Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It’s been a cruel summer. 

Yeonjun loves a good sunny day, but it’s different when the heat feels more like a blaze than anything else. And it’s even worse, because it’s August now—it’s always the hottest right at the tail-end of the season. Spring is a season that kindly gives in, but summer is flashy in its hesitance to leave. 

Yeonjun shouldn’t complain so much. He lives in the dance academy for the majority of the day. The studio has air conditioning, and by the time he leaves, the sun is already sinking down and giving way to the night. He accompanies his evening walks home with a cool popsicle he usually buys at the convenience store. He says hi to a couple stray cats that loiter around his block. And to end the day, he typically congratulates himself for finishing a hard day by listening to “You Did Well Today” by Oksang Dalbit. 

It’s not a bad summer, Yeonjun knows, but as he does his walk home tonight, he can’t help but wish it’d stop dragging its legs and go. This has been the longest summer of his life. 

It’s long for a multitude of reasons. It’s been nine weeks of balancing being both a teacher and student at his dance academy, of living for the weekends where he actually has free time to enjoy himself, and of dating his boyfriend who lives too many hours away from him. 

Okay, if Yeonjun’s being honest, it’s really only that last part. It’s his first time doing long-distance and he’s not used to it. He doesn’t think he ever will—which is fine; the distance isn’t permanent anyway. But yeah, it’s been hard. 

Yeonjun knows he’s partly to blame for it too. He hates how he didn’t realize his feelings until the very last second—the last day of Cherry Blossom season, the last two to three weeks of the semester, Beomgyu on the verge of moving on. They barely had time to spend with each other before being pulled away by the bittersweet reality of summer break.  After that, they were together only during scheduled Facetime calls or weekend dates in some random train stop in South Korea. Don’t get him wrong, he cherishes those precious moments, even if it always feels like they’re running against time. 

It’s not enough (it never is) and it’s not the same as when they were practice dating. It’s just not. 

He knows what Beomgyu would say if he ever heard Yeonjun cursing their bad timing. 

Hyung, he’d say with the cutest pout in the world, it all works out because we’re together now. 

And then Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to say anything, because Beomgyu is, first and foremost, right. And because Beomgyu would then get this glimmering far-away look in his eyes, like he’s reliving the whole journey it took to get them together, and Yeonjun has to then kiss him to bring him back to the present. To bring them both back. 

It’s been months, Yeonjun knows, but it feels just like yesterday, just like moments ago. He thinks a part of him is still standing in that frat house, watching Beomgyu run away from him. He knows that people experience life-altering events around them all the time, but has anyone so keenly felt the world reterraform itself right before their very eyes? 

I love you, Beomgyu had said then, but it sounded so much like regret, like shame, like a terrible diagnosis that the doctor had told Beomgyu suddenly.  

And later, on that bench in front of the mermaid fountain he’d wished on his freshman year, Beomgyu had said I love you then too, and this time it was said with grace, with wonder, with acceptance. He didn’t say it then, but it sounded so much like goodbye, like it’ll be hard but he’ll survive him. You won’t lose me, he promised, but it felt like loss all the same. 

It was the way Beomgyu had gently given his hand back to him, the feeling of a hand slipping away—Yeonjun can picture it clearly, even in his dreams. He should stop thinking about it, but sometimes, when he spends too long away from Beomgyu, he can’t help but unearth the feeling. Turn it over in his hands, until he’d memorized its weight and form, until he’s learned enough to know what he needs to do to never experience it again. 

He’s not sure if he’s figured out how to do that yet. But he will—trust him. Just not now. 

For all his complaining of how long this summer has been, he’s now finally getting to the best part of it. He’s just finished his last week at the dance academy (and what a long week of filming dance routines, rushing through lessons, and completing tedious administrative tasks it has been). This means he’s free for the rest of summer and free to go on the vacation he’s long been ready for. 

Two weeks in Daegu with Beomgyu. 

They’ve been looking forward to it all summer. Just the other night, Beomgyu had chatted his ear off about all the things he wants to show him, all the restaurants he was going to take him to, and how Yeonjun won’t be able to talk shit about Daegu anymore. Like Yeonjun could anyway—he can’t say anything bad about a city that gave him Beomgyu.

Yeonjun takes the earliest train out of Seoul. 

He kind of hates himself for it. He had to set three alarms because he knows himself; the first one is needed for priming his brain for the idea that he needs to get up. The second one is there as the real wake up call, and the third one is for when he royally fucks up and has to run all the way to the train station to make it. By his will alone, he manages to get himself ready to go by the second alarm and he finds himself having to turn off the third alarm at the station. 

Being awake this early in the morning has its costs. He’s bleary-eyed and barely awake as he drags his suitcase towards the right platform. He almost gets on the wrong train and he had to apologize profusely to a man whose foot he ran over with his suitcase’s wheels. Briefly, he considers buying some coffee when he passes by a cafe and the smell of it tempts him. 

He doesn’t though. 

Besides, taking the earliest train has its benefits too. The first is that the sooner he leaves Seoul the earlier he’ll be in Daegu and have Beomgyu in his arms. The second is the one he takes advantage of now—settling in his seat, plugging his headphones in, and knocking the fuck out. It’s a two and half hour train ride to get to his destination and Yeonjun spends all of that in sweet, sweet sleep. The benefit is this: when he wakes up, he feels like he’s time travelled straight to where he wants to be. 

He grabs his suitcase from the overhead compartment, makes sure he doesn’t leave anything in his seat, and exits out of the train to a nice warm morning. The sun’s out but it doesn’t hurt to be under it, just enough that every ray feels like a gentle touch of heat. 

He lets out a yawn as he comes to a stop just outside of the train station. He pulls out his phone and checks if the two hooligans picking him up actually got up in time to do so. He presses the call icon on Beomgyu’s contact and within three rings, he answers. But when the voice comes through, it’s not Beomgyu that he hears. 

Instead, he hears Soobin’s sleepy voice going, “Yo, yo, yo.” 

“Where are you?” Yeonjun says in lieu of a greeting. “Please tell me you guys have left the house.” 

“I’m currently fearing for my life, thanks for asking. Beomgyu is breaking all sorts of traffic laws for you so I answered for him. Are you still on the train?” 

Yeonjun moves past Soobin’s dramatics. He’s not awake enough to entertain them. “I’m outside waiting already.” 

“Oh god,” he hears Soobin mutter and then a sort of muffled yelling comes through the connection, ya, step on it, he’s here already, and it dawns on Yeonjun that Soobin might not have been kidding about the numerous violations of traffic laws. “Hey, it’s fine. Take your time. I’m fine waiting as long as you guys get me breakfast after.” 

Yeonjun hears them arguing and he doesn’t know where they get the energy from. He hears Soobin sigh, “We were going to get breakfast either way. We figured you’d be hungry. If we’re not there in five minutes, we’re dead. Please call emergency services.” 

“I’ll see you guys soon?” Yeonjun says unsurely, but all he gets in response is Soobin hanging up, leaving him to stare at his own face as the screen goes dark. He sends out a half-hearted prayer to whoever is listening and chooses to take his surroundings in instead. 

There aren't that many people out just yet, though he’s sure it’ll be teeming with people soon enough. Train stations are always busy, filled with people who come and go. When Yeonjun had been younger, he loved to sit in the train next to his parents and look wide-eyed at the people around him. There were all sorts of them, from all walks of life and came in different shapes and sizes. Everybody took the train after all. Yeonjun liked to imagine all the places they could possibly go and maybe even all the people they were to become. 

He often tugged at his mother’s hand and told her all about what he thought. The man who sat in front of him who lugged around a bouquet of flowers must be on his way for a date. The grandmother with a bright orange hat must have been ready for a party. Oh, Yeonjun had all sorts of thoughts and his mother listened so patiently to each and every one of them. 

She’d often say, is that so, my love? and Yeonjun would nod with a seriousness too large for his tiny frame to wear. She would laugh then, patting his hair, and she’d always do this curious thing— turning the question back to him, what about you? Where do you think you’re going? 

It’s funny. She said the same thing to him last night as he was hurriedly packing. Hands on her hips in the doorway of his bedroom. 

Yeonjun had pouted, “Omma, stop teasing. I’m going to end up forgetting something, because I got distracted.” 

Yeonjun had been attempting to fold and refold his clothes for the past ten minutes, and his suitcase refused to be shut. He tried taking out a couple items here and there, but then he’d think about how it would ruin a potential outfit he had planned. He needed each piece. 

“I’m just saying,” She had said, not even bothering to hide her amusement as she moved to kneel beside him. “Considering how much you’re packing right now, it feels like I’m not going to see you for months.” 

“Omma,” Yeonjun clutched her arm and rested his head on his shoulder, “Please help? You’re so much better at this.” 

“Look at you, buttering me up like this as if I can say no to you,” She reached up to ruffle his hair before starting to take everything out of his suitcase and organize it from scratch. Yeonjun laughed, pleased, rubbing his head against her shoulder like he was still a child. She hums, “So when are you bringing him home to us?” 

“Omma!” Yeonjun pulled away, embarrassed at her question. 

“What?” She laughed while rolling a pair of jeans. “You’re meeting your future-in-laws this early in the relationship but you won’t introduce him to me?” 

“I know it’s early, but I couldn’t say no. It would be so awkward to go there for two weeks, hang around his house, and not have a proper dinner with them,” Yeonjun reasoned. It was how he had justified it to himself too. It was unavoidable. He tried hard not to think about the other reason (how impossible it is to say no to a Beomgyu who asked with so much hope in his hesitance). “It’s casual.” 

“Ah,” His mother said in turn, putting on a casual air, tucking in folded shirts one after the other. “Is that why you thought long and hard about what to give them? Even asking me to go shopping with you so you could pick a very nice and expensive gift to impress them with?” 

Yeonjun felt caught. He played with the zipper of his suitcase as she paused her packing to pinch his cheek, “You don’t have to lie to me. You’re clearly serious about him. Are you not?” 

“I am,” Yeonjun admitted. Because it’s true—he is very serious about Beomgyu. He wonders if it’s the familiarity that’s driving the depth of his feelings. They’ve been friends for the past two years, after all. But as he turns the thought over, it doesn’t feel like a good enough explanation. 

Because here’s the thing: Yeonjun has dated other people before, been in relationships longer, even gone all the way with people and it never made him feel like this. 

By this he means: 

It’s the way his heart jumps in his chest when he hears Beomgyu’s voice yell his name from a distance. The way he wakes up from the groggy state he’s been all morning, without a single drop of caffeine, and immediately looks around for where it’s coming from. 

He spots him easily, and for all the grief he gives Beomgyu about being tiny, he’s thankful for how he towers over most people. It makes him stand out in a crowd. 

It’s the way the sight of him alone alights every speck of Yeonjun’s body, like the entirety of him is saying, he’s here! he’s here! and Yeonjun is unable to do anything but open his arms wide as Beomgyu runs towards him and wraps him in a hug so tight that Yeonjun couldn’t even let him go if he wanted to. 

(Yeonjun doesn’t want to.)

“You’re here!” Beomgyu says against his neck, before pulling back and pressing kisses to his face, “Missed you, missed you, missed you—”  

Yeonjun can’t help but laugh and lets his eyes roam his boyfriend’s face. He’s learned to live with the reality of Facetime this whole summer, but it just doesn’t compare. He needs the high quality resolution only reality can provide. The camera just can’t capture the shine in his eyes, these ones that put even morning stars to shame. 

Yeonjun smiles, feeling his heart settle, “Yeah, I’m here.” 

First order of business—breakfast. 

For his first meal in Daegu, Beomgyu and Soobin take him to a small restaurant, tucked between a laundromat and a locksmith. It sits unassuming and when they walk in through the door, he notes that it’s just a bit shy of being empty. Yeonjun wouldn’t have thought it was famous for anything at all. 

“I swear,” Soobin says as they take their seat at a corner table, “This place has the best nureun guksu in Daegu.” 

Beomgyu takes a seat on one side and pulls the chair beside him with a meaningful look directed at Yeonjun. How cute, he thinks as he takes the seat, patting Beomgyu’s knee under the table. 

“Dude,” Yeonjun says, turning to Soobin, “I believe you. I’m sure it’s good.” 

Soobin squints at him before turning to Beomgyu, “Was he not doubting? Tell me you saw the look of doubt on his face.” 

Beomgyu gives Yeonjun a considering look, one that Yeonjun pouts at. It only gets Yeonjun an apologetic hand hold. “He definitely was. He was looking around kind of unsure. But it’s okay as long as he comes out of here satisfied—”

“Which you will,” Soobin says in a way that makes Yeonjun feel a little bit threatened. 

“Of course, he will,” Beomgyu adds, “We chose this restaurant because we know your noodle-bias.”

Soobin picks up a menu, which was large enough to hide his face as he comments, “Noodles. Hyung’s first love.” 

Yeonjun can’t even stick his tongue out at him, because he wouldn’t see. 

“Hyung,” Beomgyu grabs his attention and points at a picture of what Yeonjun assumes is the famous nureun guksu, “You have to get this.” 

Yeonjun laughs, “Is that so? Do I get a choice at all?” 

“Not really,” Soobin dramatically puts the menu down. “Our pride is on the line here, so you have to get the best.” 

Beomgyu waves at a middle-aged woman standing by the counter. She comes immediately with cups and a pitcher of water, and she sets it down on the table before asking, “What can I get for you kids?” 

Beomgyu turns to Soobin, who nods without a word. “Umm,” Beomgyu points at the menu, “Could we have three orders of the nureun guksu ?” 

“Okay,” She nods, not bothering to take out a pen or paper, “Anything else? Anything to drink?” 

“Hyung, did you want something other than water? Tea?” Beomgyu asks. 

Yeonjun shakes his head, “No, I’m good.” 

Beomgyu smiles, “That’s it then!” 

Soobin quietly collects their menus off the table and hands it to her. She smiles sweetly at him and just before she leaves, Beomgyu cheekily adds, “Ahjumma, could I make a special request? This person right here,” he throws an arm over Yeonjun’s shoulder, “is from Seoul. We need to make sure that he comes out impressed. Our pride as Daegu people is on the line.” 

Yeonjun feels himself shrink in his seat as their server raises a brow at him, “Don’t worry, we never disappoint.” 

Both Soobin and Beomgyu erupt into cackles at that, while all Yeonjun can do is politely smile until she turns away. He hits Beomgyu’s shoulder and tries to hit Soobin too but misses, “You guys are the worst! Are you guys going to do this at every restaurant we eat at?” 

“You don’t understand,” Soobin takes the pitcher and pours water for each of them. “Beomgyu and I have been waiting for this moment, for all the times you’ve asked us jokingly if Daegu had this or that—” 

“I was kidding!” Yeonjun defends himself, though he can’t help but laugh. They always bring this up. “I said it once and you guys never forgot. I don’t actually think Daegu is a rural city that uses tractors to give people rides to Seoul.” 

Beomgyu presses a hand to his chest, where this hurt has supposedly been festering, “Where was this disclaimer back when we were hurting over it, huh, Soobin?” 

Soobin shakes his head, “It’s two years too late. Now he has to eat his words and say Daegu is the best city in South Korea or else we’ll never forgive him.” 

Beomgyu takes a spoon and extends it to Yeonjun like it’s a mic, “What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Yeonjun sniffs, “I’m innocent. If it’s an apology you want, you should have asked two years ago.” 

“This is the guy you’re bringing home to your parents?” Soobin points at Yeonjun unimpressed and Yeonjun’s jaw drops. 

Beomgyu sighs, “Yes, this is the one—” 

The reminder strikes at his heart. He knows the two of them are just being playful, but the truth is he’s terribly nervous about meeting Beomgyu’s family. It was something Beomgyu had brought up on their facetime calls.

My parents would like to meet you, Beomgyu had said without looking at the camera. They were wondering if you’d like to come over for dinner while you’re here. 

He could hear Beomgyu fiddling with something outside of the camera’s frame and it stopped when Yeonjun let a moment pass without saying anything. He didn’t know what to say, because Yeonjun had never been asked that question. The only thing he could think of at that moment was: isn’t it too soon?  

But his non-response had Beomgyu hurriedly backtracking, it’s okay if you don’t want to! i told them i’d ask just to ask, but it was ultimately up to you— 

I’ll do it, Yeonjun had said with a tight resolve, which only came after a swift push down of the anxiousness pulsing up his throat. 

Beomgyu finally looked at the camera with surprise, You will? Are you sure?  

Yeonjun nodded, and something soft bloomed and settled on Beomgyu’s face. It might have been relief. Oh, Beomgyu continued, that really means a lot to me, hyung.  

There it was. Yeonjun knew it would be important, that it wasn’t really a matter of willingness and more of a matter of overcoming his own trepidation. These were important people to Beomgyu, and Beomgyu was important to Yeonjun. Yeonjun will meet them. But the anxiety stemmed from a primary worry: what if they don’t like me? 

He thought he’d have more time to prepare his heart, but he’s here now and still, he’s worried. He’d even asked his other friends, who were also in relationships, for advice, but none of them had anything good to say. Slap some fake tattoos on, one had said. Make sure you tell them the food sucks, another had advised. Get them to say, I forbid you from dating my son! Yeonjun wondered if he had any friends that didn’t act like clowns? 

Under the table, he feels a hand lay over his, the touch of it comforting, and when he looks at Beomgyu, he finds Beomgyu already looking at him with a smile. “I’m excited for you to meet them. Appa says he’s going to make something special for dinner. So everyone is extra excited.” 

“Really?” Yeonjun asks, quietly intertwining their hands together. How did Beomgyu know to do that? 

“Yeah, when Uncle cooks, you know the food is going to be good,” Soobin adds. “Also, Beomgyu has been talking about you for at least a year. They’ve kind of met you already, considering the amount of things they know about you. Beomgyu’s hyung the other day was like, I am about to fall in love with him, please be quiet. ” 

“That was actually him being nice,” Beomgyu argues, while squeezing their intertwined hands. “One time, he got so mad at me for being noisy and he put me in a headlock. That’s when I learned the lesson of knowing when to shut up.” 

“Wasn’t that because you talked back at him?” Soobin raises a brow, but it goes unacknowledged. 

Yeonjun makes a confused noise and teases, “I feel like that’s actually a lesson you never learned.” 

“But I have so much to say?” Beomgyu says with no ounce of shame, “My thoughts are just so precious they need to be said out loud—” 

Thankfully, their food starts coming in and Beomgyu ends up quieting down. The ahjumma who took their order is back with the banchan first. She sets three dishes of boiled barley in front of each of them, before distributing plates of kimchi, onion, and peppers. 

Yeonjun’s mouth is already watering at the sight. He’s been awake for too long without anything in his stomach. 

She leaves and comes back with three steaming bowls of nureun guksu balanced in her hands, placing them with practiced ease on the table. She also provides soy sauce and doenjang for them on the side as sauces. “Alright, eat up,” she says, putting her hands on her hips. She nods at Yeonjun and says, “Welcome to Daegu, kid.” 

Beomgyu and Soobin snicker as Yeonjun turns red and ducks his head down to look at his bowl of noodles instead. 

First impression? It looks and smells delicious. The pale yellow color of the anchovy broth emphasizes the green-black flakes of seaweed, the chopped little bits of brown mushroom, and the speckled white of the sesame seeds sprinkled on. Yeonjun grabs his chopsticks with one hand and his spoon in the other and starts to dig in. 

The broth makes him want to ascend. The flavor is light but packs a punch? It makes him feel warm and he thinks it’s such a good choice to have as his first meal of the day. He thinks he could be satisfied with the broth alone, but now he wants to try the noodles. He uses his chopsticks to pull a generous amount of noodles to his mouth, slurping loudly and then chewing. 

God, Yeonjun thinks, leaning back against his chair, this is prime.  

He doesn’t want to say it, but he almost forgot that he was eating with other people. He only remembers when Soobin and Beomgyu’s side commentary interrupts his food lovefest. He looks at them with a mouthful of noodles to see that they’ve just been watching him eat this whole time. Their food hasn’t even been touched. 

He glares at them but it just heightens their amusement. Soobin shakes his head, “He doesn’t even notice us, Beomgyu. I think he fell in love with the noodles.” 

Beomgyu is looking at him with such warm eyes, making pinching gestures, “He looks so cute like this. I feel full just watching him eat.” 

Soobin sighs happily too, “I’m satisfied with this reaction. I was even going to take a picture, but I’d feel like I was interrupting something.” 

Beomgyu just presses a kiss to his fingers and then presses those fingers against Yeonjun’s cheek. “Cutie,” Beomgyu mumbles, before finally digging into his own food. 

You’re the cute one, Yeonjun wants to say, but the words get swallowed down, along with the noodles he’s eating. 

The spot on his cheek that Beomgyu had touched feels warm. 

The three of them are such quiet eaters, and it feels Yeonjun with a certain amount of fondness. Before Yeonjun had met them, he used to feel bad about ignoring the person he ate with, because he’d be so focused on eating instead. But that was never the case with these two, because they all eat the same way. He’s always comfortable with them. 

Soobin finishes first and wonders out loud, “I wonder what we should do first? Hyung, is there anything you have in mind?” 

Yeonjun chews in thought and once he’s swallowed the food in his mouth, he says, “Not really. I figured you guys would know what’s good and what isn’t. I just really want to eat well, see nice things, and have fun together.” 

Beomgyu sips his water and then says, “Well, we have a couple of things planned. Like, you don’t even have to mention good food, that’s a given. But we were going to take you to some museums if you want, some sightseeing, we’ll even put you to work when we visit the strawberry farms. You can obviously veto if you’d like. You brought your hiking stuff, right?” 

“Yep,” Yeonjun says, “I brought everything you told me to. My mom had to help me pack my suitcase and she was asking if I’m never planning on coming back.”

Soobin laughs, “She was probably like, are you eloping?” 

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu gasps and dramatically points at his own ring finger, “We can be fiancées?” 

Yeonjun is sorry to ruin his dreams, “Mom wants me to graduate college first.” 

“Boooooo,” Beomgyu gives him a thumbs down. “Oh wait, that’s only a year from now. We can have a long engagement—”

Soobin stabs his noodles with his chopsticks, “You guys are so fucking gross—” 

Yeah, Yeonjun thinks, with these two, anything they do is bound to be fun. 

Or, it will be a fun time after he gets through the nerve-wracking experience of meeting Beomgyu’s parents. 

It comes as both a relief and torture that Yeonjun has all day before then. Relief because he has more time to compose himself, and torture because he has time to think of all that could possibly go wrong. A part of him wishes he could fast forward and just get to it. Cross his fingers and hope for the best. 

But this isn’t just any dinner and this isn’t just anybody. Yeonjun needs this to go well. He resolves to ask Soobin for some advice when they get some time alone later. 

They’re currently driving to Soobin’s house, where he’ll be staying for the next two weeks. He looks curiously out the window, watches as the streets they pass become greener, concrete jungles turning into suburban havens. 

Yeonjun has heard many stories of this place. He could recite enough stories about this place to pass as a native. But as he admires the tree-lined streets all he can think about is the famous origin story of Soobin-and-Beomgyu. How a tiny Beomgyu had tailed a tiny Soobin hoping they could walk to school together. How Soobin had only walked faster in order to run away from the weird kid chasing him. It was their parents that bridged them together — Soobin pulled aside by his mother and asked, could you be Beomgyu’s friend? 

It’s funny how it’s Soobin following Beomgyu now. 

He tries to picture two little summer children, holding hands and chattering non-stop about the latest episode of Pororo they watched. It’s odd to think of them like that, still at the beginning of something that can now only be described as forged by fate. The memories they shared together felt like heavy bricks, and these bricks piled up and up until they formed an impenetrable wall too tall for Yeonjun to climb.

It was the Kingdom of Soobin and Beomgyu—of which Yeonjun could hear about but never visit, one he would always be a foreigner to.  

He’s here now and he’s being welcomed with open arms. The moment he steps into Soobin’s house, the lovely Choi Sooyoung—Soobin’s mom—pulls him into the warmest hug, “Yeonjunnie, we’re so happy to have you here. How was the train?” 

She takes the three of them to dinner every time she visits Soobin in Seoul. Yeonjun isn’t shameless enough to say it out loud, but he loves it when she visits. She always takes them to a nice restaurant and brings them banchan that lasts them days.  

Yeonjun laughs, “I slept the whole way here!”

“Ah, sounds like it was a good trip down then,” Sooyoung says. 

“It was,” Yeonjun nods, clasping his hands together in front of him. “Auntie, I just want to thank you for letting me stay here. I hope it’s not too much trouble—”

“Nonsense,” She shakes her head, pinching his cheek, “It’s nothing compared to how you’ve been taking care of our Soobin and our Beomgyu. God, I’m still so embarrassed of my son’s living habits—” 

“Omma!” Soobin yells, the embarrassment cracking his voice, “I’m a great roommate. I even cook now.” 

"It's true, Auntie," Beomgyu pipes up, "Hyung and I saw it with our very eyes. The boyfriend is bringing out good changes in him.” 

At the mention of the word boyfriend, Sooyoung sighs, “The mysterious Kang Taehyun he doesn’t want to introduce to us.” She turns to Soobin and nags, “Why can’t you be like Beomgyu? Bring your boyfriend home.” 

Soobin grumbles, “Don’t compare me to them. Taehyun and I are on our own time. I don’t want to scare him away.” 

“Is Taehyun a coward, Beomgyu?” Sooyoung asks. 

“He’s the most fearless guy I know,” Beomgyu says solemnly, despite Soobin gesturing at him to not say a word. 

Yeonjun laughs when Sooyoung simply shakes her head at Soobin. “I’ll keep bugging you until you bring him home. Come on, go show Yeonjun where he’ll be staying.” 

“Honey,” She says, turning to Yeonjun, "Feel free to act like this is your own home. Beomgyu already does."

"Auntie!" Beomgyu pouts, clinging to her arm, "You said I could because I was your favorite son!"

"Stop, that was our secret," She laughs, patting his hand. 

Soobin sighs, pulling on Yeonjun's arm. "Come on, hyung. Once Beomgyu and my mom get going there's nothing that can come between them."

Yeonjun laughs, "I completely understand. He just has that effect on people."

Soobin stops and gives him a very unimpressed look, "That's gross. I get that you're dating but please. This is torture. I can't keep hearing about Beomgyu and how you can get lost in his gravity—"

Oh my god, Yeonjun thinks, Beomgyu and his big fat mouth.  

Yeonjun pushes him forward, "I have never said that. If Beomgyu told you I said that, don't believe him. He's a little demon—"

"And when he hears you say that and he pouts at you for calling him a demon and you inevitably give in and apologize because you can't take it when he looks like that—"

"Are you gonna snitch on me? What happened to being my bro? I thought we agreed that Beomgyu and I get to share you equally, huh?"

Soobin wisely doesn’t answer. They walk down the hallway and Soobin points to a door on the right, “That one is my room,” and then he walks up the door across from it and opens it with a flourish, “and this one’s yours for the next two weeks.” 

It looks comfortable and homey. Yeonjun walks in with his suitcase and sits on the bed. “Dude, this is great. I was ready to sleep on a pull out futon in your room.” 

“Nah,” Soobin says, “My noona already moved out, so we have an extra room. No reason to make you sleep on the floor with all the extra space.” 

“Seriously,” Yeonjun emphasizes, “I’m grateful. Speaking of which—” 

Yeonjun carefully sets his suitcase down and kneels to the floor with it. “I hope my mom packed your gifts well.” 

“You got us gifts?” Soobin asks, incredulous. He crouches down next to Yeonjun and watches as Yeonjun pulls out the two bottles of wine his mother had tucked in between his pants. He sighs in relief when he sees them both intact. 

“Of course,” Yeonjun puffs his chest, “I would have been so embarrassed if I came empty-handed.”

Soobin inspects the wine and Yeonjun hurriedly adds, “I don’t actually know if it’s any good, but my mom helped me pick it out. By that, I mean, she literally picked it out and I pulled out my wallet to buy it.” 

Soobin laughs, putting the wine bottle down. “I’m sure it’s good. It’s the thought that counts anyway. Is the other one for Beomgyu’s parents?” 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun scratches the back of his neck, “You think they’ll like it?” 

“Probably,” Soobin laughs, “I wouldn’t worry so much about the gift. It’s you they want to meet.” 

That’s what Yeonjun is worried about. He understands the very real possibility that they could dislike him, but he’s not prepared for that possibility to become a reality. Yeonjun clears his throat, “Speaking of that, do you have any tips for me before I meet them?” 

“Tips?” Soobin asks, pursing his mouth in thought, “I would say...just act as you normally would. You’re a generally likable guy and you’re smart, I know you won’t say anything stupid, like telling them the real story of how you and Beomgyu got together—”

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, “Yeah, Beomgyu and I discussed this. All we’ll say if anybody asks is that we were friends first, realized we had feelings for each other, and I asked him out. Easy.” 

“Good,” Soobin claps for him. “Beautiful love story. A classic in the making.” 

“Shut up,” Yeonjun smacks him on the shoulder, “So just act normally? That’s the best advice you can give me?” 

Soobin winces as he rubs his shoulder, “Okay, it sounds very unhelpful, but think about it. You’d want them to like you for the things that you actually are, right? Not what you pretend to be. Besides, I’m not being biased as your friend when I say this, but I can’t come up with any reason why I wouldn’t approve of you dating my son.” 

Yeonjun snorts, but he finds some of anxiety relieved at Soobin’s words. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Soobin confirms, “Beomgyu’s happy. Isn’t that all that matters?” 

Yeonjun can’t disagree with that. 

Soobin continues, “Besides, Beomgyu loves you and you love him back. I think it’s just a matter of them seeing who earned their son’s love.”

Love. The word echoes in his head and reverberates in his heart. Back when he’d confessed to Beomgyu about his true feelings, he had said maybe the L word too, because he wasn’t sure on how deep his feelings for Beomgyu ran. He still isn’t sure now. 

The uncertainty pricks at him like static thrumming under his skin. It’s something he rarely dwells on and each time he does, he ends up even more confused than before. He hesitates bringing it up, but if he doesn’t tell Soobin of all people, then who else would he tell? 

“I don’t know about that,” Yeonjun carefully starts. 

“Huh?” Soobin blinks, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean,” Yeonjun runs his hand through his hair, “I don’t know...if I love him.” 

Soobin tilts his head, looking even more confused, “You don’t love him?” 

“I mean I don’t know,” Yeonjun repeats slowly, “Please don’t make me say it again.” 

“Are you sure—” Yeonjun hits him, hoping that it helps reach the point across, considering his words clearly can’t. 

“Ow!” Soobin puts his hand up to block further hits, but the one Yeonjun got in feels satisfying enough that he doesn’t attempt another one. “Can you stop being so violent? I get hit by Beomgyu all the time already, I don’t need you to add onto it.” 

“Well, stop asking me if I’m sure. I literally don’t know,” Yeonjun slumps, putting his hands on his cheeks, “Do you think I would joke about this?” 

It’s the honest-to-god truth. In stories about romance, love is obvious when it enters the room. People always just seem to know or there’s always a specific oh moment that helps people realize their true feelings of love. But Yeonjun has since divorced himself from the dreamy narrative of love that the movies portray. Has done so ever since he’s completely misinterpreted the relationship between Soobin and Beomgyu. 

The love that exists in real life wears many faces and Yeonjun just can’t interpret his feelings based on something that’s betrayed him before. 

Yeonjun refuses to misname this feeling in his chest. Yeonjun won’t do it, not again. 

This time, he’s determined to do right by Beomgyu, his boy who deserves only his certainty. 

"It's okay to not know," Soobin says eventually, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It must be hard for you considering that he's already in love with you. The pressure to match it must be unreal."

Yeonjun shakes his head, "It's nothing to how he must feel. The waiting has to be worse. I'm the luckier one for sure."

"Nah," Soobin disagrees, "Maybe these two things are incomparable. At the end of the day, you're just two people whose hearts are trying to meet in the middle." 

Maybe that’s true, but Yeonjun can’t stop himself from agonizing over it. For now, he pushes that worry down and sets it aside for another time. He has more pressing things to worry about. 

"Anyway," Yeonjun sighs, staring at his suitcase, "What should I wear for dinner tonight?"

“That,” Soobin says, standing up, “is a question for your boyfriend.” 

Beomgyu tells him to wear a simple button up tucked in denim jeans, “So you look like a good boy.” 

“I am a good boy,” Yeonjun presses his lips together, “I’m literally on scholarship at our university.” 

“I know you are, but sometimes…” Beomgyu trails off, picking a random lint off of Yeonjun’s shirt, “You just don’t look the part.” 

Yeonjun pouts, “Are you saying I look mean? This face? Mom says I’m the cutest.” 

Beomgyu giggles, wrapping his arms around his waist, “She’s absolutely right.” 

“Um,” Soobin rudely interjects from the bed he’s chosen to lie on, “I’m still here?” 

They both turn to him—with Yeonjun feeling a tad bit more embarrassed than Beomgyu who is shameless enough to say, “Well? Just leave then?” 

Soobin narrows his eyes at both of them, “This is literally my house?” 

“And?” Beomgyu doesn’t even bother taking his hands off of Yeonjun’s waist, “Can you give us some alone time? I need to talk to him about something.” 

“Is that what kids call making out these days?” Soobin groans, but he gets up anyway, rolling off the bed and clumsily getting up when he falls to the floor. “I’ll give you guys a moment. Remember, this is my house.” 

Yeonjun has the decency to at least wave goodbye, when he exists out the door. Beomgyu only laughs, excited to be the cause of Soobin’s suffering. 

“Did you actually want to talk about something?” Yeonjun asks, “Or did you just want to be alone?” 

Beomgyu leans back and looks up, “Hmmm, a little bit of both? I just wanted to ask you if you’re good for tonight?” 

“Why? Do I look not okay to you?” 

Beomgyu shakes his head, “You look fine. Just—I’ll have to leave ahead of time, because I’m helping out with dinner. And I don’t know, I just wanted to make sure I got the chance to check in with you in case I don’t get the chance to later.” 

Here, Yeonjun pauses under Beomgyu’s searching eyes and tries, “I’m fine,” though when Beomgyu raises a brow in response, he ends up floundering, “I mean, I’ll be fine.” 

A slow smile grows on Beomgyu’s face, “Yeah? Is that your final answer?” 

“No,” Yeonjun sighs, pressing his forehead against Beomgyu’s as he deflates, “I’m nervous as hell. I want it to go well. Beomgyu, I’ve never done this before.” 

Beomgyu exhales with a hum, moves his hands from Yeonjun’s waist to hold his face. “It will,” Beomgyu says, earnestly and without even a trace of doubt. “I am not even the least worried about them not liking you. Everything about you is lovable. This is how it’s gonna go—” 

Yeonjun nods, letting Beomgyu paint a prettier picture of tonight for him. 

“You and Soobin will walk to my house, knock on the door, and I’ll answer, so I’ll be the first face you see—”

“I love it already,” Yeonjun can’t help but chime in. 

Beomgyu giggles, “I’ll introduce you to everyone one by one. Then we’ll get on with dinner. Omma is nosier than Appa so expect questions from her. My hyung will try to act all cool but he’s a loser, so don’t be intimidated. I’m the favorite son, if you didn’t already know—”

That gets him to laugh, which works wonders on easing the tightness in his heart. 

“—I am! But anyway, you’ll eat the best steak ever and be so full and happy at the end of the night you’ll find yourself wondering why you were ever worried.” 

Beomgyu has a way with words. Yeonjun doesn’t know if it’s the music major in him, but always, always, he puts the prettiest spin to things Yeonjun can only see the ugly side of. “I hope that really is the case.” 

“My words have magic, hyung,” Beomgyu brags, and Yeonjun lets him because what’s the harm in letting Beomgyu’s pretty words come true? “You’ll see.” 

Yeonjun finally pulls away with a laugh, “Okay, okay. I’ll trust your vision.” 

There’s an awkward amount of time between now and when they have to go to Beomgyu’s house. It’s not enough time for them to explore anywhere. So they make do, chilling on Soobin’s couch, content to pass the time just hanging out with each other. 

Before they know it, it’s time for Beomgyu to go. 

Soon enough, it’s time for Yeonjun and Soobin to go too. 

Beomgyu’s house is a literal walk down the street.  He tries to maintain the comforting words Beomgyu had placed in his mind and lets Soobin chatter on even if none of what he’s saying is registering in Yeonjun’s mind. His silence is obvious enough that by the time they reach the door to Beomgyu’s home, Soobin has to pat him on the back to bring some sense in him back. 

Soobin laughs, “Are you breathing, hyung? Make some noise, you’re scaring me.” 

Yeonjun breathes in deep, the way they taught him in yoga class, and breathes out with a nod, “Yeah, it’s fine. I can do this. I’m great. I’m stunning.” 

Soobin gives him a quick hug, “Yes, you’re the coolest. Should I knock?” 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. This is as ready as he’ll ever be. “Let’s do it.” 

Soobin raps on the door and true to his promise, it’s Beomgyu who ends up answering the door. He looks incredibly cute wearing a red checkered apron. “My comrades, long time no see,” He greets them with a flourish, stepping aside to let them in. “Welcome to the Choi home, fellow Chois.” 

Yeonjun lets Soobin enter first, before following right behind him. Beomgyu closes the door after him and then bends down to place a pair of house slippers at his feet. “You can use these, they’re an extra pair and you’re wearing socks anyway.” 

Yeonjun bends down too, pressing the bottle of red wine his mother had helped him buy as a gift in his hands, “For you and your family. I hope it’s good. Mom sends it with her love.” 

Beomgyu marvels at it, turning the bottle over to inspect the label. As he takes off his shoes, Yeonjun asks, “Do you know if it’s good?” 

“Nah,” Beomgyu shakes his head, “I’m just trying to figure out the alcohol content.” 

“It’s about the quality and the taste. That’s expensive, you know?” Yeonjun laughs, ruffling his hair. 

Beomgyu pouts, “Fine. I’ll share the gift my boyfriend splurged on to get into my parents’ good graces.”

The two of them stand up and Yeonjun takes a moment to look around the house. He takes in their mid-century style furniture, all of it a warm shade of brown wood against clean white walls. Green plants living in corners of light. Family pictures creating pockets of light in dark spaces. Interesting little trinkets spread throughout the home. It reminds Yeonjun of Beomgyu’s apartment back in Seoul, with its interesting marriage of the aesthetic and the personal. Beautiful enough to be on an Instagram spread but if you look close enough, it’s a room that only one person could own. 

It makes him wonder if Beomgyu’s taste is inherited or if it’s something he’s tried to emulate to remind him of home. 

He’s broken out of his thoughts when he hears Soobin loudly greet what sounds like Beomgyu’s parents in the kitchen. Beomgyu grabs his hand, “Come on, let’s put this in the dining room. Who do you want to meet first?” 

Yeonjun squeezes his hand, “You can choose. I’m at your mercy.” 

“Hmm,” Beomgyu leads him to the dining room, where it looks like plates and utensils have already been set. He places the wine at one end of the table and takes a peek through a doorway, “Omma, Appa, do you want to come meet Yeonjun-hyung?” 

Yeonjun hears their voices first. 

Beomgyu’s father had a deep, smooth voice, like someone who does night-time radio. Yeonjun could hear him say, “Oh? Is it time to meet the man of the hour?” 

“Honey, put the steak knife down before you go out,” comes another voice, sharp and higher-pitched, that Yeonjun can only assume comes from Beomgyu’s mother. 

Beomgyu lets out an exasperated sigh, “Appa, that’s not funny.” 

“Hyunwoo would think it’s funny,” comes Beomgyu’s father’s response, punctuated with a full-bellied laugh. 

Yeonjun is a second away from breaking into cold sweat when the two of them finally walk out of the kitchen. Beomgyu stays at his side and doesn’t let go of his hand, “This is my boyfriend, Choi Yeonjun. Please be nice to him.” 

Yeonjun hurriedly bows and when he lifts his head up, he finds Beomgyu’s father has extended a hand to him. “Yeonjun, it’s nice to put a face to the name.” He smiles, enigmatic. “Choi Hyunbin.” 

Yeonjun takes his hand and shakes it, “Ahbeonim, it’s nice to meet you too. Beomgyu talks about you all the time.” 

Hyunbin smiles, gaze flickering to Beomgyu, “Oh yeah? He probably didn’t mention what a handsome father he has, huh?” He makes a move to slick back his hair, and it has Beomgyu’s mother slapping him on the shoulder. 

She shakes her head and extends her hand to him too, “Choi Minha. It’s so lovely to meet you. I heard you’re staying over at Sooyoung’s?” 

“Yes, she was kind enough to let me stay for the next two weeks,” Yeonjun says, shaking her hand. 

“A good woman, that one,” Minha nods with approval, “Our families have been friends for years, ever since Soobin and Beomgyu first met.” 

At the mention of Soobin, Yeonjun sees him pop his head in the doorway of the kitchen and offer him a thumbs up. He’s so supportive. 

“Hyung knows,” Beomgyu pipes up, “He’s Soobin’s roommate, remember?” 

“Ah, how could I forget?” Hyunbin pinches his nose, “Honey, we should actually be offering our apologies right now. This is the boy our son has been mooching off for the past year.” 

Minha pats Yeonjun’s hand, “It’s alright, dear. We hope dinner tonight is enough to make up for everything Beomgyu has eaten.” 

Yeonjun smiles unsurely, turning to Beomgyu who is rolling his eyes, “I told them that you treat me to food all the time, and then they tease me about being a moocher. Hyung, tell them it’s not true.” 

Both Hyunbin and Minha look at Beomgyu with half-bitten smiles. It’s so obvious how adored he is, and it’s that thought that begins to ease his nerves. In that regard, Yeonjun isn’t any different. 

“Well,” Yeonjun starts, “It’s kind of true—” and both of them laugh as Beomgyu cries foul, “—but it’s nothing to apologize for. I do it willingly.” 

Hyunbin looks at him, gaze piercing, and Yeonjun holds his breath for what he has to say in response to that. But Hyunbin blinks and his entire expression softens, “Is that so? Well, I’m happy to hear that. Do you like steak, Yeonjun?” 

Yeonjun gulps and tries not to sound overeager, “I love steak.” 

By their laughs, Yeonjun can tell he missed the mark. Minha smiles, “Good, my husband makes the best steak. It’ll be ready in a bit.” 

Hyunbin puts a hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder and squeezes, “Good to have you, kid.” 

The two of them walk back into the kitchen and Yeonjun tries not to be so audible in his relief. Beomgyu laughs, arms circling his waist, “That wasn’t so bad, huh?” 

“There’s still dinner,” Yeonjun says, “There’s still your hyung.” 

“He went out to buy dessert, so he’ll come in a bit,” Beomgyu pats his stomach before pulling away. “Hey,” Beomgyu fixes him with a look, “I’m really glad you’re here. This really means a lot to me.” 

“I know,” Yeonjun says after a moment. “I know it does,” he says again, taking Beomgyu’s hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. 

They suddenly hear a cough and Yeonjun immediately drops Beomgyu’s hand. When they turn towards the sound, Yeonjun sees a tall figure standing by the entrance of the house. 

“Oh, Hyunwoo-hyung,” Beomgyu says with surprise. “You’re back already?” 

“Dude, it was five minutes away,” Hyunwoo rolled his eyes as he lifted the bag he held in his hand, “I managed to get the chocolate cake you requested. It was the last one.” 

“Thanks, hyung,” Beomgyu says, taking the bag from him. As he did so, Hyunwoo’s gaze slipped from Beomgyu to Yeonjun. His gaze sweeps all the way down to Yeonjun’s slippers and back up again, punctuated only by a raised brow. “Gyu-yah, are you not going to introduce me?” 

“I was getting to it,” Beomgyu throws him an annoyed look, before saying, “This is my boyfriend, Choi Yeonjun,” and to Yeonjun, Beomgyu gestures at his brother, “Yeonjun-hyung, this is my brother—” 

“Choi Hyunwoo,” Hyunwoo extends a hand and Yeonjun takes it to shake it. He tries hard not to wince when he feels Hyunwoo grasp his hand a tad bit tight for what should be a friendly handshake. Hyunwoo gives a small quirk of a smile, “Nice to meet you.”  

“Nice to meet you too,” Yeonjun says tightly. 

Between them, Beomgyu eyes their clasped hands and is about to say something when Soobin exits the kitchen with a groan, “Dude, Auntie is putting me to work—” Soobin stops when he sees what he walked into, “Oh, I see you met Hyunwoo-hyung.” 

Yeonjun has never been more grateful to see Soobin. Hyunwoo finally lets go of his hand and walks over to put Soobin in a headlock, leaving Yeonjun to stare at his reddening hand. Beomgyu sees his hand and looks at him, apologetic. Yeonjun shakes his head, mouths, it’s fine. It’s nothing he didn’t expect. 

Besides, the rest of dinner goes relatively smoothly.

Hyunbin eventually walks out of the kitchen, carrying a large wooden slab with different cuts of steak piled on it. He’s followed by Minha who brings several plates of side dishes. Together, they create one of the most beautiful spreads of food Yeonjun has ever seen. Nervousness aside, he feels so grateful at being invited and served such delicious food. 

“I hope you like it medium rare, Yeonjun,” Hyunbin stands at the head of the table and apportions each piece of steak like a king. “It’s my only rule. Steak has to be eaten medium rare.” 

“Ah, don’t worry, Uncle,” Soobin says, passing his plate to Hyunbin, “Yeonjun-hyung eats everything. He’s not picky at all.” 

Hyunbin laughs as he fills Soobin’s plate, “The opposite of our cute little Cookey then.” 

“Cookey?” Yeonjun asks, turning to Beomgyu who sighs. 

“It’s a childhood nickname,” Beomgyu explains. 

Hyunwoo chimes in, “He still calls you that. It can’t be a childhood nickname if it’s still being used.” 

Hyunbin just seems delighted at having someone new to tell his story, “Beomgyu’s pickiness goes all the way back to when he was a little kid. Loved his sweets. We always caught him climbing countertops and sneakily eating a cookie.” 

“It’s really embarrassing,” Beomgyu says. Yeonjun can see his ears turning red. He really can’t help himself, so he tries to at least be quiet when he says, “It’s cute.” 

Beomgyu crinkles his nose at him, squeezes his hand from where it's obscured and goes unnoticed by the rest of the room. 

Once Hyunbin is done distributing, everyone finally gets a chance to settle down and eat. Beomgyu takes real good care of him, passing the side dishes to him with comments on what they are and which ones he likes best. Yeonjun appreciates it, even if it draws everybody’s attention to them. 

Only Soobin does them the favor in averting his eyes. Though if Yeonjun thinks about it, that’s probably because he’s way too used at them acting like this. 

Minha makes the inevitable first comment, “Beomgyu, let the boy eat. I’m sure he’s had the same side dishes before.” 

“It’s fine,” Yeonjun rushes to say, feeling waves of embarrassment hit him. Something Beomgyu clearly doesn’t feel, because he just goes, “What? I just wanted to make sure he understood these are your specialty dishes, Omma.” 

Hyunbin snickers, which he has to hide the moment Minha turns to him with a glare. 

Yeonjun manages to get a couple amazing bites of the steak, before the Great Choi Inquisition begins. True to what Beomgyu mentioned earlier in the day, it’s Minha who has the most questions. 

She starts off with something small, just like her daintier bites of steak, “Soobin and Beomgyu told me that you’re going to be a senior soon?” 

Yeonjun makes sure his food first before answering,  “Yes, it’ll be my final year before I graduate.” 

“And how do you feel about that? You’re in dance, correct?” Minha prods further. 

“It’s a little nerve-wracking, to be honest. There’s a lot of requirements that I need to fulfill before I graduate, so that’s a little daunting,” Yeonjun says, carefully. “But dance is something I love and am serious about, so it’s exciting to be in the final stages of my studies. It’s a craft that continuously evolves, though, so I imagine there will always be something new to learn.” 

“I think people in the arts are amazing,” Hyunbin says, leaning back in his seat, “And I’m not just saying that because Beomgyu is in it. I think being able to create something out of nothing is something to applaud for, always. It makes me wish I was creative enough back then.” 

Hyunwoo snorts, “Appa, you spent your youth as a racecar driver. I think you had plenty of fun, even with Halmeoni against it.” 

“That’s true,” Hyunbin chuckles, “The old woman would have disowned me if I even thought about doing anything artistic.” 

Soobin chimes in, “Wait, but she didn’t disown you for being a racecar driver?” 

“She tried, didn’t she?” Beomgyu recollects.

Minha laughs, “She definitely did. Tried to chase him and drag him back home to become an upstanding man of society.” 

Hyunbin smirks, cutting into a piece of steak, “It’s why I was so fast. I just imagined your Halmeoni chasing after me on the track. She didn’t know it then, but she was the reason for my success.” 

It has the whole table laughing, even Yeonjun can’t help but join in. The dinner is really not as bad as Yeonjun had imagined it would be. Minha has a lot of other questions, and he does his best to answer them as honestly as he can.

She asks him basic things: 

Does he have any siblings? (None.) 

How tall is he? (181 cm.) 

Has he always lived in Seoul? (Yes.) 

Does he have plans for the future? (Yes, he’s currently signed on to start working as a choreographer at his Dance Academy after he graduates.)

They’re all easy enough to answer, though he feels like he’s being assessed with each answer he gives. She seems pleased enough with all his responses, and just kept asking question after question. 

Hyunwoo stays quiet through it all, eating his food as he listens to everybody talk. 

It’s Hyunbin who end up asking all the questions about their relationship: 

How did they get together? (Yeonjun gives their practiced answer.) 

How long have they been dating? (Almost four months.) 

Is Beomgyu a good boyfriend? (As cheeky as this ask was, Yeonjun answers it seriously. Absolutely yes.)

These are a little harder to answer. They’re a little bit more private when it comes to the details of their relationship, preferring to keep the specifics to an audience of one (and that privilege goes to an unwilling Choi Soobin). He answers these more carefully, knowing these questions held more weight, more gravity. 

There’s one question in particular that gives him pause, and it’s when Hyunbin asks, “So, what do you like the most about Beomgyu?” 

There’s not just one right answer to this question, Yeonjun knows. But no other question of the night has got him feeling as strongly as he does now: that he has to get it right. There’s so many things he likes about Beomgyu, but a quality of his that trumps the rest? Yeonjun has to think about it. 

He turns to Beomgyu, who gives him a sweet smile. He feels everyone’s eyes on him, but he tries to block it out for once, even if it’s just for this single moment. It takes him a good moment to answer, and it only comes to him when Beomgyu, for the nth time that night, takes his hand. 

“There’s so many things to like, I had to really think about it,” Yeonjun smiles softly at Beomgyu, “But if I had to choose my favourite, it would have to be his hands.” 

“Why his hands?” Hyunbin prods. Yeonjun flashes him a quick smile, before turning his attention back to Beomgyu, “Because...his love lives in his hands. Even if he’s teasing, you know he cares because he’s always doing something quietly for you. He’s affectionate and it manifests through touch. And, he makes the most beautiful music with them,” Yeonjun clears his throat, turning away from Beomgyu, “So yeah, his hands…” 

The whole table is just staring at him, and this time, it’s his ears that feel hot. He wonders if he’s said too much. It’s probably not the kind of thing a father would want to hear about his son. Something claws inside of him, and only loses its grip when Hyunbin gives him the smallest smile and goes back to eating. He seems pleased, but that could be Yeonjun’s own hopes projecting onto him. He doesn’t ask any other question after that, though, and Beomgyu doesn’t look worried at all. He just looks touched, and if anything, that has Yeonjun counting it as a win. 

It’s Minha who clears her throat and gets the conversation into full swing again, with Soobin jumping at the opportunity to answer her and bring the conversation to something more generic. The rest of the dinner goes by like that, full of easy conversations and it has Yeonjun feeling that maybe the worst has passed. 

They manage to finish everything. It surprises Yeonjun a bit, seeing how much everyone in Beomgyu’s family eats. Beomgyu must have been a one-off with his picky eating habits. 

When Minha rises from her seat and starts stacking dishes in her hand, Yeonjun stands up too to help her with it. “I can help clean the dishes, Eomeonim.” 

“No,” Minha stops him, “You’re our guest, I’d be too embarrassed if we make you clean.” 

Yeonjun laughs, grabbing his and Beomgyu’s dirty plates, “It’s the least I can do in exchange for the delicious dinner I just ate.” 

Minha sighs, before smiling as she gives in, “Alright, I’m not gonna turn down free labor.” 

It sounds just like something Beomgyu would say that it makes Yeonjun even more amused. Throughout the night, he’s been doing a lot of mapping. If Beomgyu was the great ocean, here was his family, long lines of rivers that lead right to him. There’s so much of them in Beomgyu, and it’s been a wonder to pick out which part is his father’s or his mother’s and what parts are wholly his. 

Hyunbin comments, appalled, “Honey, you say that like you don’t put me to work every day.” 

Beomgyu pipes up at that too, “Yeah, Omma, remember when I vacuumed yesterday?” 

“Beomgyu,” Minha raises a brow, “You literally just turned on our Roomba. That doesn’t count. Now, come on, I’m not going to let your boyfriend clean everything by himself—”  

“I can go help him out,” Hyunwoo speaks up. Great, Yeonjun thinks, just when he feels like he could finally relax.  

“Hyunwoo-hyung,” Beomgyu warns, and Hyunwoo waves his concern away, “Relax. I’m literally offering out of the goodness of my heart.” 

Beomgyu sends him a look of disbelief. Something tells Yeonjun that Hyunwoo has never once offered to clean dishes in his life. But what’s said is said. Soobin gives him another thumbs up of support (he’s gotten too many of those tonight, and it’s only that and Beomgyu holding his hand getting him through it all) as he follows Hyunwoo to the kitchen. 

Everybody does their part in putting their plates beside the sink, stacking them all until a mountain of dirty plates has been erected. They begin cleaning after that, with Hyunwoo scrubbing the dishes clean and Yeonjun rinsing and drying them out. 

Yeonjun is literally waiting for Hyunwoo to say a word. He has never felt so tense washing dishes. He wonders if his stress is visible and if Hyunwoo is planning on staying quiet to torture him. Hyunwoo decides to end his suffering about halfway through the worst dish washing session Yeonjun has ever experienced, and he breaks the silence in a way Yeonjun couldn’t have expected: 

“By chance, do you remember that one virus? I think it was called the swine flu or something.” 

“Huh?” Yeonjun turns to him, pausing his rinsing. “Yeah, I think I remember it.” 

“Once,” Hyunwoo starts, scrubbing a plate, “When he was around ten or eleven, Beomgyu contracted it. Oh, he was so sick and it hurt enough that he was crying so hard about it. His nose was running and there was snot and all. It was gross, so gross…” 

Yeonjun can’t tell where he’s going with this, but nods to show that he’s listening. 

“I was only thirteen or fourteen then, so I didn’t realize how contagious he was. Omma and Appa took him to the doctors, and they understood how bad it was. That Beomgyu was going to have to miss school for a while until he was better. Apparently, he had a pretty serious case and in kids, the virus lasted even longer. It was terrible. Our parents were so worried and we had to wear masks even at home.” 

Hyunwoo chuckles to himself, “I was such a mean brother to him then. I was telling him how he better not get me sick because I had a really important soccer tryout at that time. You know what Beomgyu did?” 

Yeonjun shakes his head. 

“He’s a little twerp, so I thought he’d try to get me intentionally sick.” Hyunwoo sighs, passing a plate for Yeonjun to rinse, “Imagine my surprise when I hear about how he’s decided to quarantine himself in his room instead. He had this warning sign he posted on his room,” Hyunwoo traces an imaginary sign on a hypothetical door, “He wrote so many things, like beware, there is danger of infection or don’t use the same towel or toothbrush. He even drew a cute picture of himself, with glasses and all, and wrote down what he was feeling.” 

Hyunwoo licks his lips, “What I remember the most is the wish he wrote. God, please make me feel better soon, it hurts.” 

“That’s,” Yeonjun says, “That’s heartbreaking.” 

Hyunwoo laughs, but it’s the kind of laugh that’s mirthless. “It’s even more heartbreaking when you think about how lonely he probably was in that room alone. He had a fever and I remember he was even puking. He couldn’t keep anything down. I wondered at one point if he was dying. I prayed so hard that he’d recover. He did, but it took a while.” 

Hyunwoo turns to him, “You’re probably wondering why I’m telling you all this, huh?” 

Yeonjun nods. 

“I don’t really know what you’re like besides what Beomgyu’s said and dinner tonight. You seem genuine enough and I can tell you really like him.” 

“I do,” Yeonjun confirms. 

“But that’s just the bare minimum,” Hyunwoo says in a way that cuts without remorse. “He seems happy enough, so I won’t say things like you need to break up with him. None of that. But I need you to understand how good of a person my little brother is. That even when he’s sick he’s thinking about other people. That he’d rather suffer alone than injure other people. That is the person you’re lucky enough to be dating. Do you understand?” 

Yeonjun nods. He more than understands. He knows this to be true, even without Hyunwoo telling him this little story. Beomgyu has always been good, and he’s always been too good to Yeonjun. 

Hyunwoo continues, “So you’ll have to excuse me when I say, I’ll beat you up if you hurt him. I don’t care if you’re all the way in Seoul. It’s simple really. If you break his heart, I’ll break you too. Are we clear?” 

Yeonjun swallows, “Yes, hyungnim.” 

“Good,” Hyunwoo straightens up and smiles brightly at him. “I’m glad we could have this talk.” 

They finish cleaning the dishes in relative silence, which Yeonjun is absolutely grateful for. He doesn’t actually know what he’d say to Hyunwoo if they had to talk further. Hyunwoo clearly doesn’t feel the same way; he even pats Yeonjun on the back after they’re done, like he didn’t give one of the most terrifying shovel talks of all time. 

Not that Yeonjun felt remotely threatened when Soobin attempted to give him the shovel talk, but it makes that one look so tame in comparison. Yeonjun feels like he’d actually end up at the bottom of the Han River if he were ever to hurt Beomgyu. 

He must look shaken enough when he exits the kitchen, because Beomgyu immediately goes to him and asks, “Hyung, what did my brother say to you?” 

Yeonjun just shakes his head. Beomgyu doesn’t need to know any of the details and even if Yeonjun wanted to tell him, he’s certainly not doing it within hearing distance of Hyunwoo. 

Beomgyu pouts, but senses his hesitance, “Do you want to go to my room and talk? I’ll introduce you to my baby, Toto.” 

“I’d love to,” Yeonjun says, softly. “Will it be okay with your parents?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Beomgyu says, “We’ll just let them know.” 

He leads Yeonjun by the hand, only stopping briefly to let his mother know where they were going. Beomgyu’s house is decorated similarly throughout. Yeonjun hasn’t seen this many plants in a home though. He kind of wishes they had some at his apartment, though he’ll inevitably kill it with neglect. 

Beomgyu’s room is the last door on the right of a long hallway. The lights are already on when Beomgyu opens the door. It’s not that unfamiliar to Yeonjun. Beomgyu had given him a room tour through Facetime once and there doesn’t seem to be much change since then. 

“Welcome, welcome,” Beomgyu ushers him in and immediately makes a bee-line for his parrot. Yeonjun watches as he opens Toto’s cage and says, “Come on, Toto. I have a VIP right here that you need to meet.” 

Toto squawks, but listens to Beomgyu, perching himself on Beomgyu’s finger. Beomgyu carefully turns to him, and Yeonjun thinks that this is probably the chillest introduction he’ll have had today. “Hey Toto,” Yeonjun says, “I’m Beomgyu’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” 

“Toto say, Yeonjun.” Beomgyu orders the bird. 

Yeonjun looks at Beomgyu in surprise and is about to ask if Toto can say his name, when Toto lets out a screech instead. Beomgyu sighs, “I’m still working on it. He’ll say your name someday, I’ll make sure of it.” 

“Can he say anything else?” Yeonjun asks. 

“Only Omma,” Beomgyu says, “It’s cause she takes care of him the most when I’m gone. He’s a little biased bird.” 

Yeonjun watches as Beomgyu puckers up at Toto, who bumps its beak against Beomgyu’s mouth. Beomgyu smiles, “But he still loves me the most.” 

Yeonjun can’t believe this bird has just ‘kissed’ Beomgyu in front of him. What does Toto have that Yeonjun doesn’t?

Thankfully, before Yeonjun can spiral, Beomgyu opens Toto’s cage and sets him on his little bird swing. Yeonjun waves goodbye to the bird, “See ya, Toto.” 

“So,” Beomgyu turns to him, “Want to be introduced to my bed?” 

The pickup line comes so suddenly it has Yeonjun doing a double take, “Huh?” 

Beomgyu laughs at his expression, “I mean, should we take a seat on my bed? Want to talk about how you felt about dinner?” 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun feels weak at the thought, but he goes ahead and takes a seat anyway, clasping his hands on his lap. “Yeah, we can talk about it.”

Beomgyu shakes his head, “It’s just so funny how well-behaved you’re acting right now. You can relax now. It’s just me.” 

Yeonjun groans and collapses down and plants his face on Beomgyu’s bed, “Your brother is terrifying, oh my god. This whole time I’ve been worried about your dad when I should have been worried about your brother all along.” 

Yeonjun can hear Beomgyu snickering and he’s so exhausted by the dinner that he can’t even find it in himself to glare at him. He feels a gentle hand patting his back. “There, there,” Beomgyu coos, “If it’s any consolation, my parents really like you. I can tell. It’s just that you’re the first person I’ve ever brought home. Hyunwoo-hyung has been waiting for the day he gets to—” 

“Threaten me?” Yeonjun turns his head, so that he can breath. The dramatics of squishing your face against a pillow is not sustainable. “For dating his sweet baby brother? Little Cookey?” 

“Stop it,” Beomgyu smiles down at him, “My brother did not call me sweet. He would never. I doubt he’d actually do anything. Come on, hyung, cheer up—” 

 “If you heard what he said, you wouldn’t say that,” Yeonjun doesn’t even want to repeat the words. He laments, “I’ve been threatened so much. Your friends, your brother, even Soobin has said something. Do they all think I’ll break your heart? How come nobody is concerned about you breaking my heart?” 

Beomgyu silently touches his hair, running his hands through it, as gently as he held his bird. Maybe this is why nobody is concerned about Yeonjun’s heart. 

Beomgyu retracts his hand and in a voice that tries hard to be casual, says, “I think that people can see that I like you a lot, like a lot a lot, and they’re just worried it’s too much too soon—” 

He cuts himself off with a sigh and looks away, picking at a loose thread on his ripped jeans. 

“Hey,” Yeonjun pushes himself up into a sitting position and presses close to Beomgyu. “Hey,” He says softly and wonders what law of gravity exists that can explain why he’s drawn to the invisible ache in Beomgyu’s chest. This need to soothe flares, and when it burns, it eclipses everything else. He sets a hand on top of Beomgyu’s fidgeting one, “Are you worried?” 

Beomgyu’s mouth twists, “Only sometimes. I’m worried because what we have is good. It’s maybe too good and I’m too happy and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. What’s the catch? Is it always going to be like this? What if it’s only good because we’re so far away from each other? What if this is just the honeymoon period and when it ends, you'll realize I’m too much.” Beomgyu looks at him, “Tell me I’m being stupid.” 

“You are not stupid,” Yeonjun says first. “I’m scared too. What if I’m too much? Or what if I’m doing too little? What if you get tired of waiting for me to catch up to you? Or I’m not good enough? Even today, I was so worried your parents would see me and say, I forbid you from dating my son—” 

Beomgyu laughs, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun’s waist, and rests his head on his shoulder, “They would never say that. Besides, they couldn’t separate you from me even if they tried. I’ll wait as long as it takes and date you for as long as you’ll have me. Because you know…” 

It’s the I love you that Beomgyu promised he wouldn’t say until Yeonjun is ready to say it back. Promised not to, so Yeonjun wouldn’t feel pressured. But Yeonjun hears him say it all the time, indirectly like this or with gestures. 

Yeonjun has never been loved like this—it’s to the point where this unnamed emotion fills him to the point of overflowing, to where it seeps into his own voice as he says, “I know.” 

Beomgyu lifts his head, and with the gentlest touch, Yeonjun rests his head against his. “Don’t be worried. Not with me.” 

“You too,” Beomgyu turns his head and presses the softest kiss against his cheek. “Don’t be worried. Never with me.” 

He’s the best boyfriend in the world. Someone Yeonjun can’t believe he gets to have, and someone he’s still trying to convince himself he deserves. 

This time, it’s Yeonjun who turns his head, pressing a kiss that lingers for a heartbeat or three, before pulling back. “I missed you so much. I’m so glad we get to have these next two weeks. And even after this, it’ll only be for a bit and then we’ll finally be back to school.” 

“I know. I’ve never been this excited to go back to school,” Beomgyu laughs, until Yeonjun cups his cheek and he shutters into someone quiet. “Missed you too,” Beomgyu says, slowly leaning for a kiss, “The selfies you send are cute, but it’s nothing—nothing compared to seeing you like this—” 

It’s something Yeonjun would normally tease him over, but his mind blanks out the moment Beomgyu’s lips are against his. 

He’s missed this too, something he’s too shy to confess except on nights he can’t sleep and Beomgyu’s half asleep on the phone with him. They do that, sometimes. Yeonjun calls with a million excuses, when all he’d wanted to hear was Beomgyu’s voice. It’s easier to close the distance that way; Yeonjun could close his eyes, put the phone on speaker, and pretend Beomgyu is right there beside him, within holding distance. But dreams are dreams and Yeonjun is a realist, through and through. 

That’s when he’d open his eyes and admit to the darkness of his room, I want to kiss you again. 

I want to kiss you all the time, he’d say in a voice too quiet but with want so deafeningly loud, it’d make him want to end the call. 

But then Beomgyu’s ink-blue voice would come, crackling through the receiver, me too, want you to kiss me, and then Yeonjun would have to stop himself from losing his mind and buying a one-way ticket to Daegu just to do exactly that. 

This kiss is worth at least ten KTX train tickets. 

The waiting makes Beomgyu’s mouth taste even sweeter, like it’s a little treat Yeonjun gets to have. This is mine, Yeonjun thinks as Beomgyu makes a little noise when Yeonjun nips on his bottom lip. Beomgyu parts his mouth for him and Yeonjun groans as he licks into it. 

His hand moves to Beomgyu’s waist, wanting to pull him closer, wanting him on his lap, but Beomgyu suddenly pulls away instead. Yeonjun chases his mouth mindlessly, which Beomgyu stops with a hand on his chest. 

Yeonjun whines, “Baby—” 

Beomgyu looks at him imploringly, “Someone’s coming up the stairs. Calm down for a sec—” 

Yeonjun blinks at that, feeling out of orbit as Beomgyu puts a comfortable and acceptable amount of space between them. Yeonjun keeps his hands to himself, holding them together in his lap, and seconds later, they hear a soft knock on the door. 

Beomgyu clears his throat, running a hand through his hair, “Come in!” 

But when the door opens, it just reveals Soobin with a smug smile on his face, “What’s up, guys?” 

Yeonjun could throttle him. Beomgyu is ahead of him, throwing one of the stuffed animals he has on his bed at Soobin’s head. “You fucker, I thought it was my dad—” 

“You’re lucky I volunteered to go up,” Soobin snorts, closing the door behind him. “Auntie was wondering how long you guys were going to stay up here. I said, I don’t know Auntie, you know how much Beomgyu can talk. Little did she know, not much talking was clearly happening—”

“Stop, just hearing about Beomgyu’s parents even imagining it makes me want to die,” Yeonjun glares at him.

“Why are you mad?” Soobin frowns, “After all the support I’ve given you today. What would you have done without my positive affirmations and thumbs up of support?” 

Yeonjun pouts, unable to say anything. Soobin cheered him up a lot today; every time Yeonjun would see his supportive gestures, it made him want to laugh (which he couldn’t even do because it would just look odd). 

“Forgive him,” Beomgyu says, “He’s stressed. I told him Omma and Appa definitely like him though.” 

“They really do,” Soobin confirms. “They were saying nice things about you while you guys were up here.” 

“What about Beomgyu’s brother?” 

“Ah, that one,” Soobin just shrugs, “Hyunwoo-hyung didn’t actually say much. Just said you were ‘fine,’”

Beomgyu gasps, “He did? That’s like high praise coming from him.” 

That doesn’t sound right to Yeonjun, but what does he know? He gives in to their reassurances, though he doesn’t think he’ll be able to stand next to Beomgyu’s family without feeling like he’s walking on thin ice.

Soobin puts his hand over his heart, which Yeonjun surely knows it’s not aching, “Look at him. He looks like a wilted plant. Beomgyu, have you not been giving him some TLC?” 

“What’s TLC?” Yeonjun asks. 

“Tender Loving Care,” Soobin explains solemnly, which makes Beomgyu snort, “Well, that’s what I was trying to do until you walked in—” 

“Again, if I didn’t, it would have been one of your family members,” Soobin shrugs, “Also, I am the bearer of multiple bad news. We probably should head back soon.” 

Beomgyu sighs, “I can’t believe you guys will be cuddling tonight, while I have to sleep here by myself. A cuddle party without me.” 

“Don’t remind me,” Yeonjun looks at him with sad eyes, before sticking his tongue out at Soobin, “It’s not a cuddle party without you—” 

Soobin fake gags, “This is the worst, pack it up, lovebirds.” 

Yeonjun sighs, standing up, and Beomgyu does too. Once again, he wishes that they were back in school, so they don’t have to separate so early in the night. Ever since he and Beomgyu have gotten together, it just feels like there’s never enough time. He is so hungry for Beomgyu’s time and attention all the time. 

It’s never been like this for him before. He’s dated other people, but this undercurrent of what he can only describe as urgency hasn’t existed before. Why does it always feel like they’re running out of time? 

He awkwardly says his goodbyes to Beomgyu’s parents and maybe Soobin and Beomgyu are right, that he doesn’t have to worry about anything. Minha hugs him goodbye and tells him to come over for dinner again soon, while Hyunbin tells him it was nice to meet him and thanks him for taking care of their son. He looks happy, he had said, while Beomgyu pushes him out of the door in embarrassment. 

Yeonjun glows at his father’s words, enough that his disappointment at not spending more time with Beomgyu wanes the tiniest bit. Beomgyu walks them all the way to the door, closing his front door behind him. He looks like he wants to follow them all the way to Soobin’s house. He looks cute wearing his favorite pink cardigan and floofy hair. 

“Well,” Beomgyu pouts, “Guess you guys really have to go home.” 

“Yep,” Soobin says, walking out into the sidewalk. “Mom wanted us back before a certain time, but I get it. I’ll let you guys say your goodbyes.” 

Yeonjun watches as Soobin turns his back to them, before turning to Beomgyu, “It was nerve-wracking, but I’m glad I got to meet your family. I can see why you are the way you are.” 

Beomgyu intertwines their hands together, which Yeonjun wholeheartedly welcomes. Yeonjun thinks he understands what it means when they say parting is such sweet sorrow. There’s sweetness in the way they hold on tighter in the face of having to soon let go. 

Beomgyu says, “I’m glad you got to meet them too. You’re important to me and I wanted to share you with them. The steak was the best, right?” 

Yeonjun laughs, “Yes, I now know where you get the amazing meat cooking skills from.” 

Beomgyu laughs too, “It’s like some higher power knew I was going to be your boyfriend.” 

Sometimes, Beomgyu says these things so casually it boggles Yeonjun’s mind. How right they are for each other, that fact which extends to even the smallest things. Yeonjun just gives him a smile, before pressing a soft kiss against his nose and then his mouth. 

Beomgyu’s eyes flutter at the gesture, drawing attention to his pretty eyelashes. “Next time,” Beomgyu says softly, “we’ll have enough time to make up for all the kissing. If we have to kick Soobin out of his own room, I don’t care. Sacrifices have to be made.” 

Yeonjun kisses him again for that, too fleeting to be anything but a butterfly against a mouth. “We can’t be too mean to him. He is housing me for the next two weeks.” 

“It’s not right,” Beomgyu complains and then looks at Soobin who’s about to turn around, “Keep looking away, Choi Soobin. I’m still saying goodbye.” 

“Please, you guys are literally hanging out tomorrow too,” Soobin groans but keeps his back to them. 

Yeonjun laughs and Beomgyu looks back at him, very proud of himself. “Okay, I really have to go. Have a good night. I’ll text you when we get back.” 

He ruffles Beomgyu’s hair and then turns away to start walking back to where Soobin was waiting for them to be done. But before he can get far, Beomgyu pulls him back and towards him, cupping his cheek to press one more kiss against his mouth. It’s short and sweet and Yeonjun has to blink at the suddenness of it all. “Okay,” Beomgyu says, satisfied, “Good night. Just wanted to give you something to remember.”

Yeonjun does not want to leave him at all. But Beomgyu’s already pushing him towards Soobin and Yeonjun just has to make peace with the fact that he’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see him again. 

It’s not right, Yeonjun agrees, to have Beomgyu so close and so far at the same time. 

The first place Soobin and Beomgyu take him to is Apsan Park. 

It seems that Beomgyu is their official designated driver. He comes in his cute little white car and picks them up at Soobin’s house. It’s early enough that Yeonjun has to drag a sleepy Soobin out of the house and push him into the backseat of the car. Soobin puts on his seatbelt half-awake and immediately leans his head against the window, trying to get some more sleep. 

Yeonjun closes the door for him, while he climbs into the passenger seat, leaning over the console to kiss Beomgyu on the cheek, “Good Morning.” 

“Good Morning,” Beomgyu greets back with a smile — golden enough to warm him all over the way the sun does when it rises in the morning, taking with it any reminder of the cold. “Do you think we should get coffee at least? I don’t think Soobin’s going to make it even halfway up at this rate. Did you guys stay up late having your little bro talk?” 

“If by bro talk you mean, playing video games into the dead of the night, then yes,” Yeonjun says, “we did. Maybe if you slept over, you could have joined. It was a good game.” 

Beomgyu laughs, putting the car in reverse and backing out of Soobin’s driveway. “I don’t like playing with you. You never let me do anything until you die and I have to heal you back to life. Besides, we have to make sure we behave in front of our families.” 

Yeonjun smirks, looking out into the window, watching the sun filter through the leaves of the trees, “I’m a good boy, you’re the one who’s always making moves on me—” 

“Shut up,” Beomgyu says without heat, “You like it. Also, you’re DJ and my navigator. If you play XXXtentacion or whoever that guy is, I swear to god—”

“Wow, asshole, that was from my dance playlist—” Yeonjun cuts himself off, shaking his head, “I’ll just play that playlist you shared with me. Also, yes to coffee, babe. I think Soob’s knocked out.”

“Nah,” Soobin responds without lifting his head or opening his eyes, “I’m alive.” 

Beomgyu laughs and sets on to get their drinks, driving to a coffee shop with practiced movements. “We gotta go to this one,” he explains, “Because Soobin is into matcha lattes these days. Supposedly, it makes you less jittery.” 

“Surprisingly, I’ve never tried one. Does it taste good?” Yeonjun asks, opening Naver and doing a quick search on the drink. 

“It’s good, but I kind of like the taste of an Americano better? It’s bitter but it wakes me up,” Beomgyu explains. 

“I want to try it,” Yeonjun says after looking at the photos. “It looks healthy and it says right here that it gives you a smoother energy boost than coffee.” 

“God,” Beomgyu says, looking at him while they wait for the stoplight to turn green, “First, it was yoga, now you’re into healthy beverages, what’s next? Are you gonna stop eating instant ramen?” 

“Who do you think I am?” Yeonjun pushes his face back to look at the road, “I’m health conscious, not dead. I’m not going to give up ramen.” 

Beomgyu snorts, focusing on driving, instead of responding to him. It doesn’t take a long time to get there, as Yeonjun barely gets enough time to enjoy the scenery outside before Beomgyu drives into the parking lot. 

“Do you wanna come down with me?” Beomgyu asks right after he parks the car and takes his seatbelt off, “We can let Soobin sleep in the car. Roll the windows down like he’s our dog.” 

“I am going to throw you off the side of the mountain,” Soobin threatens darkly, but Beomgyu doesn’t even care, smiling brightly as he opens his car door. 

Yeonjun follows him out, laughing. It’s a great start to his day. 

Beomgyu waits for him to catch up so they can walk in together, and Yeonjun laughs again at how cute he is being. 

The coffee shop is small and quaint, the type of place that has a following of both regular customers and instagram clout chasers. 

“This place,” Beomgyu starts, “is actually pretty new. When we left Daegu after Christmas break, this place wasn’t even in here, and then when we came back it’s already become the latest hotspot. Isn’t that weird?” 

Yeonjun says, “I guess. I feel like places like this come and go in Seoul so often that I don’t really think of it as weird.” 

“It just makes me feel like time is really passing by, the way things come and go,” Beomgyu sighs, shaking his head, “Too early for this.” 

Yeonjun laughs, briefly laying his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder, “All this thinking and you haven’t even had coffee. Come to think of it, you looked super awake already when you picked us up. Did you sleep well?” 

“I slept so early,” Beomgyu admits, “So time would go faster and I can see you again.” 

Yeonjun lifts his head up and looks at him, unable to speak a single word to this boy who says these irresponsible things in public with no remorse. 

“What?” Beomgyu asks, like he doesn’t know what he does to Yeonjun. Considering it’s Beomgyu, maybe he really doesn’t know. Luckily for Yeonjun, their turn to order comes and he’s saved from having to explain his silence. 

“I’ll pay,” He says to Beomgyu, “What do you want?” 

“One iced Americano, please,” Beomgyu says, sweetly, and then Yeonjun says his order and Soobin’s, “Then two hot matcha lattes, please.” 

The barista writes their orders down on the cups and takes Yeonjun’s card for payment. While Yeonjun signs the receipt, Beomgyu sighs, “Wow, it’s so nice having a boyfriend. He pays for everything and takes care of me so well—”

The barista tries to hide her laugh but not hard enough as Yeonjun clearly hears it. He just suffers through it, giving her a polite smile when he’s done. “Come on,” he says to Beomgyu, pushing him to stand at the side, while they wait. 

Beomgyu snickers, reaching up to pinch his cheek, “Are you embarrassed? My Yeonjunnie-hyung embarrassed? I thought you’d like it if I brag about you? Isn’t that like practice dating rule number 50?” 

“It feels like you’re teasing me though,” Yeonjun mutters, staring resolutely at the displays of coffee beans for purchase. 

“You did it to me all the time,” Beomgyu says fondly, “You were merciless and way worse than me. Let me have my fun—”

Yeonjun pouts. It’s true that he teased Beomgyu a lot when they were practice dating, but he didn’t even know Beomgyu liked him then. His reactions were just so cute, and he turned red easily. What was Yeonjun supposed to do? Leave him alone?  

“Unless,” Beomgyu says, tilting his head to the side, “You don’t want me to do that? I do it because, well, you deserve to be teased but also I do mean it? It is pretty nice to have a boyfriend that pays for little things like this sometimes and I like the way you take care of me—"

"No, it's not that deep. You can do it, I'm not uncomfortable or anything." Yeonjun says, patting down a stray hair on Beomgyu's head, "I guess I kind of deserve it. I was kinda mean, huh?"

"Nah," Beomgyu shakes his head, "It's not like you knew. And I didn't really take half of it seriously, because I knew you didn't mean it that way. Also, when I said you deserve to be teased, I didn't mean as retribution for you teasing me in the past in that context. Isn't teasing each other just part of our relationship?"

Yeonjun feels something in his chest dislodge, just the tiniest bit, making breathing just a bit easier — it surprises him. How long had that tightened feeling been there? Yeonjun smiles, "Ah, so when I call you tiny or small, it's completely okay, then? You're not going to get mad and threaten to not respond to my messages?"

Beomgyu rolls his eyes, "I knew what relationship I was walking into with you. Also, I reserve the right to get mad, asshole, go grab our drinks, it's ready—"

"Oh, I love it when you call me pet names," Yeonjun laughs, and as he grabs their drinks, he shakes his head, marveling at how their conversations can easily go from serious to joking in a single breath. 

He knows it's something he can attribute to them being friends prior to dating, but it's also something he attributes to Beomgyu's nature. How straightforward he is, how understanding he is. It's something that can surprisingly be hard to find in a person when dating. 

Back at the beginning of his university experience, back when he hadn't met Soobin or Beomgyu, it was something he found frustrating when he was dating around. People never said what they mean, and there were always rules about how you're not supposed to do this or that for fear of sounding desperate or being too interested. The fear of showing your hand, the mortifying ordeal of being known, of caring too much on your own—has been instilled in him and has him putting all his guards up. 

Beomgyu makes him want to put them all down though. 

When Yeonjun hands Beomgyu his coffee and watches the way he happily sips it, the expression so clear on his face, he thinks about how fortunate he is that he never has to guess. That Beomgyu feels comfortable enough with him to never hide how he's feeling. 

Yeonjun knows it’s because Beomgyu trusts him fully with his heart, and Yeonjun’s doing his best to hold it in his hands with purposeful care. 

He hopes he doesn’t disappoint him. 

He hopes he can reciprocate fully someday. Because if anybody deserves Yeonjun’s heart, if he can trust anybody to treat it for the tender fragile thing that it is, it would be Beomgyu. 

The caffeine does its magic. By the time they arrive at the foot of the trails, everyone is awake, lively, and ready for their planned hike at Apsan Park. 

Soobin stretches his legs and checks to make sure if everyone is good, "Does everyone have their waters?"

"Yep," Beomgyu and Yeonjun answer together. 

"Wallet, sunscreen, towel, and snacks?" Soobin starts, rifling through his bag to check if they had everything.

"Yep, yep, yep, Yeonjun-hyung's face is starting to look like a ghost with how much sunscreen we've applied." Beomgyu says impatiently. "Let's go!"

Soobin rolls his eyes, "What about you, Beomie? Did you remember to put some on yourself?"

"Yes, Soobin, I did." Beomgyu groans. 

"There's no avoiding it, Soobinnie," Yeonjun laughs, putting an arm around Soobin's shoulders, "It's time to start exercising. Is this hike gonna be so bad that you're trying to procrastinate it?"

Beomgyu starts walking towards the trail and they've no choice but to follow. He calls out to them, "This is the easiest hike of the three we were thinking about. I wanted to do the hike at Gatbawi Rock, since there's this Buddha statue at the top of the mountain over there. And it's said that if you are honest and your wish is heartfelt, it might just come true."

"Do it with Taehyun when he comes to visit then. Hyung and I will pass. Right, Hyung?” Soobin pats Yeonjun’s hand on his shoulder. 

Yeonjun has a couple things he’d like to wish for too, but he humors Soobin, “Sure, Soobin. I’ll pass on it too.” 

Beomgyu turns around to give him an unimpressed look, and Soobin sticks his tongue out at him. 

It isn’t Yeonjun’s first time hiking, but it’s been a hot minute since he’s done it. Considering how he’s been cooped up in his dance studio all summer, it feels so nice to be one with nature. The air feels crisp, fresh and cool, which feels amazing coupled with the soft warmth of the sun’s rays.  

They follow a beaten path, dust on their heels and crowns of leaves above their heads. The hike is relatively easily at first, incredibly scenic and the incline can be barely felt. Yeonjun spies different kinds of birds who have made homes out of sturdy branches. He spots a couple squirrels shamelessly languishing against bushes. There’s a bunch of bees and butterflies flitting around too when they pass by a crowd of wildflowers. The last part he decides not to mention to an oblivious Beomgyu who is too busy chatting with Soobin to notice. The mountain doesn’t need to hear him scream today. 

Yeonjun feels so small here, like he’s just a tiny ant moving along and taking his place in the circle of life. It’s easy to forget about the world outside when all one can see are trees, all of which older than all of them combined. How can Yeonjun think about his worries when these trees have borne witness more than what Yeonjun’s short life will ever bear? 

Maybe this is why people love to hike. They come to forget and take up the mountain’s invitation to be part of the world again. 

Eventually though, they end up at the more challenging part of the hike. Yeonjun starts feeling a burn in his calves after going through the fifth set of staircases up. They manage to get through them eventually, though they’ve had to stop a couple times to catch their breath. 

When they come across a fork in the road, Beomgyu asks, “Okay, should we take the nice paved path on the right or should we go the more scenic route?” 

“The easier route,” Soobin says, while Yeonjun says, “The scenic route.” 

The two of them look at each other and then at Beomgyu, who’s vote will break the tie. But Beomgyu just scratches his head, “I don’t really have a preference, maybe rock, paper, scissors?” 

Soobin raises his hand and Yeonjun does too, but before they could throw their choice, Soobin raises his other hand and pleads, “Can we please take the easier route? I’m tired and hungry. Hyung, please?” 

Yeonjun pouts, “It’s not gonna be that bad, Soobin, think of the view! The experience!” 

Soobin pouts pitifully at him, widening his eyes, the way he probably learned from Beomgyu and looks on mournfully at the path that Yeonjun wants to take, “Think about me, hyung. I’m so unathletic and like what if I trip and get injured and then my mom will ask why—” 

With each word out of Soobin’s mouth, Yeonjun feels more and more like the bad person. 

“Fine,” Yeonjun says, giving in, and starts walking to the paved road, leaving Soobin to cheer in happiness. 

Behind him, he can hear Soobin and Beomgyu laughing. It’s no secret that he’s weak for them, though it’s embarrassing how easily he gives in the moment they start pouting. But it’s fine in the long run, Yeonjun thinks, because giving in is cyclical between the three of them. Sometimes, he’s the one who indulges and sometimes, he’s the one being indulged. 

He calls out to them when he hears them whispering to each other behind him. “Choi Beomgyu, Choi Soobin, hurry up. If we’re gonna take the nice, easy route, we might as well walk it together.” 

Soobin and Beomgyu hear him loud and clear, running up to him and each grabbing one of his arms to link with theirs. Soobin rests his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder, “Listen, hyung, we were looking it up and the view is literally just as nice? I’ll take pictures of you and Beomgyu if you want.” 

Beomgyu hums, “Also, after we reach the Observatory, we can go ahead and eat at this nice restaurant. Naengmyeon sounds good, right?” 

Soobin nods, though Yeonjun can feel it more than see it with the way he’s still clinging to him, “Right, right, Beomgyu. Good choice, once again. This will please our Yeonjun-hyung, for sure.” 

“Stop,” Yeonjun says trying to shrug them both off, but they only cling tighter, “I’m not even upset, why are you guys bribing me with food? Why do you always bribe me with food? Do you think I’m that easy and simple?” 

“Hyung,” Soobin starts carefully, “I don’t know how to answer that in a way that would not offend you—” 

Beomgyu snorts, “Yes, hyung, you are that easy. But what’s wrong with being simple? That’s what makes you great to be around. Because it’s easy to make you happy, the vibe is always good. Do you get what I’m saying?” 

Yeonjun chooses to focus on the positive words he’s saying and feels warm, “I get what you’re saying—” 

Beomgyu lets out a pleased sigh, “I’ve become so wise—” 

“—though, I do feel like I’m being manipulated, just the tiniest bit.” Yeonjun tries to say, but he’s immediately shushed by Beomgyu, who closes his eyes and breathes deeply, “It’s time to enjoy the nice scenery now. Please be quiet, Yeonjun-hyung.” 

Soobin barely hides his snort at Yeonjun’s answering sigh. 

The two of them were right though, the view is just as nice. There are birds singing in the trees. There are flowers growing in the bushes lining the pathway. The trees are as green as they can be. The world is alive and awake and breathing just like they are. It’s beautiful in its own way, and as they slowly make their climb up to the Observatory, the trees eventually give way to a clearing and Yeonjun can clearly see the city of Daegu open itself up to his eyes. 

Ants, Yeonjun thinks. They are just tiny ants in this big world. 

“Wow,” Beomgyu says, “This whole time we’ve been living here, and nobody ever told me we had a view this nice here.” 

“It’s true, huh? We’ve lived here for years and this is our first time, with a tourist too, to do this.” Soobin adds. 

Yeonjun gently extricates himself from Soobin’s hold to grab his phone from his pocket, so that he can take some pictures. “I feel like people who are born in the city don’t really ever go to the tourist areas. Like, I only went to Namsan tower to show my cousins around. I probably wouldn’t have gone by myself either.” 

He tries hard to find a good angle, but that’s the problem with views as amazing as this. No matter how hard you try to capture it, the photo never does it any justice. 

He gives up, “Get in the frame, guys. I’ll take photos of you guys instead.” 

The two of them easily follow, choosing to stand where the glass borders that protect the visitors from falling off the cliff are. Beomgyu raises his hand for a peace sign and so does Soobin. 

“Okay, smile,” Yeonjun calls out, snapping multiple pics at once. 

“Do a flower pose!” He suggests and the two immediately change their pose, looking cute for the camera. 

“Come over here, hyung,” Beomgyu calls out, “We need a picture of all three of us.” 

Yeonjun comes to them and looks around to see if somebody would be available to take their picture. Soobin takes his phone instead and his arms are long enough that it feels like they have a selfie stick at their disposal. 

Yeonjun laughs, “Okay, this works too.” 

Yeonjun feels Beomgyu wrap an arm around his waist from behind him and hook his chin on his shoulder, while Soobin tilts his head in their direction and adjusts the angle of his arms to take a flattering photo. It takes them several tries that result in them taking too many photos that will probably never see the light of day. But that’s okay, that’s the thing about memories, they’re worth unearthing even when they look imperfect — for these are happy memories and time can only turn them more beautiful. 

Just before they leave the Observatory, Beomgyu pulls out his phone and hands it to Soobin, “Soobin, can you take a picture of us too? It’s for the lovestagram.” 

Soobin rolls his eyes at the mention of the lovestagram, while Yeonjun stays quiet. He loves the lovestagram. It’s like the cutest thing in the world. He doesn’t care that it’s private or that no one follows them but their own accounts or that it’s just the two of them liking their own photos. It’s cute and it’s theirs and no one can say anything bad about it. 

Soobin mutters, “Don’t you guys have any photos that we just took?” 

“Yeah,” Beomgyu says, linking arms with Yeonjun, the both of them throwing peace signs up, “But I’d have to crop you out of them. Which is honestly so much work and it’ll ruin our page’s aesthetic.” 

Yeonjun laughs at Soobin’s disgruntled expression, “Hey, be nice.” 

“That was the nice version,” Beomgyu says, prettily resting his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder and the two of them pose for a couple photos, switching up from something cute to something cool to something silly. 

They’ll look through it later, when they decide which photo to post. They’ll probably choose something cute; it’s what they typically end up choosing, preferring to save the funny ones for themselves or their phone’s wallpapers. His current one, for example, is a picture of Beomgyu cringing as he tries to bite a popsicle at their last date meetup. Though if you ask Yeonjun, the picture’s not only funny but also cute as hell. It’s not lovestagram worthy though, per Beomgyu’s words. 

In any case, they finally decide to finish their hike, choosing the cable car option to get back down to where their car is parked, rather than to hike back down. He takes pictures during that ride down too, snapping secret ones of Beomgyu and Soobin looking through the glass, their faces focused on the pretty scenery. 

It’s true, Daegu is pretty. But what Yeonjun wants to remember isn’t the place, but the people he came here for. 

They do end up getting naengmyeon for lunch at a restaurant whose name Yeonjun couldn’t quite catch. 

He is so ready to eat by the time they get there. It looks like it’s the same for Soobin, who’s just quietly sitting next to him, staring out the window while they wait for the food to be served. Meanwhile, Beomgyu’s on his phone, an arm crossed over his chest, frowning. 

Yeonjun gently nudges him by the foot, “You okay?” 

Beomgyu sighs, putting his phone face down the table, “Yeah, I’m just annoyed at how long these companies are taking to announce if they want me or not for their internship. How long does it take to figure that out?” 

Ah, Yeonjun thinks, it’s the internship Beomgyu’s been worrying about all summer. Yeonjun has been metaphorically holding his hand throughout the whole process, from the beginning when Beomgyu was crafting the songs, to poring over which songs he was going to present in his portfolio, and all the way to the point where Beomgyu pressed ‘submit’ on his internship application. 

“Did they tell you when they’re supposed to get back to you?” Yeonjun asks. 

“Just sometime this week or next,” Beomgyu says with resignation. “I should just prepare myself for going back to working for the Music Department, which is fine with me. But I just want to know. It's not knowing that’s painful.” 

Soobin leans forward, resting his chin on his palm and elbow on the table, “Just don’t think about it. You’re usually the type that takes the test and then doesn’t look back on the result.” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t care about those. I want this more than anything else in the world,” Beomgyu says, “Even if I’ll have a much harder time if I balance this internship with school work, I really want it.” 

Beomgyu groans, putting his head on the table. 

Yeonjun’s heart goes to him, “I heard all the songs you submitted and they were good, Beomie. I think not only will you get good news, you’ll have options. Honestly? I’m more concerned about how you’ll manage school and work. When are you gonna find time to eat?” 

Soobin laughs, “Ya, lift your head, the food is coming.” 

Beomgyu lifts his head, rubbing his forehead as a server sets their bowls of cold noodles in front of them. Yeonjun opens the drawer on the side of the table and grabs utensils for them all, placing it on their trays. 

They all start eating. 

It’s refreshing and hits just the right spot, but somehow Yeonjun can’t quite get into it. 

He can’t stop thinking about the fall semester. 

He doesn’t have a single doubt in his mind that Beomgyu will get at least one internship offer. His mind spins at the reality of that, how demanding it’ll be for Beomgyu, how stressful it’ll be balancing both. His boyfriend is the type that won’t eat when he’s stressed. 

“I feel like Beomgyu will be okay. He’s cute, I feel like some hyung or noona is going to take care of him at whatever company he’ll end up at,” Soobin says through a mouthful of noodles. “I think we should be more worried about you, Yeonjun-hyung.” 

“Me?” Yeonjun says, looking up from his bowl, “Why me?” 

“If Beomgyu’s busy working, who’s going to tell you to stop living in the practice room?” Soobin says, pointing an accusatory finger, “You are like the worst workaholic among us—”

Yeonjun smiles, throwing an arm around Soobin’s shoulder, “Obviously you, Soobin. I know you care and love hyung so much, you wouldn’t let me waste away like that.” Yeonjun rubs his head against Soobin’s shoulder affectionately, while Soobin sits completely still. 

Beomgyu laughs, “Soobin’s gonna be busy too, though. He’s doing research for a professor and is gonna be a teacher’s assistant.” 

“Taehyun will take care of me,” Soobin says confidently, and Yeonjun lifts his head up, displeased, “What about me? Who’s gonna take care of me? I have to be cared for, you—” 

“I’ll take care of you,” Beomgyu says nonchalantly, sipping the broth from his bowl. 

Yeonjun simply pauses, forgetting whatever complaint he has to say. He swallows, trying to get his brain restarted once more, and says, “How are you going to do that when you’re gonna be so busy you won’t even have time for me, huh?” 

“Oh, god,” Soobin mutters, but Beomgyu looks at him, smiles like he knows what he’s doing to Yeonjun for once, and simply says, “You’re a fool if you think I wouldn’t make time for you.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing to say that won’t come out of him, spilling out as stutters, so he goes back to eating his noodles. Soobin quietly pats him in the back, sensing his struggle. 

He feels Beomgyu’s shoe lightly rest against his underneath the table. 

He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to this. 

He is still learning how to be loved too. 

Hiking drains more of their energy than they expected, so much so that all they want to do after is waste away on Soobin’s couch. It’s fine, Yeonjun thinks, because time spent in each other’s company is never a waste.

They take their turns showering and freshening up, crashing against each other, wet hair dripping water on the white towels on their shoulders. 

Soobin boots up his Nintendo Wii console and puts on Mario Kart for the three of them to play. They unfortunately only had two controllers, so they have to take turns playing. 

In the spirit of fairness, they make one rule: the loser has to give up the controller and the winner gets to decide which track to play. 

This is a great rule in theory, but in practice? None of them foresaw how good Beomgyu was going to be at Mario Kart. By the fifth round, Yeonjun was whining, “This is not fair, why the hell do you keep choosing fucking Rainbow Road?” 

“He used to always do this when we were younger,” Soobin explains as he watches them compete against each other, “And he always uses Waluigi, which makes it even more infuriating.” 

“And you didn’t think to mention it?” Yeonjun can’t believe him. 

Beomgyu just laughs, says nothing as he expertly maneuvers Waluigi down the track. Yeonjun is concentrating hard but he’s getting desperate for a win. Had Soobin not sat between them and acted as a referee, Yeonjun would totally  hit the controller out of Beomgyu’s hands and distract him long enough to get ahead of him. 

Yeonjun has two preferences when playing Mario Kart: Princess Peach on a motorbike or Toad on the Mushmellow. He alternates between those two, while Soobin sticks to Luigi each time he gets the controller. 

(In a quick aside, Yeonjun asks him why he keeps choosing Luigi when Mario is right there, and Soobin just huffs, that’s exactly why I’m choosing Luigi, the forgotten brother.)

Close to the finish line, Yeonjun finally edges out and passes Beomgyu’s character and he can almost taste the win. His heart beats fast, seeing the finish line, and then at the corner of the screen comes a bloody red shell and hits him, stopping his kart in its tracks and with great tragedy, he loses as Beomgyu speeds past him and past the finish line. 

Yeonjun throws the controller to Soobin, suddenly exhausted, “I hate it here. I feel like I’d accept the loss much better if it wasn’t fucking Waluigi.” 

Beomgyu cackles, “What do you have against my boy, Waluigi, hyung?” 

“Just, who plays with Waluigi? Even Soobin’s choice is weird. Luigi and Waluigi? I feel like I’m losing my mind.” Yeonjun complains and complains, but Beomgyu shakes his head. 

“You’re a sore loser, hyung. Though you’re a terrible winner too, now that I think about it. Just quietly accept that I’m unbeatable at Rainbow Road.” Beomgyu gloats. 

Yeonjun sticks his tongue out and Soobin sighs, putting the controller down. “Enough of this, can we figure out what we’re going to do for dinner? My parents said they’re going out, so we’re on our own.” 

“I think Beomgyu should buy us dinner,” Yeonjun says, “As compensation for his war crimes against me.” 

“What war crimes?” 

“Throwing a red shell at your boyfriend,” Yeonjun crosses his arms, “I was so close to the finish line.” 

Soobin interjects, “Personally, I don’t think it’s a war crime unless it’s a blue shell. That’s worse I think.” 

“Awww,” Beomgyu coos at Yeonjun while hiding behind Soobin’s shoulder, “Is my Yeonjunnie-hyung sad I beat him for the third time at a little game? Is my hyungie pouty?” 

“Okay,” Soobin, done with both of them, stands up, “I’m going to order pizza if that’s good for everyone.” 

Beomgyu perks up, “Yeah, that sounds good. We can watch a movie after too, if that’s something Yeonjun-hyung wants to do?” 

Yeonjun shrugs, “Yeah, that sounds fine.” He crawls to where Soobin was sitting and curls up against Beomgyu. To whom, he whispers, “How are you gonna make it up to me, huh? You couldn’t have let me win even once?” 

Beomgyu reaches up with his hand and starts playing with the hair at the back of his nape, “You wouldn’t have let me win if it was the other way around.” 

Yeonjun pouts, “I would’ve let you win once. Just because you’d look really sad like a loser.” 

“Wow,” Beomgyu gasps, “You are so kind.”

“I know, right?” Yeonjun yawns, resting his head on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Unlike you. Bad boyfriend.” 

“The worst boyfriend,” Beomgyu agrees, “Are you sleepy? Do you want to take a nap while we wait for dinner to come?” 

Yeonjun wants to say no, that he’ll probably have a hard time waking up and falling asleep at a proper time later on if he does. But it’s vacation and what’s a little more time awake later in the night? 

How can he say no when Beomgyu will be physically here beside him? That it won’t be just the warmth of his voice but also the heat of his body seeping through him? 

“Yeah,” Yeonjun nods and lets his head be guided to the cushion on Beomgyu’s lap. The rest of his body follows in getting settled on the couch. 

Before he surrenders to sleep, he asks, “Can you wake me up when the food is here?” 

Beomgyu smiles, his fingers running through Yeonjun’s hair, “Yes, I will,” and it’s the only assurance Yeonjun needs, choosing to curl on his side and pressing his face against the soft cushion of Beomgyu’s stomach. 

He smells like the body wash Yeonjun used in the shower. 

They smell like each other.  

Have you ever slept inside a dream? 

It feels like floating through a river of warm milk or the way one would sink into a soft cotton candy pink cloud.

It feels like childhood, when happiness grew like mushrooms, bountiful even in places where the sun doesn’t shine. 

When Yeonjun was younger, when the sun was half-way through the sky, he’d often fall asleep on his living room floor. The sun would be too hot and he’d end up covered in sticky sweat. Down his back, the crevices of his elbow, the valleys of his neck. 

(By the way, the mushrooms of happiness did not grow there. Yeonjun is still getting to that part.)

Just when the heat stands at the bridge between uncomfortable and unbearable, his mother walks past him and shakes her head. She calls him her baby with a sigh so fond the air is filled with love. 

Happiness grows and lives in the shade after his mother pulls the curtain over their windows, when she turns on the fan for him and this cool, cool breeze sweeps right through him, and then he begins to sigh too. Out of something. Out of relief. Out of some thing, vague but undeniably good. 

Time becomes something else here. In dreams, time is less like sand and more like water and Yeonjun is floating through it. 

In his memory, he always wakes up when the sun has just set and his mother is cooking dinner and there are simply endless reasons, one after the other, as cause for Yeonjun’s happiness. 

Growing up and out of that, he didn't think he’d feel like that ever again. But he's here once more, proving time, once again, isn't a line, but water, flowing through one part of his life to the next. 

"Hyung," Someone sighs softly. "Should I let you sleep more?" 

And then another voice, "Maybe. He looks too happy asleep. I kinda feel bad waking him up."

"I know." Who talks so softly like this? Like honey dripping from the mouth? "What are you dreaming of, my love?"

"Food probably." 

A chuckle shakes Yeonjun from the cloud he's on and immediately a soothing hand is rubbing his head, like it's saying you're safe here. Keep sleeping, the hand says, so Yeonjun does.

"I hope he's dreaming of me. Wouldn't that be so sweet?"

"You don't think he is?"

"I don't know. I can barely think past my own happiness these days. How lucky I am to just have him. How lucky I am he lets me love him." 

"You know he likes you a lot, right? I think you would be in your right to think that. You guys are good, right?"

And then, maybe, Yeonjun starts to think this isn't a dream. 

"We are so good. I think I wake up feeling a little more in love with him. Like what the fuck, Soobin," This voice that Yeonjun wants to go to and hold laughs wetly. "How can there be more? I know he likes me, this fool doesn't know how to hide his feelings after all. I just want to hear him say it back. Maybe someday…"

"Does he know? That you feel like this?"

"I’m sure he does. But I don’t want to bring it up again. I’m sure he feels pressured enough already. He doesn’t need a reminder."

And then it's nothing else. And then Yeonjun opens his eyes, feeling like he's just swam up through miles of water. 

The air is cool. 

He is still so warm. 

He thinks there was something in his dream and he struggles to hold onto it. But everything is water and there's nothing that can be held. 

"Hyung? You awake?" Yeonjun blinks and he sees Beomgyu's face appear before him, a blurry face becoming clear. "Food is here. Do you want to eat?"

"Did you eat already?" Yeonjun asks, throat feeling dry from sleeping. 

Beomgyu shakes his head, "No, I was waiting for you. I'm hungry though, so I'm gonna get up now."

Yeonjun sits up, gives Beomgyu his lap back, and tries to orient himself back to reality. Beomgyu laughs, "Hyung, your hair—" and then tries hard to press down the tufts of hair sticking up from Yeonjun's head. 

It's a lost cause though, for Beomgyu eventually just cups his cheek, rubbing the creases left there by sleep. "Hiking really took you out, huh?"

"Yeah, tired," Yeonjun murmurs, turning his head to kiss the palm of Beomgyu's hand. "Thanks for waiting for me. Let's go eat together."

There is something here in Beomgyu's answering smile, the look in his eyes. He's always saying something without words. 

Yeonjun wants to answer him back. 

He just doesn't know how, at least, not yet. 

What is love? 

How did the first person know that they were in love? Who told them? 

These days, Yeonjun has television, movies, and a long history to look back to on what people in love looked like. With this much to reference, it should be easy, right? As easy as identifying the color black from white.  

Yeonjun wonders if it was hard for them, if they struggled to put a name to the bubbling, growing feeling in their chest. Or if it was easy, if love for them came as natural as breathing and they knew the moment the heart tipped over the cliff. 

Yeonjun feels a little bit like that first person, like he has nothing to reference and nothing to compare this feeling in his chest to. 

He rubs his chest, wondering how Beomgyu realized he was in love with him. He guesses he could just ask, but it would be weird to ask your boyfriend that as you try to figure out what you feel for him. So he asks the next best option instead: 

Yeonjun throws himself onto Soobin’s bed, whose owner blearily opens his eyes and whose big dinosaur hands smacks Yeonjun’s face away from him. 

Yeonjun immediately clutches his face, “Soobin, what the fuck? That hurt? What if you damaged this pretty face? What are you gonna do?” 

Soobin turns away, bringing his blanket over his head to try to shield himself away, “Please get out. I slept so late last night, why the fuck would you wake me up so early?” 

Yeonjun massages his cheek, right where it got smacked, “We said good night to each other at around ten pm. It’s like eight am right now, that’s like,” Yeonjun pauses, counting quickly with his fingers, “ten hours of separation.” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t sleep immediately,” Soobin groans from underneath his blanket, “I called Taehyun last night and I didn’t sleep until like, three am, probably.” 

“I get it,” Yeonjun says, pouting, “But you didn’t have to hit me. Also, scoot over, I want to lie down too.” 

Soobin doesn’t move, so Yeonjun pushes him with his leg and makes space for himself, sighing happily when he lays his head down on Soobin’s pillow. “Are you not going to entertain me? Am I just Beomgyu’s boyfriend to you now? What if I treated you to some of that matcha latte you liked from yesterday?” 

Soobin turns and takes off the blanket, utterly grumpy, “Usually, only Beomgyu can inspire this kind of annoyance in me. But lately…” 

“You say that like it’s going to annoy me,” Yeonjun says, closing his eyes with a peaceful smile on his face. “Be a good host. I feel like we haven’t hung out alone in months. I didn’t come to Daegu just to see Beomgyu, you know?” 

“Is this your roundabout way of saying you missed me? Because you can say it in less words, three words in fact—” 

“Soobin, are you going to make me breakfast or what?”

“Have you ever seen me make breakfast?” 

No, Yeonjun has never seen Soobin make breakfast that wasn’t just putting cereal and milk in a bowl. It’s a nice thought; Yeonjun has always wanted to have breakfast in bed. But unfortunately, if he wants that, he’s going to have to make it. 

It’s why they eventually find themselves at a brunch place, a large stack of pancakes and two bowls of juk between them. Soobin sips the matcha latte Yeonjun bought him happily, “Beomgyu’s gonna kill us when he finds out we went here without him.” 

“Huh?” Yeonjun looks up from his phone, having just finished sending Beomgyu a picture of his breakfast. “What about Beomgyu?” 

“He really wanted to try this place out, so we were saving it for when you arrived here,” Soobin says, using his knife to cut into the pancakes first, “Good thing he’s never gonna find out. Sucks to suck, I told him to let his boss know in advance that he wasn’t going to be available.” 

Yeonjun looks at his phone, the way he’d sent Beomgyu the photo with the name of the place, and thinks, oh, well. 

It’s Soobin’s problem now. 

“It’s okay, I didn’t expect you guys to fully drop everything for me. Two weeks is a long time.” 

Yeonjun happily digs into his bowl of juk, carefully blowing on his first bite so as to not burn his tongue. When he deems it cool enough, he finally tastes it and hums in pleasure at how good it is, the flavor just bursting on his tongue. “Dude, this is really good.” 

“Hyung, try the pancakes too,” Soobin says through a mouthful of the lemon blueberry ricotta pancakes they ordered, “We did good by ordering both. They go well together. Sweet and then savory.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t need to be told twice, cutting himself a piece of the pancake, and trying it out for himself. It’s sweet as expected, but it’s tinged with lemon tartness, not unlike the way the sun filters through clouds, brightening up the tongue’s palette. The consistency of the pancake is warm, but pillow soft; and the flavors rest on it perfectly, neither dull nor overwhelming. 

Yeonjun sighs, “This is so good. Beomgyu would definitely like this.” 

Soobin snorts as he digs into his bowl of juk, and Yeonjun raises a brow, “What?” 

Soobin shakes his head, “Nothing. I’m just remembering how you were so in denial about your feelings for him, and now, you can’t go five minutes without mentioning him. Although, you could never shut up about him even before then, so, has anything really changed?” 

Yeonjun scratches his head, embarrassed at the memory Soobin was bringing up. “Sue me, I was confused. You were confusing me, Beomgyu was confusing me, I was confusing me—”

“The whole practice dating thing was confusing, I told Beomgyu, listen, you have to confess your feelings to either get acknowledged or to get over it, and he’s like, no, I don’t think I will,” Soobin rambles, “And I didn’t think much of it, because I thought you would be sensible enough to say no to him, but I overestimated you. Was it the puppy dog eyes? You’re so weak for that—” 

Yeonjun takes a spoonful of his juk and shoves it in Soobin’s mouth, “You are so loud. Do we have to rehash it? I was there. I lived through it.” 

It doesn’t shut Soobin up though, just chews as he thinks out loud, “I guess, it’s fine. I don’t think you guys would have gotten together if it weren’t for it. Practice kissing and practice sleeping together, you guys were gonna end up practice married.” 

Yeonjun stares at him unimpressed, “I get it. I was a goddamn fool.” 

“Aw, hyung,” Soobin covers his mouth as he chews, reaching over to pat his shoulder, “Don’t be annoyed. I think it’s a good story to tell at your wedding, and since I’ll be Best Man, I’ll make sure to make it funny.” 

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, going back to his food, but just as he’s about to take another bite, he finally registers what Soobin had said earlier, “You don’t think Beomgyu and I would have started dating if not for that whole practice dating thing?” 

Soobin leans back in his seat and shakes his head, “Honestly? I don’t think so. I don’t think he would have ever confessed to you if he didn’t feel like he had a chance or wasn’t forced to do it. I think it would have been up to you? And no offense, hyung, considering how deep your denial ran, I don’t think you would have done anything either.” 

Yeonjun looks down at his plate, slowly dragging a piece of pancake through a puddle of maple syrup. 

He understands what Soobin is saying. He knows best how close he was to losing Beomgyu then. 

But there’s a difference between losing him then and what Soobin is implying. The first would have been all Yeonjun’s fault. Beomgyu had laid his feelings out so clearly and it was up to Yeonjun to move and seize his hand. The second implies that nothing would have ever happened between them. The lack of opportunity, of fate never even giving them the chance?  It doesn’t sit well with Yeonjun. 

Beomgyu matches him so well in so many ways that there’s no way their relationship isn’t fated. Yeonjun wholeheartedly believes that. “I disagree. I think there would have been something else if not the practice dating. Maybe at a party. Maybe just naturally, I don’t know…” 

Soobin looks at him before carefully saying, “If you say so. But why does it matter? You guys are together now. You shouldn’t think of what didn’t happen or what could have.” 

“How could I not?” Yeonjun puts down his spoon with a sigh, “I like the idea of fate. It feels like assurance, you know? If I fuck up, and I’m trying really hard not to, I like the idea that there’s some external force out there in the world that’ll give me another chance to try again.” 

“There is something like that in the world,” Soobin says, “But it’s not fate. It’s Beomgyu.” 

Yeonjun quiets at that, and Soobin sighs, reaching for his hand, squeezing it in comfort, “What are you so afraid of fucking up on?” 

And isn’t this the thing Yeonjun has been wanting advice on? So why do the words get stuck in his throat? 

Yeonjun shoulders on and forces them out, “It’s the you know what that I can’t say. I want to be able to say it, but I want to absolutely mean it when I do. What the hell is love anyway? What if I never figure it out—”  

Soobin looks at him bewildered and Yeonjun tries to push down the immediate regret he feels at blurting his true feelings out. He fails and backtracks, “I’m sorry, ugh, I’m sure this isn’t what you expected to have with breakfast today—”

“No, no,” Soobin says, trying to reassure him, “I just didn’t expect it. I’m here for you too, hyung. Although, I don’t think I’ll be much help to you. Is it something to think so hard about?” 

Yeonjun looks at him furrowed brows, “Of course it is. This is Beomgyu we’re talking about—”

“Not that, I know it’s important, but love’s a feeling, right?” Soobin says, “I don’t think you’ll find your answer by thinking so hard about it.” 

“But that’s the thing, I’m just not sure. And you know I know nothing about love. Isn’t that why that whole mess back in spring happened?” Yeonjun laments with a sigh. 

Soobin looks at him, “That was one mistake. You made one mistake.” 

“No, I made the mistake over and over again,” Yeonjun corrects. He slumps over his seat, “If you were me, how would you do it?” 

“But I’m not you,” Soobin emphasizes. “You’re only human. Why don’t you forgive yourself? And anyway, I don’t know. I’m not answering your question. But if you want to know what I think, I think you’re definitely in love with Beomgyu. You’re so in love with him, it kind of grosses me out sometimes actually. But I don’t know why you’re asking me.” 

Yeonjun frowns, “Why wouldn’t I ask you?” 

Soobin raises a brow, “Because you’re not going to believe me. Because you won’t be able to accept the truth from anyone but yourself. I can’t just put the idea in your head and you take it as truth. You have to discover it, unearth it with your own hands, before you can believe it.” 

Yeonjun swallows, “Am I really like that?” 

“Yes, you’re more stubborn than you think,” Soobin says, “I know because I’m like that too. It’s Beomgyu that’s different.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t want to think about that. The thought pricks at him, like a fly. Yeonjun ignores it, choosing to move the convo back to something more lighthearted. He pointedly rolls his eyes, “This is really unhelpful. All the articles on the internet are like, you’ll know when you know. Are we the same then? Have you ever been in love, Choi Soobin? Do you love Taehyun?” 

Soobin ignores him, choosing to eat his pancakes instead. Yeonjun kicks his foot under the table and Soobin almost chokes on his food and immediately reaches for his glass of water to gulp it down. 

“Well?” Yeonjun waits, expectantly. 

Soobin glares at him, “What did I tell you about violence? This is Beomgyu’s bad influence at work. Also, for your information, I’ve never been in love either and what I feel for Taehyun is strong but I don’t think it’s love yet. Does that answer your question?” 

Yeonjun grabs his water and sips from his straw, glaring at Soobin. Once he’s stewed long enough, he sighs, “It’s like the blind leading the blind here. I should’ve just sucked it up and asked Beomgyu.” 

“Oh my god,” Soobin runs his hand through his hair, “You’re so dramatic. I’d recognize love because I’ve been loved before. Maybe do that. Seriously, maybe ask Beomgyu.” 

“No,” Yeonjun shuts his idea down, “I can’t just ask him. What am I gonna say? Hey, babe, can you help me figure out my own feelings for you? Do you think I’m that stupid?” 

Soobin only gives him a look and Yeonjun has half a mind to reach across the table to throttle him, when his phone suddenly vibrates, alerting him to a call. When he checks to see who it is, he sees that it’s Beomgyu calling. He accepts the call and puts it to his ear, “Hey, how’s work?” 

“It’s fine. How’s breakfast? The food looked really good,” Beomgyu says, sweetly. 

“It was yummy. You’d really like it,” Yeonjun says, and Soobin in front of him is slowly starting to put the pieces together. Soobin starts glaring at him, gesturing to his neck with knife cutting motions. 

Yeonjun smiles at him, “It was Soobin’s idea, I’m surprised you haven’t been here before.” 

“Soobin brought you there?” Beomgyu asks, still in that sweet tone, “Funny, I remember telling him that I’ve been wanting to eat there for a while now, but was saving it for the day you were here to try it with us. Would you mind passing the phone to him? He hasn’t been answering my texts.” 

“Oh, I didn’t know that.” Yeonjun says, letting some sadness color his voice, “But I’ll pass the phone to him, so you can talk to him.” 

Soobin’s mouthing, you’re the fucking worst, I hate you, over and over again, but he takes the phone anyway and sighs heavily when Beomgyu starts raging. 

It’s a funny enough sight that Yeonjun soon enough forgets his annoyance at Soobin’s lackluster answer. 

Maybe Soobin has a point. 

To recognize love because you’ve been loved before. Maybe that’s what he needs to focus on. 

They do eventually meet up with Beomgyu. 

Given that Beomgyu’s been working from the morning until the mid-afternoon, Yeonjun doesn’t really want to drag him around Daegu to be a tourist with him. Not when he’s happy enough to just hang out with him. 

For tonight, they settle on trying something different: cooking a meal for themselves. 

Since Beomgyu is already out and about because of work, they come to the conclusion and text him that he should stop by the grocery store for the ingredients that they need. 

They immediately get a call back from Beomgyu, who was whining from the first word: Can you guys come with me at least? I don’t even know what to get.  

Yeonjun puts him on speaker, just so Soobin can complain back without moving from his spot on the couch: I literally can’t get up. I ate too much and I slept too little last night. I’m a second away from passing out.  

Who told you to eat that much? Soobin, come on— 

Yeonjun ends the argument before it can fully start: I can go. If you pick me up, I’ll go with you, while Soobin takes his nap.

That’s how he ends up by the sidewalk of Soobin’s house waiting for Beomgyu. He’s holding a couple reusable bags that Soobin handed him, so they wouldn’t have to use plastic bags. They’re sustainable and cool like that. 

He doesn’t have to wait that long; soon enough, he sees Beomgyu’s car slow to a stop in front of him. 

His cute little driver, looking cool with only one hand on the wheel. Yeonjun bites his lip, but it’s impossible. Beomgyu inspires a smile that can’t be tamped down. 

He climbs inside, tucking their reusable bags on his side, “What’s up, Beomie? How was work?” 

“So slow,” Beomgyu complains, with a roll of his eyes, but he’s smiling by the time Yeonjun reaches over to give his cheek a kiss hello. “Come on, put your seatbelt on.” 

“Bossy, bossy,” Yeonjun shakes his head, but does as he’s told. 

“My car, my rules,” Beomgyu says, “Also, to protect my title as the best driver in the group, I gotta make sure my passenger is all tucked in and safe.” 

Yeonjun giggles, “Best driver? I think you’re the only one competing.”

Beomgyu shushes him, “It’s my pride and joy to be called the best driver. Also, come here, I want to tell you something.” 

“Why? Are you gonna whisper it to me?” Yeonjun raises a brow, “There’s only two of us here, you know?” 

“You have so many questions,” Beomgyu whines, “Just come here.” 

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, but humors him anyway. He leans over the console between them, but to his surprise, Beomgyu meets him in the middle, cupping his cheeks for a sweet kiss. Yeonjun feels heat run through him, all the way down to his toes, as Beomgyu languidly kisses him. Like they have all the time in the world, like nothing else matters but the two of them. 

What this goddamn boy does to him, Yeonjun can’t convey with words. All he can do is kiss him back — give back what Beomgyu’s given to him. 

Beomgyu pulls away first with such a content look on his face, “That’s my reward for working so hard today. Thanks, hyung.” 

Yeonjun blinks, suddenly jarred back into reality, “Huh?” 

Beomgyu pushes him back, so that he’s leaning against his seat again, “Did I kiss you stupid?"

"Oh my god," Yeonjun huffs, swatting his hand, "Just for that comment, I'm not going to kiss you anymore. I miss my boyfriend who'd get all shy and cute when I kiss him. You are so—"

Beomgyu laughs, smugness radiating off him, "You're so cute when you get embarrassed. Let's get going." And then he starts the car up again and heads towards the nearest grocery store. 

Yeonjun sulks at the comment, pointedly staring at the window until Beomgyu quietly touches his hand, and Yeonjun's not sulky enough to not hold his hand. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be actually. He’ll always hold his hand. 

When they get to the grocery store, Yeonjun grabs a cart for them and the two of them enter the store, sighing in relief as they are met with cool air from the store’s air conditioner. 

Before they get started though, he stops to ask, “Do we know what we want to eat tonight? Just so we’re not walking aimlessly.” 

“Hmm,” Beomgyu thinks out loud, “I don’t know, what do you think? Something easy and doable. Soobin gets a little wild in the kitchen and I’m still practicing.” 

“Oh?” Yeonjun looks at him, “Here I thought you guys were going to make me cook for us this whole time. Beomie, were you planning on cooking for hyung?” 

Beomgyu doesn’t give him an answer and instead pulls out of his phone to think of recipes, but his ears are red. 

Yeonjun wants to kiss them. 

But they’re out in public and he doesn’t think anybody would appreciate it if he did that. So instead, he pulls Beomgyu close to him, holds him by the waist and says, “I’d really like it if you cook for me someday. I’ll like it and finish it even if it tastes bad.” 

“You promise?” Beomgyu says, without taking his eyes off his phone, but Yeonjun smiles as he sees that he’s just scrolling mindlessly. “Because I really was practicing this one thing and I have it all planned out when we do this other thing and I’m gonna be so embarrassed if it tastes bad.” 

And this time, Yeonjun can’t help himself. He gives him a big fat smooch on his cheek and coos, “You are so cute, baby. I promise I’m gonna love it, I’m gonna brag about it, whatever you want me to do to convince you it’s the best whatever dish you cook for me I’ve ever had, I’ll do it—” 

“Stop,” Beomgyu pushes his face away, but he’s smiling, so Yeonjun doesn’t care. He’s won all the same. “Anyway, this article here says kimchi fried rice is easy to cook. Should we make that and ramen on the side?”  

“Good enough for me,” Yeonjun says, “I’m assuming Soobin’s house is stocked up with all the seasoning, so I think we should just get onions, the regular and the green kind, instant rice so we don’t have to wait for it to cook, egg, and ham? I think that’s all I usually put when I make it, but is there something specific you want on it?” 

Beomgyu puts his thinking face on; and by that Yeonjun literally means that Beomgyu gets this look on his face when he’s thinking, where you can see the gears turning in his head and his eyes flit from one thing to another, like it’s searching for the answer, and then when he’s thought enough, you can clearly see him get out of that thinking head space. 

It is so cute, Yeonjun could watch him for hours. 

Beomgyu purses his mouth, “Maybe some bacon? That sounds good, right? Can we get that?” 

“Yeah, let’s grab some when we pass by the freezer section. Let’s get the important stuff first,” Yeonjun says, beginning to push the cart. 

Beomgyu clings to his arm, “What important stuff?” 

“The ramen, duh,” Yeonjun says, and Beomgyu laughs, leaning his head against Yeonjun’s shoulder. 

“Ugh, how could I forget?” Beomgyu says, smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand. 

They make their way through the isles, grabbing what they need easily arguing only when deciding which brand is better. Not that they have much knowledge on what’s better aside from what their mothers use in the kitchen. They are efficient enough that they end up getting everything they need in record time. 

“I think we should do another round to hit up the snacks. I want more gummy bears,” Beomgyu says. So they go back to the snack aisle and go wild. 

Yeonjun is considering between two flavors of pocky, when he feels arms wrap around his waist. Yeonjun smiles, “What do you think? The almond crunch or the cookies and cream?” 

Beomgyu hooks his chin on Yeonjun’s shoulder, “Neither. You should get the strawberry one instead.” 

“Why? That’s the one you like, right? This isn’t about you, Beomie,” Yeonjun teases, “What about my taste?” 

“You don’t even like sweets,” Beomgyu says, “You only eat a couple bites and then you give it to me.” 

“That’s not true. I do like sweets,” Yeonjun turns around in his arms, “I like youuuuuuuu— “ 

“Ugh, stop flirting with me,” Beomgyu complains, and Yeonjun copies him, mimicking his tone. 

When Beomgyu swats at him, he easily dodges.

Yeonjun teases, “You’re the one who’s always flirting with me. Can’t believe you’re complaining when these days you’re the worse offender between us two.” 

“I never flirt,” Beomgyu claims, stalking away to grab the gummy bears that he’d initially mentioned. 

Yeonjun follows him with their cart full of groceries. “Really? Then what was that in the car? Telling me heart-fluttering things about how I’m your reward today—” 

Beomgyu puts his hand between them, “I don’t know you. Please do not speak to me anymore,” before also grabbing a bag of honey chips and hurriedly walking away from him. 

Yeonjun laughs, following him all the way to the counter. Beomgyu side eyes him, sticking his tongue out as he puts those separator sticks between their groceries. 

Yeonjun simply starts unloading their cart, nonchalantly taking out the separator Beomgyu had put between them. 

The old lady manning the cash register notices and hides her smile as she scans each item. 

When the time comes to pay, both of them pull out their wallet at the same time. Yeonjun pushes him away, “I’m paying.” 

Beomgyu shoves him back, “Stop, there’s literally groceries here for my house. I’m gonna pay,” and maybe Beomgyu is getting better at outsmarting him, for he smiles sweetly at the cashier and hands her his card faster than Yeonjun can offer his up again. He pockets his wallet with a pout and moves towards the bagging area with their bags to get started on it. 

As he’s putting their groceries in the bag, he overhears the cashier say, “Ah, it must be nice to be young and in love, huh?” 

He hears Beomgyu softly laugh and say, “Yeah, it’s really nice.” 

Yeonjun smiles, feeling warm. 

They finish up and walk out with their groceries. Beomgyu keeps trying to grab them off his shoulders, but Yeonjun won’t let him, “Stop, you paid for it already, I’m carrying them now.” 

“Oooh,” Beomgyu sniggers, “You just wanna show off that you work out.” 

It makes Yeonjun laugh so hard that he almost trips over a step he didn’t see and Beomgyu ends up laughing too, although he’s trying hard to look concerned at the same time. 

It’s so nice to just be together like this, doing mundane things like grocery shopping while enjoying each other’s company. 

Though, Yeonjun has to be honest, it makes him feel a little delusional too. Activities like these make him think of a future where they always do chores like this together, the way long-standing couples or married people do. He won’t say that out loud because he knows how it sounds. 

He’s only known Beomgyu for two years and it’s only been a measly four months since they started dating. Those are the statistics of their relationship, that don’t account or explain why Yeonjun can scarcely imagine a future where Beomgyu’s not in his life. 

On their drive back to Soobin’s place, he watches the way the sunlight hits Beomgyu’s face. How it turns his brown hair golden. How it illuminates the slope of his nose. Highlights his cheek. And he comes to the conclusion that maybe the why of it all doesn’t matter. 

What’s more important is what Yeonjun is doing to ensure a future where Beomgyu is always there. 

When they get back to Soobin’s house, they see Soobin lying down, with his hands folded on his chest, still as the dead. It doesn’t look like he’s moved since Yeonjun has left him. 

Yeonjun goes to the kitchen and puts down their bags of groceries, while Beomgyu leans over Soobin’s sleeping form and lightly pats his cheek, “Hey, Soobin. Wakey wakey.” 

Soobin barely stirs though, so Beomgyu’s hand goes from lightly patting it to straight up slapping him awake. 

Soobin rolls to his side groaning in pain, “Who the fuck did that?”

“Wake up, Soobinator. Time to cook dinner,” Beomgyu grabs his arm and starts pulling him off the couch. 

Soobin grunts, “Choi Beomgyu, who let you in my house?” 

“Your mom gave me a key a long time ago,” Beomgyu says, and Yeonjun laughs when he sees Soobin rubbing his eyes, looking extremely disgruntled, as he walks into the kitchen. 

Yeonjun tries to pat down the tufts of hair sticking up on his head, “Hey, Soobin, why are you only wearing one airpod on your ear? What happened to the other one?” 

Soobin doesn’t even acknowledge him, choosing instead to open the fridge to pour himself a glass of water. Yeonjun just laughs again, too used to mornings where he’d see Soobin walking in their apartment, barely processing anything. 

He starts helping out Beomgyu take out what they purchased and sets them aside for cooking. 

Yeonjun asks, “So, are you really going to cook? I can do it, since you’ve been working all day.” 

“I want to cook. Or try at least. You can just sit and watch some tv,” Beomgyu suggests, “I’m not gonna learn if you always do it for me.” 

“Okay, okay,” Yeonjun raises his hands, stepping away, “The kitchen is yours, chef.” 

Beomgyu giggles, “Stop it. But before you go, can you write down the recipe and send it to me? Just so you don’t have to get bothered by us one step at a time.” 

“You can bother me anytime, though,” Yeonjun assures him, “But yes, I will write it down and text it to you.” 

And so, he does.

Beomgyu and Soobin start to prep their ingredients for the kimchi fried rice. Yeonjun does his best to stay out of his way, even though he’d rather hover and fuss over them right now. He settles for watching them from the couch. 

Beomgyu catches him watching though and gestures at him to watch the tv, so he has to at least pretend to do that. He immediately sneaks a look back to the kitchen though, once Beomgyu is too busy to monitor him. 

Beomgyu looks like he’s thinking really hard about how he’s supposed to peel the onion and chop it. He spends maybe thirty seconds pondering before finally turning to Soobin and asking him how to ‘dice’ them. 

Yeonjun is confident they can do this. Soobin calls him every time he makes tteokbokki and this is the only step he doesn’t have to consistently reteach him. So, Yeonjun figures he can look away for this part and check again on them in a couple of minutes. 

Barely five minutes later though, he hears a scream come from the kitchen and immediately Yeonjun bolts up in panic. Heart pounding, he sees Beomgyu with his eyes scrunched up, tears on his face, and his finger bleeding. Soobin is looking at the chopped onions covered in blood with horror, “Oh my god.” 

Yeonjun moves fast. He pulls Beomgyu away from the chopping board, but all he can is red. 

To Soobin, he says, “Can you clean it up? I’ll take care of him and see how bad it is. What happened?” 

“He was just chopping onions, I was too busy heating up the rice so I saw just as much as you,” Soobin says as he grabs the chopping board. He discards the knife in the sink and throws the bloodied onions in the trash. 

Yeonjun sighs, turning to Beomgyu who’s trying to wipe his tears with his sleeve, “Does it hurt a lot?” 

Beomgyu sniffs, “Not really, I’m only crying because the stupid onion fumes hurt my eyes.” 

Yeonjun breathes a sigh of relief at that, “Okay, that’s good. Let’s get this cleaned up, hm?” 

He pulls him to the nearest bathroom, turning on the light and closing the door behind them. 

He starts by turning the faucet on to wash the blood off of Beomgyu’s finger. As the water washes away the blood, he can begin to clearly see the small cut on his finger. It really doesn’t look that bad. 

Yeonjun looks at Beomgyu, who still has his eyes closed, looks at the trail of tears on his face and thinks, what am I to do with you?  

This boy who cries as easily as he laughs pulling all the strings of his heart towards him. 

Yeonjun reaches up and wipes his tears away, “What hurts more, your eyes or your finger?” 

“My heart,” Beomgyu says with so much drama that it makes Yeonjun laugh. “This is so humiliating, even Soobin hasn’t cut himself with a knife.” 

Yeonjun smiles, “Okay, I’m clearly more worried than I need to be if you can keep making jokes like that.” 

Beomgyu pouts, “I mean, it does hurt a bit, but it could be worse. I could have chopped off a finger.” 

“I love how optimistic you are,” Yeonjun says, “Do you know if Auntie keeps a first aid kit in here somewhere?” 

Beomgyu tries to open his eyes, but it still hurts by the way he closes it immediately, “Um, I think there should be one under the sink.” 

Yeonjun crouches down and luckily, Beomgyu is right. 

He sees a white bag with a red cross on it towards the back of the cabinets. He reaches for it and when he opens it, he sees exactly what he needs. He grabs the single use alcohol packets and tears it open.

He warns, “Okay, this might hurt a bit, but I wanna make sure the cut is clean, so I’m gonna clean it with alcohol.” 

Beomgyu takes a deep breath, “Just go for it.” 

Yeonjun does his best to clean it as gently as he can. Beomgyu is a champ though, barely flinching even though Yeonjun knows it probably hurts. He wipes Beomgyu’s hand dry and then finally reaches for the bandaids, letting out a laugh when he sees that the only ones available are Hello Kitty themed. 

“Why are you laughing?” Beomgyu asks, eyes still closed. 

“Auntie keeps the cutest bandaids.” Yeonjun says, “Which one do you want? The pink one or the red one?” 

“Oooh,” Beomgyu says with interest, “Surprise me.” 

Yeonjun chooses the red one, simply because he likes Beomgyu in red. He peels off the backing and wraps Beomgyu’s injured finger with the bandaid. “There,” Yeonjun says, “Already better.” 

Beomgyu carefully opens his eyes, eyelashes wet with tears, and smiles when he sees the bandaid, “This is pretty cute.” 

“Cute bandaid for my cute little chef,” Yeonjun teases, “So hardworking for me.” 

Beomgyu rolls his eyes and turns away, “Stop babying me. You’re always calling me cute and little.” 

It makes Yeonjun pause. 

The two of them are playful. Beomgyu had sounded playful when he said it. It’s something he knows he should chalk up to their typical banter, something in line with their usual teasing, like when Yeonjun would call him small and Beomgyu would then get mad and roll his eyes about how Yeonjun needs to stop acting like their height difference is more than ten centimeters. 

Beomgyu is not serious, Yeonjun knows that. 

But each time Beomgyu complains about how Yeonjun babies him too much, it brings back a memory he’d like to forget. 

That’s the awful thing about the brain, right? It either buries the truth so deeply you forget about it or it brings it up again and again with a single trigger. 

This memory, his brain loves like a record. Tucks it in somewhere safe until it’s time to listen. Wipes it clean so it sounds crystal in its clearness. And then it presses play. 

The first track is a cacophonous blend of some song on the Top 40s Chart, laughter, and an encroaching silence that muffles it all out. The second track is breathless silence. The third track is the terrified beat of Yeonjun’s heart. The fourth track is Yeonjun’s own voice, asking: what’s wrong, baby? 

The fifth track is his brain’s favorite. Beomgyu’s icy voice saying: you’re not my boyfriend, don’t call me that. i’m not a child, you don’t have to bend over backwards to take care of me. 

When this record plays, the things he was so sure of (like the playful quality of Beomgyu’s complaints) blur like reflections in water. There’s a tightness in his chest that can’t be eased until he’s sure Beomgyu really doesn’t mean it. 

“Do you,” Yeonjun carefully starts, “want me to stop, Beomgyu?” 

“Yes, you should—” Beomgyu says smiling, but he freezes when he turns back to face Yeonjun, “What’s wrong?” 

Yeonjun clears his throat; he busies himself with cleaning up the sink and throwing the first aid kit supplies they used up. “It’s nothing, I was just wondering if you were serious or not about it. Because I could definitely stop doing that if you hate it—” 

“I was joking, you know that, right?” Beomgyu frowns, “I always am—” 

“Yes, but it’s just that, you’ve said it before, that you didn’t like it when I took care of you like this and you had said it so seriously then, that I’m not so sure sometimes…” 

“Hyung,” Beomgyu breathes, hand reaching up to touch Yeonjun’s cheek but he stops just before he can, and pulls away and Yeonjun doesn’t know why, but it upsets him even more. 

I’m making him uncomfortable. He doesn’t think he should touch me. 

“You…” Beomgyu continues, brows scrunching up, as he tries to find his words, “You shouldn’t even be thinking about that time. I was hurt and lashed out at you, because you said you thought of me like I was your little brother. You know I didn’t mean it, and you certainly didn’t deserve it. I was being so unfair and you know I’m sorry that I said all that.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t realize he’s gripping the first aid kit tight until Beomgyu places his hand on top of his, “I love it when you take care of me. It’s how you show your affection for people and you like doing it, so how could I hate it?” 

“You’re okay with it?” Yeonjun says after a moment, after he’s sure his voice won’t tremble, “You’re not just saying that, right?” 

“Yes, I’m sure,” Beomgyu affirms, and then he looks at him with concern, “This isn’t the first time I’ve joked about this, though. How long have you been sitting on this?”

Yeonjun can’t say. 

And when Yeonjun doesn’t answer, Beomgyu moves close, gathers him up in his arms for a warm hug, and presses his face against Yeonjun’s neck. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m not gonna joke about it anymore. I’ll just suffer through the embarrassment. I’ll let you put Hello Kitty stickers on every wound I get and shamelessly ask you to kiss it better. I’ll do all of it even though my pride gets hurt, so you know that I actually really like it—” 

Beomgyu pulls away, so he can take a look at Yeonjun’s face. “Hyung. Talk to me.” 

Yeonjun doesn’t know how he does it, but Beomgyu always knows the right words to say to comfort him. The tightening in his heart has eased and he breathes, just a bit easier than before. 

Anyone else would have Yeonjun feeling even more hesitant and anxious. Anybody else would have deflected and refused to be vulnerable. But not Beomgyu. 

Beomgyu’s heart is so open to him that they can have uncomfortable conversations like this over bathroom sinks, after putting Hello Kitty stickers on. 

Yeonjun wants to return that gesture of openness tenfold, but he is still so clumsy with his words. Forgive him, he is a dancer after all. He was always going to be better with actions over words. 

It doesn’t mean he can’t try. 

“I adore you,” Yeonjun manages to say, though it feels like a word too small to cover the gratitude he feels for the boy. To make up for it, he presses a soft kiss against Beomgyu’s mouth too, maybe another one or three, then says, “I still think you are too good to me.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head, “And I still disagree. I think I’m good to you in just the right amounts. 

They will just have to agree to disagree.

Beomgyu untangles himself from him, but in the process of doing that, he pauses, putting his hand right over where Yeonjun’s heart sits in the cavity of his chest. 

“Did it hurt here?” Beomgyu murmurs, and Yeonjun’s heart thuds under his hand. 

Thud, thud, thud. 

That’s the heart saying yes, and Beomgyu must be fluent in the language of his heart for he leans and presses a kiss against it. “There, I’ve kissed it where it hurts. All better now than it was before.” 

Even through the layer of his shirt, Yeonjun can feel the warmth of his kiss like he did it against his bare skin. 

Beomgyu raises his finger, the one with the Hello Kitty bandaid, and presses it against Yeonjun’s lips, “Kiss this one better too.” 

And Yeonjun does, kisses it once, kisses it twice, and then one more time, just to be sure. 

A kiss for every word he couldn't say. 

Beomgyu smiles, “Thank you. Now, let’s go back out there, before our best friend burns down his own kitchen. 

When they come out though, Soobin is handling himself just fine. He has chopped a new batch of onions and finished preparing the rest of the ingredients. All that’s left is for them to finally start putting them in a wok. 

Soobin throws an arm around Beomgyu, “What’s the verdict, bestie? Did you lose a finger or what?” 

“It’s just a tad worse than a papercut, Soobin,” Yeonjun says, turning on the stove, “He was crying because of the onion fumes.” 

“Wah,” Soobin mimics a baby’s cry, pinching Beomgyu’s cheek, “You’re such a baby. Actually, you and hyung are. He always cries when he cuts the onions too.” 

Yeonjun bristles, putting oil in the pan, “I cried once! Also, hand me the garlic you chopped and the onions too. I’m taking over.” 

Both Beomgyu and Soobin begin to complain. Soobin pushes at his shoulder, “Hey, you’re supposed to relax over there.” 

“I’m hungry and you guys can still help,” Yeonjun complains, “Boil water for the ramen, Soobin. And then Beomgyu, can you cook the bacon and eggs in a separate pan?” 

They both grumble but follow his requests. Slowly, but surely, Yeonjun can see their full meal materializing before his very eyes. Soobin and Beomgyu watch intently over his shoulders as he sautees the kimchi, watching the juice of it bubble in the pan. 

“Okay, you guys can participate,” Yeonjun says, stepping back and the two of them eagerly turn to him, like cute little puppies waiting for a ball to be thrown and fetched, “Throw in the rice after a minute and then add the rest of the kimchi juice in it.” 

He hands Soobin the spatula as Beomgyu grabs the rice, though he looks back at Yeonjun for reassurance before throwing it in. Soobin immediately mixes the rice in, while Beomgyu goes and grabs the rest of the kimchi juice. He throws that in too and as they mix it, they’re delighted to see it slowly start to look like the kimchi fried rice they’d buy at a restaurant. 

Yeonjun goes and grabs the sesame oil and salt for them, “I usually start to season it at this point, but I don’t really have specific measurements. I just kind of eyeball it.” 

Soobin takes it from him and clumsily adds too much too fast onto their pan. “Oh god,” Beomgyu says, but Yeonjun shrugs, “I think it’ll be okay. Better than salt actually.” 

Soobin sighs, “Yeah, that’s harder to save. How long do I keep stirring?” 

“Just until everything’s mixed in. Which reminds me,” Yeonjun reaches over the pan to reach for the pieces of bacon that Beomgyu cooked. “Time to add this and then all you guys have to do is mix it with seaweed flakes and sesame seeds.” 

It’s easy enough for them to follow, so Yeonjun finally leaves them to it, pretty confident he’ll be able to eat within the next ten minutes. 

Soon enough, he finds himself sitting at the table waiting for Beomgyu to finish plating his meal. Yeonjun looks at his hardworking back, hunched over the plate, “You guys don’t need to do this. I’m gonna ruin it in five seconds.” 

“Shut up,” Beomgyu says, “The visuals matter too.” 

Finally, Beomgyu finishes the plating and sets their meals on the table. 

And well — he’s right, the visuals do matter. He can’t believe the meal looks so appetizing and professional looking, even though he knows Beomgyu and Soobin did eighty percent of the work. 

Maybe he should really start giving them more credit. Even if they had a knife accident within the first five minutes he stopped paying attention. 

“So?” Soobin gestures at him to eat, “You should try it first.” 

Yeonjun rolls his eyes, but does as he’s told. He scoops a spoonful of rice, making sure to top it with as many of the ingredients they used as possible, like the bacon, the egg, and the green onion. He blows on it carefully as to not burn his tongue before finally taking a bite. 

He chews it, thinking that he can definitely taste the extra sesame oil Soobin had dropped in. But it’s good, the flavors come through and if he adds a little bit more spice to it, it would be a great meal. 

Beomgyu whispers to Soobin, “Do you think he likes it?” 

“I mean, he hasn’t spit it out yet,” Soobin whispers back. “But he eats everything, so I don’t know—”

“It’s good,” Yeonjun says, putting an end to their commentary, “I love it because you guys made it. Case closed.” 

Beomgyu giggles putting his hand up for Soobin to high-five and then they start eating too. Their eyes are wide at the taste, marveling at how well it turned out despite the mishaps. But Yeonjun thinks the food tastes good, because simply, it’s made with love. 

After they finish everything and Soobin’s grabbing the ice cream in the fridge for dessert, Beomgyu turns to him, a bit of rice stuck on the corner of his mouth, “Are you satisfied, hyung?” 

Yeonjun smiles, reaching over to get it for him, “Yeah, I am.” 

It’s a new day, and with it, comes the promise of new memories. 

This day, though, seeks to bring up the past. 

“So what are we doing today?” Yeonjun yawns, resting his head on Soobin’s shoulder as they wait for Beomgyu to pick them up again.

Soobin is surprisingly the more awake one out of the two of them today. Soobin pats his head, “We wanted to show you the places that we used to hang out at all the time. We figured it’d be a nice way to roam the city.” 

“Aww,” Yeonjun coos, though the sleepiness in his voice just makes the teasing sound fond, “You guys want to share your childhood with me?” 

Soobin rolls his eyes, “It’s for us to revisit too. We actually haven’t been to these places in a while either.”

Yeonjun hums, a sleepy smile on his face, “It’s sweet. I know what you guys are doing and it’s sweet.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Soobin snorts, “But I’ll take credit for it anyway since it seems very positive in your book.” 

Yeonjun laughs, lifting his head and slapping Soobin’s shoulder, “What are you so shy for? Isn’t this because I said I was jealous of you guys once?” 

“Ah, when you admitted you were jealous of me?” Soobin smirks, “That you thought Beomgyu and I were knee deep in denial about being in love with each other? That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all year, by the way. If you thought that and still decided to kiss our bestie, then man, either the bro code doesn’t exist or you just really wanted to kiss him, and personally I think it’s the latter—” 

“It’s so funny,” Yeonjun interrupts with a glare, “how people think introverts are quiet, when really they can never shut their mouth—” 

Soobin laughs, “Seriously, though, that wasn’t our intention. We really just wanted to show you all the fun stuff we love, because that’s Daegu for us. But if it helps with that too, then it makes me even more glad that we’re doing this.” 

Yeonjun drops his glare, choosing to look down at his shoes instead. They are certainly easier to look at than Soobin’s earnest eyes. “Your relationship is more daunting than you think. I don’t think I’m jealous in the same way as I was before, anyway. I’m a little bit some of the time, but only because of the time you guys had together in the past.” 

“Time,” Soobin repeats, “I get it. I’m doing long-distance too and it’s something I wish I had more of. I’m excited to get back to school. I wanna be able to see him more often.” 

Yeonjun smiles sadly at him, “Is he not going to come down to visit you before break ends?” 

“He says he’s trying to get his work schedule switched so he can have next weekend free, but he’s not sure.” Soobin pulls out his phone, and Yeonjun sees that he doesn’t even make a move to unlock it. He’s just staring at Taehyun’s photo on his screen. Yeonjun can more than relate, he’s done that exact thing numerous times. 

A car honk startles them out of their conversation. Soobin curses as he almost drops his phone and curses again when he sees it’s Beomgyu’s car who honked, “Why do people honk, hyung? Can’t we all just drive in silence?” 

An excited Beomgyu pulls to a stop in front of them. He greets them a bright and loud good morning when they get in the car. 

Today, Yeonjun lets Soobin get the passenger seat, and he’s pleasantly surprised when he opens the door in the backseat to a pink box, “Oh? What’s this?” 

“Surprise!” Beomgyu cheers, “It’s the reason why I took a while. I got us some donuts for breakfast.” 

Best boyfriend in the world, Yeonjun thinks. 

He climbs in, taking the box to his lap and opens it. He marvels at the sight of a dozen donuts, golden rings of fried dough, glazed in all the colors of the rainbow. They’re warm in his lap too, they must have been freshly baked. “Soobin, do you want some?” 

“What flavors are there?” Soobin says, turning in his seat to look over. 

Yeonjun turns the box to him. “Beomgyu, what flavors did you get?” 

Beomgyu says, “I just got a random dozen. I want the chocolate one though.” 

“Uh,” Soobin frowns, “You can’t eat and drive.” 

“I can eat it right now before we go,” Beomgyu whines and Soobin opens his mouth to retort, but Yeonjun is already handing the donut to Beomgyu. 

And this time, it’s Soobin who whines, “Hyung!” 

“I am choosing for you, Soobin, because you’re taking too long,” Yeonjun chooses a pink donut with sprinkles on top and hands it to him, “Something to brighten you up.” 

Beomgyu giggles around his donut, accidentally getting chocolate all over his mouth. 

Yeonjun hands him a napkin to wipe his mouth with, but instead of taking it, Beomgyu just pushes his face closer. 

Oh, Yeonjun thinks, turning pink. Carefully, he wipes Beomgyu’s mouth for him and doesn’t stop even when Soobin proceeds to make puking noises.

If Yeonjun was a weaker man, this would be the point he’d get too embarrassed to continue. But this is Yeonjun’s vacation, a time he is savoring before he has to go back to being long-distance again with his boyfriend. So no, Yeonjun will not be embarrassed. In fact, he will shamelessly take his time to wipe Beomgyu’s mouth just for you, Soobin. 

When making puking noises don’t work, Soobin resigns himself to suffering through it. 

Soobin takes the aux cord and plugs his phone in, “As justice for torturing me like this, the both of you get no input for what music plays in the car.” 

Some soft indie song begins to play in the background. Familiar enough that Yeonjun can hum to it, but not enough to sing the correct lyrics to. 

When Yeonjun is done cleaning Beomgyu’s mouth, he leans back against his seat and finally gets a donut for himself. He picks a plain donut, clear glaze all over it, a fit for his tongue’s palette.

It’s warm and it’s soft and when he bites into, it tastes like indulgence, sweet enough to last him all day. 

Some things just don’t go as planned though. 

For one, this is the most bastardly tour Yeonjun has ever been on. 

It starts off normal enough at their old high school. 

Soobin gives him a very informative story of how they came to school every day. Youngster Soobin and Youngster Beomgyu in their high school uniforms, running to the school’s front gates because they’ve taken the latest possible bus instead of an earlier one. It’s the only time he ever ran outside of physical education classes, Soobin says. 

When they get there though, they find out that the actual building is closed for renovations. But instead of moving on, they decide to explore the open grounds. 

To be honest, it’s terribly boring, but Yeonjun knows they’re just trying to share their childhood memories, so he says nothing, only does his best to sound attentive.

Soobin and Beomgyu don’t seem to care though. They’re lost reminiscing. 

Beomgyu sighs as he looks at a random bench, “Remember when you tripped and fell in front of our seniors and you sat and ate here instead of the cafeteria because you were embarrassed?” 

Soobin looks at him weirdly, “No, dude, I don’t. That was you.” 

“Oh,” Beomgyu says, frowning, “Are you sure?” 

Soobin pats his shoulder, “I think I would remember doing that. You’ve repressed this terrible memory so hard you thought it was me who did it? Beomie, come on!” 

They pull Yeonjun towards multiple parts of the ground and do this several more times to different random objects.

Beomgyu holds onto his arm and points to a random spot in the field and says, “Oh, that’s where Soobin got dumped for the first time!” 

And then Soobin clings to his arm too and says, “No, but look over there, that’s where Beomgyu got confessed to for the first time.” 

Yeonjun is sure that they all have some deep sentimental value, even if it’s just a random trash can by their favorite tree. 

He just hopes his sigh of relief is not heard when they announce they’re done and head over to lunch at McDonald’s. 

“Now that I think about it,” Soobin says, looking between Yeonjun and Beomgyu. “Beomgyu really does have a type.” 

“I do?” Beomgyu asks, nibbling on a fry. 

Soobin nods, like he’s the expert of Beomgyu fun facts, and begins to enumerate each defining trait, “First, they were all older than you.” 

“No, they were not,” Beomgyu denies.  

Soobin rolls his eyes, “Yeah, they all were. Thinking about it. Shotaro, Sunwoo, Serim? They’re all in the grades above us.” 

It’s a bit weird to think about Beomgyu liking other people. Yeonjun has never really thought about it, aside from the obvious. 

Beomgyu sighs, “Alright, is that all you have?” 

“Oh, I’m just getting started,” Soobin says, gleeful, “Okay, next, you all started liking them because they did something nice for you.” 

“I did not!” Beomgyu denies again though he seems to become more doubtful by the second.

“Yes, you did. I remember because each time you’d like someone new, you could never shut up about it,” Soobin lowers his voice, then softens it, in a very accurate imitation of what Beomgyu sounds like when he’s touched about something, “Soobin, you will never believe what Sho-chan did for me today. He was in front of me at the caf, and when we both reached for the last strawberry milk, he gave it to me instead. I think I’m in love.” 

“Shut up!” Beomgyu laughs, “Was that all it took? Was that really all it took?” 

“Oh my god,” Soobin laughs too, “Yeah, it was really always something small. Every stupid time, I’d think, wow, is this really something to obsess over? They were probably just being nice.” 

Yeonjun turns to Beomgyu, who’s scratching his head in embarrassment. He pictures a much younger Beomgyu, in his school uniform, wide-eyed and cheeks pink like his favorite strawberry milk. He wonders if this guy he crushed on ever liked him back. Beomgyu probably looked so cute, the guy must have, right? 

Beomgyu sniffs, “I was a very impressionable high school student. I blame my mom actually. Why was she so addicted to those romance dramas? Maybe if we watched, I dunno, thrillers instead I wouldn’t have been like that.” 

Soobin shrugs, “Nah, I think you just like that kind of thing, to be honest. Also, I think one more thing they all have in common is that they were the type of person you could stare at from afar.” Soobin snaps his fingers, remembering something, “Oh god, and you’d write them the sappiest love letters and leave them in their lockers.” 

That captures Yeonjun’s attention. “You wrote them love letters?” he asks Beomgyu the same time Beomgyu looks up from his food and glares at Soobin, saying, “How did you know that? I never showed them to you.” 

Beomgyu turns to Yeonjun, chastened, as if suddenly remembering that his boyfriend is sitting next to him, “Oh, yeah, I did.” 

“How come you’ve never written me a love letter?” Yeonjun pouts. 

“Well, you see, um,” Beomgyu is flustered at the question, his hand reaches over to grasp at Yeonjun’s arm, “Why does it matter, hyung? We’re dating, aren’t we?” 

“Yeah, but how come you wrote them love letters and you didn’t write me any?” Yeonjun knows he’s being petulant. Truth to be told, he hardly cares about all these other guys before him. It’s just that, Yeonjun’s never received a love letter before, from anyone. And if Beomgyu is the type to give them, then Yeonjun definitely wants one. 

A love letter made and filled with Beomgyu’s longing and adoration. 

Soobin jokes, “Well, hyung, maybe if you went to school with us, Beomgyu could have crushed on you too and written you these sappy love letters. You fit right in with all of them.” 

“I do?” Yeonjun asks, “How so?” 

“Hyung,” Soobin shakes his head, disappointed, “Were you not paying attention this whole time? His type is tall, older guys who are nice to him.” 

“That’s so vague, Soobin, there’s a lot of guys like that,” Yeonjun gestures to Beomgyu’s face, “Look at him, who wouldn’t be nice to someone this cute?” 

“This just goes back to my point, if you went to our high school with us, Beomgyu would have definitely crushed on you and you would have gotten his letters.” 

“This is so tragic,” Yeonjun says, dramatically, “Cursed by fate to meet in uni instead—” 

“Don’t say that,” Beomgyu bristles, dropping his grip on Yeonjun’s hand, but Yeonjun just laughs and tries to grab it back. But Beomgyu won’t let him, “Why would you say that? I’m glad we didn’t meet in high school, imagine if I had a crush on you then and I followed you with that all the way to university? Do you want me to look like a real loser? Let me keep some of my dignity.” 

Soobin can’t help but add, “Um, you literally asked to practice date—”

Yeonjun turns to him with a warning in his eyes, but Beomgyu does better and tells him, “Be quiet.”  

Beomgyu is sulking with his fries now. Yeonjun looks at Soobin in panic, but Soobin refuses to engage further. Only shrugs to say, this is between the two of you. 

Yeonjun tries on him, reaching over to pat down a stray hair sticking up on Beomgyu’s head, “Beomie, you wouldn’t have looked like a loser. You don’t think I would have liked you if we met earlier? I bet you were super cute, no, actually I’m sure you were super cute—” 

“You wouldn’t have,” Beomgyu says with a certainty that takes Yeonjun aback, “I looked like a baby. You would have found me cute in that little kid way.”  

Yeonjun doesn’t know what to say. He can’t speak for his past self. The person he was in high school can’t even fathom what he’d be like now, who he’d meet and be with. He’s been a dancer for more than half of his life, but there isn’t enough creativity in him to have been able to imagine Beomgyu. 

The silence stretches on awkwardly and Soobin looks on unsurely between them, starting to turn in his seat to give them some privacy to talk it out, but then Beomgyu sighs, then puts on a smile for both of them, “Anyway, enough about that, where else should we go today? The arcade we used to hang out at after classes would be good, right?” 

Yeonjun knows he shouldn’t let this one go just yet, but they’re in public, with Soobin, and he really doesn’t know what to say to make it okay. He doesn’t understand how a small joke could hit a nerve. He turns to Soobin again, hoping for some clue, but Soobin seems just as helpless as him. 

Soobin just tentatively nods to the suggestion, “Yeah, I don’t see why not. It’s always fun to play some games.” 

Yeonjun hurriedly nods too, “Yeah, that’s a good idea. It’ll be good while we digest what we ate.” 

“Yay,” Beomgyu does a little cheer, but it seems a little lackluster compared to how he usually is. Yeonjun hates that he’s the cause of it. “Okay, I’m gonna go use the restroom first and then we can go.” 

Yeonjun also knows that this is when he should follow him but he can’t. His body feels frozen and stuck to his chair. The moment Beomgyu is out of sight though, Soobin immediately smacks his arm, “Dude, what the fuck!” 

“Why would you hit me? This is your fault! Why would you bring up the practice dating?” 

Soobin gapes at him, “He was not mad about that! I always joke about it and he’s never been mad mad. It was because you were asking for love letters. Greedy!” 

“How the hell is that greedy? Is it so wrong for me to want them? I’m his boyfriend.” Yeonjun sighs. 

Soobin scratches his neck as he gets lost in thought, “I think it’s wanting to have met in high school part that bothered him. We were laughing about it, but I think there’s something sad about all those guys he used to like.”

Yeonjun nods, listening. 

“They were all unrequited. One of them had a girlfriend, another was leaving after the school year ended to go back to Japan, and so on and so forth. To be honest, Beomgyu’s the full package, right? He’s nice, funny, and it kills me to say it, but he’s definitely good looking. You know that, and yet you wonder, how come he’s never dated anyone but you? He’s rejected so many people because the ones he likes are always unattainable.” 

Oh, Yeonjun thinks. “And you’re saying I fit right in with them?” 

“You were supposed to be,” Soobin says, not unkind. “I think it’s surprised everybody how this all turned out. Not the part where you fell for him after the practice dating. That part was inevitable. It’s the part where you said yes in the first place, how you kept saying yes. You weren’t supposed to.” 

“Supposed to,” Yeonjun repeats, “What I should, shouldn’t, and have done, is that what it all comes down to?” 

“Not to get philosophical at a McDonald’s, but isn’t that all there is? At the end of the day, isn’t that what we are measured by?” 

And how does Yeonjun measure up if they look at that? 

Before he could answer though, Beomgyu comes back and they’re forced to cut their conversation short.

All Soobin does is put an arm around his shoulder, a gesture of comfort that feels out of place considering it’s Beomgyu who was upset. Though, he looks completely fine now, as if the conversation they had earlier didn’t happen at all. 

Beomgyu acts like that throughout the rest of the day. Completely fine, like Yeonjun’s just imagined the whole thing. 

Beomgyu is laughing as he guns down some zombies at the arcade. Beomgyu pouts at him when the crane machine eats all his coins. Beomgyu cheers when Yeonjun beats the all-time high score on the Test Your Strength Hammer game. 

When they move on from that and finally start souvenir shopping for Yeonjun’s family, Beomgyu is attentive, clings to Yeonjun’s arm as he points out fun things he could buy. Beomgyu speaks almost too softly at the store, but it’s okay—Yeonjun has learned to train his ear, the way one would tune the radio at a specific station, so that he’s ready to hear and respond to whatever Beomgyu has to say. 

So when Beomgyu murmurs questions like, what does your mom like? Yeonjun can easily answer, she likes funny or pretty little things.  

Though sometimes, Beomgyu will say things like, oh, she’s just like her son then, and Yeonjun will only be able to smile, because his answers would sound like admissions. He keeps those in his head, tucks she’s kind of like you actually, she likes meaningful gifts somewhere else for now. He wonders how bad it would be to admit just how much he pays attention. He wonders how much Beomgyu can read between the lines, if he can tell what he means by the squeeze of his hand, or by the look in his eyes. 

They end the day at the park near their houses. 

The moment they reach the playground, Soobin and Beomgyu both start running towards the direction of the swingset, pushing each other without remorse. Yeonjun laughs when Soobin ends up on the ground and Beomgyu’s cackling as he takes the right swing. It’s unbelievable how the two of them are at their most childish state when they’re with each other. 

Soobin whines, “Why do you always get the better swing?” 

Beomgyu sticks his tongue out, “You don’t even utilize the good swing properly. You don’t go high enough on it, loser.” 

“What’s so wrong about the swing on the left?” Yeonjun asks. 

“It’s creaky as hell, and it’s Soobin’s swing. He sat there first and he’s been trying to steal my swing for the past ten years now,” Beomgyu complains, “And he doesn’t even know how to swing properly, he needs someone to push him.” 

“You don’t know how to play with a swing, Soobin?” 

Soobin rolls his eyes, finally sitting on his swing, “Just push me, hyung.” 

Yeonjun feels a little bit like he’s babysitting two children, which is kind of sad if you think about it, because they’re his best friends and one of them is his boyfriend. “Alright, alright. I’ll push you.” 

Yeonjun starts pushing him and Soobin starts cheering as he begins to move back and forth. He looks at where Beomgyu is starting to get more momentum, going higher and higher with each swing. 

Just a little more and he’ll be out of his seat and in the air, flying. 

“Yeonjun-hyung,” Beomgyu laughs, his hair a complete mess, “Hyung, look!” 

Yeonjun has been looking, but he makes it a point to say, “Yes, I’m looking!” 

When Beomgyu laughs, he shines bright enough that he could probably ask the moon to rest for the night. 

Beomgyu signals to him that he should push Soobin higher too and so he does, taking sweet glee when Soobin starts yelling, “This is too high! Hyung! Hyung! Stop! Help me get down!” 

It’s a little mean, but him and Beomgyu are laughing as they coach Soobin on how to use his useless long legs to create some friction with the ground to help slow down his swing. 

Yeonjun is wiping tears from his eyes by the time Soobin has gotten off the swing and is clutching his heart as he stands wobbly on the ground. 

“You guys are the worst!” Soobin wheezes, “What if I’d died? I need some ice cream to calm my heart.” 

Beomgyu cannot take him seriously, “Oooh, buy me some ice cream too.” 

Soobin glares at him but he’s already pulling out his wallet and walking away, “Hyung, you want some too?” 

“Yeah, buy me whatever you guys usually get,” Yeonjun says, moving to take Soobin’s swing seat. 

Soobin throws him an ok sign with his hands, and when he’s far enough, Yeonjun giggles, turning to Beomgyu, “Soobin is really so funny. How can someone so tall be so afraid of heights?” 

“It’s funnier when you think about how he can’t swim either,” Beomgyu says, “And then think about how clumsy he is usually. It’s like god blessed him with great body proportions but he never learned how to use them.” 

“It’s okay,” Yeonjun shakes his head, “Imagine how powerful he would be if he was good at sports too. It’s just fairer this way.” 

Beomgyu giggles, agreeing with a, “Right?” 

Yeonjun smiles at the sound of his laughter, letting it slowly fade in the air until they’re left with the quiet once more. 

It doesn’t last that long though, for Beomgyu breaks the silence again, “How are you liking Daegu so far?” 

Yeonjun turns to him, “It’s lovely. The food has been great, it’s been nice to just relax and you guys really have just been taking care of me, so I’m really grateful.” 

“I’m glad,” Beomgyu says, “We’ve been talking it up for so long, I was half-worried you’d be disappointed. It’s a bit quieter than Seoul, right?” 

“Yeah, but that’s not bad? I like it, I feel like I can breathe easier here. Must be the trees, but it could be you—” 

“Me?” Beomgyu says, incredulously, and then laughs, “Flirting with me again. You’re lucky I like it.” 

Yeonjun smiles at his reaction, though it has him thinking. “Can I tell you something? I hope you don’t take it the wrong way.” 

Beomgyu’s brows furrow, “Sure, hyung. What is it?” 

“Once, I dated someone who I really liked, way before I met you,” Yeonjun starts carefully, watching the expression on Beomgyu’s face, watches the blink of his eyes as he digests Yeonjun’s words, “I was so happy they said yes when I asked them out, and when we began dating, I’d flirt with them like this, buy them gifts, do stuff for them, and I really thought it was going well, until one day they just randomly broke up with me.” 

“Out of the blue? Just like that?” Beomgyu asks with a frown. 

Yeonjun nods, “Yeah, there might have been warning signs, but you know me, sometimes, I could be so blind. But I asked them why and you know what they said? They just said it was too much.” 

“What was too much?” 

“Just the way I was being in the relationship. I was clingy and gave too much, too fast, too soon.” Yeonjun says, softly, “Do you think that?” 

Beomgyu shakes his head vehemently, “Not at all. It’s been...two years for me, hyung. Even though it’s been what three months—” 

“Four next week,” Yeonjun corrects. 

“Four months,” Beomgyu smiles, “of this? I think I’m the same anyway. I’m clingy and I give too much too fast too soon too. I like how you are.” 

“I know,” Yeonjun grins and is delighted when Beomgyu rolls his eyes at his confident answer, “But it’s nice to hear too. I mean, I only wanted to bring this up, because I’m really super thankful that you receive my affection really well. Just thank you for not thinking it’s too much.” 

Beomgyu pouts, “It’s nothing to be thankful for. Is this not basic things you should do as a boyfriend?” 

“You’d be surprised at how little regard people have sometimes for the people they date,” Yeonjun knows this from experience. He never wants to be one of those people, and so he does the brave thing and finally asks Beomgyu what has been running through his mind all day, “I wanted to ask you about today actually.” 

“What about it?” 

“I feel like I said something that hurt you today, but you ended up just brushing it off like it didn’t happen,” Yeonjun frowns, “I get it if you don’t want to talk about it just yet. But when you’re ready, I’d really like it if you discuss it with me. If I did something wrong, I want to know what it is, so I don’t do it again. I don’t want you to keep it inside, and it festers to the point where you end up resenting me.” 

Beomgyu inhales at his words, clutches the chains holding the swings up tighter, “It’s not that big of a deal.” 

“It is to me,” Yeonjun immediately says, “It’s when you get quiet like this and think your feelings are smaller than mine that I get worried the most.” 

Beomgyu exhales, “It really is stupid. I wasn’t mad, I just didn’t like how you were asking for more.” 

“The love letters?” 

“No, more time in the past. I think of you and I and the events that happened to get us together, like dominoes, one falling right after the other. You change one thing about it and I sincerely believe we’d be with other people right now. This,” Beomgyu gestures to them both, “Is precious. This you and this me and this us could have only happened one way in this universe. And I wouldn’t dare curse our timing or wish for one thing to change about it.” 

Beomgyu shakes his head, “I wouldn’t even tempt a god.” 

Yeonjun is speechless, because that is the last thing he’d thought Beomgyu would say. His first reaction is vehement disagreement, to rehash his own belief of a fated universe, just as he’d told Soobin the other day. 

But it seems like a disservice to argue for that right now, when all Beomgyu is really saying is how much he values how they got together their relationship. It’s something he’ll have to tell him at another time.

“I see,” Yeonjun says, standing up and walking over to stand in front of Beomgyu. It didn’t feel right to be so far away from him, when they’re having a conversation about their relationship. “I’m sorry for how I worded it earlier today then. I just meant that I wanted more time with you, which you should know by now, I always do.”

Yeonjun takes a deep breath, “You’re always telling me how I’m kind and good, but I feel so selfish and greedy when it comes to you—”  

Beomgyu looks up at him, and Yeonjun cups his cheeks, wondering if this is how it’d feel to have the moon in your hands. Earnestly, he says, “I want everything you could give me and more. I want your time and your words and your attention. And I want it, because—”

Yeonjun falters, feeling the fever pitch of his words stop without cause, “Beomgyu, you, uh, because I—”

Why can’t he just spit it out? 

Beomgyu’s eyes flutter like he’s processing what Yeonjun is trying to say before nodding in understanding when Yeonjun can’t say anything more. 

Why can’t he just say it? 

“It’s okay,” Beomgyu murmurs, reaching up to cup Yeonjun’s cheeks, “I know, hyung. I know—” 

Yeonjun leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Thank you,” he says, though it sounds like an apology, “Please just wait a little bit more. I just need the tiniest bit of time—” 

They suddenly hear Soobin call for them, joyfully skipping back to the swings with his plastic bag of ice cream and the sight is so cute and comical, whatever quiet and tender atmosphere they’ve built dissipates in an instant. “Guys! They have this new flavor of Jaws Bar ice cream—” 

No worries, Yeonjun thinks as Beomgyu rises from his seat and peeks curiously at what Soobin has bought them. What remains to be said; Beomgyu shouldn’t worry about it. 

And this brings him back to his conversation with Soobin earlier — what he should, shouldn’t, and have done. 

What should Yeonjun do for his boy who can’t even bite through his ice cream without cringing? Who Yeonjun is realizing is much more careful with their relationship than he needs to be? 

It’s Yeonjun who should try harder, be more careful, and do better. It’s Yeonjun who shouldn’t be making him wait this long to hear the i love u that he deserves. 

Yeonjun should have learned by now how to put a name to this feeling in his chest. 

He needs to stop making Beomgyu wait.