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There isn’t much that could have prepared Steve for waking up in the 21st century, but SHIELD decided the only thing necessary was a briefing packet. It had extensive information on the end of the war, information on the current state of the world and brief information on scientific advances. Really it only gave information useful to soldier, not a person, so Steve had to make do with other sources on much of his information.
Most of his information on the social side of life and pop culture came from agents within SHIELD most were too awestruck to approach but there were a few willing to treat him normally. There were many things he was assumed to know, like the high ranking positions and equal rights given to women and POC, but that came as a shock, even though it was a welcome change. Even the phrase POC was after people had started whisper yelling at him after he used the wrong language. He tried to tech himself about the internet but decided that libraries still existed and if it was desperate he could ask for help. Other things he stumbled on accidentally “wireless” now meant Wi-Fi not radio, drink driving was illegal, and some cars run on electricity but disappointingly, none of them fly.
Steve didn’t exactly have many friends, he visited Peggy sometimes, but it seeing her like that felt wrong and she couldn’t really hold a conversation Not wanting to cling to the past but not having any other refuge meant that Steve lived and breathed SHIELD. He stayed in a SHIELD facility and didn’t make any friends outside a few agents he could grab some food with.
The lack of friends should have bothered him much more, but before he was Captain America all he’d really had was Bucky, a man he had loved and still did even though he was gone. No matter how sick it might be. In truth Steve was still grieving.
He had loved Bucky for as long as he could remember, long before he knew what it meant, before he knew it was wrong, before he knew nobody could ever know. He spent long nights in his teenage years praying for the feelings to go away after sermons from priests and overheard conversations in the streets of Brooklyn. He would have stayed like that for a long time if Bucky hadn’t got the pair of them a pack of beers for his 16th birthday.
The boys stayed up late that night drinking and laughing and talking as boys did, mainly teasing Steve about his lack of luck with the dames. Then Bucky was suggesting that he teach Steve how to kiss, just to improve his luck, so he’d know what to do when it happened. Steve’s brain short-circuited at the suggestion and though he knew it was wrong with the way he felt about Bucky, he agreed. Bucky cupped the back of his head and kissed him gently. The next thing he remembered he was sitting in the other boy’s lap tasting the cheap bear in his mouth.
They didn’t talk for a week after that, shame curdling in them, until Bucky’s dad gave them another bottle of beer each and went off to the pub, leaving them alone in the house. With the alcohol to loosen their tongues Steve started apologising to Bucky who started apologising to Steve which ended with them realising they both felt the same way. They knew it was wrong, had been told so many times, so they agreed to never acknowledge it, ignore it until it was fixed. Bucky taught Steve how to get dames and Steve, well Steve mostly failed at that, so Bucky arranged a lot of double dates.
However, double dates started ending with the boys dropping the girls back at their houses and going home together, spending the night in the other’s arms instead of with the pretty dames with the perfectly curled hair. God, Steve never understood that, the attraction to the feminine; Bucky was everything they weren’t: they were breakable, Bucky could break him; they were petite, Bucky was huge. It shouldn’t make him like the man more, but something was wrong with him and he couldn’t help it.
As adults they moved into a small apartment together, their financial status the excuse for the single bed and they followed the same pattern. Double dates and stringing girls along for a month or so and then dumping them before it would be heart-breaking. Bucky got a reputation as a lady’s man and Steve was a nobody. The system worked.
They only went to one of those bars once. They heard about it from people complaining about the depravities of the men inside. Bucky had just turned 19 and they were young and hopeful and daring. They got halfway through a drink before people started screaming about the cops, Bucky dragged Steve out the back racing through alleyways until they got to a busier street where they separated and walked back to the flat separately. They held onto one another all of that night and in the morning agreed to never do it again, this was between them and only them.
Then the war. Bucky signed up and went away, Steve signed up and became Captain America. He knew the serum would cure everything and he felt so wrong for praying that it wouldn’t fix the way he felt about Bucky. It didn’t. Steve didn’t know whether to cry or laugh at that, but life spun on. He was dressed as a circus monkey and paraded out on stage after stage as the perfect example of a soldier all while sending coded letters to Bucky. The letters weren’t explicit, most of it was barely even implied, they couldn’t risk it. Occasionally Bucky would send letters that Steve was to give to “Dotty”, he always burned those after he read them, too much of a risk, but at the ends of all the letters:
“PS Tell Dotty I love her.”
“PS Dotty says she loves you too.”
Then Bucky was captured, and Steve blew through every restraint he’d ever put on himself and went through hell to get him back. The Howling Commandos were set up and Steve found himself doing what he’d always dreamed of, fighting back against the bully. Bucky and he couldn’t risk much, stolen kisses between the trees in the dark, quick and dirty nights muffled by gunfire, stolen moments in the war, more than most men got with their sweethearts but never enough.
Losing Bucky broke Steve. He kept fighting for the cause, kept on the mission but he was a hollow man. Going down with the plane was the way out, he knew he could have looked for an escape craft, could have tried to land it, could have asked Howard how to defuse the bombs but he didn’t. He was a broken man and this was the only way out.
After, in this shiny new century, Steve wondered if Peggy had known. Their romance was a show, a façade of flirting and jokes, a way to keep the dark at bay. If he had lived, he could have settled down with Peggy, had the kids and the picket fence, he would have been living a half-life though and he thinks Peggy knew that too. She might not have known why, but she knew it, Steve thinks that was why she let him crash that jet, didn’t put up too much of a fight. Afterwards she would have cried for the loss of a friend to grief, not of a lover.
He couldn’t ask her now though, it doesn’t matter if Bucky was alive or dead or what century it was Steve was sick, and if anyone knew… a blue ticket – a dishonourable discharge – was his very best option. Who knows, the penalties might have gotten worse in this new century, there was no way to ask without raising suspicion. He had to keep his grief quiet and close to his chest, so he read and listened to old music and tried to watch movies that portrayed a world completely alien to the one he remembered.
After New York not much changed, he was an Avenger now and the world knew he was back. However, he got lucky with the press, they asked about the past, asked about the change but there was an alien carcass in grand central, so he wasn’t making headlines. As for being out in public most people didn’t recognise him without the suit.
He wasn’t friends with the Avengers, but he was friendly with them, they helped him handle the grief even though they didn’t know about it. Eventually living in barracks all the time and hardly ever seeing the sunshine prompted Steve to get a small apartment in Brooklyn. He was almost certain it was bugged and monitored by SHIELD, but he didn’t really care, it wasn’t like he had a lot to hide anymore.
He had drinks with his teammates and talked with them on missions, but they never got that close, even without Bucky he was afraid they would notice his sickness. He was closest with Natasha, something that made many people think the two were together but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Natasha was simple, she didn’t demand much from him and lived by her own rules, she suggested dates for him all the time, but he honestly couldn’t face it, didn’t think he could manage to pull off that lie again. Now though he had the perfect excuse, in the 40s he had to keep pretending, now he could just cite generational differences and it was light banter instead of scrutiny.
That was his life for a long time, occasional missions for SHIELD or the Avengers but not much else. Until a mission on a boat and a late-night visit from Fury and his life was turned upside down all over again.
Seeing Bucky in the street stopped Steve dead, he almost forgot to fight back, block and defend as Bucky – the Winter Soldier – tried to kill him. He was still in a daze when Fury reappeared. The mission was simple and Steve could barely cope when Sam asked him the obvious question, told him the obvious truth. Bucky was gone and Steve might have to kill him, was he ready to do that? He ignored the point, made up some bullshit about doing his best – he couldn’t really remember what he said – but he knew the truth. He would get the mission done and after that, he would either save Bucky or die trying; he had done it before, even if last time the dying came after the trying.
The fight that followed was a blur of gunfire and violence, Steve relied on instinct and muscle memory to get through it. Faced with Bucky on that last ship he knew his mission, get the chip in and after that, well Steve couldn’t really see after that.
Getting shot hurt, as did everything else but Bucky spitting “And you’re my mission” hurt the most. He tried to snap Bucky out of it, quoting the line Bucky used to give him. It had become their code for “I love you”, a small “til the end of the line” at the start of each mission and on his lips in the dark under the stars when they had a chance to be alone. It didn’t work and Steve was falling.
When Steve woke up the world was blurry and burning, then the burning moved inside him, and he had to roll over to cough up the river in his lungs. He lay there panting for a minute or so before he rolled back and noticed the figure in black hunched over by his side.
“Buck?” whispered Steve, not wanting to spook him. “Bucky?”
“We need to leave.”
“What?”
“We aren’t safe here, both of us are being hunted, where can we go?”
Bucky wasn’t in his own mind, Steve realised. This wasn’t Bucky or the Winter Soldier, this was someone that knew they were maybe both or neither, but he seemed to trust Steve and he was talking sense, so Steve asked for help up and started giving directions.
Bucky stole a car from them and drove to the building Fury had been operating out of, it was the point they were supposed to rendezvous at if they were seperated. Looking at the colour of the sky Steve was late, but they approached the doors. Steve was draped over Bucky, his blood loss making it hard to walk or think straight. Still he was clinging to Bucky like a lifeline, like if he let go he would disappear.
Natasha greeted them at the door with a gun to Bucky’s head.
“Give me one good reason not to spill your brains on the floor.”
“He saved my life Romanoff.”
“Seems to me he was also the one trying to take it.”
“Well my death will be on your hands soon if you let me bleed out on the doorstep. Trust me, please?”
Then Sam came dashing down the hallway yelling for medical and Steve watched the corridor narrow and lengthen as the world went dark at the edges, tilted and then spun out of his grasp. He didn’t feel Sam catch him, didn’t hear the doctors barking orders and didn’t see Natasha take Bucky into custody without any resistance.
He woke up in the same room Fury had been treated in, Sam sitting by his side a strange soundtrack playing in the background.
Steve rasped “Bucky, where’s Buck?”
“He’s here. He’s being held in a cell, hasn’t said anything to anyone the whole time.”
Steve relaxed back on the pillows, it wasn’t ideal, but Bucky was safe at least for now. He tried to hold onto consciousness, but it slipped out of his grasp once again.
In that facility the team went their separate ways, Steve advocated for Bucky, used guilt tripping and blatant threats in equal measure and with considerable ferocity to get Bucky help, not a prison. It worked, Steve using what remained of the SHIELD resources to get into Wakanda and ask for their help.
Steve stayed in Wakanda with Bucky for around a month as they got rid of his programming with a regimen of pills and what was effectively reverse brainwashing. It was a hard period. To have Bucky back and not simultaneously was hard. Bucky was here physically but mentally… most days he rarely remembered what century it was, let alone his own name so Steve wasn’t in the picture much.
As Bucky improved the doctors took advantage of Steve, getting him to tell Bucky stories that would jog his memories. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t but over time it worked more often than not.
Steve wished he could ask if Bucky remembered them, not their friendship, that was in history books but them. The “them” that they had heard priests denounce and police beat in the streets. Remembered Dotty and “til the end of the line”, but he could never ask, there were always people around. The longer he spent with Bucky and the more he improved the more Steve realised than Bucky might never remember.
It should be a good thing, whatever serum he had been given to let him survive might have fixed him, Erskine’s hadn’t but maybe Bucky’s had. Steve should be happy for his friend, should be thankful he had been cured and cleaned of that sin, but Steve couldn’t help but feel awful. He had just got Bucky back, to realise it wasn’t all of him nearly broke his heart.
Eventually Bucky was released, he was safe to be in society. The doctors decided it would be best if everything was as close to what it had been before as possible, so Steve got a new apartment in Brooklyn, one that wasn’t bugged or monitored by SHIELD. They shared a bed; Bucky had remembered that but didn’t seem to realise that the finance reason was the lie they had told others and believed it to be true. It was useful for when he woke up with nightmares, sometimes Steve could stop them from waking him up at all. It certainly helped Bucky sleep, even though Steve spent most nights on the edge of the bed, trying so hard not to put Bucky in an uncomfortable position.
Over a couple months they settled into the new normal, Bucky never commented on the distance Steve put between them. Sometimes he would look confused as Steve shuffled away but would shake it off. Steve hated himself, hated that he still thought of his best friend like that, still had dreams about him that made him get a glass of cold water in the night and stay up until morning. It would have continued like that for a long time if it wasn’t for a dream one September night.
Normally Steve woke up for Bucky’s nightmares but tonight he opened blurry eyes to the bathroom light on with no running water. Glancing out the windows he saw the soft glow of the streetlights, it couldn’t have been later than four. Getting up out of bed he gingerly approached the door that was cracked open, Bucky had gotten violent after dreams before, not in a long time but it could still happen.
Creaking the door open Steve saw Bucky siting on the lip of the bathtub head in his hands.
“Buck, what’s wrong?”
Voice cracking and barely audible Bucky spoke, “I can’t- I can’t do this anymore Steve. I don’t know what’s real anymore.”
“What? You can ask me. You can always ask me, please just tell me what’s happening.” It didn’t take much for Steve to realise this was more than not remembering street names or favourite foods, this was something serious.
“Not this Steve, I can’t ask you this one.” Barnes’ voice broke by the end and Steve noticed the silent tears rolling down his face.
“Anything Buck, anything. This is why I’m here.”
“Is it? That’s the only reason you’re here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you just here because you’re the only one who can help me? Are you just here because we’re the only pieces of the past in this century? Do you care Steve?” Looking up to make eye-contact Steve could see the utter devastation in his eyes.
“Of course I care Buck, you’re my oldest friend. I would do this if we were in the 40s too. I’m doing this because I care.”
“Friend, oldest friend.” Bucky muttered the words like a curse under his breath as he looked back down. “I can’t do this Steve, I- Please?”
“What can’t you do? You’re not making any sense here, make me understand?”
“You want to understand? You want to be in my head? Fine!” Bucky stood facing Steve, almost shouting. “I remember that we were more! I remember that we shared a bed. I remember coming home to you. I remember kissing you in the woods on the front. I REMEMBER LOVING YOU!”
Steve just stood. He thought Bucky was safe, he thought Bucky had gotten rid of his sickness and he hadn’t. He should feel awful that Bucky was still broken but all he could feel was joy, he was sick, he was perverted to be glad that his friend still felt like – like that.
Tears rolling down Steve’s face too now he looked at Bucky put his hand up and wrapped around the back of his neck, bringing Bucky in for the kiss he had been waiting months for.
Leaning back, putting his forehead on Steve’s Bucky spoke, “It- it was real?” Bucky’s voice was shaking still, but it wasn’t from rage or desperation this time.
“I thought you had forgotten.”
They stayed up through dawn as Steve slowly told Bucky all about them, their romance, how they hid it. With this in the open Bucky improved far faster and in bed at night Steve didn’t cling to the edge, he clung to Bucky.
They knew they would have to hide it like before, but with SHIELD disbanded the only people who could find out were the Avengers. It was simple, they were friends in public, more behind closed doors. They didn’t invite people round to see their one bed and Steve put up with the teasing from Romanoff about dates. It worked, no one knew and they could still go to the tower for drinks knowing they could also go home whenever they wanted.
This carefully crafted balance was tipped when a security breach at Sam’s lead to the suggestion that all the Avengers should stay in the tower together. As well as being safer it would make missions easier and be good for team bonding and moral. Being a superhero can be lonely. At first Steve was just afraid that Bucky wouldn’t be counted as an Avenger, but after a short argument with Tony that Natasha stepped in to calm down it was decided that Barnes was an Avenger, and even if he wasn’t it wouldn’t be fair to kick out the Captain’s oldest friend onto the streets.
Once they realised that Bucky could stay a whole other panic overtook them. It was only in private they could be them, if they lived with everyone else they would have to stop. If they were discovered it would be catastrophic, before it would have meant a blue ticket, but now, as Captain America and the Winter Soldier, it would be so, so much worse if anyone ever knew. They knew they were sick, knew they were wrong, but on their own it was easy to pretend they weren’t, that this was normal and it could last.
They got lucky though, Tony planned for individual complexes with lockable doors for each of them, as Steve and Bucky lived together already that was what Tony had put in, he had also added a second bedroom but it should be easy to make that look lived in. Citing privacy and issues from the past with being constantly monitored they managed to get Tony to remove all but the safety and emergency features of Jarvis from their complex. Once they were living there it wasn’t unusual for them to keep to themselves, they spent time in the common room but no-one was expecting them to spend all their time with the rest of the team when they hadn’t before.
Steve felt wrong for being happy they had got it to work but now they couldn’t stop. They loved one another and they were good at pretending they didn’t. The system worked, they were friends in public and more in private. They never slipped up, years of training from hiding from parents, friends, cops and the army came in useful. No-one ever commented and in private they were safe, the room that was “Bucky’s” went mostly empty, only being used to keep Bucky’s clothes.
Their lives continued pretty much as normal in this new tower. Steve went on occasional dates to keep up appearances, something Bucky generally avoided, the Avengers more likely to believe his excuses than Steve’s. But today there was a small blip in their normal, a press conference.
Press conferences were not uncommon for the Avengers, new initiatives, big missions, and policy changes all meant they had to gather to give a statement and answer press questions. There had recently been a (relatively simple) mission that had gathered a lot of press attention as a few civilians caught cell phone footage of it when they were out on a hike. All in all, it was just because they hadn’t had one in almost three months, so the press was likely to start making things up for news.
It had been uneventful and followed the usual pattern of press conferences up to now, Tony did most of the talking, Steve covered the more tactical aspects of the mission, Clint made various sarcastic comments and Natasha and Bucky just looked vaguely threatening while Bruce tried to insert science into the conversation. The press now had their opportunity to ask questions, so were now covering rumours more than the mission.
There were always wild rumours and questions for Tony even though he had pretty much settled down with Pepper now, there were a few questions about a potential romance between Nat and Bruce that had Bruce stammering and Natasha giving a polite but firm “that’s none of your gods-damned business”.
The first few of these Steve got a few questions about adjusting to modern life, as did Bucky when he first joined the team – though most of the press were too scared to ask about Hydra – but now the pair were mostly ignored in favour of the more scandalous teammates. This was why Steve was a bit surprised when a reporter asked him a question towards the end of the briefing.
“Captain Rogers are you aware of the book coming out about letters sent by soldiers in the war, ‘The Silent Soldiers’?”.
“I can’t say I’ve heard of it, no.” Steve answered simply, thinking he was probably trying to promote the book by getting a quote.
“Then you aren’t aware of the claims it makes?”
“Obviously not.”
“The book analyses many letters sent during the war that they believe are gay love letters between soldiers. The book has a few letters between you and Sergeant Barnes that have similar language, they are suggesting that you had a similar relationship to these men, would you care to comment on that?”
The whole room fell into silence, even the reporters asking about Nat and Bruce had been gentler than that. It was a wild claim, and almost totally unfounded – if you only looked at the information the reporters had. Steve couldn’t see Bucky but could imagine what was going through his head, the same things that are going through Steve’s. They were so careful, they sent barely any letters, they used coded language, some of them even pretended that the other was supposed to hand the letter to a nice dame. How on earth had someone realised?
Steve realised he’d been sitting in shock for a little longer than acceptable, he had to say something, had to make sure they didn’t believe it.
“Well that is a real disgrace. I’m sure these soldiers were good upstanding men, not faggots and to claim that about Sergeant Barnes and I is the worst sort of smear campaign. We are good law-abiding citizens and writing such a book glorifies that kind of-”. Steve’s mic cut out as whoever was behind the scenes got over their shock and Tony jumped in.
“I’m sorry that’s all we’ve got time for just now, Ms Potts will be out with an official statement shortly, but unfortunately we have a team debriefing to get to.” Tony swiftly ushered everyone off the stage, his cover up failing miserably as the cameras in the back of the room began flashing and reporters were yelling over one another.
The whole team got out the back doors before anything else was said, Steve could hear the reporters yelling but couldn’t understand what they were saying over the roaring in his ears. He only hoped he had said enough to convince them. From Tony’s reaction this wasn’t good, he must keep his head straight for this if he wants to avoid a blue ticket or a beating or worse. His hands were clenched, and his knees were shaking, glancing over at Bucky he saw a bitter resignation in his eyes as if to say that it was always going to happen and they’d been lucky to get this far.
The whole team was silent until they reached the common room, most of them sat down, but Steve was too on edge to sit and Bucky seemed to be the same. Tony went to stand at the counter and then rounded on them with no preamble.
“What the HELL Steve! I mean seriously, I know you’re not exactly Mr Modern but Jesus! I- I don’t have anything to say, I thought you were a good guy.”
“I am a good guy Tony, I promise. What he said- what that claims, it’s not-”
“Nope, no. Going to stop you there before you say anything I might have to punch you for.” Tony sat down staring at the countertop when the elevator pinged open again and Pepper walked out. Steve was desperately trying not to cry at this, Tony clearly believes this book and from the disappointment and hate radiating from his teammates they do too.
Pepper started talking as soon as she walked in, “Right, I gave them a statement saying Steve’s statement is not a reflection of the Avengers as a whole or SI, but Steve will need to walk that back, there’s only so much we can pass off as a generational difference.”
“That’s fine, I can do that, I’ll read anything you put in front of me, just please, please believe me, I don’t want a blue ticket or whatever it is now.” Steve was talking fast, desperately trying to keep him and Bucky safe. It was clear Tony and probably the rest of the team hadn’t believed him but Pepper seemed to think the press might still. He could still salvage this, keep him and Bucky safe.
“I don’t know what a blue ticket is Steve, but we can’t kick Captain fucking America off the Avengers because he’s a homophobic asshole, no matter how much I might want to.” Tony swung off his seat and started making coffee, a reflex for whenever he was stressed.
“Do you agree with Steve, Barnes?” asked Bruce softly, noticing the fear on his face, even though he couldn’t place why it was there.
“I- I- uh of course I do.” Bucky could barely get the words out, he was terrified.
“Well I’d suggest you keep that to yourself; we don’t need to add fuel to this fire.” Snapped Tony.
“No, I mean I agree with Steve, I’m not a fag I promise, neither is Steve. You have to believe us.”
“Christ, we get it, you’re not gay. You don’t have to say a slur to get that across.”
“Sorry Tony, we, uh, we obviously don’t know the current terms. It’s just we thought that you thought that this book was right.” Steve didn’t know what was happening, he hadn’t heard the word “homophobic” before and he didn’t understand the tone of Tony’s voice, he was angry, but he didn’t sound dangerous.
“Steve, no-one thinks that the book was right anymore, your display up there was more than enough for that message to get across.”
“Then why does Pepper need me to do another statement?” Steve was confused, and being confused made him scared, if he said the wrong thing here Tony had made it abundantly clear he would get a beating.
“I need you to take it back Steve, say that you were wrong to talk about the LGBT+ community like that. We’ll say you’ve educated yourself and understand that your statement was damaging. Speaking of which we probably should actually educate you.”
“I- I don’t understand?”
“Well let me lay it out real simple for you Steve.” Tony’s voice had taken on the dangerous edge Steve knew well from missions. “1969 first brick was thrown at Stonewall, that started an equal rights movement against police brutality and is why we have pride in June. More recently gay marriage was legalised in America 2015. Long story short, we don’t call people fags and we treat gay people equally these days.”
Steve was in shock, Tony had to be lying, he had to be trying to trip him up, there had to be some sort of trick here. Looking over his shoulder Bucky looked ready to run or fight or just fall.
“What?” Steve whispered.
“Gay rights baby! We have them now, and homophobia is no longer acceptable. People can marry whoever the fuck they want.”
“We can-” Bucky was looking at Steve some of the fear in his face fading away “Jarvis, is Tony telling the truth?”
“Yes Mr Barnes, the Boss is correct. Gay marriage was legalised in all 50 states in 2015 a supreme court ruling in 2003 made gay relationships legal in all 50 states and the military has allowed gay soldiers since 2014.”
Steve fell into the seat in front of him this couldn’t be real, but everyone here looked unsurprised, they weren’t disgusted by this.
“See, I think you’re the one in the wrong here.”
“Then, why-” Steve stopped himself and looked at Bucky, who had tears rolling freely down his cheeks. “We’re- we’re not sick?”
“Wait, what?” Tony asked.
“Being a homosexual, it isn’t… wrong?”
“No. Steve that’s what we’re saying. You can’t say the stuff you said back there.”
“I’m not broken?”
“You’re really going to have to ask me something more specific, because I feel like I am definitely not getting the full picture here.”
“The serum, I thought it would fix it, make it so I wasn’t sick anymore, but that was still there. I was still- I’m not sick for being- for loving-”
“Oh my god.” Bruce understood all of a sudden and made a violent shushing gesture at Tony. “Steve, I’m a doctor, you can trust me. There is nothing wrong with being gay, you aren’t broken, you aren’t sick.”
Steve broke into sobs at that, he couldn’t comprehend it. Bucky was still just standing there, tears running down his face. Bruce asked Jarvis to back him up who started listing the results of many journal articles and social experiments proving that it wasn’t an illness.
Steve stood suddenly, going to Bucky putting his face between his hands and resting his forehead against the shorter man’s. Whispering, Bucky asked “They’re telling the truth aren’t they?”
Steve pulled away to nod, not quite getting the words out. The tears were beginning to slow in both of them and he wrapped Bucky in a hug, Bucky hesitantly brought his arms up and around Steve as he realised that this was ok now.
“So, you… the book was right?” Tony looked like the human embodiment of the buffering symbol as he stared at the two men.
“We were so careful.”
“Careful?”
“The letters. We were so careful, never said anything that would let them know and I burned half of them anyway.”
“But it was right, you two were together during the war?”
The pair nodded, still unable to say it, the years of shame and fear still weighing on them.
“Why did you say that stuff at the conference then?”
“We didn’t know Tony, no one told us any of this. We thought it would get us a dishonourable discharge at best. I was checking the exits when we were coming back here, I thought you might beat us.”
“Beat, beat you! Why the fuck would you think that?”
Bucky let out a strained chuckle before talking over Steve, “You did say to stop talking before you had to punch Steve. We may have only had to run from the cops once but it leaves an impression. Not to mention what we’d seen happen to other men on the streets, some beatings people didn’t get back up from.”
“But, how did you not know about all of this, it being legal and ok and not getting beaten for it?”
“Who was going to tell us?”
“You could have asked.”
“Why would it have changed? For all we knew it might have gotten worse. We might have been facing a firing squad if we asked.”
“Shit.” Tony statement was echoed around the room as everyone realised how much fear the pair had been living in. The room sat in silence for a few moments as the team settled into their new reality that Natasha swiftly interrupted.
“How long have you two been together then?”
“Since… well our first kiss was my 16th birthday.”
Tony finally seemed to recover with that and brought the discussion back down to his level, “So my 100-year-old virgin quips weren’t exactly accurate?”
At that Bucky snorted which seemed to lighten the mood as the team realised that although this was new to them it had been part of the team dynamic long before now and this really wouldn’t change all that much.
“Well I reckon this deserves a celebration. Takeout and a rainbow cake?” Asked Pepper.
“That sounds good, and Jarvis can queue up Billy Elliot or something, do our own mini pride for our gay grandpas.” And Tony was indeed pulling up a screen and searching for a bakery that does orders.
Bucky and Steve just went along with what was happening, still clinging to one another as Pepper questioned them on what they wanted to release to the press. They were still in shock that this was real, waiting for the gunshots to fire. As the evening wore on they relaxed more finally being themselves around their teammates and their teammates watched, subtly and not so subtly, as their mannerisms changed. They all saw how they orbit one another and wondered how they never saw it before.
Tony decided against a film and instead they watched a documentary that had been released when gay marriage was legalised, showing the history of gay rights in America, catching the two men up. The documentary ended with footage of Obama signing the legislation into law and the White House lit up in the pride colours.
“Wait, we can- oh my god…” Steve sat up in his chair, pulling away from Bucky as the titles rolled. He turned to his boyfriend and said “We can get married. We can get married!”
“You’d have to ask me first.” With that Steve got off the sofa and down on one knee in front of Bucky.
“Well then, it’s about 70 years overdue but James Buchanan Barnes would you do me the honour of becoming my husband? I can’t say I have a ring, or really much of anything, but I have loved you since I knew what the word meant. Every time we ran from the cops, every time we snuck out of camp to be together, every time we drew the curtains because the neighbours might talk was worth it if you say yes.”
The room was frozen.
“I meant what I said idiot – til the end of the line.” And Bucky got down on his knees and for the first time ever kissed his fiancé in public.