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Shin sighs, staring at the screen of the turned off computer that previously showed an AI of himself.
It's disgusting, he thinks. That this exists. He knew it did, because there's one of everyone. But still, seeing it now, a reminder of who he used to be and who he apparently still is, since he was too weak and too stupid to protect Kanna.
He'd turn it on and punch a hole through its stupid pixelated face, if he had the strength.
His hand comes up to grip his scarf, a habit he has grown long used to since he's appropriated it. His hands would otherwise just tremble and be useless. At least, like this, he can hide that he is.
Kanna swore that he wasn't, that he could do many things and that's why everyone should vote for her and god does Shin wish she was right, because then he could have saved her–
He flinches as the door to the security office creaks open. It's not as if the sound was sudden or rough, he'd just been too distracted by his self pity to expect it.
Right, he needs to get it together. Else, Sara is going to–
"Don't you wanna play the game? You'll lose, you know."
Shin's heart drops. No. He's imagining things, and when he turns around it's going to be Sara and the others and he'll keep acting like he always does and he'll find it really funny when they get mad at him for it.
He doesn't get lucky. He tentatively tears his eyes from the black screen to a black suit, a red scarf—by now he's realizing he might be in deep shit—to unsettling blue eyes that he's unfortunately seen before.
He takes as many steps back as it takes for his back to bump into the desk supporting all of the monitors.
"No. You're the one who should be worried, I have nothing to do with this." he says, and he's almost proud of how serious he sounded. He thinks his voice didn't shake.
Hiyori sighs a long sigh. "Not only have you grown a backbone, but apparently into a buzzkill too. They don't have to go hand-in-hand."
Shin jolts as Hiyori takes a few steps forward, clumsily shoving himself off the desk and moving somewhere towards the middle of the room, where he can't be crowded into a corner.
"Wh-What do you want? Not enough thrill for you that everyone else is trying to kill you? Midori–"
"Huuhh. Even you're calling me that..."
"Mm? You told us to."
"Well, yes, to avoid confusion. Ahh, I'm not one to be clingy towards things like a name, it's just..." he trails off. Normal people would usually let their eyes drift somewhere else as they think. Hiyori's stare straight into Shin's. "It annoys me a little that you really think you're not still Shin."
Shin scoffs at the audacity. No, he can't engage with this. He always does this. He's not going to take the bait this time, because he's not who he used to be. Hiyori is wrong.
He looks towards the door and sees that it's closed. He hadn't noticed Hiyori shutting it before. The few seconds it would take for him to twist the doorknob open would be a few seconds too long, it would be game over. Not an option, yet. He has to somehow talk his way out of this, even though his hands are already getting clammy and cold and he's trying so hard not to let his breath get fast and shallow.
"Ahaha, even after you tried to die for Kanna! As kind as I am, even I wouldn't do that, you know?" Hiyori jokes, though it makes Shin's gut twist with disgust. He doesn't know which part of it.
"Stop it, you bastard... I swear I'll kill you. Everyone who killed her..."
"You'll kill me? Or you'll wait for everyone else to do it for you? Either way, I'm excited! Maybe you'll prove me wrong, and you really have grown strong? Ahh... I'm inclined to believe otherwise, though."
By the time Shin realizes Hiyori had been moving, he's already standing too close for comfort—even though anything would qualify as such—and far too close to run away from.
A hand grips his own, tight and painful. "After all, you're trembling so much... Poor Shin, do I scare you? I thought you said you didn't care about me anymore."
"Those two–" he rips his hand out of Hiyori's grip. "aren't mutually exclusive."
"Huh? Aren't they? Oh, well..."
He winces as a hand comes up to grip the top of his head, painful through the hair. Hiyori uses the leverage to force Shin's head closer to his own, making the rest of his body follow.
Shin's realizing how stupid he's been to be alone at any time during this. He really should have known Hiyori would make a move on him if he wasn't around everyone else, but god, he isn't sure which one is worse.
He looks up at Hiyori with a pitiful mix of anger and pain that makes him look anything but threatening despite how hard he's tried. "S-Stop it–" The sharp ache makes his eyes teary, which is anything but convincing.
There's a derisive laugh from Hiyori as Shin's trembling hands move to hold onto his suit, maybe for support, maybe to try to push him away, but useless nonetheless. He's whimpering in pain, and trying to not cry (from pain or otherwise) even though there's a knot in his throat and he thinks he'd rather have the ground open up and swallow him whole.
He's allowed a moment of respite as Hiyori lets go of his death grip, before having the wind knocked out of him when he's shoved backwards. His back hits the edge of the table sharply with Hiyori crowding him from the front, keeping him pressed up uncomfortably against the desk. He's very aware of Hiyori's arm rested on the surface of the table for either balance or to make him feel caged in.
"Fuck you." he manages. He's tried to be more eloquent, since it gets to people more, but he really doesn't think he can try, right now.
"Shin... I am proud of you for getting this far, I had my doubts while watching your performance during the second Main Game... Two is a lot for someone with a zero–"
"D-Don't start with this bullshit!" Apprehensively, "I don't want to hear it."
"You've developed a bad habit of interrupting." he chides, and Shin almost finds himself immediately apologizing, before remembering he's not like that anymore and Hiyori's opinion is trivial. "I was saying, that it's a shame such a delightful performance came at the cost of Kanna's life... Ahahaha...!!! She was just a child, and you managed to get her killed, just because you were scared out of your mind!!! You couldn't get your thoughts straight, and so she died in your stead!!!"
"Could you stop it?!" he pleads. He's lightheaded with the effort of processing everything and the reminder of Kanna and his failures and... His fists are feebly colliding with Hiyori's half-machine chest. He doesn't want to know if his heart is wired or not, doesn't think it'd make a difference either way. "Stop talking. You're not– You don't mean anything to me anymore, so I..."
"Aww. Then why aren't you looking me in the face? Hey, Shin. Why aren't you?"
Well, because he can't. Even now. It's been a long while since Hiyori just up and left one day with no warning. The loneliness and silence had given Shin much room to think. He'd eventually come to the conclusion that he didn't need Hiyori anymore, didn't care, wouldn't care, that he was stupid to have ever cared. Because Hiyori was horrible to him. Or, that's what he used to tell himself to get over him. Of course, he'd refuse to think about how Hiyori was the only person who enjoyed listening to him talk and spent actual time and effort getting close to him. Because if he thought about that, then he'd just cry at the loss, be weak and needy and everything he can't afford to be.
But now, with Hiyori standing over him like this, he can't even bring himself to look him in the face. After he'd saved his own hide over and over by doing as Hiyori would and being as he is— Strong. And Shin isn't that.
"Won't even answer me anymore... Perhaps you really have become strong...?" Hiyori questions rhetorically.
Shin gives a choked whine as Hiyori's free hand comes up to his neck, tracing the trademark death game collar. He really hopes that wasn't audible.
But of course it is. "Ahahhaha!!! Who am I kidding? Of course you haven't. Hey, Shin. Weren't you going to kill me?"
He'd laugh, if he could though the knot in his throat. Even if he wanted to—which he can't bring himself to make up his mind about—how could he? With his weak, thin hands that can't even push Hiyori off? With his will, that wasn't strong enough to save Kanna? His eyes sting. God, he hates this. Can't Hiyori stop? Can't he be like when he used to say nice things to him to encourage him and— He can't think about that. Hiyori was horrible to him, that's the truth.
Not strong enough in will or in practice to stop Hiyori from grabbing his face with his free hand to force his head up. With nowhere else to look, the crushing weight of Hiyori's stare is the final push that makes his tears spill. He sniffles and whimpers and cries.
"Huh... I thought it'd take more than that. I didn't even do anything. Maybe I was overestimating you. Are you just that scared of me?"
That squeezes an annoyed whine out of Shin, who brings a hand up to grip Hiyori's wrist.
"No, no. It's a good thing. I'm pleased. I expected you to let me down."
Hiyori's light touch on his neck slides down to his chest, which then turns to a rough pull into him to separate him from the desk and then into a forceful shove to the ground. Shin sputters and groans, scrambling to sit up.
"Wh–What's your problem?!"
Hiyori is usually precise and never exerts himself more than he needs to, so it makes Shin wonder if he's somehow made him mad at him. Maybe it's because he's disappointed him. It's almost laughable. Shin watches as Hiyori makes his way over to where he tumbled down. He takes the time to wipe at his eyes with his sleeve, to no avail. The tears just won't stop coming. Maybe it's because he hasn't really allowed himself to cry, since he's been here.
A moan is pressed out of him by Hiyori's sole digging into his crotch. What the hell? It hurts more than it feels any good, and yet he grows hard under it. He drops back onto his forearms for balance. "What are you doing?!.. Ah.."
His legs begin to tremble and shake, more than they already did before he was shoved down, as the pressure increases. No, he doesn't want this. He really really doesn't. He can vaguely make out Hiyori's figure standing over him through his tears.
His ears begin to ring, his head pounding, as he thinks of the expression Hiyori is probably making. He doesn't want to check. He doesn't need to, he's seen it before. All those other times Hiyori has restrained him and had his way with him, be it of sexual nature, or violent, or god forbid when it was both. The difference is that he used to be able to convince Shin that it's normal, that friends do these things because they love eachother. And Shin loves him, right?
He knows who Hiyori is now. Knows that he's irredeemable. That the hands that used to hurt him and violate him and later hold him and stroke him have been used for things so disgustingly abhorrent that he feels he might never be clean again.
He's not Shin anymore. No matter how sweetly Hiyori might talk to him, he knows that he doesn't mean it (not really, right?), that it's just to keep him under control. Decides to not think about the nostalgic twinge he felt in his heart when Hiyori had said he was proud. Is that part of why he's crying? Because he wants it back? Because he'll never have it back? No, banish the thought.
"I hate you." he chokes out. If he cant't stop Hiyori, he'd make him mad. His head and heart are pounding. "I hate you, I hate you..." Nevermind. He's never been as good as Hiyori at using his words.
"Aw." Hiyori coos. "Don't be like that. You're leaning into it.
Is he? Oh, he is. Fuck. He's bucking his hips up to meet Hiyori's heel. He can't make out whether the sounds he's making are small sobs or whimpers or moans.
"T-That's... Shut up... Y-You know," he starts, and he really isn't sure where he's going with this, but might as well. "I found it really f-funny when–" he bucks up into Hiyori's foot. "When Maple said she'd kill you and you were–"
Hiyori twists his heel.
Shin moans, this time undeniably out of pleasure. Hiyori is pressing down on him so good, even through his pants, and even though it hurts a bit, still. He thinks maybe it's a win that he was able to get under his skin like that, but an even more crushing truth is that he can't stop any of this. He can't stop Hiyori, he can't stop the pain, and worst of all, can't stop that he likes it. Things are just as they've always been.
It's over. The games, the taunting, it's all over. Sou is over. He really can't keep it up anymore. He's on the cold floor, crying and whining and moaning all because of Hiyori. Hiyori is why he's even here in the first place. It's all his fault, and yet, it's so, so easy to stay under him and let him do all of this.
He sniffles, whines again. His heart hasn't slowed down, neither has his breathing. But he's not squirming anymore.
"Ohhh?" Hiyori begins. Shin doesn't bother to glare up at him. "It's been, what? Two minutes? Three? Ahahaha!!! Ohh, that's great. Wow. Wowww, Shin. You always manage to amaze me."
His heel makes a clack on the ground as Hiyori sets it down again, beside his other leg.
"H-Huh? H... Hiyori?" Shin inquires, high and panicked. Is he seriously going to leave? Doesn't he want this, too?
Shin rushes to wipe his tears the best he can, then clambers to his knees with shaky legs. Unfortunately, too shaky to stand. "Where– Hiyori..?" he manages, unsure of what to ask.
"Although you caved much faster than I thought you would, we don't have that much time on our hands... Don't get me wrong, I'd love to stay, you're so–" He changes the trajectory of his sentence, seemingly containing his giddiness. "I'd love to pull the strings to have you live, so I could have time to do this over and over and over and over...!!! But unfortunately, they'd have my head. Hm. Ahhh, I'll have to think on that. Anyway. I'm excited to see your upcoming performance on this floor! Don't die on me, okay? I will be really mad."
Shin is way too distraught to listen to half of that ramble, his heart is beating out of his chest and his eyes hurt and he's so pent up and Hiyori's leaving and– He's already left. The door slams shut.
Amidst shortness of breath, he looks down to avoid the bright lights. They make him feel way too seen, exposed, embarrassed. With shaky hands, he's able to push himself up and stumble over to the wall to hold himself upright.
Huh. He's just now noticed his scarf had fallen off sometime during the incident, and is lying on the floor next to where he had been.