Chapter Text
A long time ago, before the name Regina George meant something she often caught herself staring, eyes lingering too long on other girls, in a way she knew was wrong, in a way she couldn't quite help. But there was one girl in particular, with black hair and a confidence Regina could only fake.
Janis and Regina had been friends for longer than either could remember, where one went the other was sure to follow, Regina and Janis, Janis and Regina a set labeled do not separate.
Trips to the arcade, sleepovers, family dinners. Even then Regina knew there was a difference between Janis and the rest of her friends.
But she noticed things as well, the way the other girl would shiver when Regina tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, or the way she seemed to stop breathing entirely when she leaned down, body hovering over Janis' to whisper a secret.
By middle school they regularly slept in the same bed, pressed close even in the sweltering heat of summer
The first time they kiss is at a sleepover, the two of them crowded together on one tiny bed. Lips pressing gently at first, then firmly, seeking. Breaking away only to be drawn in again, like two magnets unable to resist the pull. When they do finally pull away it is with ragged breaths and searching eyes. She'd looked so innocent then, in awe, surprised by how confident and open Regina had once been.
Before her confidence had soured into fear, before Janis' awe had turned into contempt.
In that brief time, in the before, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Many afternoons were spent making out in Regina or Janis bedroom, door locked, like a secret.
Because it was, a secret.
And Regina knew it was wrong, but both girls couldn't bring themselves to stop. Regina had never felt this way with any of the boys she kissed. The ones she should have liked but never quite did, it was different with Janis.
There was something deeper between them as they got older, something unspoken. Quiet whispers in the dark as if the veil of night were enough to wash away the weight of their sins in the morning.
In stolen moments they'd find each other's hands, intertwine their fingers with a trail of poor excuses, knowing the true reason they both clung so tight to each other. Pressing close as sleep overtook them, refusing to take their hands off one another.
Regina and Janis, Janis and Regina
Where one went the other followed, always
But Regina saw the way her Mother had begun to eye her across the table, like she could see right through them. Staring at the way her and Janis gravitated so close to one another, their hands brushing, fingers lingering too long as Janis passed something to Regina.
The next day her Mom woke up earlier than usual, standing next to the coffee pot, likely drinking more than a cup of coffee, waiting. Watching Regina come down the stairs as she raised the cup to her lips.
"Regina" her Mother called as she entered the kitchen, as if there were anyway she could miss her in the bright pink bathrobe she'd chosen to wear.
"Yeah?" she asked innocently, her hands shaking as she poured cereal into her bowl, needing something to occupy her mind for the inevitable conversation.
"Why don't you sit down" her mother said pointing at a seat across from her, pausing she spoke again, softly almost sympathetically "I think we need to talk about you and Janis"
"What about me and Janis?" she said barely squeezing the words past the lump that has formed in her throat.
"You guys have always been close, but…" her Mom began and for a second Regina genuinely couldn't breathe, this was it, her mom knew, her mom knew and she'd never look at Regina the same again.
" …I think she may be getting the wrong idea" she finished, and it's so not what Regina thought she'd say that she almost laughs in response. Almost.
"Yeah, I'll have to talk to her about that" she said seriously in a voice she hoped was convincing enough. Apparently it fooled her Mom as she just patted Regina's arm one more time and left the kitchen, half empty coffee cup abandoned on the table, she could smell the alcohol from across the table.
"Why are you still friends with her?" asks one girl, her laughter a hideous taunt.
They were in English and somehow the conversation had shifted from the homework to her and Janis, a frequent topic of conversation amongst her peers nowadays.
"I don't know I guess I feel sorry for her" she began "I mean, she's basically in love with me" she can't believe the words coming out of her mouth. Several of the other girls faces were one of disgust and it is a sobering reminder of just what would happen if she told the truth, if she chose not to care like Janis never seemed to.
The bell rang and they make their way to lunch, a cheery Janis marching right up to Regina as if excited to show her something.
It makes her stomach flip.
Crowded behind her are her other friends and Regina is entirely too aware of being watched
"Gina, I just found this new movie we've gotta watch after school today " she began her eyes wide, hands moving animatedly as she talked. Behind her Regina heard laughing as if a single funny thing were said.
"I can't" Regina said cutting her off bluntly her voice neutral
"Oh, okay" Janis said slightly confused in the unusual shift of demeanor but continued speaking nonetheless.
"I guess I'll see you Saturday then, we can have a sleepover before your party, watch the new movie then" she tried, rambling on.
"Actually Janis" Regina said still all too aware of the peanut gallery observing their conversation.
"I don't think you should come to my party" she knew exactly how these words would hit Janis but she can't seem to stop herself. "A few of the girls told me they were uncomfortable with you being there… you seeing them in their swimsuits"
"What?" she asked disbelieving "Wh—Why, would they" Janis tried to stutter out her voice shaky with confusion
"Because you're a dyke" said one of the girls harshly, sneering as if Janis were a particularly disgusting bug, she'd come forward to stand next to Regina.
"No I'm not" Janis says incredulously, pointing at her best friend "Gina, tell them"
For a second she almost defended her, as she stood there looking at her friend seeing the heartbreak in her eyes, She'd done that. But she didn't know how to be brave, not like Janis was, not like she pretended to be.
And yet she's the one doing these things, pushing Janis away. She realized at that moment that her time was up, whatever fantasy of a life she'd concocted with Janis and herself, it would never happen not with her parents, not at this school. She'd been dreading that moment from the moment this whole thing between them had began, it was too dangerous, too vulnerable. Janis made her weak.
"Regina told us everything we need to know" said another girl to her right circling Janis "All about your perverted crush on her" she laughed, speaking loud enough for other students to hear, by now they've gathered into a small crowd.
"Regina?" she asks, just one word, spoken like a question. Trying to say a million things with that one word, the betrayal in her voice almost broke Regina, but she was a coward, always had been, probably always would be.
"When are you going to get it?" she asked, doing her best to adopt the sneer the other girl had made knowing she's about to deliver the final blow, needing to do it before she backed out.
"I will never like you" she said emphasizing each word with a hand against her chest, pushing her away in more ways than one.
"…And honestly this obsession you have with me is really weird" She watched as Janis' face contorted further, betrayal like a physical blow painting her features in a mask of pain. It's only a flash before her face just goes blank, for the first time in their lives Regina can't tell what she's feeling, finally she speaks again, a question.
"Why?"
The others assumed it was a reply to her statement, but Regina, knows there's no going back from this. That her once best friend's eyes will forever be tainted by this betrayal, she thinks she'll live with that simple regret until the day she dies.
With that Janis walks away.
Regina doesn't see her smile again for three years .