Archive of Our Own

Even at a distinguished institution like Garreg Mach Monastery, the typical kinds of conversations emerged among the students regardless of their background. There were complaints about classes and teachers, discussions about crushes, relationships, but teenage boys, newly free from the confines of their home, free to misbehave as they pleased, especially loved to talk about sex. It happened in the training hall, in the corners of the classroom, in the baths — Felix managed to avoid it for the most part, but being friends with Sylvain meant encountering those conversations was inevitable.

“Can you believe it, Felix? They didn’t know how to masturbate until they were 14. Tragic.”

It was times like these when Felix almost preferred Dimitri to accompany him to the baths. At least Dimitri knew better than to annoy him when he was at his most vulnerable. Felix’s silence would have gone unnoticed, accepted even, but Sylvain was unfortunately well-versed in Felix’s non-verbal language.

“You’ve jerked off, haven’t you?” Sylvain asked a few moments later, curious.

“I’m not talking about this with you,” Felix replied tersely, dumping a basin of water over his head.

Sitting on the stool beside him in front of the running faucets, Sylvain looked at him like a fox in a henhouse. “Oh, Felix,” he sighed as he leaned his arm on his soapy legs, peering through Felix’s wet curtain of hair. “The years have been hard on you. Those long grueling days of squireship never gave you the urge for a little reprieve?”

Felix whipped his hair back and shot a glare at him, looking around the mostly empty bathhouse. “I’ve never felt the need for it.” Which was a small lie, but he wasn’t going to explain himself. He knew what it felt like, the odd tightness, the way he would feel wet sometimes, but he simply ignored it.

“Well, I guess it makes sense,” Sylvain said as he resumed his scrubbing. “You bump a cock against anything solid and it feels good. Pick up a bad habit pretty quick. I remember when thick wool pants were enough to get me hard.”

Felix glanced at Sylvain, his cock hanging between his legs, before looking down between his own, nothing but hair trailing down to a slit.

“Yours requires a little more finesse.”

Felix blinked, looking up and following Sylvain’s gaze, which was also directed between his legs. He flushed bright red, picking up the wooden basin and tossing it at Sylvain’s head, his pained yelp and the clatter of him falling off his stool echoing through the baths. Felix stormed away, ignoring Sylvain’s groan to wait for him as he wrapped his towel around his waist.

That night, lying in bed, Felix turned Sylvain’s words over in his head. He didn’t understand the attraction people talked about, the urge to kiss or touch someone else. He heard some classmates joke about the awkwardness of their parents telling them about sex; he couldn’t imagine his father trying to explain anything like that to him.

Felix tapped his fingers against his stomach, restless, before he shoved his hand down his pants, his underwear. He felt around, not really knowing where to start; he poked and prodded, running a finger down the slit, spreading his legs to find the hole, hissing at the sting of trying to push his finger in. Huffing, he pulled his hand out and turned onto his side to go to sleep, annoyed — mostly at Sylvain for bringing it up in the first place.

-

In hindsight, maybe it was only a matter of time before Felix found himself on Sylvain’s bed without his pants on.

Felix gritted his teeth. “If you do anything weird—”

“You’ll kill me, I know,” Sylvain said airily behind him. “Come here whenever you’re ready.”

Felix clenched his jaw as he sat on the edge of Sylvain’s bed. It was Sylvain’s fault he was in this situation, his fault for making him suddenly conscious of something he had been fine with ignoring most of his life. It kept bothering him, every time he started to feel the tightness in his stomach, felt uncomfortable between his legs. He didn’t know who else to go to, who else to talk about this with; Sylvain was a dog when it came to relationships, but he was the only one Felix knew who wouldn’t make a big deal out of him asking. Sylvain was non-judgmental like that; when Felix had snapped and told him he wasn’t interested in picking up girls, Sylvain had merely blinked and offered to help him pick up some guys instead. Of course, Felix had thrown his sword at him anyway.

Felix turned back to look at Sylvain, glaring in case he was trying to peek, but Sylvain was still sitting on the bed, his back against the wall, waiting patiently. Finally deciding there was no other way around it, Felix pushed himself backwards, Sylvain’s hands holding his hips as he helped pull him into place. Felix curled his legs to his chest as Sylvain made himself comfortable behind him.

Sylvain chuckled. “You can’t touch yourself with your legs closed like that, Felix.”

“Stop making fun of me,” Felix bit out hotly. He was frustrated — in more ways than one; he hated not knowing something, depending on anyone, and he knew Sylvain had done things like this plenty of times. He didn’t need Sylvain rubbing it in his face.

“I’m sorry. I thought a joke or two might help you relax,” Sylvain said gently. “I really do want to help.”

Felix only let out a huff — the only forgiveness he would give him. Sylvain held out his hands in front of him so Felix could see them move as he rested them on Felix’s knees. After another moment, Sylvain moved his hands, running them down Felix’s thighs; Felix slowly let his legs fall open, twitching at the soft brush of cold air on his exposed crotch.

“Good,” Sylvain whispered, voice low. Sylvain’s chest warm against his back, Felix felt his hand over his; his hand was hot compared to his cold, clammy one. “Nervous?”

“No,” Felix lied as Sylvain ran his fingers over his knuckles, his thumb rubbing circles against his palm, slowly warming him up.

“Okay?” Sylvain asked and Felix nodded.

Still holding his hand, Sylvain moved it down between his legs. Sylvain’s middle finger resting on top of his, Sylvain pressed against him, running Felix’s finger up and down along the warm wet folds slowly, gently. Felix felt his face slowly heat up; when Sylvain said he would help, he didn't think it would be this — direct.

Sylvain’s breath tickled his ear. “Whenever you do this, you want to make sure it’s wet so it doesn't hurt,” he explained. "Usually touching it like this for a while is enough to get it there.”

No wonder Felix didn’t see the appeal; he had tried to do it dry. He never tried to touch it when it was like this; it did feel sort of nice, the soft, slippery strokes sending odd buzzes up his spine. Sylvain’s fingertip brushed against him, making sure he was putting Felix’s finger in the right place, but Felix found that he didn’t mind it. Felix breathed slow and steady, feeling himself grow wetter as Sylvain helped him spread the slick around, breath hitching as Sylvain led his damp finger up to his clit.

“This is a good place to touch,” Sylvain told him as he circled the nub. “Most guys won’t know to touch here so you’ll have to make sure you give it some extra attention when you start having sex.”

“Mm,” Felix breathed, eyes fluttering closed at the pleasant feeling. “I thought sex was just about putting a cock inside.”

"There's more to it than that," Sylvain said, amused. "A lot more."

Sylvain moved their hands back down when Felix shifted, his toes curling. Sylvain pressed two of Felix's fingers against the folds this time, a little deeper, working them slowly toward his entrance. Felix could start to feel Sylvain's fingers more too, brushing against him; Felix's hips jerked, trying to rub against them.

"You wanna try putting it in?" Felix nodded, swallowing. "You'll tell me if you want to stop?" Felix nodded again.

Sylvain began to sink Felix's middle finger into him, his own following. Sylvain's other hand drew down to rest on his hip. "Relax," he said as Felix clenched instinctively. "Don't force it. It’ll go in if you let it.”

Felix settled back against Sylvain, following Sylvain's instruction. No longer caring about Sylvain seeing, he shifted his hips forward, letting the tension in his body release, feeling their fingers sink inside, his walls fluttering, tightening around them.

"Take your time with it," Sylvain breathed as he slowly pumped their fingers. He took Felix’s other hand, lifting it to his chest, using his hand to show him how to pinch and roll his nipple. Felix bit back a groan. Sylvain pulled his hands away, leaving Felix's finger inside, the other to rub his nipple. "You can set your own pace now."

The absence of Sylvain's finger left Felix forlorn; Felix moved his finger the same way Sylvain did, but it didn't feel the same. He slipped in a second, biting his lip as he felt himself stretch, wondering if he just needed to be filled, but he found himself growing frustrated. "I can't," he grunted, the pleasant tension in his belly quickly fading.

Sylvain's hand returned immediately. "What are you thinking about?" He asked, voice rougher than before as he slid his finger back in; Felix sighed, relieved to feel the heat returning.

"What do you mean?" Felix panted, not thinking anything but the feeling of his fingers — their fingers — moving in tandem inside him.

"It's easier to come if you imagine something," Sylvain told him, pressing a second finger in too.

"Like what?"

Sylvain let out a thoughtful noise. “Like someone you're attracted to. What they'd look like naked. How it would feel to kiss them." Sylvain pushed their fingers deeper, moving a little faster as Felix gasped, letting out a breath against his neck. "How it would feel to have them touch you like this."

A moan tumbled from Felix's lips, the sound of it shocking himself as he stiffened, clamping down tight around four fingers, two of his own, two of Sylvain's, his heels digging into the bed as he rolled his hips. The tension released in a wonderful wave of pleasure, prolonged by Sylvain's other hand dropping to rub his clit. He shook, gasping as Sylvain pumped their fingers inside him a few times more, as he drew out his orgasm for him. Boneless and twitching, Felix sagged back against him and whimpered, clenching around nothing when Sylvain slowly pulled their fingers out; he felt himself dripping, looked down to see a tiny pool of his come on the sheets.

"How was that for your first time?" Sylvain asked, sounding breathless himself as he patted his thigh. "Sounds like it felt good."

His face burning with embarrassment, Felix could only nod, still catching his breath as Sylvain shifted around behind him; he had never made such a lewd noise before. As he felt his heart slowly settle, he wanted nothing more than to curl up and fall asleep. Or do it again.

“It feels even better with someone else,” Sylvain told him as he held out a cloth for him to wipe himself clean. “Especially someone you like.”

Felix took the cloth, wiping between his legs. Before he could clean his fingers, he felt Sylvain’s hand wrapping around his wrist. Felix could only watch as Sylvain pulled it toward his own mouth, taking the glistening fingers inside. Felix felt his tongue thoroughly licking them clean, sliding in between his fingers, his mouth sucking as he pulled them out with a pop. Felix’s entire body felt as though it were on fire, his pleasure-addled brain failing to work, unable to even muster up the words to yell at him when Sylvain looked at him, licking his lips.

“Sorry. It seemed like a waste,” Sylvain murmured, not sounding very sorry at all, teeth grazing his fingertips as he nipped them. He smiled. “Whoever gets to have you is very lucky.”

-

Having his first orgasm didn’t suddenly turn Felix into a sex fiend but it did make him consider the utility of having sex. He couldn’t manage to recreate the same feeling when he tried it on his own the next night, but it still felt good, good enough that it helped relieve some tension in his body, helped him sleep better.

If Sylvain was right and sex with another person was even better, he could only assume the benefits would be better too.

So, Felix responded, for the first time, to the advances from another student. There was an upperclassman he often sparred with, who always asked if he wanted to eat after training; Sylvain used to tease him and tell him he had an admirer. Felix didn’t know if he could say he was attracted to him, but he was tolerable, at least proficient with a sword. Felix finally accepted his invitation to the dining hall after their usual spar, the upperclassman’s hopeful glances throughout the meal not escaping his notice. He accepted the invitation to his room afterward too.

The upperclassman didn’t waste time as he sat him down on his bed. He put his hand on his thigh as he told him he had liked him ever since he knocked him flat on his ass during a training session. Felix wasn’t immune to flattery, pleased enough to stay still as the upperclassman leaned in to kiss him. Felix didn’t see the appeal of kissing — it felt odd, mostly wet, but thankfully, it didn’t last long; Felix found himself on his back, the upperclassman’s hand slipping down his pants to finger him.

It didn’t feel the same. It ached a little when he put his cock inside him, Felix trying to rub his clit like Sylvain told him to, but it felt nowhere close to the time he did it with Sylvain’s aid, unsure if he had come or if it was just an awkward cramp from being fucked. After the upperclassman finished himself with his hand and rolled off of him, Felix pulled his pants back on and left.

-

After he returned to his room, Felix left again to knock on Sylvain’s door and ask him to go to the baths with him. He listened to Sylvain’s usual small talk — about classes, about something funny he had heard, about some girl, as usual — carefully washing between his legs where he was sore, the backs of his thighs where the upperclassman had come on him. If Sylvain noticed, he didn’t say anything, didn’t say anything when Felix followed him into his room afterward either, only telling him to make himself comfortable. Felix sat on his bed and watched him work quietly, listening to the scratch of Sylvain’s quill, listening to the water dripping from his damp hair and onto Sylvain’s sheets.

“I had sex with someone.”

Sylvain’s quill paused for a few moments, moving again as Sylvain presumably finished his thought. “Oh?” The quill tapped against the bottom of the inkwell. Felix lifted his head to meet Sylvain’s gaze. His eyebrows were raised, interested. “How was it?”

Felix wrinkled his nose. “Not enjoyable.”

Sylvain’s expression dropped as he frowned. “Sorry to hear that,” he said, sincere. “It can be hit or miss sometimes. First time especially. People get nervous, overexcited about it.”

“But it was good with you.”

Sylvain chuckled. “As much as I'd like to take credit, that was just you. I only gave you some direction with my vast expertise.”

Felix didn’t know why he was telling Sylvain about this. Maybe he felt Sylvain was responsible for this too, for showing him how nice sex could feel, only for it to fall short of his expectations. Felix felt annoyed, even more annoyed when Sylvain looked at him like he knew something he didn’t, his lips curling up in a smile.

“Do you want me to help you again?” Sylvain asked. “Maybe we can get rid of that bad memory.”

-

“Who was it?”

Felix lied down on the bed, leaning up on his forearms as Sylvain settled between his bare legs. “Someone I spar with.”

“Ah, him,” Sylvain said knowingly. “I didn’t know you liked him.”

Felix shrugged. “He was the first to ask.”

Sylvain huffed a laugh. “How pragmatic of you,” he said. “Y’know, you should be careful, Felix. Some people are just looking for a willing body to play with.”

“Isn’t that just what sex is?” Felix knew how people talked about it — the jokes, the discussions about who was good at what, who was nice to fuck even though they hardly liked them. Sometimes there was sentiment behind it, the kissing and holding hands, but that part of it never seemed important, never seemed to last long. Sylvain wasn’t the type to brag about who he had sex with — probably out of a sense of self-preservation — but Felix knew he wasn’t in it for the romance of it. It was an outlet. Something to do for fun, to pass the time.

Sylvain trailed his fingers down his navel, through his soft hair. Felix squirmed under Sylvain’s intent gaze as he touched him, spreading him open. “I suppose it is,” Sylvain murmured, rubbing a finger against him. “Did it hurt?”

Felix fell back on the pillow as Sylvain continued to rub against him, sighing as he massaged him. He relaxed, spreading his legs wider as he grew aroused, as Sylvain nudged his knuckle against him. “He pushed in a little fast.”

Sylvain made a sympathetic noise. “I’ll make it feel better,” Sylvain said softly, his voice suddenly distant. Felix looked down, flushing when he saw Sylvain’s head lower between his legs, felt his warm breath, his lips on his cunt.

“Sylvain—” Felix gasped, shivering as Sylvain opened his mouth against him. “Oh—”

“Did he taste you?” Felix trembled; he could feel Sylvain’s voice, his soft breaths vibrating through him as he sucked on his lips, soothing the soreness. “Before he fucked you?”

Felix moaned, unable to answer, his hands grasping for Sylvain’s head, his fingers holding tight to his damp hair. Felix dug his heels into the bed as Sylvain’s tongue moved against him, Sylvain’s hands curling over his thighs, holding him in place. He knew Sylvain liked to have sex but this was — “No,” he managed to pant.

“You’d still be in his room if he did,” Sylvain murmured, his tongue running up and down along his folds. “He’d never let you go.”

Sylvain ate him out like he was starving for it, his satisfied moans, the filthy wet slick sounds arousing Felix even more; he felt himself gushing against Sylvain’s tongue. “He didn’t — ah — seem interested,” Felix said breathlessly, vaguely aware he was moving his hips against Sylvain’s mouth as Sylvain sucked him, his grip on Sylvain’s hair tightening as he lost himself in the pleasure.

“Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s missing,” Sylvain sighed, earning himself a hitched gasp each time he flicked his tongue against Felix's clit. “Did you ask?”

Felix took the chance to catch his breath when Sylvain pulled away, quivering as he felt Sylvain’s breath against him. Between his pale thighs, Sylvain's hair, soft and mussed in his hands, looked even redder. His brown eyes, usually full of mirth and mischief, looked up at him, half-lidded and glazed over, yet uncannily focused. His pink tongue swiped over his familiar smile, lips wet with his come. “It didn’t cross my mind,” Felix admitted, his eyes fixed on Sylvain’s face, his fingers trailing down his cheek.

“If you decide to see him again, ask,” Sylvain suggested, leaning back down to drag the flat of his tongue slowly up against him, Felix groaning as he lifted his hips to meet him. “A man who will go down on you,” he took his clit between his lips, sucking gently, “is worth keeping.”

Felix ended up with a new kind of soreness after he came three times from Sylvain’s mouth, drifting to sleep in a haze of pleasure, Sylvain’s tongue still licking inside him.

-

The upperclassman seemed surprised but glad when Felix accepted his invitation again. Once in his room, after receiving a few apologies and kisses, Felix asked him; though he balked at the request initially, he nodded, kissing Felix again before moving down between his legs.

He wasn’t good at it, not like Sylvain was, but a tongue was a tongue. The upperclassman seemed encouraged by his moans, drawing back up after a few minutes and unbuckling his belt. Felix let him hold his legs open to fuck him again, his spit easing the way inside him, and managed to properly come this time. As Felix watched him jerk off on his stomach, he wondered if this was why so many people let Sylvain sleep with them.

-

“Felix,” Sylvain called brightly after class. “Let’s go to the market. I’ll buy you those boots you’ve been eyeing.”

Felix cast him a look. While it wasn’t rare for Sylvain to bother him, it was rare for Sylvain to curry his favor so blatantly like this. “Did you get dumped again?”

"I — wha —" Sylvain huffed. "Can't you be a little more tactful? Sympathetic toward one of your dearest friends?" Felix ignored him, continuing on his way, though Sylvain followed, easily falling into step beside him. "Not all of us can have such blissful relationships like you do."

Felix glanced at him. "What are you talking about?"

"You're dating him, aren't you?" Sylvain asked. “That upperclassman of yours?”

“We're not dating,” Felix said immediately.

Sylvain held his hands up, grinning, apparently finding something amusing in his answer. “My mistake. I just assumed since I see you two chatting quite often these days.”

“Is that all dating is?” Felix said wryly. "Chatting?"

Sylvain laughed. "It isn’t, if that was all you did."

“Hmph.” It wasn't like he went out of his way to see him; Felix saw the upperclassman during training almost every day. The upperclassman was persistent, inviting him over after every spar, but Felix only accepted when he was in the mood, usually once or twice a week. When he did, they would only go to the dining hall for a meal, go to his room and have sex.

"How is it these days with him?" Sylvain asked.

"Fine." Sex was fairly comfortable now, the upperclassman improving with practice. He didn’t quite have Sylvain's stamina or eagerness when it came to eating him out, but his availability made up for his shortcomings; a decent spar followed by a decent fuck made for a good night's sleep when Felix needed it.

Sylvain was quiet the rest of the way back to the dormitories. "Will you be seeing him today?"

"Probably at afternoon training." Felix glanced at Sylvain. "Something you should consider attending for once.”

Sylvain hummed. "Actually," he said, "I had something else in mind."

Felix looked at him questioningly when Sylvain caught his wrist before he could walk back to his room.

-

He ended up back in Sylvain’s room.

“He’s a pretty good-looking guy,” Sylvain said conversationally as Felix took off his vest. “Comes from a good family too.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Felix didn’t concern himself with the upperclassman’s looks or pedigree. His body served its purpose and that was enough for him.

“What do you two talk about anyway?”

Felix rolled his eyes as he unbuttoned his shirt. “We don’t talk. He just fucks me.”

“How cold,” Sylvain lamented. “Who taught you to be so callous about sex?”

Felix scoffed as Sylvain took his shirt, draping it over the chair with his vest. “Who else?” He said with a pointed look and it made Sylvain smile.

“Sex can be more than that. It’s natural to want to feel cherished, to want to have someone devoted to you,” he said lightly. “He seems like the kind of guy who would hold you.”

The upperclassman certainly tried sometimes, but Felix always left once he was satisfied. “I don’t need to be held.”

Felix let Sylvain unbuckle his belt, his pants and underwear falling to the floor. He had never fully undressed for sex before, not fond of being touched beyond what was necessary, but it wasn’t like Sylvain hadn't seen him naked before. He rubbed his arms, goosebumps rising on his skin; it was strange to do this when it wasn’t nighttime, the dormitories buzzing with activity, light glowing through the curtains, but it was rare for Sylvain to ask him for a favor. Felix figured he needed some release, something to tide him over until he found someone else; he supposed it was only a matter of time before Sylvain asked for something in return for everything he had done for him.

After a moment, Sylvain took off his jacket and held it open to Felix; Felix cast him a look before he slipped his arms through, the jacket slumping on his shoulders, the hem of the rolled up sleeves nearly hitting his wrists. It was still warm from Sylvain's body heat. “Don’t want you catching a cold,” Sylvain said.

Sylvain stayed dressed as he went to the bed, sitting back against the headboard, gesturing for Felix to follow. Felix swung his leg over Sylvain’s hips, wondering if Sylvain was going to ask to fuck him, moving as Sylvain’s hands guided him forward. Felix cocked his head, growing uncertain as Sylvain kept pulling him closer; his stomach was in front of Sylvain’s face until Sylvain sunk down, lying down flat, his head positioned between Felix’s legs.

Sylvain licked his lips. “Come here,” he breathed, his hands trailing lightly down the backs of Felix’s thighs, encouraging him to lower himself. Felix exhaled, the anticipation prickling on his skin, feeling Sylvain’s breath against him before he sat down on his open, waiting mouth. Felix moved his hips instinctively, the hot slide of his tongue incredible against his cunt. “Yeah, just like that, Felix,” Sylvain moaned, muffled.

“Oh,” Felix breathed as he buried his hands in Sylvain’s hair. He rolled his hips, moving against Sylvain’s mouth, his thighs tensing. In the hallway, footsteps passed back and forth, voices and laughter fading in and out, but Felix paid them no mind; he had missed this, the feeling of Sylvain's mouth against him, his talented tongue. When he looked down, Sylvain was looking back at him, watching him writhe, watching him use his mouth.

“Stop staring at me,” Felix murmured, oddly self-conscious.

Sylvain hummed as he continued to look. “Make me.”

Felix glared, riled up by the challenge. The bed creaked as Felix shifted his weight off his feet and seated himself firmly on Sylvain's mouth, shivering as Sylvain groaned through him. Felix panted into the air as he ground down on him, rode his tongue slowly, circling his hips as Sylvain held it firm against him — clenched whenever his tongue slid against his entrance. Sylvain gripped his thighs tight, the feeling of his own moans encouraging Felix to move faster.

Felix was close, toes curling as he was about to come when there was a knock on the door. “Sylvain?” A voice on the other side called.

Felix slowed his hips, his soft moan tapering off into a silent, unsteady breath as he glanced back at the door, barely managing to hold back a groan when Sylvain kept sucking on his clit. His grip in Sylvain’s hair tightening, he looked back down; Sylvain hadn't taken his eyes or mouth off of him, his hands still holding his thighs.

“Did you forget our date?”

“I thought your girlfriend dumped you,” Felix said under his breath.

“She did,” Sylvain replied into him, still gently mouthing at him. “One of them, at least.”

Slightly annoyed, Felix removed his hands from Sylvain's hair and pulled away, moving to climb off — he could put on his clothes in the corner, let Sylvain answer and leave to do whatever it is he needed to do — but Sylvain held fast, his hands sliding up his waist. Felix bit his lip, breathing through his nose as Sylvain continued to lick him, long strokes up his cunt, the tip of his tongue swirling around his clit.

Another impatient knock on the door. “Are you in there?”

Sylvain sighed into him, ignoring the knocks, enjoying himself. Hands settling back on his hips, he pulled Felix back down slowly, his tongue sinking deep inside him. Then he began to suck, moaning low in the back of his throat.

“Did you fall asleep?”

The bedframe let out a soft crack, quick and quiet enough that it could be chalked up to the usual groans of the monastery dorms; Felix braced his hands against the headboard, his hands balling into fists as Sylvain fucked him with his tongue, helpless as Sylvain's hands moved his hips for him, back and forth. Sweat trickled down his face as he tried to stay silent, to resist the urge to grind down even harder, his orgasm creeping up slowly, inevitably, the heat in his belly mounting; he clenched tight, his back arching as he threw his head back, his mouth falling open in a noiseless gasp as he came, every muscle in his body going weak as white-hot pleasure shook through him.

Another flurry of knocks thudded against the door.

Felix panted softly, unsteadily, his forehead hitting the headboard with a heavy thunk, masked by the incessant knocking. Sylvain’s grip loosened, allowing Felix to lift up on his knees, thighs twitching. He could see strands of his come hanging from Sylvain’s tongue.

Finally, the noise stopped. There was a sigh, then footsteps moving away.

"And after all that talk about being devoted," Felix muttered after taking a few minutes to catch his breath.

Sylvain licked his lips, looking all too pleased with himself. "I never said I was a role model."

Felix straightened his back, holding Sylvain’s head firm against his pillow, keeping him from licking at him again. “I always knew you were shameless, but that was brazen, even for you."

“Mm, are you mad?” Sylvain ran his hands up and down his thighs. “Are you going to punish me?”

Felix met his gaze again, Sylvain’s lips curled in a sly smile. He pushed his fingers through Sylvain's hair, a soft whine escaping Sylvain’s throat when he curled his fingers and tugged. He didn’t care about Sylvain ruining his own relationships for sex; that was his choice, his business. He knew Sylvain used people like this all of the time; if Sylvain was fine with it, why couldn’t he do the same?

Felix sat back down, dragging his cunt across Sylvain’s chin, his cheeks, his nose, lifting up again. His face smeared with Felix’s come, Sylvain released a giddy, shaking breath, pupils blown wide. His hands obediently cupped against Felix’s ass like a beggar, he kept his mouth open, his tongue lolling. Felix held himself just out of reach, only shelling out a taste when it suited him, the room quiet save for their harsh pants, Sylvain’s soft “please” and “Felix” and “more”, the slick sounds of Sylvain’s mouth pleasuring him melting away in the silence.

Working himself up to another orgasm, he reached down to touch himself, watching Sylvain’s eyes follow the movement of his fingers, his cunt slick with his come and Sylvain’s spit. He fed Sylvain his clit again to lick, to kiss, enjoying the whine wrung from his throat when he pulled away again. He felt dizzy, drunk off his own pleasure. Felix couldn’t take his eyes off him; he wanted to keep him like this as long as he could, could live right on the edge of coming if he could keep looking at Sylvain like this, desperate.

“I’ll make you feel so good if you let me,” Sylvain promised, panting like a dog.

“I know,” Felix slurred, letting him suck on his fingers. He couldn’t wait any longer to feel Sylvain’s mouth again, pulling out his fingers and sitting back down as he pulled Sylvain’s head toward him, rocking hard against him. Sylvain’s hands moved again, holding him against his mouth even harder, Sylvain feasting on him as Felix moaned. He came with a shout, hips stuttering as he pulsed against Sylvain’s mouth, twitching as Sylvain sucked down his come greedily.

After letting Sylvain lick him clean, Felix let go of him and sat back on Sylvain’s chest to let his mind clear. Sylvain dropped his head back on the pillow with a sigh, looking well-fucked and sated, his face red with exertion. “Thank you,” Sylvain breathed, his hand curling over his thigh to thumb Felix’s swollen clit.

Sweat dripped down Felix’s neck and chest, cooling in the air. Sylvain’s jacket wasn’t helping matters much. “You couldn’t get this from one of your girlfriends?” He asked in between heaving breaths. “If you have any left, that is.”

Sylvain only hummed. Felix glanced back to see if Sylvain needed tending to, only to find himself pulled forward again.

“At least try and keep them around to fulfill your appetite,” Felix said bluntly, squirming as Sylvain brushed his lips softly against him.

Sylvain huffed a laugh against him. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I cheat on them,” Sylvain answered breezily, pressing an open-mouthed kiss on his cunt.

“Have you ever considered,” Felix bit back a groan as Sylvain nipped on his oversensitive clit, “not cheating on them?”

“You’re one to talk.”

“I’m not the one stringing people along,” Felix reminded him with a sigh. "If it's just sex you want, just tell them."

“Mm, well, sometimes to get that, they need a little more than a few charming words.” Sylvain held his thighs against his shoulders and wrestled him over, putting him on his back; it seemed he learned his lesson about giving Felix the upperhand. “They like attention.”

“How hard is it to give them attention?" Felix asked, looking up at Sylvain as he moved the pillow under his head, the other under his hips.

Sylvain hummed again, preoccupied with settling back between his legs, spreading him open with his fingers. “I find myself losing interest in them very,” he kissed right against his entrance, “very,” another kiss on his clit, “quickly.”

Felix missed afternoon training for the first time. Hours later, tears trickling down his temples, hands fisted in the sheets, he gulped down mouthfuls of air as his body shook, not knowing how many times he had come, if he had even stopped coming in the past hour. He was bare on Sylvain’s bed; Sylvain’s jacket had come off hours ago after it was soaked through with sweat, now bunched underneath him in a rumpled heap, rustling every time his body twitched. “We’re going to miss dinner,” he panted, his voice weak from crying out in pleasure, the humid sex-heavy air sticking to his sweaty skin.

Sylvain pulled away wetly, still fully dressed, having only unbuttoned his shirt despite the sweat Felix could see trailing down his neck. He rested his feverish cheek on Felix’s thigh where it was hiked up on his shoulder. “I’ve got my meal right here,” Sylvain said with a smile on his lips too gentle for what he was doing, his relentless tongue returning to lap at him, his hand splayed out on his belly as he held him down, the other leisurely sliding a finger inside him.

Felix's thighs were still shaking by the time Sylvain was done with him, legs wobbling as he struggled with the short walk back to his room, to his bed to fall dead asleep.

-

“I missed you last week,” the upperclassman said below him. “Did you miss me?”

Felix hummed as the upperclassman sucked his clit, his tongue licking him as he got him wet. Tonight was the first time he went down on him without Felix needing to ask; he was getting better at it. Still, Felix closed his eyes, shivering as he thought of Sylvain, his patient tongue, his dark eyes watching him.

-

“A blowjob?” Sylvain repeated. “You want to learn?”

Felix nodded. The upperclassman had asked and Felix thought it was only fair to accept since the upperclassman had acquiesced to his request before. It didn’t last long; he didn’t know he was supposed to be mindful of his teeth. The upperclassman forgave him with a wince, telling him that they could try another time. Felix figured he would ask Sylvain about it; he had always wondered if there was an appeal to oral sex he was missing, since Sylvain seemed to like it so much. “I thought I'd give it a try."

Sylvain had a strangely distant look on his face. “You like him that much?” He muttered.

Felix furrowed his brow. “What do you mean?”

The expression faded as Sylvain shook his head. “Nothing,” he said, smiling, setting his book aside. “C’mon then. No time like the present.”

Felix knelt on the floor by the bed while Sylvain unbuttoned his pants, pulling his cock out of his underwear. He had seen Sylvain naked plenty of times before, already knew his cock was bigger than the upperclassman’s. He didn't think much about it back when he wasn't interested in sex; looking at it now, Felix found himself thinking about Sylvain’s fingers, his tongue inside him, clenching at the thought of Sylvain’s cock inside him too.

“That’s a nice view but you should come up on the bed,” Sylvain said, interrupting Felix’s indecent thoughts as he climbed onto the bed. “Your knees will ache like that.”

Felix glared at Sylvain’s grin and got up, kneeling between Sylvain’s legs on the bed; the reversal of their positions was not lost on him. Sylvain was already comfortable on the bed, stroking himself, getting himself hard. It was fascinating to watch it rise, slowly fill out to an impressive size, to watch Sylvain’s fingers move and twist around it.

“Did you mind the taste?” Sylvain asked, pulling Felix out of his thoughts again.

Felix glanced at him. “It was bearable.” He had tasted his own come before, out of curiosity; he couldn’t see why Sylvain liked it so much. Maybe it was just a matter of — well, taste.

Sylvain spread his legs wider. “I’m sure you’ll get used to it,” Sylvain said as Felix leaned forward. He brushed the back of his finger down Felix’s cheek. “The same way you got used to his cock inside you.”

Before Felix could look at Sylvain again, Sylvain curled his fingers under his chin to pull him closer, the tip of his cock pressing against his lips. Felix opened his mouth to let it slide in, his tongue gliding across the head. Sylvain exhaled, his hand drawing back to rest against his neck, the other holding the base of his cock.

“Try to keep your mouth open wide,” Sylvain instructed. “And your teeth behind your lips.”

Felix tried to obey, but he didn’t quite understand how to do it, his teeth grazing Sylvain’s cock when he tried to take him in his mouth. Sylvain sucked sharply through his teeth, his legs tensing; Felix moved to pull off, to apologize, but Sylvain held him still, smiling at him, stroking his cheek.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, breathing slowly. “It feels good.”

Shivering, Felix tried to open his mouth wider, sank down lower, Sylvain’s cock filling his mouth, relieved to hear Sylvain moan softly. He moaned around him, keeping his thighs closed tight as he felt himself clench again, his underwear growing damp; he wanted to touch himself. He kept his hands busy by touching Sylvain’s cock instead, wrapping his hand around it curiously, running his fingertips along the veins; Sylvain pulled his own hand away to let Felix explore. Felix spread his hands out against Sylvain’s crotch, his thumbs brushing against his balls, feeling Sylvain’s coarse hair against his fingers. Felix tried to get him deeper, his eyes watering as he felt the tip press against the roof of his mouth.

“Easy,” Sylvain breathed, his fingers carding through his hair, tugging lightly to pull him up. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Felix pulled off, gasping for air. His jaw was starting to hurt and his mouth tasted like Sylvain but he wanted more, the musky taste heady, addicting.

“It’s not just about putting it in your mouth,” Sylvain told him as Felix pulled off his hair tie, his hair a mess from being tugged on, letting it loose. “A little foreplay can go a long way.”

Felix tucked his hair behind his ear, feeling Sylvain's fingers running through the tangles as he told him what to do — a kiss on the tip, a broad lick up the underside, sucking kisses along the length as he fondled his balls. Soon, precome was beading at the tip; Felix lapped it up eagerly as his reward.

“I’m close,” Sylvain said, panting, his shirt riding up his stomach. “You can try again.”

Felix took him into his mouth; Sylvain only let him start with a small mouthful. Sylvain moved his head for him, setting a steady pace. Once he was comfortable, Felix pulled Sylvain’s hand away, moving faster, Sylvain’s cock sliding easier into his mouth each time as Felix wet him with his saliva, more of Sylvain’s precome filling his mouth; he heard Sylvain groan, his hand resting on his shoulder, the other clenched in a fist against his sheets. Encouraged, Felix moved even faster, taking him even deeper, ignoring the soreness in his jaw, wanting to make Sylvain come.

“Felix,” he heard Sylvain moan, his hand tapping on his shoulder urgently. “I’m — fuck — I’m coming.”

Felix slowly pulled off, managing to time it just as Sylvain came with a low, restrained groan, stripes of his come hitting Felix’s chin before Sylvain reached down to direct it away.

Dazed, Felix mouthed at the tip, licked his flagging cock until he needed to rest, his cheek falling against Sylvain’s thigh as he looked up at him. Sylvain looked good after he came, not so smug like he usually was; his lips were red, teeth-bitten as he panted, cheeks flushed, his eyes still on him as he absently pet his hair. Felix didn’t like it when the upperclassman finished on him, but the thought of watching Sylvain jerk off on him, looking at him like this made him throb, his legs curling tighter underneath him as he eyed the come on Sylvain’s belly.

He felt Sylvain’s fingers trail down his face, along his jawline. “Does it hurt?”

Felix shook his head, his eyes falling closed as Sylvain rubbed small circles against his sore jaw with his thumb. “Feels nice,” he sighed.

Sylvain was quiet for a few moments as he massaged the ache away. “Don’t do this with him,” Felix heard him whisper, opening his eyes to see Sylvain smiling at him. “We’ll practice some more first. You can try once you’re used to it.”

Felix nodded, faintly disappointed when Sylvain tucked himself back in his pants.

It turned out Felix liked giving head. After he had sex, he would go to Sylvain’s room and practice, Sylvain whispering more instructions, encouragment. He learned how to tease, how to make it last, watched Sylvain squirm as he circled his fingertips over the head of his cock, licked and sucked on the tip until he begged. Slowly, Felix learned to take more of him in his mouth, learned how to make room in his throat. They practiced until Felix could finally swallow around him when he came in his mouth.

Felix pulled off, gasping, a little bit of come and saliva trickling from his mouth, Sylvain’s thumb catching it before it could drip onto the bed.

“You’ve worked hard,” Sylvain praised breathlessly, looking like he was about to pass out.

Felix felt a soft, warm feeling as Sylvain struggled to stay awake to carefully clean his face, opening his mouth to let Sylvain’s thumb slip inside, pressing against his tongue.

-

Felix tried again with the upperclassman. The upperclassman made a lot of noise, groaning as Felix licked him, grew impatient in his excitement as he usually did, thrusting into his mouth once Felix took all of him in. Felix managed it, used to Sylvain’s size, able to bear the head of his cock hitting the back of his throat. It didn’t take long for him to come, his only warning a hard tug on his hair.

“Your mouth is amazing,” he panted as he kissed his cheek, handing him a handkerchief. “I’ll do you in a bit.”

He fell back on the bed with a sigh. Felix spat into the cloth and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, the taste lingering bitter in his mouth, the praise feeling hollow.

-

“Did he like it?”

Felix nodded. He and Sylvain were in the baths again, empty in the late hour. He had intended to go alone after returning from the upperclassman’s room, having left when it was clear he was just going to fall asleep; it was sheer bad luck that Sylvain caught him on the way to the baths and tagged along. Felix realized he should have been more subtle about cleaning out his mouth; he saw Sylvain frown, his hands slowing before he kept washing his hair. Sylvain didn’t say a word on their way back, but he pulled Felix into his room. They stood by the closed door, neither of them moving, speaking.

“Did he hurt you?” Sylvain’s voice was low. Angry.

Realizing what Sylvain was thinking, Felix quickly shook his head, meeting Sylvain’s gaze. “No, it’s not that. It’s just —” He sighed. “It wasn’t the same.”

Sylvain’s anger gave way to confusion. “The same as what?”

“As when I did it with you.” Felix didn’t understand why. It had felt good with Sylvain. Everything felt good with him, but it always changed when he did it with the upperclassman. Before, he thought Sylvain was just better at the things he asked him to do, but Felix didn’t get the same satisfaction he usually did from blowing him either. He sighed, frustrated, setting his jaw. “Let me try again.”

Sylvain blinked, letting Felix pull him to the bed, falling to sit on the edge of the bed when Felix pushed him down.

Felix dropped to his knees, pulling down the band of Sylvain’s pants, before wrapping his hand around the base of his cock, leaning forward to lick him until he was hard. Felix swallowed him down, the way he taught him; his cock filled his mouth as his body tingled right down to his crotch. Felix hummed; maybe it was something about the shape, the size. The taste wasn’t much different, but Felix liked it better anyway.

Sylvain’s fingers ran through Felix’s wet hair as Felix sucked and teased him; Felix moaned as he bobbed his head, the head of his cock nudging against the inside of his cheek, against his tongue, savoring the sensations and the obscene squelching as Sylvain groaned softly above him, his legs twitching against his arms. He pulled off with a pop, breathing hard, hardly able to think with desire moving like a fog in his head.

“Felix,” Sylvain whispered. “You don’t have to—”

“I want to,” Felix found himself gasping as he rubbed his cheek against his cock, messily dragging his tongue against it, scattering kisses along his length. Felix knew he was being shameless, smearing come and spit all over his face, drooling for Sylvain’s cock, but it thrilled him to know Sylvain was watching him with that dark admiring gaze, to know he was hard because of him. Fevered and desperate, he let go of Sylvain’s cock, still mouthing at the tip, his hands reaching down to shove his pants down to sink a finger inside himself, already dripping wet.

“Why does it always feel so good with you?” Felix moaned, lips moving around the head of Sylvain’s leaking cock as he thrust another finger inside himself.

Felix suddenly found himself being hoisted up and onto the bed, his hand pulled out of him; he whimpered, suddenly, horribly empty. Sylvain looked wild as he pinned his wrist down on the bed, his other hand tugging his pants further down to his knees before he touched between his legs. Sylvain let out a pained noise as his fingers slid against him, pulling Felix's fingers to his mouth, licking him clean. “Have you always been like this when you sucked me off?” Sylvain asked hoarsely.

Felix nodded, whining as he tried to grind against Sylvain’s hand. He always had to touch himself when he got back to his room after he had Sylvain, while the feeling of Sylvain’s cock in his mouth was still fresh in his mind, the taste still on his tongue. Sylvain pressed his fingers against him, the sweet friction a relief.

“Tell me what you need,” Sylvain said roughly as Felix rolled his hips against his fingers.

Felix needed more than his fingers, more than even his tongue. He reached for Sylvain’s cock, stroking him. “Need you,” he panted.

His eyes widening, Sylvain nodded, throat bobbing. Felix kicked off his pants to let Sylvain kneel between his legs; Sylvain’s fingers slid inside him, stretching him. Preparing him.

Chest heaving with every breath, Felix reached down to slide his hand over his, urging him deeper. “Hurry,” Felix gasped and Sylvain swore, pulling his fingers out and holding his cock, pressing the head against his entrance before he began to push, slowly. “Hurry,” he whined again, hands twisting in the sheets as the head of Sylvain’s cock pushed in, wanting more — needing more.

"I don't want to hurt you," Sylvain whispered, strained, his other hand gripping tight to his hip. "Fuck — you're swallowing me up."

Felix moaned as Sylvain sunk deeper inside him, stretching him, filling him. It felt like it lasted an eternity, but finally he felt Sylvain's coarse hair brush against his sensitive skin, his thighs wedged underneath his, nearly coming just from finally, finally having Sylvain inside him. He looked up at Sylvain, panting as Sylvain’s eyes roved down his body, his palm dragging down his thigh, his hip, his belly.

Just as he was about to tell Sylvain to move, Sylvain pulled out; Felix groaned in dismay, empty again, only to be pulled up onto his knees, Sylvain sitting back on his heels. Sylvain reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head before yanking off his own. Felix ran his hands down the slope of his broad shoulders, squeezed his firm chest, his wild desperation calming to a slow simmer as Sylvain ran a soothing hand down his back, as if to assure him that he was there. The press of their naked bodies against each other didn’t feel strange or uncomfortable. It felt good.

“Have you done it like this?" Sylvain asked as he pulled Felix over his lap. Felix shook his head and Sylvain smiled. “I’ll be gentle.”

His hand cupping his ass, Sylvain lifted Felix up on his knees, lining himself up. Felix let out a breath as he sunk down on his cock slowly, smoothly, as Sylvain uttered prayers against his cheek. It felt even better like this — how deep he was, the slow, hard drag of his cock inside him, Sylvain’s hand splayed against his back as he held them together. Sylvain pulled back to press their foreheads together, his hand cupping his cheek, his eyes meeting his. Felix tried to look away, suddenly self-conscious of the closeness, the intimacy of it; Sylvain laughed breathlessly.

"Suddenly so shy?" Sylvain murmured, grunting softly as he slowly rolled his hips. "How cute."

Felix glared, his cheeks growing impossibly hotter as he tried to bite back his moans, Sylvain’s cock stirring him up inside. “Don’t make fun of me when you have such a lewd look on your face.”

“I can’t help it,” Sylvain confessed, his gaze only growing more heated. “I like seeing you feel good because of me.”

Felix shivered as Sylvain brushed his hair out of his face, as they panted against each other, sharing the same air as they moved together slowly. Felix gradually let go, trusting Sylvain with his pleasure, letting him hear him moan, watch his eyes flutter with every deep thrust.

“Can I kiss you?” Sylvain whispered, nose brushing against his.

Felix flicked his gaze away, then back, nodding as he swallowed. "Yes."

Sylvain tilted his head up, slotting their lips together. It felt like thunder, Felix’s heart skipping and beating so fast it felt like it had been still his entire life. Felix broke the kiss, breathing sharply, his body growing even hotter as Sylvain pulled him in again with a whine, licking into his mouth, his tongue curling against his. Even kissing was better with Sylvain; he moved with purpose, with intent — gave him deep, searing kisses tempered with soft nibbles on his lips. Kissing Sylvain, feeling him moving inside him, hearing his moans as he fucked him — Felix felt like he was coming apart, their shared pleasure fueling his desire. He should have known it was never going to be enough with anyone else. He was never going to be satisfied when he was always going to compare everyone to Sylvain, how it felt to be with him.

“Sylvain,” Felix moaned against his lips. “Sylvain.”

Felix felt Sylvain tense against him, his rhythm going unsteady. “Felix, I'm close,” Sylvain panted, moving to pull out of him, but Felix held tight to him, his thighs squeezing against his. He wanted to see Sylvain come undone, wanted to feel him as he did.

“Just like this,” Felix said, his hands cradling Sylvain’s face as he rode him harder.

Sylvain groaned, pulling their bodies back together and thrusting harder and faster into him; he chanted his name, hips stuttering as he filled him with his come. Felix clenched tight as he followed with a harsh cry, moving to meet Sylvain’s thrusts to make their pleasure last. His legs beginning to shake, Sylvain held him tight as he laid Felix on his back, holding his hips up and thumbing his clit as he ground into him; his legs wrapped around Sylvain’s waist, Felix slid against the bed with every hard thrust, muffling his soft gasps into the pillow as Sylvain came deeper inside him, felt Sylvain’s come leaking out of him before he pulled out.

Felix breathed hard, his body sticky and sweaty but pleasantly sore, his cunt throbbing as he slowly came down from the best orgasm he’d ever had. He felt Sylvain kiss his forehead, his hands easing his hips and legs down to the bed before he fell off beside him with an exhausted sigh.

“He doesn’t satisfy you,” Sylvain said in between heaving breaths of his own.

Felix sighed. “No.”

Sylvain propped his head up on his hand. “So why do you keep sleeping with him?”

Felix glanced at him. “I like having sex,” he answered simply. “And he said he liked me.”

Sylvain let out a soft laugh, his hand reaching out to brush his hair out of his face again. “I thought you weren’t sentimental about it,” he said. “Do you like him too?”

Felix used to think sex was just about getting that release. The upperclassman was nice, eager, easy, but it wasn’t enough. Felix hardly knew him, wasn’t interested in knowing him. “No,” Felix admitted. “I suppose it’s like you said. It’s natural to want someone to be devoted to you.”

Sylvain was quiet for a few moments. Felix felt drowsier by the second, his eyes falling closed; Felix felt Sylvain’s hand again, warm against his cheek, leaned into it as his thumb stroked his cheek. “Then if I told you I liked you,” he heard Sylvain say, “that I would be devoted to you, would you come to me instead?”

Felix opened his eyes to meet Sylvain’s steady gaze. He was always looking at him, Felix realized, as Sylvain took his hand, lifting it to his lips, his eyes never leaving his as he kissed his knuckles.

“Tell me what you need,” he asked again, quiet. This time, Felix finally felt the enormous weight of those words, his heart lurching in a way he had never felt before. He had never once questioned it, the fact that he could tell Sylvain anything, could ask for anything, that Sylvain would always accept it.

Felix nodded, a lump forming in his throat as he drew closer, feeling Sylvain’s heart thudding against his chest, beating even faster than his own — a new mystery for him to understand. He leaned in to kiss him, just to feel his lips against his again.