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They say that people with nothing left to lose are the most terrifying kind of people.
You very much disagree with this point of view.
People with nothing to lose don’t have anything to lose.
It is those with something precious they need to protect that should really be feared.
Your name is Kalim Al-Asim.
You know perfectly well what everyone thinks of you. You are not stupid, no matter the impression you may well give off. Everyone sees the oblivious, rich, spoiled heir that never had to work a day in his life. They see the happy, generous and utterly oblivious boy. People look, see your kindness and mistake it for a weakness, an unfortunate side effect of your upbringing. They shake their heads and call you naïve.
All people see when they look at you is innocence.
It is a pity that his parents sheltered him so, you hear them say.
What nobody seems to consider is, how could anyone possibly remain “innocent” after living through a childhood full of assassinations? You certainly didn’t. Not in the way most people assume. No, you spent your childhood in a gilded prison, forever caught up in intrigues and backstabbing. You are spoiled, yes, but your family is worse.
(So much worse.)
As the heir to the entire fortune, you will one day hold true power in your hands, which is why you are also given a front row seat to the kinds of things people will do for the promise of power and money. Your relatives can compliment you with a sweet smile on their faces one second, then in the next watch you suffer in agony from the poison slipped into your food, with that exact same smile still in place.
That isn’t what gets to you though. Death and murder are so commonplace in this family that you’ve long since grown used to them. Kidnappings, blackmail, assassinations and scheming are nothing special for any member of the Asim family. It’s the little things, the things nobody else seems to think twice about, that upset you the most. You’ve always been a sensitive, sweet-natured child after all and seeing other people get hurt…it hurts you too. Because your parents, your siblings, your uncles and aunts and cousins, none of them ever even blink at the way they treat the servants, the people who work for them.
You have to admit that you didn’t either, until you befriended a servants’ son.
His name is Jamil Viper, the eldest child of the family that has served yours for generations. He very quickly becomes the most important person in the world for you.
Jamil is the one who protects you.
That is the simple truth of your relationship; Jamil protects and shelters, throws his life away for yours if need be, because he is a servant and you are his master. You don’t agree with this in the slightest. There is nothing you hate the way you do those terrifying moments in which you aren’t sure whether your only real friend is alive or not. Jamil poison tests your food, he rescues you, puts his life in danger all the time- and you are not allowed to. You are valuable, you are the heir…and more importantly, Jamil will be so upset if you ever try to save him the way he saves you. The one and only time you protected him with your own body, you received the scolding of a lifetime.
(Jamil told you that you would just be playing into other people’s hands, that the country would be plunged into a political disaster of never before seen proportions should the Asim have a succession crisis.)
(That is the first time the power the heir wields truly sinks in.)
(It would not be the last.)
But Jamil is skilled and intelligent, he manages to come out alive every time. So you cling onto that, telling yourself that Jamil can handle anything. You put your complete and total trust in him (because otherwise, you’re terrified you will fall apart the next time he puts his life in danger).
It is because of Jamil that you begin to loathe what your family is doing. After one of those terrible nights when you and Jamil stay up until morning, unable to rest after another night of danger, you start to pay closer attention to the scars on the servants hands and faces, the money changing hands and the countless ruined lives the Asims leave in their wake. Because you are lucky and Jamil is skilful, but how many others can say the same? How many have magic on their side, how many have the benefit of status to protect them? The more you learn, the more difficult it becomes to remain friendly, to continue being optimistic.
(People look at you and all they see is weakness. Because how can someone so soft ever survive in the real world?)
(They are wrong.)
(Your kindness is a choice.)
(Your kindness is a weapon.)
Night Raven College is where things really change.
Jamil leaves to attend, leaves you alone for the next few years. This upsets you, so you beg to be allowed to attend too, and since you are the Asim heir who gets whatever he wants, that is exactly what ends up happening. You’re pleased beyond words. Jamil is not.
(You should have known.)
(It was obvious even then that your sudden unexpected arrival had pissed him off and you were always good at picking up on stuff like this.)
(But this is Jamil. This is the person whose hands you put your entire self in.)
(You trust him with everything you are.)
(So you leave things to him as always, believing that whatever is wrong, Jamil would tell you when he was ready.)
(That time never comes.)
When second year arrives, both of you can tell something is about to explode. This tension, this unspoken wrongness… it’s all built and built for your entire lives. Your and Jamil’s entire relationship was based on a power gap so wide that it’s absurd to think about.
The huge blanks in your memory are alarming, as are the decisions you can’t have possibly made for yourself. There’s only one thing that can explain this… and you just so happen to know exactly which magic fits perfectly. It’s so, so obvious and you are not stupid.
(You know. Of course you know.)
(Jamil’s unique magic was never a secret between you two; he’s used it to save you from kidnappers on quite a few occasions, whenever the situation got desperate.)
(He’s using it on you, he must be.)
(You don’t mind.)
(It’s only fair- all Jamil’s doing is evening out the power balance between the two of you.)
Jamil is playing a dangerous game and you are playing along. The reputation you have of thoughtlessness benefits you well; nobody even blinks at your apparently not putting two and two together despite all the pieces being there. Not even Azul, with all his careful consideration. Perhaps you should be insulted at how easily they buy it, but you’re not. They don’t know the history you have with Jamil, couldn’t possibly have an inkling of the kinds of things you think about. All other people know is the helplessness you’ve shown them.
The Ramshackle prefect sighs at your tears, saying mockingly that you don’t actually know Jamil all that well after all, that he is the bad guy in this situation.
And that’s when you snap.
‘You don’t know anything okay! So just…just shut up!’
Yuno just stares at you coldly, arms crossed. You glare back at him, trembling.
The others stay silent, watching the interaction with shocked eyes.
‘What don’t I know? It’s obvious. Jamil manipulated the entire dorm, tricked and hypnotised you-’
‘No he didn’t!’ you burst out, unable to take it.
(This situation has been weighing on your mind more than you wanted to admit.)
(All these feelings, they’re bursting out of you all at once.)
‘He didn’t trick anybody. I knew what Jamil was doing to me the entire time!’ you hiss.
(You can’t tell what it is you’re feeling right now. All you know is that you’re upset.)
Azul nearly chokes on his own spit, staring at you like you’ve grown a second head.
‘You WHAT?’
You can’t help the satisfaction you feel at the surprised looks on everyone’s faces.
Everyone’s… except for Yuno.
‘But then why did you let him get so far?’ he asks, calm as ever.
‘Because I didn’t know what else to do! Jamil was just… he was so angry. I thought that maybe if I let him do what he wanted to me, it would help fix whatever the problem was.’
Yuno cocks his head to the side, squinting at you in that strange way of his, like he’s seeing something that isn’t there.
‘You’re guilty.’
He doesn’t bother framing it as a question- it’s a statement of fact. Like this is something he’s known all along.
You nod.
So that’s what this is, you think exhaustedly.
(All this time, you were angry.)
(Angry at yourself.)
You take the lead in the fight against Jamil, as you’re the one who knows best of all how to counter him. The anger, the hurt and confusion, you channel into your spells, not letting them settle into your heart. It works well and by the end, with Jamil safe and out of overblot, you feel fine. You aren’t the sort of person to let negative things drag you down for too long after all. It’s just not who you are.
(Although getting them all out, expressing them properly, felt really good.)
(Maybe Jamil isn’t the only one who has a lot to learn about how to not repress emotions.)
Things are never quite the same after the overblot. Jamil finally starts to live for himself and you couldn’t be happier for him. And while you can’t come to terms with everything yet, you think you finally understand what it is that you have to do.
Years and years after graduating from Night Raven, you’re poised to take over the Asim family at last. Your father isn’t ready to step down yet though, holding on to his position with all his might. It’s a pointless effort for many reasons, not the least of which being the fact that you already know he’ll be dead before the year’s end. People still look at you and underestimate you, seeing something easy to manipulate. They will flock to support you, laughing to themselves about how they’ll be the real power behind the Asim family’s might. In seeking a puppet to control, these people will quickly turn on him.
Your father doesn’t have anybody truly dedicated to protecting him.
Your father is a man with many enemies eager to take him down, unpleasant and entitled as he is.
Your father will not be missed by anyone, least of all his children who he neglected so badly.
When weighing up the benefits of supporting a man nearing his end, who’s widely hated for the many lives he so carelessly ruined, and his well-liked, popular eldest son with magic at his beck and call, it’s obvious which option is better.
(Your kindness is a choice.)
(Your kindness is a weapon.)
Before anything can be set into motion though, a new figure steps back on the playing field. Somebody who you haven’t seen since your days at Night Raven College.
You’re taking a break from your work outside when you see him.
‘Jamil,’ you whisper in shock, before leaping up and sprinting towards him.
You throw your arms around him, feeling his own wrap around your waist in turn. He laughs breathlessly into your hair, before pulling back to smile at you. Your heartbeat quickens, the way it always used to when you were in his presence.
‘So much time, and you haven’t changed at all, have you Kalim?’ Jamil asks in amusement.
There’s a glimmer in his eyes, feverish and excited. A huge storm is coming to the Scalding Sands; this you know by the way his arm curls possessively around you, by the way he looks at you.
Like he’s finally seeing you for all that you are.
(Just a boy, in love with his friend.)
(Just a person, with a world of possibilities at his fingertips.)
(Just a man, ready to set his own country alight to burn its wretched class system to the ground.)
‘We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?’ Jamil says, a second, unspoken, question hiding in his words. ‘There’s so much I need to tell you.’
Will you support me?
You grin at him.
‘I can’t wait.’
Of course. I always do.
They say that people with nothing left to lose are the most dangerous kind of people.
You very much disagree with this point of view.
Because there is nothing more terrifying than a person who will do whatever it takes to protect what’s dear to them- you would know.