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Tubbo thinks he fell in love with Ranboo while he was still the president of New L’manberg.
This might be an overstatement, mainly because Tubbo sort of forgot what love feels like. That might be a strange thing to forget, but Tubbo had gotten very comfortable with pushing every feeling to the back of his mind. He had no time for emotional responses, not when he had to fight against people he respected, work with people he feared, and lead those he did not know he could trust towards a future he could not envision. Emotions became too taxing too quickly: had he let himself feel everything at the corresponding time, he would have broken.
So he just… didn't.
Logic was always the better option, he thought. Working through issues in a rational way yielded better results than trying to let emotion take the reins. Emotions made things worse. Greed, envy, vengeance, they drove conflict. Tubbo had no time to start conflict, he was too busy trying to fix them. The logical solution to this issue, then, was to ignore his feelings whenever he could, bottling them and shoving them aside. They were tools to him, really: no different than his redstone or honey bottles. When he needed to feel something, he would open the bottles. But he didn't need to feel a certain way. He just needed to be pragmatic and as unproblematic as he could.
He thought so, at least. Then Ranboo joined the server.
Ranboo was very different from Tubbo. Ranboo operated almost solely on emotional response (mostly fear and anxiety). They needed to make sure people around them felt safe before they felt safe, and they were susceptible to working too hard because of that. They were so driven by the fear of failing someone, of making a mistake that would hurt others, that they became an easily exploitable target for others. Tubbo was not blind to the way Quackity always asked Ranboo for more favours, how Dream had stared in the endermans direction a moment longer before leaving. Everyone knew they were weak, unused to the brutality the server would put you through if you did not harden your heart.
This is where Tubbo’s pesky feelings began.
It had started with a fierce desire to not let Ranboo get swallowed up in the happenings of the server. If they became too involved, too known, then they would be taken advantage of, one way or another. The solution to this was, ironically, to put Ranboo at the centre of attention: promoting them to a member of his cabinet as soon as he could. The idea was to give them some unimportant role that would keep them occupied for a good portion of the day. That way, no one else would have time to interact with Ranboo, and thus they could not fall into harm's path. It was far from foolproof, Tubbo knew, but it was the best he could do without telling Ranboo to leave and never come back. This promotion meant Tubbo spent a good deal of time with Ranboo, making sure they knew what their job was, showing them around, gathering materials with them, whatever was needed. This in itself was easy enough, and was completely innocent of any ulterior intentions: he simply did have a lot to do that involved Ranboo’s presence.
Then they started working together on things that didn’t require their combined attention. Ranboo offered to help him build the bee farm, then started bringing food for both of them (Tubbo never brought food for himself, he rarely remembered to eat anyways), then started making sure Tubbo would go to bed at a reasonable time, going so far as to walk him back to his ‘home’ before saying goodnight. Tubbo wasn’t entirely sure why Ranboo had decided to invest actual energy into making sure Tubbo was alright: it did not provide any benefit to them at all. Or maybe Ranboo considered Tubbo trustworthy, as an ally, as someone who would defend them if they got into trouble.
Whatever the case, Ranboo’s concerns made Tubbo feel things. Which was new.
His initial response was to stamp those into the abyss as well, but their very presence left Tubbo mentally shaken. He hadn’t truly felt in a long while, and certainly not feelings that were so… squishy. Any little rumblings of emotion were usually exasperation or upset, not this warm, soft ball that filled Tubbo’s stomach when Ranboo smiled at him, or worried over him, or-
It reminded him of being young, of listening to Wilbur play the guitar late at night, of snuggling under a thick blanket in front of a campfire, of Tommy laughing as he dragged Tubbo to some unknown destination, eyes bright with joy. Tubbo thinks that's what scares him the most about feeling so warm around Ranboo. Those kinds of feelings had always been reserved for people he considered family. If he started considering Ranboo family, that meant that he was willing to open his heart again, that he was replacing Tommy, that he accepted Ranboo as some kind of comfort, and frankly, he wasn't ready for that. Not yet. This trepidation did not stop him from meeting with Ranboo for work every day, nor did it keep him from meeting Ranboo after work to talk about anything and everything. If he went to Ranboo’s house late at night and slept in Ranboo’s guest room, so be it. If he spent more time with Ranboo than without, that was fine. And if the warm, soft feeling Ranboo gave him slowly spread to fill his heart, well, Tubbo didn’t want to talk about that.
Everything went wrong for Tubbo, but that wasn’t new. Tommy hated him not that Tubbo didn’t deserve that, Techno hated him, Dream hated everything he stood for, and his home was on the line. Again. Frankly, Tubbo was too tired to care much about his house, too worn out to care that all the time and resources and effort he put in were probably going to be for naught. It wouldn’t be the first time, and it honestly probably wouldn’t be the last. There was nothing that was sacred on this server. Permanence didn't exist. There wasn't much point in getting attached to places, when they could all be ripped away in a second. It didn't make his heart ache any less, though.
Tubbo put that ache aside. He’d deal with it another time. Now there was preparation to do, resources to gather, people to shelter. Tommy was back and less energetic than ever. Whatever Dream did to him was a serious blow, it seemed. Tubbo wanted to help, tried his best to offer the assistance Tommy needed, but Tommy was never one to take help, so Tubbo gave everything he could into staying by his friend's side. It hurt because Tubbo knew Tommy was hurt, hurt by what Tubbo did, and to be honest Tubbo was hurting too. No matter how much Tommy apologized, Tubbo knew that anything he said in a fit of anger was true in the moment.
He tried not to think about anything Tommy had said to him while angry. He shoved that hurt away with the ache. Not the time to consider it, not when Tommy needed him now more than ever.
New L’manberg was made into a pit. Tubbo nearly died fighting Dream. Dream went to prison. Tommy hugged him tight and told him all their problems were solved, now that he had the discs. Tubbo didn’t let that hurt him.
Tubbo also refused to mention that he didn’t feel like all his problems were fixed. Not when he hadn’t been able to shake the feelings Ranboo evoked in him.
Ranboo had moved out to the arctic with Phil and Techno. Tubbo was surprised by how furious this fact made him. He thought of pushing that away too, of letting it simmer with the rest of the anger he had been stockpiling (you can believe him when he says there is a lot of anger under the surface), but this was such a unique kind of anger that he felt compelled to stop and examine it. He was scared for Ranboo’s safety, for one. Techno had never been the most stable person, and Phil wouldn’t say no to the piglin. If Techno decided to kick Ranboo out, or worse, hurt them, Phil wouldn’t be able to save the enderman. This led into the second form his fury took: he wanted to be the one protecting Ranboo. He could do a better job. If Tubbo had some place he could call his own, he could guarantee that Ranboo would never get hurt.
So Tubbo did the natural thing: he built a safe haven. It wasn't solely for Ranboo, that would be silly, but a neutral ground dedicated to safety, protection, and giving people with nothing a place to restart was bound to be appealing. Sure enough, the enderman started to show up around Snowchester's borders, then started spending more time there than away. He never officially joined, always seeming skittish about having to settle into one place instead of wandering and learning about everyone, but Tubbo found he didn’t even mind. As long as Ranboo stuck close enough that Tubbo could keep an eye on him and occasionally patch him up, Ranboo could do whatever he wanted. At least he invested more time in Tubbo than Tommy was. Tubbo was content in the moments he got to keep Ranboo close, in the time he got to indulge in the warm feeling.
Which is about when Tubbo realized he thought what he was feeling was love.
Tubbo wasn’t a romantic, never had been and never would be. Kissing, dates, strong proclamations of affection, none of that appealed to him. At all. But love wasn’t about romance, he didn't think. At its core, love was just about what emotion people invoked in you. Ranboo defientely invoked some feelings in Tubbo. A high quantity of them, in fact. And while he had previously felt bad about such feelings, thinking his heart just wanted someone to be his Tommy, Tommy was back now. If that were true, Ranboo wouldn’t make him feel things anymore, because Tommy would soak it all up, right? So he must feel something towards Ranboo. Something like what he felt towards Tommy.
It was different, though. Tommy gave him feelings like a crackling campfire, like a delicate glass object sitting just a bit too close to the edge of a table. Somewhat controlled, but ultimately wild and spontaneous. You were never totally sure when sparks may spit or something may shatter, but when something gave, it was bound to cause a show, bring exhilaration and excitement and fun. That wasn’t Ranboo. Ranboo was hot chocolate on a cold night, or the quiet thrill of your favourite song switching on. They were a much more calm and contained joy, the kind you plucked like sweet berries and savoured.
That was the integral difference between Tommy and Ranboo. Tommy was the thrill of adventure, of not knowing what came next. Ranboo was the peace of domesticity, of being sure you knew exactly what was going to happen next. Tubbo appreciated both, saw the merits in each side, revelled in each form of love he held. But. After spending so long running, fighting, questing, not knowing. He realized he wanted the domestic feeling Ranboo gave him. He realized he yearned for it, and probably had since he first met Ranboo. Because Ranboo felt like safety, like being at home, like being an idiot with too much love and not enough ways to express it.
Tubbo thinks that’s how he found himself agreeing to keep Michael safe. He loves the kid, yes, and Michael gives him a feeling a lot like Ranboo, but it isn't the same. He wants Michael and Ranboo. He wants people to call his own. He wants to forge a little family out of the loss he’s been dealt time and time again.
Which is why he sits outside in the snow, looking towards the entrance of Snowchester. It’s cold out, with night fast approaching, but Ranboo promised to be back for the night, and Tubbo will die before he lets Ranboo come in cold and alone. He’ll wait all night if that’s what it takes, because he wants to be the first person to see Ranboo’s face appear around the corner, wants to see them smile when they notice Tubbo waiting for them. It’s probably stupid, and sappy, and would likely get him called a simp if Tommy heard him admit to such things, but it’s the truth. Tubbo longs to be the reason Ranboo smiles, because Ranboo is such a huge reason he still smiles, he doesn't think he could take it if he didn’t return the favour.
He’s in love, he thinks, badly in love. He doesn't try to fight it down anymore. It always bubbles back to the surface, pulls his throat tight and warms his belly and makes him keep his eyes down so he doesn't scare Ranboo away.
He can’t find it in himself to be bothered by that.
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Ranboo thinks they fell in love with Tubbo when he was still the president of New L’manberg.
If Ranboo were being truthful, they weren’t exactly the best at identifying their own feelings. Fear, sure, they knew fear. Anxiety? Practically their best friend. Anything else? Sort of a grey zone, not really their thing. Everything sort of felt like anxiety anyways, just with different flavours. So they didn’t really know how they felt about Tubbo at first. Everything was strange and new and different here, all they felt was their nerves. Tubbo was kind, though. And patient. He walked them through the town, explained what it was, who people were, and did not question why Ranboo wrote everything he said into their book. He took Ranboo by the wrist in a gentle manner, not dragging them around but rather guiding them, assuring them they wouldn’t get lost on any unfamiliar turns. When Ranboo forgot what Tubbo said immediately after it was said and had to sheepishly ask him to restart, he would smile and repeat, no questions asked.
It was the most care Ranboo could remember getting in a long time. It was nice.
Tubbo got him a job in New L’manbergs Office (Tubbo was in charge of the office, so maybe it wasn't that impressive, but Ranboo appreciated it nonetheless.) As the Minute’s Man. All they had to do was sit through the meetings and record key points. A simple job that didn't require a lot of memorization. Just write in the book he was provided, give the book to Tubbo, wait for the next meeting. Some might find it patronizing to be given such a mundane job, but Ranboo understood. They weren’t going to be thrust into a high position right off the bat, they would have to work to have Tubbo’s trust that they would handle such responsibility. If Ranboo wanted to be president (that’s why Dream brought them here, right? To give Tubbo competition?), they had to work up to it. They were grateful to have a job in the office at all, really. So they did their work. They watched the meetings. They learned how New L’manberg was run.
They realized they didn’t like most of Tubbo’s cabinet.
Ranboo would never say it out loud, of course, but the other two were just so… pushy, in their eyes. At least Fundy was somewhat tolerable. A hypocrite, Ranboo thought, never wanting to be responsible for anything he suggested, but not so bad Ranboo dreamt of throttling him. Quackity was a different story. Quackity was pushy and loud and demanding, borderline forcing Tubbo to agree with what he said, or else comparing Tubbo to the previous president, telling the younger that they weren’t considering the whole cabinet. Ranboo wasn’t wholly sure what the last president had done, but Tubbo never failed to flinch upon his name being brought up, so they thought it was nothing good. Why Tubbo being talked down to gave them such fury, they didn’t know, but they hated seeing the young president get demeaned so often. If Ranboo could pick one person to kick out of the country, he’d have picked Quackity without a second thought.
But they couldn’t kick anyone out. So they did the next best thing.
They kept their promises, building an ice cream stand in New L’manberg’s centre. Then they took to making sure Tubbo was safe. They may not be able to protect him from the harsh words in meetings, but they could try to balance it out with kindness afterwards. This is how Ranboo began spending extra time with Tubbo, and how they learned about him. They learned that Tubbo often would not take care of himself unless prompted to. They learned that Tubbo didn’t sleep for very long, as he had gotten used to needing to be awake long hours to work.
They learned Tubbo was unfathomably lonely, even if Tubbo couldn’t tell that about himself.
Tubbo hadn’t been given a lot of attention for much of his life, Ranboo could tell that much. He knew the boy was relatively touch-adverse (just as well, so was Ranboo) but that didn't mean he should receive no attention. The thought of Tubbo being left alone made their chest all tight and achy, which was not a usual feeling for them. It wasn’t… a bad tightness, but in general they liked to avoid things that made them feel uncomfortable, so they did their best to ensure Tubbo’s continued comfort. There was some part of them that was delighted in getting to care for someone, that lit up every time they convinced Tubbo to have a meal or take a break. It was strange; they didn’t really understand why they felt that way. They blamed it on their hybridness: their instincts probably latched onto Tubbo or something like that.
Time passed, and Ranboo started spending more time with Tubbo. They talked about everything and nothing, it seemed: Ranboo ended up sacrificing their sleep schedule in an effort to keep up with Tubbo. They found they didn’t mind, either: spending time with Tubbo was worth however tired they were in the morning. They liked talking to Tubbo. They liked being around Tubbo in general. They sometimes wished they could pick him up and hold him close, block out the terrors of the world, just for a minute.
Then Doomsday happened, and Ranboo wished Tubbo would come save them.
They cowered in their obsidian box with Enderchest, trying to block out the noises of withers and bombs and fighting. It was all so so much and they wanted it to stop. They never wanted their home to be destroyed, for everyone’s homes to be destroyed. There was a chance it was partially their fault, too. They blew up the community house, or at least their book said so. They could be the reason everyone was losing their homes. The thought made guilt burn through their core, hot and thick, brought tears streaming down their face that burned and all they thought was they deserved it.
They hoped Tubbo would survive this. They hoped Tubbo would forgive them for this.
And Tubbo did forgive him, but he also said goodbye, because he was off to fight Dream. There was a dull acceptance in his eyes that made Ranboo long to bring him home, and put him to bed in his guest room one more time. But they didn't have a guest room anymore, and they could see in Tubbos eyes the shorter boy did not expect to return from this alive. The thought that Tubbo was giving up, accepting that he would die and nothing could change, was somehow more painful than the tear scars. It seared their heart and twisted their lungs, to think that Tubbo might never return.
They hugged Tubbo extra tight to send him off. Despite despising physical touch, Tubbo hugged them back with just as much ferocity.
Ranboo ended up moving to the arctic to live with Phil and Techno. Well, live with was an exaggeration. They lived on their land, as their neighbour, and interacted with the duo as little as they could manage. Something about seeing Techno soften to Phil, about seeing Phil laugh and punch Techno’s arm, made something rush through their veins. If it was envy, or rage, or frustration, they couldn't tell, but they wanted that. They wanted the comfort and familiarity.
Ranboo wanted Tubbo, more than anything.
They thought about Tubbo more than they thought they should. It wasn't anything bad, or uncomfortable, rather a gentle concern for his well being. He knew Tubbo survived the confrontation with Dream (though he had not attended himself, fearing Dream may twist him against the two boys), but he hadn't heard anything about Tubbo since. Like many of the other L’manbergians, he had disappeared to some corner of the SMP, and as far as Ranboo knew, no one had the coordinates. They worried about Tubbo. No one knew better than they that Tubbo needed some kind of help, though the boy likely didn’t understand that himself. Ranboo wished they could be the one to bring that comfort to Tubbo, to give him some sense of a familiar bond that came with no strings, no expectations.
They wanted to give Tubbo love, was their startling realization.
And really, they should have known sooner. Tubbo was one of the few people who could look them in the eyes with no issue, who they didn't mind waiting up all night for. They would fight battles if it would keep Tubbo safe. Their memory book had more notes about Tubbo than everyone else combined. They wanted to give him gifts of diamond, emerald, netherite- whatever Tubbo wanted or needed to be happy and be sustained. Ranboo wanted to provide that for him. It was strange, because for so long Tubbo had been the one sheltering them, keeping them safe in New L’manbergs buildings, shielding them from the harshest words the cabinet could offer. Tubbo had taken the time to protect them, and something in Ranboo was positively melting at the thought of reciprocating that devotion. So Ranboo did the only thing they could think of: They threw themselves into work. Mining was a tedious activity, but it had to be done. They assembled a massive collection of resources, then built them into functional tools. Ranboo became so well acquainted with the villagers he traded with for enchanting that they began to recognize the different tones of their humming and what they meant. It was all worth it, because they were going to give back, protect, and that idea spurred them to continue their gathering. They placed the last of their goods in one of their many chests before stepping outside, only to encounter Phil. Phil gave them a long, long look, with something like understanding in his eyes, before saying something about how he had been where Ranboo was and telling Ranboo where to find Tubbo's new home.
Ranboo tried not to show how eager he was to leave right that moment.
Snowchester was a wonderful town. It was quaint, and homely, and peaceful, but most of all it felt like something Tubbo would make. It showed in the wooden architecture, in the stone accents, in the berry bushes that were planted in a way that looked natural. Ranboo loved every little detail of the town-commune-thing. They loved it even more when Tubbo appeared from the ocean, smiling like Ranboo was worth all the gold in the world as he welcomed them to his new safe haven, a place where those who had lost could have something. It was an adorable idea, and something the SMP desperately needed after all the damage that had been done. Ranboo was eager to help, contributing as much as they could without the loss of material being directly noticeable to their neighbours. Ranboo wasn’t quite sure where Tubbo and Techno stood, but Tubbo bristled every time Ranboo mentioned going to his arctic home, so better safe than sorry.
Helping build up Snowchester was the perfect excuse to start over on the relationship they had built up with Tubbo. Thankfully Tubbo had not seemed to forget about their closeness before, and fell right back into routine. That fact gave Ranboo the perfect opening to bring back their trend of caring for Tubbo. Oftentimes Ranboo would bring enough food for two, then quietly hand Tubbo bits while he was in the middle of one of his tangents. His mind was too distracted to really register that he was being cared for then, and he’d eat without thinking about it. It might be a bit underhanded, but Ranboo watched some colour return to the boy’s cheeks after a few days of his secret feeding rituals, so they decided it was worth it. Snowchester’s founding was also around the time Ranboo started lavishing Tubbo with gifts. They excused it as practicality, items being a necessity for Tubbo’s protection and for Snowchester’s continued survival, but truth be told, that wasn’t their main concern. Truthfully, Ranboo just liked spoiling people they cared about. The shine Tubbo’s eyes would get when Ranboo gave him emeralds and new sets of tools was worth every pain it took to collect and manufacture the precious items.
Ranboo sometimes thinks this is why they wanted Michael to stay in Tubbo’s home. They loved the kid so dearly, and they loved Tubbo, really, truly loved them both. Keeping them together, where they could show up with gifts and sweets and all sorts of luxuries, just made sense in their mind. As they trudged through the Nether, inventory full of gifts, they wondered if Tubbo would be waiting for them. Tubbo would surely be awake, he did not sleep until Ranboo forced him to, but he may be too absorbed in his work to come greet Ranboo. Ranboo hoped that wasn’t the case: they had specifically told Tubbo that they would visit tonight, and while Ranboo liked to think Tubbo loved them as much as they loved him, Tubbo didn’t show much emotion outwardly. It would either stay welled up inside or all come out in one mass event. That was okay though, Ranboo thought. It was just another quirk of Tubbo’s, one they could help him work through so he could finally express himself properly.
Until then, they were satisfied in the attention they got. It all felt worth it, to them.
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Tubbo isn't quite sure how he found himself on his couch, with his piglin son upstairs in bed and a lapful of Ranboo, who was currently using his legs as a pillow, but he couldn’t exactly complain. Somehow, this sort of interaction was exactly what he wanted, what he found most pleasant at this time. Maybe tomorrow his happiness would come from building, or mining, or grinding exp in the spider farm, but right now, this was pure bliss. He ran a hand through Ranboo’s hair, delighted by the purr the enderman responded with. He continued to pet Ranboo’s hair, occasionally twisting a portion of it around his fingers before smoothing it out again. Eventually he dug his fingers into the base of Ranboo's horns and gave them a good scratch, giggling when Ranboo purred louder and whacked his tail against the couch, seemingly enjoying the attention. Tubbo found that when it came to Ranboo, he didn’t mind letting him touch or cuddle or hug. Normally such activities would make Tubbo uncomfortable, take too much of a toll on his admittedly limited social battery, but Ranboo was just different. Ranboo could probably slap Tubbo and he wouldn’t even mind.
God, he was so in love with Ranboo. He was so in love it physically hurt him, wound his ribs tight around his lungs and crushed him.
“Hey, Boo?”
Ranboo cracked open an eye, looking curious. “Yes, Bee?”
Tubbo swallowed nervously. Affection wasn’t his strong point. This went against everything he had taught himself, but if he didnt do this now, he may very well die from the force needed to contain his feelings.
“I love you.”
Ranboo’s seemed elated at that comment, purring and wagging with more force. “I love you too, Bee.”
Tubbo swallowed again, trying to get the lump to leave his throat. “I love you a lot.”
“Yes, I also love you a lot. Are you okay, Bo? You aren’t usually so forward with your affection. Is something bothering you?”
Tubbo could feel tears starting to gather in his eyes, words start to pool in his throat and on his tongue. He grasped Ranboo’s shirt with the hand that was not occupied, holding tightly. If he held tight enough, maybe Ranboo wouldn't notice the shaking. Maybe Ranboo wouldn’t leave.
“I just- I love you so much, Ranboo. And I love Michael so much, but everything and everyone I’ve ever loved has gotten hurt, or taken from me. L’manberg, my home, Tommy… I don’t want to lose you, too. Not you or Michael.”
“You won’t lose either of us. We aren't going anywhere. I couldn't bear to see you get hurt-”
“I don’t care if I get hurt!” Tubbo cried, tears truly falling now. “I’ve been hurt before, and I survived. I got through it. I can handle hurt, Boo. But I don’t want you to get hurt. You wouldn’t deserve anything that the people here will do to you. You don’t deserve to hurt.”
“Neither did you.”
“How can you say that and be certain? I was a shit person who did some shit things. You don’t even know what happened during Schlatt’s reign, or before that. For all you know, I deserve everything. How can you say I don’t?”
Ranboo cupped Tubbo’s cheek, gently grabbing his face and turning him to look directly into their eyes. They were different tones in the low lighting, and filled with such determined fire that Tubbo was sure whatever Ranboo said next would be absolutely true. Ranboo brought his other hand to wipe the tears that had made it down Tubbo’s face away, not even wincing at the burn they surely felt. When they spoke, they whispered with such fierce genuinity that Tubbo nearly cried all over again.
“Because I love you, and I have since we first met in New L’manberg.”
There was so much relief that came with those few words. Ranboo loved him. They weren’t humouring him, they loved him. They had for as long as Tubbo had loved them. Tubbo felt Ranboo’s thumb glide over his cheek again before he felt the tears, found himself unable to speak beyond the sob that overcame him. Ranboo sat up, pulling Tubbo into their chest and holding him tight.
“Why are you crying, Bo?”
“I don’t deserve you. You should have better.”
“I’m not sure I can do much better than you.”
Tubbo wasn’t used to letting his feelings be in control. He liked to put them away, to focus on finding the most logical option, the most rational answer, the most pragmatic solution. Emotions only caused trouble, brought fighting and suffering and hardship to those who indulged in them.
Maybe he was allowed to let some feelings out, though, if only for Ranboo. He somehow felt that Ranboo would agree that the bottling and repressing should stop. He pressed his face into Ranboo’s chest, taking the comforting gesture. Tomorrow, he would go back to logical, thick-skinned Tubbo. Today, he let himself be in love.
Tubbo and Ranboo could both agree that it was a wonderful feeling.