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For a while, it was just affection without much further clarification. They kissed, they cuddled in bed together, they strolled in the gardens as a couple would, they even ate meals together. Pure Vanilla was fine with it, they didn't need labels. To them it was obvious, both wielders of the soul jam, two halves of one whole. Shadow Milk was over a millennia old, and embarrassingly, Pure Vanilla hadn't been in a romantic relationship for quite some time.
Even so, there always comes time for communication. He knows Shadow Milk doesn't like it, clearly struggling to not get irritated or so uncomfortable he has to retreat. Pure Vanilla hadn't opened the conversation with the serious question, simply asking if what they had going on was exclusive, but Shadow Milk had voiced his thoughts out loud. He said something about how it must be obvious that they were lovers, and when Pure Vanilla had stared in mild surprise, followed it up with a flustered rendition of how they were not teen cookies and would not be calling themselves "boyfriends". It's not like Pure Vanilla could complain about the bluntness.
Pure Vanilla couldn't be happier about how things ended up, it took a lot of pain to get them to where they are, but he feels like it's worth it. They're officially lovers, he gets to happily chat about it with Black Raisin, and tell his ancient friends as well.
He'd been so happy about the circumstances, and busy with duties, that the important part hadn't even occurred to him at all, honestly he'd forgotten it was a part of him. That was until he was telling Hollyberry about the development in their relationship, and she had asked if he'd told him. She's always looking out for Pure Vanilla, so her question didn't surprise him, but the premise of this going badly did cause him some anxiety.
There have been a few instances where Pure Vanilla has specifically requested the Shadow Milk walk during their evening strolls in the garden, but he thanks that it's not very often. It's not like he can't walk, or it stills pains him to do so, it just feels so unnatural. When you spend almost all of your time floating in the air, spinning and doing flips, it's as if you're made of wax when you're actually expected to walk. Don't even get him started on the torture that is walking in heels (and no, he won't take them off).
Shadow Milk had thought that's what Pure Vanilla was going to ask of him today, he seemed particularly nervous as they made their way down to the gardens, but not once did he utter the words that Shadow Milk dreaded. Whatever it was, he was going to ignore it like he always did, at least until Pure Vanilla brought it up. It had never failed him before.
As they slowly walked down the stone path, Shadow Milk talked about everything and anything. He talked about causing mischief in town with Candy Apple and Black Sapphire, about the show he was planning, about what he had taught the kids recently, about dolls he was making. He went from having his body practically draped over Pure Vanilla's shoulders, to floating ahead of him so he could glance at the flowers, to floating on his back next to him as he looked up at the steadily darkening sky.
Shadow Milk enjoys lounging in the gardens as he sews, the cool winds remind him of his other realm, and he likes all the scents that come off the flowers. He knows this is why Pure Vanilla takes him on these strolls, and he knows he probably wouldn't like it if it were anyone else. There's just something about getting to tell Pure Vanilla all about his day, and then hearing him share in return, that isn't as boring as he would expect.
He was musing these facts, studying a dreadful little flower (which was definitely on it's last breath), when Pure Vanilla finally began what had clearly been bothering him, "Shadow Milk, there's something important I must tell you."
Shadow Milk hummed in acknowledgment, turning his head to look at the other and study him instead. He figured that whatever Pure Vanilla was nervous about was from his duties, but from the way he'd phrased his statement, it seemed it was about them. That didn't bode well, but Shadow Milk couldn't be certain. When he looked at Pure Vanilla's face, he noticed the way that he kept his head turned away. In embarrassment? Shame? He wasn't sure, he just found it a bit ridiculous that he was doing so in the first place, considering he can't see.
"It's about- me," Pure Vanilla swallowed, hands gripping and twisting his staff tightly. Okay… so even more serious than he thought.
"I'm uh- transgender," he let out a shaky breath, immediately following up his statement with clarification, "a trans man."
Shadow Milk's many eyes, on his face and in his hair, went from squinting suspiciously at the other, to just confused. He knows what those things mean individually, but he doesn't think he's ever heard them together like that.
"Honestly it-" Pure Vanilla began again, nerves filling his voice and fueling whatever he was about to say next, but it didn't matter as he was cut off.
"What?"
Pure Vanilla stood stock still, rigged with tension, "I'm a trans man?"
"Yeah I heard you the first time Nilly, I don't know what that is," Shadow Milk responded, body pulling away from the flower bed he had been leaning over to lay on his back in the air. Maybe he was playing some sort of joke on him, Shadow Milk thought, crossing his arms over his middle and furrowing his brow in thought. If he was, he was certainly a good actor with all the unease in his body, but in the kindest bit of honesty he could manage, he'd never known Pure Vanilla to be any good at acting before.
"Oh!" Slight relief eased over his other half's face, though the anxiety was still there, simmering under the surface, "It means I was born a woman, but I felt like a man and transitioned into one."
Shadow Milk watched as Pure Vanilla made a motion with his hand at the word transition, but that didn't really do much for Shadow Milk. He wasn't sure why there was a different word for it, "Okayyyy? I shape shift all the time, what's the big deal?" He waved his hand in the air with a close of his eyes.
"No- Not like shape shifting," Pure Vanilla cleared his throat, "I actually feel like I am a man, or- I am one. Because of the Soul Jam…"
"Well you are anyways, without the Soul Jam," Shadow Milk rolled onto his side and propped his head up with his hand, "But I still don't know what you're getting at. I feel like different genders on different days." Though he noticed the puzzled look on his face, and decided to explain a bit more, "Why would I choose to have several forms to shape shift into that are women if I don't feel like being a woman sometimes?"
Pure Vanilla smiled a little bit, the pieces that Shadow Milk had given him falling into place, "I'm not sure, I guess I just assumed you were trying to seduce other cookies, as an easy means to get your way."
"Well yeah, that's part of it, but if that were the only case, then only one form would suffice. Honestly, I even have a version of myself that's just a women, though I haven't used that one in a while," Shadow Milk stated, tapping the side of his face with his clawed finger. "I'm not even sure why you were so worried Nilly, I mean, why would I care?"
Pure Vanilla's eyes tracked Shadow Milk as rolled back onto his belly and began floating closer to him, "Well, there are many cookies who don't like people like me… and you, I suppose. They think it's unnatural." He had been smiling at the absurdity of their conversation and Shadow Milk's artful movements, but it had fallen as he spoke.
He easily scoffed in response, as if it didn't even require thought, "This is why I tell you that cookies are awful beings, so foolish! I'm gone for a millennia and they come up with another way to be hateful, just awful." He rolls his eyes, tossing his head back and floating back a step with it.
"Well, there are many good cookies out there, plenty who don't agree. I've been alive for a long time, and I've met many cookies who don't care about what I am. The other ancients, Black Raisin Cookie, it's not that bad," Pure Vanilla clarified for him, taking a step closer.
"Yeah whatever, you don't need to hype up Black Raisin Cookie to me, I've spent plenty of time listening to her yabber on," he huffed, purposefully steering the conversation away from how terrible cookies are. It did not go unnoticed the way Pure Vanilla reached up to run a hand down Shadow Milk's arm.
"I didn't think Black Raisin Cookie was one to 'yabber on', as you say," he laughed quietly, a soft lilt to his voice that forced Shadow Milk into silence. It was totally because he was annoyed and had nothing to do with how pretty his voice was and the strong pull of his hands. "I'm very happy you're okay with me being trans, Shadow Milk. I was worried since you are much older than me, but I suppose it couldn't have gone better," he tilted his head, watching as the purple flush on Shadow Milk's face deepened.
"It's whatever," he managed to mutter through his embarrassment.
"I was going to say earlier that it honestly doesn't matter, the Soul Jam has show itself as an effective way to fully transition without much of the other work," he turned his head slightly, turning his staff in his fingers, likely to gaze at the flowers. Shadow Milk was thankful for the lights in the garden, since they now illuminated the two of them. The sun had certainly fallen completely by now, he hadn't expected to spend quite so much time just standing here.
"Yeah well, that's what the witches magic does I guess," Shadow Milk responded, clear indignation at the thought of the witches. He didn't like bringing them up very often anymore, but if something they had done made Pure Vanilla happy, even indirectly, he would acknowledge it.
He was then pulled out of his thoughts by a calloused hand sliding against his cheek, presumably moving a hair out of the way. It had always surprised him that a cookie like Pure Vanilla would feel so rough, even if he knew him as a shepherd, one for a long, long time at that. Speaking of, the said hand pressed itself against his cheek, and he was forced to look at the other once again. He tried not to act too flustered as Pure Vanilla leaned in, pressing their lips together. It was slow, and soft, just like the person he was kissing.
He leaned in as well, pressing one of his own hands gently against Pure Vanilla's robes, just to feel the sleekness of the material. What he was not expecting was for his other half to pull away so soon, smiling playfully up at Shadow Milk's floating person.
"Oh dear, it seems we've been standing out here a while," he said, stepping back and smiling even more gleefully at Shadow Milk's bewildered look, "I guess we should get back onto a stroll then, hm?" He giggled, breezing past Shadow Milk and down the path once again.