Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The air was beginning to feel crisp and cool, the last traces of autumn lingering in the warm sunlight and few leaves still clinging to the trees. The new year was just around the corner, and Iruka was deeply considering whether he had enough savings to invest in a secondhand kotatsu to add to Shisui’s cramped jonin apartment. The Uchiha had kindly allowed Iruka to stay there after the orphanage had kicked him out, but it wasn’t exactly what Iruka would consider a fully furnished apartment. It had a futon, a kitchen with one knife and a few utensils, a small table with one chair, and a few appliances like a toaster oven and a hot water kettle. The kettle was great for making instant ramen, which was the main staple of Iruka’s diet these days. But it was expensive to run the heat, and every time Iruka asked Shisui about utilities and rent, the Uchiha jonin would wave him off and tell him not to worry about it, which honestly just made Iruka worry more. He didn’t want to be a burden, and that’s how he felt when he stayed in Shisui’s apartment.

Maybe instead of saving up for a kotatsu he should be saving up for his own apartment.

Iruka shook off the idea as he crossed the village, taking a deep breath and enjoying the way the crisp air prickled his lungs. It would take a lot more savings to get his own apartment than his own kotatsu. The heated table seemed like a more realistic goal, for now at least. Maybe when he made Chunin and started taking more C and B-rank missions he would be able to afford a place of his own. (maybe the Konoha orphan fund and his parents’ money would finally be made available to him. That would probably cover the costs of a modest apartment.) Not that he disliked Shisui’s apartment - well, aside from Shisui’s nosy and annoying neighbor, Kakashi.

At least Iruka didn’t have to deal with him today. He was probably out on some guard detail or something for the big day. It was pretty much all hands on deck for the summit between Konoha and Kumo - Shisui had invited Itachi along to shadow him on his security rounds along the forest side of the village, and apparently Mikoto and Fugaku Uchiha were on patrol somewhere too. They were part of the police force, so that made sense. Itachi had asked Iruka to watch Sasuke, since everyone else would be busy patrolling or attending the ceremony. 

Iruka had agreed, though he was a little miffed that everyone else was getting paid for their tasks and he wasn’t.

Okay, well, technically Itachi wasn’t being paid either, but his job sounded way more exciting than babysitting Sasuke. Though one would never have known it from the way Itachi had run Iruka through what seemed to be every possible worst-case scenario. Itachi had told Iruka where to find the epinephrine auto-injector in case Sasuke developed a new, sudden allergy. When Iruka asked if Sasuke had current allergies, or if any of his family had allergies, Itachi had said no. But they still had the epinephrine. It was so dramatic. Then again, if Iruka suffered from a sudden case of anaphylaxis, he’d probably just suffocate in Shisui’s apartment feeling stupid for not having epinephrine. So he didn’t tease Itachi about it.

Then Itachi had proceeded to show Iruka the Flood, Fire, Earthquake, and Security-Wall Breach escape routes and respective bunker locations on the map posted inside the door of one of the kitchen cupboards. (The inside door of the other cupboard had a paper affixed to it listing the days when sorted garbage and recycling were to be taken out.) Once Iruka had convinced Itachi that he knew the security protocol backwards and forwards, Itachi had walked Iruka through Sasuke’s meal times, snack times, approved playtime activities, and about a dozen other minute details. It had taken him over an hour to memorize all the details yesterday, and now he was headed over to the Uchiha home to relieve Shisui and Itachi so they could head out to patrol. 

When he reached the Uchiha district, he was surprised to see how few security people were out and about compared to usual. Then again, he figured if Fugaku, Mikoto, and Shisui were all assigned elsewhere, it made sense that a significant portion of the usual patrols would have been relocated, too. He still got the occasional scowl from passing Uchiha clan members (that was a given at this point), but he wasn't stopped on his way to Itachi’s house. 

When he arrived, Sasuke was practically dumped on him by Itachi as he and Shisui flew out the door. “Thanks, Iruka!” Itachi said as he dropped his little brother into Iruka’s arms. “See you in a few hours!”

“We really appreciate it,” Shisui added with a good-natured grin. 

“No problem,” Iruka replied, stepping inside the house as Sasuke began to squirm in his arms. “See you!”

Itachi and Shisui lifted their hands in similar gestures of farewell, and Iruka bit his lip to keep himself from snickering at how similar their movements were. Sometimes he suspected the Uchihas took classes to learn how to move and act in perfect synchrony. Then again, considering Fugaku’s strict style of household management, maybe they did drill on things like waving goodbye in perfect tandem. In his arms, Sasuke wiggled more pointedly. 

“Down,” he told Iruka, giving him a plaintive look.

Grinning, Iruka lugged the youngest Uchiha inside, sliding the door shut and turning to Sasuke with a grin. “Well,” he said, “We have the whole day to ourselves, Sasuke. What do you want to do?” 

The Venn diagram of what Sasuke wanted to do and the approved activities given to Iruka by Itachi would have been two circles with no points of overlap. So far Sasuke had requested making experimental tags (in Itachi’s absolutely not category), kunai target practice (in the not allowed indoors category), learning the Katon (Iruka didn’t even know it - and even if he did, learning jutsu fell under the Father is responsible for Sasuke’s early education so all ninja arts must have his approval before Sasuke can learn them category), and go play in the forest, his most recent suggestion.

“I already told you. We’re supposed to stay inside the house unless there’s an emergency,” Iruka reminded him. “Isn’t there anything you want to do that’s an indoor activity?”

Sasuke scowled up at Iruka, his soft round face and big eyes contributing to a very effective sad-puppy-dog look. But Iruka was used to Itachi, who was similarly adorably round-faced, though admittedly at three years old Sasuke was definitely cuter. He also had plenty of practice dealing with unruly kids at the orphanage, so he just stared at Sasuke until the kid realized the pouting wasn’t working. Frankly Iruka was just glad the youngest Uchiha wasn’t screaming or crying yet.

“Wanna draw a picture?” Iruka suggested, wandering over to the little shelf where the art supplies were kept.

“NO!” Sasuke informed Iruka at top volume. “I wanna make paper explode!”

“Sasuke,” Iruka began again, about to repeat the requirements given to him by Itachi, when he heard a loud siren begin to wail. It sent a shiver down his spine, chilling him to the bone. He knew that siren. He’d heard it, three years ago, on the night of the Kyuubi attack.

It was the security wall breach alarm. 

“Sasuke,” Iruka said again, in a very different tone of voice. 

Despite his young years, Sasuke seemed to sense something was wrong. Or maybe he’d been coached through the disaster preparedness pamphlet pasted inside the kitchen cupboard. Either way, the boy looked to Iruka with wide eyes. “Iruka?” he said in a wobbly voice. “We have to stay inside?”

Iruka grimaced. “We should get to the bunker.” He scooped Sasuke up in his arms, wishing he’d been smart enough to bring his field kit along. He had nothing but his hands, his feet, and an armful of baby Uchiha. His best bet would be to get to the bunker quickly, so they’d both be safe. Especially since the Uchiha district was close to the wall - this house wasn’t as secure as the Uchiha bunker would be, and hopefully the people at the bunker would at least be armed, to better protect them! 

“Just hold on,” he told Sasuke, who obligingly wound his arms around the back of Iruka’s neck, clinging tightly. 

He paused at the door just long enough to slip his shoes on - Sasuke would have to make do with the slippers he was wearing, they didn’t have time for anything else - and then headed out at a fast jog. The area was practically deserted, even fewer people than when he’d come. Hopefully that meant the security breach was in a different area of the city. He hoped Shisui and Itachi were all right. 

Increasing his speed to a run, Iruka darted down a few streets, winding his way towards the safe house and bunker set near the edge of the Uchiha district, leading into the market streets of Konoha. It was a more central location, farthest from the wall. Of course, since Itachi’s house was close to the wall, it took longer to get there than coming from any other direction. 

It felt like it was taking a lifetime to reach the secure bunker, the sirens of his worst memory shrieking through the air while Iruka clung to the small boy, pretending that all the trembling was from Sasuke, and not his own arms turning to jelly from the sound. He didn’t see a demon fox looming over the village, but it didn’t matter - the memory was still there and felt so real, like it was happening again. Throat tight with tears that Iruka refused to shed, he increased his speed, feet pounding down the streets until he finally skidded around a corner, spotting a group of four Uchiha police officers standing at the bunker’s entrance. It was disguised as a calligraphy shop, but there were several people walking past the officers and entering the shop, children, some elderly people, and a few caretakers who had been home while their partner was assigned a patrol. Most of the people going into the bunker were kids, though. 

Iruka skidded to a stop near the entrance, moving to walk in when one of the officers reached out his hand, cutting Iruka off. “Hold up,” he said. “State your name and affiliation.”

Iruka blinked. “Uh. Umino Iruka? I’m Uchiha Sasuke’s babysitter.”

The officer’s eyes narrowed. “This bunker is reserved for members of the Uchiha clan,” he told Iruka. 

Iruka blinked. “But. I’m watching Sasuke,” he said, not quite sure what these police officers wanted from him.

“I appreciate that,” the officer said in a tone that sounded more annoyed than appreciative. “But this is a reserved bunker. You may use one of the approved bunkers in your own residential district.”

Iruka held Sasuke tighter. “The next closest bunker is at least ten blocks from here,” he protested. “Sasuke is just a baby-”

“Not a baby,” Sasuke protested. Iruka ignored him. 

“He deserves shelter.” Iruka insisted, shifting Sasuke in his arms to better aim his glare at the officer. 

“One moment,” the Uchiha said, and moved away from them, peering into the doorway of the shop. “Mio-sensei?”

A woman stepped out of the bunker a moment later, appearing frazzled. “Yes?” 

“Isn’t Sasuke one of the children who sometimes stays at your daycare?”

Mio turned to look at Iruka - or, more specifically, the toddler clutched in his arms. “Only on rare occasions,” she said, “when he has no family available to watch him.” She gave Iruka a confused look, probably trying to figure out how he was related to Fugaku.

“Give her the boy,” the officer told Iruka, “and proceed to your own residential district’s bunker.”

Iruka clutched Sasuke tighter. “He’s my responsibility,” he said hotly. “Why can’t we both-?

“Protocol,” the officer snapped, cutting him off. “Hand over the child, and be on your way.”

Clearly, they weren’t going to let Iruka into the bunker. The sirens were still screaming. It was better to get Sasuke shelter sooner than later, even if it meant handing him off to an Uchiha daycare worker. “Fine,” Iruka grumbled, shifting his grip on Sasuke, trying to get him to let go and turn around. “Go with Mio-sensei.”

“No!” Sasuke protested, tightening his arms around Iruka’s neck. Iruka wasn’t sure how much of the choking sensation he felt was physical, and how much was psychological. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to be alone right now, and even Sasuke was better than nobody.

“Please,” Iruka grunted, tugging on the boy in his arms. “I want you to be safe, okay?”

After a long moment, Sasuke unwound his arms from around Iruka’s neck. His eyes were shiny with unshed tears. “Big brother said I should keep you safe,” the boy whispered miserably. “Don’t go.”

Iruka gently passed the boy to Mio-sensei, who accepted him cautiously. Sasuke twisted around in her arms, looking back at Iruka. Reaching out and poking Sasuke in the forehead, Iruka forced a smile. “Don’t worry about me,” he told Sasuke, trying to project a confidence he didn’t feel as the security wall breach alarms continued wailing around them. “I’ll be okay.”

Sasuke nodded, putting on a brave face. “Bye, Iruka,” he said, as Mio-sensei turned and began to enter the bunker. Sasuke twisted around again until he could see over her shoulder, waving goodbye to Iruka. 

Iruka waved back until Sasuke was inside.

A moment later, the Uchiha officer pointedly cleared his throat. “You’d best be finding the bunker in your own residential district now,” he said gruffly. 

Iruka nodded wordlessly before turning away from the Uchiha bunker and trudging into the market district. 

It looked like a ghost town. There was no one on the streets. Shops had their shutters hurriedly pulled shut, entire vegetable stands were left unattended. If the situation weren’t so dire, Iruka would be tempted to lift a few sheets of chakra paper from the shop down the road that always overcharged him because he’d been caught shoplifting from a nearby store once. 

Instead, he continued jogging, wondering which residential district bunker he should go to. Technically he was staying in the jonin apartments, so should he go to the bunker in that residential district? But he wasn’t sure if he was actually allowed to live there, so would Shisui get in trouble if he were to go there? Iruka wasn’t sure. 

He slowed to a stop as he neared the split in the road. Down one route was the orphanage and the residential bunker for that area. The other way led to the jonin apartments, and the residential bunker for that neighborhood. 

Iruka really didn’t want to have to deal with any of the orphanage staff, so he turned and headed down the road in the direction of the bunker for the jonin apartments. He was making good time, flicking his eyes around, trying to keep his head on a swivel. He wasn’t sure what sort of security breach had caused the alarms. He hadn’t heard any explosions, didn’t see any huge plumes of smoke or any massive monsters looming over the village. He didn’t see much out of the ordinary, besides the rapid evacuation. He felt like he was the only person still out on the streets. Why were the Uchihas so stingy with their bunker space? It seemed like everyone else was already hidden away. What if he was too late? What if the doors were already sealed? Should he even bother? Maybe he should just go and hunker down in Shisui’s apartment and hope nothing too terrible happened to him there.

Shaking off his pessimism, Iruka put on a little extra burst of speed and headed for the bunker. 

It was locked.

Iruka tried knocking, but he already knew the protocol. Once the doors were sealed, they wouldn’t open them again. After aiming a frustrated kick at the door that did nothing but make his toes hurt, Iruka stomped away from the bunker. Maybe the orphanage bunker would still be open? With a grimace, he loped off in the direction of the other neighborhood, half-hoping that bunker would also be locked. 

He was making good time, though he was starting to feel the fatigue of running at what was nearly his top speed for about ten minutes straight at this point. He’d almost reached the bunker, loping past the orphanage, when he heard an angry screaming cry from inside. 

…that wasn’t right. Surely the orphanage had been evacuated? But there was a kid in there, crying. It was a cry that hovered between terrified and furious, the sort of angry cry you heard from kids who’d been left behind, who were afraid of being alone and so, so angry at the adults that had abandoned them. Iruka knew that cry because he’d cried it himself, for weeks after the assault on Konoha.

Slowing his steps, Iruka paused at the orphanage entrance. The crying was definitely coming from inside. Squaring his shoulders, Iruka walked up the steps to the front entrance, and tugged on the door. It was locked. Of course. Scowling, Iruka considered his options. He could always break in - it wasn’t like he hadn’t crept in after curfew a few dozen times while he’d lived here. He could walk away, pretend he hadn’t heard the kid inside.

Or he could knock, and see if the kid answered.

Iruka knocked as loud as he could on the door. “Hey!” he shouted, wincing at the way his voice echoed down the empty street. “Who’s in there?”

The sound of crying paused momentarily, then resumed at an increased volume. 

Iruka knocked again. “Hey! The door’s locked! Can you open it?”

More screaming. More crying. No door unlocking. Muttering under his breath, Iruka wiggled the door handle. He didn’t like his odds of popping the lock open, so he skirted around to the back, channeling chakra into his feet and hands, crawling up the side of the building to the second floor. They usually didn’t check these windows as thoroughly as the ones at ground level, and there was typically at least one or two with locks that could be jostled open with a few well-aimed smacks to the window frame. 

Iruka peered into the first window. This one was fully locked. He moved on to the second window, then the third. On the fifth window, he finally found a lock that had only been halfway engaged, and he began tapping on the window frame. He escalated to knocking, and then a few well-aimed whacks before the lock finally popped open and Iruka could slide the window open. When he stepped inside, he realized he couldn’t hear the crying anymore. 

“Hey!” he called. “Where are you?”

Silence.

Iruka wanted to scream. Of course, now that he was inside, the kid decided to shut up. Unless… “I’m not going to hurt you,” he added, trying to use a softer tone, despite his raised voice. He wasn’t sure if it helped, or just sounded even more threatening. He hoped the kid believed him, “I’m here to help, okay?” he called, walking down the hallway, poking his head into rooms as he went. After clearing the second floor, he headed downstairs. When he reached the entryway, he finally found the source of the crying. 

There was a little kid there. He couldn’t be more than three years old, his face was red and blotchy from prolonged screaming. When he looked up at Iruka, it became immediately clear why the child had been left behind. In the distance, security breach alarms wailed. Before him, curled up in a ball, was the vessel of the demon fox that had caused those same sirens to sound three years ago. Uzumaki Naruto. Konoha’s Kyuubi Jinchuuriki.

Iruka felt a little sick, staring down at the kid, his unnaturally bright eyes, the fox-like whisker marks along his cheeks. He swallowed hard, and crouched in front of the kid. “Hey,” he said, not sure what else to say. “You okay?”

The little boy’s lower lip trembled, his big blue eyes filling with tears. “Iruka?” he said quietly.

Iruka nodded. “Yeah. I came to make sure you were okay,” he said softly. He’d never spent much time with Naruto - he didn’t know anyone who did spend time with Naruto, honestly. Being around the kid was unsettling. It reminded Iruka of all that he’d lost. But he’d had to care for him from time-to-time when he still lived here. He supposed a few months of absence wasn’t enough for the kid to forget him completely. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“They all left,” Naruto wailed, stretching his hands out towards Iruka.

“I know,” Iruka said softly, setting aside his discomfort for a moment and reaching for the little boy. “But I’m here now. You’ll be okay.”

The boy dove into Iruka’s arms, wrapping his arms around Iruka’s neck. It felt a little bit like carrying Sasuke, except Naruto’s hair was softer, more downy. He was also a lot lighter. Like a bird. Like a child not being fed regularly, Iruka thought with a grimace. Scooping the boy up as he stood, Iruka considered his options. He should probably try and take Naruto to the bunker. With how empty the streets were, it was probably already locked and sealed, too. But he had to try. 

“Come on,” Iruka said, moving for the door, and unlocking the deadbolt from his side. It was too high to be reached by a three-year-old, which explained why Naruto hadn’t been able to get out. “Let’s get you someplace safe.”

He headed back out into the street. The bunker was only two blocks from the orphanage. Shifting Naruto’s weight so he was held tight against his torso, Iruka began to run again. He slowed to a jog as he turned the corner, catching sight of the bunker. It looked like a few stragglers were still walking up to it. Iruka joined them towards the rear of the group, but as he drew closer he noticed a few dark looks being thrown his way. He tried to ignore them, until he was about to cross the threshold of the bunker, and the two people standing in front of the entry - Iruka thought they might be retired shinobi, but they could have been civilians - held out their hands to stop him.

“You can go in,” the woman on the left told Iruka, “but that stays outside.”

Iruka blinked. They couldn’t be serious. “The bunkers are for kids and the elderly, though,” he said.

“Right,” the man on the right said. “Children and elderly people. Not monsters.”

Iruka felt his back stiffen. “He isn’t a monster,” he said slowly. “He’s a kid.”

“Whatever it is, it’s not welcome in the bunker,” the woman on the left said. 

If Iruka’s hands hadn’t been full of recently-weepy three-year-old, he would have definitely punched someone at that point. Instead, he took a step back and glared at each of them in turn. “You’re all disgusting,” he said, then turned and began walking away.  “Come on, Naruto,” he said, even though Naruto didn’t really seem to be following what had happened. “We’re going to my apartment and we’re gonna play.”

Naruto seemed to perk up at that. “Play?” he asked excitedly. 

Iruka didn’t actually have any games at his apartment. He also couldn’t exactly go outside with the kid while the alert sirens were still blaring. “Yeah. We’ll. Uh. Practice ninja writing!” Surely if Sasuke enjoyed it, Naruto would find it interesting, too. He hoped.

“Ninja writing?” Naruto looked up at Iruka excitedly, practically bouncing in his arms. “Yay!”

Iruka forced himself to smile back. This wasn’t exactly an ideal situation for anyone, but he’d make do. Now that he’d exhausted his bunker options, he tucked Naruto close and began running as fast as he could for his apartment. He’d been out in the open for just over fifteen minutes now, and the alarms were still blaring. He was actively starting to get tired at this point, and the fury he felt from the way the people at the bunker had turned away Naruto had his heart pounding even harder.

He’d just turned the corner and was about to charge up the steps to the jonin apartments when a masked figure in distinctive armor landed on the first step, glaring down at both of them. “Umino. What the hell are you doing, kidnapping a child at a time like this?”

At a time like what? An emergency? Iruka scowled up at the ANBU, instantly recognizing the mask. Hound. Of course. Whenever he was caught doing something stupid, it was always Hound doing the catching. 

“I’m not kidnapping anyone,” Iruka snapped, clutching Naruto a little bit tighter to his chest. “I’m protecting this kid.” So help him, if this ANBU tried to call Naruto a monster, too, he would booby trap Hokage tower with every single prank tag he could get his hands on. He’d invent a glitter tag, just to make it explode in Hound’s pants and cover all his undergarments with the stuff. He’d make it self replicating glitter, or adhesive glitter, or -

“You’re too young to be a dad,” Hound said exasperatedly, and that completely derailed Iruka’s inner monologue.

“WHAT?” he almost yelled.

Hound leaned back a little, like Iruka’s volume pained his ears. “It’s clearly not your child. Whose child is it?”

Iruka scowled. “No one’s. He’s an orphan.”

“You kidnapped an orphan.” Hound sounded possibly even less impressed than before. “Why?” At least he was asking instead of dragging Iruka off to T&I again. That had to count for something, right? 

“Because they wouldn’t let him into the bunker,” Iruka said, “and I’m not going to let him just sit alone on the street during an emergency.” 

“So why bring him here?” Hound insisted.

“Well, they wouldn’t let me in the Uchiha bunker because I’m not one of the clan,” Iruka said, “the bunker near here was sealed five minutes ago, and the bunker near the orphanage refused us entry.” He shifted Naruto in his arms again. For how light he was, the kid was bony and awkward to hold. Plus, he kept trying to squirm around to get a look at Hound, and Iruka was worried that Hound might take special issue with the Jinchuuriki, so he kept trying to keep Naruto still. “Basically, there’s no room for us anywhere else, so I’m going into Shisui’s apartment because I just improved the wards on it recently, and we’re going to stay there until the sirens shut off.”

Hound seemed to stiffen. “You were turned away from an open bunker?”  

Iruka nodded.

“Was it because of a prank?” Hound asked, once more proving that he had a one-track mind and always assumed Iruka was up to no good. 

“No!” Iruka snapped. “It’s because they’re assholes, okay?”

“I don’t buy it,” Hound said. “I think you just don’t want to follow evacuation procedures.”

“We can go back to the bunker together if you don’t believe me,” Iruka said stubbornly. “Then you can see it for yourself. They’re just assholes.”

“I’ve already finished checking all the bunkers,” Hound said. “They’re all locked down now. There’s nowhere else to go.”

“That’s why I’m going to my - Shisui’s - apartment.” Iruka was moving beyond exasperated territory and marching right towards livid.

“Your apartment?” Hound cocked his head. “Last time I checked you were barely a Genin. What are you doing in the jonin apartment complex?” 

“I… have a boyfriend,” Iruka lied. “I’m living with him.”

“You’re Shisui’s boyfriend?!” Hound practically choked.

Iruka felt his face begin to heat, but he doubled down. “Yeah. We’re sharing an apartment. Cook meals together. You know. Couple stuff.”

Hound just stared at Iruka for several long seconds. “Couple… stuff.”

“Look, I don’t kiss and tell,” Iruka lied, his face so hot he thought it might explode. “I’m staying in Shisui’s apartment. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Shisui. He’ll tell you I’m living here.” Iruka conveniently neglected to mention that Shisui definitely wouldn’t tell Hound they were dating. But he just needed an excuse to get into Shisui’s apartment. 

“You’re. Cohabitating. With Uchiha Shisui.” Hound said slowly. He sounded like he was only just starting to process the information Iruka had given him. “In his apartment.”

“That’s what I’m saying,” Iruka snapped. “Can I go now?”

“That doesn’t explain the kidnapping,” Hound said, throwing an arm out to keep Iruka from climbing the stairs.

“We’re thinking of adopting,” Iruka said primly, tightening his grip on Naruto.

Hound actually choked. “Adopting?” he squeaked.

Iruka nodded solemnly. “Shisui has always wanted a big family. It’s good to start young.”

“…start… young…” Hound was sounding more skeptical and less shocked by the minute.

“Anyway, my prospective son and I will shelter at home behind the advanced wards I’ve erected,” Iruka said in as firm a voice as he could manage.

“I’ll only ask once,” Hound said, slow and exacting. “Who have you kidnapped, Umino?”

Iruka sighed, and allowed Naruto to squirm around to look at Hound. The boy laughed, reaching for the ANBU. “Doggy!” he cried excitedly. 

Iruka blinked, and looked down at Naruto. “Wait, you know him?”

Naruto didn’t reply, he just stretched harder in Hound’s direction.  “Doggy, doggy, hi doggy!” he said, more words than he’d had for Iruka. He seemed happier to see Hound than he’d been to see Iruka, too. Iruka tried not to feel insulted by this. He mostly failed. 

Hound’s posture seemed to relax a little. “They wouldn’t let him in the bunker?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Iruka snapped. “And I wasn’t going to leave him wandering the streets during an emergency.” He stopped then, eyeing Hound. “Do you know what’s going on?”

“It’s classified,” Hound said. “But you were right to keep an eye on the boy.” He said it in a way that sounded almost ominous. 

Iruka was reminded of the tension in Hound’s tone when he’d asked Iruka why he was kidnapping Naruto. “Someone was kidnapped?” he asked. “A kid?”  he reconsidered his statement. The Konoha alarm system wouldn’t be used for just any kidnapping. “An important kid? Who?”

“I can’t answer that,” Hound said sharply, then tilted his head as he considered Iruka a moment longer. “You’re certain Uchiha Sasuke reached the Uchiha bunker?”

Iruka nodded. “I left him with Uchiha Mio, a daycare worker. They went in together.”

Hound nodded seriously. “That’s good.”

Iruka considered why Hound would be worried about Sasuke specifically. Kidnapping. Important kid. “They kidnapped a clan kid!” Iruka yelped. “Are they targeting kids with powerful bloodlines?”

“I. Can’t. Tell. You,” Hound growled, sounding more like his codename’s namesake with every word.

“Right,” Iruka waved off Hound’s grouchy response, turning back to the stairs. “Can we go, now?”

Hound scowled. “It’s not safe. I need to report in about the bunkers, but I’ll send someone to look after you.”

Iruka half hoped it wouldn’t be Shisui - he wasn’t looking forward to explaining that he’d lied about them being in a relationship and considering adoption. Hound hadn’t quite seemed to buy it, anyway, so maybe he wouldn’t tell Shisui about it? Still, he resented the fact that Hound thought he needed a babysitter. 

“I can take care of myself,” he protested.

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Hound shot back. Which was fair, but also hurtful. 

“Fine,” Iruka made the ugliest scowl he could muster and focused it on Hound. 

“Stay in the apartment until the alarms stop,” Hound said. “I’ll find someone - a qualified jonin - to check on you and the kid.”

The only good thing Iruka had to say about Hound was that he at least took Naruto’s safety seriously. And he didn’t call the kid “it” or “monster”. It was a disgustingly low bar, but it was so low because so few people cleared it. Iruka opened his mouth to tell Hound that he knew to stay inside the apartment, and Hound had been the one keeping them outside during an emergency, but the ANBU was gone before Iruka could get the words out, a few leaves rustling to the ground in his wake. Ugh. The operative’s people skills needed serious work.

Sighing, Iruka shifted Naruto to balance on his hip. “Well kid,” he said, “Looks like it’s going to be you, me, and the ninja writing for awhile. Sound good?”

“Can puppy come play too?” Naruto asked.

Iruka fought the urge to shudder at the thought of Hound attempting to play, much less play with seals and exploding tags. He’d probably drag him and Naruto to T&I. “Not today,” he told the boy apologetically.

Naruto made a sad face, but didn’t fuss about it, which Iruka deeply appreciated after the day he’d been through so far. With a heavy sigh, he resumed his trek up the stairs to Shisui’s jonin apartment.

It took nearly an hour for the wailing sirens to abruptly shut off, and the silence that followed was almost more unsettling, reminding Iruka of the aftermath of the Kyuubi attack, when the village had been broken and smoldering, silence unbroken but by the sobs of the mourning survivors. 

In the silence that followed these sirens, though, there was a knock on the door. “That was fast,” Iruka commented to Naruto, shuffling to the door and looking through the peephole in the door. Standing outside was their annoying neighbor, Hatake Kakashi. Iruka groaned to himself. What did that guy want? 

He opened the door with a scowl. “What?”

Kakashi blinked, nonplussed. “An ANBU asked me to check on you in your … boyfriend’s… apartment.”

Iruka wanted to strangle Hound. Kakashi had already been suspicious of him, now he was going to be even more suspicious! “Right,” Iruka said slowly. 

“You’re dating Shisui?” Kakashi asked. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

Were they friends or something? “Why would Shisui tell you something private like that?” Iruka demanded.

“I was on a Genin Team with his cousin,” Kakashi replied in a near-monotone. “I used to drop by the Uchiha district sometimes. How did you get to know Shisui on such a serious level?” 

“I’m on his cousin’s Genin Team,” Iruka said. “And he was interested in how I make exploding tags.”

“Was that your first date or something?” Kakashi asked.

Iruka did not appreciate the grilling. “My relationship is none of your business.”

“I’m worried about Shisui,” Kakashi shot back. “I think you’re just using him. You don’t actually love him.”

Iruka stared blankly at Kakashi for several seconds. Technically, he wasn't wrong. “That’s none of your business. Are you here to check on Naruto, or ask about my relationship?”

At least the annoying neighbor had the decency to look vaguely sheepish. “I’m here to check on Naruto.”

“He’s doing fine,” Iruka told him. 

“Can I come in?”

And snoop on all of the stuff in Iruka’s apartment? Hell no. “Absolutely not,” Iruka said firmly. “I’ll bring Naruto here.”

He walked over to the kitchen table. Naruto was precariously perched on three books stacked on top of the kitchen chair to form an improvised highchair. “Hey. My neighbor wants to meet you.”

Naruto looked excited. “Okay! Show him my ninja writing!”

Iruka grimaced at the paper. It looked a bit like an exploding tag if you squinted and tilted the paper a few times. “Sure… ” he said slowly, hoping Kakashi wasn’t too literate in exploding tags. 

Naruto picked up the papers he’d scribbled on, and Iruka carefully lifted him to the floor. Naruto rushed for the door with Iruka on his heels. “Hello neighbor!” he cried, then his eyes went wide. “Old man!” he called. He turned to Iruka excitedly. “It’s old man! He watches me at the orphanage sometimes!” 

Iruka spun around to glare at Kakashi. “You watch kids at the orphanage?”

Kakashi took a step back, lifting his hands. “It’s not like that. His father was my Jonin-sensei.”

Iruka squinted a little just to show Kakashi that he still had his eye on him, then sighed.  “Do you want to show Kakashi-san your ninja writing?” he asked, turning to Naruto. 

Naruto held up his paper proudly. Kakashi tilted his head one way, then the other, his one visible eye crossing the paper a few times. “Is that a barrier seal?” he finally asked. 

“Something like that,” Iruka said.

“It’s ninja writing!” Naruto told Kakashi proudly.

“Ninja… writing…” Kakashi looked like he was trying to process the information. “Sure. Okay.”

Iruka patted Naruto on the head. Even if his annoying jonin neighbor didn’t approve, Iruka still thought he’d done a passable job of it. “So now that the emergency is over, can I go back to the Uchiha district?”

Kakashi blinked his one eye slowly, tilting his head as he eyed Iruka with a mixture of skepticism and concern. “I don’t think your boyfriend will be there yet. Wouldn’t it be best to wait here for him?”

Shows what you know, Iruka thought viciously. Of course Shisui would come back there first, Itachi was probably frantic if the incident had something to do with kidnapped clan kids. He’d want to check on Sasuke as soon as possible, and of course Shisui would come with him, because he was a nice person. “I’m asking if the lockdown has been lifted. Can I move between districts yet, or will I get stopped on the way?” Iruka repeated himself in a bit more detail. What was it with elite shinobi and assuming just because they knew how to be ninja better than him they knew everything better than him? It was so annoying. 

“You won’t be stopped,” Kakashi said, his eye narrowing. “What about the kid?”

“You know where the orphanage is,” Iruka said simply, taking Naruto’s hand and reaching for Kakashi’s wrist. The elite Jonin allowed him to grab his arm without reacting, so Iruka continued by pressing Naruto’s hand into the gloved palm of Hatake Kakashi. “You take him back to the orphanage. If I show up and complain about him being abandoned, they’ll just ignore me. If you complain, they might not do it again.”

Kakashi’s eye widened. Iruka would bet his entire next mission’s paycheck that he thought Iruka was just trying to avoid responsibility and pass the buck. Which, he was, sort of. The orphanage was in the opposite direction of the Uchiha district, and Iruka would be a terrible babysitter if he didn’t go pick up Sasuke as soon as possible. Kakashi had already admitted to checking in on the kid because his jonin sensei had apparently been the fourth hokage - and Iruka was not going to think too hard about that because he didn’t want his head to explode, and every time he thought too hard about who Naruto’s parents had been he felt emotions about loss and loneliness and other things he did not have heart or headspace for at the time - so it made sense for him to take Naruto back to the orphanage. Shisui’s presence at the orphanage had been enough to get the investigative ball rolling when the missing funds were discovered. Maybe the real solution to fixing corruption in the orphanage was just throwing high-powered jonin at the orphanage staff until they took some pride in their work and actually tried to care for the kids in their facility.

“I’ll make sure Naruto gets back safely,” Kakashi told Iruka with a serious tone.

“Thanks,” Iruka said, turning to lock the door to Shisui’s apartment. “I gotta go get Sasuke.” He turned to Naruto. “Trust me on this - do not get caught making ninja writing at the orphanage. They’ve got a problem with it for some weird reason.”

“Some weird reason, huh?” Kakashi echoed under his breath, giving Iruka a look.

Okay, yeah, his reputation preceded him most places he went. Iruka wrinkled his nose at Kakashi and sent him an annoyed glare, just because he could. “I’m gonna go now,” he said, turning and skipping down the stairs and heading back towards the Uchiha bunker. He figured Naruto would be fine. Kakashi was an annoying neighbor, but he didn’t seem like a bad guy. Just too suspicious and serious for his own good. Maybe Naruto would help him lighten up? 

In any case, he had a kid to retrieve from an emergency bunker.

Iruka reached the Uchiha district only to be stopped at the entry. 

“Sorry, only Uchiha Clan members from this point,” said the police officer at the gate.

Iruka wanted to scream. “I thought the lockdown was lifted!”

“The lockdown has been lifted in most areas, but until the entire district has been completely cleared, no one outside the clan is allowed entry,” the police officer said sharply.

“Look, I’m not a kidnapper,” Iruka said exasperatedly, gesturing to himself. “I’m Uchiha Itachi’s genin team member. I’m supposed to be babysitting his little brother Sasuke. How am I supposed to do that if you won’t let me go get him? How is he safer with a daycare worker than with me, the person his brother trusted to take care of him?”

The police officer maintained a cold, hard stare. It was so ubiquitous Iruka was starting to think of it as the Uchiha Glare. “Protocol is protocol,” he said in a cold voice. “Please wait outside the district until the area has been completely cleared.”

Iruka wanted to scream. He could probably try and sneak in another way, but that would just get him into more trouble. “Look, the rest of his family is out there,” Iruka waved his hand in the direction of the village, “trying to keep the peace and protect people. They deserve to know their child is in good hands!”

“I am also trying to keep the peace and protect people,” the officer replied in a harsh voice. “You would do well to remember that.”

“You’re trying to be an ass is what you’re trying to do,” Iruka muttered under his breath, turning to walk away. Before he could take a step, though, a hand clamped down hard on his shoulder.

“Care to repeat yourself, boy?” the officer at the gate looked a lot less cold and a lot more angry now.

“No, but I can tell you to your face I think you’re being ridiculous. And an asshole,” Iruka shot back, so far beyond annoyed at this point that he really didn’t care if he got dragged to T&I  again. Maybe he should just sneak in. The worst they could do is drag him off to T&I. Maybe that clerk Ibiki would be there again? Though he didn’t have any orphanage staff to check him out this time. That could be a problem. Maybe Itachi would come get him?

“Listen here, punk,” the Uchiha officer snarled, bending down to shove his face in Iruka’s, his breath blasting across Iruka’s nose. It smelled slightly sour, like he’d eaten a pickled plum rice ball for lunch, or something. It was gross. Iruka held his breath. “I don’t care who you know or what right you think you have to be here. We are under lockdown and you will wait here like a good little boy, or I’ll make life difficult for you.”

Iruka tried to shrug out of the man’s grip, but his hold on Iruka’s shoulder was vicelike.  “Let go,” he said, wishing he’d had the foresight to grab some of his exploding tags from the apartment before coming. 

“Go away,” the Uchiha officer shot back, shaking Iruka roughly.

“I will if you let go,” Iruka snapped. 

The man released Iruka’s shoulder with a snarl. “Fine. Go.” he pointed in the direction of the market district. 

Shaking with fury, Iruka turned and marched away. He didn’t go far, though. Instead, he turned down a side street, made his way along the road until he reached the rice paddies that bordered the side of the Uchiha district. Then he tucked himself back into a corner, and focused. He felt the chakra buzz as it enveloped him when he set his henge, but he needed to make sure it was good enough. Making his way back out of the alley, he stopped in front of a small takoyaki shop that had a glass window. Inspecting his new appearance, Iruka ran his fingers through now raven-black bangs, the eyes he’d given himself as black as obsidian and a bit bigger, fuller than his own narrow eyes. He had ringed them with feathery dark lashes that turned up the corners of his eyes. His scar was gone, and his skin was several shades paler than his usual warm glow. He’d transformed his outfit, too. He was wearing something very similar to Itachi’s usual outfit, with the Uchiha Clan crest emblazoned on its back. He didn’t have Itachi’s shinobi kit with him, though, and carrying anything else might make him look out of place. Instead of trying to fashion a false kit, Iruka pulled off his hitai-ate, tucking it into the waistband of his pants, the long tunic shirt wide enough to hide it easily. That done, he continued walking towards the rice paddies, approaching the Uchiha district gate from another direction. As he’d hoped, there was a different officer stationed at the field gate. Even better, he recognized her. He didn’t think Uchihas were the sort to greet each other warmly, though, so he just nodded once and moved past her. To his immense relief, she didn’t stop him, and Iruka was able to pass through the gate without issue. That done, he walked swiftly and confidently in the direction of the bunker. 

When he got there, four Uchiha officers were trying to manage the chaos of a small horde of children and non-combatants exiting the shelter. One of the first things Iruka did was look for Mio-sensei. She was near the back, with a small gaggle of kids around her. With a measure of relief, Iruka saw that Sasuke was still there with her. He marched over as quickly as he dared without arousing suspicion.

“Sasuke,” he called when he got closer, drawing the boy’s attention. “Come on, we need to get home.”

Sasuke looked up at him, a small frown creasing the smooth skin between his brows. “Who are you?” he asked.

And that’s when everything went to hell. Mio-sensei immediately grabbed Sasuke, screaming “Officers! Alert priority one!”

Before Iruka could even drop his henge to try and explain himself, two fully grown men had tackled him, taking him to the ground. He dropped his henge and tried to explain, but that just seemed to make matters worse. 

“WHO ARE YOU!?” one of the officers was screaming.

“WHAT DO YOU WANT?” the other was shouting.

“WHO SENT YOU?”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

Neither of them were pausing long enough to give Iruka a chance to explain. Not that he thought he even could explain when he had two full grown men on top of him. One was kneeling with his knee pressing into the center of Iruka’s back. The other was kneeling on Iruka’s neck. His vision was getting spotty. 

He looked towards Sasuke, who was frowning at him with confusion. The boy reached up and tugged on Mio-sensei’s sleeve. “That’s Iruka,” he said quietly. “Big brother’s friend. He’s ‘posed to watch me today.”

Mio-sensei frowned a little, bending down to get a better look at what little of Iruka’s face wasn’t currently being crushed into the cold, hard dirt by the knee of an angry Uchiha police officer. 

“What did you say his name was?” she asked Sasuke, turning to the little boy.

Iruka’s ears were ringing now, he couldn’t get air in through the pressure on his chest and the knee in his back, his head was pounding from the pressure on his neck. He tried to say something, but couldn’t do more than form shapes with his lips and make a quiet grunting noise. 

“Iruka,” Sasuke said again. “Umino Iruka. He teaches me ninja writing sometimes.”

One of the police officers had stopped shouting long enough to overhear what Sasuke was saying. He was the one kneeling on Iruka’s neck. He lifted his knee slightly, relieving the pressure enough that Iruka felt like he wasn’t going to pass out in the next five seconds. But he still couldn’t really get any air thanks to the continued pressure of the knee in his back. 

“What did you say?” the man kneeling on Iruka’s neck said.

“He says that’s Umino Iruka,” Mio-sensei said. She frowned slightly, gazing down at Iruka. “The boy did have a caretaker who dropped him off at the beginning of the crisis.”

The police officer kneeling on Iruka’s back eased off the pressure slightly too. “Is that so,” he said, then growled under his breath. “Then why the hell was he sneaking around in a henge at a time like this?”

Iruka could breathe now, and he wanted to speak in his own defense, but he couldn’t spare the air to do so, gasping for breath, his head feeling fuzzy now that he could finally get air into his lungs. His back was going to have a massive bruise. His neck too, probably.

“You want to explain yourself?” the officer looming over Iruka’s head said, lifting his knee completely off of Iruka’s throat. “What the hell were you doing?”

“Had to… get… Sasuke,” Iruka wheezed. Ouch. He didn’t realize that it could hurt this much to talk. “Promised… I’d watch… him.”

“So why the henge,” the second officer demanded, pulling his knee off of Iruka’s back and trying to roll Iruka over. 

It hurt. Had he cracked one of Iruka’s ribs? It sure felt that way. “They wouldn’t let me in,” Iruka explained, “Because I’m not an Uchiha. So. I became an Uchiha.”

The police officer who had been kneeling on Iruka’s throat closed his eyes in a pained expression. “Kid…”

Iruka coughed, wincing at the way his throat and back both complained. “Can I get Sasuke and go, please?” he asked. “I want him to be home when Fugaku-san and Mikoto-san arrive.”

The two officers exchanged surprised glances, and quickly backed away. “Right. So you know him?” They turned to Sasuke, who nodded solemnly. 

“My brother is trying to teach him how to be a good shinobi.” Sasuke fixed Iruka with a particularly withering look, considering his age. “He’s still learning.”

Iruka ignored the barb, pulling his aching body upright. “Can I go now?”

The two officers considered him for several long moments, then exchanged a look. One of them made a halfhearted shrug-like gesture. The other one cocked his head to the side. Then the first one turned to Iruka. “Don’t do that again,” he said, “or we’ll take you into the police station and have you interrogated.”

Iruka didn’t feel like this was a good time to tell them he’d already been interrogated by T&I once before and it had been pretty tame. “Right. Yes sirs.”

“Get out of here,” the second officer said, making a shooing motion. “Get yourself and the kid home safely. Without using a henge.”

“Can I get some sort of note so I don’t get stopped and tackled again?” Iruka asked. 

The first officer sighed, then reached into one of the pockets of his uniform, withdrawing a notebook. He scribbled a quick note down from an ink pen, handing it to Iruka. “This should do.”

“Thanks,” Iruka tucked the note into his pants pocket without looking at it. “Good luck getting all this sorted out.” He gestured to the many unclaimed children and the frazzled caretakers trying to manage them. 

“We’ll need it,” the first officer said dryly. “Now get going.”

Iruka wasn’t going to tempt fate by sticking around after that. He grabbed Sasuke’s hand, and the two of them began the long march back across the Uchiha district towards the family home.