Chapter Text
Going camping at the nearest lake to their small New York suburb hadn’t exactly been a part of Ray’s ideal weekend. But his mom was always asking him to be more social and to do more than play Call of Duty every day after school. He tried to explain to her that his gamer score was more important than the losers he found himself surrounded with at school but she was baffled, having been the social butterfly in high school and voted for a dozen different ‘Most Likely To’s. She couldn’t understand that he didn’t care much about his life because everything was the same – same school, same classes, same classmates, same food, same boring life. It wasn’t that he didn’t fit in but after getting bullied all through middle school he found a way to make himself small and invisible. But safe didn’t equal quality of life. The stagnant feeling seemed to grow deeper and stronger through every school session, every holiday break, every summer spent alone. There were a gang of boys at his school who he sort of palled around with and played video games with but they weren’t his friends. He couldn’t talk to them, not about important stuff, and they were crude and loud like regular teenage boys.
How could Ray explain to his mother that he was somehow defective? That he was going through the motions just so he didn’t look like even more of a freak?
So when the guys bought a bunch of expensive hiking equipment and really nice tents and a boat, Ray gave in and packed a bag. There was about a dozen of them all together but they brought enough booze to fuel a whole army. Ray didn’t drink so he stopped having a good time about four hours in. They had a camper and four really nice tents, a generator, bug candles, lots of snacks, and a couple of the newest video games that they rigged up a system so that a couple could play at a time. None of that was worth having to deal with a small herd of drunk teenage boys. Instead he wandered off a bit from camp and played on his DS.
Ray found one near the lake and settled into the brush for a Pokemon marathon. It was easy to play and ate up time, good nostalgic pangs going through him as he remembered what it was like to really enjoy himself as a child. He kept glancing at the water and found some calm in the way it lapped at the shore, clear at the edges but growing murkier as you went out. He’d seen on the map that this lake trickled in spaces but it eventually reached the ocean, and a quick search on his phone told him that about fifty years ago the connection had been much stronger before the land started getting cleared and plowed for more highways and housing.
He wouldn’t doubt it for a second given the natural beauty of this small, protected bit of area. There was a real camping site a little less than a mile away, some trails and hills to climb, but ten miles in any direction would get you straight back into suburbia. It was sad but it made this place even more special. He’d been here a few times when he was younger but his dad had never let him anywhere near the water, though he wasn’t sure why. There were always the rumors of missing kids and teens but that was just gossip for the city people, a little thrill to add to their outdoor activities.
No one really called it a haunted lake or anything, but the implied danger was there.
There was a plop somewhere in front of him and he hit the wrong button, attacking the wild Pokemon he was supposed to be catching and killing it instantly. He huffed through his nose and looked around for the source of the sound, heart picking up at the thought of a predator. Instead he saw strong ripples in the water, flowing out from one certain spot near the shore. At first he thought it was a fat fish or a toad but then something caught in the silent. He wracked his brain for an explanation but his body had other plans. He saved and tucked the DS into his hoodie before he got to his feet and walked over to where the ripples were disappearing. It was close, strangely close, and he squinted to try and figure out what it was. A turtle or…?
“Dude,” Ray breathed out loud, dropping to one knee in the damp earth. He rucked his sleeves up and put one hand in the water to brace himself in the sand and mud. The other dipped beneath the surface and scooped up what he could only assume made the plop. It was rounded and oval, spiraling in on itself and swirling with a mix pearly white and tans and shades of orange. He held it up to the sun and it gleamed brilliantly. It was beyond pretty. There was something about it…the shell seemed smoother than the water could make it. Or, at least, shinier. Like it was rubbed down with something to make it so beautiful.
Ray swept a curious gaze across the water as he pocketed the shell next to his DS, not caring if the droplets of water soaked into the system. He felt like he was being watched but he couldn’t even hear his friends anymore and he was out of the way of other suburban campers. Was it in the water? There was something beneath the surface. Maybe, at least. It was hard to tell with the sun bouncing off the surface. Something tugged at him, coaxing him forward, and soon he had both knees in the water. His jeans started soaking it up but he didn’t care, eyes trained on a spot just a few feet from him. It could’ve been a log or a huge fish – or, shit, snapping turtle – but he wanted to know. He had to know. The boy stretched out his arm as far as it would go, straining, his other hand sinking deeper into cold mud and water lapping at his forearm, then his elbow. Soon it started soaking his thighs, threatening to touch his stomach and chest as he reached across the water.
He was so close…so close…
“Yo, Brownman, what the hell are you doing?”
“Fucking shit!” Ray cursed, reeling back and wobbling unsteadily before regaining his balance. He was soaked up to his thighs and elbows, the faintest wet spot on his hoodie to show how close he was to ruining his DS. He got up and sloshed the few feet to dry land, shaking himself a little to get the icy droplets off. One of the guys, Miles, was calling to him with a dopey grin.
“Dude, there’s food. Caleb said to come get you.”
Ray scowled at the boy’s name. “Well, tell Caleb that I’m not his fucking girlfriend and that I’ll come back when I’m hungry.”
Miles raised a brow. “Dude.”
Ray stomped the water out of his shoes for a moment and scowled at the squish. “Okay, I’m hungry.”
~
Ray stayed up late that night in the tent he shared with Caleb, waiting until the older boy was asleep for sure before he pulled out the shell he’d found in the water. There was an open flap like a netted sunroof above his head and the moonlight spilling in made the treasure shine just like it had earlier. He rolled it between his fingers, thumb tracing the swirls and dipping in the crevice as if he could wiggle it inside.
Ray wasn’t sure what happened but he found himself humming a few minutes later, eye closed and shell clutched to his chest. He stopped and blinked into the semi-darkness, listening intently for whatever music he’d been going along to. But there was nothing, just he quiet of the night. He could’ve sworn he heard something…like faint violin, a trace of flute, background singing.
Maybe he got a song stuck in his head and it was so quiet he actually thought he heard it?
But when he tried to figure out what song it was his mind was strangely blank.
Ray tucked the shell away and tried his best to go to sleep, but he’d be lying if he said his ears weren’t primed and ready to hear even one note of the song.
~
The next day was even more alcohol-infused than the last. It seemed that his friends were ready to start drinking the moment they woke up. Though Ray hung back and people watched, there was lots of soccer matches on shore and wrestling and swimming that quickly turned competitive. The guys filed in and out of the camper for the latest Halo and cooked up the brauts and burgers that were in the cooler. Ray wished that he could be as obnoxiously happy as the others. It wasn’t that he was sad or having a bad time, it was just that he didn’t find it as fun as they did and it only enforced his defective feelings.
After whooping them all on Halo, Ray put on a pair of shorts and a short sleeved shirt to head out to the water. He left his shoes and socks on the grass and waded out. He’d found some smooth stones earlier and was going to try and skip them, though he had no idea if that kind of stuff actually worked. There was a patch of seaweed in the area that clung to his ankles and calves in a light, ticklish way. He started tossing them with little success though he found more of the same kind in the water around his feet. Large, jutting rocks stuck out of the water, years of current making them sleek and sharp.
“Hey.”
Ray’s shoulders went tense but otherwise he didn’t acknowledge Caleb as he walked up. The guy was alright. He was always happy and grinning, cute in the way girls liked, with dimples that softened up his face. He was smart and played Ultimate Frisbee on a high skill level, he rocked COD, and was just a bit bigger than Ray so it would make sense that he would like him. At least, in Caleb’s mind. His friend had been pursuing him on the down-low for a couple weeks now. If anyone at school found out they’d both be labeled faggots and they knew it. Ray didn’t care, he had nothing to lose, but Caleb was stone-cold scared. He knew he’d be kicked off the baseball and Frisbee teams for one reason or another that the administrators would claim was because of grades or performance. Their “friends” would abandon them.
Ray liked Caleb enough to risk it, to try, but the other didn’t feel the same way and that had soured anything that could’ve grown between them. But Caleb was persistent and handsy, and for some reason particularly good at finding moments when no one was looking. Like right now.
“Did you get enough to eat this morning?” Caleb asked, rolling up his pants and grinning at the younger boy.
“I think I can feed myself,” Ray scoffed.
“I’m just looking out for you.”
That had been his line for the past two weeks. Taking care of him, watching out for him, being there for him – things Caleb fucking knew his distant parents had never done. They weren’t neglectful but in a moment of weakness Ray had tried to explain to Caleb just how alone he truly felt by being so different. The older boy had been using it against him ever since, acting like some sort of creepy daddy/boyfriend hybrid that left a bad taste in Ray’s mouth. It seemed like every day their friendship faded a little more and a new, ugly bitterness grew between them.
Caleb started wading out to him and he wanted to growl, maybe throw a rock at his stupidly adorable head. At one point he’d had such a big crush and now those feelings were filled with embarrassing resentment. His knuckles grew white around the stone as the older boy got closer to him.
“Ray…” Caleb said so tenderly, reaching out and twining their fingers over the small rock, “I wish you weren’t being like this. We’d be so good together, man.”
“Why would you want to be with a fucking faggot like me?” Ray shot back.
Caleb winced like he’d been hit. “You’re not a…Jesus, dude, don’t say that.”
“That’s what I am,” Ray defended, lips pursed in a tight white line. “I’m a cocksucker, a faggot. I’m what you’re so afraid of being.”
“It’s so different for us,” the other hushed. “You don’t have anything on the line. I’ve got my life, a scholarship, and the rest of senior year. You’re a junior, man, you have no idea the pressure on me to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life.”
“You want to talk about pressure?” Ray started but stopped the moment he heard footsteps. What looked like their entire group crashed through the tree line and stomped out toward the shore with whoops of greeting. The boy started to pull away but Caleb panicked and snatched the rock from his hand, shoving his lean forearm straight into his chest. Ray went sprawling backward, trudging noisily and clumsily through the water as his arms flailed out for something to hold onto. He hit a rock and clung to it but cried out when his palm sliced along one of the edges.
“Too slow, Brownman!” Caleb declared.
“Oh come on, man, don’t pick on the kid,” Miles groused, gesturing at the wincing boy.
“Yeah, asshole,” Josh added with a frown.
“For fuck’s sakes,” Ray groaned, shoving his palm in the icy water. He knew it was probably stuffed full of chemicals and bacteria but he didn’t care because it was like he’d grabbed a razor blade. He braced himself on the blunt part of the rock jut, forehead pressed to the cool stone as he let his hand soak.
Stupid fucking Caleb, that fuckhead. This is going to get infected, I just know it. I shouldn’t have come. I’m never going to let these assholes convince me to go anywhere ever again.
Ray’s mental ramble was cut short when the seaweed brushing his hand suddenly got thicker and a lot less slimy, and maybe sentient. He bristled as something solid dragged over his cut, tugging the rim and making it tingle in a way he couldn’t describe as unpleasant. Realizing he probably just shook hands with a fish, Ray ripped his hand out of the water and clutched it to his chest.
“My watch,” Ray glared at his naked wrist, “It’s gone. Caleb, you piece of shit, find my fucking watch!”
Caleb looked hurt as he tossed the stone away. “Fine your own watch.”
Miles started coming toward the water, shedding his shirt. “You need help, Narvaez?”
“No,” Ray bit out. “I don’t need anyone’s help. Just fuck off, okay?”
“Let’s go, guys, Brownwoman’s having her period,” Chris joked crudely. “Fuck it. Who has a football?”
They all left, some glancing back but none of them deciding to stay. Even Caleb disappeared through the trees. Ray blinked back the hot sting of tears before he started wading through the water that was up above his knees. He had to dunk himself a few times which only pissed him off more and his watch was definitely gone.
Soaked and shaking from the cold, Ray made his way back to camp.
~
That night, Ray was gently shaken awake by his tent mate. He glared at Caleb and tried to go back to sleep but the other was pouting and pulling puppy eyes at him. He followed the now-smiling boy outside, both of them gleaming a bit from their near-matching basketball shorts. Caleb had a plastic bag of snacks and led him by the hand, promising a good time. After Ray stopped yawning he realized they were heading to the lake.
“Caleb, what the hell?”
“Shut up, dude. Just enjoy it.”
The silver boat that had been on top of the camper was now bobbing in the shallow water. It was tied to a log with the oars inside, an electric lamp placed on one of the seats. Ray complained but he went along, feeling kind of touched at the sentiment. He was helped inside with a childish my lady that got Caleb a punch to the shoulder. But the younger teen sat down on one end while Caleb settled on the other, moving the lamp behind him before picking up the oars. It was a little rough at first but once they hit the deeper water it smoothed out. The athlete showed his muscle as he cut across the surface with broad strokes.
They stopped toward the middle of the lake, the oars set aside as the boat came to a slow stop. There was an island about a mile away that he was hoping to explore sometime this week but he wanted to do it alone. They dug through the bag and divided up the food, boyish metabolisms keeping them hungry even so late at night. Caleb unscrewed the top off his Camelbak and tossed the straw aside along with the sip lip, cracking open some strong wine and pouring it inside.
“Romantic,” Caleb pointed out, waggling his eyebrows.
“You big fucking nerd,” Ray laughed softly, fishing out a warm Coke to wash down his pretzels. He leaned back on his hands and looked to the stars, sighing happily and munching along. It was insanely peaceful out here on the water, so quiet without the chirp of crickets and rustle of creatures. His companion was unusually silent and he decided to enjoy it while it lasted.
He had an off thought of staying there forever. Of living out here – on top of the water, beneath the stars, blanketed between the two. Nothing and everything, both at once. A type of living limbo but much more fulfilling than the life he was living now. To feel this kind of serenity instead of the melancholy he usually suffered from when the walls of his room started to close in on him. This night felt full of potential and rich while it had always come off stale through his window.
It was the kind of night where anything could happen and magic was real.
Ray closed his eyes and took full, deep breaths. The chill of the night and the water mixed up in his lungs and he basked in it. Then a hand wrapped around his knee and he had to sigh for another reason. “Motherfucker.”
“Ray, listen,” Caleb still spoke softly, as if his voice would carry across the water to their sleeping friends. “I care about you so much, man. We've known each other for years and you're so...”
“I'm so what, Caleb?” Ray pressed, arms crossed over his chest. The older boy knelt down in front of him and ran his hands along his arms, dimpled smile turned up full force.
“No one's ever made me feel this way,” Caleb confessed. “I've never looked at another guy before you and I don't think I ever will. I could be so good to you.”
Ray's heart ached deep in his chest. “But not in front of anyone.”
“What's so wrong with it being a secret?” Caleb begged, the razor edge of desperation in his voice now. “It could be fun. A real thrill, you know? I could sneak into you room at night, be gone before your parents get up...we could kiss at the windowsill like all those young adult books talk about? We could pass notes.” There was childish delight in his eyes as his fingers snuck up and fanned across Ray's chest, the younger boy's breath hitching. “You could blow me in the back of my Camero after practice and I could fuck you during lunch in the Bio lab. Doesn't that sound fun?”
“Sucking your sweaty dick and taking it up the ass so I can be hungry for the rest of the day? Yeah, tons of fun,” Ray drawled, shaking the man's hands off. “Fuck off, man. If you brought me out here to fuck me, you can forget it.”
Caleb looked hurt before his lips twisted up in a smirk. “You're playing hard to get. Okay, I'll bite. You're so cute, dude.”
Ray snarled when the older boy tried to kiss him. He slapped his hand over Caleb's mouth and shoved him back into his own seat. He sure as hell didn't want his first kiss to be with someone who was ashamed to be seen with him. “If you don't want to kiss me in front of your friends, then you can't kiss me at all.”
“You always do this,” Caleb huffed. “You always talk like you're different from the group. News flash, Brownman, you're one of us.”
“I am nothing like you guys,” Ray defended hotly.
“Bullshit!”
“You're fucking gross and obnoxious and the way you talk about girls makes me want to throw up on my shoes,” Ray growled out, pushing the athlete away when he tried to go in for another kiss. “Dude!”
“Come on.”
“You 'come on', you fucking dick!” Ray shoved the boy's creeping hands off his thighs and stood up, red faced and glaring. “Just because you think we'd be good together or whatever doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want! I'm a person, asshole. Just because I'm a dude and you're a dude doesn't mean this is easier than anything else. I'm not going to roll over for you. I'm not one of your stupid bimbos and-”
Caleb stood up in the boat, water sloshing loudly as the older boy towered over him. His eyes were suddenly very sharp and his scowl was an ugly slash across his face.
“C-Caleb?”
“I don't get you,” Caleb finally snapped, high cheekbones flushed as his hands balled into fists. “You're all shy and quiet and then you're this stupid hothead? I don't know what kind of game you're playing. First you love me and now – fuck, Ray, maybe I don't get it.”
A wicked gleam grew in the usually happy boy's eyes.
“Maybe you need to cool off.”
Ray cried out, the sound echoing off the lake as his friend shoved him so hard he got picked up off his feet. He reached out wildly, fingers clawing at nothing as his vision filled with stars. He thought of how strong Caleb was before the icy wash of water surrounded him. It shocked his system and he thrashed uselessly, muscles seizing up and cramps flicking through his limbs until they were useless. Ray was still screaming when he hit the water and he sucked in some, teeth throbbing at the cold and throat spasming as he choked. He sputtered and twisted in on himself, bubbles erupting from his lips. He felt his glasses floating away from his face as he tried to kick his legs, brain going blank from panic but enough of his functions there to remind him he needed air. His fingers and toes went numb and the sensation raced up his skin and seeped deep into his bones.
It was quick but the moment stretched on forever.
No, please, God, not now. Not like this.
Something bumped his hip, his back, knocking him in the knees. More precious bubbles escaped at the terrifying thought of a shark in the lake or some kind of Loch Ness monster or an angry dolphin. He opened his eyes and everything was blurry and green. He threw his head up, tingling fingers stretching up high to touch the surface, but he was too far down. And his legs weren't working.
I'm going to die.
Ray's face strained in agony, lungs feeling the size of a quarter inside his ribs. There was nothing to breathe in but chilly water and algae. His nose burned and he had to shut his eyes because they felt seared. There was so much compression and he was sure everything inside him would start to shrivel and crack soon if he didn't do something. Anything.
He wasn't sure how but something caught his head in a vice, five distinct points of pressure digging in his hair and cheeks to hold him still. His mouth was seized and he jerked when he realized it was a pair of lips. In a way, at least, like how he daydreamed when he thought of kissing. They were wet and salty against his own, burning him up through his jaw and down into his throat.
Like flames, but freezing.
Unseen by him, a water pulse escaped the seal of their lips and radiated out into the water. Something firm and thick wrapped around his legs to still his useless kicking, holding him. He popped his eyes open and there was a glow in the cheeks of whatever was latched to his lips. Wide, black eyes stared at him. A thin set of lids slid over them, then another thicker pair – whatever it was in front of him, it was blinking.
The rush of oxygen that hit his lungs made him black out.