love with Lan Zhan. That would be pretty fucking dumb of him. It's not like he's been holding a torch for Lan Zhan all these years. He turns to find something to distract himself from his spiraling thoughts and he watches Mianmian making the rounds, looking so damn gorgeous in her red cocktail dress for the reception. She'd looked stunning in white earlier as well. "I'm glad she got in touch with you, Lan Zhan. It really is good to see you again."
"Thank you, Wei Ying. That means a lot to me."
"She's beautiful, don't you think? She cleans up good." Wei Ying keeps his eyes on her, tracking her progress. She's talking to his sister and her husband for the moment.
"She makes a lovely bride." Lan Zhan demurs. "Her spouse is very fortunate."
Wei Ying nods in agreement. He once thought Lan Zhan had a thing for Mianmian, but he knows that was definitely not the case. He remembers the heavy stone of guilt that sat in his gut for a long time after he'd realized he'd been so wrong about that. He doesn't have that guilt anymore. Mianmian is happy. She's more than happy, she's radiant. He should be happy, too. "Look what you missed out on, Lan Zhan. It could have been you marrying her instead, you know."
He hears the puff of air Lan Zhan lets out and laughs. Wei Ying can't help turning back to him with a grin. Lan Zhan almost looks soft, but that must be a figment of his imagination. The boy he'd known had never been soft. He'd been strict. Rigid. Deeply compassionate. Never soft. "I'm not sure what you mean by that," Lan Zhan says.
Wei Ying raises an eyebrow. "That she confessed to you! I bet you didn't think I knew. Who do you think put her up to it? Gave her hope? Honestly, Lan Zhan, you really made a fool out of me." Wei Ying laughs. It's okay to laugh about it now, he thinks. Back then it had been awful to see how crushed Mianmian was at Lan Zhan's rejection.
"I…" Lan Zhan looks abashed. He drops his gaze to the floor. "I never meant to hurt her, but I did not think leading her on would be a good thing either, especially when I--"
Wei Ying slaps him on the shoulder. "Of course, especially when you were interested in someone else at the time. It wouldn't have been right. And look, everything worked out for the best, didn't it?" He keeps his hand there, on Lan Zhan's shoulder, and squeezes. "Didn't it?"
Lan Zhan looks up at him from under his lashes. "Mn," he says. It's a little bit devastating. Wei Ying can definitely feel his heart rate speed up, and warmth crawls up his neck. He's struggling to take a breath. Lan Zhan always had the most penetrating, clear eyes, gold under a certain lighting. They were stunning. Wei Ying drops his hand to his side like it's a foreign object.
"Whatever happened with that?" he asks.
"Pardon me?" Lan Zhan says with just the tiniest frown line between his brows.
"The person you were interested in back then. I know I wasn't around much after that. There was a lot of stuff going on, you know," he's not sure if he does know, but he waves it off, "and of course, Mianmian--she needed me more, I mean, it's good now, but she was hurting, and it was partly my fault for encouraging her, so I thought it would be better if we, you know, didn't… at least for a while. I never intended to drop off the face of the Earth. Shit happens, right? But I always planned to see you again, but when I came back you'd already left and at that point…" He was rambling. Floundering. He wasn't planning to vomit all this the first time he saw Lan Zhan again in thirteen years, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd stuffed this all so far down he thought it was over with, but seeing Lan Zhan again unlocked it all. Wei Ying's chest tightens with an old pain. "I know that's all in the past. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry. But, see, everything is good now, isn't it?"
"Wei Ying. It is. I am sorry, too."
Lan Zhan looks too sincere. Wei Ying can't take it. He shakes his hands in front of him. "No, no. Lan Zhan. You did nothing wrong. There's nothing for you to say sorry about."
Lan Zhan shakes his head. "I never told that person how I felt," he says.
"Oh?" Wei Ying frowns. "Well, that's okay, too. If you didn't have a good feeling about it. I get that. I mean, whoever they were, they would have been crazy not to fall instantly and hopelessly in love with you. You're perfect, Lan Zhan, who wouldn't fall in love with you? But I understand."
He more than understands. He would take to his grave his own unrequited feelings for Lan Zhan. He'd never told anyone back then, let alone the object of his affections. When Mianmian had been so excited to tell him about her epiphany, about how one day she was looking at Lan Zhan and it just came to her that she was in love with him, that she loved him more than a friend, Wei Ying's own conflicted feelings of love and desire for Lan Zhan, and anxiety that he might be gay, and shame that he was anxious about it, suddenly came together to burn a hole in his stomach. Whatever he felt made no difference when his two best friends in the whole world might be in love with each other.
Of course he would root for their happiness above his own.
Lan Zhan huffs again, his lips curved into a small, self deprecating smile. "I am not perfect, Wei Ying. There are many people who would not fall in love with me. You, on the other hand…"
He gasps, "Me, on the other hand? What? No! Lan Zhan!" He is truly laughing now. It's hilarious. "You're too much. You know very well how far from perfect I am. And yes, I'm grown up enough now to know that I have people who love me despite my faults, but that's more to do with their charitable natures than my own merits."
This time, Lan Zhan's frown is a little more pinched. "Loving you is not charity," he says, his voice deep and far too serious.
Why does it make the bottom of his stomach fall away? They're just talking. Catching up. It's all talk. Lan Zhan doesn't mean it in that way. "Stop," Wei Ying says, fanning himself dramatically. "You'll make me blush with all your sincerity. I'm not a strong man, Lan Er Gege, if you flatter me too much, I might just die right here, and wouldn't that ruin this whole wedding? Could you do that to Mianmian? I thought you were her friend?"
Lan Zhan can see through his attempt at deflection. "Wei Ying," he says, his eyes never straying from his. "I'm sorry that my duty to my family came first. I am sorry that when I knew you were the one who had encouraged Lou Qingyang to confess to me, it crushed my own hopes of you ever returning my feelings and I was hurt. You may have avoided me but I avoided you as well. I was… too immature and too proud. When you disappeared, I thought you'd figured it out and that you hated me. That you really wanted nothing to do with me. I didn't realize--"
"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying hisses. He feels a huge weight on his chest and he presses his hand over his heart as he tries to breathe. "Lan Zhan? What are you saying?"
"That I was in love with you." Lan Zhan's voice catches. His expression is more open than Wei Ying has ever known it to be. Lan Zhan's face is thinner, more chiseled than the one he remembers, the chin more square and cheekbones more sharply defined. There is the barest hint of crows feet at the corners of his eyes. The passage of thirteen years has left its stamp even on Lan Zhan's timeless beauty. But the way he's looking at Wei Ying is so, so soft.
Wei Ying shakes his head. "You can't say that. You can't. Not now."
"Why not?"
"Because! It's too late, Lan Zhan! How can you say that now? Here of all places? It's Mianmian's wedding! And, and, and…" He bends over, the pain in his chest too much, too tight. He squeezes his eyes shut. It can't be true. It can't be. Because if it was, then that meant… what? What exactly?
He feels warm hands grasp his shoulders, pulling him to stand up right again. "Wei Ying, I'm sorry."
"Don't say that!"
"I'm… forgive me." The hands drop away, leaving a rush of cold to replace their warmth. "I wasn't thinking."
Wei Ying opens his eyes and sees how the man in front of him has deflated. It squeezes his overwrought heart once again. "No, Lan Zhan, don't… But you understand, right? If you really, truly did… you know… love me," he swallows, "that was so long ago. Right? What good does it do anyone now?"
"I know you could never feel that way about me, Wei Ying. I understand that. I'm not looking for anything more than closure. Lou Qingyang thought it would be good for me to tell you, but I didn't intend to upset you. As you said, it is in the past."
"Mianmian thought you should tell me?"
Lan Zhan grimaces. "She mostly likely meant over tea, in private, not while there's a wedding reception going on behind us."
Wei Ying can't help the snort that escapes him. "No, I'm sure she meant for you to kill me right here right now. She's grown more vindictive like that over the years. I'm not sure where she got it from but she married them, if you know what I mean."
"I'm glad it worked out for her, Wei Ying. Even if it never worked out for us."
He nods. "I am glad, too. You are wrong about one thing, though, Lan Zhan. Since we decided it was honesty hour." Wei Ying bites his lip. He's not sure what he's doing, but they're in the middle of it now, there's no way out but through. He takes a deep breath. "Back then, I was in love with you, too."
It was never often that he could ruffle Lan Zhan's composure. His words have a profound effect on the man standing in front of him. His face pales dramatically and his jaw hangs slack.
Wei Ying sniffs. "See, what a pair of idiots we were?"
"You," Lan Zhan finally stumbles out, "But… you encouraged Lou Qingyang to confess? Why would you do that if you…?"
"I thought," he throws up his hands, "I don't know, Lan Zhan. At the time, I thought you liked her back, okay. How was I to know that wasn't the case?"
"But what about after, when I told her I liked someone else?"
"Lan Zhan. I never in a million years would have thought someone like you could like someone like me. I knew you tolerated me, because of Mianmian, but you started out hating me--"
"Never. Wei Ying. I never did. I always--" He chokes, and his expression looks close to anguish. "I always loved you. Before you, all I did was study, and follow the rules put in place by my uncle. I didn't know what it was like to truly live before you purposefully drew me out. You were so alive, so lovely and funny and so smart. Everything came so easily to you, that at first, I thought I was jealous, but whenever you so much as looked my way, my heart would race, and I knew I wasn't jealous, I didn't want to be you, Wei Ying, I wanted to keep you. For myself."
Lan Zhan's outburst punches the air from his lungs. "Truly, Lan Zhan?" He manages to squeeze the question out. Still incredulous.
"Truly, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan says. Wei Ying closes his eyes and feels a shift of air before a touch settles on his cheek. He leans in before he realizes what he's doing, and a warm palm cups his face, the fingers smoothing gently over his skin. "And you… cared for me as well?" Lan Zhan's voice is closer than it was before and Wei Ying feels a shiver of electricity run down his spine.
Wei Ying can only nod, his eyes still shut and his face still held in Lan Zhan's hand.
"Do you think," he can hear Lan Zhan swallow, "that you would be open to seeing if we might still feel the same way?"
Wei Ying's eyes snap open. Lan Zhan is closer than he expects, and he is looking directly into those penetrating eyes. "Lan Zhan? What?"
He watches as Lan Zhan's eyes drift down to look at his lips. "Lou Qingyang said…"
"What did Mianmian say?" he grits out. He really needs to figure out this breathing thing.
"That you aren't currently seeing anyone. That, perhaps, you would not be averse."
Wei Ying rolls his eyes. "If this is her getting back at me, I'll have to commend her for playing the long game, but I'm guessing her wife put her up to it. Wen Qing knows far too many of my secrets."
"If you agree to go on at least one date with me I will have to thank Lou Qingyang's wife."
"If you break my heart, gege, Wen Qing won't hesitate to gut you." Wei Ying smirks.
"Would you be amenable to exploring the possibility that there could still be some remnants of feeling between us?" Lan Zhan presses. He shifts closer at the same time, robbing Wei Ying of his hard earned breath once more.
"There's no possibility," Wei Ying blurts out, and then watches as Lan Zhan shutters his expression. The other man tenses, drops his hand, and before he can complete the action of stepping back out of Wei Ying's space, Wei Ying grips his shoulders to keep him there. "There is no such thing as a possibility," he repeats, "because it is a fact these feelings still exist." He chuckles, despairingly. "At least for me. They never left. There's never been anyone else… I know, shocking, right, but for me, my heart has always been yours."
His rush of honesty leaves him hollow and vibrating.
He watches Lan Zhan as his words register.
"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan gasps out, more rough than he's ever heard him, and then suddenly Wei Ying's back is against the patio railing and a pair of warm lips cover his own.
It is an instant inferno. Wei Ying dissolves into the kiss with a moan and clutches onto Lan Zhan's shoulders as his warm hands wrap around his back. He's dying. He's dead. He's resurrected and brought back to life all in the span of a heartbeat.
Lan Zhan's lips leave his mouth bereft only to kiss along his jaw. "Wei Ying." His name is breathed into his neck as Lan Zhan mouths down to suck at the skin above his shirt collar. "Never left. Nobody else. Never. My heart is yours."
"Gege," Wei Ying whines. "You can't. It's not allowed."
"What's not allowed?" Lan Zhan hums behind Wei Ying's ear, making him dizzy. He pulls at Wei Ying's waist and brings him up flush against him. "This?"
Wei Ying feels his whole body flush hot. He's pretty certain that's not a revolver in Lan Zhan's pocket. More like an assault rifle. He wants to be assaulted by it. Wei Ying can't think. His head is empty as his heart frantically pumps all his blood south. He's not even sure how he is still standing as Lan Zhan works his way back to claim his mouth. It's hot and messy and perfect. Wei Ying never wants to do anything else for the rest of his life except kiss Lan Zhan.
When Lan Zhan slows and the kiss turns from the white hot flash of a magnesium burn to the warmth of banked coals, he sighs into Lan Zhan's mouth.
"Please don't let me go, not just yet, gege," he says.
"I will not," Lan Zhan assures him as he swipes the pad of his thumb over Wei Ying's cheekbone. "The only way I will let you go is if you ask me to."
"Then never let me go." Wei Ying allows Lan Zhan to tuck his head into his shoulder. He hugs him tightly, feeling thirteen years dissolve as if they never happened. He knows he's being fanciful, that he can't just erase the time spent without Lan Zhan, nor would he want to. He may have tucked a part of his heart away for the only person who ever owned it, but he's also given it freely to those that love him. To his friends, his brother, his sister, his nephew. His son. "Lan Zhan, I can't wait to introduce you to my son." His voice is muffled into the breast pocket of Lan Zhan's fancy suit.
Lan Zhan's fingers keep brushing into the short hairs at his nape, making him warm and shivery at the same time. "You have a son?" His voice is tinged with awe.
"Yes! A-Yuan! He is the best boy in the whole world. You'll love him."
Lan Zhan hums. "Of course. He is yours."
"And you'll have to get to know Wen Qing. I was the one who introduced her to Mianmian, you know, so I should get credit for something. And Wen Ning, that's Qing Jie's baby brother. He really is a baby! And, and, and you need to meet A-Ling. That's Jiejie's actual baby, and don't let him fool you, I am his favorite uncle! And then there's my uncle, Xiao Xingchen--do you know I finally found him? And his husband and his daughter… Lan Zhan, there's so many people you need to know. So many things I have to tell you."
He feels lips press a soft kiss to his temple. "Mn. And I you. I want to know everything about you, Wei Ying."
"Good. Good." He's smiling. Maybe his eyes are damp. He's not going to tell anyone about that.
Someone delicately clears a throat behind him and Wei Ying springs out of Lan Zhan's arms to whirl around. Lan Zhan doesn't let him go too far, keeping one hand curled around his waist.
Mianmian is standing there, her eyes sparkling with joy. "A-Zhan, I told you to take him out for a drink, not to stick your tongue down his throat at my wedding!"
Wei Ying sneaks a glance at Lan Zhan and is delighted to see how red his ears are compared to his completely serene, almost smug expression. He doesn't think he can ever recall Lan Zhan looking smug before. "My apologies," Lan Zhan says. "Wei Ying and I were just leaving."
"We are?" Wei Ying feels giddy. If they leave, then they can go somewhere quiet and maybe talk some more, or at least kiss.
"Mn."
Mianmian pouts. "But you can't leave before the happy couple! That would be so crass. I haven't even had a chance to talk to you both. I wanna know everything!"
Just then, Wen Qing materializes behind her wife and slides her arms around the waist of the shorter woman. Her red and black qipao complements Mianmian's cocktail dress perfectly. "Hey, let's get out of here, sweetheart," she says to Mianmian. "I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. I just want to take my lovely wife to bed."
Mianmian's cheeks turn pink and she nods vigorously. "That has to be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me. Do we need to let anyone know or can we just sneak out?"
"It's your wedding," Wei Ying says, "You can do whatever you want. Lan Zhan and I won't say a word if you sneak out."
Wen Qing looks across at him over Mianmian's head, and then turns to give Lan Zhan a once over. "You must be Lan Zhan," she says. "I'd shake your hand, but mine are full." She gives her wife a squeeze which Mianmian seems to find hilarious.
"It is a pleasure to finally meet you," Lan Zhan says. "I believe I owe you thanks."
She assesses him for a moment, then says, "I'm a cardiothoracic surgeon. I know how to stop someone's heart and make it look like natural causes."
Wei Ying feels Lan Zhan's fingers twitch involuntarily and he stifles a laugh. "Don't worry, gege, she looks tough, but she has an ooey gooey center. Right Mianmian?"
"Only with the people she loves, babe," Mianmian says. "Sorry A-Zhan, but if you hurt A-Ying, I'm not gonna be able to save you." She gives her wife an adoring look. "Come on sugar tits. A-Ying offered to cover for us, let's run while we can."
"Hey! I did not offer to cover for you!" Wei Ying's words are either not heard or more likely ignored by the rapidly escaping happy couple. He slumps against Lan Zhan's shoulder. "Everyone is going to come after me with pitchforks, now."
"Hm. Not if we make our own getaway."
Wei Ying flushes. He hadn't forgotten. "You want to leave with me, gege? I have a sitter for the whole night. Where do you want to go?"
"For now?" Lan Zan turns and presses a soft kiss to Wei Ying's lips. "How about somewhere private, for tea?"
Wei Ying returns the kiss with one of his own. "That sounds nice. And after that?"
Lan Zhan's mouth turns into a smile against Wei Ying's lips. "Anywhere, as long as it's with you."