Chapter Text
“Hello everyone, and welcome to… Make It Wayne ! The show where we follow Gotham’s favourite family around, to give you all the exclusive on their day-to-day lives!” The camera was focused on a man in his early thirties with blond, slicked-back hair and a dress shirt. In the background you could see Wayne Manor, standing proudly with its towers and many windows.
“Now, I’m sure that the Waynes need no introduction, but in case someone in Metropolis is seeing this, we’ll let them introduce themselves!”
The view changed to that of a long plush couch with red upholstery, the background was blurry but you could see soft wood tones and a fireplace. In the middle of the couch was a man with black hair and blue eyes.
At the bottom of the screen, a banner popped up saying “Bruce Wayne, father of all”.
“I’m Bruce Wayne, I am currently the third richest man in the world, but we’re hoping to take number one next fall.” he smiled, cheekily winking at the camera before a female voice called out.
“And how many children do you have?”
Bruce sat still for a moment before bringing up his hand to count.
---
The camera cut to someone else who was sitting on the same couch, the little banner at the bottom of the screen read “Richard John Grayson-Wayne, he’s the oldest”.
“Hi!” he waved at the camera, “My name is Richard but you can call me Dick, I used to be a trapeze artist but now I am the oldest of the Wayne children,”
“How is it being the oldest?” the same female voice from before asked.
“It’s… something, I definitely get to use my gymnastics skills a lot more than I thought I would after leaving the circus,”
---
The camera flipped back to Bruce who was now on his second hand.
---
Again it switched, this time to a man with a white streak in his hair.
The banner at the bottom said, “Jason Peter Todd-Wayne, he used to be dead!”.
“My name is Jason, and I wasn’t legally alive until a couple of weeks ago,” he introduced himself.
“How does it feel to be alive again?”
“Since I was officially declared alive, kidnapping attempts have gone up by 300%,”
And that’s all he said about that.
---
The camera switched to a woman, like the others she also had black hair. The banner said, “Cassandra Wayne, she’s a professional ballerina”.
“Hello, I am Cass.” she signed the words while speaking.
“You had a peculiar life before being adopted by Bruce and you only recently started learning English, how has that been for you?”
“Fun! English is hard, but everyone helps me a lot, especially Jason.” she grinned, eyes disappearing completely.
---
Bruce stopped at ten fingers, frowned at the camera, and then started again.
---
Someone else had now taken the seat, he had the same black hair as the others. His banner read “Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne, he’s only 17 but is already helping his dad run the company!”.
“Just call me Tim, everyone does. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t like coffee, but tea doesn’t have enough caffeine to keep me running,”
“How does it feel to be so young and already running a company?”
“I’m a high school drop-out with insomnia and anxiety, running the company is the only thing currently giving my life meaning.” The camera stayed on him for an uncomfortable minute where he didn’t blink, just kept staring.
---
“Timmy has a weird sense of humour, we tried cutting down his work hours but… well, I’m sure everyone saw the video,” Dick said, grimacing.
---
Someone new was now on the couch, like everyone else he also had black hair, but his skin was much darker than any of the others. His banner read “Duke Thomas, he’s the most recent kid”.
“I’m Duke, uh, I’m technically a ward so I haven’t been adopted,”
“How does it feel to now be one of the Waynes?”
“Well, it’s certainly something, I used to be an only child, we lived in a tiny apartment, this is… definitely different.” he laughed. “But everyone has been really nice,”
---
Bruce was back up to two hands.
---
The camera was now on a little boy, he also had black hair and looked just like a younger Bruce if not for his brilliant green eyes and darker skin. His banner read “Damian al Ghul-Wayne, he’s the only biological child”.
“I am Damian al Ghul-Wayne, son of Bruce Wayne and Talia al Ghul.” His voice was surprisingly posh for such a young child.
“What do you think of your older siblings?” the female voice asked.
Damian seemed to perk up as he brought up his hands to give a report on his siblings.
“Grayson was the first, he’s well-liked by the public for his charisma, he’s the most social of us all. Todd likes to joke about his death every moment he gets and pretends like he doesn’t care about us, but secretly he’s the emotional one. Drake is as stubborn as a mule, it took him three years before he finally agreed to see a therapist, the only reason that his stubbornness isn’t seen as a major character flaw is because he’s usually right. Cassandra is the only girl in a house filled with boys, I do not envy her, father had a mental breakdown when her period started. Thomas only just moved in, but I can tell that he’ll fit in just fine with the rest of the crazies. Those are my only legal siblings,”
---
Back with Bruce, he seemed to finally be done counting.
“Damian is my only biological child, legally I have six children, it used to be eight and I still see Harper and Cullen at least once a month. Stephanie is not my daughter, as she loves to remind me, but she’s over so often that she might as well be, and I’ll be paying for her college,”
“So… how many children do you have?”
“Yes,”
---
They were now all on the couch, tightly packed against each other with smiles as “Make it Wayne” appeared on the bottom of the screen as a title card.
The camera slowly panned backwards and out of the room as the man from the start walked into view from the left.
“I’m Will Sawyer and I’ll be your host on this journey to getting to know the Waynes beneath all of the money and good deeds. I’ll be seeing you all next week, on the first official episode of Make It Wayne ,”
---
Call me Dick☑ @FlyingGrayson
I’m officially a Kardashian, dreams really do come true
[Link to the pilot of Make It Wayne]
Got 99 problems and my caffeine addiction is one☑ @TimothyDrakeWayne
In case anyone was wondering, this is the video.
[Link to video of Timothy Drake-Wayne pressed up against the windows of Wayne Enterprises as he sings the chorus of When You’re Gone, security tries to get him off the property but he somehow escapes them every time]
Not so dead☑ @JTodd
I’d like to add that he continued this for a week before we finally agreed to let him go back to work.
I know I have the name of a stripper @CandyCane
Why is #MakeItWayne suddenly trending???? People will really do anything for rich ppl lmao
Metropolis Sucks @Iownthreepigs
You can really tell who isn’t a Gothamite when stuff like this comes up
I know I have the name of a stripper @CandyCane
Lol so what if I’m not from that death town???? They get their own show and suddenly youre all sucking on their cocks
all rich ppl are the same
Metropolis Sucks @Iownthreepigs
The Waynes are literally some of the best people in the world??? I was homeless for a month and it’s because of their homeless shelters that I was able to get out of the cold
Without their scholarships I would still be out on the street and in a month I’ll officially be starting my first day of work for WI, the only reason I’m still alive is because of them so excuse me for ‘sucking on their cocks’ but it ain’t because of no TV show
WayneWatch☑ @WayneWatch
I can assure you, we all love the Waynes because of all of the good things they’ve done throughout the years, not because of some new show
Bruce Wayne☑ @BruceWayne
Thanks to everyone for their support on the pilot episode of Make It Wayne. My children are all very excited :)
Bruce Wayne could step on me and I’d thank him @BruceWayneApologist
OH MY GOSH GUYS HES LITERALLY THE BEST DAD I’M SO SOOOOOOOFTTTTTTTT!
YOU GUYS BETTER BE WATCHING MAKE IT WAYNE BECAUSE I NEED A SEASON 2!
WayneWatch☑ @WayneWatch
Can we just talk about the fact that it took Bruce till the end of the episode to figure out how many children he had and even then he didn’t know?
JOsh @Someonetookmyname
Idk whether this makes him the best or worst dad ever but either way I love it lmao