Chapter Text
Gods, how did this all go so wrong? He just wanted to get the axe of peace from exile. But Dream had to go and ruin it, like everything else in Tommy’s life. The trees passed by in a green blur; either he is running too fast or the tears streaming down his face are affecting his vision. Tommy could hear Dream yelling at him as he ran for his life. “You could die right now and no one would know, and no one would care.”
He’s not wrong, you know.
Tommy shook his head and ran faster. He didn’t even know where he was running to but he had to get out of there. Getting away from Dream was the only thing that mattered.
“Who even are your friends anymore, Tommy?”
“Tubbo and Ranboo.”
Friends? All they do is leave you behind.
Dream just manically laughed at Tommy’s response. There was something hidden within the tone, and Tommy was sure that he didn't want to find out what it was.
The chase continued, Dream not giving Tommy even a moment of rest.
“I’m not gonna let you die. I can bring people back. You're living forever.” Dream was clearly taking pleasure in the mental torment he put Tommy through. Despite claiming to never let him die, he chased him with the axe of peace, taking swings that nipped at Tommy’s heels. But with the revival book, Tommy guessed Dream didn’t need to worry about accidentally killing him.
Then he saw the smoke rising out of a chimney of a house. Phil’s house. This was his chance. Dream couldn’t kill him if he had Philza on his side. So Tommy started screaming as loudly as he could, “PHIL, PHIL, HELP. Dream’s chasing me. He’s already killed and brought me back once. I can’t… won’t let it happen again.”
Philza Minecraft, the greatest man alive. He killed Wilbur though? Standing in his yard, Phil made his way towards Tommy’s screams. Looking behind the younger blond, he couldn’t see the green blob, but experience suggests that even if you can’t see him, it doesn’t mean he’s not there.
“I believe you, mate but I can't see him now. Come on in and stay a while.” Philza tried calming the panicked boy down.
“You have to believe me. He was there. He’s out of prison. He was chasing me with the axe of peace,” Tommy stammered out. His breathing became erratic, eyes frantically searching Phil’s face for distrust.
Phil took a deep breath; when trying to repair relationships, it's best to be honest up front. Secrets get people killed on this server, and this server really didn’t need any more death.
“I gotta tell you something mate,” Phil began. “I believe you that Dream is chasing you and out of prison because I helped break him out.”
“WHAT? Why?” Tommy screeched.
Run. Philza Minecraft already helped Dream once. He wouldn’t stop him from killing you.
“Techno owed Dream a favor. He repaid it by breaking Dream out of prison. I only helped since Techno is such a good friend of mine. The favor is repaid, and we kicked him off of our property as soon as we fulfilled the deed,” Phil explained.
“You're safe here, Tommy. We will protect you from Dream,” He hesitantly added. “However, I should let you know that Ranboo lost his last life during the prison break.”
“What?” Tommy’s voice sounded hollow even to himself. Ironic that the only person left on the server who never intentionally betrayed him was dead.
“Yeah, Techno and I already discussed it, and we decided that trading Ranboo’s revival for another favor to Dream is too risky. He went to collect Tubbo so we can all mourn together.” Phil elaborated, tears starting to stream down his face.
Tommy felt numb. Part of himself was clearly missing. It had been since his revival, to be honest. Part of him was glad that they weren’t reviving Ranboo. Glad he didn’t have to deal with death calling to him every night. Maybe it would be different for him though. Maybe Ranboo wanted to live.
The other part was despondent since he had just pushed past the jealousy he felt towards the dual-tone man. The friendship that was fresh, brand new like a bud in spring, was killed by an unexpected freeze.
There goes one of the only two friends you have.
Sometime during Philza’s explanation they had moved inside the cabin. Tommy had no idea how much time had passed, but the sun was casting a purple-pink haze across the sky. Ranboo would have loved to see this sunset, Tommy mused to himself.
The sound of the door banging opened and the thump of boots being shoved off at the door overwhelmed Tommy’s ears. Techno must be home, but judging from the noise he’s not alone.
Tommy waited on the couch in the living room for Techno and the guest to enter, feeling drained from the afternoon. This couldn’t get worse.
You spoke too soon.
Tommy wished his internal dialogue was wrong, but then Tubbo walked in after Techno. Fuck. They hadn’t really had a chance to talk. Especially after his death and revival in the prison. There's something about your best friend getting platonically married while you're dead that makes you not want to speak to them.
Techno must have noticed Tommy on the couch since he stopped dead in his tracks. His red cloak that flowed behind him rushed to his sides.
“Why is he here?” How a monotone voice could still somehow display such disdain Techno felt, Tommy didn’t know, but it was kinda impressive.
“Mate, we are family, and mostly we are keeping him safe from Dream. It’s a nice addition that everyone that Ranboo cared about can mourn together,” Philza reasoned.
Are you guys really family? After everything that's happened?
This isn’t Tommy’s fight though. If Techno decided to not let him stay he would figure something else out. He’s a big man that way.
“Fine.” To everyone's surprise Techno agreed without any further arguments.
“I’m gonna set up Tubbo in one of the guest rooms. I guess Tommy can have the other.” Technoblade then began to manually move Tubbo out of the living space.
Tubbo was pale and his eyes glassy. Clearly unresponsive. He almost looked like a zombie if he had green skin. You could have told Tommy that it was Tubbo who died instead of Ranboo and he would have believed you.
“I miss him.” The words were whispered so quietly Tommy almost missed them beneath Techno’s heavy footsteps.
Tubbo never mourned you like this.
Fuck, this is bad. Emotions are not his strong suit though. Tommy turned to Phil for guidance on how to approach the situation, only to find him in a similar state to Tubbo. Tommy didn’t even know Philza had been close to Ranboo.
Maybe emotions were just high right now. Tommy would wait until tomorrow to understand the dynamic of the chaotic new household he found himself in.
He found himself wishing Ranboo was there. He was a dickhead, but an open and honest dickhead. Tommy really hoped that Ranboo knew all the insults were in good fun and that he was one of Tommy’s best friends.
Sobbing was heard into the night as Tommy fell asleep. Tommy couldn’t tell who was crying as the sounds ebbed and flowed throughout the night.
Sun shone brightly into Tommy’s eyes the next morning. He fought to open his crusty sealed eyes. He must have cried in his sleep. Tommy listened for movements within the household. Absolute silence.
Tommy stood. His stomach gurgled loudly. He should probably make food then. Tommy passed several opened doors as he went to the kitchen. Through the door immediately next to his room, Tommy could see Tubbo just sitting and staring at a wall. He was still in bed. It's entirely possible he hadn't moved since last night. Tommy mentally noted that he should make breakfast for two then.
The next room was empty. The maps and feathers on the floor told Tommy that this was Philza’s room, but Phil was nowhere to be found, at least not in his room. The bed was made. Either Phil had gotten up earlier than Tommy and already started his day or he never went to sleep at all. The tally tentatively rose to three.
Techno’s door was cracked open, just enough for Tommy to see that Techno was still a lump in his bed. He appeared to be sleeping. He could make breakfast and leave some for Techno to reheat when he awoke.
As he turned to leave the hallway a light across the way caught his attention. Philza was bent over a desk writing furiously with books opened all around him. The torch on the wall was well burned. The hyper focused Philza didn’t notice Tommy as he approached. The closer he got, the more details came into focus. The eye bags screamed that Phil hadn’t slept, and the shaking hands could either be grief or low blood sugar, solidifying Tommy’s count to four. For now Tommy decided to leave Philza to whatever he was doing. He was going to focus on breakfast before thinking of anything else.
Tommy ended up making a simple breakfast of pancakes with some fruit. He delivered the food to everyone by hand. Philza barely acknowledged him with a low “thanks.” Tommy wasn’t sure that Tubbo even realized Tommy had talked to him. He ended up just leaving the food for him. Techno had talked to him but it was only to ask him to feed Steve and the other animals.
Somehow this became a routine. Tommy would cook for the others and take care of all the household chores. Techno refused to leave his room, Philza was constantly working on something, and Tubbo was barely responsive.
Shows how much your friends and family love Ranboo more than you, huh?
No. Everyone grieves differently, and it’s not like he saw how they acted while he was dead. Breathe and focus on today’s tasks: 1) get Techno out of his room; 2) get Philza to take a break; and 3) get Tubbo to respond.
Tommy set off with a determined pace, carrying the plate of scrambled eggs into Techno’s room.
“Look big man. It’s been a week. Steve is really missing your company. You should really go visit him.” Tommy set the plate on the bedside table, hoping and praying that Techno’s love for his pets would outweigh the grief.
The shifting of blankets and groans gave Tommy hope his plan had worked.
“Leave. Thanks for the food, I guess. Steve will have to wait. Ranboo deserves us all to be mourning,” Techno pointedly stated. The sharp barbs hurt Tommy.
Tommy missed Ranboo, but he also understood that his friend was stupidly optimistic and believed in not wallowing in grief. Ranboo helped keep him sane while in exile, and he would repay the favor by taking care of those who loved him. Since they were refusing to take care of themselves.
It's the least you can do since everyone hates you.
Well it seemed that the first goal of the day was a failure. Still two more to succeed at! Plus there’s always tomorrow to get Technoblade out of his room. Onto Philza then.
Tommy grabbed a second plate of food for Phil and entered the study, seeing a sight that he really wished he wasn’t used to. Philza’s hair was a greasy mess and Tommy hadn't seen him leave the room since he started staying here.
“Hey Phil, you should really take a break. Eat and take a shower, my man.”
“Can’t. I have to finish this.”
“Ranboo would still want you to take care of yourself. Your work can't be so important that you sacrifice your own health.”
“I’m trying to figure out a way to get Dream to revive him without unfavorable terms, mate. I can take care of myself once we have him back.” Tommy goes to argue that his argument is bullshit, but Phil cuts him off.
“You should be glad I’m working to find another solution. Leave me alone or we could just trade you to Dream as the solution.”
Tommy’s heart shattered. He thought he was rebuilding his relationship with his family after all their history. But hearing this only confirms that they don’t love him.
They never did.
Disheartened Tommy decided to take the loss for now. 0/2 so far; his batting average is abysmal today. One more chance to succeed at today’s goals and big man Tommyinnit refused to give up now.
Grabbing the last plate of food, Tommy went to visit Tubbo.
Tubbo had barely moved in the past week and had a bad habit of just staring at the wall.
“Hey Tubso, I got breakfast for you.”
Tubbo just continued to stare at the wall.
“Well I’ll leave it here. If you have any preferences for lunch or dinner, let me know. I will be back in about an hour to make sure you ate at least some of your breakfast.” Tommy ended up almost whispering at the end of his sentence.
Giving up on Tubbo responding, Tommy turned to leave. He guessed it would be another 0/3 day.
Right as he was almost out of earshot, Tubbo began, “Why can’t you just leave me alone to grieve my platonic husband. I would have thought exile would have taught you how to leave people alone.”
Tommy froze in his retreat. He succeeded in getting Tubbo to respond, but at what cost?
He doesn’t regret any of the pain he caused you.
He stumbled into his bedroom. He had been so busy taking care of those around him that he never took the time he needed to mourn his friend. Maybe his only real friend if his recent interactions with Tubbo were any indication.
What he wouldn’t give to have traded places with Ranboo. No one cared like this when he died.
Maybe that’s his solution. He could find a way to bring Ranboo back.
Unlike when Phil had tried to bring Wilbur back, Tommy would succeed because when your mom is Lady Death, you learn some tips and tricks.
One memory stood out in particular to Tommy as he pondered how to bring Ranboo back.
The black veil covers her face from view, but her words are as clear as day, “The universe works in balance. When a death occurs, so does a birth. Life and Death are in perfect harmony, always.”
Of course Phil always failed at bringing Wilbur back. He forgot the number one rule of the world. Balance is always necessary. The dark whispers of Tommy’s brain intruded again.
That would solve one problem with another. Ranboo would be back, and they wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore.
He knew that wasn’t completely true, but Tommy wasn’t sure he had the energy to constantly fight the intrusive thoughts if he had no one in his corner anymore. He just really wished Ranboo was there to make deadpan jokes and distract Tommy from everything.
Tomorrow he had a new set of goals to follow. He would join Phil in the search, only Tommy was looking for a specific book instead of delivering meals. Tommy was sure Phil had a book on the ritual he had in mind. Philza had a bit of an obsession with collecting everything about his wife. He called it love. Tommy called it weird.
Tired. Tommy was bone-chillingly tired as he woke up the next morning. Fuck the others living here, if they wanted to eat they could make their own damn food. He doubted they would even notice his absence. The only ones he kinda felt sorry for were Techno’s animals, but maybe it was what Tech needed to get him to leave his bed.
That is if he even realizes you're not there to do it for him.
Whatever. Not like it was Tommy’s problem, and if everything goes to plan he wouldn’t even have to see the consequences of his actions.
He snuck past all the bedrooms and the study. Tommy was not even sure why he bothered though. They never noticed him anyways. He made it successfully to the library.
It was a disaster. With Philza obviously taking any book he thought he needed and with Techno holed up in his room, no one had cleaned up any of the books piled on the floor. Tommy just hoped the book he was looking for would be here and not with Phil. That was a conversation he really didn’t want to have and wasn't sure he could convince Phil to give the book up anyways.
Tommy breathed a heavy sigh and started sorting through the books on the floor first, reshelving them as he went. He considered it the last of his goodwill to the people he once called his family.
He spent hours sorting and was on the last bookshelf when he realized that if he didn't find it here he would have to ask Philza for help. Dread filled his heart at the thought. So far he had read about seven different books about the Goddess of Death in hopes of finding the ritual he was looking for.
Tommy was close to giving up on the library when the title “Life and Death Rituals” caught his eye. The title was a little on the nose for what he was looking for but he wasn’t gonna complain as long as it was accurate.
Tommy pulled the book off the shelf and left the now clean library. He made his way back to the guest room he was currently borrowing.
Sitting at the desk in the corner, he took the ink and quill out of the drawer. He might as well make notes in the book. Maybe he was being petty, but both Phil and Technoblade’s words hurt yesterday.
Not as much as Tubbo’s though.
Tommy knew how much they hated writing in books, but he was gonna do it just to spite them. Not that they would ever know. Tommy really doubted they would ever read this book and notice his notes anyways.
Tommy started his read, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t as boring as the title was. He noted as such inside the book. Realizing this was the last thing he would possibly leave in this world since Tommy had already decided not to leave a note. This wasn’t a suicide; it was a sacrifice.
Call it what you want; you’re still ending your own life.
So he wrote every thought he had while reading the work. He included any details he remembered of his mom, figuring he might as well add some autobiography to the guide.
Towards the end he finally found the ritual he was looking for: The life switching ritual. The description stated it’s not normally self-sacrifice but could be. Which didn’t surprise Tommy at all; not many want to give up their lives for another when you could just kill someone for the same result.
The ceremony itself was pretty easy. Wait until the full moon, collect the materials, and have a prayer or written letter of intent. Basically, just explaining why the revivee should get a second chance at life or the situation at hand. Then hope Lady Death accepts the ritual. The materials were just some flowers, squid ink, and obviously someone who’s going to die.
Tommy immediately knew the flowers had to be alliums. An ode to the friendship between him and Ranboo. Squid ink shouldn’t be too hard to get a hold of. The full moon would be the determining factor of how soon the rite could take place.
Luckily, or unluckily, depending on your point of view, the full moon was only three days away. Just enough time for Tommy to finish his last-minute actions on this server.
Despite already ruining the book in Techno and Phil’s eyes, he would never rip any pages out and leave the work incomplete. So he copied all the important info into a different notebook.
It had only been one day since he broke their normal routine, but part of him was hoping at least one of them would have noticed he didn’t check in on them or feed them. He just reminded himself it was only one day – maybe they were just enjoying him not bothering them. The disappointment still pooled in his gut. Why couldn’t they just care about him like he does them?
You're just not worth it to them.
Fuck this. He was bone-tired and would focus on what to do next in the morning. He deserved to sleep.
The next morning Tommy reluctantly checked on Techno’s animals. It seemed they didn’t get fed at all yesterday. Wow, for all Technoblade ranted about his love for his animals, he really didn’t care enough to check in on them. Tommy decided he should set up an automatic feeding system seeing as he clearly couldn’t trust Techno to take care of his own animals.
This process took hours. Tommy boasted being great at all things. Just maybe not red stone, okay? That was always Tubbo’s thing.
Not anymore. Tubbo’s thing is being a human statue.
It was mid-afternoon, and the sun was really beating down on Tommy who had been outside all day. At least he only had one task left before he could complete the ritual, guilt-free. It shouldn’t take him too long, so he could leave it for tomorrow.
After the long day of manual labor, Tommy took a shower and cooked a meal. For one this time. He was done playing caretaker for those who were ungrateful for everything he’d tried to do.
Tommy felt that he should not feel this apathetic about his own death, but at this point he’d had a pretty shitty past three lives and he really did not want to see what the imposed fourth held in store.
These next two days could not pass quickly enough.
The bright sunlight streaming in through the window was completely contradictory towards how Tommy was feeling. Moving each limb took the same amount of effort as moving a mountain. Rolling out of bed onto the floor, Tommy’s motivation unfortunately remained at an all time low.
Good thing he only needed to collect the materials from his old house today and release Shroud.
The last creature to care about you on this server.
They deserved to be free since no one would check in on them after his death.
Tommy started the long trek to his dirt house and prayed to every deity that he knew of that he wouldn’t run into anyone. He really didn’t have any desire to socialize with anybody.
The walk to his house was surprisingly uneventful.
Amazing how everything is going well now that you’ve decided to die.
Tommy opened every chest like five different times to get the ink and flowers he needed for the ritual taking special care to grab the allium that Ranboo had given him when he first joined this hellish server. Gods, he really needed better organization skills.
Not like it really matters anymore.
Next, he pulled out his pickaxe and broke the glass that held Shroud. Now he wonders if he should just leave his house doors open and let Shroud leave at their own pace or herd them out.
Ultimately, Tommy decided to leave the doors open. Shroud could stay there as long as they wanted. Not like he’s gonna be using his house anymore.
He would miss his companion. Not enough to change his plans though.
Might as well start his long walk back to Techno and Phil’s place. Fucking hell, he was not excited to make the cold-ass walk through the tundra.
Tomorrow night was the night of the ritual.
Tommy hoped his last day on the server could be as uneventful as today was.
At least one god must be smiling down on Tommy because he got his wish, and now all he could hope was that Lady Death would be kind and accept the sacrifice.
As appealing as lying in bed until he had to set up sounded, maybe he should check in on the others. You know, to have no last regrets and all that jazz. It didn’t have to take long, and maybe he wouldn't even have to talk to them.
Tommy reluctantly stood, his vision fading with black dots and a pounding headache. Gods he hated standing up too fast. Maybe he needed to drink more water.
Tommy tried to keep his footsteps silent as he peeked into Tubbo’s room first.
There appeared to be no change there; Tubbo hadn’t moved and was still staring at the wall. Keeping Tubbo’s recent words in mind, Tommy turned and left without a word.
Tommy continued on, peeking into Techno’s room next. There didn’t appear to be any change here either. Tommy hung around, standing at the door for a whole minute before moving on. Technoblade was normally super observant, so if he wanted to talk to Tommy he would.
Tommy decided to use the same approach with Philza before giving in to the earlier desire to just sleep until the evening.
As predicted, Philza also ignored Tommy’s existence. Phil had clearly started sleeping in the office, but Tommy felt it really wasn’t worth the yelling match to try and get him to sleep in his room.
Especially with the full moon tonight.
Tommy retreated into the room he was borrowing from Techno. He surveyed the room making sure it was cleaner than when he got there. The only change was he left “Life and Death Rituals” in the desk drawer.
Happy with completing his list, Tommy decided to relax.
Just as the sun started to set, Tommy left the guest bedroom after one last sweep of the room, triple checking his inventory for the needed materials, before setting off into the distance.
The setup was overall easy enough. Tommy had decided to do this in the middle of the woods by Logstedshire. What better place than where he first became suicidal.
He set up torches around a marble altar he had made. Tommy’s shaky hands carefully drew the symbols from the book he read in squid ink, double checking them against the notebook from his inventory. Laying the collection of flowers in the center, he began his prayer.
“Lady Death, I understand the balance between life and death is vastly important. A balance that has already been broken on this server and probably will be broken too many times to count. However, this shouldn’t be held against the innocents. Dream alone should hold the responsibility for the balance he disrupted with the revival book. I come here today with hopes of you accepting a long forgotten ritual. A life for a life. The balance will remain the same.
Ranboo’s time on this server has ended far too soon. I, on the other hand, have nothing left for me here. Allow the rest of your family respite from their grief. Grant me my wish of death and allow Ranboo to complete his goals here on this plane of existence.”
The silent tears streaming down his face forced Tommy to pause and take a deep breath.
“You can stop now. She already knows everything about your intentions, but if you need to keep going, I also understand.” A masculine voice startled Tommy.
He whipped around, looking for the source in vigor.
Finding him wasn’t a difficult task. He was a completely normal looking fella, if you ignored the bright orange hair.
“Who the fuck are you?” Tommy demanded.
His thoughts raced. Did Dream add new people to the server already, is he trying to stop his ritual from being complete, how should he handle this.
The deep chuckle broke through the storm.
“The name’s Layup. Layup Jones actually, and I work for your mom. She sent me to collect your soul. We figured that bringing you to the afterlife would be easier than you killing yourself and hoping you end up in the right place. Plus this way you know that you succeeded. Lady Death has accepted your sacrifice. Ranboo will be revived once you decide to leave with me,” the orangette explained.
Tommy was a little stunned. Up until this point he hadn’t really let himself believe that this ritual would work. A part of him thought he would be ending his life in vain and that no one would ever know.
“Your mom misses you dearly. She is equal parts torn that you made this decision and excited to get to spend time with you. Is there anything else you wish to do, or do you want to start our journey?”
Tommy decided Layup seemed like a pleasant bloke. His voice was peaceful, and he seemed to understand that despite asking if Tommy had any unfinished business that his only wish was to leave this server.
“Will my death and leaving of the server be broadcast over the common channel?”
“That’s up to you to decide, my boy.”
“Fuck you! I'm not a boy! I’m a man!” Tommy yelled at Layup.
The first time he’d had the motivation to yell jokingly in weeks and peace fell over his soul. He made the right decision there. He’d headed to a place where he could finally rest and heal. Tommy couldn’t wait to spend time with the woman Phil had told him stories of during his childhood. His mom. The last family member who cared for him.
No message was made when TommyInnit left.
Ranboo has joined the server
What the fuck. Ranboo thinks to himself. He had died. He knows he died for his final life, so how the hell was he back on the Dream SMP? He’s not one to cuss often, even in his own mind, but he figures this is an acceptable time to start.
Looking around it isn’t hard to know where he is. The giant obsidian box is difficult to miss. It appears he spawned back exactly where he died, oddly enough. He would have expected to spawn back at his mansion. Or at the very least, the world spawn.
The fact he is back at all is surprising as well. One moment he was in his afterlife now he's here.
This is not a question he expects easy answers to. This isn’t like the afterlife where he could just ask Lady Death. She was always willing to answer all his questions. Including where Wilbur was, (limbo), why he wasn’t in limbo, (he didn’t leave a ghost on the SMP, so his soul wasn’t split or tied to the server). Could he watch over Tubbo, (unfortunately part of being in the afterlife is the separation between the planes and he couldn’t view the SMP anymore).
Dream clearly isn’t here so the revive book wasn’t used. Which Mumza says is a violation of the balance of life and death, and Dream is playing a very dangerous game.
Maybe he already knew what happened. He should check his memory book.
Which is missing from his inventory.
Ranboo exhales a long sign before starting the long trek to Snowchester.
Ranboo can't help but wonder how Tommy’s reacting to Dream being out of prison. He doesn’t regret helping Techno since they would have succeeded even without his help, and maybe he helped limit the death on the server.
Lost in his thoughts about what is real and what is a fake memory, Ranboo stumbles across the familiar dark oak mansion. He stops in the doorway, surprised to see Philza going through his potions chest.
Philza had never visited him before, and he hadn’t seemed like the kind to need others’ potions. Didn’t Technoblade have a billion on supply just in case? Either way Phil wouldn’t steal from them, so Tubbo must have given him permission.
TUBBO. Crap, where’s Tubbo? He assumes Philza will know; might as well ask instead of awkwardly standing in the doorway.
“Uhhh hey Phil, do you know where Tubbo is?”
Phil freezes mid-action, dropping the potion he is holding on the ground.
“Holy shit mate. Are you real or did your ghost finally appear?” Philza squawks.
“I assume I'm real. Don’t remember much. I'm here to grab my memory book and look for Tubbo. Why do you need the potions?”
Philza refuses to make eye contact with Ranboo. Normally, he would appreciate this gesture, but it's making the situation harder for Ranboo to read.
“Oh uh, we all thought you died…”
Huh, so it wasn’t his faulty memory. He really did die.
“...and I was trying to figure out a way to bring you back. Which I guess isn’t necessary now. Dream must have revived you. He must be hoping for a favor in return,” Phil mutters towards the end.
“Tubbo?” Ranboo inquires softly, not really wanting to deal with the rest of that currently.
“Oh he's with Techno at the house. We should depart as soon as you grab your book. I’m sure they will be overjoyed to see you!” Phil is beaming, his eyes glowing a hazy sapphire.
Ranboo, in a daze, opens his enderchest and pulls his memory journal out. Not even a second after it is safely in his inventory, Phil grabs his arm and starts pulling him towards the exit.
Phil rambles the entire walk from Snowchester to Techno’s cabin. If asked Ranboo wouldn’t have been able to tell you a single thing the old man said. He was too busy caught up in his own thoughts.
He died during the prison break, he remembers that much, and the peace he felt afterwards. But he has no sense of time whatsoever. And no idea how he ended up alive on the server again. Phil thinks it’s Dream, but surely Dream had to be there if he revived him. The green blob was nowhere near the prison when Ranboo had respawned. So how did he gain another life?
Ranboo decides to let it go for now. The saying “don't look a gift horse in the mouth” exists for a reason.
Phil is pushing him through Techno’s door before he knows it. Ranboo is really hoping this is when Phil stops manhandling him. Unfortunately that doesn’t seem to be the case since Philza notices Technoblade isn’t in his living room or within eyesight. The blond continues to maneuver him through Techno’s cabin. As if he didn’t already know the layout. Phil busts into Techno’s room without knocking. Ranboo wishes to be that fearless someday.
Surprisingly, Ranboo doesn’t hear any yelling or scolding, just a gentle hum of confusion.
“Techno, mate you will never guess who I found while getting potions from Tubbo’s house.”
“Phil, you know I couldn't care less who you found. Can you leave me alone now?”
“Nah, you really care this time,” Phil says before turning to Ranboo. “You just gonna keep standing in the doorway?”
Blood-red eyes shoot to his, maintaining uncomfortable contact.
“Are you a ghost or a hallucination?”
“Neither. Or at least I'm pretty sure it's neither. Let me double check my book.”
Ranboo pulls out his journal, scanning for any more information about his respawn. Surely if he was a ghost he would know right?
Techno turns his attention to Phil again. “Bruh, how did this happen? Or are we just not questioning it and moving on?”
“No idea. I figured we could just move on if it was anything important like someone doing us a favor, they won’t stay quiet long.”
Techno just scoffs in response.
“Good to see you man. You can have the spare room at the end of the hall. If Tommy is still there feel free to kick him out.”
Techno then stands, making his way towards Ranboo.
“Oh, also not sure how Tubbo’s gonna react, so maybe ease him into it. I’m gonna go feed Steve and the others.” Techno pushes past Ranboo. Maybe standing in the doorway isn’t his best idea.
Ranboo is socially exhausted. He decides to go to his temporary room, and if Tommy is there he could always sleep on the couch.
He really wants to see Tommy. He has a way of lightening the mood in a way that Ranboo desperately needs right now.
Entering the bedroom, it looked completely empty, but just to double check that Tommy isn’t still staying here he searches the room. The only sign of use was a book in the desk drawer.
Weird place to keep a book. Ranboo opens to the title page to see a handwritten note.
I have zero regrets about “destroying” this book. Everyone who reads this can enjoy the thoughts of the biggest man alive Tommyinnit
Before he knows it the sun is streaming through the window and somehow Ranboo had spent his whole night reading about life and death rituals and Tommy’s thoughts on the entire book. The more he read the worse the pit in his stomach felt.
This feels way too much like a final ode to whoever ended up reading it. Ranboo is suddenly very concerned about the fact Tommy was supposed to be staying in this room, but Ranboo hasn’t seen hide nor hair of him.
Life switching ritual.
The next chapter is about life switching rituals.
Ranboo can’t stop himself from reading every word. Gods, Tommy couldn’t have actually performed this. Did he?
Ranboo cries as he reads, not caring that his cheeks are growing scars. One of his best friends gave his last life just to give Ranboo a second chance. Ranboo wishes he didn’t understand, but Tommy’s words ran through his head.
Everyone loves Ranboo, no one deserves to mourn him when I can bring him back. It’s not like anyone will even miss me.
Ranboo wishes that he could reassure Tommy that he would miss him, but part of him wonders if Tommy is right. Did anyone even notice Tommy’s absence? So far no one has mentioned him except in passing, and because of the book he knows that Tommy was the one feeding and taking care of everyone in the cabin. How can they not notice he stopped feeding them or checking in on any of them. How could they never thank Tommy for any of his efforts? Ranboo could never understand them.
I’m leaving the ritual instructions intact just in case someone else needs them, but please never try to revive me. To whomever is reading this please keep my sacrifice a secret. I want only those who truly love and miss me to know. Which will basically only be you, Ranboo. Or I assume you're the only one to notice this book and read it in its entirety.
Ranboo misses Tommy and wants to spend all his time mourning his best friend, but Tommy gave his life for him. That means he has to live. Which means leaving this room and interacting with Tubbo, Techno, and Philza.
Ranboo half expects to see Tommy in the kitchen preparing breakfast.
I guess I got stuck making all the meals since no one here has more self preservation than a suicidal teen.
Ranboo can hear Tommy’s words repeat through his head. He’s glad he has a part of his friend still with him. Even if it's his morbid notes from the book.
Ranboo has mixed feelings about the recurring voice that spoke Tommy's words back to him. He’s happy to remember his friend, but it makes the loneliness grow within him.
Ranboo is only in the empty kitchen for ten minutes before Phil joins him.
“Good morning mate. Do you want me to make breakfast?”
“I mean sure, but I was wondering if you know where Tommy is? Techno said he might have been staying in the same room as me.”
Ranboo already knows where Tommy is but he is curious how Phil and the others would react. Or if they had even noticed he was gone yet. If they haven't he sure wasn’t going to tell them.
“Hmm, now that you mention it I haven’t seen him recently, but you know how he is, mate. He will turn up eventually. You really just can't get rid of the gremlin.”
Ranboo couldn’t bring himself to laugh along. How many times did Tommy hear these kinds of remarks before realizing they aren’t actually jokes.
I mean my own family replaced me with Ranboo, to them I'm just an annoyance they can’t shake.
“How are we breaking my revival to Tubbo?” Ranboo stutters.
“I figure easing him into it would work best but I have no idea how to ease someone into the idea that someone is no longer dead. Maybe I should just talk to him about it before sending him to see you?”
“I guess that's better than winging the entire thing,” Ranboo agrees to Philza's admittedly flimsy plan.
Ranboo sits to eat his toast and eggs while Phil leaves to go break the news to Tubbo, how he was planning to do that he has no idea. He prays that at least someone will prove him wrong and give him a reason to spill Tommy’s secret. All he wants is someone else to prove they love and care about Tommy for unselfish reasons. Then he wouldn’t have to be alone knowing the extreme sacrifice Tommy made for him.
He rises out of his seat and is putting his dirty plate in the sink when a body flies into his back, clinging on for dear life.
“A warning would have been nice. I think I have bruises from that impact,” Ranboo pouts.
“And I would have appreciated a warning that you were gonna get revived. We don't always get what we want, big man. Gods, it's good to see you. We should adopt a child now that you're back. I was lonely without you.”
“What about Tommy? You know, your best friend. Surely he kept you company while I was dead?”
“I mean sure he was here and wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone like a clingy motherfucker. But it wasn’t the same as your company. I actually want to spend time with you.”
I doubt Tubbo is even my friend anymore since he keeps sending me away.
Now, Ranboo didn’t normally consider himself to be a violent person, but at the current rate if these people don’t stop insulting Tommy at every turn he's gonna end up punching someone.
“He’s your best friend Tubbo. You love him and should really stop being so negative towards him.”
Tubbo pauses and responses despondently “Fine. You're right, I do love him. Just being around him brings up a lot of complicated feelings. I’ll apologize to him the next time he comes around.”
His heart feels the sharp stab of pain as he realizes that Tommy will never get that apology, and that Ranboo has no intention of ever explaining to anyone where the blond went. Tommy’s last wish was to only have his sacrifice known by those who truly love and miss him, and until Ranboo is sure that Tubbo fulfills those requirements he will be the only one to mourn for the biggest man on the server.
Ranboo sets Tubbo down. “You go get ready for the day. I'm sure we have a lot to catch up on.”
He waits exactly until Tubbo leaves the room to pull out his memory book and writes, “Tommy is the kindest and sweetest friend you have. Respect his dying wish and tell no one that he gave his life for yours.”