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“However, I am even more sorry for not being able to give you the chance to take your revenge on me yourself.” Grian said, reaching for his communicator and finally hit the ‘leave server’ button.
Grian, for the first time in years, threw himself out of his primary server with no destination in mind, and ended up somewhere he never intended to return to.
Grian registered the soft touch of too many wings around him before he recognized the pull of the nothing around him.
Grian opened his eyes and felt too many Eyes open up as well.
There was n o t h i n g around him.
So much nothing that there was something.
Grian spread his wings and three sets opened behind him. More eyes opened, and Grian s a w.
Not enough of course.
They never let him see everything he wanted.
Xelqua turned, not quite stumbling, but not moving quite smoothly. Moving like this didn’t feel right. And his vision felt doubled. He shut his eyes again, but his Eyes remained open.
The deep void Xelqua had thrown himself into looked very much the same as it had the last time Xelqua had been here.
Xelqua wasn’t sure why he was surprised. It had been but a few measly mortal years since his departure, why would the illusterous Watchers change anything?
Xelqua tried to move again and found himself moving with almost no thought to the action, the smallest twitch of his flight wings spinning him around towards the great presences further in the void.
He resisted the urge to throw himself to the greater presences. He would not give in so easily. He could resist.
Xelqua shouldn’t be here. He wasn’t welcome here. He had thrown off the mantle, literally chucked his mask into the deep void, rebuking all of Their gifts.
But where would Xelqua go? There was no home outside of the Hermits for him to return to, Sam had made sure of that, and entering normal servers was just asking to be found and tormented. At least here he was mostly safe. Sure, the Watchers would poke and prod, laughing at his failure to live a player’s life, but they would not kill him.
At least. They probably wouldn’t. He didn’t think they were that angry at him when he left. Or maybe the great presences in the very deep dark were especially hungry.
Oh well, still better than being found by Sam.
Though, Xelqua thought darkly, perhaps being found wouldn’t be the worst. He certainly deserved a bit of torment after what he had done. And maybe at the end, death would protect him, letting him slip into the deep great silence forever.
Xelqua allowed himself to float away from the greater presence. If he was to stay much longer it would be best not to upset them too much. He was on thin ice just being here, no need to upset them.
~
Xelqua had no idea how long he floated in the deep void for. Time was far more malleable here; it could have been seconds or centuries for all he knew. From the thoughts flooding his head though, he knew it couldn’t have been too long. His thoughts had not yet strayed to server ending destruction once. He was getting off light.
His wings had slowly gotten easier to manage. They still felt weird, the inherent wrongness of having so many wings had never been lost like they said it would, but better.
Xelqua slowly started pulling his consciousness back as well, decreasing his range of vision until it was basically just him he was watching. He had nothing left to watch, no one left he deserved to check on. So, he’d only watch himself. For all eternity.
If only the ringing of his communicator would stop soon.
It was slow, but wouldn’t stop, beep after beep of someone messaging him. Time was probably slow right now. Too slow. He hated that. Knowing what exactly was wrong with time was much worse than just knowing something was wrong.
Xelqua lifted his communicator from its spot on his belt and flinched as at the touch it immediately projected into a screen around him. He hated how uncontrollable his magic got here. But that… that’s a lot of messages. Time must be going faster than he thought if he already had this many messages. Or the hermits must be angrier about what he did to Thomas than he thought.
He Watched in a detached manner as the messages rolled in, not quite prepared to read the hatred that must be coming from those he’d called his friends.
He paused as a familiar name tag popped up. GoodTimesWithScar. Scar had been a bit sick, hadn’t he? A few bad days? Had news already spread to him?
They hadn’t talked in so long…
His and Scar’s private messaging screen popped up with barely even a thought.
GoodTimesWithScar: Grian?
GoodTimesWithScar: Grian i know you’ve got to be there
GoodTimesWithScar: c’mon grian please?
GoodTimesWithScar: i just want to know that you're alright
The first few messages were… weird. Why was scar bothered if he was okay? He had done a horribly unforgivable thing, and he deserved to rot in the deep void for it. Everyone knew that.
GoodTimesWithScar: ggggggrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn
GoodTimesWithScar: grian I’m wasting away in my bed
GoodTimesWithScar: i’m terribly sick and i will not get better until you confirm that you’re safe and coming back immediately to sit at my sick bed
GoodTimesWithScar: i don't know if they told you but i did have a flare up while you were staying with mumbo
Oh. That’s not good. Xelqua didn’t know. Why didn’t anyone tell him?
GoodTimesWithScar: Cub and Bdubs came over and helped me
GoodTimesWithScar: so it’s mostly fine now
That was good. Cub and Bdubs were good friends. Unlike Xelqua.
The next message took a moment to come in,
GoodTimesWithScar: but i’m gonna get worse without you here
Grian hissed, answer typing itself up before Xelqua could even think through the consequences.
Grian: don’t say that
GoodTimesWithScar: it’s true
GoodTimesWithScar: i'm going to get worse because of the stress of not knowing if you’re safe
Xelqua let out a quiet whine, why was he tempting fate like that? Xelqua couldn’t come back, he couldn’t, he didn’t deserve to, but the universe had such a way of twisting words to make him pay for his sins through any means, if he didn’t come back, it probably would get worse and it would be all his fault and-
Xelqua took a deep breath and stared at the communicator screen. He couldn’t afford to spiral here.
Grian: Scar.
GoodTimesWithScar: don’t “Scar.” me
GoodTimesWithScar: you left
GoodTimesWithScar: and aren't talking to anyone else
GoodTimesWithScar: if you don’t want me saying it get back here so that i can get better
Why was Scar asking this of him? He couldn’t, Scar knew he couldn’t. He left for a reason.
Grian: i cant scar
GoodTimesWithScar: you can, just click join server again
Grian: i dont deserve to come back
Grian: i hurt tommy
GoodTimesWithScar: have you talked to him about it?
Xelqua flinched and stayed silent.
GoodTimesWithScar: Grian you can’t decide what's best without actually talking to him
GoodTimesWithScar: has Tommy messaged you?
Xelqua took a moment and checked his private messages just to make sure and no. Of course not. Why would Thomas ever want to message him? He had done such terrible things, caused Thomas so much pain, Thomas should be angry with him.
Grian: no
Grian: i abandoned him he wouldnt want to see me again
There was silence, and Xelqua put it out of his mind, ignoring how something in his chest sunk. He should be glad Scar finally accepted it. He has no right to feel bad about Scar giving up on him. Suddenly a noise played again and Xelqua glanced up, who was-
TommyInnit: hi
Xelqua almost fell backwards in surprise. What was happening? Why was tommy- Scar .
Xelqua immediately switched back over to his messages with Scar and began typing furiously.
Grian: scar what did you do
Grian: he just messaged me
Grian: scar what do i do
Another message from Tommy came through and Grian didn’t even look at, instead looking at Scar's messages.
GoodTimesWithScar: have you considered messaging him back?
GoodTimesWithScar: that usually works
Another message came through from Tommy and Grian finally glanced at.
TommyInnit: for someone who claims to care you sure are bad at showing it
TommyInnit: why did you leave me again
Oh. wasn’t… wasn’t it obvious? Did Thomas not realize how terrible he was?
Grian: he’s asking why i left
Grian: how do i answer that???
GoodTimesWithScar: well why did you leave
Grian: he should hate me
GoodTimesWithScar: you can’t dictate how he feels grian
Xelqua flinched as more messages came in from Thomas. He couldn’t look yet.
GoodTimesWithScar: just try and hear him out?
Xelqua took in a deep breath. Fine. he sent a quick message to Scar and then switched back to Thomas.
Grian: okay
There were a lot of messages built up. Thomas kept getting more and more angry as he messaged them.
TommyInnit: you cant just say you didn’t want to leave me the first time and then do it all over again the moment you find me again
TommyInnit: youre a bitch
Tommyinnit: what nothing to say for yourself?
TommyInnit: youre such a bitch
TommyInnit: and a coward
TommyInnit: scar ratted on you and said you were responding to him
TommyInnit: i know you’re seeing this
He’d been caught. But. his stomach rolled as he looked over Tommy’s messages. He was such a coward. If he wasn’t such a coward he’d disappear into one of the worlds for Sam to hunt down, finally get out of everyone’s hair.
Xelqua’s breath started coming in short and his chest started to hurt. He didn’t even need air this deep in the void. Why was this happening?
He felt like time was speeding up around him, like his heart was going at double speed.
And still more messages were coming in.
TommyInnit: JUST TALK TO ME ALREADY!!!
… what?
TommyInnit: YOU DON’T GET TO DO THIS TO ME!!!!
TommyInnit: YOU CANT COME BACL AND THEN JUST LEAVE ME AGAIN!!!!!!!
What was Thomas-?
TommyInnit: if you didn’t want to be my brother you could have just said so
TommyInnit: you didn’t have to abandon me again
No no no Thomas no that’s not-
TommyInnit: i hate you
TommyInnit: i shouldnt still be tryign
TommyInnit: you clearly don’t care
No, Xelqua could stay silent anymore. He couldn’t let Thomas think he didn’t care.
Grian: Thomas…
TommyInnit: im not your fucking thomas
TommyInnit: that’s not my name
Oh right. His Th- Tommy had chosen another name for himself. It was getting so hard to keep the memories straight with the rush of time.
Grian: sorry
TommyInnit: oh so you can say sorry for getting my name wrong but not for abandoning me
What apologies could he offer for a lifetime of suffering? What apologies could make up for the pain and destruction he had caused?
… perhaps he could try though.
Grian: sorry for that too
TommyInnit: not enough to get back here and explain yourself though?
Why did no one understand? Why did he have to explain the pain he’d caused? Why did no one get it?
Grian: you shouldn’t want me there, i’ll only hurt you
TommyInnit: bull fucking shit
TommyInnit: the only reason youre doing this is for your own comfort
No no he-
TommyInnit: if this was for me you would be listening to what i was fucking saying bitch
Xelqua wanted to cry. Why did no one understand? Everything hurt. He was listening, he was listening, Tommy hated him, and he was a coward, and he could do nothing right because all he caused was pain.
Grian: bet ex doesn’t want me back
Grian: he’s smart
Grian: you should listen to your elders
Xelqua deflected the conversation onto others. He’d seen it on Ex’s face, Ex hated him. He knew how terrible Xelqua was. Maybe Ex would make Tommy understand.
TommyInnit: and you should listen to your betters because thats a stupid fucking argument
TommyInnit: your friends have been blowing up exs com
Well of course they were. They'd want to know what happened. They’d understand once Ex explained it. They’d stop-
TommyInnit: they want you to get your ass back here too
Hadn’t Ex explained what he’d done? Why wouldn’t Ex tell them? Why would they still ask for him back?
TommyInnit: ive been waiting for you for years now
Xelqua knew, void he knew, he’d been running for so long and then he’d been tormented for so long in the timeless void, he can’t imagine how long Tommy was waiting.
TommyInnit: im not gonna keep waiting if i know youre not coming
That… that was good. Good, fine. Tommy should stop waiting for him. He wasn’t coming back. Tommy needed to move on without him.
TommyInnit: so just
That was what he wanted, wasn’t it?
TommyInnit: make up your mind
He didn’t deserve to be Tommy’s brother anymore. All he deserved was pain.
TommyInnit: you wanna be my brother? fucking act like it then
But… what about what he wanted?
TommyInnit: and stop acting like you know better than me.
Tommy wanted him back so maybe…
Grian: okay
Xelqua rejoined the hermit server, ignoring the wings and too many eyes and weightlessness of magic that soaked his being.
G̴̞̈̾̀͒̎́͐̃̀r̴̠̬̠̟͈̽̇̃̊̾ͅì̴̛͍̬͚̐̓͋̓̉̆͝á̴̤͇n̶͈̖̕ joined the server
He arrived in a horribly familiar location, the grounds around Ex and Tommy’s tower. He turned, seeing Ex behind him angrily stand up. Ah. he was coming for his revenge. That was good. Xelqua was glad Tommy had someone to look after him. Xelqua looked at his brother and tried not to let the pain show on his face as Ex sliced his head off his shoulders with his sword.
X̶̢̹̘̱̞͉͕͔̮̄͋͗̋̾̐̓͘͝ǝ̵̦̯̰͍̘̣͓̐͆̍̑̌̃̈́̚͜͝ͅl̴̜̻̪̝͓̲͚̗̬̿̀̋̔̿̐̽̀͝p̷̡̧̛͇̺͖̬͓͈͚̅͋̀̍̃͑̚͝ὐ̴̧̡͈̝̮̪̬̲̥͆̊̽̽̋̿̂̕ɒ̶̢͎̱̙̘̟̭̙̫̍͆͆̍͗̒̇͝͝ was slain by EvilXisumavoid
Xelqua sat up in the bed he had been using in Mumbo’s base, wings ruffled from the lingering pain in his throat. He stood up from the bed, not noticing or caring how his many wings sunk through the walls and decoration like they weren’t even there.
He turned and glared at the iron door. Not good. He didn’t like it. It kept him trapped for far too long.
Xelqua stepped straight through the iron door and into empty air, disappearing the door behind him.
He spread his wings in the air and opened his many eyes, looking out upon the server he had called home.
He Watched and found the server Lacking.
( The space was wrong, the constraints wrong, the tone was wrong, everything was wrong he had to fix it, more chaos more consequences, push them together, closer closer raise the stakes )
(A world flashed through Xelqua’s mind, a bordered world yes. Full of players, yes good, they’d bring the chaos. Limited lives, the child only had three didn’t he? He could give these players the same. Make them grateful to be alive, yes this would be perfect. And then- Xelqua would give them bloodlust, such strong bloodlust, Xelqua would delight in watching it overcome them it would be so glorious.)
He reached out, summoning his magic to the palm of his hand and prepared to twist it, to twist the worlds to his will. But he was stopped by shouting.
Xelqua looked down and saw three little players gathering under him. How pitiful. What could they do against the all-powerful? How could they hope to defeat him?
The mustached one shouted the false name he had taken on again and Xelqua Looked at him. He saw a life that felt so far away and unfamiliar to him. There he was in the man’s memories, but the easy grins and playful laughs felt impossible now. How does one smile like that? He then saw himself through the players eyes and he looked unfamiliar, strange. Xelqua felt something in him crack a bit. That wasn’t… that wasn’t right. He wasn’t meant to look like that. What was-
Xelqua shook off the strangeness. It didn’t matter. He was like this now for a reason. He had a purpose, he was meant to Watch, these familiar players could not stop him.
He heard them speaking to each other beneath him but did not bother to hear the words as he reached out his senses, trying to find a proper spot to Watch from. He would not allow anyone to inhibit his work, but he would not harm these players.
Xelqua was paying such little attention, he didn’t notice when one of them ran, and then returned in a few minutes with another player. Xelqua raised his hand again, this time reaching for his communicator (why was it buzzing so frequently? What did they care for? This was for the best.) and brought forth the command screen. As he typed, preparing to teleport himself far away, an arrow shot through his screen, dissipating it in an instant. Xelqua looked down, and quickly found the culprit.
A new player, sitting in a wheelchair, bow propped up in one hand, but held steady. The player stared up at him unflinchingly.
“Grian Dreamslayer you get down here this instant.” the new player commanded.
That wasn’t right. He wasn’t deserving of that name. That was the name he’d chosen when he’d thought he could run.
Xelqua knew better now.
Xelqua resummoned the commands screen and hissed a warning as it was shot at again. He glared down at the player that did so, stepping down from his spot in the sky as easily as walking down physical ground. He had half a mind to smite the player and take their weapon, but still, something in his mind screamed for him to stop, that the player was familiar.
The player still stared up at him unflinchingly, “Grian don’t make me do this twice today.”
Something in Xelqua’s head clicked again, but everything was still so scrambled. He stared at the wheelchair bound player and felt more emotions than he’d like. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. Xelqua hissed and swiped at the ground beside the player with a magic filled hand, burning the grass and dissolving the block. Still the player remained.
“Grian I swear to the universe, if you don’t come back to me, I will die. This flare up will finally kill me. The grief of losing you will overcome my body, and no one will be able to stop it,” the player said and suddenly the last piece clicked in Xelqua Grian’s mind.
Grian gasped, his mind suddenly flooding back to him all at once. He flinched out of the sky, glad that his pompous watcher brain had barely been floating a few feet above the ground to intimidate Scar. He stumbled on the ground and only barely refrained from launching himself into Scar’s arms. His too many eyes blinked and shuttered with Grian’s normal eyes, and so Grian closed all of them with a push. He dismissed his extra wings in the same way, leaving only the normal set, though they were still the unnatural shade of a watcher.
Everything still felt off, like the world had shifted slightly to the left, but Grian ignored that. He could deal with that later, after he was done scolding his idiot friends for being so dumb.