Chapter Text
Hello, my love.
I'm actually not sure what to say. It’s been a year… since I’ve even talked to you. Since I last heard your voice, talking excitedly about “how this birthday was actually okay”, and the two of us giggling like absolute nutjobs about the photo your momma had drawn you, even though my heart was breaking because you were 5,280 miles away from me. I can’t believe that I’ll never be able to see your face again, and look into those blue eyes. I can’t believe that I’ll never be able to share another birthday with you. Never be able to be in your shining light.
Thirteen years ago, we met in nursery. I was an autistic who refused to socialise, and you were just a normal little boy, eager to learn your ABCs. I remember, one day, you were screaming, “A B C D E F G H J K” and I told you you’d forgotten “I.” You stared at me for a moment, before screaming, “A B C D E F G H J K” again. You were a stubborn little brat. But you were also a caring one. When you found me sleeping underneath a table that day at lunch, you decided instead of disturbing me, you would simply lie down beside me, and fall asleep too. The teacher found us like that, after the bell had rang, and gave you a fat telling off for not waking me up. All you said back was, “But she was so cute sleeping… she was like a teddy bear, Miss Thorne!”
And that was the start of thirteen years. Thirteen years of love, pain, friendship, insults, screaming and being freaks together. Thirteen years consisted of dancing to Alec Benjamin, finding each other again randomly on the internet, secrets, insults, eating food abominations, olives thrown at each other, flirting like we were born for it, sneaking out, meeting new people, cheering each other on. Twelve years of that was friendzoning each other, even if you were adamant you wanted to marry me and told everyone I was the most beautiful thing you'd set your eyes on until you met your first girlfriend. And even then, when talking to people, apparently all you talked about was me.
And then those two weeks, before you went to America. Those two weeks of sneaking out each night until dawn, meeting you, hugging you, kissing you on that rooftop (well, you just kissed me and I froze), and telling you we couldn’t kiss until marriage because of me being a Muslim, and you moaning and groaning, but then suddenly stopping and promising you would read the Qu’ran, and once you got out of your egg donor’s household you would come and find me and ask my parents permission to marry me. We remained in some sort of ambiguous state after that, not touching each other, but still acting like we were in love, just like lovers did.
I think we both knew that wouldn’t happen. You were a star that shone too bright and burnt out too quickly, and we lived in two separate worlds which tried to collide together, but kept bouncing back. No one understood us like we did. No one could understand each other like we did.
We were soulmates. You were my zhiji, my رُوح المُنَاسِب, my Σύντροφος.You were my everything. And I loved you, just like first loves do.
You, my first love, showed me what life was. You may have fell first, but I fell hard.
But we all know first loves don't last forever. It's what I made Walburga and Druella from, after all.
But I know, we weren’t meant to last forever, in this life. We both knew that one of us would have to go, and the other one would have to remain strong enough for you.
I remember you and me betting, like the idiots we were, and promising that if either of us died, we wouldn’t cry. And if we did, then in the next life we owed each other a whole load of jelly.
I won the bet, Jakob. For once, in our fucking lives, after all the bets you won and I lost, I finally won.
I love you. I love you so much. And I wish I didn’t have to let you go.
So I won’t let you go. I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait an eternity for you, just like Merlin did for Arthur.
And I’ll leave you your favourite flowers behind at our lake. I’ll make sure to go out to school, with a smile on my face, and work hard, just like you always inspired me to do. I’ll go and get good GCSEs, and then do my A-Levels, and get into a good university and study. I’ll become a barrister, and advocate in the court for the good of the people.
I’ll shine, just like you would want me to.
I love you so much. I wish you were here holding me.
Mohammed Yaqoob "Jakob" Abadi.
08/10/08 - 12/11/25
It’s been 24 hours without you. Fly high, my darling.
I love you.
This isn’t goodbye. It’s simply see you later.