Chapter Text
Years.
It felt like years being with Barty. It was sacrilegious how good it felt and horrible it was at times. Being with Barty was nothing but good it always had been and now it was more intense. The romantic part and the friendship.
But it was unlabeled.
And it was driving him crazy.
That and the swarm of people who kept bumping into his arm trying to calmly shove their way towards the painting that had an audience for the last half hour. Evan liked the art gallery and liked Barty’s even more. He hated galleries when they were open to the public. He was rich, he bought time to have it all to himself.
It was noisy and defeated the purpose of admiring art. Not every thought had to be shared. He had even seen a woman burst out crying in the middle of the gallery. Slowly everything was starting to grate on his nerves. The atrocious floral print an older woman wore reminded him of what his grandmother told him to ban at her funeral.
He stood on an opposing wall his eyes flickering from the art to the people. Barty had been going around speaking to the artists and any of the visitors who came up. He had been stolen from him. And his usual sunny attitude was darkened.
He liked to be happy but right now he was aggravated.
He’d pay good money to see Regulus in the same position as he was, he knew the outcome, Regulus would be charged with about seven charges of assault. And then he’d go drown his sorrows. But no, he was smiling at grinning at the people who passed him.
In actuality, this was a big night for Barty. This was the largest probably the most profitable art gallery in the last year and a half. And all thanks to Barty and him he guessed. His job which was more for pleasure than anything else had been closed. Construction on the pipes led to the discovery of lead in the building.
So he had been helping Barty; he regretted it now.
The gallery thrummed with life and he felt the appreciation for the art. It was impressive, the artists were beyond talented. Barty knew of every up-and-coming artist in the city, he scoured all over for them.
But Barty often forgot that he had to cater to the people who attended the gallery, getting people to attend was only made possible by the buzz. And that required high-status people and liquor. Even an endorsement. But his attempt to drag Regulus away from his blissful life had been futile.
He had messaged a few of the hottest men and women in London, half of whom were famous for reasons not even closely related to art. But it didn’t matter. People had flocked here and it had all worked out.
He watched Barty speak to one of the artists gritting his teeth as he watched as Barty uncomfortably try to step out of reach so the grimy man would stop touching him. Barty had never been a fan of touch, for most of their time in school he flinched away from everyone.
Even now it was so selective.
He felt a surge of anger and shoved his hands in his pockets trying to ignore the urge to slam whoever the hell the hell was touching Barty. He felt murderous and felt nauseous at the surge of thoughts that were flooding his head.
He slammed his cup down and walked over there, he wasn’t chopped liver but his—whatever the hell Barty was looked impeccable. It wasn’t even the clothing that meant nothing but the emotion Barty wore; the confidence.
It was like cocaine, and to a room full of artists that was the drug of choice.
He watched as Barty’s lips curled up and suddenly his anger wasn’t just at the man it was at Barty too. Barty was his. And Barty was now laughing at the idiot in a barrette’s joke. Nothing was that funny and Evan had the pleasure of talking to the dipshit.
He wasn’t funny, and if he didn’t have a severance of talent no one would ever take another glance at him. He was an egotistical and prideful idiot who was more confident than he ever should be.
Barty smirked. “ These galleries aren’t for profit or I’d never list my own personal collection of art. I’m passionate about art it’s not some scheme for quick cash. And even if it was I’d be quite bad at it” Barty said with suave charm.
The man nodded as if he had a semblance of knowledge of what Barty was speaking about. “ Mhmmm I can only imagine the passion you have, the power you hold. It’s an honor to even be here much less have a piece of me on display” The man cocked his head licking his lip and eye fucking Barty. He said the words as if he were seducing them, and every word was an innuendo.
It said one thing.
He wanted Barty.
Evan could practically see the depravity in his eyes.
“ It is only the best are put on display I would know” he butted in not caring how inappropriate or how bitter he sounded. “ I’m afraid though the list for the next gallery doesn’t have your name, perhaps this was a one-off time. Maybe in the future though you can attend again.”
Barty eyed him and Evan wasn’t sure if it was a warning or some other type of message.
“ We’ll just have to see,” the man said clearly angered as he looked him up and down. “ Your name I didn’t think I knew you, perhaps our last meeting wasn’t memorable.”
“ Rosier” he spit out using his name in confidence when it was the last thing he was proud off. The man’s eyes widened and the small amount of pleasure was enough to override the sick feeling he was consumed by.
“ Evan—you can call me Evan who had any need for formality. I hope you had an enjoyable and very memorable time here, We haven’t met but now you can say we have. I would go check on your piece to see if it’s sold. This is your day you should be able to thoroughly enjoy it” he said stiffly no longer even glancing at Barty.
“ Mark” he introduced himself, “ and it was….it’s nice to meet you. I’ll take your advice you’ve clearly seen more galleries than I ever have. Barty thank you so much for inciting me and letting me display my piece. I hope to work again with you, Have a lovely night Congratulations on the success of tonight” Mark. Walked away and he looked down at his shoes.
He didn’t—he wasn’t even sure what just happened. He never did that using his name for gain or for some time of shove in the face. He was ashamed of his family, he was disgusted by them. The one person he had, he buried. He was just Evan.
It caught up to him. The bewilderment of them. The absence of anything secure drove him mad. Because all thought Barty craved him and wanted him it was nothing beyond physical. Maybe it was the sudden surge of couplings all around him.
Sirs and Remus who seemed inevitable and Regulus and James who seemed impossible.
They had given the bare minimum, the security of nothing more than their bodies. They lived together and slept together. And held each other some nights. They said I love you ‘cause they did because they were friends. But they didn’t talk, and they weren’t honest.
Or he wasn’t.
Because he was in love. He couldn’t pinpoint the very moment it happened. Or what day or even when? On a scale, he thinks it’s always been there. He doesn’t think for a moment he hadn’t loved Barty. But he’s fallen in love with Barty. And it’s terrifying.
What does he even know about love?
His father didn’t love his mother but he did, and she loved him so much it blinded her. They hated each other and loved each other and it killed him. Love was always tied up in some fantastical vision of religion and god. They loped god and god told them to love each other. And in doing so they made it so they both hated their child.
He was cursed to not ever understand it, much less feel it.
“ Are you going to tell me what that was or should I just guess? Because he’s never going to come back and it’s going to be hell negotiating the price I give him based off the auction. So are you going to tell me or do I have to dig it out of you” Barty said.
“ It’s nothing, enjoy your night I’m tired,” he said but Barty grabbed his arm not allowing him to go anywhere.
He looked up incredibly Annoyed. “Can I go” he said looking at Barty.
“What’s wrong Evan?”
“Nothing.”
“ So you had a passive-aggressive argument with one of my artists just because?”
“ Pfft, if it’s such a big deal why don’t you go suck his sock in the bathroom to make up for my behavior, I’d bet it would win him over.”
Barty grabbed his shirt and dragged him closer a murderous look that almost matched his. “ I don’t give a fuck what he feels or what he wants or what he can’t have. I care that you name-dropped and pissed all over me like you need to show him you owned me.”
Fuck.
“ I—”
“ I don’t give a fuck he’s upset or that he won’t come back. I don’t care that you did that but I care about why you feel like that. You’re jealous ‘cause he touched me, your hellos because you think he can have me” Barty furrowed his brow in confusion trying to figure something even Evan didn’t[t have sorted out.
“ I’m mad that I’ve sat here staring at you all night wondering what the hell I am to you. I’m pissed that I feel threatened by some Parisian cock whose art is at most adequate and overly ironic. Im mad that I even feel like this. So I think it’s best I go home and we can talk later, I don’t know what to say…I don’t know.” He pulled away but Barty didn’t let him with the iron grip he had on his shirt.
Barty arched his brow. “ When have you needed labels for anything in your life” he said as people rushed passed him. Evan turned to look around suddenly aware more than a dozen people were staring at them. But Barty didn’t even seem to notice.
He rolled his eyes and scoffed not even believing how cliche this was. And in the end, he knew that in the movies and in reality he’d be the one to run away heartbroken at the rate this conversation was going.
“ Since I realized that even people with issues can make it work ok. Reg is in fucking love and fucking Black is blissful and in heaven. And Dora has her baby and Dorcas has Marlene and I still get nothing. I get no labels and confusion and you get blowies when you’re upset and stressed and we can fuck. But I don’t even get a label.”
Barty flinched and stepped back. “ You think I’m using you,” he said his chest heaving and his eyes squinting at him. “ You know you haven’t said anything either, did you stop to think at what I felt either? Do you think I just want to have half of someone? You think I’ve lived through everything and am complete with half”
“ I don’t know what you want and that’s the problem. I think you’re so afraid of anything getting closer to you, that you just stopped talking” Evan shook his head realizing how little they talked of late. About real things like they had before. “Do you even realize that we haven’t talked truly since this began? You wake up and disappear and I just act like I don’t know where you go and what’s wrong. We’re pretending all the time and I’m over it” he shouted.
Barty stared at him like he was a creature and it hit a spot in him that blew every ration thinking part of him away.
“Don’t look at me like I’m crazy” he spat.
“ Evan—”
“ No you know what enjoy this, have a wonderful time maybe go to Mark since it was so easy to strike a conversation,” he said turning away and storming through the crowds of people. He found the door to the back that went through the kitchens and to the back parking lot. He was a blur of emotions and the smallest thing had him wound up.
The collar of his vest itched the soft part of his neck and the small sensation began to feel like it was suffocating him. He ripped at the fabric tearing it from the stitches as he struggled to get it off of him. Getting caught on his arms until he ripped the entire thing whole.
He couldn’t breathe.
He pushed open the door the air blowing over him as he walked out into the alleyway. He could hear their voices condemning him and cursing him. His mother would have said he was a sinner and a belligerent fool. His father would have beaten him. His grandmother—
She was dead, they were all dead.
Evan didn’t have a family. He didn’t celebrate Mother or Father’s Day or his birthday half the time. As a kid he didn’t get presents—not to keep. He had plenty of ones with his name on for show. And he’d do something and they’d get burned in front of his face. Evan was alone and he didn’t see that changing.
He ripped out his phone gasping for air and feeling his eyes burn.
Choking on the air, to thick to breathe.
He pleaded for the phone to pick up the rings feeling long and suspenseful. He gripped the phone collapsing on the ground as he sat on the stone ground his back pressed up against the brick wall. It was filthy and disgusting and it matched what he felt on the inside.
“ Evan” a gravely voice answered.
He cried into the phone trying to focus on the voice and not the ones he could hear in his head. He wanted Barty he did but he wasn’t going back there. Not when he was still pissed off. Not when he felt like this.
He heard a voice go back and forth mumbling in the background before the voice came back through the phone. “ Evan are you alright” Reg asked him.
“ How—how did you do it? How did you make it work, because I can’t do this. I’m tired of doing this all the time. And they said it gets better but it doesn’t. It still hurts and it’s not getting better. This is only getting worse.” He was speaking fast and half of the words weren’t getting out fast enough.
He was trying to push back the past, that’s what he did. He laughed it off he made jokes he used humor. But this wasn’t funny anymore.
“ Evan—Evan what’s wrong, what happened, are you ok, I can come get you” Reg blurted out in one go. Theirs no hesitation at all, just questions about what he needed. He forgets that he does have people. He has a family.
It’s not blood. But blood is not thicker than water not to him. Family was nothing to him, family was torture. It was the two weeks back every semester for a holiday. That he was holed up in his room, trying to avoid them.
Family was nothing.
“ How did you do it? You have it you have James and you’re happy and you’re in love. And I don’t know how you do that. I don’t know how you did it. I hear them it’s all I hear. I can’t get through to myself I can’t move on” he’s breathless and the words come out in breathy pants. This is pain this is the core of love.
“ I don’t know how you love someone and don’t go mental” he adds.
Reguluslaughs. “ I am mental that didn’t stop. But the voices that do that—what they said Evan was never true. They lived their entire life a lie the truth is that nothing they said was true. Not when it came to you. If it was you’d be a cruel bastard and you’re not. It doesn’t stop hurting, love hurts. But sometimes it works out and it’s a little bit better” Regulus sighs. He shifts his tone when he speaks next. This is about Barty?”
“ When is it not” he scoffed still trying to catch his breath.
“ You two are fucking blind’ Regulus said without hesitation. No empathy in his tone. It makes him wonder why it is that he called Regulus first. It’s actually shocking how gentle he’s been this entire conversation. But he never wants Reg’s pity.
“ Barty loves you and you fucking love him. But you two have issues and it makes it harder. Talk to the bastard Evan and if he won’t talk I’ll call him and beat some sense into him.”
“ For once I thought you were being nice for a moment,” he said smiling through some of the pain. Regulus was a good friend but that wasn’t always aligned with a mushy or sympathy. Regulus had been through in some weird way he knew Regulus was almost glad he felt it too.
“ It passed I can only harbor so much.”
“ Yeah——”
“ Barty?”
His body froze and he clutched the phone tighter. His voice was solum and he didn’t even want to turn around to see the expression on his face. He knew it was like a sad cherub. Barty was angry and stern but he looked like a sad puppy when he was upset. Or felt bad.
“ I have to go.” He muttered.
“ Talk to him Evan,” Regulus said and hung up the phone.
Barty moved over towards him sitting his thousand-dollar trousers on the grimy alleyway floors of London. Evan wasn’t good at this, it was a shock they had gotten this far. He was raised terribly he had terrible parents. He was broken and messed up—he wasn’t functional. Not in the ways that mattered.
He stared at the cobblestone not knowing what to say or if he should look at him. At Barty, starting at him hurt like a deer ache pitted in his chest. He thought love would be this bliss but it reality it hurt. But it felt too good to give up.
“ I never slept next to them,” Barty said seemingly out of the blue so much he had to look up with a puzzled expression. Barty bit his lip and his shoulders collapsed. “ I couldn’t even close my eyes around them. They were a distraction for the night but I never trusted them. I sleep next to—you” Barty’s voice cracked he blew out from his mouth in a shudder.
“ You sleep in the middle of the bed and wrap yourself in blankets and fucking snore” Barty smiled to himself. “ You’re too hot and I sweat all night long” his eyes teared up and Evan was looking he was really fucking looking. “ But I sleep and I don’t want to move. I haven’t labeled this because I’m afraid.”
He was afraid? Evan was terrified.
“ You think I’m not.”
Barty shrugged. “ Your Evan you take this shit in strides you are better at this” when he shook his head Barty continued. “ You are all in and I’m too but I’m afraid that you’ll just get sick of me. When I flinch maybe one day you’ll take it personally. And when things get bad I do not want to be touched and I wouldn’t blame you for wanting more for wanting someone normal—”
“ Have I ever done that, I don’t want your body or physical touch solely. I feel in love with you—your mind, fuck the way you think. You could never want to do anything but kiss for the rest of the time to shit not even that and id be there. And I’d love you.” He was crying because everything was so true. The fear between them was true for them—all they knew had been pain their ideas of love and what they had seen was broken.
They were going in blind.
“ You deserve more—” he stopped Barty right there.
“ I deserve a label, I deserve honesty, I deserve you. You’ve been it and I don’t want normal I don’t understand normal. I want crazy deranged screaming in the middle of the night just to sit in the dark. I’d scare normal away. But you—you get it, we get it. I sit want forever I don’t want a taste and then not to have it.”
“ I want you forever I want nothing more than you. I don’t want anything else. I want a house that you decorate. And I want a big bed just so you can sleep in the middle. I want to let Luna stay over and have you go over-the-top crazy. I want love and marriage, and I’d have children with you. I’m terrified and I hate it and I can’t stand this feeling” Barty tapped on his chest showing him the hurt that Evan could feel.
He wanted the same things and hearing it—fuck it was good.
“ I love you, I love you with everything we were never taught. I love you even though I never what that was. I love you—every dark part every broken piece I hold them for you I’ll keep them safe.”
Barty leaned his head on his shoulder his body trembling. “ your it for me.”
“ I’m your boyfriend then.”
Bart laughed. “ Yeah Ev your whatever you want, boyfriend husband have it all.”
“ I want plants” he blurted out.
“Huh?”
“ I want so many plants you cut me off, I want a big bedroom and a bathroom with a claw foot tub. I want to burn that house down and I want to live with you forever.” Barty touched his jaw with a look Evan could only describe as peace.
“ Anything. Have my heart have my home, have everything.”
Their lips met and never broke it. They had never been good with words not in the ways that they should. But the kiss said everything that was left to be said. It was saying their love, commitment, hurt, and pain. It was telling their story and fusing them together. He was consumed by Barty every piece of him every bit of his soul screamed his name.
He wanted forever, starting now but he knew it had begun so long ago.
This wasn’t an end it was just the beginning.