Chapter Text
I'll Always Be That Girl (Under the Tree)
Friday 3rd August 1984
Lisa felt something bounce off her leg, not an unusual occurrence since she was sitting in the branches of a tree, a fair few feet off the ground, but the force and direction of travel didn't seem to fit with the usual pattern of twigs, seeds, bugs and other detritus falling on her. Her suspicion that something else might be the cause was confirmed moments later when another, almost identical item pinged off the side of her knee, painfully ricocheting off the bony edge of her kneecap. Raising her eyes from her book, she glared down at her tormentor, making it clear she was unimpressed by the interruption.
"Whatcha doing up there, Swotty?" The squeaky voice managed to sound sneering and condescending, in spite of its owner's tiny size.
"If you can't work that out for yourself, William, there's not much hope for you." Lisa refused to be baited by the name calling, so used to it that it barely even registered any more. In fact, it was a wonder she remembered her actual name at all, so infrequently was it used. Swot, geek, nerd, square, bore… the list went on and on to remind Lisa she was different from her peers.
"Yeah well, you owe me a kiss. We're playing kiss-chase and I caught you so now you owe me." William folded his scrawny arms over his chest, foot tapping in the dirt beneath the tree.
"You might be playing that idiotic game but I did not choose to take part, so I most definitely do not owe you a kiss or anything else. You can't make girls kiss you if they don't want to, that's gross." Lisa flipped her page over, brushing a leaf off that floated gently from a branch above.
"Yes I can, that's the game. Girls run away screaming and boys chase them. If you get caught, you have to let the boy kiss you. For a nerd, you're pretty dumb." William stamped his foot, close to losing his temper. The girl he had really been chasing had run out of the park and he couldn't be bothered following her so when he'd spotted the school weirdo in the tree, paying no attention to him at all, he changed his target. "Those are the game rules and you don't break rules so you have to come down here and let me kiss you as much as I want to."
"No, she doesn't and how about I break your nose, how would you like that? The rules only apply if you agree to play the game. Did she tell you she were playing? Cos from what I heard, she didn't know owt about it 'til just now." A taller, dishevelled looking girl stepped out from behind the tree, fists curling into balls at her sides, shoulders hunched and feet apart, ready to fight. Her dark hair was unevenly chopped, clothes clearly unwashed and hanging loose about her skinny frame, threadbare in places. Her posture was rigid but her eyes never stopped scanning, covering every inch of her surroundings.
"Who are you? I'm not kissing you instead. Urgh, you stink." William spat at the newcomer, the glob of foamy spit landing in the dirt at her feet. "Council estate rat."
"At least I'm not too stupid to understand the word no. I'll count to five, give you a headstart before I chase you but when I catch you, the only thing you'll be kissing is my knuckles when I punch you."
Lisa watched the stand-off below with an air of disinterest. This was why she hated being made to come outside. There were far too many other people who just couldn't understand she'd rather read than be dragged into their games or petty squabbles. But if the other girl chased William her unwanted admirer away, she supposed that would be nice of her, even if ignoring him until he got bored was quieter.
"You wouldn't dare…"
"One," the girl called, rocking forward slightly onto the balls of her feet, trainers so worn they looked like they might fall apart under a decent sprint.
"You'd never catch me anyway." William opted to stand his ground, smug and filled with the sort of arrogance that came from never being challenged.
"Two… my legs are longer and I'm used to running, want to risk it?"
A slight flash of doubt crept across his face. "Girl punches don't hurt anyway."
"Three. Tell that to my brother and his black eye. He didn't take no for an answer either." This time the girl pushed threadbare sleeves up her arms.
"How old's your brother? Three? No way you can hurt me." William's confidence was wavering but he wasn't about to show it willingly.
"Four." The girl shrugged. "He's five. Don't say I didn't warn you." Again she tilted forward, making it clear with just one step that this was his final chance to literally save face - his face, from being rearranged by her fists. She had plenty of pent up fear and anger she could do with unleashing. If he volunteered to be her punching bag, he could deal with the consequences of his choices.
William caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye. The girl he had originally been chasing was back and hadn't seemed to notice him. "Whatever losers, I'm gonna play with her. She doesn't stink or have her nose in a book." He turned and bolted out from beneath the leaf-laden branches, the sound of squealing following soon after when his prey spotted him.
Silence followed under the tree, the girl looking up at the one in the branches with her book while Lisa had already erased the entire exchange from her mind, as lost as she was in her fictional world.
"You're welcome, by the way." The snide voice drifted up to Lisa's perch, irritating her.
"I never asked for help and I don't like violence." She never even took her eyes off her page as she spoke, so when the tree rustled and the branch she was sitting on swayed, she braced herself sharply. "Are you actually trying to make me fall?"
"Huh? No, why would I? So what are you then, a squirrel?" A skinny body plonked down beside Lisa, much to her distaste. She just wanted to be left alone with her book. Well, no, it was more than that, she just wanted to be left alone, full stop. She didn't understand how anyone could choose to be around others all the time and not be entirely exhausted by the noise and constant demands for attention and actions that made others happy while the doer just got more and more wound up.
"Squirrels can't read." She had no interest in a conversation and hoped she was making that abundantly clear.
"How do you know that? Maybe they could if they had books available to them." A hand was stuck between Lisa's nose and the page. "I'm Carla. Carla Donovan."
Lisa looked at the hand, fingernails dirty, knuckles scraped and cracked, wrist bruised like a hand larger than the girl's had gripped it. Lisa recognised those kinds of bruises, she had a few herself and her Mum tried to hide them regularly. "Lisa. Swain."
"Well, Lisa Swain, it's nice to meet you and this is a perfectly good branch to sit on but if you want to avoid detection, you've got to be sneakier about it. Want me to show you where I hide? I'm good at not being found."
Lisa sighed, resigned to accepting her fate for now. The tome in her lap closed once she had marked her place with the bookmark her uncle had brought her back from Denmark when he'd been working out there. It was embroidered with a little soldier standing to attention in a red uniform over the country's name, encased in a plastic sleeve. "If I do, will you let me read in peace?"
Carla shrugged, used to no one wanting her around so not offended by it in the slightest. "Sure or you could read to me? I love stories, just don't get to read 'em much." Carla climbed back down the tree with impressive agility, scrubbing her palms against her thin tracksuit bottoms once on the ground.
If Carla thought she was skilled at climbing, it was nothing compared to the ease with which Lisa managed to tuck her book into her armpit and navigate down the trunk.
"You're definitely part squirrel," Carla announced as the tiny blonde girl joined her. Their height difference was much more obvious down on the ground. "How old are you? I'm nine."
"Seven and a half." Lisa was regretting agreeing to humour this girl, who didn't seem any more capable of taking a hint than William.
"Carla?" An angry adult voice had Carla scuttling back behind the tree again before she was spotted.
Lisa darted after her, finding herself being pulled down inside the naturally occurring gap created by two large rhododendron bushes. Their structure and dense foliage hid them from view but afforded ample comfortable space inside, making a cosy den. "Who's that?"
"Mam's latest boyfriend. He can't find me." Carla had pushed herself to the back of the space obscuring herself from view as much as possible.
Lisa dropped into the dirt beside her, sitting in front to help further hide this fiercely protective older girl, compelled to return the favour. "Why? Is he the one who hurt your arm?" Lisa carefully rolled back the cuff of her jumper to show her own similar, fading bruises. "My Dad did that cos I made him cross being too loud while he was watching the news. Learning from books is safer, books answer questions without getting angry."
Carla traced a finger over the healing marks on the tiny girl's wrist. "He wants me to do things for him that I don't want to. He gives Mam stuff to make her sick, make her sleepy and not wake up for hours. And while she sleeps, he asks me to take things to friends of his but I don't like it, I don't like the way they look at me." Carla shuddered. "He doesn't like it when I say no though so I've learned to disappear instead. I take my brother to our neighbour's flat and I come here until George's taken the stuff himself too and knocks himself out for ages. Then I can go home and feed Rob, my brother. By the time George wakes up, Mam's awake again too and begging him to take her out so Rob and I don't get bothered at night, not unless Mam's not feeling well, then he comes to my room to try and get his cuddles. Rob sleeps in my bed with me on those nights, we look out for each other."
"My Mum says I'm not allowed to let boys in my bed, not until I'm at least twenty five. Which is just stupid cos I hate boys, I'm never letting one in my bed at all." Lisa scrunched her face up, disgusted by the very thought of a boy being near her. "I don't have a brother. I have an annoying little sister, she's four and keeps breaking my stuff but I'm not meant to complain cos she's little and learning. Mum complained when I dropped a mug and accidentally smashed it though, even though I was trying to do something nice and make her a cup of tea. If Dad hadn't scared me by shouting when I was climbing off the cupboard, I wouldn't have dropped it. I'm good at climbing, even with stuff to carry."
"I saw that, when you climbed out of the tree." Footsteps stomping around nearby had them cowering and sinking into silence.
"Where are you, you little runt?" The gruff voice being so close made them both jump, Lisa letting a tiny squeak out before she could stop it. "Come out of there, now. If I have to come in and get you, you'll be more sorry than you've ever been in your life!"
Carla slumped beside Lisa, about to hiss a hateful 'thanks for nothing' her way when she found the book being pressed into her hands and a finger pressed to her lips. Carla shook her head frantically but the tiny tree climber was already shuffling her way back out of the hideout.
"Who the bloody hell are you? Where's Carla?"
"Who?"
"Carla. That skinny little lad with the glasses said she was back here when I described her."
"What's she look like? There's only me here. I was reading in the tree but then William - that skinny lad with the glasses - threw stones at me so I threatened to punch him and he ran away like a scared mouse. He's a liar, no one believes anything he says. I've been here for the last hour and there's been no one about apart from me until William came to disturb me, and now you. And if you touch me, I'll scream dead loud and then you'll be the one that's sorry cos my house is just over there and my Dad's asleep. He's a copper, just off a night shift, that's why I'm out here so I don't disturb him cos if he's woken up, it's bad news for everyone he sees." Lisa planted her hands on her hips, shoulders squared, jaw jutting out to project far more confidence than she felt.
The man seemed stunned by the tiny, gobby youngster, who looked to be no older than maybe six. The mention of police convinced him hanging around wasn't wise though. "Well if you do see a filthy little brown haired girl, bit older than you, send her home. She's not meant to be playing out, she's not done her chores yet."
Lisa shrugged nonchalantly. "Okay but I don't talk to others much so I probably wouldn't notice even if she stood in front of me, not unless she took my book away." Without waiting for any more responses, Lisa turned and ducked back into her den, keeping her finger to her lips as she locked eyes with an amused Carla.
"Bloody kids," the man muttered as he stomped away. "Oi, you little lying shit! That's it, run away!" The footsteps faded and the little corner of the triangular green that passed as a park for local kids grew quiet again.
"Thanks for that, for not telling him I was here." Carla handed the book back to Lisa. "Is that true what you told him? Your dad's a copper?"
"Nah, he works at the tax office, dead boring." Lisa giggled. "I think I wanna be police when I grow up, stop people doing bad things."
Carla wasn't a big fan of the police herself, they never stopped bad things happening around her way, not that she could tell, just helped those doing them keep on getting away with it. "Thought you were clever, why would you wanna be a dumb police woman? They don't make anything better, not for the likes of me anyhow. You'd probably be alright though, they like posh folk who talk proper and don't have useless wasters for Mams."
"There has to be order and for there to be order, there have to be people willing to make sure rules are followed. Make sure idiots like William can't kiss girls who don't want to be kissed…and dads and boyfriends can't hurt kids or women." The two of them shared a look of understanding, a mutual acknowledgement that they shared at least some similarities, even as different as they were. Lisa looked at her Mickey Mouse watch and gasped. "Oh no, I've got to get back before Dad's home. He'll be cross if I'm late for tea."
Carla nodded, understanding the fear behind the panic. "Well thanks for not dobbing me in. See ya around maybe."
"I'll bring two books next time, then we can both read while we hide in here." Lisa smiled shyly at her companion. "And thank you too, for telling William to buzz off, and sharing your den with me. It was nice to meet you, Carla."
"Yeah, you too, Lisa." Unlike with most people she met, Carla did genuinely mean it. There was something about Lisa that left her hoping they would see one another again and to try and make that happen, Carla would visit this spot every day of the summer holidays if she needed to.