Chapter Text
Very few villains start out saying, “I want to be evil and hurt people when I’m older.”
They get to that point by being pushed and shoved by circumstances that were out of their control.
But still, at some point they have to make the choice. They have to choose to cross that line into villainy.
But deep down, they really don’t want to.
That night, Midoriya acted all right for his mom’s sake. He got home and his mother was waiting for him, hug ready. At first her eyes brightened at the sight of her son, but she must’ve seen something in him, because her face darkened a little.
“Are you okay, Izuku?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, mom,” Midoriya replied. It couldn’t have been more of a lie. Still, he mustered up the best smile he could. Smiling felt weird. Unnatural.
But his mother didn’t seem to notice. She pulled him into a hug, giving a much more authentic grin of her own.
“I’m making katsudon tonight, your favorite!” she exclaimed.
That was something he did not want to do right now.
“Oh, um, actually, school today was really hard and exhausting, so, uh, I’d rather go to bed. If that’s alright,” he said not very smoothly. It was another lie.
“Oh, well, okay sweetie. If you’re feeling that tired,” she replied, smile dimming. It hurt Midoriya to make his mother sad like that, but it was just a droplet of pain compared to the bucket of emotions he’d experienced that day.
“Thanks mom, good night.” As he walked away, Inko thought that something looked different about her son.
Midoriya slumped down onto his bed. He no longer had to fake for his mother, so he let the tears flow freely from his eyes. The day's events replayed in his mind.
School was worse than usual. The teacher humiliated him in front of the whole class when he revealed he wanted to go to UA. Midoriya knew they were going to find out at some point, but hadn’t wanted it to be like that.
After that, Bakugo blew up his notebook. Could he even comprehend the amount of effort he put into his notes? What made him think that he could just completely disregard someone’s thought and hard work like that?
But then he told Midoriya to kill himself. “Just pray that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”
That was the furthest Bakugo had ever stooped.
And to think he wanted to be a hero.
We both have the same dream, but Kacchan can actually achieve it, Midoriya thought, just because of something he was fricking born with.
Of course, on the walk home he gave himself his daily pep talk, “I’ll never give up!” all that crap. He tried to dry out his singed, soggy notebook.
And of all the possible things that could’ve happened next, he got attacked by a sludge villain. To make it even more crazy, he was saved by All Might, his idol.
Part of him wished the villain had just killed him then and there. That way he wouldn’t’ve had to hear what came next. That part of him that was gaining influence in his mind by the minute.
Midoriya had clung to All Might as he took off, and they went flying through the air together. All Might dropped him off on a rooftop so he could turn the sludge villain over to the police. He was about to leave when Midoriya asked the question that had been weighing on him ever since he found out he was quirkless.
“Is it possible to become a hero, even if I don’t have a quirk? I’m a normal kid, without any powers. Could I ever hope to be someone like you?!”
That was his last strand of hope. But it was All Might, his job was literally to inspire people to be their best! He wasn’t going to let him down...
And then he found out the Symbol of Peace wasn’t quite as invincible as he looked. All Might explained how he lost his stomach in a big fight against a villain five years ago, so he was only able to do hero work for about three hours. He said he smiled to hide his fear and that some villains just can’t be beaten without powers.
“So can you be a hero? Not without a quirk.”
Snap.
There went his last strand of hope.
“Oh, I see.”
His dreams shattered in an instant.
All Might was still talking, but his words were blurry as he walked toward the door. Midoriya subconsciously noted the bottled sludge villain still in his pockets.
“It’s not bad to have a dream, young man. Just make sure your dreams are attainable, realistic.” The number one gave barely a wisp of thought to the words he spoke, something he would come to regret later.
Then he left. Without even making sure Midoriya was okay. Some hero.
The glass of his broken dreams swept to the side and out of the way. How convenient.
Midoriya had stood on the rooftop for a while before moving, his mind replaying what he had just heard over and over. He’d heard it before, of course, but not from All Might.
I don’t know why, but I thought he would’ve been different. I guess I had hoped he would’ve seen something in me that others don’t. That not even my mom sees, he thought as he made his way to the door.
On the way home, voices from his past filled his head.
“Sorry kid, it’s not gonna happen.”
“I’m sorry Izuku! I wish things were different.”
“Deku. That must be what you call a helpless loser who’s completely useless.”
“You wanna pretend to be a hero? You don’t stand a chance without a quirk, Deku.”
“You’re even worse than the rest of these damn rejects you quirkless wannabe!”
“Make sure your dreams are attainable, realistic.”
Midoriya flipped to All Might’s signature in his notebook, no longer feeling the same joy looking at it. If All Might had flipped to the last page to sign, he must’ve seen his notes on all the heroes, right? Didn’t he notice how in depth they were?
Or are my notes useless too? All Might probably already knew most of the stuff in there.
So everything I do is pointless. Everything I’ve been striving for is gone. Nothing I’ve done can help anybody. I am a deku.
As he thought about it in bed, it was too much.
With nothing left to fight for, it pushed him over the edge.
Midoriya wrote a note to his mom. He tried to explain why, but it seemed to come out in a discombobulated mess.
Mom,
I’m sorry, but it’s become too much. Kacchan is so hurtful, but it isn’t just him. It’s everyone. I just really want to be a hero, but today All Might told me you need a quirk. I don’t think I can live knowing everything I’ve wanted to do, everything I’ve wanted to accomplish is completely pointless and futile. They’ve crushed every dream I have. I love you, so please don’t blame yourself.
Izuku
His tears ended up smudging some of the writing, but his own eyes were too wet to notice.
He had changed into some sweatpants and a hoodie, not wanting to wear any of his All Might merch. He brought his notebook with him.
He waited until he knew his mother was asleep and crept out of his room and out his door. He’d memorized where all the creaks in the floorboards were when he was younger, pretending to be a stealth hero. His mom would pretend to be a villain and hide, so he’d come and find her, trying to be as sneaky as possible.
The memory only caused more pain.
He left the apartment and walked down the street into town. His head was swarming with thoughts.
“Why can’t you do anything right?”
“It’s called being quirkless. That’s dumb. He’s so lame!”
“You’d never be able to hang with the best of the best. You’d die in the exams! Defenseless Izuku.”
“Don’t tell me you’re taking notes on how to be a hero. That’s so pathetic!”
“So can you be a hero? Not without a quirk.”
Midoriya returned to the building where he and All Might had talked earlier that day. He climbed the stairs silently and found the door to the roof unlocked. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if the door was locked. Going back home wasn’t an option.
As he walked out into the open night, he looked at the notebook in his hands. It had been perfectly white and blue at the start of the day, but now it had large burn marks and the edges were fraying.
The tears started pouring out. Neither him or his notebook had survived the day unharmed.
He stepped out to the edge of the roof, leaving his shoes behind.
“I thought you would at least have some fight in you.”
“You’re a total failure Deku.”
“Just pray that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”
So is this what Bakugo wanted? It didn’t matter now, it was going to happen whether he wanted it to or not.
“There’s no good I could’ve done with my life anyway, if I am just a deku. I couldn’t possibly make the world any better than it is now,” he sobbed to himself, “I just wanted to be a hero.” He wanted those to be his last words.
Then he jumped, notebook in hand, down to the cement.
That’s what happens when all hope for the future is lost.