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He Xuan shakes their head miserably, looking intently at her. She’s smiling encouragingly, the expression softened and sweet, her eyes glimmering. Their gaze slides down further, to her throat. They want to kiss it, make it theirs; they want to rip it out with their teeth. “What’s wrong with you?” they murmur half-heartedly, but they mean: What’s wrong with me?
Shi Qingxuan doesn’t falter for a moment. “Breathe,” she repeats. “You just got overwhelmed all of a sudden.” He Xuan is overwhelmed, but it’s far from sudden – the pressure’s been building and building to a raging crescendo, and they never had the sense to calm it. Now, it’s far too late.
He Xuan grapples with their desire for revenge as their feelings for Shi Qingxuan shift.
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every time i read this i am granted extreme joy and extreme agony. holy fuck im losing my marbles. what the hell. genuinely. i have to sit here in bed like a madwoman after reading because i never know what to do next. like FUCK they make me so SICK and you wrote them so WELL and im so SICKKK god. god. no because my marbles have been lost. all over the floor. scrambling to pick them up but all im seeing is the absolute heartache of beefleaf and the loss and the pain and the anger and the resentment that has transformed into something more, something less mean, something just barely sweet, something you (he xuan) must deny, something you captured so effortlessly and beautifully. just. holy fuck. phenomenal. all the way around, phenomenal. <3