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    Summary

    Doc asked about writing, I said it's going good, she said can I see, I said no it’s a journal it’s private, she said so you haven’t been writing, I said I’ve been writing, she said okay I don’t have to read it just flip through the pages, I didn't say anything, she said that’s what I thought James.
     
    A sporadically maintained journal of wanting to die and not dying anyway, and also how hot it is to move to Louisiana in the summer.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    23,393
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Comments:
    171
    Kudos:
    850
    Bookmarks:
    276
    Hits:
    8,563
  2. 20 Jul 2026

    Rec

    Bookmark Notes:

    hope and love and joy and healing are REAL, this fic inspired me to pick back up my journal, and later read back something I wrote in 2020 on impossible goals. I'm digesting that. thank you bucky, thank you doc

  3. 31 May 2026

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    Bookmark Notes:

    Soooo good, just thoughts on a page

  4. 26 May 2026

    Rec

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    Bookmark Notes:

    "Wow, there are character studies and then there are character research papers made of poetry and diagrams with anatomical figures lined over in fucking truth. Jesus."
    —terraforming (tehchi),
    comment on chapter 5

    There is only one bed, and they manage to share it. Eventually.

    Behind the scenes.

  5. 25 May 2026

    Public Bookmark

  6. 20 May 2026

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  7. 20 May 2026

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  8. 04 May 2026

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    perfect voice

  9. 03 May 2026

    Public Bookmark

    Bookmark Notes:

    And I remember Sam looking at me looking at the mural, and me thinking “o shit am I crying? Why?” No, I’m lying, I didn’t wonder why. 1939 all the way up the east coast, me and Steve are in our tenement shootin the shit while this is getting painted down south. Life was hard but life could still be anything. And then it was what it was. And this mural is still here, and it is what it is. There’s a time when this was just a wall. And then it was a mural and then it got dirty so some people cleaned it up. It didn’t have to keep being a mural. People decided it should be. How can I say this? A buncha people decided this wall should be a mural so an artist made it a mural and every day other people decided that it should keep being a mural, that they shouldn’t paint over it or something, that they should clean it when it gets dirty, and here it still is, still a mural, but it doesn’t have to be a mural. It could still be anything. It could just be a wall again.

  10. 19 Apr 2026

    Public Bookmark

  11. 29 Mar 2026

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  12. 07 Mar 2026

    Rec

    Bookmark Tags:
    Bookmark Notes:

    deeply relatable bucky barnes here.

  13. 21 Feb 2026

    Public Bookmark

    Bookmark Notes:

    Bucky post-Falcon&WS, dealing with thoughts of suicide while he builds a life with Sam & family.

  14. 14 Feb 2026

    Rec

  15. 09 Feb 2026

    Public Bookmark

    Bookmark Notes:

    i can see bucky writing this in front of my eyes.

  16. 24 Jan 2026

    Rec

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    <3<3<3
    Bucky writing in his therapy notebook, the story is told from there

  17. 22 Jan 2026

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  18. 10 Jan 2026

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  19. 09 Jan 2026

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  20. 16 Dec 2025

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  21. 04 Nov 2025

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